F**kface - Pat Gavendail Cinematic Universe // Geoff's Mystery Poop [149]

Episode Date: April 12, 2023

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about fisherman's pie, Halo Infinite push to talk, the preview?, Andrew's mystery, Bourne hiding, Sloppy Joes is down, Eric's life, Andrew's great fall, a new F**kface game, no doorbell, Geoff's mystery poop, poison prices, and making Gavin cry. Want to contribute to bits? Email what you can do to [e-mail] Come to RTX July 7-9 and witness the F**kface Museum in person! Sponsored by HelloFresh  http://hellofresh.com/face50 and use code face50 and ExpressVPN http://expressvpn.com/face Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dragon's Dogma 2, the highly anticipated successor to the cult classic Dragon's Dogma, is out now on PlayStation 5, Xbox Series S and X, and Steam. Dragon's Dogma 2 is a third-person action RPG boasting a richly detailed and deeply explorable fantasy world created using Capcom's RE Engine's immersive physics, groundbreaking character AI systems, and cutting-edge graphics. Dive into the vast and dynamic world where The Arisen is called upon to fulfill a forgotten destiny across the nations of Vermont, the Kingdom of Humanity, and Batal, the nation of Beastrin.

Dragon's Dogma 2 revolves entirely around choice. Your choice, that is. From the sword and shield-wielding fighter to fighter to the illusion conjuring trickster, there are over 10 unique vocations to choose from that all require experience to unlock new skills. And character customization is out of this world, literally. Oh, and did I mention the combat is really in-depth? It isn't just hacking at a giant's ankle for half an hour while your dodge roll attacks. You can engage enemies from a distance, climb up large foes, stab them in This is a Rooster Teeth production. Hello and welcome to another episode of the F*** Face Podcast. My name is Jeff Ramsey.

With me, as always, Britain's own Gavin Free and the pride of Canada, Andrew Panton. This is episode 149. Behind the scenes, we have Eric and Nick doing whatever it is they do. How's everybody doing today? Good, thanks. I'm doing good. You seem very high energy today, Jeff. I'm in a good mood. I'm in a good mood. I just remembered I have something I want to talk about about British people. British people. Let me put that in my notes real fast. People.

Okay. Is it pie related? No, no, no, no. That was totally unrelated. I just had never heard of a fisherman's pie. It was fucking disgusting. It was like three different kinds of fish in a brown pie. It was...

What if you just want hot fish? Yeah, what if? You just get fish and chips, right? Don't you have fun with that? Yeah, I feel like that's a much more appetizing way. I was watching Top Chef World All-Stars last night, and the season is in London, and they were making pub food, and everybody's seen

like shepherd's pie. I was familiar with that one, but I was not familiar with the fisherman's pie. But I also found out from Gail Simmons that in England, they serve 300 million portions of fish and chips a year. 300 million. That's what she said. That's essentially like if virtually every person

in the United States ate fish and chips once. We have like 330 million people. So you're saying that if everyone in america really got together for one day they could output a year's worth of fish and chips yeah but we can do that we could bury you guys in pretty much anything in that way just because the sheer numbers i that feels very american though the idea of like one day ever just eating fish and chips and going, fuck, yeah, America, number one. We're number one, baby.

I've seen fish and chips. I miss that part of America. You know, I listen to a lot of very serious political talk radio when I'm not listening to very serious reality and celebrity gossip radio. And there's been a lot of talking about how pride in America is at an all-time low and individuality is at an all-time high and people care

less about the greater good and the idea of American exceptionalism is kind of gone and nobody wants to pull together like we did in the World Wars and stuff. Maybe America versus England in a fish and chips off is where we get the ball rolling. I will say, it's funny you bring that up, because I was playing Halo last night.

Whoa. And I'm just playing. I'm just playing. Next thing I know, I'm just playing. What was my damn invite? Where was your damn invite? It was 1 a.m. Do you want me to invite you at 1 a.m. when I'm playing Halo Infinite?

What's that, 3 a.m. for me? It's 3 a.m. for you want me to invite you at 1 a.m. when I'm playing Halo Infinite? What's that? 3 a.m. for me? It's 3 a.m. for you. Yeah. You did good. Okay. I figured. I figured I'd do good, Cap. But I was playing, and I'm just, you know,

relaxing, everything's fine. And then I heard people speaking, and it caught me so off guard. I was shocked, because you never, nobody speaks in game chat anymore yeah and i was all excited about it because it reminded me of like halo 3 era and it was this conversation that was really stupid and i'm like oh this is great i missed this and then it immediately turned into them like saying homophobic slur it just being the worst the worst

people and it was like oh no yeah this is what this is this is this is the other part this is like the uh the nostalgia has been lifted this is what we're dealing with and they were very excited about america in between all the homophobia if they got a kill they'd be like fucking america american number one they said it several times they're're very excited about it. They say there's over 300 million slurs online today. Oh, yeah. We got it. Do you think you can hop on again tonight at about 1 a.m., catch those kids,

and then start talking about how much better at fish and chips America is than England? Do you think you can start seeding it now, and then it'll just spread? I don't know. I don't know if I'll catch him again, but I did. It was great. It was the perfect, you're a fucking idiot, and you don't even know it conclusion, where I sabotaged one of them at the end of the game

to crash their Warthog, and they wanted to talk shit to me about it, and the last thing they said before the game ended was, where is my push to talk button? They didn't know that they could be heard the entire game and they revealed it at the very closing moment

you fucking idiots you guys suck you're the worst I wonder how many that's probably a uniquely American trait there being too fucking dipshit dumb to figure out broadcasting live I i wonder how many people are affected by that i would be i wouldn't be surprised if it's a large portion

of people who don't know i guess because there are so few people in game chat that you wouldn't realize there's nobody there to tell you that you're there you would have no idea i've played countless games of halo i've never heard anyone talking game chat before. I've probably played like 2,000 games. So yeah, if you didn't know, there's no obvious way that would indicate that you are. Yeah. So I wonder how long they will go before they realize.

If they ever will. There might be a new Halo game out before they realize. What if you just started talking? Do you think more people would talk to you? Maybe everyone's just being quiet. Yeah, you think so? Like, what if I'm just people would talk to you maybe everyone's just being quiet yeah you think so like what if i'm just gonna talk to myself what what if it's just time of day what if everybody's being quiet because their partners and their parents are all asleep and they're trying

not to wake them up maybe it's like really lively right now at two in the afternoon it could be i guess i don't know maybe we should do some research. There is no greater... I feel like the Xbox party, at least on Xbox, really killed that. I mean, there's some great... I miss some aspects of game chat cultures from, like, game to game. Like, a GTA and Saints Row game chat is a uniquely horrible place

that I sometimes miss being able to pop my head into. I wish it was a click of a button to switch between party chat and game chat instead of having to open the frickin' thing and then... If there was just, like, a... Instead of push to talk, it was a click of a button to switch between party chat and game chat instead of having to open the frickin thing and Then if there was just like a instead of push to talk it was pushed to game chat I would love that that would be great Could you take your Xbox elite controller and program one of those toggles on the back to do something like that? Oh, that's an interesting if you can make like macros

Happy that rule though. I'd love to just hop in and out on PC that's how it works you can just hear you don't need to do any adjusting it's just on console you need the party flip but it's always worth it it's always so great to hear people in game chat Warzone's a great dumb game chat game yeah you're always hopping in

just to well I can't do it because I always laugh and give us away laughing laughing laughing just to well I can't do it because I always laugh and give us away hey do you guys have a lot to talk about today I have a little bit can I can I drop a mystery quickly because I keep forgetting to I watched so I brought this up like two episodes ago it's not an amazing mystery it just is a weird thing that there is definitely a mystery too i watch is this the doorbell this is not the doorbell it's unrelated to doorbell um eric says we don't do a preview we only did it we only did it once and it confused so many people i don't know how to be more clear about what we were doing but did it really confuse

people yes yeah i mean a lot of people got it and went, hey, that's a really clever, funny, witty idea. Congratulations on pulling that off. And a lot of other people went, I don't know. I don't understand. Maybe I made it more confusing, though, because you were, I think, reading, right?

