F**kface - Geoff's Cross to Bear // Are Buttplugs Real? [94]

Episode Date: March 16, 2022

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about Top Gun, more root canals, The Matrix 4, MILF Alert & Delicious Boner on AIM, gifts from Geoff, dead wrestlers, buttplugs vs bronies, and jingle origins. If you want to send your towel cards in, send to: Infinity Towel, 1901 e. 51st st, Austin, TX 78723 Want to contribute to bits? Email what you can do to [e-mail] Sponsored by Hello Tushy (http://hellotushy.com/FACE), Raycon (http://buyraycon.com/face), and HelloFresh (http://hellofresh.com/face16 + code face16) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Get 16 free meals plus 3 gifts with code FACE16 at HelloFresh.com slash FACE16. This is a Rooster Teeth production. You think if Maverick from Top Gun, let's say Tom Cruise, right? Say if Maverick from Top Gun walked by a school and saw kids playing Duck, Duck, Goose, would that be traumatizing for him? Yes, yes, yeah.

It'd be horrific, right? He would have like World War I PTSD where he'd get tremors and shit. I guess they call it Grey Duck in Minnesota or something and says in a call. They don't call it Duck, Duck, Goose in Minnesota. It's like Duck, Duck, Grey Duck or something. What the fuck? in Minnesota. It's like Duck Duck Gray Duck or something. What the fuck? So I heard the word goose said like 15 times in this conversation

and it just my brain randomly went to imagine if I was Maverick and how traumatizing this conversation would be for me right now. Just this quietly I'm deeply disturbed thinking about my best friend's death when they're talking about a kid's game. What's that dude's name? Anthony Adams? Uh, Edwards?

I believe. Anthony Edwards, maybe? Yeah. I think so. He's on ER, right? After that played Edwards, I believe. Anthony Edwards, maybe. Yeah, I think so. He's on ER, right? After that or before. Yeah, he was on. We had a conversation about this yesterday. Really? Yeah.

Me and Jeff, we talked about this yesterday. Why? We didn't talk about Goose. We talked about those two actors and getting their names confused. Right. He was also on Northern Exposure. So you made almost the same mistake. I've made the same mistake, but in reverse

today. I was talking about Anthony Adams yesterday and called him Anthony Edwards. Who is Anthony Adams? I don't think I know who Anthony Adams is. You're thinking now, Anthony Anderson. Anthony Anderson is who I was thinking of, yeah. Who's Anthony Adams? Can I admit something to you guys? Wait a second.

You got Anthony Adams doesn't exist? No, Anthony Adams is a former football player. Okay. What about Jesselnik? Anthony Jesselnik? Are we naming Anthony's? I don't know, dude. It's all confusing. I was conflating Anthony Adams and Anthony Anderson while I was confusing

that person with Anthony Edwards. Can I make an admission to you guys that is for a child born in the 70s who grew up in the 80s is kind of it's kind of it's been a cross to bear my whole life. Yeah. What? I fucking hate the movie Top Gun. I never liked it. I never I saw it like on my friend's birthday. We went to it, you know, when it opened up and I was just like this. I don't saw it like on my friend's birthday. We went to it at,

you know, when it opened up and I was just like, this, I don't, why do people like, I thought Tom Cruise was such a prick. The entire film. I liked goose.

And then he died. Then the movie was over for me. I never got it. It's, I mean, goose is definitely the heart of that movie. I think that movie sucks. Really?

Thank you. Yeah. I think it sucks. Dog shit. It's not worth watching twice. That's for sure. Yeah. why does my computer say it's snowing i don't know so snowing now oh it thinks i'm in uh wixom michigan what ah great have you been in wixom michigan lately i don't think so did i never set like whoops oh i was gonna i was gonna ask you guys to do something for me this and it should

not be hard it's pretty much par for the course but could you guys do your best not to make me laugh for the next oh god the pain yeah yeah it's pretty bad how did it go uh well uh you know i wanted to start off 2022 like i started off 2021 with root canals with With your mouth open. Yeah, with my mouth open with some old guy crawled up in it. Yeah, I got part one of my root canal today. You remember that first root canal I had way back a year and a half ago that took five sessions?

Well, that pesky little guy somehow got infected again. And so I'm session six now on this tooth. Can you get your money back for the first five? No, it doesn't work like that. I don't think there's a... Dentists don't have satisfaction guaranteed. It's like an NFL contract.

They said they'll do their absolute best to eliminate the problem, but it can come back. And it did. So, you know, it's cool. I got a root canal today, and then I'll get another one next week, and then I'll be done until the... Is it seven and done, or is it open-ended?

Oh, it's either he fixes it Wednesday, or we pull the tooth. So it's done one way or the other, yeah. I would have been on pull the tooth after, like, four, I think. I don't think I would go seven and pull. The problem is, I like the teeth that i have you know and i'm also i've also invested a lot of money in this tooth specifically yeah you know what i mean yeah it's it's a sunken cost fallacy i guess but i just i really i really feel like keeping the tooth around to get get my money's

worth out of it it's this weird almost like investing in a car that you just need to let go of. Like you put so much money into it, but seven is your walk away? Seven's a lucky number, Jeff. Yeah. Lucky number seven, that'll be it. That'll be the turnaround for you. You just need seven, and then you'll be fine.

Are you at more root canals on that tooth than Transformer movies? I think we're tied. Oh, definitely. Okay, I think once you go past Fast and Furious movies, that's when you pull the tooth. Yeah. Like right now,

I'm still in the King Arthur's Court level of Transformers, I think. But if I get to Jason Statham getting into a fist fight while holding a baby on an airplane, then I'll know it's time to pull the tooth. It's the best part of that movie by a lot. I know. That's true. It's definitely the best part. It's easily the best part of that movie by a lot. I know. That's true.

It's definitely the best part. It's easily the best sequence. Are we counting Hobbs and Shaw in the fastest series? Yes, it's... Okay, so you got a few to go still before you cross that line. Imagine if we were to count movies in which Jason Statham drives cars, and that's his thing. Oh, God.

Get a water, get the transporter. Is this Pleasantries, or is this the episode? Oh, I think we've been in the episode for a while. No, we did an intro. Did we not? No, no, but I can do one right now. Hello and welcome to the March 16th edition of the F*** Face podcast. I say that because when I came in for Pleasantries, Eric said this episode will air March 16th, but nobody said what number it is. So I don't know. I know we're in season four. What number? 94? It's 94. Episode 94 of season four, year two? Still?

