F**kface - I'm All Back // The Bat Fiasco [28]

Episode Date: December 9, 2020

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about Andrew being the most least prepared, payoff to the ketchup bet, Geoff's bats, and more. Sponsored by ExpressVPN (http://expressvpn.com/face) and Tushy (http://hellotushy.com/face). Follow F**kface on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/fuckfacepod/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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I don't have it up yet. Oh boy. Are you kidding? What does that mean? I don't have anything up yet. I got it. kidding what don't you ever what does that mean i don't have anything up yet i gotta i'm not ready i know no i i i closed everything so i'm making a new thing why would you close it we're about to start a podcast you gotta make it fresh gotta get it fresh you got it the project rate has to be right jeff was.5 of a second there into what sounded like an amazing intro. Go ahead, I'm ready.

Here we go, and take three, action on the episode. Hello, and welcome to F*** Face. I believe it's episode 28. I am Jeff Ramsey, and with me as always, I hate doing intros. It sounds so fucking phony. Gavin and Andrew, the problem was, Jeff. Gavin and you're, and then Andrew. The problem was, Jeff, is that you were forced to do it three times there because Andrew didn't have...

It's not my fault. I never said I was ready. You all just kept assuming I was and then jumping into it. That's not my fault. Anyway, this is, well, because we were here on time and ready to go. I was here ten minutes early. I was ahead of... If you were here ten minutes early, why did you get that shit figured out because I was doing the fucking test Jeff oh my god and it was a whole thing well Eric is very a lot of attitude I'll be honest Andrew we've had

14 whole days between recordings you couldn't have done a test then I did oh there's so much I did do a test then and then I was 10 minutes early and then they joined and they asked me to do a test again. So much, so much to cover in the last 14 days of just like, just behind the scenes nonsense. So this is interesting because I, you know, I listened to this podcast. It's the only production that I'm a part of that I, that I actually listened to. And actually it's the only production I'm a part of now. But, but you know, I, it's not like I watched a bunch of Achievement Hunter videos all the time or anything. And, or the, like, listen to the actually it's the only production i'm a part of now uh but but you know i it's not like i watched a bunch of achievement videos all the time or anything and or like listen to the rt

podcast when i was on at least because i hate me but i listen to this one because i find youtube to be entertaining and it's really my only source of friendship right now and uh and the every episode i listen to i come away with, having a totally different opinion of when I recorded it. And the prevailing thread is always, I get too upset over too little a thing. And I go, I get too hot too fast. And I'm like, I got to work on that. Because when I hear it, it doesn't sound, it sounds like excessive to me. Like, why did I get that mad in that moment?

Like that seems like my reaction is greater than the moment. But now here I am in the moment and that seems like my reaction is is greater than the moment but now here i am in the moment and i'm genuinely annoyed immediately and i feel justified but i know next week when i listen to this i'm gonna go god damn it jeff you did it again no it's just absolutely not no no no no it's not it's it couldn't be less justified i was the most prepared i was asked to do a thing and you both were just like okay we're starting now do you think you were more prepared than both of us who were actually ready to go at 3.30 to report

I 100% was more prepared because I showed up 10 minutes early and I was fulfilling a task I was asked to do if you're 10 minutes early but you cause us to start recording 5 minutes late that's there's no point of being early I'm not the cause of that though I was doing a thing I was asked to do so you can be mad at Nick or Eric.

I don't really care which. Not my fault. I'm so loud. I just got a text from my daughter who's on the other side of the house. And it's not like a giant house or anything, but it's built, it's long, and it's like a horseshoe.

And she just texted to make sure I was okay because she said it sounded like I was dying. Oh. I'm surprised the shelves don't dampen the sound. Well, I'm not in the library. I'm in my bedroom still. So I couldn't be further away from Millie and still in the same house as her. And I was so excessively loud, she had to check in on me.

Is your house longer than Andrew's back? I don't know if that's possible i don't know i i don't know either i am it's honestly it's like a magic trick if you see me standing you're like average height and then when i sit down i'm taller i'm taller than everybody i'm like fucking yelming in a chair out of nowhere comment was that last one where you said you had a really long back? I think so. That floored me. I don't remember what the context even was, but it's true. I think it might have been in relation to pillows and stuff, but

yeah, that was a bizarre thing to say. No, it's true. I have an absurdly long... I'm all back. Not a lot of legs. I'm all back. When I sit down, if you saw me sitting at a table with a bunch of people, you would think I was way taller than I actually am because I have a massive height advantage if we're sitting on a chair. That's if the chair hasn't cracked and dropped you a foot.

That's true, but I'm good at keeping that afloat. You're describing a Datsun. Yes, sure. So you're like a little sausage dog, the human version of. I think we need to bring up the fact that our podcast is such a mess that it got uploaded there's an error in the upload and it ended in the middle and a lot of people don't even know that that was an error like that's how fucked we are a lot of people are think that it was some bit we did no what happened what no nick to be found uh hold on

because i had people come to me and say i thought that was a funny ending i didn't see it coming how abrupt it was and it's like that wasn't it wasn't where did it end it ended i think uh jeff said do the intro gavin and then you're about to speak and it just cuts off. Oh, that's probably better than the actual episode. No. I almost took out my fucking setup. That wing and a microphone, all of that is gone. You can't lose that.

That was the episode where we were trying to convince Andrew to knock the glass out of his fridge to hang his fucking mic. So if you missed the end of last week's episode without knowing it, make sure you listen to it because andrew it sounds like he's wrestling an alligator but he's really just trying to clip his mic to the fridge or something he destroyed his bedroom somehow uh let's not get too far away from nick explaining himself yeah yeah come back i was hoping you forgot it ended up being something on the upload end uh the full episode was there but for whatever reason the way their cash works it had 37 minutes of the hour and one minute that was uploaded and so i had to re-upload it multiple times for it to actually go through and then it took about an hour

for that to happen so by that time time, probably about 9,000 people had listened to it already. It's probably most people who will ever hear it. Also people who have downloaded, too. Because I think it was the whole thing, you had to delete it

to get the new... It was a disaster. In a weird way, it became a collectible, the 35 or whatever minute long. Yeah. Do you have the original episode 27 of F*** Face?

Oh, dude. Don't get me started on collectibles. Thanks, Nick. I think that's an excellent response, Nick. Happens to the best of us. I have a thing to also address from last, because one of the things we did lose as well in the midst of the chaos was a catch-up

conversation. It's a payoff to a catch-up bet that we had, Gavin Gavin that I said it was dangerous to have lid down because the ketchup could explode could shoot everywhere yeah you disagreed I bet that if I left it and I opened it it would shoot everywhere it didn't I lost but that wasn't good enough for me so I went to Heinz and I got Heinz's opinion on this. I reached out to the Heinz company. He loses a bet and takes it up with the conglomerates. I did. I reached out to Heinz.

