F**kface - F**kface Ads Draft

Episode Date: July 22, 2023

The F**kface crew is back with a new draft: Ads from our Childhood. The pool is ads and it was Gavin's idea. We highly recommend you watch the video version of this one so you can see the ads but they are commercials so it's up to you. The Ads Draft starts now! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Visit dragonsdogma.com to buy the game and start your epic quest today. That's D-R-A-G-O-N-S-D-O-G-M-A.com to learn more. And action. I thought we were already in action. Gavin, this is your idea. Hello and welcome to the face childhood Face Childhood Ads Draft. This one was my suggestion.

It's the only one I've been responsible for. Hello. Do you think that puts pressure on you, Gavin? Shot out of a cannon. Do you feel any intensity that you have to perform well? Because this was your idea. You got a bunch of bullshit ads.

Why did you do this? Do you not have ads that you watched as a kid that have been burned into your memory for several decades? Oh, absolutely. Yeah, I feel like we've all got some of those. Perfect for a draft. This was probably harder to narrow down

than my favorite mall stores. There's a lot of childhood ads out there. I found this almost as difficult as the crisps. Yeah. Really? Crisp was hard too. Can you explain how the draft works, Gavin? The pool is ads.

Okay. Yeah, that makes sense. Ads specifically to each of our own childhoods. Well, we might have shared a childhood ad. That's true. That's why it's a draft. You grew up in a different nation. Andrew grew up in a different nation.

Jeff grew up in a different decade. So you're right. Me and Nick might have some childhood ads that overlap each other. I'm going to be so fucking confused if Gavin or Andrew picks one of my ads. I assumed I couldn't pick out of my own childhood that I couldn't just go crazy and pick someone else's childhood ad that was popular also when is the cutoff for childhood I had a real dilemma where there

was an ad I thought of but I was 13 when it came out I'll be honest some of mine are from the 2000s when I was born in the 80s so I think a childhood ad goes until you get a driver's license well that's fuck for Gavin I saw it yesterday. That was

I'm sorry. Until the average average person is still a child. I'm glad we all agree on that. Anyway, let's figure out who goes first. Do you want to explain how we figure out who goes first? So we're randomizing.

Gavin. Eric is currently typing names into a randomizer, and that will determine the list. It's a snake draft, everyone. It's a snake. How many times are we going to... How many randoms are we going to do? Last time we did a few. We did five last time.

We should do at least five. Five. Okay, five randoms. And four ads each, yeah? Yeah. Yeah. Excellent. Perfect. Excellent. Perfect.

Here's one random. It is Jeff, Nick, Eric, Andrew, Gavin. Second random. Nick, Gavin, Jeff, Eric, Andrew. I want to be in the back. I want to be five. Third random. Jeff, Gavin, Nick, Eric, Andrew.

Oh, maintain. Fourth. Jeff, Gavin, Nick, Eric, Andrew. Oh, maintain. Fourth. Jeff, Gavin, Andrew, Eric, Nick. That only changed the last three. I will call this, this is classic order. Gagayan. That is classic. That's classic.

Classic Gagayan. And now our fifth and final random. What if it's an egg? Back, back, back, back. Andrew, Jeff, Gavin, Eric, Nick. No, that's the opposite. I've still not won two of these in a row.

Fuck. Damn, Andrew. All right, well, pressure's on you, buddy. Yeah, that, yeah. Well, you know what? Actually, I do. I like I have the swing

on the back end. I'm gonna start it out. I think I got a banger. I think I got a strong first add. And then it's gonna be quiet for a while. Oh, if you are, if you're listening to this, by the way, you can go on the F*** Face YouTube channel

and we'll have all these ads posted along so they'll be in a video version. We'll have all these ads as well. Yeah, our drafts are typically better in video. So we're going to post the actual ads in the video? Yeah, I'm not worried about it because it's a commercial. I'm not worried about it either. Let's fucking do it, baby.

That's awesome. Okay. Ask forgiveness later. Okay, so do I talk about it now or do I wait until later? Yeah, I would give a little intro for it and then Eric can press play. So this was a dairy farm ad

that played continuously during my childhood. They attempted to try to make milk cool to the kids in like late 90s early 2000s. This is the milk wrap. Look out for a time-traveling Rocco Bodie as one of the crew. Wow! Get ready. I'm excited. Okay. Here we go.

Alright, here we go. Oh yeah, there he is wow you know what you want that's Rocco yeah it is they're chillin now this was on all the time.

This is insane. So this is Letter Kimmy. Yeah. Kind of, yeah. Everybody keeps talking about. Boy, it just keeps going, huh? Yep. That's the whole thing.

They really needed two verses to convey how cool it is. Jesus Christ. No. That guy's making out with a cow. I am lactose intolerant, so this was... I felt especially left out by how cool the milk was that I couldn't consume. Yep. That song will get stuck in my head to this day. I will open the fridge and think straight through your bones from the farm to the fridge.

I'm imagining the fridge light hitting you in the face and you just start nodding along. Yeah, absolutely. I like when the milk hit the pan as a part of the beat. Uh-huh. It's a key part of the experience. Man, I fear that you've set a high bar. My childhood wasn't nearly as interesting. I'll be honest.

I cannot believe how this relates to my first pick. I'm so excited. Andrew, can I ask, was that a song you guys sang at school? No. I don't think I ever heard it in school, but everybody heard that song probably 10,000 more times. Did you know all the lyrics when you were a kid? Yeah.

