F**kface - F**kface Watchalong: Condorman

Episode Date: May 12, 2023

“Woody, you're a great cartoonist, and you're a great comic book writer - but you're a lousy bird.” Prepare for takeoff as F**kface brings you a new watchalong, this time with the 1981 "classic" Condorman. Cartoonist Woody becomes the superhero he draws. Using his gadgets he helps a Soviet spy defect to the West. Watch along with Geoff, Gavin, Andrew, Eric, and Nick to unlock the mysteries that are Condorman. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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I think that's maybe the first time I've heard those words in that segment. Yeah, I'm saying, what do we call this? I'm asking you, what should we call it? I think we just call it Watches Blank. F*** Face Watches Blank. I think it's just F*** Face Watches Condor Man. Film Face. Film Face. I like Film Face.

I think Film Face is a really good because if it was like Film Fuck, we shouldn't do that. See, I didn't, if I hadn't asked that question, we never would have gotten to, what is it, Film Face? You were trying to make a point and couldn't remember the name that you were making the point with. No, yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, so today, this is the third iteration of this. The very first one we did, we watched The Tuxedo.

And then the second one, we watched MVP 2. And then today, we are going to watch the, I don't know, 1980 or 1981 film Condor Man, which is a Disney film starring Michael Crawford. If you don't know who Michael Crawford is, he was the original Phantom of the Opera. Oh, okay. Some mothers do have a Michael Crawford? What's that?

What? Yeah, Michael Crawford from the Phantom of the Opera and also from Hello, Dolly, I think was his other big role that he did. What was the one you said? What did you say? I said some mothers do have them.

Some mothers do have them. Okay, relax. Calm down. Jesus Christ, we're watching a movie. Why are you mad? I don't understand what he's doing. Is that a movie that Michael Crawford was in? No, it's like a popular sitcom in the 70s.

But was he in it? Was he in it? Why would I be talking about that? I'm asking you. Why is it written like the way you speak? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't like that. Because that's the way he speaks.

Michael Crawford played Frank Spencer in Some Mothers Do Athem. Frank Spencer is one of the most iconic characters in British history. Really? Yeah, well, Phantom of the Opera is pretty iconic in America. That's fair. Good singer, isn't he? What do some mothers have?

What is the um? Like when someone's a dipshit. They're like, oh, some mothers do have them. Oh, like some mothers have dipshits. Yeah, say Michael Crawford. Easy. He is like some mothers do have them. Oh, okay. Oh, like some mother that dipshits. Dipshits. Got it. Yeah. Same Michael Crawford.

Easy. He is also in this. Interesting, really interesting resume, Michael Crawford's career. I think he even won a Tony for Phantom of the Opera, but maybe I'm just remembering that. Anyway, Eric asked,

why are we doing this? I think we're doing this because we wanted to continue to watch movies and we were having a conversation about if I were to pick a movie because I think we're doing this because we wanted to continue to watch movies and we were having a conversation about if I were to pick a movie because I think technically the first one was picked by Gavin. That was kind of his

story. The second one was clearly Andrew's. The story of Andrew learning how to skateboard from a monkey in his childhood. A prized moment. I tried to reach back into my childhood. The movies that I loved as a kid that I couldn't make us watch today, like the Apple Dumplin' Gang.

Nobody needs to see that. Or the Shaggy D.A. or any of that stuff. Or those fabulous Dobermans. Is it racist? No, they're just bad. He just hits their bed. They're just bad.

They're long and boring kids' movies. It's like trying to sit down and watch Mary Poppins today. You're like, we're a fucking hour in and Mary Poppins hasn't opened her umbrella once. Do anything. Yeah, but the cannons have gone off. The cannons have gone off. That's what keeps you awake in the first fucking hour.

Anyway, so I remembered a movie that has always stuck with me called Condor Man. And here's what I remember about the movie. And I must admit a little trepidation and a little fear because y'all had great movies with great stories. I just remember that when this movie came out, I was desperate to see it. And my mom used to take me out on little movie dates where we would go like get dinner and then go to a movie like mom and son kind of thing. And so she took me out to see Condor Man. All I remember about the movie,

all I remember about the movie is a wingsuit and that they promoted Condor Man Crunch ice cream heavily. And so right after the movie, my mom took me to Baskin Robbins, or we used to call it, back then we used to just call it 31 Flavors when I was a little kid. But she took me to Baskin Robbins and they had Condor Man Crunch and I ate it and i thought it was the best

ice cream on earth and that's the sum total of my memory of condor man i don't know what the movie's about i thought about going and watching it ahead of time to kind of prep but i kind of thought it would be better if i went in just as blind as y'all uh and so i'm really nervous because the tuxedo home run. Right. Like MVP to Grand Slam. So the stakes are pretty fucking high for Condor Man. And I feel like I have the least amount of touch point to that movie compared to the ones y'all had. So this could be a flaming disaster.

But we all did make Condor Man Crunch. Do you guys want to, like, talk about your Condor Man Crunch? Sure. You might take a photo and share? Yeah, I might take a photo. I'm good to go. I just want to say that I wish we still, and maybe it is in America, we don't really have Baskin Robbins, at least where I live.

I wish we lived in a world where there was more licensed ice cream. I love the idea of movie ice cream in general. I was looking at other Baskin Robbins flavors. They did this one. This is my favorite one. I've seen Can't Stop the Nuts that was inspired by the sensational new Can't Stop the Music. It's great.

I just want that dumb shit in my life and I don't think we really have it. I agree. But Gavin immediately shared his ice cream. Is that okay? Let me just look. That looks really I agree. But Gavin immediately shared his ice cream. Is that okay? That's, oh, okay. Let me just look. Is that a, that looks really faithful.

Is that pecan pralines broken up? It is. But also, I've made an addition. Okay. I've also, because I couldn't find pralines because I didn't know what they were, I bought chocolate pretzels. Oh, that looks great.

And then I found pralines. So I've added the pretzels on as to not waste them. So let me list the ingredients of the ice cream as we're going through this. As as per the ad for Conor and Crunch

that we found on the Internet, chocolate ice cream with crunchy praline pecan bits and a milk chocolate ribbon. And I have to say, I figured I could go into the grocery store and find like chocolate

praline ice cream. You can't like they hit on a flavor. They nailed it out of the gate and then nobody else. We tread over their steps. There is a dearth of those ingredients even coming close to being in the same ice cream at the store. From what I can tell. Andrew, do you want to show yours now? Sure.

So I had I couldn't find just pralines by themselves so i had to buy a praline ice cream so i went with a mix of i i also i realized gavin i thought yours had melted because of the whiteness of the plate and that that was like what was left i have so much more ice cream than you have i have a full bowl uh should be uploading the photo right now oh my god so we got some praline ice cream in there with chocolate, a deep chocolate ice cream and a little chocolate swirl on top it was the closest I could get to the pralines

and the chocolate I think it's going to be delicious, I'm excited to try it I think both of your ice creams look beautiful I think they're different and unique and I think you should both be proud of them Eric do you have one to share or is it just those guys

no it's just them I didn't get ice cream for the Condor Man because I made a cup of coffee so I've got coffee too wow me and Gavin couple of coffee guys right I wish I had coffee I just have water

I haven't told you guys about this it's main content but I wish I had coffee. I just have water. I haven't told you guys about this. It's main content, but I gave up sodas. And so now I just drink water. That's fucking what? Yeah, my whole life. Not even Coke Zero? No, I don't. It's a long story, but no, not even Coke Zero.

