F**kface - Geoff vs The Universe // Getting Delicate [50]

Episode Date: April 23, 2025

Geoff, Gavin and Andrew talk about Geoff is back, long flight, So... Alright, Russian driver, a plane ride, bailey's on the rocks, mile high puke club, six saltines, puke preferences, friendly skies, ...Rizzler, Virtual Weapon, Andrew's Fall Guys haunting, Limbo, Call of Duty Modern Warfare, Geoff the anus guy, helium fart, saffron, ice cream pranks, rarity scale, Big Bounce again, Deep Impact, shockwaves, and exploding houses. Sponsored by Shady Rays. Thanks, Shady Rays. Get 35% off polarized glasses at shadyrays.com - code REGULATION. Support us directly at https://www.patreon.com/TheRegulationPod Stay up to date, get exclusive supplemental content, and connect with other Regulation Listeners. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript
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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hello and welcome to the Regulation Podcast. This is number 50. My name is Jeff Ramsey with me as always. Andrew, Eric, Gavin, and Nick. I was afraid I would forget your names. It's been so long since I've talked to you all. Where were you? It has been a while.
Starting point is 00:00:14 It's been a while. It has been some time. To the audience though, it's no time at all. Yeah, seamless to the audience. But I've been gone for the better part of about three weeks. I had two trips back to back. I went on a vacation with my family to Greece and Turkey.
Starting point is 00:00:30 I went on a cruise and then I did some land stuff. And so I, by the way, I will get into it later at some point when I've collected my thoughts. But Turkey, Turkey may be the greatest place on Earth. I've heard that. I've heard Turkey's phenomenal. Jesus Christ, do I love Turkey, honestly. It's a fantastic place. Greece, pretty good.
Starting point is 00:00:51 Turkey, way better. No offense to Greece. I used to pretty good. I think that's okay. Athens is like 82. Turkey's a 96, man. Oh. Everywhere you go.
Starting point is 00:01:03 Anyway, but I was really, really looking forward to today because I've genuinely missed you guys more than I knew I could miss. Aw. Missed you too, sir. I, you know, we all look forward to spending time together so much, and to take such an extended break
Starting point is 00:01:19 was way more difficult than I realized it would be. And so, and I keep up in the slack, you know? And so I'm watching you guys have fun and test out new shows and stuff. And man, the only time I've ever experienced FOMO in my life, I think, is in that slack when I see you guys doing stuff that I don't get to be a part of.
Starting point is 00:01:36 Which is the best FOMO to experience, because I know whatever you guys are doing is fucking magic and I can't wait to watch it, you know? So, I'm coming in today at a bit of a deficit and I'd like to tell you a story about how I arrived at this microphone. So I was on this cruise for I think 15 days and we left Istanbul at 2 in the morning,
Starting point is 00:02:05 flew to Frankfurt, had about a four hour layover there, and then flew from Frankfurt straight to Austin, which was awesome. We were getting in the plane though, and they go, due to some intense headwinds, we're gonna have to add more fuel to the plane. We wanna make sure we have enough to get there. That's because they knew we were gonna get our asses kicked. Boy, did we, it took an we have enough to get there. That's because they knew we were going to get our asses kicked.
Starting point is 00:02:26 Boy, did we. It took an extra two hours to get home on that flight. So what was like an 11 and a half hour flight was like a 13 and a half hour flight. Because of these fucking lens. Yeah. And so by the time we roll into Austin, it's been 20 hours of travel, right? So I'm a fucking zombie we get in about 4 p.m. Get home love Albert a little bit and then Emily is trying so hard to stay awake But she just crashes and I think I gotta stay awake because at 6 a.m. I have to be back at the airport for another flight
Starting point is 00:03:00 I have to go out of town just for one night to go deal with something and then come back. So I'm home for 15 hours and I'm like this 15 hours is going to be a nightmare because I feel like a zombie. I have got such jet lag. You wouldn't even believe jet lag gets worse as you get older. Actually, I read about it a little bit and and I'm older. So I decided I can't go to sleep. I cannot go to sleep. So I'm doing dishes, I do all the laundry from the trip. I'm just doing all kinds of stuff.
Starting point is 00:03:32 I manage to stay up till about 9 p.m. and then I fucking crash hard. Until about 11 and then I wake up and then I do that thing where you go to sleep for you think it's like an hour and a half but it's really 18 minutes and you're like, come on. You go back to sleep and you're like it's like an hour and a half, but it's really 18 minutes, and you're like, come on! And you go back to sleep, and you're like, oh, it must be five in the, it's been 23 minutes?
Starting point is 00:03:50 Motherf, I did that till about 4 a.m. And then at 4 a.m., I gave up, and I was laying in bed. I was laying in bed, I already told Eric this part. And I got to thinking about everything I have to do this week, and I was like, man, thank God Jeff was so smart to do a bunch of so all rights in advance So I don't have to record one this week because I got that robots one coming out and then I looked at my phone And the robots episode had just come out. Oh
Starting point is 00:04:13 And I go oh I miscounted I have to do a so all right and I'm thinking all right Well, I'm out of town Tuesday. I'm out of town Wednesday. We're going hard on Thursday and I assume Friday So what am I gonna do like a So Alright on Saturday? Like at some point I would like a day not to do shit, you know? And so I'm just laying there and I think, I can't go back to sleep, I gotta do it now. So I rolled out of bed and I did a So Alright at 4.30 in the morning that is maybe the worst thing,
Starting point is 00:04:40 the worst thing I have ever done. I haven't even gone back to listen to it yet, but I just didn't see any other time to do it. So, and it was just all about how exhausted I was, right? And I can't imagine, I'll be happy if it's in English, honestly, if I can understand what I'm saying. And then by the time I was done, it was like 5.15, and I have to be at the airport at like six,
Starting point is 00:05:01 and so I was like, or 6.30, you know, and I was like, oh fuck, so I take a shower and I just go to the airport a little bit early because what else am I gonna do and And then I get on my plane and I travel and I go I get off the plane and go straight to the thing that I got to do and deal with all that. It's Stressful, but it's good and it needed to be done and clearly obviously not something I can talk about them on the podcast Yeah, I'm talking around it. And then I eat a hamburger for dinner from Uber Eats.
Starting point is 00:05:30 I somehow fucked up my Uber Eats order and sent my hamburger to a building five blocks away. So by the time the guy got it to me, it was like a barbecue burger and it was kind of cold and it was kind of, as Gavin would say, minging. And I couldn't even finish it. And I don't know if this hamburger is a part of the problem
Starting point is 00:05:52 or if it was just a punctuation on a long couple of days. Oh no. But then I go to bed and I'm able to sleep from about, I don't know, that same kind of shit, like waking up every 20 minutes. You're in an uncomfortable hotel room, in a different room. All I want on Earth is to be in my bed, and I can't be, you know,
Starting point is 00:06:13 I'm just like pretty defeated at this point. And so I wake up, I wake up, wake up again at four in the morning. And so I just lay in an uncomfortable hotel room bed from four a.m. until, my flight isn't till 1.40 in the afternoon. Couldn't get an earlier flight. And so at about 9 a.m., I just, I was hungry, I was starving, and I didn't wanna eat any shitty hotel food.
Starting point is 00:06:40 I don't wanna eat any shitty airport food either, but I was just miserable and uncomfortable, and I thought, I'm just gonna go to the airport, fuck it. I'll just want to eat any shitty airport food either, but I was just miserable and uncomfortable and I thought I'm just gonna go to the airport. Fuck it. I'll just go to the airport early. I can sit in the Admiral's Club You know, thank God the gift of 20 years of travel at Rooster Teeth is that I have Admiral's Club, you know essentially for the rest of my life, which is helpful and so I was like I'll just go to the Admiral's Club and I'll just sit in there and and three and a half hours, it turns out. So, I get dressed, I get all my shit, order my Uber, get into my Uber. Biggest, meanest Russian dude I've ever seen in my entire life.
