F**kface - Gavin Learns About Knobs // The Most Expensive Flush [34]

Episode Date: January 20, 2021

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about selling bat handles, the best sequel, Geoff's broken toilet, and more. Sponsored by Tushy (http://hellotushy.com/FACE) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dragon's Dogma 2, the highly anticipated successor to the cult classic Dragon's Dogma, is out now on PlayStation 5, Xbox Series S and X, and Steam. Dragon's Dogma 2 is a third-person action RPG boasting a richly detailed and deeply explorable fantasy world created using Capcom's RE Engine's immersive physics, groundbreaking character AI systems, and cutting-edge graphics. Dive into the vast and dynamic world where The Arisen is called upon to fulfill a forgotten destiny across the nations of Vermont, the Kingdom of Humanity, and Batal, the nation of Beastrin.

Dragon's Dogma 2 revolves entirely around choice. Your choice, that is. From the sword and shield-wielding fighter to fighter to the illusion conjuring trickster, there are over 10 unique vocations to choose from that all require experience to unlock new skills. And character customization is out of this world, literally. Oh, and did I mention the combat is really in-depth? It isn't just hacking at a giant's ankle for half an hour while your dodge roll attacks. You can engage enemies from a distance, climb up large foes, stab them in This is a Rooster Teeth production. Welcome to episode 34 of F*** Face. I am Jeff, and with me are Gavin

and Andrew. You guys wanted to talk about Donkey Kong some more you said? No we're good with Donkey Kong I think we covered all our Donkey Kong bases but Eric Jeff took a real interest in the fact that we talked about Donkey Kong he seemed really fascinated we were having a conversation

which I thought would actually be good for the episode where Gavin talked about how our our I guess I don't know what you would call it. Our reviews of our own episodes are better than the episodes when we like argue about what the episodes were like.

And I pointed out that I thought that it was a good episode. You guys had the good Donkey Kong conversation and you took it to be me being snotty or snide and insulting your

Donkey Kong conversation. But I thought it was fantastic comedy. I don't know about that. All right. Well, now it well now it's worse almost yeah look it was a quick story about what we've been up to over christmas just threw it in now we're talking about it again jeff's clearly unhappy with it i was not unhappy i mean he's like it's like i hate you the more you talk about it the more it feels like you're really unhappy with it. You're trying really hard to convince us. Should we send Jeff a Nintendo 64 so he can experience the joy of Donkey Kong?

I don't want to play it. I'll be honest. I've got something I want to run by you both. I was reading a comment left by one of those pesky comment leavers on our content. The comment leavers, yeah. But I didn't understand it at all. This is the comment. It was on an episode from a few weeks ago.

I assume we're talking about bat knobs and stuff. The comment reads as follows. Oh my God, this whole time, I for some reason was imagining the bat knobs as like the handles. I'm so stupid. They're just the knobs. This is the dumbest revelation I've

ever experienced. The person below said, you're not alone. Exact same thing happened to me. I don't understand what they're talking about. I do. I get it. I do too. What does that mean? They thought like you grab the knob. You grab it by the knob is my interpretation of that thing.

Not that the knob is like a support for your hand so it doesn't fly off the bat. I'd assume that's the purpose of the knob. You grab it by the knob is my interpretation of that thing. Not that the knob is like a support for your hand so it doesn't fly off the bat. I'd assume that's the purpose of the knob, right? Yeah. It's so that when you swing it, your hand hits it and so it doesn't fly off. Yeah, exactly. So they're saying that they thought that you grabbed the knob and that the knob was a name for the handle.

I think that's all that is. I don't think that was that complicated. I still don't understand it, but what did you just say? They think the handle, up until that moment, they thought the handle, you know, the part that you put both hands on that's wrapped in tape, that's skinny, the skinniest part of the bat,

that's called the handle. They thought that was the knob. They didn't realize the knob is the little door handle at the bottom of it, the little door knob at the bottom of it. I think we've now uncovered the problem. What do you mean, Gavin, is that not the knob? The knob is just the knob. The knob is the thing I burned 5,000 times.

Yeah. Well, I was imagining the bat knobs being like the end plus a bit of handle. No. How much handle? The knob is just the knob. maybe like a couple of inches of handle no that's just the bottom half of a pad at that point that's not a it's not just the knob yeah do you guys that's the knob and partial handle so even i didn't know what i was talking about that's yeah you were the one i think you pointed out this comment to be like look at how

dumb these people are you are the idiot You have no idea. I was the well I was imagining it because when Jack was like oh, it's like a door handle or like a cabinet knob There's still a bit of Extrusion from the cabinet. It's not just like a button Well, it depends on the handle There's all I mean there are variables to it, but I could see a scenario in which would be the same as like a door handle Yeah, okay, so there's a difference between the handle and the knob.

Yeah. Absolutely. How do you know how far... Where does the handle start, then? The handle starts when... What do you mean? Where the knob is. It's baffling. They're very different things. No, not where the knob... Where does the handle end on the other end of it? What do you mean?

Where's the other... Where it gets thick. Where the bat starts to flare out. Where it starts to flare out. But you can also hold the bat on the flare out because it's a bunt. Well, in that case, I think... Well, you also probably put pine tar on that part of the bat,

which is a whole other thing. Well, in that case, I think we should sell bat handles. Why? Because you could still put the logo down the side of it or engrave the knob on the end but without shipping the whole bat. Do we... Listen, dude.

If we're selling bat knobs with handles attached, let's just sell the whole fucking bat. We're selling them 55% of the bat. Like, what a weird place to cut it off. It is strange. No, most of the weight and the length. Also, do we have any idea if one person bought a fucking bat anyway? Oh, are they on sale?

Today is January 7th. We're filming this. They come out tomorrow. We have no fucking clue if anybody. We might have to go and cut this part out because the bats did so badly that we want to pretend like it never happened why would we do it out like it never existed because it's so embarrassing it's even better if it's embarrassing no i know i know i agree and i think the bats will sell well well i was just i was just thinking of international

shipping i just think that we should don't trust me dude. I mailed a bat to Andrew, which I'm assuming he doesn't have yet because he hasn't mentioned it. I mailed a bat to Andrew the day after I gave you your bat, Gavin. When was that? They probably delivered the bat

to the door that wasn't aligned with where he lives. That is actually a great question. Not only did they do that, but do you know how much it cost me? The cheapest method

I could send a fucking bat, a novelty bat to Andrew was, was like 120 bucks. Seriously? Yeah. It's more than the bat. I think, I think all the bats cost that much.

I think you got ripped off. No, because it's a fucking irregular size. It's not. It's like putting a poster tube or something. And I had to, they went into a custom cut poster tube. It was a whole thing. It was like to... It went into a custom cut poster tube. It was a whole thing.