Could you sing it to yourself? Oh, yeah. Uh-huh, 100%. That song was probably heard more than the national anthem if you grew up during the time. It's constant. Constantly sing that act. Did Roseanne ever sing it?

I ran her out of Canada for singing that, yeah. Well, good first pick. Next up, we have Jeff. You ready, Jeff? Yeah, let me give an intro, I guess. When I was a kid, this was a commercial

that played on TV a lot, and I watched it a bunch, and I enjoyed it. If you were a kid when I was a kid, you did the same thing. It became a part of the cultural zeitgeist. All of mine, I think, have cultural zeitgeist ties to it, and it became spoofed on SNL

and a lot of stuff. It's one of those commercials. They probably made four or five of them in the little series, and then it was spoofed for the next 15 years. There's no wrapping, and I feel like it's spoofed for the next 15 years. Uh, there's no wrapping and I feel like it's going to be let down after Andrews. Here we go.

It certainly is a big, it's a very big, big fluffy bun. It's a very big fluffy. Where's the beef? At Wendy's. Where's the beef? Fuck! Where's the beef? At Wendy's, we sell a single. And Wendy's single

has more beef than the Whopper or Big Mac. At Wendy's, you get more beef and less bum. Hey, where's the beef? I don't think there's anybody back there. You want something better. You're Wendy's kind of people. Clara Peller. Fantastic. That is the Where's the beef lady

she became famous for that for the rest of her life did she did she where's the beef in other commercials oh well other Wendy's commercials

yeah and then there were like spoofs it was in sitcoms if it like once where's the beef hit the market it became a slogan

that lasted 25 years I like it when companies call out other companies by name. They shat on the Whopper and the Big Mac. Yeah, they did. When you say the rest of her life, did you mean two summers?

The next 18 months that she was alive. She was 104 when she recorded that. What year do you think she died? If you had to guess. 1988. court of that what year do you think she died if you had to guess oh 1988 i'm gonna guess she died in 1996 gavin 97 no no all right bummer that was almost it's pretty good 87 so she got oh that was got three years yeah she got three so she got three summers wow

I wonder if that campaign only ended because she ended I wonder if she kept going probably yeah oh man I never shed the planet

with a no no you never did you think she ever found the beef oh yeah yeah every time she went to Wendy's

well she found it at Wendy's yeah absolutely yeah um okay cool uh next up

we have Gavin okay are you familiar with with oor no what no oor what is oor it's what farmers say right and are you also familiar with uh the song go west by the village people yes yes which i assume is a song about uh traveling west across the u.s what they've done here is they've parodied it by uh advertising a rice pudding in a can called ambrosia and instead of going west across america it's the west country of england where farmers are known to say who who are, what are, what,

what is that? Is that, are they Brummies? Are they makes like, what's their, how do you call those? They're like from Dorset. They're from the,

like the West country. So are they called like door doors? Uh, the door doors. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I like this because,

uh, one of the lines is if you like rice pud, go ahead and play it. And here's your commercial. Oh, wow. Man. There's something uncomfortable about this. What's wrong with his voice?

Where we say, who are? Who are? And the sheep go, bah! Sana! If you love rice, good. Because you know it's making them, so it tastes good. You taste all the goodness of the West Country and every spoonful of Ambrosia cream release. Ooh-ah!

It's Ambrosia! Ooh-ah! It's Ambrosia! 28 weeks later? I've had the image of a man sat on a cow saying Ooh-ah! It's Ambrosia! for at least 25 years.

Burned into my mind. Apparently we can do a milk draft just in childhood. Because we in America, we had milk that does a body good. I did not include that in my campaign. You didn't have it's ambrosia? No.

We had Michael Jordan with a jizz stash going, hey man, you can dunk my feet. To be fair, that wasn't milk. That was rice pud. Yeah, and he said so. He said specifically rice pud. Very song-centric so far.

Yeah, I'm enjoying the parodies. Yeah. Mine isn't really parody, but it is song-centric, as I pull this over here. Mine is one that I've heard a million times really parody, but it is song centric. Uh, as I pull this over here, uh, mine is one that I've heard a million times and has woken me up even more.

So, um, this is, this is my simple commercial and my first pick in this draft. Oh, I remember this. Imagine a world where time drifts slowly. A world where music tells you to leave. Experience pure words.

The perfect soundtrack for your way of life. Direct from Europe, this multi-platinum collection Oh, Crocket's theme. But be careful it's scary it's gonna get scary it's gonna get scary no other collection gives you the feeling of pure moods somebody call the number we need to order pure moods god damn eric that took me back man so pure pure moods for me is a it is if you were falling asleep with the tv on the beginning of that commercial it wakes you up in a cold sweat every night 215 like i had the exact same ad in england but maybe without as much Twin Peaks and with more Faithless, but it was the exact same style, maybe with a different name. But yeah, that hit me right in the brainstem.

That activated something. Yeah. That was a great one, Eric. It really makes me appreciate those CD commercials. I loved those, and that was just a really good one. Like Freedom Rock, like those kind of things. Yeah, like all. I just think they're so fun.

I like this because you need those adverts to know what the songs are called because you'll never get it from hearing the song. Except for maybe any of them. Yep. Man, Eric, that's a commercial like I had forgotten existed. The second you played it, I knew every line of it. Yep. And I've probably seen it 10,000 times. That's wild.