Starting point is 00:07:16 Car is like a hotbox. It's so hot I'm sweating. Guy won't look at me and make contact with me. He says three things over and over again. Well, he says one thing three ways over and over again. I'll tell you in a second. Anyway, also, wonderfully, car reeks of cigarette smoke. So being in a hot car reeking of cigarette smoke, Google says, or Uber says it's gonna take 44 minutes to get to the airport.
Starting point is 00:07:42 It took an hour and 17 minutes to get to the airport because of traffic, which is the only thing this guy said. He said it three ways. When he was mad, he would say, fucking traffic. And when he wanted to communicate with me, he would go, fucking traffic. And then when he was just like really flustered under his breath, he would just go, fucking traffic.
Starting point is 00:08:03 And that was it. That's all he said for an hour and 17 minutes or whatever. And it was the most uncomfortable ride in my entire life. And by the time I got out of the car, I was not feeling great. I'm imagining the guy in Home Alone 2 when Kevin almost gets in that cab with the scary guy, except you got in.
Starting point is 00:08:23 Kind of. He's got like a sweatshirt on with cut off sleeves and like Russian tattoos and shit, you know, and I'm like, oh, he definitely got those in jail, you know. So I don't you know, I'm not John Wick or anything. I'm not trying to get into some kind of a fucking cool guy fight. And so I I just stomach the cigarette smoke. So when I get out of the airport, I'm not feeling great. And I think, ah, no problem.
Starting point is 00:08:47 I'm really mostly just hungry. I'm fucking starving because that burger was not it. And I go to the Admiral's Club. I look at my watch. I've got just under four hours before my flight at this point, I think. Oh no, maybe three, a little like three and a half hours, maybe, and I shouldn't exaggerate.
Starting point is 00:09:04 And I go sit in a chair and I just can't get comfortable. And I just go sit in a different chair and I can't get comfortable. And I think, oh, I'll go get some food. And I go see the food and Admiral's Club, American Airlines. Sucks? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:09:20 When it comes to food at the Admiral's Club, they're the lowest of the low. I've been in a lot of Delta and United, holy shit dude, Turkish Airways, I was in the Turkish Airways Club. Jesus Christ, I don't wanna leave, I wanted to move in there, oh my God. They even have video games and shit,
Starting point is 00:09:34 they have a whole golf thing where you can practice your golf swing in there, and they'll just make whatever food you want. Anyway, so I get some, and at this point, my stomach's starting to feel like, oh, do I feel a little queasy? So I get a banana. I get the like the safest things I could think I get a banana and I get a Oatmeal and I eat the banana and I start to eat the oatmeal and something's like you shouldn't continue this
Starting point is 00:09:57 I'm like, okay. Well, I'm not gonna eat the oatmeal then but I know I'm fucking dehydrated and I need nutrients. So I'm like, oh, they have orange juice. They have super watered down Admiral's Club orange juice. If you've ever had Admiral's Club orange juice, you know what I'm talking about. It's like 80% water and just a little bit of juice for coloring, right?
Starting point is 00:10:16 And so I start slamming those. I get about four of them in me and then I'm starting to feel really rough. I feel bloated. And I go, I'm gonna go find another seat to sit at me. And I try to get comfortable in another seat and I can't. And I'm like laying, I'm trying to feel really rough. I feel bloated and I go I'm gonna go find another seat to sit at me and I try to get comfortable in another seat and I can't and I'm Like laying I'm trying to sleep. I can't get it and then it hits me you're gonna throw up You're gonna throw up in the Admirals Club You're absolutely going to in the next five minutes. You're gonna throw up in the Admirals Club
Starting point is 00:10:41 So I grab my backpack and I leisurely walk, you know, nothing's wrong, I'm trying to look normal. Meanwhile, I'm fucking sweating to death. And I walk to the bathroom, I get the farthest one from everybody, get down on my knees, and I throw up. Oh, man. And you know how when you throw up
Starting point is 00:10:58 and then you're like, oh thank God, I feel instantly better? Yes. Yeah. It's the only upside to vomit, is that it makes you feel better after. I don't instantly better. Yes. Yeah. It's the only upside to vomit is that it makes you feel better after. I don't feel better. And I'm like, I guess I gotta, yeah, throw up again. Six times I threw up.
Starting point is 00:11:12 Oh my God. Every bit of orange juice and banana and water, I throw up. Like, like a fucking Fairly Brothers movie kind of vomit, right? And so after the sixth one, I still don't feel better. And I'm like, I tried to make myself throw up, but there's nothing left. And so I just have to feel shitty. So then I walk over and I get my toothbrush out of my bag and I go into the sink
Starting point is 00:11:43 and I brush my teeth to get the puke out of my mouth and stuff. And then I go back in and then I have like about two and a half hours to kill in the Admiral's Club where I just, I don't know how to describe it, but I'm just unhappy. I'm just miserable. I just like nothing on my phone is interesting. I can't get comfortable.
Starting point is 00:12:01 No chair sits right. Nothing in that, everything, every chair is at an odd angle so I can't lay down, I can't get comfortable. No chair sits right. Nothing in that, everything, every chair is at an odd angle so I can't lay down, I can't sit upright. I cannot find a moment of comfort in the animal. You need to be asleep is what you need. I need to be asleep. I haven't slept at this point in a very long time. Sorry, taking a breath for some water.
Starting point is 00:12:18 Hopefully I don't throw it up. Oh. So then when it's about 30 minutes from my flight, I just can't sit there anymore. So I get up and I just go walk around the airport hoping that getting some exercise will make me feel better. It doesn't, it doesn't. But it just, time moves so slowly,
Starting point is 00:12:35 like so unbelievably slowly. And I think, man, I can't wait till I'm on this airport because then, or on this airplane, because one of the things I did, because I genuinely love myself, is I bought myself first I'm on this airport, because then, or on this airplane, because one of the things I did, because I genuinely love myself, is I bought myself first class seats on this flight, because I knew it was gonna be kind of stressful, and I knew I was gonna be coming off of another long trip,
Starting point is 00:12:54 and I deserve a little bit of comfort, right? And so I get on the plane, and I'm in 3E, and the guy next to me, this really sweet kind of young guy, he's wife, newlywed wife, is in 1F, and they're talking and laughing. And I go, hey man, I'll switch places with your wife if you want so you can sit next to each other.
Starting point is 00:13:14 I got no problem doing that. And they're so grateful, and I'm so happy to do it because I always hate when Emily and I can't sit together on a plane, you know? And so I go sit in 1F, which I didn't think about at the time as a fucking bulkhead, and I can't stretch together on a plane, you know? And so I go sit in one F, which I didn't think about at the time as a fucking bulkhead, and I can't stretch my legs out. My legs immediately start to cramp,
Starting point is 00:13:30 and I just can't get them to stop. I can't do anything about it, right? And so I sit on the plane, we take off, everything's fine. At this point, I'm terrified we're gonna get held up, or there's gonna be a problem, because I'm at like, I started the day at like a 50 and I'm at like 20 right now in the seat, right? This big gross lump of shit comes and sits next to me
Starting point is 00:13:53 and just spreads out all over me. He's like six four and massive and he's like cramming me in and I got no fucking room and he's fucking gross. And then he, we take off and then he does the grossest thing I've ever seen in my entire life He orders a Bailey's on the rocks which turns out immediately turns out what
Starting point is 00:14:17 Yeah, dude Bailey's on the rocks turns out Bailey's on the rocks is not a smell I need in my mouth I Instantly get nauseous. I'm like, what the fuck am I gonna do? I go, oh, thank God I can turn my nose off. That's a skill I have. So I shut my nose down and I'm fine. Then he orders another Baileys on the rocks. And so I'm at a point where I'm like, what?
