F**kface - Rerailing the Train // The Bathroom Waffle Maker [24]

Episode Date: November 11, 2020

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about turnip root & gooseberry, Geoff's bloody cummy dick heart, 70 pounds of pancake mix and more. Sponsored by Tushy (http://hellotushy.com/face). Listen to Fluke Face: https://bit.ly/flukeface Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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The belch was the intro. Welcome to F*** Face. It's a podcast. I thought we had more time because Andrew was pissing about. I took a mouthful. Hold on. What are you eating? You weren't talking.

You just interrupted the intro to say that you couldn't talk when you weren't talking. No, I do. It's a peanut butter thing. It'll take me forever. Hold on. It was a nutty, nutty buddy. Oh, nutty buddies are good. What are, is that like a candy? Do they have those in England? Not that I've ever seen. Yeah, Nutty Buddies are good. Is that like a candy?

Do they have those in England? Not that I've ever seen. Yeah. That's why America's better. What is a Nutty Buddy? America loves putting peanut butter and chocolate in the same place. Oh, yeah, baby. Oh, yeah. I'm okay with it.

It's because we know what's up. All right, you can continue on the intro. What do you guys... All right, hold on. Hello, and welcome to another hilarious or deep-thinking or provocative or boring episode of F*** Face. I believe it's episode 23? Does that sound right, Nick?

24. Or 6. 24, whatever. 16? My name is Jeff, and... Oh, the 16 joke is so played out, Andrew, please. That's so passe. That's so last week.

And the week before, and the week before, and the week before. You're the absolute worst played out, Andrew, please. That's so passe. That's so last week and the week before and the week before and the week before. You're the absolute worst. You're Andrew Panton. I am Jeff Ramsey. And Gavin Free has got a mouth full of penis or peanut butter or something. His mouth was so full, I couldn't understand what he was saying. That's me. Yeah.

Hey, penis mouth. You were just talking about how... I'm padding a little bit because I have to have a potentially uncomfortable conversation with you in specific. And I'm beating around the bush here. But you were just saying... About my anus? No, no, no.

Well, no. Not that I can see. But if you can draw the line out and connect the two, it'll be interesting. Okay. And I'm willing to go there. You were just saying that in uh america

loves to put peanut butter and chocolate together which is i guess i wouldn't think a unique thing but that not done as much in england as it is in the states is that what you're getting at if it if it is done i'd never noticed it i never noticed i mean it's a thing here everything with peanut butter is with chocolate so let me ask you this what are two things that get put together in the uk that are kind of synonymous with like like in america it's like chocolate and peanut butter it's a joke what is there like like black currant and i don't know toffee or like what do you what is the combination in england that is in everything that you just don't see here? Tea and hot water. I don't think that answers the question.

It does. All the tea here is freaking freezing. Well, it literally is. It's iced tea in it. Nobody. Wait, I'm not a tea drinker. Nobody drinks warm tea in America. I mean, they do.

All the time. But it's like, it's not the, like, usually if you order tea tea you have to specify if you want it hot or cold oh my god that's not what i expected you to say but i'll take it i'll take it what did you expect it's definitely not as popular here as it is uh what what i would expect like potato chips and prawns or i don't know like you guys always have oh yeah we got prawn cocktail crisps you You're right. They're pretty rank though. I mean, sorry to anyone who likes a nice Walker's prawn cocktail. Do you, does your family eat those? Not really. We never really like a junk food family.

What is, is there a food that your family ate a lot that you just couldn't stand, but that like your family is really into? Like for me, I'll give you an example. For me growing up in the South, in Alabama and Florida and Louisiana, my family, they ate collard greens constantly. I can't fucking stand collard greens. And the thought of them makes me retch a little bit. Is there like a thing that you guys,

like every meal, there's just a plate, like a bowl of collard greens. And they're like, eat up, it's iron. One thing that was guys like every meal there's just a plate of like a bowl of collard greens and they're like eat up it's iron uh one thing that was strange for me uh after i grew up and started working in a supermarket with veg and fruit and stuff is uh you know like a gooseberry no but what is spelled like gooseberry um it's like a green thing but apparently you're supposed to cook them or like mash them into jam and stuff but everyone in my family just used to eat them cold and raw and i think that is not the way you're supposed to eat them but honestly i can't eat them any other way and they're they're so yeah there you

go eric just posted some gooseberries they're actually like awful they're they're they're hairy uh i don't know why everyone in my family just started snacking on these things and they're they're they're hairy uh i don't know why everyone in my family just started snacking on these things and they're so immensely sour you're supposed to wait for them to get squishy i guess and they turn a little bit sweeter but everyone in my family ate them under ripe and raw and that's the only way i know how to eat them i have a similar thing. Everybody in my family, they're fucking gross looking, by the way. Everybody in my family eats turnip root raw, like an onion or like, like if you were to eat a raw potato.

I don't know if you've ever eaten turnip root, but I don't know anybody outside of my family that does it. I don't even know anybody else in the South that did it. It was just something that we do. Just get a big ass turnip root and just walk around chewing on it all day. It's always weird when something you grow up with as normal is revealed to you as incredibly strange behavior and i i noticed that a lot more after having moved to america like looking back on the way americans react to the monarchy and how that is totally normal for me to have a queen

but now i've lived here for so long it's like it's actually super weird that there's still a monarchy in the year 2020 that's crazy it's a little odd yeah you guys just love your tradition i don't think i have one of those a tradition for me no no traditions obvious but i'm saying like a cultural barrier like canada i don't feel like we have like a shocking twist like that you guys have poutine which i think is really gross. Why is cheese with fries gross? With gravy? It's not cheese. It's cheese curd. It's the difference.

It's the C-U-R-D. It's like lumpy and weird and inconsistent and gross. I don't like it. It's really good. No. I've never had it. On paper, it isn't great.

And even a picture of it isn't great. But poutine is delicious down the throat. I can't, I can't. I respect that people like it. And I recognize that I'm in the minority, but it kind of creeps me out. I honestly didn't realize that you disliked a food that wasn't white.

Yeah, I listen. I don't like, it's well documented throughout my professional career that I do not like most things that are white. But there are some other colors in certain combinations that I'm not crazy about. Definitely, definitely poutine. I don't like to say it. I don't like to think it.

I don't like to think it. I don't like the word bird now. It's a fun word. Poutine is a fun word. I'll fight you on that. It sounds like a diarrhea. And it kind of looks like a diarrhea eric has just posted a picture of some poutine and looking at it in comparison to that pot of gooseberries the poutine is way more appetizing to look at yeah that's true i'll give you that

i have a i think there's something that andrew needs to answer for Based on when I was listening To a previous episode I think it was the one from two weeks ago Where I don't know if you remember Andrew But you said this For kids and so let's change all the weapons of the puke guns So the bad guys puke Because kids think puke is real funny

Is the drowning scene in the game as well? I've never played Or watched Minority Report I've never played or watched minority report i've never played or watched minority report yes is that a good movie it's not bad is it minority report yeah i remember being a very blue movie i think it's okay it's okay i enjoyed it i it's not one of those movies i think i've seen it twice but i don't think i it's not a movie i'd want to see again no i feel like the action in it and the and the kind of just the pacing of the movie is really good, but.

