F**kface - Smallest Item at a Grocery Store // Sneaking Feet Talk [145]

Episode Date: March 15, 2023

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about Ferrigno vs schwarzenegger, OJ Simpson, the smallest item you can find at a grocery store, If it’s Andrew’s or Gavin’s rules, Weird foot guy by association, Gavin’s warzone challenge for Andrew, F**kface promos, Dental updates, Waco, Survivor diarrhea, The last beard oil for the rest of your life, Toilet paper showdown, The perfect ultimate recipe, and Eric getting mad. Want to contribute to bits? Email what you can do to [e-mail]  Sponsored by ExpressVPN http://expressvpn.com/face Better Help http://betterhelp.com/face and Hello Fresh http://hellofresh.com/face60 and use code face60 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Dragon's Dogma 2 revolves entirely around choice. Your choice, that is. From the sword and shield-wielding fighter to fighter to the illusion conjuring trickster, there are over 10 unique vocations to choose from that all require experience to unlock new skills. And character customization is out of this world, literally. Oh, and did I mention the combat is really in-depth? It isn't just hacking at a giant's ankle for half an hour while your dodge roll attacks. You can engage enemies from a distance, climb up large foes, stab them in This is a Rooster Teeth production. Hello and welcome to another episode of the F*** Face Podcast. My name is Jeff Ramsey with me as always, Andrew Panton and Gavin Free. Hello, fellas. Hello. That felt weird. How are we doing? That was very sudden. We're just into the show immediately. That was a really good transition by you, Jeff. Oh, thank you very much.

What were you talking about before? We're talking about Arnold Schwarzenegger and that if he could become more canceled cancelled then he like his is there any new offenses that could appear out of his closet and I don't think there is like I feel like everything bad that can come out would have come out by now probably just doomed the guy but

yeah I'll be great if it does happen though imagine that I'm sick of us killing people I'd rather just like some scandal appear so I'm going to say that there'd be fantastic i'm sick of us killing people i'd rather just like some scandal appear so i'm gonna say that there will be no more because even people are like oh they mentioned this person then they died you're willing some weird shit into the air right now what if something really good happened to arnold schwarzenegger that'd be great we talked about him like what if i would love that what if you what if we flip the momentum of this and like i don't know only good things happen to people we talk about?

What's the best thing that could happen to Arnold Schwarzenegger at this point? Oh, gosh, I don't know him personally. He really likes Humvees. I remember that. He's got a llama. He's got a llama. What if he beats Lou Ferrigno again in a sudden weightlifting competition? Comes out of nowhere.

Him against Lou. Battle to you. I don't know if they had more than two or one fight. Here's what I think about that. I think that Arnold's beaten him enough. Arnold has this entire successful, amazing, wonderful life in front of him. Not that Lou Ferrigno also doesn't have

an incredibly wonderful, amazing life, but I did the. Not that Lou Ferrigno also doesn't have an incredibly wonderful amazing life, but I did the convention circuit with Lou Ferrigno for a couple of years and let's give him a win. Yeah. Have you seen Pumping Iron? When I was a kid. It's just a documentary

centered all around Arnold Schwarzenegger being better than Lou Ferrigno and Lou Ferrigno not knowing how to deal with this. Like him trying and just not being able to process that Arnold Schwarzenegger is significantly better in every way. To the point where Arnold just kind of trolls him for like 90 minutes. It's a great documentary. If you're Arnold Schwarzenegger. If you're Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Yeah, absolutely. Hey, what a weird way to start this episode. What are we even fucking talking about? We're talking about Arnold Schwarzenegger getting canceled. He's not canceled. He didn't get canceled. Stop saying that. He kind of, well, he kind of.

You're saying, I hope he doesn't die, but I'll settle for canceled, huh? No. Well, this was pre-canceled, his scandal. What? I think he could have been. I think, well, he got, when all the stuff came out that he was cheating on his wife and he had this side kid that nobody knew about that was pre-canceling that was not like in the culture in the same way so i i don't know he could have i feel like that was a cancelable offense i feel like he kind of did some really shitty things for a brief period

and that we're okay everything's fine it appears Do you think OJ would have been cancelled now? Oh, OJ would have been so cancelled. Absolutely cancelled. OJ's still around. He's on Twitter. He's a fucking celebrity. I think he can do cameos and shit. Like, if he was gonna be cancelled, why not cancel him now? He's still there.

He's still cancellable. He's still playing golf every fucking day. I think everyone's scared. as they should be. Like the allegation, I mean. Of OJ? Yeah, of OJ. Absolutely of OJ. Did you ever hear those, like, OJ had some of the best trolling stories I've ever heard.

Before he went to jail for stealing back his own memorabilia from that dude in Vegas. And nothing else. Yeah. That's what they got him for. Stealing his own memorabilia from that dude in Vegas and nothing else. Yeah. That's what they got him for. Stealing his own shit back in a very menacing and threatening way with guns and stuff. But before that event, when he was just like hanging out, living his best life in Florida on a golf course, there was like a one or two year period. I heard this talked about on Howard Stern years ago where somebody, I don't know if they ever

caught the person who did it, but somebody was flying over his house a couple of times a week and dropping golf balls over on top of his house like hundreds of golf balls on his roof so they were just going like just a couple of times a week randomly to my knowledge he never caught who did it

and it was just like somebody menacing him it's funny because that's such a go-to thing for when it's hailing. You're like, oh man, there's golf balls. Oh no, those are golf balls. As a golfer, I feel like he might be okay with this too. Like an initial annoyance. I find OJ so fascinating because it seems like he killed the people that he was accused of killing. I haven't looked deeply in the case, but I just feel that's the sense I get.

That there's overwhelming evidence. Should we start this episode again? Why? What's wrong? What's wrong with this? I just, I think it's fascinating. It's a real weird stuff. I feel like if Eric were here right now, he'd be so angry and annoyed with us. Where is Eric today? What are you doing?

Well, I don't know if he wants me to say, but... Okay, well, we did a whole bit with him, which I assume now we have to save for the next one. Yeah, he's not here for a good reason. It's not like a bad thing or anything, but he just had some stuff. There's a bit with Eric? Totally makes sense.

I have to wait for this bit now? What is this bit? You asked us, you texted me three or four days ago and said, hey, man, before the next podcast, could you do one thing for me? Can you go to a grocery store and try and find or purchase the smallest item you could find? And I asked you for clarification. Does that mean cost? Or does that mean size? And you said size. said size and so eric and gavin and i were doing a merch photo shoot yesterday at rt and after it was over we all went to the grocery store together to gavin you're missing some context so this was actually gavin's idea and this is gavin is a lunatic he's a crazy person this is your idea

gavin this is gavin's idea the whole time we were going around the grocery store yesterday and looking for shit, you never told me this was your idea. You don't even know the extent of this shit. I was referring to this as Andrew's idea this whole time. No, this is Gavin's idea. It was described to Eric that it was Andrew's idea. Oh, no, this is my idea, but I just thought you were saying because Andrew's not here that he could be the judge.

So I was like, oh, I wonder what Andrew will say about this. Andrew's the one that asked me to do it. When you and I got into the argument over the item yesterday and I was like, it doesn't matter what you think because you didn't set the rules. I was wrong because you did set the rules. Why would you come up with this myth and then give it to me through Andrew? I'm so fucking annoyed

and confused right now. Well, Andrew told you to do it, I guess. I didn't know we were going to. No. The only thing I didn't know was when we were doing it. He's an idiot Jeff. He is so stupid. Oh, we're playing God. We're playing Call of Duty Thanks for the invite. Yeah, you're welcome and He he said I'm gonna go to the grocery store tomorrow to buy the smallest thing I could find and I said that's funny Why are you doing that? He said, just because I can.