A hundred percent. Absolutely. That's wild. A hundred, a hundred percent. Absolutely. Totally. That's awesome. Yeah, there you go. Okay,

well that's mine. And here is everybody's favorite. Nick, the final first round pick is Nick. I freak. What? Oh, this is a great commercial.

This commercial made me afraid of not. No, you've got to be kidding me. Yard work, but let's bring it back to milk. Okay. Alright. Drink your milk, kids. I don't want milk.

Milk's for babies. Yeah. Babies. Oh yeah? Well, I happen to know that milk helps build strong bones. So drink up. Well, Mr. Miller told me he never drinks milk. Look at him. Yeah. Hi, Mr. Miller told me he never drinks milk. Look at him. Yeah. I can't.

Oh, my God. It's so simple. It's such a good one. That's so great. I think it might have been traumatized as a kid, man. Was that actually on TV? Yeah. It's a God Milk commercial, man.

All right. Milk farmers know what they're doing. I don't think I've ever seen that before. It definitely gets the message across when you're a kid that's for sure oh yeah i would be convinced i was gonna die as someone who couldn't drink milk i'd just be like i'm fuck i'm dead it's over but what do you um yep well that's it that's a great our first round is very milk focused but uh it's good it's a good first round. And now we move on to our second round, and that'll be Nick. Well, hello again.

So this one takes me back to a simpler time, as probably most of these will. But I'll always remember Super Smash Brothers, the game, because of this particular ad. Yep. Great one. Awesome pick pick i love this absolutely a great pick how peaceful how nice nick is so good at drafts. Have you guys noticed that? Yeah. Thank you. I feel good about this one. I remember thinking about this commercial all the time when I was a kid. How much fun must that have been to film that?

It must have been the best, right? Like, that commercial is awesome. The song is such a great pick for it that everyone fighting it's great that is a good one dude you think that was awesome to film i guarantee you those actors couldn't breathe in those costumes 104 degrees outside they had to run up and down that hill 1800 times and they were miserable right but i'm not considering that i'm considered being being behind the camera and watching Pikachu fly around at you.

Yeah, I get you. Yoshi, could you go in harder with that gut shot on Donkey Kong? I'm just relieved Conor McGregor wasn't there. He would never have got a game. I would have died. Take him down. Go to the hospital. Okay, cool. So I have the next pick. My second round. Hell yeah. I have the next pick, my second round.

Hell yeah. I'll put it here, but it is. Don't blow this. It's one that I've seen a million times. I know word for word. It was endless in my childhood, so I'm just going to play it for you guys now. I cannot live another day without air conditioning.

Says tomorrow's going to be hotter. Oh, yeah. Like yesterday. Yesterday? Yesterday you said hotter. Oh, yeah. Yesterday. Yesterday? Yesterday you said you'd call Sears. I'll call today. You call now. I'll call now.

Perfect. Why was this on Nickelodeon every commercial break when I was a kid? For who? Tell your parents you're hot. I'm on a Kenmore air conditioning system. The end buttons it up. It tells a kid. For who? Tell your parents you're hot. The end buttons it up. It tells a story. Are you listening, users will be there to back it up.

Get 0% finance charge. Are you listening, kids? No pay. May 31st. So call now. Here it is. Now back to Metalocalypse. So what's the paper say about tomorrow? Another scorcher.

Cool. Yeah! It is. Nick, how many times have you seen that commercial? Oh, every day for... Oh, at least that. That's so funny. Why would that be on Nickelodeon?

I don't know. I've seen it so much. I've seen it parodied a million times. It's great. It's great. But that's my pick. So now we're back onto Gavin. This is probably my only pick that I assume everyone has seen.

Are you aware of the original commercial for Xbox in Europe? Yes. Yes. Yes. All right. I knew you were going to pick this. Oh My god

Dude this is insane. I don't know that I've ever seen this. Really? You haven't seen this? Uh-uh. Does he die? Yeah. What? That's why you do your kegels. Hey, life's short, Eric. What the hell? Drink milk. Hey, life's short, Eric. What the hell? Drink milk.

And banned immediately. I think it was on TV for two weeks before it got a shitload of complaints. That sounds right. And then it was immediately taken off. But yeah, that was coinciding with the launch of the original Xbox in Europe.

And I think it's phenomenal. Yeah. That's crazy. That is think it's phenomenal. Yeah. That's crazy. That is really something, man. It's like the shots of some guy going over the countryside of England. That was a hell of a pick, Gavin. That was, I don't think,

I've never ever seen that. That was wild. What a fucking... We died. It was a man died. man died i think they started strong i think xbox typically was never as cool as playstation but i think that ad was cool i think they were actually cool until it was bad did you did that ad like literally work on you when you're a kid where you're like you know life is short i should play more video games well i mean i got xbox instead of a playstation i like the idea of seeing that and then going to buy an xbox and

getting blinks the time cat like yeah what's that is watching that now i realized how far along the timeline of that guy flying over england i've actually progressed and uh that is quite worrying maybe i should play more xbox well good luck exploding a coffin oh man it's so great they're too because the 360 also had a band ad in europe i think if you've if you announce a new console you've got to start with a band ad that's just how you do it. Smart. Okay, moving on to Jeff. Anything you want to say about yours, Jeff?

