F**kface - F**kface Stadium // Jingle Jingle Jingle [88]

Episode Date: February 2, 2022

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about Gavin remains unpleasant, buying stadium naming rights, Andrew's McDonald's hack, stealing your feelings, being right in an angry way, a 2 episode mystery, and a fingerprint door handle. If you want to send your towel cards in, send to: Infinity Towel, 1901 e. 51st st, Austin, TX 78723 Want to contribute to bits? Email what you can do to [e-mail] Sponsored by HelloFresh (http://hellofresh.com/face16), Shipstation (http://www.shipstation.com and use code FACE), and BetterHelp (http://betterhelp.com/face and use code FACE). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Get 16 free meals plus three gifts with code FACE16 at HelloFresh.com slash FACE16. This is a Rooster Teeth production. Hello and welcome to another episode of the F*** Face podcast. this is the 88th iteration of this podcast uh with me as always my name is jeff and then uh with me uh gavin and andrew uh take it away boys jeff you sound like you're in a really good mood i'm doing okay i'm doing okay how are you good i'm disappointed so i am oh no disappointed gavin what i'm very disappointed in I'll do it. Okay. How are you good? I'm disappointed. So I am oh no disappointed Gavin

What I'm very disappointed in you. What do you mean you remain unpleasant? You are just as unpleasant as you were the previous week Zero pleasantries for Gavin because I showed up at 1 o'clock and we showed up at 1 once again We had this whole thing. I thought you bought in i thought you're gonna be a pleasant guy going forward your mood would be better still just as unpleasant i'll be honest i completely forgot about the pleasantries oh of course you did you don't value the pleasantries this is well established we have so many pleasantries outside of pleasantries that doesn't count we have zero pleasantry scenarios outside of

there's one other thing okay i think for maybe maybe for episode 90 i'll attend the pleasantries that you can't what episode is this well wait what episode this is 88 i thought you're doing i thought you're doing a sneaky thing i thought we're doing 89 we're doing two today and you're like i'll be there before the start of the 90th one. You're already here. Okay. I'm going to, I'm going to hold you to that pleasant Gavin episode 90. Why don't you give me a brief summary of today's pleasantries and what was covered and what I missed? Okay. Uh, we were talking about arena names, our favorite sports arena names. I guess it doesn't have to be a sports arena, although most arenas are for sports. Uh, we're discussing that all sorts of great names. Do to be a sports arena, although most arenas are for sports. We're discussing that.

All sorts of great names. Do you have a favorite arena name, either of you? Well, I feel a little on the spot right now, honestly. Haven't had time to think about all of the different arena names around the world. Gavin, you go. I don't know a lot of arena names. I know the ones that they made fun of in basketball, like Maxi Tampon Stadium or whatever,

but they were all just funny jokes well what are some of the real ones are they funny jokes because that's how arenas are named like i know that that's probably a joke but it also is just sort of how they are yeah my personal one was uh the kfc yum center i love hearing about the kfc yum center in kentucky it'd be like when you watch a ufc event they'll be like ufc 76 at the yum center two heavyweights going at like when you watch a UFC event, they'll be like UFC 76 at the Yum Center. Two heavyweights going at it. Like this is such a, Eric had a great one for,

I don't remember what city it was for. Is New Orleans and they have the Smoothie King Arena or the Smoothie King Center. Okay, I have one. The Boca Raton Bowl is the roofclaim.com Boca Raton Bowl, which I think is because so many roofs blow off in hurricanes in Florida that it's such a big industry that the roof insurance company sponsored an entire bowl. Wow, Henry's really hitting it hard today. Straight off the... It's a defiant thing.

So the other day I was doing a different podcast. I think I was doing the RT podcast from home. And he started up and I had to take the... It's not that podcast. They wouldn't get it, you know? So I had to take the football away from him. And so he was pissed off. He has more creative freedom while he's uh yeah

for like for like a day and so i think that he's being defiant but also he's like checking like wait a minute i thought the rule was i start squeaking when we're doing the podcast and then i don't think he understands the subtleties between like different podcasts and so he's kind of looking at me right now with the football in his mouth going like am i doing this or not like what's what he has his role yeah exactly but there's no nuance to it that's the problem maybe that will be season by season six maybe he'll have a variation of the squeak it won't be constant how much money does it take to get your name on a stadium like what's the shit is cheapest stadium take to get your name on a stadium? Like, what's the shittiest, cheapest stadium you could get your name on? Maybe the Boca Raton Bowl.

How many seats is a stadium? What's the smallest stadium I could have? I certainly couldn't call a six-chair building an arena. World's smallest stadium? Is it a capacity thing? Or is it just like a specific facility within the stadium that classifies it as a stadium? I don't know what defines a stadium. Does it need like

eight food courts and then it's a stadium? It needs to serve at least three different variations of hot dogs and then it becomes a stadium. We should look up the requirements because we could potentially build a very small f*** face stadium. I can't get the link to work, but according to Google, Eden

Park in New Zealand is widely considered as the smallest international cricket stadium in the world, but I don't know what the fucking... Eric says the stadium is a place or venue, outdoor sports, concerts, other events, consists of a field or stage either partly or completely surrounded by a tiered structure.

So it just needs so it just needs years yeah yeah we could absolutely make a stadium yeah because this one this cricket stadium has a capacity of 15 000 people i feel like we could come in way smaller than that 15 yeah 15 people before we get away from the names nick said his favorite name was the chick-fil-a stadium or something like that in atlanta is that where the falcons play does his favorite name was the Chick-fil-A stadium or something like that in Atlanta. Is that where the Falcons play? Does that still exist? Well, the Falcons play in Atlanta. I know they play in Atlanta.

I knew that part. I didn't know what their... So did Kanye West live in a Chick-fil-A, technically, for a while? Did he live in the stadium? Kanye West moved into the Falcons stadium for a little bit. He went through this whole thing where he's living in stadiums they eventually kicked him out is that when he was doing his

like his like sunday service thing no i think like it was more recent than that oh i assume more people were aware of kanye west stadium habits what kind of room did he have did he have like one of them i don't it's a great question he moved stadiums though because i feel like the playoffs were starting in the NFL or something. They're like, you can't still be here. You got to go.

