F**kface - We Icy Hot Our Balls // nny keyboard is working again but i don't have an nn key [128]

Episode Date: November 16, 2022

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew's intro apology, time travel fixings, a vinyl, not salad creaming the icy hot, we watched the monkey movie MVP2, who is the funniest in this episode, penis toilet slamming, Andrew's keyboard revisited, Gavin being CO 2 poisoned via cats, our next Office Day, pizzas, Geoff's proposal, and bachelor crabbing. Want to contribute to bits? Email what you can do to [e-mail]  Sponsored by Raycon http://buyraycon.com/face + code EARLYBF, Dad Grass http://dadgrass.com/face, and Honey http://joinhoney.com/face  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Dragon's Dogma 2 revolves entirely around choice. Your choice, that is. From the sword and shield-wielding fighter to fighter to the illusion conjuring trickster, there are over 10 unique vocations to choose from that all require experience to unlock new skills. And character customization is out of this world, literally. Oh, and did I mention the combat is really in-depth? It isn't just hacking at a giant's ankle for half an hour while your dodge roll attacks. You can engage enemies from a distance, climb up large foes, stab them in This is a Rooster Teeth production. This is episode 128, by the way, so if we can get recording all around, then I think we're good, and we

can get off to the races. And that was the intro for episode 128. Thank you, Eric. That was awesome. What was the intro? Eric just did it. Eric just did the intro? You didn't hear it? It was awesome. No, it was so smooth. I, uh,

this actually seems like a great time. I need to make an apology. I need to admit I was wrong. Oh, is this a, is this the, are we retract, is this a is this the are we retract is this a retraction section uh is it retract no i don't think it's retract maybe it is technically just an apology yeah i think generally an apology i think it was uh more of an apology to eric and uh oh maybe you i don't know an apology this is a lot of things but um someone there's a post in the subreddit for this show about wanting

to watch it on youtube from the beginning but they weren't sure what episode was the first one on youtube because they're not numbered and they're like which one is this where do we start uh i was i was wrong about the interest we need interest intros are very useful your naming convention jeff, is incredibly useful because I tried to answer this person and it took me four attempts to figure out what episode was the first episode. So you just have to listen

and then you cross-referenced it with the podcast app? Is it even numbered on there, though? No, so I went to the Rooster Teeth site and I looked and the earliest episode we have on youtube doesn't have an intro until eight minutes into the show so it's not it wasn't at all you couldn't just listen to it and he's this is episode 120 whatever like that wasn't there uh it is a terrible it's a disaster we have an episode on the site that is titled episode one of season two. And it's, it's listed as the 10th episode of season two. Like we're just,

our naming conventions are terrible. The lack of an intro adds no clarity. I was wrong. I was wrong about that. That was a mistake by me. It's a disaster. I take largely the blame for us having zero organizational abilities as far as what episode is what on this show.

Do you know how, uh, we've determined that future gavin is throwing sticks at current gavin or past gavin yes uh do you think if if you could time travel that would be the one thing you'd go back and fix at the beginning of this podcast oh yeah i think it would i think that'd be of all the lessons uh i probably would never claim to eat a pencil that's actually number one on the list then number two would probably be me fighting against doing an intro for 80 episodes of this the show that was dumb it's a dumb hill to die on and i did like 80 times i died multiple

times and i didn't realize because we we've like proofing, I guess, trying to cut down episode 16. We're trying to cut like, what is it, Nick? Like six minutes from that episode. So it will fit onto a stupid piece of vinyl. Seven minutes. That's deep in pencil land. That is like right in there. It's so frustrating to listen to that again.

We've got the most annoying episode 16. That's really funny. So should we talk about, real fast, what you're referencing there? Oh, and let me just say, I know Eric already did it, but just for posterity's sake, before we get eight minutes in, this is episode 128, season

five, right? I believe we determined. Are you asking? Yeah, this is your thing. I don't know, I'm sorry. I gave up, I up uh in a in a flurry of anger at the beginning of the podcast like three months ago i gave i gave up on the naming stuff so i'm i'm trying to remember but i feel like it's we we said season five began like right around episode 125 or so i want to say uh anyway i'm jeff eric is was the indignant one

there and then andrew and gavin uh so only four minutes into this episode is the intro yeah well he started with an intro and then explained that i fucked up the interest go ahead so anyway we uh we've been long talking about way back probably not too not too far past episode 16 we've been talking about wanting uh wanting to make a vinyl of an episode of we thought that would be uh the i don't know fun i guess to release our own record and uh a little bit easier than uh a little bit easier than doing an eight track uh probably a little bit more useful um and it was like the oldest piece of technology we could record our voices on uh like it's i don't think gramophones or or that you remember that thing that they had in like the 1800s where you would like have a sheet of paper with a bunch of fucking uh holes

in it that wound up and then you'd stick it on like a piano and then the piano would play it like it would be interesting if we could do a face version of that just need everyone to have a player piano yeah just need everybody at home to have a player piano okay uh and then we'll sell the roles uh but we determined that a vinyl would be a fun way to release an episode so we picked episode one of the episode 16s i think maybe the first one uh but but the limit is is what is the limit on recordability on a two-sided vinyl? I think it's like 58 minutes, something like that. And since our episode was slightly longer, there's two ways you could do it, right? We could cut the episode down, or we could reduce the audio quality to something less than stellar to fit more on.

And we decided that it would be better to cut out the fluff and just have a solid ass 20, 25 minutes per side, Nick says. So we need to cut it down from like 59 minutes down to 50 to make a solid ass episode. So I would just speed it up by like 11%. So my,

my idea was we would do like the opposite of like George Lucas right we would have like like our special edition would be we cut the nine shitty minutes out so you don't have to listen to them when all 59 minutes are shitty it's hard to find the five or six minutes you gotta cut I was listening to I've only got halfway

through I was listening to it yesterday because we're trying to decide what to cut and uh I couldn't I couldn't find a single bit that I would cut so I was like to it yesterday because we're trying to decide what to cut and uh I couldn't I Couldn't find a single bit that I would cut so I was like we have to just cut whole chunks I don't know it's weird to like remove the occasional pause Word and like James Cameron Titanic this thing to be shorter I don't think we're gonna do it we have to just take a lump and kick it out of there I like your idea though of accelerating a little bit like sitcoms They do that right till I get an extra ad break like they slightly speed up the play I think that could work well maybe we could

use AI to like remove silence oh what if we wrote down every bit or like topic that's on the show and do like a draw and whatever it lands on it's just dead no matter what it is we have no say in the matter write down how long each segment is or we fluke face it ourselves we re-perform it slightly faster that would be terrible there's no way that would come out shorter right that would definitely be no yeah it would be so much longer i fucking i can't stay on track to save my life i was in the i i lost track of this podcast earlier that's why I would

continue I forgot what we were fucking talking about I forgot about the vinyl by the time I was done saying whatever the fuck I said there's no way I could stay on point that long I do say though I do think though better than cutting nine minutes out if we could condense

or keep all by speeding it up or whatever our jokes per minute goes up by a percentage pretty significantly like probably like 10% there. Why don't we cut every sentence that isn't a joke? It'd be four minutes long. I don't think that works.

Is that something we're concerned with? Jokes per minute? Oh man. If we had to if we fluked faced it ourselves I think it would be a whole new level of self-hatred. Of just hating, thinking everything you said isn't funny. It'd be terrible. I'd hate to read anything that I've said on this podcast and attempt to re-deliver it again. Thinking at that time I was being funny.

Laughs. I'm terrible. Laughs. At that time, I was being funny. Laughs. I'm terrible. Laughs. Hey, I was talking to Eric this morning. We were doing another production.