I give up sodas. Wait, wait, wait. What about Coke Zero? No, I don't drink that. OK, but what about Dr. Pepper? No, Dr. Pepper and Coke Zero are different things. Coke Zero is No, I don't drink that. Okay, but what about Dr. Pepper? No, Dr. Pepper and Coke Zero are different things. Coke Zero is barely a soda.

I've had one Diet Coke since last Saturday. Are you horrendously addicted to caffeine, and that's why? No, I just was trying to save money, and sodas are getting real expensive with inflation, and also I drink 5 to 10 Diet Cokes a day. That can't be good for me.

Or diet, honestly diet Pepsi. So maybe that's better in some way, diet Pepsi. Don't you drink like 6 Monsters a day? Yeah, I drink probably 3 Monsters a day as well and then 2 iced coffees. Well that's where all the monies go.

But I've cut all that out. You don't drink any energy drinks now? No. I haven't had an energy drink since last week. Maybe that's why you were so quiet when you joined. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I will say, man, I've been consuming that level of caffeine

since I joined the army, and I had to learn how to stay awake. And I have been having trouble staying up past 9 p.m. now. It turns out you cut, I don't know, a thousand milligrams of caffeine out of your day. You go right the fuck to sleep. I love that you're like, I'm unfazed by caffeine. It does nothing to me.

And then you remove it. You're instantly like, I cannot stay awake past 9. Me and the uh me and the chickens as soon as the sun goes down we're fucking dead to the world uh anyway we can talk about all that in face it's not for and it's not like a hard and fast rule like i'm not like i i if i go to a restaurant and they have soda on the menu i will order it i'm just not gonna pay i'm just not gonna buy a bunch of soda cans and have them in my fridge and stuff uh okay anyway uh that my ice cream is,

I also couldn't find, I couldn't find pralines at all. I know what a praline is. I know what a pecan praline is. If, if I had the time, I would have driven to like one of the Mexican restaurants around my house and they tend to sell them in little cookies you can get.

They're fucking delicious, like at the, at the register. But I couldn't find any like that at the grocery store. So I got chocolate ice cream with butter pecan praline ice cream, and I mixed that together, which gives me some vanilla in there, so it's not really true to the recipe. Then I put crushed pecans on it and then got into a bit of a heated discussion with Emily this morning about what constitutes a chocolate ribbon. She felt very

I was just going to pour chocolate syrup on. She felt very serious that they would not advertise a chocolate ribbon as chocolate syrup because of consistency that it's probably chocolate fudge that was folded into the ice cream. So it has to go all the way through like a vein. Yeah, so I bought chocolate

fudge and put that on it as well. And I already ate it. It's already gone. I think yours looks the best. Yeah, I think you did great. Hey, Nick, what kind of ice cream do you have? It's Midnight Crunch,

which is like a mix of M&Ms and like... It has the folded in chocolate, so I'm halfway there. There you go. I went no ice cream. You just went any ice cream. Yeah. Solidarity, man.

If you were to ask Nick what ice cream he's having, he would have an answer for each episode. I assume he's just always eating ice cream. I think you're right. I don't think this is specific to this thing. It just is now aligned with his interest. I'm going to say he's not in the mask. Yeah.

No, no, no. Kevin, you fucking idiot. Is that a guess? No. Are you done with your guess? No, because I guess would be like, are you in the. I have to ask. Well, wait.

So you're not officially guessing. You're just levying an opinion. You're not asking. I'm floating an idea. Well, you're right. I can't believe. I looked at a picture of condo man and didn't know it was Michael Crawford. Yeah, I can't believe I didn't know who Michael Crawford was until Emily said, wait, Phantom of the Opera. Hello, Dolly.

Michael Crawford. And I was like, maybe. And then he's like, oh, Betty. And then he's like, oh, Betty. Yeah. What a wild career, huh? He's done everything. Tassie?

And his name in this is Woody, which is the same name as that guy from Cheers that was in that movie review I just gave. It was. By the time this is out, like, where do you think this lines up? Just curious. I don't know.

Just curious about what you think. We should date this. Today is, we're recording this Friday, March 10th at 1 p.m. That I didn't vocalize at the time. But the fact that you remember the character name was Woody, but it wasn't Woody Harrelson baffled me. Because when you're saying that, I was like, I remember Woody Harrelson was in that show. But certainly he would know Woody was Woody Harrelson. So it has to be like some other side character that I don't really remember that had the name of Woody.

It's not. That was crazy. No, I just thought it was really fucking fun. I just thought it would be very funny to refer to Woody Harrelson as Woody. The guy from Cheers, not Woody Harrelson, the guy from everything you've seen your entire life. Like Austin Powers. What about what? What do you mean?

Are we just naming movies now? That's the only thing I knew him from for a while. He's in Austin Powers? I don't remember him in Austin Powers. He's Woody Harrelson. He's like when they're talking about the rocket-shaped penis. I was like, I don't know who that is, but he's got a funny name. It's a Condor Man.

Yeah, let's get to it, huh? I had half an episode of F*** Face at the beginning of this. Man, no kidding. So, like we did before, Condor Man, we are watching live on Amazon Prime, where you can rent it. It is not free on Amazon Prime. You can rent it for, I think it was like four bucks. You can also buy it for $10, but I don't know why you would do that. You can.

Is this on Disney Plus? No it is not Oh no Oh no If it wasn't your old vault shit Hey y'all I'm sorry if this movie's not good Once again I only remembered the ice cream

I'm not concerned with it honestly not being good i'm concerned about the content here with no we're about to get into it's a disney movie if it was problematic it would if it was problematic they wouldn't put it on their streaming service yeah anyway i got this on Amazon Prime. We'll see. So, I'm going to count down three, two, one now. And then on now, you hit play along with us. And together, we will watch 1981's Condor Man. Are you guys ready?

This is real. I'm ready. This is happening right now. Were any of you alive in 1981? No. Not yet. I was six years old. Not for another seven years. God damn.

13. All right. Here we go. Gonna watch Condor Man three, two, one, now.

Yes. This film is modified from its original version. It is a format to fit your TV screen. Is this like the American Airlines version? What the hell is this? You don't know my screen?

Oh, it's rated PG. They did in 1981. Can you hear it? Yeah. Yeah, it sounds great. This is some bootleg airline version. This is on, like, Amazon. Yeah, man.

It's 4x3. Oh, man. It's four by three. Oh, I also have captions on just in case. Oh, look at that logo. I want that as a piece of metal. I don't know. That makes me a little like Huffman. Yeah, I would say it's kind of Nazi-ish, except they're fighting Russians this whole movie, I think,

in communism. Oh, we got animation? It looks like a weapon you pick up in Contra. Fire the Condor Man! This is the most 1980s-ass movie I've seen in a long time. Dude, this is what it was like to be a child

in the 80s. Oh, it's like a real object. Oh, and it transitions. I'm shocked we're still dealing with animation. Is that the Trump Delamon? Or the Arc de Triomphe, I mean? I have no idea.

