F**kface - Who is the Host? // Geoff Ends the Podcast [54]

Episode Date: June 9, 2021

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about STILL not doing intros and outros, the continued Halo bet between Andrew & Gavin, Geoff hiring Apple Jack to fix a fridge, and the fake outro. HelloTushy (http://hellotushy.com/face), ExpressVPN (http://expressvpn.com/FACE), and HelloFresh (http://hellofresh.com/12face) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Should we get into it? I'm going to assume that Eric and Gavin have been recording for a while. I'm recording. And we now need to ask Andrew. Oh, my God. I'm not recording. I flipped it. You yelled at me last week. I'm recording. And we now need to ask Andrew. Oh, my God. I'm not recording. I flipped it. You yelled at me last week.

I'm recording. I'm good. I'm ready. All right. Well, kick it off then, Andrew. What do you mean? Season two. Andrew starts.

No, wait. Wait, wait, wait. You're going to be the. No, no, no, no, no, no. I was the season one. No, no, no, no, no. I did the season one in Jones. Welcome to episode 54 of F*** Face. That was pretty good.

I think he gets the. That was a good. Yeah. That was the handoff point that was the handoff so then someone else take it oh you know i got a little bit of insight this week i did the uh i did one of our sister podcasts that gavin usually does the rt podcast yeah and uh i did it with eric uh producer eric uh of this very same podcast. And I found out through the podcast that he, it annoys him that we haven't nailed the intro and the outro yet.

He finds that to be, I guess, an annoyance. Oh, are you annoyed, Eric? Are you annoyed? What's that voice? He expressed displeasure. It's been over a year, and I feel like I'm not looking for the most consistent intro and outro but if there was something like hey welcome to face i'm jeff along with andrew

and gavin and then you guys get into it like that's not a lot right like that's pretty easy the thing about the intro is that you know what what? The show's going to be the show. The thing that gets me is the outro because, and I don't want to say that it's bad. It's that we do the outro and it doesn't seem to matter because then we just keep going. Well, nobody, why would you want to stop making face? It doesn't really make any sense what you're saying. I don't, I don't know what to tell you that is logic right there that is an excellent point because you know like think about it eric you have a life outside of this podcast you know that the second that that we power down life gets shitty again for seven fucking days until you get to turn back on for this podcast

and then so it's like why why don't we extend the good a little bit well i love the idea of the podcast ending and then a timer for six days and 23 hours begins of misery it's like it's like a soccer match it's like the the time ends then we to OT, and nobody really knows how long it's going to go for. There's extra time. It just goes beyond. I don't think we need to clear it. That's the best analogy. The thing that I learned is that Jeff sees this as a triangle

with himself, Gavin, and Andrew, where he does not consider him the host, but it's like three hosts. And I think that just given the year we've been doing this that that's insane and uh there just needs to be the one host jeff and then why does it need to be a host it's just three people because someone won't be doing the intro and the outro and the heavy lifting for getting us through the things that we have to get through uh i would argue i feel like the the description of the show lists you as the

host jeff singularly yeah but listen to what gavin said no think about that but it's labeled i mean you declared i feel like from the beginning i mean change that if you want to listen i feel like and i was just trying to make a point right i was just trying to make a point on that on that other podcast uh that we uh i consider us and and this isn't to discount Eric or whoever's editing the week, but the three of us to be like a comedy triangle, right? And I feel like it's a perfect triangle. I don't think that there's, I don't think that any point is elongated or, and by that token, no point is more important than any other point.

And so I was just saying that like i think hosting duties like intros and outros since we are such a perfect triangle that that we should probably uh divvy them up uh as such you know you do a third i do a third gavin does a third i already do all of the ad reads which i'm happy i'm happy about i never i never make you guys do those, except for the one time Andrew had to do them because I had an emergency. So I just feel like we could all share the burden of the intro and the outro because Eric makes it be more of a thing

than it needs to be anyway. Also, we may mess up the outro for a week, but last week we went to the major effort, or was it two weeks ago? We went to the major effort of bleeping out a word so it didn't spoil the story. We bleeped out Jeff talking about his car. And then Eric names the episode

Jeff's Car Wreck. Listen, I don't know how you have time to do this show. Don't you have a halo bet that you're on the clock for right now? I do! I'm wasting time now! That's a great pivot, Eric. That's fantastic. Get the heat off of you. Just's a great pivot, Eric. That's fantastic.

Get the heat off of you. Just before we move on, once again, I'd just like to reiterate the description of this show. F*** faces shooting yourself in the foot for a laugh. Host Jeff Ramsey is joined every week by longtime friend Gavin Free. Yeah, but I don't think I wrote that. Also, it says bi-weekly. Yeah. What? That doesn bi-weekly. Yeah. What?

That doesn't sound good either. Everything about this is awful. Yeah, once every two weeks. What? Two every one week? What does bi-weekly mean? Well, it's neither of them. It's weekly.

It's the point. It's once a week. Yeah. Oh. Okay, now I see what you're saying. Okay. You like this intro, Eric? Is this a good one?

Jeff, take it away. Hey, hello, and welcome to episode 54 of the F*** Face podcast. What you have been listening to up until this point is a simulation of the difficulty we go through each week trying to start the podcast. We wanted to put on a little that was actually scripted uh and seen sorry uh and so uh you guys can go ahead and throw those scripts away we don't need them anymore uh wanted to just give you guys a little taste of what sometimes it's like i'm jeff ramsey with me always andrew pantin and gavin free what's going on in your world this week i'm miserable it's great oh it's great and awful it's great we are and then terrible in

this halo bet which when it started last week kinda it was great i had a pretty open week this week i've been shooting every single day and i've been having to come home or shoot entire days you know like 12 plus hours knowing that i'm gonna have to come home tired download all my footage and then play halo the same piece of level over and over again and somehow i keep beating andrew's time so this has been following me every single night of the week i have to beat the time by like one second and it is i'm so tired it's dreadful andrew thoughts i'm gonna argue against you saying you're available last week. The reason why we're doing this this week is purely because of you.

You kept shifting the start. That's because I didn't want to start and have the 24 hours go on to my birthday. Speaking of, you talked about how miserable you are this week. I want to hear all about this bet. I'm super invested in it, and I want to get into it. And I think it's probably the meat of this episode. Especially because somehow this goes on every night, and everybody knows about it, but I don't. Like, I don't check Twitter.

