F**kface - Season 3, Episode 1 // The X-Ray Store [82]

Episode Date: December 22, 2021

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about the beginning of the 3rd season, food disasters, more Geoff medical updates, and coping. Want to contribute to bits? Email what you can do to [e-mail] Sponsored by BetterHelp (http://betterhelp.com/face), Quip (http://getquip.com/face), and HelloFresh (http://hellofresh.com/face14 and use code face14) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Dragon's Dogma 2 revolves entirely around choice. Your choice, that is. From the sword and shield-wielding fighter to fighter to the illusion conjuring trickster, there are over 10 unique vocations to choose from that all require experience to unlock new skills. And character customization is out of this world, literally. Oh, and did I mention the combat is really in-depth? It isn't just hacking at a giant's ankle for half an hour while your dodge roll attacks. You can engage enemies from a distance, climb up large foes, stab them in This is a Rooster Teeth production. Why'd you post that? Why'd I post?

Because I was talking about partially is Imhotep a bad guy to Nick and then Jeff joined in. And they brought up some points that I feel like are probably fair. And I'm not saying that he isnep a bad guy to Nick and then Jeff joined in and they brought up some points that I feel like are probably fair and I'm not saying that he isn't a bad guy I just don't remember what his plans were beyond saving his girlfriend Nick said that he killed a lot of people

and I was like he killed six people that's really not that many in the grand scheme of like evil movie villains you know what though he did a lot a lot of property damage with those the grand scheme of like evil movie villains. You know what though? You know what though? I'd love to know. He did a lot, a lot of property damage with those storms. Those sandstorms? Millions

of dollars of property damage. You cannot do, like you can't make that point while the Marvel movies exist and the Avengers, like that, there is no... Different universes. Six people is tremendously bad still. There's not a lot worse than killing six people no it's terrible that were displaced he may have displaced 10 000 people from their homes

how many people are going to die over of disease and malnutrition over the course of the next decade because their livelihoods got destroyed because of his nonsense. You have to think about the after effects. Terminator, he comes up and he'll kill 70, 80 people and then he's out. A guy like Imhotep comes up, he may kill 6 people today but he might kill 100,000 people over the course of the next fucking 10 years.

He was also trying to raise an army of dogs at one point, which I'm sure would have killed quite a lot of people. He was just a big dog guy he knew where the internet was headed he wanted to get ahead of the curve he wanted the dogs tell jeff what you said about imhotep earlier what did i say about imhotep earlier he said oh it's the john imhotep is the john wick of egypt like he was just minding his own business he was dead and then some people came in and woke him up stole his shit and then he specifically kills those people to get his body back john wick wasn't

trying to resurrect corpses no but john wick was a guy who was living his life and then some fucking idiots came in and killed his dog and brought him back into the game. Here's the difference. He went and wanted to get revenge. He didn't, like, he could have, he could have tried to resurrect that dog from the dead, but he chose not to. He chose not to go down the supernatural evil route, and instead, he enacted completely believable revenge. I understand it's not one-to-one,

but my point is that these were both people that were just living their lives and then were thrust into the story of what happened by others. I feel like most movies start with something happening to a character. No, you're taking such the wrong point from this. Not every movie starts with somebody doing something to that character. There are movies where people are like, I'm going to fucking solve this. I'm going to from this. Not every movie starts with somebody doing something to that character. There are movies where people are like, I'm gonna fucking solve this. I'm gonna do this. I actually

have one that I think is in similar vein to what you're saying that has always stuck out to me. Did you guys ever watch the TV show The Walking Dead? Yes. Do you remember the whole Negan seasons? I do. He was like the big bad evil guy had the baseball bat uh named I don't know Nadine or Geraldine or something Francine the comedian

was Francine yes it was the comedian it was Negan Jeffrey Dean Morgan Jeffrey Dean Morgan yeah the comedian from Watchmen anyway he's like the bad guy wears a leather jacket fucking kills people left and right he was on Howard Stern once and Howard was asking him, how do you prepare for a role of being such an evil bad guy? And he looked at Howard and he was like, I don't think I'm a bad guy. And Howard's like, what? And he goes, I'm

serious. I am living a life with my people, trying to keep my people alive. And this goddamn Rick and his buddies keep showing up and stealing our stuff and killing people and raiding us. So we're just defending ourselves. And then, you know, I don't want to be pushed around. So if somebody's going to come and fuck with me, I'm going to fuck with them twice as hard.

I'm the protagonist of my story. They're the bad guys. And that really made me sit and think for a while. I feel like every actor who plays a villain says that. I feel like that's universal of like i'm playing actually to play this villainous character i need to somehow convince myself that they are the hero of the story yeah you know who is the other if if jeffrey dean morgan turned down deegan do you know who's gonna get it it was second no he had the job for 20 minutes apparently and then jeffrey dean morgan was

like no i want to do it so he got it matthew lillard would have been oh i'm not even i'm not kidding he would have played it like a 90s psycho he did like three auditions for it i think and they're like yeah if he would have said no you would have been negan and i i can't imagine what that would have looked like but i would like to see it it's just so odd i wouldn't the last time i saw matthew lillard the last time i saw what matthew lillard would have been around the same time period with that Twin Peaks reboot or not reboot. Sorry, but the new Twin Peaks season. And I can't imagine that guy in Twin Peaks being scary or intimidating. I mean, he was the bad guy in Scream. Yeah, he was. Yeah, sort of.

One of. Yeah. So it's not like out of character to play a, you know, psychopath. But he like the vibe is so different. Negan to who he played in Scream and like who he typically like he just sort of plays like an idiot in Scream. That is just you never really get into his motivations for it. He's just kind of a guy where Negan is intimidating physically in a different way. Yeah. Matthew Lillard

is net, except for maybe Twin Peaks, he's net, well, even then, he's never not silly. You know what I mean? It's hard to take him seriously. I'm trying to think. He's got that, he's got that, like, natural humor about him. The Descendants. That's the only role I can think of where he's not, he's just

a guy that is cheating with George Clooney's wife. We're a Matthew Lillardlet podcast all right is this oh my god what episode is this 83 oh so interesting this is 82 according to nick do you guys know the significance of episode 82 i just i just realized it yesterday no uh no episode 82 we missed we missed a bit of a milestone episode 82 is i believe the second episode of season three of face we we had a season shift no we don't know that's not how it works no no yeah it is how it works season one ended at episode 40 season two began at episode 41 which would mean that season two ended at episode 80 and season two began at 81 i'm gonna challenge this i feel like this season

extends to the end of the redemption year i feel like this season i feel like at the time the conversation was related if we're gonna if we're gonna wait for full redemption season two is gonna go on forever well season one is always shorter than season two. There is an argument. So this is, I think what started this conversation was looking at seasons on Disney plus and how nonsensical it is. We're like season one will be 72 episodes of DuckTales and season two will be 16.

Like, I don't think we need to follow a specific. So what you're saying is that we're two episodes longer than season one at this point. I'll tell you what I'm saying, because I agree with you. I think there's something to that. Let's then just say, because it makes no sense whatsoever, which is very f***ing facey of us, that

this is the first episode of season three, year two. Oh, f***. Okay. But still, so the redemption year goes across multiple seasons. It's not a redemption season, Gavin. It so the redemption year goes across multiple seasons that's it's not a redemption season gavin it's a redemption year yeah that's fine i'm just clarifying season's not a year and a year is not a season if face was a tv series and it was structured this way i would hate it i would hate watching face and their season format it'd be horrendous

it'd make no sense it'd be terrible i'd like to play a clip just you know while we're doing some housekeeping talking about this is whatever gavin says i would like to play a clip i'm terrified probably because 80 of the time it's been related to me i don't know if you feel the same way jeff but it is intimidating whenever gavin says i'm gonna play a clip you may not like do i feel intimidated that that 80% of the time it's making fun of you? No. No, but I'm just saying, well, I feel like I misspelled something probably. I feel like last week, this was two weeks ago,

Jeff made a joke during a discussion about the number 80. And then I feel like I didn't really hear it at the time. I feel like Andrew never understood that it was a joke and just carried on the conversation. See if this makes any sense to you, Andrew. Okay. I think there is. We just need to sit down and figure it out. We're approaching a number of episodes that no one can pitch in baseball.