This ad is actually from a little bit before I was born. It's from a series of ads that were very popular. I just couldn't find any specific ones from my childhood that weren't included in an hour-and-a-half-long compilation where we'd have to watch 37 minutes in, you know, I just seemed like a pain in the ass. So I got what I think is the first one of this series. You,

it may not mean anything to you, but it affected, I'll say this. Every child in America did this at the grocery store specifically because of this ad. My entire childhood, I did it and everybody I knew did it. We did it to be dickheads.

We did it because the TV told us not to. Would Stuart have done this? Yes. Okay, here it is. That's him, Herman, the funny-looking one with the mustache. Oh, that's him. Hey, Whipple,

you've been giving the missus a tough time for squeezing Charmin bathroom tissue. But we don't squeeze you Charmin in the store. Yeah, see, there's a sign. It's like Columbo's stuntman. It's like Columbo tough guy. But Charmin, we can't resist. Charmin's so deep down, squeezably soft.

And the soft fragrance is irresistible. Irresistible price, too. I need a sign. Everyone squeezes new Charmin here. Does smell nice. Yeah, it does. It's so soft. You gotta resist it, honey. You gotta be strong like us guys. Right, Whipple?

Oh, Mr. Whipple! Even Mr. Whipple! Even Mr. Whipple succumbed to squeezing the Charmin. This is a very soft Charmin bathroom. They're all just squeezing this baby's face. When I go to a grocery store, I still squeeze the fucking Charmin sometimes. Oh, you still squeeze it? Ah, yeah. Fuck you, Whipple.

Trying to stop our good time fucking whipple uh that was way before my time the squeeze the sherman thing but that was even something that i knew like growing up it's another one of those things like where's the beef it it lasted from the 70s into the mid 80s like he was still they were still doing new commercials with him when I was probably nine or 10. Oh, so it was always was it always budget Peter Falk as well? No, that was just like somebody's like husband who was a tough guy and maybe in the maybe a lower rung of the mafia. Yeah, but it was always some situation where Mr. Whipple was like, ladies, I'm begging you. Don't squeeze the Charmin. And they're like, Mr. Whipple, like, ladies, I'm begging you, don't squeeze the Charmin! And they're like, Mr. Whipple,

it's so squeezably soft! And you turn around and he's squeezing, and they're like, Mr. Whipple, you too? And he's like, oh no! I'm what I hate! I'm what I hate! Not nearly as cool as shooting a dying baby out of your vagina but it is yeah that's pretty good

i'm curious if mr whipple has a un like just a an unreasonable hatred of bears after getting bumped by a shit-taking bear that's my shaman logo like i don't know if there is in between or did they do we know if they like pass the baton to the bear? I think maybe they tried. Maybe they tried to toughen it up like nobody squeezes a bear, right? You get fucking off. Yeah. Smart. Oh, OK.

And now we've moved on to the last pick in our second round. And this will be Andrew. This is this is tough. This is a we had strap in because we're going to go on a little bit of an adventure. This is we are going not just like country. We're going local. I'm going with some local ads. These are we're going with a two parter.

These are going to be two different ads. My second and third pick. Just so you can understand the joy that it was growing up with Dodds commercials. Now, these Dodds furniture mattress. Dodds? Dodds furniture and mattress. I'm posting a link right now. These were bed commercials.

They all had a general kind of same feel to them, the same vibe, and they're insane. So enjoy them. Okay, here's Dodds. Space. The final frontier. Aye, here's Dodds. Space. The final frontier.

Aye, Captain. You can choose your space with a Serta. Oh, my God. Real comfort Serta mattresses let you have softer, firm on the same mattress. Boldly dream like you never dreamed before. He's a triple. Be on board to the side that's right for you.

This whips. Captain, you won't Be on board to the side that's right for you. This whips. Captain, you won't be undersold? A logical choice. Live long and sleep. Andrew. Great fucking tip. That's fantastic.

That was awesome. You gotta love Dots. You actually saw that come on television? Constantly, and as you see in the top left, there's a super Dods. I'm gonna drop in a second link right now of another Dods commercial. This was my childhood.

Whenever there is a new Dod, everyone would get excited. New Dod is on TV. A new Dod! It's, uh... Oh, man. That shot of them both warping onto the bed that was so funny that was really good get the lincoln yeah they're great all these commercials

a lot of them are based on film parody is that him in the bottom right there as the incredible hulk yes it is that is a dodds Hulk. We're not going with that one. We're going with this one that I just put in the chat. Again, Dodds Furniture. Yep. All right. After 33 years of never being undersold,

it was bound to happen. I got gas. In fact, Morty has so much gas, he wants to give you a $100 gas coupon to Peninsula Co-op for every purchase over Buy a bed get a gas card oh my god wow it was tough for me not to just go with

four different dodds ads for my pick but uh yeah that's our Dodd block. I hope people enjoy and explore further on your own into the Dodd universe. I'm impressed. I think that that was really good. I mean, that was super Dodded out. I love it. I don't.

Local commercials are really something else else that was a very good one i like this in some of the i got gas shots that's just a couple of people just moseying around in the background we should do a local commercial draft someday there's so many it's a good that's like not a bad plan uh okay uh we're moving on to jeff now yeah uh yeah oh because this would be my third one uh it's i'm continuing in a very specific theme here which is uh ads that maybe weren't necessarily uh marketed towards kids but that created cultural touchstones that just became bigger than the ad themselves and this one is the one here's another example my entire childhood,

this was an ad campaign. And as an adult, when I get up in the morning, I say this to myself or to Emily. And I have, I have my entire fucking life. And I'd say probably four days a week. I still say this.

