F**kface - Season 4, Year 3, Volume 1, Episode 107 // Future Us is as Lazy as Current We

Episode Date: June 15, 2022

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about bad intros, what makes a comment leaver, ass backing distance, time travel gummies, banned from NHL 22, most embarrassing Anal Passage, best in the world at dog tra...gedy, a new electrical problem, Geoff's swan documented, and bread tags. Want to contribute to bits? Email what you can do to ffacebits@gmail.com Sponsored by HelloFresh (http://hellofresh.com/face16 + code face16), Honey (http://joinhoney.com/face), and Backbone (http://playbackbone.com/face). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Dragon's Dogma 2, the highly anticipated successor to the cult classic Dragon's Dogma, is out now on PlayStation 5, Xbox Series S and X, and Steam. Dragon's Dogma 2 is a third-person action RPG boasting a richly detailed and deeply explorable fantasy world created using Capcom's RE Engine's immersive physics, groundbreaking character AI systems, and cutting-edge graphics. Dive into the vast and dynamic world where The Arisen is called upon to fulfill a forgotten destiny across the nations of Vermont, the Kingdom of Humanity, and Batal, the nation of Beastrin.
Starting point is 00:00:36 Dragon's Dogma 2 revolves entirely around choice. Your choice, that is. From the sword and shield-wielding fighter to fighter to the illusion conjuring trickster, there are over 10 unique vocations to choose from that all require experience to unlock new skills. And character customization is out of this world, literally. Oh, and did I mention the combat is really in-depth? It isn't just hacking at a giant's ankle for half an hour while your dodge roll attacks. You can engage enemies from a distance, climb up large foes, stab them in This is a Rooster Teeth production. Gavin's early. I don't know how to feel about this.
Starting point is 00:01:40 Yeah, he's a minute early. Oh, he's left. He jumped the gun. He left. He panicked. I was just going to get into what this episode was or what the last one was. Were you there for the last one, Eric? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:01:53 You were. You left the next day. I'm sorry. I was just trying to remember the timeline. That's fine. You're all good. We're still waiting for Gavin, and then I can get right into it, and then it's all on you guys. Another 30 seconds, and he should be here. Just 30 more seconds. So if there's any pleasantries you want to get out of the way uh no i i feel
Starting point is 00:02:08 pretty good about jeff anything pleasant i have nothing pleasant to say oh i have nothing unpleasant to say either okay you're just neutral yeah that's good that's it's an important clarification i thought maybe this was going to be like you were in a Gavin mood. You come in in a bad mood. No, I feel way better than Gavin. Okay, cool. I got a quick pleasantry. Dairy Queen has its own menu in Texas, I learned last night.
Starting point is 00:02:36 I thought that was very weird. They operate on a different level in Texas. It has its own slogan. It has its own website. It's not even originating in texas no i just i thought that was very strange it sucks for uh face jam it's like oh it's like truly awful and what oh just because like people want you to cover their their oh we went the first time we tried to do dairy queen they didn't have the food so we had to eat oh we'd eat like a
Starting point is 00:03:00 mcrib that's great i that was weird i was looking at their mascots because i forgot i saw like an old mr misty ad with dennis the menace oh yeah they had fucking dennis the menace was their mascot for a while why hell yeah what happened with that and he was their mascot from like 77 until 2002 where they were like kids don't know who dennis the menace is anymore like there's no he is completely irrelevant in the general culture scape. Let's get a new mascot that's just lips. Just floating lips that talk. Like it's just strange. I will say that Dennis the Menace 90s movie with the kid from Rushmore as Dennis.
Starting point is 00:03:39 And then I think Walter Matthau. Yes, it was Walter Matthau. Was fucking awesome. I don't know if you guys have seen it lately. Yes. I remember it being very, very good. I don't know if the movie's great, but Christopher Lloyd is so fucking scary
Starting point is 00:03:53 as the villain in that movie. Like way beyond what a villain should be in a kid's movie. In a kid's movie, absolutely. He is so fucking creepy. Remember like Mr. Wilson was like, I feel like the subplot was mr wilson was like we're doing horticulture and he was like about to he's about to have a a rare orchid bloom
Starting point is 00:04:13 for the first time in like 50 years and he was trying to keep dennis away from that does that sound right i mean it does but it also feels like the plot to an nes game that's true that's the plot of the NES like it feels the same we just had this kind of like similar conversation in face jam because we just had Dairy Queen and the thing that I brought up is that Dennis there's two Dennis
Starting point is 00:04:35 the menaces are you aware of this? didn't we talk about this on the show that there's like a British Dennis the menace that has nothing to do with the other Dennis? They just coincidentally existed at the same time. That's news to me. Look at what?
Starting point is 00:04:51 We talked about this on the show. On this show? On this show. We talked about it on Face Jam and it was like, I couldn't believe, look at his little gremlin dog. I think, I think I would remember if we talked about it on this show. Well, now that Gavin is late, like look at this fucking thing.
Starting point is 00:05:10 What is like, look at this. Like, I'm pretty sure. Hey, Gavin. Yeah. What's up,
Starting point is 00:05:14 buddy? Oh, my mic was reset. I had to put in all my, do I sound the same? Yeah, you sound great. You sound fine.
Starting point is 00:05:21 You sound flustered because you're three minutes late. Are we talking? Are we talking the Beano? Are we talking Dennis the Menace? What's going on? Okay, so this is episode 107. The last episode was all about a home vibe inspector, how to buy a house, getting trench foot in the bathtub,
Starting point is 00:05:37 the big bad werewolf, and the jackass too spicy icy. So this is episode 107. Go nuts. We talked about the Dennis the menace thing before right gavin on the show the british dennis the menace which i don't know how dennis the menace was invented one day apart from dennis the menace we've talked about this on here before just like we've never had this conversation eric said they talked about it on face jam i don't remember this these pictures or ever talking about this maybe i don't think we did photos maybe this was in like
Starting point is 00:06:04 i talked about it nick doesn't remember it either think we did photos, but we definitely talked about it. Nick doesn't remember it either. Maybe it was like a post, you guys talked about it in the post. I remember as a kid, seeing clips from the movie and wondering why they cast like a little blonde kid as Dennis the Venice when he looks absolutely nothing. And I was like, where the hell's
Starting point is 00:06:19 Nasher? Wait, his name's Nasher? The little dog's Nasher. That's a great name for a dog. Eric wants us to do an intro, and Nick said, yeah. Oh, no, he's saying, yeah, look at his teeth. I thought he was, like, aggressively supporting Eric. Hello, and welcome to episode 107 of the F*** Face Podcast.
Starting point is 00:06:39 My name is Jeff Ramsey. With me, as always, Gavin Free, Andrew Panton. In no particular order i like and hate them the exact same amount uh not playing no favorites to play there uh this is year three finally no see yeah fuck yeah year three yeah for a while season season four year three volume one episode 107 i will say the intros faced me recently and in an unexpected way somebody reached out and said that we skipped an episode number that we went from like 86 to 88 and i was like that that'd be funny if that was true if we have been one week off this entire time that would be great so then
Starting point is 00:07:20 i went to confirm it and our intros are all over the fucking place. And it was a nightmare to try to determine when we said an episode name or not. You soundboard, please. Nick, if you could clip that for me, I'll need that for the break show. Oh, it's like, OK, is it in the beginning or is it 35 minutes into this episode? I don't know where to look. It could be. Yeah, you really faced't know where to look. It could be anywhere. You really faced yourself with that, Andrew. It was unfortunate.
