F**kface - Geoff's New Lifehack // Asparagus Piss KO [132]

Episode Date: December 14, 2022

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about scheduling struggles, Geoff's discoball shadow monster, sunglasses dump, Geoff's business card, Nick isn't the monkey during F**kface, piss smells but different, pizza vs beans, a grilled cheese problem, Gavin's specific lifehack, Geoff's double salt licorice, best animal shaped foods, Spell Up, Ronald McDonald, and Andrew is Austin?? F**kface is nominated for a Signal award? VOTE HERE: https://bit.ly/FFsignal. Want to contribute to bits? Email what you can do to [e-mail]. Sponsored by Hello Tushy http://hellotushy.com/face, Hello Fresh http://hellofresh.com/face18 and use code face18, and Raycon http://buyraycon.com/face and use code HOLIDAY. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Have a great day. Enjoy the episode. This is a Rooster Teeth production. Hello and welcome to another episode of the F*** Face Podcast. My name is Geoff Ramsey. With me, as always, Andrew Panton, Gavin Free. Episode 132. Eric is frustrated with us for scheduling. I apologize. But it sounds like we got it worked out.

Sounds like we got it worked out. Do you ever think, like, eventually it won't be hard to schedule? No. I always feel like, you know, we get through this busy patch and then it'll be really easy. But it never is. And it's always busy. it sucks i agree with jeff no it will never be easy it at no point will it ever get easier it will just be this way and that is it's my cross to bear and that's fine it's we'll just figure it out and it is what it is what was was it the olympics that were scheduled for the 15th originally? February?

I thought there was like a December 15th at one point. Cause I couldn't do it because of my mom's birthday. What was that? Oh, it's like that. That was the last time we recorded. That was the thing that Gavin wanted to do. I got heat for,

and somebody else is unavailable. I believe. I think you might be right. I think it might've been the Olympics, but we pushed that to like next February. So yeah. Yeah. Is it really your mom's birthday? It is.

You and birthdays, I never know what to believe. No, that's fair. Very understanding. As a subtle callback to Andrew lying about his birthday in season two of Survive Block Island. I feel like I should

be rewarded for that move. Did people like our supplemental? I didn't really see it come out. Yeah, I think so. From what I saw. I have no idea. Oh, people loved it. Oh, great. I mean, it was the same complaints I think you guys had where you're like, oh, a bunch of this stuff

didn't even make the episodes. And it's like, right, that's how these productions work, I think. But I think that just getting a glance into the mind of Andrew is always very exciting and entertaining. And then when you see the depths that he'll go to, I think that was very exciting for people to see. If we'd have recorded that

after this season had come out, we would have been talking about entirely different stuff when it came to like pointing out moments from the show. But yeah, it was more additive, I guess, than I thought it would be. about entirely different stuff when it came to like pointing out moments from the show but yeah but yeah it was more additive i guess than i thought it would be yeah i'm happy with it i'm glad people enjoyed it yeah me too man i gotta say uh emily has a uh has a like a christmas disco ball going in this in the office and it keeps making shadows come on the wall and for the past

hour i keep thinking somebody's gonna strangle me to death like I just keep out of the like I don't know why but like there's the corner of my eye I just keep seeing these shadows hit the wall and I keep thinking somebody's just about to put their arms around me and fucking just really that's fascinating is that a shadow thing is that what you assume shadows I don't know why I don't know why I just

I don't know maybe it's because I'm facing against maybe because I'm in a room facing away from the door, facing toward a wall. You know, it's like it's a very vulnerable position. And then when the shadows... And I have headphones on, which mutes the ambient sound of the room.

So it's like it puts me at a unique disadvantage to protect myself from stranglers, I realize. And so... Maybe Emily's trying to desensitize you to not flinch at shadows. Shit, do you think that's what she's doing? I did hate that, though. That was where my seat in Achievement Hunter

was with my back to the door. And any time I heard the door, I'd just immediately stand up and turn around. Just out of fear. Well, that's probably the safest thing you could have done. Yeah. That's self-preservation right there.

I'm just going to assume I don't get strangled going forward. That's a good assumption. Yeah. You've avoided it so far. Do you guys have a lot to talk about this episode? Let's check the old notes. I have stuff at the end.

Okay. Should we just wait until the end? I just have random stuff. I'm excited to hear your random stuff. Okay. Here's one. It's not a long story. It's not a long thing, wait until the end i just have random stuff i'm excited to hear your random stuff uh okay uh here's the here's one uh it's not a long story or it's not a long thing but i uh i was i was trying to come up with a life hack like a little thing you could do to like improve your life like you know face presents life hacks and i don't know that this qualifies as a life hack uh i realized after

i wrote it down uh so i'll leave it up to you guys. But I do still think it has merit and value, much in the same way, I guess, blow-drying my body is a life hack, right? And that's been incredibly successful for me these last few years. This is kind of a similar thing. And I didn't do this on purpose. But let me describe it like this.

You guys know in Dead Poets Society, when Robin Williams makes all the kids stand up on top of the chair or on top of their desks and they see the room from a different perspective and it teaches them to change and think differently? Sure. I took a dump with sunglasses on the other day.

And let me tell you, it's a different experience. Do you feel cooler doing it? Like, what is the shift? I 100% felt cooler doing it. And the reason, by the way, I didn't mean to, it wasn't like I set out

to take a shit with sunglasses on. I was coming home from a bike ride, and I thought I shit my pants walking back into the house. And so I thought, oh no, I could feel like a greasy fart, and then I could feel like a plop, and I went like,

oh my God, I definitely shit my pants. So I just ran inside to the bathroom, pulled my pants on. Had not, it was a phantom shit. It was like,

it was like, all the feeling of shitting your pants with none of the shit. So then I just went and took a dump. But about halfway to the dump, I realized something was different

and then it dawned on me, I'm still wearing my sunglasses. And then I realized, I kind of like it it you know bathroom lights are harsh they're bright this kind of this kind of like like dims it a little bit makes it kind of a almost a cooler like like visibly visually and like aesthetically you look cooler like wearing a leather jacket wear a leather jacket while you dump too maybe i don't know do you have to show them up when you wipe there yeah yeah you do it's a good idea it's like these aren't the darkest sunglasses in the world but you do want like you want your eagle eye vision when you're checking

how clean your butthole is i think um well not if you're andrew but yeah well yeah but so anyway just throwing that out there a little life hack uh try taking a dump with your sunglasses on and see how it feels you You might be pleasantly surprised. Do you think you'll leave a set of poop shades in there from now on? Ooh, that's a great question. That's like shit shades. Shit shades by Uniform? Uniform shit shades.

Now that's something to think about and look into. I was just using my regular sunglasses, but maybe I need... I mean mean that sounds like a product for the old anal passage website do you do you think that it would be enough to persuade me into becoming a sunglasses guy yeah i never wear okay interesting yeah no i always feel like i'm too lame for them so i've never worn them i just feel uncomfortable just as a person you don't qualify as a person yeah i do not qualify i'm not cool enough to wear sunglasses here well it's an absolute necessity in texas where it's 110 degrees in the summer and the fucking sun just bounces off the concrete right into your brain um but uh but i think this is a great and you know maybe this is an instructive tool too maybe if you you're like Andrew out there and you don't feel comfortable wearing sunglasses

because you don't feel cool enough maybe, there is nothing more vulnerable than being in a dump position. But it's also safe and protected. You're in your own bathroom. Nobody else in the world is around to bother you. You can shut and lock the doors. Put on your sunglasses.

