F**kface - The Power is Back // Geoff Was Here 2021 [40]

Episode Date: March 3, 2021

Sponsored by: Hello Tushy (http://hellotushy.com/FACE) and Hello Fresh (http://hellofresh.com/12face) Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about Geoff crashes his bike, Gavin gets hit in the head, and we nev...er talk about Raymond Somer. I'm sorry. This is Eric and I wasn't at this one because of Face Jam and I f**kfaced everyone by not getting them in line. I'm really sorry. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Dragon's Dogma 2, the highly anticipated successor to the cult classic Dragon's Dogma, is out now on PlayStation 5, Xbox Series S and X, and Steam. Dragon's Dogma 2 is a third-person action RPG boasting a richly detailed and deeply explorable fantasy world created using Capcom's RE Engine's immersive physics, groundbreaking character AI systems, and cutting-edge graphics. Dive into the vast and dynamic world where The Arisen is called upon to fulfill a forgotten destiny across the nations of Vermont, the Kingdom of Humanity, and Batal, the nation of Beastrin.
Starting point is 00:00:36 Dragon's Dogma 2 revolves entirely around choice. Your choice, that is. From the sword and shield-wielding fighter to fighter to the illusion conjuring trickster, there are over 10 unique vocations to choose from that all require experience to unlock new skills. And character customization is out of this world, literally. Oh, and did I mention the combat is really in-depth? It isn't just hacking at a giant's ankle for half an hour while your dodge roll attacks. You can engage enemies from a distance, climb up large foes, stab them in This is a Rooster Teeth production. Hello and welcome to another episode of F*** Face. As always, you are here with me, Jeff Ramsey, Gavin Free, and well, sir,
Starting point is 00:01:47 how would you like me to address you? I'd like you to address me as the guy with the pinwheel. Still going? Still got my pinwheel? Are you not recording yet again? Oh, I'm trying. Okay, we're good. We're going. We're going. We're fine. We're fine. I'm recording.
Starting point is 00:02:03 I thought I gave him enough cover time by having that whole conversation about how I thought Gavin was in a bad mood just to piss Gavin off before making himself conscious. Yeah, Jeff had told me a lot. And then while I'm responding, he starts the episode. He gave no ability for you to respond or to me to even say there's no way to judge Gavin's pre-show performance because he shows up on time at the time yeah there's very little to go on there's no pre-show with gavin there's plenty of time when gavin shows up on time that we're dealing with andrew's technical issues where i
Starting point is 00:02:34 can gauge gavin's uh i can gauge his mood i i'm i've actually been thinking about moving on time to uh oh one of the hour just to give andrew that extra minute he's always wasting i feel like the tech problems are a recent addition and i feel like if you measured them against jeff's i've had less tech problems than jeff has had yours are more constant though jeff had like a construction project but yours is just nothing over and over again yeah mine was always tied to a reason i feel like yours are just i just think we're forgetting where you had like 40 different microphones every single week there was a whole phase where every week you had a different microphone yeah that's ancient history it is i thought we were gonna have a little pre-show chat today um just because
Starting point is 00:03:23 it's been so long it's been well we had the week off and then we had the apocalypse i thought we would have a little bit of chat just you know see what was we just went straight into it all right well here's here's why dude first off let's have the pre-show chat now in the show yeah sure the intro okay after the intro why we'll have our pre here's the way audience we're going to give you a peer behind the veil. This is what a typical pre-show chat looks like. But as we warm up for an episode of F*** Face... Oh, also, a caveat I would say is that I tried to have a pre-show chat with you, and you
Starting point is 00:03:55 were having none of it because you were in a shitty mood. That's not true. I would like to say that technically I was the only one on time today for the first recording session. I was here at five and nobody else was. Very disappointed. That brings up one annoying point that we need to cover. Here's what I feel like we need to do. I'm
Starting point is 00:04:15 going to set the pre-show chat aside for a second because Andrew's gone off on a bit of a tangent. We need to address obviously Andrew's revelation during the downtime. We need to talk about, in some fashion, the technical problems.
Starting point is 00:04:33 He was talking about technical problems. Austin's technical problems for about eight days there because of snow. I hurt myself real bad. I wouldn't mind talking about that. And maybe we could even mention the Zim Zone and what that thing has gone insane. Did not expect that much response that quickly on the Zim Zone. But first off, Gav, how you been, man? What have you been up?
Starting point is 00:04:58 I've noticed you've been in a bad mood lately. Is everything okay at home with you and Meg? Andrew, what's up, dude? Hey, I showed up at 5 a.m. because we're incapable of organizing anything properly. Oh, what a deflection. And Jeff sent like 20 different... Is this not what you wanted? I could pivot back to you if you want.
Starting point is 00:05:17 We could do that. No, no, no, it was great. I was just saying I got away with it. I was just saying that to myself. Yeah, yeah, yeah, no. So what happened? You and Meg broke up or something? Is that what's going on?
Starting point is 00:05:24 No. Are you announcing it on? No. Why do you keep bringing it back to me? I'm fine. I think the reason I sound low energy is it's very early morning. It's early morning. It's noon! Well, it's not actually the morning.
Starting point is 00:05:42 It's earlier than our usual 3pm. It is. My house hasn't warmed up yet for the day. And it was a bit cold in the old bedroom last night. And got a bit of like morning throat from it. Oh, and you're moving a little slow from sleeping cold. Yeah, I got a bask. I'm like a reptile.
Starting point is 00:06:00 Yeah, I understand why you're feeling so shitty now. What you need, I prescribe to you, sir, 20 minutes in your lawn chair in the backyard soaking up sun. That's it. That's what Gavin needs to feel better. I love that. Did you ever see me doing that when I lived with you? I used to do that all the time.
Starting point is 00:06:15 That's why I prescribed it to you, because I know that's... I know you physically... Like, I physically need to ride a bike like five or six times a week. I think you physically need to recharge your batteries in the sun. Get that D? Yeah, you love your D., I think you physically need to recharge your batteries in the sun. Get that D? Yeah, you love your D. Did I tell you why I stopped? You remember when we lived in that rental house?
Starting point is 00:06:31 I used to do that in the, that wasn't really a backyard, but that was a front. Yeah, it was a bit awkward because people walking by all the time, but I would just sit in the front yard, soaking up the sun. Did I ever tell you why I stopped that?
Starting point is 00:06:43 No, I don't think so. I'm convinced of it. Someone threw a tree branch at my head what okay either a branch snapped out of the tree and landed on my forehead and it really hurt correct or you threw a tree branch at me from a window and hid and never admitted to it uh or some member of the public did it i have no idea but i had that was the last time i ever laid out in the sun why at that location why would a member of the public do that um all right full disclosure i have no memory of throwing a tree branch out of the window at you but I can absolutely see myself doing that. I thought, I was very confused, but I thought it wasn't you
Starting point is 00:07:32 because it was such a big branch. I thought that's a little extreme even for Jeff. I would have thought maybe like a ball of socks or something just to get a reaction. I didn't think you would go for like the drawing blood out of my forehead approach. I probably wouldn't have, so maybe it was just a tree branch fell.
Starting point is 00:07:48 That's also possible. You interpreted that as someone threw a tree branch at you? Out of all the outcomes you described. Okay, well, where's the nearest tree? Is there a tree close by? Hold on. I'd like to point out that this is coming from the man who because he
Starting point is 00:08:03 spoke to a little boy and the boy didn't respond three times, he was ready to kick his chest in. No, there was really dark out. I couldn't see anything. It was very creepy, Jeff. Kevin probably couldn't see anything but stars for a few minutes. I just feel like it's a leap to blame the tree last, like of all the suspect
Starting point is 00:08:21 list. Well, I guess you would, honestly, you'd probably be number one on my list and then I'd move past that i'd never guess random person threw a fucking tree at me i don't think it was a random person just because of the neighborhood we were in and the area we were in yeah that seems uh that seems a little random for that for that boring ass neighborhood we were in there gav of old people wearing birkenstocks and fucking talking to you about somebody else's garden uh but uh but i i would say's a 50-50 shot it was me or the tree. I guess you just have to figure out who you pissed off more that day. It just didn't match anything.