Starting point is 00:14:43 I'm like, we're 25 minutes into the flight at this point. And I'm like, I don't know how long I can keep my nose shut down. Like I've never done it for an extended period of time. A minute here, two minutes there, but we're going on like half an hour. And it's kind of, it starts to, I get tired, you know? And eventually, eventually he finishes
Starting point is 00:15:03 his second Bailey's on the Rock. She takes it away and he just gets a water, and I'm like oh, thank Christ well Yeah, he's got it. He's got a rinse all that milk spit out of his gullet drinking rocks twice Bailey's on a plane I Know dude. I it's the crap as I said it's the grossest thing I've ever seen was it Christmas Eve and so um But as I said, it's the grossest thing I've ever seen. Was it Christmas Eve? And so, then I can breathe again with my nose and that's great.
Starting point is 00:15:29 I've been basically just trying not to puke for the first 20 minutes of the flight. So I go, oh, I should, let me get on my phone and I'll buy some internet and I'll just watch TikTok. That'll help distract me, right? Cause I got about two and a half hour flight. I got about two hours, 15 minutes to go or whatever. And the fucking wifi-Fi is down
Starting point is 00:15:46 The whole plane and the guy captain gets on he goes hey I'm really sorry, but we don't have any Wi-Fi in the plane today really really apologize for that Like fucking great. I got nothing right. I'm gonna raw dog this fucking plane nauseous now and then What I can only describe as the universe What I can only describe as the universe shitting some sort of karma that I'm not aware I need, like directly into my mouth, the lady comes out and she goes, time to serve lunch.
Starting point is 00:16:14 Today we have a vegetarian dish, or chicken shawarma, which is all I've eaten or smelled for the last two fucking weeks in Greece and Turkey. It's all they eat over there It's either lamb or eggplant or chicken shawarma. That's all there is the smell knocks me on my ass Shut my nose down again. I had to keep my nose shut down for about 45 minutes eventually I couldn't do it any longer. I had to breathe By the way this 45 minutes, I'm just staring straight ahead, you know I couldn't do it any longer. I had to breathe. By the way, this 45 minutes, I'm just staring straight ahead, you know?
Starting point is 00:16:50 Nothing to do. I've got a couple of dumb old games on my phone, but I don't like games on a phone. They're not fun. They suck. Every phone game fucking sucks. And I don't care what anybody says. They're all dog shit.
Starting point is 00:17:02 None of them are interesting. And I don't feel like reading or anything, you know, because I don't feel good. So I go about 45 minutes to the air. I'm like, I got about an hour and a half left on the flight. Maybe I go up. I'm going to join the Mile High Pew Club. Oh boy. No. And I get up and I walk into the bathroom in the first class first class bathroom. And I get on my knees into the bathroom, first class bathroom, and I get on my knees into the dirtiest bowl you've ever seen, you know, like streaks of other people's shit on it. Oh, God.
Starting point is 00:17:33 Oh, for God's sake. And I projectile vomit, not once, not twice, not three times, not even six times like in the Admiral's Club. How do you still have liquid in you? I don't know. I had one glass of water. Somehow it multiplied in my body. I throw up seven fucking times. Oh my god.
Starting point is 00:17:53 God. I'm exhausted by the end of it. It was loud. I can't imagine the whole plane didn't hear it, right? But nobody makes eye contact with me when I get out, so who knows? And then I stand up and I go over to the sink and I think as I'm standing up I think like I gotta get my toothbrush out and get this puke taste out of my mouth again I can brush my teeth and so sink and I go over to the sink and it's wrapped in caution tape and it says sorry sink sink is broken
Starting point is 00:18:21 and the basin is just full of packages of wet wipes. And I'm operating at like five percent now, right? I don't know what to do. I can't problem solve at this point. I'm still nauseous, but there's nothing to throw up. I'm exhausted. I haven't slept in two days. I've got jet everything like, you know, how shitty you feel on a plane on a good day. And so I just open up some wet wipes and I just wipe my mouth out.
Starting point is 00:18:49 I don't know what else to do. Oh, my God. It's chemically engrossed and it almost makes me throw up again. But it's the chemical smell. The chemical taste is better than the puke, I guess. That's not for mouths. No, it's not. Not for I'm pretty sure it says on the packaging, not for mouths Yeah and then I I can't do anything about else about it so I go and I sit down for the last hour or so of the flight with the chemical slash puke
Starting point is 00:19:17 mouth and I just stare ahead and watch the seconds go by in my mind. Couldn't you have gone to the back box? I don't think I could have made it back there, dude. I was alone. I'm running on zero energy and I'm not. I'm not. This is a top... I was trying to figure it out. This is like a top ten, maybe top eight shittiest days of my life. It sounds miserable. Oh yeah.
Starting point is 00:19:43 Miserable. And then the pilot announces that we're landing 20 minutes early and I go, oh yeah, ah fuck, that's the worst because when you land early, it always seems like a good deal. Yeah, but there's always somebody in your gate so then you just sit on the fucking tarmac and you fucking heat up and sure enough,
Starting point is 00:19:59 we land 20 minutes early and he's like, well as soon as this Alaskan Airlines flight pulls out of the gate, we'll go right in. And it's actually only about five minutes. It's not terrible or anything. So I still end up getting home like 15 minutes early. And I fucking, I think like, I'm like trying not to throw up. And I'm just thinking through my head, like, what do I have to do?
Starting point is 00:20:18 Right? You know, like I get out, it's going to be like gate 26 or 28 probably, because that's where we always are. And I'm not looking at my phone. And then, and then I'll just, just, I think it's a short walk, I get down the escalator, I know exactly where my car is, I always park an L for losers, so I never forget, and then if L is filled up, I park an M for moron.
Starting point is 00:20:35 But I got an L space, so I have my L spot, so I know I'm in my loser spot. And we pull in and I get out, and for the first time in my life we pulled into the last fucking gate at the airport. Like gate 36 or something, 32, I don't know. And it's like a 17 mile walk back to my car and Austin Bergstrom International Airport yesterday looked like Disneyland.
Starting point is 00:21:07 I had to fight my way out of the airport to get the fuck out of there. And the whole time I'm sweating and every time I walk by a bathroom, I'm like, is that the one I go puke in? No, is that? No, I just gotta make it, I just gotta make it. And finally I get into my car and I'm able to relax a little bit
Starting point is 00:21:23 and I think like maybe I'll feel no I still feel shitty and I drive home which was actually kind of difficult because I was in such a miserable state and I I got home at like four o'clock and I walked upstairs and I laid down in the bed and I didn't wake up again till 9 p.m. And And then I've kind of been up since 9 p.m. Oh You can go back to bed. Yeah, I've had a real difficulty. I woke up today at about 10% I'm up to like 40 or 50 now. I've eaten six saltines successfully and
Starting point is 00:21:54 Yeah, yeah, and I drunk a bunch of water and I'm feeling a little bit better as the day goes on but I have never Experienced anything like the misery. I just described to you guys. It was never ending and it wouldn't relent. I feel like, and this is gonna be a weird phrasing, but what I think you need is you need a Dracula-like coffin that you could just lay in for 24 hours. I agree. You just need to lay in a box and then have it sealed and just be like, this is gonna open in 24 hours. You just need to lay in a box and then have it sealed
Starting point is 00:22:25 and just be like, this is gonna open in 24 hours. Don't think about anything, don't do anything. You just need to recover. Yeah, or like a sleep deprivation chamber or something. Hermetically sealed. Yeah, it's like, it's, and I was so excited to come back. I can't tell you how fucking jazzed I've been for the last week to get back and to play repo and to play video games and to do podcasts with you guys
Starting point is 00:22:48 And to tell you all the stuff that all the stuff about the trip But I'll be honest with you I flushed I have no memory of the trip right now like it might as well have never happened you threw it up I just I can't I can't focus on anything all potentially because of one burger yeah, or just a combination of jet lag and getting older and just being delicate. I think I'm just getting delicate.
Starting point is 00:23:11 You know, I think that the 20 hour flight, the no sleep and then the 15 hour, 15 hour flight, 15 hours later, which just was too much for my shitty little body to handle. That's two back to back bomb trips. Yeah. Because you have the point because I threw up like back to back bomb trips. Yeah. Oh yeah. Cause you have the uh. Cause I threw up like crazy at Disneyland too.
