F**kface - Gavin Was Early // Geoff's Dead Dogs and Duck Dicks [135]

Episode Date: January 4, 2023

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about Gavin's perfect clock he built, jet lag, holiday movies, busy work, lifetime falls montage, tripped in San Antonio, the mall is back confirmed, Geoff's weird notes, the worst smelling pee, Florida Duck Kicker, the Bussey Bus, and sports fatalities. Want to contribute to bits? Email what you can do to [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Visit dragonsdogma.com to buy the game and start your epic quest today. That's D-R-A-G-O-N-S-D-O-G-M-A.com to learn more. This is a Rooster Teeth production. I was not earlier than noon. Technically, it was 11.59 when he jumped in on my clock. It wasn't. I'm just letting you know. All I'm saying is that it was on my clock. That's all. I'm not accusing you of anything. I'm just letting you know. I'm saying, all I'm saying, all I'm saying is that it was on my clock.

That's all. Do we need to sync clocks? I'm not accusing you of anything. I'm not saying anything's wrong. I'm just, I'm simply stating a fact. It was 1159. Well, hold on a second. Hello and welcome to another episode of the F*** Face Podcast.

Eric, what number is this? This is 135. Episode 135, probably. My name is Jeff Ramsey. With me, as always, Gavin Free and Andrew Patton. And, Gavin, you were one minute early today. You've never been early in your life. Why did you decide to change things up?

I wasn't early. I joined exactly 12 o'clock. This sounds... I'll be honest. Yeah, you warned us about this. I think that this is some jet lag stuff for you. I think you're maybe a little, like your time hasn't quite caught up. Do you know what solved this issue?

Wrong. If we all had an anal passage of time. Sync up. Every week, I use a perfectly synchronized GPS clock to join at exactly 12. This is, I don't know if it's the angle that this is taken out or whatever, but it's like giving me a headache to look at it. Like it's really hard to read. I think I could expose lower.

But I literally, I wait until 11.59 and then I wait probably halfway through the next second and then I click so that as it turns to 12, I'm in the recording and I do that every week. I was looking at the time on my computer waiting to see when it was going to start. And it was 11.59 when I heard you ding in. Yep, me too. Yeah.

It was definitely close. I don't, why would you buy that clock? I didn't buy it. I built it. You built it? Okay. Why? Get a hobby.

It looks like you stole it from the world's shittiest scoreboard. I don't know what I'm looking at. It's just a GPS clock. 88888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888VVVVV that you made it but it's just that's yeah it's the i trust this clock even less now that i know you made it that is your case yeah no it's a tough argument when the clock you made is wrong and arguing it's right that's i just put it together i didn't like well what do you mean no well all right come on now what does that mean it's like i sold. Okay. That's a little bit more hands-on than I expected.

It would be like, the way you phrased it would be like if you built a Lego set and said, I invented this. The thing is, I invented Lego Hogwarts. You can't set it. It literally just has like an antenna for the GPS. That's all that happens. Well, okay. This is the problem that you're overlooking that room is dumb we have weeks of establishing that this room is stupid due to all

the air your clock is dumb it's like that clock is breathing nothing but co2 right that's very possible i want to say that the second picture that you sent great you can read it perfectly i agree before it looked like the worst scoreboard now it's great i also want to say that with gavin saying i built a clock and seeing this it all makes sense to me and i get it if this were flipped and andrew was saying i built the clock i don't know where this episode would go or what we would be doing but time would just be like a construct. We would be like drilling down into like Tenet-style situations that would not be good.

I don't think it would be tough to build. Well, what type of clock are we talking? One that's apparently a cut by 10 seconds too fast. Yeah, I could do that. I could build a clock that incorrectly told time, no problem. I mean, look, here's what we could do. I can take a picture of the clock the second

I press stop, right? Yeah. We can take the length of the audio clip and deduct it from the current time to see when I joined. I checked out three words into the sentence. I don't care nearly enough

about whatever I'm sure you're right I'd rather just say you're right and then we can move on please do that and then explain it in some way that makes us not trust that you're right and then we can move on okay I'm definitely gonna forget to do that

oh 100% how are you doing buddy you texted us all earlier and said you were gonna be loopy from jet lag uh yeah well yeah jet lag uh so my body just decided that it was morning about 4 a.m so i've just been up for ages oh what did you do from 4 a.m until you would have normally gotten up were you talking about yeah did you get up put clothes on and like walk around the house or do you just lay in bed you did no i can't lay in bed i hate that that's just so boring you're just wasting what are you serious no i i hate being in bed get out of here i spent last

night just like i laid in bed for probably two hours last night oh no way it's like when it when when evening's coming around when it's getting to be about like 11.45, I'm just annoyed that I've got to stop and I want it to skip to the next day. Are you serious? As soon as it turns dark, I start to feel like I'm ready for bed. I'm ready for bed by 6 p.m. every day now because it's dark early in Texas.

We watched, we've been trying to watch like one Christmas thing a day and I was struggling, yawning through Home Alone last night and as soon as it was over I was like I gotta go to fucking bed I am exhausted from another year's watching of Home Alone because it makes me laugh so goddamn much and I looked at my clock it was 7 48 and I was like oh fuck I can't go to bed for at least another hour and 10 minutes I've watched Home Alone with you before and you would think that it's your favorite movie it is it's up there man you know I never considered but it does feel very

much like a Jeff movie it makes his love of the most recent one make more sense like it did genre wise yeah you got a guy doing pranks and stevious it feels very Jeff there is nothing on earth funnier than when it

becomes 9pm on the night of the robbery and Kevin McAllister just gets home from stopping by the church to pray before he unleashes hell on these two idiots and then they pull up and they're like it's 9 o'clock let's get to it

from that second on until honestly until he cuts the cord on the zip line that, I don't know, it was like eight minutes is like the funniest eight or ten minutes of all time. And I can't not laugh. I've seen that movie. I saw it in the theater five times in a row in five days in high school because it was the year I turned 16. It was out, and I went every day to the dollar theater to see it

I've seen it a thousand times but I laughed just as I was I had spit coming out of my mouth I was laughing so hard I was drooling last night laughing so hard I'll be honest that movie soundtrack absolutely slaps it's an amazing soundtrack how old were you when you watched Home Alone Gavin

do you remember like did you watch it as a little kid or did you you when you watched home alone gavin uh you remember like do you watch this like a little kid or do you watch it later yeah i must have been seven yeah i feel especially lucky to have seen that movie uh as a child because of the neighbor being genuinely scary like watching that as a little kid and being terrified by the guy that just is like clearing snow out of his driveway i think adds to that experience the what do they call him the south bend uh stalker or yeah something like that i haven't seen it in a long time but but i just remember as a kid being genuinely terrified of that character and i just don't think i would have had that experience if i watched it when i was older he's a pretty

feeble old dude yeah seeing it later in life there's nothing really scary about him it is very clearly like these kids creating this narrative. God, through the course of watching holiday movies, I'm trying to watch holiday programs because Emily insists that we watch one piece of Christmas content a day. Sometimes it can be like a five-minute Looney Tunes cartoon or whatever. It's like HBO Max has a different present to unwrap each day, and it's like a different show.