It was like, with tax and everything, it was like $117 or something. Wow. Just send him a fucking stupid bat and he doesn't have it yet. A bat handle you could put in an envelope. A bat knob you could do the same. You could put so many more bat knobs

in an envelope compared to... I don't think a bat knob is... I don't think the knob on its own is a... You could lose that in your pocket. I think it's gotta be something substantial. You know what's crazy, Gavin? You know what's absolutely nuts? I've been waking up every morning and I flip my bat knob

and it's dead. It lands face up. I've changed knobs. I've done everything. Ha ha. Ha ha. change knobs. I've done everything. While we're talking about old fucking done-to-death content and jokes, how about

let me go down my list. Here's one. Icky Shuffle. Okay. You want to talk about the Icky Shuffle for a second? You guys know that I have a tennis I take tennis lessons right yes emily and i have a have a take private tennis lessons uh we did unfortunately our tennis instructor is uh going through some kind of a surgery and so he's going to be out of commission for six months so

now we're shopping for a new tennis pro i guess they call him a new tennis instructor however the last session i had with him was right before the end of the year, and after it was all said and done, I even forgot, Emily goes, hey, do you, you know a lot about, obviously you're teaching tennis, you know a lot about tennis, and he goes, well, I certainly do.

I grew up, wanted to be a professional tennis player. I performed in high school, in college, semi-pro. I went to, I got my degree in kinesiology and sports medicine. And now I... Or I don't know if he said sports medicine. But anyway, and so I became a professional tennis instructor. He's licensed and certified. I think he might have gotten a master's degree or some shit.

Anyway, the guy has been living, breathing tennis his entire life. Is this why you have to tell us he plays rugby now? No, no. He's been living and breathing tennis his entire life. Is this why you have to tell us he plays rugby now? No, no. He's been living and breathing tennis his entire life. Emily asked him, do you know what the sewing machine is? And he goes, I don't know what that is. And she goes, it's a drill.

And then she goes, where you do this with your feet, kind of. And he goes, the icky? And I go, excuse me? He goes, yeah, the icky. That's what we call it, the icky. Is that what you're talking about? And then he did it.

And I go, yeah, the icky. He goes, yeah, like icky woods. It's like the icky shuffle. He goes, I've never heard of we call it the icky is that what you're talking about and then he did it and i go yeah the icky he goes yeah like icky icky woods it's like the icky shuffle because i'd never heard of anybody call it the what do you call it the the sewing machine and i go yeah you've never heard that at all he goes nah man i've been doing tennis my whole life and teaching it and i'm an instructor and nobody i've never heard that before sometimes people call it the dion you know but that's a little different they're they're miscategorizing it when they call the icky the dion because dion's is a little different but as far as i know in all tennis camps and wherever i've seen tennis instructed we call it the icky is that all just is that whole story just to say that the sewing machine isn't a popularized term for that drill because we knew that i just i'm just giving you more information okay about a conversation we had because I went out and I talked to an expert and I got

expert knowledge. But I got the sewing machine from an expert as well, so I don't know Andrew's having none of it. No, there's no all you did. We all agree the sewing machine is not the popular name for that drill. I've never argued that. Here's what we need to do. Let's get your tennis instructor

and my tennis instructor to play. I'm pretty sure my tennis instructor is dead. Then I'm winning, baby! Yeah. Yeah, I guess you would. In that case, sure. How do you know that they're dead? I just, based on how old they were.

Well, I don't remember. One of them just vanished. And the other one, they just stopped being there. I don't know what happened to them. Do you think it's like a situation like your hairstylist where they tried to hide from you and retire and move somewhere else and you just haven't found them yet to continue your lessons? I want to have a haircut so badly.

I still haven't got my haircut. I need COVID to end for that. I mean, obviously, much more important reasons for COVID to end. I'm so excited to get a haircut. I am too. I've thought about just shaving my head again. What's stopping you? That looks stupid. Jeff knows. Looks dumb.

I actually thought he looked kind of charming. Was that with or without your beard on my head? Obviously, minus the pube stuff. Wait, I didn't have the pube.. But I actually thought he had to heal it. Wait, I didn't have the pube. Or what? Yeah, you did, didn't you?

Or underarm hair, whatever. No, you had my hair on... You did. You had a pube mohawk. Oh, that was your beard. That wasn't your pubes. Oh, same shit, dude. It's my face pubes.

Very like pubes. I guarantee you, I guarantee you, if I shaved a bunch of my beard and a bunch of my pubes and put them in two different bags, you couldn't tell which was which. I could tell immediately. Are you kidding me? I've looked at your face

for years of my life. There's no way. And I've seen your penis. That's true too. Wiry hair is wiry hair. Also, I'm looking down the list of stuff I still want to talk about. Oh, banana convo fruit conversation. We already did that one.

You covered it. Can we before we continue with your list? Just quickly, just before we go too far away, we're talking about nuts and the nut thing. Gavin and I, part of our text conversation, we didn't cover all of it. We had the food thing, but then we had another thing we'd like for you to settle. What is a better sequel? The peanut M&M or the SNES? What is a better sequel the peanut m&m or the snes what is a better sequel what is a better a peanut m&m or an snes yes we're talking about like best sequels not movie related and i said

the peanut m&m might be the best sequel of all time if you like not viewing it in a film context your response to me saying that the snES was amazing because you just threw out... I was blown away. Name a better sequel than the Peanut M&M. And I just thought, well, you know, the Nintendo was good. The Super Nintendo was great. And Andrew wrote,

Super NES is such a great pick. If we were doing a draft of best sequels after you dropped SNES, I'd be like, this guy is out here to win. It's a great poll. I would never think SNES. I love video games. I just might.

I would never go there. But it's such a good pick. Here's why the answer is. It is a great pick, SNES. But the answer is definitely Eminem. Peanut Eminem. Based on what? Well, here's why i'll say

uh they both did they both did the same job right they took a really good and popular item and they improved upon them and they made them better see i would disagree i would say that the original m&m isn't anything to write home about that was sort of my argument not great no i think the original well that that makes it even more powerful because the peanut M&M is a fucking home run in candy. It's great. Like, the peanut M&M is fantastic. So, by even saying that,

that marker makes the accomplishment of the peanut M&M that much greater. But isn't it harder? By your design, it took something that wasn't any good and made it phenomenal. I argue that M&Ms are fine. I'm not a huge fan, but I think they're okay. I wouldn't kick an M&M out of bed.