I think he's working on... It was getting too loud. Yeah. It may have been the Sunday service stuff. It was recent. It was like within the last three or four months.

Huh. And I don't remember where he moved. I think he moved to New Orleans. He may have went from Chick-fil-A to a Smoothie King potentially.

Do you think that's a step up or a step down or a lateral move going from a Chick-fil-A to a Smoothie King, potentially. Do you think that's a step up or a step down or a lateral move, going from a Chick-fil-A to a Smoothie King? I haven't had either, but I feel like Chick-fil-A is a more, I don't know, is it a less Chick-fil-A more? Has a company ever sponsored the name of a stadium and then not provided the catering for the stadium? Like, is there a Chick-fil-A stadium that doesn't serve Chick-fil-A? I would be shocked if the Chick-fil-A stadium

serves Chick-fil-A. It's certainly not on a Sunday when they play football, right? Isn't that the point of Chick-fil-A? I guess. Yeah, they're closed on Sundays. Are they? I've never been.

I've never, I don't have any. You've never eaten at Chick-fil-A in your life? No, I don't have any around here. They got good chicken nuggets, man. Do they? I've never been. I've never I don't have any. You've never eaten a Chick-fil-A in your life? No, I don't have any around here. They got good chicken nuggets, man. Do they? Oh yeah. Compared to like McDonald's nuggets, where would you? How do you rank them? How do I rank Chick-fil-A nuggets?

Yes. Amongst other fast food nuggets? Yes. I think they're better than all the other fast food nuggets combined. Oh wow. Yeah. It's like a different level. That's such a weird phrase. I like the idea of all the other fast food nuggets

forming into a Voltron-like character. Yeah, that Voltron nug would not compare. Yeah, is a nugget only good because of the ratio of the fried part to the inside? Like if you had a big nugget steak, would it be less delicious? No. That's a chicken fried steak, right? Isn't a chicken fried steak just a big chicken nugget?

Oh, is that what that is? I don't know. I think the most important part of the chicken nugget is the crunch for me. It's just, it's really the coating, the breading. I want a nice crunch. I will say the, I agree when it comes to like mcdonald's and those like the you're in it for the breading right but with chick-fil-a it's good all the way through i will say does any nugget have the

fried part on the inside oh like like an inverted nugget yeah is. It's there. How would you do that? I'm sure that's doable. You'd have to just start with, ooh, what if you started with a tiny nug, right? Okay. Wrap that in chicken, nugged it again, and just keep doing it until it's like a nug sphere. I feel like if I were to show you that product that you just created, you would be annoyed by it. You would hate the thing you just invented in your head. You would if I showed you a photo, you'd be like, who has the fucking time to do that?

Get out of here. You would hate it. I love that you just invented that. I think I would say you, Andrew, are quite an expert in fast food because, you know, you've got the sauce empire. I do. I think you could craft a really interesting, unique fast food because you've you know you've got the sauce empire i do i think you could craft a really interesting unique fast food menu item i need to think about that you're right i think i could do something in the space i'm currently i feel like i'm taking down mcdonald's right now i learned a secret it's changed my life my mcdonald's are you gonna reveal the secret because you are gonna not reveal it i i'm on the fence i'm on the fence about revealing it because it's so good it's changed it's changed my whole ordering process you won't even tell me about it why wouldn't you want to share it why why would you want to hold on to this information because what if they because it's they're they're making a mistake jeff the people the mcdonald's is making

a mistake i don't know if it's local to my specific mcdonald's i have a feeling it's not are you worried it's going to be patched? I'm afraid that someone's going to go tell McDonald's what they're doing and it's going to get patched. And there's a whole other layer that I haven't talked to. You knew that I had a new trick, Gavin. You don't even know the side benefit of what I'm getting. I'll say it.

I'll fucking say it. Because everyone I've told didn't know this was a thing. McDonald's has a pancake happy meal. They have a hot cake happy meal for the morning. But you get two, at least on all the promotional images. That's what makes it like the kids meal version of the hot cakes. You just order hot cakes. You get three.

If you order the kids hot cakes, you're supposed to get two. But they don't know this. I just get three. So I order the kids hotcakes which comes with a drink. It comes with a hash brown which is $2 and what should be two pancakes

I get three. So for the price of essentially one order of hotcakes I'm now also getting a drink and a hash brown and a toy. How are you getting three? You're ordering three.

I'm ordering two but they just give three because I don't think anyone actually knows like people don't think anyone actually knows. People don't seem to be aware that there is a hotcakes happy meal, and nobody knows what it is, so they give three. They just give a standard order of hotcakes. They're only supposed to give two.

So your secret cheat is you order the hotcakes happy meal, and that's all you do. Well, yeah, because they give three. They give three hot cakes instead of two and they give you a toy and you get a drink and you get a hash if i were to just order if i didn't order this in happy meal right like i was just ordering all the items of it the hot cakes the three hot cakes is like four dollars eighty cents the hash brown is two dollars the drink is like another dollar this is like an eight dollar meal i'm getting for five dollars plus i get a toy uh what's the

change in my mornings that's a fantastic question jeff what is the toy now originally right now they're doing sing two toys is their main thing who wants that they're not great they're not great toys but two times ago i opened up my box and i got a fucking Beanie Baby. I got a Beanie Baby. How exciting is that? The whole Beanie Baby? I got a whole Beanie Baby. It was the greatest morning I've had in quite a while. It lifted my spirits. I was excited about it. Then I realized the Beanie Baby was from 2019. Beanie Baby was from 2019. That Beanie Baby has just been hanging out in that McDonald's since before the pandemic started. The world has changed since that Beanie Baby was delivered. Do you think it's even a McDonald's Beanie Baby? Or do you think they're at a point now where employees are just trying to get rid of shit they don't want in their house anymore?

