F**kface - The 100th Episode // Condiments is the all time low

Episode Date: April 27, 2022

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about Geoff's F**kface 100 Surprise, do they guess the voice?, ambuLAnce bro night, getting reflective, and Gavin's incredible story! F**kface Knob Drop Game: https://michaelsgamelab.itch.io/fk-face-knob-drop Want to contribute to bits? Email what you can do to [e-mail] Sponsored by Hello Tushy (http://hellotushy.com/FACE), Shipstation (http://shipstation.com + code FACE), and Dad Grass (http://dadgrass.com/face). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dragon's Dogma 2, the highly anticipated successor to the cult classic Dragon's Dogma, is out now on PlayStation 5, Xbox Series S and X, and Steam. Dragon's Dogma 2 is a third-person action RPG boasting a richly detailed and deeply explorable fantasy world created using Capcom's RE Engine's immersive physics, groundbreaking character AI systems, and cutting-edge graphics. Dive into the vast and dynamic world where The Arisen is called upon to fulfill a forgotten destiny across the nations of Vermont, the Kingdom of Humanity, and Batal, the nation of Beastrin.

Dragon's Dogma 2 revolves entirely around choice. Your choice, that is. From the sword and shield-wielding fighter to fighter to the illusion conjuring trickster, there are over 10 unique vocations to choose from that all require experience to unlock new skills. And character customization is out of this world, literally. Oh, and did I mention the combat is really in-depth? It isn't just hacking at a giant's ankle for half an hour while your dodge roll attacks. You can engage enemies from a distance, climb up large foes, stab them in their weak points, use the terrain and trick, trip, or throw foes off high cliffs or raging waters.

Visit dragonsdogma.com to buy the game and start your epic quest today. That's D-R-A-G-O-N-S-D-O-G-M-A.com to learn more. This is a Rooster Teeth production. Previously on F*** Face. Hello and welcome to episode 100 of the F*** Face podcast. Can you believe we've done this 99 times up until this moment? My name is Jeff Ramsey, with me always, with me as always, Gavin Free and Andrew Panton. Guys, I have

a little game I want to play with you for episode 100. This is for Nick, this is for Nick, this is for Eric, this is for Gavin and Andrew. I would like you all to pick a number between 1 and 3 and then post that number in the Discord chat. Between 1 and 3? Between 1 and 3. 1, 2, I would like you all to pick a number between one and three and then post that number in the discord chat between one and Three between one and three one two or three

Okay, is now I just just to clarify is this the illusion of choice that was discussed before or is this unrelated to the illusion? I'm interested this I'm interested to see okay. All right, the results are in Okay. All right, the results are in. Can you really? The chat's right there. What are you talking about? Do you want us to just read the majority?

Jeff never has it open. Okay, I got it now. It wasn't uploaded. What? All right, it looks like number two wins. Okay. So let me post this. Did that post?

It's typing. You're definitely definitely typing which is great for an audio show how does this work how does what work what do you mean we just said we've done 99 of these what does how does what work i can't get this image to paste what are you talking about there we go there we go oh you guys picked number two okay derek go ahead and start with number two. Fantastic. God damn it. I think that's the best one. Yeah. Wait, so start. So you are, so could you describe the scene?

You're getting a tattoo. Yeah, so there's a tattoo chair next to me. Ow. There's a tattoo chair next to me. Wait, you're getting that tattooed on you right now? I already had. I had one of the most talented tattoo artists in Austin, Derek. That's the biggest one.

Tattooed me a few times. I had him. We created three custom face tattoos. I think we're going to make a... That hurts. I think we're going to make a... I think... Oh, fuck.

This is hard to talk. I think we're going to make a... We're going to make some temporary tattoos. But I went ahead and Derek and I, we placed all three of these on my body and then we figured I would let you guys pick which one I get. Dude, right at the beginning.

I think I'll probably get all three. Wait, you're doing this, but you keep saying it's hard to talk. You did this thing for an audio podcast where it's hard for you to talk. Like minute one as well. Well, you know, I was f***ing facing myself and the podcast

and the audience and you. And you don't want to keep Derek hanging around. Right, well, you know, Derek's a busy man. He's got shit to do. Outside of tattooing me on my ribs. On your ribs? Yeah, I'm getting the Don martinez fight outlined on my ribs right now

which is one of the one of the more painful places to get tattooed i might say it might have so you're sat in your nice desk you know nice shelves all around just with with gut hanging out and a tattoo going on the ribs is that what is that one definitely gut hanging out for sure here let me share let me see if you can see. I'll share my video. Oh, I'd love to see. Okay, there you go. So there you go.

That's what's going on right now. What did you guys do for episode 100? What did you guys do for episode 100? We've got to get a screenshot of this for the moment. You look like Burt Reynolds in Playgirl magazine. Thank you. I feel like Burt Reynolds in Playgirl magazine. I wish I had his hairpiece. Oh, yeah.

Anyway. I've got to go full screen on this. Go for it. Can we somehow record this? It's great. If I can do a screen record, I don't care. I am recording on my iPhone from behind, so I realize after I set it up, it's not going to look good.

But yeah, yeah. So anyway, this is what I'm doing for 100. Andrew Gavin, what do you guys got? It's so much bigger than I expected. Yeah. It anyway, this is what I'm doing for 100. Andrew Gavin, what do you guys got? It's so much bigger than I expected. Yeah. It's so big. We sized it down. I had made it.

I had to make it way too big, actually. When I saw it, I shit my pants. Oh, my God. So I've never gotten a tattoo. It's hard to speak. I also imagine it's laughing is the thing you would want to avoid. I would assume. You just want to stay i would assume you just you just want

to stay still as still as possible um it's only it's only it's only hard to speak in certain spots tattoos tend to hurt the worst in my experience over when it's right over bone like ribs ribs are a particularly tough spot to get it um there's some fleshy parts can hurt a lot too uh chest hurts quite a bit for a boy uh elbows are bad um i hear behind the knee is a particularly rough spot i've never done that not looking forward to it uh anyway uh what's new with you guys i just is there anything any imagery that jeff is making you think of gavin right now just when you look at him is there any any vibes that you're getting from this i feel like something you would like see on the the roof of like the ceiling of a cathedral i don't know why i'm getting real mermaid vibes from that's why i lost it just feels very jeff mermaid something with the way the way

the hands are yeah i wasn't expecting the uh the on the head, sort of keeping the arms out of the way of the ribs sort of pose. No, it makes sense, but I just didn't consider it. I was caught off guard. Jeff's face clenched up when he's doing it. Well, neither of you have ever had a tattoo, so you don't...

No. No, I don't know what I would get. So where would you put the... Where was the pencil going to go? The pencil is on my Like my right calf And then the Ian Is on the inside of my foot So

I'll probably just go ahead and get those two while we're here So the Number two, the one that was picked Is definitely in the worst place Yeah, see i was hoping that you guys would pick a different one and then i wouldn't have to get this one because this is the only bad one the other two are fucking i could do it in my sleep it's nothing um but you're getting a tattoo you didn't want no i'm not saying i didn't get i didn't want it

obviously i want it i just didn't necessarily want it right in this context yeah i mean i want to be completely covered in tattoos but i'm not because of uh i don't know uh it hurts and it's not fun so you you know i do it sparingly i'm so glad we went too i mean i the other visuals i can't imagine would be as good as being as caught off guard as we were with that reveal. I guess I realized for, for the audience, uh, what one,

two and three are. Number one is a pencil. It's a number 16 pencil, uh, with a bite taken out of it. Number two was, uh, Pedro and Don fighting right as a Pedro's smushing Don's head.

And then, uh, Oh fuck. You can hear the faint buzz of the tattoo. That was a good spot. And then tattoo number three is the Ian face looking up, standardized nose. Oh, man.

It's incredible. I feel, I'm glad I didn't even attempt. So I had two things in mind for this episode. One of them would antagonize Jeff, so I didn't want to mind for this episode one of them would antagonize Jeff So I didn't want to do that and the other one would antagonize the audience which also felt rude to do on such a special Episode 100 I just didn't want to annoy anybody so I don't have anything planned But I know Kevin you've had this amazing story that we've been a story weeks Well you've been annoying the audience entry since you didn't eat the pencil.

