F**kface - In the Lab with Andrew // Fruit Fusions [167]

Episode Date: August 16, 2023

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about poop game, shit shades, pink eye, juice lab, sleep spaghetti v2, the Panton collection, mystery injuries, gems of war achievements, mouth tape food poisoning, flammable farts, Andrew's realization of seasons, Geoff's morbid American history, and the new flavors taste test. Sponsored by Hello Fresh http://hellofresh.com/50face code 50face , Shady Rays http://shadyrays.com code FACE , Better Help http://betterhelp.com/face Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Visit dragonsdogma.com to buy the game and start your epic quest today. That's D-R-A-G-O-N-S-D-O-G-M-A.com to learn more. Hello and welcome to another episode of the F*** Face Podcast. My name is Jeff Ramsey and with me as always, Andrew Panton and Gavin Free. Hello. Hello, Gavin. Eric, you said something that might help.

I have a mystery, a small, tiny mystery. It's not a big mystery. It's just a little baby mystery. Okay. And I think you might have just given me a clue to help answer it. When you were reading through what we talked about last recording, which was two weeks ago, I guess, three weeks ago, because I went out of town.

Was it two weeks ago? I think it was two. It was two. Yeah, it was two. Two weeks ago. You said went out of town. Was it two weeks ago? I think it was two. It was two. Yeah, it was two. Two weeks ago. You said poop brain? What is that? I think I remember. I think that's when you were talking about how people who shit more get less dumb. Oh, yeah, have a higher intelligence. So you were like, oh,

you're Einstein because you shit so much. That would be correct, yes. All the alcohol fucked you, so it brought you... Yeah, you've evened out, you've cancelled out copious booze with you've evened out, you've cancelled out copious booze with copious shitting, and you've sort of landed right in the middle. Well, I don't know that that helps.

I was looking over at my notes, and I have a note that I... the old note you don't recognize. I wrote down sometime between that recording and when I got back from Michigan, I wrote down poop game. Oh. And I don't know what that means. And I was hoping that would help, but that doesn't. I wrote down poop game. Oh. And I don't know what that means.

And I was hoping that would help, but that doesn't. I don't think that had anything to do with that. Was that the sequel to Reindeer Games? Or like maybe I was trying to step up my poop game, but I got a pretty strong poop game as it is. Yeah, I can't imagine it getting better. Were you trying to incorporate shitting into some classic

games? Like Twister? Like this is like a new color. Fuck. You just have to shit right there. I think you're taking like performance enhancing drugs. If there's like a poop game, shits and ladders. Oh,

maybe it was something about maybe somebody recently pooped in a famous game. God, I don't know. Well, anyway, if anybody has any ideas for, or It sounds like Gavin already has a bunch, but if anybody has any additional poop game ideas, send them my way.

I have no fucking clue what I was getting at. Do you think you could have written it on the toilet in your shit shades? Yeah, probably. Which, by the way, just so we're clear, I want you guys to know, I do wear those almost every time I shit still. Like, i'm keeping

that was the assumption i don't think either of us thought anything else it wasn't a fad no i didn't want you guys to think that it was like i'm some sort of a fly by night cool shitter i'm not i'm in it for the long haul can you do me a favor and never lend me those yeah of course man oh what a move that is what if i what if i already have it's like a way bigger rate of getting pink eye from those or do you think it's like the same i think it's the same or do you think he's immune to pink eye i've never had it he's constantly wow nose flaps and pink eye resistance you're quite the superhero oh no i've and pink eye resistance. You're quite the superhero. Oh, no, I've had pink eye. Shit.

Yeah, I definitely had pink eye once when I was like 15 or 16. I remember it hurt like a motherfucker. It itched. Yeah, it sucked. Huh. Well, maybe you're immune since then. Like you're so much. I would say you have more shit near your eyes than most people with your shit shades.

So I think. No, I think the shades protect me from the... I think they act as like poop particle blockers. Yeah. I mean, they're definitely getting it from the front and they're blocking all that. Yeah. But I feel like most of the shit particles, if

you're normal anatomy, would be coming from behind you. That's a good point. I hadn't considered that. It might actually be funneling it all into your eyes. This is a weird episode already. I feel weird. We are recording late.

We don't ever really record this kind of late when we do the standard recording on a Thursday. We're starting about 18 minutes late. Not for any reason, but because we were recording. I mean, for a reason. We were recording a test episode of something else earlier and then we had to go run through some business.

But I wondered if starting seven or eight or nine or 15 minutes or whatever off would affect me in some way. And I think it has. You think it has? Well, you also had to wait for Andrew, who I ran through some like

stuff that we had to talk about for like business. And then Andrew was like, I need 10 minutes, and then disappeared and kept unmuting so fast, I didn't know he was unmuting. I feel like he's been in the lab. Okay, well, here's the thing. I'm juicing a watermelon right now,

so if I'm a little off, that's why. We've been talking a lot about the lab recently yeah i've brought the lab to the podcast so i'm preparing as you may remember we talked about different fruit combinations that are not common that that we've never we never seen compared so i went to the store and i bought all the fruit that we have and i got a little little hand juicer and i didn't want it to go bad ahead of time so i thought oh i'll just i'll just juice this fruit put the lab on the show while we're recording already run into a massive issue with the watermelon um juices everywhere i'm glad that i put a plate down

uh but i'm gonna have to clean that i don't hang on we got are you just using a lime juicer like oh yeah for watermelon yeah well because it's the best juicing tool i have imagine the size of a lime and then imagine something slightly smaller than that that is what he's juicing with well the point is to separate the pulp from the juice but watermelon is mostly just like slightly firmer juice where so this is this is what i'm doing okay i'm gonna juice everything i have little plastic shot glasses okay i'm gonna juice them half and half then i'm gonna mix them then i'm gonna try it we'll see if the the combination is good so we're currently in the lab with you right now we're in the lab as we speak and i even have other lab work to share this is amazing but

this is uh this is the current lab situation i need to unclog the thing of watermelon and then i'm gonna move on to, what's the next thing? What did I combine? Grapes. Oh, that'll be an easy one. So that sounds delicious. Are you cutting chunks from the watermelon first? Or are you just...