I love this font. Yeah, it's I love this font. Yeah, it's a really good font. Oliver Reed Krakow. What British sitcom was he in? Well, is it Barbara Carrera in a Bond movie? Which one? You would think Gavin would know.

He's the fan. I don't know offhand. Hey, is Condor Man really loud for anybody else? Is it? A little bit. It's the fan. I don't know offhand. Hey, is Condor Man really loud for anybody else? Is it? A little bit. It's very loud. Isn't Oliver Reed who they like CG'd his head on after he died? What?

There we go. In Star Wars? Yeah. Sorry about that. No worries. Did a goofy scream. I'm going to look up Barbara Carrera. Is it Gene Zay, the guy that did costumes for Condor Man?

So another part of this movie is animated, right? This is it? To my knowledge, I couldn't tell you. I don't think so. Pink Panther vibes just for the beginning. She's in Never Say Never Again. Not official. She's in Never Say Never Again. Not official. It's in Disney.

It's a Disney movie, so I think they're required to have some form of animation somewhere. Oh, Henry Mancini did the music. Wow. I want the big guns. Do you think Henry Mancini did the music. Wow. I want the big guns. Do you think Henry Mancini did the music for a movie like this? Or do you think they just went to Henry Mancini and said,

what do you got that you haven't used yet? And he's like, he just thumbs through some stuff. And he goes, take this one. No, I think he went deep into the soul of Condor Man. He really invested. Scream Condor Man on top of this. It'll be fine. I don't think I've seen as much of a movie without having any context for what it will be.

Like, there's been no indication on what this really is. Also, where's the sides of the image? It's a pan and scan, man. Listen, Henry Mancini costs a lot of money, okay? You would have fucking hated to grow up when I was a kid. What if it's like the IMAX presentation? That idea that this was ever in IMAX. Oh, there he is.

Oh, there he is. It's the real guy. What is the name of that show? Mother's Gotta Have One. Some mothers do have them. Some mothers do have them. It's freaking expensive. Mother's Gotta Have One.

Condor Man's going to help somebody catch the the bus That's all he's good for Wait up What if this was coincidentally also the day That James Bond jumped off the Eiffel Tower Oh it's that fucking guy He's uh What is great good talk oh he's James Hampton there's a Darren Aronofsky version of this that is really dark. He was the dad in Teen Wolf.

That's how I know him. He teaches Michael J. Fox how to be a responsible Teen Wolf. Awesome. There's no way the guy filming down there is able to capture this with a light scene. Dude, that shit's real. That's happening. You could have been at the Eiffel Tower once and seen this shit. You could have seen Frank Spencer hovering above the Earth.

They paid the licensing fee to film at the Eiffel Tower. Oh, no! Oh! What? Was that like a little toy? What was that? He was in Sling Blade. He was in Lady Gaga featuring R. Kelly, Do What You Want.

Awesome. Can we have it louder now the music's over? Yep. How's that? Good. Thank you. Fine. So he's a comic book writer. So he's a superhero comic book writer

who makes sure that any superhero stuff that Condorman does, he can actually do in the real world. Who cares? Yeah, like, why would that be a thing that you want in a superhero? Who gives a fuck? Well, yeah.

Can you imagine, like, reading an issue of The Incredible Hulk and be like, whoa, that's realistic. Yeah, that's a real weird. He couldn't throw a jet that far. Like, fuck, dude. I want real reality in my fantasy, realistic that's that's a yeah that's a real weird jet that far like it fuck dude

i want real reality in my fantasy is what i want who do you think would be the hardest superhero to be if you had to be able to do their shit in real life i think i think elastic Man would be a real tough one. Dr. Manhattan. Wait, do you... Thank you. We should watch Cloak and Dagger next. It's a great movie. It's a great movie.

And it takes place in Texas. That's what he's trained to say. I don't think he's a file clerk. He's got spy written all over him. I think he's got spy. I thought it was going to say spy HQ on the top. So does he just like show up at the Eiffel Tower in a Condor Man suit and buy a ticket? And they just let him up the stairs?

Oh, it's that guy. Dude, it's heavy cast. That's Dana Elkar. He was the guy in MacGyver I like the way everyone looks in this movie because no one looks like movie stars these are people I would see walking down the street every single one of them. I think I know who he's going to ask for help.

Well, don't tell me. If only he knew a real life superhero superhero if only well hang on just is Condor man able to deliver papers he won't write about it I love him can't get enough of him riding him looking at him big train guy

oh he's gonna show up in a oh no there he is oh my god I might hate Woody Oh, he's going to show up in a... Oh, no, there he is. Oh, my God. I might hate Woody. I'm with Andrew. Is he going for Cluser? Yeah, he sucks. Woody sucks.

I hate Woody. Oh, man. Woof. This guy's one of the best actors of his generation. When? Around 1981 I mean he nailed the Humphrey Bogart impression Nailed it to a wall

He crucified it I really don't like Woody. If I'm a fucking cop, and I'm not, but if I were, I'd have to tell you if you asked, but if I'm a cop, that's how it fucking works, and everybody who's ever bought weed knows that. If I were a cop,

if I ever saw a dude under any circumstances carrying a briefcase that was fucking handcuffed to him, I'm taking that dude in. Guarantee. It's never for a good reason. Is he going to be the same plot as MVP?

Is he going to fall asleep and miss his stop and start playing hockey? He's going to end up in an animal reserve. Yeah, he's going to retire to the sanctuary. The Condor sanctuary. There must have... The United States

must have been in a huge belly dancing craze in the 80s. Because when I was a kid, it was a big fucking deal. It was in every movie. And I remember... Now, I just remember this fucking deal. It was in every movie. And I remember, now I just remember this because of the scene.

My mom took belly dancing lessons when I was a kid. I remember that now. What? Yeah, I guess it was like the 80s version of Pilates or Jazzercise or something. But yeah, she and her friends took belly dancing lessons. Was it because of Condor Man? It might have been.

It very well might have been. Was it because of Condor Man? It might have been. It very well might have been. And that's the Bond lady? Yeah, non-canon. Iona bust. Excuse me?

Iyana bust. Eon. He's saying Ian. Ian. Ian. Eon. I love how subtle they were with their sexy their sexy names in James Bond Pussy Galore yeah

Esme titties I watched GoldenEye the other day and that's a really good one oh with Turbo Clunch yeah that fucking Onatop what a great name Zenya Onatop

yeah that's fucking great I was gonna recommend we do something on face at some point where we if we continue to do these kinds of things and we want to do it with some sort of regularity I thought a fun angle to take would be to pick an actor or actress

and do their entire body of work like do all of Jackie Chan or do all of like oh my god I don't know somebody well maybe maybe not somebody with 200 credits, but like somebody with an interesting body of work that we could do,

maybe a bad body of work, but maybe it'd be fun to do all the James Bond movies and then Gavin could give us all his James Bond knowledge. I mean, I'll watch him again. Thanks,

Gav. Are there a lot of non-canon James Bond movies or is it just like one I think it's two right Casino Royale the first one oh yeah

yeah the David Niven one yeah wouldn't that be the most canon wouldn't it wouldn't that be like everyone after that's

not canon yeah wouldn't that be like everyone after that's not have you ever read that book Casino Royale no I haven't no it's a really good book it's a real fast read James Bond as written

is a very different character than he is on screen is he more or less of a complete bastard he's a complete. Is he more or less of a complete bastard? He's a complete bastard, but he's more... fallible. You get a sense of how beat to shit he is a little bit more and not always in control.