I like your idea, but I think it's a McDonald's Beanie Baby. And I'll say why. Because I think they're out of Sing 2 stuff, and so they're just giving away what they currently have, so I ordered Happy Meal this morning. I got fucking Pokemon carts. Ooh. Pokemon carts. A lot of people eat those now, right? I've been hearing that.

I just can't imagine anything better at sucking up the fast food smell than the material used in a Beanie Baby. That thing must smell terrible. Nah, just listen. It's in a baganie baby that thing must smell terrible nah just listen it's in a bag it's got a it's got a bag keeps all the the oil stink out i was gonna say it's got it's in a bag it's got a beak like the beak would be so if we're gonna talk about things that would penetrate the bag is a better option of the two what is the the Beanie Baby? It's Gilda the Flamingo.

Birthday, February 26, 2017. Gilda the Flamingo. I gotta admit, I'm slightly let down by your... Get the fuck out of here. Get out of here. I thought I was picturing you... Get out of here. I was picturing you on the kiosk being like...

Like ordering on the screen being like, well, if you add this and then subtract this and you'd order this without the thing and then it comes and you get really. You're just ordering an item from the menu. I have noticed a hole in their system. I've noticed the mistake. It's a hole they give to everyone and don't care about, clearly. No, I think. Listen.

Why would they offer? Eric started shit. Eric said, I think your hack is good. No, it's a great hack. What's the hack? The hack, Gavin, is you get for the price of three hotcakes. You're not just getting a hotcake. I don't know how many times I have to say it.

You're getting a hash brown. You're getting a drink, a delicious fucking apple juice or a chocolate milk or an orange juice. Your choice. You can make those decisions. It's just sat on the menu. But it's at a cheaper price. It's like half the price. What do you want?

What do you fucking, what did you expect me to say? I ordered three Big Macs and a fucking Sprite, and it turns out they deliver a Porsche. Like, what do you want me to say? What's the hack? Well, I think that the hack, if you will, comes down to

your local McDonald's doesn't know what they're doing. That's what I don't know. That's the possibility. Like, can you try a different McDonald's? Because I looked it up on their website, and it shows, it even says, get two hot cakes with your choice of apples, hash brown, yogurt, or a drink. So they're advertising it as two on the McDonald's website.

So I don't know that it's a hack as much as you just have a McDonald's that is playing fast and loose with the rules. The hack is that I don't think any McDonald's knows that they're only supposed to give two. You don't think any McDonald's on Earth knows, even though the website knows, all the marketing materials know. I think the vast majority of McDonald's... You think that the mistake that your local McDonald's is making is global. Well, this is a perfect thing to talk about on a podcast.

We got plenty of opportunities for field research. I want to know. People who order Happy Meals, get the Hot Cakes Happy Meal. Let me know how many hot cakes you get. Yeah, get it if it's through the course of something you already do. Don't go out and buy a Hot Cakes Happy Me to give the mcdonald's corporation money just for andrew it's probably some secret like you got some sort of a secret deal on the back end here where you're selling mcdonald's hot no absolutely i no i don't have i don't own any stocks in the mcdonald's company i'm not an

investor i get no benefit from this i did the stock market thing once and it didn't work the way I hoped it would. And I lost money. I bought Pizza Hut. It was during the pandemic. I bought. It's so stupid. I bought Pizza Hut, which is Yum Stock, which is Pizza Hut. I bought a single share of Yum, my favorite arena, which is Taco Bell, KFC and Pizza Hut. And I was like, I think they're going to I think it's going to go up today.

I think today is a good I think people are going to get lunch from them today. And then I sold as soon as I bought it. It tanked and went down. Then it went back to where I bought it after maybe two hours. And then I sold and I lost money on the transactional fees of the process hard to be a day trader it is i got out of the game so i don't know any mcdonald's stocks i have no incentive to do so i'd just be curious because you're right i don't know that that is the argument i'm like fucking gavin's dumb argument of it not being a hack in any way expecting a

fucking rainbow of gold to appear if you order six things in a certain way someone's gonna be on my side about this no no i hear what you're saying i have the reverse of that where i can't order nick yes nick what is what is nick i'm on your side gavin yeah i thought i thought it was pretty clear that jeff was on your side i'm right there with you. Wait. This is a minority. I thought Jeff was with me. Why was I with you? I thought Jeff was with you. What?

I thought you were... You seem more supportive. You're counter-argument. You're supportive of the hack. Yeah, I thought you were like, I don't have any... I'm saying that I don't think it's a hack. I'm saying I think that your McDonald's

doesn't know what the fuck they're doing. That's possible. Okay. How did you get anything other than that out of what i said eric i just didn't hear you just i didn't hear you dismiss it as a hack i i just i immediately it was jeff going well it sounds like your mcdonald's just doesn't understand or did something okay this is right this isn't i mean it was him saying it's not a hack without saying i also said like this would mean that every mcdonald's on the globe is doing it wrong and I don't think that's the case

and then Andrew was like this is my backdoor opportunity to sell some fucking hotcakes and you know I'm sure you get some sort of a vig on the back end from McDonald's nope I was just you did it politely Jeff alright I apologize I misunderstood

the support you broke my heart softly with it where Gavin was just like, this isn't I just don't. Sometimes I thought Jeff, you're like, this could be a good hack, but it's not a hack. It raises the question that I ask myself all the time, which is

why do I talk? Wait, what? Just generally? There's like a 40% chance Gavin's listening to anything I say. Oh, what do you mean? And I would give Andrew like a 70%. But even if you guys are listening and everything I say is misconstrued anyway, then just what's the point?

I might as well just sit back and enjoy the podcast. I feel the same way a lot of the time. Not necessarily the same percentage. No, you can't feel the same way. I already feel that way. That's why you can't steal my feelings. No, I'm stealing your feelings. I feel that way too. You can't be a feeling appropriator. How dare you?

I'm stealing your feelings. This is my insight. What about you, Gavin? What about me? Well, what do you mean? In reference to, I just stole Jess' feelings. What about me?

