F**kface - No Way to Win Recording This Podcast // Curse of the Cucumber [57]

Episode Date: June 30, 2021

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about Jack's current Superfan status, selling sauce back to McDonald's, talking to strangers, and advanced angles cucumber delivery. Want to contribute to bits? Email what you can do to [e-mail] Sponsored by Hello Tushy (http://hellotushy.com/face), BetterHelp (http://betterhelp.com/face), and HelloFresh (http://hellofresh.com/face14 and use code face14) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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when you use code FACE14 at HelloFresh.com slash FACE14. This is a Rooster Teeth production. So what I did, Eric, is I texted them the night before and I said, is this a regulation salad or is this salad approvable? It was a link to a Wendy's salad. They're like, yeah, it looks like a good salad. So then I used it and Gavin shit on the salad.

But what I'm really glad they didn't notice is I actually swapped salads from that point. I picked a different salad. I knew it! That you two agreed on. And also, you didn't say, is this a regulation salad? Can I do salad cream on the salad? You just said, what do you think of this salad? Well, I wanted to save this.

It's a surprise. I wanted to wait for the episode and then suddenly we're like episode you got strawberries in it. Well. Yeah, okay? So here's the I'm not I don't really like blue cheese And I didn't notice that in the salad I sent you to blue cheese was in it I was like I don't really want to eat that so I just audibled out swap salad So when you guys were yelling at me about the salad thing i was waiting for one of you to bring up the fact that it was a completely different salad it was a great salad though and i still i stand by i gave you what you wanted and it wasn't good and that's your fault not mine what salad are you doing this week i don't have a salad okay i'm not gonna i've already redeemed myself in that way he's just gonna have to chug another

soda at the end like we as we discussed every well Jeff, I think maybe you should chug a soda for the first time, based on what people are saying. I chugged it then. It's just fucking easy to do. It's just hard to burp later. I sent Gavin a video doing it to prove that it's not that hard. This is interesting. The audience can suck a butt because I definitely drank it.

We're not ahead anymore, so that means that at the time of this, the audience has seen the previous episode. Yeah, I'm all fucked up. We we caught up and now i'm terrified see this is why this is why we have a buffer so that way it just doesn't turn into more of this where jeff is confused and let jeff be mad about other stuff also the buy hate when we have a buffer because then i never know where the fuck in the timeline i am there's no way to win in recording this podcast. I realized we need to talk about this because the first of all, why do we not have a buffer?

How long has this episode been going, by the way? Well, I don't know. Hey, guess what? Jeff didn't record earlier. He took a while to record. I started it. I'm sorry. I started recording at 257.

Wow. Yeah. Two. Okay. I had to get up and get a soda. That's fine. That's early. Thank you, Gavin. But why do we not have a buffer? Uh, we don't have a buffer because, uh, I don't know. We don't have a buffer. Yes. We do not have a buffer because you push,

we, we weren't able to record cause you were busy doing something for a different podcast. Because you were busy doing something for a different podcast. Well, yes, I was doing something for a different podcast. And but had I not been doing something for the podcast, I also would have been going to a funeral. So, OK, it was a double whammy for me that week. Yeah, OK, well, really take the air out of my punch, Jeff. Thank you for doing that. Thank you for just really making me have to, like, pull back. This isn't about that.

The fact you were gone what i'm not even gonna get into the semantics of it the point of this is i think i think that we need to have a serious review over super fan jack and his super fan status oh dude don't worry i'm right there with you guess who's so tomorrow we're you know if we want to place where this exists in the timeline we are are recording this at 3.03 p.m. Central Time, June 24th, 2021. And tomorrow is the second F*** Face Break shit, and Jack has already backed out. Already backed out.

He's already backed out. But to Jack's credit, he backed out three days early. Yeah, that's true. Not three minutes early. All the credit in the world that he did not do it day of yeah he so he didn't do it moment of which is appreciative but i'm prepared i'm prepared to hear any any talk regarding demotion of said super fandom i i ratchet him back back up as a show of good faith i think he's nervous i think he doesn't want to i think he doesn't ever want to be in face anything up as a show of good faith. I think he's nervous. I think he doesn't want to, I think he doesn't ever want to be in face anything.

It's a lot of pressure. We've talked about him so much as the super fan. He would have to deliver super fanness. Maybe he's not capable. I don't see how we could continue to give him super fan status. He's 0 for 2 on these break shit streams. We have moved our podcast. We've not recorded our podcast for his podcast i bought him a cameo from his favorite his number one his favorite person i got him we've done a lot for super

fan jack i made him his own t-shirt you made him a t-shirt i never made gavin a t-shirt i don't think he could be super fan jack i think he's he's gotta we gotta he's gotta go back to the minors i'm not saying he can't work his way back up. What's he doing now? We could call him. Minor League Jack is what we'll call him. Yeah, I like Minor League Jack. I'm a fan of Minor League Jack. Should I call him right now?

Yeah. Yeah, see if he can defend himself, I guess. Let me see if he'll answer. Let's see. I mean, a real super fan would answer if his favorite podcast is coming up, I guess. A Minor League guy might not. I hope this is a good idea. Okay, here we go.

Hold on. Speaker. Can you guys hear that? Nope. No. Much like the soda chug. Jack? Non-existent.

Jeffrey. Hey, it's Jeff from the F*** Face podcast. You're on my podcast F*** Face right, right now with me, with Andrew Panton and Gavin Free. Do you have just one second, Jack? This is overwhelming. Oh my gosh, yes, yes. I'm excited to be on your podcast, F*** Face. Andrew,

were you able to hear that? Jack's very excited to be here. I didn't hear anything. It's going into the microphone. It's going straight into the microphone. I don't know how you can't hear it. I can't hear Andrew. I feel like this is as made up as your soda no no it's questionable at best it's a lot of fun well I don't hold on say Jack what the fuck am I supposed to do how do I pipe it into you dickhead I'm going it's going into the microphone I can't help it if you can't fucking hear it he's here jack are you here I

cup fool it's up your bike is all the way up it's always all the way up I always got hold on hold on second. Hold on a second, Jack. Hold on just one second. Notice Gavin. Jeff said my part. Jack, yell hey. Hello, this is Jack. Oh, that's Jack. We can kind of hear.

This is Jack. I'm here. I'm a big fan of the podcast. Can't hear. Yeah, okay. He's fucking blowing out my microphone. All right, Andrew wanted me to relay something to you,

so since you can't relay it. Yeah, you're. Well, I got to turn my game back down. Andrew, what did you want me to say to Jack? I just said that I think he can't be a super fan right now. I think he's getting back to the minors. Jack, Andrew has pulled F*** Face rank as 33% of F*** Face. I didn't pull rank. It was more of a conversation. He put his foot down and said that you've been stripped of your superfan title

and that you're now minor leagues fan, Jack. You have to work your way back up through the minors. I don't know if I believe a liar. Can't hear him. Okay, well, Jack, this has gone terribly wrong. I'm going to hang up on you now, and I will relay that message. Thank you. I like we're talking about someone who we talked to on discord daily. I can't just have him join the discord for five seconds I don't know why you didn't do that. Me? What?

