F**kface - Episode 53 Season 2 Year 2 // Geoff's 3am Shit Story

Episode Date: June 2, 2021

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about starting off year 2 but it's still season 2 with an Andrew apology, Halo bet power outages & new techniques, jetskis man, and Geoff's 3am Shit Story. Want to contribute to bits? Email what you can do to [e-mail] Sponsored by: HelloTushy (http://hellotushy.com/face), ExpressVPN (http://expressvpn.com/FACE), and HelloFresh (http://hellofresh.com/12face) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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America's number one meal kit. Right now, get 12 free meals, including free shipping, when you go to HelloFresh.com slash 12Face and use code 12Face. This is a Roosterteeth production let me ask you guys a question uh are you ready to should we start year two of face yeah i guess i guess this is it right this is episode 53 yeah but not to be confused with uh season two which started a couple of months ago yeah no season two has been underway for a while this is year two that was the joke that actually happened i think we like mentioned a passing starting season two have we started the podcast yeah we did we did i think it just started okay the podcast has started i don't think season year two has started okay i just hit record

so all the the whatever if that bit was part of the podcast i missed it i did not get that from my perspective can i ask you a favor yeah of course can you fucking record okay half i feel like you're always the last one to hit record i I am. Yeah, why would you be in here and not recording? I hit record and then I joined. We've been telling jokes in here for 10 minutes and you never thought to hit record as all the laughter was going on? Well, you left to get a soda.

I didn't think that was interesting. Gavin called it a fucking work meeting because I don't know why I'm supposed to record. Is it because you won't show up to our pre-talks so you can hear them? Is that why you want me to record? What's the point in pre-talks? If we arrange to talk, if that's all we do at the time, just go then.

I don't get it. Why do I have to be early? Gavin, it's just nice to tie. It's nice to catch up a little bit before the show. It's a nice little conversation. Start catching up, right? If it's like, hey, we'll record at 12. Catch up at 12.

Start recording at like 12.10. Why? I can't be early. We we'll record at 12. Catch up at 12. Start recording at like 12.10. Why? I can't be early. We're just starting at 12.10. Let me start the show. Hello and welcome to episode 53 of F*** Face. This is, I don't know, we're well into season two at this point. I think four or five or seven or eight episodes.

But now this is the first episode of year 2. So this is season 3. This is, no, no, no. Season 2 is, we're still in season 2. Okay. Episode 53, season 2, year 2, although those numbers don't line up. I am Jeff Ramsey. With me, as always, Gavin Free and Andrew Panton.

Hello. How are you fellas doing this week? Great. I'm great. I want how long was season one and how long is season two so far? Do we know this? How long is the season? Was there a writer's strike this year? I don't know. That year one was 52 episodes. I think season one made it into the 40s. Really? Okay. Are we going to do like the animated TV show thing where like the first season is 60 episodes and every other season's like five yes they're bad like distributing okay why does that happen i feel like that happened with uh i feel like i tried

to start watching family guy but i couldn't get any like coherency on where when any episode was so i just never watched that show. I don't think you need, I think with a show like Family Guy, you just jump in wherever and it doesn't matter because it's just pop culture jokes. But for organization's sake, I need an order. I need some sort,

I can't just be spewing episodes. How do I know what I've seen and what I haven't? That's why, I mean, it's an excellent point, Gavin, and that's why we at F*** Face take it so seriously. That's why we have

an overall episode count and then we have it broken down by season, and then further broken down by year, which is different than season. You mean an episode count that isn't written anywhere in the podcast app until the mid-40s? Which is why we have to break it down into subsections. We are infinitely categorized here at F*** Face to make it as easy as possible for you to enjoy the entertainment. When you say at F*** Face, it's a place that we work. Yes.

At F*** Face World HQ. Well, as part of F*** Face World HQ, I want to open year two of our podcast with an apology. Oh! This is deep from the heart, Jeff. This is a very sincere apology to you. To me? I made fun of you last

week for claiming that people didn't know what the DMV was. So I did a poll. Did a poll, got people's opinions. I want to apologize for the 5.5% of people who didn't know what the DMV was. Very important number.

Very significant 5.5 of the 5,000 votes. I would also like to point out, because I saw your dipshit little poll, where you say, do you know what the DMV is? And a ton of people said yes, and then I went and I read the comments, and a whole lot of people thought the DMV meant other shit. Nah, I disagree with that.

I know what the DMV is. No. It's the... Fuck, what was it? What was it? There were so many of them. There were people getting their jokes off. You cannot count the people that were trying to get their jokes off.

You cannot put that into your statistics column. There were two types of tweets. If those people are trying to get jokes off and they're voting, I can. Nah, these were the two primary comments, Jeff. The first one was people assuming I thought people didn't know what the DMV is and calling me dumb for it. Thinking it was a weird Andrew thing. The second one, the second most common thing, people saying I live in a different country and I know what the DMV is. Everybody knows what the DMV is.

But I wanted to apologize. I'm not trying to rub it in your face. 5.5% didn't know. It was a very valuable part of your story. I'm telling you, I'm not going to go back and I'm not going to run through all the dumb all those fucking messages, but there were a ton of people that thought DMV meant something totally

different. And I think the very premise of the question is false. How would you have phrased the question? I don't know, because it wasn't my job to phrase the question, because I thought it was dumb from that. It could be the Department of Mexican Voters. It could be

the Document of Macro Viruses. It could be the Driver Motor League, which is totally different. Download music videos! What about that? DC, Maryland, and Virginia, or Delaware, Maryland, and Virginia, which is what most people thought it was. I just saw that.

That's a reminder. So many people thought it was DMV referred to the area of D.C., Maryland, and Virginia. And they're like, yeah, I live there. I live in the DMV metro area. So I think that you can't just throw an acronym out there and say, do you know what this acronym means? Because it could mean a million things

to a million different people. I don't know, 5,000. It seemed universal. I'm going through the comments. I'm trying to find people that relate to you. Somebody said it's obviously the District of Metro Vancouver with a shrug emoji. That's a joke. I don't know if you want to count that.

I don't think that's a shrug emoji. They're like, I guess that's what it means. I'm pretty... I don't know. I think they're all jokes that you're trying to claim credit for. So, Andrew, what do you think is... So 5% to you, 5% of comment leavers you're saying aren't worth giving a shit

about. What percentage would you start caring about? I disagree. I apologize. What's the minimum percentage that you need to care about the audience? I was saying to Jeff that it's very important to include that 5.5. I wanted to apologize on behalf of the 5.5 that I didn't realize existed.

Now, Gavin, I'd like to ask you a question. On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being absolute sincerity, 1 being Andrew's taking a shit on the comment leavers. Where do you think he falls in that statement? Can I answer in fractions, Jeff? Yes. Point two.