Starting point is 00:23:28 Yeah. Yeah. Well that's not a good sign. I hope that's not a new thing. I just throw up every time I go on a trip. I'm never leaving Austin again. I know I've said that before. God damn dude. I don't have any other trips scheduled and I'm not gonna let anybody schedule anymore. That's too dangerous to go anywhere.
Starting point is 00:23:44 And how? How? How could it go so wrong at every point from the Baileys to the to the chicken shawarma? That's it's comical that they did that to me after two straight weeks of that. It was like they just knew what would fuck my nose up to the to the broken sink. Yeah, like someone someone had a vomit obstacle course. They were just sliding different items under you. It's insane what you had to close your nose for. I'm starting to think that I'm like a Truman show.
Starting point is 00:24:09 I just don't know. The last fucking gate at the airport, I've never even seen the last gate of the airport. You're trying to hold your nose flaps for as long as possible. Felt like the lowest tiered Tom Cruise stunt for Mission Impossible. Like they've just run out of stuff and it's now just a highway. He's got it. You hear that Tom Cruise held his nose for 50 minutes. Fucking crazy. It's just the camera slowly moving in his face as he's squirming in a plane seat. Thanks to Shady Rays for supporting the regulation podcast.
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Starting point is 00:25:56 And exclusively for our listeners, Shady Rays is offering their best deal for the season. Head to ShadyRays.com and usecom and use code regulation for 35% off polarized sunglasses Try for yourself the shades rated five stars by more than 300 000 people So anyway, that's my last two days what are you guys been up to Holy shit So should we postpone today? No, man, we got too much to do. I just asked we were supposed to do repo first, but I asked to do the podcast.
Starting point is 00:26:27 We're gonna, we have to put, we're gonna do two episodes of the podcast and we're done for today. There's no, you're adding a fucking mind. We need to rest. Jesus Christ, that's insane. I thought we were pushing it. I ran down a schedule yesterday of like,
Starting point is 00:26:41 here's everything I wanna get done today. And I'm like, ah, this is gonna push Jeff, but I think he'll be okay. You just told 20 minutes of a story yesterday of like, here's everything I want to get done today. And I'm like, this is going to push Jeff, but I think you'll be OK. You just told 20 minutes of a story where I went, we shouldn't even done the podcast today. Now we have that's crazy. Well, I think you need a day or at least the majority of a day where you got nothing you need to do. I don't know what to do with I'm just if I don't do this podcast, I'm miserable. I don't nothing is fun.
Starting point is 00:27:03 I don't want to do it. I don't feel you know what I mean, like at least this is distracting me in the moment We'll see how I feel after I think the craziest part of that story is You had a bed until what I assume was 11 a.m. For check check out and you decided to leave it I did I did I did I was just uncomfortable and Unhappy and I just wanted to be home You know sometimes when you do stuff that you know doesn't make sense I did, I did, I did. I was just uncomfortable and unhappy and I just wanted to be home. You know, sometimes when you do stuff that you know doesn't make sense, but you have to do it,
Starting point is 00:27:29 like getting in the car and going to the airport was getting closer to home and I just was so desperate to get home. Like I didn't get sick until I was at the airport, but I was miserable before that, you know? I was exhausted and jet lagged and miserable and felt like shit and just wanted so badly to be home with my wife and my dog and my bed and my house. And so even just getting up and like, it's like I was going to be miserable in a shitty
Starting point is 00:27:56 hotel room and an uncomfortable bed or miserable in what I was hoping would be a comfortable chair at the Admiral's Club, which turns out those don't exist. I've I know it's something about your story that I've realized we're different at. I I don't think I've ever knelt down to vomit. Oh, really? I don't go knees to the ground. No. Yeah. What do you do? Bend to the hips. Yeah, I hunch over. I have my hands on my on like above my knees. I lean over forwards, maybe put a hand on the wall behind the toilet.
Starting point is 00:28:28 And I just go like that. I'm I'm like I'm on the ground gripping that thing and just letting it fly. Like, I think you're nuts for being on your feet. Like, I would be scared to be that high off the ground because I get puke spray everywhere. 100 percent. You got you got to like I like, I'm hugging it.
Starting point is 00:28:46 I'm hugging that thing. Yeah. I just don't want to get my face close to the water. Like I'm, oh, it's the worst. I was like 10 inches from some other guy's shit, but I can do that. I don't worry about that. It's, I like getting the whole body into the puking motion and you can really leverage the rest of the body when you're in the legs.
Starting point is 00:29:03 It's like throwing it's only your arms, but you can throw further stood up than you can on your knees. Yeah. I just, for me, it's like, I'm giving myself over to what my body needs and it's like fully giving up everything physical in, in every single way. I'm like, I'm trying not to, but there's like, dude, there's no choice. What? I just need it out of me and it's a whatever it takes. Whatever it takes. Sometimes you grip. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:29:32 Puking is the most violent thing I do in my life. Yeah, it's up there for sure. OK, so it's probably pretty. Yeah, but like it feels so good when you're done. I usually in this situation, it's threw up 15 times and it did not. But, and I, and I get that. What's the number one body function? What?
Starting point is 00:29:55 Like a sneeze is up there as well. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't, I didn't think my question was that confusing, but it's like, what do you think? It's like, what's higher on the list than puking like what's better? I think feels better I think it's nice is better. It's nice. It's probably Everything everything feels better. It's the worst thing you can do. It's the you think it's the worst
Starting point is 00:30:17 Puking in the act of it. Yeah. Yeah, if you said, uh, you know Would you rather sneeze or would you throw up and feel the satisfaction from not feeling bad anymore? I put a bunch of functions above vomit because you have to go through the vomit. Yeah, the vomit isn't fun Oh trigger warning for vomit talk today. Oh cool Thank you very much great worries. Yep. I like that Gavin and I both sneeze through our mouths and we're both Standing up vomiters. Wow, you guys have so much in common Gavin and I both sneeze through our mouths and we're both standing up vomiters. Wow. You guys have so much in common. I was blown away listening to that back because Jeff, you said you've only been a
Starting point is 00:30:52 nose sneezer. Yeah. And you wouldn't even know how to redirect it through your mouth. But also you're the nose flap guy. Yeah. So if you ever tried closing them. My flat if I tried closing my flaps while I sneezed, I'd probably blow my brain. Yeah, I was about to say it's gonna be like a Looney Tunes, like the back of your head explodes at. Yeah, no way dude, I don't wanna die. Although I kinda did earlier today.
Starting point is 00:31:16 Your head turns into like a used matchstick, and you just, your eyes blink. Eric, you surely wouldn't kneel down on a plane in the piss. If I, Gavin, if I am feeling so bad that I have to puke on an airplane, I'm doing whatever it takes to get that out of me. You don't prioritize like not walking out with two puddle stains on your knees? If I feel so sick that I have to puke on the airplane, I don't give a shit about a fuck. I don't care about anything. It needs to be out of me, period.
Starting point is 00:31:59 Yeah, there were no puddle stains just for the record. I don't want people to think that there were puddle stains. I didn't know. I assume because you didn't mention it, but there's a, there's I've pissed in a lot of planes where it's just like, I would not want to be down there right now. Oh, absolutely. I don't want to get an airplane.
Starting point is 00:32:12 I'm just, I'm saying that like I have, if it has to get out of me, I'm there's no, I just don't think that there can be a barrier where I go, let's think about this analytically. Like I think I'm just toast. Like I'm doing whatever I can. Is it just that you can't puke stood up or you just don't want to be messy? No, I can. I just want it out of me in one go and be done. I don't know if I'd have the strength to stay standing. I'd be scared I'd collapse.