So I guess I just never know when the streams are happening or anything. I hear Jack's involved at one point. Like, I am ignorant of the whole thing. Even Eric's been watching. There's been hundreds of people watching every night for Andrew's stream Gavin after we're done with this I would like to challenge your idea of a bad week with my life

I'm sure mine doesn't come close mine is just normal work and I'm tired so how are you guys able to keep shaving off time and how many times have you gone back and forth you know what Jeff you just remind me of another thing you are a motherfucker I fucking you piece of shit you've caused another layer to this

bet you son of a bitch so I do you'll find out in a minute so we've been going back and forth I haven't been able to figure out how Gavin has consistently been beating my times I've been showing how I've been doing it, and as mentioned before, I've been doing it like the speedrunning method. I'm grenade jumping, I'm hopping over things like I'm doing everything properly with zero skulls on. No skulls. I've been doing it cleanly. Jeff, Andrew found my new techniques. He found out what they were. I discovered his new techniques because I kept doing this thing. And eventually, what? Our time started at like 4 minute 20 something, Gavin, when this started.

You had to beat 4.22, I think was the first time that I'd left you with from over, well, like nine months ago. So the fastest run I had seen used this like pelican. You jump and bounce off a pelican in a certain way. And that was for three minutes, 59 seconds. And I just couldn't figure out how to do it and i was demoralized and for the first time i had a genius idea i googled the level and put in the word speed run after it i just like every all the research i'd done at that point had just been on youtube looking at runs for the first time i looked it up and i found a website that was like halo speed running and they had a bunch of times and their lowest time was three and a half minutes and i tried to figure out what skulls gavin was using and he refused to tell me for some reason yeah you asked me i have

a i think i had seven skulls on and uh you had nine which would yeah nine and you asked me which ones and i just said a bit of this bit of that yeah but i'd asked you at multiple times throughout this what skulls are using you'd always just say i knew techniques i'm using new techniques you give no details then you eventually told me that you would use a ghost and i was like oh now you're willing to talk about what you're doing because i'm showing you how i'm doing it and then i asked you the skulls and you're like a bit of this bit of that completely useless well here's you missed out the part where you beat my 422 and you got 420. And I thought, I'm going to whip out my new techniques again.

And what I was going to do was just get a time because my new techniques allow me to smash the world record without skulls. Like it's way faster than playing normally. But I was just going to wait at the end and then drive through the the finish with like one second fuck so i was parked at the end and i was trying to film it i was trying to film me waiting at the end but as i was doing that i fumbled the controller and i drove to the end like over 10 seconds faster than your time i think what did i put it at it was it was like shockingly low i thought you couldn't beat 420 i accidentally

went from beating your 420 i accidentally put in a 406 and at that point you were like wait what are you doing and i was like no i now he knows that the skulls are definitely my new techniques i hate you what was it what did it feel like the second you saw him beat your time by 14 seconds? Oh, stunned. Like before you rationalized it. Did your heart fall out of your body? It was depressing, Jeff. It was shocking.

And it just heightened my sense of Gavin isn't this good. What the fuck is Gavin doing? What is happening here? He's tenacious. I knew it was a thing about Gavin. A huge mistake. So Andrew then started fumbling around with skulls. I actually have the clip, Andrew, from your stream

of the moment you discovered what happens when you put those skulls on. Shall I play it? Sure. Holy shit! Wow. That's a... Okay. So Andrew realized, I'm just playing golf. I've got Sputnik, Feather, and Boom on,

which combined, you just throw a grenade to the ground and shoot like 200 feet in the air. And you can just blow yourself over half the level at the beginning. And that's how I've been like, by the time he's driving or like walking over the rooftops to the hotel in 30 seconds i've been there in like 15 seconds and it takes yeah alas my new techniques have been revealed but it was so you make like it is easy like it's a lot easier it is difficult to get those grenade jumps you have to be so specific because halo 2 doesn't have fall damage it has if you're in the air

for a certain amount of time you just die what is the sputnik skull what is like the description of it because there's i don't know that one they actually added new skulls to halo 2 but i think sputnik has run one of the originals. Sputnik Skull Halo 2. I think it reduces gravity, but there's a few different, like there's a grenade modifier. I don't think that's in other Halos. No. Is that one that's only Halo 2?

Mass of objects is decreased, making them more easily displaced. Gotcha. Okay. And that applies to you as well. So that happened, but before we're getting too far ahead. So I'm still doing i'm doing the skullless runs right and then i finally i realized gavin's been fucking golf balling it up flying around and i beat his time by however many seconds and i post a screenshot

this is the first time i've used skulls i've done this like as legitimately as you can until this point and then all of a sudden this narrative got created of gavin's got nine skulls you only got four what are you doing like my runs all of a sudden became lesson because people equate more skulls to harder including you jeff you had a little fucking snarky tweet about oh four like five skull difference that's interesting when it was interesting it's harder it's harder what i'm doing but everyone thinks it's easier because i've left skulls so then when i took gavin's time back the following day i put on fucking 10 skulls because you can just add like the i would have been your daddy skull

which does nothing like adds dialogue the gross birthday yeah original thing i put on nine or so skulls but i was really only using three. I was just putting on more to throw them off. But yeah, I had like profit birthday party, which there's no profits in that level. It's just a skull to throw on. It's ridiculous. So in my anger of this, Jeff,

I just throw on all these skulls and one of them is a grunt funeral or something like that. I don't remember the exact wording. Do you know what it is, Gavin? Okay. Yeah, grunt funeral. Okay, it is grunt funeral. And grunt funeral is when you kill a grunt they explode and how we're doing this we average like maybe at most like one or two kills per run

and so i'm thinking in my head of like well do i kill do i kill a a grunt at all in this no i don't think i do like why would i kill a grunt there's one fucking grunt that blows up on my path and it added like an additional 30 minutes to my run because every time i tried to go past it it would explode and i'd blow up and i have to go over again all because of this fucking skull narrative i don't need any of these skulls on but we're now at 10 skulls and it has continued to progress you you also are fantastic at getting my exact time You get all the way to the end and you land on the exact time I got. So I put in the 406 by accident. Then it was, you know, all of the Mysterium and the mind games are all out the window.