Okay. Okay. Is that... That's a decimal. One-fifth. One-fifth. One-fifth. Is that... Do I want to lower? to lower yeah like i don't understand what that

means what's the scale it's low high yeah that's below one okay that's okay that's not just shitting that's that's diarrhea no it's one but we don't know the scale is one good or bad is one very bad dude we already said that in the scale oh he just what are you doing are you staring a bird are you staring at a woman piss out your window i'm reading the fucking tweets that jeff is claiming exists none of them exist does read through can i tell you something i need to a second this is a this is an also equally real apology i made fun of you for the dmv thing and i texted gavin this later we made fun of you about the DMV thing and I text Gavin this later We made fun of you about the Soho house once again You not explaining the Soho house, and then you doing the whole thing and then you explain the Soho house

I stopped listening as soon as you explain the Soho house I had to explain it to him after the episode I didn't Something happened and I got distracted and my mind just vanished and then I came back to you concluding your Soho House explanation. I was like, I guess I just am not going to know what the Soho House is. I like that as someone who's confused, your brain thinks, I need to do something about this. I need to do some work.

I need to ask so I'm not confused anymore. And then you ask, and you're like, job done. And you actually don't listen to the bit after. I think I was trying to pull up a photo or something, and then it's just, you know, your mind wanders sometimes. Jeff is familiar with this. It happens to Jeff all the time. Yeah, no, it sounds incredible.

I'm surprised at how similar Andrew and I are in some ways. It sounds incredibly familiar. Andrew's making that statement to me and I'm like, well, yeah, of course you stopped listening. I probably did too. I went there with you. I'm not statement to me. And I'm like, well, yeah, of course you stopped listening. I probably did too. I'm not listening to this.

Oh, dear. I was proofing one of the earlier episodes a few days ago. This was before the fire extinguisher. And I think it was one of the ones leading up to it. And Andrew used the phrase, you don't understand the level of elaborate when describing like all the stuff you needed to buy

for the fire extinguisher you just put it in 12 bags what are you talking about that was shit you could have had already under your sink what's elaborate about rushing around for bags that's a great question yeah it is a great question.

Yeah, it is a great question, and I have an answer for it. As I said, I believe, last week, that wasn't my original plan. I was going to build a Dexter kill room, and that was very elaborate of, like, putting all the sheets up and, like, creating a door for it. Yeah, but the thing is, the constant downfall with all your plans isn't, like, a major obstacle rearing its ugly head. You're probably just sat there and then you just think, nah. No, I couldn't figure out how to tape the ceiling.

Gavin, you didn't understand the level of elaborate and Andrew didn't understand the level of effort. And they just didn't line up. You couldn't figure out how to tape stuff to the ceiling? No, it's not my ceiling. I don't want to fuck up. I'm renting a place, so I don't want to fuck up the paint on the ceiling. It just seemed like, I don't know, I couldn't figure it out. What do you have in the fire?

Do you have, like, white spirit? What's in the fire extinguisher? What do you think is going to happen? What do you mean? It fucking shoots everywhere. It's a powder. It just goes everywhere. It'd be a goddamn mess.

Just sweep it up. So I needed to contain it in some place. What color is your ceiling? Sweep the fucking ceiling? What do you want in some what colors your ceiling sweep the fucking ceiling What do you want? What colors your ceiling? It's white, but it's not the same. No, it's fucking no White but it's camera. It's a cat. I can't just fucking Know it sounds like it took care of itself. It sounds like you could paint the ceiling really quickly for free I don't want to paint the ceiling, though.

I'm fine with the color of the ceiling. Everything's good. It didn't even go off. So I'm glad I didn't do. Well, it did. You know, like it was it would sneezed. I didn't expect it to sneeze. I got to be honest with you, Andrew.

If you're trying to keep the integrity of this apartment together because someday you want to move out and get the security deposit back, I don't think the fire extinguisher is going to be why you don't get it. I think it's going to be any of the million other things you've done. Yeah, no, that's fair. I mean, there are some holes in the wall. There are some falls. Falls have happened. I mean, yeah, I have other issues beyond the fire extinguisher.

Do you think it's for the best you live in an apartment? Like if you lived in a house, would it just be trashed because you would care less? No, no, no, I would take no, definitely not. It'd be nice to have a house. I think Andrew's a fairly conscientious lad. Yeah, I'm pretty mindful of things. It's different. Like, it's a weird thing where I don't, you know, if it was my house, I would have just fired the fire extinguisher without cause.

Like, whatever, I'll deal with it the fire extinguisher without cause. Whatever. I'll deal with it. Other people's spaces. You tread lightly. Even as a rigger. And I feel like you often don't want to inconvenience other people. We've had evidence of that. Oh, absolutely.

Oh, no. I've left water in the bath. Let me bail it out with a popcorn bucket. That was more... Yeah, I guess. That was like, this is a problem I don't know how to solve, but I can't leave water. Yeah, so I guess that qualifies. Yeah, but if you knew no one else was going in there that day, you probably would have just left it. Yeah, I don't know.

Maybe. I could see that possibly being the case. It was mainly just like, I want this to be somebody else's problem and to not know that it was me who caused it was more of the motive. When I scoop in the tub. Oh, so like like if you could walk away cleanly then yeah no that was that was definitely more the mindset of i can't solve this and if i leave the water in somebody will be like who did this so if i remove all the water then whoever uses that next will be like how do i get this drain open and that's their problem incredibly honest answer you've given oh man speaking of inconveniencing people gav i i feel like i should make a statement because i got a couple of angry social media

uh notices this week from people gavin and i have made if you live in the central texas area this is not our fault gavin and i have made no plans to hang out in the last two weeks i we did not cause this rain i have made no plans on my own without g last two weeks. We did not cause this rain. I have made no plans on my own without Gavin since the last time I made plans. I didn't make this rain. I don't want this rain unless Gavin's been making secret plans behind my back. It's not me. So stop yelling at me on Twitter and social media about it. If you live in Central Texas, I didn't do it.

I stopped. I stopped. It's been stormy as shit again. And I guess we will go into this episode. The Halo bet is still on. We've had some movement on it. Do we want to... Yeah, I guess at this point,

people know that Andrew... We didn't really understand the bet. We gave Andrew another go at the level. And he did, in fact, beat my time. That was great. So from when he says go, I now have a 24-hour response period fact beat my time. That was great. So from when he says go, I now have a 24-hour response period to beat that time,

which is I think 4.20 now on Outskirts. Last night, I was just thinking, I might want to start my time now. I might want to just go straight into it because I've got a busy week. I've got like a solid eight hours where I'm free. So I sat down. I just thought, yeah, I think I could do it now.

I loaded up Halo. My power went up. The storm kicked me out of that. This might be the change of year two. I might start winning bets. This is great. The universe is on my side. It's fucking up your power.

Because I texted Gavin saying I was paranoid of that happening. And I know why I didn't. Now, this is great. I checked even this morning. I didn't believe you that like you weren't going to do a move. We talked about him starting on Friday. Also, I realized I gave a 70% at me being able to beat you back. But my time was 422.