That's true. I think... What's the fastest pitch recorded? It's probably in like over 100. I think I want to say 102. Really? I was going to guess like 110 would be my guess. No, I don't think that high. Has anyone thrown one in a vacuum?

What do you mean? Like has anyone thrown one in a vacuum cleaner? I don't understand like why. Why would they have done that? Well, so there's no air resistance, so you can throw it real fast. Oh, okay. I feel like you took some leaps there. I wasn i wasn't with you i was lost i was thinking about i've never seen someone throw a vacuum there was a guy who got like what do you think we're talking okay no

no i know no no no i have an answer for that i have an answer for that i remember that moment distinctly i was lost i was confused by what you were saying from the jump. As soon as you said, like, I didn't know where you're going from vacuum. Like, I didn't expect a literal vacuum. I didn't understand the point you were trying to make from the beginning. So as somebody who didn't understand what was going on, I was just like, I'm going to play along with whatever. Because I don't know what the road is.

I don't see where we're headed. Because I feel like you came away from that conversation either thinking that we were throwing a baseball at a vacuum cleaner or throwing a vacuum cleaner and I couldn't figure out what you'd taken away from it. No, I didn't take anything away from any of it. I was just playing into

whatever was being said. I understood that you didn't literally need a vacuum. I tell you where this is going. This is going to our new... I'm excited about this. This is going to our new sporting event that we're going to start. It's not the Olympics.

It's not track and field. It's vac and field. We're going to throw vacuum cleaners like we're throwing a discus and see who can throw it the farthest. And then we're going to throw shit at vacuum cleaners and see who's the most accurate. And then we'll come up with some other vacuum field activities this is gonna be awesome i thought

you're going a different way i thought baseball with only vacuums like you everybody who's pitching that's okay that's perfect vacuum field i can't wait 2022 okay so you were just sort of uh going with the flow and i was totally going with the flow because i didn't necessarily understand your original point so i was just like wherever we go i'm just gonna buy into it and i remember saying at the time or thinking at the time while i was saying it like i don't i know we're not talking about actual vacuums but i don't know what else to do here so i'm just gonna keep talking let me ask another question to that answer how often would you say that happens to you through the recording of this podcast? You know, it depends.

Not often. Do you think you follow 70% of what's happening? Oh, definitely. Yeah, I follow a lot more than it appears. I wish I could say it was less. It would explain

some of my responses better, but I have to just own up to that, the fact that I am listening 90% of the time 90 my ass no i'll get lost sometimes i would say you're listening 80 and you're comprehending the guy that the guy that interrupts me every fucking six minutes is gonna come at me for listening once again it's outrageous how dare you you? Outrageous.

I take this from Jeff. I'm not taking it from you. You are so full of shit with listening. You think I don't listen? Well, you talk over me 80%. So either there's two options, Gavin. I either need to believe you're not listening or you care so little about what I'm saying most of the time that you just decide that whatever you're saying is more important.

So I'm going to choose that you're not listening. I will say if we were in the same room, I wouldn't interrupt you as much. It's mainly a discord thing. An internet thing. I've got bad internet. You do. But that's less fun. Can I donate some money or something to help you get better

internet? Is that possible? Can we do that? I feel like that's the thing that can be done how do we improve your internet anything else you need to prove gavin do we stop at internet what else do you need do you need a new blender do you need an appliance what's deficient in your life a vacuum what are you lacking i need a new swiffer i'll just say that right now i need that's that's something i need product i'm lacking you need a what do you need to swif my wall back of my wall i guess i don't need a swiffer for that i dropped another i've had such a bad run of dropping things

since we've last it just keeps happening well so you somebody went on your wall i probably shouldn't have I should have like led to that later for like the story the best version of the stories are we in the middle of a story I you were sort of like at the end of like the

funniest part of the story I dropped a milkshake let's just pretend that part didn't okay we're just gonna pretend it so I bought a milkshake I got food over the weekend last weekend oh that's good it's always good to get some day yeah so I had a milkshake i got food over the weekend last weekend oh that's good it's always

good to get someday yeah so i had a milkshake which i've never had we've gone over i've never experienced a milkshake and i was like okay wait i'm gonna have you started in the middle of the story you went back to the beginning but started i feel like a little bit too early by saying you bought some food at the weekend like that's a given you could go straight to no no i think it's different i think contextually it's important because if you it's a different i feel like it's more painful if i physically went to a place got it then brought it i i only ordered food had it delivered made it to my door walking up the stairs i get to my doorway i drop it and it hits at an angle where it explodes

on impact and it goes it covers the door it's once again it's jeff smoothie problem it's like the fourth time this has happened to me recently all over the door over the wall on the floor and like just i didn't end up drinking any of it i cleaned it i'm laying in bed the next day and i look up and i have oreo on my. I didn't realize how far it exploded. I have pieces of Oreo all over my back wall. Cleaned up most of it. Some of it is so high up, I would love to have a Swiffer.

Use the stick. Is this the one, because you dropped one recently, didn't you, that was made a lot worse by you picking it up or something? Oh, that was the Burger King soda. Well, this was a Burger King milkshake. If I order Burger King, you picking it up or something like it was oh that was the burger king soda it was well this was a burger king milkshake i am i if i order burger king i am dropping the drink that's with it and it is going everywhere this hasn't okay this on sunday i ordered food again i ordered

two days in a row you ate okay no i think it was like middle of the week i got the days don't matter the point is i the next time i ordered days the next time i ordered food i ordered japanese food and i was very excited about it it was great but i'm nervous because i keep dropping shit so i'm like this is this is a terrifying existence i'm in so i get i get my sushi i order sushi and that's it it's hard to fuck up sushi i have sushi it's in a bag why'd you order it with a question mark because i was trying to think if i ordered other things i didn't that was me like trying to process i ordered sushi i get my sushi i walk it all the way up to my room i place it on my bed to remove it from the bag i sit at my desk chair turn around go to grab it from the bag. I sit at my desk chair, turn around, go to grab it from the bag.

The bag, the container fucking opens. Not even all the way. It partially opens. All of the sushi falls out. All of it. I got it to my room on the bed. I'm lifting it out of the bag on the bed. I had a bag of fucking sushi.

It was just a sushi bag oh my god it's the saddest thing i've ever seen it was it was truly terrible it was sad i had like four rolls on my bed and then the rest all went to a bag and the lid didn't even fully pop off. And I just sat there I just sat there dejected saying how how did this happen? How did this happen? Did you still eat them? Oh I absolutely did. That's what

the box looked like. They all slid out the bottom. They just all slid as soon as I was lifting it out of the bag. What's the green shit? Is that wasabi? That's wasabi. That's so much wasabi. There is a lot of wasabi i have a feeling that's i have a feeling it's less than there was gavin but it got everywhere it was just all over the place i've never been so sad and i refused to put it back in the container so yeah

i ate the sushi out of a bag i ate bagged sushi and it was depressing on a different level. You could at least put it on a plate so you wouldn't mind it. No, I was so, it was like a punishment for myself because I keep dropping things. You just don't deserve good things. You get bagged sushi. That bottom picture there, that's like a banana skin for you. Yeah, it is.

Yeah, it was terrible. Oh, man. Best of my life. Dropping stuff. Can I throw a sad food thing in as an it's not even a real story it's just yeah absolutely i got nothing to talk about this week pretty much sure so uh gavin a couple last week i went to uh what's but quickly becoming one of my favorite restaurants in austin and i mentioned it to you because i know you like it a lot too it's a place called dip dip dip yeah and they they make a just like it's just like really nice like uh i i forget why it's like it's like fancy hot pot kind of right and uh shabu shabu shabu shabu yeah there you go it's fucking awesome and

i've fallen in love with it and i eat there a bunch now eat there all the time we went there last week and uh we're sitting down and we're looking at the menu and they come over and they're giving you the daily specials and i'm like i'm already pretty sure i know what i want to get there because i have like a routine that i'm into and then she's like what would you like to hear the specials and i'm like i guess and then so she leads up she leads off the specials the last special she goes and then we have the most amazing two-week smoked and then she said the fucking p-word and i almost threw up and it and i and all i could think about all i could think about for the rest of the goddamn meal was that two week old smoked p-word was somewhere in the building with me like we were coexisting in the same space and people

around me were probably eating it and it took everything i had to enjoy the evening because i was like i it was like there was a giant P word sandwich just on my shoulder looking over me. And it was, oh, it was terrifying. I bet it was delicious too because everything is good though. Yeah, I'm sure it was delicious. I just like how far it has fallen for you. Knowing how excited, if that would have happened to you like eight days prior or however many days before your colonoscopy, that would have been a dream.