Okay. Time to make the donuts. Time to make the donuts. I Time to make the doughnuts. I've heard you say this. Yeah, man. The Dunkin' Donut Man has to get up before everybody else so that he can stroll into Dunkin' Donuts and make the doughnuts. Plain doughnuts aren't enough. Five times... Of course, when you make the doughnuts...

Wake up, asshole. Oh, yeah, this one It just shows the hit over and over again For some reason He stops eventually They just really want you to get the Effect of the slap It didn't add like that, did it? No

There you go, Dunkin' Donuts, time to make the donuts Everybody in America Who had to get up before the sun rose would fucking stumble around their house trying to brush their teeth and make coffee going, time to make the donuts. Because of that fucking dude. It's so funny, like, the stuff that just gets

burned into our brains. So effective. Again, another one that was before my time that I knew because it was just in the zeitgeist. Yeah. Okay, next one is Gavin. I like this one because, once again, it created a catchphrase that went way beyond the advert itself. And it's probably the most English advert I've ever seen.

It's condescending. The guy just looks like a normal bloke. He's got a hole in his jumper. And it's pretty self-explanatory. Okay. This is a door. This is Roncil quick-drying varnish. Brush it on and you'll have a door covered in Roncil quick-drying varnish.

It's touch dry in about 20 minutes. So in about 20 minutes, you can touch it and it will be dry. Of course, you have a beautiful result. There'd be no point doing the job in the first place. It does exactly what it says on the tin. It does exactly what it says on the tin it does exactly what it says on the tin it was an absolute icon of a catchphrase and people use it for way more than varnishes now but i just and that guy did so many of those adverts where he's like oh this is a floor this and you know just like so so dry and condescending. And I love him so much. The British are so strange.

Yeah. What do you mean? Dude, that is like Gavin the commercial. Yeah, no kidding. That was like, that was ridiculous. I think that's who I wanted to be growing up. Was the one sealed guy. Pretty fucking clear.

Mission accomplished. I think that that's great. You're right. That's a guy with a hole in his jumper. It's all so deliberate and it's great it is straight forward and those things must have taken like eight minutes to film maybe

maybe eight minutes say the line do we need another take no we got it oh okay that's exactly what it says on the tin yeah oh man um okay well mine my third pick, I don't know how many of you guys are going to know this, but this is one that I sing to myself almost every day,

so I'm just going to play it. Oh, damn it. I'm working for an hourly wage. I went to high school, didn't do great. Still, I got to make enough cash. More education is what I'm looking for. I love this commercial. I'm dancing. Which college is right for me? Best part. Best part.

This played all day, every day. Why did somebody make this song? So if you put the draft 15 years later, whatever. I don't think I've ever seen that commercial before. Oh, you weren't watching daytime TV in 2004? This is all the play. You got a free success kit? Yeah, none of it is. It's that and the Everest College guy.

He's not my last pick, everest college is such a runner up for me i almost put it on and i didn't it's so good what is it just a search engine for colleges yeah just google yeah yeah yeah but google doesn't have a free success kit that's true worth a hundred dollars yep but that that girl singing that song all the graphics graphics, it was just like, man, inescapable. I love that. I love that commercial. I love the era of time where the internet was fresh enough that it warranted people standing on top of the internet while they were talking. Here's what the webpage looks like.

Oh, okay. Great. Oh. Oh, man. All right.. Oh, man. Alright. On to Nick with his third pick. Alright, so this, speaking of songs, this is one that features a song that gets stuck in your head, but also features people

who are put in situations and given a product that would never actually solve them, and yet it always seemed to. Oh. Great pick. Great pick. Great pick. So good. This song is so catchy.

Oh no, his suit. Nick, his suit. Wait a second. Look at this lunatic. Now he's just covered in paint. Pinstripe. I always like the one where the person, oh shit.

Oh, that was scary. Well, the person goes through the car at the stop line. Did you ever see the Foo Fighters video that parodies that? Like all those commercials? No, no.

They did a music video for big me i think it was like one of their first songs and it's just a big mentos parody and it's uh it's good i when i see those i think of that oh zoo books in the bottom right i remember those uh camels i wonder if i wonder if that's somebody's fourth pick. Nick, do you have a fourth pick? I do. Here it is. There was a lot of back and forth on this one, but I'm going back. Almost picked this one.

This is my favorite. I'm going to pick this one. The Chihuahua twitch. Wait a second. He wasn't going to the girl Chihuahua? Yeah! Look at how good that looks. Hang on.

Is that Buster? Oh my god. It's Tony Hale. It's Tony Hale. What? Dude, you're right. That is Tony Hale. What?

I can't believe that. That's Buster from Arrested Development. Oh my god, that is him. I didn't know that. Is it really him? Yeah, that's definitely him that's crazy wow he popped up on the screen and i went oh it kind of looks like him and then it was this close up and i went oh yeah that's him yep he was pretty dashing back then that's crazy you know the dog was voiced by uh one of the guys from reno 911 yeah that crazy

was it what a weird career seriously what did what an absolutely crazy career oh man i like they they clearly went how are we gonna show the dog going up a ladder that'll do it yeah don't don't worry. You're the dog. It's fine. Nick, great picks. Yeah, great picks. Here's my final pick. Pick number four. I don't know how many people are going to know this. Great pick.