But isn't it harder to improve on greatness than something average? Here's why. Here's why the peanut M&M is better than the SNES. All right? I think the SNES... No, I got this. I think the SNES. All right? I think the SNES... I think the SNES... No, I got this. I think the SNES

is foundationally very important. And it was a part of the rich pastiche of the video game history and super... And a very important brick on that wall. But it was a brick on a wall

that continues to move and to elevate. And it's been left kind of to the dustbin of history and relegated to nostalgia, right? The peanut M&M is as big as it's ever been, and I project it will continue to be as big going forward for many, many, many years to come. It's still the star of the M&M world. There are others. You could point to the SNES. You could go to the 64 and the Wii and the GameCube

and all the other iterations of an SNES, and you could point to peanut M&Ms, peanut butter M&Ms, mint M&Ms, whatever all the fucking Cadbury M&Ms, whatever the bullshit M&M flavors are, like all the mashups and stuff, right? But the peanut M&M is still

the fucking, it's still the Mike Tyson of M&Ms. It's still at the top of the game. It's still being sold in great quantities. Nobody's going to a store right now and buying an SNES unless they're buying some little combo deal for a nostalgia play. But that's more of a statement on the market in video games.

No, it's a statement on the enduring legacy of the M&M. If the SNES was perfect, they wouldn't have iterated on it. We would still be playing the SNES. But it wasn't perfect at that time. They continued to improve it. That same argument, you could say that the M&M, the peanut M&M is living in the past and they've not ever been able to replicate the success of it.

They've never been able to best it because it's still as great as it ever was. People aren't bored of the peanut M&M. I guarantee you, if I gave you an SNES, you'd be bored of it in a week and begging to play Cyberpunk. You're not going to get bored of a peanut M&M. It is what it is.

It's still, it's simple. Yeah, but that doesn't really make any sense. I don't eat a bag of peanut M&M's. It's a better sequel because it's still popular. It's still big. It's still doing fucking great numbers and huge success. There's still peanut M&M's commercials on TV. Famous actors and fucking voice actors play peanut M&M's on TV

and have dumb conversations about eating each other. That's true. My daughter has never seen an SNES. Yeah, but just to counter, just to counter that argument, could you make an argument that maybe there are no consoles beyond the SNES

if it isn't what it is? Like the influence of them being able to carry forward that momentum because of the SNES. Like you're kind of taking away the credit of all the other consoles saying that they evolved the platforms.

They advanced the technology no i think i think you're just i think it's just a but that doesn't happen if i think it's just a poor what it is i think it's just a poor apples to apples comparison i mean i assume the ps2 was a much better financial sequel but it didn't it didn't change the industry like the snes also jeff if if andrew's thrown in peanut m&m and i've thrown in SNES it was between that and Aliens what would your what would your sequel be that you would throw into this ring well you said I can't do a movie

yeah let's not do movies yeah movies are out but I would say that would be my movie if we were picking them I appreciate the angle you went with Jeff just let me say that you went in a completely different direction to me it's a measurement of what's better. Evolving on something that's complete dog shit,

which I think the base M&M is terrible, or somehow making an improvement on a thing that people absolutely love, which is the NES. They made a better version of a beloved thing. According to you guys both, they made a better version of something that you saw no value in. They created value out of something

that you guys saw no value in. I'm assuming you guys like peanut M&Ms. Oh, yeah. Or you wouldn't... It's a great candy. That's solid. Well, so I'm going to assume that I should take media out of it. Like, if we're not doing movies,

I shouldn't do a book or a song or an album or anything like that, right? I should do something weird like an M&M? I think it should be a product. A product. Best sequel. an album or anything like that right i should do something weird like i think it should be a product a product best sequel the best sequel product oh man i'm looking around my house do you know what i this play-doh ever had a sequel i don't think play-doh's ever had a sequel that's pretty play-doh has always just been played yeah there's never been a play-doh too I don't think Play-Doh has ever had a sequel. That's pretty... Play-Doh 2? Yeah, there's never been a Play-Doh 2,

I don't think. That's pretty impressive. Well, what about that sand shit that is dry when you pull it out of the fish tank? Is that Play-Doh, though, or is that, like, another company trying to move in on Play-Doh? I don't know. It looked pretty cool. I always saw the ads for it. Never had it. Okay, okay, okay. Allow me to...

I don't know if you guys will let me do this. I don't know if you guys will consider this. This is either going to be a huge letdown or you're going to blow both of ours out of the water. I can't quite predict what's going to be. I would say the best sequel... I don't think you guys are going to let this fly. I would say the best sequel is Alexa from The Clapper. What?

The Clapper. Clap on, clap off, turn your lights off by clapping. I would say Amazon Alexa is the best improvement upon that of all time. I think that's the best sequel. I don't know if they're different things, but...

Do you think it's kind of harsh to call that a sequel to the Clapper, though? Yeah. That's what I use my Alexa for. That's what I do in response to something that detects a noise. Alexa, Alexa, Alexa, turn off living room lights. Yeah, it just did it. I don't have a clapper anymore.

That's like saying the nuclear reactor is a sequel to the candle. No, they perform the exact same function, but one does it a whole lot cooler and a lot more shit on the as well that's my answer you guys don't have to agree that's my answer the alexa is a much better version of the clapper that is it's like saying the phone is the greatest sequel to the clock like yeah it tells the time tells the time, but look at all the other shit it does. Cell phone is the best sequel to the phone. It's better than a cell phone than a Roblox phone.

Just take his. I gotta be honest. As funny as these answers are, they're pretty damn good sequels. Yeah, the phone is. I know the Alexa thing is a little bit of a reach, but The Alexa is so immensely far from the clapper. What would be a sequel to the phone perform let me answer me this question what does the clapper do what is the function of the clapper

it activates something based on the sound of a clap what does does alexa perform that function yeah but it does a lot of other stuff because it's exactly different it took it it replicated the thing that the clapper did and then improved upon it i will the only criticism i have jeff is that amazon didn't make the clapper if they did i'd be more aligned with this idea i'd be more accepting of it also if the original production company has to make the sequel well and both of ours what do you say That's a great question. Do you know anyone who had a clapper? Wasn't it for like insanely wealthy people?

That is not what I would assume the clapper was for. No, I thought it was for trashy people. Oh. I never. TV gimmicks. Oh, Eric says it was for old people. That's pretty. Yeah.

That's pretty good. Like an accessibility light switch. Let's, I tell you what let's get eric in here uh and ask him what he thinks i was just reading a thread on reddit today about how people want more eric in the episodes they say eric needs to step up into the content i replied to that guy and just said this rules because he was so mean uh i think i i really think that like the phone thing is good and i don't but here's the here's the issue is that i don't think it quite has the spirit of what we're trying to get at like there's there's too many steps removed between the phone and the cell phone. I think that the peanut M&M really is like, man, that's a fucking good answer.