And I listened to the most recent episode of F*** Face That's Out, which I guess is maybe 126. It's the one where we promo that we're going to all put Icy Hot on our balls. And then only Andrew did it. And then only Andrew did it. And I didn't think much of it at the time when we were recording the episode where Andrew,

because I think we all agree it was Andrew's funniest episode. And it was so strong. But going back and listening to that other episode, we really leaned in hard to the fact that we were all going to do it together at the beginning of an episode. And I don't want to salad cream it. So I do think we should probably all put icy hot on our balls this

episode or, or to stay fair to the audience. Do I have to do this again? Do I have to do, do I have to do a second wave of this? Yeah, no, I think you definitely should because it's,

it's, it's a group, it's a group effort, isn't it? Yeah. Last week was kind of one sided and that was unfortunate. Yeah. And also that wasn't our? Last week was kind of one-sided, and that was unfortunate. Yeah, and also that wasn't our

fault. That was your fault, so you should definitely be a part of this. I have Tiger Balm Ultra Strength, or I have Icy Hot Original. Well, I got the Icy Hot Original because that's what everybody said. Well, actually, mine's Advanced. Yeah, I could only find

Ultra Strength for both products. How long is this going to last? Jeff was spot on. He was like 45 minutes. Wow, really? Yeah, it was after we recorded, the next hour was spent in my bathtub hating the world. And it calmed down maybe like 45 minutes.

If you want to know how long Icy Hot lasts on your balls, ask the guy who's done it before a couple times. I will say I had a great i don't know how this works i don't know what this show is oh jeff's already applied it sounds like okay um that's a lot you know how we we after the show gavin comes back we typically talk for a few minutes uh when we're done recording uh i did that on the tire long thing. Post pleasantries. Post pleasantries. Having pleasantries just having trying to have a normal conversation with somebody while

your balls have Tiger Bomb on them felt ridiculous. I feel like there could almost be a show there where it's like a group of people talking. One of them has Tiger Bomb on their balls and you have to figure out who it is. I think I think that's a great idea. It's kind of like we used to do bits...

Oh, boy. We used to do bits back in the day where you'd have like... We would do like variety shows for like... I don't know, for livestream stuff. We would have like five drinks and one would be a shot of... Or like five would be shots of vodka

and one would be a shot of like vinegar. And you try to like... Try to mask who got the vinegar. I love doing those kinds of I love doing those kinds of things. Eric, have you put yours on? No, I don't have any Icy Hot and I did not know we were doing this today. I mean, Eric and I did talk about this morning

and he agreed. I did not agree to do it today. I definitely agreed that we should do it as a team. Didn't you agree that you would do it with us and then last week we were going to do it? So just get the icy hot that you prepared last week. No, no, no. You have to understand, I don't have any.

I have none. So I can't do this because I was not prepared to do this today because when I talked to Jeff, the way he made it sound was, we should pick one episode where we're all going to do it. So what I think we should do is wait to do it together as a team. No.

So that way we all have the funniest episode. No. Right, Gavin? Because it doesn't make sense if only some of us are doing it. All of us should do it together, don't you think? I have a mound of it in my hand. Put it on your head. But what I'm saying is that you have a choice right now.

You don't have to do this. And then we have to do it together as a team. No, I can't not do it two weeks in a row when I said I was going to do it. I am not doing this three times. If we're going to do it, we all have to do it as a group, don't we? Pop down the shops. There's no hop down the shops for me. That's not how this works.

Pop down the damn shops, Eric. Go get the stuff. I mean, do you have it? Is it in your hand? It's on my hands. Okay, but what I'm saying is that you could rinse it off your hands real quick and then we just, you know,

we pick an episode and we like really go for it. I'm moving it towards my balls, Eric. Well, you don't have to do that. You have an option. How much should we put in? Think about how funny you're going to be. Is it like toothpaste? How much goes...

I put more than toothpaste on me. All right, hold on. Okay, I made a mistake. It's so bad. All right, you guys roll around in it. I'll go see if I have any, but I surely don't. I put... I covered my balls.

If it's considered my balls, it's got Icy Hot on it. I feel like I'm gonna puke. You know the worst part is I put Icy Hot on my ears before we did this to prove... Again?! ...to prove that it wasn't the ears. So I got my ears too. Oh. This is a terrible idea!

Gav, how you doing? Oh shit! Damn, that's instant! That's like 20 seconds of my nuts are in the fire! Ah! Ah! I'm so glad I didn't do- I'm so glad I didn't- Okay, I'm still going uphill. When does this level off? When does it-

It hasn't leveled off yet for me. Oh! Oh my god! Ah! That's insane! leveled off yet for me. Oh my god. I'm dead, dude. That's insane. My nuts, dude. So, how's everybody doing? Is it just me?

I, uh... I feel like I dipped my balls in a wet fire. Okay. Well, here's the thing. I just looked. I kind of dug around our medicine cabinet, some other places. I looked. I don't have any. So what we're going to have to do is just do this again another time.

So, you know. Yeah, so you guys will have to probably. I mean, you guys just for. You guys will have to probably i mean you guys just for you guys will have to do it again um a different time yeah nick said same so you know we want to make sure it's the whole group thing it's pretty quiet for a podcast is that normal yeah i'm still here i'm still trying to do a podcast i'm trying to channel this into the funniest podcast ever. I don't know where my co-hosts went. Eric, how are you?

What's going on in your let's talk about stuff. What do you got going on? I just Nick said he has some Vicks Vapor Rub, but that's for his sick wife. And he doesn't think that he could rub that on his dick and balls and then give it back to her. He's right. He should not. Yeah, don't do that. No, don't do that.

I do think that, you know, unfortunately, just we're going to have to do you guys are going to have to do this one more time. So that way we all do it. But that's OK. You know, we can we'll do like a regular episode this time and then it'll be fine. So I'm good. How's how's things going with you? Excited for an office day.

I'll be honest with you, Eric. Yeah, I feel a little nauseous. Yeah. Yeah. I'm excited about an office day? I'll be honest with you, Eric. I feel a little nauseous. Oh, yeah? I'm excited about an office day, too. We should probably talk about that. A couple things have happened since we last recorded. Oh, my God. That was like a

puke burp. Oh, Jesus Christ. Fuck. It's like a million tiny needles on my dick all at once. It's like a million tiny needles on my dick all at once. It's like if you took 60 cooking knives all with like sharp tip up and I'm

just swinging my balls across the top of all the knives. That is like that is like five times worse than I expected it to be. Oh my God. Yeah. I'll just say this. Oh my God. I'm glad we didn't do the Tiger Bomb. This Icy Hot sucks,

but it is not Tiger Bomb bad. This is like... I'm not doing Tiger Bomb. I'm never doing that. It's like the difference between a jalapeno and a habanero, you know, or a habanero and a serrano.

They're both hot as dicks, but one's a little bit worse. Woo! Fucking assholes. So yeah, we watched the monkey movie that was pretty that's good stuff right right right right soon yeah

good call uh well that's what I wanted to get back to last week we uh we we said we were after we recorded we decided we were gonna watch the monkey movie I don't remember if we said it in an episode or not but we definitely did decide we were gonna do it and we did um and uh it actually it was

interesting it elicited an apology to me from Andrew And we did. And it actually, it was interesting. It elicited an apology to me from Andrew for something I didn't even know I was upset about. I thought it was awesome. I thought the movie was amazing. I thought Andrew's presentation, his 10-minute intro, was amazing. I think it, I was talking about with Eric today this morning I think it opened up a whole new

it could be a whole new product for us if we combine if we combine our monkey movie kind of thing that we do in the tuxedo of the movie with dew box I feel like we have and a solid intro I feel like we have a whole package

we can start delivering to people that I think that they would really resonate with. Are we talking monkey movie? Yeah, I was just saying we watched, we actually 100% watched the monkey movie. It took us from March till, I guess late October, but we did it.

Oh, fuck. It was a great movie. I had an idea about that that I wanted to talk about by you. I'm in the ice phase, by the way. Yeah, now it's the ice. Isaiah went to bed. The icy hot was so much worse. Or maybe I just

wasn't prepared in the same way. That was terrible. This is terrible. Still terrible. It's still awful. I don't know how you're hanging in, Jeff, the way you are. I had to feel like I could piss petrol. I've done it a couple times in the past

for similarly stupid reasons. And so, you know. I genuinely thought I was going to puke. Plus, Andrew, I could have one of my arms hanging, like sliced 90% off and just hanging on. But for 45 minutes, I'd be able to, I could focus and work on a, focus on the podcast because I'm a

professional. I got genuinely worried there of how much it kept building. It went maybe two or three times beyond my tolerance for pain. Yeah. It was high. It was bad. It's definitely like at the

tolerance line. Yeah. I don't feel any funnier. I told you guys one time I got It's definitely like at the tolerance line. Yeah. It's like... Can I say, I don't feel any funnier. I told you guys one time I got jalapeno juice all over my dick and I had to put my dick in milk. Like, that was worse, but not that much worse. This isn't funny.