I'm slicing chunks in and then transferring it to, I guess the lime juicer, whatever Eric said, then I'm squishing it into a shot glass. Okay. So I'm going to continue on with this process. Are you a big shots guy, typically? No, not at all. I just went to the dollar store once again

and secured some plastic. I feel like shot cups make sense for what you're doing here, though. I think that's the appropriate vessel. That might be the only appropriate thing that I've grabbed from you. And also, can I just say, tons of respect and admiration?

I think it's awesome what you're doing. I'm amazed that you've brought us into the lab to watch you work. I think that's incredibly cool. I need to apologize. I had promised to present you guys with some grape lemon specific flavors from my lab work this episode. And I just haven't been able to get to make my way to the lab because I was out of town and stuff so you're kind of a lifesaver for me Andrew I really appreciate it yeah I was worried I was stepping on no not at all my toes are so fucking stupid right now just stomp on them basically taking it shifts to go into the lab well while

I do this do you want to see the other lab work yeah because i had homework you gave me an assignment oh you said that my sleep spaghetti sir i'm trying to get rid of this watermelon but you said that my sleep spaghetti was al dente so it was too it wasn't cooked wasn't cooked and al dente is that al dente is that al dente call come on al dente is better give me al dente this is more fun al can we can we lobby right here and now to change it officially to al dente from here on out orangutan and al dente sounds way more religious than al dente and rubbish over trash we can't remember true say trash oh yeah i'll never remember that one, but anyway Aladante you gave notes you wanted it to be bent you wanted it adjusted

You thought it needed more curve it needed to cook more boil more you may say So I and my great wisdom bought a staple gun and my idea Was that I would cut them into pieces like you you suggested, and then staple gun them together. Staples, though? Yeah, well... Are they kept together in the socks? Yeah, so I would layer the socks over each other and then shoot a staple through. That was my idea. That was

my thought. Sleep staples sound less inviting to me. I'm less inclined to dive into the spaghetti now, wouldn't I? Catch my earlobe on a staple. Catch an edge. No, it's all locked in. Okay. I was advised after I bought this

that this probably wouldn't work, and that was correct. That was a correct assumption. Staples do not stick into foam noodles is just a fun fact for people at home. I tried a variety of ways. Imed the gun i accidentally shot a staple across the room it was very chaotic but did not work unfortunately however i did get it to work i'm not going to reveal lab secrets of how we got this done but may i present to you an updated more noodle filled more cooked sleep spaghetti look at how comfortable

that looks oh look at that right yeah he's done it that's looking good you got bends you got twists nicks's they look like cigarette butts they do they definitely not necessarily wrong uh they're bendy there's also a product i'd like to introduce called the sleep macaroni where it's just a singular strand pretty good for sleeping will you get a bruised neck from it yes but until that point it is very comfy you know i i think i see what you've done, just kind of looking at it, and it seems to have worked really well. I saw one of the comment leavers

made a suggestion that I thought was pretty brilliant. They said you should just take one of the long pool noodles and then just cut along it almost in a spiral as you go up, almost like a telephone cord, and that might allow some maximum flexibility while maintaining the structure and maintaining it as one solid piece. But clearly you've come to a different solution

that seems to work just as well. Oh, it works great. I will say it's better than just bending an uncut one. Definite problems with that, I have slapped my lamp because you bend it and then you lay on it and then i have a tendency to move in my sleep i woke myself up last night trying to use it because it slapped the wall i was like holding it down and it hit the wall and it spooked me um i guess the main question is is is this any more comfy? And the answer to that is absolutely not.

It's terrible. Do not do not use. So it is not a great product. Well, let's not throw shade at sleep spaghetti. It clearly doesn't work. I don't know that it's sleep spaghetti's fault. I think it might be the pool noodles fault. I don't look at a pool noodle and think I want to cuddle up with that in a bed i look at a pillow and think that and so i would think that the consistency would be

somewhere less than pool noodle but more than pillow maybe so like long long pillows i love the idea of being full because you slapped your lamp oh yeah i was terrified that it i mean if you're if you're sharing a bed with someone, it is a dangerous thing. Oh, that cracked me up. That's so funny. Yeah, so you're telling Andrew to replace the... Well, change everything about it, basically. Well, no, I think you could take the filling out

and just stuff it with, like, batting or something and achieve a much comfier result. But I also don't want to... Listen, this is Andrew's process, and I don't want to get in the way of Andrew's process. Everybody creates differently. The road to the final product is forked many times over, and everybody takes a different fork at different points.

So the important thing is that we get there at the end, and I think we will so I've just been I've been reticent to throw too much suggestion towards Andrew because I don't want to get in the way of his creative process what was that convention that had the ball pit uh

dash con dash con yeah because I'm thinking next RTX we could potentially have a big spaghetti pit a big sleep spaghetti pit, we could potentially have a big spaghetti pit. A big sleep spaghetti pit. Do you think we do a sleep spaghetti pit? I think so. Didn't that adult actress jump in that ball pit recently

and break her back? Yes, that was at TwitchCon. TwitchCon, yeah. Wait, what happened? Adriana Chechnik, I think. They always talk about her on the YMH podcast. She jumped into a foam pit and literally broke her back.

Oh, God. I think I heard about that. Yeah. Had to have surgery and stuff, like emergency surgery and stuff. Terrible. Awful. Just terrible.

If we're shifting gears out of the lab, unless we're still in the lab for the juice, I don't know where the juice lands. I'm juicing grapes as we speak, so feel free to take us out. I'll have a shot ready. I wanted to bring up that the Panton Collection comes out on 8-25, which is just a couple of weeks away.

It'll be Friday the 25th at 10 AM. And the patent collection is something that we've waited on for a long time. Yes. And I just sort of want to give... No! So, I have stopped going to

merch meetings because it felt awkward them saying the patent collection. I didn't really know what it is. That's horrendous. Why? That's not it. We have your face on a balaclava that you can buy. Yeah.

