F**kface - The Worst Intro // Geoff's Gross Stories [43]

Episode Date: March 5, 2025

Geoff, Gavin and Andrew talk about morning DJ, midnight bathroom nightmare, Mario Party March bribery, Andrew's clip, pickled gopher feet, psych outs, travel bags, Gavin's collection, Gurplid, Gurpler Silencer, ball news, flamingo kick, Disneyland, Geoff's absolutely disgusting stories, the night plunger, Geoff's new tattoo, Freudian snap, Survivor, faked vacations, floor donut fiasco, and phone text problems. Sponsored by Factor. Thanks Factor! Go to FACTORMEALS.com/FACTORPODCAST and use code FACTORPODCAST to get 50% off your first box plus free shipping on your first box. Support us directly at https://www.patreon.com/TheRegulationPod Stay up to date, get exclusive supplemental content, and connect with other Regulation Listeners. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hello and welcome to another episode of the regulation podcast. This is episode forty three. Oh, what are you going on over there, Andrew? I'm just I felt like you wanted some energy. I'm here and bringing the energy for you. Jeff, go ahead. Continue. Gizmo here. Just get it up. Go ahead. What you energy is good. Oh, my name is Jeff Ramsey. Folks around these parts call me baby Pepsi with me as always.

Baby Gavin or Gassy Goo, Andrew or interrupt the gizmo. Folks around these parts call me Baby Pepsi with me as always. Baby Pepsi. Gavin or Gassy Goo, Andrew or Interrupti Gizmo, Eric or Lil Ricky B or The Mechanic. I saw a comment that really got to me and I don't know why. Somewhere on last episode somebody said, man, I haven't listened to Roost Teeth in a really long time. I saw that you guys were making content. I wanted to check it out. I tuned into this regulation podcast

and you guys sound like radio DJs and I was immediately turned off. Oh, cause you were doing your radio DJ bit? Yeah, cause I was doing the... Cause this is the first time we were doing the new nicknames. Gassy Goo and the Gizmo. Really fucked me up. I had so much fun doing that for one episode

and that has to be the one episode somebody tunes in and goes, what the fuck is this? Shut down. This is a Minecraft. Shouldn't we treat every episode like it might be somebody's first episode? What if they love morning zoo radio, though? Then they love mechanic. Welcome to the regulation.

So I wouldn't say this one was much better because this one had Andrew good Through the intro that's right bringing the energy I was already in my head before we started because of that comment and then Really for me for a loop now. I'm thinking we might be my did my energy make you You know what I was about to say we might be in the running for a worst intro of regulation But that completely flipped it back around Yeah morning zoom this was very this sucks and everyone's doing this all throughout the stream the other day Changer what do you have? It was really good. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It has a voice changer on that thing. Listen, boys, we have a lot to get to today. More than we can cover in an hour. There's a thing on my desk that Andrew sent to Gavin and I we have to talk about. Last week, I told you guys about my deja vu nightmare. I gotta update you. There are troubling developments.

It is no longer a deja vu nightmare. It is just a midnight bathroom nightmare Two of the I'm gonna warn you guys now two of the grosser stories you're gonna hear. Oh, no Yeah, am I gonna gag do I need a bag you might need a you might need a game at the end then because we've been Frontloading gross can we put at the back plus? Well, that's I'll leave it up to you guys Do you want to front load it or back? No, I want to back load it. I've been There might be they might take a little time to tell so and they'll be they'll be conversation So we don't want to wait too long

We might need to make a uniform gag bag oh Interesting interesting. I'm not mad at that. I could use that in fucking Los Angeles last weekend. Let me tell you. Oh, sorry. Anaheim. I mean, I am holding in my hand, Andrew, a gift from you. Would you tell me why and what it is? Well, we are a few days into Mario Party March at this point. When does this come out? Like the third, the fourth? That's almost there.

Almost there. This is the fifth. So we're five days in to this Mario Party March game. We're about to go into a heated battle. But before things get heated, I wanted to cool things out. I wanted to send a peace offering to Gavin and Jeff. And I would have sent one to Nick, but I don't know where he lives, so I couldn't do it

Maybe we should change his new name that Nick Mysterio Nick mysterious Jeff. Have you revealed? What was in your bag? I'm eating a chocolate Dillo dilly bar That's right a dilly bar from the dill Kong a peace offering from the d kong little dilly bar for you guys hey, and we initiate Can I tell you something uh-huh? It's delicious. Oh That's what I want to hear is the dill kong so just remember these first few turns You know you know maybe you land on a boo Maybe you have the opportunity to screw somebody don't forget. Dilkong was there for you before we started. Dilkong offering a peaceful Dilly bar. Did you search Austin for Dill food?

No, I just all I could think of because I'm familiar with the Dairy Queen menu. All I did was search if you both had a Dairy Queen that would serve. Let me tell you guys, when I think Dairy Queen, I'm locked in on that menu. I'm familiar with the Dairy Queen menu. I am. Could have said it's giant dill pickles. Yeah. But dilly I think is funnier.

I appreciate the ice cream. Thank you. I just sent you my address. Send it to me, Nick, and then I'll send you a dilly bar. I just did. Okay. Alright. Good to know. I'll do that after the show.

I got you. Okay, thank you. Woo. Alright. So is bribery allowed? Are we accepting that? Well, if it's fucking... It's I got you. Woo. All right. So is that is bribery allowed? Are we accepting that? Well, if it's fucking you, we put a rule down now.

So I think I cleared it. I think we should be open to it. I have accepted it into my tummy. It's a little. I think bribery once the game is in play is off limits. See, I disagree. I disagree with that because I think bribery day today is such an exciting element when you are four days in

and you see alliances starting to form and you're like, oh, I understand. I got to get Nick on my side. My issue, Eric, is that the stronghold chest is not equal amongst all parties. I would be a fool to put bribery into play. Well, you never know. We'll see what happens on day 22 when Gavin introduces the bribery wheel. Oh, my God. What are we eating, Gavin? Corn. I'm trying to think of who who would I want to make an alliance with the most?

If you're going to try to. Well, it's not me. Us with corn. You're in. That's an American. Americans love corn. Everything is corn. It is true. Everything is corn corn, but because it's plentiful, not because it's sought after. Or good. Or good. I have a clip. Go for it.

I'm very excited clip. I've got a very funny. So as we talked about last episode, we have the pencil judge is competing on this season of Survivor. Yes, it's insane. We have a connection to the show. And when we discovered this, I immediately reached out to a friend who does a lot of reality TV coverage named Taron,

and they work for Rob has a podcast, which is like this big reality TV network. So I immediately was like, this crazy, because he's a fan of the show, and he listens. And I was breaking down the pencil thing to him, and they do a draft podcast at the start of every season, in which they pick players. It's like a pool of six.

It's like they do a fantasy draft and then whoever wins wins. Like it's very standard how it works. And he planned on because he thought there's no way that he would end up getting him based off of the pencil thing and just where he'd end up in the draft. But he ended up with the first overall pick. So he was very excited. He planned like he worked out in his head that he was going to make a bunch of

references to the show and asking questions for whoever picked them. But then he got the first overall pick, got really excited and then just picked him based off of the pencil judge thing. But didn't factor in that he would then have to justify why he took this guy first overall. And they started pressing and he did not necessarily have answers beyond the podcast thing. It was very funny.

He kept making very pointed references to he's a big fan of his judgment. And anyone who is a fan of our show is there a lot of comments of that thing of pencil eating and references. I have a clip from that. At the very end, they've kind of discussed all their points and he really put himself in a tight spot and he dropped the pencil eating reference to a group of people that have no point of reference

for what he's talking about. And it was the most confusing thing to this group of people and it brought me so much joy. So this is him referencing that he is a fan of this survivor player because of his pencil opinions. He's a big fan. I've been told that he is pro pencil eating. So I that's that was enough for me. What does that mean? Like he eats pencils? No, not him. It's just, you know, you should follow through on things that you said you're going to do.

