F**kface - Why Andrew deserves a cock // Dog Handles [171]

Episode Date: September 13, 2023

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew use the term Zazzle and talk about different oven uses, the Panton collection, Don Zimmer, summer of 98, time zones, boating around the world, the danger of national parks, building a human out of food named after human body parts, whether a tomato is a fruit or vegetable, natural handles for dogs, and Andrew gives a powerpoint presentation on why he deserves a cock. Sponsored by HelloFresh http://hellofresh.com/50face use code 50face, and BetterHelp (go to http://betterhelp.com/face to get 10% off your first month). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dragon's Dogma 2, the highly anticipated successor to the cult classic Dragon's Dogma, is out now on PlayStation 5, Xbox Series S and X, and Steam. Dragon's Dogma 2 is a third-person action RPG boasting a richly detailed and deeply explorable fantasy world created using Capcom's RE Engine's immersive physics, groundbreaking character AI systems, and cutting-edge graphics. Dive into the vast and dynamic world where The Arisen is called upon to fulfill a forgotten destiny across the nations of Vermont, the Kingdom of Humanity, and Batal, the nation of Beastrin.

Dragon's Dogma 2 revolves entirely around choice. Your choice, that is. From the sword and shield-wielding fighter to fighter to the illusion conjuring trickster, there are over 10 unique vocations to choose from that all require experience to unlock new skills. And character customization is out of this world, literally. Oh, and did I mention the combat is really in-depth? It isn't just hacking at a giant's ankle for half an hour while your dodge roll attacks. You can engage enemies from a distance, climb up large foes, stab them in their weak points, use the terrain and trick, trip, or throw foes off high cliffs or raging waters.

Visit dragonsdogma.com to buy the game and start your epic quest today. That's D-R-A-G-O-N-S-D-O-G-M-A.com to learn more. This will be episode 171. In 170, we talked about eggs for Andrew. We talked about ketchup. We talked about sports, not sports names. Talked about Andrew's sleep struggles.

We talked about chicken musings. We talked about Jeff's supplemental idea. We talked about Sinead O'Connor and Stevie Nicks, but we had a lot of talk about potato smileys. So that was all last time. That was 170. Now we're on 171. Sounds like a real zazzler of a show. Definitely zazzled. Hello and welcome to another episode of the F*** Face Podcast. My name is Jeff Ramsey. Last I checked with me, as always, we got Andrew Panton. We got Gavin Free. That's not it.

We also have Nick and Eric and Gracie as well. They're out there in the ether somewhere listening in. This is episode 171. Andrew already promised it's going to be a Zazzle of an episode. Let me hit you with the first potato fact of the day. Did you know that in the 13th century, in the Andes, the Incans used potatoes as currency?

I didn't know that. Now you do. Wow. All right, share your potato facts. So, like, if you robbed a bag of chips, that'd be like robbing a bank, essentially. That's like a duffel bag of money. 100%.

Interesting. I don't want to step on anybody else's potato facts, because I'm sure you guys have them ready to fire. But an interesting second potato fact that I read today is that nobody knows how potato chips were invented. Not really. There's a lot of rumors, but there's no actual concrete evidence. They just exist.

I heard that the reason why the Mayans stopped the calendar is because somebody stole a bag of potato chips from the area. They all pursued. You know what? Dude. And that was the last anyone had ever seen it. Andrew, I've got some supporting evidence for that, actually, now that you mention it. I wasn't talking about the Mayans. I was talking about the Incans. But they said at the time, potatoes held a lot of value because aside from being a great food source, they were also used for medical treatments and possibly to predict the weather and to measure time really like a like a clock or like long potato clock yeah i guess huh yeah maybe they would measure like how long till they went bad or something and then like when a potato went bad

they knew it was like it'd been a week or something. I don't know. Who knows? Those mysterious Incans. But yeah. I'll meet you when the potato's green. That's what makes total sense. Hey, Gavin, welcome back. Oh, thanks.

Are you here, Gav? Yeah, yeah. Are you sure you're here? Oh, big time. Is all of you here? Do you have anything to contribute? Here's what was going to happen. I thought I was going to be asked for a potato fact,

so I lent down to grab a tot, because I'm munching on some tots here. And my fact was going to be, this is what a tot sounds like. Is that a fact? Then you said something about being back, and I was like, I've got a tot in my mouth now. I mean, you can do that as your fact, I guess.

I don't... Yeah, okay. Here's my fact. This is what a tot sounds like. Great. Good job. Yeah, could not hear it. Killed it. Fantastic.

It never comes through for you. But I'm sure it's fine. I'm sure it's a Discord issue. I'm sure it sounds great in Audacity or whatever it is. Jeff, what did you think of the Smile Fries? Oh, I haven't had them yet. Oh, there was so much excitement

around the Smile Fries. Can I be honest with you? Yeah, of course. I forgot about them the second after we stopped recording. They're in my freezer still. I'll try to cook them tonight. I got some work I gotta do tonight.