And then Peacock has some different, like, you could go watch an episode of Alf Christmas or whatever. We watched fucking, what is it called, Spirited the other night? Will Ferrell What's the other dude? Ryan Reynolds movie? The new one? Oh my god.

That movie is long. It's not super good. It's a musical, first of all, which is fine. They wanted to make a musical, but there's no reason for it to be a musical. There's no point. Neither of them are particularly good singers. The songs aren't particularly funny. If you cut the musical part out,

it would be an okay 90-minute movie, but it is just... It's like a Wes Anderson movie where you think the movie's over and they're like, no, there's an entire other movie. I mean, is there a reason for any movie to be a musical? I think if you've got like some particularly interesting songs and it can tell a story in a way that that you that you wouldn't normally see it. Sure. I think so.

But I don't want to hear Will Ferrell sing. That's fair. He's not a Dina Menzel. You know, it's like it's different he's not a Del Nazeem he's not a Del Nazeem freaking Travolta yeah like Willy Wonka should that have been a musical

I mean it could be I'm sure if you get somebody who's talented in that space they could make that into a good musical it was a musical I'm saying like should it have been oh it was I had no idea have you never seen Willy Wonka the Chunk Factory no I guess I just don't yeah I don't associate that as a musical but you're right they're definite i just don't think of when i think of classic musicals i don't think of willie

wonka in that category but you're not wrong but i think it would have worked if instead of like whenever a kid got obliterated if the oompa loompas just came out and just sort of mopped up the blood and left without a song it Isn't that what the Tim Burton movie is? I don't know. I feel like that's the Tim Burton version and that was terrible. Once again though, the Oompa Loompas, those songs were fucking awesome and they add to the movie. Nothing Ryan Reynolds

saying added to that movie. What has been the best piece of Christmas content that you've consumed this year? Outside of established classics. What's a new Christmas? I'll tell you what. Fuck. What's the best? I don't know. I haven't seen a lot of... Oh, you know what? It's not

great. It's actually not very good at all. But the sequel to Christmas Story, I watched that. Peter Billingsley. And it's rough for the first like 30 minutes, but once you buy in it's got a lot of heart and charm and i'll say like i enjoyed it by the end of it i thought i i

thought it was a pretty faithful sequel you can see how it goes uh from a mile away obviously but it's just like a happy family christmas movie right i thought they did a decent job uh i thought they did a decent job of of adding on to that story without beating you to death with it. What's it a sequel to? A Christmas Story. Oh, what were you watching? A Christmas Story 2. I only heard Christmas Story.

I was like, Christmas Story's a sequel? Yeah, to A Christmas Story. What if there's just several Christmas stories that were unrelated? It's just like a title. Completely different movies? I think that movie, Christmas Story, I think it's gonna get some hate for this. I think it's a dog shit film. That's a strong take. Yeah, I don't like it.

I don't think it's a dog shit film, but I would be happy never to see it again, having had to watch it every Christmas my entire life. I mean, it definitely, like, the runs of it playing 24 hours a day on Christmas like the way they promote it, definitely overplayed. Calling it a shit movie, I think, is strong.

I mean, it's no Christmas vacation. Same boat for me. Seen it way too many fucking times. Also, from the moment he goes up into the attic and he starts watching family films, the movie just grinds to a halt. films the movie just grinds to a halt if they there's like there's like a solid 22 minutes they could cut out of this like the five eights five minutes of the way through that movie that they could just flush and get right back to cousin eddie and it'd be good that shot of his shins coming through the ceiling and landing on the bed that might be the best shot in any movie i remember watching the first time seeing that the scene where he he's like putting up christmas

lights and he falls and he grabs the gutter and the gutter launches through the window. It's maybe the hardest I'd laughed in my life to that point. I remember like going back and rewinding on VHS and watching in like slow-mo, like frame by frame of the gutter flying out. Great movie. It has some amazing scenes.

Have I ever told you guys a story about when I was in high school and I worked as a tool repairman for like the last year and a half I was in high school and I worked as a as a tool repairman for like the last year and a half I was in high school before I joined the army no and I uh this really sweet uh really sweet old dude who was like obsessed with Paul Harvey and he only had one arm and he was uh he was just like a really fucking badass dude who could do anything he'd worked in the tool like in the oil fields his entire life and had done all this with only one arm. And he opened up a tool repair shop

and he would hire high school students. And he tried to give me the business because he was trying to retire. And I was like, no offense, but I don't want to be a tool repairman for the rest of my life. And so I joined the army. But really lovely dude. And he would... He taught me about productivity and about being efficient and working

at all times. And if there weren't tools to fix... And I was a hydraulic, electronic, and pneumatic tool repairman. So any kind of pneumatic drill, any kind of electric bandsaw, a lot of pumps, a lot of pneumatic pumps for tugboats and shit we would fix. And he was always scraping by. And so whenever we would run out of stuff to do, he would tell me to get creative and shit we would fix. And he was always kind of scraping by. And so whenever we would run out of stuff to do, he would tell me to get creative and come up with work.

And one of his favorite things to have me do would be to pull nails out of old lumber and then straighten the nails and then regrind points on the nails and then save them. So that we would have cheap. Like he was that level of cheap. One time he came into work

and he had like three 55 gallon or like 50 gallon drums full of batteries that he had found in an industrial dumpster. And he goes, these might be bad, but we're going to find out. They were all like AA, D cell, C cell. And I spent like an entire Saturday testing batteries

to see which ones were good and which ones were bad. Like this is the kind of stuff he had me do all the time. And so he would leave for a while and he would just say like, find something productive to do. And a lot of what I would do is I would fill, I would find old broken like saw, like band saws or like hammer drills.

And I would try to rebuild them so he could sell them as used tools from like discarded pieces and we were in this giant warehouse that was like 30 feet tall I guess maybe I don't know it was a tall ass warehouse and he had built these out of recycled wood which goes into this I think a little bit he had built these um shelves that were went all the way to the top that were just covered in just whatever nonsense and bullshit that he had accumulated and collected. And I would climb up there to look for like tool parts and stuff. And there was one that he had that was suspended from the ceiling by chains.