Now he's just name-dropping his own character? I'm with Andrew. I do not like this guy. No. There's nothing I like about this guy. He's a buffoon. The drink needs to still be on fire. I wonder if they ever

made a Condor Man comic book to go like a companion to the movie. I'll look it up. What? What? That was awesome. Still hate him? No, I'm in. I'm in on Woody. Woody's pretty great. Woody's amazing.

That was like an optical effect. Dude, I think that there is a three-issue set of Condor Man. Oh, we need to get that. That needs to be in the F*** Face Museum. It's like 15 bucks on eBay. Yeah, we should get that.

Can you put that on the company credit card? Thanks. Yeah, I'll grab it. I'm back to not liking this guy. I was just thinking it would be fun to take those Condor Man comics and have somebody redraw them, but we change it to Andrew.

I feel like I should be insulted. Why? You get to be a fucking superhero who anything Condor Man can do in real life, you know Michael Crawford can do in real life. And if he can do it, you can do it. He grabs him by the butt. He's doing his own stunts.

Yeah. Who needs Jackie Chan? Those are good hits, man. Dude, that is a gorgeous restaurant. These sequences are fun. Yeah. That's not going gonna feel good. Looney Tunes in real life

is like my wheelhouse and this is great. I'm having so much fun. My espresso machine takes like 25 seconds before it's doing that. He looks like shit! I'll do my best to avoid that. Try to avoid. Did you adopt that, Jeff, after watching?

Do you have a try to avoid list? I'll do my best not to end up there. Yeah, my try to avoid list? I'll do my best not to end up there. My try to avoid list is prison. Oh, but he dropped them earlier. There's got to be some sort of mix up. Yeah. Also, was the briefcase locked like he's handcuffed to it but I don't think the briefcase itself is locked

or secure in any way oh damn score I'm gonna have so much to write about a British a British no an american comic book artist falls in love with a russian spy in istanbul that's a story you tell your grandkids it's cool because in his comic now condor man can do all that stuff yeah condor make you kiss a girl now, finally.

It's like 12 episode arc. Condor Man gets lucky. Condor Man goes from restaurant to restaurant and kisses Russian supermodels. oh shit i always wonder how long they've sat there. Right. Like in this moment in movies. Along. He was asleep. Does he sit down there and he

pours himself the drink and then he's like, it looks so much cooler with the drink. I can't drink it. I'll just have to hold it till she shows up. It's hot. That's the truth. You said it, sister. Preach to the converted. Is that Oliver Reed?

Oliver Reed. Fuck, Oliver Reed. Fuck, I navigated to eBay. Hold on. Yeah, that's Krokov. That's Oliver Reed. You know him? I just know that he died in the filming of Gladiator. Oh, really?

Oh, really? I don't think he died. He didn't die because of it. What? get like way more specific he died during the filming of but not related to you is that what you're saying yeah i think they had to spend millions of dollars like cging his face onto someone else that's to finish his role i wonder if they did that back in gladiator times wow yeah i think that's why it was so expensive I wonder if that's his most... They did that back in Gladiator times? Wow. Yeah, I think that's why it was so expensive. That's impressive. That's a great joke there, Andrew.

Yeah, Gladiator. Gladiator was the second to last thing he was in. He was also in... Oliver in 1968. That's probably his most well-known role. I have purchased Condor Man Comics issues one, two, and three.

Thank you so much, Eric. Oh, he was also in a movie. We might need to... Oh, Lord. We might have a new movie on our hands. He was in a 1980 movie called Dr. Heckle and Mr. Hy and mr hype an ugly misshapen podiatrist this is for you gavin ingests a formula made by a colleague and turns into a handsome devil may care but violent ladies man dr jackal and mr hype an ugly he was caught he was the bad guy in condor man

and then he was an ugly podiatrist. Condor Man's a lefty. You ever wish you were talented? Mm-hmm. Do you think that's his hand? I used to. Who, Michael Crawford's hand? Yeah.

Oh, definitely. At some point, you get old enough to kind of give up on talent. It's just like, even if I still had it, it'd be worthless at this point in my life. Ooh,

laser lady. Laser lady. This guy's a fucking dork how about the fact that a dude threw a switchblade knife at him and it would have killed him but he stopped it and then he just walked it off like it's another Wednesday it's a pretty echoey room

stop saying condor man that's just some good trivia this guy's gonna get his ass kicked he's not a real duck is he explaining the concept of fiction Oh, man. That's another thing that the 80s was full of. I don't know if you guys remember, but it was always a Russian trying to defect to America, trying to flee communism to the freedom of America. Red October style? Yeah, or that Moscow on the Hudson,

or that movie with Gregory Hines and the dude where they danced. good then there wouldn't be a sequel how do we get that jumper you know I was gonna say earlier we all need spy jackets like he had on but maybe we just all need that sweater it looks like he beat up

the world's biggest kindergartner for that. gopher boy gopher boy it's interesting that that like weaselly unattractive little voice is one of the best like musical theater

voices of its generation you should hear him as Frank Spencer and some others do ever voice is it like is it very accent heavy yeah you'd love it that's a great tagline. Out of the inkwell and into real life.

Bear? bear oh laser lady laser lady is the bear laser lady is the bear i wish that was what she's credited as like the actress Natalia aka the bear aka laser lady wait is this guy British the main guy yeah yeah is he when real life is oh the main guy? Yeah. Yeah. Is he? Well, in real life, he is. Oh.

Hence being in that British sitcom I was talking about. Well, here's the thing. I didn't know that. He's just been doing American shit here. He's clearly wearing British sweaters. The Phantom of the Opera is British shit, isn't it? I don't know. I've never seen Phantom of the Opera. I saw it.

It's good. I saw it in the original place. It's British. Right, but he's British. He's British. No, saw it. It's good. I saw it in the original place. It's British. Right, but he's British. He's British. No, but Condor Man's American. Woody is American. Woody is an American. He's playing a character.

If you want to roll it back a little bit, his buddy explains the concept of fiction. We need a refresher. Andrew, did you know this guy was British yeah I had no idea well when he was in some of your

mother's album or whatever the fuck you have to be mama needs one bad that's what made me look it up cause you guys were talking about it and I went oh that's weird that there's an American in a show that sounds like that and he's not American he's the most British guy

in the world. Where's Yugoslavia now? What is that now? That's where they the Yugo was made. No. Dude, that guy's fucking old timey.