And then I just naturally responded to it, but then I couldn't, because I didn't know what you were going to say, but then I couldn't remember where I said it, and it really freaked me out when you actually said it for real. Well, that was kind of the point, right? I didn't expect it to work, at least not perfectly. I feel like if I chime in in the preview,

I need to write down the word to chime in at and write down what I chimed in with, because otherwise I'm lost i also for the record i did i i didn't so i knew i was gonna tell a story right the sloppy joe's police story so i just figured i would pull what i thought would be the most like aha moment from it and write it down and so i just wrote like two sentences and i had no idea how i was gonna get to them or how i would when I got to that area how I would lead into it

and then come out of it and when I got to those two sentences I was looking at them at that point in the podcast that I had already said on the preview and I still didn't say it right because within the flow of the conversation it just didn't work so I like I totally added and changed

and then I was like I'm really fucking this up myself so I wasn't even close to repeating it exactly the way I did well I feel like it was a win maybe we should just one and done yeah maybe we leave it at that well weren't we always one and done-ing this

I didn't yeah we didn't understand we have each of us do one I think we had discussed maybe letting each person try it their own different way oh that seems way too much but yeah I agree then not everything needs to be done not everybody needs to do everything once did we fuck that did it that should have played before the intro of the show did did we do that yeah because most or okay we did we didn't have the intro of the show start then that clip then the episode ah who cares well who cares i

feel like that's a huge you're just you're huge We're living in the past here. I'm just saying it might be on our end. If we just did the show music then did the show that way we definitely did that. That's exactly how it came out. That's how we fucked up. I'm pretty sure that's how it came out. What's your mystery?

My mystery is I've been watching things I have a huge regret in my life when I was younger I did the really dumb boy thing of like oh that's a that's a girl thing I'm not interested in that even though it's awesome like I did not appreciate boy bands nearly as much as I should have when I was growing up and it's a huge regret if I could go back in time correct one thing boy bands pay attention to boy you're in a great boy band era embrace it enjoy it i didn't do that so i've been catching up on like things i missed that were kind

of on like the bubble on my age range and one of them is the high school musical series never watching any of those i've recently finished all three movies i was watching it and whenever i watch a movie whenever there's anything that like kind of grounds it in a weird alternate way, I need to pursue it. So like a website or business or something. So I was watching High School Musical 3 and there is this blatant, really weird remax advertising shot. Like clearly they sponsored it. Pat Gavindale, Gavindale, they're selling a house. They're doing that.

They're doing their thing. So I looked into it and I couldn't find anything on it. But then just randomly, I was watching a different movie. I was watching Be Cool, which came out like five years earlier. And there's a scene where a person pulls a Pat Gavindale. Whoa. We might be in a Pat Gavindale cinematic universe. These are two completely different movies made by two different companies,

but the same realtor. That's a different sign as well. It's got a tilt to the balloon. Yeah. There's a tilt. There's a slight adjustment. We've gone through eras. I just think this is weird.

I can't figure out anything on this, like why they chose this name. Is that where we got our new logo from look at that shit in the top right there's the r right there uh i think we need to engage the audience we need to scour all media and see how many times pat gavindale appears that's exactly what i want i wanted to know if there were any other Pat Gavindale appearances because I looked online and I found a website that had one. There's a Remax sign and a Long Cane Polly, but it's just Top Producer.

Where's Pat Gavindale? Is Pat Gavindale the Top Producer? I'm very confused by this. Wow. Or they just changed the thing. How are you finding this one? I just Goog googled i found a website that tracks product placement in in like media and they do like a back catalog of just screenshots and stuff and they had one for a long game poly so i found that one that way i then i looked i found a the remax did like a contest

for who is pat gavindale and one of the people replied that they're the realtor that sold the house in Bachelor Party, the Tom Hanks movie. So I wanted to try to talk about this last week and we ran out of time. So I watched Bachelor Party on like last the night before we recorded last week to prepare. Pat Gavindale is not in that fucking movie. recorded last week to prepare. Pat Gavindale's not in that fucking movie. I wasted my time watching Bachelor Party for a reference that never happened and then never talked about it the following day.

I had no reason to watch that one I did. I was like, I gotta get this in. Never came up. Let me ask you a question. Was that your first time seeing Bachelor Party? It was, yeah. First and only. So I was a big fan of that movie when i was a kid

like maybe i could see that old and when you brought it up i went like oh fuck bachelor party that's a classic i bet yeah tom hanks is one of his early and uh but now it instantly struck me i bet that movie didn't age well no it did how badly did it age it aged really poor i just don't think it's very funny in a general sense and yeah it did not age well definitely did not age well oh my god yeah it's not great i wouldn't revisit it if i were you i would kind of you know sort of like me and the game lobbies in in halo just remember the good parts fondly and do not revisit it and see some of the stuff that still is part of that

isn't it interesting that when you watch something that has an age well I feel like I don't avoid it it's always quite intriguing like what was acceptable sometimes not that long ago it's like watching a historical record and it's almost always surprising I don't avoid stuff either yeah it's not about avoiding it I'm just saying if you have fond memories of

it why tarnish that I don't think you're getting anything out of re-watching Bachelor Party. So if you have a fondness of that memory, just leave it as is. Don't revisit it. You don't need to remember that they crashed a bus into a movie theater, the final act, for a 3D game.

You're fine. You're good. Just move on. But you've been doing a lot of movie reviews, so I figured you'd also be a great detective on this jeff if you if you happen to see a film i'd say between the years 2004 and 2010 that features a pat gavindale sign let me know well i appreciate it andrew i wish you would have brought this to my attention two weeks ago i did my last movie review last episode two episodes ago i think i haven't i haven't watched a movie since but i i well yeah what's the point of watching movies if i'm not gonna do reviews of them

uh i uh i'm i'm i will though i will though i'm not interested and to your point about going back and watching bachelor party i've decided i don't want to spend much of my current life watching like revisiting shit that I enjoyed in the past anyway because I'm discovering through this period of time in music where I'm discovering all these bands that were really good when I was really into music, but I just missed them for whatever reason, that there's so much stuff out there that I just haven't seen yet.

2022, you mean? 2022 is when I started to realize all the music from like 98 to like 2010 I missed uh when I was really into music and going to shows like four days a week and going constantly yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah uh I get I get where I get I get your point uh anyway um and so I'm I'm making a concerted effort to like, to be okay with looking backward. I guess Condor Man would be an exception

because I had already seen that, but that's for content. I'm okay with looking backward and watching old stuff, but only old stuff I'd never seen before. Interesting. Yeah. And I've been really enjoying it. I mean, that's kind of why I watched that. Well, that's kind of why I watched that old Polish movie.