No one will ever see it. If you can get comfortable wearing sunglasses while you're taking a poop, you can easily be comfortable wearing sunglasses in public. I promise you that. I like it. I'm going to try this. Does it matter what type, just any type of sunglass and you're fine? Yeah, any kind of sunglasses, I think. Interesting. Now, was there anything else unique about that experience that could have amplified it or have you tested this multiple times no i have been where i have worn my sunglasses a couple times now like i've gone to get them uh which probably why probably why you need sunglasses in the bathroom it's a great point if like if they're on the other side of the house

and i really gotta go i'm like it's gonna be a shadeless shit but if i'm like thinking about it yeah i'll go grab them face shit shades we need him hey even fonzie poops that should be our logo that should be our like our catchphrase yeah shit even fonzie poops because there's nothing cooler than the fawns you don't you don't think that that might be a little bit old of a reference or do you think that that's do you think do you think that that tv show from the 70s might be too old i mean he's still alive isn't he wait yeah i love him yeah he's great he seems great even nice even the even the local theater teacher from berry poops doesn't have a certain ring to it no it doesn't but i feel like that would be more known i just don't know many products coming to market pumped to use the Fonz as a point of reference

for what's going to move their glasses. That's fair. I'm definitely on the back nine of my pop culture experience. I like that that's still cool to you. The pinnacle of cool is the Fonz. It was the Fonz. It still is. What's cooler than the Fonz?

It will remain to be. That's a tough question. I don't think I'm qualified. I'm not even qualified enough to wear sunglasses. I don't think it's my position to declare who's cool. I get that Arthur Fonzarelli is no longer culturally relevant in any way, but it's hard to think. You think of that dude with his hair slicked back,

looking all sexy with his fucking white t-shirt and his leather jacket, riding on a motorcycle. It's hard to think of something cooler than that that's fair he could fix the like kick the jukebox machine right it would work he would fix it that's pretty cool that is pretty cool i mean he jumped the shark is still timeless that's another it wouldn't be possible without him that's true he literally jumped us in ways yeah he created that trend i feel like looking back on what's happened in TV since he jumped the shark, jumping a shark is totally plausible. Yeah. Yeah.

That's an excellent point. It feels more grounded. Maybe not outside of a diner, but yeah, definitely. Yeah. Maybe not in the parking lot of a diner, but yeah. Not to veer too far away from shitting, but just to touch back on anal passage for a minute i meant to share this i forgot to this cracked me up so much when i was

publishing the site this is how it framed and i just think it's such a great photo the framing the text the the backdrop just everything i just think that that's so funny i meant to share that last time is that the way it's face and the it's just it's perfect it it's god i feel like we should print that on postcards and give them out it's great it should be like a freebie oh could that be like business cards yeah it's just so good uh it is great i just i was like wow this is beautiful what you've done here fucking wait for jack to see these comments i have the idea of all of our business cards being someone who's not on the podcast space but who we know that's a great idea because you brought up just i don't know if this is on the show wanting to do business cards because people be like oh

what are you doing like they recognize you and they're like what have you been up to and and it would be easy for you to just give them a face card i like the idea of giving them seeing the reaction to somebody that doesn't know what face is to receiving that card with no other info that's excellent so here's what we do because you're right it wasn't on it wasn't in the episode it was during slack but i had the idea the other day because i run into like i run into people all the time that are familiar with uh like red versus blue or old productions we used to do and then i was like oh what are you up to lately and i gotta go like well i do a podcast called face with my friends and we talk about baseball cards and you know apples uh and uh it's just it's

like a it's like a plotting conversation to have so I was thinking if I had some sort of a f*** face card I could give people with just like a QR code on it that's like here just scan this and listen to this

and you know and I actually think Nick had the idea to put the QR code on it I was just gonna put a URL he's he brought it into the current day

I'm still living in Fonzarelli world but if it just or maybe it was Eric whatever I'm giving Nick the credit. If it was that on one side and the QR code on the other, and we could just hand that out, I think that'd be amazing.

It's like challenge coins for podcasts with no money. Yeah, there you go. I love that idea. I feel like whenever I meet someone who knows face, it's so easy to talk to them. It's like an immediate icebreaker. Whereas like sometimes people come up as, you know the fan of achievement hunter or something but it's the content is overwhelming and there's you don't really know where to start with the conversation

yeah so you kind of just have to make small talk almost with face whenever people come up about face they immediately just go into like oh can you believe andrew did yeah well we we have our own language together, and I think that you can tell when somebody speaks face. You've got a friend in your life there. You know what I mean? It's a warm, comfortable feeling for sure.

I have another bathroom thing. This isn't a life hack, but it's a potential... Oh, real quick. I'm just going to go down the line. Nick, are you wearing the monkey mask right now? No, not right now. Okay. Emily asked me if you wear it when you record. I thought, I don't think so.

But I figured that she imagined you always wearing it. And so I thought I'd ask. I mean, he's not nearly muffled enough. Yeah. That's like the mask singer, but he's just producing quietly. Should we give you a challenge where in the next 20 episodes you have to wear it at least once and we have to figure out which one oh that's great yeah let's do it that is a great yeah so between 132 and 142 you have to wear it

okay oh i'm sorry 152 that'd be 20 episodes uh let's just say by 150 150 okay that's great yeah it'd be like our our We'll find out if we... Yeah, there we go. We'll never remember that. No, there's no way. So here's my other bad thing. We just don't talk to him then. Well, then we didn't.

Then he got it. Then he beat us. He snuck it by. Then he wins, yeah. So this is not a life hack, but this is an experiment I think that we could try. I, last night night cooked spaghetti and uh asparagus for dinner and i went to the grocery store i went to the grocery store to get asparagus because i fucking i'm the biggest i'm a big asparagus fan right and all they had they didn't have any asparagus out and i was like is it not asparagus

season you get so used to in amer America things being there 365 days a year. The only asparagus they had was in a little bag against the wall away from where the mint and shit is. But it was organic and it was pretty expensive. I had a craving for asparagus and I thought, well, fuck it. I'll just buy this asparagus and I'm sure it'll be fine. It's organic.

It's expensive. It probably tastes delicious. And it was. It was fucking phenomenal. I roasted it in the air fryer and it was some of the best asparagus I've ever had. However, here's where I'm going with this. People always talk about how asparagus makes your pee smell bad, right? Yeah.

I've noticed it a little bit in the past. And I am a guy who's eaten a shit ton of asparagus. Anytime I grill, I grill Brussels sprouts and asparagus because I love them both. I've noticed it a little bit in the past, but never like what people describe. However, last night, two hours after I ate that asparagus, I took a piss that almost knocked me out from the start. I gagged from the asparagus smell. It was overwhelming.

Like it was making my eyes close. It was so bad. And that got me thinking, why is like, why now? Right. And the only thing I can think of is it's organic special asparagus. So is there a smell difference in your urine from, like, bog standard normal asparagus or organic asparagus?

Yeah, have they been trying to, like, breed the fumes out of it? Right, yeah, or, like, do the pesticides kill the fumes? Or are they breeding the fumes out or what? But it got me thinking, like, is this an anomaly? Was it, like, combined pesticides kill the fumes? Or are they breeding the fumes out or what? But it got me thinking, is this an anomaly? Was it combined with something else I ate? So I think we should do asparagus piss tests where we eat regular asparagus on one day

and then pee and record the volume of smell and then eat organic asparagus the next day and then see if it's noticeably different. And then if so, if we can narrow it down to the kind of asparagus the next day and then see if uh if it's noticeably different and then if so if we can narrow it down to like the kind of asparagus that makes your piss smell the worst i'm very sensitive to it i it takes me by surprise every single time but i always it's always very strong 47 years i never smelled anything like this i've even had it where i'll smell it and be like oh i guess there was some asparagus in what i ate like even the tiniest hint of it that i didn't even notice really so i wonder like maybe

you're feeling that after after regular asparagus if if i'm right and it wasn't just like an anomaly if this asparagus is that much stronger i wonder if i could knock you out with your bone because this shit was strong i don't feel like I've ever noticed it either. Yeah, or maybe like the air fryer does something different to it than grilling it. That could be. I don't know. Yeah.

But I do feel like further exploration is warranted. I agree. When you were making your asparagus piss or whatever, when you're pissing with whatever, were you wearing sunglasses? This is also another important research point. No, no, I don't wear sunglasses

when I cook. Only when I go out. Only when I ride my bike or walk or drive or shit. But in the act of pissing, have you worn them? Oh. Yeah, certainly. I thought the act of cooking in them would affect the taste.