No less than 25 seconds later, you contradicted yourself, I assume to mess with us, and somehow neither of us noticed. How often do you do this to us? How often do you just lie to our faces? Have you seen it or not?

I definitely haven't seen it, and I completely anticipated you two to make a joke about it. I wasn't anticipating just having a fake minority report review in the thing because I just said I didn't see it so then immediately give an opinion in which I'm talking about the pacing and action

is absurd. So I expected you two to make a comment about it and it just nothing happened. So that's just listening to that back. I was like, what the hell? How did that slip by both of us? Yeah, it's not like we went to somewhere else in the conversation and came back. That was just the conversation as it played out. Zero reaction by both of you.

I have an answer to that. And I got to say, on the face of it, it looks pretty bad to us. It makes us look fucking stupid. I'm going to double back to where I was the other week. When Andrew talks, sometimes I just check out. But it doesn't make any sense because I'm so excited to listen to Andrew every week. I literally hear him for about an hour a week. And the fact that half the shit he says I don't hear is disturbing to me.

I will say I appreciate you bringing that moment up because I did some work. I have a lot of stuff prepped for this episode. I have a lot to talk about. But one of the things I did, Jeff a few weeks ago we recorded a bunch in advance so this is going to be a little weird. Went on this whole thing about Jack's moment. Jack loved the gavel, the gavel

line by Gavin, Judge Gavel. Super fan Jack as we call him. Jack, yes, exactly, as we call him. Loved the gavel line so i asked jack could he give us a moment his favorite moment of the last episode and that was the moment the minority report scene jack moment he scales at 7.5 that's a 7.5 jack moment of the week so just anyone keeping track judge gavel's a nine just so we have the scale. Jack really loves the shit that gets no reaction whatsoever. He does.

He's a big fan of it. I believe he said it gave him a solid chuckle or two, but that is a 7.5 on the Jack scale of, I guess, missable moments. That's funny. Hey, by the way, I don't want to derail that, but when there's an appropriate time to crowbar it in, this whole Minority Report joke thing reminded me of a f***face story

from my past that I haven't thought about since I was like 18. Is that you saying you're not going to tell it yet? No, I just don't want to derail Andrew if he's going in a direction, but I wanted to pipe in and say it just so we don't get too far down the road. You did derail it though.

Yeah, but now I'm offering to re-rail Andrew. You derailed the train to say you're open to re-rail it is what you did. And that's fine. You go ahead. You tell your story. I'd love to hear it. Okay. When I was... I'm gonna try... I'm remembering this. It's popping into my head as we're having

the conversation, so I'll do my best to explain it. When I was in... You guys know I was in the Army for five years, from 18 to 23, and I was a journalist, an Army photojournalist and print journalist. And I was in journalism school in the military, which was a very difficult school. Only about 50% of the people that enter that school graduate it's got the second highest failure rate out of all schools in the military or at least it did at the time I think it was behind linguistics

and maybe air traffic controls maybe it was the third anyway I never expected to pass it because I was a shit student and kind of a shit everything and I was super mediocre and I just realized that throughout my life,

I've been a C student, no matter how difficult school is, I could go to Harvard and be a C student, or I could go to a community college and still be a C student. I just, I just am like dead in that 70 to 75 zone, always on the, on the brink of failing, but just doing just enough. I don't know how I, I don't know how I've been able to, to make it 45 years like that, but that just seems to be my trajectory. So, uh, I didn't expect to pass journalism school because people were dropping like flies all around me. And, uh, I think we started with 48 people and I, um, we graduated like 23. So more than half the people failed out and had to go like fucking hump guns and be artillery and MPs and shit.

And and so during journalism school, you go through this intensive period where you it's called feats, where you learn have to learn how to write features. And the goal is the first one you turn in, they dismantle you and just destroy you emotionally and mentally. And like there were people you would turn in the paper. There were people that got like their first grade was like a negative 70. There was somebody like one of my best friends got like a negative 25. I got like a 30 and I felt like a fucking hero. But your mind is just Swiss cheese during this period because you're still like training and going and like fucking living in the woods and it's freezing. And how do you get a negative though?

They will just, they just find enough mistakes to give you negative. It's purely only to demoralize you. If instead of turning it in, I turned in like an apple, would I get a higher score? Cause yeah, potential potentially, but that's not the point of the exercise. The point of the exercise is to, is just to shit down your mouth and see how you respond to that. And it's kind of the army as a whole. So I was in like the third week of this, like Feats 3. And I was known as, the school's called DINFOs,

the Defense Information School. And I was known as the DINFOs sleeper because I could not stay awake. I fell asleep in class every day they would make me stand up and go to the back i fell asleep standing up fell onto a wall once kind of like you did in the in the closet during the making of rvb season five and uh i went to do an interview with a guy a very serious interview for my feats three it was a dude who um was on a on a shooting range in the military and a marine went nuts and started shooting at people and this guy had to kill the

marine he had to shoot him and uh to defend the other people it's a guy just like lost his mind on a shooting range this is in the late 80s probably and uh i was interviewing him about this and i kept falling asleep during the interview oh my god but there were two other people that are with me and so i thought i got away with it i would like not off catch myself not enough and wake up and uh when i got home that night or home when i got to the barracks that night i started to transcribe my notes from my little tape recorder and in the the tape recorder, sometimes while I was sleeping, he would stop telling the story. And they'd just start saying shit to me about me being asleep or being an idiot or how it was never going to pass. And then as I started to come back

around, he would just effortlessly dive back into the story. And I interviewed the dude for fucking 45 minutes. And he never said a word to me. I never knew. I left thinking that was a pretty good interview. And I don't think he caught me sleeping at all. And the two people that I was with never said a word to me. I wish I still had that tape. In the tape, he's just like, just making fun of me, calling me dumb, making fun of my big ears, like telling me there's no way I'm going to pass this class, just making up shit.

And he probably did it like seven or eight times throughout the course of this interview. And I got back and I felt like the dumbest motherfucker. I was so fucking embarrassed. And then I passed with like a 74. That's crazy that because you probably heard the entire story. You must have kept waking up. I feel like I'm still on board. Every time I would like jostle back awake, he would just be in the middle of I'd be missing

some of it. But I cut with context clues. This is insane. It doesn't sound to me like that would be a boring story. No, no, it wasn't boring at all, dude. I was fucking I was just tired. I was just I was sleep concept that you think you could sneakily sleep. Like when you sleep, there's nothing subtle about sleeping covers.

Not at all conversation not at all not at all you can't hide that it's so obvious like you your head tilts absolutely you can't were you like facing him in a chair like what yeah he was in a desk and i was at the other desk but he was talking to two other people as well and so i'd be like three people isn't a lot you don't get lost in a crowd of three I know I know it sounds ludicrous and I wish I had the tape to go back and play it to you because it sounds impossible I guess

they must have been in on it or he signaled them to shut the fuck up or something but like when I transcribed that tape it was like it was like my heart fell through my body and then like dribbled out my dick all over my shoes. And I just had like bloody comey dick heart all over my feet.

Oh my God. And I was like, I heard that story. I never, I haven't thought about it since then probably. And, uh, and I was just like,

there is no fucking way I'm passing the school. He's going to tell my teachers. These teachers are really smart and hard. Uh, and I'm fucking done. And then I asked somebody about it later. And they said, oh, yeah, he does that all the time. People are always falling asleep. We keep you guys so tired that it's common. Because they're getting you up at like 5 in the morning, and you're doing a five-mile road march.