I've been, up until I quit doing reviews, I watched that old Polish movie. Up until I quit doing reviews, I'd been watching a lot of movies on Criterion Collection that I had meant to see and never got around to it. It's been a lot of fun. That's great. I've got a movie thing. I talked to Andrew about this. I'm going to put this in Slack. Have you seen The Bourne Identity?

Yes. Okay, there's this scene. Everyone should watch that. It's a 20 second clip. It's a nice uh everyone should watch that it's this a 20 second clip it's a nice really long shot it's like introductory shot he's just he's just about to crack on being born and uh walking down the street doesn't this have run lola run in it yes bam see that nice little touch see that jeff no he vanished i didn't see it. He vanished. Oh Now I thought watching that that's a nice touch, you know, he's like a ghost. Oh Shit, he's like a little ghost He can vanish on demand and I thought I wonder how they did that

Did they do like it they hide a wipe behind that man and I look closer He just ducks and runs behind the little truck that goes behind him Have a little zoom in on that you can actually see him running behind it. All right, I'm looking now. Fucking... Who's that dirty jacket? I'm going to watch for feet. No, don't watch for feet.

I feel like it's the hardest. Just look at the cart. Yeah, you're right. So then I thought, then I thought, well, I bet that's, you know, that's just how they did that're right so then i thought then i thought well i bet that's you know that's just how they did that effect but then i thought what if that is canon what if that isn't matt damon hiding what if jason bourne as the character decided to do that and then i was in just a a weird thought loop of like who's doing that the actor or the character because i love the idea of jason bourne well i i think it has to be

in character right and i've been thinking about this you brought this up like weeks ago and i continuously think about it i think this is almost like a dark display of how paranoid jason born is as a person that he feels he needs to live his life this way he's thinking he's just walking down a street and that there might be somebody who's trying to tail him and he just randomly hops behind a cart. But he must assume that the person tailing him is exactly where the camera is because to everyone else,

he must look like a complete freak. That's how heightened his senses are. He can even sense the camera. Yeah. If you think about it, it really is like a, it's kind of a a dark revelation on what hell it must be like to be a high value government assassin it's like he's got to live

his life that way constantly you probably watching jason bourne on a wednesday go to the grocery store and come home he probably has to take three buses two taxis four cars he probably has two decoy bags of groceries like it's got to be a nightmare to live that way do you think it would be a nightmare to be jason bourne's friend you know like when you guys all went to the grocery store to buy your smallest item just how frustrating it would be if one of you just kept disappearing oh you'd be talking to him in the living room and then suddenly he's the lamp and you're just looking around. He's doing ninja rolls down the aisles. Yeah, I think it would also suck to be Jason Bourne's friends because you're the first person they're going to kill.

They come for the friends and family. You're going to be tied up. You're tied up in a fucking warehouse somewhere in Eastern Europe. And they're like electrocuting your balls and sending him a video. And he gets there. But not maybe he saves your life. Europe and they're like electrocuting your balls and sending him a video and he gets there but not in maybe he saves your life but you still got your balls electrocuted for like 16 hours while he was

flying in I don't think any of that happened across any of the five films the Jason Bourne universe is much larger than those five films that's true I've read some of the books I've only seen three films there's well they did the original trilogy there's the Jeremy Renner one That's true. I've read some of the books. I've only seen three films.

Well, they did the original trilogy. I think that's what I've seen. Then there's the Jeremy Renner one. And then they brought Matt Damon back for another one, but I didn't see that one. Yeah, they did that Mission Impossible style thing where they're like, you know what? We're going to turn Mission Impossible over to Jeremy Renner. Except they did it for one movie and said,

you know what? We're going to give it back to Matt Damon. And they did the confusing thing Nick just put in the chat, Jason Bourne. That's what they called the last entry of the film is just Jason Bourne. So the last one is Jason Bourne and then the Bourne identity. It's terrible. It's a terrible naming convention.

I got to see that one. Is that any good? I don't think so. It was critically liked. I think it kind of flopped. The original trilogy, I feel like I enjoy him more every time I see trilogy, I feel like I enjoy him more every time I see him. I feel like I didn't like him as much as a kid. Really? I really I remember watching Born Identity in theaters

and loving it. Didn't really care for the second one. Liked the third one quite a bit. Third one's great. I guess I can't go back and watch them and that would be betraying that whole fucking reveal I had earlier. But I remember really enjoying the first. I never saw four and five. I want to watch them again and just look out for Jason Bourne hiding behind shit and appearing out of nowhere.

Well, there are many of those scenes, right? Like that's maybe the only moment in the series where he tries to out sneak you the audience member. Yeah, I love that that's there and that you can see that and you can draw that hilarious conclusion yourself because it really is ridiculous.

Every time you see a movie and somebody stands behind a bus and the bus goes by and then they're gone in a puff of smoke like they're fucking dead. And you never see them just running. With a grappling hook. Yeah, you never, yeah. Or when you do see them running, it's a huge comedic moment. But you know what I mean?

Yeah. That's a great point. You never see it from their perspective. Yeah. It's always from the person who's like, oh my God, where do they do they go you never we've never seen a character do that until now yeah yeah we need more of that and i feel like nowadays they would just cg that out fix it or do some sort of visual effect i'm glad they left that in i'm glad it was all done optically yeah because what really happens right is like the bus goes by and you just start fucking

booking it, running with the bus till you see like an alley you can turn into. And then you got to stand in an alley and catch your breath for 15 minutes. Wheeze and go. And meanwhile, the guy on the other side of the bus is like the motherfucker vanished. Do you think you can naturally do that? I think I'd be terrible at that. I could do it. I don't think I'd be good at that at all.

I think I'd be bad timing of the vehicle. I'd do the shit out of it. I don't think I could do that in real life. Yeah. Gab, you could do it too, right? I give it a damn good go. We should try it. We should.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, that's the next live video we do. Like, put the six-foot hole on hold and put throwing fruit on hold let's fucking try to escape each other and film it in public we'll just put one camera on one side of the street the other person stands on the other side on the street with buses i would love to see that actually from the perspective of the people on the bus nick on the bus. We put Nick on the bus with a camera. Do you think someone could do that with Sloppy Joe's like you're watching and then like they hide

behind a car as it drives by? It would happen like very suddenly. Don't get run over though. No, please don't get run over, please. Guys, I'm glad you brought it up, Eric. We got a fucking Sloppy Joe's conundrum. What do you mean?

Hang on. Wait, wait, wait. Before you get into a conundrum, we're supposed to get together tomorrow and do a Sloppy Joe's bingo. Yeah, that's why I want to talk to you guys about that. I would love to get together and do Sloppy Joe's bingo tomorrow night.

I hope we can. Sounds like we're not doing it. However, after our episode came out yesterday and it hit the public, Sloppy Joe's webcam went down and it is still down. No. It's been down since 4. It's been down since 4.