So what's different now? Well, you could, trust me, I could take it other levels. We could go to some other places with it. I didn't want to. This is a celebratory episode. Jeff's getting a tattoo. It's good vibes.

Good vibes. I want a new guess at the previously on voice. Oh, yeah. Oh, of course. Let's do the previously on guesses. Jeff, have you thought of a new guess? Is it? Go ahead.

You're allowed to ask a question as well. Don't forget. You had a question and a guess. Oh, okay. Is it a public figure? No. Okay. Is it someone?

Did I ask this last time? Is it someone we've heard on the show before? Did I ask that? Uh, someone you've heard on the show... Could you be a little bit more specific? Has their voice been in an episode of F*** Face? No. Oh, God.

I have no... Ugh. And it's been very fun to see the guesses. There have been a lot of posts and different threads about who the voice could be it's been very entertaining to follow is it uh my guess will be it's somebody from my hubby's bagels that's that's that's your guess your official guess no that is incorrect okay is it a descendant of the inventor of the butt plug you don't get another question unless that's who you're guessing that's my guess i don't know the ancestry of the butt plug you don't get another question unless that's who you're guessing that's my guess i don't know the ancestry of the butt plug inventor so i don't feel comfortable giving

you an answer to that i would assume no i would be shocked if that was the case but there have been weirder coincidences with this show so i don't feel like i could fully rule it out but highly unlikely you guys have to go again next episode we do we're still we're still like it's been crazy some of the guesses i am seeing guesses from people that are way more creative than i could have ever come up with so let me ask you this as not as an official question but just as a conversation has anyone in the comment has a comment lever got it right nobody has gotten it exactly right oh that's interesting that's interesting there there have been there's been some people that i'm like wow i'm surprised you're that close

but yeah there has not been a definitive correct guess as of yet this could tell this right we're gonna be all the way up to 200 before we get there i feel like you guys asked some great questions and really narrowed it down it It's an unsolvable riddle. I'm going to need a running document, though, of everything we know before I make it. It is a problem. It's going to be hard to keep track of. I don't remember everybody you've guessed, never mind the questions. But my favorite one, I think, is Nick. Some people thought it was Nick.

Could you imagine how wild of a, just bad, such a lame reveal if it's just Nick? What's lame about Nick? Well, it's just he's in every, like, there'd just be such a strange thing. And nothing against Nick. Nick is great. I love Nick. Nick's fantastic. But just teasing,

it'd be like if I had you do the voice, Gavin. What a lame reveal that would be. Is it, Gavin? Is it me? is it me? is it you? that would be amazing if it was oh sweet my ribs are done that was fucking fast already? wow

are you moving straight on? yeah we might as well just do the rest of them right I mean it's not impeding the progress of the tattoo or of the podcast at all, is it? I would say no. I don't think so. All right.

I don't even know if that question was for me, but I'm going to say no, this is great. I have an update from... We were talking about stuff not arriving for months. That was that West Elm conversation. Oh, I've been meaning to ask that. Yeah, did Jeff get the basket? Did you ever get your basket, Jeff? I did. The picnic basket? Yeah, we did get it. Okay. Oh, how've been meaning to ask that Yeah, did Jeff get the basket? Did you ever get your basket, Jeff?

I did, the picnic basket, yeah, we did get it Oh, how was it? I haven't used it yet, but it's lovely It's as advertised And I got the Dead by Daylight statue delivered When? Last week, after having placed the order in What was it? January

2020? Just arrived And how is the dead by daylight statue it's good lights up it's nice Eric asked is that your crazy story no it's not the story I don't Jeff's just walking with the mic in his hand

I'm not in my box or something I'm in the he's wearing the smallest shorts just walking around his house carrying a microphone. This is so insane. These are the swim trunks I wear every day of my life in the summer.

Yeah. So 80s. What does that mean? What's wrong with the 80s? I grew up in the 80s. The 80s were fucking awesome. Yeah, you're like an 80s footballer. Thank you. I appreciate that. I'll take that as the compliment I assumed is. How do you want me to sit for this one, Derek?

I was trying to think of the thing that we had to be here at this specific time to record this episode because Jeff had booked something. I had no idea what it was. I did not expect this. No. Well, I'm glad. This is incredible. You weren't supposed to. Now this

angle is terrible because it's like we're in bed with you. I don't enjoy this. It's a lot more fun the other way. With a big spoon. That's exactly the same. Why don't you tell your story, Gavin? Well, I got some visual aids for it,

so if you can't see the screen, I'll wait for you to turn it over. Well, what about the deck by day? I can look over. Is there any update outside of the fact you got it? The statue? Yeah.

Nope. Just letting you know. I figured I'd let you know. That was quite a long time, though. It was like seven, what, 800 days or something? It was ridiculous. 800 days. That letting you know. I figured I'd let you know. That was quite a long time though. It was like seven, what, 800 days or something? It was ridiculous. 800 days. That's pretty long.

It's not even a thank me later setup. That was just the world. The world just did that to you. Don't even need that business. You should turn around and sell it on eBay for twice the cost and say that you... I'm sure there are other people out there that are waiting hundreds of days for their statues. Like you're going to do with your fridge?

Yeah, like I'm going to do with the fridge. What did you call it? Profiteering? How many Bo Burnham vinyls do you have at this point? Still have them? All three? Do you want one? I'm not opposed. I love that you have three. I assumed you would do something with it by this point.

I've already sent you something different this week. Okay. Did it come through amazon did you worry at all oh oh boy what happened did you reject it oh boy well i got a call yesterday huh from someone that it just their call display was ontario which i found very suspicious it was just a region uh and they called and they left the voicemail it was hard to understand like it was breaking up and stuff but they did say i'm from amazon i'm trying to find where you live and i thought i didn't order anything from amazon this is suspicious huh so i don't uh did maybe check maybe check the status of that order oh shit you should maybe, because I don't have it.

But I definitely got called twice yesterday from somebody listed as Ontario. Well, I was sort of hoping it would arrive in time. Oh, it says shipped. That's what it says. So it might be unrelated. I did get to talk about something that will already be well out. I received the regulation listener and comment lever shirts. Oh, I haven't gotten those yet.

I haven't either. Yeah, they're great. I mean, they're as designed. They're basic and they say what they should say on them. So maybe it's that, but that'd be wild if Amazon delivered that. I don't know. I'll keep my eyes open now though, for the Amazon package. We did a thing, Eric and I did a thing the other day.

Yeah? We went out with, we had a little bros night. Oh my God, I'm so glad we're going to talk about this. Oh yeah, how was bros night? Well, the film was amazing, wasn't it, Eric? Ambulance might be the best movie i've ever seen in theaters absolutely unhinged film i can't believe it exists and i had such a good time in this empty ass theater like i loved it i loved it i had such a good time i genuinely believe that

michael bay turns up on set and opens the case of lenses and takes like the 18mm and the 35mm, but all the wide lenses, and just throws them into the sea at the beginning of each filming day. Every single shot was like up Jake Gyllenhaal's nostrils or like in his eye. It's like the guy hates zooming out now.

Is it a typical Michael Bay movie where the movie ends and then they surprise you with a whole other movie at the end? I miss the end, I'll be honest. I need to piss. No, it is. I will say it is the most Michael Bay movie I think he's ever made in the way that it looks and feels and moves. It is like it's insane how crazy that movie is from jeff there is three minutes of exposition and then they are like off to the fucking races and the exposition at the beginning is the funniest exposition you can do it is my wife

needs experimental surgery insurance provider and then they hang up on him and then he goes time to go to work and it's insane i i i hate getting up to piss especially the first time i've seen a movie but that movie was so freaking long and i accidentally well i sort of misjudged how big a 32 ounce beer was. And I ordered it at the counter. So by the end of it, I was like writhing in my seat. I was like, this movie needs to end. Like we must be at the end. And then like 20 minutes later, I was like, oh God.

And so I just got up probably, what would you say, Eric? Like three minutes before the credits. Yeah. And then you came back when the credits like started, but the credits only like, the credits were so short. They didn't give a shit. The credits were 15 seconds long, and then it was like, get out.