And it was just like, it was like a, like a wooden flat that was suspended by chains from the ceiling, just hanging loose. And you had to like climb up on this one really tall shelf to jump over to it and there was like some kind of something up there that i saw that i thought i could fuck with and so i went up there to get it and then i i liked being up there because you could like kind of swing on it and it felt dangerous as fuck because you're like 25 feet in the air swinging on some fucking rotten wood and uh and i got up there and then i realized that i was having that it was a little scary to get down and uh I uh I just picked a clean spot like on the top of the shelf and I jumped down to it and I guess I was

just high enough up and the and the wood was old and free enough to be rickety or rotten I fell straight through that shelf into the next shelf up to my like up to my chest and so my legs were dangling and my arms were above me and i was like suspended maybe 18 feet in the air on like the fourth out of like five maybe like the fifth out of like six shelves high i went totally through the sixth shelf into the fifth and embedded kind of like clark grwold. And I was fucking physically stuck. And I had to stay there like that for like 30 minutes until he came back to get something and saw me. And I was like, Dean!

Dean! Help! I heard the door open up. And he had to run in and figure out how to get me out of there. He like pulled me loose. But I was like suspended in the air, like 18, 20 feet up in the air with like, just like fucking rusty saws and shit all around me. Like it's, it's amazing.

I didn't fucking die. And it's just, just like a movie completely stuck for a good half hour. I cried for a little bit. I laughed for a little bit. Like I went through all the emotions. I was like 16. Were you crying? Cause you thought you might get more hurt?

I think I was crying because it was a Saturday morning and I thought, what if he doesn't come back? I'm going to die up here. Your 127 hours moment is just stuck in the shelf. I was just wedged in so fucking tight, I couldn't get anywhere. It sucked. Wouldn't you just love to see a montage of all your greatest falls and blunders like that?

Yeah. Because, Jeff, I'm sure you would have the best montage of anyone I've ever met. You fall and flip through the air and bounce so well. There's like an alternate reality where you're like a jim carrey level i i i say this uh not to be braggadocious but i assume i have forgotten about more falls and trips and blunders like that than most people have in a lifetime do you remember the one where we got an achievement in gears 2 and then we we tried to do a diving high five

onto the beanbag? I lost Gavin. Yeah. He's just dying. We didn't hear you, Geoff, but I won. What was the story? I didn't do it. It died out.

It was like you walked away from the conversation. I basically did. But Jeff was focused so much on nailing the high five part that he completely overshot the beanbag. And something about Jeff's old living room floor, it was so loud. Whenever he followed it, it was like earth shattering. Boom.

I've got, I think think two videos of Jeff just falling in his living room. Like one was that dive. And the other one was like, I can't remember what it was. We were just filming. I think it was the webcam of my laptop we were filming. And you tried to hit me in the nuts at the beginning of the video. And then I tried to hit you in the nuts and you sort of went out of frame and you could just hear you slam it sounds like you slammed into the ground at like 45 miles an hour from a standing position i bet we can uh i bet i can trim those out and post them

because i uh i don't like the half-assed things yeah even though you don't see the fall in one of them the noise is absolutely phenomenal and then i think you said you slipped because you had your sockies on i would pay a premium for a loud floor if every impact could just sound massive i would pay so much money for that specific material like a like a wrestling ring floor yeah exactly i'd love it you've got a great montage too, Andrew. I have a few. It's just like, it's just Andrew Panton, the ankle sessions. I think mine would be a lot of mundane. Like you'd look at it and go, that's what kept you out for two days.

You're just stepping off a curb. Like I think it would be great in a different way. I don't have anything that's comparable to being stuck in a literal shelf i won i i one time was uh it was not as in the army i was like i was maybe 19 and we were we went to like if you lived in fort hood if you went to fort hood if you went to uh if you were in the army you went to fort hood uh you would understand this but you got the fuck out of fort hood every like the second you could every week and so that's how i ended up falling in love with austin was i would drive down to austin just to go to bookstores or coffee

shops after work and just spend as much time like i'd get out of work at like five and i'd start driving to austin and i'd come home at like two in the morning go back to sleep and get up at five like five a.m to do pt and just get no sleep just to pretend like i didn't live in the army uh but one time we were in so we were we'd go on weekend trips a lot we went to san antonio it wasn't the trip that i told you guys about where i almost got run over by the train and then the the scary car opened up all the doors uh same dudes same dudes same city different weekend and we were walking around the Riverwalk, which I really like because it's gross and touristy, but it's also where the chase scene in Cloak and Dagger happened, which is one of my favorite childhood movies.

I thought Dabney Coleman was like the coolest fucking dude ever. And so I love to go down there anytime I get the opportunity. And there was like a local TV crew filming just people walking down. I don't know. They were doing like a tourism segment or something. And I thought I was going to be funny and do like a little like, little like kick my leg and spin in the air

and like point at the thing as I was walking by. And I started to do that and I somehow tripped myself and kicked my own leg out from under me and fell fucking like hard on the concrete next to the edge hit my head and rolled I was probably like three feet from going over

but I was like I hit so hard and was so disoriented that I almost fell on the fucking river walk and some San Antonio Fox affiliate probably still has that footage I found a clip Did you really? Antonio, like, Fox affiliate probably still has that footage. I found a clip.

Oh, did you really? Okay, Gavin is sharing a Vimeo link. Now, this says 11 years ago, but I assure you it was probably 15 years ago, actually, that it was filmed. Everyone ready? Yep. Three, two, one, play. Mine buffered. Mine buffered too.

Mine's still buffering. Suddenly this video has had four people trying to watch it at the same time. It's working fine for me. Okay, here we go. Alright, here we go. There you go. It's an achievement I. I totally missed the beat back there.

It's so loud. It's so loud it's so loud just the impact the camera well it's like a it was like an 85 year old pier and beam house so it's pretty loud yeah i think that was 2009 or 2007 we've known each other for a very long time we've been hanging out for a very long time 2009 or 2007? We've known each other for a very long time. We've been hanging out for a very long time. Yes. That's ridiculous. Still never found

anybody we liked more. I don't know if that's a good thing or bad. Yeah, that must have been 2009. That's wild. What happened to the woodshop guy, Jeff? I don't know. I joined the army.

I think he hired another high school student. It was like part of a work placement program. And he was like, yeah, I know you're going in the army, or you're thinking about going in the army, but he thought I had a really... I'll be honest. He thought I had a really good brain, and I was really, really smart, and had a really good brain and I was really, really smart

and had a really good mind for fixing tools, but that I was awkward and my hands were stupid. Like I had the brain for it, but not the body for it or the dexterity. But he was like, but we could get you there. And he was like, I'd really like to pass this. I don't have a kid. I'd really like to pass this down to you someday

and this could be your business. And I was like, that's really humbling and gratifying and really sweet of you, but I want to go be a journalist. And I never saw him again. I think I went back and visited him once after basic training. He was still there. And then I went back a year later, and the shop was gone. Have you considered that he's Jigsaw?