No. It was on 13 p.m. yesterday. No. We're approaching 24 hours. So I don't know that there will be a camera for us to watch. If you go to it, it's just black, just like the last time. And the inside camera, if you go to it, it's just black just like the last time. And the inside camera, if you go to that one,

it just says this feed has been removed for breaking terms of service. Maybe it's because they're playing live music, cover bands or something. I don't know. But the outside camera

is cut just like it was last time. And the other camera... So I didn't get into this with you guys, but I found another bar called Rick's Entertainment Center. Well, no. We can't.

We can't. What are you talking about? I found another bar named Rick's that has another live cam. It's not as good because there's no audio. But the Rick, I figured out and triangulated it and realized that when you're looking at the Sloppy Joe's cam, figured out and triangulated it and realized that when you're looking at the sloppy joes cam across the street where the puke trash can is uh and where sometimes rocky stands to take photos with people there is a building with a it says a black awning and under it there's a picture that says shades right on the rick's cam there's a suspicious looking black awning at the far right

of his cam uh and I matched it and we, we, we, we helped, we brought up two cameras at once to watch cars go back and forth. It is literally immediately to the left. It's the same awning. So the Rick's cam catches the left side of,

uh, sloppy Joe's that we don't see, albeit with no audio and from a top down perspective. So it's fucking useless, but the cameras are located... The cameras are both located on the same building. That camera's located

above the other one on Sloppy Joe's. Yeah, I'm saying it's not fun to watch, but that camera's... I'm trying to get the idea. I don't understand, Jeff. What are you talking about?

That camera is down two. What? Hang on. Why do we do this? What are you talking about? What the fuck are you talking about? So I'm saying it's a large conspiracy. Why?

If you ever flip the coin every day, get real. I'm just telling you guys that I found a second camera that's located immediately to the left of Sloppy Joe's that's also down. That's all I'm saying.

Okay, well that's... You pitched that in a way of as an alternative. No, no, there's no alternative. I'm like mad at you, I think. I never said there was an alternative. I'm saying through my research, I discovered another camera that's not as good. I never insinuated I had a workaround.

Wait, hang on, hang on. It was implied. Gavin, did you feel like Jeff was giving an alternative? I feel like it was laid out that way, but I feel like I wasn't as disappointed as you guys. I'm just checking. I figured you were neutral. I wanted to see how you felt. I'm glad you agree.

You may have read some of my enthusiasm at being able to fill out the Sloppy Joe's world a little bit more, because now when you see police sirens off to the left and you don't know what it is you can go to that other camera and you can't hear it but you can at least get a little more view. Hang on, the other camera that's also down?

When they're up. God damn, Gavin is it me or are they being obtuse to be obtuse? I'm just saying you're presenting this like this is something we can do and it's we can't. I didn't say anything. Don't love being with that. I'm sorry that for the last 18 hours it's been down,

but for the previous five months it was an accessible thing that we've all been talking about and watching it. I assume it'll go up again in the fucking future. God damn. Okay, apology accepted.

Thank you. I was laughing to myself. Jeff has just created a world in which he is Gene Hackman and enemy of the state through YouTube. I'm fucking trying to. All the cameras are down. All the kids we got, we're down. What's on this street? You're mapping out

the whole street. I'll tell you this, if Andrew and Eric are going to be snippy little bitches about it, I'm not going to share my fucking knowledge anymore. Gene Hackman's going to keep all of his data to himself. Nobody's being snippy. Gavin doesn't want to get embroiled in this fight, but he is on my side, I guarantee you.

I think I am. And I usually end up on the opposite side to you, Jeff, just because I feel like, well, that's content. That's most of our lives. It's the funniest way to do it. That's what we do. But I really agree with you on this. Thank you, buddy.

What if we just get someone to stand there and live stream it? Insane. Anyway, I'll keep you guys posted. I didn't want to give you this information before the podcast because I wanted to hear the full reaction in the moment. But if it doesn't come back up, then obviously we can't do tomorrow night. I can't believe. Do you think you did that i think it's got to be in relation to the the traffic they got i think but well we already saw people strolling into the frame and shouting out

face which was awesome and we saw people shouting out face and then talking to the bouncers about it which i'm sure didn't help i i love the idea that they saw a spike in traffic and just assume something horrible happened and i've pulled all the feeds they're like we don't know what this we don't know why this happened but something happened and it probably isn't good because we're sloppy joes nothing great happens outside i'm sorry jeff that you've lost your feet uh it's a bummer you know hey this has led you to mapping out the street yeah I mean I've done a little bit of work

I'm just trying to fill out that world so I can see more angles and stuff but last night was definitely a hollow night without my sloppy joes to watch I'll be honest with you Survivor was good though I have a question oh you're a tour survivor? no it's fine it's good you should catch up I have a question. Oh, you're the tour survivor? No, it's fine. It's good. You should catch up.

It's real good. I have a question for Eric. Okay. What's going on? About with what? You just seem like you just seem like you're spiraling. There's just a lot happening.

It's been, you know how people are like, oh man, it's like a long day. I've just been having a long life. Pretty long life? Yeah, it's just a lot happening. It's been, you know how people are like, oh man, it's like a long day. I just have, I've just been like having like a long life. Pretty long life? Yeah, it's just been a long life. That's what most people want.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's what they do. Yeah, here's the thing. Here's, here's something that I did.

I never really considered when I was like younger. I always figured I'd be dead by 35, so now I'm 36. And this is just sort of like well now i don't know what to do um and so it's just uh you know i'm i'm cruising i'm doing good but you know there's just a lot of stuff that comes up there's a lot of things happening in and out of work

there's just a lot of stuff happening how can we help you know you've been doing a good job of reminding me and saying like hey here's this thing what happened with this thing that helps a lot and you took a best of face yeah but it's it's up now that that helped a lot thank you very much um y'all did a great job and thank you and there was a note that was missed on an episode of something and so that was the thing that i had to drill down on it there's just a lot you know there's a lot happening no i don't think you have to put the audio of it out also like it's in the episode nick it's up to you but um there's just a lot you know going on uh there's a lot that i'm taking care of and not you know in and out of work and it is what it is but all right hey say

lovey it is what it is it's such would it would it help if we delivered casseroles to your house or something? Ooh. No, I'm not in bereavement. Is there a card? You know, it's like, it's a boy, or sorry for your loss, or get well soon. Is there a sorry that you're alive? Sorry about your long life.

Sorry that you're off the map now. Here's to the end. Hope it comes soon, sort of card. Sorry about your life. You succeeded, my condolences. I googled it. I googled it.