Because as a kid, I loved a regular M&M. But fuck, the first time I had a peanut M&M, it was like, oh, this blew the last thing out of the water uh what what an incredible sequel it i think it's hard to top a peanut m&m i really do i think that's a fantastic answer i i i'm right there with you dude i think i think it was the perfect answer initially i like that you were agreeing with andrew at one point but then he kind of i felt like didn't like the way that you were agreeing with him so so he started kind of pushing back. He disagreed with my agreement, so then he switched teams. No, I don't feel like I disagreed.

I feel like I was trying to give you credit for the way you processed that was different than I did. You know what? I think I've thought of the best sequel of all time. I have one, too. Wi-Fi. As opposed to what? A cable internet connection. Yeah, that's good.

I don't know that that's a secret. I think that's similar to the phone conversation with Eric. I would say you'd have to go. There's too many steps in between. I would say you could go from dial-up to cable. Yeah, but the moment i could type to people on msn in my bed from going from msn on the computer downstairs that was it was a game changer maybe the biggest one of all time i don't think that's any different than my clapper amazon

alexa argument i think that wasn't i think you can't go people you weren't there using the clapper and then the next day the alexa came out wasn't, like, one jump to the other. When was the clapper from? Like, decades ago. Yeah, but, like, I think, but I think Jeff is right, where it's, like, thinking about, like, it's the spirit of it. Like, there's only one step from Peanut, like, regular M&M to Peanut M&M, or Nintendo to Super Nintendo.

And I just think that I agree with you that Wi-Fi was game changing. I just think that it's too far removed from the initial thing. Okay. Yeah, I can see that. I don't know who to give credit to for this one. Specific somebody would have had to have done it first. The Stuffed Crust.

Fantastic sequel. Whoever did that first. Great idea. Great idea. you're crazy a ridiculous it looks better in the adverts no it's a great are you seriously i'm in a minority opinion here that the stuffed crust isn't a fantastic thing it's fine but here's the problem stuffed crust and i think gavin will agree with me here it's good immediately after it's been cooked if that thing sits for three minutes it starts starts to get, yeah, it's not great. You gotta have it so fresh.

It's like eating oysters or squash blossoms. It's like oysters, squash blossoms, and stuffed crust go bad instantly. Can I ask a question? Go ahead. Why in the name of Christ is a squash blossom? It's a blossom that falls off of a squash, or that you pick off a squash,

and they're fucking phenomenal people put like lamb heart in them or like ground beef or like different kinds of things I don't put lamb heart in it I think that's gross but I've cooked them for you Gavin because I used to cook I used to grow squash and then I would make squash blossoms and they're they're only good for about like six hours

so you have to like cook them and then immediately or like pull them and immediately cook them and they taste like I don't know how to describe it they just taste really fucking good edible yellow flower yeah they're just fucking delicious but they're they're barely the window of them being good is kind of like an oyster you want to have it immediately can i can i ask a question sorry uh sorry to the one guy who doesn't like when i chime in i just wanted to ask a quick question to settle in that one guy yeah uh just real quick uh you were talking about the squash blossom and then edible flower okay can you eat any flower is like a

flower it's not necessarily like food but like if you were to like grab a flower and like start eating it you'd get looks but try to eat a flower right some are probably toxic like a mushroom i'm i think you could eat a single... Well, no, that's absurd. There has to be a bad flower out there that will take you down. But I think the majority, you could eat one of them and be fine. Like, I wouldn't eat a Venus flytrap. Right.

But I wouldn't think I would get sick from eating a rose. No. Or like a daffodil. What? All right, how about this? Let's eliminate squash blossoms because we know they're flowers for food. Think of all the flowers you can think of in your head.

What looks like the yummiest flower? What would you assume is the most delicious flower? I think I have an answer. Passion flower. They look delicious. I think a tulip. I think a tulip would be nice. I think a tulip. I think a tulip would be nice. I think a tulip looks delicious.

It comes in different colors, which would give us the idea that it comes in a lot of different flavor and variety. It's the fruit loops and flowers. Yeah, it's pretty succinct in size. I think it'd be easy to bite into. I think a tulip. Yeah, I think it looks the most like a fruit.

It kind of looks like a pepper, a bell pepper. Yeah, I think a tulip is like a fruit like it kind of looks like a pepper a bell pepper yeah i think a i think a tulip is like a solid like eating a tulip is like going to like a 30 a meal restaurant like it's just really good you expect to get there i think i think like i think if you wanted to really blow it out of the water you'd eat an orchid that would be like that'd be like an 80 dollar meal yeah yeah that'd be like a hundred dollar steak right yeah like an orchid that would be like an $80 meal. Yeah, that'd be like a $100 steak, right? You'd be eating like a fucking orchid. That would be like, we're splurging tonight, honey. We're eating orchids.

I agree. That is definitely the top of the flower pyramid. What about like a lily pad? Oh, I think that would be fucking gross. It'd be like eating seaweed. Terrible. Gross and watery. Yucky.

And it would taste like frog slime. It'd be what was on the plate, like under the flower that you want to eat. Yeah, exactly. it'd be what was on the plate like under the flour that you want to eat yeah exactly okay so it's 2021 and it's time for a fresh start new rear new you think about it got a whole year ahead of you why not start with the cleanest butthole possible? Talking about starting off on the right foot. Oh my God. There is nothing better in the world than a bidet anus.

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Go to hellotushy.com slash face to get 10% off plus free shipping. hellotushy.com slash face. What a... Do you guys think we should talk at all about the situation that's going on with my toilet oh boy uh i don't think i've seen someone laugh harder over text than andrew at your bog problem very happy it was great i feel bad i feel a little bad about it because it's awful but i mean it's pretty funny i've been i've been debating on whether to talk about it and then debating on whether to talk about

the genesis of the whole thing. I think you have to. Yeah, I think you should take it from the beginning. At this point, you've gone too far. I'm going to take it from the beginning. And I'm going to start off by saying, because I know she's going to be horrified, my mother will be vindicated

throughout the course of this conversation. My mom came to visit in october november uh we were very safe we got tested before she came she got tested before she came we all quarantined and then she stayed with us for a month um and okay sorry the dog was looking dog's missing his, but I can't get it right now. Anyway, so... Henry, buddy, I love you, but you're gonna have to wait until Daddy finishes the story. I'm not Daddy. Until Stepdad finishes the story.

Okay. You okay? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just can't get the ball for Henry. I'm not gonna crawl under his sofa right now. No, I get it. No, I understand. I understand your dilemma. I'm just...

Okay. I love the dog. I just love the dog so goddamn much. He's like my best friend in the world. Sorry, guys. I spend more time with Henry than anybody else. Including my other dog, Arrow.