Are we still in year two? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so we're still in year two, season four, episode 94 of the F*** Face podcast. For reference, it was recorded on February 17th, 2022 for airing on March 16th, 2022. I have no idea why I included all that, especially considering how much it hurts to talk. Eric asks,

what did Andrew think the intro was? I just couldn't remember if it happened or not. Like we switched so many topics, we moved it to the tooth. I saw the message, Eric mentioned message like at the beginning,

do the intro. And then I just couldn't remember if that actually happened. I just had no memory. I had no recollection of it. But we did it now definitively and while we're talking about bad movies I feel like I should bring up a certain movie that I finally. MVP? No.

That's a great film. Matrix? Matrix. Thank you Jeff. I watched the most recent Matrix movie which has been a point of contention. What's it called? Resurrection? I think so.

I think it's the Matrix Resurrections? Resurrection? Something like that. But I hadn't seen it, and I largely had been avoiding seeing it, because after Gavin watched it, he asked if I had seen it, and I said no, and he said, well, if you like that movie, we would cease to be friends and I would stop doing this show that is how much I hate it I don't think I've ever heard Gavin

no it was it was that's been the bar you've hated I've never heard you hate anything like you've hated that movie oh I'm not denying that I hate that movie I was just surprised at how many people I spoke to about it liked it so I was like oh which one which one will Andrew be well because I texted you before you saw it asking if you had and you

said no and I said that's interesting it's very divisive people seem to either absolutely love it or hate it there doesn't really seem to be much a middle for most people and then like two days later you saw it and you were like violently hated it like the most aggressively hated anything oh yeah dog shit so what were your thoughts i think it might be and there's a big caveat with this i think it's my favorite matrix movie of all of them i can't tell you how happy i am to hear you say that david just dropped from our call. Oh, he left.

He's back. All right, I couldn't figure out how long to leave for. Was that enough? Yeah, that was good. That was, I think, really well done. Let me just clarify a few things. I didn't love the first movie. I feel like I kind of missed out on that being super cool.

I saw it late, and it was fine. I saw the two and three in theaters didn't like them at all i just thought they were boring as a kid so i don't have a fandom for any of these movies okay and you're completely correct in saying that like this most recent matrix movie is super stupid it's really dumb it's ridiculous but i just didn't care i had fun with the feel of it it feels super low budget it's like the most expensive one ever but it just feels it looks so cheap looking i don't know why there is definitely a visual aesthetic and also i feel like that movie is designed to be a thing you hate more than anything i've ever seen like with a lot of the choices in it as far as how meta it is

and uh it's just yeah i loved it loved it maybe it's a strong word I really enjoyed it I was like wow that wasn't bad at all I feel bad that I I like this I wish we could be aligned I enjoyed it to the point where I was still thinking about it a few days later I was like you know what that was really that was fine yeah I was thinking about it too I gotta say it looks good yeah it's like really dumb and there's a lot of cringy things in it but the things that are cringy I feel like are by design like fan service type shit some of the fan service stuff as well

as some of the dialogue choices like there's this really obnoxious like gamer guy that's like milf alert and it's like super cringy but it feels like that's what that character is he's just true to the man yeah like that's what that character is like i don't like that character man yeah like that that unfortunately is a person that exists and they're in the movie and it's not enjoyable

but it's not like that they're accurately portraying that person do you hate lines such as i still know kung fu that wasn't as upsetting to me as the way like it's the way that you said it was like he fucking juggled and like winked at the camera six times and it's sort of as a passing moment i was kind of disappointed by how not like it's on the nose but i was expecting a whole other other level or the the merovingian talking about facebook and mark zuckerberg and stuff i mean that stuff just was like whatever they entered a weird that's in the world beginning the meta stuff of it is just strange where they go into that. It's like a video game

and just the approach of like the start of that story is so self-referential. Gavin, do you maybe hate the movie a little bit because your old... A lot of people don't know this, haven't known you forever, but your first AIM name

that we used to communicate with was MILF Alert. Do you feel... Oh, I wished so much that was that's great that's a great name i would love to just see a chat log between like a press conference where it's a chat log between both Alert and Delicious Boner. What a great combination. Have I ever told you the story about me and Bernie's first wife and Delicious

Boner? No. It's a great combination of words. I was at work. What Andrew's referring to is my old AIM name. We used to all communicate through AIM, AOL Instant Messenger, a ton back in the day. That was like our preferred method of communique. And my AIM name was Delicious

Boner. It wasn't my first. I had to get rid of one because it leaked out and then too many community members were messaging me. And then I had one that was set sale for ass, which I thought was pretty funny. And then eventually I landed on Delicious Boner. I think my

balls your ass was the one. I had to change name names a lot they kept getting out so anyway delicious boner was my favorite and uh bernie was in virginia visiting his dad and uh he called me and he said hey i'm trying to teach my dad how to use instant messenger can i can i give you a call real fast and i'm like yeah of course and then i get a like you know message from bernie burns and i go hello and then i hear his wife i hear it pop up and i hear his wife at the time go oh no and i realized it was bernie and his dad and their whole family around a computer looking at looking at a message from delicious boner i think that was the longest

lasting aim name you had. Yeah, I had it for a very long time. I forgot about some of those you mentioned, like My Ball's Your Ass. That one wasn't as long. I was Von Evil Satan for a while. Yeah. We had to change aim names a lot back in the day.

It was a whole thing. Evil Satan? I don't even remember why. It was an inside baseball rooster teeth joke i don't i don't remember where it came from or why i uh i've been watching this mtv reality show from 2005 and it's been great mainly for the t-shirt choices of that time period as well as the prizes that these people are winning and one of the prizes they won was the first smart shoe called verb for shoe it was like this is the first shoe that has the computer chip in it it will inflate and deflate based off of your pressure we will send you emails if it needs repair like it was

this insane thing and i was like i've never fucking heard of verb for shoe like what happened almost all the prizes that were like wacky gadgets never actually existed including verb for shoe but in my research of it it was invented by a guy named ronald demon which made me really laugh just reading like mr demon went like it's just such a great casual like fake sounding like if a demon was going to inhabit the earth like that'd be the shitty name they'd come up with like ah ronald demon so it just failed or it like never was it like they they did a series of pre-orders for it from 2004, then 2008,

and then I just haven't found a single trace of it actually being manufactured or existing in any way. I think it's time that Uniform pick up the reins. Yeah, maybe. He's probably on a fucking beach in the Caribbean somewhere spending all that investment money. Hey, I don't want to talk today much, but I realized after saying that

I have three time-sensitive things that we have to go over because it's already March 16th, for Christ's sake. So at some point today, just before we end, I need to crowbar these things in. So anyway, continue. No, crowbar. Crowbar away. I feel like it's out. Why don't you just... Okay, there is...

