F**kface - Return of the Fart // Andrews Big Break [168]

Episode Date: August 23, 2023

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about Gavin's sneaky farts, being the most family friendly podcast out there, Eric's betrayal, Johnny Mnemonic, Andrew's budding commercial career, The Norm Show, Geoff's new podcast, and bringing Kool-Aid to the lab. Sponsored by Füm http://tryfum.com/FACE. Subscribe to Geoff's new podcast https://link.chtbl.com/soalright. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dragon's Dogma 2, the highly anticipated successor to the cult classic Dragon's Dogma, is out now on PlayStation 5, Xbox Series S and X, and Steam. Dragon's Dogma 2 is a third-person action RPG boasting a richly detailed and deeply explorable fantasy world created using Capcom's RE Engine's immersive physics, groundbreaking character AI systems, and cutting-edge graphics. Dive into the vast and dynamic world where The Arisen is called upon to fulfill a forgotten destiny across the nations of Vermont, the Kingdom of Humanity, and Batal, the nation of Beastrin.

Dragon's Dogma 2 revolves entirely around choice. Your choice, that is. From the sword and shield-wielding fighter to fighter to the illusion conjuring trickster, there are over 10 unique vocations to choose from that all require experience to unlock new skills. And character customization is out of this world, literally. Oh, and did I mention the combat is really in-depth? It isn't just hacking at a giant's ankle for half an hour while your dodge roll attacks. You can engage enemies from a distance, climb up large foes, stab them in their weak points, use the terrain and trick, trip, or throw foes off high cliffs or raging waters.

Visit dragonsdogma.com to buy the game and start your epic quest today. That's D-R-A-G-O-N-S-D-O-G-M-A.com to learn more. Who do you think will be here first, Gavin or Andrew? Oh, this is weird. Is he doing a bit? I've been talking to Andrew all day,

so I don't know where. We were talking on text 15 minutes ago, so I don't know what that is all about. This is clearly intentional. Clearly, right? Yeah. Maybe he's trying to be more on time than Gavin today. Okay.

Since Gavin's always one second early. Okay. Should we like, you want me to like keep an eye on it here? Hang on. Yeah, we probably should. Okay, hang on. What a weird pleasantry. I mean, not that it's a bad pleasantry.

No, I understand. Has it ever been the three of us as pleasantries? No, no no it was weird when it was just me and you all right there's the time you can see that yeah okay just making sure okay so i guess that's okay so i guess there wasn't a bit oh no wasn't okay okay then never mind never mind andrew yes good to see you what what nothing we're good who we're good we're good good good you think i'm bidding you think i'm doing a bit right now oh we thought you were doing a bit because you were okay now here's the thing i thought you were doing a bit then you came in and i thought you were not doing a bit and then you said do you think i'm doing a bit right now so i'm going back to yes

uh well you're trying to like cover up like what you're talking about. No, we weren't. No, we weren't. We were trying to explain it to you. Yeah. In fact, the opposite. You don't know what the fuck you're talking about, actually. I know, I don't. We were trying to guess what you were going to do, and my suggestion was that you were trying to be more on time than Gavin,

since he's always one second early. No, I was just recording ads. I was trying to get them done before we started. Oh, thank you. He was early again. Welcome to episode 168. Last time we talked about the poop game. We talked about shit shades again.

We talked about the patent collection. Talked about gems and achievements. Talked about mouth tape food poisoning. Talked about flammable farts. Andrew's realization of seasons. Jeff's morbid American history. And the new flavors taste test. That was all last time.

This is episode 168, though, so go ahead. Hello and welcome. God damn it. God damn it. Go ahead. The floor is yours, Jeff. Thank you. Hello and welcome to another episode of the F*** Face Podcast.

My name is Jeff Ramsey, and with me, as as always my two very best friends in the world in no particular order Andrew Panton and Gavin Free now fellas shit I'd like you to do me a favor there please don't tell all my other best friends in the world I said that it would make things awkward no you just have a bunch of best friends you just tell every group they're your best friend pretty much everybody I've ever met is my best friend yeah yeah you got like 35 of them that I've met I think no it's really I have two two, you got like 35 of them that I've met, I think. No, it's really easy. I have two. I have two.

And you're the two. I gotta say, I feel pretty good that I'm typically below Gavin. I feel like I got top billing this week. I don't know what I did, but I need to maintain this. Well, there's no particular order. Yeah, there's no particular order. I know, but even when that's said, I'm always as typically Gavin than me. I'm just saying I feel special.

I feel lucky today. Can I say something off the jump before we get too far into the podcast? Yeah. Please. I have a bunch of stuff to talk about today, but I have two things I want to make sure we get to. I solved a long... I think, and I'll have to present the evidence

to you guys and see what you think, but I think I solved a long time face mystery. Really? Like, like from like season two or three, maybe. No way.

That means nothing to me, but I'm assuming that's long ago. I'm sure it might cause some frustration. I feel, I have a feeling there might be some anger involved. And then the second thing is I have, I haven't been in the lab. I built a new lab.

I'm so far in the lab today. I've got so many, I've got so many i've got so much stuff to talk about and show you guys uh in addition to like a dumb story i had a thing i did this morning and yada yada yada so i just want to make sure we get i'd like to talk about those two things uh what do you guys want to talk about i have i mean all sorts of i have an immediate thing i want to talk to gavin about i'm curious about this oh i was thinking about this so we recently we recorded our uh summer of 98 content

we did two pieces of supplemental for it and i think it was a really great recording both of them i thought i had a lot of fun i walked away from that day like feeling really good it was a good day it was a good day would you agree that that was a really good day yeah i feel like you're leading it into something that makes it less of a good day no it was a great day i just wanted to make sure we're all on the same page uh we there was something kind of unique about that day do you remember what was unique about it anything ringing any bells for you what about you jeff no what are you talking about you don't know what you don't know what i'm talking about can i have a hint because i didn't get okay i'll give you i'll give you a really on-the-nose hint. Pleasantries. We spent the first 25 minutes of that recording day

not recording and just talking. Oh! Has that... Yeah. We didn't immediately record anything. We just hung out for like 30 minutes talking about various things, having a good time.

Then we moved into the recording. I was curious if this experience has changed your view about pleasantries in any way. I didn't notice we were having them. That's how good pleasantries go. You're not even aware. You had exceptional pleasantries then. Think about all the penguin stuff.

And we talked about Johnny Manziel and all that stuff. All that stuff that's never going to air in an episode ever. No, well, I think it was recorded. It was recorded, but you said it was pleasant. Well, there's a lot of talk about having sex with penguins, but I mean a lot of talk. It was a lot of talk from

one person. The way you said it was like we all were contributing. I don't know. I feel like I got painted into a corner a little bit. If you got painted in, you were holding the brush. Yeah, it was you. You got painted into a corner. You tried to fuck a penguin out of it.

That's for sure. Anyway, I was just curious. I had the realization after the fact of like, oh, we kind of did like pleasantries for like 25 minutes and Gavin seemed to enjoy himself. I loved it. It was great. I had a good time.

That's great. That's absolutely great. That's a great point, Andrew. I didn't even think about it. I was the same as Gavin. I didn't even realize. That being said, I'm not opposed to pleasantries. No, not at all. I've got a little something just to add to the housekeeping at the beginning of this episode. It's this clip. Are you ready? Yes.

I thought that you had notes that you wanted to get to For the show For this show? I sent out like two episodes I don't know what's going on The fart was back in last episode Episode 166 What is happening?