Dude, it would be like if baseball cards gave me cancer or something, you know? It's like I discovered it and I fell in love with it hard and fast. And I immersed, I fully immersed myself in the P-word world. And I really, I just embraced it. I was like eschewing it. I was going on other podcasts to espouse the virtues of p word like i was so fucking into it and then i got the rug pulled out from under me so hard and so fast i'm still spinning it sucks i've been meaning to ask and

thank you for for bringing this up it reminded me i was curious if you have begun a journey for a new thing to replace that maybe in the deli world like are you just sort of in a place of sadness right now of like processing your loss i'll be honest i'm kind of lost in the woods right now just in general it's it's been a rough couple weeks and uh yeah i'm just i'm in i mean i'm not i don't have the energy to search for a new passion right now to be be honest with you. And I bet just all deli meats are similar looking. Yeah, that's probably true. Guilty by association, right?

Yeah. You talked about dropping shit. This fucking morning, I had a sequence of events. I wanted to smash my head through a fucking brick wall today. I was so frustrated. I got up this morning, and I do my morning routine,

which is the feed the kid, the dogs, is a whole, you know, it's the, the, the feed the kid, the dogs, the, the poops, the peas, the get ready,

make the lunches, make coffee, the whole thing. And it's fine. I'm a morning person. I'm into it. It's cool. And then like Millie was kind of dragging today a little bit,

you know, uh, which is fine because we have like a 30 minute window. She likes to get to school a little early to visit with her friends. And so it's not the end of the world, but I had at 10 a.m., I had an appointment to get a bunch of x-rays on my body so that we can figure out why I can't sit anymore. And if I can and if I will ever, ever be able to ride a bicycle again, because we're going on about a month now that I haven't gotten any activity or physical exercise. And so I'm like, I look at March.

I'm like, that's not no i'll just i'm trying to think of like i go to a coffee shop for like 20 minutes kill some time and then i'll head over because i've got this weird window uh where it doesn't make sense to come home or whatever and then i get my phone text i get a text and i look and it's the appointment people saying hey asshole your appointment's at nine it's not at 10 it's at nine and i'm like fuck so i like have to run grab millie and run out the door and haul her out to high school, throw her at the school,

and then I look at the back of the sheet. It has the address, because there's two central locations. There's like 30 places you can go on the back of the sheet. I schedule the one close to me, of which there's two. So I drive in. It's like a hospital thing. So I gotta go in. I to go through the ticket counter,

get a ticket, find a parking space, run through the thing, go over like a bridge, you know, through another structure to get in there to the x-ray place. And I hand them my paper and they go,

hey, asshole, you're at the wrong place. And I'm like, what? And they're like, the place you are, the place you are is two blocks away. And I'm like, motherfucker. In my haste, I was freaking out. and I'm like what and they're like the place you are the place you are is two blocks away and I'm like motherfucker

in my haste I was freaking out I picked the wrong goddamn x-ray store right so then I grab everything and I run

I get back in my car I fucking have to pay to get out of the parking garage to go to the other to the other place to the new x-ray store right to buy x-rays or whatever

and I fucking go and I go all they do I get this one's in a parking garage so i gotta go like the fucking to the fucking fifth floor i finally get there i probably i have one minute and i'm like i'm gonna fucking make this i i grab my phone uh i open my door i run out i slam my door i turn towards the elevator and i throw my fucking phone across the parking lot and I smash my my brand new iPhone 26 or whatever it is. Yeah. What's the new one?

13, 14, 62. I got, I got an iPhone 19 and it's so fucking annoyed. So mad. That's still so new. I know.

Yeah. It feels a little weird to have a busted up spider-veined screen phone right now. All because you went to the wrong x-ray store. How unfortunate. If only you went to the right one.

Well, at the end of the day, it's all because I misremembered my appointment time, but yeah. But you made it on time. I did make it on time, and I got the x-rays, and hopefully we'll find out which of the big three I have.

I went to a doctor yesterday because I don't know if we covered this last week, but I think we might have. Just the intense amount of pain I've been in. I don't remember. I don't think. Did I not even mention it? I don't think you've talked about that. I haven't talked about it. Well, I talked about how my butt started to hurt riding the bike.

Yes. And so I started to wear those shorts, right? And then I told the story about how I put my pants on over the shorts and I went to the grocery store. And then I realized when the lady gave me the dirty look, I had a dumpy butt. Yeah. I'm like, my butt was like folded in half.

It was weird. Anyway. So eventually the shorts didn't work. Like the pain was too much that I just had to stop riding my bike altogether. Uh, and that was fine, except the pain followed me and then it got worse and worse. And then for about

four days, week before last or last week, somewhere in there, I, uh, I couldn't sit. Like if I sat down, it would, the pain was so intense. It made me like, I would cry. I, uh, and I'm a very manly non-cry type person. So it was, you can tell, uh, so I could only stand or I could only lay down. And I was just in an incredible amount of pain.

And, uh, so I went to the doctor, I scheduled an appointment and I went to the doctor yesterday and he looked at me over and, you know, he ordered the x-rays and he said that it's either, uh, tendonitis,

bursitis, or arthritis, but it's either tendonitis, bursitis, or arthritis, but it's definitely an itis. And I'm like, okay, well, what do we do? And he's like, well, you're too young for arthritis. And I said, let me stop you there. Let me tell you about my shoulder. And he goes, no, you don't have arthritis.

And I go, I have a lot of arthritis on my shoulder. And he's like, how do you know? And I go, well, I got an MRI. And he goes, oh, you do have arthritis. And I go, yeah. And he goes, well, it could be that. And I go, so what do we do for these three things? And I go, well, I got an MRI. And he goes, oh, you do have arthritis. And I go, yeah. And he goes, well, it could be that. And I go, so what do we do for these three things? And he goes, well, if it's tendonitis,

we'll put you on a treatment regimen. You'll do a significant amount of physical therapy and then you'll be on your way. If it's bursitis, we'll put you on a different treatment regimen. You'll do a tremendous amount of physical therapy and then you'll be on your way. And if it's arthritis, there's not much treatment we can do, but you'll do a tremendous amount of physical therapy'll be on your way. And if it's arthritis, there's not much treatment we can do,

but you'll do a tremendous amount of physical therapy and be on your way. So no matter what, I'm about to go through another God knows how long of fucking physical therapy. And I'm really jazzed about having another appointment every week. Do you think it's just for good at this point? Yeah. Just constant maintenance? Well,

yeah. Honestly, I do. I mean, yeah, I think think so i think once you get to the advanced age of 46 or so yeah i think that your life becomes about managing medical appointments and stuff it sucks i need to live more in the moment i need to appreciate my my fine body right now yeah and i i'll be honest with you uh and i say this without uh any ill uh feelings or or uh but i i don't think you'll age as well i think it's gonna be hard on you i think i think your body i think your body's gonna have a tough time really i don't know just something about you yeah and i don't mean that to poke fun

you know i just like i'm afraid I'm afraid for you a little bit. Well, you heard it here first. I want you to know, I will be here for you. I'm your friend. That might be the worst thing a friend has ever said to me. What, that I'll be here for you? I'll wheel you around, dude. I'm fucking, don't worry about it.