I was expecting to have to beat a 421. But you've given me a 420. And I would like to reduce my percentage of confidence to about 30%. Did you give him a 420 as an insulting meme? No. Reference on top as well? No, it just happened that way. So I did two completed runs,

and the first one I tied him, and that was honestly a little bit devastating because I never even got close last time we did this bet. So first one I tied him. And that was honestly a little bit devastating because I never even got close last time we did this bet. So first one I tied him and then I just got lucky at a few different spots and I was able to just get 420, which I'm very happy with. How long did it take you to take the time back? 90 minutes. It didn't take long at all from when we started. Dude, I was watching because this is the first time I think that he streamed it to everyone.

You tweeted, didn't you? And by the time I saw that you were live, there were like 200 people watching. And I was like, oh, this is a thing now. The moment he beat it, the chat went apeshit. It was like there were 2,000 people watching. It was nuts. Everyone was very excited for him. A quiet highlight for me

was about 15 minutes before I beat it, maybe 20. I just tweeted, or I texted Gavin, I hate you. And he replied, why do you hate? And then I beat the time

and as soon as I beat it, Gavin texted me back, I hate you. And I replied, why do you hate? I'm very excited about this. So Gavin, are you going to stream

your attempt to take the title back uh well so i the the i'm not good at it i'm no good at halo the only thing i've got going for me is my new techniques so i can't give away the new techniques so it can't it can't be streamed and i won't reveal my new techniques until the bet's over. That's what scares me, is I don't know what is bullshit. He's cheating in some way, or he's got, like, some weird thing. The way Andrew is doing it is like a professional speedrunner. The way I'm doing it... It's like an achievement hunter.

Yeah, exactly. It's getting, like, ridiculous. I think the world record time for that level on legendary is four minutes 14 seconds so like we're we're edging to like elite territory of as far as the time are you guys playing it on legendary yeah we're these are legendary solo speed runs of that so it's not lasso or anything it's just a legendary legendary we're on legendary yeah you didn't know that oh you're right yeah we are yeah we are yeah it's kind of an important thing to know uh that is important yeah yeah

how the fuck did you get your time how did this happen your time is so difficult to pass what do you okay what do you what do you think my new techniques are? What do you think is going on? I have no idea. You're cheating in some way. You're like either you have all the skulls on, which means something, I think, but I don't know what it means. Maybe you're like launching yourself with grenades super high. I think there's a rappel one.

I don't know. He's like wedging a warthog through a gate and bouncing through it or something. Getting past the enemies. Whatever he's doing is immediate. He has no idea that it's legendary because he hasn't faced an enemy. No, I will say this. My new techniques, they help me a lot at the beginning. They make it

much, much harder at the end. I can't wait to find out what they are. Watching you breeze through the driving sequence is really annoying to watch well I can't figure out your beginning part the thing is there is one method that

I haven't been able to pull off but Gavin is aware of using a ship a pelican to like bounce off of it so he could theoretically just focus his run on that and beat it last night Gavin I was so excited by the premise of you having to suffer through this level. Because I've probably put like six or seven hours into it at this point. You haven't had to do much.

But then this morning, I was just struck with fear of what if you beat the time? I'm going to be terrified until your time is up. The other week when you were streaming just to me. Yeah. I had it on in the corner while I was just were streaming just to me yeah i had it on it like in the corner while i was just doing other stuff and meg glanced it and she was like oh this is the level i remember when you were doing this i remember how miserable you were because it was months ago for me and now it's just right back in my life and it's it's a horrible feeling that's why i wrote this is the worst thing that could have possibly happened. Oh, it's great.

I can't wait. I feel like there were about 200 people watching the stream. That was like, I feel like a really special moment for all of those comment leavers who actually got to witness that happen live because it wasn't really advertised by this show. It just happened to be on your Twitter. So that was probably a cool moment to have witnessed.

Not only was this not advertised, this is the fucking worst bet we've ever done. It's a 24-hour bet. It probably will end within 24 hours. It's taken six episodes to resolve. It'll probably resolve next one. It's like six weeks of this process of starting,

ending. I set a new time for you the day before the episode came out that declared me the loser of the bet we're a mess it makes no sense like the organization is just dreadful i would love to stream it too but i can't have you watching it and i know that the comment levers will leave comments for you yeah telling you what i'm doing so it's unfortunately gonna say i would commit to not watch yeah but you, but people would still... You can't trust the comment leavers.

And also, Gavin's whole shtick is subterfuge and misdirection. That's all I've got. Yeah. Because I've not got any of the talent, and I've seen Andrew has it. He's got to lean into that. While Andrew has ability, Gavin has other skills. Where do you think you fall on that scale, Geoff? At the bottom?

Like in the dirt? Like in the dirt next to like a rusty nail and a washer that was probably that was probably fell off at some point. Nobody knows where to put it back. Oh,

God. That's why I don't make these kinds of bets. Yeah, why have you never been involved in well hey because if i made a bet like that i would have to win it like i don't have an option internally and the amount so it's like it's like when you when you have that thing broken in you you have to wage like is the long-term damage to me gonna be worth winning the bet like whatever i have to do to make sure that i win the bet is that going to be worth it long term for the rest of my life and it's usually no so i have to be very careful how i how i how i go about these bets okay because i will i will i will do unhealthy things to myself in the process of winning it

you have been challenged though it's not a bet but there has been a challenge issued when uh with a certain beverage and a some chuggage oh my god i forgot i need to oh gav i'm so sorry i was gonna do that for you and i didn't do it i'll do it today you can do it now well i don't i don't have well no because we're in the episode and stuff i'll do it later wait. Wait, what's the bet? Jeff sent me a TikTok recently of a guy. It was an amazing TikTok of a guy trying to chug a whole soda without burping a single time. And then he freaks out, slams his head on something.

But then just the act of actually doing that is so difficult. And Meg and I, Meg wanted to make a video of us doing it, and we would send it to Jeff. And then Jeff decided he would also try, but I haven't heard anything. And then I immediately forgot. So I will do it today. And I'm going to drink, because all I have right now is Dr. Pepper Zero Sugar.

So that's what I'll be drinking today. And I'll, fuck, dude. Text me so I don't forget. I'll forget again. I really want to do it. I think I could do better than you did. I think anybody could do better than you did, honestly. That was pretty funny. Are you going to release that video? No, that was just for you. I i think i could do better than you did i think anybody could do better than you did honestly that was pretty funny are you gonna release that video no that was just for

you i mean i can do one proper but um i feel like i if i do do it i want to move immediately onto a second can i want to see how much i can get because i'm terrible at chugging anyway yeah and you kind of want to burp after like a quarter of a can and it just builds up and it gets to the point where you're just like trying to swallow over the top of air that's coming up and it's really a really weird feeling but i want to see if i can get through two cans i think that'd be the ultimate goal can it be any soda and are we talking cans like specifically just standard size standard size can and i think it could be any carbonated beverage any 12 ounce carbonated beverage are you in andrew yeah i feel like this isn't even hard to do. I don't understand

why this is a challenge. Send him the video of you and Meg doing it. I think I can do three. The TikTok that I sent Gavin, by the way, was very funny, but the funniest part

is after the guy almost throws up and shits his pants and he turns around in pain and slams his head into a garage door and that's the real fucking the cherry on top.