I like that idea too you should try that yeah maybe i think at the point of you're saying shitting with them on is a different experience i think you just have to try every experience that you typically have with them on to see if it is constantly positive if they're in some negatives i think there's more research we could do yeah after this conversation yeah i think that's that's an interesting point um i think it's more research we could do. Yeah. After this conversation. Yeah, I think that's an interesting point. I think it's more of just like doing it, doing it in, when you shouldn't

or when you wouldn't normally think to wear something. Because it caught me by surprise, right? Yeah. Yeah, because like anytime I go outside, I'm wearing sunglasses.

So like, it's the same sunglasses I was wearing when I was hitting the baseballs the other day. Okay. Okay. Yeah. I bet I could smell other people's asparagus.

I bet you could too. That's what I always worry about if I'm in a public. What are you talking about? No, I'm just saying I've only ever smelled. Go ahead. Well, I've only ever smelled my own, but I'm always worried if I have to, if I have asparagus on a plane and then I unload it in a public toilet

in like some urinals, I'm always worried, can the people next to me smell my asparagus? The way you phrased that, Gavin, was like you're a fucking bomb sniffing dog. Like I bet I'd be able to detect, I could tell you what brand they had. That's what was so alarming by what

you said so you're worried about leaving evidence of your asparagus pee in public places is what you're saying yeah i don't know whether it's like a are you not worried about your piss smelling otherwise or yeah piss just generally doesn't smell great well if you're hydrated it doesn't smell like hydrated like a pretty clear regular piss doesn't really smell that much yeah and also if it smells anything it smells like the piss you smell every day it doesn't smell like oh that's different no that's my point though even an optimal piss doesn't smell good there's no scenario in which it smells nice so i don't really know like i i don't get why you said five people are urinal we're all expecting to smell this the same sort

of thing but if someone's kicking out some asparagus that's gonna register do you think we're gonna be wondering who's the asparagus guy no that's what i'm saying so if there's five people in a line do you think you could detect on number two it was number two I could tell dude how long it took for the owner to hit me that'd be a great way to solve a murder mystery it's like let's let me Colombo clearly the killer this is cracking me up picturing picture Gavin at an airport row of urinals but he's dressed like a detective going one of these men just one more thing anyone have asparagus what if it was you gavin would you adjust let's say you're approaching the urinal you got a bunch you just had a whole fucking bucket of asparagus you're nervous it's empty

when you get in four people walking behind you everyone's lined up you're not taking but you can't get out of it you're committed to this do you how do you adjust you just you bite the bullet on it what are you doing oh are you trying to pee in spurts i'd probably pull my head up you wouldn't be like you wouldn't try to deflect and be like, whoa, somebody had asparagus last night. Which one of you crazy kids was it? Do you think if I drink enough coffee and my coffee piss was so overwhelming that it would throw you off the scent of the asparagus? Wait, wait, wait.

There's coffee piss? Yeah. Yeah. You don't drink, do you not drink, are you like not a coffee guy, Gavin? No, I have coffee almost every day. Yeah. You don't drink. Do you not? Are you like not a coffee guy, Gavin? No, I have coffee almost every day. Oh, you should. You should try brewing it way stronger and then see what happens.

Or drink more and then pee. Yeah. Yeah. It is. It's it's like smelling like it smells like coffee. It's a lot. What? Okay.

Well, someone's clearly. If it's coffee on one side and asparagus on the other side someone slid my slider all the way to asparagus because i don't i do not detect the worst dealer's wheel song i don't i don't think i've ever taken any notice of piss smelling different with coffee in it yeah i don't drink coffee so i haven't had that experience either how many flavors of piss would you say there are? That's a great question. There's regulation piss and there's asparagus. No, he's right. There's also coffee piss.

And this is because Andrew doesn't drink coffee. I bet we could have him drink five cups of a lot of really strong coffee and then pee. I bet he'd be a great case subject for this. That would be interesting. I might try that. Sorry, Gavin. Go ahead well do you think

you would overly dehydrated when you had your extreme asparagus piss that could be a factor i mean i wonder if you had so if you had asparagus only for lunch and dinner and didn't drink water all day what would that piss be like god i wonder if we could like if there's something to this that the asparagus i got a hold of is more potent than regular asparagus i wonder what we could like if there's something to this that the asparagus i got a hold of is more potent than regular asparagus i wonder what we could do to manipulate it so that we could come up with the strongest asparagus smell like i bet i bet if i didn't drink water for like 24 hours and then i ate like god 10 pounds of asparagus now here's the thing what if you juiced asparagus and that's how you got a bunch of your liquid in oh no liquid asparagus yeah but that'd be gross jeff what about this is not gross we're

talking about trying to figure out to make the smelliest piss i don't know why we've been trying to get colombo involved in the investigation when we've got Piss Boy right here. Andrew's like, it's his like, it's his Keanu Reeves moment. I know this. No, no, no. We've already covered this.

Your nephew is Piss Boy now. He's taken the mantle. He pissed on half a plane. Columbo had like regular weekly episodes and then as time got on and he got older, he started doing like a few a year

down to the point where he would just come out maybe once a year they'd wheel out Columbo. Piss Boy can come out of retirement once a year for an to the point where he would just come out maybe once a year, they'd wheel out Columbo. Pissboy can wheel out retirement once a year for an investigation. Pissboy is like Doctor Who. It's a new doctor now. It's a new Pissboy as the head of the

franchise. He regenerated? Yeah. He's back. He's a piss lord. And he's your nephew. Piss lord. Your nephew's the new piss lord. He has two bladders. Well, that... So, we have coffee, we have asparagus.

Is there anything out there that makes pee smell good? Like, you know, like, pineapple's supposed to make semen taste good. Like, is there anything that makes pee smell good? Is it passion fruit? That's gotta be something, right? There's gotta be something out there you could eat that could make like, floral piss. Well, maybe, I mean, there's that thing

you can eat that makes lemons not sour, right? Oh, yeah. There's gotta be one for smell. There's gotta be something like that for smell. Interesting. A little miracle thing. Alright, well, I don't know where we're going from here, but I feel like experiments need to begin uh probably needs to start with me i need to go get some more asparagus and determine if this was just a one-off or if this is like a replicatable event i'm gonna try having maybe like three double espressos in

the same day and see what happens yeah let's see if we can get andrew and gavin to smell their own coffee pee i'll try it a lot of pine i'm i'm doing some research uh things that can make your pee smell fish coffee garlic human but pineapple is on the list but it just says you have to eat a lot of it okay and it smells good or well i mean i think it smells like pot like kind of like pineapple i mean like when you have a coffee piss, it smells like coffee. It doesn't smell like how asparagus smells bad. It smells like coffee. It's clearly not as strong as the asparagus, then.

My question, Gavin, for you is what's worse? What's more alarming? To be at a urinal and to have a strong odor of the asparagus piss? Or if somebody ate a whole bunch of pineapple and somebody said, smells good, while the pissing was happening, what's worse?

Because I'd personally rather have the asparagus piss than the good smelling piss that somebody calls out. I think I'd appreciate the good smelling piss. Really? That seems so much more comfortable to me. I would think, what's going on? If it suddenly started smelling good,

I would be alarmed. What is happening? There was a question, and this is from like a while ago, that Jeff asked me that he said he wasn't going to remember. It was like two weeks ago after we recorded. Oh, it's on my list.

Is it? Okay, cool. Yeah, you should ask that. Okay. Yeah, I think I'm done with bathroom stuff now. I don't have a lot of lists left. Okay, here we go. Emily asked this question to me the other day,

and I thought it was a really interesting question. I'd love to hear y'all's take on it. I know Eric's. Would you, if we had to do it again, if they were both in front of you and you had to eat one helping of them, would you rather eat a slice of the Plowman's pizza again or a bowl of the beanhole beans? Beanhole beans.