No, it's not. This is the episode with the most belabored pauses. Go to the shop, Eric. Go to the damn shop. I already looked around. We're going to have to do this again because I didn't have any of the stuff. I'll just be the least funny person in the room. I'm good.

I've done it twice. Oh, shit. It's terrible. It's heating up again. The ice is melting. Really? I got the cool breeze right now. If I put a thermal camera on my nuts, do you think it would show the ice is the melton really oh see i got the the cool breeze right now thermal camera on my nuts do you think it would show oh temperature absolutely if there was predator

vision on you right now it would think that there's like 12 people in your balls the amount of heat that's radiant my nuts wouldn't make it through the airport through those like fever here's what i'm gonna i'm gonna recommend for you, Gav. Sit forward. Don't lean back too much right now because what can happen in your personal experience? Yeah, is your balls will start to sweat from the heat and the pain and then

they'll carry it right down your gooch, right into your butthole and you don't want a flaming butthole and flaming balls. So just like try to protect that area because it's like a whole other level of hell when you're assholes i mean that's why i created the too spicy ic right like you don't you don't want to go uh you don't want to double dip there so on the subject of mvp2 i had an idea i was thinking about so we watched we watched the tuxedo right and then we got the

tuxedo from the tuxedo i think we should try to get a prop from MVP2 somehow and maybe try to get a prop from every movie we watch as part of our watch list. I think you're a goddamn genius. I think it would be perfect for the museum. You have been firing on all creative cylinders lately, and I just gotta say, I appreciate it. That's a fantastic fucking idea, Andrew.

And I agree with you. I've been looking into it. It's really tough to find any prop available for sale for MVP 2. So I'm trying to figure out a way to reach out to the production company in some way and see if I could get something through that. Yeah. Just

a thought I had. Also, consideration for every movie we pick going forward. So we got Tuxedo. We need to make sure we watch movies that we can get props from. None of us are able to communicate a thought right now. Yeah, it's bad. I'm luckily in the Kulig phase. I feel like I could communicate again.

But yeah, that would be the goal. I mean, obviously, we want to pick what we want to watch. That overrules it. But if we could find a prop from it that'd be amazing I think it leans in heavily with the whole museum idea what do you think the

shortest episode we've done is and is it is 27 minutes too short way too short yeah damn it incredibly short but you're professional as you just said you like to focus and hang it things and that you'd be fine. I tell you what, it'd fit real nice on vinyl there. No, it's too short for vinyl because there's a B-side.

Well, that's it. Yeah, we just have to do this as an A-side, and then we just have to figure out what the B-side is, I guess. It's ironic that we wouldn't have a B-side due to a balls issue. That'd be perfect. That'd set up great. right it's ironic that we wouldn't have a b-side due to a balls issue that'd be perfect that's set up great i'm gonna force stomach i feel legitimately pukey yeah uh no i that's how i felt i had to step away for a moment if you need to step away jeff nothing wrong in that i had to step away

and gather myself now we're back i mean there i i will say that i do think there's i mean it's the podcast you probably shouldn't be stepping away in general. No, no, but you should also have fucking Icy Hot in your balls. Not everything's perfect. Well, I look, and so it's fine. You just have to do it one more time. Yeah, no, it's fine. If I puke, I'll just do it off.

I'll just do it right off. Yeah, that's fine. Hey, gather yourself. It's not like I haven't cleaned, I didn't clean up years worth of dog piss and shit. Now, on a scale of one to ten, on a scale of one to ten, how funny do you feel right now, Gavin? Oh.

That's perfect. It's a perfect response. 1.5. It's really interesting because Andrew was definitely like an 11 out of 10 last week when he put the icy hot on. But I don't feel like it's transferred to me. Definitely not me. I don't feel like it's transferred to me. Definitely don't be.

I don't think I've said anything funny and I don't plan on it. Do you know how I face myself with it last week? You know what I did? I made a huge mistake. I did it so late in the show and you even commented on it. Why would you do it so late? There's no payoff. I was under the belief that we were going to record two episodes.

And so it was going to start there and go into the next and then as soon as we were done jeff was like oh nobody told me that we're going to do two today i can't i'm busy uh so we only did one i wasted it i never thought i'd be doing this again but here we are and here we're going to be doing it again a third time when eric no uh nick decided to help to participate i'm just going to be the least funny guy in the room. I mean, I got to be honest with you. We were ready to do it last episode. We'd all agreed on it.

You did it. We didn't. So I just assumed, like, for instance, I'll explain how it went in my house. I got the Icy Hot. I put it on my desk in preparation of doing it last week. We didn't do it. I left the Icy Hot on the desk. It never moved.

So when I sat down to record today, it was there and ready to go. So I don't understand how Nick and Eric aren't prepared. No, if you check the tapes. I don't want to hear a bunch of half-assed excuses either. So I guess we'll just move on.

I mean, they're whole-assed excuses. They're not half. No, they're not. They're full-assed. If you listen... If you listen... Jesus Christ, Kevin. If you listen... I feel Jesus Christ, Gavin. If you listen...

I feel like I'm looking at a cryptid. Gavin, can we post that photo? I don't know. I don't think so. Can we? I mean, we probably shouldn't. I've pulled my mic all the way down to the ground, and I'm just on all fours

letting the air get to it. I have got to say... The air might not help. I've got to say... I'm definitely failing on the funny side, but the photo that Gavin just posted

that's been double edited to hide his junk while he's on all fours staring into the screen is maybe the funniest thing he's ever done. Gavin, you're at 11 and a half right now. He blacked out his junk with red marker, and then he decided to double up with black. But you can see the red poking through still and it looks like he's just wearing a t-shirt struggling in his face looking at the camera with his ass hanging out the other end uh looking like he's presenting it is awesome i'm sure the neighbors are getting a good view i honestly i think i felt like i could see through the red the worst part for me is i applied to my ears prior to you, so they're sequencing off.

My ears are incredibly hot right now, while my balls are cold, and then my balls are going to get hot, and my ears are going to get... Oh, yeah. It's going to have a sink. It's out of sync. It's completely out of sync. I got to say, Gav, if we could put that image on a shirt, I bet we'd sell it. If we could just sell, just for, like, just put it on, just sell just for an hour

as many as we sell. I gotta think we'd... I think if you were to Photoshop Gavin's face out of that photo, people wouldn't recognize that as Gavin. He looks like a different human being through this paint. I didn't realize I was making that face.

That's just your face. It's the perfect... It's an honest expression of what's happening. The current moment. There was a bit they were going to do on Howard Stern 20 years ago now, 15 years ago, where this guy, Scott the Engineer, was going to take anal from a porn star in Madison Square Garden for $250,000, and Howard was going to was going to sell tickets to it. And they were just going to be was just going to be a little curtained off room.

And all that you could see was Scott's head sticking out as he was receiving the anal. And I think it fell through because, well, I think Scott's family told him he couldn't do it. His wife and kid were like, absolutely not. Fuck, man. $250,000. That's a lot of money. absolutely not uh the fuck man how two hundred fifty thousand dollars that's that's a lot of money um and uh to find out that you to have 15 great or terrible minutes who knows until you try it right um the face you're making is what i assume scott's face would have looked like sticking

out of that curtain i gotta say i've never i've never seen you make a face like that. Yeah, you've lived with me for many years. Have I ever looked like that? Never. I feel like we could post this if we censor it even more. Even though you've censored all the necessary areas, it feels like a lot. Yeah, this feels really explicit. It does.

It feels like a Pornhub thumbnail. It does. What if we crop it from, you know, kind of like the chest up so you can at least see the look on his face. Yeah, I think that's the face. It feels wrong. Yeah, just know that like the rest of what you're not seeing in the photo is, I mean, it's all, it's, there's a lot going on. I don't know about that. I feel like the face is the most explicit part.