And then you have nine hours of class. And then you go do drills and stuff in the evening and then you get to start writing your paper at like 8 p.m and you have to have and you have to do it till like 3 a.m and then you get three hours of sleep or two hours of sleep and then you do it again you did that for eight months essentially and so they they keep you so like it's almost like scientology right they keep you so sleep deprived you almost like Scientology, right? They keep you so sleep-deprived, you'll believe anything. That tape has to be somewhere, right? I don't think so. Maybe. Well, certainly it's somewhere. I have a briefcase full of my old

journalism school shit. I can go through it and see if it's there. That'd be amazing. I doubt it would be, but maybe I kept it and didn't realize it. Anyway, that's my 18-year-old f***face journalism school story that Andrew's Minority Report thing just popped into my head

that I probably haven't thought about in 25 years. Do you have a butthole? Well, then this ad is for you. Actually, it's not for you. It's for your butthole. So you can tune out, but I would like your butthole to pay attention. If you feel more comfortable, if you don't want to be a part of the conversation, why don't you stand up, turn around, put your butthole towards the screen, and I'll talk directly to it.

It's hard to believe, butthole, that when you go to the bathroom in this country, your owner, I guess he doesn't own you, he or she, they don't own you. I guess your human partner tends to wipe. What an antiquated, terrible, Machiavellian torture for such a tender, kind soul as the butt. All you do all day long, what unsung hero, you sit, you stand, you eliminate waste, and you keep us comfy and cozy. And sometimes you look pretty good. If I've been playing enough tennis, you eliminate waste, and you keep us comfy and cozy. And sometimes you look pretty good.

If I've been playing enough tennis, you know, I don't look too bad. Anyway, I think it's criminal, and that's why I want you to learn about bidets. Yes, that's right. Never again shall we sandpaper your poor little anus apart. Let's spray it with healing, warm, or cool, depending on your preference, butt water. Hello Tushy is a modern bidet attachment, and it's here to democratize the blessings bestowed upon bidets and offer clean buttholes to everyone, not just you. Hello Tushy cleans you with a precise stream of fresh water for just $79. Listen, you're a butthole, you don't care about cost savings, but this is going to be a big deal to the other half of you. So let's pay attention. It attaches to your existing toilet. It requires no electricity, no additional plumbing,

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Go to HelloTushy.com slash face to get 10% off. That's HelloTushy.com slash F-A-C-E. This is a special offer for our listeners. Go to HelloTushy.com slash face for 10% off. hellotushy.com slash face. I just want to give you credit. You perfectly tied a bow. You put the train back on the tracks with a Scientology comment.

It was perfect. I don't think that was even intentional. You did a great job. It was a great transition back. Are we about to go into Scientology? Nah, I have, going back to the food, if we want to put the train in reverse, I've had, I made a change in my life recently, food related. Oh, no.

And it has been groundbreaking. You started eating eggs. No, haven't done that yet. Oh. That's not even in consideration. What I did, and let me tell you, this is, you're going to have to stay with me. This is a little, it's a little weird, but it may be the best choice I've made in a long time. I bought myself a waffle maker.

I make morning waffles as soon as I wake up. I put it in my bathroom. I brush my teeth. I mix a waffle. I have a waffle every day. So you're like a La Quinta Inn. I don't know what that is. It's a hotel famous for their morning waffles.

Oh, well, I guess. they make your own waffles did you say you put the waffle in in your bathroom i do because the sink is right there and i have the mixer under the sink and then i have the powder just casually say these things i'm like properly listening now all right every time you put a mouth i'm listening to every single word what are you an insane person what do you mean no no it's listen being able to make a breakfast food from your room is revolutionary it's maybe the greatest thing i've ever done i put it in the bathroom because the sink is there i put the mix i i put the mix in the container then i add the water with the sink i stir it up and then i just pour my waffle i got a waffle in the bathroom sink no it's next to the sink i have like a counter it's like a sink it's i probably should move it out of the bathroom that i think yeah that's a moisture area reason that yeah like a bathroom not the most hygienic place if you've got a toilet in there

there's like fecal particles the lid's down by down my ass. You're flushing that thing. It's going everywhere. Landing on your waffle machine. It's definitely not. It's definitely not landing on the waffle maker. Even if it did, the waffle machine would superheat it away. It's been a huge change. And I would recommend maybe don't put it in your bathroom, but get a waffle maker.

Put it somewhere in your room. Get a little bit of Pam. It's great. They're easy to make. So wait, is all of that stuff in the bathroom with the waffle maker? Oh it somewhere in your room, get a little bit of Pam. It's great. They're easy to make. It's all of that stuff in the bathroom with the waffle maker. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I got my measuring cup under the sink, and then I got the mix in one of the side drawers

next to my razors and stuff. Andrew, I'm going to just, this is a bad idea. Okay. A, it's a terrible idea to have food prep in a place of fecal excitation. Everything is very secure. And two, waffles every day, you're gonna die. Well, here's the thing.

We haven't got to... I made a mistake here. Let me just first... Let me just bring up... I'm working... I have some pretty fucking cool... This is my waffle maker. It is fantastic.

It makes That are really fucking cool, so it's just a good way to start your morning First of all this is joy fucking awesome Wasn't even that expensive can I can I come out in support of this I? Get the opposite of Gavin I think this is ingenious, and I think it's efficient. And I'm all for it. Just imagining you soaking wet, like towel wrapped around you, mixing waffle mix, taking a dump, you get off, the waffles

are made. It's ridiculous. Does the waffle maker make you sing the song to yourself while you're doing it? No, it's just the whole thing is a joy, Jeff. Every part of it. I don't even need to sing the song. It's fantastic. Do you keep syrup in there with you? No, it's just the whole thing is a joy Jeff every part of it. I don't even need to sing the song. It's fantastic Do you get syrup in there with you? No, but I have a mini fridge in my room and I put the butter in there So I'm set I'm not a big syrup guy, but I got a little bit of butter butter in your bedroom waffles in the bathroom

What's in the kitchen shampoo? No, I got a lot Actually, I'm looking into getting a second waffle maker for my kitchen, because it's kind of an inconvenience when I'm in the kitchen and I want a waffle. The first one should be in the kitchen. The second one is the bathroom one. No, no, no. I get way more use out of it in my bathroom than I would in the kitchen. But it's just sometimes you want a waffle in a kitchen and it's an inconvenience to go all the way to my room to get the waffle maker and pull it back. It would never happen. How far is your bedroom slash bathroom from the kitchen? It's a different floor.

So it's some work. It's some stairs. It requires thought. You got to think about it if you're going to go down there. Have you noticed a change in your health since consuming... What is waffle mix? Like flour and eggs every day? What is it? We're going to get into that.