Gavin, why are you in a bad mood today? He's always in a bad mood. No! I would say yeah, I do try and listen. I was just I think I was still just thinking about how it's so easy to hack McDonald's

because they have those screens where you can deduct and add different things to different foods and sometimes you end up with like a negative balance. I thought you'd done something like that. I got that, but the other way. They're fucking me on the sausage. It's upsetting to me. I can't

just order, I like a side of sausage with the hotcakes, right? It's a thing I enjoy. I can't, there's no ability for me to order just a side of sausage through the app. Oh. It has to come in an English muffin is the best I can do to get it.

But you don't want the bread part. It's cheese and the bread part. And in that screen, I can add an additional sausage for $1.25. So I know how much it costs to order one. And I can do it, but I need the bread part so if I wanted two just sausages I'd have to order one hot

cake or not hot cake the English muffin and then an additional but the math doesn't even work out because you can also order a piece of cheese and an English muffin and it costs more to do that than it would none of it makes sense it's chaos what is your goal is your

goal to save money mainly or is your goal to get one over on mcdonald's well it's started to save money and it ended up being i'm getting one over on mcdonald's because i'm paying i'm paying way less than i should be for what i'm getting so it's a double win imagine the joy gavin of thinking you're getting two hot cakes and you get three and then thinking it's a mistake that would happen once and it's happened every time nick asked how many times i've done it i've done about four or five times at this point i always and it's 100 consistency with your hack 100 consistency and the toy is changing every time i don't even know it's gonna be in that but it's a mystery box every morning that I do this. I thought they did away with toys in Happy Meals. No. You can get a book

too, but like why would I? Who fucking a book? Yeah, who can read? Yeah. Interesting. I don't even know why I speak. Completely regret learning how to read. Aye, aye, aye. Well, congratulations on your hot cake hack. Thanks. I think it's great.

It doesn't sound anything like a hack to me, but let me be clear. Don't think it's a hack. Okay. If people order this, based on your words, if people who are ordering hot cakes, naturally,

decide to order the Happy Meal, at what percentage do those need to come back with three for you to accept this as a hack? Nick says once is a mistake, four or five times as a hack i disagree four or five times it's just a pattern it's just a pattern of uh of uh miscommunication and poor workmanship i think it's just an uneducated workforce that doesn't understand i just feel like what time okay it's 11 23 your time i'm blown away that you're that not only are you saying this is a hack, you're saying this is such a good hack and you didn't even want to discuss it publicly or tell me privately while we were playing Halo.

Because he's scared McDonald's will plug this hole. Wait a second. They're like, somebody at corporate's like, what do you mean we're giving away an extra free hot cake? That's my fear. There's only two in the picture They're gonna put a press release out that needs to only be two. It'll ruin everything I put a lot on the line here, and I didn't just take the shit off for it

God damn Not even a secret menu item. No. Well, it's a secret you get three if you would look at the fucking photo You would not know you're getting three hotcakes. I just gave you a little McDonald's secret. I don't cross-reference a lot of food I get with the picture. Yeah, I don't. I guess that's fair. I'm just saying if you saw it.

I may have been hacking my entire life without knowing. I will say that the McDonald's that I frequent, kind of close to my house, they've been going through some staffing problems, which I think a lot of, just a lot of establishments across America have, honestly. But since then, it's kind of a crapshoot what I get when I order something.

Like, very routinely do I order, like, a number one and end up with, like, somebody else's crispy chicken sandwich or an extra fry. I don't consider it a hack. I consider it as a mistake. And I feel like that's what you're dealing with here. I think Nick made a great argument of if it's consistently the same thing,

I think that's not a mistake. I see what you're saying. I think it's just misinformation. I think the only argument I will accept is if it's just my McDonald's failing at their job. Then it's no longer a hack. That's like a shareable thing. Okay. That's really the deciding factor for me. Well, Eric and

Nick both think it's a hack now. You know what? Hey, Gavin, you asked me what my cool fucking, my ridiculous item would be. It's ordering two hotcakes and getting four. That's my fucking cool item. Because getting an unexpected amount of hotcakes, it four. That's my fucking cool item. Because getting an unexpected amount of hotcakes, it's called the hacker meal,

and you get four fucking hotcakes and six points. If we're following sock logic, is that one spare or two? That's one spare. From a standard hotcake order, four. Yeah, you get one extra. That's on us. We mentioned a

birthday during that. And I don't remember when or why someone's birthday was mentioned at some point. I feel like we need to call out that it was Don Zimmer's birthday a few days ago. Oh, yeah. Monday, it was Don Zimmer's birthday. Happy birthday to Don Zimmer. How old would he have been? Oh, that's a great question. No, I know.

It's a great question. And I want it to be known that I fucking have learned from my... What was... Oh, fuck. Oh, what was her name? Oh, no. Oh, no. I haven't learned anything, apparently.

Was it Leona Waddell? Was that her name? The Basket Woman? The Basket Woman. Yeah. Yep. I had in my notes to bring up Zimmer's birthday happening, and I knew that there would be a follow-up question before that.

I wasn't prepared last time. I believe Zimmer would be 92 oh man we've got to do a blowout for his century we do we really should we really should 91 I was close do you guys think everybody associated with this podcast

will be alive in 8 years we could try we could make a good effort I don't want to go down this road yeah well I don't want to go down this road. Yeah. Well, I will certainly endeavor to be alive. Eric said no, but he won't say who. I'm kind of right there with you. Oh.

If everybody fucking stirs getting three hotcakes, you know who took me out. You know who came for me. Ronald McDonald is a menace. Is he still around, Ronald? No, he's gone. Oh. Like his caboose, it's been stolen it's been taken no longer they've gotten rid of all traces of ronald mcdonald this is i want to say i'm i'm

happy that this episode the last so we have we have uh an intern listening for this episode that came with eric this has happened once before do you remember the last time this happened that we had an intern listening as we were yes Yes. Was it the, I bet you do. I sure do. Was it the condiments? It was the condiment episode. I feel like we have enough distance where we can talk about the condiments. It was by far our condiment argument is not just within the context of the show.