I don't think it's happened yet, but it may have. But if it did, then you saw it. But if it hasn't, you should check it out. We're testing out. I want to do...

I've long wanted to do... I've always wanted the lamest jobs in television. Like, I always wanted to be Todd Bridges, but not in different strokes. I wanted to be Todd Bridges on, like,

World's Worst Disasters and like America's Worst Criminals where you just get to sit there and make one lame fucking joke that somebody else writes for you and then you're like can I have my $2,000, you know? But I've also really wanted to be, and I think we've talked about this before in the past, maybe not on camera, but I

always really wanted to be one of those knife guys who's on at like 3 in the morning on local television doing like it's like the redneck version of QV guys who's on at like 3 in the morning on local television doing like it's like the redneck version of QVC where it's just like two old dudes with belt buckles and like a white lazy Susan and they just throw like a Rambo knife on it and then they talk about it for

three minutes and it spins around and they sell it like you know and then they put on another knife and like it's a buck hunting knife and then oh yeah there they are right there I want to be the dude on the left it's fucking great we'll put that in the episode uh doing a terrible job so far thank you uh and so i have a bunch of like remnant merchandise for like the jeff line if you're not a if you're just a regulation listener and you don't participate in the rest oh hello henry you don't participate in the rest of roosterteeth uh i have like a clothing line uh it's been around for a couple

years and so i have a bunch of crap that didn't sell. And I thought like, let me sell it like QVC style, like live sale. It would be like a fun, like infomercial kind of thing. And so they, we set that up and it may have already happened, but it hasn't already happened. I'm very excited to announce to you two, because I think this is very funny. They told me I had to come up with a name and then they gave me a list of potential names like Jeff's Garage Sale and Jeff's Spring Cleaning. And I came up with Everything Must Go, Go Now. That's good. That's great.

Is that the best name I've ever come up with in my entire life? Yeah. Everything Must Go, Go Now. Holy shit. I wish I could sell the name. That is such a... I'm so fucking proud of myself. Well, now we know the name of all future F*** Face sales.

Yeah, all sales now are going to be everything must go, go now. I'm so, I'm just so tickled with me because of that name. We can put that at the top of the F*** Face flops section of the website. I love it. I love it. Dude, speaking of not flops,

that freaking port-a-potty mug. Oh yeah, it's finally, we're finally doing pretty well. That thing went. Yo, you know what? Very quietly, I should mention, I noticed in the, checking on the sales

on the port-a-potty mug, which you guys supported in a big way and we cannot thank you enough. And I hope that if you decide to piss or shit in it or drink in it or store baseball cards in it

like I've been doing, I hope that you enjoy it to the fullest of its capacity because it's a fantastic piece of merchandise that we will never make again. So thank you. If you got one, thank you so much for supporting us. In the process of that, though, they bought all the skateboards. Oh.

Yeah. So now we've got no flops. Yeah, we got no flops. Oh, shit. I know. Flopless. And which segues into the number two thing, this is now, this joke's now over a month old, but we, in our time, the time that we're recording this, last week we recorded a F*** Face Break shit.

And, you know, Gavin, you couldn't be there because of prior obligations, so it was me and Eric and Andrew and Emily, as always. And we debuted some of the sounds on the soundboard that was pretty exciting. Gavin's Oh No was on there. But right before there, the reason we recorded it in the old location and not the new location is because I had

to make a video for Achievement Hunter with Jack for the Super Bowl. And so they were like, well, let's just move our production over here to make it easier on Achievement Hunter and Jack, which we did. And then Jack was supposed to to jump on finally jump on the break show uh right after that uh because they two butted up against each other and i turned around and that motherfucker was in his car driving away i couldn't believe it he was even in the description for the break show i looked at social the fucking marketing team even advertised it as jack being in there and the guy

and the son of a bitch took off he matt damon to me or like a reverse matt damon uh and uh and so i got so annoyed i took that photo of him that i have taped to the side of the bin that i bring the baseball cards in the one that he made he made it of himself it's like jack with a big ass like louis ck bald head because he was uh he made it for a contest or something years ago so i put it on a fucking shirt and we sold it and i said we would sell it until he finds out about it and then so all i did was post on instagram an instagram story on the face account just don't tell jack but if you have any interest in this you can get it if not i don't give a fuck don't buy it it's i'm not trying to get you to

buy it i'm just telling it's available right and uh it managed to be up from friday to monday before he noticed and we sold hundreds of them how how did he notice how did he did he find out himself do you know how it was discovered i don't know i just got a i just got a text from him it's like it just said like somebody told me and i was like all right so i took it down but it was in i was even thinking i should create like well i don't i can't say it on the podcast because he'll hear it uh let me just say i'm not done and i hope jack pisses me off again because i have other i have other ideas and i'm talking to you regulation listeners and i'm talking to you comment leavers i don't know how to get this information to you because he listens to this

fucking podcast. Cause he's a, he's a big ass fan. So, uh, I'll find some other way to communicate with you because the next time he steps over the line, I've got,

I've got plans to put in place. It's going to be wonderful. I just love the idea of stuff being on sale, depending on how much you happen to like Jack. Yeah, that's pretty much it so what do you leave is it just this thing now that he just will never be on it uh i don't know dude he's i mean i think he was dodging obligation and work you know he was like wow that's the that's what i'm paid to

do from nine to five so uh fuck them uh anyway that was the second thing and then the third thing uh is andrew you sent me a troubling tweet the other day, and I'd like to I'd like to know why. Oh, you want to talk about. Yeah, you tweeted to me and you said only I consider this a declaration of war. Well, I'll post it in. So I got Jeff mailed me a thing out of the kindness of his heart. Apparently, I thought this was I didn't know how to interpret it at first i didn't

know what was coming it was in a giant bag it was very santa like it doesn't look that big in the photo oh it's huge it's fucking massive it's like a sack it is genuinely like a santa sack size bag and i was like oh jeff is so jeff is so sweet he sent a thing he sent a card i don't have a photo of that but it was like something. It was a nice little message. It was during when I was at the peak of like issues with my ankle. And then so I opened the sack, which took a long time. I didn't tell you this.