I don't know if now They're trying to sneak them by me Or whether that's an accident or paste again But this fart is really traveling. That's it really is The fart you know like in an alien movie when it bleeds and it melts through the floor and it goes through like several levels I feel like that's what that fart is doing. It is just penetrating this fart has gone through 18 decks And it's now on the end of my pen that's so fucking funny nick uh did you know about this i did actually know about this what was your reaction when it happened how did

you how did you react made me jump again okay so uh kel's kelly who uh helps out at the show uh she was trying to see if she could scare you again. And CMC succeeded. She nailed it. Would that have been in if I didn't put the note? No, she marked it. It would be funny if she just randomly put it on the timeline. Yeah, I put a note in the frame I owe thing just in case. I just wrote return of the fart.

I kind of like the idea, though, of testing Gavin every week and putting in something that shouldn't be there and see if he notices it. And if he doesn't, it just is in the episode. Oh, interesting. Kind of like a test to see if they actually do their homework or whatever. Why is this on me? Why? Anyone else listen to these or what?

I feel like that's your role. I do ads. You listen. You give notes. I feel like that's your role. I do ads. You listen. You give notes. I trust your note giving ability. I don't trust my note giving. I go to all the boring meetings. That's true.

Yeah. We all pull our way in different areas. Mm hmm. I feel good about that. I listen to seven or eight people a week. Tell me about face who aren't in face. Oh, that. Yeah,

I appreciate that a lot. Jeff. Mm hmm. What are some of the highlights? Oh, dude, maybe we'll do a supplemental someday. Do a sausage talk.

Oh, man, a sausage talk about what other people feel about the sausage. Oh my God, about all the great ideas other people have for my thing. Yeah. It's like the story of my life uh i have a story but i need to like do i just realize i need to adjust it a little bit so someone else wants to take the lead and then i could swing back in i i have an important update i have a story that has been unfolding for a little

over i'd say like seven or eight months, and it's finally come to a conclusion. Okay, and you need some time to put that together? I need some time to just, because I'm going to share something, and it's the way it's spaced out right now. It would look really ugly in our chat. Okay.

So I am editing that. So Jeff, do you want to tell us about the lab or a mystery you saw? What do you guys want to do? Where would you like to start? Would you like to start on a positive note with the lab and be kind of fun and irreverent, or do you want to go potentially down a dark road with

the mystery? I want to go down a dark road. Okay. Okay, I was going to say the opposite of that. Really? I was saying like we're in a jolly place now, and then Jeff typically takes the end of an episode down a dark road, but if you want to start dark, let's do it. Let's get it out of the way now and then jeff typically takes the end of an episode down a dark road but i i mean let's get out of the way dark let's do it let's get out of the way now then we'll pull it out we'll we'll recover exactly that's my thinking uh do you guys remember a very very very long time

ago when variety did an article on the roost and yes almost every production podcast production was mentioned except for the most successful production in the company, F*** Face. And we felt it was a blaring, glaring omission. And we tried to get to the bottom of whether it was internal to Rooster Teeth or whether it was external to Variety, who decided to not use us, decided to ignore us and our contributions. And then we got fake mad about it, and then I got really mad about it. Then I realized that getting really mad

about it was the whole point of F*** Face, and then I thought that was the funniest thing ever, and I made peace with it. Because I realized that F*** Face worked because it made it so successful that I was mad that it was a F*** Face. Well, I stumbled upon something the other day that I think probably answers the question,

and I want to see what you guys think. I'm going to throw an image up in the Discord. You guys ready for this? Yes. Oh, I saw this as well, and I talked to Gavin about this. I think I know who did it. I think it was Eric goddamn Bedore,

our producer, who is as seen on Face Jam Mega 64 and Wrestling With The Week, but no face to be found. Cold out, Eric. The one time Eric's quiet. I'm not really mad, but I saw that and I was like,

what the fuck? Are you fucking serious? How would you like to be credited? Any particular way you would like to be billed, like filmmaker or internet personality or from reester teeth? I said, I guess, shut up. As seen on Face Jam, F*** Face, Mega 64, and famously canceled AEW Podcast Wrestling of the Week.

If you need to lose the F*** Face one, that's fine. That's the real name of the show, but I understand that people don't want to print that. Local wrestling is not hardcore enough to swear, is what you're telling me. Dudes that hit each other with chairs wrapped in barbed wire

are scared to use a potty word. AAPW is a family-friendly production, Jeffrey, and the Don't they put, like, pins in their faces and shit? I would argue that F*** Face is the most family-friendly production you have listed there. It's certainly not Mega64 or Face Jam with Michael Jones. We're fucking, we're like all about building each other up and being nice and sweet.

Right. Discovering food. No, no, I agree. Everything you're saying is right. What's, you named the podcast F*** Face. Well, I named it F** K Face. Okay.

Right, and they didn't want to print that, and I don't blame them. It could be, you know what, that's on them. They don't know what the stars are. It could be Fink Face. It could be Fook Face. It could be Fink Face. That's fine. That's also on Variety. It's also on Variety, I guess. I'm just saying. I'm starting to see. It could be a face. That's fine. That's also on variety. It's also on variety, I guess. I'm just saying.

I'm starting to see. I'm starting to see. Notice and start. What are you starting to see? I'm drawing lines. I'm drawing lines, too. I'm drawing. I got a big whiteboard, and I got pictures of motherfuckers all over it, and I'm Pepe

Sylvie-ing it all together right now. I'm getting... There's a whole grand conspiracy, and I'm peeling back the layers of the conspiracy onion and we're gonna get to the bottom of it yeah the problem with Jeff's whiteboard is wrestlers have like 16 personas so it's like five of the same guys and 16 different outfits but none of those personas are allowed to swear no not a different I had a different reaction to this Jeff I didn't view this as Eric's fault at all I thought it was very funny that not even independent wrestling is willing to promote our show that's that's a 100 that was my takeaway I put it in the email

and said list it and then I said if you can't I understand because it's I'll be honest I feel like you gave them a way too easy out on that. If you'd have just written that without saying, look, it's okay if you don't print this, it would be on there. No, it wouldn't. There's no way it would be on there. Yeah.

I'm with Eric on this. Yeah. It's only one way to find out what, hang on, hang on. Only one way to find out. Is that what you said? Yeah.

It was only one way to find out by, by not listing it and seeing what happened by not giving him the out so next time eric gets requested to commentate on an independent wrestling show yes this is it okay if it's this one jeff or does it have to be i don't give him i don't care because i don't know like they may have already set a precedent of not including it so i feel like it needs they may they may not ask again because they already have the information so it's a different one I guess. I do love that wrestling won't but an Apple company will. Yes.

Cosmic Crisp are more hardcore motherfuckers than a bunch of local wrestlers apparently. That's what I'm finding out. AAPW is an independent wrestling school in Austin. They asked me to do commentary for their show. They said how do you want to be listed? I gave them

face as a thing and they didn't list it. It sounds like AAPW are a bunch of pussies and AAPLE are fucking awesome. Ah, poop. Anyway, that's the mystery solved. It was Eric Allalong.

I learned something. Hang on, shut up. Hang on. How is that on me? How is the variety thing on me at all? Well, I assume that you said the same thing to variety. You assume that I talk to variety? Do you talk to wrestling?

Do you think those are the same thing? Uh, I mean, are you not allowed to talk to both? You can. I don't think if I emailed Variety, they would email me back. You'd be surprised. Okay, now it's sounding like this was Andrew's doing. No, I just, I've emailed a lot of people, and I often don't expect replies with the fucking

Jane Goodall Society replied to me. I'm just saying, you'll be surprised what happens. Either way, the variety thing was not me. I just want that to be known. Okay. Well, I'll put a pin in it on the whiteboard and we'll keep looking. How many pins does the whiteboard currently have?