Starting point is 00:07:49 Yeah, I don't think I think they're wrong. He's the most disruptive intro person in the history of the show. You think I'm the disruptive intro person? Yes, I do. That's fair. I'm not even actually going to argue that. I think that's probably right. I don't intentionally mean to be, so I'm not going to fight you it but uh you argued against intros for like 30 episodes i did well because we
Starting point is 00:08:11 sometimes talk about like we will continue a conversation in a way i don't know just it felt like we're an unstructured show and the intros felt structured man you know what's hard to talk about is explaining our podcast to strangers. I was out of town over the weekend doing a convention, like a day job, Rooster Teeth convention type thing. Yeah. And so I was just signing autographs and sitting at a booth, like voice actors do.
Starting point is 00:08:40 And I talked to so many regulation listeners. Actually, without a fault, almost every... out like a check mark on the table every time somebody talked about either of the three podcasts i'm on and congratulations face destroyed the other two uh but uh but i will say red versus blue destroyed face it wasn't even fucking close but almost almost everybody who came up to me uh because i made red verse blue like 100 years ago and i make a face today but uh almost uh to the t everybody that came up to me said hey i uh you know i i wanted to come up and say i'm a regulation listener but i don't know is this a comment is having a conversation with you a comment am i a comment lever and i had to be like absolutely
Starting point is 00:09:22 no i said no no i said here's what i said i said there are two entirely separate things what you are if you come up to me in person and have a conversation with me you're a conversation haver it's totally different that's ridiculous the whole point of a comment lever is like who leaves comments who goes out of their way to actually go and seek out other people's content and leave a comment if they go up to you in person that's that's one beyond no but it's not i disagree i struggle first of all i feel like a comment needs to be a thing that is in a public space that people could see secondly you're having to make an assumption on motive the person who's talking to jeff may not have been there to see jeff specifically
Starting point is 00:09:59 and learned he was there while there as the person who coined the term comment leaver, Eric, I'm going to need you to chime in on this. I agree with Gavin. This is the same to me as a DM. Insanity. Okay, it's like a DM. Hang on. I'm not, Jeff. Hang on.
Starting point is 00:10:14 Hang on. I'm not done. It's the same as a DM where somebody is messaging you directly. To me, it's the same. They're commenting about the show. They're commenting to you about the thing that they listen to.
Starting point is 00:10:26 And that's fine. Be a regulation listener. And then you leave a comment, your comment lever. And that's fine. But that's what it is. No, I don't. I think that that's a terrible analogy. There's a such thing as an IRL DM.
Starting point is 00:10:39 They're not leaving it anywhere. It's like, as Nick said in the comments, there's no paper trail. It's going out into the ether. It's not being left anywhere. But you're bringing it here. It could be. Excuse me? But you brought it somewhere. It's like, as Nick said in the comments, there's no paper trail. It's going out into the ether. It's not being left anywhere. But you're bringing it here. It could be... But you brought it somewhere. You're saying it's not anywhere, but you've brought it here. Oh my god.
Starting point is 00:10:53 Point to where it's written down. Point to where it's left. As someone who used to be a comment leaver, a straight up comment leaver on Rooster Teeth, even before it was called that, redvsblue.com, I was a comment a comment lever and i went out of my way one day to become an in real life person that was the extra step i flew to new york i met you you told everyone my fly was down i'd taken it a step further at that point yeah that's a conversation habit yeah so you're just
Starting point is 00:11:21 arguing the point you just your entire point is that there's a different layer to it. That it's a different thing. Yeah, it's totally different. Comment lever denotes a written conversation. It denotes something that's being left for somebody to find later in written form. I guess I'm just trying to organize them in a hierarchy.
Starting point is 00:11:40 I think... Comment. Definition. A verbal or written remark expressing an opinion or reaction. OK, that's what I'm saying. You can't be you can't be the third one. You can't skip number two. You go regulation listener. You go comment lever.
Starting point is 00:11:55 And then whatever you talk, there's a job. You've become it. You've gone through comment lever. You've already become one. And you're now into the step above it. That's my point. So if you are walking down the street, right, you see nicholas cage on the side of the road like fucking having a pepsi and you walk up to him you go hey nicholas cage just want to say i really loved con air big fan and he goes thank you are you a comment lever yeah okay wait
Starting point is 00:12:22 i'll say i'll say this i think it's ludicrous, but Eric read the definition of comment, and it fits. And if anything, I'm a dictionary stickler. Dictionary kid number two. Yeah, dictionary kid. I'm a dictionary kid. Everybody, that should be plainly obvious just from the tater tot conversation alone. So I got to go with the dictionary. I will accede that point, but I still think in the spirit of it, it's wrong. Okay. So go with the dictionary. I will I will accede that point.
Starting point is 00:12:45 But I still think in the spirit of it, it's wrong. OK, so here's the thing. Everyone keeps saying that, like, oh, comment lever. No, you're just leaving a comment. You've left a comment. You've walked by someone and you said this thing. You've left a comment. And that's fine.
Starting point is 00:12:58 There's nothing wrong with that. You know, there's nothing negative about being a comment. It's the difference between listening and talking. Yes. Thank you, Gavin. That's it. That's all itaver. Yeah, it's the difference between listening and talking. Yes, thank you, Gavin. That's it. That's all it is. That's it.
Starting point is 00:13:08 That's the delineation. I would like to just clarify your position, Gavin. So you think that somebody who talks to Jeff at a convention went there. They are in the conversation haver camp, but to become a conversation haver you have to walk through comment lever you have to go down the comment lever path it's like a monopoly like you have to go past comment lever to advance around the corner there's no there's no chance card that lets you skip comment lever you've you've become one you've left the comment wow okay i really did not expect this to turn into such a hotly debated thing. It wasn't even the point of the conversation.
Starting point is 00:13:47 Where I was going with it is like, I'd love to hear what the audience has to say. I assumed because we were having a conversation in person, we were conversation havers. If you want to call that a comment leaver, I guess they left me a comment, and then I returned them with a comment,
Starting point is 00:14:02 and then they left me another comment, and then I comment back, and then they comment back, and then I returned them with a comment and then they left me another comment and then I comment back and then they comment back and then after 30 or so seconds of exchanging comments they leave and I consider that a conversation but it was really just a branched series of comments when you look at it I guess that fine I'm down with
Starting point is 00:14:17 that whatever you guys want imagine just think of the comment leaving we're doing right now between the four to five of us. This is phenomenal. Uh, however, uh, the point I was going to make is you wouldn't believe all the baseballs I signed. Oh. Almost, more than anything else, I signed a bunch of Zimmer cards, which is, as always, is an honor, an honor to sign a Don Zimmer card.
Starting point is 00:14:44 And I signed maybe 15 of them, but the thing that people brought up and I signed some shirts, I signed some like jet scheme, uh, peril. I signed some, uh, like boys of Zimmer stuff.