Like, why wouldn't I? So then we started getting onto like, I wonder what is like, what would I, what is the smallest thing I would go there for? And then it was like, what is the smallest thing you can get and walk out without a bag and just the item? You're missing a key part of the story. You said you're going to do this the next day. And I said,

oh, I also happen to have plans to go to the grocery store the next day. We should do this as a thing and I said oh I also happen to have plans to go to the grocery store the next day we should do this as a thing and see who could get the smallest thing and then Gavin was like yeah that's great let's do that and then and then he brought up should I should I tell Jeff about this and I was like yeah I'll text Jeff

and I'll let him know and we'll do this thing it'll be a bit on the show then the next day I didn't plan on bringing this up but you're a crazy person gavin i need to i'll drop this in the chat gavin sent me it was the day we were supposed to do this and gavin sent me a photo of this jeff let me uh i gotta go to our text you want to fill i'll just i'll just say what it is gavin sent me a photo of, because we talked about what small things could be. I said, I bet you it would be something

in like the bulk section where you could buy like individual nuts or whatever. Like I would assume that is where the smallest item would be. So the day it's supposed to happen, Gavin sends me this photo. It's just a shelf. It's a shelf of bulk items. You got seeds, you got nuts, you got all this shit. I just just a shelf of bulk items.

You got seeds, you got nuts, you got all this shit I just put in the Discord. Gavin sent me that and I said, oh, did you get your small item? What did you get? He said, nah, it's just scouting. I was like, what are you talking about? I assumed we would introduce this bit on the episode

and then discuss it, discuss the rules and then go and do it between episodes. You think this is on the episode and then discuss it, discuss the rules, and then go and do it between episodes. You think this is a two episode bit? Why would this... Andrew, Andrew, I walked around for fucking maybe 35 minutes in a grocery store

with this asshole yesterday having a conversation. What is everyone annoyed about? Oh, you hold on a second. I'm talking. I don't understand. No. I don't understand. No, I don't understand. So shut up.

Having a conversation with this guy about does packaging count or is it the item? And what is Andrew going to say? And Kevin's like, yeah, I really don't know which way he's going to go. It's your idea. You'll make the decision. It's your bit.

Why did you have these conversations with me as if Andrew was in charge? This is you! This is so confusing! We said, I asked you, I was like, did he say that he was doing it? Because I didn't know if Andrew was doing it. I don't remember him.

I told you! And I said, I don't know, he just asked me to do it. I assume we're all doing it, and you're like, fair point, Eric, find a small item. Right, so then we all went and did it and then we were talking about like, I'm not sure what counts and then we were like, well, let's just have Andrew be the decider on what, just because

I came up with it doesn't mean I'm the judge of it. I don't know what's good. It's your bit, man. At no point did you tell me this was your, you're in the driver's seat the whole time. I don't have a license. I don't know how to be in that position.

I want to participate. Stop getting behind the wheel, asshole. I just wanted to have the idea for the wheel and then be in the passenger seat. Did Gavin let you know, Jeff, that he had already scouted? He had already done research. No, he didn't. He walked into the grocery store as if he'd never looked at a grocery store before. You're all the most stupid people I've ever met.

I was up front in every point. God. I had this idea with Andrew last night. I said that to you and Eric. You never said that. I wish Eric was here. I wish Eric was here. You never said that.

Now, it may have been that you said it to him and not me because I went off on my own to try to do this. That's true, actually. You guys were stuck in your thumbs up your asses and goofing around. I was trying to complete the task. Well, in fairness, we were very distracted by the anal numbing cream that we found. Oh. There's anal numbing cream?

Well, not in the store, like on the way, just in the grass. In the grass on the path to the grocery store was an empty tube of anal numbing cream and then another empty tube of Astroglide. I was never trying to hide the fact that it was my idea or that I'd been to the store yesterday to look around.

I literally said these things in public to you both. Not to me. You didn't say it to me. You did not say it to me. Alright, I wish Eric was here. I do too! Although he's a... He loves to not side with me. No, he tends to...

The thing about Eric is he tends to side with the truth. He sides with the funniest, I think. Sometimes. So we bought small things. Yeah, do we want to do

the small things? Well, I guess we're... Should we just go into it then? You didn't want it to be a two-episode bit. Well, it's just I don't know why we'd set it up in one and reveal it in the next. I just can't imagine. Because sometimes we come up with an idea,

and we discuss the rules, and then we do the idea. That's true. I just felt like this was- When I said let's try shopping from the end caps, you didn't just do it right then in the moment. No, but it just felt like we had already scheduled doing it before. That's where it was. Yeah, man. You should listen.

When I have an idea for a bit or a game show or something, I'll come to you guys and say like, hey, I want to try something out on Tuesday. And then I let you know what we're going to do. I just get a fucking random text from Andrew that says, go to a store and buy the smallest thing before the next podcast. I think Andrew messed this up. What do you mean? You asked, should I do that? the next podcast. Yeah, I think Andrew messed this up.

What do you mean? You asked, should I do that? You're like, oh, I said I could text Jeff. You're like, yeah, it's fine. Whatever. Like, let's do that. Also, I played Call of Duty last night for like an hour and a half and you guys were nowhere to be found.

I didn't play last night. Where was the invite? Yeah, thank you for the invite. Yeah, it's held up with all the invites you guys don't send me. So far, I've invited you five times and you've never invited me one five times my ass in the last 20 years yes you've invited me five speaking of um cod i've i've uh got a challenge for andrew oh wait are we pivoting off we're not doing small things are we gonna circle back around to small things

let's vote on it let's vote on it well Eric's not here does anybody have a point this episode are we going anywhere with this what do you mean how is this different than any other episode I don't know man this feels on par I usually have an idea where we're headed

let's finish the small thing before we move on to the copy. I'll get my small thing ready. Do you know what Gavin's small thing is, Geoff? I was shopping with him! I know what his is, I know what Eric's is, I know the whole fucking bit! Except what the bit is and who made it. See, now that's weird to me, Gavin, that you would allow this, because I feel like the entire point of this whole bit is that we reveal to each other and react in the moment to the small things.

I don't know what the bit is! You know more about the bit than I do. That's my whole point. I just had a stupid idea. You're the one who turned it into a challenge in a bit. I need you for the rules. No, we were 50-50 though. I was like, oh, that'd be fun. I'm gonna do that. Should we do this as a thing? You're like, yeah, we should do it as a thing. You can't shit this into the

universe and expect me to know all the magic rules that you didn't say. Well, no, but I just I feel like as somebody who has done what a hundred plus episodes of the show We've done several things you'd kind of just know that I feel like the structure makes sense It would feel weird name another time where we all know each other's things and then we show each other the things anyway It's never happened. There's never been a thing this bit really got away from me I just got really confused that I just couldn't I didn't know what was happening. I was just so excited to be just walking through the supermarket with everyone and shopping. You know what's fucking weird?

Last week was like the week of weird Gavin. You're just as weird this week, but in a totally different way. It's like you're trying to throw smoke on the foot fetish stuff by being weird in a totally new way so that we forget about you and celebrity feet and you want to suck on what's the fucking i kissed a girl and i liked it and then i sucked her toes lady like you're you're trying to confuse us with this nonsense i'm not gonna forget about it though i mean he was such a weird guy he almost made me a weird guy because i was i was talking to other people about how Gavin's a weird

foot guy now and it came out of nowhere and I was like this is he found a pair of feet that he thinks are great feet he thinks these are a great pair of feet and I almost instinctually sent them the feet and then I realized then I would be a weird feet guy so I can't forward it

that's how it starts so I just had to I'm in complete agreement with you, Jeff. Gavin is, this is a weird Gavin, but in a completely different way. He's like a, he's like a Last of Us style foot fetish fungus trying to infect the rest of the earth. That was old Gavin. I don't know what this current, this is just chaotic mess. He's obfuscation free is what his name is. It's...