Now I just have to rely on skill, which I don't really have much of. You then put in a 354. Was it that low? Yeah. And then somehow I sat down last night after shooting all day i was like i'm gonna be up until like 2 a.m and then i gotta get up at 6 it's gonna be a nightmare but somehow in about 45 minutes i put in a 352 not only did he put in we need some context also once again every single time gavin tries to beat my time there's just a text chain of whining and complaining

why doesn't your timer work this sucks this is terrible he's just always could hear me yeah blink if you can hear me which is Cortana says at the beginning when you load in that level so when you're trying to do the first part you just hear blink if you can hear me over and over and over fucking is awful shake it off Marines but there's always this text chain i get from gavin of like he's it's gonna be miserable and we had been talking earlier in the day and he's like oh i gotta shoot all day i'm not even gonna be able to start until seven your time this is just like i've got no chance i got like two hours to do this and so i i texted back you know what and i've done this a few times because it's weird when the when it's not on you, when

you don't have to beat the time, you're like kind of cheering for the other person because it's so miserable. And you're you're just hoping I'm like, you know what, Gavin, I'll let you I'll extend your time from it was like 11 p.m. for you. I'll let you go until we record the podcast tomorrow. If you as long as you beat the time by that that's like 30 something hours and i was very appreciative because i needed the time because i'd wasted so much doing work yeah gavin sent me this thing of like oh i'm gonna have like no time to do this that's you know what hey i really appreciate that that's kind of you so i'm having dinner i eat

my meal it's 7 p.m gavin should just be starting now and i decide i'm gonna have a bath i'm gonna have a nice bath i've been streaming every night this is suck doing this thing this is the one night where i know for a fact i can just stretch out relax enjoy myself hop in the tub spend seven minutes in a tub filling with water it's all nice and warm i'm just loving life and then out of nowhere i get a text from gavin saying never mind with a new time he beat my time by two seconds there is no text chain there is no warning just immediately stabbed me in the heart i'm just i realized i was uh i was still one night behind when i said my last score which was uh 352 after your 354 that

was you put you put in the previous night a 349 and then I sat down and very quickly did a 347, which at the time, when I said that to you, I looked it up, that was like number 62 in the world on that leaderboard in the game. Yeah.

Well, like the times are weird. So we're doing like save and quit. So it's not like a continuous run. So it's not like an officially submittable time time but it was just the fact that every other time there's been like some warning or like a message of like hey i'm gonna start i have never been more comfortable and like i don't need to worry about this right now and then i just got that text and i've never been sadder in a bathtub in my life because it was like this is ruined now i need to now go out i need to do this i need to stream this i had i got out of my bath it ruined my bath he ruined my bath

it's the angriest i've been in a tub i couldn't believe it for ruining your bath because i know what a bath means to you and you know you're usually in there for like an hour to 90 minutes yeah no you got it it's a whole extreme you've's the angriest you've been in a time. It is, by far. I was irate at having to pull the drain. It was just terrible. I put a towel. You had 24 hours. You could have enjoyed the bath for 15 more minutes. No, it's not how,

because I need to put the pressure back on Gavin, and I got to stream it. He starts streaming every time, and it is so, so good to watch. There's like hundreds of people in there they're all cheering him on i'm you know i'm taunting him really we're honest oh yeah so are you just streaming from your twitch channel that i used to watch you stream okay so i lost that that account i don't have access to at the time so i've been using my andrew the donkey kong guy

which was a fake account i made to stream gavin when i was doing the donkey kong thing so i've been on that that's why you probably haven't got any notifications or anything yeah yeah so it's been I gotta subscribe to your old it's been a whole a whole process and just so wait who who's who's who's currently

got the record that's that's a great question so then I came out of my bath furious and I was hot initially I did really good. First few jumps, no problem. 347 to beat. 347 to beat. Well, you're all steamed up from the bath.

Yeah, I've steamed up from the bath. You're all lubed up. I put a fucking towel over my head of sadness while the water drained. I was just devastated, sitting. So I came at a new level of anger and a wanting to get this done. And for the first time, as Gavin said, what would always happen in my runs is i would tie it i tie his time and then i'd have to do it again because the tie he still wins i need to pass him and i beat him in about an hour it took one hour and i'm one second is it one yeah it's one i got him by one second. I improved on his time by one second. It's all on Gavin now.

So it's 3.21 p.m. I have until 11 to beat 3.46. You do. And I've never been more confident that you will. I'm fully prepared. Really? Yeah, because it's only two seconds, and I feel like I could have shaved.

I feel like there are things I could have done better. This is the first time where I feel like you're going to take the time back. It is so bizarre how it works, though. I'm always so excited when I beat you. I'm just like, oh, I'm like hands in the air. I'm like jumping up off the couch. But the moment I'm watching him stream,

I'm rooting for him. There's a bit where if you get through this corridor and down to a ghost in good time, it's like, oh, it's a good run. And I'm like, oh, he's going to do it. I'm cheering him on. And then he actually does it. And I'm just miserable and filled with dread.

It's a roller coaster. You have seven and a half hours to do it. And it sounds to me like what's the current time? What is it? Three forty six. Yeah, I think that's right. I think you need three forty three forty six. So you only need three minutes and forty five seconds to beat the record. that's right. I think you need 345. 346. So you only need three minutes and 45 seconds to beat the record.

That's true. Seven and a half hours is way more time than you need, buddy. Way more time than you need. You only need three minutes, 45 seconds. Do you use the same ghost path as I do, Gavin? That's the only part of this that isn't... Okay, interesting. Well, you're like...

Fascinating. No, I don't. Mine's slightly different. Well, because I didn't ever watch... When I say new techniques, I just figured that out from just farting around with skulls because I realized that three hour

on legendary achievement, you can still use those skulls as long as they don't have a zero multiplier. So I was just throwing them on back in the day. I was like, wow, you can actually shave so much time off like this. But I just basically carved my own path through that level and uh it was actually very similar to that video you sent me in the end huh i can't wait for

this to be over one for my mental health and two i just want to see what your ghost does because it is truly i've never been in a bet before where like gavin said where when it's not in your court when you just the other person has to do it, I'm cheering for him. I kind of hope he does it. But if he does do it, like the moment it happens, nothing but dread and anger at myself. Because when I set one of the times that I passed Gavin on,

I said, fuck this. I'm tired of him watching my runs and just figuring out what I'm doing. I'm not going to stream this. So I didn't. I set a new time. And then I sent him the fucking link to the speed run that I was using anyway. So it's like, what I'm doing. I'm not going to stream this. So I didn't. I set a new time. And then I sent him the fucking link to the speedrun that I was using anyway.