Lost him. Oh, it's Serbia and Montenegro. Okay. Have you ever been to Serbia or Montenegro, Kevin? I have not. I haven't either. I think Serbia is a great name. Serbia is a good name.

I think it's cool because the people are Serbs. And I think that's a very... It's just very... Like, consonant name. I think it's cool because the people are Serbs. And I think that's a very... It's just very consonant heavy. I agree. So this guy's like a pre-Serb? This guy's pre-Serb. Is this not Woody? Oh, is it?

Oh, it's Woody. I think this is Woody in disguise. Whoa, he fooled us. I was fooled. Oh, the bear was hiding in the cave. Wow. It was the nose that fooled me. Y'all didn't even know he was British, let alone an old man.

He also kidnaps Christine Daae. He's actually more likable with that face. You should just keep that that I like this character more now that I know he's British he sounds like he's doing an American accent like it sounds like a guy who's not American

I feel like fucking British people have so much more success doing American accents than American people do have doing British accents I American people do have doing British accents. I'm always so surprised. You're like, I watched all of The Wire never

knowing McNulty was British. Yeah, and like half the cast is. Or fucking or what's his name in Walking Dead? Oh, yeah. When you watch Love Actually and you're like, what the fuck? Yeah. I think it's because there's only like like, there's like two American accents. It's default American and Southern American, but then a British accent is like, oh, you

don't sound like you're from the North, and it's like, I don't know what that means. Yeah. let's fucking call up Krakow what kind of accent was that? What the hell? He's got a tummy cane? He's gonna shoot the bear. No! How many bullets are in that thing? He's going to shoot the bear. How many bullets are in that thing? He's fucking laughing.

He just killed his girlfriend. He's laughing. How has this never been a gif? Because the world is largely forgotten about Condor, man. It was lying dormant waiting for us to rediscover it. It's so bad. Is this the first movie where the ice cream's better than the movie? How many movies have an ice cream, though?

That's the problem. That's a good point. Commitment to shooting on location in this movie. This could not have been cheap. Oh, fuck. Now I gotta look that up. Box office mojo. Oh.

Steering mechanism? There is no information on how much money this movie made. Was he the first Brit to be a superhero? An American superhero an American superhero like it's kind of the norm now but what about I'm not sure like the canon

era Captain America movies and like those superhero spider-man I don't know who was in those he kind of looks like I don't know who was in those. He kind of looks like that dude that plays the great American hero. He does.

I can't think of his name, but he was also in Big Wednesday, which is one of the best movies. Monte Carlo. There's an F1 race there is that one that's in the street I don't know Condor Man condor man

too sentimental oh it's hard to have less than two men he said that like two men was a lot I had two men following them like essentially the minimum how should he have phrased it a man and a spare

yeah I had double man they were double coverage man it's amazing we made it to the internet it was a fucking slow, inefficient world before. God damn. Oh, shit. That dude's got a mercury eyeball.

I don't think that will ever be referenced again, which is why I like it so much. It puts such an emphasis on a thing that I think is actually meaningless you don't think it'll fly out at some point? no I think that's it I'm gonna shit my dick off when that eye flies out everyone you're looking at right now is probably dead oh jesus

well maybe not that kid kids are fine. Those dudes dead. That was 40 years ago. I'd need to be 108. What is happening? This just got real sad. Condor man.

Are they all looking at Condor? Yeah. Is he going to show up? Wings and all? A somber scene as they see Condor, man. This is a really... They're building the Condor, man. I'm telling you.

You'll be flying by. Okay. Maybe they just don't ever hear vehicles. That's the Condor bell. They're waiting for the school bell. The donkey! The donkey! Wow. That's a lot of Porsches. That's fucking expensive. That's a lot of Porsches.

That's fucking expensive. That's not cheap. And that Porsche has sonar. Oh, yeah! We just don't get to know It's a lot of choreography work to be part of this organization. That's pretty cool. That was pretty cool. Cool. Much less impressive I hate him so much back to hating this guy

his accent's all over the place it's like if Dick Van Dyke's character in Mary Poppins tried to do an American actor. That's the perfect... It looks... It looks like he's driving a car from Wacky Races. His co-pilot snidely whiplash.

The Ant Hill mob gang is about to get him. Look at these awesome cars. Yeah, this is great. They're about to take out Peter Perfect and Penelope Pitstop. Look at this fucking thing. It's the caveman.

It's Captain Caveman. Oh. This is really hitting me in the childhood. Oh, God. Yeah. All these references. Oh, she's dead oh shit if you put the point Navi in Fast and Furious they would

maybe be the best villain in the franchise they're great this is kind of like the opening scene of the first Fast and the Furious, they would maybe be the best villain in the franchise. They're great. This is kind of like the opening scene of the first Fast and the Furious. If you consider, they're the semi-truck. If that was filled with VCRs, it's the same.

DVD players. What is happening? Wait, what? Yes! It is a vehicle from Wacky Race. Yes! Yes! Yes! It is a vehicle for wacky races. Yes! Shouldn't one of them have stayed up there? It's got green light technology.

They are... Oh, boy. Just hit any of those buttons, dickhead. Yeah, just... Okay, that's pretty cool. Kind of a single-use thing, but... That's pretty cool kind of a single use thing but i want one of those so bad you're telling me that car was pulling a house for that long so will they sit on the roof they were in the above part yeah why not just make the cab of the fake van the real car?

I hope that they slip down into another one underneath this one. That would be so good. You're telling me that with technology like this this guy was concerned about what condor man could and could not do for his comic yeah get real you see where batman stole all his ideas is that the rollable font that'd be awesome if it was. Dedicated to killing. They gave a commitment ring to killing.

It's an important part of their organization. This is like not easy to film or coordinate. This is very cool. Where do you get three log trucks from? Probably Oregon. Yeah. Wow. This is great.

This is better than Bullet. Dude, I would turn that jet engine on just like we used to do in GTA and blow those motherfuckers halfway across the airport. Oh, he did. Oh! Get cooked!

He screams, you motherfackers! Whoa! Oh, shit! Oh my god! God damn! That's gonna be hard to walk away from. Frickin' hell! They spent all the money on the second unit! Yeah! I'm gonna get a condor man tattoo. Ooh, write that down. Frickin' hell! This rules! They spent all the money on the second unit! Yeah!

I'm gonna get a Condor Man tattoo. Ooh, write that down. Yeah! Condor Man tattoo. I'm gonna get my phone. Get Condor Man tattoo. Jump! Uh-oh! Oh, is it Repcon? Oh, shit! Yes! Whoa! Yes! Wow! fast and furious got all their ideas from condor bear yep no shit dude this is like this is essentially gta online that's the car i would drive we have them

I bet it costs like 12 million GTA dollars. Yeah, it's the fucking worst. You just get the card. Oh, there's the eye that I couldn't afford to film that for real this shot Excuse me? Okay. Oh. He just did like 18 grand's worth of damage. He's just getting started.

How did his bumper get back on? Fuck that tree specifically that must have been insane to time that shot mhm you know I gotta say, I laughed at it initially, but that guy is a dedicated killer. Show the eye again. Yeah!