I got up probably 60, maybe 65 seconds away from pissing my pants. That was the timer I was on, and it was that stage of piss where it's like your bladder's so full, you could feel the stretch in it And you're almost like waddling and you're trying to like unbutton the shorts to give it a little bit of freedom And that's when all of the staff of the movie theater decided they wanted selfies, and I was I was like oh my god Yes, but we gotta keep moving. I'm gonna piss myself

So it's a little run of selfies as I went through I made it back for the two second credits It was a good experience Andrew enjoyed a through. I made it back for the two second credits. But it was a good experience. Andrew enjoyed a video I sent him of TPG. It was a phenomenal video. It delivered in ways, should we like get into the specifics of the context of that video and like leading into it? Yeah.

So you guys saw it with TPG who is, I think, in my mind at least, famous on the show as being the you fuck with Hobbs and Shaw guy. Which is incredible. Big fan of him. Gavin and I were talking, what do we think TPG's top 10 movies of all time would be?

It has to be a phenomenal list. If you fuck with Hobbs and Shaw, you got a great top 10 list. And we're going back and forth, and Gavin opened with Bad Boys 2, and I agreed. I was like, that feels like it would be in the top 10 that's a great pick we basically just sat there before we went out like andrew and i

guessing tpg's top 10 and then gavin said the raid 2 and i was like that's a great movie i love the raid 2 but it just it feels so strange like that's just a strangely specific movie to be in your top 10 uh and then gavin sent me a video of tpg not discussing his top 10 discussing his top two and what potentially might be in the third spot which is amazing is a phenomenal video if you were to guess what do you think tpg's first greatest film of all time is jeff um i think it's either gonna be like the rock or uh con air or uh bad boys 2 would be up there maybe fast five would be in there or it's gonna be like like Citizen Kane and Sunset Boulevard or something totally on Golden Pond

something you totally wouldn't expect. You kind of nailed it. His number one, the greatest film of all time from the GOAT is Bad Boys 2. The greatest cinematic masterpiece of all time. Then his number two, which I love so much, he's like, for all the film snobs out there,

G11 we going Godfather 1 he called the first Godfather G1 he's the only person on earth who likes Godfather 1 more than 2 and then he said this is maybe my favorite part

of the video that Gavin sent me he said okay now we're going to 3 the list really drops off at this point. It's zero top ten. What does that mean? Why does it drop off significantly? And then he couldn't decide. It drops off significantly, and then he said, this is

in the running for number three, and it was the raid two. And he said that him and like 20 guys saw the raid two 2 and in the final fight sequence everybody stood up and was watching it and they felt like it was real which is insane that's

how much he likes bad boys 2 he thought he watched a brawl in a theater like it was real life people dying and it's 3 it's not even 3 it might be 3 it's a distant 3 it's a distant 3 I just like i was pretty much correct on my guess he was saying everything i said to you and i just i laughed and just

stopped the recording because i was like i've got everything i need and then we had to go and watch the movie oh and then you guys are seeing it in 40x is how it was explained going into it and i was so jealous of like i don't have that available to me i knew eric was having a great time watching it i can't watch it with tpg sadly so i feel like i'm missing out on the experience but just the seats alone it's like that's a whole layer i feel like i'm missing to then learn that you guys didn't even see it in that way you just saw it in a normal setting yeah what was that about eric why did we go to that one i i think okay so i will say that tim texted me the next day and the text just read bro that theater hidden gem might be top 10 so i think he just really

likes that theater but also i thought we were seeing it in 4dx turns out that movie is not in 4dx that's insane can you believe ambulance is not in 4dx we saw it in a regular theater and it was the most thrilling time i might have ever had at a movie imagine those fpv drone shots in 4dx no i no i wouldn't have been able to live tweet the whole there's no one in that theater i live tweeted the whole movie because no one was there and i loved every second of it oh yeah oh my twitter that night was on fire insane oh dude i loved it i loved it i had such a good time and you said that the movie was the theater was empty dude there were like how many more people were there in that theater gavin three maybe was this opening weekend oh. That was like the day it came out.

I want to see it so badly. I need to see Ambulance. I don't want to see it at all. Nothing about that trailer looked good to me. It's awesome. It is unhinged. You have to see it. I want everyone I know to see this movie. It is like there's people who are like oh yeah i only watch cinema

this takes cinema to a place where i didn't know it could go it was incredible i don't i don't know anything about it i've somehow avoided like all the trailers i just know it's an action movie with michael bay called ambulance i saw somebody make a joke tweet that was like this movie is crazier than i realized i didn't know the lead character's name was Michael J. Ambulance. And I had to look up to see if that was true. Like it's the type of movie where if that was true, it wouldn't phase me at all.

Like it feels like it could happen. I need to see it. I'm excited to watch it. I was jealous of your, your great evening with TPG. Yeah. I wish you were there. I wish everyone was there.

Oh, it'd be an amazing experience. I wanted to be in the theater with the raid too is really I think the thing we all missed witnessing that live fight I feel like the thing that Tim explained to us later is that he wasn't sure if everyone

else was standing or if he was the only one standing believing the movie was real but either way he loved it it's a great movie the raid 2 is fucking awesome. Amazing fight scenes. How are you doing, Jeff? I'm good. I'm trying to take pictures of my tattoos for you guys.

Oh, nice. Wait, tattoos. You got the second one? I got all three. He's already got all three. He's all done. That's incredible. We're 25 minutes into the episode. You've got three tattoos in 20 minutes. Yeah, I didn't expect it to take all day.

I didn't expect it to take 20 minutes. I was wondering if we'd be able to get all three in. I thought two, all three is wild. I wonder if you didn't say anything, how many tattoos you could get within an hour without us knowing at all. That'd be an amazing reveal that you've gotten like 15 tattoos

from the beginning to the end of the episode that the moment the camera turned on might have been the greatest reveal in face history greatest reveal i've ever seen in cinema history like there is no reveal that could top that just every reveal now that's all i'm going to think about that jeff on his side with his hands on his head I guess something else we should talk about just very briefly I guess is uh there's uh somebody in the community made a game for us that's surprisingly fun I saw the link to that but I couldn't do it on my phone what was that it's uh yeah I had to use my my desktop to play it and just off the browser uh it's a like a i don't know how to describe the game but it's uh it's like a it's from somebody named michael's game lab what was it called it's called

face knob drop and it's like it's a game where like things fall down so you have to collect you have to eat burgers hot dogs and waffles while avoiding pencils, baseball bats, and something else. And you're just moving your mouse like across the screen with an Ian. You're controlling an Ian face. And there's no scrumping warning that will appear.

And apples will like fall on the screen. And if you hit an apple, you lose life. Like you can easily die from the apples. It's a lot of fun. I started it, got number one in the leaderboard, talked shit about it, and just had been demolished.

People are way ahead. Jeff disposed his tattoos. Wow. These are amazing. These all look so good. I like that Ian's looking at the duck. It's a goose. The goose.

And it's close enough that fart hard feels like a thing that Ian could be saying to the goose. Oh, right, like fart hard is coming out of ian's mouth yeah yeah oh god they're all really good that's such well there you go well i hired i hired like i said derrick's one of the best uh tattoos in america let alone austin uh so when you do it you do it right oh the pencil that's amazing that looks fantastic what a reveal speaking of things that were like reveals happy 100 by the way i've never gotten in 19 years uh since i started or helped start this company i've never got a a company related tattoo these are my first wow that's amazing oh my nose is on there that's that just me? Ah, shit, I forgot about your nose.

Yeah, I guess there's that one. That is true. I've only gotten one other company-related tattoo. Andrew, should we get one? I'm not opposed to getting a tattoo. I've just never got one. I've got a good review. It's across your ankle, and it just says, snap here.

Ooh. I don't think that would imply it requires snapping and that it's not already happened it's we're already how are the legs this week uh it's okay okay i think it would just maybe like waste of space would be probably a more appropriate just useless maybe just useless across different options we can workshop it. Use and less across the template. It just looks like use less. You know what sucks is all of the advantages

that big businesses have over the little guy. Like having more access to funding on top of getting better rates and other privileges reserved for the top dogs. If you run an e-commerce business, you probably feel like it's about time people stopped treating e-commerce giants better just because they're bigger. And you're absolutely right.