So how do, when can I burp, theoretically? Is it a three count after I've done the soda and I've done it? You hold it as long as humanly possible. So, but like, to what end? My goal is never to burp. I'm going to burp eventually. Seven days later, you can burp a week later.

Okay. No, I think the goal should be, because I feel like one is doable. Like, I'm on the brink of being able to do one. I think the ultimate goal is to get two full cans down, back to back, then you can burp. Okay. I don't think that's possible.

I think I could do three. I don't think that's hard. You got any cans nearby, Andrew? No, I don't. If I did, I'd absolutely try it right now i don't have any cans anything damn i have some apple juice i don't i don't think that's i don't want to listen to chug apple juice i wouldn't mind it's a great juice

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Did I tell you guys about jet skis? No. No, you're going to tell us about some shit, though, I think. Are you going to tell jet skis? No. No, you're going to tell us about some shit, though, I think. Are you going to tell me the origin? Yeah. Well, I'll talk about jet skis some other time. Jet skis are great. I just discovered jet skis.

Back to back. Do both. I just fucking, I just discovered that they're a thing. I'd never been on one before in my life. And it was so fucking cool. Oh, my God. I don't dude i don't fucking care i want to get some wraparound oakleys and a fucking girl mullet and i just want to be like i just want to be a jet ski lake track i want to be like kenny powers and eastbound down in a fucking

tuxedo on a jet ski with the other day emily and i were it was like on a sunday and we were sitting around and she goes i'm kind of bored do you want to I was like, yeah, yeah, let's do something. She goes, let's go ride jet skis. And I was like, A, I don't know how to do that. B, I've never ridden a jet ski. C, like, where would you even do that? And I'm like, yeah, if you can figure that out, sure, let's do it. Less than 20 minutes later, we were on jet skis.

Right on the pity pad, the 360 bridge, Gavin. They rent them under the bridge. You fucking, you literally walk up park your car walk down the the damn thing is in the water some dude's like here you go here's your safety briefing don't die and you're like thanks and then I spent two hours like a business it just sounds like a guy who owns a jet ski he got 200 bucks off me real fast and I rode jet skis for two jet ski jets uh they cost like 10 to 15 grand new I looked them up because I want to buy one. Are you serious? Oh, that's so much more than I thought.

Emily and I rode jet skis for two hours on like, we went from dam to dam under the bridge, saw all the fucking craziest mansions, everything. It was awesome. And it's the most, it's like a bicycle in the water. It's the most fun ever. No, it isn't. It's like your bicycle in the water. It's like my

bicycle in the water. It's like my bicycle in the water. And what's even better is it goes way faster. I thought, like, we only rode one and then we rode, like, I went first and she rode on the back

and then we switched. And I hit, like, 27 miles an hour and I was like, holy shit, this is about as fast as I go on my bike and that's dangerous.

I better kick it back a notch. Emily got on. She goes, hold on. And I grabbed on her and she goes, no, hold on about as fast as I go on my bike. And that's dangerous. I better kick it back a notch. Emily got on. She goes, hold on. And I grabbed on her. She goes, no, hold on, asshole. And I go, what? And then she floored it. She did 55 miles an hour instantly.

Like from zero to 55 miles an hour. I thought I was going to die. A, she's a psycho. And B, jet skis, man. We all got to buy jet skis. I can't believe 46 years of my life without jet skis. Almost 46. It's fucking dumb.

I have wasted 45 years of my life not on a jet ski. That's all. Interesting. That was a good story, Jeff. That was a good one. Do you know that the jet ski was popularized by a James Bond movie? What? Thunderball? Yeah, something like that.

It was like one of those cube gadgets. It's like, check this out. It's called the wet bike. It's just a jet ski. I guess they became just normal. But it was originally like a silly James Bond gadget. Well, I told you... Oh, go ahead.

I was going to say, I told you guys a good story about a happy time. It was the most fun I've had in a long time. If you'd like, I could tell you the least fun I've had in a long time. Yes. This is when I texted you the other morning and I said, boy, do I have a 3 a.m. Shit story for you guys?

Yeah. Yeah. Well, uh, I, the, as, as I've told you before,

I'm sure, you know, my dog arrow, uh, she does not sleep through the night all every night. So, uh, she's in a crate and she's older,

you know, she's 14 now. And so she has accidents. And so I sleep literally like with half. I sleep with one eye open, essentially, because I have to listen for Arrow in case she barks. Because if she barks, she's telling me she needs to be let out or she's going to have an oopsie. oopsie and as everybody knows a 50 pound dog having an oopsie in a crate with diarrhea means uh god a day of a day of cleaning yeah and so uh uh it's about 3 30 in the morning whatever fucking day i texted you guys it was it had just happened and uh it was like 3 30 in the

morning and i hear arrow bark and i just once i just hear her bark once. So I open my eyes and I go, and I listen again and I don't hear anything for a second and I go, well, better safe than sorry. I'm already awake and I'm pretty used

to this game. And if you don't, if you're like, ah, it's probably fine, then you're gonna live to regret it, guaranteed. So I get up and I go,

I open the doors into the hallway and I instantly get hit with the smell of dog shit. And I go, oh, fuck that. God damn it. She only barked once arrow and so i i go into the laundry room where her crate is and i open it and and it's it's like overpowering i can tell it's a bad one and uh and it's like 3 30 in the morning

the house is pitch black so i go and i open the crate and as soon as i open the crate arrow jumps out like leaps out and i'm like i can't have a dog covered in shit running around the house pitch black. So I go and I open the crate. And as soon as I open the crate, Arrow jumps out, like leaps out. And I'm like, I can't have a dog covered in shit running around the house. That's a nightmare. So I grab her as she's coming out and kind of pick her up and hug her. And by the way, I am in, I'm just in a pair of boxer briefs. Like I have no shirt on, no pants or anything. I just have like a pair of red underwear on and I'm barefoot. And I pick her up and she's like squiggling and fighting me and you know and I'm like I carry her I like fireman carry her kind of over to the door I open the sliding glass door

I throw her out I shut the sliding glass door turn around and go okay I walk back into the room I can kind of see from the moonlight I can already tell there's shit on the floor I'm like and I'm like I'm like uh and I kind of freeze for a second because you know you're like half asleep it's 3 30 in the morning you've got a lot going on and you're like where do i start so i go okay i just need cleaning supplies so i walk into the kitchen i open the cabinets i can't find any cleaning supplies i look through the drawers i look around the sink i go into millie's bathroom i find some cleaning supplies. I come back. At this point, I'm starting to get a little lucid, you know?