I'll try to cook them tomorrow. I don't believe you. You don't believe that they're in my freezer? Yeah, I think Smile Fries is going to go a while. I think it'll be probably... I'm going to say three weeks from now, you have some Smile Fries. That's...

Because as soon as we stop recording, Smile Fries is going out of your brain. No, yeah. I'm not going to remember them. 100%. Yeah. As soon as I take my headphones off, they don't exist.

Nick wants me to drop... You know what? I'm tempted to, Nick, but I'm having some. I don't want to say it. No. I'm just having some oven issues right now. What's wrong with your oven? You're not.

What do you mean? I turned my oven on the other day, and the house, I smelled some gas, so I turned it back off. I haven't had a chance to look into it yet. So you just haven't used your oven? No, no. I've been using, I can use my stovetop. No issues there. But when I turn the oven on, yeah, I noticed it was getting pretty pronounced.

So you have a gas leak, but only to the oven. Yeah. And only if I turn it on. Yeah. Plus I got an air fryer. And listen, I got windows to fix. I got a wedding. I don't have time for,

I don't have time for oven problems, so I'm just not going to use my oven for a while. The oven just doesn't exist. It doesn't exist. It's just not, not in a useful way. Well, it essentially doesn't. Yeah.

Andrew, how often do you use your oven? Oh, quite a bit. Throwing pizzas in there. Throwing pizzas in there. so what's ever stopped you from getting a little pizza oven in the old in the old bedroom there oh it's it's too big oh the pizza no a pizza oven isn't too big i have microwave i think would go ahead of a pizza oven are you sure what do you microwave hot pockets hot pockets i guess a popcorn what do you microwave? Hot pockets. Hot pockets, I guess. A popcorn?

What do you eat more, popcorn or pizza? A pizza, for sure. 100% pizza. Yeah. So I would pick up one of these puppies for $50. Wow. What's that? It's the Carnival King CPO12 stainless steel countertop pizza snack oven.

120 volts, 1450 watts. You can pick it up for $59.99. That's a pretty good deal. 1450 watts. Damn. And it specializes in pizza? Yeah, it's all it does. Well, I mean, look at the shape of it.

What else are you cooking in there? I bet you could roll out a Hot Pocket and put it in there oh for sure yeah i mean anything really fries i could probably cook some smile fries in there i assume in there yeah why not you know how like you know how sometimes when you when you pull something out of your pocket like i got a new phone case for my phone because it's disintegrating and now uh it's like kind of rubber so now when i pull it out of my pocket my pocket comes out inside out Anybody's ever tried to cook a hot pocket inside out Oh, well like put a phone in it first and then pull the phone out Yeah, and then pull the phone out like invert a hot pocket like a I don't know like so many pants pockets has anyone ever

Needed a hot pocket. What do you mean like oh like a little time to keep food warm in your pocket? I swear to God if you put my face in your pocket i swear to god if you put my face in your pocket we're done why would i put your face in it because the last time this happened you had a cold face and then the pant line happened oh what was the response they went on sale do you want can i talk about that can i can i take us on a little bit of a journey? Oh, yeah. I have something to share, and it's a little embarrassing, but I feel like that's the best place to share that type of info is this show. So I've been doing Rooster Teeth stuff for a while, as you know,

and one of my favorite things the company does, I think this is a really great event they do, at the end of every year, they do a big ceremony, everyone gets together and they give out these big cock trophies to people that have done exceptional work. And it's not like a competitive thing,

it's like, ah, you've done really good this year. Here's an acknowledgement of your tough work. I just think that's nice. I've never won one. I assume, have you guys won one? I wouldn't be shocked if most of the people here have won one of these cock trophies. Cock trophy? Yeah, they give them out at the end of the year. I've never seen one.

I've won a Rooster Teeth Excellence Award at the end of the year or whatever. I don't think it was called a cock trophy. Well, they have cock on them, don't they? Don't they say cock? Hold on, let me look. It's in my office. I'm pretty sure it's a cock trophy.

It's the Cockbite Award. I haven't... Yeah, exactly. I haven't won one. Blaine has, and he broke it. So that's why I know what it is. I won one in 2018, and I don't think we call it that anymore. Wow, man.

Congratulations, dude. That's really cool. That's awesome. Five years ago, I won one. I don't think they call it the Cockbite Trophy anymore, though. No, not anymore. Well, what about the... Okay, well, we rebranded, and we got rid of the teeth.

I thought we were all cock now. Still called Rooster Teeth, though. This is not... I don't like this. I thought Eric doesn't like this. Still cold rooster teeth, though. This is not. I don't like this. I thought Eric doesn't like this. It's just the rooster. This is the opposite of a Zazzle conversation. Yeah, what?