No, it's not. It's the limbs to me. There's something weirdly explicit about. It's your little knees poking out at the bottom. Yeah, it's not. It's the limbs to me. There's something weirdly explicit about... It's your little knees poking out at the bottom with the sun hitting your thigh hair. To me, it's your posture. Yeah.

You have like a hunch. You have a hunch. Yeah. Well, between me speaking, my head is just hanging down towards the ground and I'm just lifting it up to talk in the mic.

I think the thing that is the most insane to me about it is that your asshole is facing away from the camera, right? And it is facing out and away from the camera from your position. And your blinds are up. They're like halfway up. I don't think anyone can see me up here, but I don't know. There's a lot of wasps and birds right now

that are doing way more than they bargained for. I just hope maybe the Google Earth picture doesn't get taken right by now. Well, I have some minor good news for you, Gavin. Yeah. I realize I fucked up accidentally over the weekend. I realize I'm a big, dumb idiot who's incompetent at cashing in on bets.

Do you remember that you and I, we did a little Halo 2 speedrun bet thing in the past? And I won that bet. Do you remember what my prize was for winning that bet? This is where I feel like f***face falls apart is that we have these elaborate bets and then we always forget what we're supposed to do afterwards. Yeah, I would

forget on and off and it would come back to me like oh yeah, I have this. My prize, my victory. Nick has put the Brazzers logo on there. Not the first picture of me to have Brazzers on it. So the victory, what I got for winning, Gavin, is I got to pick a piece of gum for you to chew. Oh, that's right. By choosing. That was my big prize.

Yeah. I idiotically, accidentally redeemed the bet while trying to do Dubox. I felt so stupid. I've been on my desk. I'm staring at it. As soon as you said that, I was like, I said my desk I'm staring as soon as you said oh yeah I tried to get it and there's no way around it I told you what brand I told you what type you even asked how many

pieces and I told you how many I absolutely accidentally that bet and the least impactful way I could have is a total regular go and just gave me regular gum. I just gave you a normal gum. That's phenomenal. I was sitting at my desk cooking hash browns and I connected

everything together. I was stunned. I was stunned and disappointed with myself. What did you cook hash browns on on your desk? I have a little skillet. You mean potato pies? I have the shredded hash browns. I got the waffle maker that I gave you all and I bought myself a little skillet. You mean potato pies? I have like the shredded hash browns. I got the waffle maker that I gave you all and I bought myself a little skillet version. Oh, is that the thing you

cooked part of a piece of bacon on? Yeah, that's what I was cooking the little strips of little cuts of bacon on. I tried some hash browns. I gotta say, I did not heed the advice I gave Gavin and my gooch is on fire. And it is not fun.

I'm not on all fours. It's a hardwood floor in here. I had old knees. Oh my God is my asshole. Not my asshole. My gooch is unhappy. I think mine's wearing off. I think I'm on the tail end of mine.

Yeah, I feel better. I'm physically sweating. That's unfortunate for you. I'm amazed you stuck in. mine. Yeah, I feel better. I'm physically sweating. That's unfortunate for you. I'm amazed you stuck in. As you said, very professional, Jeff. You did a good job. Wow. I genuinely felt like I was going to die,

so I had to step away. These old balls have taken a beating a few times. This ain't my first ball rodeo. Where does this rank on the worst things done to your testicles? Oh, it's not. It's not like seven out of ten. I've done way worse. I mean, you slammed your penis in the toilet.

Twice. Was that one and two? Those were up there. I mean, that's a stars when I did that. I almost blacked out. I have another update from past. This is a real update show for me. Yeah the other day i still had my remember when i poured water on my keyboard and all the keys were fusing to different different ones and so i swapped out keyboards and i was putting something down on my desk and i put

it on the old keyboard that i spilled everything on and to my shock it was still connected to my computer i assume that because i plugged a usb one in that it would desync but it it's still connected it still works i was like oh i'll give this a try again all of my keys i'm gonna i'm gonna post i don't know how i'll do i'll just i'll just say all my keys work it's better than it was everything is fine i've been going through the problem is though one of my keys did die. All the keys came back but one. I unfortunately lost my M key. It does

not work. But to solve this problem, I've been doing this whenever I need to put an M in something. Is that why you've been doing that? That is and to this point, nobody has called me on it. I've been doing it for a little over a week. I've just been using two N's for my m because i don't have an m why don't you just copy the m and paste it because when i copy and paste it typically deletes whatever i'm trying to put it

into and sometimes you have multiple you have multiple sentences and it could be a real problem it looks ridiculous this happened before you had to make the presentation for the Unkey OOVY? I was using the USB keyboard for that. Oh, okay. Yeah, so that was fine. That was unimpacted. But, like, when I wrote my notes, this is what I wrote in my notes.

My keyboard is working again, but I don't have an unkey, so instead I used two Ns to make my un-N-un. So far, it's gone up the ladder. Can that be the episode title? Yeah, please. My keyboard is working again, but I don't have an N key. So instead, I use two N's to NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN oh my balls you okay jeff yeah i mean i'm yeah i mean it's better right it's not as bad as it was 10 minutes ago or anything but it's uh yeah bounce it back i don't think i'm gonna throw up anymore that's good no need to stress over the holidays this year. We've even got those impossible to shop for family members covered.

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Yeah, well, that was a few weeks ago. I've apparently been stupid for a long time. Just this week and not the preceding every other week? But extra stupid this week. And I figured out why. So it's finally got a little bit colder here

to the point where my heating has kicked on for the first time. But in my office, I have two computers. I have servers. It's hot as balls in here to the point where my heating is kicked on for the first time but in my office i have you know two computers i have servers it's hot as balls in here all the time i don't need a heater so i just shut my vent to the ac and meg's been meg's been out of town so when she's gone the cats aren't split up they all just huddle around whoever's home so i've been sat in my office editing With all four cats And I was just editing the other day and I was just like Man I feel a bit foggy

Just got the old brain fog in Feel really dumb I'm like making shitty editing decisions I'm like what am I thinking? What am I doing? And I like walk around and pick stuff up and forget where I was going I'm like what is going on? And I just couldn't figure it out And I realised oh I've probably got like high amounts of carbon dioxide in this room.

So I bought a CO2 detector. I turned it on. It was like 2,100 parts per million. And I think that's like dangerous levels. Oh, my God. I think normal outside is like what used to be like 200. But because of people, it's now like 300 outside and i've been like pushing 2000 i was like man i feel shitty and i get a headache whenever i'm

editing what's going on and it's just me and the cats have been filling this room with carbon dioxide it's yeah how are the cats still alive they love hanging out yeah occasionally they would leave to go get air, I think. And I'm just sitting here like a like a fog brain dipshit trying to edit videos. It's currently down to 1140, which is still high,

but I have a window open. Okay. Hence the breeze on my crevice. Get out three. What are you doing? Get one plant. You think a plant is going to ask you. It's not lethal. On my crevice. Get a tree. What are you doing? Get one plant. You think a plant is going to make a dent in that? Against five living beings?

It's better than a bunch of cats exhaling on you until you fucking pass out. I appreciate you clarifying the temperature, Gavin, because you opened that with hot as balls, which in this current context, I feel like you need to elaborate on what that means. Do you know how when people are so far gone with alcoholism, sometimes they'll have people pour

alcohol directly into their butthole? No, I said yes to that before you finished. Yeah, it's like it happens. And it's... No. Like, it happens. No, I don't. And it's kind of a thing.

And also, if you're having, like, liver and kidney issues, I think it's, like, a way to bypass some stuff. And it also, like, gets into your bloodstream way quicker. I wonder if Gavin

is consuming or receiving more CO2 through his butthole than his mouth right now. How much CO2... Like, if you're getting, like, a double dose. How much CO2 through his butthole than his mouth right now. How much CO2? Like if you're getting like a double dose. How much CO2 is dangerous? Oh, 40,000.

Oh, you're fine. Poisoning. Yeah, I think I'm a long way off being killed by it, but I was definitely in the stupidity. You're legally safe, but you're down to my Alabama public education. Oh, yeah. It says you start worrying above a thousand.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's not. It's not good. Cognitive scores are lower when exposed to 1400. Oh, shit. Yeah. Because I was just like. Oh, boy.