Starting point is 00:32:38 Yeah. I get weak in the legs. I need the stability of the ground when I'm puking. I don't know how to articulate how this would work, but the premise of somebody seeing your stats page, Jeff, let's say it's somebody that somehow, someone from the past is looking at, maybe a long distant relative from your past is able to look at future generations of like stats and they look at you and it's your vomit statistics
Starting point is 00:33:14 and where you are when you vomit. How absurd it is that you're so high up in the sky and you're vomiting. Thirty eight thousand feet. You try to rationalize like if somebody didn't understand flight and just went, how the f- how did- what? What? Seeing the heat map of that would be great, because like your own toilet would be pretty warm and then there would just be like five blotches through the sky,
Starting point is 00:33:37 like 17 miles apart because you're horny. Yeah, because you go in like 350 miles an hour or whatever. Oh, wow. I might have puked a couple of miles worth. Holy shit. I didn't even think about that aspect of it. I didn't either. Man, can I tell you, I've never hated anybody in my life more than that lump of shit sitting next to me.
Starting point is 00:33:56 I can tell by the way you talk about it. Man, I fucking hated that dude. Fucking Baileys on the rocks. Baileys on the rocks twice? So what's on the Bayley's on the rocks twice. It's crazy. He's crazy. Bailey's on the rocks. As somebody who doesn't drink, I just I don't understand.
Starting point is 00:34:11 It's not even liquor. It's a liqueur, which means that it's like a lower ABV. So if you're drinking it to like get a buzz, you got to go further. But it's also Andrew, It's like drinking alcoholic milk. It's it's thick like a melted milkshake. It's you know how you know how I'm a no go on white shit. Right. Bailey's is at the top of that list.
Starting point is 00:34:37 Like even when I was even listen, I was a crippling alcoholic. I was never bad enough to drink Baileys. If it was between like sobering up and drinking Baileys, I would have sobered up. Never. Yeah, I feel like it's always like a family has got a bunch of old relatives over and they they go into the cabin and they pull out half a bottle of Baileys that hasn't been poured since this day last year.
Starting point is 00:35:03 It's like a rarely drunk thing in my experience. It's 17% ABV, which is like barely more than wine. It's, it's so low. It's so, so low in ABV. It's, and drinking it on the rocks on an airplane seems so bizarre. That is like, that's crazy. I was on a plane this last week and this woman ordered a double vodka just on ice. And they just gave her two little bottles of vodka. And she went, thank you, poured it on the ice.
Starting point is 00:35:38 Boom, down it. And it was like, what the fuck? That's crazy. She forgot everything at her seat. She forgot her phone. She forgot her pillow. She forgot her glasses crazy. She forgot everything at her seat. She forgot her phone. She got her pillow. She forgot her glasses case. She forgot everything.
Starting point is 00:35:48 It was really exciting. How far into the flight? Oh, the first drink service. Like it was immediate. It's like, what can I get for you? And I went water and she went double vodka. She had a place to go and she wanted to get there fast. It was, it was crazy. That's something they never get right in the flight safety videos Double vodka. She had a place to go and she wanted to get there fast.
Starting point is 00:36:05 It was crazy. That's something they never get right in the flight safety videos is that there's never anyone really pissed up trying to get on one of the slides. Which would probably be the case. Oh man. I used to pride myself on being really good at like getting real friendly with the flight attendants. They'd always slip me extra free booze. I was able to do it almost every flight I was on.
Starting point is 00:36:29 I was really good at that. Is that? Wow. You said it with a lot of pride. And just, I'm just saying, I'm just pointing out like sort of where you ended up. I don't think you should be so prideful about it. I used to weasel these idiots out of free drinks all the time. It's a skill I don't use anymore, but it doesn't mean I'm not proud that I had the skill, you know.
Starting point is 00:36:51 I've seen you turn on the charm. Yeah, man. You haven't just slipped that to like... I've seen you turn on the charm too at a hotel in Vegas. Oh, God. Hotel in Vegas. No, you're one-liner. Yeah, you're one-liner.
Starting point is 00:37:04 The one time I had Riz. Yeah Man the way you say that word is weird to me heads I'm sorry. What were you saying? Andrew? I cut you off. I don't even remember I'm just I'm wrapped up and Gavin being the Rizzler and I just can't Everything else went out the window Gavin Gavin. Would you like to be the Rizzo? Oh, I don't think so. I don't think I should be that you should be what? the Rizzo Just don't think I've ever heard it in that accent before you think you can be a Costco guy Gavin
Starting point is 00:37:40 I mean you say Rizzo. I just think of the rolling paper What nobody knows what that is. What rolling? Oh, you're saying Rizla. It's it's it's rolling. I think they're very British. They're very truly. That's what my friends used to smoke.
Starting point is 00:37:59 What's that shit? Hash, I don't know. Marijuana like a cigarette. I can't know. Marijuana? Cigarette? I can't remember the brand of like rolling tobacco. We're not friends with your friends. We don't know what your friends did. That wasn't it. I need to show you.
Starting point is 00:38:13 I searched Rizla. Or like rolling papers. This is, look at this fucking guy. What? Is that you and your friends bud? That's a similar look. That guy looks like he tells you that he can only be paid cash because he has child support payments. Yeah, and the government's gonna take his money. That's crazy.
Starting point is 00:38:50 Hey, so for serious, though, what what I missed for three weeks. What catch me up? Marvin Hagler virtual weapon. Very virtual. I saw what's virtual weapon. We have to see. I guess I guess we could talk about that here, right? We I came up with a game where we're trying to find the regular, by the time this comes out,
Starting point is 00:39:06 that video is definitely not out, but that's okay. You'll see it eventually. We came up and it's called Regulation Best Thing. And what I'm trying to do is find what the best thing is. And so it is a random Wikipedia article versus a random Wikipedia article. And whichever one of those things is better moves on and then we randomize again.
Starting point is 00:39:26 And then it's a head to head competition all the way until we find what the best thing is. That's, yeah. But it didn't go how you'd expect. Like it wasn't like, you know, orange or swing set. It was like a small town in Poland or Iranian spy who was executed. It really, it really, it really goes in like a lot of different directions.
Starting point is 00:39:49 But the thing about Wikipedia is that it has kind of like everything on it and that's why we used it. So eventually we landed on a movie, an Italian action movie from 1997 called Virtual Weapon. I'm in. And this is starring Terrence Hill and Marvelous Marvin Hagler. The boxer? The boxer. Yeah. Yes.
Starting point is 00:40:13 He is the comedic relief. From what we can tell from the trailer, we think one of them is virtual from a video game. Uh-huh. The non Marvin Hagler actor, we believe, is from a video game, he either gets pulled from the video game. The non Marvin Hagler actor, we believe is from a video game. He either gets pulled from the video game or Marvin Hagler is imagining him as like his friend. It's very odd, but there's a lot of explosions.
Starting point is 00:40:35 Sort of like cloak and dagger. Yeah. A little bit. So we landed on that and it was very hard to beat. Are we gonna watch that movie? Yeah, absolutely. Oh, we absolutely are gonna watch Virtual Weapon. We landed on it and it was immediately four men in a Discord call going, oh, oh!
Starting point is 00:40:52 So yeah, we're definitely watching that. It's pretty exciting. So that was one of many things that happened while you were gone. Nice. I've been haunted by a video game. I'm sorry? I need help from the community because I've been
Starting point is 00:41:07 I was playing Fall Guys one evening in an explore category and a level popped up and I was like, oh, this looks ridiculous. So, you know, like, I'll just play through this. This is fine. Spent 30 fucking minutes on this level and I was not able to beat it. And by minute 10, I was like, I just I can't I can't leave. I can't I don't need to do this. I've accomplished what I needed of just like loading in.
Starting point is 00:41:30 But I cannot leave this level until I beat this fucking thing. It's ridiculous. It's a level where it's a bunch of like spinning tops. And then there's Canaan shooting orange balls into the middle constantly. And then when you get on the other side of that, it's a bunch of jump pads and like trapeze things where you got to go between those and swing and then land on another jump. It's a whole thing. And I spent 30 minutes doing it and I would have spent longer, but that is the maximum amount of time they allow you to spend in the thing.
Starting point is 00:42:03 It timed me out. So why is this four guys, but solo? No, it was just like I was in the they have like an explore playlist where it's all community made levels and there's no like if you make one, it just ends up there and you can play it and you can like thumbs up it or thumbs down. And so I landed on that one. Every other person quit. Everybody left within like three minutes.
