F**kface - The Garlic Feet Taste Test // Andrew's a _______ Guy [73]

Episode Date: October 20, 2021

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about the legality of Michael Myers, what it will take to throw a ball at 80 mph, tasting garlic with things that aren't your tongue, and more. Want to contribute to bits...? Email what you can do to ffacebits@gmail.com Sponsored by HelloTushy (http://hellotushy.com/face), Better Help (http://betterhelp.com/face ), and HelloFresh (http://hellofresh.com/face14 and use code face14). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:02:02 calling the police because someone's looking at me. Well, no, I don't. Hello and welcome to another episode of the F*** Face Podcast. You want to start it there? Sure. Well, wait, Gavin say, editor, can you please start it with,
Starting point is 00:02:18 the episode starts with Gavin saying, so I'm just standing there with cock in hand calling the police. And that's the beginning of the episode. Yeah, I guess without context, that's interesting. It's definitely an interesting sentence. So Gavin, you were saying you had your cock in your hand,
Starting point is 00:02:36 you were on the phone with the cops, you were in your yard. Continue. And then the little boy went to sleep. That was the end of the fairy tale why'd you have to make it about kids yeah i was gonna make it fictional but it was the worst possible place you made it way worse that might have been that might have been the worst pivot possible oh it was by far the worst i think we may i think you may have pivoted us into a new start of the episode. Can I just...
Starting point is 00:03:07 I'll pivot to just a description. We're talking about if you're pissing in your yard, and if somebody sees, is that indecent exposure? I don't think it is. You're in the privacy of your own backyard. Yeah, so I was saying that surely if my knob is out
Starting point is 00:03:19 in view of other people's homes, that's still indecent exposure. And Andrew was saying that it would be only weird if they kept looking. So I thought, well, maybe they're in the wrong. I just, I don't know the rules of that because you're in your own space. I think it's different.
Starting point is 00:03:35 Let's say if you built like a seven foot wooden platform, stood on top of it, and then was just doing whatever you want to do up there. I think that's a different conversation. But if you're just on ground level in your yard... So you're saying it's an altitude thing. I think so. Well, if you are presenting yourself beyond the fence...
Starting point is 00:03:53 I think if you've elevated above the fence, would be my rule of thumb, then it's an issue. Then you got a problem. But as long as you're touching the ground, I think you're all good. All right, here we go. The ground has nothing to do with it. Here we go. I don't think the ground has anything to do with it.
Starting point is 00:04:05 Here we go. I looked it up. So this is only for the state of Texas, so it may be different in England and in Canada or the other 49 states in America. You may be charged with indecent exposure in Texas if you expose your naked body to the public while on your private property.
Starting point is 00:04:22 Okay. I was wrong. So public being potentially just a public place outside but what if it's private property to play it says if you expose oh to the well so you're saying you on your private property expose yourself to someone on their private yeah yeah basically like i can understand if i'm in my front doorway i think the public in this instance probably refers to anyone who isn't living on your property. Okay.
Starting point is 00:04:52 I would guess that would be the legal definition. That's what I would have guessed. Yeah. Oh my God, I closed that window and you know what was the previous window? What? Cosmic crisps. I reached out to them yesterday. Oh yeah? Yeah, I hope we get a reply. I reached out to them yesterday. Oh, yeah?
Starting point is 00:05:05 Yeah. I hope we get a reply. I reached out. November 8th, baby. Very exciting. I have another- New apple drops. I have a question, kind of about US law.
Starting point is 00:05:16 I was curious about that. Well, it's kind of a strangely specific question. I'm watching the Halloween movies. I think I've mentioned that before. And I just watched Halloween Resurrection, which is a movie all about Michael Myers is in his house, and then they go to the Michael Myers home,
Starting point is 00:05:31 and then he kills a bunch of people. Is it? Does he do anything illegal technically in that movie? In certain states? Because they're all trespassing? Yeah, because they're all trespassing. I was curious if technically Michael Myers is completely legal in all of his action. I think it depends on what state he's in.
Starting point is 00:05:48 That's great. I think Illinois, right? Illinois. I'm not sure what the standard ground laws are in Illinois, but yeah. As I was watching, I think this is very odd. I think that might be because what comes after Halloween Resurrection? They reboot it with the Rob
Starting point is 00:06:03 Zombie Halloween. Right. So that's probably why there was a reboot, is he was innocent. And they were like, we can't prosecute this guy for defending his home territory. So it's a property,
Starting point is 00:06:16 so we'll have to reboot the series and we'll bring in a heavy hitter like Rob fucking Zombie. Well, when you bring in somebody like Busta Rhymes into your universe, you have to start over if you can't bring it back that's you need a palate cleanser I don't know but Busta Rhymes was the best part of that movie by far he was pretty great he was pretty great have you seen Halloween
Starting point is 00:06:34 Resurrection Gavin no I've never I don't think I've ever seen anything apart from the first one there's a scene where Busta Rhymes dresses up as Michael Myers and Michael Myers starts following him as Michael Myers and then he turns around and he thinks thatmes dresses up as Michael Myers and Michael Myers starts following him as Michael Myers. And then he turns around and he thinks that somebody else dressed as Michael Myers. He's like, what are you doing here? I'm the Michael Myers of this show. What are you doing? Get out of here.
Starting point is 00:06:54 Skedaddle, Michael Myers. Skedaddle. Get out of here. And Michael Myers just like turns around and walks away. It's great. Buster Rhymes is the only good thing about that movie. It's fantastic. Oh, so did we start the episode?
Starting point is 00:07:08 Yeah. No, I feel like we're well in at this point. Gavage is the worst thing you could possibly say. 73, I believe. 73. I was talking to Andrew a little bit before we started, Gav, before you showed up early, which was shocking. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:07:21 By the way, let this be known. Episode 73, I think, is the first episode you've ever shown up early for. I don't know if that's true. I don't think that's true. I think it's the second. Second episode you've ever showed up early for. Not sure how I feel about it, to be honest with you.
Starting point is 00:07:34 I feel like the six minutes leading up to the episode is my safe space with Andrew to talk about you. Yeah, I think I was about five or six minutes early. I just wanted to get my tools ready. No, I hear you. We got a lot to talk about today. First off, Gavin got a little peak last night. Got an update on the baseball throw.
Starting point is 00:07:56 We need to deal with that. Oh, shit. There's a timeline that we need to lay out. What do you mean a timeline? I would just say, Andrew, don't get your hopes up. Oh, I'm fucking... He's jeffing this, isn't he? No, no, Kevin, please.
Starting point is 00:08:10 You have to support me here. No, there's a... What have you done? There are extenuating circumstances. Oh, fuck you. I would say he's jeffing it, but it's out of his hands. Okay.
Starting point is 00:08:23 Thank you. I would like to talk about how, you know, first off, I don't know if we covered it in an episode. I don't think we did, because I don't think it happened yet, but the baseball knobs sold out in an hour and nine minutes, which was phenomenal. The hell's a baseball knob?
Starting point is 00:08:37 Baseball bat knob. Sorry. Because I'm getting ahead of myself. The baseball bat knobs, we sold a thousand of them in about an hour and nine minutes. So thank you so much for supporting such a dumb idea. Put a lot
Starting point is 00:08:52 of love and effort into it. They ruined the comfort of my home for a good couple most of the summer as I had to move them around from room to room to get anywhere. And I'm pretty sure it put a strain on the relationship that I didn't realize at the time between my girlfriend and I.
Starting point is 00:09:07 But things have been better since the bat knobs are gone. I'll say that. Anyway, so overwhelmed with the support and we wanted to come up with what to do next. We talked about a thousand baseballs and I had I was actually talking about with Emily at lunch the other day. I think we landed on a great way to figure out how to sign and not sign some of the balls. So let me, let me, I've already talked about this with Gavin,
Starting point is 00:09:27 but let me present it to you, Andrew. Okay, but before you do, can I just put a last, the last pile of dirt on the knobs, the last comment about the knob and the bad situation? Yeah, I ordered one. Haven't got mine yet.
Starting point is 00:09:39 My confusion, I've said multiple times, I'm still kind of confused about part of it. So we just just there's a hundred you sought off a hundred knobs from full-size bats and the bat ends had the logo on it and we sent out a hundred random bat ends right with the knobs like a hundred random people got them is that correct okay continue your story well i'm just i'm just confirming that was the thing a hundred random people got full bats, right? I don't know if it was 100 random or the first 100 to order.