So it's like, what am I doing? It's ridiculous. It's a weird up and down emotional roller coaster and it doesn't seem to want to end. And I'm terrified. And I like that I'm shaving the total time off that achievement that I'm eventually getting. Yeah, you're actually gaining stuff.

Oh, it's actually helping you work towards that. Yeah, that's awesome. So this definitely benefits you. So I just realized this may be the last opportunity we have to discuss this particular conversation while it's still going on. All three of us together being recorded. So could we go over what the punishment and the reward is?

That's a great question. Just so we're all clear. That's a great point. I don't even know what I'm playing for. Even the chat didn't really know. Why doesn't anyone go back and listen? Why don't you? You're the person that does that. Okay, well, I'm busy

tonight. That's fair. That's a great point. Somebody will figure it out. I feel like we've had some productive conversations recently about ways to streamline these processes in the future, right? Like we've talked about getting a permanent judge. We even talked about a group, a quorum, if you will. I think fuck force, we called it. I feel like we've had a lot of good ideas out there to head off any, you know, intransigence when it comes to results. But then I feel like all we've done

is throw a lot of good ideas out there, but we haven't actually solidified anything. And we could be, this time next Wednesday or next Thursday while we're recording, I could be trying to play middleman between you two screaming at each other because you disagree about the rules of this bet. And I feel like this is our last opportunity

to do something about it before it goes down that dark, angry road. I think if I lose, it's gum. It might be gum. I don't really know, but I feel like this bet has entered a different tier, Jeff. You know what? The end of just a fucking gritty boxing fight,

it's like there's a level of respect. It almost doesn't matter what happened, like the result. That's where I feel like Gavin and I are entering that territory. We're seven or eight rounds into this going back and forth i don't really care i just want to win like whatever the supposed to the result is yeah the prize doesn't really matter to me at this point sometimes winning is all you need and losing is the only punishment yeah no that's okay i have one more audio clip that i wanted to play from Andrew's stream. What we didn't really discuss in here is the reason I used the ghost and not the warthog

is that that Spartan skull or one of the feather skull, one of them, it just makes driving the warthog impossible. If the warthog gets hit by plasma, it shoots like 60 feet in the air. You end up driving on the ceiling and the walls. It's like Mary Poppins. This is Andrew's reaction to discovering that. Odd, I know, but it does explain why they came here with such a small group. on the walls and this is Andrew's reaction to discovering that. That's pretty clean. That's pretty clean. Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! Oh no!

It's just such a... I love these streams so much because I know what you're about to stumble on. The moment you swapped into the walk, I was like, oh, it's going to be so good when he finds out why you shouldn't do that. It feels like there should be a way we can... I mean, I guess Twitch records the streams. It feels like there should be a way we can archive this stuff so that

people can go back and watch it later. They should all be... Yeah, all of the streams I've done on the Andrew the Donkey Kong guy account are recorded i believe okay that's cool yeah you can go back and view them yeah maybe we should cut a little compilation from all of them that'd be interesting right i'd love to do that you could cut it in with a little clips from from the podcast and stuff too it could work explaining the bet yeah like a little little little documentary it's fascinating this is the bet i'm

most invested in but have the least to gain from at this point, I think. Like, I don't, whatever it is, it doesn't matter. I just cannot. I guess bragging rights, yeah. It's just like the pain has been so deep. It has sucked so much to do this.

And I hate that we're actually getting good at it. Like, this is a skill that we're developing. It's very, it's odd. I feel like we've bonded since starting this because we're just sharing the same experience and we have the same emotions but at different times yeah it's it's a different it's like a teeter-totter of fuck you like it goes back and forth there's nice times

but it's mainly just like one of us beating the other's time and then a large text thread of you fucking suck you're the worst how could you do this? Why? You guys must be so exhausted from talking to each other that that's why every time I text the two of you in our group text exchange, nobody responds. I responded to you. At a minimum. Boy, do I have a dental story for you guys. Crickets.

Well, what do I have a repair story for you guys? Crickets. What are we going to do? Ask about it? I'm just excited for the episode. I'm excited. Yeah, that's the exact same. Hope you're okay. I don't want you to suddenly just tell the end of the story without us asking. Thumbs up. I'm not going to spoil the fucking story, but

I didn't realize that that was I said like six things in a row over the course of a week to that before. And eventually the only way I was able to get anybody to respond to me was to ask a pointed question that had a yes or no answer. I didn't know those statements were questions. I thought you were just telling us things.

If we replied, there was the risk of A, you telling the whole story right then. How often? Or B, you giving us the origins of dentistry. A, A, A, A, A, I don't know the origins of dentistry. B, don't make me find out because C, I will fucking tell you next week. D, how often do you text somebody a statement of fact and never expect an acknowledgement? Gavin, you don't text me

and then expect me not to respond to you. It's different when it's like, I view that as like a show text. I don't view that as like a friend group text. Andrew, if you said, boy, do I have a fire extinguisher story to tell you guys next week I would go can't wait

ooh that's exciting I'll make sure we cover it Jeff I do want to apologize also by the way the one person that does still talk to me and therefore because that person still talks to me I'm elevating him back to superfan right now superfan Jack

I had coffee this morning with fan Jack, but this afternoon, uh, looking back on it, he became during that coffee. He became super fan Jack again because he fucking showed up and talked to me, which was nice. And is he up to date on face?

Super fan Jack is up to date on face. Super fan Jack, uh, was very upset. Uh, and thinks that Andrew is lying about setting off the fire extinguisher at all and demanded photography. Yeah, I only saw a picture of his bag. Yeah, I only saw a picture of his bag either.