It's sometime in the future. This will be a challenge. I had this one lined up too. Oh, yeah. So good. Cross fire. You'll get caught. Cross fire.

I had this. It was this fun. Was it really? Yes. It was this fun. Should we play it? Oh, my God. Yeah.

You use a little gun to shoot. Is that kid dead? You shoot little, you shoot marbles. So you shoot, you shoot little marbles out of the little gun and you are trying to knock these things that are essentially like little ball bearings inside of like stars or triangles or whatever.

You're trying to hit them to go into like the opponent's little ditch in front of them so there's like four or five things on the play field at once and you're just picking one shooting at it and they have to defend it's going back and forth it's really fun crossfire ruled and are you trying to avoid or are you trying to get caught up in the crossfire oh you're definitely getting whether you want to or are you trying to get caught up in the crossfire? Oh, you're definitely getting, whether you want to or not, you're getting caught up in the crossfire. Okay. Like, regardless of what you want,

you are getting caught up in the crossfire. Man, America did toy adverts right. Oh, yeah. Yeah, tricking kids outright, 100%. We did that so well. We should, we do the same thing with medication commercials now. We, to grown-ups, do you have mesothelioma? We should definitely do thing with medication commercials. Now, we have to grow up. Do you have mesothelioma? We should definitely do a Crossfire tournament.

Dude, that'd be sick. Hell yeah. See who the best one is. That'd be fucking awesome. Summer of 98 content. Dude, no kidding. I think Crossfire might be a little bit earlier than that. But, okay, why not?

Why not? Crossfire's still around. Well, you can buy Crossfire. $70! And is that new Crossfire or just old stock? I mean, it looks almost exactly like that Crossfire. It does not look

$70. That's what Phantasy Star and the Sega Master System cost when it came out. What a great associating price to Phantasy Star. That's two Phantasy Stars on the Sega Master System game. That's what I always used to think of. I was like, how can a video game cost $70 in

1985? Okay, cool. Gavin, your last pick. What was the tagline for Dr. Pepper? Be a pepper? Yeah, I guess that was it. Yeah, I don't know.

It was weird. Wouldn't you like to be a pepper, too? Yeah. He's a pepper, she's a pepper. Oh, yeah, that was. I guess that was it. Now, I've made a lot of references to Dr. Pepper commercials, and I realized the catchphrase

was completely different in the UK where it was, what's the worst that can happen? What? And the reason I thought it was American is because all of the commercials star American actors and seem to be shot in America but entirely for a UK audience.

Is that Jesse Eisenberg? That's a teenage Jesse Eisenberg. What? Okay, hang onberg what okay hang on all right young zuck dr. pepper what's the worst that could happen what does that mean What is going on? So the end of every advert has something go horrifically wrong, and then it says, Dr. Pepper, what's the worst that could happen? But no one in America knows that tagline or has seen any of these commercials.

I don't understand. What were they doing? I want a Dr. Pepper. Yeah, I don't know. I don't understand why. He gets the Dr. Pepper or a yeah I don't know I don't understand why he gets the Dr. Pepper and then it goes wrong I assume it's because people in England didn't really know what it tasted like and so they were just like what's the worst that could happen

and then they show something horrific happening but in every piece of content I've been in for the last 10 years anytime someone has mentioned Dr. Pepper I've just asked what's the worst that can happen and no one ever knows what i'm talking about i might have done it on face like two or three times i've never i've never heard of this i've never seen this i don't

understand it i'm clearly like yeah i don't either and i think also in the middle of that is that woman from i don't remember her name but she's in Mission Impossible movies that was her I thought so she's like Tom Cruise's wife in Mission Impossible mmm that lady Michelle Monaghan yeah that was her

yeah that's her name weird weird crazy well that was a that was a great last pick, Gavin. That really threw me for a loop. That's an actual frame of Jesse Eisenberg's bare ass on a TV commercial. I'll be beating off of that later.

Here is Jeff's final pick. Jeff, anything you want to say about this? I'm going to throw this out there. This final pick is an audible. Honestly, I had something else picked that I was really happy with, but Nick, Nick's Taco Bell commercial jogged a very important memory. And so I went and I grabbed it. So what I'm saying is I haven't watched this yet.

I think it's the right commercial. So I apologize if it goes wrong. Okay, here it is. Spuds. There he is. What a happening dude. Spuds McKenzie's a rad dude. His name is Spuds McKenzie.

Awesome. A barbecue and a cold Bud Light. A cold Bud Light. Puts him in a party frenzy. In a party frenzy. He's Spuds McKenzie. Bud Light's original party animal. Every... Look at him go. Ha ha ha. He's Spuds McKenzie, Bud Light's original party animal. Every... Look at him go.

You're really cooking now. All right. I had a bull terrier for 11 years because of those commercials. Hell yeah. Go Spuds, go. I also think it's really weird. That commercial is clearly marketed towards kids because that dog is the original party animal.

And that was the country version. there was a lot of beach like he would there was a lot of like uh hawaiian shirt wearing spuds mckenzie commercials clearly marketed towards kids that is a beer commercial i didn't it never struck me as odd when i was a child but i really wanted to be spuds mckenzie when i was every every time i see a dog like that i I just go, Spuds McKenzie, out loud. Every time. 100% of the time. Was that a random Australian guy announcing that it was Spuds McKenzie? Was it? I don't know. Was he Australian?