No. We also have. That looks so bad. It's also a sunshade for your car. But it's also. But it's also a koozie. No. Oh, no. for your car but it's also but it's also a koozie no oh no it's basically anything that needs to have like a wraparound

design how do you it is you have and I will say that is true you have stopped coming to these meetings uh and that's fine that's you cannot come to the meetings it's okay but then this happens i like going to them um on the one side of the sunshade is andrew's giant face

on the other side um of this of this sunshade i'm a really big fan of if i could get this thing to paste uh there we go it says so this that way it it's facing the inside of your car. It says regulation. Oh, that's awesome. I will say that we have gone through a few iterations of Andrew faced balaclavas. And Goovicon, who helped us with the Sloppy Joe's bingo site, actually received one of these because these were all

test samples of Andrew's face. Oh, it's a nightmare! It looks like the end result of a rip-off Mission Impossible movie. There are different, so you can see that there's different ways

of Andrew's face being interpreted here where there's like a mouth hole, there's no mouth hole there's double layered whatever but GoomyCon has a one and only he has one of these that's signed by Jeff that I asked him not to

share but he can share it now because it is fucking insane looking you know what that picture looks like to me it looks like Anthony Hopkins laid his clothes out for the day and he's trying to figure out what he wants to wear in silence of the lambs it's like when the mrs doubtfire mask lands in the street it's so bad i love the fact that especially in the in the first one you posted eric yeah i can't help but notice that the seam the join it is on the front it's right in the chin and between me why is it

on the back it's so horrendous i i love it the neck looks awful it's so it's so fucked but we will have these on sale on the 25th which is just a couple of weeks away uh store.roosterteeth.com is where you can grab them or a sunshade for your car where it looks like that's how you make a skin for Andrew's face for The Sims 2. And you may be saying to yourself, why would we make a balaclava of Andrew's face? And I'll tell you right now

because Gavin gets cold in the winter and he wants to wear a balaclava around outside, but he doesn't want to look like a criminal. So now he just looks like another dude. He wanted a nice. That's where this all started is Gavin wanted a nice balaclava that people wouldn't be like intimidated by him wearing. Yeah. So we skinned Andrew's face and we put it on.

I also had the idea that potentially if we ever do in-person stuff, Andrew should only appear in his own Battle of Clavabosk. Oh. Well, the nice thing about it is if you wear it, nobody will think you kick children. So that's just a plus. There'll be no accusations of that. They'll just think you ate them.

Yeah. So behind the scenes talk. These have been in the e-comcom office since april maybe march or april yeah yeah for a while yeah and uh done tony and that crew have been wearing them around the building for off and on for months scaring the shit out of people it is it's become a thing over there it's it's the worst thing we've ever made, and therefore my favorite. Yeah. Awful.

It's pretty great. I'm really excited. I think having a koozie with your face while wearing your face, like I'll be like drinking a soda with your face on the koozie, sitting in my car wearing your face on my face while my sunshade with your face is up,

and it's pretty exciting. One of my... Collection. Gonna be good stuff. One of my favorite conversations I've had in the history of working for the company was the conversation about whether it should have a mouth hole or not. And just like how seriously we took it, trying on the mask, which is creepy, which is creepier, which is just creepy enough.

Like there were a lot, the audience doesn't know this, but a whole lot of conversation and work and debate went into whether that thing has a mouth hole or not. It's so bad. It's so bad. I will be at the next meeting. Someone's got some notes. I think that, you know the the face rtx break show had all the uh

the grown tubes the next one's gonna like the weirdest cult in the world freaks can't wait it's just really like man i i can't wait for people to have this and the image like the pictures that we're going to get from people is going to be so exciting. I'll be like, oh, why in summer are we getting this? So that way you have it for winter and you're used to wearing it all day, every day, and you can stay warm. It's perfect. And if you're

in a group that has an evil plan, you don't have to wear mascot outfits. Now you can just all wear these. Oh, man. It's like the beginning of Point Break. Oh, man. It's like the beginning of Point Break. Gavin, congratulations, man.

You're going to be so toasty warm this winter. I'm going to be so warm. That's great. Thank you for giving that update, Eric. I can't believe we've managed to go this long

without Andrew accidentally seeing that. It's pretty cool. What's wrong? How's your juice i got grape all down my leg it slid down the handle oh were you wearing the shocks oh i'm not i should have you know you got the safety shocks on i gotta get my safety shocks on i don't know how it happened it poured down down the handle. I put too many grapes in, I guess, and it overflowed, and it went down the handle.

Oh, the juicer handle? Down my leg. Yeah, it went down the juicer handle, poured down my leg like a fucking spout. Oh, my God. Oh, God. Okay, well, I'm going to have a shower after this. I'm sticky already. I'm covered in fucking grape juice.

Hey, I, uh. We're getting there. So did you end up putting the grape with the lemon or what? Not yet, I'm juicing my second set of juice. I got the grape watermelon mixed, I'm getting the grape and the lemon together. Are you gonna juice everything first? Do you want me to or do you want me to just take the shot of the... I think you should get everything ready and then we'll go down the line.

Yeah. Okay. Yeah, so that's what I'm doing. I'm in the process of doing that. I was thinking the other day about the time where I got hit in the face with a piece of tree while I was lying out in the sun, and I thought it was Jeff. I was thinking of other times. Have you ever been injured, but you don't know what did it? Just like that moment? Yeah, constantly, like when waking up. Oh, you get hurt in the night? I've been followed by a gentle ghost for a few years now who's constantly invisibly pushing me into shit. I was once in the woods with a bunch of friends

and there was this area where a bunch of trees next to each other had been cut down and all the stumps were the same height. So I was just lying on my back on all these stumps. And some girl who I had a little bit of a crush on at the time, she just walked over to me and was looking down at me while we're having a conversation. And at one point I shut my eyes and then I got such a impact in my kidneys.

I think she kicked me really hard in the kidneys, but it was so painful. I just rolled off the stump and my eyes were shut. And when I looked back around, she was like with other people and I couldn't figure out what happened. And I'm pretty sure someone just, it might've been her,

just booted me right in the side really hard. And I almost blacked out, but I still don't know what happened. And I didn't want to go over to everyone and be like, hey, did someone kick me? So I just like sucked up the pain and I was just quiet for a bit. But I just really don't know what happened. I would love to if I could see my life from alternate angles, that would be one of the moments.

I just I don't know what happened. Have you ever had that? Not in that way. I think it's hilarious. The idea of like there's so many unsolved mysteries. And if you had the ability to go back in time and witness what really occurred yours is what happened to you on the stump yeah you can avoid it all the great yo an absolute waste she definitely kicked you in the kidney you're just gonna get confirmation

of what you already know that was also one there was a different one where i was walking home with uh one of my friends and sometimes we'd have a little scrap. We'd like try and like trip each other up and shit. And we're having a scrap. And I accidentally like grabbed him and tripped him. But he banged his face on the floor when we fell over. I was like, oh, you're right. Because it was like friendly fighting. And he was like, oh, shit.