That's perfect. That's an amazing card. Oh, that's perfect that's the that's an amazing card oh that's great that's pretty good i wonder if we can do our own take on that and sell a nice gift card this is a good idea like just sorry sorry because it's not even like sorry you're having a hard time it's not that i'm necessarily having a hard time it's just that you know every day i wake up there's a there's a there's a there's a kids in the hall sketch that starts with bruce mcculloch saying every day i wake up and uh people give me shit and that's how much that's how i know my day's begun and that's how that's how it feels

truly truly that's how it feels it's just like oh man well why don't we i i can definitely give you less shit uh no no no you guys are fine you weren't like why don't you let us know when there's less shit on your table and we can then just go back to normal hopefully in the next month there will be less shit but i like the idea of you noticing that your life is less shitty and then being like all right feel free to make it shitty all right guys i'm back give it to me i've got some shit bandwidth hit me it's just that thing and i think i think it's a thing that people deal with in general you know how you have gavin like you'll suddenly have just like weak stretches where you're like, what, like, where am I? What am I supposed to be on top of? What am I missing? Like there's stuff that you feel like you're dropping

the ball on, but it's not like you're necessarily dropping the ball on anything. There's just so many things from so many different avenues. I get so frustrated when I have free time, like days of free time, and then everything lands at the same time so i'm like i seem way busier than i am and then i'm just like exhausted everything's stacking up and then i have more free days afterwards and because i've been so busy i have no idea what to do with my free days because i feel like oh i should some of it should be spread out but it's all happened and it's it's a very odd way of going through life i think yeah text me yeah oh text yeah we'll text jeff that's we'll go to lunch or something uh yeah the thing that i get and the thing i always point out to my my small wife is that it will be like what you're saying happens to me in increments where there

will be hour spans where i have nothing and I can sit and be and it's fantastic. But the moment I have something in my hands, like I'm doing something physically that I need to like pay attention to, I get every text message, every email and every Slack conversation all at once. And it's like, where was this an hour ago when I had the time to deal with it? Why is it all in one four-minute span? It makes me crazy. It makes me so crazy.

I hate it. Here's the thing. When Jeff was sending all of our, like, here's all these Sl these sloppy joes things and all this stuff it was in the middle of like dealing with so much other stuff and my phone was relentlessly getting just videos of hey look at this guy falling yeah but that's not important you can just mute the conversation but that's the thing i have to do that but it's not just you. Because if it was just you, it would be fine. It's you and the four other group texts and the four other Slack conversations and the two emails. And it's just like, oh, what?

Like, you just kind of have to like put it down and be like, I don't know what I'm going to do. And then you have to figure it out from there. There should be a feature on the telephone where unless a message is marked as urgent it doesn't come to you when it was sent if you've just received a text in the last half an hour and it's not a part of that conversation it should give it to you in half an hour and then everything's like conveyor belted out to you and there's no like stacking of bullshit it'd be cool if you could like anything marked as non-emergency, you could just say like, all right,

I want all my texts to show up 15 minutes after the hour. And then you just get a rush of them in that 15, then you have 45, you have an hour before the next batch. You'd stall it. Yeah.

Sounds like working out with like rest periods and shit. Doing high intensity training, but for texts. High intensity texting. Eric, I sympathize with you and I've been there uh

but i'm never gonna stop texting you funny no no no and i'm not asking you to if if it was see here's the thing like with this show it's never gonna be a thing where it bothers me it's just that this is something that is important to me and i care about like so part of this so people are listening we were supposed to be throwing fruit and jeff is supposed to me and I care about. So part of this, so people are listening, we were supposed to be throwing fruit and Jeff is supposed to get a baseline for the throwing stuff, but I've had so much and I've just been dealing with a lot of stuff this week that I couldn't put it together in time and I didn't want to do it half-assed. I wanted to make sure that we do it and we're into it and everything.

If it ever becomes overwhelming with this show, I'll talk to you guys, but I never do because this is the thing that I want to put time and energy into. It's all of the other stuff that gets stacked around it and on top of it where you go, oh, I'm in a living hell and I am truly in a world of my own making and I must live with it. So it is what it is.

Hopefully that will be getting better for you incrementally in the future though. I think it will. I think it will. This ad is brought to you by hello fresh america's number one meal kit hello fresh takes the hassle out of mealtime this spring by delivering pre-portioned ingredients and easy to prepare recipes right to your door skip the checkout lines and get outside in the warmer weather because hello fresh has dinner covered april is Earth Month and HelloFresh is always committed to a cleaner planet. On average, HelloFresh meals have a 31% lower carbon footprint than the same meals made from the supermarket ingredients. Plus, nearly all HelloFresh packaging materials are curbside recyclable in most areas

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and you can get an extra three months free. Expressvpn.com slash face. I'm in a living hell and I'm in a world of my own making is exactly what i thought when i fell on my sushi container so i can relate to that me and you andrew were like the same guy yeah exactly i had a great fall recently i had a real embarrassing fall it was not good in public oh in yeah not intending to be in public but in public public in the worst way. I was hungry and it was late at night.

And so I ordered a little delivery and I like to I'll wait outside the door because I don't want to interact with the person. Avoid all social contact as much as possible. I wait until they leave and then almost like a cartoon. If they place the bag next to the door, I will crack the door, put my hand out, out grab the food then close the door very quick it's a very smooth move but this is later at night and so i was like i don't want to just leave it out there i want to get it as quickly as possible they're in their car they probably won't notice me i was a little too far away from the bag and i i overextended i overreached and i lost my balance and i fell through the door like i knocked the

door open and fell through onto the front front pavement area and they saw this so your door opens outwards it opens outwards and so i crack it i bend to grab the thing i'm reaching for it realize it's too far lose my balance do that little thing you know where like you try to recover by taking steps forward yeah and by doing so i bang open the door which is cracked open and then i just fall so this person is just about to get in their car and then they see a door swing open and be barreling out of it and falling so you're like crouch crouch falling you're like jason behind Crouch falling through. You look like Jason Bourne behind the scenes. What are you wearing in this?

Just like a shirt and underwear. Yeah, I knew it. I knew you were underwear. I knew you were underwear. It was... I feel like my mental image of you now is permanently like a stumbling Winnie the Pooh. Yeah, same. Winnie the Pooh with a glue same. Winnie the Pooh with a goo on mustache is what I said.

I was just saying, yeah, are you okay? And I was so embarrassed. I'm fine, thanks, have a great night. Bye. I ate shit. I ate shit at such a low level. You said I was crouched. It was like such a low fall. Was the food okay? Food was great. Okay.

That's about as public as you seem to get, I feel like like three falling three feet outside your front porch um that that reminds me of a decide did you guys see the new face game yeah somebody in her community made that made me so happy i'll post it i'll post a link to it somebody is it better than guess who might be dead Who Might Be Dead? You don't measure your children, Gavin. They're great games in their own way. He's a cog employee number two. Why don't you measure your children?

Made this. Well, you know... How are you going to know how tall they are? Internally. I mean, you literally measure them. I mean, I was excited about being measured, but you don't say which one you like more or what's better.

You don't rank your children. Although I think... I've only got one kid, but I'm pretty sure all parents do that. Oh, definitely. But you keep it internal, my point is. You don't vocalize. No, some families they make it very obvious, like Gavin. That's, hey.

I didn't want to bring it up. I'm talking about how they clearly liked your brother and your sister more than you. This person made Andrew Pant's Pro Shitter. It's a Windows game. It's great. I haven't been able to play it yet. You know when I describe trying to balance on the toilet seat that's broken?

Oh, like a Tony Hawk grind? Yeah, like a Tony Hawk grind. It's me on a toilet seat that's sliding around and you need to keep them balanced. And the longer they're on the toilet, the more shits they do I think is the scoring system. And if they fall off, the game ends. But it's really dumb and it's really great. Wow.

Hey, that reminds me of two quick very pertinent things to what we're talking about right now. The first one is Major League Fan Jack recently, I saw him, and he told me that we should make some sort of a toilet tray that you can eat and put your iPad on

while you're sitting on it so that you don't have to worry about spilling your cupcakes. And then maybe it transforms and works in the bathtub too, which I thought was a pretty good idea, a toilet food tray so you can eat dinner in peace

while you're shitting. Something maybe you should look into. I don't know the, I don't know the, you know, I don't know how to lay out of your toilet really, so it'd be hard for me to build.