Really? Nick, how about you? The beanhole beans, for sure. I'm going to say he wasn't in the mask. Yeah, I agree. Yeah, definitely didn't seem to be in the mask. Okay, this is interesting. I don't know.

I mean, the Plymouth's pizza was pretty fucking gross, but I still kind of have nightmares about those beans. They weren't bad, though. Really? Yeah, they were pretty gross. They looked like... All I can think of when I think about those beans is the food in Resident Evil 7.

It's on like the buckets of food with like flies on it and shit. That's what I think of when I think of those beans. Now, do you think expectation has to do with that evaluation for you? Because you were so excited about the bean hole beans where I feel like, and I wasn't present for the experience, but I assume that it was pretty clear

what the Plowman's Pizza was going to be at every stage of making it. Well, the Plowman's Pizza could have been better at every stage of making it well the plowman's pizza could have been better obviously i don't think it could have been worse from what i heard the middle was raw and this the side was burnt yeah my point is is that there was hope for the beans until you open them where with the pizza knowing what was on it and seeing it being made i don't how do you feel do you feel there hope, Jeff? Were you optimistic at any point? No, I wasn't optimistic at any point

for anything that, any of our food that day. But I will say, after the experience, I am optimistic that he could modify that recipe to be something super edible. And I think the crust is all right. Yeah, yeah. I also think like if we, like we were using pre-cooked,

like half cooked crust. So it cooked faster than the ingredients on top. And then we didn't understand, you know, I only watched one YouTube video and nobody else watched any. So we were going off of one YouTube video for the, in terms of placement and heat and stuff. So there's definitely so much room for improvement.

I think a properly cooked plowman's pizza would have been a lot less gross. I think if I started with dough it would have been a lot better. Yeah. Is that out yet? I don't know.

The pizza at this point? Yeah, by the time this one comes out is that out do you think? This will be out in what? Two weeks? It's cutting it close.

We can try. We can definitely try. We'll see. We'll see. We'll have it done by next week. So you know what? Yes, it's out it close. We can try. We can definitely try. We'll see. We'll see. She's having it done by next week. So you know what? Yes, it's out. Sick.

Yeah, why not? What are you going to do? Get mad? I don't know. Well, my bit's done. I forgot to put this in my notes. You reminded me, Jeff. Okay.

Since we've done the pizza cook, and I had that other, you know, like the flat top mini grill, essentially. I've been expanding my cooking, my desk cookie. I've been trying to figure out like what other dishes I could make on that beyond what we currently know. So far, nothing has beaten the waffle, but I have like a list of recipes I've been trying to make. I did cookies that didn't turn out all that great. They just, it wouldn't, it didn't solidify hard enough. Then it would burn to be able to flip it. I just gonna post i tried to make a grilled cheese and i encountered problems with it immediately it didn't quite fit it's a little the bread the bread was a little too big

unfortunately once however the state of that table is just an absolute disgrace. It's a cooking station, so it gets messy when we're putting things together. I realize, though, that it doesn't need to work by itself. I joined the machines. It was working. They collaborated. They worked together so we could get a good cook across both sides. Nick says you can keep that XLR cable.

Is that a bottle of Windex up there? What is that? Yeah, you got a Windex. You got the bingo machine. A bottle of Barks root beer with some water in it. I was drinking. I was drinking some water out of a bottle. I don't know what the investigation is.

I would hate to shine a UV light on that surface. I'm sure it looks great. It's interesting that you went side to side and not head to head. I thought about it, but look, hey, that turned out pretty good. It was an even cook. I can't even talk shit. It turns out great.

Keep you guys updated. Honestly, it could use a little bit more the flipping and what not and like organizing it cheese need more cheese but I think it could be great I think I gave it like a 7.82 here's what I think here's what I think about this I think this is a recipe for our cookbook that it definitely

exists at this point because we've made at this point probably close to a dozen recipes we could put into a cookbook if we add it all up include the beans and the fucking 10 million other things we've cooked. So the double waffle maker grilled cheese, I think, should be an entry. So please don't forget about that. Salads, that's true. Sauces.

I won't. I'll keep adding to it. I want to try some fruit on there. I put some turkey on the other night for it. That was OK. It heated it well. Give it a little bit of a nice sear. I think there's room.

So I'm excited. I'll keep you guys updated on the current top desk food by far as waffles. I'd be shocked if anything passed. I have I have four more things. Some of them are really tiny. I have a life hack written down oh do it oh but it's so specific to me but i feel like maybe it's useful for someone else it just says learn the names of every classical music piece you hear because the amount of times i want to the amount of times i want to use a piece of classical music as like parody or something in a video,

I don't freaking know the name of anything. I end up on the same playlist of classical music, skipping one by one. Not that one, not that one, not that one. And I feel like if I just spent the time early on in life to sit down, because it's too late for me now. I'm not going to take that in. But earlier on, I should have sat down and memorized the top 20 classical tracks and i think that would have helped me waste way less time in my later life that's my life hack i don't think that's a hack knowledge but that's a good piece of advice knowledge is your hack the fact that you came at me with my with my happy meal hack you're like that's not a hack that's ridiculous and you just fucking let me tell you my new hack guys learn information that's a great hack thanks gavin most hacks are information it's true wouldn't you say but you're not manipulating you're just learning you're just

you're containing info what's not like what if all right what if he what if he i understand what you're saying andrew what if it's ridiculous what if like What if the life hack is learn the names of classical songs that I hear with sunglasses on? No, if there is a method, maybe. I think you can make an argument that that's more of a hack. But I'm mainly coming at him because he came at my hack

and I would say his is less of a hack than mine was. Nick Kropp also going to be great for casual conversation with high class folks. Yeah, there's some definite benefits. I think it is a hack than mine was. Nick wrote, but also going to be great for casual conversation with high class folks. Yeah, there's some definite benefits. I think it is a hack if you get ahead of it and you start early.

So all advice is a hack. All wisdom, all experience is a hack, is what you're saying. Well, I think it's a hack if you're getting ahead of a problem. Yeah. Even if you don't have the problem yet.

Yeah, that's a point. No, it's not. It's not a hack. If I'm constantly up against the same problem, and then I sit down and do something about it, isn't that a little life hack? Okay, let me put it to you this way. If I didn't know how to spell a word

and then I learned how to spell it, I would go fucking hacked it. I hacked it. I hacked the alphabet. It's a pretty good point you just brought up. It's a ridiculous hack. All right, I'm going to change the title of my note of my list of life hacks.

That doesn't bode well, because I've got a list on my phone called life hacks, and that's the only thing on it. So I'm going to have to... Listen, I've been there. It sucks to learn your hack isn't a hack. You'll get through it. You'll make it through.

You'll be okay. That'll be filled with stuff. I will say, I even approached the sunglasses on the toilet things by saying, I'm not sure this is a hack it's just what i wrote uh i'm still on the fence about it the mind might not even qualify as a life hack honestly uh i i think yours is more valid than just no information let's talk about the gift that keeps on giving. Hello Tushy Bidet.

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I put something in my mouth the other day that I want to put in both of your mouths. What? Yeah, I put something in my mouth the other day that I want to put in both of your mouths. What? Yeah, I put something in my mouth the other day, and I want to put it in your mouth, Andrew, and I want to put it in your mouth, Gavin. I put it in Eric's mouth yesterday.

Interesting. What was it? I'm curious. Is it something to do with how you put it in, or is it just like a flavor you want us to experience? No, just candy. Okay. Is it just like a flavor you want us to experience? No, just candy.

Okay. I stumbled upon accidentally the least edible candy on Earth. I am a fan, and I recognize that it is a polarizing flavor out of the gate. And statistically, probably 70% of you that I'm talking to on this podcast are going to have a negative reaction to me even mentioning it. But I am a huge, huge fan of black licorice. I eat it. I love it. I eat it constantly. I can't get enough black licorice. That's the stuff that kills you if you eat it constantly, right? Yeah, it's the stuff that kills you. Yeah. It makes your ankles hurt. And yeah.