And I was like, no, Andrew wouldn't do that. My phone was dead. Jack was like, I don't trust his performance. I listened to it a couple times. I think he's lying. I think he made it all up. And I was like, well, you know, the basket thing was great. I thought that was even funnier. And he's like, yeah, yeah, basket thing was great. But you need to get to the bottom of that because Andrew's lying. I think he made it all up. And I was like, well, you know, the basket thing was great. I thought that was even funnier. And he's like,

yeah, yeah, basket thing was great, but you need to get to the bottom of that because Andrew's lying. And I defended you, Andrew. I defended you, but I don't know why. Okay. Well, I mean, I don't know what you want. That was over two weeks ago. I don't know. Like, it went off. It wasn't as big as I wanted. I'm just letting you know what the people are saying, that's all.

I don't want anything. Jack is saying. Not the people. I read some tweets. Okay. the people are saying. That's all. I don't want anything. Jack is saying. Not the people. I read some tweets. Okay. The people? Who are these people, Jack? There were a few tweets. Outside of Jack.

How did this get Jack back in the super fan status? I already told you. I explained it like three times. Well, he talked to you? Is that it? Yeah. I will say. I do apologize.

Yeah, he paid attention to me. I was lonely. In your defense, it does look bad. When I look back at our group text right now, I remember my thoughts each time I saw these texts. That's the thing, yeah. I reply in my head. In my defense, it looks like what it was.

Thursday, Jeff tweets a photo. This is the thing. You tweeted a photo about a thing you're working on, and it looked like a fucking time machine to me. I didn't know how to process it. Internally, I was like, that's cool. Then Jeff on Friday, fucking time machine to me i didn't know how to process it and i just internally i was like that's cool then chef on friday boy do i have a surprise dental story for you guys next week no reply tuesday boy do i have a broken house shit story and picture for you guys this week that did get a reply you did get something on that and i also i replied to jeff uh drinking a whole soda without

burping that's true thatping. That's true. That's true. That's true. I did do that. And you did do that. That is true. Because I sent you a video. Yeah, it was awesome.

Thanks, man. It was, I was surprised at how easy A, it was not to burp. Yeah. And then B, how hard it was to burp later. Well, that's why I thought the toucan challenge will be the real challenge. I really did. Honestly, up until I burped, I thought that the whole thing was a prank on me and that drinking a whole soda without burping

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That was probably too long. So why don't you start with this? Well, okay. So I feel like save it for the text. Oh, I could do that if you want. Eric says I should just save it for text. No. No, you should tell.

I want to, this is going to be a great story. Both of them. So here's, I don't want to this is going to be a great story both of them so here's i don't know they're gonna be great stories it's just it's just uh a part of the rich pastiche of uh dog shit that is my life uh so uh you guys know that i usually come in hot i either have a i either have a bike wreck i have a dental story i have a something broke or something related to my house broke right those are like the four tent poles of of feces that that support the structure of the foundation of my life right uh those are like my shit bricks they're the load-bearing shit bricks they keep me alive right and also suppress me into a life of fly encrusted doo-doo uh so i am happy to report

i'm happy to report that from last recording until this recording i had zero bike wrecks that's awesome that's great that is all i am happy to report that's all the good news the only reason i am happy to report that I had zero bike wrecks is because I didn't ride my bike for the entire week because there was goddamn constant rain, I assume, because somebody had a birthday recently and made some plans. Yeah, it was a wet birthday, that's for sure. I don't know if I'm to blame, but it's continuing.

Oh, good. I just opened the weather app. Can you see that? Oh, my God. I'll post that in the Discord. Please post it. What do you mean? So let me, I'll go canonically.

Last time we talked, I had, did I mention to you guys about having a leak on the outside of my house coming, like water streaming out of my, out of my. I don't think so. Yeah. I don't think i was ready to talk about it yet because of the depression uh oh god that looks rough god damn dude another week that's that's what thursday to next you know what it is saturday after this saturday is all cloud and lightning it's my fucking birthday coming up oh we're gonna have like a birthday to birthday blackout of weather we're gonna have a birthday to birthday fuck you black and the thing is that will if we if we still power through and make a plan on one of those days it will be good weather but we won't go through with it that's the that's the downside to it because it's just that's the

problem it's just life all right carry on we're gonna we're gonna figure this out uh we're gonna spend time together i promise you're gonna figure it out anyway We're going to spend time together. I promise you. We're going to figure it out. Anyway. So, all right. First thing is, I'll go back a little bit. I was walking my bike down the path to go out to the front of my house the other day, maybe six weeks ago. And I noticed the side of my house, the siding, some water dripping out from under the siding, onto the concrete. And I went, ebbe.

So I called a plumber. It took the plumber two weeks to get here because this is austin and uh listen it takes it's really really fucking hard to get anybody in any kind of home service industry to come to your house right now because on for some reason, 65% of America is moving to Austin as we speak. And so everybody is stretched thin because there are 150 million new residents in Austin and there's nowhere to put them all and they all clog toilets. It's just become impossible for anybody in Austin to get anything done in their house. So anyway, two weeks later, they come out.

Guy looks into it. He goes, I'm going to have to cut into the wall to fix this thing uh i don't have the right tool for it i'll come back in three weeks all right this is going back further than six weeks now that i'm doing the math in my head three weeks later i'm like where the fuck is this guy so i called them and they're like oops we forgot to schedule it we'll be out next week so then now i'm five weeks into this if my math is correct maybe six weeks into this, this was last, last week,

Friday or Saturday or something. They come out and they go, Hey, I got the tools now. And they cut out the hole. And basically what happened is when, uh, I'm going to call them an asshole,

whoever they were, when the asshole put the siding on the side of my house, they, uh, weren't paying attention where they were fucking hammering and they hammered right through a plumbing pipe. However, it's sealed until the nail rustedusted and then it started to leak slowly.

So didn't cause any major damage. Had to have in my laundry room an entire wall cut out. Right. So they could get in to fix it. Did all that. Of course. Of course. So that's where I am Friday morning.

Right. Is I have a I have a fixed plumbing issue now. I think I'm about to get it fixed. I have a fixed plumbing issue now, or I'm about to get it fixed. I have, I wake up on Friday morning, a little bit of anxiety because I have to go to the dentist. It's no big deal. I just have an old silver filling and the dentist was like, I'd like to take that out

and maybe put a crown there. I think it'll just, it's not going to hurt. It's not going to be painful. I know we just went through that marathon of shitty root canals. This is going to be just a minor, minor thing. So I said, yeah, sure, no problem. And then I scheduled it for fucking three months later. Three months later was last Friday.

