F**kface - Gavin's 1 Piece of 64 Pieces of Clothing // The Regulation Bagel [98]

Episode Date: April 13, 2022

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about being relegated to coworker, hot dogs vs bovril, who is the previously on voice, sponsoring a hockey team, My Hubby's Bagels coffee, and urinal etiquette. My Hubby's Bagels Coffee Blend here: https://bluowl.ca/products/my-hubbys-bagels-blend Want to contribute to bits? Email what you can do to [e-mail] Sponsored by Honey (http://joinhoney.com/face), BetterHelp (http://betterhelp.com/face), and Fum (http://www.breathefum.com/face + code FACE) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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One of them is a co-worker. I'll let you figure that out. Gavin Free and Andrew Panton. How's it going, boys? Good thanks, Andrew. Which one do you think you are right now? Well, considering that in the description of this show,

I'm not listed as the friend, it would be just a ridiculous upset if I was the friend and not go if I have Elevated the friend during the 98 episodes of the show that'd be ridiculous Everyone involved with this show has been my friend at one point or another just not always at the same time I would be gutted because I would consider to this day, to this hour, Jeff, my best friend on the earth. And if I was relegated to coworker, it'd be very one sided and I'd be upset. I have definitely also considered you my best friend on earth many, many times. Why are you saying it in the past tense?

Not in the entirety of my life, but at different times. Hey, by the way, speaking of you said gutted speaking of gut eric our producer extraordinaire how many hot dogs can you eat in one sitting uh it wasn't really a sitting there was a lot of walking and walking around and eating more hot dogs last night i ate four regular hot dogs and one grilled cheese hot dog um that doesn't seem like a lot but i also had like three 32 ounce beers and peanuts it was so for regulation hot dogs and you had you had jalapenos on them right i put jalapenos on every single one of them and i don't feel good so i might be running back and forth during this but please proceed like i'm here the whole time

huh running back and forth to shit uh uh is what you're saying okay yeah i think there's all sorts of implied things that could happen in that scenario. Why imply? Let's get into the beans with it. I don't think he knows. Why'd you do that to your buddy? Because it's hot dog. What do you mean?

Why did he do that? It's dollar hot dog night, dude. What are you going to do? Last night was Round Rock Express, a local AAA baseball team, is opening week. They're playing the El Paso Chihuahuas and it was dollar hot dog and soda night.

And so I had to take advantage. I walked in, walked right to the counter and I said, give me two of those bad boys and a 32 ounce Budweiser. And I gotta say, as the only American of the main three in this podcast, I gotta commiserate with Eric. I don't know what it's three in this podcast, I gotta commiserate with Eric. I don't know what it's like in your

countries, but if you go to a baseball, any sporting event in America and they have dollar hot dog night, you are legally required as an American to eat at least four. I think I would have gone six or seven probably. Yeah, definitely. Because how do you say no to that? Is there a Canadian or

a British equivalent? I don't know where I would go to watch baseball, but I feel like any sport probably definitely because how do you say no to that is there a canadian or a british equivalent uh i don't know where i would go to watch baseball but i feel like any any sport i'd find hot dogs for like eight quid so i think if there was one there for a pound i would i would go ape shit on them so when you go to a tottenham hot spurs game that's your team up in england uh and they have like what what are the do they do have hot dogs? What's the food at a soccer game, or sorry, a footy game in England? I used to go for, like, a burger or a kebab outside

the stadium to save a bit of money. You can get a little cup of Bovril or something if you want. What the fuck is... What? Little hot Bovril? What? I don't know what that is. What the fuck? What? Hot Bovril? Yeah, Bovril. I don't know what that what the fuck what hot bovril yeah bovril i don't think i could spell that based on how you're saying it it sounds different every time you say it i don't know

it's like a what is bovril it's like it's like hey if you guys had to guess before gavin tells us what do you think what do you think a cup of hot Bovril is? I'm imagining something black Like it's a black gooey Oh it's definitely black Okay I'm on the right I'm on the right foot here what about you Jeff Do you think it's sweet? I think it's savory It has to be savory

Is it like some sort of a toddy Like a mulled wine type thing Or is it more of like you guys boil Vegemite and drink it I think it's very similar to Vegemite. I think it's like yeast and meat paste liquid. It's like a beefy tea. Everything in your country sounds hideous.

Nobody. Hideous. A beefy tea. Oh, Eric's written, Bovro is the trademark name of a thick and salty meat extract paste, similar to yeast extract. Yeah, so you get that, and you pour hot water in it, and it's like beef paste tea. I am so sad I guessed that essentially correct. Oh, God.

You nailed it. I mean, isn't that sort of just broth? You're just eating broth. Yeah, it's really good. It warms you up on a nice, you know, cold winter evening. I think we've I think we bump that to the top of the list for Andrew to try. Bob. Yeah.

Yeah. A nice cup of hot bovril. Do they ever have like one quid bovril night where people just like down five, six, seven bovrils and then they're at work the next day going like, oh, I'm having a bit of a bubble gut from my bovril. I don't know. I'm not sure it's physically possible to spend more than a

pound of bovril. I had nine bovrils. Oh, God, I'm shitting straight paste. I've just Googled it I had nine Bob rules. Oh, God. I'm shitting straight paste. I've just Googled it, and it says, in quotes, this fluid of beef fed an army and makes a hearty tea. It never ceases to amaze me,

the off-ramps these conversations take that I just don't see coming. I could easily have gone the rest of my life not having ever heard of Bovril. If it weren't for Eric coming in going like, I'm going to be on the toilet most of the episode. I remember it fondly because when I used to go to my dad's work as a kid, one of the vending machines had Bob Roll and you could just dispense hot Bob Roll into a cup. I'd be all over that. Be my little Bob Roll spot. Oh, this looks

terrible. That's so fucking gross. How is that real? What's the Canadian version Oh, fucking gross. How is that real? I. Oh, what's the Canadian version of a hot dog or bovril, Andrew? Like when you go to a hockey game, when you go see the Canucks play? I don't I don't feel like there is like all that different of a food experience from Canada to America. As far as sporting events goes, I like I've never been to a baseball game as a Canadian.