So I eat black licorors whenever I get the chance. I was at World Market the other day with Emily Christmas shopping, of course. And I saw they have like a candy section. And I was looking through their like fancy candies. And they had this stuff called Gustav's Dutch licorice. I was in in classic salt licorice, it said. And I thought, what is salt licorice? That's. And I thought, what is salt licorice? That's interesting.

I love salt. I love licorice. And they had a bag called Double Salt. So I bought Double Salt. Yeah, that's it right there. Eric's got a picture of it. And I got so excited. When I got home, I ripped into it.

And then Emily's family was there. And they were like, oh, like her sister was like, you like licorice? And I'm like, oh, I love it. I can't get enough of this stuff. She's like, ah, it you like licorice and I'm like oh I love it I can't get enough of this stuff it's like that's too much for me and I'm like no I can't get enough of it I put one in my mouth as if to prove her wrong and I almost spit it across the room I had such a and I pretended to like

it I'm like mmm delicious and then I had to wait till she looked away and I ran and threw it in the trash can I have never had something try to like I've never had my mouth try to remove something from itself so immediately and violently. And I love salt, and I love licorice,

but this is something unreal. Was it just the salt that came through too hot? It's so intense. Eric, I don't know how to describe it. Oh, I do. Have you guys ever been to the ocean i have have you ever been in the water and then you get slammed by a wave and you just get a mouthful of ocean water yeah i have now imagine that it's a bite-sized coin and you put it in

your mouth and you're magically transported there and that is gustav's d Dutch licorice double salt classic salt licorice. It is like eating the ocean. It is miserable. I think this is harder to eat than 100% dark chocolate. Oh, 100%. Absolutely. Absolutely agree. 100% agree. No question.

No question. I have yet to succeed. I've tried four or five times now because I keep thinking, ah, it's probably better today. Ah, I was just in a bad mood yesterday. I could get through it. I've not gotten through one piece of candy yet. It's immediate how you revolt from it

and take it out of your mouth. Yeah. It's wild. Is there anything, is there like training licorice like the chocolate has? Are there different levels of, is there like salt and a half

and then like salt and two thirds? I don't know. We can look into that. Before you get to double salt. We can look into that. But I want to do some sort of a contest when we all get together or sometime on the podcast where we see who can just keep a piece in their mouth the longest. Whether you finish it or not.

Can you keep it in your mouth for a minute? Oh, fascinating. Wow, that's 150 grams. According to the NHS website, eating more than 57 grams above the age of 40 of black licorice every day for at least two weeks could lead to potentially serious

health problems such as irregular heart rhythm. What did it say about piss smell? It doesn't mention piss. Well, luckily for me, I can't get through one piece of this candy, so I'm safe.

Oh, it says underneath. No matter how old you are, you should avoid eating large amounts of black licorice over a short space of time. Oh, stop. Huh. It's like... Well, I mean, if it helps, it's physically impossible to eat this kind of black licorice. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm excited to try it. Can I try some tomorrow? Yeah, I'll bring it in tomorrow That's a good idea bring it tomorrow We could maybe walk around the office and annoy people with it Yeah that'd be fun Oh maybe we could Watch the pizza video tomorrow

Oh dude that'd be great Instead of individually watching it on Google Drive We could just watch it on Sausage Maybe not recorded but just while we're on office day You don't want to do a director's commentary of the pizza video? I just don't want three videos from that one. That's a great idea. We should definitely do that.

So can I get this licorice anywhere? Can I get this on Amazon? Dude, I don't know. I'll look into it. I'll try to get you some. I found it at World Market, and if not, I'll just go down, I'll drive down to World Market and buy some more because it is, it is heinous. I never have I had two things that I like more

make something that I like less in my mouth. It was unbelievable. Here's the problem when I'm looking on Amazon for it, the double salt one, and it looks like most of these other ones come in packs of 12 for this specific brand. Andrew, you don't want

a pack of one of these. To have a pack of 12 is like that's heinous. That's enough to kill a 40-year-old. It's bad. It's bad, dude. What if I like this? Because I don't like black licorice. Do you like. What if I like this? Because I don't like black licorice.

Do you like eating a big handful of salt? I do. I do lean on the salt side. Is that it, Andrew? That's not what I'm asking you. This is saltier than salt. What does it say for sodium on the back? As a child, I used to pour the salt shaker onto my hand and eat it, so I may have been training for this.

Yeah, I used to do that, too. Absolutely, yeah. Back when Wendy's would have the salt shaker onto my hand and eat it. So I think I may have been training for this. Yeah, I used to do that. Did you really? Absolutely. Yeah. Back when like Wendy's would have the actual shakers, a little bit of salt, a little bit of pepper. 230 milligrams of salt, 10% of the daily value. Okay. Okay.

I found on Prime one day shipping Gustav's premium Dutch licorice drops, cats, coins and double salt. So here's the thing, Gavin, you asked if there is like a trainer salt. Coins is firm with just a hint of salt. So that might be where to start. Oh, they've got sweet and they've got firm and there's like salty and firm. Yeah, and they have soft cats. Just bought it.

Okay. I don't, and they have cats. Just bought it. Okay. I don't know why they have... It's unavailable to me, but I'll see if I can find it. I'm going to post the picture so that way we have it, but why is one of them is simply called... They have cat.

They have cats. Worst case scenario, Andrew, I'll buy it here and just slow mail it to you. It'll cost you $45 probably. Yeah, but he's worth it. Okay. I always say that cats are deliciously sweet and firm.

It's just when people think of cats, they always say that. Here's a question. What is the best animal food? Like if you're going to eat an animal? Yeah, if there's like a sweet or a candy that's shaped like an animal, what's the best of all time?

And I've got the answer. I'm so glad that that's the angle you went with. I thought you were like real animals. If we're going to eat an animal, what would be the best animal to eat? No. I didn't think you were going candy. Animal shaped. Is human considered animal?

Yeah. Okay. Hmm. What is yours, Gavin? Oh, it's definitely Percy pigs. They are absolutely out of this world. I, I will say we had these on face jam.

Somebody sent them over and, uh, Oh, you've had them. Yeah. Had them on face, had them on face jam. Somebody sent them over and they were,

someone would shop at an M and S. Yeah, dude, they were good. They were really good. They are, like, the right kind of, like, firmness, and they're good. I hate sweet stuff. I hate sugary shit. I just...

I like chocolate, but anything that's, like, just candy, I hate, except for a Percy Pig. Here's my submission. The face they make at Denny's or IHOP when they give you two two sunny side up eggs with bacon as a mouth. I thought we had to be candy

it could be anything it doesn't have to be candy best animal yeah I guess if it's animal shaped regular food the American sausage format is no good by the way well it depends on which we have a lot of different kinds of sausage

do you mean a sausage patty because that's not the only kind of sausage we have yeah but patty just doesn't it doesn? Because that's not the only kind of sausage we have. Yeah, but patty just doesn't work. It's not a good idea. I like a link as well. I don't know which I would say I like better or worse, but sausage patty is fucking awesome, dude. Sausage patties are great. It doesn't do anything for me.

Really? Put it on a biscuit? Fucking little sausage sandwich? God damn. Oh, delicious. I'll take a sausage patty. Like little sausage sandwich? God damn. Oh, delicious. I'll take a sausage buddy. Like a sausage bap is great. But that's sausage.

A sausage bap? What is a sausage bap? I don't know. No idea. Let me get you a bap. Please. How would you describe it? How would I describe it?

Yeah. I would describe it exactly like this so it's it's like it looks like what would be a sausage patty unlike uh that is the least efficient way to eat a sausage sandwich on earth they just put sausages on between two buns hold on that one i don't think that one has any brown sauce. That's like when you go to Tumble 22 and you order a chicken sandwich and they give you

three chicken strips on a bun. No, but a sausage is perfect because they've got the squish factor. You can, it doesn't hold the bread up too much. I don't like it.