You guys are going to laugh at me. Because some waffle mix, you have to get an egg. Yeah, I mean, I go with ones that don't need eggs it's often optional I think he's right it's usually you just mix it up with milk or water and you're ready to go this is uh I don't even know how to approach this

you guys are gonna laugh I feel like you're about to admit something that you know is insane to us well did you know that pancake mix and waffle mix are not the same thing? Correct. I thought that they were because sometimes you see pancake and waffle mix as a joint product. So if you can make pancake and waffle mix, why wouldn't every mix you make be a pancake and waffle mix? What's the point of even having a specific pancake and a specific waffle milk mix? It makes no sense. So I bought,

I was on Amazon yesterday and I'm running low. I'm running low on some mix and they had a really good deal on. And I thought, you know, it'd be good. I'm really enjoying this. This is a lifestyle change. I'm just gonna buy I'm just gonna buy some some pancake mix Assuming it would work with my waffle maker and I kind of panic when they show only a few I buy all of them You bought 70 pounds of pancake 10 pounds times? Did it come on a pallet? I haven't got it yet, but I bought 70 pounds of pancake mix.

Oh my god! I bought a child's worth of pancake mix. Dude, that's like a 7-year-old's worth of pancake. Yes! Here's what you do, man.

You just get yourself a hot plate and one pan and a flipper. But I like the turtles. And a spatula. And then you just make waffles or make pancakes in your bathroom just like you make waffles. Did you think it was ounces? Like, what were you thinking? I knew it was 10 pounds, but it was a good deal. And they only had seven. So I thought if I buy it and I like it, then I'll thinking? No, I knew it was 10 pounds, but it was a good deal, and they only had 7, so I

thought if I buy it and I like it, then I'll want more and what if they're gone, so I just bought all of them. Like the Krusty's company, it's a limited edition pancake mix, they're like, oh, we're all out for 2020. You have to wait for next year's edition. How much was that? It was a good deal.

It wasn't that much. It was pretty good. The problem is I didn't know until after I paid for everything that they're different. And so I've been asking people, is this okay? And I'm getting answers

all over the place. I've had people tell me it's going to break my waffle machine because it's too gummy. I've had people tell me it's totally fine. It's all over the place. Well, have you considered just switching to pancakes considering you have 70 pounds of pancake mix? Great point, Gavin. Fantastic

point. I thought that too. They don't make any cool pancake machines. I really like my turtle. There's no turtle's pancakes? No, there's zero turtle's pancakes. It's a real... It's what you do then. It's under-saturated. You could sort of maybe get a piece of metal like a brand for a cow That is turtles and then just stab the top of your pancake when it's done that seems like work the whole point

I'm making bathroom waffles you think I want to add additional steps to this this is all about convenience 70 pounds yeah, that's the thing a lot of of people have said, I don't know, just try it and see if the pancake mix thing works. Also, I don't know, am I making a waffle or a pancake at that point? I'm putting pancake mix in a waffle maker. Is that a waffle or a pancake? You're hot. You're arteries. It's a waffled pancake. Okay. I've been calling it a waffle. The waffle is part of the process, right? You waffle something, so it's a waffled pancake. So you're pretty much teed up for another food challenge.

I don't view it that way. This is just a daily joy, and hopefully the pancake mix works. Daily joy? For what, like two and a half years? How long is it going to take you to eat 70 pounds? That's the other problem. Because it's not

70 pounds of food You're adding stuff to the mix It's gonna be way more than 70 You're gonna be eating like 200 pounds of pancakes I viewed this as like my lifetime Supply of pancake Waffle mix I figured I'd be good for A long time I'm never gonna have to think about

It again it's fantastic It's not like honey though It's gonna expire yeah i'm getting to that it turns out that the crusty's buttermilk pancake mix uh is best before six months from when oh god so i need if i wanted to consume all of my pancake slash waffle uh within the time it was good i need to eat a little bit more than 10 pounds a month of waffles. Could you make

70 pounds of waffled pancakes and then freeze them? That doesn't seem... They'll keep for like a year and a half in the freezer. That's what Eggo waffles are, right? Millie has Eggo waffles. I mean, that's what Eggo waffles are, right? Like, Millie has Eggo waffles.

That's a great point. Eggo waffles are a thing. She pulls them out of the freezer and sticks them in the fucking toaster and boom. You need to open a kitchen or something. You're going to have to get rid of these by giving them away. Do you live with family? I mean, I could give them the family, but it's like once it's 70 pounds of mix that I was very excited about

and has turned into a problem. What's crazy is this isn't an error. This is a face. You've done this because you are you and it's funny. Oh, I was very excited when I made this order that this was a great decision. And then I woke up this morning and thought,

I can't believe I bought 70 pounds of mix for a thing that might not turn out these could be total shit i'm gonna have to try and see what it's like i've never had a pancake mixed waffle so it was really i just don't understand the mindset of it being a good deal like anything in bulk is a good deal you could buy 90 kilograms of toothpaste it doesn't mean it's a good idea you'd probably be way cheaper but you gotta store that shit forever yeah but then you just don't think about it imagine never having if you're having a waffle a day and you all of a sudden just have to you don't have to think about where the waffles are coming from that's a big thing that's a nice change i i used to be big into the bulk purchases like i once bought 200 rolls of toilet

paper because i thought you know this doesn't go bad i'll just wipe my ass forever and that's all fun and games until you have to move house and now i'm filling up like four moving boxes with just bog roll it's it's a terrible plan don't even get them started on the fucking boxes and boxes of salmon colored shorts he got off that truck. Another thing I asked, I went to Twitter about this and I thought I, Chef Mike is like the only chef I'm aware of that I know that might answer me. So I asked Chef Mike, he gave me a little, like he gave some insight, but then he also just said this and I've got no fucking idea what that means.

I have no clue how to translate surprisingly ketchup will do the trick. Andrew Panton surprisingly ketchup is he saying add it to the batter? I don't know. I asked would it work and he's like yeah it's actually it's fine and then he just made a second tweet and said surprisingly ketchup will do the trick.

I got no idea what that means. Where do I put the ketchup? In the thing. Here's the deal with Chef Mike. I love Chef Mike. I think he's a great dude. Big fan. Consider him a friend. But all of his food advice

always comes down to just make ice cream bread. And I don't know what that is. But if you ever get any advice from him, he's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you make ice cream bread. He can say whatever he wants and people listen

because he is a chef. That is what makes it confusing. If anyone else would have said, surprisingly, ketchup will do the trick, I would be unfazed and walk right by. But I have no idea what that means, but I assume it's a good tip. I started watching his YouTube videos. His shit looks delicious. Not his actual feces. His stuff, the stuff he makes looks damn good. It looks incredibly unhealthy too, which is why it looks good. Was a clarification needed? Was there any thought by anybody

that Chef's Mike YouTube channel was him filming his shit? Did we need the clarification? Chef's Mike? Did you say Chef's Mike? I don't know what I said. I'm heated about these waffles and pancakes. I've got a lot going on. I'm really excited to see

a picture of them when they arrive. Saturday. It won't take long. Oh, Saturday's pancakes. Oh've got a lot going on. I'm really excited to see a picture of them when they arrive. Saturday. It won't take long. Oh, Saturday's pancake. Oh, you know, pancake day is coming up. Poor fucking Amazon delivery guy's gonna pull his back out trying to take the palette of pancake mix out of his truck.