Well why didn't you have him join the discord then if you've got all the fucking ideas? Could I can I point out Jeff's podcast Gavin? Did you hear that? On my podcast Jeff said what happened to the triangle Jeff? And then I said you're 33% of the fucking thing no no you didn't I said Andrew is 33% of the podcast oh my god it is my podcast and it's your podcast and it's Gavin's podcast do you own a little piece of it it's a little piece of yours so you can call it yours speaking of you know like hosting duties welcome to face I don't know what episode this is. Hello and welcome to episode 57, I believe, of F*** Face.

My name is Geoff Ramsey. I'd be willing... Well, now you're interrupting the intro. Yeah, it's too late. The intro, this is like 28 minutes in. I'm willing to give up 1% of the triangle. I want to take 32% of the podcast and split the remaining percent equally between Eric and Nick. I think that's a great

idea. If I gave you my sauce, Gavin, could I just buy your shares? Could I become the majority owner? Yeah, my percentage of face is totally for sale. I'm willing to trade any amount of it, to be honest. I'll take the sauce. Okay. It's a lot. Hey, the sauce is

valuable, like more valuable than I anticipated. Market value is up where the sauce is no longer available can no longer get it in mcdonald's outside of korea i think it's there those are standard sauces there have you made any sales have not made any sales i'm in i made an alliance with nick we've we've officially formed a sauce alliance and i've been uh i've been searching i've been tapping into the market cabin i uh i've been asking around i don't know if you saw this but i i reached out i asked mcdonald's if they would be interested in buying the sauces so immediately day one you're trying to sell it all back to the place that made it yeah well i figured you know it was a big hit for them they could they could use the sauce they could use some additional sauces i'm sure they're a lot of

people are saying they couldn't get them they're running low. I mean surely a different like surely Burger King. What's it more than McDonald's McDonald's can just make more Well, that's what that's what you're you know. Well listen. They need to make it though. They need to ship it They need to distribute it. I'm ready to go. I got my sauce tower set. I'm ready That was my idea. I also I just didn't know I was curious how they'd reply I just wanted to see what McDonald's would do. And what did they say? So I tweeted, hi, McDonald's, and I included McDonald's Canada. You got to cover all your bases.

Now that the BTS meal is gone, I hear you could use some sauce. I'm an honorable man simply looking to unload an empire in exchange for my liquid gold. How about free nuggets for the rest of the year? I eagerly await your response. Hashtag the sauce boss, which I didn't know, I guess nuggets for the rest of the year? I eagerly await your response. Hashtag the sauce boss, which I didn't know, I guess is the nickname of the epic mealtime guy.

That's Holly. Yeah. Yeah, I didn't know that. He liked the tweet relating to somebody calling him awesome in exchange for that. So then McDonald's America,

quiet. McDonald's Canada, wild response. Quick mass. 81 sauces. Ice. Is that right? Have you verified?

It's, yeah, I can verify it's more than 81. I don't know where 81 came from. Well, I assume they counted the length, the width, and the height. It's basic volume. It's way more than that. We got a 405 sauce thing. I was kind of disappointed, to be honest. Then they did another tweet that they acknowledged it was 405.

Oh, they just... It's just terrible maths. Yeah, they did a second one where they're like, 405, they're just wildly wrong. They did say quick math. That's right. Correct math. And it's also, they're not a math company.

They make nuggets and burgers. I don't expect a lot from them. But no response. So then I and burgers. I don't expect a lot from them. But no response. So then I followed up. I extended my offer. I gave an even bigger offer for my second go-around. Did a second tweet the following day

informing McDonald's that our exclusive negotiating window is now closed. I respect you. So, I can't even read this. I respect you, so the offer stands read this I respect you so the offer stands but big sauce doesn't wait the sauce game is ongoing you cannot

pause for the sauce game I now kindly extend my BTS sauce empire for free nuggets offer to Wendy's and Burger King don't sleep on this chance at liquid gold hashtag clear eyes full sauce can't lose I have stacked my nugget containers and uh one of

the drink drink things i got actually i forgot so they didn't reply to this so i don't know if they're you know they're probably having business meetings they're probably trying to work out a counter offer i assume i've yet to hear back from wendy's burger king or mcdonald's america but i forgot to mention this and just talking about this brings us up. The first day the sauce ended, the BTS sauce expired. The deal or not the deal, but their offering of it. The 21st, I woke up. I went downstairs.

I walked outside. I had a bag of McDonald's at my front door. Just really just a bag. Yeah. So I was like, what is this? I didn't order this. So I pulled it in i looked at it it came from the night before it was placed at 10 36 pm or that's when the receipt was printed it was delivered to my front door using a one of the delivery apps but not when i use a different delivery app delivered it to my door, which then, so there's two scenarios in my mind.

Either the McDonald's hates me for all the sauce orders, and as a source of revenge, they waited until the evening of the final day that the sauce was available and sent me either fucked with, like it was, the order was a medium fries, a large fries, a BLT quarter pounder, and that was, oh, and a soda, a medium fries a large fries a blt quarter pounder and that was oh and a soda a medium soda so either i feel like they sent it to me and they fucked with me like they did

something to the soda and just thinking like oh they'll think free food and they'll have it or i have had so many mcdonald's orders recently that the driver just assumed i was the person who placed it they just delivered it there. But it's a different app. But I had Rogue McDonald showed it. I felt like it was like a warning, like it was a threat or like a declaration of war. I did not see that when I sent those tweets out.

Interesting that that's how you view it and not as a peace offering from McDonald's to you. Here are some other fine products we offer that you might enjoy i feel like a peace offering would be more sauce or yeah i was gonna say i think that would be the true peace offering i don't think uh burgers that looked gross and two orders well now you're insulting them and they're all it was a gross burp andrew i think you're slightly overwhelmed i think you're in all kinds of directions at once i don't think you truly know what you want to do with this sauce i agree well it's yeah no i i don't it's worth a lot though like it's uh i sent you the listing

of like a hundred dollars for one sauce of each and like the container in a bag so what was that was that the packaging or was that the actual sauce? That was everything. It was, I think, two sauce containers and it was the nugget box, the listing I shared that was like $100. Have you been drinking

heavily recently or taking any kind of medication? Or drugs? Are you on any heroin or any kind of mind-altering drugs right now? No, I'm straight edge, Jeff.

There's no way you could have gotten hammered or like, don't know did some black car heroin and ordered it yourself no because let's it's not even an app i use it was a different delivery system than i would ever use they don't even have my address for the other so i think i honestly think what most likely happened is they saw mcdonald's order this building and just took it to my door. But my door is so hard to find. Like it's impressive that it reached me out of all the places. I love that you you describe your door like it's like it's magic and it exists in the

Harry Potter universe and you have to walk by it at a certain time of day or do an incantation to discover it. He has the sewing machine towards the wall. The right. Right. Yeah. Right, yeah, yeah, right. We've talked about doing a bathtub race thing at some point, Jeff. If you are ever where I live,

I will not give you instructions. I'll just tell you the address of my building, and we'll see how long it takes you to find my door. It is not easy. Gavin, you're involved with that too, buddy. Challenge accepted. All right, that sounds awesome. And I got news for you I got there

we're definitely gonna do the bathtub race but there's another reason we might end up in Canada for face down the road and so there's two possibilities

in the next year that I that could bring us to your wonderful fine island I I didn't to the island specifically

not even just general well to the country but if I'm gonna go to the country I'm gonna even just general. Well, to the country. But if I'm going to go to the country, I'm going to make the additional effort to go to your home turf. This is exciting. I don't I haven't heard what the other possible.