I sent, we have an Instagram and there's a great post about the ketchup bottles, getting other people's opinions. A lot of people agreed with me in that thread. And so I sent them the photo from our Instagram of the ketchups, one upside down, one lid down, one lid up. And I asked them about it. Heinz said, hey there, we're happy to put an end to this great Heinz ketchup debate. When in doubt, follow the label. That being said, for the bottle in the picture, cap face down would be the correct direction. So the label reads correctly

hope that helps that's what they said so they sided with you but then I had someone who works at NASA reach out to me about this NASA engineer and they you can't tell me somebody from NASA listens to us I'm telling you

that's not true a janitor at NASA responded to me no I'm telling you, that's not true. That's not true. A janitor at NASA responded to that. No. They're an engineer. NASA has cupboards too. They are an engineer and they gave me the science behind it.

It's a custodial engineer. It is a huge post. I don't know. I don't know if it's worth reading all of it. Was it due to temperature? Maybe pressure? Sort of outside to inside?

That's essentially the idea, yeah. In summary, I'll just read the more abbreviated version of it. Gavin was very wrong about the ketchup thing. As a NASA engineer, I can tell you that storing it upside down is very dangerous due to the pressure increase of air inside the bottle due to temperature changes. I've also experienced ketchup spurts and can scientifically explain why it happens. And there's this huge explanation for the science behind it. Couple things I'd like to address there.

Go ahead. One, I think that in matters of the tomato, I think I'll trust the ketchup experts over the spaceship experts. Can I counter that really quickly? Yeah, go ahead. Well, I appreciate that perspective, Jeff. So then I took his very long scientific explanation and I sent it to Heinz. It was like, well, explain this because this is what NASA is saying. Oh, my God.

And then they looked at the thing from NASA and they just said, this is beyond our pay grade. It's the social. But they they kind of pull back. They like i think you're both right we still stand by the label but i think both sides are correct in this conversation there's a level of danger when i store stuff you know the correct way cap down if the label is that way i never have it spurt all over me and you also didn't no i did the i'd have had it happen to me, and it happened to me with that bottle previously. But not when it came down to the money. I think the larger point

at play here to take away from this argument is it has less to do with ketchup and more to do with the fact that this is what's wrong with NASA. This is why the space shuttle program got shuttered. This is why they're having to cash rides on Tesla rockets or SpaceX rockets

because their space program is in shambles because their engineers or their custodial engineers or whoever these people are are spending all their time listening to dipshit podcasts instead of doing science math to send us to the moon.

They got to be thinking about how to get, you know, properly store ketchup on the ISS and stuff. It's important stuff. It's the best con. Just follow the label. Nah, you got to figure out It's the best condiment. Just follow the label. Nah, you gotta figure out... Follow the label?

Which way up is the label when you're in zero gravity? Andrew, are you asserting that ketchup is the best condiment? Ketchup is easily the best condiment. The best general condiment, without a doubt. You're going on record with that. I'm going on record. Number two for me, very close, honey mustard. Fantastic. it's a great condiment but ketchup is number one gavin rank the rank the give me a three andrew uh a three uh probably a sweet and sour sauce i'd say is the third best

okay gavin what are your top three condiments uh i would say number one coleman's mustard that's outrageous outrageous What do you mean? Cut a pork pie Nice big pork pie, cut it into quadrants Dip that shit in a bit of Coleman's It's the deluxe evening snack I'm not saying you're wrong I am saying you're wrong

I'm not saying it's delicious But you're wrong Heinz has to be number one It's the Coca-Cola of condiments. Well, listen, let's not throw the word Coca-Cola as if they're the best soda or anything. But they're the number one. They may be the number one, but it doesn't mean they're the best. Pepsi's way better.

I'll take Heinz baked beans as being number one in breakfast, but I'm not putting ketchup as number one anyway. So Coleman mustard is number one for you, Gavin. Yeah. Two and three. Two and three. Two and three? Any mayo would probably be number two. Okay.

Hellman's, why not? Number three. Mayo's a thing I don't enjoy unless it's sneakily put in. I would never put mayo on something, but if it has mayo in it and I don't know mayo's going to be on it, I enjoy it. What about salad cream? Sour cream? Salad dressing? Salad...

What? What are you saying? Did you say salad cream? Salad cream. What the fuck is that? What is salad cream? Are you trying to say sour cream? Are you trying to say salad dressing? I think I was right the first time. No? I think you said sour cream. Are you trying to say salad dressing? I think I was right the first time.

No, I think it's sour cream. No, it's neither. It's salad cream. What the fuck is that? What is that? What does it sound like? It sounds disgusting. I don't even know what it is, to be honest.

Salad cream? I'm going to guarantee you right now. Dude, I'm going to tell you right now. If you and I, if I drove over to your house, if I got in your car and drove over to your house if I if I got in your Car and drove it over your house right now and picked you up and we went to the grocery store HB or Randall's or fresh plus or whatever and I asked them where the salad cream is they would ask me to leave Look Heinz salad cream. I would place above Heinz ketchup

That is behind baked beans above the both of them in terms of all my Heinz top three I would have ketchup as number three with salad cream and then beans when do you use salad cream when did you say when do you use salad cream is it just a salad cream what do you put it on salad Andrew is that it that's dressing yeah what's the? What does it taste like? What's it made of? What's the difference between a cream and a dressing? It looks like, it looks like somebody, it looks like tainted mayonnaise. Yeah. If I go to a store, can I find that on a shelf right now?

No. Well, not on this continent, probably. Okay, so it's regional. I just want to make sure that this is like some section I've never seen. It's just a little bit, you know, a little bit more flavorsome than if you have sort of a bland dressing or vinaigrette. If you want a punch, whack on some salad cream. Is it tangy? Is it sweet? Is it sour?

Is it salty? I'll be honest. It's been about 12 years since I've had it. But I remember enjoying it. You put it in your top three. It's more similar to mayo than anything else. Well, look, I'm not a big condiment sort of person anyway. Fair enough, but I mean, you can't think of a third...

Like, is a cheese sauce a condiment? I mean, yeah, I guess so. It's a hot dog condiment. Let me be honest with you. I've inserted salad cream into my top three. It's probably in my top ten. It's like, it's a hot, it's a hot dog condiment. Let me be honest with you. I've inserted salad cream into my top three. It's probably my top 10. It's not in my top three. I just really wanted to sort of shove it right into the middle of this

conversation. And it provided the correct amount of confusion. I think. Would you say that the, the salad cream in that image that Eric sent us is, is stored right side up? Yeah. Okay.

You blow my mind on that salad cream. I've never heard of salad cream before. It looks gross. I'm going to guess it tastes as gross. Jeff, you would hate it. You would absolutely hate it. It looks like tartar sauce. Similar in color.