Starting point is 00:08:56 The branch didn't match the tree that I was near. In my head, it definitely came from someone's hand. Maybe they just took a dislike to what I was doing. Well, okay, so let's assume this was someone who threw it. It wasn't Jeff. They just have this branch with them? What were their plans with the branch? Was this a calculated move?
Starting point is 00:09:18 You did this a lot. Maybe they were waiting. There are a lot of questions about who just has a branch. Maybe they were trying to start the new viral hate crime. You know how in New York City, people were punching people in the back of the head for a while? Or people throw eggs out of cars at people walking around downtown? Maybe somebody was trying to do the new viral hate thing,
Starting point is 00:09:39 which is to throw a tree branch at somebody sunning. And it just didn't take off. I thought I was breaking some American custom of some sort. I'd only been in the country for a year. I thought maybe it's rude to do this. It is absolutely not. It is not rude. We need to talk about the 5 a.m. thing.
Starting point is 00:09:56 Well, yeah, are we still, is this still the pre-show chat? Or are we in the show now? Well, I don't know what to qualify that as. I also don't think it matters at all. Okay. Well, I'd like to pivot to qualify that as. I also don't think it matters at all. Okay. Well, I'd like to pivot away from the pre-show chat because I don't feel like the 5 a.m. thing slots into that. Okay, that's fair.
Starting point is 00:10:13 But I will say I'm a little confused as to how you got up and showed up for the 5 a.m. recording when it was never supposed to be today. What happened was, what happened was, we were supposed to record every Thursday at 3 p.m. Eric asked if we wanted to do two episodes this week I thought we said no we just wanted to do one there was all kinds of confusion on my part about whether we were doing whether we said no to two or we said no to back to back but it seemed to me like y'all wanted to do two so I was like fuck it we'll do two so i know that andrew and myself were keen on on uh getting to some stuff earlier in the week
Starting point is 00:10:49 just because we missed last week's one for sure absolutely and i i totally understand that so then we determined to film uh and eric gave us three possible slots one today at noon right now the only problem there was that eric and Nick wouldn't be able to attend. And I wasn't a fan of that one. That was my least favorite option. Gavin was not a fan of that one. Neither was I. Gavin suggested 5 a.m. Wednesday,
Starting point is 00:11:13 which is tomorrow. Well, Eric said, I said, when's the next time we can all be together? Eric said early on Wednesday. So in my head, early is like 5 in the morning. So I just threw out 5 a.m.
Starting point is 00:11:24 Eric said, no, I was thinking like 10. Now, so 10 a.m. doesn't work for me on Wednesday, unfortunately. So, but Eric and Nick are both available. So Eric and Nick are available for 10 a.m. on Wednesday or 5 a.m. on Wednesday. Gavin's available for all of it. Andrew was the one. It sounded to me like we were going to do 5 a.m. Wednesday, but then Andrew said he would have to whisper for some reason. were going to do 5 a.m. Wednesday, but then Andrew said he would have to whisper
Starting point is 00:11:45 for some reason. Because it'd be 3 a.m. for Andrew. Yeah, it would be 3 a.m. and I don't live in my own house. Sure, sure, sure. I understand that. If only you could give them that same courtesy when it came to fire alarms. I agree. However,
Starting point is 00:12:02 somehow it was determined that the least favorite day of everybody, which is right now, is the day that we're recording. But for some reason, Andrew, he wanted to record at 5 a.m. last night? No. Yeah. So he showed up at 5 a.m. today for some reason when it was never a part of the conversation. This is what you explain that in a way that made sense. There were times flying left and right, different days you could do this.
Starting point is 00:12:27 You're like, maybe we'll do it this time. Maybe we won't. I don't know. It was super confusing. I don't trust anybody. So I said, I'm showing up at every suggested time between now and the last day, which would have been, I guess, Thursday. So I'm covering all my bases. So I showed up.
Starting point is 00:12:44 5 a.m yesterday was never discussed yeah i don't know about that i don't know jeff it really refused to reply to the calendar invite until about when did you say because it was a you put it in as a maybe on the calendar yeah which to me is the most useless that's the exact same as not responding yeah it is no it's better than not responding because it's saying, yes, I am aware. I know that a time needs to be... I understand that there's an appointment. I'm just not going to tell you whether I'm going or not.
Starting point is 00:13:11 But at least you know I know, as opposed to not responding, you think like, well, maybe he just didn't see the invite. No, I think to me, not responding is like, I'm probably going to be there. I just haven't hit accept. Maybe it's like, there's a solid chance I won't be there. There was a solid chance I wasn't going to be here for sure.
Starting point is 00:13:26 Well, I need to get into. So I did the five. I was the only one here at five because apparently nobody else even considered it on this day. You weren't here at five. I was. I was in here for 30 minutes at five. And I thought, well, it's 3 a.m. What am I going to wake up at 3 a.m.?
Starting point is 00:13:43 So I stayed up the entire night. I didn't go to bed before I then developed an irrational fear after all of our alarm talk that I would somehow sleep through the alarm I woke up at 6 20am and I said I'm not gonna sleep through an alarm in a bathtub I went to my tub I spent the next three hours sleeping in my bathtub. I slept in my bathtub this morning. You can't just say stuff like that as if it's normal. So wait, you wanted to be deliberately uncomfortable in a light sleep. Yes.
Starting point is 00:14:13 So you slept in the bath. Yeah, I thought there was no way I would be comfy enough to sleep through an alarm in my bathtub. So I just moved to the tub. I spent three hours. It was awful. I had a terrible sleep. Would not recommend. I'm super super tired i don't even i think if you had only read the read the slack one more time it was never even on the car saved yourself saved yourself a lot of hassle it was very
Starting point is 00:14:39 oh did you think it was tonight because i showed a screenshot of me setting an alarm for 4 a.m.? That was, you know what, I thought that you would be there based on that. That was a factor. So as a joke, I turned on one of my early alarms, I think 4.45, and I just sent the screenshot. But I just turned that off immediately afterwards because it was the wrong day. Yeah, I didn't interpret them wrong. And then I got a stick about the way I do my alarms. Oh, it's ridiculous.
Starting point is 00:15:09 Listen, we're getting off on... We're tangenting on our tangent right now. But I gotta... No, it's okay. I gotta back you up on that. And I swear to you, there's an off topic years ago or an RT podcast where either you or Gus made fun of me for having a million alarms and not just
Starting point is 00:15:27 editing the existing alarm. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know when I started doing that. It could have been you that put me onto it, but it turns out there's two types of people. There's alarm adders and alarm editors. I'm an alarm adder because you need different times for different days for different days of the week. Like if I have to be up at 6 a.m. every Wednesday, then I'm going to set an alarm for 6 a.m. every Wednesday. Yeah, so what I've got is on my alarms page in the iPhone, I've just got a list of every alarm I've ever set. And to set an alarm, I just scroll down.
Starting point is 00:15:57 It's very rare that I add one now, but I've just got every alarm I've ever needed. There's probably like 40 different alarm times. And I just scroll and pick it. Because in my head at the time, to edit the alarm on the iPhone, you've got to edit it and then fart about with that stupid wheel.
Starting point is 00:16:12 You don't do the wheel anymore. You just type the number in. Yeah, I guess it's... I mean, I haven't done it in a long time. But to me, having a shitload of alarms is a lot quicker than manually editing one alarm every single time. Not when you put it in.