It took me genuinely like three minutes to undo the ribbons on this fucking sack because it was like quadruple knotted on both sides and i'd like loosen one side and then the other side would get tighter it was a nightmare so i finally it is so i finally i opened the sack and then i have this i have this small box in this giant fucking bag and i'm like what is this now it's a box this is like it's still kind of like exciting what could it possibly be so then i finally opened the box and you just sent me a giant fucking thing, a bubble wrap to, I guess, protect my foot. Yes. Wrap my foot in.

Here's the thing. Let me explain. Let me explain. Not to wrap your foot, although you reserve the right to do that. Here's the thing. You and Gavin at the same time, we're both having problems in your lives. And I've addressed both of them. Gavin, you don't know this yet. No, I've got the package. thing uh you and gavin at the at the same time we're both having problems in your lives and i've i've addressed both of them uh gavin you don't know this yet no i've got the package oh you got

the mail okay i got i stepped over on the way in today so uh gavin you had a particular issue god damn it henry you had a particular issue and uh and andrew you had a particular issue and i i thought like let me put my uniform hat on and let me invent some ways to help you. And I'll be honest, I'm just a little down on ideas right now. I'm not feeling super creative. And I thought, I bet solutions exist. Let me be creative with those. So Andrew, I worry about you falling a lot.

You and my great grandma, I worry. Well, she's dead, but my grandma. You and my grandma, I worry about falling constantly. And so for you, I bought you 125 feet of bubble wrap that you can bubble wrap every hard or sharp edge in your apartment and then if there's enough left over wrap it around your ankle or lay it on the floor so when you fall you fall into a cushion because it's kind of a given that you will fall again i would i'm just waiting for the time that you fall and impale your neck on a sharp corner or something. Jesus Christ. I know.

Or you have to bike me to the hospital. Isn't that what happened to your friend? Maybe, yeah. Yeah, right. I did. I biked him home and then his parents took him to the hospital. I want desperately to keep you safe, and so I want to Andrew-proof your apartment. I also sent you,

it got returned, so I apologize for this. I can resend it if you'd like. I bought you like eight, like eight spools of, I don't know what you call it, of packing tape. So I've got a shitload of packing tape, but I guess for some reason

Amazon couldn't deliver your packing tape. You were stuttering there, like you couldn't get through that sentence, but Henry was also squeezing it the same way every time, so it sounded like a skipped record. I was searching for a word henry was distracting me and the pain is intense in my mouth they didn't have the pain kit they had my antibiotics ready at the at the pharmacy but not the pain meds i haven't gotten them yet well you can keep the tape it's okay that's very kind of you though yeah. Yeah, that way, just wrap everything

in three layers of bubble tape or bubble wrap, and you're going to be fine. Awesome. Shall I post a picture of what you sent me? I'd love to see what he sent you. I don't even...

What is that? Yeah, what is that? That's not all I sent you, either. No, he also sent me a cucumber, which was lovely. Mostly new. Only partially used. A cucumber with, like, a third of it missing of it missing or like maybe a quarter cut off um and this from what i can tell is a device that you put over the top of a doorknob with and it grips it

to make it like a door handle yes yes i got you and it's portable i it's like it's like throw it in your pocket and then whenever you are out about around town or a different country and you encounter something as offensive to you as a doorknob you can pull that puppy out slap it on and uh and all your fears and hatred and anger will melt away in the hands of a strong plastic or rubber i guess rubber strong rubberized uh door handle yeah it's amazing i don't have any doorknobs to test it on um as we've established and obviously they're illegal in vancouver so yeah probably won't be using them there but i'm gonna keep one in my pocket

yeah you travel a lot yeah that's such a great i didn't know that was the thing that was very kind and you know what no kindness shouldn't should go without, Jeff. So I hope you know that we can't, or at least I can. I won't speak for Gavin. I can't wait to return the favor to you and make sure that you also just understand how much I appreciated the bubble wrap and do something kind right back.

But one could argue that you already showed me that level of affection with a port-a-potty a year ago, and this is me making up for that. So there's no need. There's no need. This is a different year. It's a year thing. It changed years. I think this is a different gift. I have to return the favor to you.

I appreciate your kindness and I can assure you it will be equally matched and I hope you enjoy whatever that happens. I gotta make sure it's a equally matched and I hope you enjoy whatever that happens. I gotta make sure it's a good gift. A gold tooth. That could be a good one.

We'll see. It has to be sweet. It'll be a sweet thoughtful thing that Jeff loves and I can't wait. Can't wait to return the kindness. You really shouldn't. You don't have to. No, I can't wait to do it. It's going to be great. I don't give gifts to get them.

It's done out of just the purity and kindness of my heart. The best part of getting gifts, Jeff, is being able to send someone else a gift in return. No, no, no. The giving is the joy. So I thank you for allowing me to give. The best part for you is receiving. The receiving of the gift. No, the best part for me is returning the kindness

and giving. No, you're a receiver, Andrew. You're like a natural born receiver. I'm a big giver. You're one who receives. You're one who collects. Yes. It takes into your arms, whereas I'm one who pushes and shoves at you. I wish

I could remember who said this and give them the credit. somebody reached out to me and they brought up that i am a stormer because i stormed out of my room when you bought all the shit at my birthday that i had to just keep going yeah when you were like there is there is a documented storm of me on this show so i guess i am a stormer i have stormed there you go but you were you weren't storming out you were storming towards something yeah i was storming in i'm an aggressive storm i guess i go after i'm not away i pursue i i was uh i was reading the comments on the one that just came out and um the audience pointed out something based on

this part of the conversation does randy savage begin or where does you know what i mean and macho man end like is there like how different is he at home on right now in his living room watching cnn or yeah did you know he's been dead for a decade or what i'll i'll say this uh the producer of this show fucking knew i guarantee you and he could have spoke up yeah i i knew and we talked about it and i thought you were making a joke i think if you were to listen to my audio you say that and then i probably go what and laugh but it's not in this episode oh you just thought that because it was you it's saying watching cnn right like at his house right now? Right now.