But he just puts, he uses the toilet while he's in the bathroom. You're not like eating on the shitter, are you? No. Yeah, but you could do that. You could also set it

on top of the toilet so that it's like a secure, it's probably got rails around it, like a lip, so nothing falls, you know? It it's like just like a more secure place you just pick it up bring your food in just set it right down on top of the toilet if you got to take a dump you pick it up set it on your lap it's uh that way you're not putting your food directly on your toilet but like he does sometimes what if you had to live a week with a one-in-one-out rule like you had to take all of your bites. On the toilet.

As poo is coming out. That's terrible. That's the worst game. That's the worst game that has been suggested on the show. And then you will remain the same weight. Constantly throughout the week. I don't think that's how that works. No I don't think so.

I think there might be some issues. Listen I'm not a doctor. I'm not a scientist. I don't think that's how that works. So if you're done shitting, do you have to stop eating? Like the second the last poop comes out, you're going to quit? Oh, this is terrible. I think so, yeah.

I don't think you could eat enough. And you can only drink while you piss. I think it spirals down, right? Because I like that one. You can only drink while you piss. But with the food one, I don't. Because you're shitting for like, what, a minute, minute and a half. You can only get so much food in your mouth. Then you got to stop. You're taking less don't, because you're shitting for like, what, a minute, minute and a half? You can only get so much food in your mouth

and then you gotta stop. You're taking less in and then you're shitting less out, which then reduces the amount of time that you can take more food in. You'll be dead in a week. Oh, you think you would die from that? I don't think you could eat, I don't, the less you eat, the less you shit, and the less you shit, the less you can eat.

I mean, that's just math. Right there. I think one of whatever should try it not not it not what he know it's oh oh Andrew all right no I'm the only one that's been vocally against this six I'm not you're not gonna like double dog dare me and then I got to do it like this isn't that's not how this works I'm not doing it Gavin you seem excited about Gavin have you given Jeff your toilet paper roll oh we need something i was thinking about oh not yet i've got it ready though okay i also need i also i'm waiting for jeff to give me whatever it is that oh yeah i'll bring it because i want to send your sticks the next time i see you i'll give you my

thing and then we'll work it out um should we do a dead drop like you have to dig up a bog roll and then you bury what you want to send to andrew we could we could definitely do that we could definitely do that we could definitely do that um the other thing i wanted to mention because i said it reminded me of two things uh this is one of my notes andrew could we get an update on the doorbell mystery i don't have a doorbell anymore like it's before it was just the button is gone now everything is gone but i have reported it to the building. So it is possible they took it. So either somebody came back and stole more of my doorbell or the person that

runs the building has taken it to replace it. Uh, I think it's probably the former, not the latter. Yeah. I mean, I hope it's the building, although it would be funnier if somebody else just came to take more of the

doorbell. Should you put up a decoy doorbell? Let's see if they take it. I should booby trap it, right? Yeah, you should. It should electrocute somebody. Absolutely. Or maybe they push the doorbell and a little blow dart comes out and it shoots him in the side of the neck with a blow dart that makes him fall asleep.

And then you can catch them in the act. They'll be snoozing on your front porch. I recently suggested something to you, Jeff, that you didn't seem to respond to. I'm disappointed by. Oh, I'm sorry. I don't want to say it, but I think I came up with a thing that would be a funny thing against Gavin and it didn't really go anywhere. Unfortunately, against Gavin. Yeah, I don go anywhere, unfortunately. A funny thing against Gavin?

Yeah. I don't know. Like this. It might still happen. I might have been in the middle of something. You'll have to remind me. I could have been off my game or something. You know what? I'll text you right now. It's a very short thing. Okay. And then you could

react to it. While you're doing that, I want to post something in the chat. I have a little mystery of my own I discovered yesterday. Not that I was looking for a mystery, but it found me, and I was going to see what you guys think about this. I was sitting in my backyard

doing what I do for fun now, which is listening to birds. I have a bird ID app on my phone, and I try to see how many different birds show up in my yard. Are you really running with the most boring, at least interesting person? It's called the Merlin Bird ID, and then it sends all of the bird sounds that it captures

to Cornell University so they can track bird migration. I'm getting real... Have you considered just farting into it? While I was sitting in my backyard yesterday, right next to me was this. Of course it's too large.

It's one fucking photo. Eric, can you shame me? I have too much on me. Please don't give me shit. Don't give him shit. Eric, are you shitting me? Eric, what? I have too much on my plate. Please don't give me shit. Thank you. Don't give him shit. Don't give him shit. You said you'd be nice to him. Eric, let me know when you're back because I cannot wait to kick off about this again. Okay.

I'm going to put it in Slack. I'm going to put it in Slack. Eric, you're off the hook. God damn. Here's the deal. I have a decent sized backyard and I have a big fence around it that is impermeable. You guys have seen it. There's no animals getting in or out that fence, right?

I also have two dead dogs. They've both been dead. One's been dead a little over a year. The other one's been dead about eight months. So imagine my surprise when I sat down to record my bird sound yesterday and i see this giant log of shit right in the middle of my backyard i see you guys a picture and here i thought oh that's probably not going to do good they can't really come by i took a photo of it again here it is next

to my shoe for scale it's a full-on come on fucking post all right there you go it's a full-on log like i've had a cat. It's way bigger than a cat turd. And also, cats don't just shit in the middle of the yard. They're more demure than that. It's bigger than like rabbit pellets. It's about the size of Henry's turds. So I want to know, here's my mystery,

how did an animal with an asshole that big get in my backyard, which is locked down like Fort Knox, take a big dump in the middle of the yard, and then where did they go? Do you think it was an animal, or could it have possibly been, remember when you waved that guy back

who was leaving for your power? Could it have been him? Could he have been waiting? No, that's the thing. I cut the grass five days ago, so it's been within the last week. Nobody's been in my backyard but me and Emily in the last week,

and I don't think it's her. I know I used to joke that she's shit in the backyard it's like a raccoon or a coyote or something in it it's i don't think it's i think it's too big for a raccoon how big is a possum's anus we do have a possum but my possum is about the size of a big cat and i've never seen a cat come close to that like i'm telling you that is that is 50 pound dog shit right there that is henry the bulldog shit and i emily smooshed it around a little bit it's full of berries so it's clearly a wild animal of some kind she's smooshed it around i like where we're at by the way with our with all the brands here at rooster teeth you got all these like amazing expensive rebrands like you know all good, all good, no worries. It looks amazing.

Our podcast, we can't even post a picture of dog shit in our own chat. That's the difference between our products. Well, I mean, it's clearly not from a dog. So, I mean, that's, yeah. We can't even. It's not dog shit. It's the size of dog shit.