I have to invent it and then build it and then take a picture of it. I don't have time to do that in the next 30 seconds. It's got to be in that order. This is another little tidying up thing. I learned something that I thought was more recent than it was, but I was talking the other day about the rats, the rat meat

that plays Doom and all that, and how it's called wetware. I bought a movie that i'd never seen because i was interested in seeing it um johnny mnemonic right oh yeah his job courier his package 320 gigabytes of stolen data wetwired directly into his brain his name johnny and then i was looking up wetware been Been around for decades. Centuries. Like the 60s or something, right? Crazy.

Dude, I love how you chose to describe I bought a movie because I'd never seen it and I wanted to see it. I was feeling because the thing wouldn't paste into Discord. I was adding fluff. It was like a real progress past sentence there i'm sorry about that that's okay have you have you ever bought a movie because you didn't want to see it so what the fuck is this yes actually i bought i bought citizen kane i i did not enjoy well i had no intention of actually watching it i thought i should have it because when i might want to watch it didn't actually want to watch it i did watch it yeah phenomenal film uh is it did you yeah have

you seen the movie about the making of citizen kane no gary oldman no you've seen that one oh maybe you should start there well i started with the movie oh you saw it i missed that part i thought you weren't gonna see it yeah it was like i can see why it was ahead of its time and why it pioneered so much but i think as a movie in today's world is a bit of a snoozer wouldn't be in your top 10 for that year no it wouldn't be yeah yeah for sure for this year no for the summer of 98 no so what you're saying is a movie that was made almost 100 years ago can't hold up to johnny mnemonic now i mean there was no wetware in it so no fair enough it hadn't been invented doesn't that isn't like the i haven't seen johnny mnemonic in a long time these are the things i remember

about it the best representation of how to use the internet i've ever seen in any movie did you watch this gavin have you seen it okay great not? No, I haven't seen it yet. Okay. Great internet usage. And I think there's a dolphin that can browse the web or is like the intelligence agency, essentially. That's taking wetware to the next level. Well, dude, there was that

George C. Scott movie we talked about watching, Day of the Dolphin, where they were training dolphins to kill people. Oh, yeah. That's true. So there's precedent there. precedent there there is yeah there's an establishment there it is look at that tech on the internet you gotta watch out for those dolphins oh jesus so i have

a thing i could share at the end of a story. A saga. At least I believe it's over. It might not be over. Around seven or eight months ago, and I feel comfortable. I haven't been told I can't talk about this, so I'm assuming I can talk about it. That's how it works. Seven or eight months ago,

I got reached out to by someone at the company saying that they were filming a podcast commercial and they wanted me to be in it and jeff and eric you guys are part of this as well uh they asked they reached out they said hey we want you to be in this commercial what would your rate be like what would what would you want to be in this commercial which is something that i've never been asked before i didn't know how to approach it i've never done anything like that uh in any context i was like well what what should i ask for and then it becomes a question of well if i don't know anything

what why don't i just ask for like the silliest thing i could ask for and just see what happens so my response to them saying like what would you want in exchange for being in this commercial was i said that i would gladly do it free of charge but i would want one percent of all profits from any anal merchandise sales in the year 2023 that was my one demand i want a one percent and i didn't think i'd get it but i thought i might as well ask and just see what happens and so i asked and i i waited patiently and they replied i would need to talk to somebody else about this is that what you really want and the answer to that was absolutely because now i want and we can get multiple departments involved in this try to figure

out if i can earn one percent of anal profit i'm i'm all about it that's actually these are real people doing real people jobs i know that's what makes it so funny there's a real person no but that's what makes it really funny that's like what I like about how they have fun buddy I'm having fun I'm having a great time so then and I'm not gonna push for it I'm not gonna be difficult I just figured I'd ask and see what happens if I could get it I would love to have that that'd be a great thing to have and so it was our number one selling shirt the year it came out a lot of profit potentially one percent the old annual passage yeah the old annual pass so they

said they we need to talk someone i replied yeah it sounds great let me know then they replied we wouldn't we would rather not do that. How does X amount of dollars sound for doing this? And I said, fantastic. That sounds great. Thank you. I'm in whatever you need. Let me know. Then this went dark for quite a few months for a long time.

And I just assumed that either it was dropped or maybe after my anal shenanigans, they had decided to move on without me. However, during that time i know jeff and eric filmed part of the commercial and they mentioned that they left they left a section for me in it and i could just kind of improvise whatever i wanted to in the thing so that was the last i heard for it for quite a while then at the start of this week it finally came back up again i got reached out to again they said hey did we ever send you the paperwork for getting paid for this? Which they hadn't.

We figured all that out. They're like, we'll send you a link of the commercial and you can see where your part is and you just like improvise. Send us some lines. Wait, so this hasn't come out yet? It hasn't come out yet, no. I just recorded lines for it this week. Dude, I'm so excited to hear where this is going

because I have no fucking clue what this commercial is or what I participated in. What are you talking about? We shot it. I don't remember. You and Eric shot it. We shoot lots of stuff. I just don't remember what this is.

Right, but it was a specific thing for a podcast commercial. So I'll describe it. And let's see if you remember the commercial. So I get sent the commercial and it's you you and eric sitting in a dugout with bk oh yeah yeah okay yeah that was that was like march yeah it was a long time ago yep it was quite a bit uh so they send it to me and they say this is your this is the the 22 seconds is when you need to do your thing. So you guys are going back and forth about you guys are saying that like Jeff could get concussed by a peeled orange thrown by Eric.

And then Eric says, you know, Andrew, like you could do this right. And I have like one second to fill. Essentially, it's my contribution. There's like a one second pause and then it just moves on. So I was instructed they wanted a variety of takes so i wrote out as many as many takes as i could think of of things that i thought could be funny for my one second and i may have went slightly overboard but they said that i would only get paid if i accommodated a variety of takes. So I'm going to paste into our chat.

I wrote 75 different versions of what could be said. And then I ad-libbed some additional ones. They're never going to work with you again. This is insane. There's no way they said you wouldn't get paid if you didn't give them a variety of takes. They did!

Like Wes is going, you better give me 60 plus takes. Give me the takes. They didn't. I'll fucking, give me a second. He always got receipts. He always has his receipts. I didn't expect to get called out for this.

Give me a second. Let me get my receipts out. I was told that unless I met the variety of takes, that... This is a very variety heavy episode by the way we're talking about variety segment to

segment this is really a lot so is Stanley Kubrick directing this trailer and I just wasn't aware of it I wasn't aware

of it I don't know who directed it it's pretty close right yeah okay I'm going to send you

I'm uh saving this I'm screenshotting it sorry for having to fail I just I didn't expect

as an honorable man, to have my integrity questioned. And who are you interacting with? Nobody's questioning your integrity. It just seems like a harsh thing to say. Second, make sure the paperwork comes through this week and is signed on your end. Your payment will get processed

on our end after Monday, assuming we receive the take variations needed. Hope that works for you. That's a really different phrasing for what very different. They've given you, like, we want these variants and been specific about those variants. No, they said I could just add whatever

I wanted, and they wanted a variety of texts. So you did 75. What are the 75? So I'm going to post them in our chat right now. Can't you just do it and take up 75 seconds? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. What was the lead-in sentence again? We need you to do all 75 real fast.