I fantasize about like I'm going to go to the baseball game. I'm going to get hot dogs. Like when I think about baseball, the experience of the game is very secondary to what I'm excited about. Everything I'm excited about is drinking. You'd be outside, enjoy the sun, eat some hot dogs. So I don't have a Bovril. We wouldn't let Bovril

in. I don't. I'm right there with you. I think more than any other professional sport, and I think I've been fortunate enough to attend all the main players now that I've been to an F1 game as well. I think more than any other professional sport, a Major League Baseball

game is a day-long experience where you take in so much more than the actual game. baseball game is a day long experience where you take in so much more than the actual game. The game is in some ways secondary to everything else that's going on. And food and drink is a huge part of that. So you like really long games? Maybe not on TV, but definitely in person. So you'd like cricket then? Like a test match? What do they eat? Usually in the summer, so I probably wouldn't be good for the bovril nice chilled bovril frosted bov summer bov bovril and ice oh like a slurpy can we do like a slurpy bovril meat slurpy

oh bov pops that's the new face and vision I'm gonna freeze meat paste bov pops cool down while you heat up I hate it like a slurpy or not um uh freezy

like a freeze tube just having to like push out the paste you know what would be funny if we like a freeze tube. Just having to push out the paste. You know what would be funny? If we filled a grown tube with Bovril or some other drink so that when you drink it, it goes... That's what we should do. We should make...

We don't have our fucking grown tubes yet because we can't get them made thanks to the supply chain. So let's combine them. A grown tube that also dispenses drink. I feel like you're thinking of one of those cups, you know, like you tilt over it, it would moo like a cow, like mug type thing. But it's just the grown tube noise. I think this is feasible.

If I was a cow and I got liquefied into a hot paste and then the sound that I made it when I was alive played when someone drank it, I'd be livid. Can and then the sound that I made when I was live playing when someone drank it, I'd be livid. Can we make the sound just go, instead of the traditional sound, can it just go,

gross. Gross. Every time you drink it. I'm excited to drink a nice hot Bovril out of the new, uh, this Gerpler. Can you imagine a liter of Bovril oh god like a full meal how many calories would be in a liter of bovril it's like i had a third of a cow probably i'm

blown away that i've jeff i've known you for you know the better part of a decade and a half two decades and we've never talked about your life buddy yeah yeah i we've known each other more than half of your life at this point and we've never discussed bavarol not once thank god thank god it was today so who's the co-worker that's a great question uh maybe the audience can figure it out uh what else you guys want to talk about today what do you got going on i have a question for andrew oh okay i'm excited what are you doing like in this moment or no no just face it general what have you done what have you done to it i don't know what that means you're putting shit like i i'll get a review cut right it's not the final cut What's the beginning what's happened to the beginning of face we've talked about it it's previously on it's a previously on voice

Yeah, but who is it? And well that's what I figured would be a great mystery for you to to find out I thought I, I don't know, maybe we could do like a thing where you could ask a question, an episode or something about... Oh, okay. Can I ask the first question? Can I ask the first question? Go ahead. Right now? Yeah, go ahead.

Who's the voice? I can't say that. That's a bullshit game, Jeff. That's like asking a genie for more wishes. That doesn't count. It's illegal. We were in the airport getting our luggage as part of our tour and and minor league fan jack walked up to both of us and was like who does the uh previously on voice on

face and jeff and i were like huh because i just you know i just approved the uh first cut of the episode where there was no previously on voice andrew and um i was i was like huh and i listened i had to listen to the version that came out, Jeff and I listened to it and we were just like looking at each other like what? and then I started writing out a slack being like how did this? and then I realized this is a question for content

I'm not going to waste this over slack but it sounds like Andrew's not going to tell us no, it's a whole mystery I already established this this is long established, it's a mystery. I already established this. This is long established. It's not my fault.

We talked about this before. I wanted to bring in the variety guy to do the voice, and that didn't pan out. So I kept at it. I do remember your idea being to have, you know, previously on face, but it's the entire episode. Like, it doesn't actually. It's just confusing. It makes really more of a currently present presently happening on face yeah it's exactly it so i was just as i was interested to see if you two could figure out who it is it's somebody i'll say it's someone in the universe of the show i didn't just pull a random person everyone's aware of this person

and they're in our universe is it the same person every episode it's yeah yes yes it is okay well i my question michael i already used my question for the week so gavin do you want to take one question um yeah what do i want to know that he's gonna answer though i will say i'd love to hear eric's input eric is the only other person who knows who it is okay okay well let me ask you this then okay can I have a hint? I feel like I already gained a hint. I was gonna say, I think you already got the hint with it's someone in the

universe. I feel like... So it's the variety guy or it's the director of the tuxedo or it's... I mean, he already said it's not the variety guy, right? Oh, so it's the director of the tuxedo. That was fast. Is that your official guess? Is it the director of the tuxedo. That was fast. Is that your official guess? Is it the director of the tuxedo? No.

So we get one guest per episode. One guest per episode. Brilliant. We'll see how long it takes. I think it could take a while. I'm excited for this to all be over. I accidentally revealed who it is to Eric because I'm an idiot. And that'll be fun to talk about when we get to the end.

I thought that Eric was a when I said to him, I'm just dumb. It was a dumb mistake. I was nervous though, Gavin. I didn't know what you were talking about. I was like, what do you mean? What have I done? Did you...

Now is... I guess I can't ask any more questions till next week. Damn it. I have so many questions. Okay. Next week. I have an ongoing bet. It would be really funny if you...

If one of you would have just guessed it immediately, I would have ruined everything. Okay. Next week. I have an ongoing bet. It would be really funny if one of you would have just guessed it immediately. I would have ruined everything. All of my plans, everything out the window. No point for it. Who have we talked about? We've talked about so many people.

We've talked about a lot of people. A lot of discussion. I think maybe you should go over the Keenan and Kel rap. There's a lot of people there. Just even within that. Well, most people in that are dead, so. That's true.

But that would be one hell of a pull if I got that. Is that a thing where if Kenan and Kel rap about you, you will die soon? No, I don't think so. But Kenan and Kel didn't do the rap. It was Coolio.