I don't, like, what are you driving at, I suppose? I'm getting here, okay? Just give me a minute. I'm getting to, I've always wanted, every year, there's a part of me, and this is the embarrassing part. There's every year, I think, maybe I'll win one of these cock trophies that keeps people really excited about them they're proud of it they look great and it's just a nice it's a nice little gesture they rotate them out i've never won one i don't think i even technically can win one what would you win one for uh just excellence

in my field i feel yeah just general uh good vibes bringer of good vibes maybe um all sorts of options i could win but anyway i i decided i want to make more of an initiative to try to win one of these things because the year is almost over we're getting close to like it's you got to pick up the slack september's right around the corner so i decided to attend an all handshands meeting because I thought that, putting my hands in the mix, showing I'm a real company guy, group effort, I'm going to attend one.

I looked, I think I'd been invited to around 85 all-hands meetings at my time being here. So if I attended this one, which I did, it would be my first. The first all-hands, I've skipped every all-hands for people that don't know. The all hands meeting is like a company-wide meeting.

Yeah, you're not supposed to skip it. Yeah, you're not supposed, well, no one's ever said that. Yeah. Well, I mean, the all hands kind of implies all hands on board. I'll put this in your review. It's fine.

That's great. It's how we disseminate important information. Well, it's important to note in the review eric is i attended one i finally made one missed 85 and then prior and i gotta say i i don't feel like i was missing much necessarily from what i saw but there's you know important updates for people they're talking about thanks it's nice we're going through different sections uh we go through uh business stuff and then's some other stuff. And then we get to the merch

and the merch is a fun one. We love the people in merch. They're great. And the guy opens the merch thing. He's dressed as a pumpkin. It's really, it's like the energy's really picking up in this stream. This is great. And he's going through. The guy in the meeting was a pumpkin? It was Jeff Yatter. He

dresses up for every all hands. This would all make sense to you if you were there, Gavin. Yeah. I didn't know he dressed up for every one. That's interesting. Oh, yeah. 100%. So he's dressed up, and he's going through.

Did anyone else go to the last All Hands? Of course. I was there. Jeff was there. You were there? Okay, well, then you might know where this is going. I'm there every goddamn All Hands because I'm supposed to be. Look at you.

No wonder you won a trophy five years ago. Look at that. Exactly. That's a great record by you. So I'm watching this thing and it goes to the merch category and they say, oh, it's the Halloween.

We're looking at everyone's Halloween merch. So they're going through different brands. They show and they got like some stuff. I guess I shouldn't spoil it. I think the brands are going to release it. No, you definitely should. Please do not spoil. But there's different brands. And they got like some stuff. I guess I shouldn't spoil it. I'm afraid they're gonna release Please do not but well, but there's different brands

There's these you see ghosts and pumpkins and all that all the Halloween stuff you would expect and they're going through it And I'm like, oh, that's nice. I like Halloween. This is fantastic. And then he says and last but not least Faces Halloween stuff Gavin are you have you seen our Halloween merch? No. Are you aware of the fact that we have Halloween merch? I wasn't. You weren't. Yeah, neither was I. So I'm watching this and I'm like,

oh, well, what's this? I didn't know we were doing Halloween stuff. He says, and last but not least, F*** Faces Halloween Merch. The Pantin Collection. They f***ing put me in the Halloween category that fuck that was so that's such an attack I'm shocked by this that's bullshit because it's just meant for everyday cold face use without being intimidating so what happened

there is he was making a joke it's obviously not a part of the Halloween collection. He was just being silly because it's a mask and people wear masks at Halloween. Oh. Kind of like all the pictures that Eric is putting up in the chat. Okay, before you throw this down the hole, Jeff, they bring up the pant collection. When you're in one of these all-hands, there's a chat that people can write into that pops up on the screen. And everyone's going, oh, the monstrosity. Oh, look at this horrendous face.

Look at this. This should burn. This is a terrible thing. And I'm watching this going, Jesus Christ, this is my first all hands. I've missed 85 of these. I got the whole company shitting on me. Like, it is a monstrosity. But technically speaking, it's still just a photo of my face.

And all these people, oh, it's Frankenstein. We got Frankenstein on sale over here. Listen, Frankenstein, I think you have a lovely face. But if I, and you know who else has a lovely face? Gavin. Gavin has a lovely face. But if we made a mask, a balaclava of Gavin and wore it, it would be hideous and disgusting. And people would throw rocks at him it's just when you when you stretch a face over your face it's shocking watching people's lips come through like some people you can see you can tell that

the mask is really tight and the lips are just bulging and i think my favorite part is if there's any facial hair on the real like above the real lips it's very obvious because the facial hair ends on the mask and becomes like skin and then goes back to being a real it's still it's essentially it's the claim my face belongs in a Halloween town is how I took it it was very fun just the idea that all this is Halloween merch. And then August 25th, the last part of the Halloween collection, me, Andrew Panton. Let me say this, Andrew, if this helps. Success is the best revenge. And your Andrew Panton collection sold out

in about 45 minutes. And I don't think any of those other collections will sell out. I personally think that we need to be more discerning about who's coming to the all hands meeting that's all you think i'll not get invited you're gonna go you're gonna we're gonna look into revoking some invitations yeah i just think like you know you gotta like if they're not coming anyway you know just weed them out and like well listen i showed showed up. Maybe we don't get the invite. I showed up. I didn't anticipate a company roasting.