I hope it's permanent. Forever dumb. Yeah, I got my window open now. I'd be interested in the plant experiment. I wonder how much that would help. I mean, get two or three. It can't hurt. And if they die, like, in a week,

that'll be your canary in the coal mine. You're like, I can't stay in this room anymore. I'm killing plants Prolonged exposure to levels between two and three thousand is linked to stress kidney calcification and bone demineralization it none of that sounds good No liquefy your bones. I'm just gonna be like a puddle of paste. You're gonna turn into plastic man. How long has this been an issue? Because your ankles have been at an all-time low recently.

There have been some body issues with you. You've not taken blows. I would say this has been since Monday. So maybe two days. And then I bought the CO2 thing arrived today. I'm already on the mend. Still be careful.

You might have demineralized ankles right now on top of your already. Oh God. Everyone doing okay? Yeah, I'm back to like, I can focus on shit again. I feel like the first 30 minutes of the podcast, I was unable to focus.

Oh, Eric brings up. We have an office day tomorrow. That is true. Uh, we, we're so fucking productive right now since we handedly knocked out the, the monkey movie.

And by the way, I don't want to spoil it for people who haven't watched it yet. I highly recommend you watch it, uh, watch along with us. I high, even more so recommend you watch Andrew's presentation. Uh, but let me just say, if you're a fan of monkey of banana wipes holy shit uh that's all i'll say

uh but anyway we've been so fucking productive that tomorrow we're making pizzas monday of this week i was sending you guys photos i cleaned all the spiders out of the pizza oven. Like I ran them out of town and spruced that motherfucker up and we are ready to go. I'm so jazzed. I'm excited. I can't wait to see how it turns out. Have you ever cooked a pizza in your pizza oven before, Jeff?

I've never cooked anything in my pizza oven. You've been scared of the spiders. My pizza oven is where spiders and antifreeze live. That's pretty much it. And like 30 second cleaner. It was just like storage for like charcoal and shit. So it's all burned out? Yeah, it's all burned out

and cleaned out. I'm gonna go buy some fresh wood like non-spider wood that hasn't been in my backyard since I moved in. There's been a wood pile in my backyard. I've lived here for over three years now. I've barely made a dent. It was so big. But I'll go buy fresh, clean, like hickory or something so that we're not cooking, you

know, snakes. And it's the plan. We're going to make individual pieces or we're just going to make one pizza. I think we should make it individual individuals. Yeah. OK. OK. I can get I can get enough pizza stuff for everyone.

I do know what Gavin wants to make. I mean, do we want to talk about what exactly we're making or why we're making pizzas? Yeah, I think we could talk about it. Yeah, I don't know why we wouldn't. That's the cue for you to talk about it. That's where you, the host, pick up the ball and run with it.

No, I hear you, but it's a three-hosted show, and Gavin is the one who wanted to make the pizzas in the first fucking place, so I thought he would be the wanted to pick up the ball. I do agree. So picking up a ball might be a little difficult for somebody who's breathing in 23,000 parts of carbon monoxide a second or whatever. Yeah.

I'd argue his brain is all ball right now. And to be honest, the heavy breathing while the icy hot was on my nuts has really boosted the levels of the, I thought, so I thought we could start with the Branston pickle pizza, which had, it didn't really say what was on top.

I think it was just cheese, but on in the crust was cheese and Branston pickle. So I've requested those. So we're going to make a slightly more complex, you know, cheesy Branston crust. And then I feel like because you often get cheese and Branston pickle as a part of a plowman's lunch,

I would just complete the plowman's and have that as the toppings. Okay, what is a plowman's lunch? It's like a little board. I think somebody has a little bit salad or sometimes ham, a boiled egg or something. I sent the Wikipedia to Andrew and he was having none of it. No, eggs on a pizza just threw me off. I'd never heard of that before. It felt weird.

I think to keep it classic to the plowman's, it has to be a boiled egg. I've only ever had a fried egg on a pizza just threw me off i'd never heard of that before it felt weird i think to keep it classic to the plowman's it has to be a boiled egg i've only ever had a fried egg on a pizza which is pretty good but i'm not sure about like sliced boiled egg on pizza we can boil up an egg i don't have any eggs eric will have to buy an eggs but uh it's on it's on my list now here's the thing here's sort of my i'm trying to find the Branston pickle pizza recipe from wherever, whatever place was making the Branston pickle pizza. However, I did find the Branston website, which has the cheese pickle and ham pizza. And I don't know if that's necessarily it, but they do have the recipe on the Branston site.

So I am doing some research. I'm doing some digging. It is more difficult. You've seen my list of ingredients though, right? I did. Yes, I did. Yes. How much luck have you had with?

Oh, it'll be fine. I'm grabbing everything tomorrow and we'll be good to go. I'm not going to salad cream it. I am getting the things that you need. You'll get everything I wrote? Well, I'm going to do my best to get everything you wrote.

I don't know. Like, look, you started going into like egg territory. So really, who fucking knows? But we're going to try my best to get everything you wrote. I don't know. Like, look, you started going into like egg territory. So really, who fucking knows? But we're going to try. I also asked for pickled onions and chutney. Do you think you can get that? I can definitely try.

While you're out there doing that, why don't you pick up some Icy Hot just in case? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll definitely make sure. Yeah, I'll definitely make sure to do that. Oh, that's perfect. Because then while the pizza's cooking, Eric's nuts can be cooking in the background. And simultaneously cook background simultaneous cook right yeah we're all doing it at the same

time which is the important part of the whole thing jeff have you ever seen a plowman no i'll post on the chat for you oh i'd appreciate it thank you uh let the record state this is not a podcast and Andrew just reposted the Gavin Brazzers image. When you said plowman, it's immediately where my brain went to. You look like a plowman in that photo. What does that mean? I don't know, but the did associates, they connect. Eric, I just want to make a pepperoni pizza.

Just simple, easy, like mozzarella pepperoni. No sweat. That's absolutely what I'm getting. Regular pizza. I was talking to make a pepperoni pizza. Just simple, easy. So like mozzarella, pepperoni. No sweat. That's absolutely what I'm getting. Regular pizza. I was talking to Andrew before this. He said, I want to make sure I get the same stuff. I said, no problem. I'm getting freak ingredients for Gavin's insane pizza

and then regular ingredients for normal pizzas as well. I just figured this is the only time I'm going to cook a pizza in a real pizza oven. I figured I'd make something. First of all, I like the idea. It's going to be nice to have a regular pepperoni to fall back on when mine tastes like shit listen i hired an electrician to to see about like moving the electric so that i could maybe put a pool in the backyard someday we hired an electrician in apr and he we still he still hasn't done the work yet.

So there's a really good chance and there's no indication that it'll be done this year. So there's a really good chance that that pizza oven is here for good, like forever. I'm not going to pull those. I'm not going to tear it down if we're not going to do anything else with the yard. So because it's just going to make a big ass hole in my yard that I don't have anything to do with. So maybe who knows? Maybe pizzas in the oven will become a mainstay. Maybe it'll go so well it'll become a thing we all we all do all the time.

I'm convinced that it's going to be a disaster because I've never cooked in a pizza oven before. I feel like it's probably incredibly difficult and easy to fuck up. But I'm excited to see. I'm going to try to cook a little pizza in my skillet and we'll see. We'll see who turns out better. I feel like it could be two ends of a terrible spectrum where I could see yours being burnt to a crisp and me not being cooked at all. I think that's a good chance that'll happen.

I will say I think Emily bought us a book or maybe one of our family members. I can't remember who bought the book, but we got a book when we first moved in on how to cook in a pizza oven. And I opened that sucker up and it was about 400 pages of math. And I went, never mind. It was the most complicated thing I've ever seen in my entire life. So what I'll do is sometime between now

and tomorrow, I'll watch one YouTube video and then we'll be fine. We'll be pretty ready to go, I think. Yeah. It'll be great. Dude, I'm about to go sub-thousand. You put a plant in there? It's 80 degrees in that room? Turn on the AC, man.

The rest of the house is cold. You're not in the rest of the house. You're in that room. I can't freeze everyone else because my office is an oven. Meg's out of town. You're there with the cats. The cats are in there with you. They love CO2.