Can I order salad cream? Andrew is right in that the number one condiment of all time is easily ketchup. I would go with Heinz ketchup because they're the industry standard. Standard, yeah. I'm not a big fan of honey mustard. I certainly don't think I like salad cream. Look, don't knock it until you've tried it. I would go number two would be virtually any barbecue sauce.

Don't really care. I don't feel like a barbecue sauce is a condiment because I thought barbecue sauce too, but it's not. You don't live in Texas. Barbecue sauce is absolutely a condiment. You know what? HP sauce would probably be in my top three

if we're talking breakfast. That's a good one. Or maybe Daddy's. A bit of Daddy's sauce. That's similar. Number three is A1. A1 sauce is the number three. Does the salad cream make a a difference bottle or plastic?

Does it make a taste difference? Yes, it's in plastic. Yeah. Well, yeah, well certain things taste better and different I'm saying should I go plastic or bottle you should go are you buying some are you important? I'm ordering it right now where you like go from Amazon am I going bottle or plastic? I'm going bottle right? Yeah bottle dude, okay Am I going bottle or plastic? I'm going bottle, right? Yeah, go bottle, dude. Okay. Earlier this year, more than 100 Twitter users got their accounts hacked into. Passwords, email addresses, phone numbers, and more,

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Tushy is your new hands-free butt buddy. Get 10% off plus free shipping right now at hellotushy.com slash face. That's hellotushy.com slash face for 10% off and free shipping right now at hellotushy.com slash face. That's hellotushy.com slash face for 10% off and free shipping. hellotushy.com slash face. I had a business idea and we could, do we want to stay in sauces? No, no, no. I wasn't even trying to get into sauces. I just, we started talking about it and then you, you boldly claimed ketchup is the best sauce. Well, it is. It's the industry standard. Hank's ketchup is like the established one. Dude, you're preaching to the choir.

I just wanted to follow that thought exercise out and see what everybody thought. Yeah, no, I think we should go to your business idea. We should talk about why it's been 14 days since we recorded. We should talk about the fucking baseball bats. All kinds of stuff. Don't you laugh, you little prick. Don't you laugh, you little prick. Why don't you tell us about your fucking business idea, you little shit? Okay.

I think this is a great idea. I'm just going to throw it. Maybe we edit this out because it's such a good idea that I'm scared someone will steal this. I think it's genius. Dude. The company is, okay, it's called Thank Me Later. This is how it works okay you buy something you order something like let's say it's not important things that you'd like need immediately

like for me it was sour patch kids it's like you buy some sour patch kids and then we ship them to you at least a minimum four months from now we don't tell you when they're going to be shipped you're at the earliest you're getting them four months from now could be a year that's the whole thing you don't know when they're coming it's fantastic what what are you delivering what so let's say let's say it's candy so for me my example is let's say you want you want some sour patch kids right you feel like you're our patch kids you buy the sour patch kids from thank Later, and then we'll ship them to you in between four to 12 months. Eventually.

Why would you want that? Because, okay, this is why. Because I ordered Sour Patch Kids recently online, and they told me I'm either going to get them December 24th or March. Anywhere in that range. That's my shipping range. And I'm now way more excited about these than i were i hope they go further out because i'm gonna forget i ordered these by january that's gonna

completely leave my mind and i'm gonna randomly have a day where i show up and i have sour patch kids in my house i'm thrilled by this i think that's a great idea andrew i really it's like christmas year round you're just surprising yourself you don't know when it's coming you know you want it it's the thing you're gonna enjoy yourself. You don't know when it's coming. You know you want it. It's the thing you're going to enjoy. And it's just going to randomly appear there one day. I can't see myself being like, oh, yeah, I'll do it through that website, though. Like, why not? Why would I want to add the delay?

If you order it through Amazon, you know when you're going to get it. I'm totally on board with you, Andrew. What's the nicest thing about getting a gift, Gavin? Well, maybe the nicest thing is that somebody cares about you, right? But the second thing is like, it's a nice surprise. Typically, like if it's not your birthday or whatever, somebody gives you a little gift. Like I, for instance, I sent Emily flowers today. She's not expecting them. She's going to get flowers and she's going to be like, Oh, Jeff thought of me. Uh, what a special little thing today. That's so nice. What you get, you're giving yourself a gift, and then the discretion is up to thank me

later to determine when, within a 12-month window, to send yourself that gift. And like Andrew said, if I sent myself a box of, I don't know, Panini Prism basketball cards, and I didn't get them until August, what a hell of a surprise. I would have forgotten about it 10 times over. That's a great idea. It's not that you're waiting for it eagerly. It's you forget that you even made the order is the thing. And then it just shows up and it's like magic. It's like a fucking magic trick just happened. And then you're like, for you, Gavin,

say you ordered yourself some, and this is fucking disgusting to look at, daddy's favorite brown sauce, which is in the Discord. But you said you know what i don't i don't really i was thinking about it but i don't really have a need for it right now what if i just i i'll set the slider that i want to receive at any time between may and june of next year or may may and december of next year and then andrew working for the company decides to send it to you in october you forgot about it and then then you open up the mail, and there's a package to Gavin from Gavin.

And you're like, what did I send? Brown sauce. Daddy's brown sauce. Oh, I'm going to have a brown sauce event now. I'm going to go eat whatever the fuck goes with this. And it'll be a pleasant little surprise from me to me. I love it. I can kind of see it.

I assume it's being just dispatched and shipped late. It's not just sat in a box for a year. Yeah. No, I think that'd be the way to go. I love it. I can kind of see that. So I assume it's being just dispatched and shipped late. It's not just sat in a box for a year. Uh, yeah. No, I think that'd be the way to go. Yeah. If it were perishable. Yeah, it was definitely not a... probably avoid most perishable things. I feel like you just have to store people's stuff for so long because you don't want something to go out of

stock, like, right before it's meant to ship. That's true. I mean, if it's popular items, I don't think you have to worry about it. Can I ask a question? I'm sorry, I was going to type this out, but I really, I want to, I'm curious. Absolutely. What do you do the first four months in operation?

Just make money. It's just all profit for the first four months. He's got a point. So in the first four months, you just take orders and then you just sit back? No, that's pretty good because you would use the money generated in the first four months, and then you'd probably use that money to buy a warehouse,

to store the stuff that by the time the warehouse is all settled, you're shipping it out. Yeah, you're taking the money up front. And if you're really smart, you'll send yourself the gift of a subscription. And then you can say, like, I like these eight things. Send them to me randomly throughout the year.