You were the first Jigsaw to trap him. The way you described it, you trapped yourself, there's blades everywhere, it's rusty, like what happened? That's why I'm asking, I'm concerned. You may be patient zero of the Jigsaw story and you didn't even know it. That's entirely, I never considered that.

I'm like the only one who got away. Inspired an entire franchise. I feel, I feel, I right up there with carrie ells and chris rock i guess that's pretty fun yeah yeah yeah did you see the people are posting their spotify end of year stuff yeah and i guess in one of the spotify uis when you come back to the app and your most recent podcast it it just says hello there. But if you've just listened to this podcast, it just says hello there.

Someone posted a screenshot. I think it was on Instagram, but it was. That's fucking great. That's fucking awesome. This podcast name continues to reward. Oh, oh man. I was I was talking about this with your Gavin. I was talking about this with your Gavin.

I was talking about this with Gus and Eric yesterday. If we win that stupid inside award, then I think that we have fulfilled the purpose of the podcast. To have somebody at an award ceremony where I hope there are tables with tablecloths and people sitting around looking up at a dais and somebody has to stand up there and say award for best buddy podcast

of 2022 goes to face will be like I was like we won we won the video I don't know what else to do after that we need to consider I mean things are looking good currently I just pulled it up we currently have 78% of the vote

the next person behind us is 9%. There's what? Like three days left? Two days, 13 hours? We're also, it's funny, they have a section of their website that's most popular categories. Best Buddy Podcast is most voted on.

I'm assuming by a lot. So thank you so much to all the listeners. Thank you so, so much. Thank you comment leavers. Thank you regulation listeners. We need to decide, much. Thank you comment leavers. Thank you regulation listeners. We need to decide, because the ceremony I think is in January. We should send somebody on our behalf to accept the award. Who would we send? Who should we send?

Greg? That's a tough one. Should we send Greg? Should we send Jack? Yeah, Jack's up there. Yes. Greg or Jack. Someone. It's just something to consider because things are looking good I don't want to jinx it but do you know where the awards are I

have no idea I think Eric might have a better idea I'm looking I've been looking I couldn't find where they're actually doing this thing I wonder if it's just a virtual thing might be but you know there's a section of their site that's like we're having an in-person ceremony

when i was looking here's here's the thing that worries me though if you go to the bottom of the page all signal finalists are selected by the signal awards jury does that do you i don't know it just that's a thing that just makes me well i think that just means the finalists like we're all finalists right like they selected the finalists. Like, we're all finalists, right? Like, they selected the finalists. Now the audience selects the winner. I guess so. It just still makes me... Yeah, I know. I just still don't know about it.

No, it's confusing. I've done a little bit of a deep dive into this. I think what it is is there's the People's Signal Awards and then there's the Signal Awards. And I think those are two separate things. I think we are undeniably going to win a People's Signal Award, but they may give the Signal Award to somebody like a different...

There's two awards, essentially, from my understanding of it. So I don't think we could be screwed over by the jury. Well, don't be so sure. Gus told a story in that Anima podcast I did yesterday about how Roost Teeth got fucked out of an award.

I can't remember if it was a Webby or a Streamy, way, way, way back in the day. They did something similar to this where we they let the audience vote and then like two days before voting ended they locked down the voting and nobody else could vote anymore or see what

the percentages were and then when the awards were announced suddenly our competition won even though we had been up by like thousands of votes. Huh. It is a wild move we had been up by like thousands of votes. Huh? Yeah. It is a wild move to do that while displaying the vote count, though. Yeah.

That'd be insane. We'll see. We'll figure it out. Speaking of, I did that. I mentioned that on the podcast. We did that at the mall yesterday, which is back. And I bring that up because Eric is here. He can confirm.

Eric, is the mall back or is the mall back? I was talking to Nick about this because he's editing uh that and i confirmed with him with the amount of background noise that we have throughout the entire show uh boy the mall is back uh we got there and sat at a food court that was mostly empty at 10, 15 a.m. By 11 a.m., that place was packed. On a Monday morning, packed. Crazy, crazy. It's back, baby. Now, I guess my question at this point would be,

did the mall ever go away? Oh, yeah. Did it go away from the mall? No, the mall went away hard. The mall went away? Okay. So there was a decline in the mall from your viewing. 2000 to 2021, the mall did not exist.

But is that the mall's fault or your fault? No, it's the mall's fault. Well, society's fault. I think you just took a break. No, it's just like people got into outdoor malls. People got into strip malls. People got into places like South Park Meadows and The Domain, and nobody went to indoor malls anymore.

And half of them across America closed because of it. It was a huge thing. I knew the mall was in trouble when I lived in New Jersey, and the mall near me started to allow cigarettes in the mall. Like in 98, you could walk around the mall and smoke cigarettes and just put them out on shit. And people started to, and you were like, oh, I see where this is headed. Like, they're doing anything

to get people in the store. They're like, fucking, they're like, smoke your cigarettes and put them out on the wall. We don't care. Just show up. What did the mall do to get you back? What was the move? How did you realize the mall was back? Well, it has nothing to do with the mall.

It has to do with the fact that it was a cold rainy day and I wanted to get some exercise and so I went to the mall because I thought, it's indoors and it's big so I could do a couple laps with the old mall walkers and imagine my surprise to find out that there were people and stores

in the mall. It wasn't just a place for senior citizens to walk. I don't know if the mall has ever existed where I live. What you're describing is just outside of like the holiday season when the mall is packed. I feel like it's just always old people. Do you have a mall in Nanaimo? Like an indoor? Oh, oh, absolutely. We are Nanaimo is mall city. It's almost to a flaw. Like the concept of attracting people to the town, the idea was malls are the future. We have four malls. Oh my god, how big is Nanaimo? It's long, but it's not... I would say each mall is probably ten minutes apart.