Listen, I've recorded this already and submitted it. If you can't accommodate the need for us to hear all 75 takes, then I don't know if your payment will be coming this week. Well, maybe we can throw it into the end of this episode or as a supplemental in itself. It's 19 and a half minutes long. Oh, God. We just need you to do one second. For 75 one-second

takes? That should take, like, 88 seconds. Well, no, because I did variations of each take. But we don't need you to do that here. I did different stylings. We just need you to do one of each. You want us to put 19 minutes of takes at the end of this episode? No. I'm just saying. It's just an option.

Dude, do the list and I'll do the fucking takes. Oh, it's too... I tried to paste it. It said the character limit is too long. It's too powerful. Your 75 lines are too powerful. Let's delete this. Okay, so I'm going to send the first half

and then I'll send the back half. Oh my God. There you go. Oh my God. Each one is a different line. So what, so what was the lead in line for you? What are you responding to?

Uh, it was something like you could do this right. Or something like that. Oh, so the first line is of course I could. Yeah. And then one of the lines is let's play. Let's,

let's all, let's go round Robin. Let's go Gavin, Jeff, Andrew, Eric. And of course I could, uh,

ah, then Eric. Oh, I thought it was Andrew. Of course I could. Ah! Then Eric. Oh, I thought it was Andrew. I'm sorry. Oranges taste good. One sec. I'll have a side of pencils. Well, it was supposed to be Andrew.

Y'all ever think about chili dogs? Grown tube noises. With burger confidence, anything's possible. You're both idiots. The kickings were alleged. There's a snake in my boot. That's from a movie. You're both idiots. The kickings were a legend. There's a snake in my boot. That's from a movie. You could kill someone with a Mandarin. Let's play!

You're wasting my bits. When are y'all picking me up from the Survive Black Island? Don't drink the Bovril. The tiger's out of the bowl. With iced up ears, you're done. How is it not a finite pool up ears, you're done. How is it not a finite pool? Oh, fuck, sorry.

Anyway, it goes on. It's ridiculous. Forever. How are you going to fit some of these into one second? There's one that says, is this Anma? Dude, there's one that says, you know this reminds me of the time my great uncle Sebastian went fishing down at Oak Bay. It was a hot day, not in temperature, but feel.

How are you going to say that in one second? Epstein was killed. I can take you out with a grape. Let the dogs out the ones that are not creative are so fucking funny to me it's just you wrote down a thing you know no it was these are all things they put on my head that would make me laugh if that was what they went with they're so funny man these are so funny how am i just here so i don't get fined it's my first pick in the concussion draft i i hope that you i hope that you hit the ones that they wanted right in

the middle of this holy shit i submitted my 19 and a half minute recording of doing all these different takes and uh sent it off and they said great thank you we'll forward it to the editor let me know if there's any issues or anything and that's where we left off so immediately they're thinking why wasn't this attached to an email wait how big is this file andrew i think i fulfilled my obligation to the commercial i'm excited to see what they go with. Andrew, you are the funniest person, man. You're a psychopath.

There is nobody like you. You are... God damn, man. You are some kind of brilliant genius in some ways. Only if it's thrown through an anal passage first. Me? No, but Johnnyny caviar without a doubt

i would never do this to another person the editor's gonna be scrolling through does rice pudding have rice in it what on earth i'm with you gooch pooch well that's because eric says see he knows and i thought that'd be funny because i'd knock him back to 98 that's a good says, see, he knows. And I thought that'd be funny because he hates Goose Goose. I'd knock him back to 98. That's a good one. Oh, man. It's starting to get tough near the end. Try to come up with things.

I was struggling. I wanted it 75, though. Those go towards your 20,000 things. Oh, it does. Yeah. That's also incredibly difficult to write. What you've given them there is like a starter pack of being able to insert you into every production for the next five years they've got every single possible thing that they might want you to say they need to hire you for four more commercials and then they have then they're you they they can make

you say anything yeah that's fine i had fun anyway i hope they enjoyed it we'll find out about that i messaged eric about this saying i have a thing it could be like supplemental or in some way but i think a department might hate me and then i just did it really i'm just i'm just impressed i'm really impressed 19 minutes the most dangerous thing we could give andrew isn't weaponry or anything it's just time it's time and freedom uh time and ambiguity. What do you think the odds are that whoever's editing it, Dan or whoever, picks the first line,

of course I could, plugs it in, and never listens to the other? 100%. It's going to be Jake, and he's going to go, I mean, that's fine. What am I going to use?

The desk dogs are burning. The fire is everywhere. For the love of God help me what was fun about that is they were testing the fire alarms in our building on that day so I was able to utilize the fire alarms going off

that's awesome so you brought sound effects yeah Foley I wanted to I wanted to it didn't end up working out but that was that was my hope it wasn't as constant as I thought it would be for them testing that's fucking brilliant yeah so that was that was my week or part of my week it was a lot of fun good work yeah i'll send it to you guys i guess if you want to hear the audio yeah please and uh absolutely and i uh i'll post all those on instagram or something cold turkey may be great on sandwiches but there's a better way to break

your bad habits. And before we expand on breaking bad habits, I just want to say cold turkey is so good. Like post Thanksgiving leftovers. It's one of the versatile meats that I think is almost as good warm as it is cold. It's fantastic. And I don't know if this is controversial or not, but if we're doing a Thanksgiving draft, I think I'd take cranberry sauce first round. It's a great thing. It's so delicious, but I'm going way too deep on turkey. We're here to talk about our sponsor Fume and how they look at the problem in a different way. Not everything in a bad habit is wrong, so instead of drastic, uncomfortable change, why not just remove the bad from your habit? Fume is an innovative award-nominated device that does just that. Instead of electronics,

fume is completely natural. Instead of vapor, fume uses flavored air. And instead of harmful chemicals, fume uses all-natural delicious flavors. You get it. Instead of bad, fume is good. It's a habit you're free to enjoy and makes replacing your bad habit easy. Your fume comes with an adjustable airflow dial and is designed with movable parts and magnets for fidgeting, giving your fingers a lot to do, which is helpful for de-stressing and anxiety while breaking your habit. And some of the things I love about fume is just the feel of it. It's so well-weighted, it's perfectly balanced, and it's just fun to fidget with. Also, I was struck by how beautiful it is, the real wood and the shape. It's something you will feel cool using. Stopping is something we all put off because it's hard, but switching to Fume is easy,

enjoyable, and even fun. Fume has served over 100,000 customers and has thousands of success stories, and there's no reason that can't be you join fume and accelerating humanity's breakup from destructive habits by picking up the journey pack today head to try fume.com and use code face to save 10 off when you get the journey pack today that's try f-u-m.com and use code face to save an additional 10 off your order today. Why did you ask me how long my longest arm is? Oh, yeah. I forgot about that.

I brought my measurements. Did you do your measurements? Gavin, did you do your measurements? I've got a tape measure. Should I measure now? From the center of your armpit. I completely forgot about this. This of not a monumental thought or anything. I was just looking at my arms,

and I'm like 5'9 1⁄2-ish in height. I'm pretty close to 5'10", not quite 5'10". And I was thinking, if my arms were shorter but I was taller, I would absolutely made that trade. So I was going to measure my arms and decide how i was curious how much of your arms you guys would give up for additional leg height because i feel like

i could have half the length of my arms oh and still be pretty okay i'm around 26 27 inch um wow what are you i have no idea i forgot to do this homework. Oh, my God. I feel so bad. I completely forgot. Listen, I've had a busy week writing 75 takes. It slipped my mind. Absolutely. That's why I just asked. I was wondering.