So I turn on the laundry room light, and I realize it's way worse than I thought. And I realize that I'm also now, I look at myself, I realize I am covered in shit because Arrow was covered in shit. So when I pick her up, I smother her. She was a little squiggly. She and I just wriggled around in in my arms she just coded me coded coded me in dog shit right so i'm like about to throw up and i like and i look and the crate is a is it's like a horror movie it's like a it's like an eli roth horror movie right and so uh i i take all the bedding out and i don't know where to put it and i'm like, I guess I'll just throw it outside right now.

So I open the door, and I run out, because there's an outdoor table that I can put it on. And I run out, and as I'm stepping outside, I see Arrow, and she looks weird. And it takes me a second. And then I realize, oh, she's weird because she's wet. It's pouring rain. I was so half asleep, and it was dark. I didn't realize it was raining. So now I'm holding Arrow's crate bedding,

memory foam crate bedding, and it's covered in shit. And now it's covered in pools of shit. And I realize I'm looking at me and I'm getting soaked and there's just shit slopping off of my arm and my leg. And I'm just soaked. And I look at Arrow and she's soaked

and we're both covered in shit. So I stick that stuff there and I try to shake as much shit off as I can. And I, and I leave arrow outside cause I can't deal with that right now. I shut the door, I go back in and I start cleaning up the floor, you know,

and I'm cleaning up and I'm cleaning up and I'm going through so many paper towels. And then I'm like, I'm like filling a trash bag. And every time I turn around, there's more shit. And then I realized that there's shit on my foot and I've been dragging shit around. And then I realized if I drug shit, if I'm dragging shit around this hallway, I must

have drug it into the kitchen. I must have drug it into Millie's bathroom. So sure enough, not only was I, there is shit on the counter. It's on the, it's on the, it's on the door where I got the cleaning supplies out. It's in the hallway. It's in Millie's bathroom. So 15 minutes later, I have now cleaned up all the shit that I can find that I tracked. The dog didn't track.

I tracked. All throughout the house, right? And I'm sopping wet. And I'm miserable. And Arrow's outside barking. And I'm scared she's going to wake up the neighbors. And I finally get it all cleaned up. And then I go and I'm like, okay.

I'm just imagining you looking like you just escaped Shawshank Prison. Yeah, that's what I was going to say. But caked in shit. At what point do you become Andy Dufresne? I wish it wasn't going to get worse, but it is. So I go back into the hallway, and I'm like, well, I guess now I'll go get Arrow and deal with that. And I look, and we have a rug in the hallway.

And of course, the rug is next to the, it's like a 10-foot long rug that covers the hallway, and it's next to the sliding glass doors that go outside. And it is, W rug is next to the, it's like a 10-foot long rug that covers the hallway, and it's next to the sliding glass doors that go outside. And it is, Waffle stomped into it. I hadn't been back in there since I let the bedding outside. Waffle stomped into it. It's just like piles of the dog shit with dog footprints and my footprints

and just smushed into the rug, right? So luckily, this has happened in the past past so we had a nice rug there that we put in storage and i bought this thing called a ruggable which is like it looks like a rug it's on velcro and then you rip it up and then you can stick it in the washing machine and it's fine uh it's a fucking lifesaver if you have dogs that shit everywhere uh and so i'm like well i guess i better rip up the ruggable and start to put that in the wash. So I rip up the ruggable.

It's like 10. So I've got like this 10 foot rug that's Velcro and covered in shit. Right. And I'm trying to like bundle that up. And then I think I should just throw this in the washer right now. So I walk over to the washing machine and I open it in the washer is and then it hits me earlier that night. Emily and I went on a date.

It was our first date in a while. And she had a brand new dress and it was this white cotton dress and she had bought it for the date it was beautiful she looked beautiful it was really cute it was just a vision of loveliness

and she was putting on makeup and she walks out of the she like is just put the dress on she's like putting on makeup and she bumps into something and she drops her makeup brush and it drops this the brush goes all the way down the front of her dress with brown makeup everywhere so we had like put shout on it immediately and shoved it in the washer and washed it so i look at that dress and then i look at me and i think there's no way i can touch this dress i'm going to cover this dress and shit i've got to be there's got to be shit on me still so i bundle up the rug and i kind of set it aside and try to out of the way and then i'm like well i gotta get clean the dog i gotta get the dog clean

so i had extra bedding for the dog so i i remake her bed uh get it set up for her that she'll have a place to stay and then i go outside in the fucking rain and i wash the dog and i wash myself with dog shampoo just like i'm gavin using dog shampoo. And I wash the dog, and I wash me at four in the morning, in the moonlight, in the dark, in my underwear. And then I don't have a towel, and it's wet outside. So I leave Arrow out there, and I come back in, and I dry myself off. And then I go in, and I go in, and I get the dress,

and I get a hanger, because I can't dry it. So I hang the dress. I don't know what else to do with it. I'm walking through the hallway with it in front of me like it's fucking radioactive, right? Because I don't want it. So I hang the dress. I don't know what else to do with it. I'm walking through the hallway with it in front of me like it's fucking radioactive, right? Because I don't want it. I don't want it to come anywhere near me or a wall or anything

because if there ends up, if I get shit on this dress at four in the morning, I'm going to fucking kill myself, right? Like a game of operation. After all of this. After all, like a game of operation

after all of this and I'm slapping because I'm covered. My underwear is hanging off of me because it's all soaked with water. So my butt's hanging out and i just look at i'm a fucking mess my hair's on my eyes and the what the ground's going like slap slap slap and right at this fucking moment emily opens up the bedroom doors and goes

why are you doing laundry what the fuck is going on and i look at her and i look at the dress and i look at me and i go go away leave me alone just go back to bed get out of here and she goes whatever and she turns around and goes back to bed and I hang up the dress and then I put that stuff in the laundry and I get the laundry going then I get I go outside to dry Aero off but it's still fucking pouring rain so

I can't do that so I bring her in and the second she gets in she fucking shakes every bit of water off of her right and we're in this tiny little hallway so now the wall and the second she gets in, she fucking shakes every bit of water off of her, right? And we're in this tiny little hallway. So now the wall and the ceiling are covered in water and mud and the sliding glass doors are now obviously streaky and covered in mud. So then I spend, I put her, I dry her off,

I put her in a crate and then I go and I spend another 10 minutes with towels drying the ceiling and the walls and the floor and the sliding glass door. And then I put all that in the laundry room. I look at my watch. It's like 4.15. I've been doing this for 45 minutes.