That's that's what he feels is what I feel. Did I miss something? Yeah, we all get it, Chappelle. OK, I don't know why you're confused. All right. Shout out to Shaheen's mom who listens to the podcast. Hey, I just I wanted to share that that brought me so joy. Six people, there's videos for it. You can can watch it that are just blank that have no concept I love their day that he just deliberately died in front of five people to really face themselves on absolutely

Did he ate so much shit just because it was funny. I reached out immediately. It's like oh, I appreciate so much I know what he's he's into a pencil And they're like, he's he's into a pencil. So then he's like, no, not him. There needs to be a term or like a position of exaltation for someone who publicly faces themselves in such a way, you know. Oh, man. But yeah, I just wanted to share that. Check that out. They're they do great reality coverage and that video, especially

just seeing the blank faces of six other people. It's so good. It's great I'm taking a bite of this dilly. What's it called? Dilly bar. You're gonna hate it Gavin. It's on the rock in front of you Now it's delicious. It's the baby the most inefficient shape for a stick What do you mean? Oh? It's round. Oh It's not bad. Oh, you don't mind it.

I thought you'd be a lot pickier about the chocolate. It's fine. It's a pretty budget chocolate. One bite is enough for that one. It's like the one that Eric posted in the chat. That's Gavin's. I don't know if I don't know if your bribe worked on the end. Gavin Andrew. Oh, I wouldn't expect it to work on.

I wanted to bribe Gavin. I'd send them like pickled fucking gopher feet or something. Some weird you said, what? Pickled gopher feet. Yeah, it's a it's a delicacy in the UK. And yeah, I'd say I'm just my point was like a weird food. I don't really like anything pickled apart from pickle. But Branst, you're a Branston pickle guy. Yeah, that's pickled

That's pickled. Is it not it's in the name. Is it really pickled though? Or is it pickle? Isn't it pickles that are pickled? As a spread cool an onion pickled. There's some pickled pickle and what this You don't like present tense pickle only past tense pickle I think I just like the paste format. And when you have a pickle, it's not paste. I would actually maybe argue it's even more pickled than the average picker because it's a multiply multiple. But no, I'm done. I lost that argument.

Never mind. We're going home. That was bad. We just can't talk about this. No, I was going to say that there's multiple pickled items in one thing. Like it's only pickled items, is it not? Yeah, I think it's like the cucumber and it's the onion. I think we read off the ingredients once. It's like a pickle factor, but the actual pickle paste is maybe 10 to 15 times better than a pickle cucumber.

I think if you were to pull the audience and said, like, one of these things is a lie about Gavin and they didn't have context and you listed he doesn't like pickled things. Nobody's picking that. I think universally you're viewed as a pickled guy for the brands to pickle. I'm shocked. Hmm. Hey, Andrew, despite your troubles with Gavin, just so we're clear before going into Mario Party March, your bribe has worked on me.

I will, I am now in some form of debt to you in some way, and I will adhere to the constricts of a bribe. However, I will say, as someone who is open to bribes, if anyone wants to bribe me on top of that, to un-bribe your bribe, I'm available. So I'm yours until somebody gives me a better deal. How about that? I'm OK with that. How about I'll give you the best gift you've ever had if you don't screw me through the game?

I must say, I'm like a bird in the hands or two in the bush kind of guy. Yeah, but what if there's five in the bush? I don't see. I can't see. I don't send him a box of Dilly Bars. The bush doesn't exist to me, dude. Jeff, I'm going to take you for hot dogs and coffee. I like the sound of that. That's two in the bush.

That's coffee and hot dogs in the bush. You haven't got them yet. I haven't done anything for him yet. Yeah. But once he delivers on hot dogs and coffee, then we'll see. What if? Until as of right now. I'm Andrew's man right now Okay, what about this if bribes are allowed throughout the game our psych outs allowed yes What are psych acts what do you mean and psych you out? I'm on tilt right now Gavin Gavin. Can you unsightly please?

Game hasn't even started yet. I should be psyched out like this. That was such a do billboards work. They just did moment. Yeah, maybe there's some, you know, real world things that can happen throughout the game to try and throw you a little bit. You know, light my house on fire. What do you know? That's an escalation it is I mean it would disrupt the game Maybe they'll just be a game within the game that I'm playing Maybe there'll be a marching band practicing outside of your bedroom window while we record

That'd be so hard to arrange I'd open my door and say hey, can can you guys, can you guys bring up a bed frame? I got a bed frame down here. There's like 16 of you. I think we could do this. Have you moved the bed frame yet? Not yet, but I've moved other things. Chair's gone. Got rid of all the chairs. Whoa. Wow. So you got some space again? I got some space. Some reorganizing. You know what I realized? And I didn't plan on talking about this on the show, but it is so difficult to buy a travel bag for old consoles. It's just not accessible.

You just can't get them anywhere. eBay. I looked at eBay. OK, here's that. That transitions to a different thing. I can't find them on eBay, but the shipping. I looked at three bags. I was looking at an N sixty four one, a we you one and an original Xbox travel bag

combined. It costs like 110 dollars. The shipping was 150. I was like, I can't do it. I just can't. I can't do it. Is it from outside of Canada? I think one of them was within Canada, but even within Canada, the shipping on eBay is very high, generally speaking. But I had a thought where it's like, I'm not going to say that like this chain,

I'm always going to be mad about shipping things. But I thought for the first time, the premise of what if I had to go to the item instead of the item doing the journey to me. The premise that I could go to like two different states for $150 worth of fuel. Insane. What a value. But it going the other way, way too much insane. How is that good value? I you don't you think that you could like if you were to go on a road trip, you would spend more money on gas driving

Oh, I see what you're saying like I'm saying the fuel like if you had to make the trip the actual cost of the transport For yourself is more than what the item is paying and you have to go and do it and waste all of that time That's true. Yeah, I'm not listen. I'm not advocate. I know there's all just purely on the premise of travel, though. I just thought that was interesting. Like if somebody said, hey, here's tickets to this place in the United States for $50, I would. That's a great value. But if I'm buying a $20 item attached to it and I'm paying 50 for the travel part,

it's like this is the worst deal ever. Why? Why do you want to put all your consoles in bags? Because they're all in like grocery bags right now in my closet. And I was trying to like properly I'm trying to organize my closet better. And I thought I just having like a nice console bag would really solve these problems. So I thought I'll just buy a few. And it just it's not there's not like a company that just specializes in that, from what I could see

outside of whatever the current generation of console is. And it feels like a waste to buy one for a current gen console, because then I just have an empty bag. But in like seven years, I guess it would be useful. But like, is that am I losing at that point? Feels like a waste to keep a console in a bag. Well, I just I don't have space to plug in some of the stuff like the N64 and I have an original Xbox that like,

Couldn't you just put it on a shelf like build shelves? I don't. In your closet? Eh, what about the wall? Yeah. Oh yeah. What do you mean? Put a console on the wall.

How would I do that? Hang it. Screws. Little display wall of all your shit Yeah, I don't know about like Jeremy had all of his Xbox one controllers on the wall or 360 controllers on the wall Kind of like that. Yeah, I got some of those like Gavin has his he doesn't talk about it, but his dildo wall Yeah, oh What if it, oh. Would they be slung on like a little hook

or would they be poking through the wall like 18 glory holes with dildos coming up? Well, the ones at like a higher elevation are just set and nestled to like the side, but the ones that are lower that you feel like using, those are just protruded outward. So it's just like kind of a grab and go situation or use it right there on the wall.

You think dildos got bigger with time think dildos got bigger with time? Till those got bigger with time, like, well, like people got taller over time. No. Like, do you think that, like the expectation changed over time? Oh, like the first dildo, like the first dildos were like kind of like modest. Yeah. And then as time progressed, like, I mean, you can go back and look at dildos. They've dug up that are like 5000 years old and see for yourself. There's some, there's some, there's some hawkers out there from the olden days. I like to think that they're like noses or ears where they're progressively growing.

I think a dildo, dildo culture is always slightly getting bigger. I don't know how they know it's a dildo though. Like surely wouldn't stuff become dildo over time? Wouldn't a bunch of stuff eventually erode down to just like a cylinder of stone or something? And they're like, oh, it's a dildo. What if it was a rolling pin or like, what if it was some sort of tool? You think people are incorrectly declaring dildos than are dildos? Yeah, I think a lot of stuff looks like a dildo at the end.

Really? Interesting. I'm trying to think of what? Like, what do you think? Like a club? Oh, a chair leg or something. I don't know. Like everything. Like, how do they? Your collection.