Starting point is 00:16:24 At this point, I would say you're spending way more time cycling through your fucking 80 alarms to try to find the one that relates to you. Maybe. You're at a loss here. Comment leavers, let us know in the comments, are you an alarm editor or an alarm adder? So, we determined
Starting point is 00:16:39 that, uh... You know, you could be a hybrid too now that I think about it, because I probably have about 25 alarms and I'd say I edit them about half the time. Like sometimes it's easier just to change an alarm from 545 to 530 than it is to go create a 530 alarm. You don't ever do that? No.
Starting point is 00:16:59 I probably do about, I probably do 50-50. No, I've got so many, like some is like, I've got 6 a.m one is like 601 a.m if you needed to get up at 601 why not just turn on the 6 a.m alarm and it's fucking well i tell you why that's that's me that's my bathtub that's me making sure i don't sleep through the 6 a.m by putting another one at 601 yeah that makes sense as we were talking about this i realized it would have been a much better strategy to just add a second alarm or a third alarm to make sure instead of sleeping in a tub for three hours.
Starting point is 00:17:30 So we wanted to rush the recording of this podcast out early. And then, as Andrew mentioned, it became a whole kerfuffle in times. And this was the least exciting time. So for some reason, we're doing it without Eric, who I would love to have been. There's a reason for that. Who I would love to have been here. Don't get me wrong. Ben is here and I'm happy to have been here.
Starting point is 00:17:52 But you, Andrew, made the startling revelation that was such a big deal that we determined we needed to record the podcast early to address it. I'd like to point out we're now 25 minutes into that podcast and we're talking about alarms and our pre-show conversation and gavin's bad mood but at no point gavin get maybe i may or may not have assaulted gavin with a tree branch i like that you genuinely don't know i really don't but i mean it definitely sounds like if you had a video of me doing it i'd go like yeah i guess i remember that but i don't but anyway the point being if we're if it's such a big goddamn deal for us to record two days early uh should we talk about it well i think before we get into that jeff
Starting point is 00:18:38 is there's a reason that we're recording early that you're not aware of. Oh, okay. Yeah, so let's go. Well, first of all, can I point out, if this is about to be some sort of a prank on me, can I just say, I don't have to get into the story, I am in a tremendously disadvantaged physical state. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:19:00 It is very difficult for me to move. The left side of my body is in excruciating pain, and my hands are pretty fucked up. So don't make me lift anything heavy. And why do I have a voicemail? Do you have a voicemail? I just got a phone call from an Austin number, and they left a voicemail.
Starting point is 00:19:21 Is this you? What's the voicemail say? That might be me. Okay. Can you play it over Discord? Wellicemail say? That might be me. Okay. Maybe play it over Discord. Well, hold on. That might be my lunch or Millie's lunch. Hold on.
Starting point is 00:19:30 I'll be right back. Talk amongst yourselves. Okay. What am I looking for? It's a thing for me to get out of a chair and get back into it right now. So do I need to get up? No, no, no, no, no.
Starting point is 00:19:42 Well, I guess before we get into that, people very upset. We're doing a lot of pivots people upset about disappointed in the port-a-potty do you want to share the port-a-potty you got your port-a-potty chef i got my port-a-potty didn't i do that on camera i thought we were in an episode no that was off camera oh yeah i got you sent me a port-a-potty i did explain uh it's a little it came uh we were we were talking when it happened so was it before or after an episode i guess you were in a picture of it you just text it oh i guess so i thought i was talking to andrew when it happened no i guess i wasn't um it's a uh it's a little matchbook matchbox uh dump truck kind of thing that's carrying two little blue port-a-potties
Starting point is 00:20:22 yeah i'll put it there it is yeah that's it right there the poop king it very it's a very body delivery yeah it's called the poop king it's called the poop king it's a great name it's a great matchbox car uh people are just really disappointed or some people were i don't know some people i think were confused by the whole thing but uh i felt like i had to deliver so i got you uh i got you that porta potty i love it dude i have it sitting on my desk right next to my sweet pickles van oh really yeah that's great i'm glad you love it because uh the real thing is gonna arrive like this week i think i don't need it dude i have a uh i have working bathrooms now and b, that's just it's inconvenient. You told me that it would take months. I was probably a good friend.
Starting point is 00:21:08 Probably needs to go to another disadvantaged family in Austin right now who might not have plumbing considering everything they've gone through. Well, oh, it's pink. It's yeah, it's it's a beautiful it's a beautiful pink porta potty. He's son of a bitch. I ordered this. You I ordered it three weeks ago. Before we recorded the double episodes, I ordered this.
Starting point is 00:21:29 Yeah. And so every time I mentioned those, like, it'd be absurd if I did this, and it was already on the way. This has been a whole process. I remember thinking at the time when you were like, I can't believe anyone thought I would actually do that. And I remember thinking to myself, man, this is the least face we've ever been to take the sensible route. That's crazy.
Starting point is 00:21:51 And Eric's like bitching about the cost of them. And I was thinking, we have sponsors. We should have a little bit of budget. This is insane. But, uh, I'm glad that you were a true face of the entire time, Andrew.
Starting point is 00:22:00 Oh, absolutely. This isn't even sponsored. This is, I paid for this. This is maybe the nicest gift I've gotten anybody. This even sponsored this is i paid for this this is maybe the nicest gift i've gotten anybody this is this is for jeff i i heard a friend in need he was down a shitter he was complaining about his daughter having to come into his room at night that it was
Starting point is 00:22:17 uncomfortable for her i needed a solution for the family so i got you this beautiful pink porta potty and it should it's i i it ships today i don't know how porta potties work that's the whole thing this has been a very difficult process because there's not a lot of resources online for how porta potties work in this scenario is it rental no it's i bought it it's yours you own it you do whatever you want with it Please please don't have done this no I did this. I'm sorry I can't I can't reverse it that call might be related to the port-a-potty for delivering it I was just trying to be a good friend, and you also you love collectibles. You can start collecting these Please don't let this be true. No, this is absolutely
Starting point is 00:23:03 I'm sorry this is a hundred percent true. I gotta No, this is absolutely. I'm sorry, Jeff. This is 100% true. I gotta go look out my window. No. Okay. Well, here's the thing, Jeff. And I feel especially bad about this now. I bought this without doing any research on how porta potties work or any of this process. So there was a phase in which I ordered it.
Starting point is 00:23:21 And I thought, oh, shit. Sometimes you need to assemble these that never even crossed my mind that it could be flat on a simple exactly so that was like a whole scramble I'm emailing people I'm trying to do research I ordered this jet I thought you'd get it weeks ago it was in my mind I ordered I thought well he's not going anywhere or doing anything. It'll be fine. You went on vacation the next week. And I was became this huge scramble of, OK, Jeff's not going to be at his house for most of that week. Does somebody need to sign for this if they show up? If it comes unassembled, can I hire like a handyman to come over and build this?
Starting point is 00:23:59 So it's there when he returns. It was a whole process. Ended up not even being shipped out until today i believe is the ship date there's no there's no toilet in my front yard yeah well okay well i know i know that for a fact you didn't even need to look because once i solved the no i had to i had to look i didn't have a choice well here's the problem jeff it does come assembled the thing i then learned and i i do I feel bad about this. I'm sorry.
Starting point is 00:24:28 I didn't realize this until weeks after I ordered it. You son of a bitch. They do not unload it off the truck for you. You are going to need to unload the porta potty from the truck. It looks very mean. It like they will drive it to your house. So it is a forklift. No, no, no, no, no. I looked into this.