Starting point is 00:42:27 And I was like, I fucking got to beat this. This is so annoying. And so I just spent the entire time there until the clock started running down. And I was so mad, but I gave it a thumbs up. So I thought, OK, I can probably come back to this later. But it erased it like it doesn't. That's not how you favorite a level, I guess.
Starting point is 00:42:45 So for like the past 10 days, it's all I've been thinking about. Whenever I lay in bed, I just think about this level that I haven't been able to beat and I have no way of finding. So if someone out there somehow knows what this level is called, please let me know because I'm in a hell by name. I cannot find it. I went back in, I saw that like there's a way to favorite levels and giving it a thumbs up apparently isn't it.
Starting point is 00:43:10 I don't think the thumbs up in any way like is a bookmarker for what I did. And since it's in a playlist where it's not curated, so it's just like impossible to track that way. I guess if I would have checked as soon as I finished it, it would have saved anything that like keeps your game history. But I closed out of the game because I was so mad that it time me out
Starting point is 00:43:34 before I could finish it. So it's just gone. And I have no way of being able to find it. There's like zero like narrowing down because it is an open, uncurated playlist in the game. How many levels are that do you think? How many? Oh, I couldn't even speculate to guess. An insane number.
Starting point is 00:43:54 Anybody who makes a level, I think it ends up there. So are some of them even beatable? I would assume that the creator forces you to have a beatable level, but you can just skip it as like there's an in-game prompt of like, are you done with this level? You can just move on to the next one. It's fine. Like completing it is not at all a mandatory part of that process, but
Starting point is 00:44:18 it's one of those things where you get committed to like, I'm going to see this through and then just stuck on it. And I was making progress as figuring it out. I got real close, but I never beat it. And it's just it's haunted me. I'll lay in bed at night and I'll think about that level and that I still haven't beaten it. If you find it again, will you stream it? I think we should all play it. If I find it again, we can all play it.
Starting point is 00:44:43 We track it us in. What if you were never awake and you dream the whole thing and it doesn't exist? I mean, that would then I guess theoretically I could dream a scenario in which I find it and beat it and then I'm good. You should try that. I should every night going to lay in bed. I'm down to play it with you if you ever if you ever figure it out. We need to find it. I mean, it's such a unique it's a unique level. So as I said, if anyone knows what I'm down to play it with you if you ever if you ever figured out you need to find it if I mean It's such a like unique
Starting point is 00:45:05 It's a unique level so as I said if anyone knows what I'm talking about it literally starts out It's a bunch of like spinning tops in the beginning you have to jump over and then like 20k and shooting giant orange balls all into the middle I Highly doubt anyone is able to find it because from what I could tell by searching Nobody knows how to favorite a level in that game, even though it's a prompt. Every like thread is just how do you do this? So I don't I think it's just gone forever. I don't think I'll ever be able to play it again.
Starting point is 00:45:35 But it's all I think about right now. That goddamn interesting. I can't beat it. Can't beat it. It can't be done. I've never seen anyone do it. You said, Gavin, what if it's an unbeatable level? I think it's that level. That level is unbeatable. It's so annoying.
Starting point is 00:45:49 It's so upsetting. Yeah, all of us running that at the same time would be interesting. I think it would be fun to do. We're talking about doing Mile High Club where as we beat it, we get to leave. Like I think we could put that in the rotation of once you beat the level, you get to leave the recording. Oh, fucking mile high club.
Starting point is 00:46:07 I really want to do that because not being able to leave until you've done it is going to be like eight times longer than play until someone gets it. We need to like wait a little bit on that for Jeff. Jeff needs to recharge. Yeah, maybe give me a day or two. Did you did you ever finish limbo? Did you do your thing? I was about to bring it up.
Starting point is 00:46:29 Yeah. Did a little stream. Yeah. Good test run. How close did you get or did you do it? I what was I like 20 percent in or something? I think like 17. I had a full play video up on the side, Jeff, and he was 17 minutes into the hour long play through. It's the thing that even if we stream that again on a on a Friday at 4 p.m. on Twitch, I don't have all of the memory I had when I was doing it.
Starting point is 00:46:57 Like leaving a two week gap between attempts. Horrific. I'm going to die earlier than I did last time somehow. Well, he Gavin lost three lives in a row and then realized he wasn't jumping. Yeah, it was pretty cool. He was just sort of like walking forward and then going, I'm not hitting the jump button. I forgot the I forgot the only mechanic in the game. I can't wait to watch that., I mean that was a great stream But I think we'll just have to do it you know off stream because it's gonna take so long But it's it's very exciting. I think you can do it. I believe in you, dude
Starting point is 00:47:33 Yeah, well, maybe we'd have to do a run of like I'll stream every day that week or something Oh, there's you're gonna keep you think you're gonna keep that information locked in your brain every day also Why would you do this to yourself? Why would I feel like the best way of, why would you do this to yourself? Why would you? Why would you set yourself up for this? Why wouldn't you just go, I'll just see if I can do it in one go and brutalize yourself for like a few hours
Starting point is 00:47:53 instead of going like, well, here's nine days. Do you think it's the most fun that, like I think the best version of that idea is live. Wow. Honestly, being live for it was a lot of fun because the chat was going crazy. Every time you died, you would just see the death count come up in the chat.
Starting point is 00:48:11 Just flying. It would be a bunch of people typing four and then a million piss rats. And it would freak me out. It definitely kept the pressure up higher than it would have been. Yeah. But also it very, very hard to count to the number five.
Starting point is 00:48:25 I've learned while you're playing that game, I kept losing track of how many times I've died. I think that could be a fun maybe like you will figure out the scheduling of it. But if you have because it's only an hour long, theoretically, your playthrough, when you get it and you figure out how to do everything, setting a time and doing like every day until you do it. Yeah. I don't know what we would do with the VOD. Would we just not do them for that? Maybe it would be like a Mario Party in a sense.
Starting point is 00:48:56 We're like we have more together. Eventually. Yeah. Just do one big video once it's all done. One big 37 hour video. What do you think, Nick? Are you up for stitching together a bunch of me playing limbo's? I think that'd be fun. Yeah. I like, I like these little challenges. I also, after that, we should definitely do the mile high club.
Starting point is 00:49:21 Yes. Yeah, I'm down with that. That'll be, that'll be a a misery cuz I've done that one Before it took me days to do it really I think so Yeah, I think it probably took two days to do I can't remember was a long time ago, but it was hard What about you? I think I've done it twice Never done it Eric. Oh, I've definitely never done it which that's from that's a Call of Duty thing, right? Yeah, yeah, which is all a duty is it? Modern warfare first modern warfare, right?
Starting point is 00:49:50 I call dibs on recruit. You guys have to be veteran. When did modern warfare come out like 2007? It didn't even occur to me that you could play mile high club on anything but veteran because the whole point of doing it was there's an achievement associated to it. Yeah. Yeah. Can you even do it on any difficulty lower than veteran? You wouldn't get the achievement.
Starting point is 00:50:11 No, but like, is there I don't know. It feels like so pointless to do it. I don't think I've ever done it on any other difficulty. Oh, if you can, you should try to. But it's way easier. Oh, it'd be so much easier. The tough part of it is that it's got like a two minute timer or something. Or is it a minute? Yeah, it's two minutes.
Starting point is 00:50:28 Yeah. So it's to the point where you have to make so much progress through the plane that it's quicker just to pick up another gun than it is to reload the one you have. Yeah. It's a thing. We all have to watch a guide on it, I think, because it is like you have to throw smoke grenades and then run and then throw more smoke like just Getting that system down if we ever released a guy. Oh, that's interesting. I think we did it as a go
Starting point is 00:50:52 You have to go through all this stuff as quickly as possible And then you have a hostage situation at the end where you have to get a very precise shot Oh, yeah, you have to not shoot the hostage in the face. Yeah We did we did it on versus versus 11 years ago. I like the back then it was like dusting off this dusty old game to do this old achievement and now it's been like double the amount of time since that. Jesus Christ. We got to get we got to get with the times man. We're stuck in 2011 I just like I just found the video I just went into a h guide call of duty modern warfare 3 spec ops 2 mile
Starting point is 00:51:35 Hijack is that what this says? That's different. Oh Okay, I just went in I just found this video went into it and it's just Ray commenting Full it's just Ray's account commenting with people from 13 years ago weird they The one we should do it we should do the remastered when they they redid the modern warfare series They did it again on that one. So I had to go twice So we can do it on that one. It'll look better.