Starting point is 00:10:09 I'm not sure. But I don't have anybody from the store here to ask. Okay, whatever. 100 people got a bat. I don't understand. So when we started, we're like, why don't we sell full bats? Wait, wait. They got their own bat piece for their own knob?
Starting point is 00:10:23 I don't think so. I don't. Did they? I think so, yeah. I don't, I don't, did they? I think so, yeah. I don't know. We'll have to, we'll have to. We're still confused. We're confused on a whole other level.
Starting point is 00:10:32 I just don't under, go ahead. What are you going to say? We're going to have to feed the whole purpose about trying to find your bat end? I don't know if that was even a part of it. My confusion was that we were going to sell full bats and we were, it was like, oh, we can't do that logistical nightmare not not the it's just complicated but we've sold full bats that were just in two pieces and one piece is only like two inches off the bottom so i don't understand that's why we sold mini bats it's because full bats would have been yeah well yeah because uh it turns out a a full bat is uh two
Starting point is 00:11:01 inches too big so we had to cut them to make them fit the boxes. So, yeah. Okay. Fair enough. I just was confused. Yeah, no. Initially, when we looked into it, it looked like it was going to be difficult to sell a full bat and ship it. But as we perfected and went through the process, painstakingly over months and months and months,
Starting point is 00:11:21 they were able to work out a solution to ship. I'm happy they did. Wait, so originally, we didn't sell a full bat because we thought it was going to be too difficult. So we sold a tiny bat. Then we found out you could. I'll be honest. And then we still didn't.
Starting point is 00:11:34 I'll be honest. I don't remember why we did or didn't. I don't remember if ever wanting to sell a full bat. No, we talked about it. It was like, ah, they're like posters. Can't do it. I just remember wanting to do something full bag. No, we talked about it. It was like, ah, they're like posters. Can't do it. I just remember wanting to do something after manually burning in the numbers
Starting point is 00:11:49 and all the bats. I wanted to manipulate the next product in some way and to continue that lineage, which is where I'm going. I love that you love the bat knob, Andrew. I love that you bought one to show your support. I love that you've registered your confusion. It is officially on the books.
Starting point is 00:12:06 It's a regulation registration. So that's there forever. It's there. It's entered in. So we have that. Thank you. But I would like to move on from the past,
Starting point is 00:12:15 the highly successful thousand bat knob run past to talk about a thousand baseballs. We talked about taking a thousand baseballs, putting a f*** base logo on them. And then we joked around about if I could hit it, like I could swing at a thousand baseballs. We talked about taking a thousand baseballs, putting a f*** face logo on them, and then we joked around about if I could hit it,
Starting point is 00:12:27 like I could swing at a thousand baseballs, how many would I hit or not? Maybe the ones that I hit, we could sell the ones that I don't hit. We could sell on a different tier
Starting point is 00:12:36 and the ones that I swing and miss on. If there are any, if there are any that I miss, those would be sold at a different rate, right? So then, having a lunch, brainstorming, came up with this
Starting point is 00:12:46 idea. Credit goes to Emily for helping me come up with it. What if I take the... I already have all this equipment, right? I saved four or five full-size baseball bats. They're in my spare bedroom. So I can take the full-size baseball bats. Then I can take the wood-burning kit that I have and I can autograph my name
Starting point is 00:13:01 deeply into the barrel over and over again, kind of all over, like maybe put like 20 autographs all over the bat barrel, right? Where you connect with the ball. Then we get a big bucket of ink or paint, okay? We stand it next to a home plate in a batter's box. And then we put all,
Starting point is 00:13:21 we load a thousand baseballs into the pitching machine. Then I dip the bat into the ink or paint, and then I swing in a ball. And when I connect with the ball, my, the paint that has now gotten into the grooves of the baseball bat, uh, of my signature connects with the ball and it stamps my signature on the ball. And that's how we autograph a thousand baseballs. I love this idea. I think it's a fantastic idea. i think it's the best idea ever i think it's a great idea but i i think that should be like a blind box situation where you they're all the same price but you don't know
Starting point is 00:13:54 whether you'll get a hit or not okay i'm fine with that too i'm fine with that too i don't i i don't care how we portion it out i just want to i just want to do it. And I mean, I suspect it'll be interesting because out of 1,000 swings, I may hit 900 balls. So it may be rarer not to get an autograph in this situation than to get one. I was going the other way. I was immediately thinking with Gavin's
Starting point is 00:14:17 idea, I think the concern is we might be greatly overestimating how many balls you could hit. There might only be like 85 balls with autographs on them. So anyway, I'm excited about jumping into that and hitting the thousand balls and all that, but I want to get the ball throw out of the way first. So I want to talk about a timeline.
Starting point is 00:14:39 And unfortunately, that's been pushed back just a teeny bit because of some issues. Okay. Should we get straight into your issues? Yeah. Okay. Well, let me preface by saying I went to a party on Saturday. Oh, no.
Starting point is 00:14:55 A daytime yard party, right? Fred, it was lovely. I hadn't been in a backyard garden party since before COVID. It was amazing. I had a lovely time. I got to speak to some interesting people, catch up with some old friends. None of it related to the day job, outside of work stuff. It was really great.
Starting point is 00:15:14 However, in the process, I was talking to another friend of mine who was explaining that he, for like two years, had had what he thought was like a, a pulled muscle on his groin, kind of like near his hip. And, uh, it just would like never heal or heal for a couple of weeks. And then he would repull it. And then, and eventually he just got so frustrated with it.
Starting point is 00:15:34 He mentioned it to a doctor when he was like getting a physical. And the doctor was like, Oh, you probably have a groinal hernia. And he was like, yeah, most people think of hernias as like, you get that like bulge when your intestines are poking out or whatever.
Starting point is 00:15:45 But a groinal hernia, they don't poke out. It's just like a muscle tear. And so he he had a CT scan and he found out he had one and he he got it sewn up and now he's on the mend. Right. So as he was explaining that to me, I was realizing that what he's describing, I live with I've lived with for probably six years. I have a thing that is, I have a pulled muscle to the left, kind of under my, I don't know,
Starting point is 00:16:12 where your leg creases, kind of, on my left leg, that is like a pulled muscle that never quite heals and comes and goes and feels wrong. It feels different than a pulled muscle, and it drives me nuts. And I always just think i'm a wimp right so that i was thinking before i throw this fucking baseball maybe i should go to the doctor and make sure i don't have a hernia because i don't want to i don't
Starting point is 00:16:34 want to cause any additional damage because i'm about to go through some serious serious training regimen i have tools i have supply i went to the fucking sports store. My trunk is full of shit so that I can begin this process. So I just need to go to the doctor as of Saturday. I just needed to go to the doctor. Just bounce this off him. He could say, no, idiot, it's there's no way you have a hernia. Go home. You're fine. Throw your baseball. Or you could say, let's get a CT scan and see. Oh, you do have a hernia. You probably rip your leg off if you do this baseball 80 miles an hour. Let's patch that up for a couple. You take a month off and then you're ready to go.
Starting point is 00:17:09 Right. I'm desperate to complete this challenge because I know I can do it. I just have to set myself up for success. Okay. After that, that little bit of knowledge, which in my head, I think, all right, this is pushing the baseball down a little,
Starting point is 00:17:23 down the road a little bit, but not too much. Andrew will understand. Then I was feeling great, Andrew. I was feeling on top of the world. Saturday night, I decided to play tennis. So Emily and Millie and I, we played tennis from like 8 to 10 on Saturday night with the lights on at the park.
Starting point is 00:17:37 It was fucking cool. Felt awesome. Sunday, got up, went on a 22-mile bike ride. The weather was beautiful. I could go at my own speed because I wasn't dragging Gavin or Trevor behind me. It was super easy. It was just, it was perfect.
Starting point is 00:17:52 I came home. I'm telling you, I was on top of the world. I felt like I was 25 years old again, Andrew. I was full of sun. My body was lean and exercised. I was full of that post-workout energy. I looked at the backyard and I thought, I'm going to cut this fucking grass today.