What's going to happen to me? I don't know, but I'll tell you what. I don't know, but it will. If you need, like, you need me to wipe your face after stuff, you know, because you can't or you need me to put like tighten the blanket around your legs in the chair or whatever. I can do that. I'm going to be there for you. I'm just trying to like evaluating this for Gavin. I think a question he should be asking you, Jeff, is there anything you miss that you could do before physically that you no longer can riding bikes

i haven't ridden my bike in almost a month i want to ride a bike so badly i bet i'm gonna get injured riding a bike because i'm trying to use up all of the fine bike time i have left too soon i'm gonna be like strutting around on a bike because i can and it's gonna cause me to not be able to ride bikes anymore it It's a delicate balance for sure. And it sucks too. Also, don't tie your coping mechanism. Here's a piece of real advice. Don't tie your coping

mechanisms to physical shit that's going to break down later in life. Because, as we all know, I was a tremendous alcoholic for 20-something years. And I'm now almost five years sober, so no problems there. But when I stopped drinking and realized I had to actually process and deal with emotions

and pain, part of the way I was able to do that was with this stupid bicycle, you know, riding my bike. People say, like, there's no way he's riding 20 miles a week or 20 miles a day or whatever, and even on an e-bike. And I'm like, no, I really do have that much shit to work out you know work through and uh losing that ability i didn't i realized i have been on edge for like the entire month i got so bad yesterday i had to go to the park and i i sat in the park and on a park bench and i just cried for like like maybe 30 minutes because I didn't know how to process.

I didn't, I just sat there and thought about alcohol, which I don't ever do and bike riding and just how sad I was that there was like no way for me to like work through this. And you know, and I was working through it in the moment, but so, so my,

my real advice to you would be like, don't tie your coping mechanisms to, to wheels because when the wheels break or you break, then you lose your coping mechanism. And then you gotta cry in a park. And that's embarrassing. Feel free to always text me, by the way, if you need your mind taken off something

or if you don't want to cry in a park, I'm always here for you. Here's the deal though, and I appreciate that, but if I were to text you, either of you, there'd be a 50% chance I wouldn't get a response and that would make it worse. Look, if you text you, either of you, there'd be a 50% chance I wouldn't get a response and that would make it worse. Look, if you text saying, hey, wanna do X, that's a

response. If it's Wednesday morning and you say, boy, do I have a story for tomorrow? Yeah. There's a park bench that's very conciliatory in Zilker Park that has been there for me a lot lately and i'm good with

the park pinch but i think we should start one wheeling around i've been going on your path on on one we've been going over i've been going by your jump every day haven't yet taken it on on the one wheel because i'll die it's a it's a nice graceful path it's very peaceful and you don't have to if i'm ever able if i'm ever able to move my body in that way again, I will. I can't imagine the pain that would be caused from falling off a one wheel right now. But, you know, listen, within 24 hours,

I'm going to get a diagnosis and then I'll know what's wrong with me and then I can work towards getting better and then I'll get back on. I'll ride that bike again someday, goddammit. I will. I'm not worried about that. Yes.

Anyway, all i had today was uh was the fact that i smashed my phone out of stupidity and that uh it's season three now i thought what's that what's up andrew you're gonna say i was just gonna say something but i don't know if you're gonna lead it i had jeff just reminded me of a thing that i didn't write down to talk about uh is that what you're also going to talk about? Gavin texted me late on Thursday night. What did he text me? He texted me something along the lines of, and I don't know if you have it, you can read it.

I just was horrified by a turkey sandwich was essentially the core of the message. And I looked at it and in a Jeff like fashion, I thought, do I want to know what this is? Is this is this for the show? Should I ask? Like, obviously, I'd like to know, but it feels like a show thing. I think what I text you was I just got one of the biggest frights of my life

from a turkey sandwich. Yes. So I didn't reply to it that night, but then I remembered replying to it the next day and then I never heard back from Gavin. I was like, I must have been busy I know that game yeah but then I got I got a text on a different day like four days later three days later and I just didn't send the message I just wrote it and then I never hit send I just I missed it but I've been waiting I've been like it's weird

didn't it was me and then so something else was asked completely irrelated. Irrelated, that's not a word. Unrelated, yeah. I'm not going to get an irregardless on that one. Irregardless. That was just me fucking up. That was me. But I just fucked up.

I didn't get it. But I want to know, you asked me to guess. I couldn't think of a way that a turkey sandwich could horrify anyone. Do you have any immediate thoughts, Jeff? It was more extreme than I thought I was going to die. You thought you were going to die? Yeah. Yeah. For a split second. But it was a turkey

sandwich. I have no fucking clue. Maybe it was moldy turkey? I bet. I could put this out there to the public for a year. No one, a hundred percent guarantee.

No one would ever come up with this scenario because it makes absolutely no sense. Should I run you through it? I'd love these, please. Um, do you want to preview the end of the story first, like in milkshake fashion,

or are you just going to get right? Start at the beginning. I'll start at the beginning. Um, okay. It was so embarrassing. Um, I was, I was on a plane and i think my subconscious had just been slightly affected by the fact that um i saw this on my

phone just on the home screen of my phone on the weather app it said uh small aircraft advisory and i thought well that probably is something to do with you know if you're in a small aircraft maybe visibility shit or something to do with that but in my head i was thinking like i think i was like dozing off or something i was thinking like oh does that mean there's like a shitload of small planes around like our plane our plane is like gonna have to dodge a bunch of small planes there was like one percent of my brain that thought that's what it meant there's a swarm of small planes outside yeah the rest of my brain was like oh it's probably foggy

or something and as you can see by the screenshot i'm apparently over the north atlantic ocean i was then i decided i'll just keep an eye out. I'll look out the window. Just make sure there's not a swarm of planes. You're keeping an eye out. How does that help? Are you like ready to yell at the like, what is the plan?

Like, I'm going to be on guard, guys. Like, what? Why? And I should point out out i'd slept for about two hours the night before so i was okay it's like you're on a plane and you're dumb because you're tired just one of those days yeah and i was looking out the window and suddenly i got the fright of my life in my peripheral vision i i saw what i thought was a plane hurtling into the side of our plane. And then we post the picture. All it was, was the flight attendant sliding a turkey sandwich onto the plate, onto the tray of the guy behind me.

But in my peripheral vision, because it was under his light, it just came like at the plane in the reflection and i jumped back and i was like but um yeah it was just perfectly because there was nothing on his tray there was like nothing lit up until the flight attendant aggressively slid a turkey sandwich which just caused a weird optical illusion. And at that point, I was just like, I need to get some sleep. My heart was beating like 100 feet per minute for like two straight minutes. Because I thought I was going to die.

It came out of nowhere, man. Did you scream out loudly? Yeah. I was just like, bah! Did anybody notice? I don't know. I was too like, bah! Did anybody notice? I don't know. I was too embarrassed to look around. I don't think he needed to put the turkey sandwich there with such force.

It looked like he was coming in at like 200 miles an hour. I would have asked him for his turkey sandwich. That is now, that's like a collectible. Instead of a UAPAP you saw a UAT Do you think anyone would have guessed that I don't Not only do I think nobody would have guessed that I don't think anyone in the history of the earth has ever Mistaken a turkey sandwich for an airplane I'm notoriously bad with reflections

Did I tell you about the time where I got scared by someone because I thought they were me? What? I was walking into a hotel, a glass door And I could see my reflection In the glass And I got all the way to the door And I opened the door and I realized it wasn see my reflection in the glass. And I got all the way to the door. And I opened the door. And I realized it wasn't my reflection.

It was just a man on the inside of the hotel wearing the exact same colored shirt as me. And we were moving and putting our arms out at the exact same time. He was mimicking me entirely. And so when I opened the door and he was there, I just jumped out of my skin. I don't deal with reflections well. Oh, God. Nick brought up Jack's gonna have good luck.

Good luck, Jack, figuring this out. I cannot wait to hear Jack's teaser. Boy, that seems to be going well still. People seem to really be liking minor league Jack's little previews. we might have to be careful with that one because he could potentially give the

punchline to the joke but I guess it's not well maybe he won't get it I don't know I don't think there's any way I can't wait to hear his take on the turkey that'll be great oh Nick's removed something so I think we're good ooh okay oh

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and F*** Face listeners get 10% off their first month at BetterHelp.com slash face. That's B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P dot com slash face. Boom! Spelled it right. Oh, uh, hold on a second. Hello and welcome to another episode of the F*** Face podcast. This is episode 82. Big surprise. This is episode one of season three, year two of the F*** Face Podcast.