Your collection is fucking weird, dude. Yeah. My point is, how do they know something from 5000 years ago was a dildo origin? Kevin must think that I have so many dildos left over from these chairs that I'm breaking. DNA on it? DNA on the dildo? but how do they know Jeff? do you think it's called a dildo because the inventor was named dildo? that feels like a name I've never thought about this I think because of images like this an old fresco where somebody's holding a dildo that feels like a name. I've never thought about this. I think because of images like this An old fresco where somebody's holding a dildo in their hand and they're taking it out of a bag for a box full of dildos

No, no, no, no, you wouldn't store them like that. Right Gavin once again No, once again saying it's a bucket of dildos That's the or how about this old dildo that they found that looks like somebody carved it with a dickhead at the end of it? That could be like a pestle and mortar situation. These are scientists. I wasn't on Gavin's side. I think the second one does look like a chair leg and the first one could simply be a man holding a candle trying to figure out what's in his fruit basket. It's a man stepping into his shoehorn bucket because that's where he puts on his shoes and he's using his shoehorns. Our knowledge of dildos isn't just limited to amusing archaeological finds.

We even see evidence of dildos in a range of art and literature from the ancient world like the Bible. Oh, wow. There's a chapter on dildos. They described the dimensions of a dildo. However, the first literary appearance of the dildo may well outdate even ancient Greece. In fact, the first literary reference to dildos is believed to take place in the Old Testament in Ezekiel 16, 17.

God reprimands the people of Jerusalem because they took the gold and silver that he has given them and made phallic images and fornicated with them. Solid according to a video by Dan McClellan, theologian and script scripture translator. The original verb used to describe fornication is Zana, which is often used as a metaphorical sense in the Hebrew Bible to refer to worshiping other deities symbol symbolically committing adultery against odd and God in Israel.

So while it could be seen as metaphorical fornication with phallic images, he states that it's also very plausible that this could and should be interpreted literally. Yeah, I mean, I definitely don't doubt that those were around, that it was one of the first things invented probably by man. But I'm just not sure how they know the physical objects are the dildos. Well, how do you know a bowl is a bowl and not a shit and a container? You know, exactly my point. Yeah. Hmm. Hmm. What's the oldest dildo you have, Gavin?

It's the one at the top of the wall. You climb it like it's a rubber room. Like like your cliffhanger, just shoving dildos into the wall to go higher. Oh, we talked about that clip, and we were the guy throws the dildo and he goes down that guy's throat. No, dude, I just caught a passage. I was about to close the dildo page. Hallie Lieberman's research indicates that double ended dildos have a history that extends back at least 13,000 to 19,000 years. Dang. That's crazy. People were freaks back then. I love it. Do you find yourself ordering takeout more than actually cooking at home?

That's a trap that my wife and I have fallen into now that the kid is off of college and we have less mouths to feed. But instead of ordering out, instead of paying for delivery fees, why not do what we did and try factor? That's right. I ate loaded bacon and spinach shredded chicken. I've eaten honey mustard chicken. I ate a lot of chicken by the way. I don't know if this is coming across. We had paprika beef and pepper goulash macaroni and my wife's favorite, I think, four cheese tortellini and Italian sausage pizza. You will, however you say that. And each meal is honestly delicious.

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to get 50% off your first box plus free shipping. That's code factor podcast at factor meals dot com slash factor podcast to get 50 percent off plus free shipping on your first box. People are freaks now. I have something to share. A wonderful creation. I don't know if you guys have seen ever since we talked about the GERPLID. People have been going out there and making their own solutions to the problem.

And I got sent one today by a member of our community named Matthew Frank. And I really appreciate his ingenuity. I'm posting a video clip in our Discord channel right now. Gavin, I think you'll especially appreciate this design. Okay. It is uploading, it's almost done. So as you can see, it is a

Gerpeler with a blue top on it and it has a pair of balls on the top. What? And a shaft. Now, how do you know they're balls? That's a great point, Jeff. Now see, he's explaining how it works. So you can knock on the balls. He's calls it the unregulation knuckle. You knuckle them and hold the little gap. So if you want to stop some drippage, wow. You got to take care of that is brilliant. I was blown away by the design. Thank you very much to them.

I've loved seeing all these people's creations. They're great. I'm so glad you brought that up because I was going to talk about a few as well. There's the guy that made the the GERPLER silencer, which is like a rubber bands around it. So if it falls, it's quiet. There's an all the people that are saying that you can like, apparently large McDonald's lids fit very well on a GERPLER. Really? They're saying, yeah, apparently they work really well. There's been a bunch of like GERPLER accoutrements over since the last episode

that have been really fantastic to watch. And I'm so glad you brought that up. on a gurgler. They're saying, yeah, apparently they work really well. There's been a bunch of like gurgler accoutrements over since the last episode that have been really fantastic to watch and find out about. This is by far the best. What do you drink out of that, Gavin? Well, I don't know. I don't know if like 3D print is safe to put your mouth on. But if it was done properly, I would definitely drink out of that. Interesting.

I never thought about the 3D printing safety thing. I assume it's not food safe, but as a concept incredible. He would much rather blindly trust the plastic or silicone mold that comes from a factory that none of us will ever go to. You want to get gross, Jeff? I want to make sure you have tons of time. I feel good now. I feel ready I'm locked. Oh, uh, yeah, I'm down to get gross, but Gavin you had a clip too You said we started late because of your clip. Did you want to do that? Well, yeah, I could play the clip for sure. I'd hope so Somebody know if you wouldn't mind we'd appreciate it and we'll be here next week saying the same dumb shit I imagine Gavin's balls will come up at some point. So you don't want to miss that. Got some ball news. Oh, no. Oh.

This is a superpower that I've discovered I have now ever since. At some point last year, I had an MRI on my brain and they ejected some. It wasn't MRI. It was like a CT something. They had to inject some contrast into my brain so they could see the veins in it, I guess. That's crazy. And as they were injecting it, the woman said, uh, you might, you might feel some, some heat in your cheeks and your hands.

All right. And uh, she, she put the needle in and gave it a squeeze straight into my balls. I felt the heat immediately as she plunged it in my testicles. And ever since that, I have a new superpower where temperature is detected in my balls like second. Like if Meg has cold hands and she touches my arm, my balls go cold. And I don't know why or what the science of that is, but I can feel like if I was trying to test like baby milk temperature, I think I would have to squirt it on my ball.

Or I would feel it in my balls. Or if I was like elbowing the bathtub. I don't know how it happened, but there's now a link between my arms and my balls. He scientifically test this. Can we get together and do some film and please? I think it's time. We you don't like you could be fully covered yet. We just need something that like detects heat in a specific region and we have to like have you feel ice.

Yeah, I want to see maybe if we do temperature probes on the sack. I want to see if my balls are actually getting cold or whether it's just a phantom feeling. But I felt it in my hands and my cheeks maybe 30 seconds after and I felt it in my balls maybe one second after she ejected it So if mega is cold hands you get warm balls does it work the other way? If something touches you that's really hot your balls get cold like is it a no I felt the cold in my balls But she touched my head do you feel the heat in your balls when you touch something hot like the stove? I I don't know she kind of touched the back of my arm like under like I'd say in a bicep area and I felt it. Maybe I should put something hot there. Well, let's don't do it till we till we can film it. Okay. I was just wondering did anyone else has anyone else had any like ball to rest of the body links that they didn't

know were there for heat? No, no, no. That's so interesting, though. Nick specifically said not for temperature. What have you felt? My balls. His balls. His balls. No one is going to rain. Yeah. A ball. Rometer. Raise themselves into the body. Yeah. Here comes the storm.

So you feel a cold thing in your balls, let you know before anything else does. Am I understanding this correctly? No, I mean, I feel it in my balls next. Like I feel in the original spot. It's the point of contact. And then it goes, you get like a shiver in your balls. Yeah. But it's so fast. It's like the it's like maybe after one second.

It's like spider sense. I can't tell whether it's it's like the speed of the nerves or whether the cold is getting into my blood and then my blood gets pumped and I feel it when it hits my balls. But I don't know if blood is that fast. Now, did you ever notice it in your balls before ever, like just generally. No, because I don't feel like I'm detecting heat or cold from my balls just in a general sense. If you maybe if we got an ice cube and put it on my arm, that'd be a good test. Yeah, this sounds like a some test in the next office day.

Well, we should. I mean, I'm just kind of spitballing here. Feel free to kind of lead me down the right path. We put the ice cube on your arm and see how soon until you feel it in your balls. And then we let everything kind of like rewarm. And then we put the ice cube on your balls and see if it was faster or slower. Yeah, yeah. You think touching it on my arm will be faster than touching on my balls?