Starting point is 00:18:08 That's what I'm going to do. I'm going to be productive. I had fun this morning. I'm going to be productive this afternoon. And I walked into the house. I walked into the bedroom. And I saw some laundry on the sofa in the bedroom. And I said, oh, before I cut the grass,
Starting point is 00:18:21 why don't I put that folded laundry away and be doubly productive? Because I'm in such a good mood, I'm doing house chores. Just, sorry, quick pause. Is this related to the photo of laundry that we saw, or is this a separate? That's the photo, yeah. Okay. Emily sent you guys a picture of laundry.
Starting point is 00:18:38 What do you think happened, Andrew? I don't know at this point. It's clearly Jeff got injured somehow trying to fold laundry it sounds like I will say it's very funny because you went on a list of like every sporting event a human could do you're like I did this
Starting point is 00:18:55 I did that I did that I kept waiting for the injury to happen if you're gonna tell me that it happened on a folding laundry incident I didn't fold this laundry Andrew okay you're just grabbing I wasn't the one to fold it. Okay, you're just grabbing. I wasn't the one to fold it. Yeah, it was,
Starting point is 00:19:09 I believe it was two pairs of pants, girl pants, so they're smaller. It was my girlfriend's pants, not mine. And two or three of her t-shirts, all folded up. And I just bent over to pick it up. And the second I reached my destination,
Starting point is 00:19:21 my hands reached that little pile of laundry, I realized I would never be able to stand again. My back, in that moment, broke in half. Oh, no. I've never felt a pain like that, like the muscle pull. Emily was on the phone with her parents having a Sunday call, and I went, ah! Emily was on the phone with her parents having like a Sunday call. And I went, ah!
Starting point is 00:19:50 And I just collapsed. And I became instantly bedridden. And I just got out of bed yesterday. Yesterday was my Wednesday was my first day out of bed. I, for the first day, I showed it to Gavin and Meg. Because they came over for Survivor last night. I had to have a chair next to the bed so that I could stand up and then push the chair
Starting point is 00:20:09 like old people walkers. I could push the chair just to the toilet so I could pee and back. And that process, half an hour. Half an hour to pee easily and excruciatingly painful. I have sneezed more this week than in my entire life. Each sneeze is like getting,
Starting point is 00:20:26 it's like Bane snapping Batman's back in half. That's what it feels like to sneeze. It has been brutal. Brutal, I tell you. I'm sitting in a special chair. It's the only way I can sit up in my house. So I'm looking up at my computer like a little, like I'm a fucking toddler because it's so far above me.
Starting point is 00:20:44 I cannot tell you the hell that I have been in since Sunday afternoon. computer like a little like like i'm a fucking toddler because it's so far above me it i i cannot tell you the hell that i have been in since sunday afternoon you do not need to explain the hell you're forgetting you're talking to the man with the worst ankles possibly on the planet i understand your pain yeah i get it i were over last night and uh we were we always try to because survivor is always the day before we record face We always try and avoid anything that might be mentioned on F*** Face. But I had that picture that he sent both of us. And he was moving real slow. He was sort of hobbling around between rooms.
Starting point is 00:21:17 And I was like, wait, are you injured? And he was just like, I don't want to talk about it. I held off for as long as I could. He't like the the speed of a 90 year old it was but also trying to play it off like he wasn't that injured so bad and then and then he pulled the photo up and he and meg started trying to guess it and so eventually it came out but yeah because i i immediately saw the laundry and i thought well jeff is shit all those clothes i didn't know an injury was even a factor i could just see him moving around i was like uh-oh what have you done yeah an absolute how did jeff shit on this pile of clothing what did he do to
Starting point is 00:21:57 destroy it did he drop another like smoothie bomb and it went all over the clothes like what there's some stains how do you shit his jeans and his shirt and his socks oh my god guys i'm i moved my toaster last week and i cleaned up more smoothie wow it was behind the toaster somehow so i need to i need to just double check i may have missed this Did you not have a shoulder issue? Was that just what? What was that? What shoulder issue? The whole you open this whole story about how you talk to a guy that had a thing wrong with his hip and it turned out to be an issue.
Starting point is 00:22:36 Oh, a hernia. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, I got. So I just this is where I am in the timeline. I have to get back to where I can leave the house again, like mobile and move around and stuff. And when I do that, like when I'm capable of leaving the house,
Starting point is 00:22:49 I will then go to the doctor, get this hernia thing checked out. Once I get the AOK from the doctor, then I'm going to throw a fucking baseball. Jack just asked me today, he was like,
Starting point is 00:22:59 would you be willing to do your first baseball throw on Extra Life as like a charity thing? So I was going to talk that over with you guys and see if you want to allow minor league fan Jack to co-opt our silly thing for the greater good or if we should tell him to go suck eggs.
Starting point is 00:23:15 But anyway, I just wanted to give you a heads up. That's why I haven't thrown the ball yet. It's because I just have to get through these minor setbacks so that I can throw the ball healthy so that then I can have my three months to, if I need it, to get to 80 miles an hour. And then, then it's fucking,
Starting point is 00:23:32 then I'm teeing off on the baseballs. Boom! Signature. Boom! Signature. Boom! Signature. Should we have a wall behind you for all of the strikes? With also some different colored ink? So like a canvas? Yeah, it just says like
Starting point is 00:23:46 loser stamped onto it. So the ball hit that. I have complete sympathy for your situation, Jeff. I hope your back gets better soon. I hope it's not a long term injury. I will say, though, and I just want to
Starting point is 00:24:00 throw this out there. I feel like you coin storied us again. I really feel like that you just did another version of the coin store at the sock, the sock thing. I think you just did that twice. Well, I feel like the buildup was necessary because he did all this other stuff in the day
Starting point is 00:24:15 that wasn't, you know, that was way more intensive than laundry picking. We learned a thing about him that had nothing ultimately to do with the point of his story. And it just, if anything, was like a fake tease. No, no. Everything I told you.
Starting point is 00:24:30 Everything I told you is germane to my ability to throw this ball. If I have a hernia, I got to get that fixed before I can throw the ball. But if I don't have a hernia, then we're fine. That's unrelated to what's currently happening. You can't. Correct. Correct. Go through.
Starting point is 00:24:44 It's a cascading series of events. Because it's something that we've got to deal with between now and the ball. Because now that I know about the possibility of a groinal hernia, I have to investigate it. It has to be dealt with before I can throw the ball. So I don't want to throw, pardon the reference, but I don't want to throw a curveball in the 11th hour
Starting point is 00:25:05 when you're not expecting it and be like, oh, by the way, I forgot to tell you because I don't want to pile on because I didn't think it was necessary to the laundry story that I also have a hernia like three weeks from now or some shit.
Starting point is 00:25:16 I want to give you all the information I have as I have it. Okay, so this is, you're saying there are no other possible issues. This is it. This is, you wanted it all at one time the hurdles are your back and you might have a hernia but the other
Starting point is 00:25:30 the other potential issue but I'm dealing with it and I won't let it be a problem because I have I have seemed to have developed a pretty since pretty severe case of tennis elbow from my tennis lessons but I bought a my throne arm but I bought a compression sleeve,
Starting point is 00:25:48 so I'm not even going to worry about it. Okay. There's no way you're throwing 80 regardless. I got this. We just got to get through these minor health hiccups to make sure that I'm in a fit as a fiddle,
Starting point is 00:26:03 and then I'm going gonna start throwing the heat you're gonna be the first person to end up in a full body cast from throwing I don't think you should try I just I just have to do it in a way that's not gonna snap my back in half oh wow okay so do we have no idea when your back will heal hopefully soon hope it's quick then uh i fucking hope so dude because i'm i'm out of town next week to go ride roller coasters so i hope i can i hope i can do that also i can't record next week but i assume everybody knew that okay anyway that. Anyway, that was my small update on where the ball is in progress. Still in progress.