Well, okay. Let me put it to the totally normal geniuses. How do you want to do this? How should we have done this bit? I think how we should have done it is we all do it independently and then we reveal our items at the same time and discuss what our process was.

And it makes sense to me. I know what I did. I know what I did. Okay. I salad creamed it yeah I think by trying not to salad cream it cuz I feel like you just like oh just if you're doing I'm in the middle of doing it what the rules but mouthful of shit I was trying not to do that. And by not doing that, I obfuscated information and then we just went straight into it.

So I hesitated on the salad cream and then I went full cream. Oh god damn. This is great. I'm so disappointed because I feel great about the item I got. I really think I'd be shocked if anyone had something smaller. Andrew, I'd be shocked if you had something smaller. Andrew, I'd be shocked if

you had something smaller than my item. Really? Okay. I'm going to post mine in the Discord, alright? Okay. Is Gavin's bigger than yours, Jeff? Well, I mean, you'll have to see. Let's just watch. That depends on your rules, I guess. I don't know. It's Gavin's bit.

Okay, play that clip. Okay, I gotta play a clip now. Cherry. Aven spit. Okay, play that clip. Okay, I gotta play a clip now. Okay. Cherry, a singular cherry. Did you just... You just took... Did you... Oh, okay, you weighed it and it came out.

That's fancy. Okay, I don't have that. Yeah, I found a... I was trying to find something like grapes or something that was done by the pound, but by weight, that would register on a scale. And I found that one cherry cost me 12 cents, which I thought was quite a lot for a single cherry. It feels expensive.

So after Gavin bought his cherry, I thought, that's brilliant. Because we had been trying to weigh other foods, like a single grape, and it would register, but it wouldn't print a ticket. And there's actually a lot of stuff that wouldn't print tickets for it. But for some reason, it prints off one fucking cherry. Right. So I went and found a slightly smaller cherry and scanned that. And it was a nine cent cherry.

You got a nine cent cherry. I was so fucking proud of myself. I went up to Eric and Gavin and I was like, look at what I got. And Eric was like, you can't do that. He got legitimately angry with me. And then he and Gavin had a conversation about whether you were going to allow this in the rules or not. And they're like, it's not within the spirit of the competition. Because we didn't want it to...

Once again, thinking that it was Andrew's fucking thing. Well, I think we just decided we didn't want it to be by the smallest cherry competition. No, but I think that's funny, too. So Eric just gave me cherries. So that was locked in for me. Mine was cherry. So you had a nine cent cherry, Jeff?

I had a nine cent cherry, but I found something else. Okay. Do you want to reveal the other thing? Do you want me to reveal my thing now? Yeah, I'm trying to like take a photo of it and stuff. So why don't you reveal yours? Okay, so I went immediately, as I said, my kind of philosophy was i wanted a singular thing so i went to the bulk section i looked around my initial hope and i thought it'd be really funny is if i could buy

a singular grain of rice and then i was going to try to cook the rice to make like one grain i also thought about doing that with a coffee bean but i just i don't know how to grind that and then turn that into coffee so i was looking around and I determined I found the smallest thing You can't really tell what it is like the how small it is in the context of the machine But I went with chia seeds. I was a ball chia seed. I'll be honest. We also looked at this is right next to flags We also decided that Black seeds would have been amazing if it would weigh like if we could so that was the problem i couldn't i don't have a fancy like it doesn't weigh and print a sticker for you you

just like you write down the number and then you take it to the self-checkout and i was so worried that it was gonna like the machine was gonna lock up because it didn't wait it was like error and like somebody would need to help i was just as terrified of that happening but i grabbed my seed i put it in a bag very difficult to just get one singular black seed you can see it on the scale went with that like it's an analog scale too yeah oh we're in the past where i live i guess I guess. So secure that. It looks like a fly in a bag. I was able to buy it. It weighed out at 0.005 kilograms. 10 cents. More than Jeff's cherry.

I think Jeff got a hell of a deal. I would definitely take a cherry over my 10 cent chia seed. So I put it on a plate. This is it next to a toothpick for context and scale. That is my one item that I bought from the grocery store. My black chia seed. You're an idiot. Why am I an idiot?

Because you've also bought a cooked turkey breast. Oh no, I bought, I just bought a bunch of other groceries at the same time. Yeah, but the whole point. What do you mean the whole point? The whole point is to go in and buy one small thing I thought the point was just the smallest item you could buy everyone's a total

idiot myself included yeah there is salad cream all over all of us no I said I was going to the grocery store anyway and I would do the same while I was there at the time I told you yeah well would do the same while I was there. At the time, I told you. Yeah, well, put it on a different receipt. The whole point is to buy something stupid.

There's a single item. My cherry. So first time I'm hearing these points, by the way, which could have been brought up. He was in the Rules and Regulations Committee with you, and he never said that. I said it when you and Eric were going through the checkout together. I was like, no, do them individually.

And that's why I did mine individually. And anyway, I scanned my Cherry barcode. And it gave an error saying minimum receipt amount or something. And the person had to come over and override it. And you can tell she has never done that override before. She was like, huh? And then looked at my Cherry just on the thing with a sticker on it i was like she was like rolling her eyes you live in my nightmare i hoped for

and then i had lunch i've gotta say andrew uh i think regardless of what gavin said about you buying turkey with it i think he won That is smaller. That is definitely smaller. You won smallest item, but I wanted you to just buy that. Okay, well, next time I'm in the grocery store, I'll just buy that. I got the world's smallest battery, but it's still... I mean, it's the size of four of your seeds, but it's still... It's like four times the size of your seed. But then I wasn't sure how you would treat the packaging, Andrew.

Do you think that's actually quite a big item? Well, I don't know. It's your idea. It's your bit, the size of your seed. But then I wasn't sure how you would treat the packaging, Andrew. Do you think that's actually quite a big idea? Well, I don't know. It's your idea. It's your bit, so you tell me. Now, see, I asked him, and he said we had to talk to you because this was, you know. No, I don't know. I just think that's something that a normal person might walk in and buy.

I was worried that you guys would ding me for having it in a bag. I thought you'd count that potentially as the size of my item. See, I didn't get that the point of this, until just now, I didn't get that the point of it was that you had to buy the item by itself. I thought the item was to find the smallest thing in the store.

I didn't know how to find the smallest thing in the store and only buy that thing and make a show of buying that thing and saying, like, look at me! I'm buying this tiny, tiny thing. Yeah, I would have loved an episode to discuss all this and then we all just sort of go and do it that would have been my oh yeah well you know it would have been a great way to start this instead of Andrew

saying half the rules and go shut up shut up if only we had a conversation oh wait no this did happen where we went back and forth and I said I'm gonna do this and you're like yeah let's do that and then it's like cool everything was established beforehand we had to talk do you know how this would have

worked how it could have and should have worked why this this would have been no issue at all how should you guys if you guys liked me enough to play video games with me outside of work I would have been there and we could have had the conversation in the moment all three of us and it would have gotten hammered out

immediately I don't know we've been playing more this is where the this is where the and we could have had the conversation in the moment, all three of us, and it would have gotten hammered out immediately. This is where the work friendship thing gets in the way. I will say that you're acting like we've been playing a million games without you. I think there was one night you weren't there for. You've been part of every other Call of Duty session that at least I've been a part of. I find that hard to believe.

And to be fair, I did say, should we text Jeff? But you had to get off soon anyway, so we ended up, like by the time you'd come on, Andrew would be leaving anyway. It was a very short session. Yeah, it was like 40 minutes. We played like one or two games. I played last night. It was fun. You didn't invite me. You could have texted

me. Where was my text? You guys weren't online. No, I always appear offline though. I'm never online. That's not a good excuse. You could have texted me. You're right. I could have. I just, I guess I just felt so discouraged. I didn't.