Gavin, I have no idea how your superpowers work. I'm trying to get to the bottom of this. That's all. Yeah. This is what's called the scientific process, Gavin. You got a little play out. We're scientists. Well, here's how I think we could do it.

We'll all get together on an office day and we'll have a stopwatch. We all put the ice cube on our arms and then you just stop the timer when you feel it in your balls, if ever. I love that. I think that's one of the many cool experiments we're about to do on your balls. Yeah. And that is the end of my weekly ball news. Just very quickly, as we were talking about, and we're in the process of looking for an office.

I'm going to share this and I don't want you guys to reveal what it is, but I found something that I think we should all Come together for I think we could all agree that we should put our own money towards this for the office Look at this. I just didn't we can reveal at a later point what this is look at what I found is available No way No way No way.

No way. No way. Edit that. I can't say no, say it. No, that was the whole thing you just said. Yeah, that was the whole point without saying what it was. You're going to just reveal it. OK, I can't believe I can't believe this is real. I cannot believe it was real either. We need it. They have a bunch of years.

Oh, dude, there's like a bunch of stuff. There's a few. Yeah, that's by far the best thing. But we need that. We can put Gavin's cold balls in it or something. I don't know, but we need it. No way. Is that crazy? Bunch of stuff.

Yeah, I was really excited about it, but that is the coolest thing. It's also kind of affordable, too, you know. Yeah, I know. excited about it, but that is the coolest thing. It's also kind of affordable, too, you know? Yeah, I know. It's not insane. Absolutely. I bet if it goes for its lowest, you could even make profit just on the materials. Yeah, no. Wow. We'll reveal this at a later date of what this item was. But Gavin, you'll be the first to use it, right? I guess so.

It's so funny that you had your ball, your ball update, and I realized looking at my notes, I have a small ball update too. Oh please. Do you think we should dedicate a little segment every month to like, ball news? Maybe. Maybe not a bad idea. Ball news. I did something last night that I'd never done before. And I, while my wife was laughing at me about it. I

I thought I wonder if you guys have ever experienced this or if it's just me or if it's an age thing or maybe I'm Just incredibly limber. Maybe that's what it is. Maybe I'm just too flexible but last night when I was putting my Pajama pants on putting my legs into my pajama pants. I Taken my pants off and then put my my jammy pants on I somehow Flamingo kicked my own balls with my right heel of my foot. And almost blacked out. Standing up, like pulling my pants off, I like slipped. And my leg just went straight up and the heel of my right foot just smashed my right ball so hard.

I saw black. Like I lost my vision for a second. And I don't know if that means I'm in really good shape and really limber, or if my balls are hanging down to my knees or whatever. But holy shit, I've never kicked my own balls before. Have you guys ever kicked yourself in the balls? Was it the back of your balls? Or the underside? No, it was like It was like the bottom like the whole right ball I kicked the fucking hole the whole ball man my heel is as big of a ball as a bear my ball, man

Just smooshed it right up into me. I Know I've don't I've never had that happen, and I've never heard of anyone kicking themselves in the balls Talk about a fucking superpower you wish you didn't have. Why can people do that? What a stupid evolution. I don't recommend they try to find out if it's something that they can or can't do. Just assume you can't and move along with your life. And try to just be very careful.

Just be very careful putting jammy pants on apparently. I feel like I've nudged my balls with the heel, like if I sit cross legged too fast. But I've never done it from like a stand. Hmm. Jeff, when did you get these Jamie pants? How new are these Jamie pants? I got them for Christmas. OK, they're Detroit Tigers.

Jamie's that Bernie Vanessa got me. I just feel like every story I hear relating to your Jamie pants is disaster for you. And I was questioning, well, I mean, to get rid of the jammy pants. If I'm in jammies, it's not good. It's a bad scene. It's the bad time of day for me. The the the sleep you're knocking over sodas, you're kicking your own balls like these jammy pants.

I think you got to evaluate midnight to about five a.m. is a dark time for me in a lot of ways. Dude, people were floored that you're drinking soda at night. I'm not! I'm not drinking soda at night! But no, you said it was death from the morning. I had a monster energy drink at eight in the fucking morning that I had drank five sips of and I set it down and then I went about my entire day, forgot that it even existed

and then at two in the morning or whatever when I get up to pee I walked by it and I saw liquid and I Thought oh my mouth is dry. I'll just take a sip of that It's not like I was gonna drink enough to get a fucking to wake is One ounce of fucking caffeine now. I'm bouncing off the walls It was nothing like that and it was it was a sugar-free one too, by the way It wasn't a sugary drink. It was just something to wet my mouth. That's fair. Yeah, I don't keep It was just something to wet my mouth. That's fair.

Yeah. I don't keep, I don't even keep drinks by, it was, that's what the thing that was crazy is that I had a drink by my bed three out of four nights. That never happens. I don't ever have that. Emily keeps what she calls her baba by her bed, which is like a 864 ounce Stanley cup

with like a backpack on it and a fucking, I don't know, like a docking station The different things that you can put on one of those drinks. It's got like fucking it's got Wi-Fi and Bluetooth And if I ever get thirsty at night I usually just say like can I have a drink of your ba-ba and then she'll let me drink it but it's so rarely Happens and she was deadass asleep all the time so I didn't bother oh That's so you just kind of it like she's wearing a camel back to bed Just in case like this immediate drinkage

I actually try not to drink past like 9 or 10 p.m. In general whether it's water or anything else because I don't want to be a pissing all night It's just like same If I'm gonna be up till 2 in the morning playing with the truck boys Maybe I'll bring a drink into it like I was gonna do that one night But yeah, it's not drinking monsters every night at 3 in the morning God, did you when you healed your balls, Jeff, did you notice any drippage? No, no, they were they were tight, tight and dry.

Yeah, no, I bet if you just pissed there, that might have been a jet. Oh, 100 percent. I don't know if I had just pissed there would have been. And speaking of piss, this is a great opportunity for me to catch you guys up where I've been in my life. What's been going on in my deal. Please. Over the weekend, I went down to

Emily, Burndog, and Vanessa and I, we all went down to Disneyland to celebrate Vanessa's birthday and Emily's birthday. And so we were there from Thursday to Sunday. Had a lovely time on Friday, Emily, we just did a thing, because none of us drink or anything, right?

So, not that you could in Disneyland anyway, but I guess you could at California Adventure. But none of us are partiers, right? So we're walking around Disneyland, you wanna treat yourself, you're like, oh, they have cotton candy, look at it. And so Emily was like a kid and going like, oh, I wanna get a little bit of this,

or I want a little bit of that, you know? A Dole Whip, I wanna have some of that. And on Friday, we had ate a lot of just dog shit by the end of the day, and I was like a kid and going like, oh, I wanna get a little bit of this or I want a little bit of that. You know, a Dole Whip, I wanna have some of that. And on Friday, we had ate a lot of just dog shit by the end of the day. And I was like, man, I gotta take it easy tomorrow. At about two in the morning that night, Emily woke up and proceeded to vomit more than I've ever, and I say this without hyperbole,

more than I've ever heard a human being vomit in my entire life. Like she could have filled up like four of the buckets in the Bozo the Clown ping pong bucket challenge. Like it was insane. And I helped her get cleaned up and everything. And she was fine. She just had a sick tummy from probably riding rides

and eating all the candy. And so she went back to bed and she was totally fine. Totally fine. Get up the next day. I look at Emily as a cautionary tale because Burn Dog cannot say no to food. So we walk by and he's like, oh, cuties. I'll take a cutie. And he like buys oranges.