Starting point is 00:26:50 Never stopped being in progress. I assumed in progress. Going to be even longer with the injury. I still, I don't think, I'm going to guess you throw 50, and I don't think you get above 65. And I assume that you're going to blame the ball. That's my ultimate guess for all this stuff you're gonna go through all the fucking
Starting point is 00:27:08 medical exams you're going through it's like you're going to space the amount of training you're going through this and then you're just gonna be like the balls off and then just deny we'll be delaying for the weather a few times absolutely if you two are gonna be at the same place for it we're never gonna get it done you guys gotta do it independently
Starting point is 00:27:24 this motherfucker he continues to be just an albatross around the neck of a good time. Let me tell you, fucking last night, we're watching Survivor. Everything's fine. Everything's going A-OK. We're like, I don't know, four-fifths of the way through the show. And Gavin goes, hey, no power went out. Hulu seems to be working. Nothing got in the way of us watching the episode.
Starting point is 00:27:50 And Meg looked at him and goes, You fucking asshole. You just jinxed us. And he's like, Ah, that's not blah, blah, blah, blah. British, that's not real. Whatever dumb shit he said. Not two minutes later in Tribal Council,
Starting point is 00:28:00 fucking boom. In the middle of Tribal Council, fucking Hulu goes out. Comes back, goes down again everyone was extremely mad at me and i feel like i was only 40 to blame god damn dude why did you say that oh i can't i'm just i'm still sad i'm still disappointed about the the outcome i don't know if spoilers or not or. I'm still disappointed about the outcome. I don't know if spoilers or not or whatever. I'm not going to say the person,
Starting point is 00:28:31 but I feel like it was a devastating loss to the season. I think he's the person who is this best player. I truly believe it. I was so excited every week to hear a different take on Broccoli and how he fumbles it. But he was my pick to win. I love how he's self-aware about that too yeah that's great i really sucked at that yeah i didn't like how i said it i assumed that he would like go over to the guy and be all private about it i didn't expect him to just fucking declare on the mat i don't think that's a rule i don't think they have to do in that context because then he walked over and was like i'm
Starting point is 00:29:07 sure flub that like i don't think you need to i think they do have to say it in front of everyone you well i don't okay it's such a favorite thing jeff's always like all right even though he knows exactly what's going on oh yeah jeff brooks is great at playing that shit straight he's like if you say so moving on anyway that's the survivor update of the week yeah i will say the one thing that was great about watching it last night was you know we all picked our characters and you know gavin picked brad and i picked tiffany and last night was just an it was just watch We both could tell one of us was going home, and it was just watching two people
Starting point is 00:29:47 just fucking... just fall through Survivor. My pick had a big sway in the decision. We were all involved in some way. You two felt like one of you were going home. My pick was like, I gotta make this choice. Disappointed.
Starting point is 00:30:00 Yeah, that's true. Disappointed in my pick. Just hum and do some evil shit. That's what you do vote the other way oh uh if you want for the baseball portion of this non-baseball podcast i will say uh yankees red sox wild card game the other night there was so much don zimmer coverage it was awesome he showed up in a bunch of different vignettes they showed the pedro fight they had all kinds of zimmer coverage if you're a zimmer if you're a fan of the vignettes. They showed the Pedro fight. They had all kinds of Zimmer coverage.
Starting point is 00:30:25 If you're a fan of the Zim, it was a good time to tune in. I'm so glad you mentioned that because I was watching that and they had a cut. They were doing history of the series between the teams and they just showed an image
Starting point is 00:30:36 of Don Zimmer facing the grass when he fell. I was like, that's the least flattering image of all the images for that. You choose that to be the representation of just him face first on Impact. And Pedro Martinez,
Starting point is 00:30:50 who threw him, you know, the Pedro in the Don Pedro project that I'm working on. He is one of the color commentators for like the TBS, like before the game coverage with Ernie from inside the NBA on TNT.
Starting point is 00:31:04 And he's very funny and very colorful TNT, then he's very funny and very, uh, colorful, I'll say. He's a funny dude. This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp Online Therapy. The best way to think about therapy is through a bunch of analogies. We get oil changes for our cars to prevent bigger issues
Starting point is 00:31:23 down the road. We see the doctor, and we go to the gym to take care of our bodies to present injury and disease. We get oil changes for our cars to prevent bigger issues down the road. We see the doctor and we go to the gym to take care of our bodies to present injury and disease. We do chores regular, well some of us do chores regularly to avoid messy houses. Going to therapy is like all of the above. It is routine maintenance for your mental and emotional wellness to prevent bigger issues down the road. Going to therapy doesn't mean that something's wrong with you, it means you're investing in yourself to keep your mind healthy. BetterHelp is customized online therapy that offers video, phone, and even live chat sessions with your therapist. So you don't have to see anyone on camera if you don't want to. It is much more affordable
Starting point is 00:31:58 than in-person therapy, and you can start communicating with your therapist in under 48 hours. Why invest in everything else and not your mind? This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp and F*** Face listeners get 10% off their first month at BetterHelp.com slash face. That's B-E-T-T-E-R-H-L-E-P.com slash face. Tushy, the modern bidet company, washes away even the messiest of poops, leaving you with a better clean than toilet paper. Discuss your worst poop experiences and how Tushy could have helped. I routinely discuss my poop experiences, good and bad, on this very podcast in gross detail. And I mention quite often about the efficacy of cleaning your butthole with water.
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Starting point is 00:33:37 After you buy and install your Tushy, show it off. Tag us and at hellotushy on Instagram. Should we talk about garlic? We're halfway through. My front door just... Let me go see if my garlic thing showed up. I'll be right back. What do you mean your garlic?
Starting point is 00:33:56 We should also cover the I'm not a blank guy list. Yeah. Well, I think we need to touch on garlic and then we can do that. Yeah, you want to do it that way, Ralph? I think so because I've had my foot in garlic for an hour now. So...
Starting point is 00:34:10 I feel like we need to mention it. It was supposed to... You always just do stuff. Well, no, no, no, no, no. Let me... Here. The science said you had to do it an hour before, that it didn't kick in until an hour into it.
Starting point is 00:34:24 So you're the only one partaking in this experiment. So I put it in. Mine has not been. Why didn't you tell me when I was six minutes early get the foot in now? Well, I didn't know what getting ready meant. I didn't know anyone else was doing garlic. I'm getting garlic. I'm
Starting point is 00:34:39 making cheese and pickle sandwiches. I'm getting all this shit ready. What do you mean? What? What are you talking about? We're halfway through. You're too late anyway. Are we garlicing? Well, did you hear that, Geoff? I've been garlicing.
Starting point is 00:34:52 No, what's up? Apparently, dipshit, the experiment only works if you've had your foot in garlic for an hour. So I was saying, why didn't he tell me that when I was six minutes early? I could have dunked the foot straight in. I've been sitting here next to a tray of garlic. I could have put my foot in it at any point in time. Okay. I think the second thing is you need to contain it as well. Like it's- it's you need to wrap it. It's not just that your foot is in- I think it's a wrap-
Starting point is 00:35:15 Where was all this information? No, no, no, no. I don't have to contain it. I- dude, I- I saw your garlic. I have like minced liquid garlic. That's gonna be- that's gonna fucking- fucking that's it's gonna seep into my pores hold on which Let me I'll show you a post I got I've been wearing a garlic shoe for this entire podcast so far Oh, this sucks. I'm going out for a meal tonight I'm gonna be just tasting garlic based on the freaking stuff that was on my foot an hour ago This is my foot I just got garlic shoe
Starting point is 00:35:41 my foot an hour ago. This is my foot. I just got garlic shit. Andrew's foot is wrapped in... That is the most disgusting picture I've ever seen. I can one-up you, buddy. Hold on a second. That's just gonna be full of sweat.
Starting point is 00:35:56 There's no way that's... He sweat-locked his foot and there's garlic in the bag. You're supposed to contain it and it takes an hour. So I thought we'd bring it up at the beginning and I'd say when the garlic kicked in. We're 30 minutes in. I'm starting to get some hints of garlic.
Starting point is 00:36:12 I just got garlic and a knife and I was just going to spread some on. Well, your foot. I got a foot full of garlic and I ordered a steak so I can see if I can flavor the steak in my mouth with the garlic. Yeah, I made a cheese and Branston sandwich and I was going to knife some garlic onto the bottom of my foot and see if I could taste it in the sandwich. Wait! You thought that you'd immediately taste garlic after you just spread it on your... I don't know the rules!