The most argumentative, heated, uncomfortable conversation I've ever had with Jeff by far in our friendship. I'd say as a whole, between all of us, it was the worst conversation. And it was recorded. And as bad, I feel like it probably sounded bad in the edited release. It was unbelievably worse in the moment.

Here's the problem when i get mad yeah so it was edited in such a way that didn't it was edited in such a way that i agree with by the way that i fully support that took that took away a lot of my arguments that i think made my point but unfortunately i made them in such a mean way that they needed to be removed. I think you guys understand what I'm saying here, right? No, I, yeah.

Oh, yeah, I was there. I think I was right, but I was right in such a such an angry angry way that as Nick is saying, it took a lot of context away from me. Yeah, I really f***ed faced myself in proving my point in the moment, but proving it in such a cruel way that we had to cut it.

I feel like you definitely proved that condiments and what is the sauce and what is a f***ing impossible... There's no good answer. I feel like it's so hard to make a judgment i would say it was more of a condiment hack nick said it took away it absolutely took away context from jeff uh if i could have had you retake those lines it would have worked i would love it i would love a version where you're like really really agitated but all the lines you adr are like really

upbeat and jolly and just cut in amongst the uh the sour saltiness i was a whole thing where i didn't realize that you were a it was whatever it was the worst thing the worst conversation we ever had and it was recorded on a podcast and it was a weird argument and it was in front of an intern it was the only it's it was in front of an intern. It was the only it's the closest thing we've had to a live audience that wasn't like regularly part of the show. And that was the only thing I said they've heard for this is just the worst. You didn't realize I was angry because I was still making jokes because that's how I deal with everything is, you know, anger, sadness, whatever, through comedy. But so I was still making jokes.

You were a furnace of rage, and I didn't understand that, and I kept throwing coal in, because I thought that we were doing a bit, but we were no longer doing a bit. So, it was equally my fault. You were throwing coal in, and it was somehow coming out as gold, but, like, damaging the furnace as it was happening.

Yeah, it was, I agree, it was happening. Yeah, I agree. It was gold. I feel like I was very funny in all that shit that got cut. It's just unfortunately the audience can't hear it. But I was hilarious. I was making myself laugh as I was furious. Is it a type of thing that we could put out eventually? I don't think so.

I don't think so. It was miserable. We're not going to glorify that recording. I say we do a vinyl release on the 100th birthday of don zimmer a vinyl of the most uncomfortable not at all fun in eight years eric what you want us nine years yeah what do you want to stop this podcast earlier than that eric what what year so what we're doing the vinyl in eight years well i think it's nine years because zimmer's only 91 okay nine years one of us one of us will be dead also apparently by the

time this releases one of us will be gone but we will get the vinyl a year later yeah i mean we don't need three of us to put out a vinyl well that's a good question so i always assumed that when one of us dies we'll stop the podcast because I wouldn't want to continue without all of us. But will we still continue to release posthumous merch? Like if one of us dies three years from now, do we just show up back on the scene in nine years? Nick, can you please save?

Can you put all of the edited out audio in its own folder and we'll release like posthumous albums? None of it makes sense. It's just all bad. It's just all terrible, uncomfortable pauses. It's just silence. The sound. We can call it the sound of silence.

I think it really annoys audiophiles if you say a vinyl. I think that's the incorrect terminology, isn't it? Put out a record. Put it out on vinyl? What's the correct... I don't know what I'm saying. I don't know what I'm... You can't buy vinyls, right? You buy records, or you buy stuff on vinyl. Gavin has never

wished that he didn't speak more. I wish I never spoke. Yeah, you tell us, expert. You're the one with all the records. Got a fair few. You got three of everything, right? Remember how you roll? Three insides.

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That's betterhelp.com slash face. That's B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P dot com slash face. Speaking of things that that like just I don't know what you're saying you know like I just said what a fucking I'm having a bad day I'm having a bad talk no not like actual bad

my communication is terrible today why did you text me by the way yesterday saying oh no oh did I drop the gun I don't know what you're talking i don't know what you said to me i didn't i was i was scared to reply to it i was like this is some sort of setup i'm i can only mess this up i just ignored it well people understand why in the future okay i texted you jingle jingle jingle because i was doing something and it related to the thing i was doing and i expected you to reply but then you didn't and the longer you didn't the more weird

the text felt honestly i read the text and usually i'm at i'm usually excited to see a text from you it's like there are certain people in my contacts where if i get a text i'm excited jeff and andrew both on those lists you sent me jingle, jingle and I was filled with dread. I was like, what does this mean for me? Oh no, I'm so sorry. I was like, uh oh. I'm sorry. I'm getting played somehow.

I'm going to respond to this wrong. I just couldn't deal with it. I just had to stare at it and be like, oh no. Without any, yeah, I understand. If you would have replied in any way, I would have immediately explained out of panic, anxiety of, I don't think, what if he doesn't know what this is? you didn't it definitely didn't i woke up this morning thinking

about my jingle jingle jingle text you okay like i need to clarify this at some point um it's now that time no that's later that's a future that's a future we'll let we love mysteries this season we'll let jingle jingle jingle be a mystery okay Okay. Well, how far away is the solve to this mystery? Let's say two episodes from now. We'll talk about Jingle, Jingle, Jingle. Oh, my God. All right. Well, Gavin, we have ourselves a mystery.

Okay. Let's put on our sleuthing hats and get our magnifying glasses. Gavin should be able to solve this. And let's solve, let's figure what could andrew possibly be talking about what was the context around what was the last conversation you had with him before before the jingle jingle jingle it could be a story about three santas as they go around hacking various fast food restaurants i mean it could be could be. I guess it could be. Is there any... What have you guys been doing together?

Playing a lot of Halo, right? Could there be... Playing Halo. Any sort of a Halo connection there? Jingle, jingle. Hmm. Did you lose your keys recently? No.

Hmm. No. Had a door handle that almost exploded, but I don't think Andrew knows about it. Wait, what? What? Uh, yeah, it had a door handle go bad. Yeah, let's stop down. Let's take a break from the mystery and get into this.

