F**kface - Twice Cooked Floor Dogs // Unverified Wipes [26]

Episode Date: November 25, 2020

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about sell by dates, complicated bedsheets, the right way to store ketchup, and more. Sponsored by Raycon (http://buyraycon.com/face) and HelloFresh (http://hellofresh.com/face90, code face90). Follow F**kface on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/fuckfacepod/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Andrew and Gavin, how are you guys doing? Not bad, man. About as good as I was five minutes ago. We're recording. Yeah, it's been about 30 seconds since we talked. I don't think we were recording,

but Gavin and I were making lots of fun of you because you, I guess you do the podcast on an abacus. My computer's old. I don't think it's, if you guys have any advice

outside of making fun of my old computer of how I can make it go faster, I'd take that. Well, here's the thing. I press stop on Audacity on my computer. Like, on all my computers, this is the same way. And we usually go for about an hour.

It takes about three to four seconds to export. And then I upload it, just drag it and drop it. You somehow export it over three minutes it was just two minute 51 upload or export uh i have no control over that it's not like i'm failing in any capacity it's the computer how am i failing i'm doing everything i just say something must be wrong like i don't have you don't need like an overly fast computer to save an audio file it's just a wave file i, you have seen my desktop and nothing has changed.

If anything, it's probably gotten worse since I last shared it. So, I mean, there's some reasons. Did you ever find the hot dogs? Is there a chance that there's a hot dog wedged in your computer somewhere? Do we want to be real honest about this? Do we want to be honest?

I would like to be honest. I recovered the dogs that went missing and those were the dogs I ate later. Oh! Come on. Where did you find them? So you flung them across your bedroom. They landed in some corner,

and then you dusted them off an eight. They were under my desk. They were under my desk. I grabbed them. That's a grubby spot. It's my desk. Where your unwashed, dirty ankle is? Yeah, that's like foot dust.

That's fecal particles from your foot. That's me. I'm cooking waffles in the bathroom. You're yelling at me about fecal particles. I'm dropping stuff in my bedroom. You're yelling at me about fecal particles. I don't know how to make you happy. There's fecal particles everywhere.

That's my point. That's my point. Why are you yelling at me about it? I can't do nothing about the fecal particles. They're everywhere. Because if you prepare some nice dogs in your dog toaster and then eat them fresh out of the toaster, there's less fecal on that than if they rolled across your door.

Rolled around where you put them. Here's my logic. I cooked these at 1 a.m. and I didn't want to set the smoke alarm off again, especially at 1 a.m. So I thought these are probably like 60% heated, could cook them on a low setting setting and I'll be totally fine. Were they the ones you did in the closet?

Yes, they were the closet dogs. Were a continuation of the desk dogs. So they were twice cooked dogs. They were double heated dogs. You had four dogs. Actually triple cooked two dogs. Yeah, because they would have been, as you said, made before. Because they came to Andrew cooked guys

Yeah, he's just reheating them. I mean I have them in my fridge right now. You can see these expired Fridge right there. I can forget No, let's should I see how long you hot dogs last am I good because I've been scared for a very long time Are you sure about that? No a few months probably months probably no there's no way these last a few months i open a couple months couple of months uh like cook yeah like there's gotta i mean there's gotta be a it's gotta be i mean once you break the seal it might be like a couple of weeks or something at least that's what i'm saying the seal is broken how long oh is this it there should be a best buy date there is i'm trying to read a sell by december 29th yeah a couple months yeah okay i'm fine by the way i don't like can i just

bitch about something real fast i don't like there's when you go to a grocery store and i don't know if it's the same in england or in canada so correct me if it's different in your other countries but gavin you live in america so you should recognize this as well i don't like that when you go to a grocery store, your perishable goods notify you in one of two ways. They say best buy, which makes sense. This hot dog, it's best if you eat it by November 12th. After November 13th, like you could do it,

but you're on your own time. We've warned you. You're taking your life into your own hands. Or the infinitely less useful sell-by date. I don't give a shit when the grocery store needs to sell a buy. I want to know

when it's safe to eat by. I got to do some kind of weird math at the end of it when it's like, well, the grocery store said I have to sell it by tomorrow. So how much longer? Like, it's November 11th.

The sell-by date is November 10th. Is it still good? What's my grace period from when I buy it to when I eat it? They don't tell you. It's bullshit. The sell-by is like the minimum time. Like, stuff will start going iffy after that. What if they don't give you a maximum time?

It could be four days. That's not helpful. The sell-by is just like, get it off the shelves legally by this date, and you can't get in trouble. Yeah, that's bullshit. That puts all the onus on you, right? And it's fucking bullshit, crass commercialism, right? This is what corporations do. They're protecting themselves.

They're protecting like no litigation because we said it had to be sold by this date and we sold it by this date. But they're not helping out the consumer. The consumer wants to know how long is it safe to fucking eat the thing? It helps with the rotation of the products. It helps with when,

when do you reduce it? I don't give a fuck about their rotation. Who gives a shit? That's their problem. Yes. Develop your own internal system. I am with Jeff all the way. This is bullshit.

It's bullshit. It's, and if you are as a consumer in the world, Gavin, you should be as outraged as Andrew and I are. Well, I'm saying the people who work in the store, which used to be me, we don't have special access to these products. We've got to pick them up and look at them, too. I'm not mad at you.

We need stuff like that for us. I'm mad at the system. We've got to reduce them. If they're sell-by today, we've got to get them off the shelves, man. I'm not attacking the day-to-day worker of the store. I'm attacking the corporations in the system in which they've created. That's like saying, get these freaking barcodes off these. I don't need the barcode. No which they've created. That's like saying, get these frickin' barcodes off these. I don't need the barcode.

No, it's not. That's not saying it at all. It's just saying, sell-by is only good to protect the store, the grocery store. It doesn't help the consumer in any way whatsoever. How does the barcode help the consumer? I can scan it myself at the till. What do you want from me? I can just, it's easy. I know how a barcode

works. That's just you working, like like taking the workload off the supermarket yeah well i'm just i don't know why you're defending this corporation this is nonsense this is very big business i don't understand what you're doing i'm saying yeah put a best buy best before on there also but to be honest if you're looking at something that's past its sell by you should probably be eating it then that's that's why it has a sell by no sell by is different from best buy because i've talked to people at the grocery store before and i've been like it says it says i this is i gotta you gotta sell this by wednesday how long is it good after that and the guy's like i don't know a couple days or something they don't know it's useless there or something. They don't know. It's useless. There's no help there. It only helps. Because a head of lettuce doesn't overnight go from a nice green,

delicious sandwich filler to a bunch of brown goo. It depends on the conditions that it's kept in. It depends where it came from. You have been indoctrinated because you worked at Waitrose when you were a kid. You've got you. They have gotten to you. Dude, we had heists down at Waitrose. Take your Waitrose hat off.