Is it too far out to talk about? I'm guessing I just I just it would be more fun for me not to tell you. OK, well, wait, so I just you're going to show up one day. Is that no? I'll tell I'll tell you in good time.

OK, I just don't see the point in telling you now it'll be like next year sometime maybe a year from now you're you're in two months you're or so okay potentially okay hmm that's concerning and then i'm gonna find your door i don't think you will i i think you're gonna end up having to text me to try to figure out like instructions i'd be impressed if you found it i would i don't know what there should we should make a bet of some kind i bet you could not from the front of my building you could not find my door within two minutes here's how i would do it within two minutes here's how i would do it i would order mcdonald's to your house and then i would start the timer i would start the two

minute timer as soon as the guy showed up and i I just follow him. He knows how to get there. We've established that. He knows how to get there with your orders, with other people's orders. He's the key to me finding your place instantly. I have no fit. Cost me 99 cents in a, in a delivery fee.

I'll order some small fries and he'll take me right there. Do maps, does Google maps or anything? Does it just put it in the wrong place on the map? Puts it in the wrong place. Yeah. Puts it in the wrong place. How do the drivers find it then? It's,'s uh well on one of the apps i can manually and they've changed this so it's i don't think i'll be making many food orders anymore you could manually place where

you want them to drive and i'd kind of put them in the middle of nowhere essentially but even still like people would get lost all the time or like i'd get some of the photos i've gotten if we've left your order here is like they've clearly given up and they don't know what to do. It's just in an alley. Yeah. It's just in a corner somewhere of the building. It's great.

I bet I can find it within two minutes. I bet I can do it. I don't think so. Well, it's dependent. It's well, we should do it like a survivor challenge. And then we'll we'll do me and gavin and nick and eric and we'll all try to find it building that sauce tower is the most survivor like experience i've ever had it was genuinely like my hand was shaky everything was like wobbly

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which is pretty fantastic because most of us live in the world. I don't know if they can help you outside of that. I don't know if they can help you outside of that. I don't know if they can help you on another plane of existence. I don't know if they can help you like an interstellar travel. But if you are within the confines of Earth, they can help you. Special offer for F*** Face listeners. Get 10% off your first month at BetterHelp.com

slash face. Go to BetterHelp.com slash face to get 10% off your first month of BetterHelp. Have you ever had to find something in a hurry? Yeah, like airport gates. You know, like when you're transferring. I think it's the worst. Yeah, it's so bad when everyone like someone's counting on you or you're going to miss something,

but you don't know where to look for the thing you're looking for. You kind of end up like frantically jolting around in all directions, like looking at shit and you want to be moving fast, but you don't have a direction. So you're just like stuttering around. Yeah. It's a frantic mess. I'm trying to think of other times.

I think airports are really like the one time where it's like, I don't know where this gate is. I have 10 minutes. What am I going to do? I was once in Spain. We're filming some formula one or something and uh i realized that the the guy i was with didn't bring the mags for the camera they were still in his hotel room so i had to be i like i was like oh i'll go back and get him and uh one of

the runners like drove me back to the little resort where we were staying and we'd already had we had a shot in the camera we just couldn't save it so everything was waiting on us to download this shot and i was ran back into this resort it was like a little compound of maybe like 50 villas but i got lost i could i'd only seen it in the dark and i it was like confusing me it was confusing me during the day so i was like uh-oh where's the and i couldn't find the number i was just running around i must have spent five minutes running full speed but not knowing where i was running i must have like a completely insane person like a chicken with his head cut off and i was freaking out i thought it was gonna black out by the end of it i was like everyone's waiting

everyone's waiting and eventually i found it and it was like really close to the entrance that's i i keep getting so like this is a weird like it wasn't super frantic i got lost in austin one time i don't think i've told the story on the podcast is this pre or post ankle roll uh this is i this is pre-ankle roll my ankle was fine at this point i have two distinctive lost in austin stories it always seems to happen at around rtx i guess this is the main reason why i'm in austin but it was the night i am like one of the 12 people that didn't mind true detective season two and it was the finale was on like the closing night of rtx and caleb invited me to this bar thing where i guess they'd like every year they'd like a bunch

of people would get together in the community do like a community event at this place and it was like maybe two blocks away from where I was staying the hotel I was at and this guy that I I met through the community really wanted to play rock paper scissors against me for whatever reason and I was like meet me I'll meet you outside of this hotel we can play rock paper scissors and we can walk and talk to this bar that I have to go to so that's what we did I won by the way do you play rock paper scissors a lot with a lot of people

I don't play rock no it was their thing they really wanted to play rock paper scissors I was like sure I'll play I just love the idea of you and someone else in an alley the police roll up it's like alright where's the drugs and it's like no sir we were just playing rock paper scissors don't worry about it that's normal i'm very competitive so i i luckily i won i think it was close i think he won the first one i won the next three i don't remember exactly but then we walked and talked to the place

and i stayed i just hung out i didn't really do anything i played pinball mainly for like two or three hours at this party do you think you're good at rock, paper, scissors, like better than the average person? I don't think so. I think I'm actually especially bad at rock, paper, scissors. I'd say I'm a bad rock, paper, scissors player. Fair enough. Which pinball were you playing? I don't remember. It was just like a whatever. It was like me being bad at a party, not really knowing anybody and being awkward. So I'm just going to play pinball in the corner. If it makes you feel any better, that bar that you went to

that they would go to every year, I'm pretty sure it's closed down. Yes, it's closed. It is gone. I don't know why that would make me feel any better at all. I mean, it's not the bar's fault. I just...

Isn't it? Isn't it the bar's fault, Andrew? No, it was a great bar. Don't they promise a good time? Did you have a good time? It sounded horrible. I think a good time was there. It's just I couldn it that's my fault but i think it existed within the premises i just was too awkward to like you had all the ingredients you just couldn't make it into a good

you just couldn't bake the cake honestly okay so the first part there was like a ufc event on and they had a giant tv so i watched out on a couch i was like this is pretty good and then i played pinball so like as far as my evening goes bad, but terrible party as far as my involvement in it. So then I leave and I left because I wanted to catch the finale of True Detective season two. And I gave myself like 30 minutes to go and I just kept walking and I couldn't quite remember my turn because I spent the entire time talking to the guy.