We can table it and come back next week with it. Sure. Why don't we come back next week? I have one other. I have one main other thing I'd like to add. And then, Jeff, it could be all yours. It was my birthday last week. And first of all, I just want to say that the community and some of my friends put together a video wishing me a happy birthday.

That was incredibly sweet. I appreciate it so much. It was really kind. Some of our wonderful members of the community made a little video. My friends edited it together and organized it. So that was awesome. It's weird that it wasn't at the same time as it was in Survive Block Island. Yeah.

I like to celebrate multiple days. That was awesome. Time moves differently on Block Island, Gavin. Yeah. And then Gavin and I were playing games a few weeks ago, and we're talking about I had just seen Dirty Work for the first time, which, as we're talking about i had just seen dirty work for the first time which as we've talked about before norm mcdonald a huge comedic influence for both jeff and i

love them uh and dirty work was sort of one of those things we've talked about where i i figured it would always be pretty accessible so i kind of avoided watching it because i've seen so much norm content it makes me happy to know that I have something out there to enjoy whenever I want to or feel like I need to. And I was talking to Gavin about we're playing a game that one of my great regrets in terms of buying things like not a real regret, but just like, oh, that would I should have done. That was there is a time I was on Staples website for some reason looking for something and I searched it and what I wanted didn't come up but the norm show DVD did and it was 1999 and I was like holy shit that's I didn't even okay I didn't know that was a thing I could buy that's awesome but it was at a time where it's like I really can't I need that 1999 right now I can't buy this but maybe I'll go down the road I'll

pick it up um and then I didn't and then when I went to it up. Um, and then I didn't. And then when I went to, it was gone to which I then learned that the norm show DVD is like super rare. It is a very collectible thing. You, you can find them online for anywhere between like 200 to like $500 for this, this box set. And there's not many available to buy online. So I was talking to Gavin about that. Um, we're playing games. and then I got a birthday gift arrived yesterday from Gavin that was incredibly sweet as I was mentioning

we're playing how much uh of a regret that was that I didn't buy it and just how uh how much I wish I did and just how you know Gavin knows so much like Norm that was my gift from Gavin which was super kind. He got me the Norm show on DVD.

Yeah, that's so sweet. I was so happy. Thank you, Gavin. It was such a wonderful gift. Oh, I'm glad you like it. That's for your next 10 birthdays. Yeah, no, it was very kind. It was just a wonderful thing.

However, that evening, after talking to Gavin about it and you know just being really passionate sharing like oh how much I regret it and how much I wish I had it I thought my birthday is coming up and you know what it's a lot of money I had a feeling this would be

happening I'm gonna I'm gonna treat myself in a way I typically don't so my gift for myself was a copy of the norm show we've got we've incited it again you it was the i i didn't want to share this because it is such a thoughtful gift and i didn't want you to feel it was diminished in any way but after the boberdom vinyl we boberdomed it wow you boberdomed it again so now and this is not a complaint i love the fact that i have two of these oh but in in the matter of several days and four i went from wanting this thing for years to within a four-day window owning two copies of it oh god

it was i wonder how many of those dvds are left on this earth uh and what percentage it when i i knew something was coming because you're like i can't wait to talk about it on the episode and i was just thinking i don't really think like that's not like funny content or any and then i was like okay there's something coming yeah well i did i want it was i felt conflicted because i i wanted like i didn't i wanted your reaction in the episode but i also like i don't know i felt weird to withhold but I had a good laugh looking at that and being like of course like so you did you already have yours when you opened mine yes yes I did I got it like four days prior maybe even less maybe like three days ago I opened

mine it was like oh it arrived and then I got yours I immediately went to ebay I was like what I think I figured out which one you got. And I know which one I got. There were like five or six bought. I'm assuming you got on eBay within a time period. And I was like, oh, I didn't. There were certain things where I could differentiate. I was like, I really hope you didn't get this one because it the prices range quite a bit

on it. So that's that's so funny because you told me after you bought the yourself, the DVD, you were like, I bought myself a birthday present. And I was like, that's fucking brilliant. Now we talked about like,

I want to know how the show is. Cause I have, I've only, I only caught like two episodes live, uh, when it was on TV. So I don't really know much about it. Um,

and when you're retelling the story, I'm like, I don't remember him. I'm pretty sure he said he bought it. That was another factor in my head. I wanted reaction as well but i was like i already talked to him about this maybe i just like i thought about texting you ahead of time of like don't reveal it if i'm saying it or like make a correction so i want gavin to be like i want that moment but yeah i just assumed you would have the reaction you did of like i don't i don't

remember it going this way when we talked about it. Yeah, I just figured you'd be explaining. Yeah. So we both burned a bit. Thank you, Gavin. That was a wonderful gift. And I'm so happy I have two. I view it as in like, I had zero diamonds a week ago

and now I have two diamonds. There you go. There you go. You do. You have two shiny, glistening, 18 carat diamonds right there in front of you. Maybe if you hold on to them in 10 years, they'll be worth even more.

Oh, that's true. I could keep mine sealed. Yeah. In mint condition and watch the other one. That's a great point. Oh, hey, I know something that we should mention that struck me the other day. We're talking about old lore you know we

mentioned uh we mentioned the uh the variety article and eric sandbagging us and stuff uh here's another one that just happened uh i'm gonna officially declare and gavin i think you'll back me up on this i'm gonna officially declare that climate change has beaten our curse yep i would agree gavin and i have been hanging out a few times and the weather has been gorgeous we went Climate change has beaten our curse. Yep, I would agree. Gavin and I have been hanging out a few times, and the weather has been gorgeous. We went swimming on the weekend, not a cloud in the sky. I think not even the curse

could withstand carbon emissions. Really? I think we could potentially bring this temperature down if we just kept making plans though like eventually it's gonna get us maybe yeah well we'll see i don't know but uh i feel feel pretty good about it right now what are you doing this weekend hanging out with you i hope let's do it let's go swimming absolutely hey if we're if we're talking about stuff before we get into like the next thing um this comes out on nick the exact

date would be what like the 23rd 22nd 23rd so this will be a week before jeff's new podcast launches oh jeff you have a podcast coming out at the end of this month see eric this is why i love you and why i think you're the best and why i don't even care about the variety thing because you're such a fantastic producer you know who did the variety thing, and it is not me, and it confirms everything you felt. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For the record, for the record,

but let me nip this in the bud. That was all a joke. Audiences, do not be mad at Eric for any of that. I was absolutely kidding. Oh, I'm fucking mad at me. No, no, I know, but you don't need it. You don't need the aggravation. I know you don't care, but you don't need it.

It absolutely wasn't Eric. that was just for comedy i know i'm pretty sure i know who kept us out of that article uh i i do too uh the i want to know your yeah you know your new podcast comes out and it's just yeah it's not it won't be on the face feed it'll have its own rss feed um but we maybe we'll put the first episode up nick had a really good idea put the first episode up on the face feed maybe i think we need to vote on that okay hey you know what gavin gavin you're right and let me say this myself gracie and nick we we abstain because this is your guys's show as i've said many times this is andrew jeff and gavin so i want you guys to take a vote. Should the first episode of Jeff's new podcast,

So Alright, which is the name of the podcast, so... Alright, name of the podcast. Should So Alright, episode one, go up on the face feed? Well, obviously I'm voting no over to Andrew. Sorry, what are we voting on?

Did I not just... Super clear. Say exactly... No, here's uh-huh this is what happened we're talking about jeff's podcast and my brain which which is not a face thing i don't think is it it's not it's under the face umbrella it's in the face oh okay it's just not a comment it's not necessarily a comedy podcast but it exists i'm good yeah okay so Andrew votes yes, and Jeff, up to you. Fuck. Deciding vote.