I go into the shower in my bathroom. I turn off all the lights in the bathroom and I take a steaming hot shower in the dark and I wash my entire body until it feels like I'm on fire from scrubbing so hard. And then I go into bed and I lay down and I put my head on the pillow and all I can smell is shit and Emily goes what's wrong and I just started crying and I cried

I literally cried myself to sleep I don't understand Oh, no. I like that Andrew didn't want to get white powder on his white ceiling. You were dealing with that. I don't understand how a guy who is almost 46 years old, who is relatively successful in life. I was fortunate enough to be able to help start a company that's gone on. I get to do what I love for a living. I don't have to worry about the bills or anything i'm in a good place in life yet somehow i am so my life is so

covered in literal shit at all times how do i escape feces i can't get away from it i'm i love the like you you texted us. I went back to the text. You texted us, boy, do I have a 3 a.m. shit story for you guys on Thursday. The word-to-pain ratio is phenomenal. Like, I looked at that and I was like, that'll be interesting. What a horrible experience. You are a different person than you were since that point.

That is an experience that would change you. Yeah, that was traumatizing i just awful i mean it's just like the whole time i'm laying in bed crying and thinking about how unfair it is right like how unfair life is and how i'm like and i'm just laying there going like will there ever be a day when i don't have to clean up when i don't literally have to clean up other people's shit every day you know and i've i've seen you clean up i've seen you clean up lots of stuff but you're at disadvantage now like there was that time where i think we've talked about on a face where your where your freezer turned off and you had to clean out rotting meat for like an hour and a half a full cow but at least yeah

at least back then though you just went in and like grabbed an entire six pack and threw it on the ground and just started drinking. You don't have that anymore. You have to do this entirely sober, and it's just feces. And the whole time I'm laying in bed crying and whining to myself that it's not fair, I'm just thinking, like, again? Really? Like, why does this keep happening? What am I doing wrong?

And I think a part of the sadness must be that you know it's not the last time you're going to do that. No, dude. I don't know that it's not going to happen again tomorrow. It's like every night I go to bed and I lay my head on the pillow, I think like, is this what? What horrors await me four hours from now? I don't know. Can you get little night nappies for dogs?

Little diapies? If it wasn't this, it'd be something else. It's always something. It's just, ugh. Anyway, so that's how I sleep. Well, hey, you know what, Jeff? You found jet skis. That's in your life.

That's the new light in your life. That's the balance. That's the counter to the dark. You have jet skis. That's in your life. That's the new light in your life. That's the balance. That's the counter to the dark. You have jet skis. Well, here's the problem. You know, now that I bring up the jet ski thing, I realize I may have been a little presumptuous in claiming no fault in the rain.

I have wanted to ride a jet ski every day since we rode jet skis, and it has rained pretty much. I'm putting two and two together here Andrew now that you said that I have literally I wanted we were supposed to ride jet skis yesterday and it rained I don't think it's a jet skis again it's a Jeff thing it's a Jeff in it's a Jeff getting wet thing so jeff and the sun thing god i just want to have fun i have a question about jet skis you know how they they just fly along but they also shoot out that little stream of piss out the back yeah is that for a function or is that to look cool no clue mine didn't have the jets they don't all do the spray up okay mine didn't have. So I don't know. But Emily did point out,

she's like, why does theirs do that and ours doesn't? No clue. I assume that there's a reason for it. Yeah, I can't think of it though. I'm going to Google it. I don't know, man. I'm just realizing now that the only way I'll ever be able to find out is to jet ski again.

And the only way I'm going to be able to jet ski again in Austin is on accident. Why do jet skis piss? I did the same thing. I went to search why does water in the autofill would shoot out of my mouth, which seems like a completely other problem. Wait, what were people asking?

They don't know why water's coming out of their mouth? I guess when I filled out, when I read out why does water shoot out, the top thing was out of my mouth. I've had a forum post, a question question why do jet skis pee the first answer is no idea but it's my main reason for not wanting one oh apparently uh it's a visibility spout ah really i feel like the actual jet ski is way more noticeable than the white mist coming out the back of it Yeah, I'd agree with that

And if you don't see the jet ski, if Emily's driving and I'm in the back, you definitely hear me going I think you've had your one good experience with a jet ski I think you should call it a day there Because the more you do something, I feel like the worse you get at it you get confident but you don't build up any skill it's like the time you flip through the air on that vespa it's only gonna happen on a jet ski oh man oh yeah yeah you're probably right about that i should leave well enough alone also i just i'm i mean my my bamboo appreciates the rain it's gotta fight it's gotta come back from the fucking apocalypse we had but i i i just i i gotta stop making plans i fuck man i thought i was in the clear for this until

andrew put two and two together for me this is really annoying how would you feel about a day of plan the next time it's sunny okay now do you think that'll prevent it becoming sunny again the fact that the universe now knows about our spontaneous plan i don't know it's interesting it's interesting it's funny you say that because uh jack invited me to something this weekend and then i thought well that's a sure sign that it's gonna rain so i don't even know that we could do a day in, day of. Is Jack still a super fan? Did he retire? He's not retired.

He's fighting his way back. Oh, okay. He's a really good fan. Yeah? Yeah. I don't know that I would declare him a super fan again just yet. On the chart, he's on the way there. Yeah.

I'm on Jet jet ski message boards yeah yeah yeah to go deeper into this i really appreciate somebody just calling it the vertical pisser which is great people try to figure out how to disable their vertical pisser appears to be a term have either of you ever ridden a jet ski no i have not i've seen uh macho man got knocked out by one. Macho Man or Hulk Hogan? I think it was Macho Man. There's a great Baywatch episode with wrestlers, and it's fantastic.

Did you ever see the video of Kanye hitting the beach and throwing Kim off the fucking jet ski? No. Oh, my God. Are you serious? Oh, my God. Hold on. I will find it.

I'd love to see that. Because it's crazy, and then you realize it's two fucking billionaires doing it. And you're like, oh my God. My favorite like weird Kanye thing is when he showed his game at like some, I think he was like debuting a new album. And he showed a trailer for the game he was developing at the time. And people didn't cheer enough.

And he yelled at them for it. And then made them play the trailer again so so people could share appropriately. It's great He's like video games are fucking hard you guys don't get it you need to appreciate this shit this shit's amazing And I just ran the trailer back so people could cheer louder the second time mm-hmm. It's great Oh, yes, the video watch this video, okay? Any any YouTube video that has raw HD video in the title is always great. Holy shit. Yeah.

That's Kim hitting the ground right there. Why did he do that? I don't know. Is that really them? Yeah. It's a famous clip. I'm going to watch that again. He almost killed that woman.

Yeah. He damn sure did. Oh, God. They get some height. That's like probably falling off a roof. Oh, yeah. I think the thing about jet skis is they're clearly a lot more dangerous than they look.

I think we need to have a face jet ski party next time Andrew's in Texas. We can finally all be together. We're going to have the most fun. Do you connect with the Tiger King guy on a whole other level now? Are you bonded with that tiger king guy on a whole other level now are you bonded with that man in a new way i'm embracing the my inner alabama finally after all these years i'm

telling you it is i get it it's fucking fun it's almost it almost makes up for all the times in life you have to clean up shit as it as it as it as it gets crusted into your body hair and into the crevices of your body so that you have to take a scalding hot 4 a.m. shower just to try to cleanse yourself. I can imagine getting myself into a situation. Remember that GoPro video of the guy on the speedboat with all the people around him? And they all just get smashed around.