Get up. I go to the, I'm feeling, I'm feeling itchy, you know, getting up, going to the dentist because I've had like, I had that run. I had that like five root canal run. And so I don't want to go. And I like calm myself down. And I'm like, do you being a fucking baby? And so I go in and I get in don't want to go and i like calm myself down and i'm like you're being a fucking baby and so i go in and i get in and i'm like and i sit down and we we do the we do the take the filling off and she's like okay and she cleans it up like that and she's like

looking good this is fine and i'm feeling really good she's like this is all so easy no pain yet right and i'm like no not at all and she's like all right we're just about wrapping up and you know what here's what i'm gonna do though Instead of just putting the crown on right now, I'm going to go ahead and give you another root canal. And then a fucking nurse came out and she had an air horn and she went,

and then they all held their drills up in the air. What? Wait, what? Fuck, Jeff. And then they gave me a root canal. Right there and then. Yeah. And so I had an immediate root canal on the spot.

Right there. Wait, what? Did they know that you needed this or did they realize in the process? No, they discovered in the process

from removing the old silver filling that the root was a little close to the edge and they just thought it to be safe. That's why I had another root canal!

So anyway, that was most of Friday. I had that. That hurt like hell. Real sore, real pain. A lot of pain. Misery. A lot of misery there.

So then go, and the plumbers come, and they're like, hey, we cut your whole fucking wall out, but your plumbing's fixed. And I'm like, cool. And then I'm like, you're not gonna put the wall back, are you?

And they're like, yeah, we're plumbers, asshole. We don't do drywall. And I'm like, of course you don't. how stupid of me so i had to hire somebody to come out and have to patch and replace the whole wall and unfortunately to do this because the uh i'm coming to hate the person that flipped this house before me really really really hate that so the entire time you've lifted it there's been a nail stuck in a pipe that was sealed? Yeah. Yeah. It was sealed the whole time.

It's probably, honestly, Gav, it had probably been sealed for 10 years. It's not new sight. I wonder if that freeze nudged it and then it started getting wet and rusting. Probably. The best thing about it was that it wasn't a busted pipe or anything. It was easy to fix, right? Yeah. And it wasn't expensive to replace the drywall. However, then I get the drywall all done.

Now I have to get it painted. So I have to get the drywall. However, then I get the drywall all done. Now I have to get it painted. So I have to get it all painted. And then the last time we fixed the other bathroom when we had to have the drywall done and I had to have it repainted, the paint color was wrong. Oh yeah. Did I tell you guys that? Yes. Well, it's been festering

and annoying us for a very long time. So since we were getting the laundry room repainted, we went ahead and had that painted too. So I ended up having to have two, kill two birds with one stone there. I thought, well, this is great. I've got, well, also another frustrating thing is they built this really cool, pretty wooden structure around my washer and the dryer.

Unfortunately, I had to rip all that out to get to where they could replace the wall. So I had to put all that back together which was a giant nightmare and i smashed my finger brutally and uh was very very mad and uh so anyway i hate everything um but then it's like okay root canal's done right root canal's down i survived that uh fucking uh got the got the plumbing fixed, got the wall repaired, got the bad paint job painted, got the current paint job fixed. All good. Everything's fine.

Then I'm going to take a second. You guys vamp amongst you. I'm going to send you a photo now, and then we'll get into the next thing. The thing I love about Jeff's story is that you forget what problems are happening in the story. There are so many that you forget. I forgot that the fucking the dental thing happened yeah i was just listening then with a smile on my face and then i just started laughing just because there was more to come like the way the inflection is like this is halfway through the list of it and i just started laughing at that here's what

we're gonna do we're gonna i'm gonna put this photo up i'm gonna let you guys look at it on discord and then why don't you discuss what you think is going on okay i'm looking at a broom wedged between maybe the dishwasher and the fridge i assume either the fridge door or the dishwasher door uh can't stay shut i'm gonna say that they're maybe getting into high jump. They're getting into an Olympic mood. If you'll look to your left, you'll notice a towel on the ground. That's to catch the water leaking from

the ice chest that is now my refrigerator. Because the next day! The next day! I wake up and Emily comes in and goes I think there's something wrong with the fridge. Everything is

warm and we go look and the fridge isn't cool. It doesn't feel like it's sealing properly. That's such a nice fridge. Oh yeah, well Yeah it is uh so uh believe my fucking mind uh so uh so we think like maybe it's not sealing properly because

sometimes that fridge is the door is heavy sometimes it doesn't shut all the way so we try to push it shut and throughout the day we realize it's still not getting cold. And then I can't tell if it's sealing or not. So we shove the broom in there. Freezer. Freezer's working fine, by the way. I should point out that the freezer is working fine. So at this point, most of the stuff in the fridge is bad.

However, we shut it. And then we leave it like that for 24 hours. Get up the next morning to see if it was the seal. Oh, and I call a repairman. He's like, I'm going to come out this day. So this was, at this point, this was yesterday. He's going to come, right? So we leave it like that for 24 hours,

get up the next morning, which is yesterday morning, open it, deconstruct it, open it up, and it's hot as hell in there. And it's like, okay, so the AC is just not working open up the freezer freezer still works fine my popsicles are frozen everything's looking good there shut it guy shows up in a fucking toyota prius uh i thought he was an uber driver so like a little angry dude shows up looks at it and you know how like when you see a dude you know how how when you see a dude look at something and you watch him and you

think, he doesn't know what he's looking at. Like, he's lost. When you see the expert go, huh. You're like, oh God. A lot of hmms, you know? And like, scratching his beard and stuff. And I'm like, oh, this guy is in over his head. He's fucking lost.

But I have to record and film and stuff, so I'm going in his head. He's fucking lost. But I have to like record and film and stuff. So I'm going in and out. Emily's handling it. Uh, then I had to leave or something to deal with a Millie thing and, come back. And he's like, Emily's like,

yeah. So it was, uh, he, he, well, first off the freezer is now, uh,

everything in the freezer is now melted because he had the freezer and the fridge open for two and a half hours while he fixed it. So everything melted. All the meat and everything. It's like, you remember the cow? We saw the meat was starting to melt, so we gave it away. We just put it in a bag and gave it away to people.