Starting point is 00:36:34 What are you... What are you spreading? What type of spread? You got an aioli? What are you doing? What do you mean? It's a little... Oh, let me show you a picture. Oh, Jesus Christ! Oh my god! I got my foot in garlic and I got my steak right here It looks like you're imprinting your foot
Starting point is 00:36:55 What is the thing? What is the dressing in that? That olive oil? What is that? It's just minced garlic It's pure It's pure garlic That olive oil? What is that? No, it's just- it's just minced garlic. Oh! It's just- it's pure- it's pure garlic, dude. Are you just gonna post a fucking photo of a butter knife, Gavin? What are you gonna do? What was your setup? It makes no sense. I was just-
Starting point is 00:37:16 Oh, well. Let me post the picture. I was just gonna knife some of that one. Does that not count? I don't think that counts. Here's my steak. Also, it was supposed to just be an unseasoned steak. There's no way that's not seasoned. What are you doing? I ordered
Starting point is 00:37:37 an unseasoned steak and the steakhouse canceled my order two minutes before the podcast started, so I had to order something from Outback Steakhouse. What is that? You're telling me that steak isn't seasoned? Look at that steak! Alright, it's going on the foot. Pepper all over the plate. What are
Starting point is 00:37:54 you doing? It's not seasoned in garlic, it's seasoned in pepper. There's some oil in this. Oh, I got broccoli. Where on the foot is the prime area? It's the heel, I believe. Oh my god, I put it. Where on the foot is the prime area? It's the heel, I believe. Oh, my God. I put it everywhere except my heel.
Starting point is 00:38:10 What are you doing? The heel. You're not giving me any information. Your instructions are, have it on your heel an hour ago. Yeah, you're fucking salad. You're making a salad out of this, dude. What do you mean? I'm the only one who did it, right? I didn't know the road you gonna do it fucking safeguarded the information and didn't let us have it
Starting point is 00:38:31 Well, I didn't know you're gonna use it first of all from the things I've said this is just incorrect If anything you should be happy Jeff you're eating a fucking steak that looks delicious You've won. Yeah, but I can't taste the garlic It looks like I've stepped in cat vomit. What are you doing, Gavin? What? Why would you do that? Let's see your foot.
Starting point is 00:38:51 No, I don't want to see it. No, it's too gross. No. I don't want to make foot content. I'm out. No. It's on there. It's on there.
Starting point is 00:39:00 Trust me. Oh, Jesus Christ. How much did you put on? Should we not release these photos? Is that too gross? No, you can really... If you want to make foot stuff, then go for it. Just really narrow it in the specific category of foot on garlic.
Starting point is 00:39:20 Finally. I just love that it says fart hard in that picture. It's a great photo. Have you rolled your ankle? in that picture. It's a great photo! Have you rolled your ankle? It looks swollen. It's just the angle. Oh, okay. It always looks weird if I take them at the wrong angle. Alright, so, so far, I can smell a lot of garlic.
Starting point is 00:39:38 Well, you just opened it. Of course you can. Like, I don't know. I can't taste this garlic yet. Yeah, I'm gonna take a bite of this sandwich. I think it takes an hour. I think it takes an hour to kick in. Tasting garlic with feet. Tastes like cheese and pickle. So I'll just leave my foot in the thing.
Starting point is 00:39:55 Well, Andrew, you've had your foot in garlic for a full hour. How does it taste? I'm not getting a lot of taste yet. I'm getting some through the nose. Like, I feel like I can smell it like deep, deep in the nose. But it's not in the mouth yet. Do you think maybe that's all it is? I mean, we'll
Starting point is 00:40:12 find out. We're gonna, I'm in a position, if I'm gonna taste it, I'm gonna taste, like, we will find out definitively. I got some bread, I was gonna have garlic toast. Or garlic bread. There's no garlic on the bread. Just foot garlic. I will say the um the cheese and bread sandwich with gentle wafts of garlic. It's pretty nice.
Starting point is 00:40:32 Not sure I'm tasting it. What's your food that you're eating? I'm eating bread. I was gonna do garlic bread. Yeah, garlic bread was the idea. Are you a garlic bread guy? I'm a huge garlic bread guy. Love garlic bread. Get some cheese on there. Melt it. Fantastic. It's a great food.
Starting point is 00:40:49 I think it might be the best bread. I'd go as far as saying garlic bread is the best bread. Oh, I don't know. I'd have to think about that for a while, but it is very, very good. I'm recently a two things guy. I know we're going to do a whole segment about your things, but I just discovered I am a I was talking about Gavin last night. I want to get into this in a big way with face.
Starting point is 00:41:06 I'm a koozie guy now. I'm falling hard for koozies. And oh my God, are you guys aware of pastrami? I was like an idea. Phenomenal. I am a fucking pastrami guy through and through. I have discovered over the course of the last like three weeks. I cannot get enough pastrami in me.
Starting point is 00:41:28 It is so good. Okay. I'd never eaten pastrami before. How do you never? Pastrami? Yeah, it's not a big thing in the like in the South in America. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:41:40 Oh, that's my bad. I should have said the hour. That's on me. It's slipping off. I've got to have my foot face up. What are you doing? You don't have a thing to put your foot into? Well, I don't have a tray. I was just going to spread it on hoping it'd be like butter.
Starting point is 00:41:56 It's more the consistency of cat sick. So if I don't keep my foot upright, it's just going to slough off onto the carpet. It's my fault about the hour i don't know what you're doing with your game plan the fact you don't have a tray that's a clear cookie sheet situation i'm i gotta my foot's nestled safely in a cookie sheet it's fucking great so it says strong it says the try it for yourself cut a piece of fresh garlic in half then in a separate
Starting point is 00:42:26 room that doesn't smell like garlic take off your shoes and socks and place your feet into a plastic bag with the piece of garlic after an hour you'll be able to both taste and smell the car neither of you are doing any of it right you've missed on every level it's not contained it's not fresh garlic you don't have a time you do not have the time to taste the garlic but i feel like you have to stick with what you're doing until you get that hour to find out if there is any effect in a separate room that doesn't smell like garlic how is that important does it mean you should stay in that well no no it's just you know garlic gives a lot of odor. So you don't want to be, you like want to establish this isn't from cutting up the garlic
Starting point is 00:43:09 in this space. You're smelling that you're in a garlic-free zone outside of what's on your foot. Oh, can I give you guys a little bit of good, oh, there's good veggies. Can I give you guys a little bit of good, uh, good face news? Yes. Yeah. The most recent episode of face to be in the report. I don't know if it's this Wednesday's episode.
Starting point is 00:43:27 No, it'd be last week's episode. So that was 70 or 71. I think it was the, probably the Spicy Icy episode. Last week's episode was 70, which was the mid-episode retraction and retrain an anus. Okay, that one.
Starting point is 00:43:42 That is the, on track to be the highest viewed episode or listened to episode of all time. Wow, that's awesome. Yeah, yeah, it's doing really well. Thank you to everybody who's listening and sharing it. For real, thank you so much to everybody who's listening. And some of you appear to be listening twice
Starting point is 00:43:57 or even three times, like you two or three times more. And if you told somebody about it, super appreciate that too. It's nice to know that people are listening. really appreciate i really appreciate the people who are actually telling because it's a gamble it's a gamble saying hey listen to this podcast give up your time for this shit i i feel like that's a special bond if you if you know someone you would share this podcast with i think that's great for your friendship listen you need to hear me out but they put a bunch of garlic on their feet.
Starting point is 00:44:28 But they did it wrong, and that's why it's funny. They did it wrong. Goddamn, dude. The thing, I don't even know if I did it right, to be completely honest. If we're just going to be sharing things here, I don't know if I did it right. I don't think I cut into every piece. I've got five pieces of garlic in the bag. I two and a half i guess three of them i think that's a three cut i think it's enough i think if i'm gonna get it i'm gonna get it at that point all
Starting point is 00:44:53 i know is that i don't want to be anywhere near that when you open the bag it's gonna be that's the problem rancid here's the thing i don't i'm scared to do it i don't know when i'm gonna take this bag off it might just be here for a while. Just shove that bag. Just take your foot with that bag and shove it in the fire extinguisher bag. Make it like a Matryoshka doll of dumb shit you've done on this podcast.
Starting point is 00:45:16 Take it out of that bag, dunk it straight in the fire extinguisher dust and it will dampen the smell. Realistically, I don't know why I'd have to take the bag off. Like, what would be the thing that forces me to do it? I think I could live my life with this footbag for a while if I wanted. You're a fool. It would rot away.