Look, if we're going to shit on Andrew Panton every all-hands, I'll be there. Okay. That's what it takes for you to be there? That's amazing. Yeah, if we did... We just had a little section at the end. The segment ended, Gavin, with Jeff was wearing this pumpkin mask. Other Jeff, not me.

Jeff Jeff. Was wearing a pumpkin mask, and he took it off to reveal he was wearing this pumpkin mask. Other Jeff, not Jeff. Was wearing a pumpkin mask and he took it off to reveal he was wearing my face mask and yelled, he should return to the pits of hell where he came from. That's me. That's just me. That's just, I'm a person. Now, here's the thing. If you look at the images that I've posted.

No, I wouldn't say that. I wouldn't say that you need to go to hell, but I will say that if you're wearing this mask, maybe hell ain't a bad place to be. So you're not wrong, and I get it, but I think from the experience that took away, maybe the all hands aren't for me. Maybe I'm not supposed to be here. I think from the experience that took away, maybe the all hands aren't for me.

Maybe I'm not supposed to be here. Well, if you were troubled by that one, you would have hated the previous 85 because they went easy on you this month. With that being said, I still want to win one of these cock awards that I've been seeing for years. I'm excited about it. Maybe you'll make it.

When do they do it? December? I'll have Nick nominate you. Yeah, do you know how that works? If your producer thinks you do a really, really good job can he or she can nominate you well i okay well this i'm glad that you know we're here and this is a public platform i know some people at the company watch this show so i made a little presentation on why i deserve to win one of these cock awards that i'd love to share with you guys we still haven't even gotten your potato fact. We're really getting deep dived. Yeah.

Well, I'll just share my entire screen, I guess, because why not? Sweet. I think that cock award is in your pocket for 2023. I'm feeling cocked in your pocket. You're still using the browser version? Of course. I always use the browser version.

Why Andrew deserves a cock? Why Andrew That's cock. Why Andrew... That's loading. Why Andrew deserves a cock, a humble, but factual presentation. Okay. I'm compiling this. I think I make some persuasive... There's around 10 points in this that I feel are pretty persuasive.

First point, I have hands. Not a requirement. I just wanted to clarify due to my lack of all hands appearances. Those are not my hands. Those are just hands. Not a requirement. I just wanted to clarify due to my lack of all hands appearances. Those are not my hands. Those are just hands. Those aren't just hands. Those are giant thumb hands. Those aren't just hands.

Well, we talked about long thumbs in the past. I felt it was a comfortable time to put some long thumbs in there. And I mainly just want to say, hey, I know I haven't had my hands in the huddle but I do have hands I am I'm willing to help I'm a team guy that one company guy that left hand has a cocaine fingernail does it oh yeah you're right oh yeah point number two no priors as you can see my criminal record to the right zero child kickings reported didn't do nothing see, my criminal record to the right. Zero child kickings reported. Didn't do nothing. Looking at my criminal record, there's nothing there. It's blank.

I didn't do anything. I'm an innocent, honorable man. I've done nothing wrong. And I think that's important to show. Wait, you didn't... You think that you should win an award because you didn't do nothing criminal wise well just i'm saying i'm a good representative okay there's no stuff in my past or no skeletons in his closet exactly it's clean now raymond so mayor don't look into that whoa johnny caviar yeah oh boy but he's not trying to win a cock award this is a japan trying to win a cock award. This is Adrian Pant trying to win a cock award. Point number three.

I subscribe to Game Kids. I supported this company in a way few did. Okay? I was there on the front lines. I went to the fucking panel at RTX. I showed up. I supported. Hands on

deck, as some may say. Yeah, that's good. This may have been a successful brand if there were more people like me. Point number four. I am an honorable man. I never subscribed to Game Kids, but it's pretty cool that I admitted that.

I didn't have to. You all would have just assumed that was true. We couldn't verify that. You wouldn't know that. I'm an honorable man. I should have. It was a mistake by me. No disrespect to you, Jeff, the channel and all that.

I know. Listen, it was great. I enjoyed it for what it was. Hey, it served its purpose at the time. It did. It was great. Point number five. Look at that.