Starting point is 00:24:43 You only need a dolly. It's surprisingly easy to move them. But getting it off the truck. What, so he needs a forklift? No, no, no, no, no. I looked into this, you only need a dolly. It's surprisingly easy to move them, but getting it off the truck, I don't know what type of truck it's gonna appear in. You gotta tilt it and let it drop. I could send you some videos online, it does look very easy, but you're gonna have to unload it because they will not. That's... There's no way that driver has ever delivered a port-a-potty to someone who doesn't want it. No way that driver has ever delivered a port-a-potty to someone who doesn't want it. So he's going to be there asking Jeff to do all the work. Jeff's like, I don't want the damn thing.
Starting point is 00:25:16 A, not only do I not want it, I'm not in the shape to deal with anything heavy right now. And B, I'm just not going to answer my door. But that poor guy been driving around with a pink port-a-potty all week. Yeah, yeah. Andrew should have thought about that. No, listen, I believe you're a content guy. Been driving around with a pink port-a-potty all week. Yeah, yeah. Andrew should have thought about that. No. Listen, I believe you're a content guy. You wouldn't reject the content.
Starting point is 00:25:31 You gotta have the port-a-potty. It's the nicest gift I've ever given. Jeff, you're gonna have to turn down the real poop king. I... Here's... Here's... Here's what Andrew fails to realize. I have a lot of time on my hands a lot of a lot of time to work on a revenge scenario and i i don't think it needs to go
Starting point is 00:25:55 that route i don't want to have to it's like as i've gotten older gavin uh i've calmed down i think you can acknowledge and agree that as i've matured I've slowed down a little bit. A, in my annoyance, but B, in my malevolence as well. I agree. I agree with that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm trying to settle into a more relaxed mature easier age, but I
Starting point is 00:26:18 still have access to those younger parts of me, and I don't relish the idea of having to access them, but I will, and I don't relish the idea of having to access them but I will and I'll use that to make your life terrible I don't just terrible I don't see why you're viewing this as a bad thing I'm the only one who stepped up and tried to solve a problem for you you were like oh no I don't have a toilet my toilet doesn't work it's not going to be fixed for months. A problem that was solved three weeks ago that you knew was solved? No, no, no, no, no.
Starting point is 00:26:47 Last time we recorded, you said they're not going to solve this for months. That's something you said. And who stepped up? Who stepped up for you? This guy. I got you a toilet. Thank you, Andrew. You're welcome, Jeff.
Starting point is 00:26:59 I will say, I'm not sure if Andrew knows how capable Jeff is of doing these back at you. Because Jeff went through a phase where he would buy me the most obnoxious gifts possible. At one point, I think I was asleep in the same house where the branch hit me in the head. Probably like 1am or something. Crashing noise comes wailing through the door. My bedroom door swings open. It's Jeff on one of those little micro bikes. They're all tiny little motorbikes.
Starting point is 00:27:30 What are they called? A little motorcycle. Yeah, and he just sort of straddled it, wheeled it in to my bedroom. I was bleary-eyed, confused. And he just said, I got you a gift. And then he left it. That was in my room for weeks.
Starting point is 00:27:43 And it didn't work. No, it didn't work no it didn't work it was heavy and hard to move i think we tried to start it with the pool cord and it's we broke it off in a can with a video dude we use that in a video yeah do you remember way way way way way way back in the day when we would do videos at roosterteeth and we would do gameplay like things to do videos and then at the, we would film a live action equivalent. Like we'd try to recreate the point live action. That was back then.
Starting point is 00:28:09 That's when we did that. Yep. Anyway, I don't see a pink porta potty yet, Andrew. But if I do, well, we'll just see how that goes, I guess. Oh, it's going to. I mean, it'll get there. I'm trying to find right now the the order confirmation for it. Andrew, are you worried?
Starting point is 00:28:26 You slightly worried? No, I'm not worried. What about retaliation? Yeah, no, I think that'd be a real unnecessary move. I did a clearly nice thing for Jeff. I don't know why he'd retaliate. There's a lot of there's a lot of nice stuff I can do for you. It's good.
Starting point is 00:28:39 I appreciate nice things. I hope you will. Well, my tummy's grumbling. That must mean it's close to lunch. Hopefully, I have some HelloFresh in my HelloFridge for my HelloTummy. What's HelloFresh, you may ask? Well, why don't I tell you and also say to you a good hearty hello. I hope you're having a fresh day.
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Starting point is 00:29:36 cuts out all the stress of meal planning and going to the grocery store, like I just mentioned, where the other people are and people are gross. Nobody wants people. We all hate people. So instead, send the groceries to you and you can enjoy cooking and get your dinner on the table in 30 minutes or less. That's because they offer 10 to 20 minute meals that are low prep. And when I mean low prep, I mean low prep. It's more than like peeling the film off of your microwave dinner. But you're not like it's not 2000 ingredients and like you're not like stewing stuff for like six hours in a slow pot outside in the cold or anything. This is low prep, quick breakfasts, quick lunches. It's perfect for your busy schedule.
Starting point is 00:30:16 I assume it's perfect for your busy schedule. It's perfect for my busy schedule. And from what I understand from most people I talk to, it's perfect for theirs. Plus, with more than 25 recipes to choose from each week, there's something for everyone to enjoy, which is nice. Inclusivity is the best. I like everyone. Everyone likes me.
Starting point is 00:30:33 So I want everyone to have something to enjoy. So there you go. If you're hungry, say hello to HelloFresh, maybe. Go to HelloFresh.com slash 12FACE and use the code 12FACE for 12 free meals, including free shipping. That's HelloFresh.com slash 12FACE. That's HelloFresh.com slash 12FACE and use the code 12FACE. HelloFresh, America's number one meal kit. Hey, congratulations. We survived 2020. It's 2021. It's a new year, new rear, new you. So don't just make commitments to lose weight or wash your hands every time you poop or eat less of that thing that you really, really like. And so you've decided
Starting point is 00:31:21 to deprive yourself of that thing or you're're gonna, you're gonna like read a thousand books or whatever. Instead, go the extra mile and just wash your butthole. That's right, the future of toileting has arrived, and it did it thousands of years in the past because it's been around forever. We're just slow to adopt the good stuff here in America sometimes.
Starting point is 00:31:40 It took us forever to get bidets and baguettes. I don't know why, but thank Christ they're here. Also, Piri Piri Chicken, looking at you, England, is very good. And after you have your Piri Piri Chicken, you're gonna want a bidet. That's right. The brand new Hello Tushy 3.0 Modern Bidet Attachment is here to level the anal playing field. It's stylish. It's eco-friendly.
Starting point is 00:32:01 It's easy to install. It's affordable. And you're gonna, you're gonna, if you get the extra spicy period period chicken, you know what I'm talking about. You're going to want it. Trust me. I've been there. Also, you may already have a Hello Tushy. Take a look at it. Do you have an older model? I'm sure it's still serving you very well, but you might want to consider upgrading to the new 3.0. Just saying. And if you're new to the revolution, join millions of happy Hello Tushy customers right now and have a clean butt with every flush. Make flushing fun. Hello Tushy.
Starting point is 00:32:31 Go to hellotushy.com slash face to get 10% off plus free shipping. This is a special offer for our listeners. So go to hellotushy.com slash face for 10% off. hellotushy.com slash face. Jeff, how did you injure yourself? Well. I thought I disconnected from the call. Yeah, I was checking my internet. I was already checking my internet. I was just thinking about it.
Starting point is 00:33:00 I, I, I, uh, it was Saturday and, uh, you know, we had just gone through the big freeze and we had all been cooped up in our houses in the cold for a week or so, um, without electricity or if we did have electricity, we weren't supposed to use it, you know, and with boiling water and the whole deal. Cause the Texas just fell apart as a state. And I was going a little stir crazy, you know? And so my neighborhood was actually
Starting point is 00:33:34 really... I tried to... I was supposed to get Millie from her mom's. And I got in the car, and it was so bad. I got my car stuck in for almost an hour and it took like six people to try to push it out. And so I was like, I couldn't, like you couldn't, it was really hard to even drive or walk in our neighborhood because it was just so much ice everywhere in the streets. And you know, we don't have salt and all that stuff to, we don't have the infrastructure to clear the roads.