Do you think you're going to get so much oxygen you just surpass this podcast and become too smart? Should we do a podcast on oxygen and see how quick we are? I think we would be thinking too clearly. I don't think it's a good idea.

I'm done with taking show theme ideas from you for a while. We're good. We're good. I've got high CO2 ideas so they're not any good. I just had another little wave hit me again. It hit you again?

Yeah. Mine's totally over. No, mine's definitely not over. Jeff, is it because it dripped into your butthole or what? Yeah, a little bit of that. It didn't get in the butthole. It stopped at the gooch, but there was definitely a transfer of pain. No, I think it just flared back up a little bit.

Maybe I used more. I don't know. I used a shaving cream amount uh because i wanted to get in there really good so um i might have just overdone it i guess i don't know it sucks either way um and i feel all sweaty still which makes me i feel like i need to take a shower but it's probably a fucking terrible idea because then it just reactivates with the water. It was bad when I did it last time we recorded. The ears especially, I put way too much in,

and on one of the ears, it fell right down into the hole. And then after we recorded, taking the headphones off and just feeling every light breeze go by was the worst feeling like it made me super sensitive to all wind and both ears uh i had a shower later to try to like wash it off i was still feeling it i know you're not supposed to do this but i was like i just i feel like there was so much around my ear hole i need to just i'll put a q-tip in and just see what i could get i was scooping out icy hot it was terrible it's a terrible time it's probably what it must have been like for daredevil early on when he would like try

to go to sleep at night and he could just hear everything and he couldn't figure it out like learn to sleep in the sleep deprivation chamber like your ears senses are so heightened yeah for that period of time i did hey i felt go ahead no you go ahead you did found i i found something that i was really excited about when i was looking i don't remember what i was looking for my desk but i was going through things we remember gavin's tea towel he had the great tea towel as a kid and we talked about how we wish we had images like that from our childhood, I found some drawings I did of myself, my interpretation of what I look like as a child. I think I was probably five when I did this and my family.

So I'm going to post. Is this around the same age that you were in that suit? No, this is a bit younger. OK, the men in black suits. So this is click and drag. My computer's a piece of shit. One second. This is in black suits. So this is... Let's click and drag. My computer's a piece of shit. One second. This is... Here we go. This is my interpretation as a kid.

I'm glad this isn't on a tea towel. It doesn't deserve to be. I'm trying to fill as my computer does nothing. Here we go. Childhood me. Wait for it to pop. Processing. There we go. Look at me. Waiting for it to pop. Processing.

There we go. Look at that. Look at that art. Look at that clear. My arms don't extend past my body, it appears. Are your arms the balls? I think the ball is supposed to be my body. Oh, maybe they are. I don't know.

What is the lines? This is a tough thing to interpret it looks like you're holding a like a big gong stick it does that's what i love to do i was known for holding gong sticks that was my main hobby as a child can we do a shirt where that's next to my one and jeff has to jeff you must be able to find something you did as a kid that we can put next to that. Oh, I guarantee you I can. I was actually,

I was, I'm really happy to hear you. God, I'm having trouble talking again. I'm really happy to hear you say that because I was thinking of a similar shirt idea that I thought would be really cute. Um, where I think it's great. And I think we should absolutely do that.

I guarantee you my mom has something that i drew as a kid that we can throw up there wouldn't it be adorable to make a shirt that's just the picture of andrew uh either hitting the tennis ball but i think that's from like a newspaper uh or like the picture of andrew in his men in black suit with the gun then a picture of gavin a young gavin being really cute and then a picture of me and i actually have a photo i can't find it right now but i have a photo of me holding up a fish being really proud of the fish i caught and i think like i think we just put each of those images on the shirt and then that's just us as little boys i think that'd be adorable i love it

it's fantastic i'm so happy to find that it It was a sad document to read. It was like the second. It was like a thing I made, I think, in kindergarten that was like explaining who you are, like an introductory thing. So it's like all about me. And the second page was a handprint. And then one of the pages was like my family that I drew. And then the last two pages were when you're happy.

And my one I was happy was when I'm not in the last two pages were uh when you're happy and my one I was happy was when I'm not in the hospital uh which is great and then my I'm sad when dogs bite me was how I closed out the hole it was incredibly sad it was a five thing thing to read that was uh sad I think the real the real move here would have been to replace Andrew with Raymond yeah it would have been if that was with Raymond. It would have been. Why does it say, am I looking through the page to the page of mine? Why does it say Mr. Hands? Oh, that's my hand. The next page is just

my hand. Mr. Hands. It's not Mr. Hands. Interesting. Man, I can't find this fucking photo of me holding a fish. Here's a picture of me with Goofy. Yeah? Got other people in it. Man, I can't find this fucking photo of me holding a fish. Here's a picture of me with Goofy. I'm going to send that to you. Yeah.

Got other people in it, but. I have a photo predicting how the pizzas are going to go tomorrow. Post that. Just quickly for you guys. This is my assumption of what's going to happen when it's done. I think it'll be the same. It's supposed to be a photo of Jess' reaction to the beans. I think the pizzas will turn out more like this.

Glad I'm not eating that. I'm excited about the pizzas. I think we're going to get some good shit. I've never used a pizza oven. No. Do we need to do research tonight? I told you, man, I'm going to watch one YouTube video. I recommend everybody watch one YouTube video,

and then we'll all have, between the however many of us show up, we'll have multiple YouTube video knowledge. You did say that. I remember now. It's okay. You're not firing on all cylinders. Your balls are on fire and you're full of CO2. Hey, we should start

wrapping up. Fuck, man. I was... I want to propose something to you guys. Okay. But I can't do it till i feel like it comes after the proposal story face story that i have i don't know if oh jesus christ i forgot i'm so sorry we've been teasing your proposal thing for like i mean i feel like we've been over teasing it now it's not that funny it's just it's just more of i want to hear it though it's the problem all right i'll tell it real fast because I want to propose something to you guys after that.

But it kind of comes hand in hand with it. So as you guys know, I've been wanting to propose to Emily for a long time. I wanted to do it in a really romantic, fun way. I wanted to do... I had a bunch of ideas. I was going to do it on a summer vacation. I was going to take her somewhere romantic.

But Millie had her surgery, and that took up our whole summer. Uh, and then, um, then Henry got sick and like, we, we tried to go to Disneyland and then, uh,

we had to come home cause Henry was sick. And then we tried to go on a vacation with Gavin and Meg, but then Emily got COVID. So we couldn't go just like everything kept getting in the way of me proposing to Emily this summer. Uh, and so finally we, uh, decided we finally, we decided we needed some time away because we'd missed every opportunity

to have a vacation. It kind of got ruined. And so we made this vacation up to Mackinac Island at the top of the Mitt in Michigan. Yeah, up to Silent Cartographer and all that? Yeah, up to Silent Cartographer. And so I decided this is the perfect place to uh well to learn a little bit about the halo and what it is and is

it a weapon or not i don't know this is the perfect place uh the perfect place to propose to emily it's like it's this i've talked it. I don't want to like retread old ground, but it's this old timey Island with no cars. Everything is horse drawn carriages or bicycles. Right. And it's like antiquated. They have 13 different fudge shops. We endeavored to eat at every fudge shop.

We came pretty close. I think we got to nine of them. And by the way, can I be honest with you guys? As an aside, I sampled nine of the 13 fudgeries. They were all pretty good. I got to be 100% honest with you. I could buy better fudge in Austin any day of the week. Wow.

It's not so good that you got to travel to get there. Like the fudge in your town is just as good as the fudge in Mackinac Island. If not, honestly, a little bit better. Not to say that Mackinac Island isn't wonderful and that the fudge isn't absolutely worth eating when you go there. Have the fudge. It's great. You'll love it.

Andrew, would you travel two blocks to try that fudge? A hundred percent I would. I travel for fudge. Absolutely. I travel for fudge. Anyway, so I realized this is my opportunity to propose to Emily. So I start reading about the island.