Who do you see there? Jerry West. Jerry West. NBA logo. everybody knows he's won lots of awards recognized respected on the griff ball logo prove them not You're yeah, I think this in the only place where the actual person from the griff ball logo could be yeah only place where the actual person from the Griffball logo could be. Yeah, I don't know. Isn't that actually? No, he's Griff. He's Griff. That's not Griff. That's

the Griffball logo. What do you mean that's not Griff? What you just showed was an example of the guy who was the logo, and now you're showing us the logo with the guy who is the logo in this call, and you're going, nah, that's not him. Wait, so That's like you get on a conference call with Jay West and you're going, nah, that's not him.

That's like you get in a conference call with Jerry West and you're like, prove that's you. No, no, it's getting in a conference call with Jerry West and saying, prove that's not me. Like Jeff is here right now. Every other place on the earth would be a better place to make that point. Right now. I think it's salient, so we'll just agree to

disagree. I will say, in your defense, you were the best griffball runner in the world for a brief time. For a brief time? Yeah. Brief time. It used to be me, and then I met you, and I had to retire. Well, when you say you're the one that was there before me,

the bar is a lot lower. I get what you're doing, but I feel like that really chopped the legs out of the brief time that I was number one. Chop Griff's legs off, please. No. Point six. I didn't publicly

make fun of the rebrand. A lot of people got jokes off, but not me a Lot of people saying I think you're doing now, but all right great No, I'm just I'm saying I did not I think Jeff asked me how I feel about it Anyone how do you get you closer to the cock i think this is i think it's a great logo that uh it makes me it makes me excited and happy to watch content that's how okay it's awesome still honorable i did tweet one joke about it but that was a tweet twitter doesn't technically exist anymore so i

don't think that this actually okay so you didn't make any jokes about it except for the one joke you made about it and then also what you're currently doing right now okay no but that was a tweet and as i said tweets don't exist anymore so i think i get a pass on this i appreciate your honesty to the company still honorable honorable. It's really important. Number eight. Paid for shipping from the store. Shipping costs a lot. I'm in Canada.

Things cost money. First off, you idiot. Any one of us would have said that to you for free. Yeah, and you're just paying a shipping company. Yeah, but I'm just saying, that's how much I love... That's not helping Rooster Teeth. By the way, people think that Rooster Teeth is, like, taking all the shipping money and keeping it.

It goes to the... It goes to handle shipping and handling. No. My point is that that's how dedicated I am to our show and this company, that I would pay the shipping in Canada as a Canadian. It doesn't do anything for us. That's the definition of working... The selling of a button?

Here's where... Here's where... Here's... I wish you hadn't put number 8 in if you would promise to the DHL all hands they'd be really happy with it FedEx is gonna promote you to MVP of the year UPS all hands is still roasting Andrew they're wearing his mask

and making fun of him I'd rather you work smarter than harder and just say hey I really want to support us with a sound button. Can I have can you send me one? I since I helped invent it. And absolutely, we would send it to you. Well, yeah, it's not that I don't think you've said I just I like to listen, especially at

this time. I was buying all the merch because I wanted to because I'd never been part of a show and I was excited about it. You know what, Andrew? Here's what I'm going to say to that. I'm going to walk my criticism back because sitting here thinking about it, I buy stuff from the Rooster Teeth store

all the time as well. Yeah. I mean, I'm not in Canada, so it's way cheaper to get it. That's what I'm saying. But I do buy stuff and pay full U.S. shipping probably once a month.

To be clear, I'm not saying it's their fault the shipping is the way it is. I'm in Canada. It's far away. My point is that's how determined I am to support the show. I'll not saying it's their fault the shipping is the way it is. I'm a candidate. It's far away. My point is that's how determined I am to support the show.

I'll pay for shipping prices for a thing that I work for. That's the intent of it. Number eight. Number nine. This would be the first legitimate trophy win for F*** Face. I think it looks pretty good. I think that looks pretty beautiful to me. Is it an alleged scam like other award shows? I'm not saying other award

shows were a scam. It's an alleged thing. I feel like we gave a company money to give us a silver award and say we're second. And we didn't get a trophy for it, but... This is a FIBA dream. It's an alleged scam. And this is our first legitimate win. I don't think we've won, in my opinion, a legitimate trophy.

I could be wrong about that. No. I don't think we've won, in my opinion, a legitimate trophy as F*** Face. I could be wrong about that. No, I don't think we have. We got a silver place medal along with 87 other sites. Can a show win an employee award, though? Well, I would win it because of my presence on the show, because it's the only

thing I do here, so I feel like it would be a F*** Face award. I agree. I think he's an emissary of the production. Which is why the lack of child kickings is important. I'm representing. So Eric, is he closer to the nomination in your opinion?

Not after fact nine. That could be any of us. That's saying Nick wins. You know what I mean? I would be happy about that if any of us won, to be clear. What if it's between you and Nick and Nick wins? You know what I mean? I would be happy about that if any of us won, to be clear. What if it's between you and Nick and Nick wins? Are you going to be in? If Nick wins, yeah. Over me.