Starting point is 00:34:00 So I was just like sitting in the house for a week. And so on Saturday, it had melted enough. It started to melt on Friday that I thought, maybe I in the house for a week and so on saturday it had melted enough it started to melt on friday that i thought maybe i'll just uh i'll just go for a bike ride and just be super super super careful uh so i got on my bike and i started going decision started started going on my bike well that again they got dumber uh and so the roads were muddy but pretty safe like wet but not icy right and so i i i uh after i probably was about five miles into my ride this normal this normal ride i have and i get to one of my two favorite spots in austin and uh it's it's a it's just a place where i can get my
Starting point is 00:34:42 bicycle i can go very very very fast down a hill and do some slightly dangerous stuff. And so this is like the second best little danger spot that I like to hit. And it looked clear. Basically what it is, it's a road that goes downhill really fast. And then it goes under an overpass, right? Under a bridge. And on the left, there's like an embankment that goes, I don't know, maybe 20, 25 feet up in the air, you know, at like maybe like a 60 degree pitch, you know? And it's like, you know what I'm talking about, right?
Starting point is 00:35:11 Like under a bridge. It's just like that concrete, smooth concrete embankment that goes all the way up. get going really fast down this hill you can kind of bunny hop onto that little uh that 60 degree incline and then ride up it to get extra speed and then take a sharp turn and go straight down and you can get going like you know 35 40 miles an hour on a bicycle doing this uh and it's a little dicey because there's traffic you know and there's not a lot to stop you and you're going towards traffic it's oncoming traffic as well so that all part kind of sucks uh anyway so i i approached that and i had a split second decision and i made the wrong decision the decision i made was to gun it because it looked clear and so i went down and i got i was
Starting point is 00:35:58 only going about 22 i looked at the speedometer i was going about 22 when I hit the ice that I couldn't see. Oh, my God. So I hit the bunny hop, and I go up, and I climb pretty high up, maybe 12 feet in the air or whatever. And up top, because it's dark, that's where the ice is. I didn't see it. So I hit that going, you know. So you hit ice going sharply uphill? At that point, I had kind of leveleded out so i was kind of just going straight but you know only the left side like only the left side of my bike is
Starting point is 00:36:31 touching the the ground right like you're riding on an angle so you're like yeah not there's no traction you know not far off a wall ride it's it's it's a wall ride yeah it's kind of dicey on a sunny dry day uh but i've never crashed at that point i've never crashed at that part before boy have i now so anyway uh about 20 22 i think is when i the bike got out from under me when i hit the patch of ice and then i you know i was all bundled up with gloves and and jackets and thermal long johns and stuff because it's fucking cold still so what happened was the bike went out from under me and it hooked my leg and it took my leg with it so we're going downhill really fast now and uh we're going right at the traffic that's coming at me uh and um and so i put my arms out
Starting point is 00:37:20 and like the ground grabbed them and it kind of pulled them behind me and it kind of wrenched both of my arms, especially my left arm, unfortunately, which is the one that I just did all that physical therapy for and that I have arthritis in. That one, it damn near ripped it out of socket. Anyway, so I became like a little meat bullet
Starting point is 00:37:38 and I was headed right for the, like wrapped up in my bicycle and headed straight at the, what I thought I was headed straight at what I thought I was headed straight at the cars. And I thought, well, that's the end of that. But however, what I missed was the giant concrete pylon that was supporting the bridge, I guess, in between the cars and I.
Starting point is 00:38:00 Big pillar. I came upon that. Yeah, big pillar. And it broke my fall at speed. So I slammed into that going downhill on the ice with the bike wrapped up in the bike. Luckily, there was enough
Starting point is 00:38:13 mud and snow and rocks and water and dirt all collected at the bottom that I just slammed right into that. And it was real gentle. Except I hit it so hard and knocked my hat off and both of my, my headphones, my AirPods took off and my, uh, uh, it was a, it was a whole rigmarole, uh, and, uh, lots of sunglasses. You crushed your headphones
Starting point is 00:38:38 out of your ears. I crashed my headphones out of my ears. Anyway, and then I just lay in there and I'm just covered in like black ice and mud and stuff and i'm wedged in under my bike between this wall this this graded wall and this pylon and cars are just zooming by me and i you know you like you stay you lay there for a second you take a breath you you feel like nothing's nothing's broken i don't feel i don't feel like anything protruding or anything so i but, but I can feel, this is kind of the funniest part, I guess. I can feel my hands were on fire. Like my hands were burning.
Starting point is 00:39:10 And I was like, ow, what the fuck is, by the way, my phone is going crazy with somebody trying to call me and leave it. It better not be a goddamn portal potty. You should answer that. You should answer it. No, I'm absolutely not answering. If they call again, I will. So, so anyway, I look at my hands, I pick up my hands and my hands just have the gloves on them and they're fine but something looks weird about my
Starting point is 00:39:27 hands and i can't it takes me a second to figure it out and then i realize my gloves my like my little knit like gloves are somehow now backwards on my hands my thumb is through the pinky finger and my pinky fingers through the thumb on both hands like my gloves did a 180 on my hands and then perfectly put themselves back put themselves back in the right finger slots swear to god like well they weren't totally down they were still like they were kind of puffed up a little bit but i guess like because i put my hands out behind me uh well anyway so i went like that's weird so i and my hands just like hurt so bad right and so i turned the gloves around and as i turned the gloves around to put them on right
Starting point is 00:40:09 the holes in the glove lined up in the holes where my skin used to be on on both hands and i realized that i had rubbed off you know how like if you break a jawbreaker in half yeah you can see the different layers of oh that's what my that's what my palm looks like on my left hand and then the top of my right hand, because I guess that one was backwards and it just rubbed all the skin off my knuckles and my hand and stuff. But the really bad one is my
Starting point is 00:40:36 left hand. Anyway, so I got up and it took me a while. I'll be honest with you, I was dizzy because I hit that pylon so hard that it knocked the shit out of me. It took me a couple seconds to figure out where I was and what had happened.
Starting point is 00:40:52 It took me a while to find my AirPods and my glasses. Then I rode away and realized I'd left my hat so I had to turn around and go back. I put my hat on and I looked down and I had destroyed an entire pair of pants. Like the left side of my pants was gone.
Starting point is 00:41:08 It was just shredded like in a cartoon. But luckily my long johns were still on and they were fine. My sock, my left sock was gone. It was just stripped up into shreds and my gloves were ruined. So I was five miles into a 30 mile ride and it cost me a pair of pants,
Starting point is 00:41:23 half the skin on my hands uh quite possibly a concussion a pair of socks and definitely a pair of gloves and so i i was i was so frustrated that i determined that i was gonna have the best ride of my life to make up for it and then i i managed about another 15 miles before i had to turn around and go home and and uh and bandage myself up i'm imagining a nice like static frame of you going up that thing like yeah badass you go up and then it just and then without any change you just come sliding down in a mess and crumpled heap in the same image just just and then your hands are backwards like like a shitty version of Tenet but it's just your hands have gone backwards dude it hurts so bad still in pain?
Starting point is 00:42:10 yeah well it was Saturday today's Tuesday so yesterday was really bad today's gotten better but um anyway uh so I my bike's pretty fucked up too I don't know that I can ride it well I was able can ride it anymore.