Congratulations, guys. We made it into the third season. Let's hope we get renewed. Anyway, you were saying? If we want to take it away from food, I have a quick question for Andrew. Just because we were on the subject of movies. Go ahead. And I just thought this would be, I think you would have an answer for this maybe okay what is what is the perfect escalation of a scenario between the original movie and the sequel

like where they are clearly paying homage to their original movie but also trying to one-up it and i think i have the perfect answer i'd like to hear your answer first to get a better understanding of kind of where your head is at with this. Yeah, I'm right there too. The paint cans in Home Alone. Funny in the first one, they nail it. They both take a paint can to the face. The second one, they're ready for the paint cans.

They've dodged them both. And then they take a big metal bar right in the face. It's one of the best moments of that movie and it's shot so well there's like i usually don't like a lot of quick cuts because i i just tend to like as much to be done in the same shot as possible especially with action but every single shot in that sequence is an absolute masterpiece the thing hits them in the face it looks like it hits them in the face it's like a split second cut where they're just falling backwards down a hole it's like a half second shot that must have taken like an entire day to set up it's an absolutely crazy sequence and i think the perfect escalation of an

original movie i think that i think the thing that makes those home alone movies so great is that they treat human beings like like they're wily coyote right it's like in a fucking bugs bunny commercial or bugs bunny cartoon it's just they give if they got hit in real life by that pipe their skulls would cave in yeah their heads would have been knocked off yeah you know yeah and if that didn't kill him the fall would have it's so fucking funny kevin the calcer would be he would be in jail for homicide i think it's self-defense but yeah ah the the classic michael myers defense the halloween seven i'm trying to think like that's an interesting it's not even necessarily it's like um sequel to a movie in which the characters are the same

and they're doing a similar task, but they've learned something from the first one that somehow broadens their knowledge. Yeah, I just remember liking that so much as a kid when the same actor as the same character would reference or remember something from the previous movie. I just used to eat that shit up. Like, even mummy like when brendan fraser would be like ah not these guys again like stuff like that when i was 11 i loved it because it was like oh i'm in on this reference that's a that's a great question that i don't have an answer to i'm trying to think

man the the last movie question you had i felt like i had 400 answers immediately i got nothing for this because a lot of movies don't do it well they'll either go way overboard or something will happen and they won't remember that it's happened before and stuff like that it was just it was ideal yeah i'm trying to think of just like sequels in general i feel like there must have been something they learned between Independence Day 1 and 2, but what that was, I couldn't tell you. I have no idea, but I'm sure there was something. Oh, how about Karate Kid 2 when Daniel goes to do the fucking leg kick and the dude's like, yeah, I saw that before. Fuck you.

And then he has to come up with a whole new way to fight. I haven't seen Karate Kid 2, but it's similar. I haven't seen the second one. You guys ever saw Karate Kid 2? No. Wow, he goes to Okinawa and fights in Okinawa, and over there, they know all of his tricks. Yeah. It's a whole different world.

You guys should see it. It was real good. Fuck, I don't... Yeah, that's a great... I'll have to think about that. We'll come back to it. We'll come back to it next week. We'll come back to it.

Speaking of, Andrew, did you... Because you said you were about that. We'll come back to it. We'll come back to it next week. We will come back to it. Speaking of, Andrew, did you, because you said you were going to, did you ever watch Home Sweet Home Alone? I was going to last night and I forgot. Well, I forgot until last night.

Then I didn't, I was like, I probably won't come up today. And I was wrong. I was clearly wrong about that. Because every time I prepare for a thing, it never happens.

So I thought, ah, this will be another one of those. I'm just glad I randomly watched The Mummy yesterday. I had no idea it was going to come up 17 times during this episode. I don't believe you. I don't believe that you watched The Mummy. Oh, no, nor

should you. Obviously, I was full of shit. I was making fun. Yeah, I didn't actually watch the movie. Wait a minute. I watched Survivor. Wait, does Jeff not know sarcasm? Can we do this to him? Because everyone else just... I don't think you know how to be sarcastic, Jeff.

No, I think that you just don't know how to read sarcasm. I don't know. The whole room. I think the whole room believed your mummy lie. Well, I think that says a lot about the room uh yeah yeah yeah no i'm not gonna argue yeah yeah i'm not gonna counter that point you're completely accurate nick did you believe him too he said absolutely nick absolutely did as well he's being sarcastic you guys can't read it well the problem is with this show specifically, there's so many dumb coincidences that have happened during the entirety of our up to now three season run

that it wouldn't be out of the question that you would have happened to have watched The Mummy the day before. I will give you that. It is so fucking absurd that I find it hard to believe some of the coincidences that are happening. And they're happening to me, you know? Yes. You're right.

This podcast is either charmed or cursed, I think, depending on how you look at it. Hmm. I go with charmed, but... I would go with charmed as well. I have a thing I was going to talk about, not food-related either. I got a bunch of things that are food-related.

It's just weirdly food-heavy. You could do food. I could do food. Well, I'll do... I'm curious about your your answer but i have a feeling it might be like gavin's question where i don't know if you guys will have an answer to this it was just an odd thought i had today what is the thing that you've done the most without doing it is there a thing that you can so i'll give you an example and i'm not proud of this, but I was listening to a thing and they were talking about how like, yeah,

you buy this product and they will plant a tree every for everyone that's bought. They will plant a tree with the money you spent on it. I don't think I've ever planted a tree before, but I've planted so many trees. I've bought so many things that have planted trees or have like, I even switched to the web browser that was like we'll plant a tree every however many searches you can see how many trees you planted

i've done that i've planted a fuck ton of trees i don't think i've ever actually personally physically planted a tree i guess in a similar vein i we've raised like a lot of money for kids i've never given money to a kid. This could take a really bad turn. I've killed so many people in Halo. I've never murdered anybody. It's probably that. It's probably all the people I've murdered online throughout the course of my life.

Oh my god. There's a lot of stuff that I think about that's not the same but similar. I think I've there's there's a lot of stuff that I think about that's not the same but similar it's like I think I've worked out way more in the Sims than I have in real life and that makes me sad to think

about how about what do you think that what do you think is the thing that you've paid for the most that you've used the least because you say that and I instantly think of the two years I had a

gym membership that I forgot about that I never went to Oh paid the most and use the least. Like you had an Xbox Live account for three years you didn't know about. You were paying 10 bucks a month for a Gav or whatever. Yeah, Gav into USA.

And I bought a month's worth. So it was renewing at the, I think it was renewing at $10 a month. And I forgot about it for three years, livid about it. And it was for one video. It was just to make that Worms video before my account

could migrate over to the US or something. I had to make an interim account. I bought DLC for a Call of Duty game I never ended up buying. That has haunted me to this day. I spent $10 on DLC thinking You own the DLC for...

I own a piece of DLC for Call of Duty World at War because I was like, yeah, I'll buy that game again down the road. And I never bought it again, but I'm still mindful and aware of the fact that I bought that DLC and I never played it. Does it let you buy the DLC? Yeah, it was just because it was like a digital. This was 360 era, so not a lot of digital full game purchases, but you would download the DLC.

So I bought like some map pack or like zombies i don't know what i bought i bought a piece of dlc for world at war and i'd already played it and returned it at that point and i planned on buying it again and i just never did that part so i own the dlc i've never played it it was probably zombie related because i think that was the first call of duty to introduce zombies if i remember correctly i feel like it was a thing where I saw like, oh, there's some zombie DLC. I could get some achievements in this. This will be fun.

I bought it and then I never followed through and bought the actual game to play it. You should go back and get those achievements now. I'm still, I'm just trying to get 50 cent. Why is that not part of the redemption year? Because I really don't want to play Call of Duty World at War. That game made me quit playing Call of Duty games campaigns.