And it's like, right now? I didn't know he was dead. I wasn't worried. If you knew. Or if I knew he was dead, I forgot about it. But I think the point I was trying to make still stands was, rest in peace, Randy Savage. I'm so sorry to hear you.

Miss Elizabeth and I both, I'm sure, are crestfallen. I think she's dead, too. Are you fucking serious? I'm pretty sure she's been dead way longer. Yes. I think she died way longer than he did. What about the snake? Is the snake alive?

Jake the Snake is still good. Jake the Snake is alive. Damien the Snake was not actually one snake. There were a bunch of different snakes, and most are dead, yes. Oh, man. All right. Well, anyway anyway rest in peace macho man randy savage who i'm not gonna ask it there's so many other people i want to know if they're dead now but i guess they are i guess if i can name a name that i remember from the 80s associated with wrestling they're dead could you could you just name one name for me please jeff manny fernandez the flying burrito thank you that's a thing my favorite wrestler when I was a kid growing up followed closely by dusty roads and then by the road warriors and then when they hooked up and it

became the legion of doom that was like it would have been one of my first boners so many thanks yeah I mean like I'm pretty sure Manny Fernandez is still alive and I just I remember him as the raging bull um it like NWA or whatever but one half of the Road Warriors is dead. Who died, Hawk or Animal? Hawk. Animal's still alive, I think. Oh, that's sad. Wait, did Animal...

Maybe he did die not too long ago. Hawk was the smart one. Animal was the angrier one. Yeah. He was more rage. Oh, no, yeah. In 2020, Animal died. So they're both dead.

Yeah, they're both dead fucking hell dude yeah anyway i still think the point still stands is that i was trying to get to is was randy savage the macho man at home when he was kicking up his feet drinking a beer and watching tv or was it a persona he put on right yeah i just wonder where like the character ends and begins i apologize i wasn't up on my so on my dead celebrities but uh i'll just go ahead and say this if we talk about a wrestler chances are they're dead yeah that's fair especially from that era yeah the high probability for sure yeah i don't think your point was wrong i think your point is completely valid it was just the phrasing was definitely odd for For sure. I think at the time I registered

as I thought, well, he's dead, but it didn't, you know, like it didn't register enough. I understood what you were saying. I didn't feel the need to correct. Also he's immortal as he lives on through his music. That is true. A lot of people didn't even bother making resolutions this year. And you know what?

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Please, please. I had quite the story. We're going to go on a journey. We're going to start. It's going to seem we're going to get to a minute i had please i had quite the uh quite the story we're gonna go on a journey we're gonna start it's gonna seem we're gonna get to a weird place but it's needed for the context because i think it adds to the story so like last week one year it was the the one year since my grandma had passed and so i was like spending time with my mom for dinner it's her mom my grandma very close and we're having this like emotional dinner we lit a candle we're talking about things and then the conversation kind of pivoted and she my mom loves like watching shows and whatnot she's a very like she doesn't curse she grew up super

religious like a martha stewart type person um so we're talking she's like yeah i've been watching uh this thing on netflix or I don't remember what was on. I think BJ Novak is in it. And it was the guy that was on Lost and Hawaii Five-0. And I was like, Locke? She's like, no. So Hurley? No.

It was like Jin? Yeah, Daniel Dae Kim. That's who it was. Yeah. Daniel Dae Kim and BJ Novak have their show. Are butt plugs real? That was the pivot. That was the pivot. That was the pivot.

That is how it went. I was stunned. Just to mediate into, are butt plugs real? Have you heard of a butt plug? The candle was still lit in remembrance. The candle was still lit in remembrance. And my mom doesn't curse.

She's very, not at all, very conservative. She's a very liberal in her beliefs but a very conservative social person are butt plugs real have you heard of a butt plug and i'm just i'm fucking stunned that this has just happened so then i'm like yeah but butt plugs are yeah they're real but plugs are real she's like okay yeah she explained that i guess the plot of the episode of the show involved butt plugs and she had never heard of a butt plug and she thought that they were a fictional creation for that show she didn't know that they were real so then she

had to turn to her son for clarification she had to turn to me on the anniversary of her mom's passing right after we had this very serious talk so then so then time passes a little bit and then she says to me should i google it or should you just tell me i said what are you talking about she said well like why do people why would you have a butt plug should i google it or are you gonna tell me oh and i said i can tell you but you didn't ask like what they did or what they were but you asked are they real and i know they exist she's clearly wanted to know when she when she asked if they were real why didn't you just fill her in on no because listen it's the context of when it happened and everything like i'm stunned it's just an insane this is like i've never had

a conversation like this with my mom and we're going deep on butt plugs and so then i explained her well i i say like well i don't necessarily i haven't really looked at butt plugs in depth but i think from my understanding some people find pleasure in them and then there might be like a way to like practice or train towards anal sex i don't really know necessarily but i believe those are like the leading reasons why you may want a butt plug or wear wear a butt plug so then i'm just imagining her at your wedding one day and she's so then i explain that and there's a pause and like i can see her processing and then she says what's more known a butt plug or a brony out of fucking left field because she

had just learned she just learned that bronies exist like two days prior uh and i really struggled to answer that question oh definitely butt plug but I would assume. Oh, I feel like thousands of years. Bronyism was a fad. Yeah, like a decade ago. Flash in the pan. Really? I was more. I didn't know because I feel like it was so big, but maybe it's just because I knew people

that were super into it. So my perception of how popular My Little Pony and bronies were. I'll say this. Are you are those people still bronies? Are they still way into it no absolutely well i tell you what once a butt plug fan probably always a butt plug fan i don't think you age out of those so we go through that and then my mom was just like oh things are so sexualized nowadays or something like that and i was like well i think butt plugs have probably

been around like an insanely long amount of time if I looked into it. So I searched it and the first butt plug was made in like 1897. They're called anal dilators. And the guy that sold them were like, this will cure everything. You got night blindness. You need higher IQ. Shove one up. You'll be good.

You got this. You're going to be fine. And he did that unchecked for like 30 years until like the fda looked at how he was marketing them and was like you cannot do this this is illegal you have to stop selling these yeah but people have been surely shoving shit up their ass for centuries can you imagine the conversation you're like how did you meet somebody and you're like how'd your so you're well off how'd your family get your fortune i i really don't want to tell you, but it had to do with my great grandfather. Had to do with night blindness.