That's why ShipStation gives e-commerce sellers of all sizes access to the same deeply discounted rates usually reserved for Fortune 500 companies. No wonder ShipStation is already trusted by over 100,000 sellers. Terrified of dealing with international shipping? Don't be. ShipStation makes it a breeze to ship anywhere around the world. It's a scale away. ShipStation can handle it. Saving money while making shipping easier? It's a no-brainer. With all the money I'd save, I could easily start a new sauce empire. It'd be incredible. ShipStation doesn't just save you money, but that's a good place to start.

ShipStation works with over 45 carriers, easily compare rates and delivery times to quickly find the best option every time. Works with over 300 platforms like Amazon, eBay, Etsy, and more to automate processes like fulfillment and tracking. So you can save time managing orders. In fact, 98% of companies that use ShipStation for a year keep using it for as long as they're in business. Don't let the big guys keep all the good discounts to themselves. Sign up using promo code FACE for a free 60-day trial today at ShipStation.com and start saving with every

shipment. That's two whole months of discounted shipping absolutely free. Just go to ShipStation.com and start saving with every shipment. That's two whole months of discounted shipping, absolutely free. Just go to ShipStation.com, click on the microphone at the top of the page, and type in FACE. ShipStation. Make ship happen. Malware vibes are a moment away with Dadgrass. They'll take you back to a time when music was on vinyl, books were bought in a store, and hipsters were a style of jeans. And to celebrate the passage of time, they're doing a special collab with George Harrison's

estate to mark 50 years since his All Things Must Pass album. Dadgrass is legal, organic, smokable hemp that relaxes your body and mellows your mind. Their 100% organic pre-rolled joints are very low in THC and high in CBD so you can enjoy the effects of CBD while keeping a clear head. Chill out without getting stoned. It's like having a glass of wine and not the whole bottle. And Dadgrass knows you get by with a little hemp from a friend. They've partnered with the George Harrison estate to create a new CBD and CBG blend and accessories called All Things Musk Grass, which pays tribute to the man who always let the good times roll. All Dadgrass products are federally legal for ages 21 and over,

and it ships right to your door anywhere in the U.S. Whether you're looking for a new buzz or a chill way to enjoy an old favorite, Dadgrass will leave you in a euphoric mood. Right now, Dadgrass is offering our listeners 20% off your first order when you go to dadgrass.com slash face. Go to dadgrass.com slash face for 20% off your first order. That's dadgrass.com slash face.

Isn't it crazy that in 2022, we have high-speed internet, celebrities going to space, and electric cars, and yet people are still cleaning their bums the way our Victorian brothers and sisters did, with toilet paper. Step into the 21st century and upgrade your bathroom routine

and start washing your bum with Hello Tissue bidets because smearing your business around with toilet paper is so 100 years ago. Hello Tissue bidets are incredible. Everybody I know who's gotten one absolutely loves it. It's changed my bathroom routine. They're so easy to install. They're a easy to install.

They're a fantastic product that I would highly recommend. So stop spreading your business around your butthole with toilet paper. Start washing with Hello Tushy bidets. The Hello Tushy bidet attachment washes your bum with fresh water for a way better clean than toilet paper. Simply spray and pat dry. Attaches to your existing toilet,

no electrician or plumber needed. Installs in less than eight minutes. Cuts to your existing toilet, no electrician or plumber needed. Installs in less than eight minutes. Cuts down your TP use by 80% saving money and paper waste. Make the restroom your best room with the complete TUSHY system, including the TUSHY bidet attachment, ottoman, and toilet brush. Hello TUSHY has cleaned over 1 million happy bums. Join them and take care of your business the cleaner way. We want all of our listeners to have clean bumps. Visit hellotushy.com slash face to get 10% off plus free shipping right now. Tag us and at hellotushy on social media so we can celebrate

your clean butt with you. That's hellotushy.com slash face for 10% off. You ever, this is such a weird poll. Did you ever watch that flat earth documentary that was popular to, it was like a really popular flat earth documentary. And just like, it's so ridiculous. It's feels like a,

like best in show type movie, but it's a documentary. And one of the guys in it is like talking about how marketable, um, it is and how it's like their secret underworld. And he shows this guy a license plate and he's like, what does this say to you? And the guy says, NASA lies. He's like, yeah, but it could also be nasal eyes,

could be ears, throat, nose specialist. You don't know. We're under the record. We read sneaky. That's always what I think about. Just stupid, like misreading a thing nobody would read read that as nasal eyes yeah it's like that penn island website was that the documentary where the guy disproved that the earth was flat in the documentary and then decided that his test must

have been flawed i yes yes it was i forgot about that i watched that movie sometimes when i watch movies i'll take like notes if i plan on talking about them in some way. I took like 200 notes in that 90 minute movie. It's so absurd. And there's so much funny stuff in it. It's a very awkward like the guy that they're kind of following clearly is in love with this girl that has no interest in him at all. And this is very their interactions are great. I wish I could remember it's called it's probably still on netflix it's it's dumb it's a ridiculously stupid movie that is a lot of fun to watch should we get reflective on episode 100 like what's what's our favorite moment from face so far wow favorite moment what's the shittiest moment the shittiest moment oh wow tater tots yeah i thinkcondiments was our all-time low. Condiments is the all-time low. That's a great call. That was not just like an all-time low for the show.

Nick wrote editing the condiment episode. I would say that's the all-time low for our friendship, Jeff. Without a doubt. Like, by a lot. Well, so far. So far. I don't know where the baseball thing ranked as far as your personal anger.

The baseball thing was one bad day. I was way, I was angry about the tater tots. That is true. And it felt like a thing that would linger. We just had to move on. I was bummed about the baseball thing. I was angry about the tot it was a strange of all things it was like a religious argument where not only did we view

the other side is wrong we could in no way see how they could view it as right like there was no compromise or middle ground we were so locked in to our definitions i think my favorite moment so far has is very recent and i think it was uh andrew's reaction to looking at the beanhole pictures i just loved that moment i couldn't you would nick said he looked like oh it was it was a problem it's one of the hardest i've ever laughed for sure i think the hardest not to like pivot away from reminiscing about the show i don't think i've told the story on the show once i i laughed so hard one time i nearly fainted like genuinely nearly fainted i was playing pub g and i was playing with some friends

and you know like have you ever seen i know jeff will definitely be aware of this play but are you aware like the larry bird steal gavin where it's like he reads the floor before anything happens he like sprints to the exact right like he just knows what's gonna happen and he reads it and he executes it perfectly like he just he knows the play it's a fantastic it's one it's one of the greatest moments in the history of basketball but it's like oh it's basketball yeah it's a basketball thing but it's like being in the zone it's like he Yeah, it's a basketball thing. But it's like being in the zone. It's like he knew what was going to happen. He read it. He fucking predicted it.

And he executed it. I was playing PUBG. And my friend was like in the bottom of this hill. And he was getting sniped at from all angles. And there's this big tree next to him. And he got tagged by a sniper. And he's like, I'm down. And so I turn and I see this car.

And I have my Larry Bird moment of I see like okay I'm gonna get in the car I'm gonna drive it to the tree the car will then be like a barricade for us I'm gonna pick up my friend and we're gonna go and escape this is fucking I've got this I get in the car I hit drive I immediately run my friend over and crash into the tree at full speed I kill him immediately and crash the car and I laughed so hard like all the air shot out of my body and i felt like i was gonna faint like i started to go down my head a little bit but i crashed the car and i'm still in a war zone so like i'm trying to gather myself so i'm not fainting while laughing and i'm just getting sniped at from all sides and i'm like i gotta

get out of here so i hop in the car and i go but i'm like barely like i'm feigning i'm like in and out of it as i'm driving the car because you just don't breathe in i couldn't breathe and i just couldn't stop i was just laughing so hard that like the lights were going out and i'm just driving away it was like in a movie where a guy gets shot and he gets in the car and like barely escapes i was almost tunnel vision yeah i was having tunnel vision i can imagine you just sat intensely at your screen like starting to slump over if that's exactly like my my head went down i was like holding myself up on my desk with my arms if you would ask me going to my friend like the odds of this working in the way i wanted it to you a hundred percent i've never been more confident that anything was going to work in my life.