The respawn. Didn't they change the respawn in that one where it's like they would like they would not stop respawning no matter how many. Yeah, I was like playing it on veteran or whatever the hardest difficulty is. And I got stuck in this bunker high like on like a Normandy type level. It might have been Normandy for all I remember. I don't know. It was so long ago.

And I was like, every time I tried to peek out, they would, they would fucking peg me. And so I was just trying to figure out how to get out. And I was like stuck in there. I had checkpointed and I was trying to just figure out like, how do I,

you know, like everything I tried, uh, failed, but I was safe in the, in the bunker. And then after like five minutes, they just started spawning grenades in the bunker. And I like all right assholes that sucks fuck you I'm done

and so I never went back I don't know I don't know that I played another Call of Duty campaign after that for years probably they're fucking expensive to buy digitally still they like just they only sell like the ultra bundle it's still like 50 bucks to buy world at war fucking Nick Nick said he's he's eating a lot of apples but he's never picked one from a tree that's a good you sell like the ultra bundle it's still like 50 bucks to buy world at war fucking nick nick said he's he's eating a lot of apples but he's never picked one from a tree that's a good point you've never okay well this will this will lead to another thing there is something the apple experience is enhanced when you pick it from the tree i don't care if you're baking it like if you're if you're picking your own apples and then turning it into a pie better than any other pie you'll have anywhere else i feel sad for now bullshit no it it it's just a thing i

legally or scrumptious always a little bit better scrum look go and pick some apples off a tree yeah i'll make a pie with them and also make a pie with some apples that i got and you you're saying you could tell the difference i could tell the difference yeah absolutely it's a vibe thing you can just it feel utter nonsense are you okay well do you want to hear another another thing that you're gonna hate the utter nonsense category it was snowing it snowed here a few days ago and i realized that coca-cola tastes better when it's snowing outside if specifically when it's in a can a coca-cola a coke in the snow in a can form is my snow beverage of choice is it because of the ads with like santa and all that it could be like yeah the polar bears like it could be part of it i can't explain to you why but it tastes better it tastes better when it's not i'm gonna going to support both of those statements, Andrew.

I'm with you on both of those, the apple and the Coke. I'm not saying the vibe doesn't increase the enjoyment, but there's no way it transfers to the taste. It's all part of the experience. Once again, we're talking to the guy that fucking hates tasting anything. You're not a food guy in any way.

You think it's all the same. Rating apples sixes across the board no kidding you got you got fucking you you live in fear of turkey sandwiches for christ's sake i feel like you're the worst person like i agree with what you're saying like i understand it it isn't true but it is true like it's not true it makes no sense it shouldn't be true but in my heart it is true. Like, it's not true. It makes no sense. It shouldn't be true. But in my heart, it is true. I would say the snow thing is more likely to be true because potentially the air tastes different when it's snowing. I was inside.

I was inside. Yeah. Never mind. That's just looking out the window. I think what we should do. I think... I try and the 1% of the conversation I can defend

him with he's like no I've been I'll just do all the food I got a cheese advent calendar I've been exploring cheese I'm not a cheese I don't I've never really had cheese before say it I'm not a cheese guy you can say it I'm not a cheese guy but I am a cheese guy I'm a very i don't i've never really had cheese before it's fine say it i'm not a cheese guy you can say i'm not a cheese guy but i am a cheese guy i'm a very specific cheese guy i like

it melted and i still am holding that opinion are we talking like a british cheese advent calendar we are yes it is a british cheese i already tell you which is the best one in there and i want to see what is what is the best one the best cheese in there is smoked applewood. I enjoy the smell of smoked applewood a lot. Okay. Cheese is fine. It's okay. It's not bad.

Interesting. Because that's the best. If I was keeping a list of my top seven cheeses a secret from you, and you found my secret document, smoked applewood would be number one. Really? That's your number one cheese? Number one cheese in the world. Oh, you should tell that to the celebrity cheese bonger, dude.

Oh, you know what's exciting about that box, Gavin? I don't remember what it's called. I'm not going to pull it out because I'd have to move my mic to get it. My mic stand is in front of my fridge and it would be a whole thing

to pull the box out. One of the cheeses in that box, talk about coincidences, is the same cheese they use when they race cheese, when they roll it down the hill for the cheese race. Oh. So it's all connected. Yes.

I don't remember what it is, but what is this? The man who asked 400 celebrities for their... There's a cheese guy? He's famous. He spams every celebrity on Twitter to ask them what their favorite cheese is and guy he's famous he he spams every per every celebrity on twitter to ask them what their favorite cheese is and then he records it and puts it in his cheese book he's got like crazy amount of celebrities that have responded to him i just

don't have there for later i don't want to interrupt your story now no this is an important it's important addition i just i joe bangles advent calendar is underutilized like as somebody who doesn't i would never opt to just have cheese like i wouldn't order a cheese plate i get a little a little bit of cheese every day i'm expanding my food horizons do you also get a stupid joke on the inside of the door no it's just like a little thing you can color in if you want to there's no joke but i just i feel like i don't know why advent calendars are just christ related. I would buy a cheese calendar for February. Should we have the official face February cheese calendar?

I just think that it's a fun way to try things that I'm on the fence about. I feel like I could like cold cheese. I will say I started I picked this up on the 8th of December. I ate the first two when i ate a basic cheddar by itself i ate the apple smoke your favorite gavin i tried that by itself i then took days three through six put them on a thing of grilled cheese melt them just melted them on top of it was delicious i think melted cheese is better that's sound pretty good i feel like it's a good

way to try stuff because you've got a natural palate cleanse between every bite of 24 hours you do absolutely and it's just an exciting thing you wake up you get to open a compartment you don't know what's in it it's great i think it's dumb that they are only a december holiday thing i have one emily made one for me It's a house and it's just, it's not cheese though. It's candy, but I get different candies every day. It's fucking awesome.

That's very sweet. I do like, I did some research on mine. Any website that recommends a build your own, go fuck yourself, go fuck yourself. Like if you have somebody who's willing to do it for you, there's nothing more insulting than trying to find a good advent calendar.

They're like, make it yourself. It's like, I i fucking i could buy a million of those why are you recommending this to me i'm not like i i fucking i hate it i hate it so you're a big advent guy i love i'm a big december guy i love everything about it i love the movies i love we've talked about this the greatest stretch of the year is october through december this. The greatest stretch of the year is October through December. This is your favorite time of the year. This is my favorite time. I'm going to get some Christmas lights later in the day. Oh, it's going to be great.

Love it. A new Halo came out. Can I tell you what you said when the new Halo came out? Absolutely. And then we can talk. We'll see if Jeff is as annoyed as you were by the statement. I think it makes sense. Okay.

Yesterday, at the time of this recording, yesterday, the Halo Infinite campaign came out. Yeah. I can't play it. I hadn't seen any of it. I avoid trailers. I avoid people's opinions. I just want to go in.

Same. Loving it. I feel like it's... I'm not going to talk about the game. And I was talking to Andrew about the game, and he said, this makes me want a new Halo game. I said, this game is so good. I want a new Halo game.

I believe. On the day a new Halo game came out, he was like, man, I wish there was another Halo game. See, this is how Left 4 Dead 2 happened. And everybody was all up in arms. It's fucking, all right. I, yeah, I would love it if you guys, I'm making a, that's not, I'm going to do my best not to play it.

What? So I'm going to try not to know anything about it. I'm waiting for co-op. Millie and I had already planned. I have played every Halo game at launch in co-op with the people that are most important to me at the time. And many, for many of them were you, Kev. Uh, and yeah. And, uh, I really, really, really was looking forward to playing it with Millicent. You know, we, we went through in preparation, played all the Halo games together. It became like a really sweet bonding thing.

And so I don't want my first experience playing a new halo game with my daughter uh or rather i want a first experience of playing a new halo game with my daughter and to have that be new for both of us at the same time so i'm gonna wait for the i'm gonna wait for the fucking co-op six months or whatever it's gonna be the hardest thing i've ever done considering i have a career thanks to halo you know in many parts but it is what it is I guess so now I will I will expand on my comment without I feel spoiling anything and we talked about it a little bit Jeff and I apologize if I spoiled anything for you not at all I did you just you said you like the grappling hook that's fine I like the grappling hook is incredible but when I

played it when you play it, when you hit, I think it's the most innovative Halo game, even though a lot of the things in part were in previous Halos. They've never been combined in the way it is in this game. And it took like six years for this to release. It was the longest gap between Halo games. And it's one of those things where you know it was a development out. Like it was very widely reported that this was a fucking mess of a game to make.