Oh, banana. And he buys. And but it's not that, too. It's like churros. And it's like, oh, I'll take two churros. Turkey leg. I'll take a turkey leg. Fucking Star Wars. Tip. Yep. I'll take some of that. Gross ass chicken. Like whatever it is. And to where we're just like walking from like I'll take a coffee. I'll take a cold brew. I'll take a fucking soda like walking from like I'll take a coffee. I'll take a cold brew

I'll take a fucking soda. I'll take I'll take some water. I'll take churros. I'll take an ice cream Sandwich, and it's just constantly all Saturday, and I'm having like a bite of most stuff But I'm trying to take it easy because I don't want to end up like Emily and I'm doing great having a wonderful time Really enjoying Disneyland or at this point it was California Adventure for me on Saturday. And I have learned through that other stupid podcast that I did for a while with Jack

that I no longer can ride roller coasters. I've developed nausea for them. I never had it. I was a brave little boy for most of my life, but somewhere in my 40s, I got scared of heights and roller coasters. And so I was good, I went on everything got to the Incredicoaster Said fuck it. I've been on it before it made me nauseous, but I'm gonna do it

I'm in the I'm in the right frame of mind and I got on that Incredicoaster I was doing great and then we get to that one stupid loop the upside down part that wrecked me dude It fucking wrecked me for the next hour. I was brutally nauseous and so I just had to like sit down by, and just like sip on some water for a while, till I recovered. No, it's fine for the rest of the day. Have a great time, we're hanging out,

we part, our version of party, we're playing UNO or whatever, and go to bed, happy as a clam, at two in the morning, out of the blue, I wake up nauseous. And I'm like, that is strange. I don't ever wake up nauseous in the middle of the night. And I don't really get nauseous often, like in a real way. I very rarely suffer nausea.

And I'm like, oh, maybe it'll go away. So I lay there for a little minute and I realized it's not gonna go away. I get up and I go into the bathroom. And of course it's a strange bathroom at a Weston hotel where all the lights are off. I don't know where anything is. I'm fumbling around.

And I sit down on the toilet and I'm just like, maybe if I can just sit here and ride it out. And then as I do that, sitting on the toilet activates the diarrhea. I immediately start explosive diarrhea. The diarrhea initiates the vomit. I look around because I realize that my ass is tied to the toilet. There's a trash can. I grab the trash can. I like reach over and I grab it and it's the fucking heaviest. It's like made out of concrete. It's so heavy I can't lift it to hold it.

And I'm like struggling to hold it up to throw into it and so I put it back on the ground and I can't aim the puke at it so I'm like I don't know what to do. So I just like, I hold the puke in my mouth long enough until I stop shitting for just a second, then I jump up and I spin around and I throw up into the toilet,

which gets all over the front of the toilet. And then I have to, and I'm just like, huh, huh, huh, not as much as Emily, but a lot. And I'm like, oh my God, oh my God. And then as soon as it stops, I got to spin back around and slam down and diarrhea after diarrhea, and then spin around and throw up.

And I do that like three times until it's all gone. And I'm just sweating. You know how you're like sweating, like you've run a marathon and you're clammy and you're exhausted and you're shaken from all of that from that whole 45 second ordeal. It was maybe the worst 45 seconds of my life. And I like I do the thing that I do every night now. I get on the ground and I start cleaning up mess that I've made and I'm just like Clean I get a towel and a washcloth and of course Emily's sleeping She doesn't know what any of this is going on and I'm bouncing around and bumping into shit because I can't see anything

And I don't know what lights to turn on because you turn on one light in a fucking hotel bathroom and suddenly every light turns on I'm fucking blinds open up and you know and it starts playing music and the TV's flashing and so I I just fumbled around in the dark and I do everything in my power to clean it up. And I'm in that bathroom for God knows how long and I get it all cleaned up, I think, and flushed and brushed my teeth and wiped myself off and everything.

And then I just go and I lay down and I go to bed and I pass out from exhaustion. And then we get up in the day and we're getting ready in the morning and Bernie and Vanessa come over to our room. And I haven't been in the toilet area at all. I've only brushed my teeth and stuff. And Bernie goes, I gotta take a piss.

And he goes and take a piss, and he goes, oh my God! And I'm like, what? And I run in, I had missed so much vomit. It was on the walls to the left of the toilet? It was like Purple Nightmare. It was on the top of the toilet. It was on the wall of the toilet. It was like purple nightmare. It was on the top of the toilet It was on the wall behind the toilet. It was Everywhere and I was horrified and mortified

It's one of the most embarrassing and grossest things I've ever done and it's I hate to say it Not as gross as the next story. Oh, come on. Come on What do you mean? Last night, last night, by the way, I was fine after that. Had a great rest of the day. Last night. I I played hooky. I stayed up late and I was a responsible little boy. And I played video games with my friends until way too late.

We played we played a gun trucks as I've decided to start calling it until about until about well, just about one forty five or so. Right. And then go to bed or go like shut everything down. Walk into the bedroom. Go to my side of the bed. Albert is sleeping on the far end of the bed with Emily. They're pretty far away. We have a king bed. So there's a lot of room. I smell a whiff of something.

Once again, pitch black in my room, right as I'm about to get, sit on my bed to like take my jammy pants off and take my shirt off and then get under the covers, right where I'm about to sit, I just catch a whiff of something and I stop. It just makes me stop on my tracks. And I look and I can kind of see something like a mound on the bed and I get in there and I look,

cause you know, it's pretty dark, there's a little bit of moonlight, and I realize the dog has thrown up. The dog has thrown up on my side on the bed and I get in there and I look, because you know, it's pretty dark, there's a little bit of moonlight, and I realize the dog has thrown up. The dog has thrown up on my side of the bed, right at chest level, like right where I was about to sit. I was about to sit in a pile of dog vomit, right? And there by the grace of God or whoever, I smelled just a whiff of that.

And maybe because I had just thrown up so much, I still had a little bit of that puke smell in the back of my throat. I recognized it quickly and I shut down before I accidentally sat my fucking soggy ass balls in dog puke, right? So I'm like, oh my God, this fucking sucks. Emily is asleep, the dog is asleep.

I'm in the same situation where I don't wanna wake them up because if the dog wakes up, all bets are off, right? And and then poor Emily she works 12 hours a day. She needs her sleep. And so I like Pick up all the dog puke and I put it in the toilet and I get some more and I put it in the toilet And then I do my best to scrub it with a washcloth and I realize I gotta take the sheet off like the blanket off Luckily we Emily is a weirdo and sleeps with 900 blankets. I've talked about her sleep procedure before. It includes like eight different blankets. She's like, she has blanket mountain like Andrea has pillow mountain. And so I have to definitely take the comforter off around the dog and Emily without waking them up. And I go and I put

it in the washing machine and I start doing laundry at this point, 2 15 in the morning or whatever. And then I go back and I clean myself off and I crawl into bed and I start doing laundry at this point, 2.15 in the morning or whatever. And then I go back and I clean myself off and I crawl into bed and I put my hands on top of the blanket. Like at my, you know, you just put your hands down and I feel wet and I'm like, ugh. And so I get up and I look and the puke had seeped through a little bit. So it was just damp, but that grossed me out so much.

I get up out of bed and I strip that blanket off the bed around Emily and around the dog, and I take it out into the other room, because obviously I can't, I only have one washing machine. And then I clean my hands off again, and I go back in and I go to bed, and I fall back asleep. Maybe two hours later, I don't know, because I didn't look at the clock,

but it's maybe four or four or 30 in the morning, I wake up desperate to piss Desperate to piss and so I get up and I fumble and I'm I'm wrecked at this point, right? Cuz I stayed up way too late. I've only had two hours of sleep. I've I'm doing laundry in the middle of my sleep it's a whole fucking thing and I go into the bathroom and I sit down on the toilet and I piss and I'm just like Kind of half asleep, just not all there, you know, as you are. And I reach back and I flush the toilet

and I don't immediately get up and I don't know why, but I just like, I'm just like sitting there for a second, you know, just, I don't know, existing. And then as I'm sitting there and the toilet's flushing, as I'm about to get up and go to the bathroom, because I sit down to pee at night because I don't want to turn lights on and wake my wife up, right? Yeah Something really weird happens. I feel a sensation that immediately jolts me awake and

I realize it's water on my dick and I'm like, why is there water on my dick if I'm sitting in the toilet? I look down the dog puke clogged the toilet I Pissed into the, flushed the toilet, all the dog puke and piss came back up. And my dick is in it, just sitting in it as the toilet is starting to overflow around me. So I have to jump up and unclog the toilet

with a plunger for way too long while Emily and the dog are trying to sleep and then clean my entire body at this point because I have dipped my dick into dog puke and pee water at this point and uh, and now I don't ever want to go to bed again. I'm scared of the dark. This is all been in the space of like six days. Can you imagine when you were feeding Albert that you would imagine if someone came back

through time and said some of that would be on your dick layer? I couldn't in a million years. No, no. It's two things. I did two things in the same night that I've never done before. I kicked my own dick and balls and then I stuck my dick in wet dog puke. Oh, oh, that's so gross. Terrible firsts. and balls and then I stuck my dick in wet dog puke. Oh. Oh, that's so gross. Terrible firsts.