Well, first of all, what did the bread clip say on it? When did it expire? That joke landed. That was a great joke. Let's talk about how well that went that was a fucking holy shit did that bomb everybody's dead that's just fucking horrendous don't edit out that silence nick just leave that in oh my god devastating i was excited about that one too i thought that was good why were you excited about that?

I was like, hey, we're turning it into the bread clip. I thought it was a funny joke. Let's get a full mental process on that. I mean, I thought you were... I like the throwback. Yeah, I thought it was a good throwback. Bread clips have been talked about recently. I thought it was a good throwback. I was excited about it. And it was a nothing. Well, let's not assume it's nothing. Gavin, did a bread clip have anything to do with your door handle exploding no and i don't no not as far as i'm aware hmm well that's too bad i i will say i'm trying to help you out there and excellent recovery because your reaction to your joke was

i thought hilarious oh for sure oh it was well there's nothing it was just i thought you could have told me that i sure. Oh, it was, well, there's nothing. It was just, I thought, you could have told me that I dropped from the call. It was so silent. It was as if I had downloaded the law again, the level of just not being able to, but I hadn't, so I had to live with it. But I want to know about your door knob exploding. Anything to put him further away from that joke.

Let's just keep driving away from the bomb site just keep going i'm a i'm a big handle guy uh not a knob guy when it comes to doors and i have a major issue with my cat uh getting into the bedroom at night you know we can attempt to lock the door from the inside but he just twats the handle over and over and over again. And eventually he gets in because he can open the doors. So I thought, we need a handle that only humans can use. So I got a fingerprint scanning handle. Eric says that's a knob.

I don't want the knob, Eric. I don't like the feel of a knob. It is a knob. What do you mean? How much of your life do you spend with a knob in your hand, man? It's like less than two seconds. To me, there's so much satisfaction lost in a doorknob that you just lose all of the satisfaction from the handle.

Wow. Am I alone on this? Yeah, but it's the knob feel. Not a fan of it. The action with turning a knob and the action of turning a handle are the same. It's just your hand is in a slightly different position. It's just a more positive feel, feedback. There's like a nice haptic feedback from a handle that I think a knob is lost on.

A knob, you don't always know when you're at the end of the knob reach. And then eventually your hand has to slide where the knob stops. And I don't like that feeling. A handle ends. You know, a handle pull has a hard stop on it. But your hand doesn't keep going. Anyway, I got a cheap piece of shit $35 fingerprint reading doorknob. And that was my first mistake.

I probably should have gone for one that was more expensive and i don't want to use the fingerprint part of it i just want it to you know read any fingerprint because i don't think smi knows about the fingerprint part i don't think he knows to sort of touch his little beans against the fingerprint reader so he just hits the handle and it doesn't go because he hasn't touched the capacitive part and uh it it took four triple a batteries and i think when when i was installing it i may have sort of kinked a wire or done something when i was putting the cover back on to the point where i was testing out the handle i was like oh this seems to work pretty well this me can't open it I can open it anyone can open it that's great but then I started to

smell something and then I realized on the inside of the the room the handle was insanely hot to the point where I was like I couldn't even touch it for more than three seconds I was like oh it's burning me and then I saw the little cover start to bulge and I was getting really worried because I'd already put away my screwdriver and stuff and I was getting really worried because I'd already put away my screwdriver and stuff but I was freaking out ended up running to my garage to get my tools because I thought the door handle was going to explode I made it I mean I made it back in time I got the thing off it was like burning me it was like shit was melting inside it was starting to stink I just flung the batteries out because they'd all started to sort of angle outwards I

think there was some sort of piece of the board that was like a capacitor or something that was about to pop or something like that. But it was just really a continuation of my bedroom problems that I don't think most people have, you know, like the exploding Apple remote, the ripped sheets, the exploding door handle. But a little part of me thought I should have Just waited to see if The door handle exploded But I just didn't want to Burn the room down

Because I'm sort of Still in that phase of I want to be careful In this room Because shit keeps Going wrong in it Okay Did you

Did you check the reviews To see if anybody Mentioned spontaneous combustion I'll be honest It was a pretty poorly Reviewed door handle We can't We cannot

Like get You cannot get away With the statement You just made it was a pretty poorly reviewed door handle. We cannot, like, get... You cannot get away with the statement you just made. You're like, I've been having bad luck in that room. Doorknob almost exploded. The exploding Apple remote. You broke the Apple remote. You snapped that in half. You decided...

You made that decision. They're not the same thing. Andrew, it's all my fault. I can't be blaming any of these things. I decided to do all of these things. Well, maybe. I mean, the sheet was an accident. I wasn't trying to break that. But it was all my fault I can't be blaming any of these things I decided to do all of these things Well maybe I mean the sheet was an accident I wasn't trying to break that But it was all me doing it

Didn't you break your bed in a different way That you didn't mention on the show Is that a thing did I make that up Are you thinking of you Andrew No I'm not thinking of me My bed is fine I have a bed frame on my patio still But outside of that, everything's good.

How did my bed break? You might be right. I don't know. I think you said that it broke a second time or something else happened to it, but I guess I'm wrong. I guess I made that up for some reason. It's something that you don't remember.

I don't remember. Jingle, jingle, jingle. I swear to God, if we're playing Halo later and you're like, hey, oh, I just remember the bed thing It would definitively we will not all be here in eight years you will be dead I just need to stop messing with stuff. I'm gonna text you like 11 o'clock tonight and go Oh, I just got the bread clip joke really funny

What's that what's up Eric? Oh? Yeah? Do you have a knob now honestly? I still think the exploding handle is better than the knob you're insane shut up are you serious shut up what are you talking about you're out of your mind you're gonna burn your house down uh i mean our triple a batteries are gonna burn your fucking house down because you have a cat he's he's certainly not using the battery part now right like it's just you have a knob that doesn't have a thing you you have a cat. He's certainly not using the battery part now, right? It's just you have a knob that doesn't have a thing. You just have a knob. I rearranged the wire and I packed

in... Oh, you're a fucking lunatic. I think it was an error with one of the batteries. You are an insane person. I packed in four new ones, monitored it, and I have, fingers fingers crossed a relatively cool fingerprint doorknob handle shit that works and i think i think i'm gonna keep it for now because

i still think that's better than a knob between jeff's bikes and your doorknob batteries are just a no-go for this show yeah can't enjoy batteries they will always they're dangerous they are dangerous i do i don't know if we talked about it but i really appreciate it jeff that your your bike essentially kept exploding every time you ride it and that you had multiple times of like after the first time it exploded you didn't give up you're like we'll give it another go i made another fix hopefully it won't explode this time process of elimination you gotta try all the different uh permutations until you feel until you narrow it down to what the real problem is.