He separated it into three different things. It'll be fine. It's not one 70-pound box of batter. Dude, Shrove Tuesday is in three months. I reckon that's your day. That's when you whip them all up. You give them out. into three different things it'll be fine it's not one 70 pound box of batter dude shrove tuesday is in three months i reckon that's your day that's that's when you whip them all up you give them out walk out give one to the woman in the alley every everyone's gonna be wanting pancakes i don't think i could make 70 pounds of pancakes in a day not even with your bathroom setup no i don't think so even if i incorporated the tub i think that's just not enough the making of it the time to cook the tub

you gotta mix it all in the bath well if i'm making 70 pounds of fucking pancake mix and i'm in my bathroom why wouldn't i utilize the tub at that point i don't think the mixing stage is the bottleneck i think it's the cooking them stage but i i just want you need the rapid i could just scoop if i put it in the tub i get my thing i just scoop from the tub pour it in the machine it's way faster you should get one of the. I just scoop from the tub, pour it in the machine. It's way faster. You should get one of the ores left over from the bathtub races to mix it.

And then you should... They don't use ores. That's absurd. You should... Okay. You should overnight like three more Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

waffle makers. So you can start mass producing these things. How many outlets do you have in your bathroom? Two You're going to need to get Power strips

Because there's nothing safer Than a power strip on the floor of a bathroom If anyone has A waffle maker or pancake maker Suggestion feel free to send them to me On the mark for a second Pancake maker is a pan They make pancake machines or pancake maker suggestion, feel free to send them to me. I'm the market for a second. Pancake maker is a pad. It's just a pan.

No, they make pancake machines. No, no, no. Andrew, let's think about it this way. What's the first part of the word pancake? Pan. Yeah. It's because it's made in a pan. There's no pancake maker.

It's just a pan. It's a cake in a pan. The first part of the word is waffle, and you don't make a fucking waffle in a waffle. I don't get your point. That's not a pan. It's a cake in a pan. First part of the word is waf-waf, and you don't make a fucking waffle in a waf. I don't- I don't get your point. That's not a word, waf! I'm just- you're just saying you're putting three letters together and saying that's how you cook it. You definitely- there are pancake machines, you told me, the hotel. No, I said there are waffle- I said there are waffle machines in the hotel.

No... oh, maybe you did. Yeah, you might be right about that. I've seen pancake machines too. But pancake machines definitely exist. I've seen things that like will just squirt a circle and then they'll go through like a heater. Yeah, you have to get like an industrial hotel pancake machine. Is the waffle machine, the turtles one,

is it one of the ones that flips or does it just do this? No, no, you just pour it in, you close the lid, you're good to go. So you get an uneven cook, basically the lid you're good to go so you get an uneven cook basically the top the tops are going to be softer it's worth it for the turtle all right is that a teenage mutant ninja turtles or a teenage mutant hero turtles waffle maker i don't i i don't get that joke what is that joke when it was on in England originally, ninjas were too violent, I suppose. Ah, okay. So they renamed it to Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles.

And also there were no nunchucks or something. One of the characters' weapons was cut. I didn't know that. Yeah, I actually, for Christmas one year, I got Gavin a bunch of Teenage Mutant Hero Turtle merchandise. I had shipped it over from England as his present. It's true. I've still got that stuff. And they even changed, they like sung the theme tune twice with both versions. mutant hero turtle merchandise from i had shipped it over from england as his present it's true i've

still got that stuff and they even changed they like sung the theme tune twice with both versions we're not allowed to play uh turtles theme tune on here are we eric i think it's a i think it's a safe assumption now he said no absolutely not europe has very strict laws for like what type of content you could be producing on television or airing on television at certain times. Like one of my favorite sports stories of recent years was there is this MMA event called Bellator, which is like the second biggest promotion. And they were doing their first big show. And they had a card. It was airing in London.

I mean, Europe generally. And every single fight went long. There were no finishes. Every fight was as long as it possibly could, which they didn't project for in the scheduling. And they did it to accommodate North American time. So it went all night. And during the main event, the second round, I want to say the five round fight, they hit 7 a.m. where I guess it's you can't have violent content on at that time so anyone watching in London immediately had the fight flipped from that to Peppa Pig and they could not reverse it so people had stayed up for hours watching this thing and they finally get to

the main event and it flips to Peppa Pig in the middle of it and they could not see it yeah the Brits used to be or maybe still are, pretty fussy about violence on the old television. So what does this have to do with Scientology? You gotta sell waffles to the Scientologists? Yeah, I gotta sell

waffles to the Scientologists. And that's not the only thing, that's not the only change that has happened in my life since we last spoke. We took a week off last week. Because of the show. We did not record last week. From the show, we did not record an episode last week. It will mean nothing to the people listening. But I missed you guys.

I miss you guys a lot. I have a lot of fun doing these. I missed you guys. So I put a thing together. Because it's so fun to do. It's a project I've been working on kind of on and off for over a month. I did some community casting. This is going to be an interesting podcast moment

where we potentially listen to a podcast on a podcast. I miss you guys so much. I made a new podcast, very original title, called Fluke Face. It really is just, it came from the heart because I missed you two a lot. I'm trying to, it's still working and getting it on Spotify and iTunes because RSS feeds make zero sense. But we recorded an episode last week

when we would typically record and I'll just, did the image not load? Do you guys see the image? I can see it. I can see it. I see it. I see it. It's a fantastic piece of art that I had made.

So here, if you want to listen to a little bit of this, what I did was it's on SoundCloud at the moment. I transcribed our first episode. I had it transcribed. It's essentially word for word. And I casted three people to play us, and they read the

script of our first episode. It's actually the first time I've ever listened to the show. Wasn't a bad first episode. A little slow. But that's Fluke Face. I got a friend of mine named Evan to be me. I casted a friend named Jeff with a J to play Jeff. And then I just tweeted, anyone have a British accent that I could use for a thing? And I took the first person who replied a woman named Meg and she did fantastic

as Gavin what if I'd have replied uh that would have been weird I guess I think I would have cast you if you were first but can I can I start playing this shall I listen yeah go ahead yeah go ahead you can listen to it it's uh it's a thing it is word for word the transcript of our first episode it's not the whole episode. It is the whole episode. Oh, I saw 104. I thought that was minutes. It's 104 hours? It is the first episode and there's zero editing.

There's zero editing. So there are some pauses because instead of laughter, because that would be forced whenever there's laughter and it's in the script, they just say laugh. And sometimes a person would miss their laugh and then there would be a long pause where they're waiting for a laugh to happen i've got an honest question yeah is this better than our original episode uh i haven't listened to our actual original episode so i i don't know i couldn't comment on that i i i oh you okay jeff yeah i'm just kind of at a loss

i'd recommend giving it a little listen it starts a little slow i'd say it picks up maybe 15 minutes or so in they get their footing but uh it's it's quite us us too by the way the first 15 minutes of our first episode was a little rough the person playing me has a really nice voice that's yeah the meg absolutely killed it for literally being the first person who my casting was you replied first you can do it did amazing how did you explain this did they just were they just like okay i'm gonna pause it now because i'm gonna listen to this later okay were they just like all right mate yeah makes sense or were they kind of questioning your motivation oh no everyone was on board i knew two of the people already from a

long time ago and meg was not hard to convince are you gonna do are you gonna have them record episodes 2 through 16 and then all the 16s uh i thought about it that's a lot of work though i don't i don't think anyone will actually listen to this it was more of just an exercise of me missing you two and getting to continue to do that's so sweet that so sweet. That's really sweet. I miss you too. I was honestly, and still am, blown away that we moved the entire podcast for a shelf. We were discussing whether we were going to be filming or doing one this week, weren't we?