Starting point is 00:42:26 Well, I was able to ride it for the rest of the day, but it needs a lot of work. It's at a lot of odd angles now, and I lost a lot of it. A lot of stuff popped off. What an insane decision to do that. It's hard to describe how... I mean, there are obviously colder places. A lot of people making fun of Texas
Starting point is 00:42:42 for not being able to handle a little bit of snow. It got down to like minus 16 in Austin, I think, in Celsius, which is pretty cold in general. Insane for Texas. Never seen anything like it. Been here 28 years,
Starting point is 00:42:55 I've never seen anything like it. I mean, even today, it's like 26 degrees Celsius today. Yeah. As the high. T-shirt weather. Yeah, it's T-shirt and shorts time.
Starting point is 00:43:03 So the fact that it dropped so low was mental. But to then go on a bike ride during it. God. Yeah. I can't believe that. It seems pretty self-inflicted. Probably won't do it again anytime soon.
Starting point is 00:43:14 Probably. Probably won't. If you hadn't hit the pillar, would you have slid into traffic? Uh-huh. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I was going pretty fast. That pillar, I...
Starting point is 00:43:24 Just with, like, the speed and shock of how hard i hit the pillar tells me that i was going pretty fast at that point you know i think we should we should point out that pillar maybe we could spray paint a little bit of graffiti uh jeff was here 2021 hashtag definitely definitely do that i ride by it all the time i'll i'm sure i'm not in shape to ride my bike again right now and i'm gonna have to get it worked on but i'm sure by this weekend i'll be riding again and i'll i'll swing by there and yeah because i'd love people to be able to to know that was the pill that saved you and also knocked your headphones out yes it hurts so bad
Starting point is 00:44:00 knocked my gloves backwards the modern day knocked my socks off. Yeah, it's like literally knocked my gloves backwards on my hand. Imagining just an explosion. Oh, dude. So, Andrew, you're not really Andrew. What? Right?
Starting point is 00:44:22 Well, that caught me off guard. I was excited. Imagine how how we felt that was a pivot i'm just just to put a bow on it i don't feel bad about sending you a port-a-potty while injured now i think that sounds like it was your fault entirely i don't feel bad about it i felt bad before yeah that story made me feel better about the overall timing of the thing i didn't pick for the timing but i felt really bad i don't feel bad now that's a crazy move by you what do i have a voicemail from now god damn it i sent a text could you listen to the voicemail please i'm gonna listen to it right now okay hold on do it don't speak well one of them might be my lunch order so yeah it's not um it's not okay okay it was just it was just the pharmacy that's less exciting
Starting point is 00:45:06 i like the idea that every unknown call you're gonna get from now until i maybe the end of the week is gonna be a level of fear dude yeah it's a huge level of fear and also the fact that like i'm waiting i've gotten into the uh like the goodwill online sports card bidding. Sure. Because Goodwill has cards and you can shop Goodwill like you can eBay. And so I'm waiting on like nine different lots from Goodwill to show up on my front door as well.
Starting point is 00:45:36 So now it's like, I've already been a 10-year-old waiting by the door for mail for the last fucking week because the mail's been shit because of all the snow. And I'm waiting on like a gold mine of thousands of cards plus all my ebay purchases so now i'm gonna now i'm gonna now i'm gonna be waiting with dread and anticipation dude people have gone deep into
Starting point is 00:45:56 the zimmer zone they have based on the face instagram dude zim zone is ridiculous i'm getting i i i bought all the zimmers I needed before, luckily, because I wouldn't be able to keep up with the bids now. They're going out of fucking control right now. There's Zimmers, there's Zimmer manager cards selling for like 20, 30 bucks. I saw, Andrew, you text us a screenshot of people being very confused
Starting point is 00:46:19 as to why the value has jumped up. Yeah, there's a thread on the baseball subreddit of just somebody saying what is causing this? What is happening? Dude, it made my heart so happy to see that. It's also, you know, I told you we could get on the top 100 or whatever. Yeah. We're there. Already on there. Somebody on Twitter sent me that today.
Starting point is 00:46:37 Were we at like 80, I think? I saw the same tweet. I want to say we're like something like that. Yeah, I don't know. It's gone up since. I saw as well on the Instagram that. Yeah, I don't know. It's gone up since. It's there as well on the Instagram that someone had bought some Zim stock. It's like some some random company
Starting point is 00:46:51 that's said I am. What's Zim stock? It's taking it to a new level. Don Zimmer cards are the new currency, right?
Starting point is 00:47:00 Like if bottle caps can be currency in fucking Fallout, why can't or bullets in Metro? Why can't we have Don caps can be currency in fucking uh fallout why can't or bullets in uh metro why can't we have don zimmer cards be currency i agree or the book the book is great i wish there was a card of the book covers those are great i know me too me too dude so speaking of zimmer let me i'm gonna send you guys a video i took i wanted to show you this earlier this is
Starting point is 00:47:24 fucking i i mentioned how out of control i am on this card collecting thing and i don't think you guys get it so here this is a video of i took earlier today that's just of um all the current orders i have out that i've won on ebay for cards not just existing auctions of which there are very many or orders that I've gotten. And these are just all the outstanding stuff, orders that I've bought that I'm waiting to receive. So I take a little video of it and I send it to the discord. I don't know if it showed up yet. That's fucking compressing a file, which means it'll never hate that. I don't think when anyone on this show has ever said I'm going to send something, it has ever gone well.
Starting point is 00:48:08 I know, dude. It's a minimum of three minutes. Everything fails that could possibly fail. I looked into Zimstock. Zimstock on the way down, sadly. Yeah, Zimstock is... It skyrocketed. It says Zim... It's like a shipping company. Integrated Shipping Services Limited.
Starting point is 00:48:24 Imagine if they delivered the porta potty. What a great thing that would be. What if it was a Zim delivery? Dude, I would accept it if it's a Zim delivery. I mean, you're accepting it no matter what. Well, we'll see about that. It's $20 a share of this company. Dude, stock market's dangerous.
Starting point is 00:48:38 I'm not even sure that, like, listen, don't buy Zim stock because we said, I don't want to go to jail for doing some sort of illegal stock wait are you invested in zim stock no i don't think so but if i am uh what a conspiracy that would be i just like baseball card i just like baseball cards i don't want i'm not trying to your defensive court i just like baseball cards all right for whatever reason when i put stuff on Discord from my phone, it never goes there.
Starting point is 00:49:07 So let me do it this way. What do you mean? Like it doesn't load? Yeah. What is the video of? It's just a video of all of me scrolling through all the existing packages,
Starting point is 00:49:17 all the existing cards that I have on the way from eBay right now. Okay. Over under Gavin 25. 25 what? Over for what he Gavin, 25. 25 what? For what he just said. He just described a scenario
Starting point is 00:49:30 and I set a line for you. Oh, it's going to be way over 25. You think way over? Yeah. I'm going to guess 28. We can do another number game. It's in Slack now. While we're looking at this,
Starting point is 00:49:40 I feel like I need to ask Jeff. Because another thing, this has been on my mind for days now. The last time we recorded, you very happily declared that your pipes will be fine for the rest of time. How are your pipes through this storm?
Starting point is 00:49:55 Everything good? I'll be honest with you. I've had a little, I've had, I've had like pipe survivor guilt. My pipes got fixed about, I don't know, what, 10 days before the storm. And I would guess that partially because of that, because I had two problem areas. One, a leak in the wall that they found that absolutely would have frozen and blown my wall out where it was in the house.
Starting point is 00:50:29 And then the issue under the house. Both of those would have 100% exploded during this snowstorm. So getting them fixed, fixed the two weak areas I had. And my plumbing was, I mean, aside from having no pressure and having to boil water, my pipes were fine the entire time. I bundled them really well. I kept them warm. One of them froze up a little bit on the second day.