100%. Love Nick. Nick, you got my vote, buddy. I think we might have to nominate Nick. I think we might have to nominate Nick. Because Nick works in all the F brands. That's true. That is the problem, Nick. He isn't as narrowly focused as I am. Yeah, but I'm a part of most of those F brands. That's true. That is the problem, Nick. He isn't as narrowly focused as I am. Yeah, but I'm a part of most of those F brands.

So it's still a win for me. Jeff started his own podcast and everything. You know what I mean? Yeah. I couldn't help but notice that that was in the feed. Hey, let's deal with the PowerPoint at hand. Sounds like someone went back on their vote. Hey, let's deal with the PowerPoint at hand.

Okay. And then we can get into that okay and the last point there's a slide or two maybe after that but the last point i think this is the one that's most powerful some of you do not seem all that convinced so far but i think this will really bring you over the line how can you continue to deny this beautiful face how can you say no to this how can you say no to this? How can you say no to that? Is that you wearing your face? That's me wearing my face. I will say the face is a little snug.

As a big-headed individual, it's a problem. The face is a problem? Look. The nice thing is up top, you've got room for more thoughts. Yeah. As you can see, it's not very full, though. That space.

Why is the top of the head completely empty? Because it was... Listen, I was choking out my nose, which, thank Christ, it's unbreakable. Because if it was, it would have shattered in really pieces. Trying to get this head piece on.

This is the first picture of you that I've seen since we started this podcast. It's not true. I've never seen the facial hair in my life. I've heard about it. That's not true. I sent you a beard photo. Did you? Listen, you don't fucking remember the arcade.

You're not going to remember the fact that I sent you a beard photo. He's got you there. You also don't remember that you recanted and said that you were totally fine with us posting it on the F*** Face channel. I did? Yeah You also don't remember that you recanted and said that you were totally fine with us posting it on the channel. I did? No. You totally said it. Oh no, you weren't there, Andrew. It was after you left. Okay. He said it to me and Eric.

We both heard it. We remember. You just don't remember! Okay. Final slide. Pant 2023 bringing democracy to the demcocracy or company that is always talking about how important it is to have the support of the community yet they have no say in these cock

trophies going out so you know if they you feel i've made some salient points as the listeners watch feel free to uh to support my effort in winning a cock award in 2023. Thank you so much. So Eric, when you nominate someone for this cock thing, do you have to justify the choice to anyone? I mean, you probably like write like a little blurb. It's not like I've ever nominated anyone.

You haven't? Why? Why would I? I should be winning them. I don't need to nominate anyone. Yeah, he can't nominate himself and who else deserves it. What am I going to write? Eric, great job. Like, what am I am i gonna do make a 12 slide powerpoint

presentation about why i should win an internal award so if my boss which is you doesn't want to nominate he only wants to win does that mean no one beneath him can win i don't i don't have to necessarily nominate you other people can nominate you yeah gavin you could nominate andrew if you wanted to or we could all agree to nominate nick exactly we can all nominate you. Other people can nominate you. Yeah. Gavin, you could nominate Andrew if you wanted to. Or we could all agree to nominate Nick. Exactly. We can all nominate Nick. So, wow. Okay. Yeah. I love Nick.

That's my presentation. Let me ask you guys a question. Andrew, first off, Andrew, I think it's a phenomenal presentation. Thank you. Really good. If I wasn't already dead set on nominating Nick, you would be in the running. I agree with that.

In the running. Of all employees who currently work at the company, you would definitely be one of them in the running. Amongst the others, you would definitely be in that mix in some small fashion. But I think it's awesome. Here's my question for you. And I'm not recommending we do this,

but the thought popped into my head when we were talking about the Cockpite of the Year Award and you were giving us this thorough presentation. If we were to have our own award that we hand out at the end of the year, and I'm not saying that we should do this because this is a bit that Rooster Teeth

has done in the past. The podcast had its own awards years ago. We made a dumb trophy with a beer can. It was the whole thing. But if we were to have a award, what would it be? Like a potato of the year? I thought you meant what would it be physically represented as

and it's just your melted cosmic crisp in my head that was in the fridge would it be like a bag of cosmic crisp melted awful cosmic crisp would be the trophy I think it should be that picture of Andrew wearing his own mask but in like a crystal yeah

like a bronzed or silver kind of like plaque kind of thing. Like those things you get at the mall where it's like inside the... Oh! Yeah. I like that. That would be real bad. That'd be real cool.

Well. This ad is brought to you by HelloFresh, America's number one meal kit. Kickstart a fresh fall you by HelloFresh, America's number one meal kit. Kickstart a fresh fall routine with HelloFresh. HelloFresh handles all the meal planning and shopping to deliver everything you need to cook up a tasty meal right at home. They do the hard part, and you get to take the credit. When it comes to options, honestly, more is more.