Starting point is 00:52:05 That'd be cool, too, because then I'll actually get that achievement. So I'm not going to second one. It's a still sucks. As long as it's not easier. No, it's the exact same experience. It just looks nicer. Oh, sweet. I'm so bad.
Starting point is 00:52:17 What's so frustrating to me about that thing is I'm so bad at the hostage part, but I'm OK at the other parts in my experience. But like I could consistently get to the hostage. I remember when I was first going for that achievement, I kept shooting the hostage. I did that like seven or eight times before getting it. And then there's the thing of like, oh, you have to like fire immediately, too, because if you don't, then you just have no window for it.
Starting point is 00:52:39 And then he just kills the host. It sucks. Yeah. It is a brutal achievement to get. No checkpoints. No checkpoint. Well, I mean, it would be kind of funny to have a checkpoint like a two minute sequence at the hostage. I had a question that is for the group, but I assume it's mainly for Jeff because Jeff's like the butt guy, the anus guy. Hey, that's me, the butt guy.
Starting point is 00:53:01 If you put helium in your butt, do you fart higher? Yes, I would assume so. Like a higher pitch, you mean? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's interesting. I don't I don't think you would, would you? If it's going in your butt, I would think so. Why wouldn't it? Should we try? I was thinking, you know, if we get, if we get the new office at some point. All right. Pencil that in for the new office.
Starting point is 00:53:29 We do a helium, helium farts. Should we do that before the knife drones? Yeah, it's the same day. I think it could be a new game for you, Jeff. I might have an in for the knife drones too. I might have, might have a solution for that. Have you got a helium? I thought you were going to say you might have an in for the helium because that. I might have might have a solution for that Have you got a helium gun? I thought you were gonna say you might have an in for the helium because that's apparently a rare
Starting point is 00:53:47 Rare thing to get. Don't we taught you about it. Don't say apparently to us We told you about the thing you're telling us. I you know, I don't know if I believe helium's rare. Alleged Alleged rarity of helium. What else is rare? Saffron Really? Yeah Saffron Super expensive. That's why like when I was in when I was in Turkey everybody's like get the saffron It's a third of the prices in the States
Starting point is 00:54:18 I'm like, I'm good. I don't I don't cook with saffron because I don't have access to it. So I don't know what I'm missing I'm fine Yeah, did you have saffron there was a good I didn't have any saffron there but I did go to the Egyptian spice market, which is one of the coolest places I've ever been and Emily took a video of me trying to buy ice cream from a guy who did the thing where he Hit me in the dick with ice cream Hard I felt it. I was like oh And then they charged me 20 bucks Fuck an idiot
Starting point is 00:54:57 I feel like that's the attitude of every ice cream guy that does that oh For sure. Oh man, so just before we move on, I'm really curious to know what color is helium on the rarity scale. Are we talking purple? Is it a gold? If it's like a loot drop in a game. Oh, I'd say probably blue. Blue. That's barely rare. Well, I mean, it's still used for rare balloons.
Starting point is 00:55:21 It's just finite. Yeah, I'd say blue. I think blue is right based on that. That's a good call. Blue's just finite. Yeah, I'd say blue. I think blue is right. Based on that, that's a good call. Blue helium feels good. Do you have any gold slash? What's the top color? Yeah, like gold. Is it gold or red?
Starting point is 00:55:36 Oh, red. That typically got orange. When I think of this. Oh, OK. When I think of the scale, I think gray, green, blue, purple, orange, red. Interesting. Oh, I didn't even think about red factoring in there. I like that. I like having one more.
Starting point is 00:55:52 Yeah, in God it's red. Yeah. Hmm. Were you gonna say what's the rarest item you have, Gavin? Yeah, like what's the goldest thing in your life? Ooh. The goldest thing. I have an answer, actually, but.
Starting point is 00:56:12 I I can't reveal it yet because it's for content. Why reveal later? Oh, wow. I got to prove that. Hell. That's crazy. Maybe the rarest thing that I should have that isn't in my life is the big bounce on VHS that is graded. The nine point whatever that got stolen from my porch. Somebody took a gold package.
Starting point is 00:56:34 You can't keep bringing up the big bounce. Nobody knows. We talked about it before and nobody knows what it is still like you can't keep talking about the big bounce. Everybody knows about the big bounce. Look at them. They're getting ready for a big bounce. I had I'm like, what was the big bounce like a kids show or something? I forgot. I've totally forgot about the big bounce.
Starting point is 00:56:53 Charlie Sheen looks like Matt Dylan's brother from There's Something About Mary. Like I feel just in that image. It's like the same guy. Oh, yeah. I'm pretty sure it's the same role. Zany detective. I I sent a clip to Eric recently of the 1999 MTV Movie Awards Best Picture, and it's I think the funniest category of films
Starting point is 00:57:18 where it's just the most absurd range of it's like Shakespeare in love. There's something about Mary, the Truman show. Saving Private Ryan is like in the mix. It has to be the only like known award that features Saving Private Ryan. And there's something about Mary in the same category. I don't remember the other movie was, but there's something about Mary one, which makes it so funny.
Starting point is 00:57:46 It was the nominees for best movie were Armageddon. Yeah, about Mary saving private Ryan Shakespeare and love the Truman show. She's wild. What a collection of films. I watched Deep Impact for the first time about a week ago. Wow, really? Because I was thinking about Armageddon. I was like, Oh, I never watched Deep Impact. Like they're always talked about in the same, same sort of time release, same sort of style movie. It's such a piece of shit. Like it's not
Starting point is 00:58:20 even like a fun bad movie. It's just a genuinely shit film. I've blown away that it's even compared to Armageddon. And Armageddon sucks! Yeah, Armageddon does suck. I remember Deep Impact having a cool wave. Yeah, is it like Taya Leone standing on the beach and she gets like demolished by a wave? Does that happen in that movie? Yeah, she's like a very unlikable main character for 75% of the movie and then just gets washed away and you, and it's meant to be in a big emotional moment and you just go,
Starting point is 00:58:53 awesome. And this fricking giant, I just got so many problems. Run them down. Get us with your deep impact. What's that? That was 96, 97 hit us with your deep impact. What's that? That was 96, 97? Hit us with your deep impact. Everyone like watches this giant meteor slam into the sea and they're just watching this wave come towards him. Wouldn't there be a massive like obliterating shockwave that would just annihilate everyone
Starting point is 00:59:19 immediately? Yeah. I don't think getting wet or drowning would be the issue there for most people Just think getting wet I'm too wet! I'm too wet! Fucking meteor, I'm soaked! They could have done
Starting point is 00:59:35 I feel like they left out the most interesting part of what would have happened The shockwave? I don't feel like we see a lot of shockwaves in movies I feel like the shockwave is often forgotten well What's the best shockwave you've ever seen in a movie Gavin? That's trying to Oppenheimer. I don't know if you really remember if that had it kind of just went bang and everyone jumped I looked up. I looked up shockwave movie moment Wave from Transformers
Starting point is 01:00:04 What about from Terminator 2 is that a shockwave from Transformers. What about from Terminator 2? Is that a shockwave where like, oh, yeah, but yeah, skeleton gets blown away. Yeah. Yeah. See, that's what happened, right? The tidal wave would slam into a leveled city. It wouldn't be knocking the statue of liberty's head off and shit. Yeah. Heaven would have been the the worst witness to the nuclear bomb test. Could you imagine if like Gavin, his description of it went bang and everyone jumped of like,
Starting point is 01:00:34 oh, how's work? Oh, and drop the bomb. I mean, at a certain distance, that's what the result is, right? Sure. But it's just the way you described it, like it was so insignificant. Just an insane explosion that changes the world. Testing this unbelievable weapon. It went bang. Everybody jumped anyway.