What animal shits the size of a dog? And listen, with the exception of domesticated dogs who will shit anywhere, wild animals don't tend to just shit in the open where everybody can see them. It puts them in a point of vulnerability. And cats are very good about cleaning up after themselves. So I just

don't know who's shitting in the middle of the yard. It's a very aggressive... Get one of those wildlife night vision cameras. Yeah, I need to. I have a backyard camera, but it didn't catch it. So I'm going to... Like a security camera didn't catch it. So I'm going to do that. I'm going to get some sort of a nature camera. Because somebody is

dropping turds in my yard. Is there an app that's like the bird cool one, but for turds? Like a turd call app? Like you take a photo of it and it tells you what it is? Yeah. What turd did app like you take a photo of it tells you what it is yeah it's like what turd did it it's a great idea andrew i got your text and i'm i'm very into your idea i'm sorry if i didn't seem like i was no that's fine that's fine i was just speaking of your yard i had this thought yesterday because uh you know you're talking about all the cars you're gonna find

when you dig if you dig far enough all the cars you're going to find when you dig. If you dig far enough, all the different vehicles. Oh, yeah. I just thought, I think you guys should do this. It makes me really happy. You should get a metal detector. You and Gavage should get a metal detector and just go in your backyard and whatever it pings, just dig until you find whatever it is. See if there is a vehicle. I want to find a car. I want to find

a hood. Yeah. When we're renting the jackhammer, can we rent a metal detector too? That's not something that has to be done right now, Eric. We can look into that in a hood. Yeah. When we're renting the jackhammer, can we rent a metal detector too? That's not something that has to be done right now, Eric. We can look into that in a month. Just a future thing. Down the road. Whenever things calm down. Metal detectors are relatively cheap.

Where do you rent a metal detector? Let's just buy one. How deep do they go? I don't know. I think there's probably, you could get a shitty one that doesn't go super far and like an insane one, I imagine. Yeah think there's probably you could get a shitty one that doesn't go super far and like an insane one, I imagine. Yeah, there's probably a range.

Oh, man. Speaking of difference in quality, let me ask you guys a question. I was I was I was shopping today. I need to buy some weed killer. And I was I typically buy that at Lowe's, but I was at Walmart looking for cards. And so I just thought I'd see how much I'd check the weed killer there and then I thought I wonder if it's cheaper or more expensive here or at Lowe's and so I took a

picture of it and then I went to Lowe's and it turns out Walmart weed killer is $2 cheaper than the exact same fucking thing at Lowe's I guess you're paying a $2 premium to get to shop at Lowe's and not have to shop at Walmart but when I was in there I looked, and I realized that for the same one-gallon container of weed killer, the prices varied from $9 to $29.

Can there be that much of a quality difference between poison? Isn't the cheaper a liquor is is the more poisonous it is like like it's cheap poison really worse than expensive poison it seems like if you're gonna cut costs on buying so i bought the cheapest fucking poison they had so should we do a comparison between like top shelf poison and the cheap poison and see if it kills three times as much yeah like is it like how it like, how do you, like, how do you? It just seems ludicrous to me. I can't imagine that the $9 poison is any worse than the $29 poison.

Jeff, you might become a poison guy, because this is exactly how 50 Cent got into vitamin water. That he noticed that there was an expensive, like, $5 brand, and then, like, a 50 Cent brand. This is your same realization with poison. I think you need to make a premium poison product and just dominate the marketplace premium poison product yeah five star poison for your yard it's like how the guy made gray goose vodka successful like he

launched in the 70s and nobody bought it so we doubled the price and suddenly everybody wanted it i'm gonna sell a 75 weed killer poison that's just round up in a different container. But it's bespoke because I'll put some like elderflower in it or something. Is there a maximum amount of poison that can be like, what's the parts per million of poison that's at the upper limit of off the shelf poison?

We should look into that. Oh, that's a great, I feel like that's a branding thing of like oh it's too poisonous to have on shelves type thing yeah like it's at the limit yeah it's the most the most concentrated poison we are legally allowed to sell you there has to be because they do that with energy drinks right like there's a certain max amount of caffeine there should be a certain max amount of poison in your poison products. Yeah.

There has to be a line. There has to be a line. Like, where do you get cyanide from? Like, who sells that? Who sells... Let's Google that. Who sells cyanide? Oh, my God.

I don't know. Where can I buy cyanide? Are you on a work computer or a home computer? Here's what I'm going to say. Where can I buy cyanide if my name is Eric Badour? Eric is a great podcast

to get a VPN sponsor. No kidding. Use ExpressVPN and make sure that you look up your poisons. It's not telling me apparently yeah it's just a lot of stuff that is like what is the most deadly poison on the planet and uh a lot of lists and it seems like you only really need one um i can't imagine it's changing very much between research. You know what I mean?

Yeah. Hey, we should probably wrap up. But Gavin, I said I wanted to say something about British people today. I've had an observation and I wanted to, I spent a lot of my time, I spent a lot of our friendship

making fun of you and your country. Yeah. Good naturedly, because I love you dearly and I love going to England and I love the people. I really do. I can't I not there on the food yet, but I love the people. But I was watching, you know, I told you guys before about that show, The Traders.

Yeah. Peacock. Well, there was a Australian and a UK version. And I watched all of the Australian version way better than the US version, by the way. Watching the UK version now, which is way all of the Australian version, way better than the US version by the way, watching the UK version now, which is way better than the Australian version, it's definitely the best version of the show, what I want to say, I want to congratulate British people on being in touch

with their emotions, after watching the US and the Australian show where people just reacted very differently, on the British show every person on that show cries almost every episode. It's like people are really in touch with their feelings and they're not scared to express it. As a matter of fact, early on,

there was one dude who was kind of acting like a dick and somebody was crying and he was like yelling at them to stop crying that they're being fake and that this is a game and there's no reason to cry. Literally the next episode, that dude was broken down and wailing and sobbing everybody on that show has has shown very vocally their emotion so i just want to say congratulations on british people for being uh comfortable enough in their own skin uh to cry

very publicly all right that's cool the australians and Australians and the US people weren't doing it. I feel like every time you made me cry, I just ran and hid away so you couldn't see. All these people are doing it. Shut up. I never made you cry. No, you never made me cry.

I never made you fucking cry. Maybe tears of joy. Oh, hey, by the way. Actually, you did. I teared up a little bit once because of you. Did you really? Yeah, it was the day I got my green card and you were so happy for me that i teared up while we

were hugging oh my god it was the best day of my life are you kidding getting to find out that my best friend in the world wasn't gonna go away again you know how much it's like you always talked about how much it sucked to go back to england for uh nine months until you could come back and spend another summer it was just it was just as sucky for us. We were so sad without you. I'm glad I'm here for good. I am too. Or until I leave. Oh, hey.

Nah, never mind. I don't want to make you cry on the podcast. What? I think I wonder. I could almost make Gavin cry on the podcast right now. Yeah? But I don't know. What? In what way? Like, happy cry? Yeah, I think I wonder I could almost make Gavin cry in the podcast right now yeah but I don't know what way like happy cry happy yeah I think so sad cry okay I mean it sounds like you're conspiring

against me I'm not I've been I've been operating under an assumption for a while and I've never verbalized it to you I don't think but Gavin would you be interested in being my best man holy would I have to do a speech if you want to but I don't think. But Gavin, would you be interested in being my best man? Holy, would I have to do a speech?

If you want to, but I wouldn't make you. Oh my God. I've never been a best man. It's always, it's always, I've always considered it to be my worst nightmare. Yeah. But I've always wanted to be it for someone. Why do you think I'm asking you?