Starting point is 00:14:53 Uh, one of the vinyl, uh, or one of the, what we decided it's not a flag. It's a banner signed one of those, but so many people brought up baseballs. Now,
Starting point is 00:15:02 uh, three or four people brought up baseballs. They were pre-hit by us from the sale. But a lot of people just bought brand new baseballs and just had me sign them. And it got me thinking, I think we're a baseballs podcast. Not a baseball podcast, but specifically baseballs. Like the actual tool used in baseball. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:15:20 But we've done more runs of bats than balls. Well, I have 400 baseballs in my library right now that are waiting to be hit. So that won't be that won't be the case forever. That's fair. I mean, it eventually would swap. I'm just trying to think of what I didn't sign. I didn't sign a single baseball bat face or otherwise, but I signed 35 baseballs probably. Well, it's tough to bring in a bat.
Starting point is 00:15:43 I feel too conventional. Are you kidding, dude? Have you seen how many people bring in swords that are 11 feet tall that have shotguns piece bonded on them? Like, everything people bring to a convention is some sort of a fantastical sci-fi weapon. That's fair.
Starting point is 00:15:58 I had a dude bring in a baseball bat as a part of his costume that had railroad ties hammered through it, but he didn't ask me to sign it, so that doesn't count. That was a legitimate weapon. Maybe we're a baseball accessories podcast. Like, it's not
Starting point is 00:16:14 the game itself, but the equipment required. Is the football in football an accessory, though? I feel like it's the main bit. It's a tool of the game. Tool of the trade? I don't remember the wording on that card like a towel tool tools yeah like a towel yeah it's a tool of the trade for sure i think my favorite part of the whole this is going back to the what what is and isn't a comment lever my favorite part is just thinking of all of the
Starting point is 00:16:39 regulation listeners who know that they can only become a comment lever once and that it's permanent and they're just keeping their mouth shut and not writing stuff because i don't want to lose status as a listener it's like playing a global game of infection it's like someday there's gonna be one there's gonna be one regulation listener left and as soon as we find them and make them talk, have an in-person comment session with them, then we'll flip and we'll start all over again. It would be fun to start a spreadsheet or a survey of like, when did you turn?
Starting point is 00:17:14 And like fill out the form of like, what made you consciously become? Did it happen? Did it happen before we delineated? Or did you make the decision to change from regulation listener to comment lever and what i would love i would love to know just the percentage of those people that were angered enough by andrew to make a comment it will always be because of what
Starting point is 00:17:38 andrew said i think it's like 64 of all comment levers became comment levers because of something Andrew said. What about if somebody, what if a mime attempted to, like if a mime was interacting with you? Is a mime a comment lever? Is performance art a comment? Well, if the mime typed a comment, what do you mean? Well, no, like if a mime, you know how a mime performs? Lasso or whatever. Like if a mime tried to have a conversation through typical mime if a mime pretended to go up an escalator towards you yeah like if you tried to communicate that because
Starting point is 00:18:11 obviously obviously you can have non-verbal communication but i'm just curious where the mime falls in the category of comment leaders eric can you read the definition of comment again we'll we'll get to the bottom of this i mean but the thing is like i just need he's still caught a verbal or written remark expressing an opinion or reaction so it's not verbal it's not verbal or written so no but gavin gavin immediately blew it up and he said like type it and that would be it if he's doing yeah listen if somebody does performance art about this show, they're a fucking comment leaver. Period. They might be a comment performer, but I don't know if they're leaving it.
Starting point is 00:18:53 Okay, I will say that they would be a comment performer. Yeah. Thank you. If someone says something to you in sign language, that's not written or verbal, but I would say it still is a comment. 100%. Yeah, that's a form of communication. That's why I tried to clarify. If we got to live by the rules of the dictionary. If we gotta live by the rules of the dictionary, we gotta live by the rules of the dictionary. That's all I'm saying.
Starting point is 00:19:07 Alright. Can I ask a completely unrelated question? Please. I was listening to, you know that song Back That Ass Up? I was listening to that recently. And I was curious, what's the maximum distance you could request
Starting point is 00:19:24 for somebody to back the ass up i'd like to see you back the ass up 26.2 miles that's the thing like if you're pulling binoculars out i feel like it's rude like what is the courtesy for the back that ass up request i think are you asking how much the ass should be backed up or from how yeah how far does the ass need to be backed up before like you need to take steps forward like i think it's inappropriate for you to make that request i think it's four feet see i think it might be a dinklage i think a dinklage is the perfect length for a back that ass up request and remind me exactly how much the dinklage is uh in uh i don't know a more
Starting point is 00:20:01 traditional it's one yard one yard so So, okay. I think that's the I think anything outside of the Dinklage range is inappropriate for you to ask for that ass to be backed up. I think that's fair. Gavin? I was equating it to doors. Like, there's nothing worse than when somebody holds a door open for you and you're too far away and you gotta do that, like, little run thing. Like, it's
Starting point is 00:20:19 definite rules of etiquette within the move. Yeah. I was just curious what you guys thought. What the range was. I think a Dinklage is within the move. Yeah. I was just curious what you guys thought, what the range was. I think a dinklage is fair, yeah. Okay. It's important. Hey, not to go back on comment leavers,
Starting point is 00:20:34 but I did, and I didn't expect to transition into this, but this is a great segue. I did see one comment on, I believe Twitter the other day, that I thought was so funny and so clever, and I didn't write it down, and I didn't write down their name. So I have no idea who to attribute it to. But to the person that said, essentially, I'm going to surmise, is it possible that Andrew is a time traveler who time traveled back in time to steal the gummies from himself to save some
Starting point is 00:21:00 future trauma or tragedy from happening? I thought that was brilliant. And I would like to know, Andrew, what do you think the chances are that future you traveled back in time to steal those gummies to avert some sort of tragedy? My thought process, I also saw that. I thought, that's really funny. Then I had a brief moment of what if, and then went back to that's really funny. I'd give it a 3%. A 3% chance that I time traveled and saved myself from gummies. Because none of the other stuff was taken. Only the tampered with stuff was removed from my order.
Starting point is 00:21:31 I had multiple things in that order that were very scalable. I think that lends more to the idea that it was you protecting yourself from this. That's what I'm saying. Like that, that builds the case that it was future me going back. That means the gummies must have been so bad. Otherwise, you would have come back and stolen the bulver and all that other stuff. Yeah. There's so many things that have happened in my life
Starting point is 00:21:52 that would have been better to be avoided. So I feel like I don't know why I chose the gummies as the thing that had to be altered. Dude, who knows how bad things could have gone if you didn't use those gummies. That's the thing. You might have gotten an extra large chunk of metal and then somehow it went through your body
Starting point is 00:22:06 and you like, it like got caught in your urethra and like ripped your dick off or something. Who knows? I can't imagine with all the ankle rolls I've had that that is the moment that I decide to prevent. Because it seemed pretty inconsequential in the grand scheme.
Starting point is 00:22:18 Well, one would see, one would assume that time travel to right wrongs or to fix a path is probably used exceedingly sparingly because of butterfly effects. So I think it would just lend credence to the idea that these gummies were, if this were to have happened, catastrophic to your future. Yeah, I think that's a hard point to argue against. And I think it's interesting if that's possible and if we're allowing for the idea that Andrew has the ability to time travel Gavin I think it stands to reason that you and I both certainly also have
Starting point is 00:22:50 it and probably probably have used it even more often than Andrew so I think maybe we should all just like keep our eyes open for the next couple just everyone's going on around you look for a you hiding behind a tree or something.