And I immediately ran him over and killed him and then just crashed into the tree because I was laughing so hard as soon as I failed. It was a disaster. Saved a clip. I wonder if I have that. I might, I should look. Yeah,

you should look for that. That is a great, um, uh, Nick picked this, Nick picked the sewing machine argument. The sewing machine argument is a great one because that was at the end of an episode

that none of us were all that happy with. We're like, that wasn't that great. And then we ended, and then it was 30 minutes of sewing machine talk that was not at all supposed to be part of the episode. I don't think we were even recording at that point. And if it wasn't for Craig, I don't think we were even recording at that point and if it wasn't for craig i don't

think we would have had that audio uh i think talking about your that pub g incident making you laugh one of my favorite memories of the podcast has got to be um before the podcast it was when i had the idea for the beef bracelet and then as I was having that idea, I realized I wanted to make a commercial. And so I rode my bike down to the park to film it. And I was laughing. I was trying not to laugh out loud. But I was laughing internally at all the people that were watching me ride up and down this path over and over again, doing multiple takes, filming with one hand while I was eating beef jerky off my wrist with the other. No hands on the bike. And just people looking at me just trying to have their lunch

before they go back to work. Because I was just going back and forth. I probably did eight times. Just looking like a lunatic. I didn't know that. That's really funny. I didn't realize it took you so many takes. Well, you got to get it just right, man.

It's a commercial. Yeah, super important, too, is the debut of Uniform. Show it off in the best light what about you eric have you ever had a good time making this i i love the middle of every episode and then despise the end of every episode i think that's typically how this goes where it's like look i told you guys beforehand this is episode 100 we're only recording one so i don't want you to feel like we have to be constrained to an hour. So that's fine.

Typically, we do have to be constrained for an hour because these are hour-long shows, and we sometimes do two or other things are going on. So the middle of every episode, I really, really, really love. But the end is just so difficult when it doesn't need to be. I think the worst is when Jeff jeff is like wrapping it up because he knows it's time to go and then andrew just sort of like side swipes with like the most inane shit and it's like just save it what are you doing i remember one way i drew just out in the middle of the outro was like you ever watched shit on quibi oh by the way I'm back guys Derek's gone I'm sitting on my desk like normal

so the tattoo saga is over I yeah you have my full attention now I apologize for being half in half out for the first time no that was that was great. It was a great bit. Yeah, I'm blown away. I really didn't expect that. I really just wanted to in all seriousness, all kidding aside, I don't I was talking about some of my therapists yesterday. I don't know how this happened, but this podcast has become outside of my family, the most important thing in my life. And the last hundred episodes have helped me immeasurably in terms of getting through the pandemic and also in terms of my own mental health outside of the pandemic.

And putting it on my body, it seems like the easiest decision in the world to make because it's just been... And also, I because it's just been uh it's and also i think it's to be uh i guess a little uh a little more personal i think it's maybe the best thing i've ever been a part of making and it's really nice to feel at almost 47 like i haven't plateaued and that we're still capable i'm still capable of of contributing in a way that's uh gets progressively better as time goes on right like you don't want to feel like you don't want to realize you're on the back nine and you're you're

you're you're retreating uh and i and i don't feel like that every time i'm on this podcast which is really nice i i've been blown away recently at how my pretty much my favorite thing of every week came out of the middle of the pandemic yeah yeah the point where i'm like wow i'm uh you know not glad it where i'm like wow i'm uh you know not glad it happened but just like wow i don't think we would have made this necessarily if it wasn't for the pandemic i know it's this yeah it's this weird kind of conflict of probably well not probably i would definitively say like the most fun i've had working on anything and and just getting to be part of something that i think is so special and fun um being created due to a horrible event that impacted the entire world impacted all of

us personally um i can't imagine what it would have been like going through those times without this show like just being able to have a time every week especially when things were now we're kind of in a place right now where like, we're kind of getting back in the swing of things and the schedule isn't always consistent. But when we were in the heart of pandemic, knowing that every week I was going to get to have one hour to play with my friends, um, was so special and it's been so wonderful to have that time. And also just like the audience is talked about um i interact with the audience quite a bit and i hear a lot of how meaningful it has been to have the space as listeners for them um and it's just i think been equally important for us to have this space so as much as they thank

us for um creating the show and doing what we do we owe so much to them as well for supporting our show and allowing us to go these 100 episodes and have this space for ourselves. I literally had that conversation with someone recently where it was like, yeah, you know, really helped me through the pandemic. And my response was like, dude, me too. Like, thanks so much for watching it because I equally need it. Yeah, we certainly didn't talk about it in this content uh but i did go through an entire nervous breakdown during year one of the face podcast and like had to take a step away from my job and uh go and do some intensive therapy and uh this this this podcast was such

an anchor in my life of positivity that i was able to forget about all of that for an hour and five minutes or so a week. Which is honestly also why when Andrew swipes in with a quibby comment or whatever, and I see an opportunity to extend the podcast another 10 minutes, it's just like another 10 minutes of Shangri-La before you have to go, Eric, come on, before we have to go back to the real world. It's kind of true. And so really, it's like when Eric wants us to stop recording, he wants to take that away from us. It's, yeah, it's been a wild journey. And the fact that it's just how it came together, too, and the fact that this show has worked as well as it has in itself is

absurd we've never had a production meeting regarding this show like just everything about the creation and the process of making it is so absurd um but i'm just so incredibly thankful um for you guys and nick and eric has been so i knew obviously jeff and gavin before this i didn't know eric or nick and it's just been so much fun meeting them and getting to I don't know just really it's been nice this whole experience has been wonderful and

not to get too emotional on a podcast named face really it's really meant a lot thank you to everybody that has supported us in these 100 episodes 100 more yeah uh at least i uh i i i mean i'm sitting here trying to figure out what to do for episode a thousand uh i've already done the tattoo thing what year will that be fuck man eric eric what year will that be yeah this is i think the thing that that the people don't realize is that this is the most creative creative outlet i've ever experienced like it is unlike and

we've been doing this for 19 i've been doing this for 19 years in other productions this is certainly not the first or even the 50th production i've started and uh there's been nothing like it like it's it's it is unique in every way and as i I think Eric or Nick pointed out earlier, we started this because of the pandemic. And in that process, we had to move the entire company, the day job company, to an online work-from-home company. And so all of our productions ended up being work-from-home productions. And since the podcast, every one of them has gone back in person,

except for this one. This is the only production that we do that's all remote to this day but you know at some point one day maybe in vegas it could happen no yeah it's going to no yeah that's we've committed not in may in november like we've committed we're doing it so we've committed we We're doing it. So we've committed. We've all said yes. Andrew said yes? Yeah. Yeah, I did. Well, I said yes. Wait, what? Don't, that's, I don't like the way that you said yes and then well.

Yes, you've committed. We've all committed. Yeah. I did. I don't like the way you said yeah. Yeah, even the yeah is got like half a question mark on the end of it. Let me clarify this because I 100% committed. I didn't commit to a specific date, but I said

I would do it and we agreed in October. I think that we've... Okay. So I think we've looked at October and it might be early November. That's fine. Okay. Okay, that's fine. You heard him say it. Everyone heard him say that's fine. I'm excited. I've never been to Vegas. It's going to be a great time. And I've never

been to Vancouver Island. I mean, there's... Listen, we got bagels, we got crabs, we got everything you need. When can we go to Vancouver Island? That's a great question. When do you, when do you want, like, you're going to say like, as soon as possible. No, I mean, like, no, I mean, I can't, like, when can you actually, like, when do you want to? Not in May. What's the best time of the year for Nanaimo?

You probably want to go in the summer. So before November? If you want to do crabs. Before, yeah. Either like this coming into the summer or the next year. You're giving us permission to come visit in like the next two to three months? You can visit whenever you want. I don't care.

You're welcome to come here whenever. You can visit whenever you want. I don't care. You're welcome to come here whenever. You can visit whenever you want. I don't care. Are we going to see you while we're there? Of course,

but I just meant the way Gavin said that was like, I'm gatekeeping the island somewhere that I don't want you guys here. I'd love for you guys to be here.

By the way, Gavin and I just went to Seattle for like two days. We were like 45 miles away from you. That's a great point. You could literally take a ferry from Seattle to the island. Yeah, you could take a ferry. I don't want to travel. We were 99% of the way there. We needed you to go 1% of the way. I'm not traveling. And you had no interest. I'm not going to a different country.