So I wasn't really mindful of all I had to do. It was literally I took one turn and then walk straight. so I wasn't really mindful of all I had to do it was literally I took one turn and then walk straight so I just had to turn once and I was set or you could have opened a map on your phone could have done that I didn't have my phone my phone died at the party that's what happened

both times I've been lost my phone died at the party so I didn't have access to my phone or I'll say what to use my phone that would have solved this immediately so I had no phone and I just am going straight and I'm like eventually I'll find a turn I just every street I'd pass I'd be like I don't think that was it and I just keep walking and I realized I had missed my turn when I ran out of buildings there was no longer any buildings ahead of me I was like leaving the city essentially at that point it is

getting it's like 11 p.m. maybe a little bit earlier it's like 10 30 ish 11 and everything's like in the area wasn't really open and i'm sweating because it's hot and it's the summer and i'm just going up to people asking like hey i'm trying to stay i stayed here could you tell me where it is i have no no idea where I'm going. And they kind of point sometimes or they just ignore me. It was a disaster. I spent like 30 minutes lost walking through the city at night trying to find my hotel, which I know is close. Like it's within probably 10 minutes of wherever I am.

I've got some in the central area. I came across two extremely drunk ladies who were thrilled by the fact that I was from Canada and they were kind enough to use their phone to help me, but they were too drunk to be useful in any way. So they also just gave me kind of shitty directions. I spent like an hour lost by the end of it, just walking up and down streets, going around trying to ask people. Nobody would help me. Eventually, I came across one of those bike carts that are intended for like multiple people and i'm like i'll pay you whatever just this is my hotel i'm so lost please take me to this place like a little pedicab yeah like a little pedicab and i hopped in i just had a great conversation he was playing like deaf leopard extremely loudly

it was like 11 p.m his last job was a grave digger in new orleans so i just asked him about that it was just like the most bizarre evening like the conclusion to it i finish i get back to the hotel i'm way late for watching the true detective finale i turn it on and i mean spoilers for true detective season two there's a character in it who dies by having an extended walk through the desert and that's the exact thing i walked into was just this character walking trying to make it back to the city is exactly it was like gavin in this fly thing i perfectly lined up but yeah i got it was just a disaster every time both times i've been lost in austin it's because my phone died and

i've gotten shitty directions and caleb was the source of both of them now i think about it i just like that you always go to these other cities, miles, not even in your own country, and you refuse to charge your phone every night. It was charged. It's just, I was there for a few hours. It died. I don't know. I've always had shitty phones

outside of my most recent two. It's impressive as well in that, I guess not the case anymore because of the explosive growth of the last two or three years, but this is at a time when Austin didn't have that many big buildings. Yeah, well, that's how I knew.

Not that much of a city. So it's like process of elimination. You probably could have walked to every big building in 30 minutes in Austin. That's how I realized I went too far is the big building stopped existing. It was just all flat. That was my sign that I'm out of the city now.

They started getting really small in the back. Yeah, everything got really tiny. I'm imagining you walking out of the side of Austin into the desert. You're probably just like two blocks away. That was the first time. The second time, it was the day after it was when that guy drove me from San Antonio

to Austin. The next day, I was like, I want a burger. I went to a burger place that was close, and it happened to be a place that you took me from San Antonio to Austin. The next day I was like, I want a burger. I went to a burger place that was close and it happened to be a place that you took me to, Jeff. The first time I went to Austin, you and Caleb, it was this tiny bar burger place. Casino El Camino. No, it wasn't that one. It was a different one. When was my invite, by the way, to that? I don't know.

Do you remember what it was called? I have no memory what it was called. I also think that that business no longer exists uh probably it was a small but i was like oh i've been here i didn't realize this was the place i'd been before that's cool had a burger had a great time next day caleb and i went for lunch during rtx and during the lunch my phone died and so we ate lunch and i said caleb my phone is dead all i like i know I don't know where my place is, but I know how to get from that bar slash burger place to my place. So if you could tell me where that burger bar places, it's not far away. Just tell me where it is. And he once again, his instructions where he pointed, he's like that way.

So then I just started walking in that direction, found somebody else at the convention center who walked with me for a bit and we're talking and he offered me his resume i said i can't really help you uh get a job and then he's like cool i gotta go so then he abandoned me i remembered i crossed train tracks going from point a to point b so i just stood on the train tracks and i just kept walking down them because i was like eventually once again i'll find my turn in the heat I'm miserable once again just drenched in sweat walking down the train tracks I was probably like 15 minutes away from having a breakdown of like I'm so lost uh but then I looked up and I was right in front of my building I don't know how I got there but I just made it back and I was like oh oh, that's super convenient. And I was good.

Do you think maybe it's not hard to find your front door at all? It's just hard for you to find your front door? No. I mean, I've just based off of every story you've ever told about you getting from point A to point B. No, it's just if I was guided to the bar, I knew where to go because it was a straight shot and I still

found it, but it was I relied on the train tracks. I was just walking down the tracks it's terrible i'm good at getting lost apparently i am not convinced your place is hard to find i'm sorry no it is i will this is what we'll do it's definitely hard for you to find but i think most things are what if we you know those like tablet that are on wheels like it's a moped slash tablet and you can see through it what are the range on those if i set one up in front of my building i bet you couldn't find my door within the two minutes i would love to do this we have to figure out a way to do like long range camera feed i don't know if that technology even exists it does it does yeah we could do yeah

we can do that we can easily find a way. I like that. You always have weird interactions with people by the sounds of it. Yeah. Oh, the weirdest! The weirdest interactions. You didn't even ever tell us about the orgy invite or anything. I've had weird interactions in Austin too. I feel like some of them, you know, you can put out a vibe whether or not you want to

be spoken to by strangers. But I feel like when I first moved here, I was all for it. You know, I was in a new country. If people came up and spoke to me, I'd like oh hey what's up and once i was it was when we lived in that rental house jeff i think i'd walked to a like fresh plus or something i was walking back and some girl stopped me and she was like uh hey can i talk to you about planned parenthood and i was like uh yeah what's that and she was like all right douchebag and just turned her back on me and walked off

because I didn't know what it was. And she thought I was taking the piss. I assume everyone here knows what it is. They just wanted to tell people about it. And I was like, what's Planned Parenthood? And she was having none of it. And I just walked home just like, what did I do? She wanted you to sign your signature on something

or to donate money probably to Planned Parenthood. And she probably thought you were putting on a fake accent or just being dismissive. Because those people get shit on all day long by strangers. That's really funny. Yeah, she was really mean. I was just being friendly. That probably ruined the next hour.