If you were caught with something in your section that was like a day past its sell-by, you'd get a bollocking. You'd get an absolute rollicking. Based on what Gavin said, you know what they should do, Jeff? You know what they should add on top of this? It's like, once again, I think our point is they're just not doing enough work here they should have ratings of the storage of the store i want store rating i want an understanding i want a system where i could tell how good their storing of the product is so i can then make a better evaluation of okay

sold by his past am i safe eating this is this good i want more information and here's the deal here's the deal i i totally agree with you, Andrew. And I think independent of this, that needs to exist. But here's a great example of best buy technology fucking exists. All right. They don't have to invent anything to come up with. They understand half the products in the stores have best buy technology, which means they know how to calculate that.

All I'm saying is if you're going to put a fucking sell-by date on it, put the best buy as well because you already are doing the calculation for other products and you know how to do it. You're not going to have to invent a whole arm of new technology to do it. Just give us all the information

or don't give us the sell-by date because I don't give a fuck when you have to sell a buy. I just want to know when I have to eat it by. That's just reasonable. But don't you ever have it where even the best buy is way off? Like your milk goes minging before it or-

There are anomalies in all circumstances. Yes, it happens on occasion. Your milk will go bad early. But it has to be the exception to the rule. The rule is the best buy date. Right, but you've sold things. What if your shirt went bad after? I can't even build.

I'm not going to go down that. No, that's terrible. I don't know why. As the consumers, Gavin, we don't need to be reasonable. That's not our job. Our job is to articulate where we're being failed. Jeff did a great job. Thank you very much.

I appreciate that. That was not a rant I intended to go on. No, I appreciate it. It just was birthed out of you looking for your hot dog. I have my own rant as well about another industry. Please. I had never looked into this. This is maybe the biggest fucking scam of any industry I've ever seen.

Nobody's talking about this. I don't understand why this isn't being discussed everywhere. Bedsheets. Bu buying new bed sheets fucking the biggest gimmick of all time what's happening it is so complicated why is it so complicated why do i need to order six different things just to get all the bed stuff it makes no sense i've noticed that about here there's like you get the mattress sheet you get like a flat sheet which goes between that and the for some reason nobody here has like duvet covers they all have comforters which you just don't put a sheet on I just put a photo in what the fuck am I supposed to do with that do I need all of it do I need one of it you've got king duvet set you've

got king bedding set king comforter king comforter set what's the difference between a duvet set, you've got king bedding set, king comforter, king comforter set. What's the difference between a duvet and a comforter? Okay, so you just don't understand how beds work. It's super complicated. It's so much more complicated than it needs to be. So, Gavin, do you want to do it? Or do you want me... Well, as far as I'm aware, a duvet is sort of the fruffing thing that put on top that you that you put a sheet over right a comforter i've never grown up with that i don't know what the point of that is that seems to be something that you don't put a sheet on that goes on the bed here's andrew i'm gonna

explain this for you and what is the difference between a comforter and a set like what is so so hold on so i'm gonna explain it to you all All right, I'm going to go down the list. Andrew has presented us a list that says king duvet set. A duvet is like the white blanket, like the puffy blanket that you have at hotels and stuff that goes on top of your bed. A duvet cover is when you buy like a big fitted, typically with a zipper, cover for that that you put over it. It's made, you know, it looks like a sheet, but it's all encased. And that way, if you get sick of having a blue blanket on your bed, you take that duvet cover off

and you replace it with a gray one and you've got a whole new set without having to buy another $200, like, main blanket for your bed. The next one is king bedding set. Bedding set is gonna be uh in most situations it's gonna be your fitted sheet it's gonna be your unfitted sheet right which goes between the fitted sheet and the blanket and then it's gonna be two pillowcases that's

your bedding set okay a king comforter is just a fucking blanket it's got a print on it it's got like paisley or like i don't know it's it's gingham or some design and you buy it and you're and you're set with that forever it looks like the way it's going to look forever so you bought it and it's and maybe it's nice but that's what it's going to look like always but do you put that against your skin no is that on top that goes on top between your fitted sheet and your unfitted sheet. It goes fitted sheet, right? Then unfitted sheet, then duvet or comforter.

Then you lift up your duvet or comforter and your unfitted sheet, and then you slide in between those. So what's that weird thing that people do where they have the duvet, but then they have something on top of it that's just below the knees. Oh, that's like an extra blanket. But what is the set? Those things, Gav, I know what you're

talking about. I know what you're talking about. They're like oddly shaped and weird and long and they look useless. Yeah, it's like decorative shite. Purely ornamental. It is decorative shite. All anyone needs is a fitted mattress sheet that sort of hooks under the bottom of the mattress corners and a duvet with a cover on it. That's all anyone needs is a fitted mattress sheet that sort of hooks under the bottom of the mattress corners

and a duvet with a cover on it. That's all anyone needs to sleep. You want a sheet between the duvet? Yeah, you do. No, you don't. Because then you can't, your legs get all trapped. Do you know why? Because you sweat.

And dude, think of it this way. You sweat in your sleep sometimes. Your skin chafes off. What? You release gross shit in your sleep sometimes your skin chafes off maybe like you you you you what you release gross shit in your sleep from your body yeah that's why you change your sheets and you change but if you're sleeping directly under your comforter then you're gonna wash your comforter all the time that's why you need the unfitted sheet take the comfort and throw it out the window no one needs one of them totally agreed i agree. You just need a duvet, a sheet, and a duvet.

You change the sheet. Duvet cover is a pain in the ass to take off. It is, but at least you can clean it. It's way easier just to slop a sheet down in between the duvet cover. Yeah, you're right. This is my point. I can't go down this road with you, man. This is my point.

When you change your sweaty black sheet that goes between apparently between you and the duvet you're gonna change the duvet cover at the same time no you're not you wash the duvet cover you wash your fitted sheet and your other sheet and your pillowcases once a week and then you wash the duvet cover whenever the dog has a leaky anus or you spill a soda. Right, but it all comes, as Andrew has stated here, it comes as a set. So you're not going to take off your nice blue sheet and then leave on your big Christmas duvet when it's like the next year. What? What are you saying?

Okay, this is my problem. We're getting, we're straying from the, I feel like I already made my point that this is fucking nonsense and it's way too complicated it all makes sense and it's not i just want no it doesn't i just want comforter set is just is your comforter and some pillow cases that look like the comforter don't need a comforter that's great you don't need a comforter go with the duvet you don't need i want to buy this is all i want i want to just put it in a thing i just want all the sheets i need don't i don't want to buy six different fucking bundles to have a full bed you don't need to i clearly do there's no you're gonna have more sheets than duvet covers like you're looking at sheets and a and a blanket essentially the blanket you buy once you're gonna have like

multiple but if i want a cool if i want a cool themed bedding, I need to buy all of it and I can't just buy it in one thing. I have to buy four different pieces. You don't need the comforter. You don't need the comforter. Get the bedding set, right? But I can't, okay, but I have a duvet and I need a cover for it, right? So I can't just get the

king duvet set would clearly come with the duvet cover. And so if I don't have the cover, then it's like I'm just have a blanket. It's not part of the cool set. What do you mean you're not going to get in every single one of those options? You'll get like the bedding set and the duvet set. It will come with a duvet cover. Oh, really?