That's why HelloFresh's menu includes 40 recipes and over 100 add-on items to choose from every week. A busy fall schedule doesn't always leave you with the time to spare, and with HelloFresh, you don't need to spend all evening in the kitchen to whip up a wholesome meal. With their quick and easy recipes and 15-minute meals, you can get a tasty dinner on the table in less time than it takes to get takeout or delivery. HelloFresh is such a fantastic service. I love the food. It's always delicious. It's fresh. The recipes are easy to understand, but just because they're easy, that doesn't mean they're lesser than in any way. They are

phenomenal regardless of your skill level. It's just such a fun experience and you get delicious food. So I would highly recommend that you check it out and go to HelloFresh.com slash 50Face and use code 50Face for 50% off plus 15% off the next two months. That's HelloFresh.com slash 50Face and use code 50Face for 50% off plus 15% off the next two months. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Do you ever find that just as you're trying to fall asleep, your brain suddenly won't stop talking? Your thoughts start racing right before bed or at other inopportune moments? I find that happens a lot to me, especially on a night where it's super important I get a lot of sleep or just get well rested. It's I don't know if it's an anxiety thing. It could be all sorts of different processes.

It doesn't happen always for that reason either, but just sometimes it's tough to shut off in my experience. I found working through those thoughts can help, as well as like rain sounds is something that works for me, but everybody's different, and it's a process that I imagine most of us go through. It turns out one great way to make those racing thoughts go away is to talk them through. Therapy gives you a place to do that so you can get out of your negative thought cycles

and find some mental and emotional peace. Therapy is something that has helped me tremendously, as I say every time I do these, because it's true. In ways that's unexpected sometimes i've had uh areas in my life where i felt like i had a pretty good handle on things and then in the process of seeking professional help it has given me perspective that has completely reshifted my thinking of of what actually i'm struggling with or what i'm going through um and without that i you know it's tough to when you think you have a shoulder injury,

but it turns out you have a knee injury, but you've been treating the shoulder. Like it's tough to actually heal what's wrong. Um, so I'd highly recommend the experience to anyone to give it a shot. Uh, and if you're thinking of starting therapy, give better help,

a try. It's entirely online designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists anytime for no additional charge. Get a break from your thoughts with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash face today to get 10% off your first month.

That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash face. So you put your show in the feed, huh? What? So you put your show in the feed, huh? So you put your show in the feed. So here's the deal. They say it's easier to ask for forgiveness than permission, but some of us find it's easy to ask for both. Huh.

Okay. I'd like to say that I didn't have anything to do with that. Would you like to say it because you couldn't say that? I'd like to say that I didn't have anything to do with that. Would you like to say it because you couldn't say that? That's what you're saying. I'd like to say that. I wasn't involved in that decision. I would like to say that.

That doesn't mean you're not. The real f*** face move was obviously in the episode where it was funnier to not do it. I totally agree. It was funnier to not do it. I'm right there with you. I'd like to say, I would, I would like to say that I wasn't involved in the decision to go back on that. 100% want to be able to say that with you.

Eric's not saying anything. What do you want me to say? I said, hey, do you want a Nick said that we want to upload this because it'll help numbers. How do you feel about that? And Jeff said, yeah, go for it. Huh? OK, but the point still stands. The point still stands.

I would like to be able to say that I didn't say that i just can't i respect that a lot but i want to be i want to be able to say i listen how about this uh how about this gavin andrew uh-huh this is your old pal jeff you've known me for more than half of both of your lives. We've been friends for a very long time. Big time. Gavin, I've known you for going on two decades now. Maybe close to 20 years. Oh, actually, more than 20 years. Is that right? No. We met

in 2005. Yeah, it's been 18 years. And I knew you online a little bit before that. I'm sorry. Forgive me. Please. I'm so sorry. line a little bit before that uh i'm sorry forgive me please i feel bad i made a uh-oh oopsie i actually might be mad at jeff now i might be on your side i wish i hadn't done it but i did okay don't like change the past. Forgive Jeff? Wearing headphones for that made me feel sick. Yeah, I don't like it.

That may have been the worst thing I've ever heard. Yeah. I was going to say. And this is why I never apologize. Now, let me say, I will say this is more mine and Nick's doing. I apologize. However, you know, I'm looking out for the well-being of the F brands

when I'm here to manage and everything. As a sort of peace offering to you two, is there anything that you guys would want to put in the RSS feed? As a standalone audio clip

in the feed? Yeah. No, and I'll tell you why. The feed is called F*** Face, right? Right. And when we talk about all these other podcasts, like John Reisinger's podcast, Jeff's podcast, brilliant.

Obviously, you do want to promote him. We can even talk about him in the episodes if we want. But putting him in the feed is a bit weird. It's not F*** Face. I'm sorry. That's a good point. Stop. Sorry.