What sucks about this and how this little challenge went is that there was, well, I'm just going to get railed again by Eric when he comes back. Can we just tell him that went really well? I need to discuss it Andrew he's gonna hear this someday oh my god that's so fucking funny it's so weird that I don't know why that's a great I can't believe you got one of your scales to register a single seed we're really struggling we couldn't even get a grape I couldn't I tried a peanut it wouldn't let me do it by a peanut yeah you tried two coffee

beans too at one point i would love the two coffee beans would you have like grinded it up and tried to do something with it ideally oh that'd be great like the smallest cup of coffee i just think i was helped by having antiquated technology and how to do all this stuff i mean i honestly i feel like i paid for the bag and not the seed i feel like it's not aware that the seed is there. But do we want to talk about the other challenge that you tried to pivot into earlier, Gavin? Yeah. I want, uh, so Andrew's very good at Warzone. He wins all the time.

He even wins when he's trying to make us both lose by flying us into the gas. I was gonna ask about that. By the way, I'm joking about you guys not. I don't want the audience to think I'm really upset about us not playing Call of Duty together. I'm really just giving you guys a hard time. I very rarely am online playing games anyway. But we did play the other night, and you had this brilliant idea, Andrew,

to get a bunch of gas cans and then fly at the top of the map and just avoid conflict. Yeah. Until we got to the very end. And then it took me a second to realize you were trying to kill us all. No, I wasn't. I don't believe you. i don't think i believe you this is what happened we have lost every combat exchange essentially that we've been a part of that's that we did good in the bathroom that one time but like when you get to the end and it's in the open we're not winning any combat exchanges so the thought was what if we just avoid combat entirely and try to out survive

everybody so we hung out in the helicopter we had gas cans to fill up and we just floated above everyone until the final circle which is very fun by the way and we were laughing it was hilarious you guys were like throwing mines down at people from the helicopter. It was very funny. Most awesome. And then all of our money. We made a lane. Yeah, it was great. But my thought was we were near a shopping cart and my plan was to fly to the shopping cart

because I had money from going to all the gas stations and I was just going to continually buy gas masks while they were because what happens is once you're in the final circle, the gas fully covers the map. So everyone

is dying constantly and you can kind of delayed a little bit by having a gas mask. So my plan was go to the buyback station and then just keep buying gas masks because they do not have one near them for where they're at and we could be near one. The problem was the gas completely covered everything.

I went to the buyback the buyback was locked down it would not let me purchase anything but luckily i had a self-res and i had a gas mask and i think i had like one other i had like two self-reses but can i can i tell you the the real if we would have lost we won the game but if we would have lost what really would have hurt my soul jeff especially that would be the disappointment from Emily while we're doing this Emily was in the background

and she I don't know if she like walked up or like if you you were like pointed out but she's watching the whole thing she's the world's biggest war zone fan well she was like what are you guys doing and she kind of like made fun of the fact that we're just in the helicopter not playing to get to the end uh and then so then i flew into the gas which made it worse and you said like oh andrew just flew into the gas is gonna get us all killed we were

gonna win and he ruined it and then emily just said why like in such an annoyed way i was like no i can't i gotta make this work i cannot have emily be this disappointed in me and so i was like frantically trying to use my syringes timing out my revives as best as i could we barely won but that was the biggest relief i was like oh i did not fuck up in front of emily it's because emily's been watching me lose call of duty for like three straight years i just love the idea from the perspective of the other team wandering around in like as the gas has been watching me lose Call of Duty Warzones for like three straight years. I just love the idea from the perspective of the other team, wandering around as the gas closes in,

like, where are these idiots? Where's the other team? And then they just see a helicopter just take off into the distance, and then they lose. Just complete cowards. I don't think you or Gavin shot at anybody. I had maybe one kill. We did nothing. We just lived.

I threw shit. Mainly. So that was our win, but you had an idea for a challenge, Gavin. Well, Andrew's so damn good. I'm not. Yeah, he is. He's very, very good at games.

Constant wins. So I thought, I wonder, you know the elite controller comes with those stupid, like slightly taller thumbsticks? Yeah. I thought,

could he win with those on? And then I thought, what if every time he wins, his thumbsticks get a little bit longer? Let me post something that I've done. Oh, I'm so excited to see. So I've started at like one inch. Let me drop this in. Is it going to be too powerful?

It's definitely too powerful for Discord. This is going in Slack. Okay. All right. When you see it, everyone play this at the same time. Oh, it's video. Okay.

Are you ready, Jeff? Yes. Do it quick. Three, two, one, play. It's buffering for me. That was a pointless countdown. It's going for me. Oh, my God.

Oh, no. Is that your 3D printer? It's Meg for me. Oh my God. Is that your 3D printer? It's Meg's printer, but I took use of it and I did my first little CAD design. Does it work? And then I'm going to reveal to you the final stage.

If Andrew works his way up through all... This is going to have to go in the slack as well okay I'm sorry audience audio podcast that is the funniest little video it is just keep going longer next 3d printer 3d printing like 40 thumb

thumbsticks and in varying lengths this is the final form which I hope Andrew can get to I'll give that a play yeah okay here we go oh my god oh my god are you serious

how long is that Gavin that is as tall as I could print in that printer that's nine inches nine inches that's so tall. That's why I was like, oh, by the time you get to this one, you're going to be using your chin. Can I get a photo of that for the thumbnail?

Yeah. That's awesome. Definitely. And then I've got, I'll post you one more. This is, I think, somewhere in the middle. I was just testing the way it feels. Okay, so I have to win a Warzone game,

and I can't hold them like joysticks. You're going to have to use them like levers. Like an analog. I think you have to put my hands on top of them, right? But how do you do that with your weird claw? Yeah, I'm going to have to adjust how I play. Yeah, I think you're going to have to... The struggle is going to be touching the nubs at the end

and also trying to hit the buttons and triggers. But I think that one is three inches. That's going to be somewhere in the middle, that one. Like a Nick is losing it. So I thought if you can win your way up to nine inches, that would be absolutely incredible. What does he get? I don't know.

We didn't talk about that. I'm just, oh, that's a good point uh yeah it's a lot of work and effort he gets to pick a piece of gum from bragging rights i get for being better at us in video games great what's funny is my controller is already broken on top of these attachments like my left bumper doesn't really work my right trigger is like really squeaky. I feel like that's not its way out. So it's going to be, it's already a fucked up controller. This is going to be insane.

So I can't, just to be clear on the rules, I have to have my hands above the top. I think you have to interact with the stick by the nub on the top and not by just the neck of it where it meets the controller. Okay.

Is that physically possible? Is it physically possible? I'm assuming he's gonna be getting chins and feet involved. If I'm honest. Yeah. Okay, so if I could use my chin, then I could use my palm, right? It's gonna look like you're making season two of Red vs. Blue by the end of it. So if I put my chin

on the one that moves forward and backwards, could I then do my palm on the one that moves forward and backwards, could I then do my palm on the one that aims and then my right hand on the trigger so I could shoot? I think so, yeah. Would that be allowed? Okay. How good are you with your toes?

Could you use your feet? You know what? I haven't tried. I might be good. Gavin would fucking love it if I did. Maybe this is just another way for Gavin to sneak speak talk into this goddamn show oh I hadn't thought about that that's subversive Gavin it is

really that's a sneaky move by you yeah wild I think I could do it how many so it's nine so it's it's progressive an inch for each stick uh if that's what you want I figured I would talk to you first and let you pick which which iterations you wanted like if you didn't want to play nine different games then maybe I'm fine skip some I thought I would talk to you first and let you pick which, which iterations you wanted.

Like if you didn't want to play nine different games, then maybe we can skip some. I'm fine with doing nine. No, I think I should go the whole way. Okay. So you, each victory is a new inch.

Each victory is a new inch. Yeah. I think that's really funny. Okay. I've never seen the 3d printer do that though, where it's like, it's trying to print the really tall one. And the entire thing is like swaying around.