Oh, OK. Yeah, that's more reasonable. You want the King bedding set. OK, see, in my head, this is what was so confusing about this because I have no idea how beds work. I thought it would be like buying. Why would you you spend a third of your life in them why would you understand how they work i just appreciate them for what they are i enjoy it it's comfy but i didn't know what to buy like do i buy all of those things do i need all those things because they're all i definitely don't need a comforter and a comforter set but do i just need the

comforter set is the comforter set different than do I just need the comforter set? Is the comforter set different than the betting set? It's just very complicated. It's not. I understand. I can understand how there would be a barrier to entry. But once you crack the code, Andrew, it's pretty fucking simple to keep up with. When I Googled, why is this so confusing? I got articles left and right, 19 steps you need before buying bedding.

There shouldn't be 19 steps to bedding ever. What are you doing? This whole system's a disaster. Yeah. That's all SEO shit. You can't count. You're not even getting to throw pillows and stuff. So what do you have now?

Did you just get a new king bed or something? No, I've had a bed for a while. I ripped the sheet while I was injured right down the middle. Totally destroyed. So I'm looking into new bedding. I love my a while. I ripped the sheet while I was injured right down the middle. Totally destroyed. So I'm looking into new bedding. I love my bedding. I want something cool. What do you have now?

Do you have just the mattress sheet and the duvet sheet? This is what I have, okay? I don't speak bed. So you're just going to have to bear with me here. I got the bed. I got a mattress support above the bed. Then I have a cover that covers all of that then i got a sheet above that then i got my duvet no cover just a plain so you're you're another middle

sheeter i guess i'm blown away by this most people are again i don't i keep it too hot it's no you never tuck it in you don't want to feel trapped i'm with you you trap your legs if you tuck it in i like i like to feel trapped but no if you've got the sheet if you've got the sheet on the duvet it's a two in one it is your middle sheet no because it's way more of a hassle to replace a duvet cover than it is just to wash that fucking sheet buddy no you still can't go down that road you're gonna drool on it you're gonna be like touching it with your hands. Not nearly as often. I do this. I sit at home.

I do the laundry. I wash the sheets once a week. I watch the Duke get vape cover whenever the dog like drools on it, which is not all the time. Every time I just rip all the sheets off and I wash them all and I put a new set on. A whole lot at once. Why would you do some and not the other?

Because then you've got a different rota. You're over washing. I'm with Gavin. You do them all and I put a new set on. A whole lot at once. Why would you do something up there because then you've got a different rota. You're over washing. I'm with Gavin. You do them all at once. Gavin's making it to be more complicated. I'm not doing my mattress. He's dead on. My duvet bi-weekly. He is dead fucking on. I don't want to put on my calendar.

About comforters. Comforters are a scam. You don't need them. They're bullshit. You don't want comforter just... All a comforter does is make you spend more to limit your options. They're doo doo. You want to do they and do they cover. But you shouldn't be taking your duvet out of your duvet cover very often at all, because that's what your fucking fitted sheets are for. It's a mess.

I will say that something else I learned. We are 20 minutes into talking about beds. Yeah, I'm not done yet either. This is a very. How many pillows do you guys use? two are you serious i used i used two i used to be i used to be a double pillow kind of guy i used to like sticking an arm between them um now i just have a very dense very supportive single pillow oh okay... Okay, I have eight pillows on my bed. Shut up. I mean, I have eight pillows on my bed,

but you take most of them off. I have eight pillows. Don't get me started. It's decorative. Get them out of there. No, they're all great. I have eight pillows. I have two of them. They're not body pillows, but they're long pillows. They're half-body pillows. They're thick. So I have two of those, and then I have six of them are like they're not body pillows, but they're like long pillows. They're like half body pillows

They're thick so I have two of those and then I have six standard pillows How many pillows do you think I use when I go to sleep one? That's your guess one Jeff Do you want to make a guess? I don't know man. I would say zero I don't know because it's got to be the most ludicrous answer. I use eight pillows. I use all of them. You don't. You don't. Yes, I do. I use all of them.

Why even have a bed at that point? Just sleep in a pillow for. What I do. I don't know. It's never struck me as weird. The constant using one pillow. Go ahead. Let me guess where you put them.

Right. Sure. You have two under your head. You're hugging one. You're probably a weirdo who has one between your knees. Nope. Because I know people do. Okay, I've got no idea.

I stack them. I put the two hard ones at the bottom to build good structural integrity. And then I stack six. And then I fall into it. The bottom of the bed. So we have the bed. And then I put the two, like, body pillow type things first. They're down at the bottom.

Wait, you say bottom? You mean where your feet? You make a second bed of pillows? No. Okay, so I put the two at my head, the two body pillows at my head and they're like the base of the Jenga tower and then I just stack six up.

That's how I, that's what I do. So you have eight pillows tall? Yeah, it's eight pillows tall. But you sleep all upright. What do you mean eight pillows tall? No, I don't. tall. No, but you sleep up right. What do you mean? No, I don't. What I do, I make like a comfort mountain and then I put my shoulder into it and I'm out. I just go to sleep. It's fantastic.

But you're sleeping. You're sitting up mostly at this point. No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm stretched out. I'm laying down, but my upper half is definitely on its side. I'm probably, my head is probably, I don't know, three feet from the bed? Two and a half feet from the bed? Oh my god.

I'll tell you what's happening. Your heart is just fucking pumping blood straight to a bad ankle. Oh, it's fantastic. That's what's going on. It never occurred to me, it's weird, it also never occurred to me to only use one. I have eight. Why wouldn't I use all eight? Pillows are great.

Why wouldn't I use all of them? Your spine! Okay, so i'm imagining if i've walked into your bedroom i've seen you asleep i'm looking at from the top down is your head and then maybe the headboard yeah and then six is your head does your head sleep higher than a headboard uh it would i don't think i could sleep with a headboard in my current sleep system. It would be hard. I don't understand. So are you just lent against a wall of pillows, or are you at the top of Pillow Mountain?

No, I'm laying on the wall. So my ass is on the bed, and then my upper half is just engulfed in this Pillow Mountain. But where does your head uh if if from one to eight where is your head lent against oh probably like probably like seven can can you do me a favor at some point in the future can you draw this yeah so i i'm having i'm having a hard time i will jack my pillows uh for how i lay in them and i'll take a photo of my setup all right i'm putting i'm putting it on or i'm'm going to get it put on Instagram.

Just do it now. You're in your room now. I got to walk around my foot soar. He probably wants to show off his new comforter and stuff, too. Yeah. Oh, my God. I'll wait until I get the new sheets and everything. It'll be a whole thing.

But it never occurred to me that that was weird. When you lie down, like if you lie down on your side Yep There's a gap between where your shoulder And your head are Because your shoulders can touch the bed But your head doesn't Not how I lie If any man lays on their side

There's a gap under their head, right? Right Put one pillow there, see you later Jobs are good in No, you need way more than that I like to feel secure. I want everything solid. When I was younger, I was like maybe a three pillow kid.