Starting point is 01:00:59 Traffic was bad. If you look at like them dropping Fat Man on Japan, there would have been a distance where all you heard was a bang. Sure. Yeah, I guess. Apparently, everybody in Austin heard the bang of a house explode while I was going. Oh, yeah. Did you guys hear that?
Starting point is 01:01:19 Yeah, the exploding house is crazy. I didn't hear it, but that's wild. I heard you could hear it was like up in Pflugerville and you could hear it from downtown. Yeah. Yeah, there was an exploding house and I think nobody died. People got fucked up though. Those are the best exploding houses. Like look at what was left.
Starting point is 01:01:38 It's just like nothing. That's what I was going to say. Like in England, a house explodes and it blows out the doors and windows and usually people die inside here. All the houses are made of wood. So it's just gone. Yeah, it's just nothing. There's nothing.
Starting point is 01:01:54 I think it's seriously fucked up like 20 other houses in one house. It was in danger of collapsing after it. I also saw that yesterday I was on Reddit a little bit ago. I saw yesterday that the cops SWAT team exploded a house in Austin. Like on purpose. Really? Yeah. What? I don't know why, but they blew a house up.
Starting point is 01:02:12 I'll find that on the Austin subreddit or Eric will. Wow. I didn't know about this. I'm looking for it right now. That's crazy. Why would they explode a house? I don't know. I really disliked it. Here we go. Austin. Police detonate explosive device found in South Austin home 17 hours ago. At the time of this recording, whatever crazy that then move it.
Starting point is 01:02:35 Yeah, I mean, they I mean, yeah, that makes sense. Let's see if it was near anything that we like. CrossFit right off Man Shack, Texakin Cafe. Damn. Do you like Texakin Cafe? It's all right. Yeah, yeah. It's right there by Polyphonic Coffee.
Starting point is 01:02:52 Oh, it's kind of by the South Austin Beer Garden. Did we do an episode at Polyphonic Coffee? Let me have a look here. Of this show? No. No, the coffee one. No. No.
Starting point is 01:03:04 No. No. No. No. No. No. No, what the other coffee? Did we do an episode of this show anywhere else ever once Dude no, this is the place we tried to go to and it was closed ah Okay, there you go. We tried to go here. It was closed. We went somewhere else. They're fucking loss. Yep. Yep. Yep. I remember that. Damn crazy. We had an exploding house here like a year ago. Really? Yeah. Let me show you the remnants of that house that exploded.
Starting point is 01:03:37 And it was wild. It was a cool. Oh, it has that like is it saying, oh, Langley. Is that the area that it happened in? I don't I have no idea what the like street was called or whatever it landed in a graveyard Yeah, it was next to a graveyard. It was a house Which is perfect. Could you imagine if you have visiting your loved one? You couldn't go because there was a house on them Wow seeing your loved one and you couldn't go because there was a house on them. Wow.
Starting point is 01:04:06 Yeah, it was the thing where it was like 7 p.m. and it felt as the closest I've ever had to a Cloverfield like experience in real life where everything shook unexplainably for like a second and a half and the power went out for a moment. And then everything was fine. It was like that. Well, that was weird. What was that pretty short trip for anybody who didn't make it though? Yeah Yeah, no kidding. Oh man. Well, dude imagine if you land it imagine If you were in the exploding house and you shot up in the air and you died and you landed in an open grave boom
Starting point is 01:04:40 It's like Xbox Done and done that was like being in that cauldron and repo Grave boom Cauldron and repo House blows up do you still own the remnants oh? Yeah, I would think so like it will start Planks and door frames and shit. Could you be like hey? Yeah, but conversely conversely people could be like, could you get your fucking house out of my yard? Well, the other way around, too, if like I don't have a front door anymore,
Starting point is 01:05:10 my neighbors refuse to give it back to me. It landed on their property. Well, this sort of puts a damper on my whole thing. I was in Burbank when that there was an earthquake in Southern California earlier this week. And I was in LA when it happened. It was the first time I felt an earthquake in years. And yeah, yeah. I was walking, getting a cup of coffee
Starting point is 01:05:35 and it made me feel dizzy. I thought I was getting sick right before the stuff that I was out there doing. And I'm like, oh no, I'm gonna throw up. I'm like dizzy and sick. And then my phone started going off and it's like earthquake in the area, duck and cover. And I was just like walking down the street and realized, oh, OK. It was just the earth below me shaking.
Starting point is 01:05:55 I wasn't sick. So that was it. Like you grew up in California. Is that just a fact of life? Does that happen pretty regularly? Or do you get used to it because I've never experienced an earthquake in my life. It doesn't. It doesn't happen often enough for you to go, oh, this is just a thing you write off. But the really small ones that you feel and you
Starting point is 01:06:15 just go, was that an earthquake? It now instead of like, processing it, you go to Twitter and you just go earthquake. And then everyone else does it too. It's very exciting. So it was fun to be in LA for Earthquake Twitter. It really, it was down kind of like near San Diego when I was up in LA, so it wasn't huge when I felt it. It was just enough to sort of go like,
Starting point is 01:06:39 this feels, it felt like being on a boat for just a second. That's all it kind of feels like. I've never felt one. Were you at, by any chance, were you headed up to LA because you wanted to go up to Coachella? Yeah, yeah. I was trying to kind of, well, I was promised that I could perform
Starting point is 01:06:55 and then I got all the way there and then a guy walked up to me and he said, you thought? And then he pulled down my pants and everyone laughed. And then I just, I came back home. So. Was it Glenn Danzig because of Misfits performed at Coachella? He said, he said, I ain't no goddamn son of a bitch, but watch this.
Starting point is 01:07:11 And then he laughed at my dick and it was like, God damn it, Glenn Danzig. That was the most ill fitting schedule for, I watched so many TikToks of Misfits play. And by the way, Danzig's getting up there in age. But it sounded okay, but Jesus Christ, playing to 75,000 people that have never heard of them. It was just a bunch of kids,
Starting point is 01:07:34 then nobody gave a shit about them. No fucking clue. And it's like, I was telling them, there's a bunch of 48, 49, 52 year old dudes like me that would cut their fucking pinky off to be there. And it's wasted on a bunch of 19 year olds that have never heard of them before and will never hear them again. Absolutely.
Starting point is 01:07:51 Oh well. But anyway, I'm back and no more earthquakes. No more earthquakes. No more terrible trips for Jeff. If you say so. I think I've thought of something that won't work with the whole helium in the butt thing. What's that? Because I think if we put helium up your butt Jeff, it will just keep going up your colon
Starting point is 01:08:10 What if I? Might have to be upside down. Yeah, what if I'm upside down? What if we what if we angle me properly? That's a good idea Yeah, yeah, yeah Are you right side up and then turn you upside down? Yeah, we might have to have your your back against a wall Yep upside down. Okay. I'm willing to do that. Yeah, okay. All right We should probably we should probably wrap this episode up. I think it seems like a seems like a good place to end it Thank you for listening. Go ahead. I was gonna say I think it's very funny that Gavin has decided You're the one getting the helium in the ass. I think I think that was a say I think it's very funny that Gavin has decided you're the one getting the helium in the ass I think I think that was a four I thought
Starting point is 01:08:47 Foregone conclusion. I felt like we were all most likely scenario, but it wasn't stated until that moment Well, he said I feel like you're the butt guy and I he's the butt guy and I feel like if an outside client brought This to us. He would be the ones take it. Yeah enough You know, like if somebody came in and they were like, we need a long back, everybody would look at you. Yeah, yeah, no, that's a good point. It's a good point. Okay, well, see you next time.
Starting point is 01:09:09 Thanks for listening. Bye. This has been episode 50. Patreon.com slash RegulationPod and check out our game plays. Bye. Bye. Really out of practice, geez. Jesus Christ.
Starting point is 01:09:21 I didn't throw up though.

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