Yeah. Somehow it's still printing. I don't know how that works. But I was surprised it was able to print that without any supports. So I feel like by the time you're at six, though, that's pretty similar to nine in terms of what you'd be doing, I assume. So it's like, do you want to go six, seven, eight, nine,

or just go six to nine? I think I want to go an inch for every win. I think it's funnier that way. Do I have a deadline for once these arrive, how long I have to do this? I don't think so. Okay. Can you stream some of these so we can watch? Sure. Maybe

I'll stream like a nine inch one. I don't know. What would be the interesting, what would be the most interesting one to watch? I don't know. I just, I think it'd be fun to watch the progress as it goes. I don't think you need to stream every inch or anything, but I would like to just... I'd like to see some of the progress,

not just at the very end. Okay. We'll figure that out. Yeah, that's definitely doable. I was just giggling while... When I pulled up on the printer, I was just giggling, imagining all the scenarios that are going to screw you.

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soon like when when can I expect these so I have time to prepare I don't even know how I'd prepare I could mail them or you could come pick them up it's up to you yeah you can mail them I'm not coming to pick them up I'm excited this to pick them up. I'm excited. This is a funny idea.

I'm excited too. I do think we need to come up with some sort of a prize for Andrew if he's able to complete it. I agree. Because it's a huge, monumental task. Nine Inches is going to be tough. He's going to win. He's about to win Warzone nine more times than I'll ever win Warzone at escalating difficulty.

to win warzone nine more times than i'll ever win warzone at escalating i did ask gavin like how he thinks he would do with like the four inch one and his reply was i can't win on the normal sticks like i've literally never won i've never served it i can't use a double control that normal people use we um we had an office day recently. Yeah. We did a bunch of stuff. That was great. That was phenomenal. It was awesome.

We haven't recorded since then, huh? We haven't recorded since then. I had a really funny conversation with Nick, and I'm curious if you guys are in the same boat as me or if this is just a me thing. We did the office day. Nick never posted a link for me to upload my stuff and so he did it the next day and i put everything in and i was like it's all there good to go like

have a nice weekend then nick messaged me early the next week and said hey i looked i can't find any of your files i thought oh that's weird so i looked and they weren't there anymore so i don't know what happened but then i just put them back into the thing. They re-uploaded. And I apologized to Nick. I was like, I'm sorry that happened. I don't really know what went wrong, but that sucks. I'm sorry I delayed it if I delayed anything.

And he said, oh, it's totally fine. I was just worried that you had gotten rid of the files already. To which I realized I just never really thought about it. I haven't deleted a single recording since we started the show. I have all of my recordings still on my computer. Yeah, no, I think everybody should, right? I have every recording

and a backup of every recording. I have two copies of everything I've ever made for F*** Face. I've got every recording of eight hours of a fireplace. So none of us deleted. That's great. That's awesome. All on the same same page i was going back through i found the uh the recording of the first commercial we recorded we recorded a commercial that will be put

on all of the audio for every rooster teeth podcast can we can we talk about that for a second yeah absolutely we were doing we were doing the merch shoot so we have some um some like baseball jerseys and baseball caps that are coming out for face uh at some point in the future and man by the way our fucking merch game is strong coming out we've got some fun stuff coming out uh but anyway it's some really stupid stuff in the best ways coming out uh but anyway so we were doing the photo shoot for the baseball jerseys. And while we were doing that, I mentioned I got the file of the completed fucking promo.

So I played it and I was like, this is so good. And Gavin was like, it's perfect. I played it for, and Eric was like, it's terrible. I hate it. And then we played it for Barbara Dunkelman and she hated, she was like, don't use that. Am I crazy? No, it's great. It's it's great yeah we're using it i think it's gonna be great if you've already heard this podcast and you already

know about it if you've never heard of us i don't think it would bring in a single other viewer i don't care about that though which i think is a total face move and i think it's perfect i think i mean it's within the spirit of the name of the podcast. Also, to be honest with you, if I heard that commercial, sight unseen, I'm immediately rushing

to listen to whatever they're doing. Should we play it in this episode? Yeah, can we insert it? Yeah, Eric, just go, or Eric, Nick, could you just cut it in here?

We just plop it in right now. Nick, could you just cut it in here? We just plop it in right now. My name is Jeff Ramsey, and I would love to invite you to listen to our fun podcast. It's called F*** Face, and it's about those two things. It's about we cover faces.

We talk about who's got a good face, who's got a bad face. Do you want to fuck it? We do. This is not usable. What? This is not usable. What? Of course that's usable. What do you mean? This is the most professional show. We can't say any of that. And then the audience is wondering why it was bleep the first time and not bleep the second time.

Tune in every week for a new episode. You'll like it and so will your mom. What? Tell her to bring her face. Tune in every week for a new episode. You'll like it, and so will your mom. What? Tell her to bring her face. What? What? No! And then, coming out of it, it made me go back and listen to our first commercial which i don't remember if we recorded one episode first and then recorded our commercial if we recorded the commercial first i don't know that one yeah we absolutely did it was the first one of the first

recordings we ever did it's funny because we didn't know what the show was gonna be at that point but we made a commercial for a thing that we just didn't really know what it would be. And I'm surprised by how much thematically you could see like where things would go. And in some ways, it's a very similar commercial. It's Eric saying that what we've recorded

is completely useless. That's the same thing in both things. It's a terrible read, but it's just interesting to go back and listen to our first commercial. My name is Jeff Ramsey, and I am the co-host of the new Rooster Teeth podcast, F***s, here with Andrew Panton and Gavin Free.

Hello. Andrew, what's a f***s? A f***s is an event that happens that makes you look like an idiot, and the only way to deal with it is by laughing. And that's the podcast. Do you think you have anything in there? No!

This is it! This is the trailer! You're an idiot! This is it! This is the trailer! F***! Like and subscribe! Now, in that commercial,

did we insinuate we were gonna f*** anybody's mom in the face? Oh, God. Not even. We didn't get close to that, but it was equally unusable and Eric was Eric pissed about the first one Just that we didn't really explain anything. We didn't give any indication of what the show would be at all We just kind of talked for like 10 seconds And then was your Jeff and sort of a dejected way was like is any of that usable and eric says no absolutely not and then that's just the commercial i think we just still don't

know what this how to describe this thing i don't know how the fuck i'm supposed to yeah even the stuff we say doesn't mean anything i get like get back like have you ever told somebody like oh what's your podcast about you go well technically it's deep lore about nothing and they go what does that mean? And you go, I don't know. I honestly don't know. I always get defensive when people are like, what's it about? And I'm just thinking in my head, and I'm like, I don't know.

What do you want from me? Yeah, what are you about? Fuck off. I will say I've tried to describe what this show is multiple times. I have never said that it's about fucking mom's faces. I don't think anybody specifically said that it's about fucking mom's faces that is i don't think anybody specifically said that i i feel you heavily implied it i mean that could be if that's what if that's what you took from it sure i have we ever reviewed a face before has that ever been

a thing that we've done like even as like an aside obviously that's never been a bit we did but have we ever commented isn't't that a Mark Zuckerberg thing? Is it? Isn't that why he started Facebook? Is that? I don't know. I have no idea. Is that true?

You said that like you had more to expand on. Yeah, I'm waiting to hear. I thought it was like he was rating how hot the women at that college were. Is that specifically related to faces? Oh, I don't know. I saw the social network once. Isn't that what they were doing? I don't remember the movie very well.

I don't remember them reviewing faces in the social network. Oh, I don't know. I saw the social network once. Isn't that what they were doing? I don't remember the movie very well. I don't remember them reviewing faces in the social network. Oh, shit. Why is it called Facebook, then? Maybe that's what it was used for, but I've never heard anyone open with such confidence that they were an expert on the subject to have nothing else to contribute after that statement. Tell me more about Leona Wondell.