I can't. That's so good. I can't. Are those sausages cut to lay flat or are they just round sausages that are in a bun? A lot of the time they'll be halved lengthways so that they can sit flat.

So let me ask you this. When they're halved lengthways, are they still connected? Oh yeah, they're still connected. So you can take a bite and rip and then it all comes apart? What do you mean? They're still connected. So like you cut one in half and then there's two sausages. So they're two halved sausages, but the halved sausages are still connected. So like you cut one in half and then there's two sausages. So they're two halved sausages,

but the halved sausages are still connected. Well, everything's connected before you bite it. What do you mean? It's food. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Like you half the sausage, but like there's still, it's still like connected by like the casing or whatever.

Like, are they still, is there, or is they? Oh yeah, so it's the bread. And then you use your teeth eric to uh sever the connection okay yep i never see how it could ever go wrong not biting all the way through the casing you're right never mind when given the opportunity i want you yeah no i want you to eat one in front of me can we have one can we eat sausage bops on the day that we film Eric throwing a frisbee? I'm going to take a bite of a sausage bop and throw a frisbee 30 feet in the wrong direction. A lot of people don't know this, but it's a thing with Gavin. When given the opportunity to eat food in a phallic shape, he always prefers it.

Is that true? Yeah. What you may not know, though, is if you do it with sunglasses, 10% cooler. That's just science. Oh, my God. This podcast,

I still have... Oh, here's why. I got my stitches out of my mouth, and it sucked. And they lied when they said that my stitches... I'm not going to labor on my mouth. They lied when they said that the stitches dissolve. When I went in there, and I'm like, I still got all these stitches.

They're like, yeah, we'll cut them out. And I go, why didn't they dissolve? And they go, why the fuck would they dissolve? What are you talking about? I'm like, you lied again. Anyway, so... What? My stitches are out, though, and that's... So my life is better.

Although, goddammit, dude. I have to go back in February. I can't fucking floss or use a water pick or an electric toothbrush until then. At least until then. Sucks so bad.

I'm rinsing my mouth out like 40 times a fucking day right now. Because it will, like, encroach on the new gum line? I guess, yeah. It's like too dangerous to fuck with the gum line. Which is totally different. Like I've started looking at my gums now as opposed to ignoring and pretending they didn't exist.

And it is very, it's remarkably different. Anyway, that was just, I just wanted to point out that everybody lies to me all the time. Oh, here's one. I invented... You know how everybody likes Wordle? Yeah. Everybody's like a big thing. Yeah, like a year ago, yeah.

Yeah, well, people still like it, buddy. I still am in a daily Wordle text group every single day where we all do Wordle together. I was like, if Uniform was smart, we'd invent the next wordle that's where the heat is right words with friends wordle so i thought what's a what's a word game you can come up with hurdle is a great one as well i love hurdle what's a word game i could invent come

up with that we could then market and sell and i came up with it this is what it is you have to spell words but only using letters in ascending order in the alphabet. Okay. Like for an example, boot. B comes before O-O-T. Boot. Okay. Foot. So far, I've only got oot words, but I don't think that word... Ant. Ant is a great one. I don't think this game ant is a great one. I don't think this game exists, and I think we just created it on this podcast. Think about it when you go home. Start thinking about it in your head. Like, what words

can I spell that only go up in, uh, up the fucking, uh, what do you call it? Alphabet. Alphabet? Yeah. No, it's fine. We hacked it earlier. Yeah, that's true. Ant. Boot. Ain't. A-I- hacked it earlier. Yeah, that's true. Who knows? Maybe they changed it to something.

Boot. Probably a different name. Ain't. A-I-N-T. I feel like there won't be much surprise each day. What's the name of this game? Anal Mountain. The word, it's a word ladder, alphabet ladder.

I don't know. We'll have to come up with a word, a name for it. The problem is, you can't, the alphabet. Spell up. It's called spell up. Okay.

I just came up with that. Spell up. Spell up. But it would be spelling down? Because you're going down, though? Are you going up or down? We're going up.

B-O-O-T-A-N-T. A-I-N-T. You think A is above Z? Well, yeah. A is the, to Andrew, A is the northernmost letter yeah that's exactly right i always find it that always mixes me up when somebody's like i traded up the draft board i never know if they mean like higher pick or lower pick up isn't high i've never thought about the alphabet as an ascending or descending thing it It always goes left to right to me.

Yeah, left to right. It's just left to right, and that's it. I've never thought about going up. How about this? When we did the alphabet challenge, we numbered the letters A as 1, Z as 26. It went up. That was what made sense to us naturally in the moment.

But is 1 to 26 horizontal? Well, no, that's going... I'm thinking about that on a list on a piece of paper, and that goes down. Yeah, but you... But to get to A, you'd go up. Oh, my God. It's called Spell Up.

There's a reverse version of it called Spell Down, if you go the other way. That's our game. What are some examples of Spell Down? Tree. T-R-E-E, tree. In my opinion, because A is the top of the ladder. You think A is the bottom of the ladder?

When you start, it's usually the bottom. Yeah. You start at one or A. That's a good point. Like snakes and lattice. That's fair. Yeah. That's true or A. That's a good point. Snakes and lattice? That's fair. That's true. Yeah, that's a good point. Anyway, so that's the new Uniform game. I don't know how we monetize it or somebody make

an app for us and everybody will play it and the Uniform Times will buy it from us. Word up. Word down. Spell up. Spell down. I thought it was spell up. Is it word up or spell up? Spell up, spell down. Is it spell up? It's not word up? is it spell up it's not word up no spell up i think word up might be harder to copyright yeah no kidding it would be tough up is better

uh okay i have one last thing uh okay and i almost this is so weird i almost wonder if we've discussed it in private or even on early face before but have we ever talked about like weird mcdonald's facts uh i've talked about uh ever talked about weird McDonald's facts? I've talked about it. We talked about that, right? Do you guys know do you guys know who created the character

Ronald McDonald? Without looking it up, do you know who created the character? I do not. Who would you assume? Probably like McDonald's people or something? What's his name? Michael Keaton. From the movie?

Hilarious. Yeah, whoever he was. It was actually created by a famous actor, famous celebrity and actor, who they hired to create the character. Henry Winkler. You're not the farthest off. Who's the most famous clown?

He's not a clown. You wouldn't think of him as a clown at all. You wouldn't be more surprised that this was the person. But I'll just, I don't want to keep you in suspense. Burt Reynolds. Closer than Winkler.

You're getting closer. Definitely from that era. It's definitely not Yucca. Wait, where did he go? I wrote it down wrong. Hold on a second. Wilford Brimley. Really?

Yeah. Fascinating. When? It's not. At what point in his life? It's not Wilford Brimley. Oh, I'm sorry. Is it Willard Scott?

It's Willard Scott. Yeah, it's Willard Scott. Sorry, I wrote it down wrong. Can we do a take two on that jeff you should do the reveal one more i cannot believe that fucking happened no i wrote it down wrong i don't know why i wrote down wilford willard scott is so much of a less cool thing it's so much i don't even know who willard scott is who's willard scott you don't know who willard scott is no i have no idea who i know who wilford brimley is yeah i've seen him in the thing i've seen he's great in the thing willard scott is uh oh my god there he is he's a he's a famous american uh like weatherman like tv personality he was on the the today show doing weather since like the 80s

your delivery of oh my god there he is was like he walked by your window Jeff you should reveal who it is one more time that was way cool when it was Wilford Brimley yes I don't know why it was so confusing that's why I confused myself because I wrote down Wilford Brimley but it's like you stopped to check and then said Wilford Brimley. And I went like, no? What? So, uh, Willard Scott created Ronald McDonald and they

fired him as Ronald McDonald because he got too fat. Really? Yeah, and they didn't want Ronald McDonald to look like he was unhealthy. They didn't want him to look like he was eating McDonald's. Yeah, he was also a Bozo the Clown.