He was a doctor of sorts. So this is, there's another plug. I'm just like, I'm stunned. I'm lost that like we are, we are like knee deep and ass plug talk on this anniversary. You keep,

you're, you're, you're euphemisms, man. You're knee deep and ass talk. He could have stopped. God damn. You keep your your your euphemisms, man. You need to eat an ass talk. You got to stop. God damn. She pot like there's another pot.

She looks at me and she says, wow, at least I have something to talk about my friend at lunch tomorrow. I wonder if they've heard about plugs. And it's like she's going out for like a coffee with like her other 60 year old friend. Do you think she's one of the oldest people to discover the butt plug alive today? Yeah. Oh, she like breaking news to all of her friends. And they're like, what now?

I don't. That would be a great thing to discover. Can I request some information? Absolutely. At a future date. Can you check back in with your mom and find out if her friends knew what butt plugs were? And if she's like the last one to the table? Just, hey, let me finish.

I'm gonna get there. I didn't realize. We're still going. We're still reaching the climax of this. So she pulls out her phone after this, after I explain because I showed her what the original butt plugs look

like and then so she pulls at her phone to like clearly search them and she whispers like she's even like embarrassed to say it a lot she's like is butt plug spelled with one T or two like she didn't know if it was butt plug or literal butt plug

so I had to clarify that and then i was just like don't fucking know don't search i'll pull it up like it's gonna be a fucking disaster if you search for this so i pull it up and i show a photo of it and she looked at it and she's immediately like 15 dollars those are low quality it's a three pack like what this is a bullshit like she's immediately critiquing the quality of it and deem them to be like shitty and that they're better be she was like i are there titanium ones like what are the high end for butt plugs and he's like a chromium but your mom so your mom thought those were shitty butt plugs got it she thought they were pieces of shit that were cheap and she likes fancy extravagant things so she's like what's the high end of this or do they come in titanium so now

i'm on like just a sex like a random sex store site pulling up butt plugs i find the most expensive one is like 160 dollars was it like a chanel collaboration or something gucci it was a Gucci bub plug. Chanel X anal. It was remote operated and she just, she wasn't impressed because it was a titanium. She's like, get the fuck out of here. I don't care.

It's not titanium. So then I showed her one that made it look like you had a tail and she was done. That was it. We were done. She had no,

that killed it. That was a bridge too far. You're not allowed to have a tail. So that was, we found the limits of your mom yeah yeah we've we hit the peak of it so i talked to her today and i i asked i asked jokingly because she had had she's been to like four different lunches or whatever since we've had this talk uh so i asked her i asked like just as i said as a joke so did you talk to your friends if they knew what butt plugs were and she said like completely seriously yes

i'm doing a survey and then she went through her list she is asked every time she is like interacting with a friend that she hasn't interacted with about the subject she is bringing up the subject of butt plugs versus bronies specifically. She is serving how many of her friends in the 60 year old demographic know either or of these things. So she's asked two people so far, both of them knew what butt plugs were, didn't know what bronies were. I don't think you're adopted.

So the, I love that your mom thinks you're an anal expert. I just, I think she was shocked that I knew. I think she was expecting me to say no. She really thought they were a fictional thing created for... She was like, allow me to spill the tea on buttons. So is this like an annual thing? Like every year when the candle gets lit,

do you think it will be a different topic of conversation? I don't. I'm terrified of what it could possibly be next year but it was just the the absurdity of the conversation that it kept going further and and the the questions and the sub it was just it was wild yeah i was stunned i'm still stunned i'm still processing it but i'll keep you guys updated as this survey gets filled up further. So far, zero bronies. What's the demographic? Just middle-aged Canadian women?

60-year-old Canadian women, yeah. Okay. Oh, my God. Dude. Well, I'll say this. Gavin, I know what we're getting to Andrew for Christmas and for his birthday and for Christmas and his birthday until he dies. What temperature

does titanium melt at? I have no idea. Why are you even asking? I'll try and whip something up. Titanium melting temps. Do you want it in Fahrenheit or Celsius Celsius please

1668 oh that's doable little foundry a little bit of propane for for normal humans that's 3034 Fahrenheit normal what what why I don't I don't understand what that was what what just

happened temperature talk we are temperatures somehow you guys are more baffled going back and I don't understand what that was. What? What just happened? Temperature talk? We argue about temperatures? Somehow you guys are more baffled going back and forth with that than me hearing my fucking mom talk about butt plugs out of nowhere. No, I just... Americans always think that it's like, you gotta convert it for Europeans. The entire world used to Celsius.

I was just insulting Gavin because he's not American. I understood. Even though he's desperate to be. Where do you live? Good point. Not only do you live in America, dickhead, you live in the most American state in America. You live in fucking Texas.

Dude, America's great. I came home to a cucumber today. So is that edible? How edible is that? Is that a junk cucumber or am I going is that junk cucumber oh my god i gave it i gave it to millie yesterday in her lunch okay you gave her a whole cucumber no i gave her the third that i cut off the part that's peeled off and chopped off you were saying you gave the whole thing to her this is what she left no no I dole out a little bit every day gave her tomatoes

because I gave you the cucumber do you have anything you want to specifically bring up Gavin or should I go into jingle jingle jingle finally you can go into jingle jingle jingle when I was trying to find that Randy Savage clip I also found this this isn't related to f*** face but this is what we were talking about

when Andrew was confused about the full English breakfast. Oh, yeah. To be fair, I feel like the way you described it was very confusing. You said, what's the black thing? I said, it's black pudding. It's like fried blood.

Yeah. Just fried. I didn't have any concept of what fried blood was. Blood sausage. Do you like it? Do I like it? No. No, I hate it. fried blood was blood sausage do you like it do i like it no yeah no i don't i hate it is it popular do most people like it i mean if you order full english it's a part of it usually i've ordered a lot of full english and i've never gotten it

really yeah i mean it's probably the first thing to go it's the first sort of polarizing item yeah they probably don't even bother like in the tourist areas it's probably hard to get here well i mean blood sausage you get that in the stores don't you it's pretty much what it is that's what the confusion was i didn't know the prep of making in my head i didn't know what the process was like in the same way canada's bagged milk you're like yeah get a bag of blood go grab some blood get some cow blood i was like yes it's like fried blood you're, you were saying I was misrepresenting it. I was like, yeah, it's like fried blood. And you were like, you've misled me. It's fried blood and fat. Well, I wasn't aware of what a blood... I asked what a...