That's interesting. I didn't think about the subscription angle. Like a Birch box or like a nerd box, whatever the fuck those things are called, you know, where you get one every month and you're like, I get one called a boom box for basketball cards where you're like, oh shit, I got a box that I sent myself of basketball

cards I can open up. And oh, look, they're all trash, just like every month. Great, let me throw them away. But in this instance, they probably wouldn't be. This is fucking cool. I think I'm ready to invest. It's a great idea because like the joy of christmas is you you don't know what's coming you get your gifts you open them this is like you're as an adult you lose that because you just buy the things you want to buy it's i find making a christmas list as an adult impossible you know i might be on board with this i think this is actually pretty good it's a fantastic idea thank me later i think it would make me shop differently. It would make me shop

specifically for treats. Like, I wouldn't want to buy anything that I need on that. No, absolutely not. I don't want toilet paper showing up when I'm on the bog without anything to wipe with. Right. Or you're like, oh look, I sent myself another pair of salmon colored shorts. I'll throw it on the

pile. You always need a new pair of them. That's my business idea. You're brilliant, Andrew. That's a really good business idea. I thank you. I appreciate it. How were the... Speaking of things we need to catch up on, how did the three marathons go? Oh, I haven't started yet. I keep re-rolling my ankle. Come on.

You say it like it's a D&D character. I'm trying to get better endurance. This is okay. Like I'm trying to get better endurance. This is okay. So I re-rolled it slightly on Tuesday. My problem is it's been sore. Okay, just don't interrupt me, Gavin. I can already see you trying.

What happens is because I'm thinking about it because it hurts. I'm constantly having dreams where I'm rolling my ankle. And when I do that, my dream, I then physically react and I hurt my ankle further so I'm constantly re-aggravating it it's a terrible cycle get your legs away from the walls and stuff

how are you injuring it cause like I'm laying okay so like any sharp movement right now any sudden like flinch Gavin hurts my ankle so I'll be dreaming no I'm dreaming and in my dream i'm rolling my ankle in my dream and so then i like jerk in my sleep and then i actually hurt my ankle in real life i i can't imagine if i if if you laid me on a bed and you said hurt your ankle right now

i don't think i physically could well you need to have it injured already. This is not a healthy... I don't want to put it into the wool. No. But this is not a healthy ankle, Gavin. This is an ankle in recovery. You're making it sound like if you look at it funny, it snaps. No, no.

No, it's the tendons. It's not a good situation, man. I kick it in my sleep. Yeah, I should. Why don't you take two of your 40 pillows and wrap your feet around them and then duct tape it to your ankles while you sleep? That doesn't sound comfortable at all,

and I'm giving up two good pillows for that. I have a feeling you've got extras, and, dude, I'll buy you the pillows. And it sounds more comfortable than spraining your ankle every time you have a dream nah well it's it's specifically ankle rolling dreams and it's very odd i've had like two or three a day i'd say every time like i'll wake up from it and then i'll go back to bed and i'll roll it again do you remember the plot of any of these yeah it's literally the plot is the entirety

of the roll it'll be like i'm in a park and i'm stepping on a rock and then it just rolls and then i jerk and i wake up and i'm in pain i'm an egg so it just it just happens to happen in your it's not like you're like stood on a on a bunch of boxes about to jump onto one ankle no there's no no no there's no like lead up it's like as soon as i have awareness of that i'm in a thing or I'm in a place, it immediately rolls and then I wake up in pain. But I'm like 90 percent. Haven't started the marathons. They will happen.

I don't think they will. And here's why. OK, you can't sleep safely in your bed, in your home. Two days in a row. How are you going to walk 80 miles? I might not be able to do it, but I'm going to try to do it. That's the thing. And it's for all bets, all non-pencil

related bets. All non-pencil related, yeah. Double or nothing. Is that including the one you lost last week with the ketchup? Yeah. Yeah. I was right about that, but I lost it. I'm not going to argue that point. Here's the thing, Andrew. I think you need your ankle to be 100%.

You need to have not rolled it for months before attempting it. No, I don't think I need that much time. I think maybe four or five days. I think somewhere in the middle. I think probably three weeks would be good, but I don't foresee you going three weeks without hurting your ankle because you can't control your sleep. I went months without hurting my ankle.

I said months. You make it sound like it's an accomplishment. I know. As soon as I said that, I realized that. It was a while. It'd probably been at least a year since I really rolled my ankle. I don't plan on ordering 70 pounds of pancake mix in the near future. I think I'm going to be okay in the short term. Have you ever broken a bone?

I broke my toe once. My big toe. How'd you do bone? I broke my toe once. My big toe. How'd you do that? I just, I think I slammed it. I broke, well, no, I broke two toes. I broke one toe here. I broke, my big toe was a much worse break. That was terrible.

It was like I couldn't even put a bed sheet on it without it hurting. Awful. Just awful. That's pretty funny. It was like a feather. You put a feather on that big toe when it was broken. Extreme pain. It was not fun you must have had so many toe-breaking dreams no i didn't i thankfully had no toe-breaking dreams when i get obsessive about things though or if i'm in i guess constant pain i'll have dreams about it because i don't know if we i know we talked about when you and

i were doing that trials competition gavin but whenever i'm in something i'll dream about it i don't remember if i told this but i slammed my head into the wall because i was dreaming i was on the bike yeah in the game yeah you did tell that okay oh yeah i get very uh active dreamer i guess so yeah well if i'm thinking about something i kind of it consumes my mind it's all i think about yeah toe breaks not break's not fun. What about you? Anyone break a bone, like a real bone? I don't feel like a toe break is a real break. My nose. It's all smashed in. You broke your nose?

Well, it's hard to... I fell on it when I was very young, and now it's crooked. Oh. And it bled a ton. Or it bled later. It didn't bleed at the time somehow. I know this is insane. I know this is completely unreasonable.

I don't think my nose could be broken. I think I have an unbreakable nose. Andrew. Andrew. I'm saying... Listen to what you're saying. Listen to the words as they're coming out. No, I know there are scenarios like

if a fucking missile hit me in the face, my nose would break. But I don't think... There's so much less than that that would break no it's gotta be what are you superman it's gotta be a missile uh no i guess i don't think anyone i think it would be extremely difficult to break my nose bend over in front of me at the driving range facing me i should say and uh it'll be gone immediately i don't think that's behind me when i shut a door, I'll break your nose.

I think just the structural integrity of my nose is very good. I think it's sturdy. And that's based on what? Based on what life experience? I've kind of played around my nose a little bit. I put pressure on it. It's very durable. It's resistant.

In both shape and size. That's the dumbest thing you've ever said this is no have you compared that that anecdotal tensile strength to another nose to see how yours no no no I've never compared noses baseless I don't think someone could punch me in the face and break my nose I just think the shape of my nose and the integrity of it, it would hold. All right, I've got to find a picture of your nose. Let's find your slack. Okay, so you've got a pretty small, slightly upturned nostril. It's a cute nose.

It's a nice nose. There's a width to it. It's not too far extended. It's not exposed. I think what you're noticing here is that the bridge of your nose is close to your skull. It doesn't stick out too much. It sticks out more at the end, which is all cartilage. Yeah, your bone is back there.