He played Bozo the Clown for a long time. I mean, I didn't know who he was, so this is less interesting. I really didn't think you wouldn't know who Willard Scott was. I've never heard of him. I guess it's referenced the Fonz as the pinnacle of cool. I guess it's pretty... I feel like this is similar. Pretty American.

That's Willard Scott. Oh, he has a cup on his nose? I don't think I've ever seen that person. Yeah. Really? Oh, my God. What's he been in? What has he been in?

He's been in films? He's been on TV every day for the last like 60 years in america it's the weather isn't international no but it's but it's like nationally syndicated in america like if you turn on the today show any in any city in america you'd see him any city in america you're talking to a canadian and a guy that grew up i'm talking to somebody who lives on the Canadian and a guy that grew up in Europe I'm talking to somebody who lives on the border and a guy who's lived in America for a decade has he been alive for the last decade

what's that when did he die what sort of weather was he doing in the last decade Willard Scott what do you want to know what's going on what are you asking me I'm just saying I think it's weird that Willard Scott created Ronald McDonald, okay?

A fucking famous American weatherman created Ronald McDonald, and you don't think that's weird? It's not. I mean, I wouldn't. If you would have guessed what profession did the inventor of Ronald McDonald have, I wouldn't have said weatherman, but not knowing who this person is really takes out the shock of the moment. I'm both learning who they are and what they did.

I see. I see your, yeah. Well, for people who know who Willard Scott is, it's very surprising. That's great. I'm happy for that.

I bet you those people are shocked. He's more famous. I'm the wrong audience. He's more famous than, I don't know why I wrote down Wilford Brimley. That was so confusing. He's more famous than all the people you talk about from England who we've never heard of.

Okay, like who? I don't know because I've never heard of him. Next time I shot myself in the foot with Brimley. I did. It was so confusing. Alright, because I don't know why I wrote down Wilford Brimley. Brimley would have been mind-blowing. I know. It was so weird that I

wrote that down wrong. Okay, but moving on. Do you know what the Hamburglar's full name is? That was the best fact ever on the phone. Yeah, yeah. Do you know what the... I don't. No, I don't. What is the Hamburglar's name? His full name's wilford brimley

now the hamilton the hamburger's full name is hamilton b ergler oh that's great which i think is an awesome name hamilton b ergler did you guys know that grimace has a family he's got a grandmother named winky and his great grandmother is named jen Grimace. And his brother's name is King Gonga. I did. I have looked into the family tree because it's fucking wild. There's an Irish one, right? I don't know. That's all I know about is King Gonga.

I thought that was an interesting one or something like that. His brother is like the his brother. King Gonga is the he's the leader of the Grimace people, I guess. He's like the king of the grimace people i guess he's like the king of all the grimaces irish grimace is uncle o grimacy and he was yeah thank you he was for the uh the shamrock shake i believe yes that is exactly right okay so are we gonna clip that o out and put it on a soundboard or because that was like a perfect rep like that was a great oh it was that was a fantastic delivery i'm self-conscious about my o's now you should be that looks like they're great it doesn't even look like that was actually green it just looks

like someone changed the white balance on a different have you seen like the original grimace but the forearm yeah with like the bunch of arms. Yeah. Have you seen this, Gavin? Are you aware of multi-armed Grimace? No, I don't know about that. Oh, God. It's terrifying. Grimace was all about like getting shakes.

He was like a shakes guy. So, that's Grimace. There you go. Those are my McDonald's facts. They were amazing. I wish to God i hadn't written down wilford brimley but uh so glad you did it seems that i did for some reason uh when i meant to write down willard scott who in my mind are very similar old fat dudes from the 60s we start to

we wrap this up i I have to go. I have to catch a flight. Oh, did your cucumber get returned? No. No, I'm going to... I need time to drop off another one on the way. Do you have to catch a flight? So when is your flight? Like four days from now?

No. I'm in... Being in the city, it's easy. I'm not on the island right now. I'm in Austin. You're in Austin. Where are you staying? I'm in the, being in the city, it's easy. I'm not, I'm not on the island right now. Oh, you're in Austin. You're in Austin. Where are you staying? Yeah.

I'm in Austin. I'm staying at the Hilton by the convention center. Well, let me, because we've had a debate about fucking sneakiness and how sneaky I was. You guys were saying I wasn't sneaky. It's what started this whole thing. So I start with the cucumber photo. Yesterday, I text Gavin saying, do you have a favorite lunch or dinner spot? And he was useless.

He provided zero information at all. Because you were just going to send your little helper to wherever that was. No, no, no, no, no. I would not. I would go there myself because I'm in Austin right now. So I asked Jeff later in the evening.

He recommended a donut place called S-S-H-H Donuts. So I asked Jeff later in the evening. He recommended a donut place called S-S-H Donuts. So I went there. I went there. Did you also have your table and Windex and grilled cheesemaker in Austin?

No, I did not. I wouldn't travel with that. So this is me this morning. I picked them up. Jeff, you're right. Kalachi's were delicious. Donuts were good 50 photos in store Went in No, I'm in I have to I have to leave for a flight now. I'm just imagining that that's you Like you're you're the pickle Or the pickle.

I'm not the pickle. I'm the one taking the photo. Goddamn. I've been all over. You do not believe I'm in a hotel right now? Why don't we get a picture of you? Why don't we only get the cucumber? We've never had a picture of him the entire face. Yeah, I don't do that.

There are no pictures of me. Nick said to you, cheat, see a six foot. This is me. This is me. This is me outside. The Hilton. The lobby. Hey, what was the weather like today? It's fine.

You're such a little asshole. No, I'm... What do you mean? I'm in... I'm here. I gotta go, go though because we have the recording tomorrow we all agreed recently we never record anything in person yeah but we said we never record anything in person so i have to go it's gonna be a late flight and i'm gonna have to leave in the morning to make it before we record so i was worried about someone did point out that you actually are very sneaky in the fact that you managed to come to pinballs with me and I had no recollection.

Here, I'll take a photo. Let me take a photo of my desk with the mic. Okay. I was worried it would sound bad because I'm using the snowball. I didn't want to bring a fucking XLR cable. I brought a few essentials actually with me for the desk. How long... How long do you pretend that

you've been in Austin? I've been in Austin since Monday. Early Monday. Today is... I long how long do you pretend that you've been in austin i've been in austin since monday early monday is i don't know why you think i'm printing here why would you come to austin stay for four days five days and not see what i'm assuming are two of your best friends in the world because i'm fucked that's how fucking sneaky i am that i've been in this city for a week you haven't encountered me and i put the cucumber down i was here for business jeff this wasn't a pleasure

trip what did you think of the new um the new immigration what are you talking about to get into the u.s what are you what do you mean i just want it wasn't i mean post covid that's what it was.

There's not really restrictions. But what did you think of the new thing they've got? Why isn't this... One second. My photos are fucking... Here. Here we go. It's me right now.

Got my mic. Got my cucumber. Got your Icy Hot. I've been Icy Hotting every time. Okay, so this is our current Discord window. Yeah. Open on that.

Because it's me. So is that like in the room? And that is a shithead donut bag. Right there. This is my window sucks. I'd show you the outside. This is my window. It fucking stinks. Who is in our Discord that isn't. I'd show you the outside. This is my window. It fucking stinks.

Who is in our Discord that isn't you? But that's the thing. They're not. And I'm looking because I'm like, oh, maybe it's like a screen grab. But it's like the browser and everything. I need to go. I have a flight to catch. What he's done is he's got someone to log into his Discord.

What is happening? How would I be here? They're sending him photos. And then... Oh my god. This is exactly how they tricked Manti Teo. I watched the documentary. We're a bunch of Manti Teos.