And I was like picking up my backpack, which had fallen off. And he was like, you you know in a little bit of pain he's probably like 10 feet away further up and then all of a sudden I had a tremendous pain in the side of my knee and it like dropped me like it you know when you hit like the side of your knee and your leg just collapses yeah I just went down and I couldn't figure out what happened I don't know if he threw something or but he just kept going and I was just on the floor rolling around for about a minute just like oh and I could barely stand up and i would also need to know what happened to me there like did he throw a stone at my knee i never asked him isn't it all possible that you are the reason

why jeff has a gentle ghost in his life that the gentle ghost has been fucking with you for a long then when you went to america you shook him off and it picked up on jeff you son of a bitch you little you little prick did you get gentle ghost before we met no because i haven't been hurt since the tree thing like i've been hurt but not by you know unknowns you motherfucker you you that's not cool I'm sorry I appreciate it it's like it's like it follows now I got to figure out how to give the give the curse to Nick or

something sorry I think you have to get hit by something come a piece of tree and then it transfers to the person you think through it oh there you go I really like the idea of it falls but not knowing how to pass it on to the next person trying shit. You have sex with them.

It doesn't work. You're like, oh, God. Well, that was a waste of time. It tries. It tries. Oh, man. Hey, I got a couple of little house cleaning things, if you guys don't mind. I'd love to hear one uh recently it's come uh we've talked about it i i got my jims award achievement after all those years congratulations thanks and then i decided to just go ahead and

get the rest of the achievements and like the day i was wrapping it up they released new achievements which is fucking annoying so i have i have one more to go again i have yeah it gets worse it gets worse i have one more to go fuck you jeff no i have one it's not related to me in any way but it's i have one more to get that's gonna take me a couple months uh but then uh you know i don't i got dm'd by somebody at the jim's award company and they were like congratulating me on getting the achievement they were like hey we're glad you finally got it I think they were like probably like took you fucking long enough you know but they were polite about it

and then they go you know we've been kicking around ideas in the office and I think we might have another achievement coming headed your way and I was like god damn it so I guess there may I don't know there may be a fuck you Jeff coming do you think it'll be like a lifetime one it'll be like 10 times the amount I don't know I don't know. There may be a fuck you Jeff coming. Do you think it'll be like a lifetime one?

It'll be like 10 times the amount of money? I don't know that I have it in me, honestly. I don't think I'm on my back nine yet, but I'm pretty close. At some point, you got to look at how much life you have left and determine where you want to spend it. The funniest part is your opinion on this doesn't matter, but what will happen is you'll enrage an entire community of Gems of War players.

Yeah. You have no say in the matter, but people are going to be so pissed when another insane achievement gets added. And if it had my name on it, I don't know that it'd be any way I could physically not get it, you know? Yeah.

It feels like a requirement. Another thing is, you know those alan and ginter baseball cards that we open up sometimes that they have like that's where the egg was remember the egg that i got you geff was this baseball card of an egg yeah uh and they have like sandwiches and stuff well the new cards are coming out in a couple weeks and they haven't released the full card list so i don't know but they have released like what the different inserts and stuff are and they have one called Talented.

And it says it's a bird based insert focusing on formidable claws. So I think there's a really good chance there might be a Falcon card about to hit the market. So we should keep our eyes open for that. And one other little thing. Yeah, we can open on the break show if I can get him. Do you remember the Hamburglar? We had that conversation about the Hamburglar. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And that guy. Grady Dick. Yeah, we can open on the break show if I can get them. Do you remember the Hamburglar? We had that conversation about the Hamburglar. Oh yeah, that guy. Grady Dick.

I got a Grady Dick baseball card or basketball card. I have to share with you guys. It's so funny. I really want you guys to see it. Anyway, the break show's on 4pm on Mondays on Rooster Teeth and our YouTube channel and then you can watch the VOD, the recorded show later

while Jeff is looking for this thing. I figured that might be a good place to plug it since you were talking about cards. Cut all this out. Great. Thanks, man. Here you go. Look at this fucking card. For the audience.

He's wearing it. Pretty dick. He looks like the little kid from Soul Plane. Yeah. A lot of people are saying, I know you guys don't watch the show, but a lot of people are saying he looks like BJ on Righteous Gemstones. It looks like what he would look like if if the burglary went well. Anyway, you can check it out of the Instagram.

It's his it's it's it's like a tops now baseball or card they released, but it's his if the burglary went well. Anyway, you can check it out on the Instagram. It's his, it's like a Tops Now baseball, or card they released, but it's his outfit on draft night. He's wearing black sunglasses. Actually, Andrew, you nailed it with Soulman. I think it's exactly

what it looks like. And he's wearing this red suit that looks like it's made out of sparkle. Yeah, there you go. There's BJ. He looks like Ruby Rod. I don't know who that is who is ruby rod well from this chris tucker of fifth element oh yeah i could see that yeah that's a great card thanks are you gonna get that card graded are you gonna try to get a

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answer and it's really tough to navigate those moments i mean for me they pop up quite a bit especially when i was growing up um i have found sometimes you just have to go with something and understand that maybe it won't go the way you hoped and view that as a learning experience but it's always great to consult with someone as well who has a level of expertise that you may not have, or even just some insight or perspective you don't. Sometimes in life, we're faced with tough choices and the path forward isn't always clear. Whether you're dealing with decisions around career, relationships, or anything else, therapy helps you stay connected to what you really want while you navigate life, so you can move forward with

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therapists and you can switch therapist at any time for no additional charge let therapy be your map with better help visit betterhelp.com face today to get 10 off your first month that's betterhelp.com face i have a uh a c-pap update oh oh you're you're you're farting on stop right oh yeah filling me with air. It still does that. So I'm sort of trying to use it and try a different shit. I tried having the CPAP up my nose and taping my mouth shut. Still filming with air. Then I just tried the mouth tape alone. I tried it the night before last.