Now here's the thing. You can do something to help make your podcast very successful, or you can do the funniest thing right now. Yeah, I'm gonna say, I guess I gotta say no. That would be funnier, right?

That would be way funnier. Oh, but this isn't face. This is my own podcast, which I don't want to fail. Right. Can we, Eric... Can I think about it? Can we vote if Jeff's podcast is in a different show's feed? Well, I mean, it will be in a different show's feed because it has it will have its own feed

i really do want this podcast to do well though uh i would i would hate well this is pretty good for it failure yeah yeah which was yeah the point i mean the point was to try to get people to at least know about it and this is going on much much longer than i anticipated yeah i'm gonna say no i'm gonna say no fuck Fuck! I don't know. Nick, how are you feeling about the two-to-one no vote? Pretty good. Okay, well, if Nick's happy, then we're fine. No, that's not, no!

Nick doesn't want it here, and he feels really happy about it. He just fucking said it. I was a little bit surprised to be stabbed in the back by Nick, but I guess he didn't stab me in the face, not the back, so I appreciate that. And now we know who did the variety sabotage. Very unregulation. Very

non-regulation, Nick. Oh, man. Yeah, maybe check that podcast out if you want. It's just me. It's just me talking about shit that's maybe not as funny. I don't know. I found this picture the other day. Oh my God.

It's me with Caleb on my back. And on Caleb's back is your cousin, Chris. I don't know what year that's from. Oh, dude, that's at Bangers, right? Oh, it is. That's rainy. Yeah, that's rainy. We're getting lunch at Bangers.

That must have been like 2014 or something, 15. That was such a fun time that's when you and chris used to wrestle a lot was this before or after you got bit on the tummy this is probably after yeah that's why he's smiling if you'd have said that at one point i was giving caleb a piggyback i'd be like what are you talking about there's no memory of that whatsoever i feel like a lot of the stuff i feel like maybe every time i hung out with caleb he sort of erased my memory i feel like i've hung out with him so many times i just don't remember any of the details of any of it it's so weird to see this world collide my best friend my favorite family member and the closest i mean just i can't say enough good things about my cousin and then

Caleb wow that's Caleb's great Caleb is I love Caleb I fucking love Caleb okay I hired him he worked for me for years

that's true that's fucked off what am I supposed to do can't give a dude a piggyback I hired him. He worked for me for years. That's true. That's fucked off. What am I supposed to do? Can't give a dude a piggyback ride if he's on the other side of the country. Yeah. That's true. Technically, yeah. Go ahead.

It's your show, baby. Go for it. You go. I vote no. Okay. I was no. Okay. I was going to say we are getting close. We're not getting like two time, but by the time we get through this and everything. Oh, you're going to end the show? No.

Oh, hang on. I want to make sure that it's our show. I want to know what Jeff was doing in the lab because it seemed like he had a lot of lab stuff or something. Oh, yeah, that's true. So I don't know where we wanted to go, but I wanted to make sure if that was teased, we should. Well, I got it. If I'm guessing, pay it off. I got to get to it today because I can't.

I can't wait a week. It won't keep. So, you know, we have been talking about for for the last couple of weeks, about fruit combinations. And I'm the one that brought the idea of trying like uncommon fruit combinations to try to find, to unlock some sort of flavor explosion that people just don't know about yet, right?

Thought that'd be a great exercise for us to use our inventor and creative skills and really focus it on something that could really benefit all of mankind, I think. And so, Andrew, you immediately got in the lab and I was blown away by the work that you did and emboldened by it. And honestly, I was a little, maybe a little, oh, I don't know. Inspired?

No, more like, yeah, kind of in in awe you know um a little less certain of myself after after watching the solid and so i needed a little bit of time uh to work through some mental roadblocks and uh the initial goal was to combine lemon and grape uh i did a precursor a cursory search over the internet found nothing then we talked about it the community hit me up and let me know that there is such a thing and there is a grape lemon product out there that no longer exists but was very popular back in the day it was uh it was from the 80s or the 90s and it was this i'm gonna put in the it was called uh purple soros rex it was a flavor of Kool-Aid that combined grape and lemonade. And supposedly, everything I've read,

they say it was the... Eric remembers it. They say it was the best flavor of Kool-Aid ever made. I totally forgot about this. I never heard of it. It was so good. Yeah, it's weird that

if it was as good as everybody on the internet says that they would cancel it or discontin of it. It was so good. Yeah. It's weird that if it was as good as everybody in the internet says, that they would cancel it or discontinue it. But anyway, I looked around for it. It showed up a little while ago in a retro thing, but it's gone. It's not on the shelves. So I did a little bit of work,

and I discovered that... I apologize for this sideward pick, but you're just going to have to sideways pick or you're just going to have to fucking deal with it. So here's what we have. Come on. I found on the internet some people that said, here's how you can make your own Purple Source Rex. So they say

you buy... Hold on. This isn't quite what I thought. I know, I know. We'll get there. Apparently you buy a packet of lemonade Kool-Aid and a packet of grape Kool-Aid and then you combine them with sugar and the appropriate amount of water in a pitcher and then they say it's essentially Purple Source Rex. And so here I am thinking, I can't invent or I can't improve upon this unless I test the OG

flavor. Game recognizes game, right? So I need to whip up a pitcher of Purple Source Rex. Went to the store, bought all the ingredients, came home. I don't own a pitcher, turns out. Didn't know that. So I did the next best thing. I put it in a giant bowl. I mixed up a bunch of Purple Source Rex and I put it in a giant bowl. It has been cooling in my fridge. No, it's just a big metal bowl.

It's not a dog bowl. It's round. I know it looks like a dog bowl, but it's not. And so I've got it in there. I haven't had a drop of it yet. I don't know. I wanted my first experience to be with y'all. But I wasn't done there.

That's not enough for me. It really looks like you've done all this prep on the wall, by the way, just from the orientation. Yeah, I know. It does. I apologize. It's only going to get worse, probably. Okay.

You know how I roll. Then I was at breakfast this morning talking with Trevor from The Day Job, and I was explaining to him this process and an idea I had for another, which we'll get to. It's the third thing. I made three things today. It's the third thing I made. And I was talking to him about how kind of bummed I am that, you know, I couldn't really invent something that already existed, right? At best, I could rediscover something that had been previously discovered, is important in its own right and then we can shine light on it and if purple source rex is as good as they say it is then we can shout it from the rafters and

we can give it we could give a cosmic crisp kind of attention if we wanted to uh but i still wanted to crack i wanted to own something some kind of some kind of new i wanted to i want to break new ground in some way and i was talking about how I really felt like it's like the, it's in the grapes. There's something in the grapes that needs to come out, that needs to be discovered. And Trevor said, what about a suicide? And I thought, what do

you mean? He goes, what if you got every kind of grape you could find and put them all into one drink? A suicide, right? Like you used to do as when you were a kid when you would go to like the the 7-eleven and you would you would you would get a big gulp and you'd put every flavor oh that was suicide yeah we in america we used to call it a suicide when i was a kid uh maybe maybe they don't do that anymore and so i went and i bought six

different kinds of grapes from i went to two grocery stores. I bought every different kind of grape I could find, and then I combined them with a little bit of ice, and I created a grape suicide. Is one of them cotton candy? No, Nick, they didn't have cotton candy anywhere. I looked for it. I couldn't find it.