Starting point is 00:45:32 I don't want to. I don't want to. I'm just saying I think I could. You could. And here, I'm going to go through something. This reminds me of a piece of golden, amazing, brilliant early internet. Do you guys remember the spark.com? No.
Starting point is 00:45:48 I think it's like a Cliff Notes kind of thing. And then I think it eventually turned into a dating site. But before that, they did like, it was like an internet. Well, they called them E-Insights, everything, nothing site. But it was like a blog, like entertainment site back in the day. And there was a guy on there named Christian who would would do all these experiments he did this one called the date my sister project he did a bunch of different stuff but he did one called there was one called the stinky meat project where somebody took a whole bunch of uh like barbecue and they put it
Starting point is 00:46:17 on a plate and then they hid it in their neighbor's backyard and then they just would sneak over once a day and document it as it was deteriorating and seeing how long it would take his neighbors to let us smell. So he did one that was like a response to that called the Stinky Feet Project, where he went, I think he's from Boston. He went into a public, like a YMCA shower, barefoot with one foot. And he walked around the shower and bathroom barefoot. And then he stuck his foot in a plastic bag for 30 days and didn't take it out. It was called the Stinky Feet Project
Starting point is 00:46:47 to see what would happen to him, and he documented it hilariously the whole way, and he ended up with all manner of issues with his foot. Oh, Jesus Christ. Was any of it permanent? I don't know. I don't know. This was pre-Rooster Teeth.
Starting point is 00:47:02 This was early 2000s uh probably 2001 2002 but uh if you could probably find it online it was a very funny you know it was back then it was all like pictures and and and words that was pre-video so very funny I feel like as long as I hop on one leg I could commit crimes right now and I'd be good I wouldn't get caught except you would leave a trail of garlic smell all the way back to the bed. I'm like a Batman villain. The garlic bandit, yeah. Yep.
Starting point is 00:47:33 I think I smell garlic right now. I think it's coming. I think it's kicking in. I can really... I got some garlic in the air. That's probably because there's garlic. Have you achieved a full hour? Yeah. No, I put this on 74 minutes ago.
Starting point is 00:47:49 So I feel like I'm getting, I feel like it's kicking in. I feel like I'm getting some strong, strong garden, garden, blah, garlic. I can't even say it. Strong garlic odors right now. Yeah, but that's because there's actually garlic in your foot. No, but it's in my nose, right? Like, it's deep
Starting point is 00:48:05 listen you wouldn't understand you didn't do this experiment right but it is it's in my core have you wrapped the bag enough to the point where you know no garlic is leaking out i taped the fuck out of the top of that bag i did like oh yeah it's like loops with tape your leg oh it's gonna be a problem when i take off this bag. That's not going to be fun. Do you know, I think I know the next face uniform project we could make. Garlic bags? Garlic patches. Garlic patches for your feet.
Starting point is 00:48:36 Yeah. Almost like those icy hot patches you put on your back, but that imbue the power of garlic into your foot so that you could be like, hey, my girlfriend doesn't like when I eat garlic because it gives me a stinky mouth, but I like to eat garlic with my dinner. So like an hour before you go to your restaurant, slap on a garlic patch on the heel of your foot, put your sock and your shoe on like normal,
Starting point is 00:48:56 go eat your steak and your mashed potatoes, and you'll be tasting garlic all goddamn day long. But when you get a kisser at the end of the night, you won't have garlic breath. Would it be like a massive nicotine patch? Like a big band-aid with a garlic lump in the middle? It could be, yeah. We'll call it Flavor Foot.
Starting point is 00:49:13 It's going to revolutionize the world. Could it just be socks, Jeff? Would it be a garlic sock product, maybe? Not more socks. It looks like a normal sock, but you slip it over. Two left garlic socks. I was asking I had a merch meeting yesterday and I was asking the merch guys if we could
Starting point is 00:49:29 sell like a face branded like Tiger Balm and Icy Hot for all of my injuries. What? They said no. Yeah. I feel like that's a tough one. Yeah. Also all of your relationship to Tiger Balm on their show has been shoving it in your asshole. I don't feel like that's a tough one. Yeah. Also, all of your relationship to Tiger Balm on this show has been shoving it in your asshole.
Starting point is 00:49:47 I don't feel like that's a thing you then want to sell. Well, I wanted to get the patch for my back. Okay. Because I've been going through them. That's fair. Your fucking back. You're going to ride roller coasters next week. I'm definitely going to see them.
Starting point is 00:50:03 I don't know if I'll ride them. You just made my week, Jeff. All of next week, I'll be thinking about you and your shitty back walking around. I'm not going to be. I don't know how much walking I'll be doing either. You're going to experience zero amusement at this amusement park. It's going to be fantastic. It's going to make me very happy.
Starting point is 00:50:21 Jack made a joke today that he would just push me around in a wheelchair so I can't get out of it. And that actually seems like a solution to me. So I'm open to that if I have to. It's like the idea of some fan seeing that and taking a picture. Just be like,
Starting point is 00:50:36 look at where Achievement Hunter has ended up. Oh, this garlic. I'm getting a lot of garlic. I'm tasting it. It's working. The science is working. You're tasting it just in your mouth?
Starting point is 00:50:58 I'm tasting it in my mouth right now. This is fucking crazy. I didn't expect this to work. Are you still garlicking, Gavin? No, my leg was going numb, and I wasn't like this to work. Are you are you still garlic in Gavin? No, I was my legs going numb, and I wasn't like an hour Well for my sandwich is gone. I had a feeling you were gonna bitch out But for the record I am still garlicking so I gotta be going on 30 minutes at this point. I should be getting I Mean you're missing key steps, but I'm tell I could I need to try I need to have some bread Give me a minute. Let me get this bread.
Starting point is 00:51:25 Let me open this up. See if this is some garlic bread. Well, it should be toast, really, shouldn't it? For the full effect? Well, is it? No, there's not. You can have garlic bread without it being toasted. What do you think is more iconic?
Starting point is 00:51:38 Garlic bread or garlic mashed potatoes? Oh, garlic bread. Yeah, I guess so. By a lot. Garlic mashed potatoes. Oh, garlic bread. Yeah, I guess so. By a lot. Garlic mashed potatoes are great. That reminds me. I feel like we need to get into this list because there's some things.
Starting point is 00:51:51 Yeah, let's get into the list. There's some things that we need to address with this. So an amazing comment lever has compiled a list of all of the I'm not or I am a blank guy moments from Andrew. And it is an insane thing to read in a row. the I'm not or I am a blank guy moments from Andrew. And it is an insane thing to read in a row. Shall I just read down the list and then we can get into the like, do you remember what they are?
Starting point is 00:52:16 Do you want to do that or do you want to go one by one? And then we like address. Yeah, let's go one by one and I can address them as they appear. Okay, it's definitely what I'm noticing is that it's definitely ramped up as F***face has gone on. Towards the beginning, there's like a seven episode gap where you never said it. There's a nine episode gap after that. Alright. Episode
Starting point is 00:52:35 one, it just says, unsure if he's a Dan Bilzerian guy. Definitely not a Dan Bilzerian guy. That has been an update. Episode eight. Not a pickle guyizzare guy. That has been an update. Episode 8. Not a pickle guy. Still true. Not a good medical person.
Starting point is 00:52:52 I don't know what that... I'm gonna assume it's like... I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is, but I think it's probably true. I'd say that's still true. Do you want to move on from that one? I'm gonna guess that that's probably related to like going to get checked out when my ankle's fucked up or something like that like i'm gonna assume it's that episode 19 not an egg guy still not an egg guy still haven't tried it i feel like the classic
Starting point is 00:53:16 classic classic moment yeah not a big chocolate fan see that is i wanna i wanna clarify that that's an important clarification i it's not that I dislike chocolate. I would say I'm not a chocolate guy. I think that's true. I prefer salt. But you okay, Jeff? You getting some garlic? Oh.
Starting point is 00:53:36 I feel like you may have moved his foot and the wind is taking the garlic. No, no. I haven't moved my foot at all. But I'm telling you, I'm sitting in garlic juice. I think it's... Dude, my nose all at once just started tickling in the back and burning like I had wasabi or something.