Starting point is 00:50:54 So I took out a space heater and a blow dryer and I thawed it out and then rewrapped it and it was fine. I dripped them until they told us not to drip anymore. And I never had a frozen pipe. I never had any kind of plumbing problems the entire time. And I felt really terrible about that until I was sitting there thinking about all the people that I know
Starting point is 00:51:11 that have had pipes burst over the last week and how that was my life for the six weeks leading up to this moment. So I've decided I'm not gonna feel guilty about it anymore because I got all of my bad plumbing luck out of the way leading up to this incident. But man, do I feel sympathy for all of my brothers and sisters in Austin who are now having to deal with prolonged plumbing problems. Because I've been there.
Starting point is 00:51:35 I've been there and it's not fun. Good time to be a plumber. Yeah, great time to be a plumber. Good time for a career change, maybe. I'm looking at your video now, Jeff. That looks to be around 25. There's 40. It was like 48.
Starting point is 00:51:47 Is it 40? Yeah, it was in the 40s. What about you, Gavin? How's your plumbing? Everything good? Yeah, no, my bugs are fine. No, it's all good. No need to send anything.
Starting point is 00:51:57 I just want a mixture. You didn't get a two-for-one special, did you? No, they do not. There's not a buy one, get get one free i see what you're saying andrew and i love it you think i should take the porta potty to gavin's house and leave it there i'm just saying that he needed it i was just asking in case he needed it because i'm a good friend you're right you're right andrew you're right i i now have an extra bathroom where i don't need it and there are a lot of people named Gavin in Austin that might
Starting point is 00:52:26 have plumbing problems right now, thanks to the last week, and I should absolutely lend a hand to my fellow neighbor. I'm going to bring this pink porta potty the second I get it. I'm going to take it to Gavin's house. Won't be needing one of those. Well, it'll be there for you if you do.
Starting point is 00:52:42 I'll just put it in your front yard. Don't worry. Damn, Andrew. You're smart. Thanks, man. Yeah, I'm a good friend. I'm just trying to look out for people. You solved that problem for me. Yeah, it wasn't a problem to begin with. It was a very kind gesture. I kind of don't like the concept of it being a problem, but, you know, Gavin
Starting point is 00:52:58 needs it. That's always an option. I don't think I need it. I think I was quite clear. So, you know, I've got mushrooms, but I've got, I don't need a port-a-potty. Yeah, you know, you never know. Portobello mushroom, port-a-potty. I see some symmetry there. That's perfect.
Starting point is 00:53:16 Is that it? Is that really, Jeff, would you say, so Texas completely shut down. There's terrible, terrible things happening. Would you say the biggest loss for you during that time was you riding a bike is that the greatest consequence you well you didn't have power you had to boil water so you didn't really stop him did it no i mean i still did my bike ride like i remember getting on my bike and thinking like i
Starting point is 00:53:39 i want nothing more than to go home and peel these clothes off of my fucking scabs that are already forming and run hot water over all of it here's a couple reasons why i didn't there was no hot water it's not like i could go home and and there was a boil notice on so any water i was like i could take a shower with cold dirty water that'll probably infect my fucking skin you know they specifically said don't don't shower if you have like open open wounds and shit which i did i had a lot of all at once you were a wound so i did i which i ultimately ended up doing anyway uh because what else was i gonna do and then i just used i just doused my body in hydrogen peroxide a couple times a day but anyway uh yeah
Starting point is 00:54:21 i i got i i got up and i after i came to my senses and realized where I was and collected all my shit, I remember thinking about this time that I wrecked my bike in high school, and I ripped my knee out. Like, you can still see it. I have a – on my left knee, you can see I have a giant scar that's just scar tissue where my knee cap used to be. I lost the whole thing in one felt swoop, falling off my bike and getting drugged by it. And it just like, it was gross, dude. I could see bone. It was a whole thing. Anyway, and I was walking home
Starting point is 00:54:52 and I was about a mile and a half from home, walking up a huge, huge hill, I might point out, crying and like pushing my bike up a hill. And it was all crooked and sideways. And my dad drives up in this 1971 red Ford Courier pickup truck. I'll never forget it. A big, like not a big, it's a tiny little pickup truck,
Starting point is 00:55:14 but had a bed, had a bed that would have held a bike. That's for sure. And he goes, what happened? He pulls up, pulls up behind me in the truck and he goes, what happened? And I go, I fell off my bike. I'm hurt pretty bad.
Starting point is 00:55:23 And he goes, well, bring it on home and we'll clean you up and then he drove away and i had to walk the rest of the mile and a half up the hill pushing a bike with now two flat tires uh dripping blood down my leg and i was thinking about that and i thought yeah i guess i'll just get back on my bike and finish my ride that's what my you know because that's what my dad that's what my dad would have made me like recommended i do and so i just got back on my bike and finished my ride until it hurt too bad you know quit after about 20 miles i was gonna go for 25 after about 20 miles i i fucking packed it in you you somehow have the ability to get the most injured of the least movement possible
Starting point is 00:56:01 but you remember when we put that video up of the rain run? Where you were... Oh! Dude, it was raining, there was a lightning storm, and because I guess we were just children at the time, you decided that you wanted to run the street in the rain. And it was shitting it down. There was lightning every, like, five seconds. Jeff just disappears off into the darkness,
Starting point is 00:56:22 into the mist of the rain and lightning, and comes back limping and covered in blood. And he was only gone for like 35 seconds. He came back, looked like he'd been hit by a car. And then you ran into the bathroom, I guess to tend your wounds. And then you slipped over in there and smashed your glass shelf. It was, you were walking calamity. And then you came out and your towel fell off and you flashed me.
Starting point is 00:56:50 It was a really eventful two to three minute period. Yeah. What actually happened? Because it's not on camera what you did. Where did you go? On the rain run thing? Oh, I ran across the street and i went to stop you know like to like hit the brakes and i hit some gravel like some wet gravel and i just my legs slid out from under me and i just
Starting point is 00:57:13 slid my leg down the fucking down the street and then ripped all my i remember i was like ripped my jeans up and i had a fucking blood everywhere and i came home he just came back and he just goes, he just runs past me because I'm filming it and he runs and says, I need to go to the hospital. And I get into the bathroom and I'm in like tremendous pain,
Starting point is 00:57:33 I remember. And there's like a glass shelf in that bathroom that holds like toothbrushes and deodorant and toothpaste and all that stuff. And I bent down to catch my breath because I thought I was going to throw up
Starting point is 00:57:44 for a second from the pain, you know? You know, like the pain and the shock. And so I went like, I went like, ugh, and I put my head down, and I went like, kind of breathe, you know, kind of catch my breath.
Starting point is 00:57:53 And when I stood up, the back of my head hit that fucking glass at speed and knocked it. You did it with your head? I did it with my head, yeah. And so I fucking, I actually,
Starting point is 00:58:03 I don't think I even talked about it with you, but I cut the back with my head, yeah. And so I fucking, I actually, I don't think I even talked about it with you, but I cut the back of my head open on that sharp glass that night a little bit. It was just the least of my problems. Anyway, and so then I was barefoot at that point, naked, and then the glass shattered all around me. And so I was barefoot in the bathroom, covered in blood and wet,
Starting point is 00:58:19 shattered glass all around me, and I couldn't move without, like, it was. If you want to see the video of that, it's probably on youtube but it's i guess just look at look for happy hour rain run i think i'll say this that one sucked this hurt way more oh really yeah this was way this was pretty bad you slammed into a pillar on this one i feel like that's a whole other level i was i had to have the con like when i was standing there trying to like trying to like build myself back up to get on the bike and be like, you're a tough guy.
Starting point is 00:58:47 You can do it. You know, what would your dad's, you know, I was doing the whole thing like, like your dad made you walk home with a fucking busted leg. You can get on your bike and ride it for, you know, and I was thinking, I was like, you know, you're like, I already lost a pair of pants. I lost a pair of gloves and I lost a pair of socks on this ride and I'm only 20 minutes in. I'm going to get
Starting point is 00:59:03 my money's worth. I'm going to get my pants worth out of it. But yeah, no, this one was pretty rough. I feel like a key detail that we kind of went over. You said your left sock. You lost your left sock. That improves your odds of grabbing. Well, I threw the pair away.