Starting point is 00:23:05 And if anything shows up missing or seems weird, take a second, write it down. And so we can digest it and see if maybe, maybe future face is fucking with current face. I'm going to take inventory of the back of all my shirts just so I have a higher chance of recognizing myself. I'm running away. The problem is future you would know you did that ah shit fuck it's got to be really hard to catch future us i love the idea of future you being like i gotta wear a shirt i don't currently own for this to work if i do that's the only obstacle do you think there's the possibility andrew that in the dark, future you snuck into your bathroom and pulled the shampoo out of your ass
Starting point is 00:23:49 and put it back on the shelf? I so hope so. I really hope. I hope you get like, it's like a three-wish scenario. And my first one was to remove the metal gummies. My second was to remove the metal gummies my second was to gently push the shampoo
Starting point is 00:24:08 bottle out of the ass to put on the counter you're about to be in a situation in a hospital where you're like I found it I swear what if that's Jeff's ghost the gentle ghost what if it's just Jeff it's just Jeff? It's future Jeff. It feels like a very Jeff move that he would
Starting point is 00:24:33 use his three opportunities of time travel to just fuck with himself. To make him think that there's a gentle ghost. I so believe it's so plausible. I would absolutely push myself over gently. I feel like the law of this podcast is already so complex that now we're adding a time travel element to it.
Starting point is 00:24:54 It's going to get real messy. It just makes sense to me. I will say, you know, we're talking about earlier about how future us would know everything past us was going to do so we'd know how to safeguard it. I will say the one thing I think that current us has going for us is... This is confusing to say. The current us has going for we, I guess, is that future us is probably as lazy as current we.
Starting point is 00:25:20 And so, the future us isn't going to put that much work into it, right? They're going to half-ass most of it so there's a pretty good chance we could catch us down the road just knowing that is our ethic yeah yeah i think we're screwed both versions of us i just don't understand why future you let you go down the stairs with the fire department. Like, why are they? Yeah, that's I'm questioning future me's choices. Future you didn't like hit the snooze on the alarm the day you decided to go an hour early to my hubby's bagels.
Starting point is 00:26:02 Oh, God. I'll stop you from leaving that place without taking a shit first. Oh, man. Time travel's wild. Yeah. What a great invention. As far as, like, comments and stuff making us laugh, I did, somebody sent me a really funny
Starting point is 00:26:26 screenshot of they they got banned from i believe nhl 22 i'm guessing because they named their creative team the vancouver child kickers and they got like a whole full like written email about it about how it goes against their term of service and that this was considered a serious violation and that they are banned from playing for a full week and that their their account has been flagged and essentially it's like the next band you're done and we're going to be watching you very closely was was the email so i figured it the child the word child or the fact that it was i think kicker yeah i think the pairing of the yeah the vancouver child kicker i'll see if i can find the email that they tweeted at me so i've been trying to reach out to ea to see if we can we serve this they did
Starting point is 00:27:18 the appeal process and they were denied an appeal so it's it's in a bad spot with the case, but I thought that was very funny. I felt terrible for this person. As somebody who has been banned wrongfully on Xbox Live, I related to their pain. Yeah, I got banned because I named my Griffball team Team Scrotum, and I wasn't able to participate
Starting point is 00:27:39 in one of the tournaments. Did you, along those same lines, did you see that comment, Lever? I think it might have been on Instagram who posted that they got kicked out of the SpongeBob store at, I guess, Universal Studios, maybe because they had an Anal Passage shirt on. No.
Starting point is 00:27:59 Oh, no. That got me thinking, because I have one of those Anal Passage shirts. What is the most embarrassing place I could wear an anal passage shirt to? Like, could I wear it to my colonoscopy? Or would that be too on the nose? I think that's on the nose. Could I wear it to a funeral?
Starting point is 00:28:18 Probably if Biden gave you that Medal of Freedom or whatever. Except the Medal of Freedom in an anal passage shirt. That would be good. Drop the email in the thing. Just read it quickly. While reviewing your account, we identified the following violation. NHL 22 inappropriate content references the children. Name Vancouver child kicker.
Starting point is 00:28:41 So I think any mention of child you'd get banned. I guess, yeah yeah by definition of reference to children but that doesn't seem i don't know i feel like they're exceptions what if what if you what if they submitted the name do not kick children because that's like you couldn't get any more hard-nosed against the idea that would really really, I think, put EA in a tough spot. They're not going to be anti-that. They can't support child kicking. It's like an actual thing.
Starting point is 00:29:13 Yeah, I know. Vancouver adult kicker. Oh, my God. Hey, what did you guys want to talk about today? We had homework from the last show. Oh yeah, we had homework. We had, oh, two things. So we had, oh, three things. We had homework. We should probably talk about the bread ties
Starting point is 00:29:33 we forgot to talk about. Because that's a thing. And then we should talk about I think we should hold off. I don't, we, it should be Okay, because that leads me to a whole that whole side idea you and I had, Andrew. Yeah, I think we should hold off. I don't, we, it should be. Okay, because that leads me to a whole, that whole side idea you and I had, Andrew. Yeah, I think we got to hold off on the.
Starting point is 00:29:50 We might get sniped on that if we leave that in. Yeah, we got to hold off on that. All right, well, we're not going to talk about the thing that was bleeped. Today's episode is sponsored by Honey, the easy way to save when shopping on your iPhone or computer. I love to shop online. It's the main way I shop. However, I found I shop online. I naturally so rarely have anything to put in in the coupon section. But thanks to Honey, manually searching for coupon codes is a thing of the past.
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Starting point is 00:33:30 That's HelloFresh.com slash Face16 and use code Face16 for up to 16 free meals and three free gifts. Thank you. So do you want to do the homework? Yeah, what's your homework? What was your homework, Andrew? Do it. My homework, well do the homework yeah what's your homework well what did you what was your homework andrew do it my homework well the homework you assigned for all of us was that
Starting point is 00:33:49 we had to come up with what we were the best in the world at and what we thought the other members of this podcast might be the best in the world at that was the home oh okay yeah gavin did you do your homework sort of sort of okay i really understand the homework what do you mean well because if either one of us were best at anything we wouldn't be doing this that's that's uh that's a fear we've gone over before there's there is some things that you could be best at that there is no glory for let me read yours a podcast homework reminder that we said we would think about what we are best in the world at and what we think others would be best at. But you meant other people on this podcast.
Starting point is 00:34:31 I did. Oh, okay. If you wanted to go broader, I think that's fine. I mean, it's Jeff's thing. All right. Who wants to go first? Yeah. I mean, I don't even remember assigning the homework, so I don't really give a shit one way or the other.
Starting point is 00:34:42 I thought this was Andrew homework. No, this is Jeff homework homework it feels like Andrew homework I remember asking if you guys had any idea what you thought the bet you were the best in the world at for sure I definitely end of the last episode we recorded you're like homework for all of us this is what we'll do and we'll talk about on the next thing and then see the way you just said that it sounds like something you would say well it feels like maybe you said you sounded like me apparently maybe that's what i'm the best in the world at oh shit no there's no way jeff replied in a funny way he said uh i guess you're the best at remembering homework which i thought was a snipe at me when i'm just trying to get your fucking bit done
Starting point is 00:35:21 sound like a compliment to me i don't know why you're coming at me. I'm just trying to do a thing for you. Gavin, can we agree, you and I, that without re-litigating the past, that this feels way more like an Andrew thing than a me thing? I would agree. I don't care how it feels.