But it's fantastic. I don't want to wait six more years for what the next step of this is like. It's so great. There's so many things I love about it, but there are also so many things you can see where the next step of it will so clearly be an improvement on what they have. be an improvement on what they have. Like they have the framework beautifully done, but there's depth they could add to the world and kind of the experience as a whole that I think would make it genuinely one of my favorite games of all time. And so I'm excited about that. And I want to be, I wish I was in a space where Halo Infinite was like Halo 5 and I'm anticipating what will be what I think possibly my favorite Halo game ever made. I can completely understand what you're saying there.

I feel like Halo Reach was that for Halo 3. Like, I feel like it was an improvement in every way. Not a reinvention, but just like a refinement of what they had. And then ODST and 4 were very different games in their own right. And that's cool. But like, I totally get what you're saying. You want to see like the the next the iteratively improved iteratively improved version of what you just played yeah exactly

like in a way that they took such a step forward and it like they have the framework to i feel like this game opens them up to take it in so many different directions as far as the design goes in the future and i'm so excited to see that evolution that I wish that there was a Halo game in development right now. Those people deserve like a huge break. It's been a nightmare to make it apparently. And it's the holidays like they deserve time. Realistically, I want them to like relax and just enjoy themselves. But for my own selfishness, I would be so excited to know that there is a Halo game that is expanding on what we currently have like two years in development and that it's around the

corner. I'm so excited for it. Like Halo infinite has brought back a passion. I have for the series as a whole that I didn't know I could regain. I love those games so much and it kind of, I don't know. I fell out of that and I'm so happy to be back in it and just so generally excited about Halo. I've been having so much fun with Infinite.

Yeah, I feel like I can't give any opinions. It's like the one area where I can see that I am just a fanboy of Halo. And when a Halo game is good, I would give this game 10 out of 10 based on what I've seen so far. I don't want to overhype it for people who aren't into halo but i've yeah i'm gonna i'll post like a link to a clip briefly i don't like i don't think this is necessarily the most interesting i think i'd just like to see your reaction to it chef and i don't feel like this is spoiled it's literally just me grappling hooks i'm using like the grappling hook thing it's fucking crazy halo infinite is like a spider-man

game it is so much fun you said if you had a second grappling hook it would be the best spider-man game ever made it is so much because i had to the way that they design they can design the game now it's not flat in the same way this is just beautiful it looks beautiful and the movement of it is so unlike any other halo experience like the other you could play halo reach and there is some difference in the movement but it's fundamentally kind of the levels are designed the same and you have the same limitations and halo infinite i need to climb a mountain and i can just fucking zip line up it and it's fluid and it feels great dude you're it looks like you're climbing out of Valhalla the Valhalla yeah it's fucking awesome and the thing that Bungie always was really good at is that if there was a piece of geometry in the distance you could kind of

always walk on it like a lot of games were just put in some weird like translucent clipping through like background stuff if you found a way of the map in the original Halo games even if you weren't supposed to you could actually walk out to all these places and now it's like available and it's part of the game and it's that's such a great example of it of like yeah not only can you get there but you can get there and you might find a thing there and there might be a mission and like that is so cool to me and it's not the deepest those mechanics and those were the things was like wow with this framework and expanding on this like adding more depth to just the world as a whole i'm so excited for where

halo will go and i wish it was here already it's sort of the sentiment i was the thing the thing that excites me about it just watching that clip in and uh just thinking about what i'm eventually going to get to play it is the best part of halo to me is after I've beaten the game five or six times and you're just exploring and looking for Easter eggs and you're just looking for just weird shit and trying to break the map and trying to get trying to get places where you're not supposed to and and just exploring just because just because you want more of the world right like you just I walked around I've watched on Halo so it's so many maps so much of my life has been spent walking around halo looking for for sets and shit for red versus blue but also just wanting to just spend five more minutes in the world and see something new that

i hadn't seen you know and it looks like that is what this game is yeah it's like they've brought the the attitude you take into like your sixth playthrough and they've applied it to your first playthrough like it's encouraged and it feels it feels great just to piss off and walk around well i'm very excited to play it someday we're a halo podcast i i would be fine with that hey we should uh when we go to vancouver uh sometime next year so that we can go crabbing and uh do the bathtub race We should also plant a tree. We should. Absolutely. I'd love to.

That's genuinely on my, once I thought of that, I was like, I need to plant a tree. What tree would you go for? That is, uh, Apple tree.

What's the official face? Could you just plant a cosmic crisp? Uh, I guess I could. Theoretically theoretically i don't know if i would i didn't it was unfortunate i discovered the greatest apple pairing of all time jeff i invented something as soon as we stop recording let me tell you about the cosmic lady take one bite of a cosmic crisp you take one bite of a pink lady what a blend that's a great combo i'd highly recommend to anybody out there after you were

saying that last week and and was it was it someone here saying they didn't like peanut butter with apple me yeah i feel like if i feel like that's peanut butter it's like it's a decent pairing and i didn't have it until i moved here but it's pretty common from what i've seen yeah what if you took your four favorite apples into quadrants and glued them together with peanut butter? Do you think that would be the best apple of all time? No. I hate, I don't like the peanut butter. Like, I don't understand that part of it.

That's like, if you take four things you like separately and then connect them all with the thing you don't like, will that be the best experience? Most people like that. Most people think. And if you're saying two apples in your mouth at the same time taste really good that could be the ultimate snack for oh i see it's like uh it's like your glove but it's apples and peanut butter oh nick says you could do caramel instead you could do caramel or honey or something you could build andrew you could construct the ultimate apple. I like this idea. Like the apple prime. Yeah.

The mega apple. Yeah, the infinity apple. Yeah, the infinity apple. That's what you're making. We should find which four quadrants of four different apples make the ultimate mega apple. The infinity apple. The Voltron of apples. Since we're an Apple podcast,

I want it known we need to mark December 9th. We said we're going to do this last week. I have a Cosmic Crisp. I'm putting it in my fridge and I will not touch it until one year from now. Oh, I got to do that right now too. Uh, shit.

Let me go do that. I'll be right back. Are we going to go put our apples in? Mine's on my desk at work. Ugh, Gavin. Are we going to push another week till we have... No, no, no.

I'll just be a week behind. I'll just be a week behind I'll just be a week he will experience he will get to witness us and then he will get to have the experience himself the following week and he's committed to it so no matter how it turns out Gavin then needs to try the apple a week after we do all right well I'll be right back I'm gonna go put my apple in the fridge right now I can do that I'm gonna go in tomorrow get my apple i opened the fridge can i see my cheese thing from i can't damn it it's the you know when i got the advent calendar i opened i didn't realize so it has like you know one of those pull strips on cardboard to like open yeah yeah i didn't notice it had one so i just opened the bottom and i pulled it out and it was just

this plastic piece of cardboard with cheese sticking out of it and i pulled it out and it was just this plastic piece of cardboard with cheese sticking out of it and it was so ugly and i was like there's no way that this is just what it is and then i realized that the calendar part you have to pull the top and then it opens inside to slide the cheese back just at the weird guts of yeah the weird guts of the advent calendar and i know somebody else who had it and i was paranoid that i put it in backwards and i was eating 24 on day one and so you wanted to match up with the other person no i just share the experience yeah i was like oh man what was what was your what was the cheese you got on day one like i was trying to casually bring it up so i didn't say that i had to explain they're like oh it's the same okay good i did it i didn't fuck it up i'm not eating backwards

although that could be fun if you ate a cheese calendar one way i ate it the other way meet up in the middle see what we got talk about the experience exchange information what a journey eating backquits eating back i did a i don't know if I should talk about this people were not happy with me people got angry why not I did a thing I did a food thing this is a little old at this point but I've been meaning to talk about it on the show this is something you did publicly

people know about this is the thing I did publicly yeah I'll just I'll just post it here and I'm gonna advise I'm gonna be up front first thing I'm gonna say say was it's delicious. The second thing I'm going to say. I'm prepared to be disgusted. No, I don't think it...