It's pretty secure. It's like when you tuck your chin when you're fighting. It's protected. It's naturally protected. It'd be very hard to break my nose. Right, but it's no less difficult than breaking your skull. Like, it's all the same bone. Wait. Is that true? Well, where's your nose bone?

Oh, my... Wait a sec. No, I guess... Yeah. No, I guess that's right. Huh. I never thought about that. Like, your cheekbone and your nose bone, it's the skull.

It's all the skull. Well, the cheekbone is clearly the skull, but the nose, I never thought about that. Like your cheekbone and your nosebone, it's the skull. It's all the skull. Well, the cheekbone is clearly the skull, but the nose I never thought about. You're right. The nose is part of the... It is the full pack. Yeah. No, you're right. It's a big bone.

Yeah. It doesn't include the jaw, though, I think. Really? That's a separate one. I guess, yeah, the bottom, right, would be... Yeah. I think the skull bottom is like your top row of teeth. Yeah. You know, that

makes sense. I just don't think... Let me take that back. My nose obviously could be broken. I think my nose would be very hard to break. I don't think you could just break my nose by punching me. Okay. I think you're wrong. I think you're wrong. I don't know about that. I think...

Dude, I just watched uh last weekend i watched mike tyson and uh roy jones jr fight and uh there's a mike tyson's a 54 year old dude who could break your nose in one punch i guarantee you i think everything else would break but the nose the nose stays intact everything else is flying away I'm not saying I'm invulnerable. Just my nose is very sturdy. So you'd have like a shattered eye socket. Yeah. Teeth knocked out.

Teeth flying everywhere. But your nose would break his fist. I'm not worried yet. The nose is the one thing I never feel I need to additionally protect. It's fine. Hey, you know what we should talk about? What should we talk about? Maybe we should talk about some bats. Oh, yeah. That's a good idea. Instead of that, why don't we should talk about? What should we talk about? Maybe we should talk about some bats.

Oh, yeah, that's a great idea. Instead of that, why don't we talk about why we didn't record the podcast last week? Well, no. Well, okay, sure. I feel like you're blaming me for that, but it's not my fault. No. Who are you blaming? It's Gavin's fault.

Yeah, I had to move it because I moved something from an earlier podcast that got moved. It had to be moved earlier because of just shelves or something, or Andrew's ankle. So I moved my thing to what turned out to be last week. Turns out it worked out well because I actually had to take my car to the shop that day. I did not want that covered in the podcast. So when I canceled, you were like, oh, thank God.

Yeah, kind of. I was like, oh, that's another bullet there. What's wrong with it now? Nothing. Nothing's wrong with it. Nothing's wrong. It's perfect. It's amazing.

I was driving. It's okay. You can tell us. There's nothing wrong with it. There's nothing wrong with it. I just had to get that brake thing. I just had to get the brake thing fixed. Okay.

It was just the sensor. It was fine. It's totally fine. So the brakes are good. The sensor was was just the sensor. It was fine. It's totally fine. So the brakes are good. The sensor was bad. Yeah. Sensor was bad. So it got replaced.

And everything's wonderful in Jeff's car. Sorry, in Gavin's car world. That's good. Yeah. I'm sorry for moving the podcast. Oh, it's okay. I'd just like to point out now where I would like to, I would just like to say,

I think we should consider ourselves all even now. I moved the podcast for a very good shelf reason. Andrew moved the podcast. I would just like to say, I think we should consider ourselves all even now. I moved the podcast for a very good shelf reason. Andrew moved the podcast for some bullshit. Gavin moved the podcast for the weakest of all reasons. But let's just all just say- My reason was good. We're all, yeah, sure, whatever. I had robot training.

We're even. I couldn't sit in a chair. We're even now. No, I think the shelves- We've all moved the podcast the show is by far the bottom of the pyramid fuck you you couldn't do the podcast

because you couldn't sit down because your ankle hurt I did the podcast every podcast we did for 11 weeks I had root canals while we were doing it you've moved the podcast several times I don't want to hear this shit I couldn't sit we are even hey we gotta calm down Jeff we talked about this since the beginning several times. I don't want to hear this shit. I couldn't sit. It was hard to talk.

Hey, we got to calm down, Jeff. We talked about this since the beginning. Let's calm down. Let's relax. I'm saying we're fucking even. No, we're not even. On the bright side, I got my wallpaper put in yesterday so I'm that much closer to being back in my office. That's exciting. I think if Andrew and I both cancel one more time

in the future, then we'll be even. Because the shelf was like a double cancel. I don't even know what that means. It was just obscene. It was an absurd cancellation. It's totally incorrect. Totally incorrect. The shelf was exceptionally valid.

You saw the photos. You saw the amount of work that was going in. All in the service of giving me an office, a permanent space to record this podcast. If anything, I should be commended for spending the money and hiring shelf builders to come in and build a set for which I can now be comfortable, in theory, performing this podcast. I was doing it for us. You should expense it to the company. You're right right I should did you use that room to store the bats

no no I don't think they ever were in there okay interesting fuck you guys though so how do we unravel the bats I don't talk, Jeff. You just talk about what you want. I just think you guys are little shits. I think you're little shits

and I knew you were being little shits, but I don't trust you enough that I... What happened, Jeff? You preyed on my insecurities and I lost it a bit, I'll be honest with you. Not to mention the fact that the whole bat thing sucked from start to finish.

And I hope... But I will say this. The bats are done. Here's what happened. Alright, here's what happened. Get back down on the bats. I had a brilliant idea. The podcast is named F*** Face because of a funny baseball card.

Billy Ripken, Cal Ripken Jr.'s brother, had a baseball bat it had written face on the on the knob and it was a 1989 fleer it was a big deal they pulled the card from production it was an error card they replaced it like with three different versions uh then it came out years later that he had always said that like one of his teammates had uh played a prank on him and written face on the bat and he didn't know it and then he admitted years later he had written face on the bat himself and faced himself and that's kind of where the genesis of the idea of facing yourself came from uh and um so i thought it would be funny to make this was at the height of everybody hating andrew for the pencil bet

i thought it would be i thought it would be funny to make little souvenir baseball bats that say f*** face on them to sell in the store as like a little collectible. And Andrew was very against that idea because I think he thought the audience was going to buy a bunch of baseball bats

and try to break his nose with them. It just seemed like a bad idea to sell a weapon when the audience was at their most angry. So I jumped on that and I ordered, I had the store order the bats,

and we got these little souvenir bats. They're about 18 inches long. They say F*** Face on them, and then on the knob, I was going to write F*** Face on a bunch of them. And I ordered. I had them order 50, and so I thought, well, I should do something a little extra, a little more than that. So I ordered a wood-burning kit and a vice and all this equipment.