And I would just put them all against the wall and just lay into the wall as hard as I could. I had a very quick neck. Very quick neck sleep. How is your posture? Oh, it's great. I think my posture's fine. I'm sitting upright. Somehow, the way your head has been in your sleep, that's affected your ankles i bet yes i bet your ankles are out of whack

totally your spine has been tugging on your pelvis ripping your shins up and bending your ankles and you're getting yeah he's right it's you're doing something to yourself here god nothing nothing about you is normal oh no that was i, I'm very normal, but the pillow thing, I, once again, I just think it makes sense if you have pillows, use as many as you can while being comfortable. You're too high up, did you ever get a nosebleed in your sleep? That's too high altitude. It's tough. It's tough up there. Oh shit. I have great sleeps. I have a fantastic sleep it's great what do you dream about joy's dream is a super tool that was

i've never had a tall dream i should know i should have one i'm very high up what i dreamt a lot i have a lot When I was on the pain The prescription pain pills I was constantly falling asleep And then waking myself up Because I'd be writing somebody a message And then my thumb would hit the keyboard And I'd get excited that I got an alert

Like ooh an email Wake myself up I had a lot of sleep I can't handle it today Anyway this isn't crying today This isn't even I have another bad dilemma We're almost Fucking please Oh my god. I can't handle it today. Anyway, this isn't crying today. This isn't even... I have another bed dilemma.

Please, what's your next bed dilemma? So, this is a serious issue. It's 12pm at night. It's late. It's 12am? 12am. You're right. 12am. One of those late afternoons.

Yeah, one of those late afternoons 12 a.m it shifted i should i've in my head i was gonna say 11 59 but that's a weird time that's why i got tripped up but the point is it's late i'm by myself i can't walk now i'm out i need pills i need to take my prescription pain pills or else there's no chance i'm going to sleep this is what i have i'm laying in my bed i look to my left at my end table this is what i'm dealing with what do you do you need to swallow two pills the cans are empty you got no water the cans are empty this is these are all the resources you have there's no help there's no help what do you do all right well you dry swallow the pills because you're an adult and it's no help there's no help what do you do all right well you dry swallow the pills because you're an adult and it's not hard to do no no no you've never if i've never

dry swallowed that seems very no don't dry swallow he's he's an idiot uh you want to take two pills in your hand you want to give him a light coating of pam and they'll slide right down well that was the other than a hot dog and eat it. Like you're hiding a pill from a dog. Also, why are you just storing the ketchup upside down? What do you mean? What do you mean? Why am I storing the ketchup upside down?

It's the top. What do you mean? No, the top is the cap. No, it's not. Why would it be the cap? That's dangerous. Why would you have the part where it could seep out facing down? No, it doesn't seep out.

It's a seal. And it means that when you pick it up, it's ready to go. And the ketchup is at the cap. Did you not find it weird that the label's upside down? No. No. Why would you have the cap down? If I put the cap down, there's a scenario in which it comes out of the cap. If I cap up, there's no scenario in which it comes out of the cap

if I cap up there's no way in which it comes out of the cap every label is the right way up except for the ketchup what are you talking about what are you talking about he's right no this what I'm saying makes sense that's why the cap is flat dude

the cap is flat and it has a seal that's so you don't have to fucking shake it like a psycho to get the ketchup toward the fucking... If you flip that open and hold it upside down, it won't come out. You got to squeeze through the little anus, the little sphincter in the cap. I think there's a 1% risk cap down, so I go cap up because there's zero risk there. You don't put a fucking Dr. Pepper face down. That's flat, too.

That's liquid. That's gravity with a hole that the frickin ketchup Andrew if there's the risk and you're avoiding that instead of the risk which won't leak out you have to bash and wait For your ketchup to land at the hole. Do you want to get fucking real? You want to have a real answer to this well yeah cap down right you put cap down answer to this? Yeah! Cap down, right? You put cap down, there's momentum and gravity,

and sometimes, you open the cap, and you're fucking coated in ketchup. Never happens! That's not real. Literally happened the day I used the fucking ketchup! That's why it's capped up! Did you open it with it already squeezed? Are you squeezing it like you're trying to choke the life out of something as you're popping the cap?

No, no, no, no. I don't know. Air was in there. It's so heavy-handed. He's always biting down too hard through his phones. He's always squeezing his ketchup. Calm down, man. I'm telling you, if you have a bottle of ketchup like that, and you keep it capped down, and you just open the cap, it will spray on you at one point. No, no.

It will happen. It will happen. It will happen. No. Wait, I'm also, I have to ask about the ketchup. Are you doing the Chef Mike? No, I was, I had like something that could use ketchup on it. Oh, a desk dog? That was a desk dog, yes.

But is there ready to be used in Chef Mike's, whatever he was talking about? Yeah, I still have no clue. I'm sure it was a desk dog, yes. But is there ready to be used in Chef Mike's whatever he was talking about? Yeah, I still have no clue. I'm sure it was a great tip. So what did you do? Well, what would you do? I guess is the first question. I would dry swallow the fucking pills because I am an adult human being. Okay.

Well, I had a cup too. It's not really present there. I asked people what I should do. It's kind of a different, like, use the Pam, use the ketchup. Some people just said use your own spit, which seemed crazy to me. That's also doable. I don't know. I tried it. I did do it last night. It wasn't

pleasant. It was very difficult to generate enough spit. I also, they made fun of me because I started spitting into a cup to try to accumulate the spit. What is that? Why is that grosser? I don't think that's grosser than the slightest. Once it leaves your mouth,

it can't go back in. Any liquid that your body produces when stored is disgusting. If you have a cup of sweat or piss... Listen, I'm not saving this for fucking Christmas. I'm gonna drink it in a minute.

The second it leaves your body, you can't come back. It's not... You're going to drink it. You already drink spit. Constantly. I don't know why this is a big deal. I don't know why putting it in the cup is... I don't drink spit. I swallow what is overproduced in my mouth.

I don't think, oh, let me just get a nice mouthful going and then drink it down. It's a byproduct of me using my mouth. I'm not like, oh, I'm thirsty. No, but you consume it. You certainly don't spit into a solo cup for an hour and then fucking drink it. I viewed it as like chewing tobacco. When people said you spit, I was like, well, I certainly can't generate enough in my mouth at at one time so i started trying to spit into one of the cans and that didn't work well so that was dead oh my god so one of those cans is dr pepper dregs and what is a can of spit well okay

and then i used the bottle i because i thought well i don't i'm not just going to spray pam into my mouth so i tried to fill it with a cup very hard to fill Pam in a cup just kind of sticks to the side smells very good not too bad in small amounts a little bit of Pam not too bad the problem is I then looked at the label I did further investigating on the Pam label and it says intentional misuse by deliberately inhaling concentrated vapors may be harmful or fatal. I'm not sure if my use was misuse. I don't know if it would be categorized. Could be huffing. Yeah, that's like the aerosolizing

stuff they put in, right? So, did you just insert them anally? No, I used the ketchup. So, you ate pills with ketchup? Yeah, I just had some ketchup and then some spit. I'm impressed that you even considered the Pam. I tried it.

It smells good. It just smells like butter. It does smell good. How many calories is Pam? That's probably a lot. I'd go see, but I can't. I mean, it's not designed to be consumed in quantities. My end table looks no different.