Oh, yeah, that's true. I don't know. I'm not of your generation. We have talked about it like six times on this show, though. Yeah, whatever. Regardless of generation. If you got Coolio to do it, it would be amazing.

That would be really cool. Does not sound like Coolio. What if... I'm not going to give anything away. Well, I... Let's try it and finish this episode because we're double recording today. So I can ask another question in 45 minutes.

Oh, yeah. I'm just going to stop preparing my next guess. So last time we recorded one of these, we were very proud of ourselves that we tied up a lot of loose ends. That we're like, we did it. We're typically so bad. We set things up. We forget about them. We move through.

Yeah, we did baseballs. We did beanhole we did a lot of stuff we're all excited about it we miss one thing we miss one thing that is important it's a vital thing i was gonna say what the item of clothing gavin had to wear was yeah i'm really glad you missed it because now every podcast i'm on everyone's just screaming at me that i'm not wearing 64 pieces of clothes. Well, we all forgot it. I don't think that's fully my fault. We threw like a fucking parade of

we did it, we covered everything. And we just missed it. I'll put it in the group chat right now, I'll link to it. Well, what? We're all part of the show. Yeah, but you're the one coming up with it. That's fair, but in my defense also, I wanted to collaborate with Jeff on it.

So that was sort of the idea. But he didn't. He didn't collaborate with me. Is it because he's a co-worker and it was outside of ours? Mm. I strongly disagree with this tag by Jeff. It was open.

I said I want him to send me some stuff. He was like, I think that's perfect. I sent him one thing. He's like, I think that's good. So we're going to go with the thing. Oh, I did like it. Is that the thing? I did like it.

Well, I just assumed. Yeah, there's no other discourse about it. I mean, there were other suggestions that were sent. I thought it was on brand. This is the one item I'm suggesting. Just the hat. Doesn't have to be the tie. You wanna do the tie. That's fine. Just the headpiece. Although, I wouldn't say no to an additional tie. To go with all my ties. The headpiece all my ties. The headpiece is my pick. There were a lot of suggestions. People were really mean, Gavin. There were some terrible suggestions.

People are terrible. Andrew, I'm going to be so hot. You don't know what I rejected. People wanted straight jackets. People wanted wetsuits. Like, there were some... It's like handcuffs being clothing. I think handcuffs are an accessory.

I wanted to put you in a sandwich board that says Jeff is awesome. Thank you, Eric. How am I going to sit down? You won't. So I didn't want to be too mean. I just wanted, I wanted something on brand. I thought it connected well. There are all sorts of angles we could have went.

Sandwich board idea is very funny. I mean, technically like a mascot outfit is a singular piece of clothing depending on how it's designed yeah you don't want to cover up all the other clothes though i mean if there was if we had this talk before i would have seen if i could get like a giant bovril suit just like a mascot foam bottle of bovril that you have to work through. If Bovril wants to sponsor my appearance on that podcast, I'd be open to it. So then Gavin, you have to wear the Donkey Kong hat or headpiece and 63 other

pieces of clothing. Is that how this shakes out of your choice? That's how it shakes out. I'm excited to see what you do. The audience cut Gavin some slack. He can't put the Donkey Kong hat on until it comes in the mail. Yeah, it's going to take some time. Oh, yeah.

I want to get this out of the way as soon as I can. It's such a burden. I like that it's just getting 10 degrees hotter in Texas every week that you don't do this. That's great. Can we talk about...

I wasn't even going to necessarily bring this up, but we're talking about bovril sponsoring i found a sponsorship opportunity for us that i'm very excited about i don't think there's any way it will will happen but like spawning events and sponsorship i was reading the news the other day and i saw this story that was like the nima buccaneers have a new owner i'm like who the fuck are the buccaneers i've lived here my whole life i've never heard of the buccaneers they're a junior hockey team

i guess they just sold they won one game last they lost they played 48 they had one win i'd love to know how much that team sold for. It was purchased by, I guess, like people moving to the area. Anyway, they have a sponsorship opportunities tab on their website. And so I was looking through because I kind of want to get fully invested in the Nanaimo Buccaneers for their next season just to see if they can get two wins. I'm all about two wins. Just to see if they can get two wins. I'm all about two wins. So I was considering, and I thought I could run it by you guys.

One of these sponsorship packages to see if we can officially get sponsored. Sponsorship opportunities. Now, a lot of them are sold out. But there are some good ones like the face-off. There is a, let me scroll down. Oh, dude, these are affordable affordable they're very affordable yeah there's some good ones i think the opening face off is a strong one and i'm assuming it's for the season and not a game based on the premise of sold out helmet 750 dollars how do we put face eric brings

up a good point how do we put face on a junior hockey team that's the hurdle i could see them being very resistant to that but i do like the idea of this opening face off is brought to you by face opening face off oh what if it's uh what if it's uniform or the gerbler itself dude uniform that is well okay i mean i i thought about that and then i i thought it was funnier if it was face but there is something to be said if we like trojan horse face in through uniform yeah just if they if they if they shut down face immediately because uh why wouldn't they then we should be prepared for a backup i guess the problem i didn't really think about this if we do the face off they have to say fuck at the start of every game there's no way

around it i'm so i'm so used to our censorship oh we could send it to eric said they can bleep it that's we could send them one of our buttons they can push the button at the same time they say it push the button at the same time they say it. Joe, we can sponsor this, but you have to update your audio system and your PA system to use it. We will not pay for that. But we will pay for

the opening face-off. Yeah, I guess f*** face is even less viable than I considered, because in my head it's always the, hmm. So we might have to go uniform. But I'd like to to i don't know i thought this would be a funny thing to get invested in i'm blown away at how much is sold out there's a lot of stuff you can't get like the jersey the shoulder patch the pant shell whatever that is i

feel like i feel like it has to be the opening face off because i don't think the logo on the helmet would be that big but for the announcer to be like this face-off is brought to you by uniform or whatever I think it's very funny oh my god can we make him say the full spiel too like this face-off is brought to you by uniform uniform combining the power of one with the fabric of the form uniform go or however you start a then you start a hockey game with go they start a hockey game with go go I'm so for this idea I love this idea and I can't believe the prices

yeah I was so excited about it because I clicked it thinking this is going to be way out of our price range. But it feels viable. Feels like a thing we could do. Let me see if I can pull up the record for the league. Their league standings from the regular season of this year. OK, Nanaimo Buccaneers, 48 games played, one win, 43 losses in regulation, three losses in overtime,

one shootout loss. Isn't this kind of how the Mighty Ducks started, though? Like, we're one Emilio Estevez away from being a kick-ass team. Dude, they got some crowd advertising to an average attendance of 400 to 600 people. That's more people than listen to this podcast.