It probably ruined her next hour, too. She went home and she's like, I swear to God, all I'm trying to do is raise money for Planned Parenthood and every fucking dude I talk to is a dickhead to me. This guy earlier today, he pretended not to know what it is and he used a bad, bad British accent to do it. I don't think I even fully told the homeless orgy story thing. So that happened because I was with somebody who didn't know how to use Uber and they put

the pickup point like six blocks away in the middle of an orgy. There was a pin. No, it was we're outside RTX. This is there was I would never made it to the homeless orgy. Gavin, I was just it was an invite that was presented to me. OK, we're outside the convention center. we're trying to get back to our place this is not only just pre-ankle roll this is pre-me having the flu and getting everybody that i was with sick um we are he's like i'll call an uber oh it's weird it keeps telling me we have to go go to it and it's like

seven blocks away and so we're just walking walking this homeless guy walks up and is like hey can I have money and I was like sure I gave him some money and then we became best friends and he was following me we're talking the whole way and we I had a Seattle Seahawks shirt on and he was talking to me about football and he's like you think the Seattle Seahawks are gonna win this year I didn't really think so but I was like yeah maybe and then he's like nah you think the Seattle Seahawks are going to win this year? I didn't really think so, but I was like, yeah, maybe. And then he's like, nah, you think the Seattle Seahawks are going to win the Super Bowl this year? And I was like, yeah. He's like, you think the Seattle Seahawks are going to win

the Super Bowl this year? And I'm like, yeah, they're going to win, because it's like I'm a fucking budget Jerry Maguire. Like, he wanted me to yell about it, and I was just playing into his thing. And so I was like, yeah, they're going to win. And he's like, I don't like their chances this chances this year it's like why did we do that what was the point was like why I think the point was to keep you engaged long enough to get you behind

an alley somewhere where he could stab you and have a brand new Seattle Seahawks jersey to walk around play rock paper scissors yeah so then we kept walking and he was taught like he just kept talking to me and we're crossing a section and i think somebody realized that like it was sort of a weird conversation we're having and they shoulder checked him in the crosswalk and that stopped him for a minute and he turned he's like what the fuck to the guy and i think the point was to try to allow me to get distance but as soon as we crossed the street my friend was like oh this is where we got to be for the car so i'm just standing there and the homeless guy comes back and this is where it elevated to another

level he he looked at me and it was like i would describe the vibe as like anton chigurh in the gas station of no country for old men there's like this weird tension and he was just staring at me and he's like you have the prettiest eyes i've ever seen i was like oh great we are we are going somewhere what color are your eyes uh i'd say like a blue like a darkish blue but he said yes exactly according to him and then it turned into uh why are you here uh and i was like oh i'm at whenever i try to like describe rtx to somebody that would have no concept of what it is i always just say it's like a video game convention and uh he's like oh so you're telling me you run all this shit and he meant the city of austin but i was like no i just you know i just you know i like games and stuff so i'm here for that

and he's like oh so you're a hacker and shit. And then he started going, boop, boop, boop, boop. And I was like, no, I just I like video games. And then he was trying to convince me to go on his workout plan. He's like, you and I can work out. We have a great time. We'll work out. We'll have so much fun.

Then it pivoted to that. He knew a guy who had a bunch of drugs. And then it pivoted to that. He knew a guy who had a bunch of drugs and then it pivoted to where you stay in at. I can bring the party. And it was like a very clear, like implication of, or I don't remember the wording, but it was like,

we're going to have an orgy. How was it? How was what? The orgy? Yeah. Not enough condoms, but can you imagine the podcast? You two could have started together.

If you, if you just told him where you stayed? Well, he doesn't know where he stayed he could never find the damn place. That's true Andrew's like I'll give you my address in Vancouver Island, but you're never gonna find it circles man where are you staying you're like i don't know the entire time i don't think i blinked like we're having a weird stare down for this whole conversation and he's like where are you staying and i panicked and i lied i just said i'm uh the hilton 26th floor i just came up with the floor and he's like cool they walked away i never saw him again we got in our car do you think somebody who maybe looked reasonably like you or even not that like you on the sixth floor of the hilton just had a surprise orgy

happen in their laps i'm curious what happened that evening on the 26th floor i'd love to know i hope nothing 26th floor but sounds like a lot of fun might happen we get in the car i feel so sick and i don't know that i i have a flu at this point dealing with fever flu i had everything i Sounds like a lot of fun might have happened. We get in the car. I feel so sick. And I don't know that I have a flu at this point. Dealing with fever, flu. I had everything. I was super sick. Get home.

I immediately vomit. And it was the day that I tried Big Red for the first time. So just bright red puke. Vomit everywhere. And I got everybody sick. But I just, yeah. I've had so many. I don't know what it is about me, but I draw weird interaction with people.

It's like I have a magnet to it. It could be fun, or it could be you're invited to a homeless orgy. Which also could be fun. Yeah, it could be. Can't complain about that necessarily. I don't know that I'd want to be the kind of guy who goes an entire life

without ever getting invited to a homeless orgy, you know? Is that a life worth living? Yes. Great point. How many homeless orgies have you been? Is that a life worth living? Yes. Great point. How many homeless orgies have you been invited to, Gavin? Not any. Not any.

What a sad, sad life for a sad little man. I didn't know that you filmed F1 stuff, Gavin. Dude, he filmed Fernando Alonso. He did? That's what I was doing. Alonso was waiting. I had no idea.

I don't think it was actually actually for it wasn't a real formula one race it was uh i would say it was like a commercial for santander or something who maybe sponsored some shite i don't know who knows i i don't i don't really know all about all the stuff i worked on sometimes you just show up and shoot it and then you never see it it probably didn't even air in the uk or anything. Do you remember what the commercial was? I don't know. I can show you the footage. I'd love to see the footage. Do you still have the footage?

Yeah. I got most of the stuff I shot. Oh. That's really cool. It is pretty cool. It makes me respect him a little bit more when I find out he's worked on stuff that I now like, like F1. Yeah, I was gonna say. Why do you like F1 so much now? Have you ever watched it? Yeah. It's fucking awesome.

It's a hard point to argue against. I mean, I feel like that's the answer. Yeah, it's cool. I mean, like, technically it's very cool. It's not I find it not very fun to watch in person, though. I've never seen a race in person. You really don't get a sense of, like, where the race is.

You just, if you're on a corner, you just kind of see cars pass by and you don't... It really is much better televised, I think. I feel like most sporting events are better televised. Yeah, I agree. A football match? That's nice in person. You get the vibe. You get the cheering. You get people standing

up in front of you and not sitting down for half an hour. That was fucking annoying! Oh my god dude i would say it's funny because i made a joke uh so gavin and i went to a for uh what was that last saturday i guess we yeah well first off we hung out in person and nothing blew up everything held there was no extra weirdness aside from i got some cucumbers, uh, given to me. Well, all right. Well, that was fucking weird. That, that in itself was a whole, there was a whole thing. Andrew, there's a whole thing.

Did you hear about the cucumbers? No, I have no idea about the cucumbers. Well, we should get into it because it was fascinating to me. Uh, however, yeah, we, we spent an entire time hanging out and, uh, I, I'd say it was a pretty, pretty like like medium decent time uh i was telling andrew i don't know what we would like i don't even nothing funny happened nothing gross happened nothing weird happened it was just a medium time i mean it was nice time i had a lovely time it was me and you and emily and and millicent and we went to uh

to see the the first home game of the Austin FC soccer MLS soccer team nothing of like face note happened which yeah means it was a good time yeah I mean I will say uh we had to we had to endure Matthew McConaughey looking like a goddamn leprechaun that was I love that bit uh he Andrew he came out because he's a part owner of the team and yes he has to you know mcconaughey bless all of every cool thing in austin you know uh well first off he did like a like a scat type rap thing that he does you know or he just fucking what just freestyles some bullshit that sounds like some shit but means nothing you know he did that for a little bit about austin and competition and fucking soccer.