Anyway. So, well, I wasn't there when they gotry as a baby or anything you know uh i came late yeah a puppy there you go dog baby uh okay so here's the story so my mom comes to stay with us for a month she comes in after like the third day and she goes i am she just looks mortified i feel so bad for her she and she goes, I'm really sorry, but I clogged the toilet. Or your toilet's clogged.

I didn't do anything. I just peed. And it's clogged. And so I spend like 20 minutes unclogging it. It's just brutal. And I get it unclogged. And I'm like, then it becomes a joke for me. I'm like, well, I just spent 20 minutes unclogging the most viscous pee ever, I guess.

So I'm definitely bringing this up on the podcast and my mom was like please don't talk about this on the podcast and i was like she's like this that's horrible it's horrifying and so i didn't i wasn't i was just gonna use it as a threat for pretty much the whole time she was here it's like anytime she annoyed me i'd be like well i can always talk about it on the podcast uh and then she left and there were no more toilet there was like it got clogged like one more time while she was here um but it became a joke you know in the family and uh then my mom left and then the other day uh millie said that the toilet was

clogged and so i unclogged it for her and then like another day later i went in and i just it was i the toilet was fine and i just peed in it and then i flushed and just brown doo-doo water came out as soon as i flushed and i was like like came back up the clean water yeah yeah yeah came back up the clean water like and i was like oh my god i've never seen that that's like what happens in a movie this is like money pit you know and so i call a plumber, and he goes in, and he puts a camera in the toilet and through the escape valve thing or whatever. And my house is pretty old. I think it was built in the 30s maybe. And so it was built with cast iron pipes, which is not that i mean it's it's uncommon now they

don't use them anymore it was pretty uncommon back then my other house that i lived in before here had cast iron pipes as well that i had problems with um anyway that's the stuff that you're not supposed to wash to keep the flavor cast iron yeah that's the stuff you're saying if we were cooking if we were cooking like jambalaya or something yeah you'd want to uh like it or if you were like seasoning a steak or something, yeah. However, so I've got these cast iron pipes. One of those pipes, turns out it collapsed. And I got to see the video of it.

And the video looks like something, you mentioned aliens earlier. It looks like something from Alien or Aliens, where they're going through the tunnels. It's just like, it's like PVC, PVC, PVC, a little bit of metal. Now it's dark like it's like pvc pvc pvc a little bit of metal i think now it's dark and a little rusty and then uh the gates of hell have opened up and there's bugs and worms and the fucking side is caved in and there's just like dude it's just it's like a horror show it's like you it's just it's hideous it would gavin you would throw up if you looked at the camera footage so is it like just cracked open and spewing your fecum all under your house under my house yeah uh well anytime we flush it

what happens is it goes down it hits this obstruction it goes over it and washes over it and it takes some dirt and stuff with it but yeah but then like every once in a while it would build up and back up which is what happened there we that cleaned, but I still have this fucking pipe. Unfortunately, I spent six months getting my front yard redone, and that was a whole thing and very expensive and went 50% over budget, and that was a nightmare.

So anyway, the guy goes, all right, you got two options here. He goes, well, it's going to be 10 grand to fix your bathroom. Yeah, $10,000. And he goes, however, here's the additional problem I have for you. I think I have a picture that I took

of the screen of the dirty toilet I was gonna, oh God, yeah, let me send that to you guys right now. Oh boy. It's hideous. Okay, anyway, so he was like, but the real problem is you've got cast iron pipes everywhere under your kitchen and stuff, too. And so you need to have all that replaced because that shit's going to collapse any

minute now, too. And so I got to tunnel 35 feet under your house to do it. And that's $40,000. Oh, my shit. No, Gavin,. Oh my shit. No, Gavin, it's my shit. And it's all in my front yard, under my front yard, under my house, and it's going to cost $10,000 to fix,

$40,000 potentially. So I got a second and a third opinion. And the second and the third opinion both agree that I may not have to do the rest of the house if the cast iron looks to be in pretty good shape. But at a minimum, they're starting in like a week that's going to take at least one to two weeks,

probably two weeks, because there's so much construction in Austin right now. Permits are backed up, and they have to hire an engineer to come out and inspect the hole, because they have to dig a tunnel under my house through my front yard by hand, then get under the house then support the foundation and all that then they have to have an engineer come in and certify it that it's safe that they can work and that the house is safe for

us to live in and then we have to get permits and uh an inspector has to come and so uh it's going to be like two so i have uh i haven't had a toilet now for two weeks and i'm not gonna have it for another three weeks probably minimum and then maybe way more if they end up having to replace all the other pipes it was really funny i feel terrible but it's pretty funny yeah it was pretty good i've never i've never seen i i agree with gavin and that it might be the the i could tell andrew was having trouble breathing i was crying laughing when i was reading it it was great and i was like i was fucking mad and frustrated and needed a little bit of friendship and y'all had so much fucking fun

laughing i didn't think i don't think i was making too much fun no not at all oh no i said i could do it i said i could do it for cheaper. Yeah, we did that after. You're initially sympathetic. Jeff said it was a $40,000 quote, and I immediately just started laughing. He did. It's so expensive.

You just want shelves. I don't even think your shelves are done. Oh, my God. Are your shelves done? Yeah. Dude, I'm recording for the first time ever an episode. The last episode and this episode are in the spot, in the place. Dude, congrats. I got shelves behind me.

Does it feel great? I'm fucking there. It feels awesome. You got your new office with your broken computer? Yeah, that reminds me. Yeah, my PC doesn't work. That reminds me. Let me know if I sound weird because I didn't really do any testing or anything.

I just assumed it would work. No, you sound great. Thanks, man. I mean, I did, the very first thing I did was the ad reads, the last batch of ad reads in here. So those already aired, I think, on this week's episode.

But yeah, you know, I'm in. I'm finally done. By the way, the fucking library got finished and it was nine days later that my toilet broke. So I had nine days. I had nine days of like beautiful, perfect house harmony before I found out that they're going to rip up the entire front yard. I just spent six months. How did that not come up in the inspection, by the way?

It didn't. It didn't. It didn't come up in the inspection. It's a great question. I even went back and I fucking looked. by the way it didn't it didn't it didn't come up in the inspection it's a great question i even went back and i fucking looked i have like a 55 page report on the inspection and it didn't register any issues how do i add a fucking i'm not trying yeah i don't see this picture where'd you put it yeah i keep sending it just as compressing every time i try to send it so i'm

keep trying to resend it uh i was just thrilled as well by like the concept of a forty thousand dollar toilet flush it's the most expensive singular flush that i'm aware of outside of like there's that mcmillian's documentary and the guy flushed a million dollar game piece that's i guess a million dollar flush technically but as far as people i know i've never heard of a more expensive flush 40 that's brutal oh it's it's the nightmare of my life. Yeah, so what's going to be... What do you think will happen after this pipe nightmare is over? What will be the next thing? Here's what I'm going to do.