I would love to... I guess they'd never find us because of Unifarm, but it would be... How many... If we could do F*** Face, do you think we'd convert two people into listening? Yes. Like, at least two.

That should be our goal for return on investment, is we should pay $1,500 to acquire two listeners. And just to like to put into perspective. So they got six points. So they got two points for a win and then four one points for the overtime losses. The second to worst team in the league had 33 points it's 16 wins there's a gap there's a large gap between them and even the like the next worst team oh this is can we see a game while we're there i'd love to i don't know when their schedule is i need to look more into that i'm gonna maybe uh depending on is, crabbing in the morning and buccaneers in the evening.

And then we'll celebrate with some bagels. Oh! I really like this. If you can get that schedule, maybe we can plan our trip around that schedule, their hockey schedule. Absolutely. I'll look into that.

But I should talk about bagels. Please talk about bagels. I don't know about Gavin, but I've been waiting for all week to hear about this. I don't know how much gavin knows about bagels i know you know a little bit more jeff this is this has been i need to thank let me pull up my notes first of all i need to thank jimmy jenny almond specifically because she accidentally put all this into motion so last we left off i talked about i accidentally followed them on the pod account and I started following them and they had 23 followers at the time, I believe, on Twitter. And I was like, oh, man, I hope they

fall back or something happens. Earlier last week, I got a DM from Jenny and she was like, hey, I emailed them and told them about the show because I was curious if there was anything I could buy. Like I live in America, like if there's a way I could support them in them about the show because I was curious if there was anything I could buy like I live in America like if there's a way I could support them in some way and so I just talked to them and I thought oh shit like they have somebody is now interacted with them that is from the audience

like they now are absolutely aware that we exist in some capacity I guess it's great based on all of your previous correspondence and all of as a podcast i'm terrified now i'm terrified of where it goes from here absolutely well i was nervous it's like well did you think they would listen do you think they just like looked at i don't know what would they do because now they know they're mentioned

and then that evening they followed the face pod twitter account and i was so excited then they followed me it's the most excited i've been to get any notification ever i was losing my mind that i got on my hubby's bagel follow then they dm the podcast account and i was i was too starstruck and nervous to reply that evening it felt i don't know if you've seen the movie swingers you know like when john favreau gets the number and they're all like you gotta wait two days to reply you can't seem over eager like heather graham's number right i think so yeah yeah in the movie i had that experience but it was just like i'm too excited about this to like actually reply because they wrote a super

sweet message they had never heard of the show they had no concept of our our awareness of roosterteeth existence they're very confused by all of it but in like a nice way um so then we started going back and forth and we've become like friends over like the past two weeks or texting it's been great and it's been very we've talked about how this is a show that is a deep lore about nothing and i've never had to try to explain some of that lore to somebody completely removed from it and boy has it been a time just like a normal person a normal matter of society yes a normal it is so hard because somebody i tweeted about it and so it replied like i guess i should i'm going out of order here they uh they said that i will get to name a regulation bagel.

So I'll get to come up with a name for a bagel and it'll be the regulation bagel. It'll be something that anybody can get. If they go into the store, they can order the regulation. You're saying the name of the bagel is the regulation bagel. It's well, so I'm still working out the specifics of it. I think what is going to end up being is like a menu item that you could like,

if you're a fan of the show and you go to my hubby's bagels, you can order the regulation bagel. They will know what it means and it will be a specific thing. It's like it's even better than being on the on the board. It's like it's like a secret menu item. That's exactly it. Sort of. I think we're leaning is the secret. That was such a funny because they said that.

And then a few days went by and uh the person uh drew who i was talking to his name is drew which is very funny uh was like yeah i'm i'm kind of i'm trying to struggling to figure out like how to incorporate regulation into this into this menu i'm working on and uh i was like oh you know that's that's fine like i i would be so much happier if you had a menu that you were excited about and fully happy with than you trying to shoehorn regulation in if you don't see a fit like just do it like makes you happy and he's like yeah i'm not having a hard time with the regulation it's trying to get face on there that i'm struggling with and i was like no you don't have to nobody nobody expected it to be called the face regulation bagel.

You don't need to do that. We can just move on from that. Just regulation bagel is great. And then we came up. Yeah, we should make a clip. Don't pivot your own business. We'll bend to you. Yeah.

You don't need to work. We don't even say our own name. It's fine. So then like trying to, I always have to feel like when you start those conversations, explaining why we're called what we're called. And then somebody replied to you and they said that I could name a bagel. Someone was like,

Andrew's going to salad cream these bagels. And then they replied, I should really learn what that means before I let him into my store. And I'm like, that sounds terrible. So then I had to explain to a normal person what salad creamed means and how it makes sense. It's like trying to teach a different language. Yeah, I like that you're having to explain

what salad creaming as a verb means and not what salad cream is. We need a handy face pocket dictionary that we can give out yeah we do to help translate we need a facionary so i i had to explain that and then there was a time so they were getting ready to open and then all of their burners there's something wrong with their burners and like the electrical wasn't going as planned so they couldn't make bagels and they learned this while they were like preparing to open.

So it seemed like there was, there was a window of time in which it, it seemed like they were going to have to open up without the ability to cook or make bagels. So they would be a bagel shop that couldn't sell bagels. And I'm like, you guys are perfect. This is the greatest like integration ever.

A bagel shop that can't make or sell bagels we're all about this um they luckily they figured it out so i explained they're like so what does salad cream mean and i'm like uh salad cream it sort of is like when you screw up an anticipated moment and they immediately replied i guess we salad creamed our opening and i'm like yeah that's perfect oh my god it's inadvertently you found the perfect people what a great sort of unwritten partnership they're they're incredible they've been so sweet and their food is absurd it is so good i talked about before like not wanting to commit to like doing a review or talking about it because I wouldn't want the audience to interpret that as like I didn't like it or whatever. It's incredible.