She makes baskets. Okay. Yeah. She, uh, the wicker basket queen. She's the head of the baskets. What is a Facebook before a Facebook? It began, this is from Britannica.com. It began at Harvard University in

2003 as FaceMash, an online service for students to judge the attractiveness of their fellow students. So Facebook started as hot or not? Yeah. I had no idea. I still, I feel like, even though Gavin's sort of right,

describing it as evaluating faces is odd. It's like a strangely specific... Well, it's a very Gavin thing. It is, yeah. Let's be honest. This is on par with the weird Gavin that we've dealt with in this episode. odd it's like a strangely specific well it's a very Gavin thing I mean it is yeah this is on par with the weird Gavin that we've done in this episode footbook.com is registered the same joke at the same time

feet book gross I don't know if this is worth expanding on at all Jeff but have you had any dental updates because that's also a thing we left off on on Monday. Yeah. So I went to the... Okay, so I saw you guys.

We did office day on Friday. I was fine. I was pretty fine. I'm doing okay. Then Saturday, Emily and I went... I had an interesting experience. Emily told me she wanted to go spend the day in Waco. day, Emily and I went I had an interesting experience. Emily told me she wanted to go

spend the day in Waco. Now, I don't think I've been to Waco, Texas since I was in the Army when I was maybe in my, maybe 19 or 18. It's actually one of the first times I was actually, I was probably the only time in my life

I was propositioned for sex for money somebody offered me money to have sex with them uh at a denny's and probably told that story a million times in in rt podcasts and stuff but uh uh it was very flattering and the guy was actually quite a hunk it was i felt pretty good about myself that day. Anyway, but not a fan of Waco. Waco is just kind of like, it's a college town. Baylor, it's like a Christian college. It's a pretty boring, milquetoast, kind of like not so exciting,

fucking middle of nowhere, Texas college town, right? No need to go to Waco because we have San Marcos right down the road. But I hadn't been there in like 25 years. So HGTV became a a thing it's like a huge thing obviously everybody watches the home the flipping shows and all that stuff and myself included uh the chip and joanna games i've never seen their show but i know of them because i see their magazines in the grocery store and i see their commercials all the time and they have like

magnolia or whatever the fuck it is i didn't know that half of waco texas is dedicated to them they they have like a compound downtown in waco texas that's like hgtv disney world like you walk in and there's like a grain silo where you can buy sheets and bedding and there's a purse store and there's like a a shirt where you can buy hat a store where you can buy hats and there's like a little mini baseball field for the kids to play and they have a big cake uh cupcake shop and look nick knows all about it the silos they have a big cupcake shop they have like tons of stuff everywhere it's like it's like seven West Elms and a CB2 and four pottery barns all together in one big campus. Just with 500,000 35-year-old white women.

I almost lost Emily 86 times. I actually told her. I was like, God forbid. If Emily ever dies early, I'm never going to, I'm done with love after her. I'm not going to try to find another, uh,

person to fall in love with. I'm not going to move, uh, move on. I'm going to, Emily's my last shot at love. So if she were to die tomorrow, it'd be the worst.

But, uh, but if that were to happen, I think I would start going to Waco. And I think I would just sit at the Magnolia compound on a park bench and just watch women from behind because it's almost like she's there.

It's the wildest thing. It's just like a thousand blonde ladies all wearing the exact same clothes as my fiance. From behind, it's just like, oh shit, there's Emily. Nope, there's Emily.

It's insane. We were laughing about it all day. There's gotta be better phrasing. That was the worst phrasing. How do you mean? It's just, it's just, it's just women from behind.

Oh, I see. No, it's just like from the front, I can tell that it's not my fiance, but if you just like see somebody in your peripheral vision, like somebody who's the relative height

and size of Meg with red hair, you'd go, oh fuck, oh, that's not Meg. Maybe you just need to go and squint at women. So for a second, you're like, oh, I'm near that person. It gives you a little dopamine hit of like, oh,

they're still with me in this world. I was with you. It's just so sad. I think it's sad, too. I hope it never happens. It would be really, really sad if it did. Anyway, so that place is fucking weird and bizarre and i wasn't a fan uh but while i was there my tooth started hurting and uh by the end of the day it was hurting so goddamn badly that i was ruling yeah so i was googling just out of the

blue it just started uh i was googling like 24-hour emergency dentist again and i couldn't find anything and then i found one i got an appointment first thing sunday morning at a dentist across town saturday night i uh i had some painkillers left over from my gum stuff so i took a painkiller it calmed down i went to bed i woke up in the morning no pain totally gone like what the fuck i'm i went to the dentist anyway because i'm like i can't fuck around with this anymore it's killing me right it's pain no pain pain no pain they'd look at x-rays they're like I don't think you need a root canal and you're not in any pain right and I'm like I'm not in any

pain and they're like yeah it's just it looks fine they were like you should just go back to your dentist tomorrow and see what they say so I'm like fuck okay I guess so I get up the next day and I go to my dentist and we have a long conversation about it and she retests the tooth 20 different times and there's really not fuck okay i guess so i get up the next day and i go to my dentist and we have a long conversation about it and she retests the tooth 20 different times and there's really not pain in the way that

they think there should be for me to get a a root canal now i realize i'm on painkillers so that might be part of it and she was like let's go another week and just see what happens uh one thing she did do was she ground the tooth the temp down so that it's maybe not like she was afraid that maybe it was a little larger than it should be. And maybe it was like causing extra pressure when I chew or something. Anyway, the sum total of all that meant that by the end of that day, I was ready to kill myself again from pain. I took a pain pill and I was going to get up the next morning and call her and go, hey,

I need to come in and get this fucking root canal because it's brutal. And there was no pain the next day. And there really hasn't been any pain since. And so there have been, it's like a one or a two. I've taken like Advil a few times here or there. I have an appointment to go back next Monday. I'm assuming this Saturday I'll be in intense pain because it only surfaces on Saturdays, apparently.

When I'm the furthest away from it. Right? It's like when it likes to kick in it likes to maximize the misery it can cause me but yeah I gotta go check in next Monday and I think I'm just gonna tell her let's do the root canal let's just fucking do it and just get it over with just get past this

because this has now been like a three week ordeal and it's just like i every day i wake up with like pain roulette and it just i i hate this so much because i we can't help you no there's nothing we can do i just feel so helpless every time this happens to you i feel pretty helpless too because i've you know made mouth care a big focus of my life for the past few years and i'm'm doing everything you told me to. Yeah, and I'm really doing everything I can. I'm trying not to get down in the dumps about it.

I'm trying to have a good year in 2023 and be positive, but it's getting difficult. I'm really struggling with this one fucking tooth. Is this the last root? How many root canals have you had on this tooth already? Zero. Well, this was just a crown. I've never had a root canal on this tooth.

Okay, you've had a crown. I thought I had, but I've had so many root canals, I thought it was one, but they were like, no, it's one of the rare ones that doesn't. This is terrible. But you know how in Survivor, and it's not so much in recent seasons, but they used to do that game where everyone would have

three sandbags, and if you got the question right you could chop down somebody's sandbag and then whoever's the last one standing one if i could see that with your tooth because you can have three root canals per tooth right like if we could just have a visual of like what each tooth is on as far as how many root canals it has left in it. There's got to be a lot of ones. It's like Mario Kart battle mode with the balloons. Exactly, yeah. It's that. I would love to see a per tooth

like how many you've got in each one. Oh, man. Speaking of, not to change the subject, but Survivor starts soon. It does, yeah, next week. I read an article recently, well, Emily read it and showed it to me, from a woman who was on Survivor starts soon. I'm very excited. It does, yeah, next week. Can't wait. I read an article recently, well, Emily read it and showed it to me, but from a woman who was on Survivor

like many, many years ago. And they were asking like, what things don't they tell you about Survivor? And in that article, she said that you have, that every single person on Survivor has diarrhea the entire time. Like the entire show show constant violent diarrhea and also every dude has jock itch the entire time just brutal painful jock itch horrendous they don't they don't cover that on tv

but apparently it's a fucking nightmare and then i think it becomes worse the different environments they filmed in like i they all film in fiji now i think but like there are other like when they're in brazil i think like rashes were especially bad they don't really cover that as you said but like difference between like fresh water and ocean water as far as being able to clean and whatnot like just nightmare well i was getting a uh this is something that made me think of like do you guys have anything like this i was getting a little haircut the other day and the guy finished up by wiping what what what are you laughing nobody's saying anything oh that's not someone the guy finished off by wiping up he's right i did laugh because my brain when you said haircut my brain immediately went

life hack. If you want your hair shorter, go to a barber or a hairstylist. I just had that. That was a little moment to myself that I didn't intend to tip. Hair grows. Sorry, Kevin. I didn't mean for that to pick up a mic. That was like me on Call of Duty. He wiped. He wiped...