Terrible firsts to be having it 49 years old. And now I'm the night plunger. That is a new horror that has been unlocked for me. And I just, I just am wrecked. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do about going to bed at night anymore. Maybe I'll just stay up and play video games till dawn. I don't know, but it's been, I'm just terrified. Maybe I'll just stay up and play video games till dawn. I don't know, but it's been I'm just terrified.

I'm scared to go to bed tonight, honestly. I swear to God. So is it all flushed and then came back or you just. Yeah, it was all. No, I had flushed and it was all flushed. But I guess I guess it didn't. You know, I guess it was just like stuck in the tube or whatever. And so when I flushed again, it just like backed up.

Oh, wait, wait, wait. You flushed while you're sitting? Yeah, I flushed while I was sitting in that moment. I was just like I said, I was like I was just like fucking exhausted and I was sitting on the toilet and I peed and then I just reached my hand back to flush and I was going to get up or whatever right as I did it. But I just like I just like sat there for a second because I wasn't I didn't have my faculties about me.

But I feel like sometimes if I do like a courtesy flush I always lean forwards because otherwise there your cock gets splashed my toilet doesn't splash my cock yeah this is I this toilet and my old toilet definitely did the one that I had the total on it was like you couldn't put your dick anywhere near that toilet because there was water coming from every direction at all times yeah but yeah this one this is kind of a listen, it's a rental toilet, right? It's not it's not the best toilet I've ever used. It's not even close.

It's a it's a toilet that because of the way the shelf sits, because it's shallow, I have to it's why I'm a three scrubber a day kind of guy because of these toilets. I'm not not I got no defense for these toilets, but they don't get my dick wet normally. Got a new tattoo What is it of Is it is it a heel on your balls is it sure that's an idea You remember when we were having that whole conversation about The pineapple tattoo that Emily and I have and how we

unintentionally got swingers tattoos even though they're not upside down pineapples It's still like kind of creeps us out and it's kind of embarrassing and funny Well Emily the other day at work was screwing around in the back room on her break and she drew on her on Her little pineapple she drew on her on her little pineapple, she drew a pair of sunglasses and she thought it was really cute and she was like, what if we redid our tattoos?

What if we modified our tattoos to be party pineapples? And so on her birthday, we went and we got, we got sunglasses, arms and legs put on our tattoos. I took it and it's upside down because I don't give a shit. But anyway, so that's my new party pineapple tattoo. Wait, you don't give a shit what the whole point of the- Well, at the photo- Yeah, I don't know why you said that.

Oh no. I don't know why you said that. No, no, no. That's just a photo. I just took the photo upside down. No, I know, but the whole point of the pineapple is that, you know, if it would have been upside down and then you send it to us upside down. Yeah, it's just because I'm a bad photographer though. Here, I know. But you have the whole point of the pineapple is that, you know, if it would been upside down and then you send it to us upside down. Yeah, just because I'm a bad photographer, though.

Here, hold on. Hold on. Wild. OK, that's great. That's phenomenal. Yeah, wow. Anyway, you can see the little heels on his shoes. Yeah, he's got little hands and little boots. He's got little SpongeBob shoes and then sunglasses. So anyway, now we have party pineapple tattoos and you look at that tattoo too. What? What?

You look at that tattoo and you don't think swinger, you think that person's down to party, but a healthy keep your clothes on kind of partying. Yeah, I mean, I agree until you send us a photo of it upside down. Yeah, well, I just because I'm a shitty photographer. I think it was a Freudian photography. It might have been. Freudian snap. Freudian snap.

Oh, Jeff, I'm so sorry, man. Hey, thanks. It's been a real dog shit kind of a couple days in that way. Did you at least enjoy Survivor, their guy? I loved Survivor and I love our guy. I don't want to spoil the show for people that haven't seen it on this podcast even maybe that haven't seen it like Gavin I don't know but man. It was a great episode And he is really seems really genuinely likable. Yes, like one of the most one of the standout

Initial standout likable people on the show. I mean, I liked him on this podcast. I like this. I like to stance. Yeah, I think we all like to stand. Well, you know, the opinions divided maybe on a stance. You know, I don't think we're unified in that, but great. First episode. And I feel really good about him sticking around for a while. It seems like he's on a really good team. I don't think they're going to go to tribal for a bit, so.

I'm excited. Really enjoyed it. Yeah, I think we're going to see him on TV for a little bit, which is going to be nice. When I was at Disneyland, there were a billion families there. Right. Because it's Disneyland. And apparently it was ski week, which is something that exists on the West Coast. I hadn't heard of. Yeah. I guess before spring break in California and other places in, I guess, the Pacific Northwest, they have a ski week where kids get off school

to go skiing for the week. And so, but they don't go skiing, they go to Disneyland for some reason. So there was 10 billion people in Disneyland, but there were so many kids and families there that just looked miserable. And all I could think about is how many times I took Millie to places around the world

or to theme parks or to things like this as a child. And she has zero memory of it. I'll be like, hey, do you remember that time we did that thing in Tokyo? And she's like, I don't know what you're talking about. And I'm like, you were like eight. And she's like, yeah, I don't know. I don't remember that far back.

And I realized that most of it was worthless. You're just doing it for yourself because the kid is not gonna remember any of it which gave me an idea Do you think you could with the use of AI? just invent a bunch of family vacation photos for your kids childhood and just Display them around and if your kid ever asks about it, you should be like, wait, you don't remember? We used to go every fucking year because they're not going to remember anyway. So why waste the time and the money going to Disneyland?

Just Photoshop or get AI to make a couple of pictures of your kid really happy or crying with a fucking spilled ice cream on the ground and be like, yeah, that was the time when you were six. We went to Disneyland. You loved it. Remember? You don't remember that? You got a shirt. I think we threw it away. I just immediately visualized that scene in the Truman show where they're showing him as a kid in front of like Mount Rushmore That right you could totally do that and get away with it because your kid would never know

Maybe that'd be a good service you could start like you you could start the like retroactive good parenting pack Yeah, the likeactive good parenting pack that you could. Oh, yeah. The like the childhood memories pack. You give us like 30 photos of your kid and we'll we'll give that the adventure of a life, the childhood of a lifetime. When the moment by putting their children into AI. I really like this as a game show where it's like family photos and the kid has to figure out which ones are real. And his parents in the background crying knowing how much they spent on these trips.

This one this one yearly trip that they would go on or like the big trip across multiple years. This is not I've never been there. Never seen it. It is criminal how little kids remember of those vacations. I remember my first vacation. My parents were a little bit bummed to find out that the only thing I remembered from going to Spain as a kid was that I really liked the fire hose in the hotel. I apparently really liked stuff that would go around, around, around, around.

Like wheels, the washing machine, fire hose. Loved it. Loved round stuff. Big round guy. And as a kid, loved it. Like if people were visiting, I would run outside when they left to watch the wheels on the car as they drove. I remember my first vacation. I was a big Scooby Doo kid,

and we went to some hotel in San Francisco and the bookshelf was a secret. Like there is a bookshelf in the room and you could open it and it was a closet. It was just like a coat closet. Essentially, it was not a fancy secret room, but I opened it, not knowing it was there. It was one of those things like, but I opened it, not knowing it was there. It was one of those things like Scooby Doo, the bookshelves always open. So I was like, I'll pull on this bookshelf and then it actually opened.

And I was so excited and it greatly, falsely set my expectation for how many times in life I will encounter a book shelf that opens into something. That was one and done. But as a kid, I was like, oh my God, are these just things? Like, is this prevalent? Is this the thing that will happen to me? I've never encountered another bookshelf

that has something behind it. Very sad. I know what you mean. When I was a kid, because of Webster, I thought every cuckoo clock had a secret passage in it. Oh, that's cool. So did you ever go to the library as a kid and just get really bummed out that none of them with doors? It's gotta be one somewhere they keep telling me books are door to my imagination, but I can't open the fucking thing I

Was cleaning up my nose as you were telling that story Andrew and I saw this note the note from my story I just had to post it to you guys before I deleted it because it's fucking I realized water penis puking shit Ideas like this is a good idea regulation IDs Puking shit, LA So you both poisoned like yourselves just from rides and candy. I think so. You surely had something bad.