So you went down there? They had a soft open yesterday. I went down there. They're nice enough to bring some challah earlier in the week to try. They brought me some coffee. They have a coffee partnership. I have a cup of coffee. I'm going to have my first coffee in a moment like a proper

as part of the redemption year i forgot i did this but i made a monstrosity of a coffee at one point on this show and i've never tried it again well didn't you make like cheerios with coffee or something what did you know it was it was like i had a cured cured pod that was like vanilla walnut italy was the flavor like it didn't make sense and then it didn't taste good so then i dumped a sugar cookie in it and i poured in a bag of um of sour patch kids watermelon it was a mess it was terrible well i was just trying to salvage i was like this is bitter i don't have any sugar here's some sugar cookies have some sugar cookies i like that you did that with the coffee.

You also did that with your salad. Well, the salad, I think those were different issues. I see your point. Trying to think, am I missing the coffee? I have the thing. That was fun. I had another one where like a few days after we're texting where he was like, yeah, I had to delete a comment from our Facebook because they were like cursing and stuff and talking

about the Vancouver child kicker. Like, well, I don't know what that is. And then having to explain the downside is that the other associations that out of context and horrendous. Can I just take a second to speak to to our wonderful audience? Be very kind audience to my hubby's bagels and all businesses. If you're if you're speaking on them to them on behalf of face, we are a wholesome podcast. We are about uplifting and and and shining a light on local businesses and supporting them, not deriding them in any way.

So let's make sure that we're any interactions we have with uh any bagel company that we like or any coffee company for that matter let's make sure they're positive yeah and it's important to also remember that anyone we talk about or mention they didn't necessarily choose to be mentioned by us absolutely yes yes we have yeah i felt i felt they i've tripped into their world but it ended up being great. They're the most wonderful people. Their food is absurdly good. Their cream cheese is ridiculous. It's all the best food I've ever had.

Genuinely, it's incredible. Well, that's good. It would have sucked if we had to pretend to like this stuff. It would have been a problem. Today's episode is sponsored by Honey, the easy way to save when shopping on your iPhone or computer. I love to online shop. I do it all the time, but I never have a promo code ready at checkout. Thanks to Honey, manually searching for coupon codes is a thing of the past. Honey is the free shopping tool that scours the internet for promo codes and applies the best one it finds to your cart.

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you're going to save 10% off your entire order. You're going to save on the cigarettes you aren't buying and save on your initial purchase of fume. That's 10% off your entire order when you head to b-r-e-a-t-h-e-f-u-m.com slash face and use code face. So I don't want to jump the gun if we're if there's more to tell, but have you settled on a regulation bagel? I have something in mind. I'm pretty sure like we kind of talked about it a little bit and then, you know, they're in the process of opening and they didn't want to be like hey well you're fucking figuring everything out let me talk about this thing that is all that important so I haven't yeah yeah clarified it

with them but I feel pretty good about what it is and you did you introduce yourself when you were in there uh well so that was yes yes I well we met before they were kind they are so ridiculously kind they dropped some bread off to uh to where jesus christ they're they're they're so sweet they're amazing people are saints how did you manage to get there was it under the power of your own legs it was under the power of my own like the legs are back legs are fully we're moving it's great nice yeah congrats thank you you're gonna start that marathon tomorrow then or no today i'm gonna enjoy not being in pain it's uh i got checked out and everything i'm good but yeah um bagels are amazing i have the coffee they sell the coffee i don't know if we could put a link or something to the coffee they sell or whatever i have their blend i'm about to try this is my do you have any any tips well first off

let's read the notes on the coffee what kind of tell me about the flavor that's a that's a great that's a great question i should have i don't have the bag with me do you think i would do that uh it's uh give me a second i'll pull i'll up. I put sugar in it. I bought one of those custom pods that you can put in a Keurig. Still Keurig coffee. What's a custom pod? Like, you make your own pod? Yeah, like it's a reusable pod where you

can grind coffee beans, because it's a bean-based coffee. So we grounded the beans up, and put it in... It's like a little portafilter almost. Yeah, exactly. Did you just say it's a bean-based coffee? Well, you know, like it's Is it?

Am I fucking stupid or is that is that? Is it all coffee bean-based? I don't buy coffee. I'm assuming there are some coffees you can buy that are pre-grind that are already grinded for you. I don't know if that's a thing. From beans. Yeah, it's an unnecessary

I meant not grinded is what I was going for. They sent you ground, by the way. They sent you full beans and then you had to grind them down. Yes. Okay. Exactly. I think Eric is big into grinding. To eliminate any confusion, this coffee does

come from coffee beans. This is the most insane conversation. Like, this is, I'm like, I'm fucking grinding my teeth listening to it. This is nuts. I don't, I'm not a coffee person. I'm trying. Yeah, clearly. I'm trying.

We can throw some beans in Eric's mouth and then he just spits it into the custom carrot cup and we're ready to go. some beans in Eric's mouth, then he just spits it into the custom carrot cup and we're ready to go. Okay, so it's a Guatemalan chocolate berry is their

blend. So it's going to be chocolatey and fruity. Yes. It's a chocolatey fruity. That sounds pretty good. I put a little bit of sugar in. Nothing else. I didn't get crazy. Just a little bit. No cream, no milk, nothing like that.

Just sugar and coffee. No cream. No chow mein. No chow mein. No ramen noodles, nothing like that. Okay. Okay. I'm going to take a sip.

This is a big moment. I'm like, I'm actually trying real coffee. This is a documented moment of my life. I want you to like it too. I want you to become a coffee guy. I want to like like eric it smells great and take a sip that's actually really good yeah yeah i could get i could get into this that's that's not bad at all yeah that's way better than what i made yeah it's pretty good when you don't put a bunch of shits inside it there's a probably a reason it's like a

multi, multi-billion dollar industry. That's delicious. What have I... I've been fucking up. Why have I not... This is amazing. I've been telling you to drink coffee for a very long time. It's fucking amazing. This is very good. I think we could potentially talk to them about

being Nanaimo's exclusive Bovril vendor as well. I don't think Nanaimo needs that. I think we got enough. It's cold there sometimes, right? Yeah. It gets cold. Dude, a cup of Bovril in the snow.