Starting point is 00:59:19 Oh, okay. Well, never mind. You didn't just keep a right? No, I was bummed too because they were pretty pretty good new socks i hadn't had them that long what's the last time you bought socks this such maybe the fucking most boring question i've ever asked yesterday ever yesterday what about you gavin uh i subscribe to socks oh really okay yeah so every month i'll get a one pair of socks same with underwear And then I'll go into my drawer, and I'll find the shittiest like hole filled pair of socks that I've probably had since
Starting point is 00:59:53 2007 and I'll chuck those away, and I'm just slowly replacing my socks. I do something similar the way Gavin does it is very smart I just do it like once a year I'll just buy all new underwear and all new socks and then when they come in i'll just get rid of the other stuff to me it's a psychological thing like i can't stand to throw away stuff in bulk like if i if i was just gonna grab 20 pairs of socks and throw them all in the bin just feels i don't know it feels wasteful in a weird way even though i'm doing it slowly over time i understand that i understand that but also like maybe it's just how i'm living, but socks get holes in them
Starting point is 01:00:26 really fast now too. So I feel like I'm blowing through socks pretty quickly because of holes. Is it because you're spending less time in shoes? Maybe it's because I'm spending less time in shoes
Starting point is 01:00:34 or maybe it's because I'm spending a lot of time sliding across pavement. I don't know. Yeah, that could be a factor. A bit of both. I'm not a socks guy, generally speaking.
Starting point is 01:00:43 I'm never wearing socks. The only time I'll put socks on is when I'm going to somebody else's house. I would rather, unless I'm swimming, I would rather have socks and shoes on. The only time I'd prefer to be barefoot would be in the water. I don't know why you like wearing shoes in the house, though. Yeah, I don't know. I'll wear them until I go to bed. I'll take off my shoes to go to bed.
Starting point is 01:01:01 I just feel like you're going to have an overly sweaty foot for no reason i don't though i'm not like you for whatever i mean i don't like i don't have the same issues i don't wear shoes in my house it's weird it's outside there's germs from like the street and dog shit and like public bogs all on the bottom of shoes i don't want that on my nice i don't know office carpet is rank. I understand that for sure. That's why I don't, I can't stand, I can't stand when I see people walk around with their shoes untied, like they don't care. What? Because you know, you know that shoelace
Starting point is 01:01:36 gets trapped under that shoe and it gets piss on it and it gets doody on it and it gets like all kinds of gross juice from like the ground it's telling you though if you've got shoelaces on your shoes they're covered in piss that's just how it works it doesn't have to be if you keep them tied dude no it does look if you if you use a urinal or a urinal people will make in front of the way i say that uh it does splash the top of your shoes are as minging as the underneath. It doesn't matter if your shoelace is tied.
Starting point is 01:02:10 If you stand up and pee in a urinal now. Listen, I have fully embraced the bidet. I am not going to pass up an opportunity to sit on a warm toilet. I'm a sit-down peer most of the time now. I have been for many years. Yeah, because the fucking toilet makes it so much fun. I didn't realize this as well. Apparently, you get more out of your bladder
Starting point is 01:02:28 if you're sat down. Really? Because the way it folds, if you're stood up, you can't empty the bottom bit of your bladder just because of physics. Oh. I didn't know that.
Starting point is 01:02:38 I don't even know if that's important or if it has any effect on it, but I like pissing sitting down. It means you have to wash the bog less as well. Oh, totally. Yeah, you can be more precise with it. You can like,
Starting point is 01:02:47 you get both hands free to play on your phone. Also, very often when I sit down to pee, have a happy little like sit down pee, I'll pop out a little surprise poop too,
Starting point is 01:02:58 you know? Get that out of the way. It can happen. And then you're like, you feel better about yourself. Like, I didn't even know I had that in me and I needed to get rid of it,
Starting point is 01:03:03 but now it's gone. I feel a little bit lighter on my feet. Can't do that standing up. Well, you can. No, you feel better about yourself. Like, I didn't even know I had that in me and I needed to get rid of it. But now it's gone. I feel a little bit lighter on my feet. Can't do that standing up. Well, you can. No, you shouldn't. Definitely shouldn't. It's a different adventure.
Starting point is 01:03:10 Does every, do toilet companies make urinals? Is there a urinal company? Yeah. Yeah. It's just they make everything? There's not like a specific. Armitage Shanks. It's not like an Android and Apple scenario of the toilet world that there's like only
Starting point is 01:03:23 a urinal company? I don't think so. Maybe. I feel like if you're making urinals, you're making bogs. It makes sense to do both. Part and parcel. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:03:33 It seems like you'd leave money on the table otherwise. You already have access to the location. They're already hiring you to do half the job. I'm sure if you're specking out a new building, you don't want to talk to two different companies for one bathroom. You probably don't, no.'t want to talk to two different companies for one bathroom. You probably don't, no. You want to do a company that's gonna...
Starting point is 01:03:48 You don't want to have a tile guy and a sink guy and a towel dispenser guy and a toilet guy and a urinal guy. Dyson Airblade guy. Yeah. It's a lot of guys. So, uh, I'm sorry. I was just looking at your... There's a urinal that's more expensive than a port-a-potty this is crazy so are we just not going to address the Andrew's name we can talk about it
Starting point is 01:04:13 because Eric would be telling us to end it at this point the whole reason we were fucking we recorded this early no it was for the port-a-potty it had nothing to do with your name so we got that. But Andrew just, when our power was off, Andrew just made, because the person who edited episode 38 of F*** Face
Starting point is 01:04:33 didn't have time to upload it before the power went out. It was sat there on a computer that couldn't be turned on, I assume, and internet that didn't work. So Andrew made a small piece to go up in its place letting people know that it'll be delayed i did once again very courteous person thinking about everybody else what did you say in that piece for for the people that are listening now that may not have heard it well i i may have uh revealed or said claimed that andrew payton Is an alias And like stage name of sorts And is not my real name
Starting point is 01:05:06 My real name And the proposed audio Raymond Sommar I don't see why this is crazy I played that to Meg And she was just like sat back You know just like listening When you said that she like leapt forward on the couch
Starting point is 01:05:23 And was like no There's no way Yeah it's a thing and was like, no, there's no way. Yeah, it's a thing that happened. And I was like, there's no way. Well, maybe how do we want to do? Do you want to ask questions about it? Because I feel like there's doubt by both of you. Independently, I got a lot of suspicion.
Starting point is 01:05:38 Understandable. If it was a bit, I would say it wasn't a bit. So I get it. Wait, are you telling us how you're going to lie about it? No, I'm saying if I was doing a bit, if this is a bit, I would say it wasn't a bit. So I get it. Wait, are you telling us how you're going to lie about it? No, I'm saying if I was doing a bit, if this was a bit, I would claim it wasn't a bit. So I understand the
Starting point is 01:05:54 suspicion. Which makes it difficult for us to get to the bottom of whether you're actually named Raymond So Mayor or not. Yeah. Because if it was a bit, I'd say it wasn't a bit. But you already had that twitter account yeah well i had okay so do we want to get into the through the history of of the is this the next episode where are you are you maintaining that you were born raymond somer not andrew panton
Starting point is 01:06:19 i'm saying it's not impossible we're gonna get nothing out of him, Jeff. Well, thanks for tuning in for another episode of Face. I believe this was episode 40. Hope you had a good time. Next week we'll intend to get to the bottom of this, but we did this week as well and here we are. Thanks for listening and
Starting point is 01:06:39 like and subscribe or send us a rate. Your way or their way or whose way. But hey, see you next week.

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