I'm going to text this to you two idiots, and then you put it to the Discord. Because for some reason, I cannot get it to the Discord. What is the most expensive flush you've ever had, Gav? Any price? It wasn't my flush. It was my mom's flush. Well, I mean, if I've eaten a fancy meal does that count nah, I guess yeah, I sure that counts

yeah, I once had like a It's a different a really nice sushi meal in Vegas Okay, so that was probably it but but once again, you know, it's like that. I don't want to keep it No fair enough, and it doesn't retain its value oh um what is that that's the inside of my pvc pipe where all the poop and mud and rusted metal and stuff first oh it looks like oh it looks yeah it looks like it looks like chocolate cornflakes it looks like it looks like what it is gavin it's it's shit and rust and dirt and mud and bugs and shit and definitely feces it's weirdly so gross it's not gross to look at for me no the first one looks like a steak yeah

you would need a box of this Gavin tasty treat is this the best sequel to Corn Flakes no this might be the worst sequel of all time oh you know what's a good sequel the sequel Chex Mix from Chex Cereal

are they connected I never made that What? The sequel Chex Mix from Chex Cereal. Are they connected? Yeah. I never made that. I think so. I think Chex Mix would be the sequel to Chex Cereal. They took Chex and they made it better. They made it more.

They made it something new and different. Using the same ingredients and then added to it. Maybe Crunchy Nut is the best sequel to Cereal. Cheerio? With Corn Flakes. Mmm. Oh! Oh, fucking Captain Crunch Crunch Berries is an amazing sequel to Captain Crunch,

which is an amazing cereal. It's not really mainstream enough. I don't think that's internationally huge. You don't think Captain Crunch is mainstream? Nah, it's sort of North America mainly. Oh, I guess so. I mean, to me, Captain Crunch is like, it's like a top three cereals and of all time i guess that it just doesn't i guess the captain doesn't have any uh his rank doesn't

have his jurisdiction yeah that's a shame i realized that the mac and mac and cheese stands for macaroni yesterday that was the thing i realized what do you think it was macintosh i never just thought about it i put it in mac yeah i just i never questioned it i finally asked myself the question of what is the mac and the mac and cheese and i macaroni it was an immediate realization i just never pieced the two together until yesterday you know what i had a similar thing i had a i had a similar thing the other day where I was riding my bike downtown. In Austin, we have a lake, like Town Lake, that runs through the city, and there's an extensive amount of bike

and hiking trails and shit around it. And so I was on the river, on the lake, riding my bike, and I drove by, my bike ride by the Chive, you know, that place uh that the website that that sure they whatever they they post pictures of chicks and jokes and memes and stuff or whatever and they have like this crazy facility i've actually been there once i went there with with meg actually because i did a photo shoot there with her and they had like a whiskey bar

and a fucking slide to go from the second floor to the first floor and it's every like every tech bro thing you could imagine in the world was there. But it was. I can't believe you went through with it. They were, you know, I lost the bet or something or agreed to it. But anyway, so I rode my bike by there. And I think about that day every time I ride by there, how awkward and weird that day was. Yeah, it was just fucking bizarre and now none of those people from the tribe wanted me anywhere near that building

and they just had to fucking stomach me because i went with your girlfriend who insisted i'd be a part of it it was very funny uh you'd go through with it yeah no i did and uh i'm up for anything dude anyway i was riding my bike by it and then it hit me and I looked and I was like, oh, that's that place where the chive is. And then it hit and I have never understood that name.

Like, why would you name? I like chives. I think chives are great. I love my baked potatoes. But like, I never understood where the genesis of that name came from. And then it hit me.

I bet it's the chive. I bet it's short for archive because it's like an archive of memes and photos of hot chicks and stuff. And I bet it was never meant to be the chive. I's the kive i bet it's short for archive because it's like an archive of memes and photos of hot chicks and stuff and i bet it was never meant to be the chive i bet the chive came from the mispronunciation of kive is that what it is i don't know in my head that's what it is well you didn't even bother to check did andrew check that mac stands for macaroni, or did he just assume? No, it's just so obvious.

My point was that mainly it was just a super obvious name. I think it's pretty obvious. I think it's pretty obvious that no one in their right mind would name something the chive. No, I'm gonna... You think they'd more likely name it the chive? I don't know! I'm gonna fucking... Where...

Andrew, where did the name of the chive come from? I'm just guessing. It's already done. I put it in the thing. Oh. Oh. I was wrong. That makes even more sense.

It was like a play off the onion. I guess... I will say that the chive being named after the onion is funny, but I don't know. I don't know if that's broad enough to make sense. I think my answer makes more sense than theirs. I think it would have been interesting if it turned out to be true. Well, who's to say what's true?

Have you told anybody this? No, just you guys. Just now. Okay. I had the thought of my bicycle for like it's the fact you didn't check this at all is baffling why would i check why would i it made sense in my head because you're saying it as a fact you don't i didn't say it was a fact i never said it was a fact i said i bet i i feel like you presented it in a way of like you also

had an insight into something and your insight yeah like i thought it was gonna be like i guessed it right i nailed it but it's just uh an unfinished when the fuck have i ever had insight i had um i had like a deconstructive word moment where i was talking to someone about uh something that i reacted to at the time but then i was thinking about how i felt about it later and i was like yeah i was telling them all this stuff and they're like oh why didn't you tell me at the time? And I was like, well, I just, I've just given it more of like a retroactive perspective on it.

And then I was like, oh no, there's a word, there's already a word for that. This retrospective is exactly those two words smashed together. But I'd never, I'd never considered that that word is those two words. I also haven't verified that. That's probably true though.

Yeah, well, until you verify it, for all I know, mac and cheese stands for Macilzio and cheese. Famous Italian chef Macilzio. I like that I said that I learned what mac and cheese meant a day ago and you somehow told a dumber story. That's what I'm here for, man.

What, that I came up with a fake etymology for a... You said it so confidently. I just said that's like what I thought up on my bike ride when I was riding my bike. I was like, what? What's a stupid name? Where would they

arrive at? Like, the kind of company... Fuck, this doesn't say good things for Rooster Teeth, though. Let's say the kind of company that would name themselves something that stupid, but then also gets to have a building in downtown Austin that's all to their own on a river. Like, it just doesn't make any sense to me.