Starting point is 00:53:55 And I definitely can smell garlic in a way I couldn't before. A deep, a deep garlic smell. Oh, it's uncomfortable. Sorry, sorry, continue. I think my favorite thing about this list is that for episode one you were unsure if you were a dan blizzerian guy i didn't i don't think he knew who he was i didn't really know who he was yeah i've learned since not a not a dan blizzerian guy at all episode 21 not a frozen fruit guy this is i need to talk about this this has been a big recent change in my life i am now put it on record i'm now a big frozen fruit guy episode 21 not a frozen fruit guy episode 73 a frozen fruit guy yep no it's on the on the books
Starting point is 00:54:41 i would almost go as far as saying i recently have gotten into some frozen raspberries, like store-bought frozen in a bag raspberries. Game changer. Might be my favorite way to eat raspberries at this point. Throw them in some water, use them as ice cubes. Just eat them out of the bag. They're delicious. You might as well blend them up on you in a smoothie.
Starting point is 00:54:58 Oh, I'm sure you could do that too. I haven't gone that far yet. I've just used them as like... Just suck it on ice cubes of raspberries. Yeah, they're great try it it's fucking delicious highly recommend are you an ice eater because a lot of people just like chew ice cubes but that's can't i hate that's another thing i i was also i hated ice i've become an ice guy i'm not gonna chew on them i'm not a big chewing ice guy but i'm putting them in some drinks recently outcast was right
Starting point is 00:55:26 cooler there is something cooler than cool and it's ice cold and it's fucking put some ice in that drink you're gonna have a great time i used to just think oh it's in the fridge it's cool i'm good enough no you get some ice cubes in there it is delicious big ice list faster than i can read it. All right. Not a big syrup guy. That's true. In the same episode, not a pants guy. I don't even own a pair of pants.
Starting point is 00:55:55 So yeah, still remains true. Do not own. Not, I hate pants. Not a caffeine person. Yeah, it's not a judgment. I just don't drink coffee. I'm not a big energy drink consumer. I just don't have a lot of caffeine, but nothing against it you still are you still using your keurig to make uh other shit uh i haven't used it in a while uh to make anything but hot chocolate i'm still in some
Starting point is 00:56:14 hot chocolate rotation with it but i haven't used it for ramen recently gotcha no cooking recipes episode 29 would love to be a hat guy i would absolutely love to be a hat guy it's just it's my head's too big i can't do it in the same episode not a big party guy okay that's absolutely the one where you sat in the chair yeah probably it was within the context of that i'd assume episode 30 not a mayo guy not a soup guy not a heating guy So we need to we need to tackle these one at a time I am still not a mayo guy, but holy shit am I an aioli guy I fucking love an aioli give me a roasted garlic aioli I know it's just mayo, but if you have a different word you fancy it up and call it an aioli
Starting point is 00:57:04 I'm all on board give me endless ai mayo, but if you have a different word, you fancy it up and call it an aioli, I'm all on board. Give me endless aioli, but I hate mayo. So you like flavored mayo is what you're saying. I'm a fan of flavored mayo, and I'm okay with mayo as long as I know it's not there. It needs to be a sneaky mayo. So do you think one step up from the condiment challenge would be the aioli challenge? I don't want us to touch condiments ever in the future. I'm scared.
Starting point is 00:57:34 It'll be the end of this podcast. aioli challenge i i don't want us to touch condiments ever in the future you also can't do better than a garlic aioli so there's no point there's no evolution on it last night at survivor meg brought up the the condiment thing and i was just like no still not a soup guy absolutely hate heating not a fan of it in any Still not a soup guy. Absolutely hate heating. Not a fan of it in any way. Not a fan. What does that mean, heating? Like radiators or like central air? Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:57:52 Like if I want my place to be as cool as it possibly can be, I don't like it when it's hot outside. I much prefer cold over hot. But what if you're too cold? I'm never too cold. It doesn't happen. It's never an issue. Okay.
Starting point is 00:58:07 Still not a soup guy. Interesting. Because there are some good soups out there. There are some great soups. I could see myself eventually becoming a soup guy, but I just haven't experienced it. What's your favorite soup, Gavin? Yeah, I feel like mine was an acquired taste.
Starting point is 00:58:19 My favorite soup is probably my least favorite soup when I was growing up. Tomato and basil. That's a good soup. I feel like you have to be a grown-up to really enjoy it. is probably my least favorite soup when I was growing up. Tomato and basil. That's a good soup. I feel like you have to be a grown-up to really enjoy it. Yeah. I remember as a kid just being like,
Starting point is 00:58:32 ugh, I didn't like the smell of it. Episode 32. Oh, this one. I like the way he's made sure not to just blindly put them in. He's clarified, asked if he's not much of a bat guy by Jeff. I feel like that one doesn't really count. Yeah, I was going to say,
Starting point is 00:58:49 I would say at that time, not a bat guy. At this point, I own like four bats. So I think I'm definitively a bat guy at this point. I have to be. Episode 33,
Starting point is 00:58:58 the return of not a pants guy. The second mentioning. I need it to be known. That's how much I dislike pants. It needs multiple sayings i am not do not accuse me of being a pants guy it's not true uh there was then a seven episode gap when you stated i'm not a socks guy still true not a socks guy don't like him it's like a prison on your feet i don't like him i like my feet debris coming from the guy with a bag of
Starting point is 00:59:22 garlic straps this is my commitment to the show. This isn't a thing I do. Episode 41. Not the sound guy. I don't know what that means. Maybe we were dealing with... Oh, that was in the intro, so we're probably dealing with your tech problems, I assume.
Starting point is 00:59:39 Oh, that makes sense. You also said, not a social media guy. Coming from the guy who's been on social media for over a decade, I think. I don't know what that, what does that mean? What do you mean? You said you're not a social media guy. Yeah, but what does the, the, for a decade thing, what does that mean? Are you saying that I am?
Starting point is 00:59:55 Well, when did you get Twitter? Well, it doesn't matter when I got it, I barely use it. Um, I like, I look at tweets, I'm not posting a lot. Almost everything I post is related to the show. I think I've had a Twitter account for 13 years, and I have less than, I'd say, at tweets. I'm not posting a lot. Almost everything I post is related to the show. I think I've had a Twitter account for 13 years and I have less than, I'd say, 700 tweets. 700? I'd say you're a social media guy. No, I bet you 300 of those are show-related.
Starting point is 01:00:17 Okay, well, possibly. Episode 44. A mere four episodes after Not A Socks Guy, Andrew declares he is not a socks guy once again twice in the same episode even Andrew feels so
Starting point is 01:00:33 Andrew feels so strongly about restrictive clothing I'm not a fan of it three mentions of not a socks once in 40 and twice in 44 episode 45 don't understand this one at all not a fine ideas guy this is what i think it is i've thought about this and i agree with this statement so i'm a big fan of either terrible ideas or great ideas i don't like a decent idea a middle idea isn't that
Starting point is 01:01:01 exciting it's fine that plan is a fine plan i either want it to be a horrible plan or a great plan. I'm not a big fine ideas guy. Fine? You think that's all that means? Is that right? I think so. I haven't checked, but I'm assuming that's the context. Episode 46.
Starting point is 01:01:20 Not a hand towel guy. I never use them. Don't need them. Unneeded Are you are you more of a like a? Dyson Airblade or an accelerator guy like a blower guy or are you talking like in the bathroom at home? You just sort of shake your hands dry. Oh you shaking the hands and yeah from if we're talking a food situation I'm not even a napkin guy don't need it. I'm careful with what I do. I'm precise. guy don't need it i'm careful with what i do i'm precise i don't need any
Starting point is 01:01:45 i'm careful with what i do i am i make sure the sauce the food ratio is fine it's not gonna spill if it does then i just have to live with it that's life you have consequences for your actions when you stepped in a sushi container yeah i assume there was some residue in it what did you how did you get that off no i don't think there was i think it was just like a top it was the top it was the cover part i don't think there was anything there and if i did i would have stepped in it i'm probably just having a shower at that point if it's washing it away. You would say a paper towel is the tool of the imprecise, then? According to you. Well, a paper towel, I feel like,
Starting point is 01:02:32 has other uses than just culinary. That's the thing you could wipe down all sorts of things with. So, yeah, I wouldn't say that, I don't think. Episode 47, not a butt doctor. Still true. Yeah, still factually correct. Episode. Do you think that's the one where I declared that?