So is every single person in disagreement about the knobs before we move on? Yes. Yeah, you're in the wrong here 100%. Okay, so what if you have... No. You've got something in both hands. What?

You need to use an elbow to open the door. You're shit out of luck with a knob. Dev, not only are you wrong about this, you are so wrong that it makes my McDonald's take look even more right. Because if you disagree with that being a hack. Nick said he likes handles. Handles are great, but I don't, I'm not, like, I don't, I've never considered. Nobody hates handles.

This isn't an anti-handle thing. Yeah, nobody's anti-handle here, man. I think it was a pretty pro-handle podcast. We're also just pro-door knob and pro-common sense. Hmm. Well, I mean, what would your solution be? Just go with a knob? Deal with it?

Yeah! Go with a knob! Is it weird if all of my doors have handles and one's got a knob? Is that weird? Yes. Yes, that is weird. Do all... Yeah.

I don't want to redo the whole house. Right, but also also your house burning down because of one knob is also weird if you think about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We really should have saw it coming after it nearly exploded the first time. So wait a minute.

So you installed this handle recently. Before that, it was a knob? No, before that was a handle. So your whole house has been handles this whole time. When you moved in, was it all handles? Or did you move in and go, oh, look at these fucking knobs. I'm not about it.

Let's get this fixed. Yeah, it was handles to begin with. Handles to begin with. You got a handle house. That's interesting. Apart from a few pocket doors. Yeah. Huh.

I wonder if, because you have a newer home, I wonder if knobs are on the way out. I wonder if handles are like the new hotness. That's an interesting question. No, I think it's just taste. Because my house is very old. My house is very, very old. But it's all knobs.

It's Knob City. What about you, Andrew? I don't know if I've ever lived in a house that was knob-centric. I'd say majority handle. Eric says no, handles are for office buildings. Knobs are for homes. I've always thought handles were default, and knobs are for, like, apartments. I'm not sure.

I'm trying to think about... I feel like knobs are better suited for, like, other people entering a room. It's more like keys and knobs. Wasn't the whole basis for when we were selling bat knobs didn't you want that to be a knob is that the only time you've ever fought for a knob you've advocated for the knob well a bat a bat with a door handle at the end would be a bit weird don't you think well no i feel like you wanted it to be like a not like you wanted it to be a cabinet knob. Essentially, it was what you described as the cabinets cabinets.

You don't have cabinet. Wait a second. We can't go back to this. We cannot. That's in a different season. We can't go back to the knob conversation, please. We can't. I don't know.

Maybe we can. I think if you're going to do this, you this you gotta you gotta be a fucking man about it and you gotta get rid of every knob in your house which means you can't have a knob on any of your cabinetry in your bathroom your kitchen anywhere you have to handle all of your kitchen counter cabinets the the fucking under your sink that's all gotta be handles if doorknobs were like our bat knobs a little bit more ergonomic for the hand, I think I'd be into it. I just don't like grabbing a sphere. It's not very satisfying to me.

Now, I do like grabbing a sphere. I find spheres to be incredibly... Like, a sphere is what you want to throw. You want to put your hand around. It feels good to hold a baseball. A sphere is great when held from underneath, but you don't grab a doorknob from the bottom. I can't follow that line of thinking.

I don't even know what to say about that. What if your doorknobs were baseballs? What about that? Would you be okay with a knob in that scenario? I'd be fine with that because the grip would be excellent. It's the slip at the end of the doorbell of... Oh, God! The door...

I really do wish I'd never started talking. Yeah, isn't it terrible? At least we're listening to you. Speaking is always a mistake. Um... I realize... Hmm. I don't even know how to phrase this. Talking. I'm having

a bad talk day. I got so excited. I woke up and I saw that the company that made garfield cart to curious racing announced that three more garfield games will be coming out over the next few years this is the italian company this is i think they're french they're microids is their name and i was so excited that i was like i need to i need to retweet this i need to quote tweet this and so i first i just retweeted it by mistake without putting anything there.

Then I, here, I'll post it. I'll post it to the Discord so you can read it, Gavin. Then you can see what I did when I followed it up with. I made a quick adjustment. I'm like, nope, can't read that. You can read what I wrote. Beings. read read what i wrote beings my dynasty beings was my second attempt and i felt like you replied to it you left and replied beings i suck because i felt like you can't retry three times. So I'm now stuck with beings, but I have to, much like my great bread clip joke.

That was today as well. We're having a bad words day. That looks great. Jeff just posted a photo of a door that has two baseballs as the knob. That looks awesome. That's got to be, we've got to all three of us do our offices like that.

Yes, I support this. Looks like those are Atlanta Braves baseballs. We need, well, okay, is it, what version of Zimmer? It's Cubs, right? For what? For the, like, if we're getting baseballs, I feel like they obviously. The boys of Zimmer was Cubs era. Yeah.

So we got to get Zimmer signed balls? No, I'm saying we have to get Cubs balls. If they're Braves. Like if we're clearly in line with Zimmer. Well, we're making face baseballs. So, because I got to hit them all. We are. That's true.

I can't wait for that. I have a Ken Griffey Jr. ball I could use for my handle. Yeah? There you go. Yeah. Why do you have that? I just did a video with him and he signed it. Oh, that's nice.

He's a nice guy. Is he? Have you met Ken Griffey Jr.? I have never met him, but they say he's just lovely. They say. I'm so excited. Everything I've read is that he's just a delightful person. But I don't know.