Oh, amazing. Oh, while we're watching our hockey team go. Dude. Blue Owl Coffee Roasters in Nanaimo, Vancouver Island. That's a cute logo. It's a very cute logo. Very happy owl. He looks wise, but whimsical at the same time.

That should lead to the blend. But yeah, that's been in the process of finalizing the regulation bagel. Their food is amazing. If you're ever in the area, I'd highly recommend checking out my hubby's bagels. They're delicious. Well, I gotta say, Andrew,

on a scale of salad creaming to 10, I give you a 10 on drinking that coffee. Thank you. I'm glad. It's terrifying. Like there's a weird pressure because they're so sweet and i wanted to like accurately represent all this stuff yeah you don't want to you don't want to lie right no absolutely

not you gotta you gotta stay true to yourself yeah just also just like describing it poorly or like i don't know it feels i'm okay making myself look like a total idiot they don't deserve that the stakes are higher when other people are involved yeah that's really good i'm gonna drink more of this coffee you should drink it every day until you die like most people i have a quick question about um urinal etiquette or urinal etiquette okay if you say you've got like a bank of five pisses right then you've got a guy on the left one, where do you go? The rightmost. Yes, that's correct. Right.

Wait, well, is it now? It depends. Is it a stranger or is it you? Because if I walk into a urinal and you're pissing, I'm getting as close to you as possible. That's true. No, it's a stranger. Okay, okay.

Furthest right, and then the next person goes middle, and then the next person who comes in has a real evaluation they need to make that's where the choice gets tough once there's three people in the stall i have switched up my urinal etiquette what okay well i was i was pissing at the alamo the other day and um what movie uh what did i watch everything everywhere all at once oh you're in that apparently i'm not in oh i put i gave them a clip yeah but you're even in the so my guy's in the credits that's

very cool but yeah congratulations nice though um there was a there was five and just a big old puddle of piss under the the right most three so i thought i could either stand in all the piss or i could stand at the one that's right next to the guy on the left yeah yeah so i thought i could either stand in all the piss or i could stand at the one that's right next to the guy on the left yeah yeah and i went for it i thought you know what i'm gonna stand on dry ground and piss right next to this guy and i think you may have been confused but what would you do in that situation i mean i think you're a lunatic immediately that's my initial response really i'm yeah i have a lot of questions because there are a lot of variables to this that may change my opinion on what you're talking about how badly did

you need to pee was there no ability to hold well i don't think i did it that bad but you know you get that thing when you're when you're in eye shot of a toilet you just absolutely yeah so it was it was on the brink i was it was coming i get it yeah there's no hold with me once i enter the bathroom there's we got it's going there's no but i thought you know i don't need to conform to this social norm over getting my shoes covered in loads of piss see this is this is where i think there's two layers to this it's not i think a social norm as much as it is a basic decency you know someone would still stand if there were four people at the other five sure someone would go there so it's not like an insane move it's it's a normal move under different circumstances yeah it's i think it's i understand what you're saying

my other question would be are there toilets in that bathroom like were there stalls yes were there available stalls? Ah, yeah, but, you know, it's just a piss. No, you've lost me, Felix. Nah, then you've got to touch shit. You've got to touch a door. You've got to touch a seat. You've got to rummage. You've got to touch...

What do you mean you've got to touch a seat? Toilet, like, public toilets don't have seats. What are you talking about? Well, touch a flusher then. I don't know. I didn't go in there. Damn, a lot of public toilets have seats you've got to look at. Yeah.

What are you talking about? Well, there's like the seat you sit on, but not the cover seat. Yeah, but what if it was up? What if it was down, I mean? He's gotta be precise. You don't wanna... That's rude. Aim small, miss small.

What are you doing in this situation then, Andrew? I'm definitely going to the toilet. I'm not gonna stand next to... I would do one of two things. Let's say the stalls are gone. There's no stalls. I'm definitely going to the toilet. I'm not going to stand next to... I would do one of two things. I'd either go... Let's say the stalls are gone. There's no stalls. Okay.

There are no stalls, and I'm matching your level of need to pee, but I can hold it for a little bit. I'm okay. I'm not going to explode. The only scenario in which I'm using the urinal next to the guy is if I'm going to explode. So you're going to...

Well, I guess this is very fitting of piss boy. You're going to stand there and watch a guy piss, is if I'm going to explode. So you're going to... Well, I guess this is very fitting of Piss Boy. You're going to stand there and watch a guy piss, is what you're going to do. No, no. This is what I'm going to do. I'm going to go to the sink, and I'm going to, like, wash my hands. I'm going to do something. I'm going to pretend that I have busy work to do at the sink. You're going to pre-wash your hands. I mean, I get it. You don't want to touch

your dick with dirty hands. I need to do something in that room so I'm not just waiting, as Gavin said, just watching this guy waiting to finish. I would go to the sink and I would kill some time for a minute. I'd wash my hand. I'd probably pretend But you really need to pee. And there's four open urinals.

Yeah. I mean I'm saying in case of, in an event of an emergency I completely understand why you did what you did. But outside of that, I would never do that. Gavin, I'm going to say that I think what you did was 100% correct, and I would have done the same thing. The idea, I'm not at a point in my life where I want to hold back

and create discomfort in my own body to make it convenient for somebody else. And the idea of standing in somebody else's stale piss makes me want to vomit. I sit crisscross applesauce most of my life. I'm sitting crisscross applesauce right now. And basically, that's just asking to get dirty pee on the sides of your legs. I couldn't do it. And I'm not going to, I assume, I don't know who this fucking person is,

and I'll never in my life see this person again, probably. So I'm going to go up and I'm going to stand next to them and I'm going to use the urinal that's there to be used. Interesting. What about Eric? Just use the urinal. Just piss. What are we doing?

Which one, though? Far right. Like, at that point. You're going to stand and piss. What are we doing? Which one though? Far right. Like at that point. You're going to stand and piss. Stand in the piss? It doesn't matter. Hey, I don't know how clean you think the rest of the bathroom is, but it's not. That's a great point.