I start looking at places to go to propose. There's this place called Arch Rock. It holds the secrets to the universe and potentially to the future of my relationship. So I decide that's where I'll do it. And I'm doing all this based off Wikipedia and travel blogs and shit because I've never been there

and I don't really know anybody who's been there. And then I thought, one thing I did know is that Emily wanted there to be photos. We had discussed this before. She's like, I want there to be a record of the proposal. So, you know, we'll, uh, we'll have that. And so I called a bunch of professional photographers on the Island, like wedding

photographers and just like basically every person who was listed as a photographer on Mackinac Island. And none of them got back to me. And then right about the time I was like, oh, I need to double down and figure this out. Henry died. And so I was completely and totally distracted with dealing with grief and that and all that. So I just totally dropped the ball on the photo thing and scheduling a photographer. And I realized that kind of like on the plane, and I thought, well, fuck, I'll just figure it out when I get there, I guess. Right. And so we get to Mackinac Island

and we check into our hotel, which is right there. All the hotels are like on the main strip, like right there at the bottom of the island. And then kind of get my bearings. I wanted to kind of preview Arch Rock, but it's like three miles away and i couldn't figure out an easy way to get there and then um so i thought you know what no no worries uh the next day we had a horse-drawn carriage ride tour of the island and it's going by our truck so i thought oh i'll get a kind of a kind of an idea of the preview there when we uh when we go and then that'll i'll be able to get the lay of the land and figure out like where i'm going to propose and you know kind of like work out the particulars and see if maybe I can find somebody to photograph it. I've got like two days on this Island so I can do some

work. Like maybe Emily goes to the bathroom and I like call somebody real fast or whatever. And like, you know, so, uh, so the one thing in my head is like, I should try to, I should try to, I should try to fill her with foods that make her go to the bathroom a lot. So I'll have time when she's like on the toilet that I can figure this out. Didn't happen. So the next day we get it up. It's like fucking 40 degrees, of course,

because it's October at the top-ass end of America. And so it's pretty cold and windy. And so we go and we get on this horse-drawn carriage and I bring the ring with me just in case i'm fucking jazzed because i'm like i'm gonna figure this out now and then i can plan it a little bit because i don't want to wing it too much you know this is an important

deal and uh we get in this horse-drawn carriage and we start going up a hill and i realize where the hotels and everything are is at the bottom of minac Island, and everything past it is up. And this hill is so intense to get up that the horse-drawn carriage has to stop three times to allow the horses a break. It's, like, scheduled in. Why do you keep doing shit with horses? Dude, I know, right? It's, like, extra facts and shit that they rattle off

while you're sitting there and the horses are like getting a breather and drinking some water before they go back up again you know and i and i'm watching this this is like the one road that goes up and uh there's tons of people walking bicycles up looking miserable and i'm like well that's good to know you know and uh we continue this tour and and about an hour later, after the horses have had enough breaks and we get up the hill, the guy's like, all right, we're going to go to, we're passing, here's a cemetery, here's a cemetery, there's an old Civil War battle or War of 1812 battle or whatever.

But by the way, the British loved Mackinac Island. They stole, Gavin, your people fought fiercely for Mackinac Island for some reason. They fought it, they won it back from America like three times. Oh, shit. And they actually controlled it for a good clip after the Revolutionary War even. Yeah, it was very strategic because of, I guess,

Canadian fur trapping and stuff would come through Mackinac Island. It's apparently where Paul Astor made all of his money where he bought half of New York. He made millions of dollars on furs on Mackinac Island. It's apparently where Paul Astor made all of his money where he bought half of New York. He bought it all from, he made millions of dollars on furs on Mackinac Island. Anyway, so I get kind of jazzed because we're like heading to, heading kind of towards Arch Rock. And I'm like, okay, now I can finally like figure this shit out. And as we're getting there, it's getting colder and windier. And we just keep going up and up and up and i realize

there's no way i'm gonna get emily back to our truck like unless it's like unbelievably beautiful i don't like we're not gonna walk a bicycle up two miles of hills when it's 40 degrees and windy right like that makes no fucking sense like that's not gonna happen so i'm like oh shit maybe i have to do it right now and so i look around me on the horse-drawn carriage. It's like a big carriage. It holds like, I don't know, maybe 20 people. And so there's like 10 people on it. And everybody is 80 years old. Because it's a place where old people go to vacation, I think, at least in the fall. And so everybody around us is is like septuagenarian octogenarian very like just elder people lovely people but um and uh oh my god this is kind of a weird vibe and then we get to arch rock and they go all right we're gonna step out we got 10 minutes

for a bathroom break everybody there's the bathrooms uh there's arch rock you can take a look at it take a photo and then we're gonna head back on and i realized this place is on the other end of the island there's no way i'm getting getting Emily back to Arch Rock, right? Like it's not going to happen. There's no way I can trick her into going back. Like, oh, maybe we should ride our bike uphill in the wind and cold to see that thing we just saw 24 hours ago. It's just not, there's no way I can work that out. So I'm like, I think I have to do it right now. And so we, we wait in line to get up to the walkway of Arch Rock, which is just like a little metal walkway that goes out over the side of the cliff for a second.

You take a photo when you leave. And it's just slammed with tourists. It's where everybody on the island stops to go to the bathroom, apparently. And everybody on the island is like 60, 70 years old. And so we have to fight through all these old-ass people to get to the edge. And then I'm like, it's now or never. I'm going to have to propose to this lady right now.

Or I'm going to miss this window. I'm going to miss this window. And I don't know how to open that window back up. Like the window is, it's like a hundred year old window. It's, it's, it's, it's shut with paint. Like there's no way it's going to, it's going to open up. Like the fucking latch is like, it hasn't been open in 50 years. Right. It's called that droopy glass. It's going to open up. Like, the fucking latch is like, it hasn't been opened in 50 years, right?

It's called that droopy glass. It's fatter at the bottom. Yeah, it's got the droopy, fatter glass, where gravity's taking over, right? And so I'm like, I get kind of fucking nervous. And Emily's like, why are you shaking? And I'm like, oh, no, it's just so fucking cold. And I start taking off my gloves because I can't fucking, I got fat glove fingers, you know?

And I'm trying to get the ring out. And she's like, what are you doing? And I'm like, oh, nothing. And she fucking, I got fat glove fingers, you know, and I'm trying to get my, the ring out. And she's like, what are you doing? And I'm like, oh, nothing. And she's like, why are you taking your gloves off? And I'm like, uh, no reason. And then I just get down on my knee and, and, and I pull the fucking box out. And right as I do it, the lady next to me goes, oh my God, are you for real? And I look at her, I'm like, what? And the people behind me go, what's going, are you for real?

And I look at her and I'm like, what? And the people behind me go, what's going on? What's happening? And then Emily goes, what are you doing? And I go, uh, nothing. And she goes, and the lady goes, is this really happening? I'm like, angry. And I go, yeah, it's really

happening. I'm proposing to her, okay? And she goes, right right here and I'm like yeah right here and the people behind me go is he and they just start pointing at us and nobody's happy about it and Emily goes let me go Emily goes are you serious Clark which is like a

line from uh fucking Beverly D'Angelo says to uh Clark Griswold in like uh fucking uh National Lampoon's Vacation like are you for real Clark and I'm like yeah and then I'm like shaking holding the box and I'm looking up at her and this lady's mad and she goes

she goes well do you want me to take a picture or something and I go oh fuck right god thank you I forgot I'm so nervous and I'm like yes please that would be I would really appreciate it if you would take a photo and Emily's just standing there. And the lady goes, well, you're going to give me a camera or what? How do I take the photo?

And I'm like, oh, my fucking God. I'm like, yeah, let me give you my phone. And I give her my phone and I unlock it for her. And then she starts taking photos. And then the people behind her go, is this real? Are they really doing this right now? And I'm like, yeah, I'm trying to. And then some other people go, congratulations.

And I go, she hasn't said yes yet. I haven't had the damn time to fucking ask her. And then I'm like, Emily, and I say some stuff that I came up with about how much I love her. And she's like the most important thing in the world to me. And she changed my life. And she saved me from despair. And all the things about how I profess my undying love to her. And I put the ring on her.

And she's like, oh, my god. And then the people are like, did you say yes yet? And I'm like, yeah, I think so. And I look at her and I'm like, you haven't actually said yes. And she's like, oh, right. Yes. And I'm like, okay, she said yes. And then like, I got like this, like two golf claps.