And then I got some special attachments for the wood-burning kit, and I wanted to hand-number each of the bats to add to the collectability of them. And so horrible, horrible process, by the way. Eventually, the bats come in. I just get a bunch of bats at my front door. And I'm like, okay, cool. I'll deal with that later. So I put them in a room and I forget about them, not the library. And then I'll be honest with you, I completely forgot about them. I was being lazy about it, and then I think it was Mallory from the merch department

slacked me the other day and said, hey, we just got this shipment of baseball bats. Oh my God, the dog just farted so loud. I hope my mic picked that up. That was amazing. So she sent a slack that said, hey, I just saw that a bunch of the baseball bats just arrived at work.

Can you come pick them up and and i said well i how can that be i already have the bats they were sent to my house i've had them for like a week and she said uh can you she goes huh can you send me a picture of them so i took a picture and i sent them to her and she just responded with okay which I thought was strange. And then you two took that as an opportunity to torture me. No, that's not an accurate, I think. What was the torture? That's an interesting perspective. You know what the torture was.

The audience doesn't have any idea what you're talking about. What happened? You both convinced me that they weren't real bats that I had received and that I had somehow received fake or joke bats and something was going to happen to me when I tried to burn them. And then so I didn't want to touch them for like a week. And then eventually,

and I knew you were fucking with me intellectually but emotionally I couldn't get there and I got very upset I got very upset and I demanded to know why there were two sets of bats and I demanded to see photos of the bats at work and then there was a lot of backpedaling and then I threatened to

burn the bats in my fire pit and I was serious and then you know and then you know and then cooler heads prevailed I have a question though as someone who had the bats like you were able to pick up and hold the bats how could the bat be fake

what does that mean? I don't know I don't know what it was I didn't know if it was coated in something I didn't know if it was like a silly bat the knob was so incredibly small I didn't know if you guys bought like something. I didn't know if it was like a silly bat. The knob was so incredibly small. I didn't know if you guys bought like a special bat with a tiny knob knowing it would be impossible for me to do the work on. And then there was a real bat with a big knob at work waiting for me.

And then I would spend countless hours toiling away, hand burning these numbers in with a magnifying glass. I had a giant magnifying glass so that I could fucking sit here and do it. And then I was going to get through all of go and then and then Mallory would be like those aren't the bats we can't sell those those are fake and then I'd be like oh Andrew and uh and I just didn't trust you and you guys did a very good job and Eric the little shit that Eric is too all three of you did

a really good job of fucking with me to the point where I didn't know what was real and what was fake and it was all very frustrating but I did that conversation was fantastic it's leaked over into the merch channel where you said are there more bats rt am i in possession of counterfeit bats mallory said these are the right ones eric said i don't know what you're talking about jeff jeff said i'll burn these fake bats eric, Jeff, no one would ever give you fake bats. Jeff said, they're going in my fire pit tonight if I don't get any answers. This went on for ages.

I'd like to compare these bats to the bats at RT. At this point, Mallory's like, there aren't any bats at RT. What's really important to note is that there are gaps of time between these messages too like this is a day this is a whole day of this bat issue I feel like we should provide Jeff with some context Gavin and then there were a bunch of bats

in the like you the three of us have a text chain and you guys tortured me in that text chain forever about the goddamn bats okay so what did we put in that text chain forever about the goddamn bats. Okay, so. What did we put in the text? Oh, yeah, it goes on. It goes on for a long time.

It does. They're great. It's a great. It was a great conversation. We have been planning this, Jeff, since they were announced as a thing. Gavin and I. We've been talking about this. As soon as you put the effort of putting the bats forward,

Gavin and I were having a conversation and I just observed, because you said you wanted to sign the bats from the beginning, the knob of the bat. And they were absurdly small even in the photo. It's like, there's no way. This is an impossible thing you want to do. And I was talking to Gavin about it and then I think he came up with the idea

of coding the bats and some sort of thing so you couldn't, like half of them. C of coating the bats and some sort of thing. So you couldn't like half of them. Coating half the bats. I thought it'd be a great idea to take 50% of the bats and dip them in a hydrophobic coating. So that if you had a Sharpie, it just wouldn't take. Because this was back when we thought you were writing on them. Yeah, this was right at the start.

So we agreed this was a fantastic idea. We tried to figure out kind of the logistics. And I was like, well, just Eric's the producer. I'll get Eric. I'll tell Eric about this. Maybe he can do it. So I tell Eric and he's like this. That's I'll talk to Tony, who works in the merchandise department, and they'll figure

something out. That's where we left it. Then we occasionally get updates in the merch chat. That was like Tony was saying, we're just going to send you a card to sign so you don't even have to sign the bats. Which then led me to believe that Eric never actually talked to Tony about the bats and that the bats were not being coded. So then there is this

series of text between Gavin and I throughout like in between now and when that started of do we talk about the bat thing and that it didn't happen. Do we yell at Eric about the bats? He let us down about the bats. But we just kept it going. And then the final update with you and the Mallory talk, and you said that you got a wood engraver to sign them.

I messaged Gavin and I said, man, I did not see the wood engraver twist coming. Even if we coded the bats, wouldn't have made a difference. Like, even if we did it, if it was successful, it wouldn't have come through. Yeah, we couldn't pull it off, and even if we did, wouldn't have mattered.

Wouldn't have mattered in the slightest. i said we have such there's such a paranoia around all the stuff we've done in this show especially with me i bet if i just imply that the bats are tampered with jeff would then think they were and it would be like we did the thing we didn't do and then it's arguably even funny you just started saying stuff like jeff how the bats and that was enough it was like inception that was you just started saying stuff like jeff how the bats and that was enough it was like inception that was enough to plant the idea within jeff's mind that ate him away from the inside and that coincidentally coincide what i was like that coincided with mallory saying that the bats were at the office when in fact they were at your house which then just naturally bled into you thinking there were two sets of bats.

It was absolutely perfect. And we basically were able to enjoy all of, you know, if we had pulled it off, we got all the enjoyment out of it, even though we didn't do anything. We did nothing. It was fantastic. I was laughing constantly. But there's another layer to this that is even more complicated. This got really deep. This was a whole game of deception. I didn't know who to trust. I then messaged