Starting point is 00:35:38 It is a you thing. I think it's yours now, though. The feel of it is irrelevant. You're so passionate about it. I think your passion is kind of taking ownership over it. No, we don't have to do it is irrelevant. You're so passionate about it. I think it's, I think you like, your passion is kind of taking ownership over it. No, I don't, we don't have to do it at all. I'm just trying to do your, I'm trying to make sure your thing
Starting point is 00:35:51 gets done. Andrew, would you say this is a betrayal by Jeff? I would say this is a definite betrayal by Jeff. A hundred percent. I'm trying to be Team Jeff here. That's following up pretty quickly after Eric betrayed you. When did Eric betray me? Eric betrayed you over the Jeopardy rules. Oh, that was, I was in the wrong in that one. That's falling out pretty quickly after Eric betrayed you. When did Eric betray me? Eric betrayed you over the Jeopardy rules. Oh, that was, I was
Starting point is 00:36:07 in the wrong in that one. That was a completely justified betrayal. This one does not feel like that. I don't think calling it a betrayal is even wrong. We talked about that nobody had specifically worded it, but it was never clarified. I never, people have said that I've changed the rules.
Starting point is 00:36:23 It's not that i changed them i just never vocalized them and i realized that that's where it went wrong right that's the constant rule in my head these podcasts just aren't the same without greg from accounting finance sorry from finance shit very different greg from accounting was clearly never on the podcast andrew what what would you say you're the best in the world at well i have three things that i wrote down because i took your your homework assignment seriously well whoever gave the homework is debatable but it's not it's absolutely you uh number one i don't think i am the best of the world at this
Starting point is 00:37:02 anymore but when i was thinking about it, I do truly believe that at one point in time, I was the best at the sewing machine in the world. Like hands down, not never close so far from being a great athlete was never incredible in that regard. But specifically the sewing machine, I think I was amazing at it. I think I was the best in the world in my prime in my sewing machine day prime number one number two on my list and i'm 80 sure i wrote i wrote a little like percentage of how confident i am in this i think i might be the best in the world at waking up when needed without an alarm i'm highly skilled at this you slept in a bathtub for five hours yeah but i didn't have anything to do the next day.
Starting point is 00:37:45 If I have a thing, if I'm scheduled for something or I need to be up at a certain time, I will hit it within five minutes without an alarm. You've got a good internal alarm. My internal clock is incredible. Why don't you use it then? Because there have been several times where you've had to get up early, and to avoid oversleeping, you stay up all all night or you just lie down in the bath that's you know that's a great point that is your talent because you're the best in all of the world i don't
Starting point is 00:38:15 because i set an alarm because i don't fully trust it but i i am consistent at it i've never missed anything because i slept through it i always get up early regardless of the time. You may have poked a giant hole in that. I may have to remove that from the list. That's why it was 80%. But generally speaking, I feel pretty good at that. But I think you're right. There are times in the show where I've said I've had to do things to make sure
Starting point is 00:38:37 I was there on time. It's just a paranoid thing for the show specifically. 80%. So that's my 80%. 100%. I think there's no denying this i feel very strongly about this i think 100 i am the best xbox garfield cart furious racing player in the world who has had part of their bowel surgically removed i feel strongly on that uh i don't think there's any debate about that when did you lose some bowel i was like five oh okay long time ago had to have an operation as a whole thing but i don't think
Starting point is 00:39:11 there's anyone better at garfield cart furious racing on the xbox who has also had part of their bowel removed and it's any part so like even if someone had a different part of the bowel any part i mean it's a lot you got a lot to work with on the bowel that's a lot of area any opposition in that one you got to fucking hold a poke in that gavin i think you might be telling me that i think you might be right i think that might be uh i think that's my my car we'll have to treat it with the same level of detective work as my overkill clip we'll have to start interviewing other people on the leaderboard see if all their bowel is there. But I think you could be right. That's fair.
Starting point is 00:39:46 Yeah. I have no issue with that. It's definitely something that's researchable. So those are mine. I'd love to hear what you guys think you're the best at. Gavin, do you want to go or do you want me to go? My one, I think I'm the best at when something goes wrong and I get filled with anxiety, I immediately skip to the worst
Starting point is 00:40:07 case scenario and bottle it all up and deal with it at 3am. I'm the best at doing that. I can carry on doing something after receiving bad news or everything's gone wrong, just swallow it up, worry about it at 3, but I can still continue functioning that day. I'm pretty good at it. So 3am is the worst time to ever try to reach you. 3 a.m. is the worst time just for anything ever. Like, if you're awake at 3 a.m., it's a disaster. Something's going wrong.
Starting point is 00:40:34 That's true. That's fair. It's not like late night or early morning. It's just a horrendous hour. The only reason to be joyfully awake at 3 in the morning is if you're into astrology or astronomy in some way and you're like wanting to see a comet go by or a blood moon or something lunar eclipse i feel like i had a lot of like 3 a.m 4 a.m halo 2 nights outside of that
Starting point is 00:41:00 i can't think of any positive times in which I was up at that hour. If I'm playing video games at 3 a.m., I'm yelling at myself while playing video games at 3 a.m. that I stayed up an hour too late, and I'm going to regret it. Yeah. You think 2 is the cutoff? Yeah, for me. Yeah, because 2 is still like the previous night. No, just to be fair, I'm saying when I'm like 13, when I'm 12, 3 a.m. I can't remember the last time I was up until 3 a.m. playing video games. It's been a while.
Starting point is 00:41:29 I guess Donkey Kong, maybe. Donkey Kong 64, we did that bet. That'd be the last time. Okay, so you're saying you're the best in the world at blocking out... Postponing anxiety until 3. Okay. Okay. That's good.
Starting point is 00:41:42 Yeah, I can't argue with that. That feels possible. I can see that that that feels that possible i could say it it feels likely honestly to me like it makes a lot of sense to me well when you describe it like that uh i actually completely buy in i buy into that in a way that i'm not sure i do with some of andrew's stuff but yeah absolutely what about you jeff uh well similar to andrew i don't know if i currently am still but there was a a point in time when I would stake my life that I was the best head bobber on earth when I was making Red vs. Blue.
Starting point is 00:42:12 I don't think there was anybody that could come even close to bobbing heads like I did in Mishima. I've been a witness to it, that he could do it without even listening. He could just do it based on looking at the waveform. It was insane. I think that, once again,
Starting point is 00:42:24 not entirely certain that I still am, but I would feel pretty good about it. I think that there was a point in time when I was the best Peggle player on Earth. And I feel very confident about that. And the third thing is I think I'm the best in the world at compartmentalizing dog tragedy. I know I know it's not going to go in a funny direction, but it's a really funny sentence. No, it is what it is. Right. I've dealt with a lot of dog tragedy over the last year or so, and it's manifested itself into very funny stories on the podcast, but they weren't funny moments. And I did a really good job of compartmentalizing until I got through them and, you know, cried
Starting point is 00:43:10 in the shower or whatnot or on a park bench the next day. I mean, your ability to just do face amongst the rest of your life is, I think, what you're best at. Well, that's it is. It does sometimes feel like I'm in this library talking to you guys for an hour, and I look out the window, and the entire world is on fire. Or at least my entire world is on fire. Just like shit and flames everywhere.