Really? Yeah. Do they just have the same shit in them? really yeah there's one same shit in them uh no they don't there's like one main central mall that is massive compared to the other ones and the other ones i'd say are pretty tiny malls some don't even have a food court like they pulled out the food court it's not great not a great mall scene but a lot of malls to choose from what if they linked them underground through rail like airport terminals now that would be fucking awesome i'm all about that you could it's a straight line they're all they all line up perfectly what do you mean it's a

straight line everything's a straight line if you tunnel underground no you have to zigzag not all tunnels are straight you've never taken a curve in a tunnel well if i'm going around stuff but what you got a lot of tunnels already no what are you talking about what i'm i'm saying if you if you put a marker down right on one mall yeah if you shot if you shot a gun from one mall it would go in the direction of the other malls right like you it would be per they're lined up they're lined up is what he's saying yeah it's a straight shot i'm saying it's convenient yeah that's my line under all of them yeah i get what you're saying yeah it's a straight shot it's convenient yeah that's my line under all of them yeah i get what you're saying yeah that's what i'm saying but i'm saying even if they weren't all in a line

you could still put them together with straight lines maybe not one straight line though there'd be turns if they weren't on my point was how easy it would be what a stupid conversation we're arguing about nothing here eric chimed in to say why would you shoot a gun i don't know i was just i was honestly i was confused by what you were saying it caught me off guard i was trying to get my balance of just something that you can't turn i have a question for eric and speaking of uh well stupid just stupid stupid uh so our pizza videos came out yeah one of them's called eating the plowman's pizza yeah one of them's called pizza day pizza day and uh that i think that one didn't have a thumbnail who who's in charge of like our youtube strategy that's a great question

i think i think gavin's that gavin's gunning for a promotion is what i'm hearing that's you know what jeff you might be right gavin might be the one in charge of our youtube strategy i can get some meetings on your calendar and we'll get that going i did have to look at the take on i did have to select the group to say can we please have a thumbnail and you know what that's the kind of initiative we need in the youtube strategist position and that's why i'm nominating you for face youtube strategist yeah i mean you literally 20 years into this company don't have a thumbnail you've been here long enough to know that if you bring something up suddenly it's your responsibility to get it fixed for whatever reason that is

so why would you even do it to be fair uh the person the person who typically makes our thumbnails is brendan uh yeah content ops team and he has been swamped and also was very sick so uh fine but youtube automatically picks three frames from a video any one of those would have been better than just the black logo nah i like the logo uh nick swooped in nick swooped in and saved the day yeah because he is uh underrated star of this podcast. It just looks like both videos went up without any knowledge of each other. Like, one's called Eating the Plumber's Pizza. The other one could have been Making the Plumber's Pizza.

Right, but it's Pizza Day. It is Pizza Day. Yeah, Pizza Day. That was the day we ate pizza. And it's two videos uploaded minutes apart. 30 minutes apart. The same thing. 30 minutes apart. The same thing.

30 minutes apart. We're terrible. We're terrible at video. While we're listening to Gavin complain, can I add on one little thing? Oh, absolutely. What do you want your new job responsibility to be? Go.

I just don't, I just, well, never mind. I'm good. I did, all right, what is it? I gotta say it, I gotta say it. The bathroom waffles video came out today yep thought it was that's that if you don't know it's the regulation animation I was gonna do a whole spiel

about them today but I was and how people should watch them but then I was listening to the most recent release and I just picked a random spot to pop into and it was me talking trying to send these up and trying to get people to watch them so I guess I've already done that so I'm not gonna beat you guys to death with it but the bathroom waffles regulation animation came out today which is if you want to know where

the genesis of waffles in f*** face it's there so I would highly recommend watching it it's very good it just seemed to cut off in the middle of the episode at the end and just get like a hard cut into an outro for I don't know some RT shit

which is fine, but I just didn't know if it was supposed to cut off that hard or if that was an oopsie. No, does it do that? It did when I watched it. Does anyone watch the final export? That's a great question. Something a YouTube strategist probably would do.

Yep. It does. It just cuts off. It just cuts off a little abruptly, right? I just thought that was odd, and I was going to bring it up to you, but then after Gavin started, I don't know what the fuck happened.

I think that's just the end of the bit. Just the end? It just hard cuts too hard. But now instead of Eric talking at the end of the episode and not being believed, we now have just other people who aren't on F*** Face. Yep. It's pretty cool, right?

Do you love it? Do you love it? Pretty cool. For every good thing we could do on this show, there are just so many things to drag it back down into the mud. Regardless of how much we put into it. How about this? I proof all the audio, right?

You always do that every week. Give me the video too. I'll do it. You got it. I'll have them send you the video. I'm totally fine with that. I'm fine. I'm happy to do it.

Okay. Okay. I'll let them know. I just want our content to feel like we made it. Oh, Gavin. I completely understand. I think it kind of does. I think that's part of the problem. Maybe a little too much.

Maybe it feels like somebody at one level above us made it. Maybe that's what we should be shooting for. Is there anyone else in the company? Yeah. So I'm checking my notes for stuff I want to talk about today. And I don't have a ton. I have a little bit. But I have a note I don't understand.

And I was wondering if this will trigger something to you guys. And maybe Andrew specifically. Okay. I have a section about asparagus and pee and stuff. I had some. By the way, I ate a shitload of asparagus last night to get an update. And in my notes, i have i have uh any pea updates pea saga ate a bunch of normal asparagus last night and no smell at all these are my notes

and then i have an idea about us trying to create the worst smelling pea ever and then i have a note that just says just had a whole bucket of asparagus andrew said what does that mean oh andrew had no did you have a bucket of asparagus? No, I haven't eaten asparagus since we last recorded. I don't know what that note means. I don't know what I was trying to convey there. It just had a whole bucket of asparagus

dash Andrew said. Here. I'm going to take a screenshot of it. It's so fucking weird. I feel like this has to be two separate things that you've accidentally linked together. Maybe?

I haven't held a bucket in the time between. Never mind. I know! I don't know if it was like something like I'm referencing something from an episode that I don't remember that you guys do or something or just like I just don't So your knowledge, no buckets, no asparagus. No buckets, no asparagus.

God, that makes it even more confusing for me. Yeah. Andrew said. Here it is. Here's my note. I put it up in Slack. Thank God it was powerful enough. NEP update.

What if... Yeah. I was looking at my notes today. Oh, I can go through them inflatable the first note is inflatable I think I everybody in Austin has a fucking I assume all over the world has Christmas inflatables you know like

snowmen and Santa Claus and there's a bunch of like elf and Clark Griswold's and stuff and I was thinking it'd be funny to have like a face inflatable like if it was Ian or I don't know something else because apparently they're easy to make because they're licensed out that fucking asshole everybody everybody in my neighborhood has some sort of property on their front lawn inflated and i was thinking maybe next

year we should try to have some sort of place christmas inflatable then i wrote underwater hand hockey because i watched that chris hemsworth show where he like was trying to live longer or whatever and there was an episode where he was trying to hold his breath better and he played a game of hockey underwater against another team and they had hockey sticks and a puck but it was all played on the bottom of the pool and I thought that was kind of

cool and that we should consider that I thought we should consider that for our alternative sports podcast what if hockey didn't have it yeah it's like hockey didn't have enough barriers of entry already like let's make this more accessible everybody underwater we're all gonna be underwater and play this sport and you gotta hold you yeah it's episode if you want to see it in action it's episode three but apparently it's like a whole sport so i kind of wanted to

look into it i wanted to see if you guys have ever heard of underwater hand hockey before no uh and by the way i'm calling it underwater hand hockey because that's what it looks like to me. I don't know if it's got a better name, but it's a bunch of dudes, a full hockey team, underwater in Speedos, holding their breath, slamming a puck on the bottom of a pool.