Taping my mouth shut. And then, coincidentally at the same time, food poisoning. Oh no. Now the mouth tape has a little sort of, I think, an emergency breathing hole. What the fuck? It was a pressure hose. I threw up in the night,

and it came out jetting through that slit, which caused some sort of backflow through my sinuses, shot out of my nose, and it was just all bile. It made my whole head spicy and tingly it was probably the worst experience and then after that i just shat myself for about 24 hours just shitting liquid again awful probably the worst combination of things to happen at the same time so the the second time i tried taping my mouth shut, I threw up through it. Let's, let's, let's,

oh my God. Let's go, let's go through this step by step. So you went to bed normal. You felt fine. Yeah. And you put that thing on your mouth. Yep.

And then in the middle of the night, you woke up nauseous. I woke up throwing up. So you woke up in the act of throwing up. Oh no. I woke up with, with my, it honestly felt like I woke up

with someone's fist in my mouth. Oh, my God. Did you throw up all over your bed and all your sheets and stuff? Yep, and a bit of the wall. Oh, my God. It just shot out. It, like, blew through that,

blew out of my nose, and then blew out, and then, like, kind of blew the tape off because it was forceful. It's like... So, like, in The Exorcist, kind kind of yeah i i wouldn't wish that on anyone and to get the feeling out of my face to get it to like stop being all like stomach acid yeah it took like over a day yeah once once that gets up in your nostrils and shit it's like it's there for a while yeah like birds are you done with taping your mouth or is that yeah forever are you gonna

that's not viable anymore oh my god i'm so sorry that happened to you that's terrible yeah what are the odds what are the odds different as a human like has this experience changed you i would be disturbed by this do you think this was your vietnam well it means that basically anytime i throw up after this it's never going to be that worse oh that's a great point well you'd hope i'm trying to think of like i don't know if i not to hate like that yeah not to get too gross but i'm imagining like you're snorkeling and you puked in a snorkel that'd be pretty bad yeah outside of that from the surface of the water just a load of

food come flying out like a whale blowhole but it's vomit and then uh then a shark would probably eat you because yeah it was chump oh so how many? Let's talk about the shitting.

How was that? How was that? It was bad. I was holding my ass closed again because it was just in that, you know, it's in that water phase where if you're not actively closing your ass, something could leak out. Something that feels like a fart or even just a bubble could be liquid. I sat through all of always open yesterday uh just with my hands pressing my bum cheeks closed oh how how does it compare to when you were dating a meg that time and you shit on the plane seven times uh it was maybe 80 of the way towards that but that was

that was even more uncontrollable that was that was the point where anytime i lost consciousness my underwear would be soaking wet oh my god we're just bum water i need to drink stuff later okay sorry can we calm down one last question that i'm off of it uh what uh what do you think gave you food poisoning do you have any idea? I mean, I could name the establishment. Yeah, please do. So he has an idea. A lovely place, little underground place called...

Oh. I had to get this. I had the poo-poo platter and it was not good. That's sort of on you. That's on me. That's your fault. I will say that the food was good. The experience afterwards was not good. And maybe, even more

annoyingly, the person I was with, absolutely fine. And we shared it. So, sod knows what one single piece of bad meat I ate. But that is always the icing on the cake. Is that the place that's behind a place and underground? And then there's like, it's like all pirate themed kind of.

Yeah. And if you spend like $99 on a shared drink, you get a light show and explosions and stuff. Yes. Yes. Yeah. We didn't do that. We saw another table get it. I went there with Emily and some friends. And let me tell you, that's a place that for a guy who, not the coolest place to hang out if you don't drink anymore

it's like it's it's kind of all uh like like uh centered around celebrating drinking together in like colorful ways yeah and like sharing like one drink four straws sort of situation there was one drink that had i think it was made of 13 different rums. Yeah. Didn't go for that. Wow. But yeah, it was a nice place, good atmosphere, lovely staff,

delicious food, terrible aftermath. Do you think you'll go back? Oh, not for a bit. I'll give it a year, maybe. Was that your first time there? Yeah. Oh, no.

I thought I had a bad sleep with the sleep spaghetti. I will say a point I forgot to bring up. I did fall asleep at the bottom of the pile, and then I had an itchy face, and it was alarming trying to get to my face. It was not a good experience. Like, I just went for a quick scratch, and then I had to go through an obstacle course of noodle.

It was not fun. Another negative about the sleep spaghetti experience. I have a question for you, Jeff. Okay. I've run this by Gavin. We're talking about butt stuff. I had a thought. Okay.

When do you think, how long did it take from the point in which fire was discovered, like created, the first fire was made, to the point that we realized farts were flammable. How long was that? Do you think that was an immediate realization? Do you think that took some time? What is the context of the first flammable fart? Here's a question. Here's a question. Do you think it predates humans or, I guess, Cro-Magnon or whatever, wherever we were evolutionary at the time, do you think it predates when human entities learned how to create fire? Because, you know, like lightning would strike and a tree would catch a fire and there would be fire. Like, do you think anybody ever like saw a tree on fire

from a lightning strike and then ran up and farted on it? Or do you think like we had to learn, do you think humans had to learn how to create and then control fire before they then learned to start doing things like farting on it? Yeah, that's a,

I think probably they would have had to have created it first would be my assumption. Yeah, I think probably they would have had to have created it first, would be my assumption. Yeah, I think so too. I would assume that the first fire fart was accidental on the day the first bonfire was made. I think it would have taken a while. I don't think it would be immediate.

Uh, well, now, hold on a second. How many times a day do you fart yeah 13 to 21 times a day the average humans fart so if you figure you've got your first fire and there's probably everybody like everybody in the cave is excited about it right like it's like the talk of the town so you probably got like 8 18 or 20 neanderals all crowding around and they don't have social graces at all. And they probably they're pretty dumb, right?

Evolutionary brain brain size. So they're they're into stupid sophomoric potty humor. I bet farts happen so frequently that it could have it could have happened on day one. Do you think that they made a fire inside their cave and everyone died of carbon monoxide? Yes. I also think that must have happened somewhere. Yes. Or like one person crawled out and was like and put two and two together and realized

to make the fire closer to the mouth of the cave. Yeah. I mean, that's how you learn, right? Trial and error. A plausible scenario for when it would have happened is somebody trying to put out the fire in a funny way like i could see somebody thinking that like oh i'm gonna i'm gonna go do this and everyone will laugh and then they would get a surprise

when they realize oh like blowing out a birthday candle yeah exactly but with your ass and then the fire came back and nipped them but But then I wondered if that did happen, there would have to be a question of, is Steve's farts flammable and only Steve's or is everybody, do we all got flammable farts? Can we weaponize this in some way? Potentially if we're shooting out fire, like what are the different angles I wonder

that were approached upon discovery? I was thinking of it from a different angle like let's say you're the first person who figures out that you can fart into a fire and and and you know make a stream make a little blowtorch does that change the balance of power in the cave like are you now elevated as like like if you were just like an average joe are you now like the chief like it's like the lion having the biggest mane? Yeah, exactly. Exactly like that.