He's my ex-boyfriend. I mean... I told him it was over, but he won't take no for an answer. He's useless. Can you imagine being in a rural Yugoslavian town and then fucking space cars with dudes with silver eyes just roll through one day.

It would fuck the rest of your life up. Well, I think that's how... You'd be like, what is going on out there? That's how tall tales, that's how werewolves, it's just stories about this stuff, technology you've never seen before that blows your mind in a way

where the whole country is different now do you think this is how uh do you think this is how transformers started they tell stories and you can slide me about it was a bird but it was a car oh yeah baby Oh, yeah, baby. That's a fucking stunt. The only thing we've seen him do as Condor Man, though, is almost drown. Yeah, it is true. See, it's Transformers!

Dude. Take a chill pill god damn the gypsy truck turned into a race car i hate when that happens I hate when that happens. Oh, he's covering the eye now. He's tired after that blow. Imagine how pissed you would be if Condor Man kept fucking you over and then you had to read comics about it.

Like the follow-up. Look at him with his little S&M writing crop. He'll give you a little spank. You did a no-no. You're a real bad spy boy. A little stinker. Bend over the table. Do you think he spanked Borovich's eye out? no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, why are they climbing a mountain I guess they have to is the idea but it's just like yeah did that boat crash yeah did they run out of gas or no they were just in a boat I guess they have to, is the idea, but it's just like... Yeah, did that boat crash?

Yeah, did they run out of gas, or... No, they were just in a boat. Can it not reconvert back to a car after it's a boat? Ha ha ha! How... They built a car that's six different cars and they didn't include a phone. How do they not have a phone? They hadn't even dreamed up of that kind of technology yet. Crouch more.

Crouch more. The Polissimo. She's just freshening up next to the dung pile. I just got a chin strap Chin strap. But didn't he actually kill a bunch of people with his stick? Yeah, he also blew a bunch of people in cars up by setting them on fire. He's killed at least 10 guys. Yeah, I would think so. At this point.

It's pretty high for a Disney movie. Yeah, he's approaching Terminator 2 numbers. How many double digit body counts Disney movies are there? That's a great question. Oh! Oh, man. What kind of fucking joke parody character is this? He's got one of those whips, too.

It's actually Colin Farrell. The prosthetics are amazing. I didn't know it was him for most of the movie. Oh, that's his friend, huh? Oh my, it's the guy he works with! It's Harry! You should always yell his real name. And get real excited. You should see what it turns into.

How the fuck are all three of them gonna sit in two rows of a car handcuffed? Wait, are they still why would they still be handcuffed why wouldn't he undo the handcuffs because people are watching him yeah man look at all those eyes one lady walks by that's it it's an empty village can you imagine how fucking great it must have been to be michael Crawford and this lady for the three months they filmed this movie in some of the most beautiful locations on Earth?

With zero expectations, would this movie be good? Yeah, really, like zero expectations. Do you think at any point Michael Crawford or anybody in this film thought, like, this is gonna make me? or anybody in this film thought like, this is going to make me. That's like that Fiat we drove to Scotland, Gavin.

That we almost died in. Yeah. you know he's Michael Crawford's kind of dressed like Shrek you're right there's a real Shrek feel to that especially with all the hay and shit. There's no time! There's no time! I don't understand, like... He's got an eye patch on

because he doesn't want to draw attention to his silver eye, I would imagine. Yeah. But if you don't want to draw attention to your silver eye, just don't get a silver eye. I mean, don't you get a silver eye to kind of show it off?

And be like, hey, I'm the silver eye guy. Maybe that's just how it is. Yeah. Different time, I guess. Yeah. Probably sunglasses would have worked. What? Oh, my God. what oh my god

if this fucking happens when emily and i get married you guys better not pull any condor man pranks at my wedding i'm calling no condor man pranks during wedding. We're doing this condor man speech word for word in the middle of your ceremony. Uncle Luigi. Oh my god. Mighty fight. Everybody in this town hates each other. I was just looking for an excuse.

This wedding was on the brink the whole time. They're going gonna settle some scores That kid is so happy That is the Best fucking way to Oh my god I wish comic books are so expensive now when is he having time to make these though

these are old he's a famous comic book artist it's true condor man would never do something this guy wouldn't do in real life like cross the alps these wipes are awesome. They're pretty jaunty wipes. Yeah. The angles. Definitely interesting. How far are we into this?

70 minutes, roughly, of a 90-minute movie? And we've had one scene of him in the condor suit. I am shocked by the lack of condors. It's the opening scene. I think we saw more animated Condor Man than him as Condor Man. These kids are reading Condor man comics too. This would have been a way better movie if they just cast Stan Lee as Condor man. We've been Archie dickhead. Go feel it, buddy.

It's gonna go in the bathroom and feel it for a while. Did he even bring the condo suit? No. He doesn't, like, have a bag. The CIA will provide it for him when he needs it. Where are they supposed to be now? Swiss Alps, right? Thanks to climate change,

that area looks like the Saharan desert now, though. It's a shame. Is that laser lips? Laser lips? Is that really laser lips? What's her name? Laser Lady? Laser Lady.

You're right. All these little Swedish-American kids. Yeah, what do these Americans come for? They've been written in English. She's really hung up on the O. The name. I thought she was staring at the A. You will not believe what I felt the water

oh man I felt it I felt it wait is the last act conflict that she's in a comic and doesn't know about it um go for boy um go for boy really he's gonna disappear you don't go on that walk he's

dedicated to murder Should we... All right. I'm going to do some future prognosticating, okay? Okay. I'm envisioning a future where the F*** Face podcast is as successful as, let's say, Joe Rogan podcast. Like, that level.

We've got our $100 million deal, and we're flying pretty high, right? Do you think we could, at that point, when we're that successful, recreate, like, retrace the steps of Condor Man as content, and just, like, follow his path throughout Europe. Try to

find all the locations. You're picking like the least popular thing that we could follow. Like if you were like Batman like Dark Knight or something, at least that's popular. Nobody knows what the fuck this is. Exactly. And isn't that

the most face thing we could do? But what about the comics? We need to find the... What if we tried to recreate those? Like how all the comics are based in reality? What if we made those comics real? Yeah, because to prove

the thesis of the movie that Condor Man would only do things that are doable in real life. So then we have to do all the things from the movie to prove that Condor Man was a true... was a potentially possible film. well do you think the comics are just the movie and

comic book form or are they completely different stories i so i bought them but i didn't look into what exactly they are because i kind of want it to be a surprise yeah i get it live now yeah right we'll do it live because if it's not the movie if it is like the adventures of condor man that's insane i think it is that's what i would assume it would be i'll be so disappointed if this is the movie i feel like there's no way it's not just the movie you think it'll be a comic book of the movie about a guy that writes comic books about what's happening in the movie with kids reading that comic book? Yes. Now, Gavin, you moved from a different country to America.

Was one of the main perks being able to read the Sunday funnies? Was that one of the things that drew you to the U.S.? Can you share her enthusiasm? Were you reading Andy Kapp and going, I gotta get over that old US guy? Oh my god. Gotta go work in an American office like Kathy. What's he wearing now?