Is there special puck? I guess. I don't know. That wasn't the point of the episode. The point of the episode was he was trying to fast and catch his food, so he's having to learn how to hold his breath longer so he can spear fish or some shit. I don't know. That wasn't the point of the episode. The point of the episode was he was trying to fast and catch his food, so he's having to learn how to hold his breath longer so he can spear fish or some shit. I don't know. I'm now on board after thinking about this. This is the premise of, like, that the penalty box is

you just have to be on the surface. You just have to, like, be not underwater. It's great. I want to see underwater fights. Like, this is... You have to dog paddle for three minutes before you can get that going. Then I wrote... Then I wrote, just had a whole bucket of asparagus. Dash Andrew said, and I just don't like this is you have to dog paddle for three minutes before you can get back then i wrote then i just had a whole bucket of asparagus dash andrew said and i just don't know what that is then any pea updates i was just wondering if anybody ate any asparagus and if you did

you got any updates or smelled any particularly strong coffee has anybody noticed any pea smells lately no asking uh no i'm just i'm still processing i don't think asparagus is an appetizing food like yeah it's good to enjoy it but i don't think it's like a food that people would get super excited about i don't think it's like no one craves it in that way yeah like it's not like anyone's like wow this fucking i'm so excited for this asparagus this is going to be like the star of the dish it's not an appetizing food in that sense and serving it in a bucket has to be the least appealing mechanism i don't know something disgusting i don't i don't understand bucket like that i wrote that i just don't know what it means or what i'm every psychotic

uh like a kfc bucket of asparagus. Yeah, right? I will say, I ate, Emily made asparagus last night, and she put it in the air fryer, and she melted some Parmesan cheese on it. Holy fucking shit was that good. I ate so much of it, because I wanted to see if I could blast my fucking pee smell out, and I had nothing.

Nothing. Just like the most bog-stand standard piss smell ever but but it's for it further now when the cheese it furthered uh it was furthering the experiment i last time i i had the bad smell from organic asparagus right this is just like bog standard asparagus so i am thinking i'm thinking there is something to asparagus versus like traditional store, like traditionally available. So, uh, I'm going to go back to try to find some organic now and do it again and see if I can blast out the smell. And if I can, that gets me to my next point on this list, which is, can we create the worst smelling piss ever? If you like fully ingest like a ton of super strong coffee and a ton of organic asparagus

and other stuff that's supposed to make your pee smell i know we looked some stuff up and you just try to like ingest only that stuff and then hold your pee for as long as you can can you unleash like the stinkiest piss on earth what would we have to do have a judge that's smelling three cups of piss who are we gonna be able to get to do to do this? I think you can self-judge. I think you can tell, like, oh my God, this is the worst smelling pee I've ever had. And then if so, we should take it on the road and we should go to the Alamo Draft House

or go to some place where people pee a lot and then piss in a place and see if anybody is like, oh my God. Like, let's see. That's the ultimate. If you can make a pee smell so bad in public that a stranger comments on it. I don't think a stranger would you can make a pea smell so bad in public that's a stranger comments on it i don't think a stranger would ever comment on a piss now i think they might i certainly

wouldn't i think if it's hideous enough i think they would no i mean they're in a yeah i'd like i mean i'd like to get there i'd like to try it i'd like to smell i'd like to curate a urine smell so strong uh of coffee and asparagus and other things we don't even know yet. I don't know. That it's unavoidable. People can't walk and they're like, oh my god, I can't handle this. It was making my eyes water the other day when I had that asparagus pee. I would assume that it wouldn't combine.

I think just one of the things would overpower the other. I don't think I have a sophisticated enough nose to distinguish what percentage was coffee as opposed to asparagus. I think it's just going to add... I assume the asparagus would win. I think it's just going to add to the smell. Like, if you took a stinky dead dog and you threw it on a pile of garbage,

you wouldn't be able to tell the difference between the two stinks. It would just create a greater stink. I thought I had worst example locked up with firing a gun off of a building, but you just threw a dead dog randomly. You ever smell a dead dog, dude? No, I haven't.

Oh, God. I grew up in Alabama. There are dead dogs everywhere. They were... Why? There are so many dead dogs in Alabama Just on the side of the road and shit People hit them and then they just like

And they like In the summer They would get bloated Like with gases and stuff And then like kids in my school would throw rocks at them And try to pop them And then like a dog would explode with like maggots and stuff And it's a hideous fucking smell

It's a hideous smell. There are big windows of your life that whenever you start telling a story from, I like brace myself. You guys have never seen a bloated dead dog on the side of the road and a couple of kids from your school chucked rocks at it until they hit it to make it pop? No. I never went on a dog popping spree well i didn't say i'd ever done it i just said i've seen it done oh my god you just watched it i've never kicked a duck but i saw a kid do it at the fucking at the uh i saw a kid do it at the bus stop one time like people in alabama hate animals and why was a duck well that was in florida the duck had business

to attend to. No, I lived next to a bunch of ponds and shit, and so there were all these ducks around. Eric or FTK, Florida duck. That's what I... It was at that bus stop that I saw my first duck dick. You guys ever seen a duck's dick before? No.

No, I haven't, Jeff. You should look it up. No, I'm good. You should look up a duck's dick. Oh, is that the corkscrew one? Yeah, it looks like a corkscrew. I've heard of that. Oh, it's a razor one?

It's like they're horrible. There you go. I'm not gonna google that no i'm good yeah don't worry about it uh no need to when you when you said there you go i had legitimate fear you're about to drop a photo in the discord uh yeah i found one do you think you could pop a dog with a duck dick i i feel like if you could use it as like a as a whip maybe they're like long corkscrews they're really weird anyway are you okay i'm lightheaded i know are you no jeff are you all right what what what do you mean am i all right of. I'm gonna change the title for this episode to be Jeff's Red Dogs and Duck Dicks.

Like, what's going on? What happened here? Stop! That's what a duck's dick looks like. What? They're fucking weird. It looks like... I hate it. It's like the worst fused

to start a mission possible movie. Stop posting duck dicks. Dude. That's why you don't... That's why I remember what a duck's dick looks like. Because I saw one at the bus stop. Why was it...

Because it was banging another duck. Was this show better than an award? We can't than an award? We can't win an award with this stuff. Yeah, what's Jack going to say about the preview? Anyway. Anyway, I think we should try to make the worst smelling piss.

Okay. Yeah, I think it would be funny. Next note, what if Andrew said it was one of us? That got me thinking. We still don't know who the mole is, who the pickle mole is, who was going around Austin taking pictures of the pickle because Andrew hasn't told us yet. He had a prime, you had a prime moment. Because at no point did I consider that it was Nick, Eric, or Gavin, really.