If you were in Vancouver, I'd gladly go. I'd take a boat. I'd take a boat within Canada. Here's why things happen. Here's why things really happening. Okay. While Andrew was peeping at the pissing woman, the police came in.

They were trying to figure out what's going on. They confiscated his passport for two years, and I think he's waiting to get it back. I think something like that has happened. I think he is literally unable to travel. I actually was looking at my ID recently, and I realized I realized I have long hair in my

ID photo, so there's one photo that exists of me with long hair. It exists. It's just on my ID. Oh, God. But I can travel. I'm excited. Whenever you guys eventually come here. You can travel, but not till November. Leaving the country is a different matter.

If it was a Canadian thing, gladly. What is this heck file? What did you just send, Gavin? I'm trying to see. I've just realized these are like high efficiency photos. I'm not sure I can even do my slideshow wait wait so you're saying that the thing that you've teased for weeks is tied to a thing you cannot we cannot see these jpegs oh man oh boy do you want me to click this

do you want me to uh I clicked it didn't do a fucking thing I clicked it as It didn't do a fucking thing. I clicked it as well. A file I can't open in my inbox. Do you have my banking information now? I'm downloading this file. Let me see if I can save a freaking... It's just a screenshot. Oh, I got it to work. I got it to work. Okay. It's a picture of your phone.

Nope. Yeah, it's a picture of your phone. Meg is in the middle. It's a watch. It's about eight or... Well, your watch whatever 8 8 49 but it says 14 30 so you can see him i see that one image but i had to download it and then look at it through preview on my mac oh boy but i'll do it that way i don't care am i frozen no no

okay my screen froze i am trying to view this file on a PC, and it takes me to the Microsoft store, and it wants me to pay $1 to download the thing so I can view the extension, and I will outright refuse. It's not. I got to be honest with you. This picture of Gavin's hairy arm is not worth a dollar.

No. Oh, well, damn. So I see a watch. Tech rehearsal. 1430. Okay, you'll have to So I see a watch. Tech rehearsal. Yeah. 1430. Okay, you'll have to translate the pictures for the other set. Okay.

It's 36 degrees, 59% on your battery. You want me to tell my shitty story? I'd love to hear this story. I didn't mean to hype this up. I was debating whether to tell this. I've never told anyone this story. I didn't even tell Meg until last week, and she was like,

how have you never told me this story? And I'll be honest, I've just been mildly traumatized by it. I didn't even tell Meg until last week. And she was like, how have you never told me this story? And I'll be honest. I've just been mildly traumatized by it. I wasn't sure if it was funny. It might not be funny. All right. This might be laughing. What is wrong with you?

It can't be worse than lactating women. You got this. It's fine. I set the bar real low last week. Okay. So we're in Melbourne, right? We're doing the Age Live tour. Jeff, you were there

okay um we we got to melbourne i think it was the day of the tour what year is the actual date 2019 okay 2019 january 2019 so it's winter for us but we were in australia so it's hot as balls as you can see by my watch there uh 36 degrees Celsius, going to be about 42. I think it ended up being like 43, 44 degrees Celsius, which is like, I don't know, 112 or something. I don't know, Fahrenheit. It was hot as hell. It definitely was. I remember.

Yeah. And also on my watch, you could see I've got tech rehearsal at 2.30. That's all I got to do that day. Woke up early, went for a stroll. We were in an area of Melbourne, I think, called St. Kilda, if I remember correctly. Went for a little walk to a little park nearby the hotel, just sort of strolling around. I found a pier. So I thought, ah, you know, walk down this pier, look out into the ocean.

And I saw that the water was amazingly still. And I was like, this surely can't be the ocean then and then i looked on the maps and i realized it's not the ocean it's just like a big what do you call that like an inlet like a big bay by melbourne so it's like perfectly still water and i thought this is i've never seen a body of water this big that looked so still so then i thought i'll take oh my thing's too powerful. Hold on. Are we going to move to Slack?

Might have to move to Slack here. Okay. Go into Slack. I love watching you struggle with tech stuff. It might be my favorite. Because you're such a little, such a mincy little prick

about it usually when everybody else's stuff goes wrong. Oh, it's 136 megs. And thank you, fell in love with just one. Hey! Okay, I'm sending a video of me filming the very still water.

But as I was filming it, the wind picked up. And, oh, Jack's here. Is he listed? What is happening? Tell your story. What is going on? Where do I see this video? It's in slack. Open this. Oh Jesus now as you can see this the second I started filming the stillness of the water the wind picked up and

Sort of destroyed the illusion of the still water so now it's wind blowing everywhere I'm like oh man think of it. What's the timing of that? Here's my next video Is this is this the end of the story? That they got windy? Okay. So now I'm like blown away by how sudden... Eric said this is insane. I'm blown away at how suddenly windy this is.

Immediately, like my AirPod blew out of my ear. I'm chasing it down the pier. I did this little video of my own face to... Okay. None of the videos will play for me. I did this little video of my own face to okay none of the videos will play for me it's just the still of the beginning and the audio it's just Gavin

you're missing you're missing nothing I'm serious when I'm saying that what you're seeing in the first frame is just what the videos are. Gavin is making a case for the elimination of all visual aids going forward. I'm setting the goddamn scene right.

All right. So it's too windy now. The wall is ruined. It's not still anymore. My AirPods are blowing out of my face. I'm just like, oh, God, it's hot. It's like hot wind. It's not nice.

I'm thinking I'm going to leave the pier now. So I'm right at the end of the pier. I'm starting to walk all the way back. And the wind is just fiercely blowing against me to the point where it's like I'm walking against a wall. And the St. Kilda Pier has this interesting like curb thing going up it. Right. You see that on the picture yeah yeah i'm not sure if it's like some sort of water break or i don't know what it's for okay in the map back there okay oh sorry i'll put it in the discord put it in the discord there we go blam nope it's in the

slide i gotta go back to the slide okay yes i see the. Yeah, you have to alt-tab. I feel like I'm part of a choose-your-own-adventure. So I'm just a child, so I'm walking back up the pier and I'm jumping up on the curb and hopping back down, but sometimes the wind is so strong I can't step up onto the curb.

So I'm stepping against the wind. I'm trying to step up one step and I'm getting blown back like five steps. I've never really felt wind like it all of a sudden. There was one other person on the pier. It was this sort of probably like 50 year old dude walking the other way, walking opposite. And I could see him coming in the distance. And I'm trying to step back up on this curb.

I get blown backwards. But the wind is hitting him in the back and suddenly this massive gust slams me backwards like 10 steps and it honestly looked like it lifted him up in the air it was like when we man opened the parachute in front of that fan he went flying he went sailing towards me as i'm going sailing back and completely ate shit over this weird curb to the point where he ended up slumped over it. Like his legs were on the wide side and his head was on like the narrow side. And I was like, oh Jesus. And I'm trying to run towards it, but the wind is pushing it back. And I was like, Joe, you all right? And he stood up

and I guess his arm had caught that metal bit and as he stood up from like the inside of his elbow to like halfway up his bicep was just gaping open and i was like i was like oh my god oh jesus and i was like do you want me to call you an ambulance? And he was like, no, no. And I was like, absolutely not. And I was like, no, dude, hold that close. It's like, there's so much blood. And I can see into your arm. And he was like, no, no, no, no, don't need an ambulance. And I'm like, picking up my phone to call an ambulance.

At this point, I realized, no idea what the emergency number is in Australia. Later found out it was zero zero zero but that's good to know now so i didn't know that so i started holding down the power button on the phone because that also lets you call emergency and at that point my phone was going like whoop whoop as in to be like you're about to call emergency he heard that he's like don't do it and i was like but you need you need like 20 stitches, man. And he's like, I'll go on my own. And we start walking.

We start walking back down the pier. I'm behind him. And he's like struggling to hold his arm shut to the point where he stops. And I'm like, do you need me to like, do you want me to take my shirt off and like wrap it around you? And he's like, he was like, no, no, no.