Eric about it, and I said, how long do you think it'll take for Jeff to notice that he has, like, manipulated bats? And Eric's response was that they were manipulated. So then I was confused of if the bats were actually tampered with in some capacity, or if Eric was just going with it. So I'd love to know, Eric, were the bats tampered with in some capacity or if eric was just going

with it so i'd love to know eric were the bats tampered with in any capacity or were you just conversationally going with what i was saying jeff we would never give you messed up bats fascinating we would never do anything that's a fascinating approach we gave you it's gone so deep that throughout this i didn't know anymore whether the bats were actually messed with to the point where i didn't know if i could even trust andrew yeah it was we had a real moment of like i don't know if i can trust you anymore yeah you were talking to me in confidence and to the point where everyone didn't know anything else and i was like andrew please don't turn on me and you were like we can't turn on each other we're like we're all each other has we're all we've got basically this it was a situation of which I'm almost

certain the bats aren't tampered with but I don't know that to be true I'm 99 sure they're not tampered with nobody and I couldn't tell if Eric knew that they weren't tampered with or if he thought that I had tampered with the bats because I've done stuff like that. Has anyone tried writing on the bats? Here's the deal with the bats. I'm pretty sure they were tampered with. Here's why. This all but confirms it for me. I haven't tried to write on the bats

with a Sharpie because Tony sent me 50 baseball cards to autograph, so I signed it so each bat's going to come with a little f*** face baseball card that's autographed by me. But I didn't know, and I guess I still technically don't, I didn't know if the bats came with a protective coating because they're some sort of a clear polyurethane

coating because they're just a like a fucking toy bat and that's how they come or not but there's definitely a coating on the bats that played hell on my engraving i had to i had to what i had to do was i had to take each bat and with a pencil in the magnifying glass, I had to write like three horizontal line 50, four slash 50, five slash 50, right? Really lightly. I assume that just finished with some sort of seal. Whatever the finish is, it's fucking annoying. Then I had to go through at a certain temperature. It took me a while to figure this out with the wood engraver and burn that off

so that I could get to the wood to out with the wood engraver and burn that off in the so that i could get to the wood to then burn the wood so i don't know if eric's jumping on this to make it seem like they were actually fucked with or if they were actually fucked with or not but if they're just normal bats the process of burning a number into a bat is fucking annoying because you have to do it twice. And it's tiny. The knobs are so tiny. But I definitely had to number every bat two times. And some of them, you can tell. Why don't you just sand the knobs?

I started to. I did. I got about 20, I got about maybe 30 in, and I got one of Emily's, like, nail files, and I sanded down the knobs on every bat from that point on. Nick just brought up a great point in the Discord.

This paranoia extended because the thought was this was all going to play out and then we're recording the next day and things will be settled, but then Gavin moved the recording so it was just free fall of this bat paranoia until today,

which we can talk about it. I saw, because we moved the recording and jeff said i don't trust any of you fuckers i'm gonna show up at the recording time anyway i think i did a bit i did jeff i missed that but i saw the log of eric queuing in the bot that we used to record audio and i saw the log of that and i got so suspicious that's like then i'm just gonna pretend that i recorded something so then i went in and i summoned the bot and I sat there for like 20 minutes and I called the ball bot off because I didn't know what the audio was it was

very there's a lot of paranoia I didn't know what was recorded or what was planned I showed up just in case and Eric was there waiting for me and so I had a brief conversation with Eric about the stupid should we play that audio in this episode we should I don't know if it's interesting. I think it is. I think in the context of the current... Slot it in right now. It's very funny. I would slot it in right now. Here.

There's no podcast today. Yeah, I know. Then why are you hanging out in here? Just making sure. Just in case anybody stops by and says, what's going on? Okay. Yeah. There's no podcast. I don't trust anything anybody says podcast. I don't trust. I don't trust anything

anybody says anymore. What's I don't know what the I don't know what the issue is. There's no podcast. There's no podcast. Okay. How are your bats?

They're fine. Okay. I'm going to deal with them at some point in the future. I'm ignoring them right now. You're going to deal with them.

Yeah. I got to like personalize them at all. Oh, okay. Have you tried that? No. Okay. Stop saying it like that. Saying like what? I'm just asking you about your bats.

I'm leaving. I'm going. Okay. Goodbye. He never saw it coming. Well, alright. I told you that was not interesting. So that was in the midst of bat confusion. It was in the midst of bat paranoia, and it even extended to as far as I was trying to get. I was trying to gauge where Jeff was,

because Jeff had gone quiet, and I didn't feel like I could talk to Jeff directly. So I texted Jeff's girlfriend about it, the bat. So I was trying to get a bat read on Jeff, and then she gave me an update, and then sent me a photo of Jeff and I thought I'm gonna I'm gonna try to mess with Jeff from the inside even more so then I just texted that photo of him at the table engraving the bats with no context and then there was some conversation that was had and she I don't think was thrilled that I blew up her spot which is

completely understandable she's ride or die buddy buddy. She's never gonna turn. She's true blue. Well, that's the thing of, I felt bad once she was like, hey, you called out my spot. I was like, I shouldn't have done that. I should have approached that differently. But then I talked to Gavin about, I can't

tell her that we don't think the bats are tampered with, because at this point, I feel like she would tell you but I also feel bad and I don't want to just like ignore that message so I apologize and then I just lied to her and said that the bats were definitely tampered with under

the expectation she would then tell you the bats were tampered with and then I was concerned that you're actually going to burn all the bats which would have been amazing but I would feel bad about it. I've also, I found here the original inception moment in our text chain where Andrew says, let us know how it goes. Have you noticed anything about the bats? Jeff replied, dot, dot, dot.

I wrote, yeah, how normal are these bats on a scale of one to 10? Andrew said, just let us know how it goes and record whatever happens jeff said i hate you all so much it's a fantastic time i was laughing so hard throughout that whole day it's one of the most fun days i've had in a long time i didn't and those bat the bats have been they've been poured over by everybody in my house my My mom was here for a month. She looked over the bats. Emily and I looked over the bats a million times. Millie, for whatever the thing is. I don't know.

And I already don't trust anybody. Like, I don't trust either of you idiots. I definitely don't trust Eric. I trusted Nick. I'm not so sure about him. I definitely don't trust my daughter because she's a shill for you, Andrew. So it's like, I was so paranoid

about these fucking bats. For weeks and weeks, it's caused, it's taken months off of my life, the process of receiving and getting these bats out the door. By the way, they are out of my house. I am done with them. Oh, they're done. It was a brutal weekend of sitting

there at a table, numbering these bats, and let me tell you whatever we charge for these bats when we eventually sell them it is not enough if we charged a hundred bucks a bat that that wouldn't be enough because i put a hundred bucks worth of work into every stupid bat and i i even i even did special stuff like the first one i wrote i did the face right like the face and it didn't look great and i thought well fuck it uh we got some extras I'll just do I'll shit can that one and then I'll do one through 50 and then I thought no that's the first bat it's special that'll be number one so then I numbered two through 50 and then I thought you know it'd be funny because I

made that one what if I made number 51 of 50 so we're actually going to sell 51 bats 51 of 50 one of them will be number 51 of 50 which is weird and then one of them will just say face on it so if you get that bat it's going to be random congratulations you got the the fucking worst one then i thought i rebecca uh who uh we all know a member of the community that we love dearly she was like i'm so excited about these. And then I thought about her buying a bat and having it shipped all the way to England where she lives. And that seemed like way too much money for somebody to spend. And then also, I didn't know if these bats were tainted in some way.