But you could have totally created so much paranoia in that moment if you would have just said, I'm not going to tell you who it is, but they're on the Discord right now, and if they want to come forward, they can. And we would have eaten each other apart. Well, I don't want to. We talked about this. I'm honestly surprised they haven't talked to you already about it.

No. We also talked about the fact that andrew didn't for a second think that we wouldn't believe that he was in austin yeah so is that on top of the fact that now that you know i've said i i wasn't uh i'm not gonna just reveal the person unless they're okay with it because what about if you reveal the person i'll reveal the name of that number. What number? 67 or whatever. Yeah, no, the fact that I didn't remember what you were talking about at all, I don't care.

It's fine. You pretend not to care, but you do care. Yeah, I forgot, though. So I'll probably forget again. Doesn't matter. I will care for the next two days. No, I can't. Well, it's weird, because they said they were going to tell, and then they didn't. So they haven't responded to me.

Also, I wrote down, I want the bussy bus. It got me thinking. I was thinking about the tuxedo that we have and how we had that whole idea to do Ripken's Believe It Cause Why Not traveling museum, and we were going to do it for the live show that fell through. Wouldn't it be awesome if that bus still existed and we could buy that bus and then convert it into a mobile museum?

Like the bus, like is it, how do we find out if the bussy bus is still on this earth? We could figure that out. Even if it's just a shell, we could put an engine in it and get it roadworthy again. We could restore it and turn it into the mobile face museum with which we have all of our oddities.

Because I've never been to a museum where the building itself is one of the exhibits. Exactly. That's a great point. Exactly. I don't know how to do it. Andrew, I'm going to have to rely on your expertise knowing more about Bussy than we do. Can you do some

research to see if we can figure out who to talk to? I'll look into it. To find out. I'm sure they're not still using it, although if they were, that'd be even better. I would pay out of pocket for that bus, no matter what it costs what my fear is we're gonna learn that that's like the bus that was into the wild like that bus is just in alaska in the middle of the wilderness like it's we're gonna find it but it's gonna be impossible to retrieve and they had to that

actually would be easy because they had to they had to actually go and remove that bus because people kept dying out there yeah yeah it's's gone now. Oh, it's terrible. Yeah, people kept, dumbasses kept going out there and getting trapped and having to get rescued or dying and so they finally had to go helicopter the bus out. What a complete misunderstanding of that story. I feel like if that story conveys anything

it's don't do this. Don't go to the bus. Yeah. Well, it's like that bit of old crane at chernobyl like the deadliest item on the planet and people still go and try and find it they had to like chuck it in the woods yeah wait what it was like a it was like a crane arm that they were using to like pick up all the radioactive graphite and stuff from chernobyl i think but it became it became basically the most radioactive item on the planet. And people just want to go and see it.

I mean, there's so many layers to that. That's such an odd... Speaking of dying, while we were talking about underwater hand hockey, I just googled water polo. And the first thing that came up was fatality rate. And under it, it says water polo and the first thing that came up was fatality rate and under it says water polo was the only female sport to rank among the deadliest sports with a 42 oh 0.42 fatality rate per 100 000 participants oh that okay is that really is that high 0.42 or is that 42? I think 42 per 100,000 would be completely deadly. Yeah.

Yeah, that's the crane. Yeah, world's most deadly crane. There you go. I don't want to go and see that. I want nothing to do with that. I'm happy to look at the photo. That could be next door. I'm not going to go see it.

I don't need to see that. Look at these bitches. If it was next door, you probably would want to move away from it. Those dudes are fucking dead, right? Oh, they must be. We got Check and his fucking phone standing next to it. Why would you? Jesus.

Police sports, water polo. So it's 42 or 4.2? I can't tell because it's in the weird Google expansion. Can you not tell because it's on your clock is how it's displayed, the number? Oh, it says.42. Yeah, that doesn't seem... That's like one in almost 200,000 people. Yeah, I guess.

I mean, when I think of people dying in sports, it's not super common across mainstream sports. I guess that's true. I don't think I've ever heard of anyone dying in baseball. I mean boxing is what comes to mind of people dying. Football? Rugby? Has anyone died playing baseball? I mean, I feel like statistically it probably happens.

Oh shit! Ray Chapman was hit in the head by a pit Oh fuck, where'd it go? Death. On August 16th, 1920, Ray Chapman was struck in spiked them, giving a misshapen, earth-colored ball that traveled through the air erratically, tended to soften in the later innings, and

as it came to the play, it was very hard to see. He threw a submarine delivery, and it was late in the afternoon. Eyewitnesses recounted that Chapman did not react to the pitch at all, presumably unable to see it. The sound of the ball striking his skull was so loud, he thought my God. He thought it had hit the end of the bat, and he fielded the ball and threw it to first base. God. Home plate umpire Tommy Connolly,

noticing that Chapman was bleeding from his left ear, screamed toward the stands for a doctor. Trist Speaker, who'd been on deck, rushed to Chapman as did several players from each team. He tried to walk, but his knees buckled. As he was helped off the field by his teammates, he mumbled, I'm all right. Tell him not to worry.

Ring. Katie's ring. He said, I'm all right. Tell Maze not to worry. Dot, dot, dot, ring. Dot, dot, dot. Katie's ring. Before falling unconscious.

He was taken to a hospital where he died at 440 in the morning from brain damage. His pregnant wife! Oh my god, he had a pregnant wife. That must be Katie. Yeah. Oh, that's just sad. That's terrible. That's tragic. Can I, and I, not to make light of the situation.

But you're about to. No, no, I'm just curious. I mean, I assume they called the game. He can't continue playing after that. Well, if he died later, they might have just... Well, okay, so let's say he didn't. Do they just put somebody on first? Because that wasn't an out. Like, throwing the first, like, because you hit,

you get given the base, right? It doesn't say. Like, what's the rule for that? Yeah, I don't know. Like, somebody died, and I just know there's somebody in the stance that's like this is fucking bullshit we should have a guy on first right now the bases should be moved I mean they didn't

know he was dying right like they just took him off the field to the hospital so they probably yeah that's what I'm saying it might have just been like an injury and then I feel like a guy passing out with blood coming out of his ear is pretty alarming, regardless of... Sure.