And you and I had a little conversation on Slack, Andrew. Jeff said, I'm good for tomorrow. This was yesterday. I said, I'm okay for tomorrow, but yesterday i said i'm okay for tomorrow but my floor has some fluff on it and i need to vacuum so maybe we should move the entire podcast andrew said i also have concerns that a strong breeze might rattle my door i'll check the weather reports and report back jeff said your jokes mean nothing to me it was a lot more than that wasn't it also you guys are you guys are acting like we took last

week off for the shelves we moved the podcast two days for the shelves last week i was out of town uh that's true yeah it had nothing to do with it had nothing to do with the shelving you got if you want a bitch that we we we had to move the podcast so that I could go to Detroit. You can do that. So this and the last one is the longest gap we've ever had between episodes. Because not only was it a week missed, it was two days earlier than normal. Then you know what? Since Gavin, you said a nice thing, and Andrew, you obviously missed us terribly. I'm going to say for the purposes of this podcast, I missed you too that's for the purposes of this podcast i'll say this is nice

yeah there you go nice thing we're all friends uh anyway i guess this is this podcast i uh i gotta wrap up real soon uh just because i gotta go uh trade in gavin's car for a new car oh you're getting rid of it uh gotta That's the uncomfortable part. I gotta... If you don't know, Gavin won my car in a bet. I've had it for... Six years? Six years now?

I got it quite soon after you bought it. It was within like three months. And I have to... It's time, and I'm really sorry, but on the bright side, I guess the ownership transfers to you, so you're about to get a really nice new car. Dude, what does this mean for my tax return this year? Do I have to do it?

I have no idea. We'll have to work that out with the lawyers. Oh, I'm excited that you're getting me a new car. I'm really sorry that I'm trading in your car without getting your permission or approval, but it's pretty much a done deal. I didn't even get a chance to say goodbye.

As soon as we hang up, I'm hopping in your old car and I'm driving it to South Austin to say goodbye to it. I really liked when I owned that car and I still lived with you because I'd walk by it to get to my little studio. I'd past it be like that's my car

oh by the way uh by the way millie uh who is 15 and has a learner's permit has driven your car now infinitely more times than you will ever drive that car or your new car that i'm picking up today for you probably. I gotta get a license. I can't have Millie beat me to a driver's license. You got like seven or eight months before you're fucked. Easy. I'll be driving before Andrew finishes his pancakes. Oh, definitely.

Well, congrats. I'm happy for you. Thanks. I felt I for you. Thanks. I realized today when I was making the deal that I hadn't actually asked your permission to trade your car in. I'm not lying. I was at the dealership going, oh, I feel a little shitty about this.

And I thought, oh, I'll just gloss over it really fast in the podcast and move on. That's amazing. Yeah. By the way, 2020, great time to put a bunch of money into buying a new car. Wouldn't be doing it if it was at all possible. But I got to be honest with you, man. Your car kind of fell apart this year.

Kind of a piece of shit. Didn't it fall apart like a year ago as well? I feel like you've been dealing with this car dripping apart for year. Kind of a piece of shit. Didn't it fall apart like a year ago as well? I feel like you've been dealing with this car dripping apart for ages. Your car's been a bit of an issue. What finally did it for me was two days ago, I went out to go run some errands and your car wouldn't start.

And I had to call a guy. I was going to have him tow it. And he was like, no, no, no. It just needs to jump. Your battery's fine. So he jumped it and I drove it around for a couple hours to let the battery charge up. And then yesterday morning, I woke up and went to similarly take your car to go run some errands. And it was deader than dead. And I called the dude.

And I said, take it to the dealer. And then I just drove to another dealer. And I said, I'm going to buy a new car. I have a piece of shit at another dealership getting its battery replaced. I'm trading it in and I'm done with it. It was like two dead batteries in two days was too much for me.

It proves how good a friend you are there because you've put a lot of money into my car over the years. Dude, I had to put $10,000 into your car this summer and I'm never getting back when they had your car for two and a half months at the dealer. That was like, that was the straw

that broke the camel's back when they had your car for two and a half months and I took it in to get the air conditioner fixed and it cost over $10,000. And then, and then,

oh, it's a huge, it was a perfect car for like five years. And then when it hit the wall, it just hit the wall super hard and uh and then yeah the the tube dead batteries in two days was just too fucking much i got i got that kind of mad where you don't yell or get angry you just your entire body catches on fire and you're burning and you get real calm and i just i took an uber uh in the pandemic i took an uber

to a dealer and i just walked around and I was like, I want that car. He was like, all right, man, there is something impressive about you, Jeff, that has been consistent the entire time I've known you.

And that is, it takes you like 10 seconds to buy a car. You will just be like, need a car. And then you'll just have one that day. You won't get any thought. You'd be like, oh,

I want to, oh, I want like a BMW. You come back with an Audi or something. Cause it's like, oh, I didn't really want one that day you won't get any thought you'll be like oh i want to oh i want like a bmw you come back with an audi or something because it's like oh i didn't really want one that bad how did you know i'm so i'm trading the audi for a bmw are you following really that's amazing that's amazing you like your german engineering i do i do and you know part of it is like and part of it is in response to everybody that we know getting a tesla i just like you just want to keep burning a petrol yeah i just want to roll coal all day

long no i just i just don't want to drive the same car as every single friend i have i feel like i'm in some sort of a weird car club i haven't seen like a lot of tesla roadsters you can get one of them yeah i'm just i'll buy one. They're only like 250 grand or something. I have a, I have a hate, well, listen,

I, that's never gonna happen. I'm never gonna pay a house for a car. That's fucking ludicrous. I only buy used. When I buy your, when I buy you new cars,

I only get them used. I'm buying you a very nice 2019. Maybe next week we could bet your house. No, fuck you. To fucking hell. But, no, I want to move,

I want to join the electric revolution, but I just, Elon Musk is so gross, I just can't. You don't have to get a Tesla, there's loads of electric cars. Yeah, I know, but they're all pretty fucking expensive, and I want to wait until the next generation.

Dude, have you guys seen, I'm not a fan of Hummers. I had to drive Humvees in the army. They are not fun. But have you guys seen the commercial for that new fucking Hummer that's coming out? That electric Hummer with a thousand horsepower that's coming out in like two years. You can already pre-order

it. No. I can't remember the last time I saw a car commercial. It was on during the World Series. It crab locks where it's fucking crazy. Watch the video. It's like... It moves all of its wheels? What? Yeah. It shows it trying to go up a hill and then it encounters a rock and instead of

like... It just drives sideways around the rock and then forward. It's the fucking weirdest thing. So parallel parking is done? It's just perpendicular parking? Yeah. Yeah. 100%. That's exactly correct. Is that what you needed, Gavin? Is this the technology that has So parallel parking is done. It's just perpendicular parking. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A hundred percent. That's exactly correct.

Is that what you needed, Gavin? Is this the technology that has held you back from getting your license? We finally innovated to the point where you feel confident. I mean, parallel parking sucks ass, especially on a hill. It's not, it's mechanically not that bad though. Once you learn it. Well, I didn't learn to drive. I have done it.