What about Gus? He's gonna, he, he, he's a very good friend and he's going to be in my wedding party, but, um, and I love him dearly, but I, it would mean the world to me if, if you would,

would do it. I'll definitely do it. When is it? What do we do with this? I'm not going to, I'm not going to announce the details off the podcast. I don't mean the date. I mean,

bullpuck. Do I have like a month? Do I have a year? What do you, we're getting married in the fall. It's this year. What do you think? You've got five months, probably.

To do what? I'm swaying. What are you worried about? I'm swaying. What are you worried about? It's scary. Dude, what's scary about it? What has changed?

I don't want to ruin it. Here's all you have to do. Just wear the nice clothes. Yeah. Fucking have chat GPT write a speech. That's fine. I will say, though, if I had to best man for anyone, it would be the easiest to do it for you.

I have so much nice shit to say about you. Well, you don't even have to do any of that. You just have to be there. I don't care if you say anything. I don't care if you give a speech or not. I had to do that once for my cousin. And I was very honored and proud and excited to do it. But I understand the stress behind having to write a speech

that encapsulates how much you love and care about somebody in that way and then recite it in front of 100 people. I wouldn't ask you to do it if you weren't comfortable with it. I've never been more honored in my life. Oh, thanks, buddy. It's something that I've been wanting to ask you to do it if you weren't comfortable with it. I've never been more honored in my life. Oh, thanks, buddy. It's something that I've been wanting to ask you for a long time, and I did not plan on doing it on camera.

I can't believe you did it on the podcast. I was going to buy you a present and take you out to dinner and ask you, but then we got into that whole discussion about crying and heartfelt, and I thought, what better time? All right, I'm going to do my best to hold it together I think I can do this

yeah you're going to be great you're going to be awesome why am I sweating so much I don't know I don't understand I'm just really hot now well you didn't make him he didn't cry from his eyes but he's crying from his head in a sense

he's crying all over the place the back of my neck is weeping oh man that doesn't have to be content too if you don't if you're not comfortable we can cut this part of the episode out or anything i wasn't doing it for okay i wasn't trying to do it for like for content it just the it just seemed like a perfect moment to dovetail that conversation and since we never see each other in person i really don't have many options oh god oh man oh uh one last update uh i just want to just keep you guys informed i went to the mall last week uh still going strong looking good good can you pick up some job application forms for various places i should have i should have seen if they're on hire oh man that would be a dream come true i always wanted to work at a mall so bad when I was younger.

I also really, really, really... I applied to work at a grocery store that everybody in my high school worked at like six times. And they just wouldn't fucking hire me. Since I was 15 and the grocery store wouldn't hire me, I wanted to work at a grocery... Nothing to make you want something more than not being able to do it. I think it would be so cool to front shelves. I loved it.

Yeah, you had so many stories from it. Yeah, and I feel like I've always... I feel like I've always had the creative mind. I've always liked making content and filming stuff. I still enjoyed that kind of work. It was therapeutic in a way it was it was it's nice to have a job where you can also like think about shit at the same time yeah highly recommend it i may i maintain that working i mean it's impossible now unless you

were in an incredibly niche market but the video store that i worked at for like the year that i worked there was to this day the best job i've ever had i still think about it uh fairly regularly how much fun that was how silly it seemed to be getting paid for doing what I was doing which was essentially making jokes with my friends and drinking under the table and uh trading movies for free pizzas and uh and watching porn you traded movies for pizza yeah there was a pizza shop in the same uh there was a pizza shop that was in the same like strip mall we were in it's very close yeah so the employee well this was new jersey so the employees of the pizza shop would come over and we'd let them rent all the free movies if we could call them and order a pizza whenever we wanted and then we just walk

over and get it or they'd come over and get some movies and drop one off. And so we worked in trade. We did that with a little, there was a sub shop too that we did that a few times with, but it wasn't the same vibe. Like they had a different management that was a little more on top of stuff. And then there was a tanning salon.

I think I've mentioned this in the past. It was Sebastian Bach's tanning salon. The guy from Warrant, I believe, is the band he was in and they weren't none of us wanted tans so we never like they we actually had somebody come over and talk about trade with us and we're like all right we're good i wonder if we could do trades in our current industry like is there a service that we want like if you wanted plumbing done could we the three of us go to a plumber and just have a conversation in front of him like trading content for his service? Discord

Nitro. Can we stand at the executives of Discord and give him a five minute podcast? I bet that happens. Like I'm sure there's a dude who's an electrician whose buddy is a plumber and they're like, I'll do all your electric work. You do all my plumbing work. We just, you know, trade back and forth.

Or maybe somebody who's like an electrician who's got a buddy who's a mechanic or who knows eric wants us to wrap up eric do you think you'll be back on form next week give me maybe one more week after that and then we'll see so okay i think we're week to week if we're doing an injury designation like a sport you'd be week to week right now oh definitely week to week right now week to week okay if we can make if we can compare your mental health to andrew's ankles what percentage are we at i want to say somewhere between 40 and 60 but not put it exactly at 50

okay it's pretty bad maybe you should that's why And that's why I'm week to week. Just go. Just take the week off. Okay. Speaking of... Why don't... Wait, wait. Why are you saying speaking of? End. I'm going to end it right here.

Speaking of week to week, one of the things I've been doing with the Sloppy Joes videos I've been recording before they went down is I've started handling all the falls, like NBA accidents accidents and then trying

to evaluate like upper that's that's an upper ankle sprain that's two to three weeks and trying to like look at everything through the lens of a sports injury it's a lot of fun like that guy will be on the bench for at least six weeks like that's that's that that's acl that's he's out for a year now eric give the give take three responsibilities that you have and distribute them amongst us and then take a week off. Yeah, give them all to Nick. It's not this show in particular. No, I'm talking anything.

Give me something that you do. You want something that I do? Give them a meeting. Give them a meeting. I'm not going to give you a meeting. I'm late for a meeting right now. Oh, shit. We should probably end it then.

Yeah, no shit. Hey, thanks for listening to another episode of F*** Face. I particularly enjoyed this one. I thought it was really heartfelt. I thought it was pretty funny, pretty witty, pretty clever. Very dumb. Hopefully you agreed and you'll tell a friend about it. Also, this is a prime time to be checking out Rooster Teeth and our YouTube channel.

Not only is it Rooster Teeth's 20th anniversary, we've got lots of really fun special surprises that we've pulled out from the last 20 years to throw at you, but we've also been making a ton of additional supplemental face content. We've got does it do's coming out every week. We've got does it do's coming out every week. We've got regulation animations. We just had sausage talk

episode to come out. We've got Gavin's best of coming out right now. We've got so much stuff coming out. I can't even tell you what's coming out next week, but I definitely

would like you to check out some of this extra content that we've created because we're pumping it out like I don't know, like a like a new mom pumps out breast milk. We'll see you next week. What?

Why? Hey, guys. Major League fan Jack here with a look at next week's episode of F*** Face. Who forgot the intro? Has the Vancouver child kicker struck again? Jeff checks Facebook for the first time in a decade. It's Jeff Ramsey, XFL hero. Eric brings up wrestling. It's time for the erotic 80s. Jeff can take good photos. And once

again, Andrew does not eat the pencil. All that and more on next week's episode of F*** Face.