It's cleaner than standing in standing wet piss. Then spread your feet a little bit. To me, it's like you're going in the bathroom already. Don't intentionally step in the piss. There's a way to stand where you're not stepping directly in the piss. But to get so hung up about like, I don't know if I'm going to go walk over there. Bro, where do you think you are?

What do you think has happened in that bathroom? Because it's been way worse than that. I like the idea of doing like a trick shot, like standing behind the P. Yeah, he's turning into a fucking contortionist trying to do like complicated moves. I'll just take two steps back and rainbow it in. You know what I mean?

It'll be fine. Just stand next to another human being doing the same thing you're doing. The piss in from a distance, the just piss in a clean urinal. Yeah, you know, you just arc it. Stand on my toes, lean back a little, you know, just go for it. If I was pissing on the far left, and then I just saw a load of piss land in the urinal,

without seeing the guy, I'd be like, this is way worse than a guy pissing next to me. I take my pants all the way down to my ankles, and then I just, I arc it back, and I rainbow it in. Can you imagine? You're just peeing at the urinal, and you turn to your right, and somebody's being held up like fucking Simba, pissing into the urinal at a distance. Oh, God.

Yeah, you just go to the clean toilet and pee next to the guy yeah i thought i didn't really make a it wasn't really a huge decision time but it was a little bit of a dilemma in my head and i and it was a slightly guilty piss one of my guiltier pisses that i've had when you got let me ask you a question because i was thinking about this the other day we were in uh fuck where were we gav i think we were at the event in san francisco and i was peeing in the bat one of the bathrooms there and there were a row of your urinals i almost said it the weird way you do there were a row of urinals and uh and i went to the i was like the closest one to the door was the you know was to the left and then there were like i don't know five or six that

went all the way to the right and it was kind of like dark and out of the way the far right one and i i was wondering to myself i wonder if you could see urinal usage over time like has the far left one has this been peed in 1 million times but the far right one been peed in 45 times like i'd love to see the heat map yeah the heat map that's great absolutely the halo heat map i want to see the halo bungee heat map of like how people piss and which stalls are just getting hammered and which are relatively used you know just use free yeah it's got to be the left one i feel like in an english-speaking country you start left like you'd read a book i think everyone goes to that one on a completely empty set oh Oh, okay.

For me, it's actually dependent on where the door is. I want to be pissing as far away from the entrance as possible. Oh, interesting. Okay. Yeah. I want space. I want space and I feel like I'm freeing up all the lanes for anybody who comes in after me. What I feel like you don't get quite as much in this country is just the big piss troughs.

No. That you'd get at a football stadium. You get those a lot at venues where you go to see bands. Like bars. If you go to Emo's, you're pissing in a trough, probably, in Austin.

Or if you go to some sporting events. I've definitely been to some football games where you just... I went to see the Lions, and I'm pretty sure people were just straight trough pissing in that one. If I remember. And that's even worse because they just pour a bunch of ice into the trough. So you're like pissing hot piss on ice and watching like it's a good game, isn't it? Piss missed.

They make steam sometimes. Yeah, it makes urine steam. And you're just breathing some guy's piss next to you. You're like the worst survivor challenge ever. Get immunity this week. One block of ice per side. Do you think you could piss... If you had, like, an ice cube, say, the size of a mug,

could you piss a hole straight through it? My gut says yes, but I have nothing to back that on. I drink a lot of water every day. I feel like I pee enough that I could do some damage to that. Oh, because isn't that the purpose of the ice, actually? Isn't that to prevent steam? Like it stops the steam on a cold day? What is the point of ice? I think it knocks the smell down to cool it and knock the heat smell down

piss piss smells worse the hotter it is yeah i bet i could piss through a mug yeah what about like one of those giant circular well hold on do you do now do you care Because I could freeze up a mug real fast. Do you care to place a wager on that? What would you do? What are you prepared to bet? It's a volume thing for me. I'm not sure my bladder's... I don't think

you can do it. I think it would melt far too slowly. Yeah, I've thought of the times you pour. You turn on the hot tap on ice, and it does take quite a while, doesn't it? melt far too slowly. Yeah, I've thought of the times you pour, like you turn on the hot tap on ice, and it does take quite a while, doesn't it? Yeah, it does. It does. I feel like much like burgers,

like a half second into your piss, you would realize. I've made a terrible mistake. Yeah. That would be interesting, though. What if we had, when we all meet up, we'll get four frozen mugs. No, no.

And we see, we'll stick a stick into the dent that you made and measure, see who went the furthest in. Who has the hottest piss? Will it be piss boy or will it be one of his friends or co-worker? What? Now that's interesting. If we do a temperature test and see who's got the hottest piss. Yeah, because one of us will have hotter piss than the other.

Oh, guaranteed. Guaranteed. Well, we need three thermometers and we might as well fill up some mugs with ice too. Craig needs to get off his fucking bullshit. What is Craig's problem today? He heard about all this piss

talk and he wanted out of here, but Nick dragged him back kicking and screaming. Do you have a problem with the piss content in this episode, Eric? I don't personally have a problem with the piss content, but I am thinking about how we're supposed to sponsor a junior hockey team. And this is a very piss forward episode. Well, maybe this isn't the episode we show them. Oh, and Jeff, which episode do we show them?

I think we just edit all of like the my hubby's bagel thing. Put it as its own fake length. So you're playing on your plan is to show them all this stuff that's just local to your town. And then they think it's just like a local podcast. I'm trying to think of a whole. Then we have the piss review. I'm trying to think of what's the most wholesome block. It would be interesting to do like an hour of wholesome face. What that sounds like and what that is. Where is that? Like, I don't I'm trying to think of what's the most wholesome block. It would be interesting to do like an hour of wholesome face.

What that sounds like and what that is. Where is that? Like, I don't I'm not sure. I'm sure there's enough moments across 98 episodes to do that. I just don't know what it would sound like. This is heavy piss talk that only potentially half of all people on Earth can relate to as well. Because it's it's male piss talk. But we could have female,

like a woman could pee through a mug. Yeah. But it, you know, the, the, the urinal etiquette doesn't come into play. That's true.