Maybe it's out of season or something. So I created, and I'll show you that in a second too, I created a grape suicide, which I want to try. But then, not to be, you got to do things in odds, right? Like evens don't work. When you invent something, you need to invent it in ones or threes. So I took that idea and I thought, instead of trying to find unexpected combinations between like a banana and a kumquat or, you know, or whatever.

What nobody's really doing is nobody's creating the Noah's Ark of fruit drinks. Nobody's taking every single fruit on Earth and combining it into one. Kind of like a...

Kind of like a... That almost made... Noah's Ark was like an orgy of animals. No, but made... Yeah, that sounds like Noah's Ark was like an orgy of animals. No, but Noah's Ark, they collected two of every animal, right? Mix the giraffe with that cat. I gotta see what we get out of this.

To a point. I'm obviously not saying they put all the animals in a blender, but I'm saying I collected two of every fruit, or actually, in my case, one of every fruit, and this is what that looked like.

Oh, my God. So what you've got right there is blueberries, pears, lemons, raspberries, strawberries, cherries, blackberries, watermelon, mango, six different kinds of grape, two different kinds of peaches, two different kinds of nectarines, two different kinds of plums. You've got multiple kinds of melons. You've got apples. You've got a cosmic crisp right there in the front.

You've got lemon. Six cherries. You've got lime. You've got oranges. You've got all kinds of stuff. There's actually more cherries than there's frozen cherries in the back, too. You got banana. You got every kind of fruit I could find, right?

And I put all those together, and I'm trying to decide. I was thinking, Fruit of the Doom or Doom of the Loom could be a good title for it. I like Doom of the Loom. Doom of the Loom, right? This is what it looks like in the blender. That's packed with goodness. By the way, I did a little bit of reading on this.

There are some fruits you should not combine. And all of those fruits are combined in this. Yeah, they say that like... There are some... Yeah, well, no, not curdled, but there's like non-acidic fruits and acidic fruits when combined can cause digestive issues

and like acid reflux and stuff. So I wouldn't necessarily recommend this. But if you want to know what it looks like to combine almost to the cent, $100 worth of fruit into one drink. This is it. It's the most expensive smoothie.

You're not going to need any more vitamin C for a year. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I won't. So on the left, we have Purple Source Rex Redux. In the middle,

we have Grape Suicide. And on the right, we have Doom of the Loom. I now, I have not tasted any of this. It's just sitting in my fridge right now. If you Loom. I now, I have not tasted any of this. It's just sitting in my fridge right now. If you'll give me a second, I'll go grab them. Please. And then I'll do a live taste test

right now. In your blender picture, the Alexa is asking a very serious question. What is her question? Are you smarter? I think the answer is clearly no. I'll be right back. Okay, go get it.

All right. Hey, while he's doing that, can we, any bets, any thoughts on which is going to be the best and which is going to be the worst? I think grape mix is going to be pretty good. Oh, you're saying the grape suicide is the best one? I think it'll be pretty good, yeah. I don't ever want to, I feel like I never want to drink a grape. I just, that's not the right format for a grape i think that's going to be the worst

i think me and nick are on the same page i think jeff is white trash enough to love this kool-aid he's about to slam i think he's gonna i think he's gonna taste this and he's gonna go oh it's gonna be like a lot of sugar and that's what he wants we all agree that the all fruit one is gonna be the worst right? To the loom. I hope it's the best because it's so inconvenient to make. Like, what if that's his favorite drink? He just always craves a hundred dollar smoothie. It's a hundred dollar smoothie is his favorite one.

She got like the million dollar smoothie. Okay, so first off, out the gate, I'm a little worried the grape, the grape of suicide, seems to have separated liquid from goop. Oh, no. I mean, you should definitely get the goop out of there. You shouldn't. Oh, just give it a mix.

Or just stir. Yeah, give it a nice little stir. I'm going to go. I'm going to start at the beginning. I'm going to start with the OG. I'm going to start with the Purple Source Rex, which, by the way, I'd like to say, I basically, what I did here

is I took inspiration from Jurassic Park I basically, what I did here, is I took inspiration from Jurassic Park. I did some dino DNA, and I went to the 80s, and I found the amber of a brilliant drink, and I brought it back into our time, and I recreated it, and much like, you know, that dude in the thing. Let me try it right now.

Yeah. Do you have a webcam? Yeah, you want one? Yeah. Also, the Jurassic Park analogy, if we follow through that, it kills thing. Let me try it right now. Yeah. Do you have a webcam? Yeah. You want one? Yeah. Also the Jurassic Park analogy. If we, we follow through that, it kills you.

You die. I mean, I wasn't Andrew. I was going to like, let him go all the way down that road. I see what you're saying. Yeah, that's fine.

I understand that. Let's, but I don't know that this won't kill me. The Hammond didn't die. That did he? No. Hammond did not die. Did he?

In the book? He did. No, in that movie. I mean, he's dead by now. He was very old then. All right, so here we go.

This is a this is a home-brewed Purple Source Rex Redux. We're looking face judgment. I saw it go up the straw.

Oh, he's quite a big sip. Oh, that looks good. It looks like he loves this. Oh, he's going in for a second. He's going to finish this. I told you. Dude! He's demolished it.

I fucking told you. Even with the icing. Holy shit. That's good. That's fucking good. I told you. Oh, my God. Jeff is like from the south, and this is just.

It's hummingbird food. Of course he loves it. Now, would you say you're a Kool-Aid guy generally, Jeff, or is this tapped into anything for you? Dude, I grew up in the 80s. I was a Kool-Aid kid. I don't think I've had Kool-Aid in 25 years. Oh my God, what have I been missing?

I thought we'd come to a point... So summer of 98 was the last time? Yeah. No. I guess it was older than that. I guess I thought we got to a point where we didn't have to mix our drinks anymore. You could buy them pre-mixed. Fuck that, dude.

I'm going back to mixing. Oh, shit. That's good. There's a little bit more. It's just straight sugar. Can you talk about the flavor of it? Like mixing the purple with the yellow? It tastes like a purple.

Yeah, how much sugar went in? Dude, it tastes like a purple dinosaur. It was one packet of... These are sugar-free. It was one packet of unsweetened... One packet of unsweetened lemonade, one packet of unsweetened grape, then four quarts of water

and two cups of sugar. Two cups? Well, that's what the recipe is for fucking Kool-Aid. It's two quarts of water, a packet, and one cup of sugar. Or sweet and low or whatever, but I just... Of course he fucking loved it. This is insane. It's so good!

I can see why you've activated. Oh, man, I'm into it. Oh, fucking... I'm gonna get fucking sugar boner. God damn. You look like you just woke to have a club up. A bathroom. Now we'll move on to...

Oh, he's stirring it up. He's mixing the goop. You can't really... Alright, it's mixed up now. You can't see how it was separated. It was like liquid and then grit. It was pretty fucking... This is the all grape one? This is homage to Trevor. He was instrumental in this.

This was his initial burst of idea. This is grape suicide. Six different kinds of grape, from Concord to green to other stuff. Are you going to suck from the middle of the cup for the best consistency, or are you going to go from the bottom? Middle of the cup for the best consistency or are you going to go from the bottom? Middle of the cup.

Okay. Oh, it's not as thick as I was expecting. That seemed to glide right in. It's like a frothy grape juice. Doesn't taste any better or worse than any grape juice I've ever had.

Tastes fresh. These are all pretty similar tasting, don't you think? Tell us about the candy grape. Oh, man. I don't think so, because Emily will eat green grapes, but won't touch a red grape, which is fucking weird to me.

That's crazy and backwards. Yeah. It was good. Not better than just going and buying... Well, that's not true. It's good. It's good? I'm going to give Purple Source Rex a 10 out of 10.