It's his snow gear, man. He looks like the bottom half of one of those flappy car sales things. Yes. This relationship is so fucking doomed if you draw the line out. If you think about, like, she just had that moment where she's like,

well, if Woody is Condor Man and I'm Laser Lips and you're whatever, a gopher boy, she now realizes she's going to gopher boy. She now realizes she's going to pick up the car. She's going to be like they're going to be married five years down the road and she's going to pick up the comic and it's going to be fucking Condor Man

talking to his buddy at the bar about what a bitch his wife is and how he just wants to get away. What a way to learn about an affair. She's going to find out he's having an affair and leaving or reading a comic one Sunday morning. Yeah, that makes it easier. It makes it less high.

Wait, they're only taking one? Why did they unpack one? There's already one hanging there. Oh my god. What the fuck? I'm with Gopher Boy, I don't trust this shit. It's got the brakes of a Schwinn bicycle. of a Schwinn bicycle. That's a 12 speed.

Why is he pointing like this way? There's one way. You go one way. There's no other path. Turn around. Follow the path of the rockets taking you on. Going so slowly.

How many pages of the Condor Man comic book is this sequence? It's most of episode two. It's volume 2 gopher man okay gopher boy whatever his name is the gopher dude Romanoff is looking no that's Romanoff is looking No, that's Romanoff

Is looking fucking good Can you imagine if this movie just ended With him killing all three of them Take the shot Dad, that movie's over Ah! Oh shit! Oh my god! I must have been losing my fucking mind at six years old that was incredible. I would love to see little me experience this.

Oh my God. And what a great opportunity to pull out the wings. I must have been so excited about ice cream at this point. He got Condor Man crunched. That was... Oh, she's sad. He's making a look at the body. He's like, I told you I was dedicated to killing. How did they do that? How did they do that?

How did they film that? It's just there are like no tracks around them whatsoever. It's just two perfect holes where they must have just dropped them. That's pretty incredible. Oh, good. He's fucking he's beyond what if Harry just had an arm off oh no she's in a nice place

they're really torturing her Oh no, she's in a nice place. They're really torturing her. Your punishment is to sleep in this gilded golden bed. you you you you you you you you you

you you you you you he's gonna hit her with a chair imagine if he just never tried to save her and she found out because new issues a condor man kept coming out so do you remember how this ends jeff uh i've remembered zero seconds of this okay uh that's not true that's not true i remembered the eiffel tower part do do we think the condor suit will appear again yeah i think it has i think it's gonna appear right how far into this are we like 80

minutes 75 minutes i think it's gonna appear very soon if the condor suit doesn't knock out that dude's eye i'm gonna be blue ballsed in two directions. Maybe you should take a few minutes to go to the bathroom and feel things. He's got an endless supply of sweaters. Are those condor man ideas? I think so. Things that i know i can do now uh-oh Oh, he's good.

Good. What a relief. Eric, whenever we want something for the show just say you have top rank clearance yeah yeah that includes fort knox yeah you gotta add that part i have top i have top clearance including fort knox i feel like fort knox was a really important thing until like the mid 90s and then everyone went i think we're over this yeah i think so well we became with the exception of joel everybody was kind of got over the idea of 90s and then everyone went, I think we're over this. Yeah, I think so. Well, we became with the exception of Joel, everybody was

kind of got over the idea of having to own 10 billion pounds of gold to be wealthy. Hey, I'm not sure about this section of the movie. It's a lot of briefcases. Those guys are all condor men on their next assignment.

I think... I think you might be right. I think it's definitely Harry. I'm hearing... I'm feeling some definite Harry gopher man action you think that's them I think that's them I know a gopher when I see one oh I can sense a gopher his name is Jed Clampett

and the younger man with him that's his cousin Jethro very new money. Great trivia here about Oliver Reed. One night after too many alcoholic drinks, Oliver Reed tossed his tuxedo into the sea from a Monte Carlo hotel room.

What's going on? What? What the fuck? What? This is, uh, why it's not on Disney Plus then, eh? Caesar Saladsworth. are salads worth oh god see do you think they tried to figure out how to edit this out and keep the movie

I don't see what they could when they could have cut back in. Yeah. These feel like Vince McMahon characters to me. Oh, big time. These guys are both going for the Intercontinental Championship. That was great.

Was that the most scary movie? This movie needed way more of that slapstick-y kind of stuff. Yeah. That's really funny. The moments that had it were great. Yeah. But they were just too few. Shame about every single other thing in that scene. I liked some of the flower arrangements

Must have been on set for days dressed like this Oh boy Oh, God. Oh, boy. Uh, beg my pardon, but I've been inside you. Oh! This is so bad! Oh! choose love Jesus fucking hell Jesus. Fucking hell.

This was, uh, this is essentially how they tried to get Harry to go back into the woods at the end of Harry and the Hendersons. It's true. John Lithgow's like, nobody loved you! Go away! We hate you! We hate you, Harry! We don't want you here.

That's heartbreaking. Is that code? Yeah, was that... Did we miss something? She's referencing the episode of Condorman, The Dip, and Dostoevsky. This is ridiculous. Nick, whenever he hears there's a condiment at the thing. Oh, fuck. Jesus. What?

Condor Man's racking up more of the body count. Kill them all, Condor Man. Letacking up more of the body count. Kill them all, Condor Man. Let God sort them out. It's the Disney way. But first get changed, maybe. Yeah, please. Yeah, please change. We miss Woody.

Has he got the condor boots on? Oh, man. right other side that is another very nice car kilt oh jesus That is another very nice car. Kilt. Oh, Jesus. That was a good dive. Yeah. You would be embarrassed for me.

History won't be kind to me. history won't be kind to me for his like you know stop and go is like a lot of this movie is the stunts and car racing stuff and everything are awesome yeah really good yeah the cars especially oh shit wow they bought the shoe in it Yeah, the cars especially. Oh, shit! Wow.

Why'd they put the shoe in it? Oh. Pull up the suit. Wings! Do it! Wings. Pull up the wings. Oh, he's got the gloves!

Do it. Yes! Yeah! Yes! do it wings pull up the wings oh he's got the gloves do it yes yeah yes dude those gloves are just like kitchen gloves yeah imagine that this was the thing you saw you've never seen it before

and this guy's like I got the plan oh is he gonna put on the beacon glasses so we can cut back in here. That'd be such a jump. We do miss a little. Hell yeah!

Fly, Condor Man, fly. Holy shit. How do they do that? All practical effects, too. all practical effects too. So you're going to have an attack Falcon. Maybe we should start a competing company called for that's protected by condors compete against ourselves.

So we're definitely a birds of prey podcast now. Yeah. All right. Back out of the movie. Back in. It's all fine. We're fine. Good.

It's rules. Look at that shot. That's amazing. Banco de Roma. Back out. Yeah. Back in. it's rules look at that shot it's amazing banco de roma back out back in dude dude

how fucking cool you're laying on top of them what are you talking about? She'd have to literally jump off. This is all fine. It's still good. We'll have to cut. It's dicey, diceyy and we're back better to leave this all out

we're going to cut this and we are and Harry's back baby we're back baby it's not rolling yeah it's rolling it's not your fucking car We're back, baby! Who cares? It's not your... Yeah, it's rolling.