I just didn't get a license. Also, all the fucking cars now that come out like in the last two or three years, you just hit a button and it goes, parking spot detected. Parking for you, idiot.

It doesn't. Yeah, maybe this is it. Maybe I was just waiting for car tech. Yeah, I think car tech has caught up with you. Finally. I wonder if you could use it to really violently change lanes. Yeah, there it is.

The Hummer EV. Jesus Christ. It's like a sideswipe in a video game. Like a kart racer. Just hit a button and it like launches to the other lane. That's way cooler than that Cybertruck. Oh, it is way cooler than the Cybertruck. Eric said it's like you can paint it like Halo or Saints Row.

It is absolutely like the ludicrous vehicles you get in saints row three and four that just do dumb shit speaking of saints row i didn't realize until i went to california the first time that those freaking like kneecapper things that stick out of rims are real you could people drive on the roads with those yeah that what what's that about what are they for that's the thing here more than back home oh i've seen them mainly in california you uh you've seen saints row right yeah that's what they're for yeah but how is that road legal like there are some laws about cars where it's like well you can't have a light uh this bright underneath the car door because of safety but you can have a freaking spinning piece of metal that sticks out like a foot from the car door because of safety. But you can have a freaking spinning piece of metal that sticks

out like a foot from the car? Insanity. Can I have an ejector seat? I think a lot of them are illegal, actually. And people just don't

give a shit. Same way, like, you can only get your window tinted so dark, you know, but people don't care. They just blow through that and get it, like,

limo tinted. And then, like, you play the percentages. Like, what are the odds you're going to get pulled over and get it tinted? Is an ejector seat possible today oh my god that is absurd dude emily's dog is farting so bad i can't take it oh have you done any fart cameo yet only farts

oh i haven't started only farts yet i need to get on that i really do uh when i was listening back to the other episode where Andrew was lying to our faces, or maybe it was the one after that, you played a fart that was like broccoli and... What was it? I don't know what it was. It was like two food items.

It was like broccoli and Brussels sprouts or something. But it sounded exactly like the double-barreled fart from the fart machine. You know, like that classic sound bank of farts. It was like... It was exactly like that. Thanks, of farts it was like it was exactly like that thanks man that was it was a good one i've been having trouble capturing my farts lately i mean it's actually i've been thinking i obviously don't have the technical

expertise to do something like this but if somebody out there does i'm i'm i'm dealing with a real problem which is when i realize i have one in the chamber, I get excited, right? And I hold it for a second. And I go and I grab my phone and I swipe down to hit record, voice record. And then by the time I get it over to my butt, my butt gets like fart fear or something. And it's like, it's something psychological that I can't work out. And I'm having a real trouble, like seven out of 10 times, if I, by the time I go through that process, which is very quick my butt's like no i've changed my mind and it eats the fart and then i don't fart at all or it gives me like a really lame fart i was thinking somebody should develop like a belt

or something you can wear that essentially works like xbox does when something cool happens in a video game and you hit the jewel and you go record the previous 30 seconds like you should be able to do that where you like rip an awesome fart out of the blue and then you can just like hit a button and it records the last 30 seconds of your butt you could easily do that yeah you just need like an audio recorder that yeah it has like a ram buffer or something like a loop and then you can save your backdate your farts i was gonna say the technology exists and it's not in belts i don't know why you're thinking about belts for this. Well, I don't want to put it in my butt, but. No, you have pockets. You certainly have pockets.

Yeah, I don't know if that would muffle the fart sound. Listen, you guys both sound really smart and really clever. I will be the first person to sign up for your GoFundMe. I think the answer is boxes with like an additional layer of fabric. is boxes with like an additional layer of fabric and between your asshole layer and the outer layer sits a small um condenser mic and we'll just plug it into something in your pocket i will donate a thousand dollars to your gofundme if you can get that made why am i making it because you're the one that had the brilliant idea the dual layered fucking fart mic thing i presented the problem and you're coming up with a solution.

You're a... Look at what you did with Slow Mo Guys. I have the ultimate faith that you can make this fart mic. The re-fart is what you... You don't have to call it that. You can call it whatever you want. You're a clever kid. I don't know.

I feel like I'm more of an ideasman than a maker. I feel like Andrew, the one with the kitchen bathroom, he's the innovator here with the tech. I think we should combine forces. How about this? Gavin and I will be the money men. We will be the silent partners that fund your very unsilent machine. The problem is I don't like

pants. I'm not a pants guy. This goes against my moral code. Eric says we're the silent partners. I don't own any pairs of pants. I don't like pants. You don't wear pants. We wear shorts only. Shorts only. Always. Yeah, but you still have to wear underwear.

Oh, yeah, but I don't know what that has to do with pants. Oh, I guess. What if it's five degrees outside? In my head, I was still thinking the belt idea. I had forgotten that we'd moved on to the underwear system. Well, no. You said it would go through the pants. That's what my confusion was.

You said the charge would loop through the pants. I guess that could be short, so it doesn't have to be pants. Yeah, just cut a hole in the pocket. Yeah. You'll figure it out. You're smart. Why don't you... Do you wear boxes?

Yeah. Okay. I don't know what you have against... You live in Canada, too. Don't you want to have, like, warm shins occasionally? Nah, it's fine. I don't mind the cold shins. It's claustrophobic. I don't know what you have against. You live in Canada, too. Don't you want to have, like, warm shins occasionally? Nah, it's fine. I don't mind the cold shins. It's claustrophobic.

I don't like pants. It's a lot of work. Pants are so much more work than shorts. It makes no sense. Why would anyone go with pants? You have to get them hemmed. I would assume weather. You have to get them hemmed.

Who's buying trousers with the bottoms unhemmed? You gotta, there's adjustments. I always feel like there's a whole process with pants. You buy the pants unhemmed? You got it. There's adjustments. I always feel like there's a whole process with pants. You buy the pants. They don't quite fit right. You have to go. You have to take them to a person. They put pins in the pants.

It's a whole thing. Just buy shorts. I'll go one up. Shorts are worthless. Buy swim trunks. Then you're ready for a pool party. 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. Do you only buy like suit trousers?

Why are you getting these? Just buy a pair of jeans or something. I've never bought jeans. I don't know. They're pretty simple. You buy the jeans and you put them on. If you need a belt, you wear that too. I want to figure out a way to fund the day, Andrew's big day, where he wakes up and he

puts on his first pair of blue jeans and then eats eggs. That sounds terrible. And we'll do like four other things. We'll do four other things you've never done. It'll be like Andrew's one big day where he tries all the stuff he's never tried. Like jeans.

Andrew, you're getting... Like denim. You're getting weirder by the week. This was a weird one for you it was great content there was three really weird things you said this episode I think all of them are reasonable

and if you tempted them what were the weird things the waffle thing I think if you tried a breakfast waffle from your room set up you'd be on board it's a great idea

I don't have the space to put I got like no surfaces waffle makers aren't big you just need a counter i'm probably gonna move it to my end table i'm gonna it's got like a waffle toothbrush and like toothpaste and a razor move it out of the bathroom you don't even need it in the bathroom just put it in your room somewhere dude you know what you should do while you're at it you should figure out a way to tie your waffle maker to your alarm clock so like five minutes

before your alarm goes off it turns on the waffle maker and it starts cooking your waffle maker to your alarm clock so like five minutes before your alarm goes off it turns on the waffle maker and it starts cooking your waffle and then you probably get woken up by the smell even before the alarm this is totally doable mixing well you can pre-pour the night before that seems like it would be bad wouldn't wouldn't it be terrible the mix i don't feel like the mix would last wrap the whole thing in like a cellophane bag or something. Once again, the key thing with all my ideas is lack of effort. You're adding effort to this. It ruins it. It's not adding effort.