I don't know what a blood sausage is, so I asked is it part of the blood sausage? Is that what a blood sausage is? Is it the blood from the blood sausage? And we just moved on. Moved on. Just completely stepped over that. Eric wants us to talk about Jingle, Jingle, Jingle. Should we talk about... Yeah, hold on a second would you eat blood black pudding or the fuck it's called

andrew absolutely not i mean we it took a step further where i would be willing to try different types of blood he thinks every animal's blood would taste the same i was curious if it would there's no way if every meat tastes different then surely the blood would be different flavor i don't think it would be that wide of a range of flavors i i have you as black pudding could be uh usually pork or beef i think i bet it's i don't think if you were if you let's say this is a ridiculous conversation if you got super into drinking cow's blood just as a side it was your beverage of choice for a while if we laid out a bunch of different bloods on a table i don't think you'd be able to distinguish which one is cow should wes on a table i don't think you'd be able to

distinguish which one is cow should we do a blind bloodshot test i think you guys should i think it's gross as fuck i also think andrew you've got the perfect thing to bring up with your mom next year when you have your memorial uh okay so jingle jingle jingle jingle was uh it's a uniform it's sort of a uniform it's a uniform creation jeff in some ways okay it was a discussion of uh the wrist pocket which will i think either have gone on sale or will be coming on sale soon hopefully it's already on sale but yeah we'll see yeah i haven't actually done the the shitty part yet but it's due tomorrow so i think i'll be doing it most of tonight um and so we're talking about i don't i don't remember how it was like scenarios in which you would use a beef bracelet is that it is that the conversation

of it we're talking about clothing items in the way that in in a scenario in which you're in an orgy the beef bracelet would be the field choice I think of anything else like you would need to be wearable you can maintain energy get a snack you don't need to leave the pile it would be the number one the number one thing

you just stick around you don't have to leave at that point with the beef bracelet as long as you're not into fisting that's a quick way to lose a beef bracelet. That's true. You got to be on your non-dominant hand. Yeah. What episode of Mr. Bean where he loses his watch in the turkey?

And so we're talking about like how every other item is inferior to the beef bracelet in the orgy scenario. And that imagine some guy in the orgy with a fucking fanny pack on with a bunch of keys in it just jingling all over the place it's jingle jingle jingle it's jingling all over so that is that was the origin we do the fanny pack the worst thing to wear in an orgy yeah yes it was it was by far because it's just i'm imagining like a janitor in a movie with like that many keys but that guy in an orgy with fanny pack just the jingle exactly just like that and grunting yeah so when we were talking about unifarm and the value of the brief

beef bracelet i think we really missed the orgy market in that demographic i think we really could have angled better to them i think that would be i'm trying to think there are other products right where like they made it and then it got adopted in a way that they didn't at all intent yeah that's always of course absolutely happens all the time i think that's maybe where the beef bracelet would go i think it would maybe i mean a huge hit like wrigley's gum started out as a soap company and now they make gum yeah they would include like it was like during the great out as a soap company and now they make gum yeah they would include like it was like during the Great Depression or around that time and so they had to like they were coming

up with like incentives uh like we would give away a free air freshener with a shirt maybe uh in the in the store uh but they would give away like a free piece of gum when you would buy soap to convince people to buy it and then the soap the gum became so popular they just said fuck the soap and uh went all in on gum wow just to clarify what nick said did you say leave the pile i absolutely did yeah of course i assume it's just a pile i've never been in an orgy i haven't i haven't even seen eyes wide shut which i feel like would probably be didn't you get invited to an orgy once though did i did yeah the homeless orgy yeah we covered that yeah we have covered that I've received an invite to a homeless orgy but I've never I didn't

attend that would probably be the jingliest orgy because homeless people typically have more loose change and also just like nuts and bolts and shit probably just random stuff just whatever you find off the ground the nuts and bolts yeah I mean you figure

like homeless people are probably, they have to be resourceful. So if you see something that could be useful down the road, you want to pick it up. Well, nuts and bolts, though? I don't know, I was just thinking of shit to clanks, man. You could build a shanty with nuts and bolts if you have enough spare ones around.

Sure. Yeah, that's what the newest Banjo-kazooie was about it is nuts and bolts magic suey nuts and bolts oh I'm gonna be playing Donkey Kong this weekend that's the thing long long over by the time gone for whoever hears this but yeah just in the context of when we're doing this are you excited no not

at all I'm with What's your game plan? I have 44 hours, right? Yeah. Is that it? Okay, great. Yeah, this, okay. Well, you have, you have the, you reserve the right to add another four hours. Yeah, I'm not going to, I'm going to, I'm fine.

I'm not going to need it. I'm good. I'm excited. I'll, uh. Do you have all your snacks and everything ready? No, I'm going to do that tomorrow. I got to prepare tomorrow. I got to take it seriously.

Got to get my blood sausage and my fried blood. And, uh... What else? What happened last time? You knocked it off the table or something? What do you mean, what happened last... Oh, why did it not save? I realized that the save function didn't work for how I was

playing it, so I had to turn my computer off until... Then I did, and then I lost all my progress. What do you mean, how you were playing it? I was playing it on on a computer Oh, I wasn't like playing it through an N64 because using them. What are you doing this time? I'm gonna use them I'm gonna use the exact same emulator and I'm just not going to I'm not gonna turn my computer off until I beat it Oh, man, what if the power is out? If the if the power goes out that would be a problem that would be unfortunate yeah i would

lose he's gonna he's gonna wiggle out of this yeah how am i gonna wiggle out no he's gonna listen to this listen to how he's already setting this up no i can't be the only one who sees this coming there's no i don't it doesn't i whatever happens if i don't beat it if i don't, it doesn't, whatever happens, if I don't beat it, if I don't get the end credits within the time limit, I lose. Doesn't matter. So if your computer, so your power goes out, your computer turns off, doesn't even have to be your power going out, something, some Windows update, whatever it is. Yeah. Your computer restarts, you lose all your progress.

You're fine with that. No, I will accept the loss. A hundred percent. I won't complain. Why don't you just get an N64? You got time. They're cheap. Well, I don't know.