Starting point is 00:43:41 But not always. So just to clarify your head, Bob, because I misinterpreted what you meant originally. You mean machinima, like when you're filming, to make it seem like the character's talking, the movement of their head. Yeah, machinimation. Not literal head, like I was imagining like a Wayne's World head bob,
Starting point is 00:43:57 like you're really listening to music. No, I wouldn't even put myself in the top 75 percentile of that. I got no skills in IRL head bobbing, no. Okay. I have a question. How does percentile differ from percent? They're spelled differently. He's right.
Starting point is 00:44:18 Good point. Move on. Percentile. Each of the hundred equal what the fuck What the fuck is they just seem like they can always be interchangeable? I'm not ever in a situation where it's like he should have said percentile instead of percent I definition hold on I Fucking now. I gotta know like it's always about kids
Starting point is 00:44:42 All right, Nick go ahead and cut out all this dead air kids all right Nick go ahead and cut out all this dead air what you wrote Eric you wrote a thing yeah I wrote it for Jeff this is the thing where I queue him up and then he reads it you didn't continue I was Googling it. The percentage is a means of comparing quantities. A percentile is used to display. Is this what Eric wrote? Yeah, I'm reading what Eric wrote. He just said, read what Eric wrote. I thought you were reading that off Google.
Starting point is 00:45:14 Oh! God, I'm sorry about that, Eric. I think Eric wrote that. I think Eric caused that. What? How was that me? That's me giving the answer, and then one of you takes the ball, gives the answer to the audience, and we continue the show.
Starting point is 00:45:31 We can't freaking read the ball first. You know what? I feel responsible more than Eric does. Typically, he's right. One of us will read what he wrote, and then that will carry on. What were you doing, Gavin? Why were you not paying attention to the screen? It was just quiet, and then Gavin went, who's gonna read that like you what were you doing did i say who's gonna
Starting point is 00:45:53 read that you asked you asked who's gonna read what eric wrote did you not say that that's how we got here yes why didn't you read it? I was just trying to come up with the answer in my own head. I was just reading it in my head. That's great. That's very helpful. Anyway, this is a hard podcast to explain to people who have never heard of F*** Face, but who might be familiar with Red vs. Blue.
Starting point is 00:46:22 I meant to come back around to that about 40 minutes ago. Just realized I never finished my point. Anyway, it's just hard to quantify or hard to explain succinctly what this podcast is. I encourage you to try someday. I can... I have a new electrical problem.
Starting point is 00:46:41 What's your electrical problem? I mean, I assume it's one I've had the entire time, but I've narrowed it down sometimes my toilet i got one of those little bidets it will warm the seat and it will blast it was blast the water up the crev i know that everyone's a fan of those on this podcast um they had to run a new outlet to the toilet to put it in so they just i guess daisy chain off the nearest one. And sometimes it trips the breaker and I couldn't figure out why. And it turns out if I'm sat on the toilet
Starting point is 00:47:12 and someone rings my doorbell, the breaker trips and the toilet turns off, which, you know, for normal toilets, not a problem if you've got no power, but I can't flush it without power. There's like a manual release, I guess, where you have to take off one of the side panels if you want to actually manually flush it,
Starting point is 00:47:32 but it uses power to flush. So now that I know this, I'm so paranoid that when I'm taking a lovely number two, I'm so paranoid that I'm going to get delivery or someone's going to ring the doorbell because then I'll have to leave a bunch of turd in the toilet while I waddle over to the breaker and get it back on. And it's just a bizarre problem to have. I don't know why two areas of the house are on the same.
Starting point is 00:47:57 Two different areas are on the same breaker. It's literally like attic light, toilet and doorbell are all on one breaker. So is there hmm so i think what's happening is is the toilet is drawing like basically right at the limit of whatever that breaker allows and uh just ringing the doorbell tips over the edge that is so fucking funny and makes me and makes me so excited to ding dong ditch you for hours of the day and night for the rest of your life. It's been hard navigating, like, leaving a toilet full of poo and hoping that Meg doesn't find it while I sprint to the circuit break. How many times has it happened? It's happened probably only three three times that's quite a few
Starting point is 00:48:47 but but now that i've identified it it's it's terrifying i used to take the sort of stress-free shits and now every every shit is a stress huh so we need to we need to look into jeff if we can somehow ring his doorbell remotely i dude, I was way ahead of you. We absolutely need to figure that out. If we can trigger a doorbell ring remotely, anytime, Gavin, I'll just text with you constantly. I'll just be like, what are you doing right now? What are you doing right now? Are you going to go play Halo?
Starting point is 00:49:16 Are you going to take a dump? Okay, cool. I hesitate to bring this up because it's not as funny as your story. Well, minus the doorbell part, the same thing happens with my bidet toilet as well. About once a week, it's the same thing. They had to put a plug in into the wall. So it's daisy chained onto my laundry room.
Starting point is 00:49:38 And about once a week, one of the plugs there will trip a little breaker in the plug. And then I lose access to my toilet and my whole bathroom, actually. one of the plugs there will trip a little breaker in the plug, you know? Yeah. And then I lose access to my toilet and my whole bathroom, actually. And then so I have to just go out and push that button back in and then it works. So not very funny. But one funny thing, kind of funny thing did happen. The first time this occurred, we didn't know what to do. We couldn't figure it out.
Starting point is 00:50:02 I think I had to go out of town briefly. So Emily called an electrician to come and take a look at it. And he couldn't figure it out. And he couldn't figure it out. And he couldn't figure it out. And he eventually ripped the walls out of the bathroom to follow the wiring to figure it out. And he still couldn't figure it out. And then Joey, who you know from Go Go Now, who is also like a carpenter, he came over and he was like trying to help Emily and this guy
Starting point is 00:50:28 and he looked and he goes, oh, you're breaker stripped. And he just hit the button and everything worked again and had to have all my walls re-drywalled. I didn't pay for it. The guy did it at cost. But yeah, the guy, a five second fix turned into three days of painting and drywall.
Starting point is 00:50:47 Three fucking days. That is such a classic you house problem. I can't believe that with all the people involved, nobody thought check the breaker. Just no, not even one. Zero. Well, it's so weird, right? Because it's not just like the breaker on the wall. It's literally the breaker on a plug.
Starting point is 00:51:03 Right? The GFCI thing. Like the GFCci thing yeah and so he just like joey figured it out but you know uh because he's a common sense dude but yeah that guy uh that guy ended up on what should have taken him one second he spent three days at my house all day long the motto of the story is just you gotta keep you gotta keep shit simple like the more expensive and fancy something is, the more stupid problems you end up with. Like Jeff's fridge, it's a custom size,
Starting point is 00:51:30 much more expensive. And I got a freaking toilet that I can't flush with my hand. Without pulling the side of the thing apart. It's ridiculous. That might be the funniest thing on earth, dude. If somebody rings your doorbell, if somebody rings your fucking doorbell, you can't remove turds. Yeah. That's such a strange...
Starting point is 00:51:50 I'm shitting my doorbell off. I know somebody who every time they would get a phone call, their internet would drop briefly on their landline, and so there'd be times we'd be playing games, and it'd be fun to just call them if they were winning or something. They had the lead. But a shit bell connection is great.