How could you get that sick from just sloshing around? Two different days apart? I don't know. Like she puked on one night and I puked the next. And I felt fine after and I felt fine when I went to bed. I only felt bad at two in the morning when I woke up. I think it was just like motion sickness and stuff from the... That makes sense for puke. Like I've definitely puked from being

Shaken around but diarrhea how the how does happen? I think all the nausea and stuff In addition to the uh, we tried to list it Bernie and I tried to list it the other day and it was like It was too much, dude Well, then you said you had a McDonald's straight after oh Yeah Dude, well, then you said you had a McDonald's straight after oh Yeah Well and once again like Jeff He deals like diverticulitis right like you have stomach issues Yeah, I wish like I don't I think shaking is possible in Jeff's environment. Oh, that's another thing. It's true

It's like all shit is diarrhea for me You know it's like guys. I haven't not had diarrhea in 10 years, so it's just varying degrees of how bad it's going to be. So if I had to poop in the middle of the night, it was going to be diarrhea regardless. This was just another level. And I think it was just another level because of the level of terrible things I ingested that day. Man, you were talking you're talking about that with the truck boys because we were playing Warzone recently. And then last night, well this is what blew me away a little bit earlier right before we started recording.

Because last night you played and I went to bed early because it was a school night. And Andrew said, what do you mean school night? Yeah what do you mean? That's been a thing since face. Yeah. Yeah. But also just in general, you never had a you know, a school night. No, I understand the premise of a school night. No, I guess that late on a school night, Andrew.

No, I get that. I just I didn't know that you were still in a need a good sleep school night era for a Wednesday night. I try and get the best sleep of my life. Really? I'm ready for the recording. How has that gone for you? Statistically speaking, how many Wednesday nights since the show started would you describe as the best sleep of your life?

It's typically the worst night of sleep. I guess it's all because I'm thinking about everything the next night or the next day, and I'm worried about I'm trying to get all my stories and my ideas and I end up just thinking hey, I'm trying to get all my stories and my ideas. And I ended up just thinking. I had a dreadful sleep because I stayed up until 4am. Is it because you were sat up right trying to fall asleep? No, no, I, I, I fucked up real bad and I had a donut for my partner and I misplaced the box. I thought it was one place when it wasn't. And I noticed when I was kind of moving around in my chair

earlier in the evening that there was like something stuck in it. And I was like, well, it's fucking annoying. And they were really hungry. They came to bed to get their donut and I had driven over their donut in my office chair. I ruined it. You. Why? Okay, I'm going to ask the obvious question, and I think everyone's assuming the same thing.

Why was it on the floor? Because I'm cleaning. I'm cleaning. Yeah, why was it there? That's where clocks go. And other important items in Gavin's office. That's where mirrors go for you, where you shave. The floor's dirty! This is where all the stuff lands. That's where mirrors go for you where you shave.

The floor's dirty. This is where all the stuff lands. It was in a box. It was completely sealed. I had moved it. I bought a new storage thing for vinyls. And so I put all the vinyls in there and they had on top of it. And then I went to move the vinyl thing. So I moved the box and I just forgot that I had done that.

And then at some point I would have wheeled the chair back and I'm also changing like bed sheet stuff. So I thought, oh, I just got some sheets in the wheels. Whatever that sucks. But I'll just force on through. But it wasn't sheets. It was the box and I had crumpled the box and the donut. And they found it on the floor and I had crumpled the box and the donut and

they found it on the floor and they were very upset about it, understandably so. So I thought I need to make this right. They're hungry. They're going to be hungry. And they wake up in the morning when I do the show. I'm going to order a little treat. We get breakfast delivered to the house on time before it starts, except Uber Eats would not let me schedule and order in advance. And then it was a whole thing where like they wouldn't show me the breakfast menu until 4am for this place. And so I just stayed up

till 4am so I could order this because I fucked up that donut and then I just couldn't sleep. So I'm probably on like an hour. If you have to if you have to do something in the morning, your go to move is just to wait until just go to sleep and wake up later. Just said, how am I going? No, I don't trust myself with vibrate. I know I'm going to sleep through a vibrate. Thought about it.

Even if you were mad at your partner and wanted to do something mean to them to express your anger, it wouldn't be as mean as the thing you accidentally did. Yeah, I felt terrible. It's like not only did I destroy it, I fucking rubbed into the ground to make sure nobody on Earth will ever enjoy

one fucking morsel of this food, and then I covered everything in its like corpse, essentially. And it was at like 1130 at night. It was like it was too late to fix. It was just it was a bad moment. So you waited for the breakfast menu to show up. You waited until four. Yeah. And even though it's a school night.

Well, what's yeah. Well, what was infuriating about it is it kept I have like five McDonald's in this town and they close at different times and I'd wait for one to close because it wouldn't let me schedule an order unless it was closed. And as soon as one would close, they would just pivot me to a different McDonald's that was open later. And it kept progressing the clock back until I eventually found a way to view all of the McDonald's and then it wouldn't let me schedule it because I couldn't I was just, it was a whole thing. Wouldn't the move just be, I'll deal with it tomorrow. No because I wake, we wake up on the same alarm for the show. So how, how would I wake

myself up? There's no way for me to wake myself up without waking them. Wake up and order it. But I'm, I'm, I'm, it's 4 a.m. I'm gonna need an alarm. I have to wake up in four hours. I haven't slept. Wait, what? What time are they waking up? They wake up when I wake up.

What? But why didn't you just order it when you woke up? Because I, because there's not, okay. Let me explain. No me know. I understand. I understand the confusion. They they like waking up. I wake up and they wake up 30 minutes before I record just to like relax, slowly wake up before having to leave the space for me to work.

So I wouldn't I wanted to get us both breakfast. So it had to be then. And I want I assume they'd be hungry when they woke up because they were hungry when they went to bed. So I wanted to be able to provide food as soon as they woke up as a make good for destroying the donut. Here's the thing about doughnut as well. Anyone can lose the doughnut and it's fine.

If you if you lose out on a doughnut, it was just a tree anyway. A doughnut surely isn't that isn't like a guaranteed part of the meal that you were relying on. OK, well, here's the thing. I ruined two donuts, actually. Oh, that was the backup donut. I forgot about that. I mean,

I had so I got I had donuts. I had donut holes the night before and I saved one because it was from a place we had never been to. And I ate them all the first time. And this is the second time that I've ordered from this place as I made sure to save one. But then they didn't end up eating it and they burnt the donuts. And so it was really dry.

So I ended up throwing it away. So they went to get it and they went, Oh, no, you didn't tell me that you got rid of it. And that was that I took a hit there and I said, well, you got the other donut. So you got that at least, I'm sorry. And then they left and then they came back a few hours later Going went for the other doughnut that I assured them was there and discovered it trampled Why is the doughnut a part of dinner though? They just wanted a doughnut. They were hungry and it was what was upstairs Sometimes you just want a doughnut listen, you don't like sugar, you don't like sweet things.

I don't expect you to understand this. It's true. I mean, I'll have a donut. Usually it's like morning coffee, donut. I don't know, like I don't like 11pm donut. I don't think. I think that's on you. That's difference between cultures maybe. Yeah, I've also never really bought like a six or dozen packet doughnuts. I'm just like a one doughnut guy.

I wonder at this point with everything that Andrew's told us about this doughnut. What else he's leaving out or doesn't remember with a whole? Yeah, there's like a second doughnut involved with this really threw me for a loop, dude. Yeah, no, it's fair. There was no third donut. There would have been, however I had eaten, I would have eaten, that would have been one I consumed. How many were eaten then?

Of this pack of donuts? Okay, so it was a ten pack of the mini donuts from the other night. I ate nine of them. And then... And then I didn't eat any of the other donuts. I got a Danish instead. And they had a donut from this. But how could you eat nine donuts in a day? There are many donuts, many donuts, like carnival donuts.

How many? No, is it? It's not. It's not a lot. OK, I could house so many more than that without even thinking about it. If they're the powdered sugar doughnut donuts, I could eat 40 right now and without skipping a beat. Do you mean the chocolate ones? Unstoppable. I won't even take a fucking breath, dude.