And then, and then we went back down to the bathrooms where the car was. And we got back on the, and the horse-drawn carriage. And they, none, it was all the same people. Nobody said anything the car was. We got back on the horse-drawn carriage. It was all the same people. Nobody said anything to us. They just got back on. They gave us dirty looks. The lady who was sitting next to us who took the photos, she just looked at us for like 10 minutes. And then after we'd been on the ride again for a little while, she leaned over and she goes,

I really wish the best for you guys. In like the least sincere way ever. And I'm like like this fucking this fucking asshole but then i realized this lady's like 72 and she's on a trip to mackinac island by herself probably things you know like there might be she might have some issues right like maybe who knows what's going on in her life uh so i like trying not to take it personally and then we get off to leave everybody goes up and tips the driver money like

here's a dollar thanks for whatever and I go up and I tip the driver I give him 10 bucks and I go hey man thank you so much it's a big day for us and I tip him I give him a $10 bill which is at least 8 bucks more than anybody else has given him he just looks at me looks the other way and and that's it like my proposal

joyless place in the country my proposal somehow ruined the day of everyone who came into contact with it but us like it was funny and sweet and it was actually beautiful and it was a great setting and it was lovely but i did it i had to do it on a bathroom break on a tour of old people who were not into it and didn't appreciate it and were completely and totally not sold on me proposing to him if you if you knew that's how it was gonna go would you have figured a way to open the old window yeah yeah i think i would have i think i would have come up with an audible. Yeah. You described that as like a mild inconvenience occurred. That was completely fucked on every level.

That was a disaster at every stage. It was like, I'm just trying to profess my love to this person who's very important to me and who I want to commit to, you know, for the remainder of my life. And it really put a couple of old ass people out like they were not into it. And I, God damn, man, everybody in the, universally, I've been spending a lot of time in Michigan the last few years because Emily's family lives there now. And every person I've come into contact with in michigan was lovely just like the sweetest most kind happy nicest polite midwestern people you'd ever meet except for everybody who was on mackinac island that weekend who was an absolutely raging utter cunt maybe it's an

altitude thing maybe people from mich Michigan at altitude get me to. Or like none of those people were from Michigan. They're all tourists maybe. But God damn. I like ruined a bunch of old people's day by telling my girlfriend I wanted to marry her.

It was so fucking weird. Anyway, I had to tell you all that because I've been thinking about something and I wanted to run it by you guys. Emily asked me, she's like, are you going to do like a bachelor party?

And I'm like, I'm not a bachelor party guy. And I don't drink anymore or anything like that. But then it hit me. I think a perfect bachelor party weekend for me, if you guys are into it. And unless you guys want to be those old people on our truck. Vegas, baby! I would love to go crabbing with you guys in Vancouver Island. I think that would be like the perfect bachelor party weekend.

Bachelor crabbing? Let's do it. Yeah, make that our crabbing weekend. It'll be like my bachelor weekend and we'll just go crabbing. Hell yeah. I love it. I think that's a fantastic idea. I'm still... I can't think of any i can't

think of anybody else i'd rather spend that time with than you guys so i would love to be there i'd love that that'd be so much fun so just to recap this i believe this is the photo right this the old lady took this photo yeah she took great photos that's a great photo second of all it brings me so much joy knowing that everybody behind that camera is I rate with you for no Reason just what there's a pile of 12 people that are like hurry up. We want to take our photos, too I want to look over the railing just you got a combined age of 10,000. I rate behind that camera And they were like is this a joke and I'm like no it's not and they were like is this a joke and i'm like no it's not i'm like somebody's really sad is this a joke i was like no it's not a joke i'm trying to propose here and they're like oh congratulations

and i'm like she hasn't said yes i haven't been able you're still talking to me anyway so that's that's how that was that's great oh man that's fantastic well i'm excited to go crabbing with y'all and uh i uh i don't know if it was the funniest episode we've ever done but there were three sets of balls that were definitely uncomfortable and on fire throughout it uh so six testicles were spent in the making of that do you still have six? Do you still have two, rather? Did they remove it or did they just staple it? They popped it out and popped it back

in again. Your ball! And stapled it down. Your testicle left your body briefly. One of my balls knows what it's like to briefly live outside the sack. You have a testicle that's essentially like a ball astronaut. Wow!

That's pretty impressive. Ballst. Wow. That's pretty impressive. That's amazing. Nick said re-entry was rough. It looked like this. That's Gavin on the surgery table oh oh well uh well there you go i guess that's probably good for an episode thank you for indulging me in my uh my proposal story i had to get through it so that i could ask you guys to go crabbing with me and uh uh i guess we'll see you next week for another episode um look be on the lookout for a monkey movie.

Watch along. That'll be out on YouTube and the site here pretty soon. I don't think we know when, but soon. Be on the lookout for pizza-making video content. That'll be non-regulation supplementary content. That'll be out sooner or later. I'm just going to go ahead and make one single video from that event, if that's all right.

Yeah, just do this one. Yeah, I think that's enough. And we'll make sure it goes out. Be on the lookout for our animated show, which I think should be out by the time that this episode releases, based on previous release schedules. I believe so.

Yeah, that will be on our YouTube. The Vancouver Child Kicker is the first episode. It's fantastic. How many episodes are in this season? I think so. Yeah, that will be on our YouTube. The first, it's the Vancouver Child Kicker is the first episode. It's fantastic. They did such an amazing job. How many episodes are in this season? I think six. Yeah, six or seven, somewhere around there. I saw thumbnails today for the first three episodes

and they are so adorable. I'm very excited. I can't wait for people to see them. And also, while we're at it, because we are a supplementary content podcast now, be on the lookout for an in-depth overview of Gavin and Andrew's experience on Survive Black Island. I believe that show is wrapping up here pretty soon. And you guys will remember on our first office day, we recorded about an hour-long,

just a little audio podcast of you guys talking about your experience on participating in that game show. And so once, as soon as that's out, as soon as the final episode of that show is out, then I see no reason why we wouldn't dump out that video too. Or definitely watch the show first and also get ready for us

to discuss a lot of stuff that was never in the show. Yeah. Because it hadn't been edited yet. Yeah. And I guess so many of the things we talk about. I just like snipped out as if they were trying to fit every episode onto vinyl.

There's entire chunks. Well, they were working with them. They had a lot of footage and a little bit. So not everything could make it in, unfortunately. Well, there you go. Also, maybe if you like this video uh why did i say that maybe if you like this podcast um it's not a video listen i got i'm getting fucking yeah maybe gavin and i don't live too far from each other maybe there's some co2 seepage 952 that's great it's going down it's going down uh

you're you're headed you're trending in the right direction right now uh anyway if you like the podcast uh

maybe maybe give it a like or a review or just tell somebody that you like about it and then maybe they'll like it and then it's something that you guys can bond over

uh and that's I think isn't that what it's all about at the end bonding with people over podcasts that's uh that's why we exist

so uh you know do that bye that's pretty good it's a good outro Jeff no it wasn't you don't think that was a good outro no you so what happened I mean you did the intro why don't you just do a

quick outro for us thank you so much for listening to episode 128 of face if you like this follow like this, follow us on Instagram. Follow us on Twitter at F*** Face Pod. It's so easy to stay up to date with everything that's going on. Hope you like the monkey movie stuff. Hope you like the Survive Block Island stuff. We have so much supplementary content coming your way only here on the F*** Face Podcast.

I mean, it was higher energy. All right. This sucks. All right. Goodbye. Just end it. Just fucking end it. Hey guys, Major League Fan Jack here with a look at next week's episode of F*** Face.

Really quickly, I'd like to hijack the episode to let you know we are auctioning off an original F*** Face hat that Andrew had made in order to raise money for extra life. Just go to bit.ly slash ELAUCTION in all caps for info. And now with the episode. What is theAUCTION in all caps for info. And now with the episode.

What is the sneakiest animal? Hard stuff is easy. Is Andrew an ace at darts? Sidearm pitching is weird. And once again, Andrew does not eat the pencil. All that and more on next week's episode of F*** Face.