But then we named a company Rooster Teeth. You also had a building downtown in Austin. I know. Shut up. I've got to try and find a list of what would that be? A list of stuff that is obvious but a lot of people don't know? Like I feel like mac and cheese

most people know that's macaroni. What am I looking for? I want to find a big list and present them to Andrew. I think I just need a journal. I just need to write a journal down of all these thoughts. Read it one day. Yeah, but the thing is you probably don't know a lot of what you don't know no it's true but i i come across things pretty frequently i'm like i didn't know the teenage thing was like a fucking that was crazy you need to be writing everything down so that we can put it in the zine

i also think potentially once we're past the zine or maybe this could be a part of the zine we need to release a book you know how like some successful tv shows they'll eventually release the scripts as a as like a hardback or something we need our texts um like a collection of our best text conversations as a book at some point we just have more conversations because it's good it's gold it's good stuff i feel like if we reread our conversation where you're criticizing me about only making knobs out of the same material out of wood knowing that you didn't know what a knob was it'd be interesting to reread that because you're very much against me in that conversation and you just didn't know what a knob was you mistook the knob yeah yeah

that's a great point andrew because gavin's idea of what a knob was would have produced so many fewer knobs yeah yeah but if i was the one suggesting we sell the knobs then technically i was the one who was right and everyone else was wrong i i don't know how that works it's a lot of some gymnastics there as a leader yeah yeah i think i think you might be right i think you might be yeah i like who would you even tell like to say i want bats that are cut in half but not no it's not in the middle not in the middle like most of the i want like 30 of a bat could you please make me a bunch of no it would probably be like the bottom 20 20 is what i was considering selling you know what you need you need to fit the logo on it.

Yeah. I feel like the only thing that you can work with, like the bat mug things, I feel like you want the other half of that. I feel like that's perfect for what your dream is. Like that's the part they don't want. I want the offcuts of the bat mugs. Exactly.

Maybe we could reach out to that company. Yeah. Although they certainly don't make a full bat for those. Exactly. Maybe we could reach out to that company. Yeah. Although they certainly, they don't make a full bat for those. What's the dumbest, what's the dumbest thing you could sell?

A bat knob is pretty fucking dumb. I mean, a wetsuit gut is pretty dumb because it's expensive. Oh, I forgot about the wetsuit gut.

So you could have, yeah, that was a good one. Keep your eye on it. And I think that there'd actually be a use to them and that would be

the mouse mat. I think a wetsuit gut would make a mouse mat. You know what I think would be dumb to sell? What? Coffee mug handle. Ooh. So we decided the best sequels, the dumbest product to sell.

Yeah, it's like, what are you going to do with a coffee mug handle? Did you see those defective Ubisoft mugs that were great, where the handle was in backwards? The handle was in the cup? It's a great product. That's a fantastic dumb product. That can't be real.

No, I think it was done on purpose. You could resell broken coffee mug handles as draw pulls eric find that they're like ceramic how do you fix them there we go thank you look at how great that is that's a great dumb product that's so wait that wasn't done to be funny nah they didn't present it as it being done to be funny but it's so funny you feel like it has to be on purpose. They said that was a genuine bug in their like processing, but it's so funny. That's yeah, that's funny. That is really funny.

I'm mad we can't sell a face inward mug. Yeah, the they fucking stole our idea that they had first and then that we came up with after. Yeah, yeah. Sons of bitches. I mean, we could sell that, right? It'd be like making them would be the weird thing, but they don't own mugs. Ubisoft doesn't own mugs. Do you think I've come

across noticeably stupider in the last two episodes? You can barely pronounce the word. I think you're tripping up on stupider. I think I'm in trouble. I think you're tripping up on stupid or it's a rough one. I think I'm in trouble. I think you're doing two episodes.

What'd you say? I'm fucking at the end of my rope. I'm losing it. Maybe today was the wrong day to do two episodes back to back again. This fucking country, this fucking year. I'm losing my mind. I'm sitting. I got a

car buried under my house shitting on itself. That's what I'm excited about. I never said that. When they dig up your entire yard and it turns out your house is on a burial ground, that's what I'm really excited about. Dude, what I'm excited about is when they dig up my yard

and they find that I have foundation problems and then they're going to be like, oh yeah, your house your house is sinking yeah this is way worse than we thought the plumbing but I'm excited to hear a dude go I'm excited to hear a dude with a hard hat lean on a shovel with a fucking sweat stain around his neck and go I'm gonna be honest with you buddy plumbing's the least of your problems that's what I'm excited to hear plumbing's the least of your problems everything in the wrong order somehow. I like that you've done the yard over a completely useless dead pipe.

That was the first thing I did in the house. Maybe you should move. That's not true. The first thing I did in the house was replace the entire air conditioning system and some of the ducting when the AC went out in the second week

of living here that was that was the very first thing i did i feel sorry for you it's it's it's unfortunate how funny it is because i do feel sorry for you it's just all your problems are happening in the wrong order and are obscenely expensive one after another yeah well you know thank god for insurance and savings and stuff and And I'm just fingers crossed that I am only going to replace my bathroom pipes and not the kitchen as well, because then it's like, you know, I'll have to be. I'll have to sell you my new car. I think you should just do the kitchen. I go back and forth, man. I don't know. I'm on the fence. You probably redo the fences, too.

Go back and forth, man. I don't know. I'm on the fence. You should probably redo the fences, too. I got shit. I'm on the fence. No, the fence is fucking solid. I'm on the fence, and I got to jump into shit on the left or piss on the right. I don't know which way to jump.

They both suck. If it's you, one after the other. I think you go piss first, based on your track record. God damn, dude. I think you go piss, and then you shit. I am not going to be happy if pissing my pants becomes like a routine thing now. Isn't it weird that you can't shit without pissing unless you're shitting your pants? Yes.

Yes. Yes. How fucking annoying is that? Well, I think that's better. Is it annoying? Yeah, I think it's a good thing. I think that's a good thing. It's just that you can't shit without pissing in general.

A nice fail safe. Yeah. Oh. Yeah. Aye, aye, aye. Hey, let me ask you guys a question Andrew and Gavin since the last episode have either of you had a baby or gotten

married no not yet no unfortunately no no okay just want to make sure apparently that's a question we need to ask between episodes because stuff comes up we should also ask is Andrew wearing pants or underwear underwear yeah absolutely have you ever done a f*** face in Winnie the Pooh mode?

That's a good question. No, I don't think so. Because we didn't record when my ankle was really bad. Andrew? No, I don't think so. Yeah. Would you be willing to? Of course.

What if we did an all-Poo episode where we all all dressed, where we all just have fucking shirts on and no one just dicks out? I don't know. I don't know what that adds. I don't know what that adds to the... Maybe we'll call it the Donald...