It's one of the most brutal. It's weird. It's in a realm where it's like it's you want to look at it and it's a little bit funny. But then you realize that everyone on the boat

like seriously injured. It was probably the worst day of all of their lives. Oh, yeah. Oh, it's a brutal video, but it's just so fascinating to watch from a locked off perspective. People just getting rattled around. You can't really even see what happened to the boat yeah just like it

looks like they're in a washing machine do we know if the the kim kanye jet ski video is that before after the bound to music video because it really changes the context of that from well yeah it's just like the whole concept of like her positioning on that bike that he's driving different context within this video it is hard for me to imagine that this happened and then they made that video almost certainly was before this I do not see Kim Kardashian being in any vehicle after this incident, especially where he's driving. Oh, all I can see is the man slow down. I don't know.

He like he cranks it up. Oh, God damn. It's just like a great moment in time. There was a time where they were both in the air flying off a jet ski. Just like there was another great moment in time where light left the sun,

flew across space bounced off the moon bounced to earth bounced off some dog shit and into jeff's eyes oh that's another great another great moment in time what a journey any uh anything shitty happened to either of you guys recently? Oh, man. Nothing like that. No, I mean, that's a whole other level. I'm just all the, like, touch the sky.

There's so many great Kanye connections. It's fantastic. I can't say. Okay, so I had one thing happen to me, and you guys have seen the photo for it, but there isn't context for it. This happened last week. I didn't mention it. I i talked to jeff about this i have made a life-changing realization

it's it's a big change it's great i would strongly recommend anybody do this i used to when i would make hash browns i'd use butter this is a game changer gavin don't fucking laugh this is a serious business i have recently switched i the pan was too hot i was like if i put butter in there it's just gonna burn immediately what do i do put in some olive oil greatest cook of hash browns i've ever had fantastic i've switched from butter to olive oil it's a great mix so you're making hash brown from scratch or you're just like heating them up like frozen like frozen hash browns them in a pan, throw them in a skillet, whatever, cook them up. But I always use butter, and the butter would burn, and you wouldn't get a good crisp on the hash.

You want a crunch on it. So I've switched to oil. I can cook it at a higher temp. I get a better crust. It has been a game changer in the thing. Like Jeff and JetSkis, I feel like I've wasted 20 years of my life cooking hash browns with butter which huge mistake this illustrates by the way

you know I'm always interested in how are how we interact individually in our friendships like in pairs right and you guys you guys have your halo bets and stuff Andrew's reminding me of this conversation Andrew and I apparently have very long,

very dry conversations about which oil smokes at which temperature and what is the best cooking oil. We're talking about smoke points. We're talking about smoke points of like safflower oil versus peanut oil versus avocado oil versus olive oil versus canola oil. Like that must have been a two hour conversation andrew and i had so you're talking level of excitement similar to the conversation about what you saw at your window last week yeah yeah this is what i get from him yeah no this is what we had it was a realization that the smoke point is like the culinary

equivalent of miles per hour you want a high smoke point like that's what you're looking for i'm excited about it and avocado oil was the number one and i've never used it jeff suggested is like the culinary equivalent of miles per hour. You want a high smoke point. Like that's what you're looking for. I'm excited about it. And avocado oil was the number one and I've never used it. Jeff suggested avocado oil. I didn't even know that was a thing. I haven't done it yet, but I'm excited to try it.

But anyway, it was late one evening and I was like, you know what? Fucking, I'm just gonna, let's make some hash browns. I feel like having a good morning. Let's start this day off right. I'm gonna make, I have some hash browns in the fridge. I pull them out and they're shredded hash browns i feel like having a good morning let's start this day off right i'm gonna make i have some hash browns in the fridge i pull them out and it's they're shredded hash browns and the

entire thing is a fucking block of ice it's just you know like where the ice freezes over the potato or whatever it's like an iceberg it's huge and i'm trying to break it in half i can't figure out what to do with the ice and so i'm pounding it with a knife but then that's putting holes in the bag and so then the bag just doesn't become usable um so i thought fuck it i'll just put it in the pan as a giant icicle and the heat from the pan will melt it so i throw some olive oil in there i put the entire bag of shredded hash browns just this huge like three pound chunk of potato. Put that in the pan and it's not cooking very great, but

it's like we're slowly melting and I'm able to break it. And then I encounter this problem about halfway through where I guess from all the water from the ice surrounding the potato, they cease to be hash browns and they just turned into mashed potatoes.

And I didn't i didn't know what to do from this point i was not prepared to make mashed potatoes and i messaged the slack it was like 3 a.m i was like what do i do how do i salvage disgusting yeah it's not good it didn't look good at all so i didn't know do i put an egg in it? Do I throw some milk in there? Well, I don't know how to make good mashed potatoes. I'm not a big mashed potato person for making them. Oh, so your plan is to pivot? Yeah, at this point the hash brown dream is dead,

Gavin. There's no way that those just cease to be hash brown. I now have mashed potatoes and the conversation becomes, well, how do I make decent mashed potatoes? What do I do here? If you fry mashed potatoes, isn't that kind of hash brownie in texture there was no fry happening to these things like it was just they were it was so thick it was like solid weird mashed potato and i didn't know what to do it was 3 a.m so much yeah so there's nobody i could i just messaged to slack

i was like i don't i doubt anyone's awake. If they are, what do I do? How do I get out of this problem? Do I put an egg in? I don't know. I didn't, I didn't put any eggs in. I had a few eggs in my fridge. Didn't put them in. I put half and half in there.

That was my first step. I'm like, I'll throw some half and half in. That seems like a thing you would do. Then I threw, I don't know. It's just, I feel like there's milk and eggs. A little half and half. Or not milk and eggs a little half and half or not milk and eggs milk and mashed potatoes um so i put that in then i threw some butter in there because i feel like that's probably another thing you put mashed potatoes put a lot of butter and i

put way too much butter in and then i threw some cheese slices in because cheese melted cheese is just good there's no way the cheese could make it worse And I just kind of stirred it all up It was it was horrible. I couldn't Oh, no, oh no he made me laugh, and I pooped a little bit. I think I'll be back Talking about how he's destined for shit in future like that's he just shot himself now and i'm staring a frying pan full of potato and he's shit himself year two off to a great start it's a great this is a great start to and you it's like it's like when mr bean wrecks uh whistler's mother, right? And he's just trying to add shit to it.

Why are you trying to throw cheese and eggs onto your mistake? Why don't you start again, for Christ's sake? What do you mean start again? From what? That was the bag. Where do I start from? I can't throw away one bag. What do you mean?