And at that point, while he was facing me back down the pier and I'm facing up the pier, the wind kicks up again. And it blew what felt like half a pint of his blood all over me. What? In my face, in my mouth, in my eyes. I watched like a flow of blood come out of his arm and just take to the wind flat out like a big web and absolutely went all over me. And I'm at this point, I'm just like,

and I'm like, no, we got to go turn around. And I'm like, I'm trying to do it without swallowing. Like we get to the end of the pier and he's like, I'm good from here. And I'm like like you're not

hold on and i and i'm trying to like clean his blood out my eyes and mouth and in the distance like back through the park i walked through i remember i saw a water fountain so i sprinted over to it lent over i'm like i need to wash out my eyes and mouth and i'm still not i'm still trying not to swallow his blood. So I'm hunched over the water fountain, the drinking fountain, holding down the button but the freaking wind is blowing all the water away from my mouth. It's like blowing all around.

I can't get any in my mouth. I'm like lent over. I'm like, it's like completely dry and the water is flicking going all over the place. So I'm like shimmying around in a circle trying to block the wind, looking like an insane person trying to wash out my eyes and mouth and face and then I

I ran back to the end of the pier because I wanted to see what happened to this guy and I can't find him but I can find the blood trail so now I'm following these drips of blood and it went to this little car park so I assume he got in a car or like someone was waiting for

him in a car or something because he immediately left and there was no more blood and i spent 15 20 minutes looking around to see if i could see him or like you see if he'd passed out in a bush or something or see any more blood couldn't find him and then uh i sort of this is where all the pictures have ended by the way i'm just no longer providing visual aids and uh i sort of thousand yards stared my way back to the hotel and as i was walking up to the hotel i was like oh i'm covered in blood i'm covered in what might be a dead guy's blood all up from head to toe and i just powered in the front door of the hotel right past the desk straight into the lift took my shirt off was like scrubbing all the blood off in the bath i took a shower and i ended up just crying in the

shower you know and i was just i ended up just so traumatized by it i was like i can't believe it happened and i didn't really do a good job like i didn't really even help him i hope he's all right and uh i never told anyone that story that whole day. I just couldn't bring myself to like bring my mind back to that place. Because I kept seeing like all the intense visuals of his open flesh. I'm not very good with blood. And then we did like the whole show. This was like the end of the show that night where we'd been doing a,

we'd been chugging beer and running around playing Maricot. And at some point I just ended up lying on the floor of the stage, just reflecting on the day as a whole. Why don't i have a shirt on in this fucking photo i don't know it's the similar very similar to now yeah so that was a that's my australia story that was melbourne um i feel like you encountered anton chigurh on a fucking pier like that's the only like the unwillingness to get help when his arm is clearly like fucked dude just guy was aggressively having none of my help he was probably a criminal and he didn't want the cops to come they want the ambulance to come they'd have to run as yeah he's probably

it could have been like shaker yeah anton shaker like just some like new york mafia guy who's hiding out in australia like police, no cops, no cops. I was like zoning in and out for the rest of that Australia trip. I'm just like, oh God, I can't believe what happened. And it wasn't even that bad. Like it's not like I watched someone get hit by a car or something. It would be much more worse. It was just the speed that he went from just strolling down the pier to severely injured from nowhere. Just it like resonated weird with me i was i felt so icky after that i was like oh and then i was also

worried that i you know had some sort of foreign blood-borne illness in my eyes and mouth so there was that fear as well i was like do i do i go to a doctor now like do i tell people about this i just didn't know what to do so i end up flying home with a bloody t-shirt I just didn't know what to do. So I ended up flying home with a bloody t-shirt. You saved the t-shirt? Yeah. And I don't know if you can tell from the windy video I posted earlier.

Nice white t-shirt that was. Really showed all the blood. Real good. Gavin, I'm going to show you the perspective I got from your windy video. This is what I saw. Just that and wind blowing. You didn't see the... This was the other perspective I saw. Just that and wind blowing. You didn't see the... This was the other perspective I got. It was just this image with the audio of wind blowing.

That was all the visual aid that I got, but I guess I do see the shirt. It is a very white shirt. It's a very white shirt. And as you can see from the picture of me on stage, I changed my shirt. You still have the shirt that's covered in blood? I think I mainly washed out.

I think I'm washed out because I don't remember it. That'd be wild. Honestly, my brain has never seen this as a funny event. It's just tried to repress it as much as possible. So that's why I don't know why I stopped taking photos. I should have just... It's very un-me-like to not document what happened afterwards but you were traumatized i mean yeah you were experiencing trauma in the moment that is an in you're right it's not funny at all it's like when i told the story about finding the old

lady uh who had fallen down in the woods by my house it's like there's nothing funny about it it's just a bizarre circumstance and that's one of the craziest stories i have ever heard in my life and i can't believe when you teased it the other day you said you were afraid it might be a c story well it's just not very funny it's like funny because it's not funny it doesn't have to be funny it's insane i i told meg and she was she could not believe i never told her yeah and uh i was like do you think it'd be good for face? And she'd be like, oh, you've got to tell that on there.

Yeah. Oh, man. That also goes to show you how fucking precarious and fragile life is. Like, yeah, a gust of wind took that guy out. It was,

I mean, in fairness, it was a mass. It was probably the biggest wind I've ever felt. And I've lived with you for 10 years dude that's a fucking I don't know how you've held on to that story for since 2019

yeah that you haven't I would be convinced that I was going to be a 28 days later zombie immediately as soon as I got covered in blood everybody would know I'd be screaming I would not handle that well no no kidding i would have been like don't touch me i have aids i have aids now i have i have every disease i have hep i have all the heps i have hep a through z just stay away from me quarantine me and the thing about like right i wouldn't count it as like real trauma it was like slightly traumatizing as an event but it's not like i had ptsd from this event but it is interesting when you have those events

and you think about it from very strange angles like a week earlier that guy was just walking about not knowing that a week from now someone from america would come to australia and end up with his blood in his mouth for A week earlier? How about eight minutes earlier? That guy's relationship with the wind has forever changed. Every single breeze. It's like this motherfucker. Yeah, so he's like a wind chime

as a warning device. Everybody get down. I kept my eye closely on the local Melbourne news. It also just goes to show you, like, Australians are insane. And, like, in the coolest ways, like, they just don't give a fuck. That guy's like, ah, I'll wrap it up. He probably wrapped duct tape on it and went about his business.

Yeah. And they have, I assume they have a, you know, free health care, like. Some form of health care. There are stitches and antibiotics uh antibiotics in australia for sure oh i don't know people here don't like to call an ambulance because it costs them money yeah i'm not sure that's the thing there i don't think you pay for an ambulance i can't i'm trying to just process what that would be the plane like everything that is an insane event to happen how about the fact that like three hours later you and i were hanging

out together and you didn't even cross like I had no idea. I think that was the show because it was Melbourne. I think that was maybe the show where we filmed that Instagram video of us all singing wrecking ball or whatever like the entire group and we were all dancing around together like two hours

later you were bathing in somebody else's blood. This is the image of what you're thinking every time you hear wrecked me just like i saw a guy fucking destroyed her there's something it's just so funny about coming back to a hotel room covered in sweat and blood before 9 a.m so early that day ah that's got to be one of the worst ways to walk into a hotel lobby because you definitely feel like you definitely feel like you're uh like jason bourne in the bourne identity you know

like they're just gonna be like uh yeah no problem sir uh calling interpol right now you said 9 a.m is one of the worst times what is a good time i don't feel like there's a great time to walk into a hotel covered in sweat and blood uh It's just not, you just can't sit down with a beer after that. It's too early, you know? I see what you're saying. It's just too breath-tasty. The compression of it. Sure. And I had a long time between that and the tech hustle.

That's it. Well, Gav, thanks for telling that story. That's hands down one of the best stories in the history of f*** face for sure one for regulation animation one day I am oh Jesus Christ oh god oh my god

and by the way I'm so sorry that's one terrible thing to go through that's horrible thankfully you look back on it fondly I just hope he didn't die I'm pretty sure he didn't and if he didn't it. I'm pretty sure he didn't. And if he didn't, it's a crazy story. You know what it reminds me of?

It reminds me of you and I on the ferry in Australia going from Sydney over to... I don't know. What's that beach that we always would go over to? Manly Beach? Manly Beach, yeah.

Taking the ferry over to Manly Beach and we're at the front of that thing and you and I go to drink our water and the wind picks up and it shoots the water all over those two girls in front of us. And it was like... Oh my God. We couldn't take a sip.