You've now demonstrated your dominance in some way over fire, over the elements. Like, do you suddenly get elevated to like chieftain? I think it depends on your reaction to the stream touching you. I think that goes one of two ways. You either are at the top of the pyramid after that or the absolute bottom.

You get ranked down if you scream or whatever. If it really bites you. Do you think anybody, like back in those days, if anybody had a particularly bad fart and really gassed a place out, do you think people ever got killed for that? Like for being a witch yeah like like your farts were so

bad it like it bummed or scared the rest of the the the cave crew I think honestly you would have been killed for some of yours you're trying to argue it's just the acoustics of the cave yeah well did you tell them Andrew what you would try what you were gonna do

well that was okay so the follow-up is if the idea my thought was okay you can shoot fire out of your ass maybe we can weaponize this i wondered if someone were to fart a bunch of times into like a jar and then tied a sealed it up and then put like a cloth around the top with a sealed lid lit the thing on fire could you make a Molotov cocktail out of gas just by

fart but I was saying the whole point of the rag is that it like you get some of the liquid on it so it's easy to light I don't know what what's the rag gonna be doing the source of the liquid on it. So it's easy to light. I don't know what, what's the rag going to be doing? What's the source of the fire? So you light the rag,

you've got fire, you throw it, the jar breaks, the gas releases, and a little fireball comes out. I don't think there's enough gas in a fart to have that amount of pressure. But what about several? What if it was like a day's worth?

Well, the trouble is, every time you go for a new fart in there, you're releasing, there's no way you're going to get a good seal. was like a day's worth well the trouble is every time you go for a new fart in there you're releasing there's no way you're gonna get a good seal or like a you need a valve or something on your anus it would have to be pretty specialized equipment i feel like it would have to be attached to your anus and they would have to be it'd have to be fed in there had to be a nozzle fed into your anus with like a on off valve that you can yeah you know what i mean that you can turn on just so there's no possibility of escape i i was thinking it would have like one of those beaker corks with

the straws going through it with like a non-return valve at the end that's the only way you're keeping stuff in yeah but if okay let's just say that that is all a thing that happens that like we do find a way to do this and you can store them like All the mechanisms of getting it are figured out. Do you think it would work if you could do that? Does the science even work for that, is what I wonder. Yes. If you could solve the other stuff, I wonder if the science itself works. What if fireball erupted?

Does it like, because it's like methane from your ass, right? But then do you need oxygen? Does it only work in an oxygen-rich environment too? do you also need to be pumping other gases in there with it i don't know i yeah i don't know i don't have the answer to that i'm just curious no i think it's it i think as soon as you throw it with the fire and then the it explodes the the oxygen rushes in and that's your oxygen rich environment and then i bet you could make a i mean i don't think you're gonna like i don't know i wouldn't try to overthrow a small government within i think uh i think you could probably have some sort of a some sort of a reaction that i how about this do you think anybody has ever lit a maltov cocktail out of their ass

just by like not filled it with gas but just like had a regular molotov cocktail and then use their ass as like a flamethrower to light what a way to start a revolution if you really want to make an entrance yeah i don't think it's been done before it's something i at least have to think about you could be dude you'd be you can be the next che guevara people be wearing your t-shirts for the next 150 years if you if you figure out how to light pot if you light uh start a lighter revolution with only your asshole lighter revolution is such a great name for the true story behind this person so are you gonna are you gonna attempt this i don't know if i have the equipment to do

it but i'm very curious about it if so i sure somebody out there is smart, smarter than us, and knows science in a way that could break this down. Eric has doubts. He says he can't even juice this fruit. No, the fruit's juiced. It is all good to go. Okay. I will say I did realize that I forgot to buy bananas.

So I'm going to, next time, we'll do the banana one, but I got the two of the three. I'm just staring them down. I'm kind of scared to drink it i think we'll wait until near the end of the show because i don't know what the reaction will be what'd you guys uh what'd you guys do while i was out of town i had a realization so i've been writing stuff down because you know like i didn't know the caps lock key and all that stuff so whenever i have a question i've started writing it down or like a realization just to have i realized and this might be something that's very obvious to everyone else that we go through five seasons every year i'd never thought about that it's a five season year we go through five seasons a year every year has five seasons that you go through okay because you go through winter twice. Because you go through winter twice?

Yeah. You have two different winters every year. I never thought about that. So this is the problem, and I'd love to hear your guys' thoughts on this. We are recording the Summer of 98 content tomorrow, and we talked about if we enjoyed that, then doing something similar as the Winter of 98. And so I thought, okay, if we do, what doing something similar as like the winter of 98. And so I thought, OK, if we do what is the definitive movie of the winter of 98?

I realized you have two choices. You either have to use December from 98 and then January and February, which are the furthest months apart and feel ridiculous. are the furthest months apart and feel ridiculous or december of 98 and then the january and february 99 which equally feels as ridiculous if not more i think you gotta go with the former over the latter i know it doesn't make i know it doesn't really make sense but i i think if it's got to be within the bounds of the year so you got to go january february december i agree it just seems ridiculous it's an elegant yeah it's not it's not ideal yeah it's not the time not being linear in that way is very off-putting but is that why you never really hear about like the winter of 45 like is it going to be it could be either end i'm going to google winter of 45 that's probably less of war

I picked a bad year for that yeah not a good winter the Dutch famine of 1944-1945 popularly known in the Netherlands as the hunger winter was one of the major European World War II famines yeah it's not fun but that was my realization I have this problem

with like the NBA I feel like because it spans, it goes over. It just doesn't make sense. Baseball's all in one year. Baseball's the only sport that gets it right in that regard. Because hockey and football do the same shit. Even college football now. It's like the 2012 season.

It's like the 2012 season or the 2013 season. It's like the 2012 season or the 2013 season or the 2011 season? It's that. I don't like that. The year it starts is that season? Yeah, they call it, like in NBA they say like the 2020, like right now we're in the 2023 2024 season.