Did we lose Gav? Yeah. He wiped him down and Gavin was never seen again. Gavin? I think he's gone. Can you not hear me? Well, now he's back. Hey, you're back.

So you got wiped down. Some guy finished off on you and then wiped you down. I don't like this. It's my internet shit. Why is it cut out? I'm talking to the same... You're good now. I can hear you.

Yeah, I can hear you fine. It's just it cut out. You said wiped down and then we lost it. So you got wiped down. No, I didn't get wiped down. He finished you off. He wiped some beard oil in and I thought, that smells lovely.

Do you sell that? And he said, yeah, here's a big old pot of this stuff with a little squeezy top. And he said, you've got to just squeeze in like maybe a quarter of a pump. Like you don't even need to press it all the way down. Just a little like tiny little grain of rice amount. Rub it on your hands, rub it in. And I was like, look at the size of this bottle. And he said, yeah, that'll probably last you till the rest of your life. And I just thought, that's a morbid item to have. Like, I now own the last beard oil I ever need to buy

from now until the end of my life. And I was wondering if either of you guys have already bought the final something. Hmm. There's a very good chance I bought the last fridge I'll ever own there's just something worrying about the fact that like I either die or I lose it and that's the reason I buy more of that stuff I have to I'm not gonna have feel the pressure to keep that item

wherever I go for the rest of time I see what're saying, but I feel like it's odd to have that tag when your toilet paper roll looks like this. When you have enough toilet paper to last you seven years. Gavin posted a photo of his bathroom recently. It's the worst toilet paper roll I've ever seen. I don't have an issue with the amount of paper. You live your life, do what you want to. It's in such a shitty spot.

It sucks. I feel like it'll get knocked over. And what's the difference in your mind between that purchase and is it just the longevity? Because you will have to buy another toilet paper roll, but that's long down the road, I assume. I cut out again. What did you say?

I was making fun of your toilet paper roll. I was making fun of your toilet. How long does your toilet paper last you? That lost me a month. Each roll is a month. One month. I was making fun of your toilet. How long does your toilet paper last you? That lasts me a month. Each roll is a month. One month. I bet that's not even a week for me. Yeah.

Well, the thing is, it's... Can we test that? Can we see how quickly you can go through that, Jeff? Should I give you one and we'll both just use only that? I think that's a great idea. Let me ask you a question. How many shits a day do you take? Between one and two.

Okay. I'm at four so far today. I gonna destroy oh my god i'm gonna destroy you like i destroy toilets it lasts me a month but it also because because it's so big like you it doesn't dwindle very fast because there's so much like surface area around the the large part so it looks like that for a really long time and then it suddenly like disappears interesting yeah that's how stuff works uh when you use it it gets it's no but it's not it's not linear in terms like every time you pull five off it doesn't really affect the shape of a giant one as opposed to when you pull five off a narrow one i mean it it does affect it it's just less noticeable um i do i do think i do think that we should do this so if you'll deliver me one uh can you ensure that meg doesn't shit with that paper for the next month and i'll ensure that emily doesn't

shit with mine yeah yeah okay okay i don't want any outside influences what did you hate about andrew just that it's on a tiny little stand that it's right it's on a tiny little stand the stand to paper ratio is way off and also it's like right next to the shower in a way that i feel like is just gonna get damp and i don't want like eight feet of damp toilet paper like it's just it's a disaster it's it's a big risk like you're putting yourself at risk unnecessarily with that placement of the toilet paper well Well, it's gloss in the way. That's fair. I just, you get out, I don't know, water goes everywhere. You're on me about bathroom stuff. It spreads

everywhere. It goes, everything goes everywhere. And then when it comes to your water situation, you're like, I control every droplet. You're not. You're getting water on that paper. Dude, I think that's an incredibly fair criticism of Andrew. I think it's absolutely fair. I'm doubling down on myself.

What were you going to say, Jeff? Is this the bathroom? Are you using a bidet in this bathroom? No, this is my office one. So this is like, my office is the guest bedroom. So that's just the en suite. So that's if I... So I'm just going to take all of my poos in there then.

Okay, you're going to be pooping without a bidet for a month. That seems rough. Or I could just... Well, I mean, it's either that, or I have to tell Meg to get a second one in the master bedroom. And we'll have his and hers giant bog rolls. Well, it's just like it throws the

competition but it throws the experiment off if I'm using a bidet and you're not. And I'm not gonna take the month off of using a bidet. Okay, that's fair. I mean, you already had to take off a week. That's true.

It was a long cold week. And do you want to come and get this or do you want me to mail it to you? I'll definitely come get it. You don't need to mail it to me or bring it over Sunday. Okay. Nick is being Eric about it

and telling us we should start wrapping up. But I do have one more thing to talk about if y'all... I'd love to hear it. Yeah, definitely. Don't mind. So I'm working on the cookbook, right? As aall... I'd love to hear it. Yeah, definitely. Don't mind. So I'm working on the cookbook, right? As a matter of fact, I don't know when this airs. I think we're three or four episodes ahead right now.

Not recording next week. I'm bummed about that. But anyway, so I don't know. The cookbook may have already been turned in at this point in real time when this airs, but I'm pretty close on it. I still need a recipe for some minor things. Gavin turned in a phenomenal recipe

for his cold cheese sandwich. I really appreciate it. I do still need a Plowman's pizza and a Popelza recipe. And if I could get those two things from you, I'd be pretty set. I can make everything else work. I also, I think I could go back

and watch those episodes or listen to them and make it myself, but it sure would be easier if I didn't have to do that. And I also, I think I could go back and watch those episodes or listen to them and make it myself, but it sure would be easier if I didn't have to do that. And I also think you guys, I want to be true to your recipes. Anyway, point being, I feel like maybe the book is missing

one thing, and I was talking about this with Andrew, and we came upon the idea of what if we built the perfect, ultimate recipe and the way we do this God damn it. What the fuck was that?

There's Gavin popping in and out of the Discord chat. What were you saying? Yeah. So for the final recipe of the cookbook, what if we build together the ultimate recipe

and the way that we do that is I will present a recipe, like one ingredient and what to do with it and then andrew presents builds on that ingredient and then gavin builds on that ingredient and then eric and then nick and maybe we all go through it twice uh and then we see what we've built i love the idea do we want to make like i was thinking of like what the structure would be could it be like a sandwich or like a salad or like what's something that we could add stuff to you it's can I tell you why yes yeah go ahead hey what if we what if we bit ten seconds of silence and then we'll see what we built all right All right. There you go.

You've listened to another episode. Just sum up real quick. Is he out? Is he out on the rest of it? I mean, I already summed it up twice. You did sum it up twice. We build a recipe by committee, dickhead. I go first.