I don't know. I just. It was much later than this. Hang on. I need to see if he's Australian, Jeff. Hang on. Well, no worries. I'm a cure inside.

Do-do-do. A barbecue. And a cold Bud Light. A cold Bud Light. Put some in he's Australian, Jeff. Hang on. Well, no worries. Oh, it's supposed to be Robin Leach. Now it's Robin Leach. I don't know if it is Robin Leach. It is Robin Leach. It is Robin Leach. Yeah.

Do you think, is Robin Leach Australian? Who's Robin Leach? Yeah, I don't know who Robin Leach is. Wow, really? You don't know who Robin Leach is? Lifestyles of the rich and the famous. You don know who robin leach is no we had a show in america called lifestyles of the rich and famous where robin leach would take you around and show uh show how rich people lived it was like cribs before cribs yep oh okay and he was he's a brit guy, right? Yeah, he was British.

There he is, Robin Leach. Wow. Also famous in America. He's from Perryvale, United Kingdom. Yeah. Died in Las Vegas. He seems like a Vegas kind of guy. Yeah, absolutely.

Oh, absolutely. Yeah. Okay, and that's Jeff's last pick pick now we have the final pick of this draft andrew number four a lot of a lot of pressure here there's a lot i could have went with i used to get tons of psa type commercials as a kid growing up there's so many that they'd play constantly on like our equivalent of nickelodeon and uh whatnot so I'm going to go with what I think is the most iconic. It's one of the things I immediately think of when I think of childhood commercials. And I think it just is sort of a perfect ending to this draft as a whole for what the messaging is of the commercial.

OK, anybody like from my time, from my age, has seen this so many times. OK. It's nighttime in a kitchen just like yours all is quiet or is it oh the north american house hippo is found throughout canada and the eastern united states house hippos are very timid creatures and are rarely seen but they will defend their territory if provoked they come out at night to search for food water and materials for their nests the favorite foods of the house hippo are chips raisins and the crumbs from peanut butter on toast they build their nests in bedroom closets

using lost mittens dryer lint and bits of string The nests have to be very soft and warm. House hippos sleep about 16 hours a day. That looked really real. But you knew it couldn't be true, didn't you? You knew. That's why it's good to think about what you're watching on TV. And ask questions. Kind of like you just did.

A message from Concerned Children's Advertisers. Hey, idiot. What the hell was that? That buzz kill. Fuck. Oh, my God. That baby flying through the air. That wasn't real.

That didn't happen. You know that chihuahua running up? Get that Taco Bell? That's some bullshit. Spuds McKenzie can't really play the drums. You can't sit on a cow in a train station. No. Yeah.

I'm just sort of floored. it was so long yeah yeah and then it was like guess what that's not even real and i'm like none of this will right guess what we fucking lied to you and you believed it you idiots but all you're gonna take away from that is man i wish little house hippos were real i'm just gonna think about the house yeah absolutely where do i buy the house hippo? I want one. Can we make one? My thought while watching it is I wish I could get the opinion of a house hippo for the chip off. I feel like there's clearly expertise

in that realm. Weird. It's our draft. It's such a weird commercial. Well, that's our draft. How do you guys feel like you did? I feel good. I feel good. I feel good. I feel good.

Part of my childhood. I feel like Andrew did really well with those mattress ones. Oh, those Dodds commercials were great, dude. Those were really fun. I didn't really have a lot of local stuff. My country is small enough to just be local. Yeah, I get it. I get it.

Does anybody have any runner-ups they want to show? I've got an honorable mention for sure. Okay, do you want to throw it in the line below your last one? We'll show an honorable mention. Everybody get one honorable mention?

Yeah, sure, why not? I had a few this one will do. This is Gavin's. This is Gavin's. This is Tango. Tagline being, you've been tangoed. Okay. This advert started a trend that caused so many kids on so many playgrounds to end up with a burst eardrum.

Really? Yeah. What? And it was eventually, I think, also banned. Jeez. But I might be wrong. I don't know. Hello, Tony.

I think we might use a video replay here. Super, right? Let's do that. Oh, yes, we could be in for a quintessential Tango Descension here. What is happening? Wham! He's been tangoed! Oh no! Yes Ralph, the big orange fella ran in from the left and he gave him a good old slapping. It just illustrates he's bright and buzzed!

Yes Ralph, super taste sensation. Did you get tangoed a lot Gavin? I got tangoed a few times, yeah. And as it says, you know when you've been tangoed a lot, Gavin? I got tangoed a few times, yeah. And as it says, you know when you've been tangoed. What is it with your country and punishing you for buying their beverages? Why do they hate you when you buy your beverage? Get a Dr. Pepper, end up in fucking jail. End up dead.

Need a saw. Buy a tango. Get punched. Because that's the thing. Get slapped. It's crazy. So that caused kids all over England to do that. Well, yeah, because they were just slapping each other in the face

with both hands at the same time and hitting each other in the ear holes. And it was a big problem at the time, I think. Seems like it would be. Let's go with Jeff's honorable mention here. Jeff, anything you want to say? This was my original fourth pick before I switched it out. Very similar. Just like super popular in America. There's a million

of these. This is just the one that I didn't realize how bad all the songs were. They're pretty fucking bad. But yeah. Okay, here it is. Bowling sure makes me hot and thirsty. This is a job for Kool-Aid. Goddamn right it is.