They got 80% of our water instantly through our mouths and into their heads and their hair and they were horrified. It was like that that but with blood. Yeah. Oh. Fuck.

Jesus. Andrew, what was the thing that you were going to do that might have pissed off Jeff? I can't say because I'm going to do it one day. Now is not the greatest time to do it. And we decided we're sticking with season four through Episode 100.

Yeah, I think Season 4 barely started. I think Season 4 was strong. Yeah, it's been a good season. Season 4's been good so far. It's definitely been one of my favorite seasons. Yeah, I agree with Eric. Let's keep it rolling. Eric, you never figured out what year Episode 1000 comes out.

It would be, so we're roughly at the two-year mark uh we started in june of 2020 and this will be coming out the day that you can listen to this is uh april 27th so roughly two years per 100 episodes so for 18 yeah so it you'd say roughly around that um so we just have to jeff you're gonna keep it you keep it going for that long i just mean like health wise you got like enough like enough like teeth that you can root canal for like 18 more years of this or whatever oh eight sorry i'll be honest i zoned out for a minute uh cool man right on thank you so much that's awesome thank you

right on you appreciate it dude yeah Yeah, cool, cool, cool. Yeah, 18 years? Yeah, I can go 18 years. Here's what we should do. Even if we don't do this podcast for the next 18 years, say it stops at like 200, we come back 18 years from now and just do episode 1,000. Even if there hasn't been episode 200 through 1,000.

Dude, I'm going to be very disappointed if we stop at 200. I feel like we're building momentum every day. And all the supplemental content is starting to come out. We're starting to film more, do more. We got MVP 2 ahead of us. Imagine what movies we'll be watching together

by episode 1,000. We should schedule MVP 2. Yeah, we should. Big time. Fuck. Would there be more apples to eat? I think we should do a... Like, if we can get it, I think we should do a bar like if we can get it i think we should do a bovril taste test like we did with the apple with the cosmic taste test if andrew doesn't keep

rejecting my shipment maybe he'll be able to try it i'll check i'll go to the mail room as soon as we're done recording i did hear i did see somebody mentioned that it is it does exist in canada somebody was like i'm canadian and I have it all the time. Yeah, I guess they banned it. They banned it with Marmite and like some other thing because it didn't fit food standards in like 2015. Oh, I'm sure it doesn't. And then they had to like change the recipe or they like, you can buy it now, but there

was a time in which it was banned in Canada. So I'm excited to try. Canada hates shit. No doorknobs, no Bovril. This was fun. I'm excited for you to try it. I'm excited to try it. I can't wait to get it.

Maybe next episode. Definitely next episode. As long as it's not rejected. Well, Gavin, thanks for sharing an absolute 100 of a story on episode 100. And I hope my tattoo bit played well with you guys. It was so good. I have never, in all the 6,000 tattoos I have,

I've never recorded myself or tried to perform while getting one. It's not, yeah. It's not. Yeah, it was great. Ribs. Ribs are. Don't get a tattoo on your ribs. Just don't. I'll just say that right now.

You keep doing it. I really. Well, I'm running out of ribs. Andrew, I really appreciate you not unleashing whatever banana related fury or port-a-potty attack or whatever it was on me. Look forward to that in the near future. And then, by that token, if you would like to contribute anything to 100,

now's your chance. I feel like I've contributed... That was mean, Jeff. That's what that was. That was caught off guard. You know what? I could gladly contribute to 100 right now. Let's do the thing.

I could just pull the trigger on the thing. I was trying to be nice, Jeff. I was trying to be a nice guy. Let's go. Let's pull the trigger on this thing. Oh, man. Thanks so much for tuning in. I'm pulling the trigger.

And listen to episode 100 of all 100 episodes of Space, I'm assuming. And we'll see you next week. Y'all take care. Like and review. What'd you say? Wait. Eric wrote something. Oh, what Eric wrote?

By the time this is out, Gavin will have done the RT podcast in 64 pieces of clothes. Oh, great. That's exciting. Oh, yeah. How's that going, Gav? Yeah, I'm excited about it. Am I doing the Donkey Kong tie? Are we putting that on as well?

You don't need to. If you want, you can. You can use it if you want. Just a headpiece. I like that I've worked at this company for 10 years and then like twice in the same week

I'm being forced to wear two different red ties. Because I just did a Hitman video where I wore one. That preview of you 15 years from now in the bald cap

was really funny. 15? Five, maybe. In all seriousness, is there anything else we need to cover before we... No, I think we should do the outro.

Okay. That was it. Well, shit. That was 100 episodes. Time flew. That's crazy. Actually, I do have a question. What the fuck?

Why? This sucks. No, it'll be quick. Is a football a ball? This is the thing I was trying to figure out. Uh, in what way could it not be? In what way could it possibly not be a ball? Well, okay, so let me give you a more specific.

I was, because it's like, I didn't know if it was a thing, you know how like a strawberry, it says berry in the name, but it's not a berry. I was wondering, because I was thinking, do you ever throw a Nerf Vortex, Gavin? Yeah, the little whistly thing? Yeah, like it's one of my favorite. If I was thinking about like,

what are the greatest balls of all time? And I think the nerve vortex might be number one But I didn't know if it would be considered a ball or not is that a ball if it's a football foam dot You think it's a foam dart and not a pretty dirty considering the flights on the back But the movement like the throw it's a football product Huh, which then made me wonder is a football in itself an actual ball? Or does it not fall in the ball category despite the name football? I mean, it's got the name ball in the name.

But so does strawberry. But according to Wikipedia, which is never wrong, a football is a ball inflated with air used to play one of the various sports known as football so apparently uh it is yes a ball okay well then i would i would go with the nerve vortex is the greatest ball overall what was the best thing on quibi uh i only watched a show it was this horror one with um uh what was the the the fucking he was i never saw the amazing spider-man he played the green goblin and the amazing spider-man what was his name you know who i'm talking about i think his name he played andrew in the movie chronicle as well i don't know his

name he was in it and i believe the female lead was the woman that was in The Guest and It Follows. I don't know her name either. The woman from It Follows. Oh, what is her name? She was in a bunch of really good indie movies at the time, and I don't feel like I've seen her in anything in years. Which is surprising. She's great.

She's great in It Follows. She's great in The Guest. According to the dictionary, the definition of a ball is a solid or hollow, spherical or egg-shaped object that is kicked, thrown, or hit in a game. So egg-shaped, I think, fits. Yeah, egg-shaped, I think, is fair with a football. Yeah, that works.

Huh. Okay. There you go. But what's the name of the guy from The Amazing Spider-Man that was the green goblin? That isn't Willem Dafoe? That's not the the one that was with andrew garfield the amazing spider-man i know the green goblin was in that i think he is but it was lizard man and uh hold on i'm looking electric man i think the green goblin's in that he was oh oh oh, uh, what does this get? What is this dude's name? Uh, that guy. Yeah.

Eric just posted a photo of that guy. What's his name? Dane. Dane DeHaan. Dane DeHaan. There we go. Dane DeHaan. Thank you.

Can I, can I make a complaint with you, Gavin? This sucks. What's happening? Thank you. That's what I was about to complain about. Why haven't you ended this, Eric? Why haven't you yelled at us? Because this is just going on

guys thank you 100 episodes of this podcast and it seems like it's never going to end is it what's the next sports related thing that's going to be going on will we see what's going on with my hubby's bagels I can't wait to eat Bovril all this and more continuing in season 4 of the F*** Face podcast thank you so much for

listening leave a rating subscribe go grab your friend's phone and subscribe for the F*** Face podcast. Thank you so much for listening. Leave a rating, subscribe, go grab your friend's phone and subscribe for them and make sure you listen on their phone as well. It'll help everyone out. Thank you so much and goodbye. I think you're supposed to drink Bovril, not eat it. This sucks. Goodbye.

Goodbye. End it. Goodbye. Hey guys, minor league fan Jack here with a look at next week's episode of F*** Face. Once again, the guys haven't recorded yet, so here are some predictions for the next week's episode. Let's talk about balls. Who's the previously on guy? Jeff experienced Bovril. Panton talks bagels.

Gavin has a wasp problem again. And once again, Andrew does not eat the pencil. All that and more on next week's episode of F*** Face.