Right, isn't that a cool way to put it? Like sports games always have the year ahead of the year you're in? It'll just yes yeah yeah yep yeah exactly that's exactly why like we'll get madden 24 this year see it doesn't make any sense i don't like it no it doesn't it's very confusing no oh can i tell you guys something cool i saw recently please so when i was in michigan uh for the last uh for that little vacation um i was in the like Detroit, Dearborn, Grosse Pointe area. And they have apparently Ford is a big deal in Michigan. I guess they revolutionized the world or something. And so everything is Ford. There's like a Ford Museum. There's a Ford house. There's

this place called Greenfield Village, which Henry Ford had built like in the 1920s. There's a Ford house. There's this place called Greenfield Village, which Henry Ford had built like in the 1920s. It's the prototype. It was the inspiration for Disneyland. It's like this period. I assume like very similar to what you went to when you went to Colonial Williamsburg on a vacation for some reason, Gavin. Yeah. Like everybody dresses in like period appropriate garb and stuff, but they've built like an entire town and you can like, it takes more than a day to go through it. And they have like a train that goes through it and you can like get taxis that are model teas that drive you around. And they,

uh, they did the craziest thing though, is that in this Greenfield village, because Henry Ford had more money than God, he just bought everything cool. He bought the Wright brothers bicycle shop, like the actual building where they invented the plane.

And he just moved it and then set it down in Greenfield Village. And then he bought their house and he did the same thing. He bought Thomas Edison's laboratory from New Jersey and had it brought over and rebuilt right there.

And you can go in and tour it and go through all their stuff. Wow. So they have just all this crazy Americana effemina and in the museum like the main museum they have some they go fucking hard i saw the chair lincoln was assassinated in dog it's still yeah it still has like like dark spots on it it's just fucking sitting sitting there, dude, in a museum in Michigan. I never would have thought that that'd be something that would be in a museum,

but I guess it makes sense. But you don't think like Detroit and then like all this famous gruesome stuff. I saw the car Kennedy was assassinated in. I was right there. They just have all this shit where people died and it's right there. Crazy thing about that Kennedy car, you know, the one where he got popped?

Uh-huh. You would think that they would retire that car. They didn't. They cleaned it up and kept using it. They used it for two more presidents. No, it's evidence. Yeah. They built a special roof on it, and then they continued using it until like 1977 or something

so who was the guy when when lincoln got done in the theater or whatever yeah did who was the like how quickly between the bullet entering his head was someone like oh i could sell this chair for a lot like what was the time period between those two events somebody's trying to unscrew the chair yeah it's like anyone can i buy this chair dude i have no idea but something else that's even fucking weirder about that chair is that dude died in the theater right yeah like watching a play and uh and in the theater what do we do we're we fucking quiet and we we mind our p's and q's and we don't make noise it's a rocking chair why would you have a rocking chair at a theater i mean it's if you're the president i

feel like i would want a rocking chair if i could demand a rocking chair anywhere i'm always demanding a rocking chair had wd-40 been invented by that point no i don't think well i don't know i don't think so but who knows was it just one rocking chair and the rest were fixed or were they all rockers i don't know i know. Maybe he only rolled in rocking chairs. Maybe that was like, it was like in his rider. They just knew ahead of time. It was green M&Ms and rocking chairs

for President Lincoln. What a weird historical item to look at. Yeah. I mean, they had other non-depressing stuff too. Did they have the car that Tupac was shot in as well? Like what other assassination memorabilia was there? I didn't see any other assassination memorabilia that i can

remember that was the stuff that just really stood out they had other presidential cars where presidents didn't die in them they had a lot of airplanes and old cars and shit they built a uh a holiday inn motel in the middle of it as an exhibit so you can like go in like a 1950s first run holiday inn motel and see like what it looked like is kind of cool they had a exhibit I just fucking weird collection of stuff they had an exhibit that was an entire like two rooms that's just every single

hallmark Christmas ornament ever made oh wow it's like I was telling Eric there's like it's like Snoopy town dude there's like 10,000 yeah there'd be a lot of Snoopy he would have been in fucking heaven. He would have been jacking off left and right. What the fuck?

Anyway, right next to Lincoln's death. I don't ask. I don't know. Don't come on the chair. You're in Snoopy Town. What the fuck? Get away from the car as well. There's no safe place to come in here.

Get off that Wright Brothers bicycle. Get out of Snoopy Town. Why is there so many historical objects in this museum? Not on the Hindenburg. Anyway, that's a cool place, but I was just blown away that you could just go to a museum and

just see all the things that people sat in when they got assassinated. Would you be pissed if someone monetized your assassination? No. No. I think I'd be indifferent at that stage. I mean... I feel like the money should go to the family, at least. Well, maybe it does.

Maybe they'll work out like a cut or something. Yeah, I don't know. You know, if I would have seen Lincoln's death chair without context, I would assume that was just a retired Santa chair. It has real Santa chair vibes. Yeah, it really does. It really does. Looks like North Pole

style. Was any of the ceiling from above Hitler there? I didn't look. It was mostly American shit, you know, so I don't know. You might have to go to the BMW or the Mercedes museum in germany

could you imagine pulling that as like a trading card as like a set like one of 99 lincoln's death chair the exhaust from the jfk car i don't you're saying gavin do you want your your assassination to be monetized i would be more upset about about the fact that JFK was like the beta tester for what they need to do to prevent it. They threw a hood on or whatever Jeff said, or a roof. Like, they changed it. Like, they took notes from what happened and then made adjustments. That sucks.

I'm pretty sure they'd already figured that out back then. He was just in a convertible for some reason. Well, there weren't a lot of assassinations back then, so they hadn't had been in need. Yeah, I don't think that that was a problem they felt they had to solve, and then they're like, well, we clearly can't have that happen again.