That photo was taken four days ago. Everything's still in the exact same position so you're you're like uh leaving cans around the nightstand kind of guy huh when i can't walk yeah yeah i can't well i'm gonna do that what do you mean i'm not walking i just don't understand the point of a can in your own house i don't understand your question what does that mean like cans are good you're out and about you got to store your liquid in a portable container why don't you buy like a bigger container for home use and then you're not blowing through cans and leaving cans everywhere i'm not leaving cans everywhere my ankles sore i have a fridge in my room i got some dr pepper to put in the the thing a little treat

while i'm upset dealing with this ankle i guess it makes sense't made sense. It's a little treat. Yeah. I don't know what the issue is. I think, I think that's it for my bed issues. I think we went through the bedding.

I have one other thing completely unrelated to everything. It's just important to note. I feel like I should hit on this. It's a scandal. Was the spit thing the thing you were going

to make me throw up with, by the way? No, I still have another thing that I can read. Oh, God. Do you want to do that or do you want a quick update? I have I still have another thing that I can make. Oh, God. Do you want to do that, or do you want a quick update? I have the Hired Judge update. It's very small. Oh, yeah. I also,

I had to tell you what, because we're running out of time. I have three things I could talk about. I'll list them all, and you guys can pick, and then we'll just cover the others later. Alright, what's your Hired Judge update? My Hired Judge update is, as everyone knows, I'm a slippery eel, apparently. I was called out. I was kicked out by them.

They removed me. I'm on the blacklist. I might be the only person ever to be on that blacklist. But later that day, I got an email. I got another email. Very interesting one from Hired Judge. They can try to kick me out. They can put me in the blacklist.

They can say whatever they want on their message boards i'm still getting the emails i'm getting the judging opportunities i'm there i'm watching they can't remove me from the servers they can take me out of their little feed or whatever i'm still getting all the updates they needed an emergency judge. I was available. I said no. That was on them. They did that. Wait, this is... So they're not replacing you with this, are they? No, they put out a thing because they're like, he's out of the system.

He's gone. Little did they know, I'm still hiding in the back. I'm still getting the updates. I'm constantly still getting jobs for Hired Judge. They couldn't get rid of me. They can easily remove you from that list. No, no, no, no, no. Easily. No, I'm still getting jobs for hired judge they couldn't get rid of me easily remove you from that no no no no no no i'm still getting in there they needed an emergency judge i was available but guess what i'm blacklisted sorry out of luck you did that they did that to them someone's gonna email them now and tell them to take you off the mailing list try it they already tried they already told me I'm on the blacklist.

I'll wait and see. We'll see what happens. Oh, good Lord. I don't think they can do it. I don't think they know how. I think I'm just there. I wonder which judge had to back out. That's a great question.

I don't know. I could have. I could have helped, but no. I'm blacklisted. I'm a slippery eel, apparently. So, I hope it went well. I hope they found their judge. I hope they did too.

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lifestyle. You can change your delivery days or your meal plan preferences. You can skip a week. You know, when you decide your keto for a month, you can switch to that. Then when you realize you want bread again, you can switch back. They don't care. Go to hellofresh.com slash face90, Go to HelloFresh.com slash Face90, that's F-A-C-E-9-0, and use code Face90, once again, that's F-A-C-E-9-0, to get $90 off, including free shipping. Go to HelloFresh.com slash Face90, that's F-A-C-E-9-0, and use code Face90 to get $90 off, including free shipping. What's your update, Jeff? Okay, here's, well, maybe we have time to get into more than one, but here's the deal. I'll let you guys pick. License plate

or flat tire or blow dryer. Those are the three notes I had to talk about. Blow dryer. Okay. In my opinion. Gavin? Yeah, let's go with that. Alright, well, the blow dryer is the second shortest story, the flat tire being the longest.

I have taken Andrew to heart a little bit and him finding efficiencies in life. And I started a few years ago blow drying my hair and I really got into it. I always thought that was like for people that had fancy hair

and I was just like a dumb army kid who got out. You just towel it dry and go about your day. Um, but I started blow drying my hair and I, and I found a really liked, I liked the ceremony of it all. And I liked, I liked the feeling I lit and I have done this off and on, but never with any throughout the course of my life, but never with any intent or purpose. And now I've started, when I get out of the shower, I towel off, but you know, when you get out of the shower, no matter how long you towel off, you're still damp in certain places. And there becomes a point of diminishing returns, right?

Where you're like, I could continue drying off with this towel that's now wet. But I'm getting less and less dry by percentage as I go. At some point, the towel, you're not going to dry off with two towels, right? Nobody's going to be like, well, this towel is mostly wet. Let me get the second towel to finish the job. You're just not going to do that. But since I'm already blow drying my hair, I've started to do, I got this routine where I put my deodorant on and then I blow dry the deodorant dry onto my underarm. That way you don't like put a black shirt on and end up with like the white streaks or whatever. Or you don't like, if you use clear deodorant, you don't like put a black shirt on and end up with like the white streaks or whatever. Or you don't like,

if you use clear deodorant, you don't put it on and just feel like icky, kind of sticky a little bit. So I blow dry my arms, my underarms totally dry to like bake the deodorant on. Takes a few seconds.

Then I blow dry the rest of my entire body paying special attention to my shins seem to hold a lot of water for some reason. What do you mean? They always seem to be a little wetter. Is it a hair thing?

I got hairy legs, right, I guess. Not like Gavin hairy or anything, but I'm human. I pay special attention to my shins, make sure my leg hair gets nice and dry, which feels lovely, by the way. Then I blow dry my butthole and my taint and my balls for

a while. You gotta be careful because you will burn your dick on a high setting with a blow dryer. But if you, like, if you, you know, and I don't like to dial it down. I like to keep my settings on high because I like to go 100% all the time. So you have to be careful. Can I ask a technical question?

Yeah. Are you using the incredibly fancy and expensive Dyson blow dryer? Yes, I am. Why do you ask? I'm just wondering what kind of blow you're getting. Just a Dyson blow dryer. Yeah. And I have not been happier. There is something to be said about completely and totally dry warming your body and then putting on a pair of underwear and a pair of pants and a pair of socks. It's different. I'm telling you, it hits different.

And I cannot recommend it enough. Blow dry your whole body. Different than what? Like getting dressed a little bit damp? Just normally. And then you put your underwear on and you're like, oh, it's a little damp there. Or a pair of socks. And one sock goes on a little harder than the other sock.

And you realize, oh, I didn't dry my foot as well as the other foot. I, it happens. All right. Sure. And I know, you know what I'm talking about, but if you just,

if you just dry the whole thing, give yourself an extra, I don't know, 80 seconds in the bathroom with the blow dryer, it'll set your day. I'm telling you, you will like, it's kind of like how they say,

like make your bed in the morning and you'll, you morning and you'll feel better throughout the rest of the day. I subscribe to that. I do it still. It's the first thing I do when I get up, make my bed. I'm sorry, I make our bed, Emily and I's bed. But I have now like, I feel like I have better days because I blow dry my butt and my balls and my legs. And I recommend you do the same.