It seems like a lot of fucking... What do you mean I have time? I think I already have one. I don't have the game. I can send you the game. Well, yeah, tomorrow? There's not a used game store in Vancouver you could go to?

There's like two in my town, and I don't know if they would have that version the expansion pack too also then how would i stream off of my n64 hdmi adapter so now it would send me a fucking list of things i now need to get and well we could have got you all this stuff if you mentioned it uh three weeks ago when you decided to do this we could have had it all planned out for you that's fair I'm not gonna argue that point. That's fair. I think it'll be fine. Oh, can you please argue the point?

I have to know. Oh, I mean, what would I... I mean, I guess, I don't know. Is it assumed who streams off of an N64? I don't feel like that's all that common. I think most people streaming N64 games... Your argument for not telling us sooner is that who streams.

Eric, be quiet. You told me to fucking argue a point I didn't want to argue. And then I argued the point because you asked me to. And then you tell me it's not a good argument. I said I wasn't going to argue it. I never came from a position of this is a great argument. It's a ridiculous thing you just did. It's madness. It's going quiet. It's not a great argument. It's a ridiculous thing you just did. It's madness.

It's going quiet. It's not a good argument. How are you doing, Jeff? You okay? You not laughing? I'm trying not to laugh. You got me so bad with your mom, though. You have no idea how much pain you caused me.

It was brutal. I just love the idea of the tail on the butt plug coming up and her just snuffing the candle out and walking away. There is no God. Blows the candle out. That's a bridge too far. I thought I was losing my mind yesterday. I got some new headphones, like AirPods sort of

things. And they're paired to my phone. And I also paired them to my iMac where I edit stuff. And I was listening to the, I was proofing the next episode of F*** Face that Nick or Dennis sent. And if I pause something with the headphones and then resume it within a short amount of time, it just continues what I was doing. But I guess if I've used my phone too much in between or enough time has passed, for some reason, it just decides I've given up on this connection to the phone. I'm now on the Mac. And what it was doing, and this is where I thought I was losing my mind. And what it was doing, and this is where I thought I was losing my mind. On my Mac, if you open the music app, I guess it's what iTunes became.

I never used the app, but what I had on there was a ringtone I just made, which is like a little clip from my pinball machine. I just turned it into my ringtone. But to do that, I had to put it through that music app and all that stuff. And then the next file down was some lines I had Dan record for some slow-mo video where I was having him pretend to be a robot. And I guess when I tried to resume my phone playback of F*** Face, it decided, hey, I'm controlling the iMac now, and it started playing my ringtone. So I was like, oh, I get a call. So I double tap the side of the AirPods to answer

the call. But when no one's actually calling you, it just skips track. So it skipped to the next track, which was Dan going, hey B. And I was like, hey B. And because he was doing multiple takes,

he just kept saying it in different intonations. So he was like, hey B, and I was like, uh, hey B. And he was like, hey B. And I was like, hey B. And I'm just there in my freaking kitchen talking to audiophiles that are playing on my Mac in a different room. It took me about 45 seconds to realize I wasn't actually on the phone with Dan. It was like such a weird series of events and I was like, oh my god

I'm like 60 years old. This technology is running circles around me. I just was so confused. I hate you so much. And it's not like I had the app open. I tested it out. It just opens the music app

on my Mac. And there's only like a bunch of things. I just couldn't believe that that's what was actually happening. That's incredible. Perfect. Oh. I wish I could post my security purge of me just staring at my kitchen cabinets. Thinking I'm on the first.

Can you post the audio maybe of his different takes? That'd be great. I'd love to hear. One side. That was after all that was done, it was like 20 minutes of trying to figure out where the audio was actually coming from. Cause I didn't know that they were stored in the music app.

I was so confused that I got to give up on technology. That is the most amazing. Yeah. Fuck technology. I agree with you. Don't it, dude. Oh fucking,

I am having a problem with my car play. It's so, uh, but, uh, that's maybe the funniest story I've heard in a year. That's fantastic. I'm just trying not to laugh anymore, man.

My fucking mouth is on fire. So yeah, the weird sort of me just trying to live on my own at home sort of work. Not live alone. I love that. Me trying to mind my own business just trying to like be a person who owns the house how do you make that happen it it jumps to your ringtone and then to your friend saying hello to you in a way that yeah because who would have

who would have as the last two files that just got added to itunes their own ringtone followed by their friend saying hello. Like no one has those two files. Oh god. Maybe I'll make a little video sequence to like replicate it. Because I can replicate it every time. Like a black and white dramatic reenactment.

Like it's on forensic files. I love it. There we go. that was good so i'm gonna miss you guys yeah that's a pretty good episode well hey i have a question is that it are we done recording for a while or are you out of town now so uh i'm gone for three weeks then i'm back but we've got enough episodes to hold us over that's all i did not i didn't i'll be honest. I didn't anticipate. God damn it. It's fine. I'll give Henry his pill.

It's Dan. Hey, B. Hey, B. I didn't even think we were recording this week. So this is a really pleasant, painful surprise. No, my flight got moved. I should be in England right now. Yeah. Well, thank God it got moved.

And also condolences. But yeah, guys, this was a, as Gavin would say, an absolute corker. Whatever the fuck that means. I've never heard David say that. That's what Andrew's mom was talking about the other night. No! No! No!

No! No! No! No! Hey, if you're a regulation listener, or even a comment leaver, or maybe you're just on the fence, and considering being one or the other, you're not quite sure where you fit in, maybe this is the first time you've ever listened to this podcast.

Maybe it's the second time. Maybe it's the third. If it is the third third and you haven't subscribed and liked yet, I don't know what the fuck is wrong with you. You clearly like it. Show us by subscribing and liking. And if it is the first and now you think, wow, that was a little

aggressive, I apologize. That wasn't meant for you. That was meant for the three times people. You still have a little bit of time to figure it out. We appreciate you. See you next week. Hey, guys. Minor League fan Jack here with a look at next week's episode of F*** Face. The guys waited way too long to record, so I'm just going to make some stuff up. Jeff's new bike is full of ants.

Gavin smuggled something back from Europe. Andrew stars on the return of Krampus. The boys get in-depth with global economics. The director of the tuxedo is pissed. And once again, Andrew does not eat the pencil. All that and more on next week's episode of F*** Face.