Starting point is 01:02:53 Declayed? Declayed. Yeah. Tell me about how cars are barking at you again. Declayed. What? Was that the one where I said I didn't have an anal fissure, you think? And then I doubled back? Yeah, I think that was the one where I say you have an anal fissure, you think? And then I double.
Starting point is 01:03:05 Yeah, I think that was the, uh, yeah. Anal trenches era. Probably. Yeah. Episode 49. This is a hell of a lot. Not a big phone person. Not a hot, not a cold or hot.
Starting point is 01:03:16 What's it say? Oh yeah. Not a big phone person. Not a cold or room temperature cheese guy. Not a big ham person. It's all true. I don't use my phone all that often. I'm not big on apps on the phone.
Starting point is 01:03:34 I can't stay. If you're going to have cheese on something, it better be melted. There's nothing more disappointing to me than something with room temperature cheese. And then not a big ham person. Once again, sort of like the mayo. I'm not going to order it. Once again, sort of like the mayo, I'm not going to order it. If it's there, I'm fine with it.
Starting point is 01:03:51 Episode 51. Not a cold guy. So that is in with your... This is the thing. Yeah, I love the cold. I'm a big fan of the cold. I don't know what this would be in reference to. Well, I feel like it's similar to what you just said, where you say
Starting point is 01:04:07 you don't get cold. You're not a cold guy. Oh, that could be it. You may decipher it. That could be it. I do not get cold. Yeah. No, I think that might be right, Gavin. That's a good call by you. That was my prediction anyway. We'll have to verify these, obviously. Episode 52, not an arts and crafts
Starting point is 01:04:24 guy. I think my basket shows otherwise I think I've changed that I think it's clearly I clearly am at this point episode 53 not a big mashed potato person see this is the other thing I am the biggest potato guy maybe
Starting point is 01:04:39 in Canada I'm a big potato guy I love a mashed potato statement you're the biggest potato guy in Canada. I'm a big potato guy. I love a mashed potato. That is a bold statement. You're the biggest potato guy in Canada. I think so. I love a potato. I'll take a potato any meal. You don't like it mashed? Is that what you think? No, I love mashed potatoes. What are you talking about? I feel like
Starting point is 01:04:55 this may have been, and I'm just gonna make a prediction here. This one, I was trying to make hash browns and they turned into mashed potatoes, and I didn't know how to then make mashed potatoes. I don't really know how to make make mashed potatoes but i'll eat the fuck out of some mashed potatoes i love a good mash so it's more of a i'm not a big mashed potatoes preparation person yeah i'm not a big mashed potato recipe guy is probably actually how that should read i would assume because i am a huge mashed potato guy episode Episode 56, not a can guy.
Starting point is 01:05:25 Also true, respect the can, I just don't drink many things out of a can. Not a can guy. A six episode break, and then episode 62, not a pasta guy. Once again, true, nothing against it, I just, not my rotation to foods all that often. That's still true.
Starting point is 01:05:40 Fair play. So I remember this one. Episode 63, not a measuring guy. I mean, I think Dinklage just says it all. We all have, it's 63 not a measuring i mean i think dinklage just says it all we all have it's that's just not a thing i'm good at i feel like a a really uh talented artist comment lever or roosterteeth artist could make a like a campaign style poster of andrew like vote for andrew running for biggest potato guy in Canada. And then it could have all the vote for Andrew. He's a,
Starting point is 01:06:08 and then all of the things you are and, and he's also not a, this could be all of the attributes of your platforms. It could just be a bunch of things with a little checkbox. And it's either X out or it's got a check. Yeah. Oh, I'm sorry. There's an X through heating, but a tick in cold.
Starting point is 01:06:33 I want one where I've reversed position, like the frozen fruit. Like it's an X and then it's a double. It's like scribbled out. That'd be an awesome poster. Oh, man. Episode 65, not a big bike guy. Specifically big bikes, apparently. I'm not a big bike guy.
Starting point is 01:06:53 I love a little bike, but not a big bike. Which leads us directly into episode 66. Not a big rules guy. So this is a real moral dilemma for me, because I think that's true, but as I've also said, I'm a big rules guy. So this is a real moral dilemma for me because I think that's true. But as I've also said, I'm a big recipe guy. I will follow that recipe to a T.
Starting point is 01:07:11 I will obey the laws of a recipe. But general rules, it's a little sometimes they're dumb. Sometimes there's some dumb rules. An episode 68, not a not guy. Yeah, no, that's very true. So like tying knots, I think we talked about this before.
Starting point is 01:07:29 I had boat safety, grade five. I was like, I'm going to ace this fucking boat safety course. I'm going to do amazing at it. There's a whole section on knots and I gave up. That's the end of my pursuit of a perfect score. Can't do it. So shout out to, what's this username? Evilincoln. Evilincoln evil lincoln evie lincoln was it i think you nailed it one of the two there's no way it's not one of the two things
Starting point is 01:07:56 you said i'm glad you took the shot at it gavin because i didn't know how to read it either i appreciate you making the attempt yeah it's like both words use the L, it looks like. Yeah. Dude, Evie, Evil, Evil Lincoln, thank you. That might have been the funniest segment in the history of this podcast. We got some new stuff out of it, too. Oh, my.
Starting point is 01:08:20 Yeah, we got new segments. It honestly makes you sound like a complete psychopath. It does. Reading that back to back over the course of over a year. It's like, look at all these guys' rules. Trying to make a mental picture of that person in your head while you're listening to it. Yeah. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 01:08:40 I'd love to see that in a flow chart. It just ends at Andrew Panton Oh there's also like an additional section Of stuff that you were unsure about But I don't know if you want to get into that one I don't know maybe we do that next time There's not many of them That was good
Starting point is 01:09:01 I got tears in my eyes It's just so funny There's a big list for some reason it's weird to think about that like in the future if I go back and listen to this episode I'll just know that I had a bag of garlic taped to my feet the entire time I gotta be honest I still don't taste garlic.
Starting point is 01:09:29 I thought I smelled it for a bit there when my nose got tickly. I have a mild taste. It's not as powerful as I want, but it's definitely, I smell it. Like, it's deep in the nose. I feel it there. Not much of a taste, though. I don't think that this could replace applying garlic to your food directly is what I declare from this experiment.
Starting point is 01:09:48 Well, maybe... See, that's the nice thing about the garlic patch, right? Or the foot flavor. The flavor foot is we can increase the... I hate it. We can increase the amount of garlic, the concentration of garlic or whatever that molecule is.
Starting point is 01:10:04 And so that we can really just like it's like when you take a vitamin B pill and it gives you like twelve hundred percent the daily recommended allotment where we can just like fucking just like cram like a way too dangerous amount of garlic into your body so that you really get a sense of it.
Starting point is 01:10:20 Should I try to take this bag off as we end the show? I'm assuming we're at the end. Oh yeah. In the episode? Yeah. Should I try to take it off right now we end the show? I'm assuming we're at the end. Oh, yeah. In the episode? Yeah, should I try to take it off right now? I'm definitely going to clean my foot off. What was that? This is not easy.
Starting point is 01:10:41 Oh, it smells so garlicky. Okay. I don't know what you're expecting Oh, there you go. He's gassed himself up. Gavin, I just had a great idea for a prank. Do you know how when you're a kid and you have sleepovers and you'll put somebody's hand in warm water to make them pee the bed? You should start garlic bagging people's feet and then see if they wake up from garlic's taste in their mouth oh oh like garlic masks for the
Starting point is 01:11:36 foot oh i got hiccups oh man that was disgusting hey thank you for listening to another episode of the face podcast uh serve surviving members jeff ramsey and gavin free uh rest in peace andrew pantin raymond somer uh vancouver child
Starting point is 01:11:59 kicker and uh many of your other uh colorful uh non diplomes uh as always uh if you enjoyed the show, tell a friend about it. We really could use the help. We exist pretty much as a company by word of mouth and certainly as a podcast as well. And this isn't going to be one of those ones
Starting point is 01:12:18 where I talk forever to annoy Eric because he's not even here. So I'll just say, love you. Bye. Bye. Bye.

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