Maybe I'm wrong. Gavin, what was your experience working with Ken Griffey Jr.? The man who, by the way, to this day, I think, probably had the most natural swing in the history of baseball. Just a beautiful swing. I'm sure Gavin would agree.

Sweetest swing in baseball. Sweetest swing. I just got composition. Ken Griffey. Where would the nickname go for a Ken Griffey Jr.? I feel like it's tough to have the nickname in the middle when you have

three names or when you have a junior on it do you know what his nickname was Gavin? no I don't know what was his name well he had two I remember him being referred to as the kid a lot but they also called him junior because his dad Ken Griffey Sr. also played baseball so

his nickname was the Kid or Junior. And until injuries, he was probably going to go down as one of the greatest players of all time. I mean, I guess maybe he still has, but... Yeah, I mean, having never really seen a baseball game, I didn't know of his career, but I knew the name. Did you ask him about the staple? Didn't ask him about the staple.

Honestly, I didn't really want to ask him about anything that he'd done because i just didn't want to embarrass myself in front of him yeah yeah sure i i feel like if i was andrew i'd have sent him an email before he showed up saying i don't like your uh games of baseball no just just so we're on the record i don't like the seattle mariners and i never have anyway it's nice to meet you but yeah it was nice he he was injured actually when we uh i felt like he was in pain while we were filming with him he'd hurt his foot that would describe most of his career unfortunately he was a trooper and uh he he slammed some balls and uh the balls that he missed or he didn't go for dan caught and one of them broke his finger so great dan partially holds

ken griffey jr responsible for his broken finger so tony hawk broke his finger. So great. Dan partially holds Ken Griffey Jr. Responsible for his broken finger. So Tony Hawk broke his wrist and King. Yeah. Yeah. Indirectly. I'd say yes. Oh man. Uh,

we're getting the, the rap sign from Eric. Um, I do feel like though we should mention at this point, uh, that I believe the Tiki toilets are out. They're out. Ooh.

Yeah. Yesterday. We should mention that. Depending. I think this are out. They're out. Ooh. Yesterday. We should mention that. I think this is tomorrow for when you hear this. It's very exciting. I can't speak today. I'm rattled. I've been stunned. What are you?

Yesterday they came out. They came out on the 1st of February. That is yesterday. But it's not that day for us. I've noticed that there's six people on this Discord. We have Nick, Eric, and Kat. What if the three of us just sub out and they can do the next one?

I don't think that's part of Kat's internship plan to take over an established podcast. I don't think it could be that much worse than the three of us trying to talk again. The bar is low. It could be fun. I'm just glad that we don't hate each other be that much worse than the three of us trying to talk again. The bar is low. Could be fun! I'm just glad that we don't hate each other by the end of this one. And I'm very excited.

Let me properly not sell, but talk about the porta potty. I bought one. You alright? No, I'm not. No, I'm not. I bought one a year ago on February 1st it's a year they come out on the same on the anniversary of when I bought them

which is which is kind of cool that it's coming out on the anniversary but also just goes to show you how difficult supply chain issues are right now. We tried to buy that, much like the fuckstick,

which we bought and ordered in a fucking break show, which is, by the way, no longer on order. We're still working it out. We've suffered some fuckstick setbacks. It took a year. It took a year for us to get these

porta potty tiki mugs made. Andrew's lost his shit. There were quality control issues with the first couple suppliers and then the supply chain and now a full year later we have pink porta potty tiki mugs

and I would certainly appreciate it if you are in the market for a tiki mug i would certainly appreciate if you would buy them because for some reason they bought a thousand of them they are awesome they look really cool i lost it because gavin had the least genuine oh i've ever ever you're like oh you didn't give a fuck at all and then I won't be accepted judgment on my own I think I actually know there was zero intrigue in that oh I love Jeff was talking you're

like whoa talking, you're like, whoa. And equally, completely think that's why I lost it. Those two are the least genuine saddest statements I've ever heard. I've never heard anyone clearly not listening more. You're even no fucks at all. Thank you. What do you want from me?

What do you want from me? I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I sound even slightly interested. Even like sound even slightly interested. I sound like a 10% interested. I'm like, dang it, I'm 40. I think what it is is that in my head, you were playing it up like you'd maybe bought another port-a-potty.

And when you said it was just a year since you bought the old one, I was like, oh, I don't think I was disappointed. I just was expecting something different. Oh, no, go back and listen to that. Can you give us about 10% enthusiasm, Gavis, and try to sell us on these tiki mugs we bought, these porta potty, the tiki toilets? I could try and give the O again,

like do a second take. Okay, I'll do it. Give me a second. All right, you want to set me up? So I bought these porta potties a year ago to the date when they're going up to be sold and uh you're gonna be able to buy your own porta pot like i bought but it's cheaper and yours actually you gotta stop talking so i can say oh you said the oh while i was talking last time what do you mean sorry i forgot what i delivered

it why you why make me do it again? It was just a never-ending tarn. I was waiting for you to be done. What are you talking about? I didn't want to interrupt. You always interrupt. That was the one time. Go again.

Go again. Okay. I bought a port-a-potty a year ago. Oh, my God. Jesus. That was pretty good. Like and subscribe. Buy a tiki mug.

Also, nobody bought the Vancouver Child Kicker skateboards. Clearly, you guys don't want to skate. That's fine. But if you do find yourself in need of a skateboard deck, we're sitting on a mountain of them. I haven't been sent one. Well, we're sitting on a mountain of them. I haven't been sent one. Well, we got extras. I want...

Go ahead. No, just fucking... Guy who never interrupts, go ahead. Just fucking walk all over me. What are you saying? I'll pause. Go ahead. No, no, no. You got the floor, friend. Go ahead. I'm sorry.

We need to do two of these. That seems like a good place to end it. Bye! Hey there, it's Minor League Fan Jack here with a look at next week's episode of F*** Face. It's a triple start. Jeff is royalty. Andrew is either going to cheat or lose. Gavin brings up friends again. The boys discuss pizza consumption. And once again, Andrew does not eat the pencil.

All that and more on next week's episode of F*** Face.