I was looking at him down there on the pitch while he was dressed in green and slamming on his drum. And I just thought that guy was an interstellar. Yeah, dude. Gavin's not kidding. He walked out on the pitch in a bright green suit, like a full suit, which, by the way, brave to do because you could green screen anything on that dude. Like he won a golf tournament. Yeah. And then, yeah, like he won

a golf tournament. Yeah. And then he played the bongos. Okay. Like seriously. It was just one bongos. Bong, bong. Bong. Bong, bong for an eternity eternity and then we got to watch a soccer game it was great

did they win uh they tied the first game of the entire stadium like for real and it was nil nil yeah it was a it was a pretty typical soccer game it was a 0-0 wow I was sat next to Millie and the game

ended and she was like alright so what we go into overtime or what I was sat next to Millie, and the game ended, and she was like, all right, so what, we go into overtime or what? I was like, no, that was it. We go. She was like, wait, that happens? I was like, oh, yeah,

that happens all the time. Makes it really exciting when there's a goal, though. You have McConaughey on more drums and nobody scores. Yeah, it's like, we had that mojo working for us, and we still couldn't score.

I got to say, though, gorgeous stadium. Awesome that Austin finally has a pro team. Really cool experience getting to go to the first game. And it was awesome that Emily was able

to put all that together for us. And I had a wonderful time. And I'm really glad that none of us broke anything. And there was there where there's no tornado or any kind of weather event. It was it gave me hope

that maybe we could do it again someday. I mean, this all sounds fantastic. I feel like I missed what happened with the cucumber. Where's the cucumber coming into play? Did I miss that? Okay, so I pick, Gavin shows up at my house, and as we're driving, he goes, I had a weird thing happen today.

And I go, what's that? And he goes, somebody chucked a load of pickles on my front door in a bag full of brine, like pickle brine. And I was like, you mean like a jar of Lassic pickles, full pickles dumped into a freezer bag, Ziploc shut,

like full of brine and pickles. And he was like, yeah, it's just all my front porch. And then I was like, well, you have cameras. So let's look at the cameras.

He pulls up. There's no, the pickles just show up on his front door camera. It's like, it's like they just get delivered by a hand that didn't have a body. You can just see them like slide into frame and there's no one there. So we talk about this all night while we're at the, we're having soccer fun. Right. And, uh, oh, and by the way, Gav, there was one thing going on that I never told you about

that was distracting me all night that I'll bring up. So the whole ride back to Gavin's house, we're going to give him a ride home. We're like, do you think the pickles will be on the porch? Should we check? We get there. We run up. And there were three giant dry ass cucumbers in a Ziploc bag that obviously came from somebody's garden. There was no.

They weren't pickles. I don't know how Gavin got their pickles. There was no pickle brine. There was no brine of anything. It was just three cucumbers in a bag. In my defense, the bag was full of condensation and I think I mistook it for, all I did, all I did really,

there was a, you know, there was an Uber waiting. I just walked out my front door. I thought that looks like a bag of pickles as I stepped over them. And then I just continued walking. I didn't touch him. I didn't really look at him. And I asked him, like, surely, surely there's Emily's,

like, surely there was a note or something. And he's like, no, no, nothing. I walk up. I look at the cucumbers. I immediately identify they are not pickles. Look to the right. See the note. Pick it up.

It's like, hey, here's some cucumbers from the garden. If you don't need them, pass them on to the next neighbor. Thanks. It was more confusing at a glance. Everything made sense now that I had time to investigate. Also, when Gavin found the other footage, it got interesting. I will say that. He found footage from another camera that was fascinating.

It was delivered, I guess, by an elderly woman. Who Mission Impossible did. fascinating it was delivered i guess by an elderly woman who mission impossible kind of looks like kind of looked like uh a witch out of left for dead and she yeah she was like hobbling around and she like grabs the pole near that the front of the house and kind of swings her arm around and just like slides it onto the onto the bit that the camera could see she like deliberately avoided going up the steps she just reached around the railings and put it there so it looked like from the doorbell that no one delivered it gavin was right when he texted it to me he goes she has advanced angles and he couldn't have been more true like she totally like ethan hunted her way across driveway. So he like hugged the wall.

She was looking over her shoulder and looking around, trying to spot like, I don't know, threats. It was fucking fascinating. And then she just disappeared into the darkness from when she came. And she did look a little like a Leopard Dead witch. He's not wrong there. And she came, like she didn't come from the street.

It looked like she came out of my own garage somehow. I don't know how she, I don't know where she came from. She came from your backyard or wherever. I assume of my own garage somehow. I don't know where she came from. She came from your backyard or wherever. I assume she lives under the house. I don't know. Maybe they're my cucumbers and she just picked them for me. Either way, it's weird. I don't know what you want me to...

I guess it's a kindness. It's like old lady kindness that doesn't exist anymore. But it is... I mean, I've never met this person. I've never expressed excitement for foreign cucumbers have you ever seen a little effort dead witch hanging around your neighborhood and to be honest you know at least pickle them for me or something what do you want does she want me to eat them as cucumbers or does she want me to take them the rest of the way

the note didn't specify whatever you want yeah i mean you could do you're given what what is the current? Do you still have them? Did you pass them on? Where are the cue cards? They were passed on. And I will say the note wasn't anywhere near the back, in my defense. It was three feet from the back.

Wow, I mean, put it on. It was the only note on your porch, dude! It wasn't like it was hidden amongst all the other notes. I saw it instantly. It was a yellow post-it note. All right, well, that's fair. You know, I'm in a hurry. That's true.

You're in a hurry. The upside, though, the wasps that survived the fan, they're now happily living back inside the fan, and I've not turned it on since, and we're just coexisting peacefully. You'll be happy to know. That's great. I guess

I am happy to know you decided to go that route instead of removing them. I mean, they've been in there a while by the looks of it. Did you talk in the last podcast about how the crows are throwing shit at you? Yeah, that was after the wasps, wasn't it? Yeah. I got like ravens or something.

I don't know if it's a crow or raven i can never really tell it's whatever the bird is that goes right yeah uh so they're they're in my trees and they just squawk at me every time they see me if i walk into the backyard they start just screaming at me uh and as soon as they can't see me they they stop. It's like peekaboo with a baby. You know, you get that immediate reaction. And if I'm under them, they'll flap about in the trees and snap branches off and throw them at me. He's not kidding.

He showed me a video. It sounds impossible, but it is 100%. It's obvious that they are attacking him. What have you done, Gavin? What curse, what has happened? I'm dead, I told you, I died. But does that explain the Raven,

why would the Raven Crow attack if you were dead? I don't know, they're just around. Maybe it was like they had babies they were trying to protect or something, but it's too late. It's too late in the year. I already had baby birds like three months ago. Are you an expert on the mating cycle of crows?

Yes, I'm an expert on the crow mating cycle. Maybe you should have taken the cucumbers. Maybe they're a peace offering. Maybe that would have solved everything. Also, based on what you said, how did she get the note to the door? Did she make a paper plane and throw it? How do you get the paper?