I think the assumption wouldn't be that things are going to be great. They don't stop playing when some kid gets hit by a foul ball in baseball and gets his head split open. They got to carry him out. You know, like the game continues. And that happens like once a season, I feel like. They're not an active player. Yeah.

that's different though because that's they're not an active player yeah uh a Padres pitcher got hit in the face by an Albert Pujols line drive it like hit him in the head in like the game stopped and everyone like gathered around and prayed because it was bad bad uh they took him out of the game the game continued which I mean, I guess what you're asking. They just, you know, you put another pitcher in and the game continues from 2008, I think. But that guy who got hit in the face is now the general manager of the Rangers. And that's, so I guess you can just kind of keep being in baseball as long as you don't die from getting hit. Well, and you take special precautions too, maybe. Like, didn't John olerud wear a helmet

when he bat like when he fielded because he had some sort of a brain issue and so he wore he wore like a batter's helmet anytime he played baseball even if he was like i don't know i don't know what position john olerud played third base there have you guys first base who's first base alex torres was a pitcher for the padres i think he worked for the mets also oh no this is real what okay is that helmet it's a hat helmet hat it's a hat that is supposed if you, if a ball comes back at you, it's going to hit. You know in a video game when you like pick up an item and it shrinks down. It's like Mario halfway through picking up an item. I know it looks photoshopped.

It's not. That was what he wore as a pitcher. He wore a protective hat. I like it looks photoshopped. It's not. That was what he wore as a pitcher. He wore a protective hat. I like it. That, I think, is actually... I think that's great. Yeah, I'm a big fan of this. I'm not making fun of that. That's genius.

Not at all. It's stylish. You can just wear that around. I'm sorry. It's stylish. You can't tell me that that ain't style. I'm not saying it's great style, but that's a definite style. It just looks like every picture of him, his hat is closer to the camera than he is.

See, I'm personally excited about this because it looks like a hat I could actually wear, which is very rare. This is an exciting thing for me. Have we found you a hat yet, Andrew? No, but next we should wrap this up after talking about dead dogs and people getting murdered everyone's favorite comedy podcast um i have a photo to show gavin of uh my big head dilemma okay i can't wait should we wrap this up yeah uh i mean if you guys want to let it go for about five more minutes that'd be fine i gotta i gotta

uh i gotta stop down between recordings to go get Millie from school. But why would us continuing five more minutes impact that at all? Because we give the audience more content, and then it'll be time at that point for me to go get her. Otherwise, I got five minutes to kill before I need to leave to go get her.

I'd rather spend the rest of my time. Well, I was gonna use this between time to eat lunch. Don't do it. That's another thing, too. It would diminish the between time to eat lunch don't do it that's another thing too it would diminish it would diminish the between time so Gavin can't eat no you know what

maybe Gavin's gonna eat a bunch of asparagus this could be important research none of you are gonna eat asparagus it's just me I love asparagus

nobody else wants to try I'll do the asparagus challenge yeah I'm not at all opposed to this I think we're also gonna chug soda from a Gerplaw this episode

oh yeah we talked about that too I assume you didn't have your Gerplaw. I also... Wow, that's a fucking big surprise there. I also... I have the apple. I think we'll break that out next episode. It's been over a year. It's time.

It's been a year. The Cosmic Crisp apple will come out. Still don't have a new fridge, which is great. It looks real gross. I definitely... I definitely don't think I had the fridge which is great. It looks real gross. I definitely don't think I had the fridge for that apple. No. I might try again. We'll cover it next episode.

Oh, we should wrap this one up. Why can't you just leave early? Jeff is successfully just filling time. Look at him. Look at the way he works. I don't think this is successful in filling time. Do you guys think... Let me ask you a question. How long do you guys think you could eat the same thing

and only that thing every day before you had to eat something else? A couple weeks? What about foods that you can rotate the topics on, like pizza? No, I mean it's like the same thing. Like you go get a Red Baron pepperoni pizza Like you go get a Red Baron pepperoni pizza and you only eat a Red Baron pepperoni pizza. Or you eat cheese enchiladas

from your favorite Mexican restaurant. Or you eat Captain Crunch with milk. It's like the exact same item. I mean, I would definitely be fed up after a couple of weeks, but I mean, I feel like I could do it indefinitely. Like Andrew, he spent a month eating chicken dinners. I'm assuming there was some variety in how the chicken was prepared.

But like, if it was like McDonald's Chicken McNuggets and you could only eat McDonald's Chicken McNuggets, like, how long do you think you could go before you had to quit? Like, if we had a contest. We're not going to do this. I'm just curious. Yeah. Nuggets, it would not be super long because there's such a range of good being good or bad like it's temperature based for me when it comes to mcdonald's chicken nuggets i think i could have pepperoni pizza every day for like

two months and not really think about it but when you drop dead no no i guess you might want to be strategic about what it is you're eating just for vitamin and nourishment input. I guess I was thinking purely taste. I think I could eat the same thing every day for a year. Like if I only ate, I don't know, Big Macs from January 1st to December 31st of 2023. I think I could do that. I'm not going to do it, but I think I could do it. I think I could do a year. I'm not to do it, but I think I could do it. I think I could do a year. I'm not a fan of the Big Mac.

I wouldn't be after long, but I am currently. I finally figured out how to not get a Big Mac. Because I feel like I always crave a Big Mac. If I see McDonald's, I'm like, ooh, could go for that. But now I'm successfully able to pull the memory of what

it feels like to have just finished a Big Mac. And how shitty and rank it feels. And I just remember that now before I eat one. And I don't want to eat it anymore. I think a Big Mac is the worst burger at McDonald's. Oh, no. You're crazy. It's fine.

I think that I'm over secret sauce. Like it's whatever, but it doesn't appeal to me anymore. I've replaced the Big Mac with just two cheeseburgers. Just two bog standard McDonald's cheeseburgers. I enjoy that more. I feel like sucking down the first third of a Big Mac is one of the best things you can eat.

Nah. Yeah. It's pretty good. I think a quarter pounder is way better. Yeah, we fell for Jeff's trap. Well, there you have it. I mean, he fit. God damn it, Jeff. You've listened to another episode of the F*** Face Podcast. Thanks for hanging in there with us. Sorry things got a little bit weird, but you know how Andrew gets with his duck dicks and his exploding dogs and stuff.

So hopefully you'll tune in next week when we do this all again. I hear that Jeff might eat an apple that's a year and five days old. There's no way you're eating that. There's a zero percent chance. I'm going's a syrup. What are you talking about? What? I'm supposed to eat it, aren't I? No, I don't. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wasn't that the point? Yeah, yeah, see you guys next time. Next week. Yep. Bye. My headphones cut out. I don't know what just happened.

Shut up. I'll tell you what happened. I fucking won. I got that. I fucking won. I got that. Hey, guys. Major League fan Jack here with a look at next week's episode of F*** Face. Andrew had the biggest baby skull.

Jeff tries the cosmic crisp. Don't mix up Liam Neeson and Leslie Nielsen. Mmm, moon pie. Let's get paranoid in 2023. And once again, Andrew does not eat the pencil. All that and more on next week's episode of F*** Face.