So I was like, I'm going to give you a bat. And then I thought, if I'm going to give Rebecca a bat, I want it to be special. So I asked her what her favorite number was. Her favorite number is 21. So bat number 21 has a special R written on the other side of the bat that we're going to mail to her specifically. And then I thought, if I'm going to make a special bat for Rebecca,

we've got to have a special bat for superfan Jack. So I asked Jack what his favorite number is. Jack's favorite number is 37. So Jack got a special bat that's 37 to 50 on the other end with a J on the other end of it. So much fucking work went into these bats. And then I made bats for all of you. I made an Andrew bat, and I made for all of you. I made an Andrew bat

and I made a Gavin bat and I made an Eric bat and I made a Nick bat and I hated every second of it. And I'm so fucking done with these bats and I just want them. And then now,

now Andrew wants to sell knobs and he's being a knob about the idea of knob. There was this whole knob measuring conversation that was mind numbing. I don't know how it sounds. I just like, at the end of knob. There was this whole knob measuring conversation that was mind-numbing. I don't know how it sounds. I just like, at the end of all this,

I don't know if I enjoyed it. I don't even know if they got tampered with. I don't know what happened. It got completely away from me. Andrew took it and ran. I don't know what happened. I had a lot of fun. Either way, you tortured me mentally.

And if the bats were physically tampered with it it worked because it was a tremendous pain in the ass if they weren't physically tampered with it sucked because it was a tremendous pain in the ass either way i'm not making any more i'm not numbering any more bats anytime soon what the worst part about this for me was i broke my phone like three days into this bat controversy i had no way communicating or seeing any of the messages that were going on So I felt like I was a soldier on an island that nobody said the war was over to you And it's been like 20 years. I had no idea what was happening. Did you buy even deeper through the phone? I know I I don't know how to explain how I broke it. I broke it on my bed

It was a bed break. Was it near your near your ankle no it wasn't an ankle thing you know uh like a good old like a good knee slapper of a joke you slap your knee with a good like the the classic the knee slap of the joke yeah yeah yeah i did one of those with my phone and i put it into my bed and the screen just shattered it just broke and so my phone died wait you was it eight pillows high because that would break No no It was no pillows at all I was just laying in bed I was getting ready to go to

Oh I wasn't I was just kind of relaxing I didn't have my pillow tower So I wasn't gonna sleep I don't know what you're sleeping on Your ankles get hurt Your phone breaks on it What's your mattress made of

It's a nice mattress It's like a foamy mattress It was very weird I just think it was like The perfect blow To the right spot and everything broke. And so I just I didn't have any way to communicate with anyone for a week. So I'm just eagerly like thinking what's going on. And then when I got my new phone, I lost all of my text history.

So the first thing I saw in that group chat was Jeff saying for our number one fan. And it was the video of the jackbat, the super fan jackbat. But I didn't have any context or knew if I missed anything so i i immediately texted gavin like what does this mean is this related it was great bat paranoia was a lot of fun i'm telling you right now if you buy one of those bats it comes it it comes with a uh you're buying a piece of my mental torment and misery. We'll call it limited edition. It's imbued in the bat. Limited edition, numbered,

potentially counterfeit bat. But no one is 100% sure. I mean, they're going to go up for sale soon, right? I assume so. I dropped them off at work Monday actually. So the autographed cards and the bats are all there. You put them with the other ones?

Fuck off. Fuck off. And I have y'all's bats here. I'll mail them or give them to you or whatever. Fucking burn them. Burn them and mail them to send it to you. I fucking was trying to do something fun and clever and unique and different. And, you know, I'm trying to, through face, have and unique and different and you know i'm trying to

through face have like a deeper relationship to the merchandising and and i thought it would be interesting if if the stuff that we sell is more than just a logo slap but there's like a bit of our personality in it in a way that we haven't done previously with rooster teeth and so i thought like the idea of this like hand lettering and and like like us actually working on it in some way it would it would just it would just make it more fun for the audience. But you told us about it, Jeff. You f***ing faced yourself. I know.

I f***ing faced myself hard. I feel like the bats are in a way better place than they would have if you just signed them. There's a whole lore around these bats, a whole history. There was stress. There was manipulating going on. Nobody knew who to trust.

It's fantastic. There's lore in these bats now. It's just like the hats. Yeah. There's a story behind every... Yeah. Yeah. You don't sound enthused.

There was... B, if you... When they go on sale, if you buy one of these thousand dollar bats... If you buy one of these dumb bats, know that the number

on the bottom of it, the very sh know that the number on the bottom of it, the very shittily burned number on the bottom of it, includes a lot of personal swearing and yelling from me while I'm doing it. And my mom looking at me disapprovingly from the sofa. Solid episode, lads. Yeah, we need to, I guess we need to wrap it up. And then we have to record another one

because Gavin had a robot. I had a robot. Well, we don't have to. Eric wanted to do two. Well, we probably should. Yeah, let's do another one. Because there's something else we should talk about. Like what?

Well, we're doing another episode. What do you mean? Why are we stalling this one? No, no, no, no, no. We should wrap. I had something for the next episode. But why bring it up now? We're trying to close the episode.

Eric says in the chat, we can do two next week. it's up to you but you in all caps have to end this one end this one now well why because it's gonna get uploaded in half so if we go a few more minutes if we go like 10 more minutes it'll be like a normal episode. All right. And thanks for listening to another episode of F*** Face. I believe this was episode 28, the bat fiasco. Hope you enjoyed it. Like and subscribe and review and rate and star and print out pictures of the podcast and send them to people and give them to them and say, hey, look at this flyer for a podcast. Nobody's ever made a flyer for a podcast before, but you should check it out.

Oh, I know what I want to talk about. I want to talk about how dumb Andrew is and not understanding what a zine is. So tune in for the next episode. To be continued. I wasn't listening to your outro. I just want to make sure this is said because I see these comments a lot.

If you want to see what we're talking about, we post all the photos on our Instagram page. So just so people know. Because we never talk about it. We just mention these photos, never reference where you can see them. If you want to see the photos, we post all the photos on our Instagram page. So just like, so people know. Because we never talk about it. We just mention these photos, never reference where you can see them. If you want to see the photos, we have an Instagram.

They're on the Instagram. What's the Instagram? It's f***facepod. It's f***facepod. F-U-C-K-F-A-C-E-P-O-D. And yeah, it's all the bats, all the Heinz ketchups.

I'm assuming that the salad toss, or what was it called? Salad spread? Oh my God, end it. End salad toss or what was it called? Salad spread. Oh my God, end it. End the episode. What's it called? Talk about it on the next fucking episode. You're going to record another one.

Just end this. You want us to talk about salad cream on the next episode? Salad cream. Salad cream will be up there. I forgot that I ordered salad cream. That's like the reverse of my idea. I'm going to get disappointed

in like a month when I get it. No, it's great. It's great. One month from now, I'll give you my opinion. Okay, bye. Bye. Bye.