If she just hooked, was the note tied to the bag i assume she swung she did the weird railing move the little sort of stealth move and slid all of it and the note just blew off the bag i assume when the wind took it to the door yeah i mean that's a nice thing as an idea but i don't want to have to carry the cucumber i would end up eating the cucumbers out of purely i don't want to take it to the next test would you eat strange cucumber from someone you've never met if my options were eat strange cucumber from someone i've never met or deliver it to the next house i'm eating the strange there's no other option you just throw it away no i well i would never that'd be a waste but there needs to be a system on the note you need to indicate like there needs to be a marking if you pass it on i want to

know how many houses this has gone through how many blocks maybe this cucumber might not even be from my neighborhood this could be three blocks over they might not even be from her yeah yeah i don't i assume it would be crazy if it was from her. I'd be shocked. I assume this has gone to multiple doors. Oh, dude, what if it's like It Follows, and she just passed a curse on you, the cucumber, the curse of the cucumber, and that's why the birds are flipping out, and now you've passed it on. I hope. I hope you did it properly.

I'm glad I got rid of it before I didn't even touch him. Wow. Well, yeah, he's in the clear. It Follows, the cucumber It Follows curse. The sequel we've always wanted. I love that the weirdness just comes from like the strange fruit. But Jeff, I think, was legitimately mad that there were cucumbers and not pickles. He was like, these aren't in brine.

I was like, that's not the weird part, though. That's not the strangeness. You set it up all wrong. I was, I was thrown for a loop. It's still weird. A bag of cucumbers from a garden is not as weird as a bag of pickles in brine. Why isn't that as weird? Who picked the...

Come on, man. What do you mean? Is it just the act of like no one puts... You don't pickle shit in a bag. Yeah. Yeah, you don't put brine in a bag. Everyone knows this. You'd have to take it out of a jar,

which is already a transportation method. I still think that only takes it from like a six weird to a seven, though. No, I feel like a bag of cucumbers is a five and is like pickles with brine in a Ziploc is like a solid eight. Yeah, it's an eight. It's an easy eight.

Really? It's a five to an eight? Eric, what are your thoughts? It's a huge gap because you have to take them out of the jar. It's just a weird thing. Yeah.

I wanted to hear the rest of what Andrew had to say. Man, it really is. I just don't... You said that there was condensation inside the bag. Is that what you were saying? Yeah, that was the sheen

I was looking at, I think. A very small amount of condensation. I think he's overselling it. Well, it was more when, I think. A very small amount of condensation. I think he's overselling it. Well, it was more when I left, in fairness. Where did the condensation go? Maybe into the cucumber. Hmm.

I don't know. What do you want from me? What does everyone want from me? I'm trying to just live my life. I've got beds showing up. That sounds great. I mean, I have to believe that this is a jacob's ladder situation and you are dead and we are when people talk about like simulation theory or whatever like

oh they're just like living in a simulation i think that you died or you're in a helicopter dying and uh you are this is we are just inside your head and the woman is a demon and the cucumbers represent like you trying to get back to like the earthly realm uh like why was she why did she look like a witch from a video game like a dream half remembered from a video game from like long ago you know what i mean like it's too many it's too many concentric circles this is i i i am i like where eric is going with this this is definitely you are a vietnam soldier an american vietnam soldier you are bleeding out right now and they are trying to save your life and you're living you're living the next 30 years in your mind and we're just a part of it oh

my god and that lady that played the girl who turned into a demon i think her name is luis pena she died recently too so it's all unraveling huh interesting yeah and she died i think of uh i think she died of cirrhosis so okay i mean in your head i guess because this is all this is all invented by you oh maybe she maybe she's out of pickles. It all means something. If it was a different vegetable, would you have been more excited about it? Does the vegetable... Is the issue of you not wanting it the weirdness of receiving it randomly?

Or is it the fact that cucumber is a lower tier on the vegetable list? Where do you put cucumber on the vegetable list? Cucumber... I mean, I feel like no one ever needs cucumber is the thing. Cucumber is always like an addition. It's never a main. And also America has these weird stubby little cucumbers to make pickles with.

But the cucumbers I like to eat are the big long ones. The ones that are like two feet long. You like the big long ones? Or a foot long. So I don't really know what I would have done with it. I mean, can you eat, do the cucumbers that turn into pickles taste the same You like a bigger one? Or a foot long. So I don't really know what I would have done with it. I mean, can you eat... Do the cucumbers that turn into pickles

taste the same as like an English cucumber? Yeah. I'd assume so. I mean, hey, you could put that in a salad. You always got that as an option. Sandwiches?

Cucumbers are fruit. I don't think a salad is a salad without cucumber, honestly. Really? It's a staple for me. Oh, I disagree strongly yeah i love the cucumber man i can eat cucumber all day long that's great but i don't think they're

needed for a salad as i said i feel like the salad is just the lettuce or spinach or whatever you want to put it's the blank canvas and then you put whatever you want into it yeah why do you never make that then who are you talking to well why does andrew never make the bulk standard salad well i i do i just i thought for i wanted to make the greatest salad possible to enhance the cream potentially or like i've never had this before if i'm not gonna like it in this salad i'll never like it outside of it interesting slicing you know what we should do we should come up with and i'm not saying we should do it right now because we should put some thought into it but we should pick like a number of we should put some thought into it, but we should pick like a number of ingredients,

like five or six or something. And then we all come up with the perfect salad in our minds, right? Like you pick whatever six ingredients and you create the perfect salad. I do. And then Gavin does the same. And then we can release it and then let the audience decide

which is the best salad. I see. Is this for the recipe book? Could be for the recipe book, yeah. And then we call that the ultimate like f*** face salad salad or something do we have to do it anonymously we would have to do it anonymously i feel like salad has the greatest range salad can be amazing and it can be such dog shit totally agree it's a great yeah i yeah i'm trying to think of what is a more range food i think you you might be right. I think it has the widest range. Whereas like stuff like eggs, eggs could be like,

okay, or good, but that you, or maybe that's a bad example. No, but I think it's a good example. It can also, it's an appetizer or it's a meal,

a main, however, like however you want to present it. It's got a lot of flexibility. Yeah. I feel the same way about honey mustard. I feel like that's the condiment wide range. There's such a variety of honey mustard flavors i more so than any other condiment you can go place to place and have

wildly different tasting experiences i'd be willing to bet this is the fifth face that you've mentioned honey mustard you really like honey mustard you really do yeah it comes up a lot well we did a we did a sauce thing and i don't know if i'd say it comes up a lot was the last mention of honey mustard when i wanted to make honey mustard? That was a long time ago. Like probably 20, 30 episodes ago. No way. No, it's in the last 10.

It's in the last 10. You brought up things that have wide variety. I think honey mustard has wide variety. I was just trying to think of other food items. Next week I'm going to talk about something brown. Nobody's disagreeing. We're just pointing out that it comes up a lot. I don't feel like it does.

I think it's just memorable when I feel like it does i think it's just memorable when i bring it up i think it's a great topic that everybody enjoys do we always engage really well in your honey yeah you do i always get a text after on those episodes so that was a great show so i'm trying to i'm sprinkling in honey mustard whenever i can it really elevated one thing much like the condiment yeah it elevates the dish it elevates the show a little honey mustard do in common. Much like the condiment. Yeah. It elevates the dish. It elevates the show. Little honey mustard top. Do you think I should become a better neighbor and start dumping food on my neighbor's doorsteps?