It's like a hug. You're just kind of giving yourself a little nice little warm hug slip into that underwear yeah yeah you don't have to heat up it makes clothes feel like you know how when you put on a pair of pants or a shirt straight out of the dryer and they're kind of like warm and huggy it makes all clothes feel like they came straight out of the dryer because your body has that warm it is a dangerous game eventually do you think you'll upgrade to a second hair dryerer so you can get it done in twice the speed? I'm not in a hurry. I think that's too dangerous.

I'm learning to take, and I agree with Andrew, it could be dangerous. I'm learning to take time to enjoy stuff. I don't know, man. You're dealing with precious parts. Yeah, he said he burnt his dick. I have burned my dick. Having two, it's just like you're factoring in

a lot of different heat. You're moving all over you gotta bifurcate your brain and like think about like you're dealing with two different heat streams at the same time like you're micro suddenly you're multitasking my lights drop to like 50% brightness when I turn on my hair dryer so maybe they're the only way off

you need to test that oh god that's interesting Michael does that you know he stands there completely naked and blows himself dry smart dude dry being a smart dude for that sentence yeah yeah no i i i i support it uh and i recommend everybody try it i'll try a waffle i could do with that that might help me out when people arrive early because as you know it i'm putting on shirts and the chest hair is still wet i got like a cup of water I got like a whole cup stored in my chest

and then it looks like you come to the front door and it looks like you've been working out or something and you've got like sweaty chest yeah yeah yeah I'm on board with most of what you said except for the shins thing that was insanity just kick your legs a few times and the water will come off you got like a sponge

shin don't knock it till your shin try it I will say the shin? Don't knock it till you shin try it. I will say the shin thing is also puzzling because you're wearing swim trunks all the time. So I don't know why the shins are an area. Well, you know, I have been wearing pants lately. Why? Well, there have been some days when it's been cooler.

And like sometimes when I go for my bike ride, it's only in the 50s. I don't want to wear shorts in the 50s. So I'll put on a pair of pants. You don't want shinsicles. Yeah, I don't want shinsicles. Fucking, yeah, I could lose my legs. No, it's fine. It's actually nice when you do that.

When it's cold, and your feet get cold, and you put them up. There comes a time, like... What do you mean? It's nice sometimes. So I only wear shorts or underwear. I've never, there's never a pants situation. Very rarely fabric around my feet.

Yeah, because you have to get them hemmed. Yeah, it's like a whole thing. It's a whole nonsense headache. I want my legs to feel free. And I also used to love always having my window open year round. Doesn't matter when. So there'd be times in the winter months where i'd be at my desk like i'd be playing a game for a few hours at night and then the cold would just completely numb my feet

and then you go to bed and your feet would slowly heat up and it was a nice feeling it's not always bad that's all i was trying to say okay i thought you i thought you're gonna be like heating them by the fire or something no you just go on the bed and you slowly have you ever had chill blains chill have you no but i was always warned about it like if you have really cold feet and then you immediately heat them up you can get is it chill blains i've never looked up what that is i don't even i've never heard that word it's like oh you'll get chill blains that's just bad i gotta look at what is it i had an anal fissure recently. I haven't had a chill brain though.

I would say that that's worse. There goes the license plate and the flat tire. Andrew, would you care? My second waffle maker just shipped. That's great. Sorry, go ahead. Hang on. Well, first off, is the second waffle maker Teeny Beanie and the Turtles? Yeah, I wanted to secure a backup just in case. Oh, hang on. Well, first off, is the second waffle maker Teeny Meeny and the Turtles? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I wanted to secure a backup just in case. Okay, okay, that's fair. Something went wrong. What's up with the anal fissure? It was a side effect, so I was recovering from my ankle. Of eating so many goddamn waffles? Yeah, yes. No, it wasn't waffle related.

It was the prescription painkiller related. I was saving my ankle to spite my butthole, is what I didn't realize at the time. And it was bad. Is this gonna make me throw up? No, I don't think so. It was just like I was shitting on a rock, and it was awful. It was a terrible experience. You know when you bite like dentine, icy

fresh gum, and you get like that freshness in your mouth, that freshness taste? That's how my asshole felt for like three hours. At first it was pleasant i was like this isn't that bad this is like someone squirted a bunch of tea tree up your asshole yeah like it was kind of a cooling numbing feeling it was a dentine fresh feeling in my asshole um but then it just shifted the pain and then it was just really sore and uh i don't know exactly what maybe it wasn't an anal fissure read online you're just guessing well it the symptoms matched up i

didn't hire a fucking team of investigators to check in on my ass gavin we established last episode he's not leaving his house to go to the doctor for anything so i just i went to bed and i woke up the next day and it was fine but but it was a unique pain. And I think something, probably a little tear. I probably had a little tear. Well, was there blood in your stool or on the paper? I didn't observe either.

I don't know. Okay. So you're shitting, you're shitting rocks, but you don't think, Oh, we should probably have a peek at what that was. And you're shitting and wiping blind? No.

Yeah, I did. I was wiping blind. I made sure everything was fine. How do you know you're done? Yeah. How do you I was wiping blind. I made sure everything was fine. How do you know you're done? Yeah, how do you know it's clean? I just, you can feel. No, you can't. No, it was not. No, okay. Hear me out.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Shut up. Shut up for a minute. Let me talk. You can tell when you're having a bad one or a good one. Yeah, but you can also mostly, yes, 90% of the time, yes, but sometimes you can have a bad one or a good one that would you can also mostly yes 90 yes but sometimes you can have a really confident wipe and think i've absolutely nailed that one and then you look down and it's an absolute poo bar no no i've never had that i'm i bet a very high percentage of

accurately projecting i don't i can't you can't you don't know because you're not looking you're not verifying i would have it on this one the there are times in your life when you go i was way off base on that one this is the thing this was like i was literally it was shitting rocks there was no substance to this there was no smearing there wasn't there was nothing there and then i thought like that was real i wonder if they were like how big that was that felt horrible It was the worst feeling I've ever had I've never passed a kidney stone But I imagine it felt like that but my asshole yeah, okay It was terrible by the way Nick in all caps is written you were pantsless the last week. Yeah

Sitting down on unverified wipes. No, that's fine. There's no. I clearly was right because there are no stains. There are no marks. There's nothing. Now we know why he's buying new bed sheets, Gavin. No, I literally ripped them in half. I'll take a photo if I need to.

It's like they were split down the middle. But so I did that and I did go to check, but the light was off and I couldn't see. So I just accepted that I wouldn't know what they look like. Where's the light switch? It's on the other side of the wall it's on a different wall from i couldn't reach it at that time i'd have to hobble over hit the switch and then hobble back get a peek so you didn't have like an itchy butt or anything no we're winnie the pooh no it was uh it was an icy is icy feel that was really nice for like maybe two hours, and then it was just constant pain. Two hours?

It was like, yeah. We need to get this kid a bidet fucking ASAP again. Nah, it was fine. He had the opportunity. He didn't want it because he's a vertical wiper. It's fine. I'm telling you, it works for vertical wipers. Awesome.

I'm sure it does. It's just, yeah. I'm going through changes enough as it is. I got these waffle makers, Jeff. I got a hot dog. I'm making desk dogs. Yeah, he's going through changes that are filling up his bathroom got these waffle makers, Jeff. I got a hot dog. I'm making desk dogs. Yeah, he's going through changes that are filling up his bathroom.