Andrew goes second. No, no. I mean, we... I have an idea. I have an idea. Gavin, call Jeff right now on your phone, and then it's a direct communication. I don't record oh yeah you suck i tried move to the city okay jeff you start writing an email right now gavin get ready to receive a little summary that

it's like 10 seconds that we can cut i want to build the ultimate recipe and I want to build it with you guys. I think the book needs one more big, fun thing. And so I was thinking it could start with maybe Andrew says, OK, you start with chicken and you boil it. And then Gavin says, OK, and the next thing you do is you add cheese, this kind of cheese. And then Nick adds an ingredient and then Eric adds an ingredient and then I add an ingredient and what to do with it. And then after maybe two rounds,

we have something built that's a food. Love it. It's like the ultimate recipe. I'm all in on that. I don't want to do it anymore. After saying it three times, I no longer want to participate in it, but I will.

You'll come back around. Once you see the other ingredients, once it gets to your turn on the list or maybe you even start, I think you'll be back in I obviously I don't I don't want to do it today because we don't have Eric but I think everybody should be involved but next time we record which will be in two weeks be thinking about like what what you want to know I think it should be a main dish because we're a little light on main dishes. Okay. So, interesting. That's fascinating. Are there any ingredients that are banned?

No. Okay. No, I don't think so. I'm worried about Gavin in this recipe. Nick's banning Piccolilli. Okay, Nick says no Piccolilli. All right, all right, all right, all right. Maybe it's like Rainbow Six Siege.

Maybe we each get to ban one food. We get to ban one ingredient. Oh, my God. Can we just all gang up on Gavin? Well, you know which ingredients I main. Yeah. I do. I need to decide, though, if I want to counter the Branston or the salad.

Yeah, Gavin mains Branston. I main Branston, typically. Bob Roll. Just back on board. You son of a bitch. I've been, Oh my God. Why is that so funny?

All right. Should we stop now? Yeah. I'm just going to brace for whatever Eric says about what happened this time. When we talk to him next. But thankfully, that's in two weeks. He's a little trickster. He's a little untrustworthy trickster.

So I wouldn't be surprised if he completely and totally backs you up just to throw it all into turmoil. We'll find out. Yeah. Oh, Andrew, we need to record our episode of our XFL sports show. Yeah, I don't know what that is. And release them. I don't either.

Like, do we have a release plan? Because it feels really weird if we release an entire season recap after the season is done. Like, there's no point. Seems like a real face thing to do. You made a topical podcast for the thing that's already happening and you have no release plan? Yes for the thing that's already happening and you have no release plan yes yeah that's what happened yeah as a test i've spent a lot of time jeff the

last few days thinking like i don't know what this show is because it can't it can't be that but it is that maybe we go back to the drawing board, uh, because I'll be honest with you, Andrew. Um, I have been really distracted by tooth stuff. Like my mouth, my tooth is just like present enough to always be distracting to me. You know what I mean? Like I was talking about this with my therapist and with Emily this week,

I feel like I've got nothing done because I feel like I can't focus on anything other than like how annoyed I am about my tooth. so i feel it's coming on saturday yeah i feel like the x yeah and then i'm two days away from misery i guarantee you uh but uh but yeah so it's like it's fucking it's thrown it's thrown me off my game and i haven't been able to focus on getting our sports fan podcast out uh unfortunately do you think Best of F*** Face is out at this point? Yeah, I think so. I hope so. It was fantastic.

Does it come out when the Office Day when Sausage Talk comes out? I don't know when that is. We should talk about that before we end. So we filmed the Office Day. We mentioned that. What did we record in the Office Day? We should probably talk about those things just so people are aware they're coming.

Episode two of Sausage Talk. It was definitely recorded. It was a long one. I think it was a good one. Eric was mad at me yesterday because we didn't talk about merch stuff that he wanted to talk about in Sausage Talk. He's just mad all the time now.

You ever notice that? I have. He's just angry. He looked really mad today when I took a picture of him. Do you wanna see? Yeah sure Oh he looks He I don't know what it is with these little rooms like Eric has an office I assume but everyone's like tucked in these little cubes, which is fine for privacy, but why the massive window?

Tucked in these little cubes, which is fine for privacy. But why the massive window? It's so weird. I've never seen this. It looked almost like an old painting originally. Like the way it's formatted. Just like a grumpy man. I want to print a vinyl that's of me having a meeting. And I want to put it on the inside of the window.

Yeah, he's upset uh what else did we do uh we recorded a uh what is the name i keep forgetting the name of all these shows because it's so stupid we did a does it do spin-off thing do we do do we do we did do we do so that won't come out for a long no that's gonna be gone that's gonna be held for a long time that'll come out after the next season it does it do comes out i found a bunch of s scene on tv products and i showed jeff and gavin and eric the ads for them and we decided does it does no do we do we do we decided do we do which would then become a does it do do we do this for does it do was the premise of that but you won't see that for a long time we recorded a uh a secret audio thing for the 10 gerplers the 10 golden gerplers for the the draw bag

we do that have we talked about what that is on air? There was some confusion about whether we have or not. I don't think you mentioned it. Yeah, I think we've talked about it. Just to be clear, we're making more Gerblers. There has been a tremendous desire for more Gerblers amongst the community and also in my kitchen as well. I only have one Gerbler. I just want more.

And so we're going to make another run of Gerplers way more because we don't want we want everybody to be able to get one that gets one. And so I think we're going to make a couple thousand and we're going to make half of them blue and half of them purple and then it's going to be like a blind box. Green. Half of them green. I'm sorry, green. Green or purple. I'm a

fucking idiot. Half of them green, half of them purple. And then it's just kind of like a blind box. You don't know if you're going to get the green one or the purple one. And then, within that, there are going to be ten golden gerblers. They're just like the green and the purple ones, but

they're golden. There will only be ten. They will be randomly inserted so you have no idea of knowing ahead of time if you're getting the golden gerbler or a green one or a purple one which are gonna be fabulous fit you're gonna be very happy with your green you're gonna be just as happy with your purple uh as you would be with the golden gerbler the only difference with the golden gerbler is it's going to have a usb drive in the bottom of it with a

very special video that we recorded for you specifically. It's, I think, a great idea. I'm excited to see if the people that get those will release them or not, or if they'll keep the audio slash video private. Exactly. Video as well. And that's the thing. The video, audio, video, the little presentation that we created

that we put on the 10 flash drives that go in the 10 Golden Gerblers, they're yours. It's up to you. If you want to share them with the world, we encourage you to do so. If you want to hoard it to your like, keep it to yourself like Martin Shkreli did with the Wu Tang. You can do that. If you want to get your gerbler seized by the FBI, Martin Shkreli, that is your business and we will not interfere. We need to wrap this up because I'm getting sick of looking at Eric.

He looks like he's in a giant Polaroid and it's upsetting to me. It just looks like a Polaroid to me. It's like he's yelling at us right now from the photo.

End this. What are you doing? Stop. Stop. End. All right. Let's end. All right.

Hey, we'll see you next time. We sure do love you and we love that you listen to this podcast and then watch all the extra content that we make and if you uh if you wouldn't mind let a friend know tell a friend uh fuck a friend as we say we've never said that it's not it's like not like have sex with a friend but like fuck a friend by like telling you about the face and then they're like like, oh, I'm a fucker too now. No. Fuck a face.

Yeah. Anyway, there's eight billion people on Earth, somewhere between seven and a half and eight billion people on Earth. And most of them haven't heard face yet. And that seems unfair. Why didn't my Internet cut out for that bit? I wish. I wish mine did. We'll see you next week.

Hey, guys. Major League fan Jack here with'll see you next week. Hey, guys. Major League fan Jack here with a look at next week's episode of F*** Face. How many chews does it take to finish a hot dog? Is Gavin a host? More merchandise talk? Jeff has a new reality game show? Who is your favorite XFL team? And once again, Andrew does not eat the pencil.

All that and more on next week's episode of F*** Face.