It's not your fucking car! Oh! No way! Yeah. Why? You think that car is still at the bottom of that water you know they didn't have to clean shit up as that much in the 80s that's definitely still down there She held on for much longer.

His face. Oh, that's helpful. He's waving him in. He's bringing it in like he's a fucking American Airlines 737. Got an Ember Air coming in for landing. This is going to either look great or utter dog shit. Oh, the little leg kicks too? It was great! Wow!

Why would you leave your wings? Why? CIA's got an unlimited budget. He's got four knots at his disposal. Definitely want to be safe, though. I thought he was going to bang his head on the visor. That would have been a perfect Condor Man slapstick moment. When we do our fan remake Condor Man 2024, we're definitely going to ratchet up the slapstick.

Imagine if Batman just changed out of his suit and left it all over a dock. What? A condor boat! just changed out of his suit and left it all over a dock. Oh, hell yeah. A condor boat! These all feel like toys that they never made. Like, we gotta have the car, we gotta have the boat. Oh, that's a good point. It's like this whole movie was made for a Happy Meal

integration. Yeah. That thing looks like a nightmare to be in. It is bouncing all over the place. He can only answer the phone with his eye out. It helps with the reception. It starts as a Wi-Fi hot. Yeah.

Is it the five black boats? Were they just there the whole time? Are they always there? Like, what was the... How did this happen? Finally. One miserable day of filming that probably was that's fucking cool

hell yeah look at this that's awesome look at this it's beautiful it's a genuinely fast boat some genuinely good cinematography I wonder where the condor boat is now like someone must have that it belongs in a museum I'll tell you that

why Why? Oh. What? They got a condor gun. What? They got a condor laser gun. Oh, dude. Oh, my God. He's killing so many people.

If he had that kind of laser technology the whole time, I feel like he could have wrapped this up 45 minutes ago. Without the use of his previous costume. How come Laser Lady isn't shooting the lasers? That's a great point. If there was ever a time for Laser Lady. Has she ever used or mentioned a laser? No

Imagine staying at some Swiss resort And seeing the shit on the lake outside Like man Monte Carlo's really got the shit Wow Oh god He's shot Oh that's brutal Those dudes are

Those dudes are melted To that boat Oh that boat Had a visibility spout We should We should try Or maybe a Comet lever would do it

To go through And try to Try to accurately count Condor man's body count We should try or maybe a comet lever would do it. To go through and try to accurately count Condor Man's body count. That stunt guy could have done such a cool dive away from that explosion, but he just plopped off like he was jumping into a pool. Fuck the shore. Laser. You know, this was in 1981. Laser guns were so fucking popular back then.

And here we are in 2023. And I don't see army movies where army dudes and marines are shooting lasers yet. Like, what's the fucking hold up? Yeah, lasers should come back. We need more lasers. Oh! Damn. Split it. That was crazy.

Oh, my God! Oh, my God! oh my god he's killed like 35 people zero moral cost on that murder at all can you imagine the ecological damage that shot did uh oh

it's king porsche croak of always hiding around somewhere that was a crazy shot why why they get soaked krokov looks like one of the dudes on the he looks like one of the dudes at the helm in space balls Surrounded by assholes. And dead fish.

Jesus! Oh my god. Oh no! Oh no. Yeah, but they fucked up the sunshade. Oh my god. Oh no. Oh no. Yeah, but they fucked up the sunshade. The sky lift? Oh, please tell me the boat has wings.

This boat can only turn right now. This is just GTA. You're absolutely right. This is GTA Online. We have done every one of these stunts in a Let's Play. If he bounces off a wave and gets hooked, that's GTA. Fucking Christ. That's one of the things I'm most proud of.

Oh, damn. Now that's a dive. That's a hell of a stunt. Oh, no! That's a hell of a stunt Oh no Jesus The meatiest explosions In any Disney movie Wow I never saw that guy's eye pop out.

All your friends are dead. The movie's not over yet. Dodger Stadium. Eric, this is for you. Big Dodger fan. All right. Look at him go. Is Condor Man going to fly down and land on the field?

He would be a Dodgers fan. No kidding. He wrote into an episode last week that Condorman hit a home run. Now he's going to make it happen. Do you think Michael Crawford has any idea what the Dodgers are? Do you think Michael Crawford has any memory of making this movie? Welcome, Natalia. A.K.A. The Bear.

A.K.A. CIA. Oh, USA. USA. A.K.A. CIA. Oh, USA. USA. 1981 World Series was Dodgers-Yankees. This movie came out in August.

Oh, God. Do. Are we setting up Condor Man 2? That's a good point. Assassinate Condor Man. Ha ha ha ha! Pack of cigarettes. Oh! Oh. cigarettes. Oh, we'll have to wait

and see. Where is Condorman supposed to go? I'll tell you where he's going to go. He's going to go into the Condorman fanfiction. We start writing. There are no credits. No, they did at the front. All the credits were front-loaded. It simply ended.

That... You know what? First off, I was really nervous that this movie wasn't going to be as entertaining and wasn't going to hold up to the two phenomenal films you guys already brought to the table, but let me just say, you're welcome. Yeah. That was awesome.

I think that was a perfect end to our childhood trilogy. I think that was fantastic. I totally agree. So good. And that's a great way to put it, our childhood trilogy. There you go. Woo! Well, did everybody eat all their ice cream?

Because it'd be a soupy mess now. barely soup yeah no it is a soupy mess do you think condor man went to basket robbins do you think that's where the it was the lead into the condor man crutch i would love to know how successful that promotion was gavin is just sending us clips of some mothers some mothers do have them gaffield for the voice. His accent. What? What? Are you kidding me? This is a mess.

It's Frank Spencer. Frank Spencer? No way, that's Woody. That's Condor Man, baby. What a mess. Well, Jeff, Andrew, Gavin, any parting words? I can't believe going from that to some others do have him

to the Phantom of the Opera. That might be the greatest range I've ever seen from one human man. Pretty impressive. Pretty impressive. I'm glad that we got to celebrate the many talents of Michael Crawford today. And remember what was a mostly bright moment

in the history, in Disney's rich film history with just about 12 minutes there that are a little less than stellar. About 12 minutes there that are a little less than stellar. Well, I'm glad we did it. Yeah, I'm glad we did it too. Thank you so much. And I really appreciate y'all

taking a trip down memory lane with me through my childhood. Unfortunately, no monkeys. Not a lot of Kung Fu. But we did have Birds of Prey. but we did have Birds of Prey, and we are a Birds of Prey podcast. I have a question to you, though. If this completes our childhood trilogy, what's next?

I mean, are we just going to try and out-problematic your film? No. No. Why would that be the angle we went? We could. Of all the choices, why would we go there? We could just keep going backwards into Disney if you want to do that. Oh, I'm out.

I don't want to do it. Well, stay tuned. We'll come up with something. Bye. We will. Bye.