Starting point is 00:52:07 Jeff, what if we, you know, those drinking birds like these things? Can we like attach that to his door and just have it ringing constantly? We have to try to get creative with ways in which we can ring it multiple times without actually having to put the effort in of physically pushing it. I love it dude that makes so much sense to me speaking speaking of birth i had somebody sent me your swan is kind of famous jeff i don't know if you know this is it really no i wasn't aware there is a documented history of your swan attacking people there is an instagram video last year of a guy who
Starting point is 00:52:43 was like wakeboarding in that lake and he got attacked by the swan. I have a photo of the swan mid attack. Oh, my God. That's it. Look at him. He's. Oh, I swear to God.
Starting point is 00:52:57 Oh, that's a big swan. Look at the wings. Tell me about it. Tell me about it. It's like a it's like an eagle. Is that what your face looked like when it was happening to you? I don't think I looked that cool. I think I looked even worse.
Starting point is 00:53:14 Yeah, dude. So that is swan confirmation. That is the same. He's about to get his back bit. Yeah, that's rough. Yeah, the swan bites the guy's ankle, and he eats hard. He crashes immediately on impact. The swan bites the guy's ankle and he eats hard he crashes immediately on impact the swan the swan takes him out it's a great instagram video uh but they said that it flew
Starting point is 00:53:32 like 150 yards like it was huge the distance it covered yeah yeah the guy said he didn't know swan right that's a robot swan why would swan do that it's highly aggressive oh it uh it uh for the record by the way if you are anywhere near austin texas stay away from that swan it's very dangerous and very aggressive i want nothing to do with that fucking thing oh by the way this photo is such validation to me it is just as terrifying in picture form as i remember being it's very intimidating and he actually went down the swan took him out and he was in the water with the swan it's amazing he survived what happened did the swan keep at him no i guess like it bit him and then it kind of like held its ground for
Starting point is 00:54:19 a minute then it fucked off i don't think it really stuck around. It's just looking for the next person it is yeah exactly Get out of my territory that flies away. Oh That's awesome, so do we do we then do the list of what we think other people are the best at oh It's a great idea again Wrap this up for Jeff's Jeff's go with mine. I'll for Jess the face bed I don't know who's I think Jeff's the f*** face bit. I don't know who's... I think Jeff is the best at long-term deception, like planting a lie and then not revealing it for years,
Starting point is 00:54:52 like the driving test. Or some of the ones that are a good 12 years old that are still going. Yeah, some of the ones that I don't even know about yet. And I would say Andrew is the best at pulling comedy from a small bathroom without even necessarily involving the toilet which is uh i think very impressive i think you're the best at that that's that's very specific that might be true what about you jeff uh i think gavin is the well i may partial, but I think he's... I mean, I think it goes without saying,
Starting point is 00:55:26 he's the best high-speed photographer in the world. But I think he's the best at taking something that's really... I think he's the best at distilling something down that's very complicated into a way that I can understand it. He's really, really, really good at that. He's also the best at being a best friend I've
Starting point is 00:55:45 ever had. Oh, yours was really nice. Yeah, you know, I'm a big-ass wimp in my old age. Andrew, I think you are the best at saying something that completely catches me off guard. You're the best
Starting point is 00:56:02 person at coming out of left field I've ever met in my entire life. It's not even close. I like left field. I've been there a while. Left field is always great. Is that a baseball term? I assume so, right? Because I realize I use that phrase, but I have no knowledge of baseball. That's
Starting point is 00:56:18 leaked across international waters to countries that don't have baseball. I feel like I've said that before, but I don't necessarily even understand the reference. Is the handedness of the batter what dictates? What is the origin of left field? So you can't come out of left field for Jeff? It would have to be
Starting point is 00:56:34 right field? Yeah, I guess I'd be coming out of right field for Jeff in my head. I'm assuming it's based on the orientation of most batters who are right handed. Everyone be quiet. Eric's written something. I'll read it, okay? Eric says at 3.51 p.m. today, Eric said,
Starting point is 00:56:49 yes, the phrase came from baseball terminology referring to a play in which the ball is thrown from the area covered by the left fielder to either home plate or first base,
Starting point is 00:57:00 surprising the runner. That was no explanation to Gavin, I guarantee you. And would that be flipped for a left-handed batter? The bases are in the same place, so it wouldn't be. Yeah, I guess the batting orientation is irrelevant. But also,
Starting point is 00:57:16 baseball is a very right-handed sport and very centered around and all the rules are all basically built about being right-handed. Lefties are kind of... There are left-handers in baseball, but I feel like it's... It would be funny if a lefty stepped up to the plate
Starting point is 00:57:32 and bases one and three swap. Just to keep everything fair. And you can do like a score multiplier with the amount of people you pass on your own team. Like if there's a guy at first and second already and you have to go left. You guys are reinventing baseball just like the Savannah Bananas. That's what I was about to say. Do you know the banana?
Starting point is 00:57:54 I had recently learned banana ball. Their rules. Their rule set is fantastic. It's way better than normal. I tried to get tickets to a game, but they're sold out for the rest of the year. Do you know what the Savannah bananas are, Gavin? Is that what Jeff posted about the, like there's like a baby banana every time
Starting point is 00:58:09 and there's like people on stilts? Yeah, yeah. They do like entertainment style baseball instead of strict rules and they have their own rule set. Some of, I think my favorite rules from banana ball are is if a player hits a foul ball into the stands and somebody catches it
Starting point is 00:58:25 it's an out like the fans can eliminate players by catching it it is the best fucking rule ever it's a great rule the other i think favorite rule of theirs is if you let somebody walk so if you throw four foul balls on a guy he doesn't just get one base he gets as many bases as he can possibly run to before the other team passes the ball to every position-skilled player on the team. So they just have to rapidly throw the ball around while one guy is sprinting as fast as he can. It's great.
Starting point is 00:58:53 It's a great rule set. That's amazing. And the game is over at two hours come hell or hell water. Yes. They put a time limit. That's the best rule of rule. Yeah. I think their average games are 90 minutes,
Starting point is 00:59:04 so it's great. I've never seen one, I think their average games are 90 minutes. So it's great. I've never seen one. I think the way scoring works too is like you get a point per inning that you win. So like if you score 10 runs in an inning and the other team scores two, you just win that inning and you get one point. Which I think is kind of interesting too.
Starting point is 00:59:20 Can we sponsor that team? I don't think they need us, man. I don't know. I don't know how that... I think it's a league. It'd be interesting to look at the league that they're in. I think it's a college baseball team. We could probably sponsor a singular funny object.
Starting point is 00:59:31 They'd probably let us do that. Like sponsor one dude's elbow for a game or something. Oh, can we sponsor the thing on the side of the helmet that protects the ear? The thing on the side of the helmet that protects the ear? The thing on the side of the helmet that protects the ear? Like the ear donut? Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:59:50 We'll sponsor one guy's ear donut for a season. Surely they'll let us do that. What do you want to put on the ear donut? F*** face. Yeah. Just the name of the show? Okay. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:00:02 Sure. We could have a variety of choices. Uh. Standard ear across the ear donut. I yeah sure we could have a variety of choices uh standard year across the year i think we could do we could become the official bread tag sponsor of the savannah bananas and we can donate bread tags for all of their bread uh tagging needs have you had a bread tag yet have you received it yeah that's why i brought it up have you got any good have you got yours yet no andrew have you got yours yet i Have you got yours yet? No. Andrew, have you got yours yet? I do, yeah.