That's true. Totally true. Totally true. I wonder how, man, it's too bad we don't do, we don't have guests or interviews on this podcast. Cause I'd love to interview a,

a female about what the etiquette's like in women's bathrooms. I mean, you can just do that. I don't see why. Like, there has to be a precedent for this on this fucking show. Also, that you need a structure of a show to have that conversation. You can just get that info. I don't understand. Absolute operation.

Like, we need to find ourselves a female to talk. Like, the hell? I mean, this episode is about Bovril. You can do whatever the fuck you want in this show. I guess that's true. Yeah. I don't know if I care that much. Oh, man.

The Bovril saga. Who saw that coming? I didn't know it existed andrew you should go across the street and see if they they have any i should i should look yeah i'll go to that store i'll look it up barvril i don't think there's a thing i would enjoy less and paste like if you gave me an option of putting a thing in paste, meat would be pretty low tier. It's just like an edible thing. Yeah, meat and fish. I can't think of anything else that you

when I googled it, there's images of it being spread on toast and also images of people drinking it. I can't think of many products where it's a spread end. Yeah, I don't think I've ever had the Bovril spread. Okay, we're talking Bovril again. I tuned out for a second and then we were talking about putting piss on

toast. Okay, Bovril. Got it. You gotta melt the butter some way, Jeff. Oh, man. Ugh. Well, I think I'm Bovril'd out. I don't think I have any more Bovril content. Here's a question for you, because we're about to record episode 99.

We're about to jump right into it. Do you guys have stuff? You guys got any shit you want to talk about 99? I have a little thing. I have something I want to talk about in this episode that I just remembered that we should absolutely. What? I have stuff for next episode too. This was the wrap up. I know, this is a tiny thing. Just

fucking calm down, Eric. You're going to see this. No, because this happens all the time. No calm down Eric. You're gonna see this No, I understand that's fair with you. That's fair Here you this is a tiny thing. It's gonna fit. It's not tiny, but it'll fit within this did the significance of it I want to thank everybody that put us into reddit place. That was really cool to see oh shit hole There's a whole thing that was going on I wasn't as involved with it as i'd like to be reddit place was this i i don't even know if necessarily i'm qualified to explain it if i say this wrong if you know more feel free to correct me it is a thing

that reddit brought back for april fools it was like this giant wall where people could submit tiles of colors and make art on it but you can only do it once every five minutes and it was this board that had limited spaces so people were like fighting for spaces it got strangely political we're like from what i could tell the thing they made they made alliances with the halo people and the doom people and like another subreddit like it was poland ball people i think as well yeah i think poland was involved like it's this very interesting thing that is awesome in the sense of it it makes other communities that would never interact become friends and kind of unite over a period of time and uh face was on i should have grabbed

the screenshot of our i have our place oh that'd be if you could post it that'd be awesome but i just wanted to thank all the people that spent it was like a three or four day thing where like they had to rally and fight people against like defend the space. It was very cool. Yeah. I was, um,

I wasn't like in the discord discussing it and all that shit, but I was, it was when we were on tour, Gavin. And so I had it up on my phone the entire time we were on tour and I was helping defend not only face, I was also helping defend red versus blue and Ruby cause they were on there as well. And, uh, it was so helping defend red versus blue and Ruby because they were on there as well.

And it was so much fun. It was like I had alerts set up so that every five minutes my phone would ding and it would remind me to go like put another tile down because there was a couple. There was like a full two days there where people were just trying to fuck with RVB and I was like trying to hold that back. But the face community was was awesome. They were really. Yeah, it is wonderful. All the people that did that. Thank you so much. It was funny was funny too because i i didn't so i was sort of like you jeff where

i was in and out of it i didn't really know what was going on they added so we had a border where it said the name of our show and then it was surrounded by pencils and then they added another pencil and so i looked at it and i was like oh that pencil has like it's missing a piece i have a tile i'll put the piece back so i put it back what i didn't realize is that that pencil was made against an alliance i think was poland it went against the polish alliance yeah and so they're trying to get rid of the pencil and i had just further stated it and then people were like well andrew's building the pencil like fuck the alliance like we got to keep i accidentally created all this conflict because i'm dumb and so then i had to step in and be like no just get rid of the follow the alliances i don't know anything i was trying to help me invaded poland i accidentally led a

charge and continuing to invade poland historically a bad move yeah not great then i will say that the final form of the face was the face logo with the pencil border and then one giant pencil with a bite taken out of it. And I thought that was phenomenal. Very funny. Very good. Very good. It was nice to see a lot of regulation listeners and comment leavers at the live shows we just did. It was.

It was. We. Oh, that's. Well, you know what? We'll talk about an episode 99. I had forgot about it, but we do have some face. We had some face interactions during the tour,

every night of the tour that we should probably discuss because it's germane, uh, to this podcast. Okay. All right. Good. Are you, are you happy with that?

Eric, did that fit in nicely? Like I said, is that good? Yeah, that'll, I mean, that'll take us to time.

It's just, you know, yeah, that's fine. It's great. It's good. I loved it. Andrew, I loved it. Check this out this out i'm gonna do the best outro we've ever done i'm excited super professional okay i don't know if eric shot this episode yeah eric how's your

how's your tummy did you go poopy i rolled around on the ground for a little while but i just turned my headphones up so i'm good though okay that's good well Well, hey, audience, thank you. You have listened to another episode of F*** Face. This was the 98th iteration of this nonsense. We sure do appreciate you tuning in. If you liked it enough to listen again, maybe you could recommend it to a friend or an enemy. We're not particular. And then also, if you feel like writing a review

or giving us a rating on whatever pod for a pod form, whatever podcast platform of your choices, that would also be peachy keen. And if you don't, that's OK. We appreciate you just listening because we love you and we hope you have a fantastic week. See you next time. Bye. Hey, guys, minor league fan Jack here with a look at next week's episode of face.

Episode 99 is coming in gross. The gang goes X rated. Andrew's mom did not need that. We 99 is coming in gross. The gang goes X-rated. Andrew's mom did not need that. We've got Gerpler developments. Jeff has a new golden toy. Gavin is all about the Bovril. And once again, Andrew does not eat the pencil.

All that and more on next week's episode of F*** Face. We'll see you next time.