It sounds like we got to do an Eric versus Jeff mini donut. I'll judge. Put it on the board. Put it on the board. We'll do it while we... I'll feel so sick. I don't give a fuck. We'll make a day out of it. versus Jeff mini donut I'll feel so sick. I don't give a fuck. I'll make a day out of it Eric and I Eric and I'll eat donuts and will ice Gavin's balls. That's I'm putting it on the I'll put on the list

supplemental Jeff versus Eric eating lil donuts Go get your daily bar Nick. It's going to melt. While he's getting your that, can I ask you guys a question? I'm in a bit of a confused and paranoid era and I was hoping you guys could help me with a little bit of clarification if you don't mind. Okay. Okay. The other day I texted everybody a link to a TikTok I saw.

The TikTok was of some people playing baseball and what they had done is they had put an egg on, like a stand, like essentially at the pitcher's mound and then they were trying to hit baseballs at the egg and crack the egg, right? So I sent that to all of you and I said, this is funny, we could do something like this. But what if it was like a minefield of all of our own personal stuff that we don't want broken and

we have to try to break it or break other people's stuff or whatever. And we just kind of like populate a baseball field with shit that matters to us. That's breakable. And then we just try to destroy it. And then and then I never heard back from anybody. And I thought, oh, I'm not supposed to text these guys because I don't get the responses from the green text and then I thought or maybe that Was a one-time thing and maybe just nobody liked my idea or thought or even responded And I don't know which was which and so I decided to wait until the episode to ask So it's a confusing thing to add god damn it you replied No, no, no. Comment, Jeff.

They I don't know. Did you reply in the same text thread, Gavin, as the thing? Do you want a screenshot? Yes, I'd love it because I have a text group called Regulation Texting. And that's where that went. But I have another text group that is all of you guys as well. And your messages go in that one. So wait, what's in the original one?

I'm going to I'm going to post a quick screenshot. This is what I saw from my perspective of Jeff's text and then nothing in that that text room. Oh, in response to it. Look at mine. See that. Yeah, I response to it. Look at mine. See that. Yeah, I got I got Gavin replying. A really cool opportunity came through this morning. I don't see that either. What is that about?

What? You've talked about it already. No, I can't believe you guys were talking about it earlier. And I thought I must have missed the first half of the conversation because I got up to get a drink. So I just picked up on it from context clues. But I had no idea where it originated from. So you didn't get any of that? Like they must have heard how many players worms WMD has and Eric saying,

I don't know what any of that what you're saying is now. Here's what I have. I feel like somehow this is just fault. I'm getting them in two different boxes, but I'm getting all of them. They're just separated. Is that why, Jeff, the other day you were like, hey, is everything all right with everyone? Maybe. No, he just wanted to check in on us. I just had a weird vibe. Here's what I got.

Here's what I got. I just texted test. Did you get those test texts? I got test. I got test. It's below Andrew's screenshot. Yeah. No, I didn't. I did one above it and then one below it. And so the problem here is Jeff.

Yeah, Jeff, you're not getting text. Do you have RCS turned on? Probably not. What is RCS? How do I turn that on? I believe it uses the Internet for cell. What previously would have been like a cellular message. RCS messaging. Do I want it turned on or off? On. On. It's on.

Because it's kind of like how you can use the internet for texting green. Yeah, I don't know. Because it's never been an issue before but now all of a sudden I just it's I can't. Maybe we just have to start a new text thread? Maybe we can demolish that one and start a new one because here, hold on, let me load up Discord. This is what? Maybe someone deleted it on their phone and then it created a new one on their phone.

Maybe, because this is what I have. This is the most recent conversation I have from you guys is Monday at 6.35pm when I sent you that TikTok. I have received nothing from the company since then. What the fuck? So I'm completely in the dark of anything you may or may not be talking about. You need to delete this thread. We talk all the time.

No, we don't. We don't talk all the time. We absolutely don't. Delete delete that conversation. So you've missed one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven messages since. Yeah. That's why I brought it up because I'm terrified that I'm missing stuff. Yeah, you are

Damn, I don't even know how to fix that I feel like Andrew's usually to blame, but this feels like a Jeff thing Yeah, is a Jeff thing. I'm gonna delete it this conversation will be deleted I fight back against Andrew's to blame this Andrew Andrews to blame narrative Well, I think that's the mix it's a thing where I think we're all on iPhone. Yeah, you're to blame clearly. Or international. Like there's like so many. That's fair. That's fair.

I thought I meant in general sense. No, I thought we were doing a general narrative. I would say that we're talking about things to blame, I'm always having to fucking hunt down Gavin for files that he hasn't uploaded for let's play stuff. Yep. I have noticed that decline in my habit is that it's no longer one and I don't know why. And I had to ask him for something. And I eventually I finally just asked you, Gavin, why? Why does this like do you forget? Not in a way of like aggressive.

I was just like, how does this keep happening? You're the only one that I really have to do this with. No idea. I've always got it. I've never deleted it. Yes. You always find it immediately. Like once we talk, you're like, yeah, I have it. I'm uploading it now. I was like, why? Why does this happen?

And it was the I think only time Eric has ever uploaded the wrong file into something. And I was I finally asked you, I counted. I've had to ask you 19 times for different files. My God. Eric has once prior to this. I finally asked you, why is this happening? And your response was, well, Eric uploaded the wrong file. That's certainly just as bad.

And I went, you motherfucker, the one time, the one time you have an out with Eric, you son of a bitch. And then you never acknowledged the question again. You just floated into the night. Yeah, I apologize. I don't know why I've stopped. I think it's when I switched to doing video on one computer

and audio on the other. Makes total sense. I always put one or the other. I notice it's especially I switched to doing video on one computer and audio on the other. Makes total sense. I always put one or the other. I notice it's especially bad if we batch record, so I feel like you just don't go through the upload process and then you forget and walk away. Can I tell you something as well though? You recently asked me to upload files for video that was being edited and it was something we've recorded a ton of, so I went ahead and looked at the folders after that.

I hadn't put audio or video in for like the next four videos. What is wrong with you? And I quickly did it all before it became a problem. Are you fucking new? Like, what are you? I have a new brain. I really appreciate that, Kevin. Yeah. Yeah, I saw your test and I saw that you changed the name and I replied.

I got the test. I didn't get it. OK, you are on SMS and not RCS. I have RCS enabled. It says it's enabled. It says, yeah, that's interesting. It says SMS. It says SMS for you and RCS for everyone else. Yep. That's weird. What is it? What is it called again?

RCS. Yeah. RCS. We should end this podcast. Yep. I've been having fun doing it, though. I'm enjoying it. I'm having fun, too I just I don't think we need once again. I have it enabled I've disabled it now I'm in a 30 minutes of Jeff tech support in this podcast You need to restart your phone and then that'll fix it speaking of tech support Andrew. What are we doing tech support? Friday we're doing sloppy Joe's Oh Friday we're doing sloppy Joe's. Oh, yeah.

Oh, we should stop this podcast. But I wanted to. Yeah, no shit. I wanted to. Well, Andrew's is going to give you some sort of a lame answer and not not actually schedule it. But there is some I do want to schedule that I think you guys want to do. I came up with an idea for a new draft. I want to throw you away. Sidekick draft.

Oh, that's good. I want to throw you away sidekick draft We have our next two lined up are we adding that to the mix? No, we'll do it on a different one Yeah, we do it on a different one, but just put it in the queue side. I am putting it in the I'm putting it in the Okay, okay, all right, we should wrap this up yeah Andrew you were about to take us out I think you said. Yep. Once again, this is another shit filled disgusting. Jeff has a problem podcast brought to you by us. Check out our Patreon regulation pod. Everybody got dilly bars, except Eric, because I don't know where he lives.

He also doesn't compete. So I wouldn't buy one for him anyway. I'm not going to do anything for it. Yeah, go ahead. Yeah. And you can check out at Patreon.com slash the regulation pod with a free membership. You can watch Mario Party March every day in March. And then at the end of the month, we'll have it in a full video on our gameplay channel. So go check it out, because I feel like we said Mario Party March, but didn't talk about the details. Those are the details.

I cannot wait. We start tomorrow is our first day. I'm so excited. You can order the donuts tonight or? Oh, yeah. You know, I well, now I made up for it. I ordered the other stuff. I'm fine. I'm fine. Could you could you text them and make sure I'm fine? Jeff will do it. All right. See you next time. Bye