I'm going to give Grape Suicide 8.7. Oh, wow. Yeah, it's pretty good. It's pretty good. But I don't know that I would... It's a lot of effort to go when you could just buy grape juice. Right, but certainly it's not the most effort, which you're about to get into now.

Doom of the Loom. This is something like... Doom of the Loom. This is something like Doom of the loom. This is something like 35 different fruits combined. Dude, that is vibrant. Which by the way, looks- Everything turns into grape, apparently. Everything's purple. How are your ratios?

Do you think you've balanced it out well? Or do you think one's gonna be overpowering? Oh dude, I just- I have no fucking clue. I just put a handful of everything. I'm so excited! I don't know, I have no fucking clue. I just put a handful of everything. I'm so excited. I don't know. I really don't know. I had no idea how to gauge, like, how much or how little of certain things.

No clue. I wish I could be tasting these. Here it goes. He's preparing. Deep breath. This might be the first $100 smoothie anyone's ever drank. It's the Jimmy Butler of smoothies.

Oh, look at the way it got stuck halfway up the straw. This one's thick. Oh, God. Oh, it seems chunky. But maybe a good chunk. There can be a good chunk. Oh. He seems perplexed.

And not a bad one. Oh, no, that looked a little bad. I'll be honest with you. It tastes identical to every purple smoothie I've ever bought. Oh, that's so disappointing. From Jamba Juice or Juiceland. You can't. It doesn't taste $90 more expensive than the last smoothie. Yeah, it's so disappointing. From Jamba Juice or Juiceland. You can't.

It doesn't taste $90 more expensive than the last smoothie. Yeah, it's $100, $18 smoothie is what you've got there. It's $100, $9 smoothie. Oh, my God. I mean, it's good. Don't get me wrong. I'm going to drink it. Even though it's a lot of fruit, I'm supposed to not combine, apparently.

You're going to be shitting tonight. I mean, it's fine as a smoothie but you can save yourself 95 bucks and that was fantastic a little bit a little bitter this might be the best lab work anyone's ever done oh man thank you so much I really that's really kind of you

I don't know if they can compare with sleep spaghetti but I really appreciate that sorry I maybe I didn't hear it was there a number rating that you ascribed to this? Oh, I'll give it a... It's an 8. So a 10, an 8.7, an 8. Just the worst of the three. Yeah, it's like doing an episode of Animal.

It's just everything is a 10. As high as a 10 or as low as a 7.7. That was good tonight. All right, well, there you go. That was very informative. I am. Unless I'm struck by some brilliant idea in the shower or like in a dream, I think I might be done combining fruit.

Oh, man. Yeah. So much acid. Oh, that's. Oh, it's coming back. It's fighting you now. Do you think you could have used the gloves if for the fruit? Yeah, yeah, I could have used the fruit gloves if they existed

Dude fuck hold on a second. Here's a turn my camera back on What are we what are we look he's really this is this is the basket is full of all the ingredients for the fruit gloves What so much stuff I got so many gadgets. What? Is that a light? Yeah, I've got some- look at this, look at this guy. I've got so much stuff. I can't wait!

He's gonna have a blender on one hand. Oh my god. Look at these little knives. I've got so much stuff to put this- I gotta- it became overwhelming. But, you know what? I'm gonna get back to it. I'm got so much stuff to put this... It became overwhelming, but you know what? I'm going to get back to it. I'm going to do it. If you can make those heat gloves, I can make the fruit gloves. You would have more gadgets

in your hand than Inspector Gadget as a whole, based off of what you have in that basket. That's crazy. That sounds accurate to me, yes. He's going to be fruit's worst nightmare. That's some really acidic smoothie god damn you want to cut it like a base of some kind i think you might be in trouble if you finish that

smoothie i'm not i'm not i'm not gonna finish it i'm not gonna finish it i just had seven seven thousand calories of purple source rex you had a whole cup of sugar. We should probably start. You should wrap up because that was. Do you think we'll be serving PurpleSaurusRex for the next RTX? I think we should. Or when we do our when we do our meet up someday. Oh, yeah.

I think it would be a bad idea to serve grape suicide. I wasn't going to say anything. I was just going to kind of like let it be like Jonestown. But whatever. Yeah, we'll going to say. We'll do Purple Source Rex. That's a good one. It already exists.

It's the 10 out of the three. Can you imagine if that's why they discontinued the Kool-Aid flavor? Because it was the Jonestown flavor, the choice, or whatever. It was really bad branding for the product. It's like mass murder. You find out Heaven's Gate was really into

Purple Source Rex. Oh, man. Yeah, I guess we should probably wrap it up. Anybody else have any any last

No, I nothing can top that show. Oh, that's fantastic. I'll tell you a funny little story that happened to me today. Okay.

I got up this morning to go meet Trevor for breakfast and to run some errands. And I got up and I took a shower and I got dressed and I did my hair and everything. And I was walking out the door and I looked in the mirror and my hair was a little floppy. So I thought, I'll go throw some of Emily's because it's hot outside. I thought, I'll throw some of Emily's hairspray

in my hair and then I'll take off. So I ran into her, into the bathroom and I grabbed some of her hairspray and I sprayed it in my hair and then I just ran out the door and as I was leaving I saw my face just just a hint of my face in the mirror uh by my front door and it scared the shit out of me and I stopped and I turned and I looked and my hair was white like I had gone gray in a second and I couldn't figure out what I was looking at. I have like white and salt and pepper hair. And I was like, I just, the entirety of my head turned gray in one second. Like I must have had some crazy trauma getting from the bathroom to the front door that I lost time.

Like maybe I was abducted by aliens for three or four weeks and then they put me right back down, you know, 10 seconds later and I didn't realize that, whatever. Anyway, and it took me probably 15 seconds of looking at it to realize I had done something with the hairspray to myself. Clearly, it must have been it. So I ran back into the bathroom and I looked at it and apparently I didn't use hairspray. I used this thing called dry shampoo, which I guess is

I've never used before. But I couldn't get it out. And I was late to go. I was late to run my errands and to go see Trevor. And I couldn't get it out and so I had to leave the house with like partially gray hair today I just aged myself for no fucking reason I've started doing a thing where I every time I see myself in the mirror I give myself a little smile yeah I give myself a little nod like right that's great dude what did you try to do to get dry shampoo out uh i i tried to

like rub it out forever and that didn't help and that didn't help so i put some water in and tried and that didn't really help so i just left i had i had places to be and i figured i'll just be an older guy than i am today i wish i'd have taken a photo it's fine now work through it probably but uh it didn't cross my mind because i was in a hurry to take a photo it's fine now work through it probably but I didn't cross my mind because I was in a hurry to take a photo or whatever it was

shocking because it looks so real was Trevor wondering how long it been since he last saw you yeah what the fuck you've been a hard six months he did the transition

shot into the end of saving private Ryan oh man what a fun episode this one was shot into the end of Saving Private Ryan in five minutes. Oh, man. What a fun episode this one was. That was great. Yeah. I really enjoyed it. I really enjoyed it. We've been on a roll lately. I had such a good time doing the definitive music and movie

list for the summer of 98. Have we talked about what those are and when they're coming out? No, and we will next time. Well, there you go. Tune in next time to find out what the fuck that is. Bye. Hey, guys. Major League fan Jack here with a look at next week's episode of F*** Face.

More fruit talk. Those are some freaky tomatoes. Eric is a huge fan of Discord. Who has the best title? Is it time for butt cream? And once again, Andrew does not eat the pencil. All that and more on next week's episode of F*** Face.