Oh my god. Jesus. This is great. This is a really good one. That guy must have been terrified. Damn right it is. Oh yeah. Oh yeah.

There were like a million of those, obviously. I'm sure they made their way to England too. Uh, but those were always great. It's like Christchurch favorite drink, man. That's great.

I also had, uh, there's no need to play it, but I also, uh, my other one was going to be California Raisins. Oh, that's good too.

Yeah. Yeah. Let's go with, let's go with Nick's. We'll go with mine and wrap up with Andrew's. Oh, Nick. This is a good pick.

Yeah. This one traumatized a lot of kids. I'm guessing. Yep. Oh, also those beds I've never seen this Waking daddy was the worst when you're a kid

Don't fucking wake daddy I got work! fucking wake daddy i got work they just keep saying it that's the whole commercial there's a lot of dad so what wakes daddy pressing on the alarm so you have like you land on spots and then you press the alarm and it's a random number that you press it a certain amount of times or whatever and then he fucking sits up and his hat shoots off. That's it. And then you're not supposed to wake daddy. And then the sleep

over is over. Yeah. Yeah. Go home. He doesn't even call the other parents. He just sends them out. Hell no. Yeah, you just walk home. Jeff mentioned it earlier, but this was this was on my short list. Now your child can visit

steamy jungles, grassy plains, and the third depths of the ocean. One of these. Oh, how much? There's a monkey! No. Well, accurate to the time. Yeah. Each monthly issue of Zoo Books is packed with breathtaking full-color photos and scientifically accurate illustrations. Well, accurate to the time.

Yeah. They just keep hanging out with the monkey. 12 fascinating issues of Zoo Books for the special price of $25. This one's camels. I like that you know that there was a discussion about. Oh, nice. Tree elephants. Oh, yeah. Tiger poster.

Tiger poster poster so sick The thing I remember A lot about that was him having the conversation With the mailman Like the mailman is so excited to give him The zoo books Like watch He's like I read half of it on the way over here

It's fucking awesome Oh you're not going to believe what happens in this one. Page 17, praying mantises. Oh, man. But Zoo Books was definitely one that I saw a lot in tandem with the Sears air conditioning commercial. I'm not sure if a camel can carry an entire zoo book, though. I agree. I agree with you.

100%. Andrew, your honorable mention anything you want to say about it yes uh it is another psa type ad this was the one that i thought of more as a kid this is i prefer this one over the hippos but it wasn't as iconic there are some kids in here that i thought were fucking cool as a little kid all right that are not cool at all, but here we go This is a thing that it looks like you would love I just give a crucial. Oh wow It's like every cool thing ever. This kid was so cool. Mom!

Mom! Aiden cut me in half again! This is a great commercial. This is a really 90s feeling commercial, which means it came out in 2005 in canada this feels like a 1999 thing so man dude what a fun commercial though yep everybody's going something what's your thing andrew what's your thing? I wish my thing was T-Rex noises. I'd give a lot to be a T-Rex noise guy.

I would say my thing, unfortunately, is bad ankles and a lot of pillows. I think I'm fucked up on what my thing should be. Man, they really cared about advertising to children in Canada. Yeah, they seemed to. They really wanted to protect them. Oh, there's so many. think should be man they really cared about advertising to children in canada yeah they seem to yeah i really wanted to protect them oh there's so many so many can i ask you a question andrew of course do you feel protected i feel pretty protected yeah mainly because of my unbreakable nose i think that may have carried me quite a bit that helps but i mean do you feel like canada was looking out for you?

And protected you through your childhood? Yeah, I guess. Yeah. I didn't feel they were against me, at the very least. I mean, the idea of having an ad that makes you question the realism of the ad, that's mind-blowing to me. I never had anything like that. Yeah.

Do you think all the little Canadian kids in Vancouver with boot prints on their chests feel protected well they don't yeah well thankfully there aren't many of us that's true alleged beyond one well there you have it those are tv commercials and we watched them why are hang on are you doing the outro? No, I'm just saying. I thought Gavin did such a good intro.

I want Gavin to do the outro. Gavin, take it away. I gave you a sample outro. You can use that one or make your own. Where did you stop? I said, yeah, well, there you have it. We watched some commercials. Thanks for watching the draft hopefully you watched it and you didn't just listen to it uh see you next one

oh it hurts well help me out do it properly no we need to We need somebody to make a commercial on how to do an outro. Oh my god. Maybe if Andrew could rap it to you. Oh, maybe you can rap us out, Gavin. Well, I'll let Andrew do that because he said all the milk practice. No, I'm not. Hey, you've rapped before.

There are videos of you rapping. I didn't let you lead the stage. Eric, what? Do the outro. What else do I need to say? You need to wrap it up somehow. I don't, do you feel like you left that on a strong ending? Hey, thanks for listening to another draft from F*** Face.

We hope you liked it. We've done a few of these in the past. We'll be doing a few in the future. Well, maybe you could find your favorite commercials from when you were a kid and send them to your friends as an adult. And you can say, hey, do you remember this commercial when you were a kid? And your friend can say, yeah, I also liked it. And then you guys can share a moment.

Bye. We'll see you next time.