He doesn't have room for things like bidets. That's true. Gav, I don't know if it's the same for you, but I just went, you know, like, I guess two weeks ago now, three weeks ago, I went on that road trip up to Detroit and back. So I didn't have the bidet with me for seven days, eight days.

And man, you instantly notice the absence of the bidet when you have to go back to dry wiping. It is, it feels like, it feels like you're going back in time to the caveman days. I'm telling you, Andrew, you would be so instantly converted and you would, and I would be more comfortable knowing, especially if I ever come to visit you, that if you're walking around Donald Duck in it or Winnie the Pooh in it in an apartment 90% of the time, that there's going to be a much higher percentage that I'm going to sit down in a clean seat. No, I almost never am in Winnie the Pooh mode. It's a rare occurrence. It just, with my injury, wasn't worth it. I completely agree with

you. I'm sure I'd be converted easily, but I'm also scared to take on new things that I would then have a hard time being without. One of the reasons I don't drink coffee. I don't like the idea of feeling like, what if I need coffee and I can't get it? If I don't drink coffee. Let me reassure you here. You can get coffee everywhere.

Everywhere on the planet. What if... You go to a bank and get coffee. There's nowhere that doesn't have coffee what if the coffee just goes away one day everyone else is stuck on this coffee i'm fine it doesn't make a difference to my life it's not like smack it's not like you're gonna die from going cold turkey and relapsing reliant on the coffee and the energy and i just don't i don't drink coffee or tea or anything i'm not a caffeine person i don't i don't really consume

i did i know but i'm that's a regular i'm not a caffeine person. I don't really consume caffeine. Did you drink Dr. Pepper? I did. I know, but that's a regular. I'm not a big caffeine guy. What's the worst that could happen? I don't know. Something could, though. That's my point.

If I don't do anything, nothing will happen. He'll get debilitatingly addicted to coffee, and then somehow all the world's coffee stores will disappear, and like the rest of us, he'll be without coffee, and then he'll be sad. I really like the idea of making planning his life around that potentiality he's also yeah you he lives on potential risk he

sculpts his life around the what ifs and you're all about the comfort you're all about yeah I'll have it's it's all backwards you won't have to catch up the right way up because of the what ififs no you won't not that was the one maker in the bathroom aside from the the electrocution and poo what-ifs it's I got backwards I got ketchup on my shirt that morning that's why it's up that wasn't a what-if

that was I lived a life you know you gotta not be clenched I'm times. I'm not clenched! I'm telling you, there was some previous air in the bottle, it was near the bottom, there was some trapped air, and it shot out of- You need air in there, you don't want to store ketchup in a vacuum. It's normal to just flip open. There was some forward momentum, Gavin, that that lid was holding back and it was just waiting to go. It was like a trap. It was a sprung trap.

And as soon as i opened that lid ketchup everywhere here's where you shouldn't have ketchup stored downwards if you're on a plane and it was stored downwards at zero feet and you're opening it at like 38 000 right that's gonna be a risk in your bedroom i mean depending on if you've taken it to the top of Pillow Mountain, you should be fine to just flip open the cap. Yeah. I do put my ice cream down. Does that make you happy? The lid down on the ice cream. I do that. I don't know, Gav. I don't know what he means. I put lid down for the ice cream. The ice cream's frozen. What do you mean? The ice cream doesn't kill? What do you mean?

No, it's better. I was telling you, you make frozen. What do you mean? The ice cream doesn't What do you mean? It's frozen solid wherever you leave it. You make fun of me all you want. I put the ice cream lid down, not base down, lid down because it's better for the ice cream. What do you mean? How is it better for the ice cream? It does because

the moisture, the way the moisture processes in the thing, it's in the freezer, I'm saying. Okay. I'm not just putting this on a table. When I put the ice cream in the freezer, you always go lid down. Are you saying that. Go ahead.

It's better for the, so you never eat the back of the ice cream. What do you mean? No, no, no. If you eat all of the ice cream. If you go lid up, you know how sometimes when you go lid up with your ice cream, I'm sure you've experienced this as ice cream basic people. It gets icy. You get some ice in that ice cream. The liquidy, the ice, the water, it gets in the pot.

You're leaving it in your freezer too long and your freezer's too cold. Well, I don't, listen, I don't know about freezers. I just know ice cream. And I know if I put lid down, the ice cream never goes that way. Okay, so the water droplets seep upwards is what you're saying so they would seep into the base and they just they're it's not a problem it no longer you know you might be onto something i don't know about that i just thought you wanted it to be closer to the lid but my point was that it doesn't move no you avoid the ice thing if you put the ice cream lid down it's a thing I do do that you're upset that I don't put the

ketchup down so I tell you I put the ice cream down and you're still mad at me I can't win yeah I'm kind of mad yeah should I show Gavin my waffle Jeff that's the thing I think will make Gavin probably vomit yeah show him your waffle so

here's some good waffles gavin these are these are like so i'm calling them a poffle because it's a pancake mix and a waffle maker so it's not really a pancake not really a waffle that's a quality that's a quality by the way is this this from the 70 pound bag uh yeah that was a 70 pound cook these are the poffles from the 70 pound like this is another one still figuring out the spread need a good spread on it but uh you're just not pouring enough mix in yeah i need to get the spread right i need more mix i'm still finding that you got a solid hurdle there though i do it's a great hurdle yeah if you don't up your mix you're never going to get through the other 69 pounds even when they don't turn out well though

your room smells so good it is the greatest greatest smell. It is a fantastic odor. But yesterday, because the podcast came out, I'm talking about people learned about the waffle thing. I thought I'm going to make I'm going to make some waffles this morning. Show the process. I recorded a little video for it, but the waffle didn't quite turn out well

because I'm trying a new system. I'm putting the batter or the mix in a water bottle and then I'm just pouring water into the bottle. I'm shaking it. That's how I'm mixing it. And I'm still feeling it. I'm trying a new system. I'm putting the batter or the mix in a water bottle and then I'm just pouring water into the bottle and I'm shaking it. That's how I'm mixing it. And I'm still feeling it. I'm not measuring it. Like a shake and bake.

Like a shake and bake type thing, yeah. But this was the waffle that came out yesterday. It was very wet and it just didn't cook properly. It was not good. Seeing it next to the good ones makes it look even worse. Oh, yeah. It's a real disappointment. I can see the soggy.

It was undercooked. It looks like a waffle that fell in a pool and someone fished it out. Oh, it's a wet waffle. It's a wet waffle. It was not cooked properly. I will say though It did not taste any better than it was. Why'd you eat it? You got it wasn't that bad You got 70 pounds you don't need to eat the food. Yeah, but I cooked it and I was like well I should try it. Here's the the real dilemma was that nose you can kind of see it's a hard nose

There was a real bump in that nose. I was like what's going on with this nose? I bit into it just powder just the powder that uncooked it was just a chunk of powder in the nose it was more like a crepe it was sad it was a sad thing so wait how was their power because you're not meant to be pouring any powder into the actual waffle iron he should all be well enough i didn't mix it well enough the shakage didn't iage. I've noticed the giant batter stain there on the table. Yeah, that was from that cook. There was a batter stain top left because it was very liquidy. This is why it shouldn't be in the bedroom, Andrew.