You're putting the mix in either way. Just try it. I bet it keeps overnight. No, but he's saying to put a bag in it. He's dumb. Don't put a bag in it. That was a joke suggestion. Before you go to bed.

Fucking do it tonight, Andrew. Do it in your bathroom. Before you go to bed, do it tonight, Andrew. Do it in your bathroom. Before you go to bed, pour some waffle mix in, go to sleep, wake up in the morning, click it on, do a taste test,

see how it compares to a fresh waffle, see if there's a difference. Okay. I'll live dangerously. It's just waffle mix and water, right? That's all you're doing? Yeah, it's just waffle mix and water.

Yeah. So I don't think that the water is going to activate it in a way that's going to make it go bad. Yeah, I think this is doable. You could even, if you don't want to have it to an alarm, you can put it on one of those smart switches

with a phone app, and you just flick it on with your phone when you wake up. That is a great idea. I think that would be a practical way of doing it. I have one more thing I feel like I should say before we advance. I'm going to go and sell my car, though. It'll be brief. It's just a quick thing. It was another

big life change and this one it hurts my soul to report this i am no longer a judge i've been i've been stripped of my judging abilities that was short-lived it was very short-lived oh it goes deep though so one night after the podcast came out which i revealed I had joined the judges that I lived amongst them. I received a random email. I'll just read it word for word from one Blake Longfellow. Greetings. It has come to our attention that you have entered into the hired judge pool of judges with dishonorable intentions.

This dishonor is evident in your self-evaluation of yourself as an A-grade judge in every single category, despite probably not knowing what most of these events are. The higher judge staff pride ourselves in providing high-quality judges for competitions across the country, and it has been deemed that you do not meet the criteria for judge assignment. Thus you

will be. Then it just ends. We wish you and the whole F***face crew the best of luck in your future endeavors best regards blake longfellow higher judge founder so that was upsetting like the main guy even though he knows who you are from face yeah he still strips you of your judged him no tolerance for it at all i was hurt it was a person you just lied on the test? You just aced the test? Oh, it says you can give yourself your own evaluation. So yeah, I just put an A for everything

and I said that in the episode. So I thought I guess he heard it and you know what? That's whatever. I think it would have been fun to keep me there. I think I'm a good judge. But they stripped me. Now here's the real controversy. I got sources in the judging. I got ears everywhere in HiredJudge.com and I got sent and the judging. I got ears everywhere and hiredjudge.com, and I got sent another email.

What happened? It wasn't that he listened and he found out about it. We have a rat. Somebody ratted to him directly and told him that I had snuck in. A listener? A listener emailed in. This is what a listener said. I usernamed Andrew Panton recently and then quotations, became a judge on your website.

He is from a semi-popular podcast called Face and recently had a dispute that was solved by one of the judges on your site. He is a sneaky little eel and often does things like this. Wanting to get his way onto a website such as yours clearly goes against the principles you stand for. So I suggest you kick and block it. Feel free to let him know who reported him, too. It'll make podcast content. Either way, he shouldn't be able to abuse your website for his own selfish and dishonorable purposes. If he's already been reported, feel free to ignore this.

Have a good day. F***face fan won't say their name. You've been stabbed in the back by a fan with the pencil you refuse to eat dude that's definitely a pencil guy isn't it that's a pencil that is that is an upset yes that is an upset pencil guy uh blake replied thank you for bringing this to our attention we're familiar with andrew and his dishonorable antics he has been removed from all higher judge databases of judges and will be marked on our blacklist so I'm on the higher judge blacklist I went from I went from the highest standing of judge to being blacklisted

from the entire community I'm what do you what do you think the chances are that that blacklist has one name on it oh very high very high I don't even know can you have a list of one i think overall that's awesome news though that we're semi-popular that's great yeah i'll take that i'm glad you could take that from that i'm i'm in shambles over here no longer honorable still gonna call myself honorable but the official title is gone i feel like that was a great podcast there's no better way to end it than, uh, you know, the loss of Andrew's judge hood. There's also one more loss that I'd like to mention.

Andrew, is that someone beat your final Garfield time? It seems weird. I didn't know that. And that's the one that you were like, no one's ever getting that one. Yeah. No,

you think there's a reason I, I, uh, fell to waffle the breakfast waffles every day I went to a dark place Gavin between the judge the judge stripping my title and losing Garfield it's been a rough time but the waffles are bringing me back I don't think you can I don't think you should stand for that Andrew I think you should bin your waffles you should get back into Garfield smash smash everyone back.

The greatest origin story ever of a guy destroying his Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles waffle maker off his balcony and then playing Garfield. Take your 70 pounds of waffle mix and dump it in the nearest harbor. I'm gonna make like a Rocky montage with the 70 pounds of waffle mix. You should trade it for

lasagna. Get back in that game, buddy. Mmm. Yeah, I never really like lasagna. Get back in that game, buddy. Yeah, I never really like lasagna. It's probably a thing I shouldn't admit. Never really into it. It's okay. It's just okay. It's all right.

It's a fine food. I think a good ravioli kicks a lasagna's ass any day of the week, but I'm not going to kick a lasagna out of bed. I'll still eat it. I don't think I've had a ravioli. Oh, God. We'll put it on the jeans egg day. We gotta have, like, the first day, if we ever record

this podcast in real life, together, all three of us, as friends, we should just have a food episode where you eat all the shit you've never eaten that is normal for people to eat. And we'll just get your opinions on them. Like gooseberries. Yeah, gooseberries. I'll bring the gooseberries. I'll bring you a turnip root.

A gooseberry looks like a grape that wants to be a melon. It was a very confusing photo. It's like a sour, hairy grape. It seems very confused in what it wants to be. All right. Well, I'm going to go

get rid of Gavin's car. Okay. Goodbye, old friend. Don't worry. You're getting a shiny new car that you'll like even more, I promise. Ah, does it have any good features? The new one? It's got everything that the 2013- No, it doesn't have that.

But it's got all the features that were invented in the last seven years that the 2013 didn't have. Sweet. Well, that'll do it for F*** Face. Don't forget to check out store.roosterteeth.com or the description below to get the new GURPL shirt. Oh yeah! Oh yeah, G Gerple came out. We should have talked about Gerple. Like, comment, and subscribe. Tell a friend about F*** Face.

It's a podcast that's really hard to describe, and when people say, what is this? You just go, I'm not, I don't know. So check it out, and we'll see you next time. Hey, Eric, can I have a frickin' shirt at some point? Can I get the Gerp? Can I get the F*** Face shirt? Yeah, I've asked the store team again Can I have a freaking shirt at some point? Can I get the GURP? Can I get the F*** Face shirt?

Yeah, I've asked the store team again to send them. So hopefully there's one this week. Sweet. So you seemed really mad about that, but I was already taking care of it. So we'll see you next time on F*** Face. Bye. Bye-bye.