It's delicious. Don't do it. That's going to be my second thing. It's delicious. Oh, right. Yeah. People were mad at you. They were mad.

They're mad at me. This was an invention i came up with heating marshmallows every okay okay what you're just getting like wax is fuel so this is this is the thing you're gonna be burning you might as well do it over a piece so there is that can't be healthy well that's that's yeah that was sort of my thought that was sort of my thought so this is how it started i learned that there are devices that you can buy i say devices like it's fucking advanced technology you can buy things to melt marshmallows they're like metal they're shitty they're like 40 bucks and you can heat marshmallows indoors with them and it's like i don't really want to pay 40 bucks for that but a melted marshmallow like a little bit burnt marshmallow it's delicious so i was thinking how could i do this i had an apple on my desk i had a fork and i had a candle

i was like ah i wonder if i can make this work so between halo games i would throw my my fork over the candle and i'd get a nice cook going uh and yeah there's a lot of pretty hot too oh the fork the fork would get hot it would be a problem sometimes when removing the marshmallow from the fork at the base it wouldn't be too much of an issue it'd take a while is that is that sitting on your scarlet that you use to record this podcast with? The fork is, yes. With the apple. The super heated fork? No, no. It's transferring all that heat down to that device?

No, no, no. Into the other metal device? The hot fucking fork that's sitting on another metal fucking device? You have never roasted a marshmallow over a candle, my friend, and it shows. It does not get that hot. Jeff, that's the heat sink for his fork. That's the heat sink for his fork that's the heat sink for his fork yeah the heat's being dispersed into the scarlet no there's no it's

you don't have to worry about that it's just the point in which it's over direct flame the fork itself doesn't get that hot don't do not do this uh for several reasons one as you brought up wax will get onto the candle i never tasted it i believe this was a soy wax blend and also the other issue is uh some some uh wicks are made with lead in them so do not avoid generally i don't think it's a common practice i did not have mine was a completely natural wick zero lead oh did you check that before though oh no i had no idea that that was a thing i checked that after how many marshmallows how many by the way nick says you might as well be cooking this on a tire fire which i agree how many no it's not nearly that how many marshmallows

would you say extreme exaggeration how many wax marshmallows with wax and lead marshmallows would you say you ate three i had three marsh i had some guy came at me of like this fucking idiot's only gonna cook one side dummy you don't think i flipped the fork over you think that this is just how it is wait how do you get the same position with the fork on it oh you gotta hold it that at that point at that point you're holding it or or you're like resting it on i don't i think that it's something that was slightly taller than an apple that you could try to i did attempt that and the fork slid into the it slid into the candle okay i lost him lost him every single week this is what it's like to to do a podcast with you lately uh well i didn't vanish though you're quiet about it oh yeah we should probably wrap it up yeah i was actually

thinking since uh since eric since eric isn't here we might as well do like a responsible wrap up and like an easy one uh because it'll frustrate him that he didn't get to participate in it. So Andrew's not here anymore. We suspect, honestly, he might have burned his apartment down with a candle and a fork. And it's s'mores, I guess. I like the idea of him aggressively saying no dummy of course i flipped my fork over as i cooked a marshmallow on a candle dummy oh my god i uh i i don't know i keep waiting for him to show back up because i don't actually want to end it with him not here but he doesn't seem to be

so fuck it what if we end it right then he comes back and we don't tell him it ended oh i like that thank you sorry thank you for listening to yet another episode of the face podcast today we talked about a lot i'll leave it up to uh to the capable mouth of minor league fan jack to to perfectly surmise it in a different episode. But we really appreciate it. And if you like the podcast, if you wouldn't mind telling a friend, recommending it to somebody,

we would really appreciate it. Rooster Teeth, which is our parent company, the family umbrella, as it were, is a company that was built on, literally built on word of mouth. And so it's how we survive and it's how we fail as a company. So if you would be so kind as to spread the word, we would certainly appreciate it.

Thank you very much. We love you and we'll see you next week. You know what? I'd be interested if the comment leave was out there, I want to leave a comment. Which episodes have you shown to other people to get them into this podcast? Because I'd be interested to know which one you picked. Yeah, I would like that as well. Like, what is the best episode to introduce someone to F*** Face? Because I guarantee it's not episode one. No, that's the thing.

It's not episode one and there's a lot of lore that runs throughout. So it's like, where do you jump them in? Where do you jump them in? Yeah. It's confusing. Still no Andrew, huh? Shit shit we'll get that uh now

he's just fucking gone oh no no okay so this is that was really unfortunate i you lost me and then i came back relatively quickly and i heard your whole dumb plan of pretending the show is still going on even though it ended i heard all that that wasn't a dumb plan that was the show's still going on even though it ended. I heard all that. That wasn't a dumb plan. That was a great plan. It was a ridiculous plan. What I forget is whenever it loses me, I need to leave the call to be able to speak again. So I was just waiting. I was waiting in the bushes.

I could hear everything. I was listening to it all. I was waiting for my time to cut in and make my great line and nothing. Just I say it and nothing picks up i'd even say great line i was just gonna be like so is this where we pretend that we end the podcast and then nothing just i can't say a thing so then i need to leave it's like i need to scream from the bushes that i'm in the bushes to then re-enter the bushes and be like surprise it ruined hey do

you guys think we should go uh we should do i was thinking about this last week do you guys think sometime next year we should do an apple picking event where we go to like an like an orchard and we do like like when i do my apple trip i'm saying do you guys want to go on an apple trip with me next year i would love to go on an apple trip with you fall apple trip scrump 2022 you know i think that's a great fucking title i love that scrump 2022 put it on the side brings up a that i realize the episode ended already but that brings up a question i have do you think there is an etymological connection between the word scrump or scrumping and scrumptious what's scrumptious you've never heard the term scrumptious no i've heard scrumptious. What's scrumptious? You've never heard the term scrumptious?

No. I've heard scrumptious. Scrumptious, scrumptious, however you want to say it. Scrumptious. Do you think there's a... I mean, it's Jeff. I haven't heard the word, but maybe. That character, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, truly scrumptious. Scrumptious.

Scrumptious, scrumptious. I'm saying how it's spelled. I will say, it was..., so in the past, Jeff, we've had disagreements and you've cited things like the dictionary to prove that you're right. And it is infuriating at times. You had my back on you regardless. Having the dictionary on your side is so much fun.

When you're on the other side of it, people are like, that's such a bullshit word. Just being able being able to be like hey you gotta go talk to the dictionary people i'm just i'm saying it they backed it it's not my fight i may even agree with you but it's there so i sent you a scrumptious of food extremely tasty delicious what'd you say scrumptious chocolate tart i put where did you send oh is it not on the thing how do i know where did you put it it's not weird modify attachment okay just attach what do you need to attach oh oh scrumptious extremely tasty delicious i wonder if like the root of it is like so like like if it comes from like it's so good it tastes stolen or something that's what i was about

to say like how i'm talking about that a coke is the best beverage in a snow scenario does an apple that's stolen taste better yeah maybe yeah so it'd be like if uh if you got a lot of money that was stolen you could be like oh it feels thiefly it spins thiefly. It spins thiefly. Alright, well. We made a really long one. That was a long episode. Jesus, is it really? Oh my god, you're right.

It's an hour and 20 minutes. Oh my god, I gotta go get my kid. God damn it. I gotta go. He's gonna God damn it. I gotta go. He's gonna break another phone. This is gonna cause another phone. I hope not. Gonna go to the wrong school. I've done that before.

All right, take it away, Jack. Hey guys, minor league fan Jack here with a look at next week's episode of F*** Face. It's the second episode of season three. Jeff is an Ashton Kutcher fan. Andrew wants a coin toss specialist. Gavin wants some jewelry for his cats. The boys talk about securing bread.

And once again, Andrew does not eat the pencil. All that and more on the next episode of F*** Face.