There's no dry wipe surfaces. This is like varnished wood. You're not going to be putting waffle mix on it. I'm sure it's fine. I haven't cleaned that up yet. You've got waffle stains next to your bedroom lamp. Yeah, it's a nice lamp. I zoomed. I haven't cleaned that up yet. You've got waffle stains next to your bedroom lamp. Yeah. It's a nice lamp.

I zoomed in. Don't do that. It's glistening. It looks wet. It is glistening. It is very wet. It needed more cook, but I'm also very paranoid because of the smoke alarm now about cooking stuff in here.

It is a concern. Yeah. Do you have one in your kitchen? No, I don't. So this is though, you should be doing it in there maybe but then i'd have to carry 70 pounds of batter back down the stairs and i don't want to do that no most people wouldn't store the batter in their bedroom well why would well this you put it where the the thing is right that's not logical i feel like you you could tackle that challenge and find a way to slide it downstairs

in some overly complicated way that saves you from having to head. I could actually, you're right. I could literally just drop it from my balcony and it would land on the balcony at that level. It wouldn't be that bad. I gotta be honest as well. The hinge system on that waffle maker

is driving me nuts. It's completely, it's asymmetrical. It's pissing me off. It's a great waffle maker. How dare you? You take that back. I see what you mean. You take that back. It is a great machine. It's pissing me off. It's a great waffle maker. How dare you? Oh, yeah. I see what you mean. You take that back.

It is a great machine. No, he's right. It's asymmetrical. Yeah, it's cool enough. And there's an odd amount of space on the right one. Would the bag explode if I dropped it one story onto another surface? Yes, absolutely. Well, it depends on the bag.

Is it just a clear bag? No, it's just a plastic bag. Yeah, that's probably gonna... It does have a seal. It's not like a full zip. Take your ripped up sheet that you ripped in half, cut it into strips, tie it, make it into a rope, lasso it around the bag, and then lower it down like Rapunzel.

Make it done with you. Should I do that? Are we wrapping up? You want me to do that? Yeah, you should go do that? You guys wrap up the show. I'm going to go lower the pancake. You've got some homework. You've also got to, you've got to take a picture of the bed situation at some point.

Oh, you're right. I should take a photo of it before I do it. And there's stuff on the bed. I'm not going to do that. Yes. I'll see. I'll try it. I'll do it later.

All right. Well, thanks. Thanks for listening to F*** Face. Did'll do it later. All right. Well, thanks. Thanks for listening to face. Do we do an intro? Hello and welcome to episode. Yeah, we did. I think. Did we?

Oh, no, we didn't. Hello and welcome to episode four. Fuck. Hello and welcome to episode 26 of face a podcast. We did. We did. We did. Oh, we did.

Undo it. Undo that. All right. We did for this one. Nick is saying we did. Oh, we did. Undo it. Undo that. Alright. This is a... How do you undo an intro? Please forget everything I just said. It no longer

has relevance for the purposes of this podcast, which you have been listening to now for the last hour or so. Thank you so much. This has been another F*** Face production. If you liked it, and I'm assuming you didn't, but maybe you did,

give us a like or a rate. We love those stars. Give us all five of them. We would appreciate it. I don't know where you do that, but the place that has stars. Go to the star store, buy us five.

Do we have an Instagram, Jeff? Yeah, we do. We have an Instagram. Oh, wow. And we got hats in that, although not yet. No, we don't have hats. No, we won't have the hats till january can we wait okay so that was the whole thing and i haven't responded yet can we pre-order sell the hats no no pre-orders are a whole thing it's

there's let me just can i just okay say that my 18 years of this industry and starting the rooster teeth store and running it for seven or eight years and pre-orders are a nightmare logistically and legally that you don't want to do if you okay with it fascinating it just it seemed like a great face thing of the the best christmas gift the store has to offer doesn't arrive until I agree. But, but I think maybe we'll get the Ian shirt. So maybe we'll have that. Where's the Ian shirt? I don't think I've even seen that.

Uh, it's back a bit. It's just like a pocket tea with the Ian face. Yes. The Ian looking up face. Yeah. Oh, that's Ian.

Yeah. That's Ian. That's his name. Yeah. Oh, okay. I guess you weren't a part of that conversation. Where was I?

I don't think you were on that text that Andrew and I had about it. Oh, well. Did you want to be? Here's what we're thinking, Gav. We're thinking about naming that character Ian. How do you feel about that? I think it's great. All right.

We like it, too. And I'm telling you, too. Selling these bat knobs, I think it's a great plan. Nobody wants the nobody wants the knob if we can sell well listen listen gavin i'll say this it's a desk toy if we can if let's let me sell the first however many bats we bought and if i can get through those and there's additional demand then maybe we'll sell the knobs but what if that what if the demand for knobs is so much higher and people are holding out for knobs? It's just, okay, if people really want the knobs, they're getting a whole bat. What a savings we're bringing to them.

We're selling the knobs, but you get a whole bunch of other wood too. What a fantastic deal. Yeah. I really want a product called the F*** Face Bat Knob. I mean, I think we have one. I think it's going gonna be sold at some point in the near future

in the next six months you will see a limited edition face bat knobs as signed by Gavin Free were you mad at me for pushing that you had to sign those I hope you didn't mind I was happy to do it I want it to feel like a special limited edition

authenticated thing it's kind of the whole point of this so I was happy to feel like a special limited edition authenticated thing. It's kind of the whole point of this, you know? Sure, of course. So I was happy to do it. I mean, I'm happy right now. We'll see how I feel 200 bats from now, but yeah. It's sort of funny that I lied and said that you tore your asshole, and then I tore my asshole a mere weeks later.

That was foreshadowing. I didn't even think about that. That's what's called asshole karma. Yeah, it really came back to bite me. You know who's not tearing their asshole, by Yeah. It really came back to bite me. You know who's not tearing their asshole, by the way? Dudes that use bidets. Can you delete that waffle?

Probably could. Give me a second. It's disgusting. Yeah, it's fine. Thanks, man. You posted it again. Here, just let me push the waffle out, because I don't want you to have to look at that one. I need these these. I need these saved for posterity because I have to get help on the Instagram by the person that does that.

What? I'm back. I left. Okay. I guess we should go, right? This is running low. I'll be Eric. Stop!

It's time. Stop! You're too funny. You're too talented. You're being too entertaining. Knock it off. The podcast's over. What podcast is he yelling at in this context? Because it's not ours. you're too talented you're being too entertaining knock it off the podcast over arbitrarily

what podcast is he yelling at in this context because it's not ours that's Eric yelling at us for being too entertaining bye

yeah okay it's hard to end it's hard to end without Eric yelling at us did it end I don't know well I hope

hey I hope you guys have a really nice rest of your day and I'm excited to tell you guys about the second best license plate I've ever seen. And the flat tire. And about the flat tire saga.

The longest of the stories. Yeah, we'll see. Tune in next time.