So it didn't go bad. So he spends about two hours working on it while I'm not home and then he replaces a fan says alright A-OK problem solved shows Emily that the fan is not working everything's looking good feels that it's cold or whatever he leaves

it sure didn't feel like it was getting cold but you think like it's an older fridge and it's a big fridge you know it's one of those deep freezes so maybe it takes some time and uh and uh so then this morning got up and uh not only is the fridge not cold but now the freezer is broken too so i now so i called him at 6 50 in the morning morning because I had his phone number and woke him the fuck up.

And I was like, you didn't fix it. He argued with me for a while about whether he fixed it or not. At 6 a.m. I bet he argued. He kept pointing to me that the freezer was working fine. And I kept telling him, come to my house and look,

it is no longer working fine. You have disrepaired the freezer. And anyway, so he just, it ended with him yelling at me that he'll call me tomorrow. So I've given up on life. I don't care. If it gets fixed, it gets,

I have a cooler. I got my diet. Pepsi's in the cooler. You got your towel. Yeah, I got a towel for any drips and uh if he comes tomorrow maybe he'll fix it if he doesn't i don't give a fuck anymore i don't care i just i quit i quit at life dude i fucking quit this is more than a human being should have to deal with in a seven day period not only that but it's every seven day period of my life

so anyway i i can't believe it. Yeah. How does so much happen to the same person? What kind of karma am I dealing with? Oh, it's, I got to say, maybe the greatest thing that's ever happened in my life is you buying that

house. It's been a complete joy. What a time. That is a nice house. It looks, well, cosmetically, it's excellent. Visually beautiful. So well, cosmetically, it's excellent.

Visually beautiful. So Friday, I'm going to get up, and I'm going to go fucking fridge shopping. Of course, I've already done a little bit of preliminary fridge shopping, and because I didn't buy this fridge, I didn't put this fridge in the house. I certainly didn't build custom cabinets around it. However, the person who lived here before me did. So what I am left with is a fridge that is a non-standard size. There are zero fridges the exact same dimensions at Best Buy.

There are zero fridges the exact same dimensions at a lot of places. I have to go to a place that sells expensive fridges. Do you know how much a fridge to fit that space is going to cost? I'm going to guess seven grand. You are a little low. Nine grand. Nine grand is what those fridges cost. Or I could get a fancy Samsung with a screen.

You'd get that for like two grand. Gavin, I could buy Millie a car so she could wreck that one and not mine. There's a lot of things I could do with nine grand. Gavin, I could buy Millie a car so she could wreck that one and not mine. There's a lot of things I could do with nine grand. I could buy a smaller fridge and live with the misshaped, live with the weird hole. I could get new custom cabinets built around that

fridge. I don't know. I don't want to think about it. If the paint pissed you off, there's no way you're gonna live with a big gap around the fridge. Jeff, you and I share a love of the movie Bottle Rocket. One of my favorite movies. Yeah, it's one of the best movies ever made. I've seen it probably 50 times. I love it.

Now, you're watching of that, seeing it so many times. Did you immediately recognize the repair guy as an Applejack? Like, did it just immediately give you that vibe? Because it's immediately what I thought of. I'm just looking at a guy who doesn't really know. I can't do it, man. I lost it, man. And he's like give you that vibe is it's immediately what i thought of him like just looking at a guy he's like doesn't really know i can't do it man i lost it man and he's like you can't you didn't lose it because you never had an apple jack yeah yeah it's apple jack you hired an apple jack and you called him back i hired apple jack it's great so i don't

know if apple jack's gonna come fix it tomorrow or not he i'm i'm gonna cancel i'm not gonna cancel a check but he paid i paid him 600 bucks not to... I paid him 600 bucks, or rather Emily paid him 600 bucks to break the freezer. So I'd like to at least get that fixed. I could do that for a lot less. Yeah, I'm gonna come in and fix it.

Goddamn it, man. I just... I bet I could fix your freezer. I think I could too. I think what I... I think what I... I think what I... The last thing I said to you guys,

which was in a moment of honest-to-God pain, was... I can pull up the text right now. I never meant anything as much as I meant when I said, in all seriousness, it's got to let up eventually, right? I'm drowning in content. I am drowning in content,

and I would like to not for a little bit. I mean, drowning in content could i would like to not for a little bit i would i mean drowning in content could mean a lot that doesn't necessarily mean negative you're drowning in like just misery content you are the content breadwinner you're yeah you're supporting this triangle you've been doing fantastic with your health problems it's great as i said in the text it's like i get christmas every three weeks A new disastrous thing happens. This week, it was like four things. This is great. I like to think, too,

that whenever something happens to Jeff, it means it won't happen to me. Like, it was a chance for my fridge to break, but my fridge didn't. Like, the coin landed the other way, and I was like, whoa. Nice. I hope that's the case, man.

I hope that's the case. I also, I got really mad at you two earlier today. I calmed down, but I got really mad at you two because, and this is super irrational, but I was thinking about how you weren't responding to me on text, and then I got it in my head that I was in the middle of being pranked right now, and I just haven't figured it out yet,

and that there is some sort of a port-a-potty-esque prank lingering above me that I hasn't hit yet. And I was ready to murder you both. So I was like, if these motherfuckers are going to prank me right now in the middle of this. And then I had to be like, wait, wait, wait, wait. That's a take a step back. There are no there's no indication of pranking going on right now. You should not murder them yet.

And so I calmed down. But God damn, dude. Can you now technically expense your fridge to the show because it's content? I wish I could. I gotta get it fixed. I can't buy a new fridge. I want to get it fixed.

You know what, Jeff? I need this little guy. I need Applejack to fix my fridge. He did. Well, yeah, he broke it. You had a toilet issue. I helped you with that. I think I could figure out something for this.

I got you covered. Don't you worry. We'll figure something out. Somebody did out that uh when my toilet broke you sent me a new full size toilet but when my brand new bmw broke you didn't send me anything oh okay i'll do that too i'll add that to the list you can send me a new bmw yeah full size working b working BMW like the toilet. Well, yeah. I don't even care if it's pink. Okay. I'll see what I can do. So what else is going on with y'all? I was wondering,

Andrew, have you replaced your fire extinguisher? No. No. I've never. I got one fire extinguisher in my life. I don't. What do you mean replace? Wait. How long have you had that one? I got it when I got the flamethrower. That isn't a flamethrower.