Starting point is 01:00:26 I haven't tried. Have you tried breading? Yeah, so here's the deal. First off, it's beautiful. I mean, it's absolutely fucking beautiful. Let me guess, there's a reason they made it out of plastic. And the deal with, to refresh the audience's's memory that we were trying to solve a problem. And I would say ostensibly we did.
Starting point is 01:00:49 The problem being, you know what it's like when you get like a loaf of Wonder Bread or wheat bread or whatever it is you eat, 12 grain, whatever. And it's got that has a bread tie. Nobody likes a bread tie. Bread ties are lame, right? Or sometimes they'll have that bread tag. And the bread tag is cool because it'll say like uh hey the best by june 3rd or whatever uh and uh it's kind of a clever little design but invariably after three or four times you use it as the plastic bins one of the ends snaps off and then the bread tie is fucking useless and then you got to do the
Starting point is 01:01:20 thing where you roll the bread and then you like shove the thing under the bread and sit on it and then it's like it's just it's fucking dumb right so Uniform via F***face decided we were gonna solve that problem by creating a metal bread tag that does not bend and break and I am proud I am honored to say
Starting point is 01:01:40 that F***face it's either in the store now and been in the store for a while or it's about to be in the store now and been in the store for a while or it's about to be in the store we have solved the problem of bread tags breaking these metal bread tags these metal these light blue sky blue face emblazoned with the date june 19th 2022 on them bread tags will never bend or break. However, it turns out that the bending part, pretty integral to bread tag functionality.
Starting point is 01:02:18 I'm going to go ahead and say impossible to get the wrapper, the plastic in the bread tag holder. It's just not going to happen because this fucker will not break. It will not bend. It's sturdy. Does that mean the gap is useful?
Starting point is 01:02:38 Yeah. No, the gap is regulation gap. It's just that without the bend, you just can't get... So it doesn't work as a bread tag in the traditional sense. But it definitely looks like one. It's very pretty. And even better, it's got a magnet on the back of it.
Starting point is 01:02:55 So it's really, quite possibly, the world's first bread tag kitchen magnet. That's permanent. I will say it's a rare problem for us i feel like these are too high quality is the problem yeah yeah they're just real good this is really sturdy you can't bend it so it's too luxury and therefore too inconvenient yeah yeah this is a this is a show tag this is the kind of tag you bring out to brag to your friends at christmas dinner you know like when you pull the good plates out once a year, the china or whatever. You know, when you polish up the old 1955
Starting point is 01:03:30 like Porsche to drive around on Sunday. It's the thing that you revere when like all your friends, maybe your coworkers, maybe you're going to have your boss over for dinner and you want to impress him. This is the bread tag you pull out. Just don't try to use it as a bread tag.
Starting point is 01:03:44 I can't wait to get mine. I can't wait to see videos of people trying to use them it's great i know i'm curious if i i really want to get a loaf of bread right i'm trying to think if i i think i have one in my fridge i think it would take me probably like five minutes i think you could do it but the time it would require to slip it through why don't you try live on the podcast i'll go get some that's a good point why don't you try live on the podcast? I'll go get some bread. That's a good point. Why don't you do that? We'll end with Andrew
Starting point is 01:04:08 trying to force a metal bread clip. I'll say while he's gone, I felt exactly like he did. And I did. Hold on. Give the dog his pill. I took that five minutes to try to make it work.
Starting point is 01:04:24 I was bound to determine and I gave up. So if he's able to do it, he's either lying or he's made of stoner stuff. That's interesting because listening to you describe it, I'm almost 100% sure I could get it in. I thought so too. I thought so too. Yeah, it's like one of those things where it's like,
Starting point is 01:04:38 I kind of want the challenge of it now. I have the confidence. Yeah, I encourage you. I challenge you to make it work. I hope you can. If people stop stealing my packages, then I'll give it a go. Did we find them?
Starting point is 01:04:51 Did Jeff not find all your packages? Yeah, I found them. No, they found some, but Sarah was annoyed that someone took all of my Achievement Hunter merch. Do you think Andrew has transitioned to the floor that contains his kitchen already do you think he's hurt his ankle yet a hundred percent i was about to say he's absolutely hurt his ankle
Starting point is 01:05:13 his mic is muted which is a great point from nick he's screaming yeah screaming from the other room we can't hear him he's uh he's limping back right now it's gonna be rough okay so i have the bread that was way faster than i was expecting i was about to bring up laser tag and everything but go ahead i'm trying i mean i don't know what you mean by go ahead i'm trying to slip this you definitely can't bend it i mean maybe with pliers but it would i'll say too uh one thing i did find out i was showing it off to emily and uh she was agreeing that it's beautiful and she was wondering why it was light blue and i was like i don't know i think it's just what color they all are turns out that's not the case the color they're color dependent based on the day they were put out so light blue is monday what so apparently like if you see a bread tag
Starting point is 01:05:57 uh and it's light blue at the store you know that that bread has been out since monday if it's green it's been out since whatever day that is. Seems to be struggling. I'm ripping holes into the bread bag itself. Trying to... It's pinching it. It's pretty sharp metal. It is pretty sharp metal. Yeah, I don't think this works
Starting point is 01:06:21 in any way. I was wrong. I think I was dramatically wrong. Yeah, you'll mangle it real fast. By it, I mean the plastic. I'll try and pick up mine to try next week. If you get it, you deserve a medal of some kind. If you do it, you're the bread tag champion of face, that's for sure. I'll just put a chain around the bread clip and that could be my medal.
Starting point is 01:06:42 face, that's for sure. I'll just put a chain around the bread clip and that could be my medal. Become a chain guy with a bread clip thing as the... I would wear that. I would wear that too. I would wear that. Yeah, let's make him chains. Don't forget though if you have a pacemaker or some sort of a metal implant that
Starting point is 01:07:02 is a magnet. I don't want to wear a bread tag around your heart that's going to cause you to have a heart attack. Okay, well, I guess that's as Andrew tries and tries and fails and fails. I'll go ahead and say thank you for listening to another episode of F*** Face. This was episode 107. You have survived it. Congratulations.
Starting point is 01:07:24 As always, season three, no, season four, year three, volume one, volume two has got to be coming up pretty soon. I don't know.
Starting point is 01:07:33 We'll see. Leave a like and a comment and a review and a rate and all of those things. And don't forget to listen next week because we'll be here and we'll be talking and you're going to want to hear what Andrew has to say. It's going to be interesting and aggravating bye oh god and there goes the ankle did this table go over again it didn't go under is this fire extinguisher okay we gotta keep this up. Ah! God damn it.
Starting point is 01:08:15 Buddy, what happened? Doesn't work. Hey, guys. Major League fan on a 10-day contract Jack here with a look at next week's episode of F*** Face. Welcome to Year 3. Andrew forgets that he talked about that already. Gavin wants a new phone number. How tall is Panton?
Starting point is 01:08:34 Here comes a gift for Jeff. What exactly is a regulation dog? And once again, Andrew does not eat the pencil. All that and more on next week's episode of F*** Face.

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