That's such a great question. I don't know how you, I don't know what the cucumber rebuttal would be. Well, I think you get something that you grew in your own garden. I think you have, well, here's the problem. You don't know where she lives. Is she to your left or right? The last person that did it. She's from my garage. She came from's the problem. You don't know where she lives. Is she to your left or right? The last person that did it. She's from my garage.

She came from under the house. She might be a sleestack. Huh. I think, hmm. How do you do this in a way that isn't like an invasion of privacy? It'd be interesting to put one thing to the left of you, one thing to the right of you, and see how far it gets both ways.

Do you like a race of sorts? I would. I bet you that is almost like a competition itself. We have to pick the shittiest vegetable we could think of and see how far it can get. And whoever gets the furthest wins. Like a like a game of like vegetable telephone. Yeah, exactly. Like I don't I would never pick like carrots

or potatoes are not getting past two houses why because people are gonna eat them yeah people are gonna like those items those are like commonly used great vegetables does it have to be can it be a pro like I bet I could get a Branston pickle jar really far I bet that would travel that one's gonna run that no people are gonna throw that away cuz they don't trust it they're just gonna nobody knows what it is and it's like store throw that away because they don't trust it. They're just gonna throw it onto the street. Nobody knows what it is. And it's like store-bought.

Yeah, I don't think you can do store-bought. I think it has to be... It can't be fruit because it just bruises. It has to be like a vegetable with some durability. You're not gonna fucking deal with apples in a bag, Jeff. Like, let's just... We can't do fruit. What about a swede?

What's a swede? Yeah, what is that? That's a root veg isn't it no idea what it is don't don't know no clue a swedish person sweet oh let me see a swede swede veg why don't we talk about vegetables so much i don't know you bring it up every week uh it's a cross between a cabbage and a turnip. Oh, you call it a rutabag. What the hell?

Hold on, hold on, hold on. Damn it, Andrew. Sorry. How were you going to say that? I got excited. It's a fun word. I was going to say, it doesn't matter, because Andrew told me that it's root. I was going to say rutabaga.

What's a rutabaga? A rutabaga. It's a root vegetable. It's a rutabaga? A rutabaga. It's a root vegetable. It's a Swede. Wait, how do you spell your version? Write it out. I want to see what this looks like. Because rutabaga...

Yeah, that's a Swedish person. Rutabaga is such a better... Yeah, it's not... It's a Swedish turnip, isn't it? I don't know if it's from Sweden. We just call it Swede. It's a rutabaga. Rutabaga is such a better name. Where does that name come from? I don't know, it's from sweden we just call it a rutabaga a rutabaga is such a better

name where does that name come from i don't know but it's great it's fun when you say rutabaga you know what you're talking about you don't have to go away some woman on the street would come up to me i want to talk to you about rutabagas and i'd be like cool what's that she'd tell me to go shove it up my ass rutabagas i don't even think I like Rutabagas, but it's just exciting to hear. When I hear a Rutabagas in the mix, yeah, I'm amped about it. I want it.

Rutabagas are fucking awesome. Rutabagas. I don't know if I've had a Rutabaga. Okay. This comes from the Swedish dialectal word Rotabaggy. From root and lump. Root lump.

Dude, call it root lumps. That's way better than either. Root lump is going to a different city. Nobody's touching root lumps. Yeah, i'm bagging up my root lumps and i'm putting them on the neighbor's doorstep and they're going far i wonder if you could if they can if you could have a vegetable so undesirable that it makes its way back to you well like all the way around the earth like a circle like all the way around the neighborhood. It goes out to the left and it comes in from the right. It can go north all the way

to Texas. Oh my god. Do you know what's awesome about this episode? Because we're going to have to do another one right after this, and I was afraid we wouldn't have anything to talk about. I didn't talk about any of my shit. I had no idea we were going to go so heavy into Rutabagas. This is awesome. We went from sleestacks

to rutabagas. Was it you, Jeff, who thought Andre 3000 was saying sleestacks in that song? Yeah, it still sounds like it to me. Keep your heart three, uh, instead of three stacks, sleestacks. Keep your heart sleestacks. That's still how I sing it.

Yeah. These girls are smart, sleestack. Keep your heart, Slee Stack. Slee Stack. Keep your heart, Slee Stack. That's still how I sing it. Yeah. These girls are smart, Slee Stack. Keep your heart, Slee Stack. Yeah. He's into science fiction and stuff. We should wrap this up. All right. We gotta do one more.

Well, you've done it again. You've listened to another hour of the F*** Face podcast. Hour and five minutes today hey we appreciate that thanks for doing it why would you say that i mean certainly it's going to get edited it's going to be less than what you just said why would you call out what the lifetime well that's a good point we're definitely cutting out the jack shit that never happened the jack stuff is great i think it's even better that we cut him out. He's going to be waiting to see. But we should leave this bit in.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The part we referenced. Absolutely. All right. Well, let's stop doing this. The audience, you don't... Well, here's what's going to happen. We're all going to stop, hit stop, and then we're going to hit start,

and we're going to fucking do another podcast right now. But you, you're going to go to wherever you listen to podcasts probably like itunes or spotify or some shit and then you're gonna enter in the longest most verbose most glowing review of face uh or you won't i don't give a shit no we do it'd be nice if you did we'd rather you did we do care that'd be yeah but i don't want to tell you what to do you do whatever you want to do if you want to do. No, you do what you want to do. If the mood strikes you, write a review. Give us some stars. Maybe bag up some root vegetables and meet a neighbor. You know?

Yeah. I don't know. Maybe don't try to break into the Pentagon to put them on their front porch. Maybe just walk up the steps that are there. And don't be all secretive about it. Or maybe do. Freak them out. I don't think you know that there's a difference

between not giving a shit and being open to people doing what they want. Those are two very different things. Ah, I don't know. Are they? I'm not their boss. I can make suggestions, but I can't. But then it's like,

who am I to tell you what to do? You do whatever you want to do. I mean, you are the host of the show. You know what? We haven't had a show that wouldn't end properly in the whole of season two. Oh, that's true. But mean, you are the host of the show. You know what? We haven't had a show that wouldn't end properly in the whole of season two. Oh, that's true. We're back at it.

We've had the yelling. This is the... I guess this is not... Year two, not season two. No, well, no, that's a good question, though. We're definitely in year two, but have we had an episode that wouldn't end in season two? Season two is a little longer than year two.

I think so, because season two has been good for over 20 episodes, I think. Well, here, let me tease what I want to talk about next week i'd like to talk about uh i had a sort of a shit triangle happen in the last couple days but it has uh it has led me to a new understanding of my place in the universe and i'm pretty i'm okay with it are you dead as well no no i'm not dead on the inside maybe a little bit and you can find out more on the next episode of Face. Goodbye. He's right.

And tune in next week when I'll talk about my tooth and what happened to my charger cheek. And I learned a new bike trick. And I'm a chain guy now. Face out. What?