Oh, okay. So you fired it, and now it was useless in the firing. Yeah. And according to some, a lie. According to you, not. I don't carry the wave, to be honest with you, because I think the basket more than made up for it. But you now have an empty fire extinguisher

that I assume is serving as a mic stand still? It's just next to my desk. It feels very full. Just nothing will come out of it. It feels very full. Why don't you get it fixed for free, I think? Well, I'd have to go to a fire hall to do that. I don't like I'm never just at the fire hall.

What if you have a fire? Yeah. So why do you not like doing anything in a week? Are you mad if you leave the house? No, not at all. What do you mean? It's just I'm never going to the fire hall also covid pretty bad here right now i limit my trips i get what i need that's fair that's fair that's fair yeah that's fair totally i i just uh i've never just happened to be at the fire hall i also never happened to just have my

fire extinguisher on me it's not a well i mean it could be a thing that one makes a point of doing uh but you don't have to stumble into it as if like oh how did i end up here at the fire hall and what i have my fire extinguisher on me as well what a happy coincidence um but i gotta say andrew having never met anybody else who lives in your apartment complex i'm gonna make an assumption that i feel pretty safe in making is that every out of all the people in that apartment complex you're the one who needs a fire extinguisher the most oh you know what i do have fire extinguisher that I feel pretty safe in making is that out of all the people in that apartment complex, you're the one who needs a fire extinguisher the most. You know what I do have?

A working fire extinguisher. This is a really dangerous thing that I have. I have a fire alarm in my unit that you'd find in a building, and I stare at that almost every day and just think, I could pull that. Did I lose you guys? I can hear you.

Yeah, I can hear you. Hello? What? Is Jeff gone? Can you not hear me did he just know us whatever the jeff did he freeze okay is uh i got you hey what does he think we're pranking him but not i thanks for listening to another episode of Face. This has been episode 54. If you like the podcast and you want to give us a review, give me the old five stars, whatever it is.

Go ahead and do that and we will appreciate it. Have a good week. Stop ending the show. That's the best I'm sure he's done What's going on? I don't understand What Jeff is doing

Why did he do that? I don't know What are you doing? You can hear us What are you doing? What's the point of that? Can he still not hear us? I'm not

I'm not gonna get pranked By you guys What? What is happening? He can only hear Eric I think What guys. What? What is happening? He can only hear Eric, I think. What the fuck is going on? What's happening? Is he paranoid?

Can you hear us or not? I can hear everybody. You can hear me? Yeah. Why did you end the show in the middle of a story? What was that? It went silent for like a minute while I was talking. No, it didn't.

No, it didn't. No, it didn't. I was still talking. I never stopped talking. You were just like, hello, over a story. And then he was like, hello. And then he continued his story. You just ended the podcast. You just started ending the show.

No, I said something. And then I was waiting for Andrew to respond. And I didn't hear anything, anything, anything for a long, long time. And then I said, hello. And then Eric's like, we hear you fine. And I went, oh, okay. And I thought Eric was telling me that you guys were hearing me because you were saying, you were making it sound like you couldn't hear me.

You kept being like, what, Jeff? Hello? We've been doing this for over a year. Your instinct is never to end the show. Why is this suddenly you're now ending the show? What was that? Let me know. Why did you do that? I thought you were pranking me so I ended the show

everything is in a prank Jeff I'm gonna be so sad when we do these in real life because this kind of stuff could never happen in real life can you imagine someone just doing that I just don't even like we're just in the middle about hearing about

a fire alarm and Andrew's going and I could just pull it and I'm like oh man this is getting dangerous and then all of a sudden well thanks for listening see you I'm just screaming what are you doing that is the opposite of what happened on my end

like we were having a conversation I think I said I said out of everybody did you hear the part I said out of everybody in your apartment complex Yes, I heard all the one that needs it the most Drop we heard everything you the whole time that was there was mine It was silent for at least a minute. It was oh It was like didn't I can hear you guys at all

It was like the word fire alarm was like Jeff's activation code like he just went cold It was like the word fire alarm was like Jeff's activation code. Like he just went cold. How would we even coordinate that? I don't know how we would even work that out. And then for Eric to say that we still hear you? What? Jeff, sometimes people just want to know Christmas music.

It's not always a prank. Greg is real. Everything isn't a conspiracy. What happened with the fire alarm? You had to stare at it. It doesn't even matter now. I feel like we've gone long past the fire well here's here's the thing jeff worked himself into this paranoid space where he thought that you guys were pranking him earlier and now you must be pranking him now. There's no other explanation. That's such a shit prank. So weird.

Well, listen, I've never been impressed with your pranks, but I don't know that I call them shitty. Wait, okay, Jeff's move now makes sense. He's like trying to counter the prank

by ending the show of like if we're together. I'm just ending the show to counter the prank. What a weird thing that was. Oh, man. That was strange, Jeff. Because the editors

of the show, they do a good job to make sure that we're talking over each other as little as possible, like muting and boosting stuff. We have to leave all that the way it is. Wait, the episode isn't over yet? Yeah. Wait, I thought we're still going. You guys were just completely silent. I didn't hear anything.

Wait, are we done? I just got silent. And I was just like, Is the podcast over? I'm so confused. This is still the podcast. And then I was like, well, they're fucking, I just went on a whole thing about how you guys are going to prank silent. And I was just like, okay. Is the podcast over? I'm so confused at this point. This is still the podcast. And then I was like, well, they're fucking, I just went on a whole thing about how you guys are going to prank me. And then suddenly everybody's quiet. And then Eric's like, no, no, we can hear you.

And I'm like, what? I was like, fuck, I'm in it. We heard you totally fine. I'm in the scenario. If we have to submit this podcast for an award at any point this year, we have to use those two minutes. Can we stop now well okay we could yeah do you want to do another outro you seem to really nail this episode is called jeff ends the podcast should we believe the thing and then just name it just want to go dig a hole under my house and crawl in it well careful don't hit a pipe hit a pipe. Yeah. I've got to go play Halo.

That'll just speed up the drowning. You know. See you guys next week if I'm alive still. Bye. Bye, Jeff. We'll see you next time.