Like, just create hash browns? Just fucking summon hash browns. Just summon a bag of hash browns. That's great advice. I feel like you could have dumped out some of the mashs just summon a bag of hash browns that's great you could have dumped out some of the mash and just like got a nice little fry on i i could well maybe but like as i said i didn't know what to do gavin when you're making hash browns and they suddenly turn to mashed potatoes you are stunned it is hard to process what to do next i was trying to just go through the scenario are you okay jeff Jeff? Yeah, I caught it. I caught it. Yeah, a little bit. A little bit.

I caught it. You made me laugh right as I was farting and it put a little pressure. And so I felt like a little hot squirt and I just clenched up and I ran in the bathroom and I was able to save the... It was clean. We're good. We're good. But it definitely

was clean. There definitely wasn't escape. I clenched it. I kept it in. We're good. But yeah, I definitely i definitely was clean there definitely wasn't a skate i clinched it i kept it in we're good but uh but yeah i uh i definitely shit a little bit there as if uh as if fucking why not shit the dog shit myself who cares i i mean it tastes i'll just say it tasted delicious i can only eat a little bit of it i think we recorded the next day and i felt so sick the next is it because of the butter i think yeah it was just so oily and like cheesy and just awful i threw 95 of it away but i tried like five percent you don't always have to power through you don't always have to add stuff and then still eat it like you got to the point where i it's 3am for me if it's 3am for me and i've got

a frying pan full of mash i'm probably gonna throw that away i'm probably not gonna try and make that into some sort of weirdo omelet and get it down oh i didn't listen there's no eggs i don't think it would be an omelet territory but i got some milk in there i the official combination was milk butter cheese and it was delicious as said, but not meant for this world and could not contain in anyone's stomach. It was dreadful. Did you eat all of it? No, I said I threw 95% of it away.

I just gave a little taste. I just wanted to see what it tasted like. And I was like, this is really good. Can't eat this. This is death. I threw it away. So should that be in the official face recipe book? No, no, it should not be in the official f*** face recipe book?

No, no, it should not be in the official. If you want to feel sick, maybe. Maybe we just put like a shitty recipe section. So you're, you've learned that wet hash browns become mash. Yes, I have. I didn't learn that. Interesting.

Yeah, that's a good life lesson. Were you stirring it up though? Were you like fluffing it more into mash as it was cooking uh well it was a weird thing where it was an iceberg essentially gavin remembers it was tough like i was trying to just break it down and get all the potato hot so it would melt faster and i think just in that process created the hash brown issue i think you were fucked from the jump because of the ice cream. Oh, totally. It was not savable at any point.

I think I needed to find a way to get rid of the water. Well, maybe I could have put it in the microwave for a little bit. I needed to melt. I needed to separate the water from the... Yeah, I think you needed it in a sieve above some sort of collection. I think the potato had just been... It was just too soaked through at that point. As it melted, the integrity of the potato would suffer. Okay.

You know what? Maybe I'll try again. I don't know how I'd simulate that again. There'd be next time I'm prepared, though. I'll know not to just put the whole thing in the fucking pan. What are all the bits in the potato? What are all the bit? Oh? The bits are It it crusted

Those are like crunchy crust bits when it was like flat because I tried to that I thank you for saying that you reminded me I realized something was wrong when my my hash brown started whistling uh and inflating once it started to like i would i try to compress it to like get a sear on a side to like create a crust on it and uh it would start to inflate from the pan like it was a balloon and then so i poked a hole in it and it just started to whistle and i was like this is probably inadvertently created some like advanced mechanical engineering demonstration of sinkholes or something all this weird chemistry and shit going on underneath that must have been insane

that's like my story I'd recommend switching olive oil that's the heart of the story if you're using butter to cook hash browns pivot to olive oil or some other type of oil with a high smoking point avocado oil maybe i haven't tried i'm looking at this disgusting picture of it looks like someone just threw something into a pan i'm gonna get advice

next time i make it gavin i'll send you a photo you'll be impressed you'll be like those are pretty fucking good those look and i don't know what it is about the lighting in your apartment but it makes everything look disgusting. It makes everything look way worse. It looks like way more dingy than it probably is, but that looks just right. Oh, it's very nice. Yeah, it looks great. I took several photos of that, too, to try to make it look as nice as possible.

I was like, this is... My favorite part is just the lump of it that's slightly too high up the fork it's out of the forking zone well i forgot the fork but i didn't notice that i clearly was just like i don't know what to do here i need help i would like to salvage these i feel like we get we get so much enjoyment from the additional snippets just in around your photos. Yes. The other identifies. I'm learning little pieces about about your life just by the stuff that's in your photo.

Should we stop talking to each other? Yeah. Yeah. I feel like this is a good episode. I need to fucking take a nap that after that i'm tired uh eric eric it wanted us to mention that we sell merchandise and so there you go what do we sell how many uh face merch items do we even have uh well we got the ian shirt we've got the face shirt. We've got the Russian fuck hat. I'm going off top my head.

We got the Zimmer zone shirt. Child kicker. Got the child shirt. We got the waffle scented air freshener. We have the child pop sockets sticker. We got the sockets. We've had a couple of bats. There will be.

I am prototyping the uh always following proto uh uh face socks uh they're pretty rad the two left socks oh then digging those uh so hopefully those will be out at some point and classic from season one yeah yeah classic from season one and year one i don't really know what else eric eric says. He says we have 11 faces to sell. Covered all of it. There you go. So there, Eric, I mentioned the merchandise. Oh, I forgot to even talk about how I thought Andrew died on while he was streaming.

Oh, well, hold on. All right. Well, let's let's get into that real fast. We already teased the bullshit merch. Now we can talk. Let's talk about that. What's going on? He was streaming.

He finally got past this really hard bit he was pretty much on on par to beat my time and then he just paused the game and went silent and everyone was like uh is he okay and i thought i was just egging him on too much and making him too stressed i thought he had a heart attack and dropped dead i i was like coming to terms in my head with I've just killed So I what happened was I just hit pause by accident and then everyone's like what happened and everyone was Speculating so I just sat and read as people were like he was 50 seconds straight People be like what the fuck happened is everything okay? It was great. That was fun. I was probably 30 seconds away from calling you if you

answered I was going to call 911 and deploy people to Canada somehow. I didn't know how I was going to do it. Good episode. Yeah, yeah. Oh, I should also mention June 25th will be the next F*** Face Break Shit livestream stream so if you liked the first one

you can watch it again or if you didn't like the first one watch the second one you'll like this one we'll do it better or if you've never heard of it now's your chance to hear of it uh stop being a dickhead and watch our content and uh this one will be good because i have a special card i have special stuff for andrew and i have special stuff for special card. I have special stuff for Andrew and I have special stuff for Eric. And I bought special stuff for my little Gavin. And I even bought some special stuff for regular fan Jack, including something I haven't got for me yet, but I'm looking forward to as well.

So hopefully this one will be even. It'll be the second one. So, you know, it'll be twice as good as the first one, which wouldn't be hard to do. And that's it. This is F*** Face. Bye. it'll be twice as good as the first one, which wouldn't be hard to do. And that's it. This is F*** Face. Bye!