Did Andrew just leave? Is he in the room next door? This Manti Teo motherfucker. He got us. What the fuck? It's good. titan motherfucker he got us what the fuck it's good he did good i'll say he did good it's is he just sending screenshots that are being opened full screen currently on someone else's laptop i think it's i think it's more likely that he has someone else who is in austin in a hotel and he just asked yeah but this it does that cucumber match the ones in the photos uh does it match there's an indent we're gonna have to forensic how he's not here i will say the the sure shit not in austin

though the cucumber in the window reflection looks different than the one outside and then different again inside. This one's pointier. He could have turned Nick or Eric. I don't know how to assure you that I'm not because this is fucking crazy. I'll say this. We need to see live pictures from Eric and Nick's setups. Okay, what do you want?

Here, okay. Rep. Here you go. I can assure you it's not me, but if you look in the bottom left corner, that looks like Eric's little... It's not. I have nothing.

What do you want me to do right now? Because this is blowing my mind. It's Eric. Eric, you forgot to remove your name from that screenshot. It's not. I don't know what to do. Eric, you forgot to remove your name from that screenshot. It's not... I don't know what to do. This sucks

because it's not me. It's you. He created the dummy Eric and Jeff and Gavin and me, remember? He did. Oh, is he using his second Eric? What the fuck? You guys start accusing me. It's not me. I don't know what's going on.

This sucks. He's making us eat each other. He's even got audacity open. There's attention to detail here that is pretty insane. We need to go also. But I can't crack this. I don't know what's pretty insane. We need to go also. Like, this is more important. But I can't crack this. I don't know what's going on.

So he's got secret Eric appearing offline, maybe? I'll say this. I don't think Eric's going down to the Hilton and taking photos of shit. No, fuck no. Absolutely not. What the fuck? No, absolutely not. And there's definitely a Christmas tree in that reflection.

I was just worried that Eric had sent a screenshot of our Discord to Andrew. No, absolutely not. And there's definitely a Christmas tree in that reflection. I was just worried that Eric had sent a screenshot of our Discord to Andrew to send to his crony. That's so much. Andrew just sent a message that said, Sorry for leaving early. My flight leaves in an hour and I'm worried about making it. And then sent another picture of the laptop. His flight does not leave in an hour.

There's no way. Is there a flight at a lot? What flights from to Vancouver leave? Is there one leaving at 625? We have to go long just to forensic this. Yeah, we do. Flights. Flights.

But here's the thing. He might not be going to Vancouver. He might lay over in Chicago. He might lay over in Seattle. He might lay over in LA or San Francisco. Oh. Yeah. There's no, yeah, there's probably nothing direct.

To Vancouver. Today is Thursday, December 1st. Yeah. He could. This is way more advanced than I initially thought. God damn it. He could. I mean, there's a flight out at 9pm tonight

that gets him home at noon tomorrow. Can we see? Okay, so Eric's off-flight account. There's a fucking flight at 7.45 tonight. There's a flight at 6.18. This little shit. By everyone's name on Discord, it's like a four-digit number afterwards.

Yeah. The fake Eric has a certain four digit number can we see that in the i can show you mine let's see if we can see it but i don't know how to see theirs uh i can't yeah it's too oh it needs to be slightly higher res because i can't read the number under his name mine is that and that's really hard to read that doesn't look right though that doesn't look like those numbers does it no it's not that the his looks like it ends in a seven or a one right oh it ends in a seven the fake eric ends in a seven yeah interesting i've been framed why

wouldn't he use his own fake account did he not make a fake andrew he might not have he might not have no he did so he does have a fake andrew but might not have he might not have no he did so he does have a fake andrew but he didn't use that for the screenshot maybe he didn't know the login i'm so confused this little shithead he did a good job i'll give him that did a very good job i'll give him that that's good work he must have been he must have been slathered in icy hot today because he was on point with this i bet he's just sat watching us still in this chat room definitely and he says he nick said he may have wanted to cause an issue for eric i agree i think that's exactly what he wanted to do now that's an interesting point that is an interesting point why not so doubt

elsewhere yeah it's a brilliant deflection on his part. We were ready to burn you to the ground. Yeah, that sucks. Oh, I was so ready. That sucks. I didn't do anything. Oh, is there any other info? I knew he was up to something when he asked me my favorite breakfast place in Austin. I didn't think it was this,

but I knew he was up to something. It's a Mac Pro with a touch bar. It is a Mac Pro with a touch bar. It is a Mac Pro with a touch bar. Now let's think. In that most recent pic, can you see the little envelope that holds the key cards? Can you see what the name is on there?

No. No. I think it's Hilton? Hilton? I don't know. It's hard to say. It could be an advertisement for anything. I don't know. It's hard to say. It could be an advertisement for anything. I want to know who he's turned. It's got to be someone who works for us, though, right?

Otherwise, he's letting strangers into the Discord. You think it's Jack? You think it could be Jack? Can I ask this? I'm doing some investigating. I'm looking at these pictures. What is that microphone plugged into? I'm looking at these pictures.

What is that microphone plugged into? Oh, it's off to the side. But it's plugged into something. Yeah. What is it plugged into? Whatever it's plugged into isn't plugged into the laptop, right? That's only one cable. Right.

Huh. Because if you look at the other pictures, I'm looking at like the original one, this, it's not plugged into the laptop. And it's, well, it's muted too. Or is that the power light? I don't know how Yeti works. Also, interestingly in the image, he's not a member of any other recording groups. Although I guess he only does this podcast with us, so that is possible.

I've got like a million of them on mine. Yeah, me too. The mic is clearly on because the light's on. But it's not plugged into that laptop. So it's plugged into something else because maybe he forgot the dongles for that laptop. Does it... Is it a USB-powered mic? Yes. It is. Okay. So it doesn't need

phantom power or anything. And it's probably a big, fat, mini-US USB plug on the mic end. Is. Huh. He's done us. Yeah. I don't know that we're going to crack this beyond what we've got. I think we've done some good forensics though.

I agree. I think we've gotten a lot out of it. I mean, clearly it's not here. It's not him. He's's not here it's not him he's definitely not here oh he's fucking he did a good job though

he did a good job did a real good job theater plugged up wait where's it in this other photo yeah you just can't tell alright well I guess we should end it then okay

wow I almost want to drive down to the fucking Hilton now but he's gone he's going to the fucking Hilton now. But he's gone. He's going to the airport. Oh, yeah, right. Sure he is.

Let's beat him to the airport. He's got such a jump on me from where I live. We should all go to the airport right this second. Oh, my God. Who's the closest to the airport? It's not me. Oh, man. This little turd. All right.

Well, thanks for listening to F*** Face. That was such a weird i mean he just he did such a good job we're gonna have to take that picture for the uh the video version and like zoom around on it and yeah let people see what we're looking at this little this little shithead man two episodes in a row he made the website and then he did this he pulled this thing off he's been on fire lately yeah he's been busy he is bathing in icy hot i guarantee you every fucking day coming up with this stuff i wish you could his ears are just soaked i wish you could see who the person in the reflection is taking the photo but you can't it's cleverly angled yeah it is clever but it is a room that faces into the lobby

but we do know that he is good about angling himself out of reflections and photos well he's not I don't know if he's good about it but he does do it alright lidocaine icy hot yeah

where's mine is that just a standard no I think lidocaine is like a stronger ingredient but that's like the roll on I don't think the roll on works as well personally alright anyway let's end it on a high note

thanks for listening to another episode of the F*** Face podcast. Gosh, I hope you enjoyed it because we sure had fun making it. Well, at least those of us who could be bothered to stick around until the end did. Some of us, uh, not so much. Hopefully

we'll see you next week. Oh, and by the way, thank you for all the people that sent us the lovely Spotify wrapped thing showing us that F*** that faces your number one. Listen to or in the top five. You're listening to those are those sure are delightful to see. And we appreciate the support. And we'll see you next time, I guess.

Hey, guys. Pinch hitter Greg from finance here with a look at next week's episode of face. Gavin has a giant foot. Cartoons are funny when they're about us. The speed of chug is now measurable. Eric got older, so much older. Train conductors chug beer. Panama Jack really let himself go.

And Andrew does not eat the pencil. We'll see you next time.