Well, when was Friends 4 then? That was way before. Yeah, that was World War I. Winter of 48. There's the car. You can see they put that special roof over it. Yeah. Now, if I was a ghost and I was JFK,

I'd be like, couldn't have done that before? Had to do that after? Didn't consider that before and I was JFK, I'd be like, couldn't have done that before. Had to do that after. Didn't consider that before. I think it existed, but they, I honestly think it existed, but they took it off because it was a nice day. I want to say. I want to say they said that, that there was like a little thing that said that like, like they had the roof and they could have been on, but it was just like a really nice day

and they were like, let's take the top off. And then, you know, they take the top off and then you know tragedy yeah yeah then he ended up in a museum ended up in a museum um we're getting close to the end of the show here and i want to make sure that we have time for andrew to drink okay explain his what he's done and how he's done it and what he's doing and what he drinks because i need to know what these flavor combinations are. OK, so I'm going to post a photo of what it currently looks like. This monstrosity, a real mess of a juice situation we got going on.

What flavors are it's watermelon and grape and then lemon and grape. I don't have banana. I will do banana in the other one next time. They look pretty good. I feel like watermelon and grape is going to be delicious. I think grape lemon is going to be a real problem. I like that you've just put all the smushed grapes

just tucked behind it. Yeah, I realized that with the watermelon, if I didn't clean the chamber, the juice would just shoot out the handle. So we had to take them out. I will be eating this fruit later because it is delicious. I'm about to I'm going to go for the grape watermelon right now. Grape watermelon.

I've never heard of that combination before in my life. And that's the one on the left. No, the one on the right one. Yeah, the red one. Trying it. That was that was not good. That was supposed to be the good one. Wait, what's the ratio? What's the right one. Yeah, the red one. Trying it. That was not good. That was supposed to be the good one. Wait, what's the ratio?

What's the ratio? How much grape to watermelon? It was equal parts grape to watermelon, green grape to watermelon. I went equal parts on all things. What do you think's ruining it? That is way more sour than I thought it would be. I don't know why it's so sour. Sour grapes?

Sour grapes. It is an expression. I think't know why it's so sour. Sour grapes? Sour grapes. It is an expression. I think the grape probably overpowers the watermelon. You probably want to go to like a 30-70 mix. Yeah, I think there needs to be some modifying. I think like 20 grape, 80 watermelon is probably... Well, I think you need to just have straight up watermelon and straight up grape to see if you hate one of them.

Oh. Okay, well, I'm going to do this again, so I'll have all the drinks ready next time. Yeah. I won't bring the lab to the show. Okay, so now I'm going to try.

I'm going to try the lemon and grape. The color on the lemon one is so lemony, man. I don't know. You can tell that it's starting to separate. There's clearly, like,

a bottom layer that's going to be all lemon. Also, I wonder if there's a difference between green grapes and red grapes. I assume there would be. Also, I wonder if there's a difference between green grapes and red grapes. I assume there would be. Definitely, for flavor, yeah. I felt green was better than red

as far as what this test would be. It's not, but yeah, that's fine. Why is it not? Why is red equally good? For juicing, I don't think a green grape is gonna give you what you want, which is sweet. It's gonna give you a little bit more of a kind of tart. You know, I would argue with you, but

that was very sour what I just consumed. You may be dead on right there. So maybe the grape adjustment as well. Are you guys familiar with cotton candy grapes? Yeah. No. Yeah, Nick is. Those are the best tasting grapes on earth. So good. Are they like injected or are they just bread to

taste like that? They're just bread to taste like. Yeah, I don't think they taste like cotton candy at all. They don't. They just taste good as fuck. Yeah, they just taste like good. They taste like very,

very sweet grapes. I don't know. The cotton candy thing is hilarious. Yeah. So I don't know, Andrew, what do you think of these new flavors

you've invented? So far, first one not great. I'm about to take down the second one. Here we go. Oh! Oh! Oh! That was actually... That sounded like an Andrew Dice Clay impression.

Oh! Ew! Oh, it's so sour. You just drank straight lemon juice. It's so sour. But it's good. That was actually better than the first one it just is really sour i bet that one would be sold by a smoothie company as like an immunity boost of some sort oh my face is tingling oh what would you do differently with that one?

Too much lemon? I didn't really taste a lot of grape, I would say. So probably more grape and a little less lemon. But that was actually... Was that half and half again? That was half and half again. That's a lot of lemon. Yeah, no, I felt it. It actually...

But that... The sour was very overpowering, but the actual taste itself was not bad i think the problem is is it's not bad because it's essentially just tastes like lemonade so there's not like an angle to invent an actual drink out of that it's just everything i'm thinking of that would make it taste a little bit better is just turning it into lemonade well maybe we could learn what you didn't like about the first one if you just had lemon and watermelon. Yeah, but watermelon lemonade exists.

It does. That's true. Yeah. We're trying to break new ground. Yeah. Good point. Okay. Well, I think this was a successful lab.

We've learned some things. I've taken some notes. I've adjusted some levels. Yeah. Thanks for bringing us into the lab. Absolutely. Of course. It was my pleasure to do so.

I will be back next episode with a few more drinks. Yeah, that sounds great. I guess we we should probably wrap this up then. I will. Andrew, I will endeavor to be back as well. I was also going to going to do some experiments. I can't wait to see your lab work. Yeah. I mean, we'll see how it differs. We can compare and contrast, and

hopefully we'll have that next week. I'll have Ice Cream Gloves V2 ready pretty soon, too. God, that's very exciting. That's very exciting. Alright, I guess we should wrap it up, then. Well, there you go. You made it all

the way through, assuming that you're listening to this right now. If you're go. You made it all the way through. Assuming that you're listening to this right now. If you're not listening, you didn't make it through. There's no point in talking to you. You're not one of the real ones. Everybody else, though, we really appreciate it.

And here's a little tip. I just got into this new band called Clowncore. I recommend everybody else get into it, too. They play in a porta potty. And I'm going to go see them play live next month.

And they are going to play on stage in the porta potty. I'm going to go see them play live next month and they are going to play on stage in the porta potty. Do they let the crowd get in there one by one? I don't know. I don't know.

I can't wait to find out. Ta-ta. Bye. That was that was such a villain laugh by Nick. That was alarming.

I don't know. Ta-ta got me. Hey guys, Major League fan Jack here with a look at next week's episode of F*** Face. such a villain laugh by Nick. That was alarming. I don't know. It's how Todd got me. Hey, guys. Major League fan Jack here with a look at next week's episode of F*** Face. Eric is famous. Everyone forgot about it.

Penn has a lot of things to say. Gavin can carry two men. Jeff made a smoothie. And once again, Andrew does not eat the pencil. All that and more on next week's episode of F*** Face.