Maybe don't go poo, because that's... Like the Donald Duck episode. The Donald Duck episode? We're just all like, maybe it'll be funnier. Maybe we'll be more relaxed. We'll be freer.

Maybe we'll find it to be bonding. Maybe it'll be horrifying and we'll agree that it was so bad we never release it and don't talk about it. But it'd be fun to find out. I don't feel like it'll have an impact on anything, but I'm willing to. Dude, I would be a different person if I was sitting in this chair right now with my balls like melting to the leather chair. I guarantee you it would change my mood whether

it would elevate it or lower it i don't know donald duck was created in 1934 so maybe for episode 34 that's this episode oh shit you know what that's not the way we gotta wait for another hundred you know what i think you might be onto something jeff why is that did you take your pants off yeah because initially i felt no different at all maybe 20 seconds it definitely there's a different vibe now what are you talking about i don't i'm donald ducking describe the vibe it uh i don't know it feels there's an uneasiness that didn't exist before i feel more vulnerable i feel well i mean it's episode 34. I'm gonna have to feel like you're flying by wire,

right? Yeah, it feels a little dangerous. Alright, here's what I'm gonna do, because Millie's home. I'm gonna have to tell her not to come into the room for a second. I'll be right back. Hold on. Have her, like, feed the dog. I'll be back. Hey, I'm gonna take my pants off for a minute.

I'll let you come up. So good. All right. I hope I'm not the only one because all my balls are already stuck to the chair. Oh, yeah. What's your chair situation? Because I'm on a nice fabric chair

that i honestly my main emotion that i'm feeling new is that i feel like i'm gonna have to wash the chair and i'm uncomfortable putting my bare ass on this chair here's that i feel comfortable because this nobody else sits here uh except for emily sometimes but she's she's dealt with worse for me and it's a cheap chair i bought on like Wayfair or something. It's like an imitation leather office chair. It was just meant to be like a stopgap for the pandemic, you know, because I didn't ever want to have an office here. So I was already going to get rid of it.

So I'm not even going to clean it. I'm just going to leave my butt juice on it. And is your balls and knob touching the chair? My balls, let me see see my balls are uh they were kind of trapped by my legs hold on let me pull yeah mine because i don't have because i've just pulled mine down it's kind of compressing my legs into themselves yeah which is in turn lifting my uh genitalia up onto my legs all right so i was in the same situation but i just have put my pants all the way down

to my ankles, and it's allowed me to V out a little bit more, and now my balls are super resting on the chair. It's nice. Andrew, what about you? It's warm. I'm kind of like a front chair sitter, so I got a little bit of a dangle going. You're a front chair sitter. You're perched.

Yeah, I'm kind of perched right now. I got a little bit of a dangle. I got a sweet dangle going. You're a front chair sitter. You're like, you're perched. Yeah, I'm kind of perched right now. I got a little bit of a dangle. I got a sweet dangle going. Are your balls dangling off the edge? I'm dangling as well. That's a good thing. Gavin, Gavin. He's also a front chair sitter? Yeah. Gavin, dangle. Alright. I'm dangling

now too. It's cool. Nick isn't editing these, right? He's going to be on break for this one, too? He's going to be away? Yeah, he's going to be on break for this one. Okay, great. Eric's my new favorite. Nobody tell Nick.

Okay, so now I'm... It's breezy. It's cold. My balls are hanging down. Wow. Which one of your balls hangs lower than the other? Do you guys have one ball that always hangs down lower than the other ball? This is like one step away from being a medical exam over the podcast format.

Over the medium of podcasts. It's my left ball for sure. My left ball's got a lot more hang in it. Mine used to be the left, but then it got stapled down. Or up, I guess. You had a ball problem before, right gavin like didn't it get in a knot or something what happened to your balls yeah it twisted around he got it twisted around torsion testicle torsion i had that happen recently i think i had that happen it was like

what was your was it like just moving anywhere extremely painful uh i mean that happened a few times but when it actually went full torsion uh I mean, there's no way you wouldn't know that you would have it. You would have to go straight to hospital. Like, it became like the size of an orange. Well, you said it was turning black too, right? Like, you were a couple hours from losing it. It was going to die. Yeah, well, I didn't see it.

They had to cut it open to see it. Jesus. I think I had half recently. I had a half torsion scenario. It was no fun. Yeah, I guess I had like a kinked line to the point where it would sort of partially twist and then cut off blood and then it would untwist eventually it just went all the way and

it was no good that was the worst Christmas day ever it was like Christmas dude I was watching something you talk about how quickly your balls because you said you were like an hour or two from your ball dying... Yeah, that's what the surgeon said.

Yeah. I was watching this thing the other day where Dr. Drew was watching videos of anuses prolapsing. Oh, my God. And like in porn and stuff. And he was saying that that's super dangerous too because that tissue, like if it gets kinked at all, your anus will die real fast and you could just lose your whole butthole to a prolapse very very dangerous don't ever prolapse your butthole if you can avoid it that sounds terrible yeah

blood flow very important to all of those things well i was half torsion it was as there's a lot of pain moving anywhere and so i tried to correct it by doing a ball flip like I did a twist of it I didn't know which way to twist though. I guess I just guessed I took it. It was a bold move It's like when you don't know where to spin the twist ties. I just grabbed it and I did a counterclockwise roll immediate relief Agony to touch it though at first. Oh it was awful It was a lot of pain, but it was even worse moving anywhere so it's like i just got to correct this i don't know which way i got to turn it i think this is a turn situation i did a half flip did a half i probably would have thinking back on it i think i could

have corrected it with um small vibrations really yeah maybe just like rustling the entire sack would have uh naturally turned it back what do you think would have happened, Andrew, if you had turned it the wrong way? Nightmare. I'm probably in a hospital, I assume. You think you'd have blacked out? I think I would have blacked out immediately, yeah. For sure. My pants are back on, by the way.

I didn't dangle for very long. I'm still hanging. I'm not dangling anymore. I'm sitting back in the seat because of posture, but my balls are fucking cozy between my legs. Overall, I didn't enjoy the experience. Yeah, I don't think this is great. I didn't say I had a great time. It's just a need.

Both times, I Donald Ducked it. It was a need situation. Look, I'm not... I don't know what y'all are talking about. I think this is awesome. In a chair, I don't know. I'm not hating this at all. Eric, how you feeling about your dick being out? I think this has been a great episode of F*** Face. I want to thank everyone for tuning in to episode 34.

And I want to say thank you for everyone who made the bats such a success. Wow, incredible stuff. Don't forget to subscribe. Leave us a five-star rating. And we'll see you next time on another episode of He's Lying to You. He doesn't know how the bats did. They're not out yet. It's only January 7th. You think Sitting With Your Dick Out is the best sequel to Sitting

Normally? No.