I feel so bad. Why put something in the feed that it's gonna alert on everyone's phone and it isn't the thing they subscribe to? Now, in their defense, YouTube did this and it went very well. YouTube just threw an album out on people's devices and everyone was mad about that.

Everybody who had iTunes was fucking mad. They woke up to a free YouTube album. They were happy as could be. It took me about eight years to shake that thing. It kept re-syncing. We're kind of like the U2 of podcasts. We are the U2 of podcasts. Well, no, U.

It would be U. This is a U, U and Eric. U2. No, but there's no way Larry Mullen Jr. was into it when they did it. Yeah. So, like, I get it when they did it. Yeah. So like that's like I get it. I get it. Gavin and their defense in the story that

Jeff just told they brought up that it might do good for numbers which is not I don't you know maybe that wasn't a consideration when he voted. Yeah. I mean no I don't know. I thought of that. Yeah. But no not our numbers. I just thought what's more face than bringing it up to a vote voting against our best interests and then,

and then me going back and then, uh, doing it anyway. That's a stretch. That's a little bit. That's a pretty, that's a pretty fucky face, huh?

No, that's not really. The thing is, is that I've always trusted the vote. I've always felt like the vote. You gotta trust the vote. You gotta trust the vote. Hey,

Gav, how about this? How about this? Just in case we're not clear. I've always felt like the vote Yeah, you gotta trust the vote. Hey, Gav, how about this? How about this? Just in case we're not clear. I'm sorry. Do you forgive me, Gavin? You mean so much to me. You're such a close friend. You've been there for me for the last 18 years. You mean the world to me. You're the best friend I have

on the planet Earth. The last thing I want to do is upset you so please forgive me. Can I share something really cool with you guys? Like a legitimate... This blew my mind. This person, I think,

who shared it with me doesn't even... I don't feel they made this connection, but I got a tweet from someone. I'll put it in here. In which they went to the Baseball Hall of Fame

and they found a Zimmer at the Tampa Bay Rays. He is a retired number. Don Zimmer, retired by the Tampa Bay Rays, one of the only players to be retired, have his number retired by the Rays. What year was the franchise founded? Wait.

How the fuck is Jackie Robinson? Well, I mean, I guess his number is retired throughout baseball. That makes total sense. 98. Yeah. Wow. The Rays were founded in 98 and Don Zimmer had his number retired by a team that was founded in 1998. That's crazy.

Does that mean we're Tampa Bay Rays fans as a podcast? No. No. No, because so were the Diamondbacks. Yeah, but they didn't retire Don Zimmer's number. Oh. That's true. Why did they retire his number? Because he was the coach?

Why did they retire Wade Boggs? I don't know. I don't know anything about baseball. I can't come up with any of the other ones. But listen, they made the bear. The Zimmer bear was for the Rays, right? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. So, like, clearly he was an important figure as either a manager or whatever, or coach. Is that the same thing? Manager and coach are the same. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes, yes, yeah, they are. Sorry, I was looking up Wade Boggs stats

where he played two years for the Tampa Bay Devil Rays, 1998 and 1999, and then retired. He came, you know why though? Because he grew up in the Tampa Bay area, and so he wanted to end his career there and help launch the franchise so i think it was like a local hero makes good that's cool kind of thing that's why they retired it i just thought that blew my mind like i saw it was like oh that's awesome like don zimmer loves him and then seeing when the

raised franchise was created it's like what, what a coincidence. That's wild. 1998, last good year. Last good year. 2013, a possible entry into that. Possible, possible entry. Oh, by the way, by the time this comes out, this will be the week of 13th. We'll have the 98 movies and music will have come out. So we are wrapping up the summer of 98

with the movies and music that everyone come out. So we are wrapping up the summer of 98 with the movies and music that everyone will be able to hear us debate and listen to. Yeah, hopefully they're not too frustrating because obviously we can't show any of the films or play any of the music. Right. But I did feel like they were really fun

and good recordings. Oh, you enjoyed them? Yeah. I'm so glad. I did. I had a lot of fun making them. I just wasn't, you never know. I'm excited for what the next thing is we do after that.

I guess we're going to do the movies of the winter of 98, right? Yeah, we could do a winter 98 thing. I'm feeling like Jess and Erica were saying. I'm kind of feeling 2013. I just want to see if there's anything there. Well, let me throw this out because I just posted this in the Slack or in the Discord. I went to eat lunch at Home Slice today, because I just posted this in the Slack, or in the Discord. I went to eat lunch at Home Slice today, which is a pizza restaurant in Austin, and their menu is devoted to 88.

Home Slice, fresh for 88, suckers. Big time to the max. Most definitely, I'm so sure. Good year. Let me throw 88 into the mix. I like 88. Nice puffy jacket on the lady in the... I was there for like

seven months in it. 88 feels like, uh, kind of like a holdover year, uh, to me, where it's just sort of like you mash it all in

with like the, the late, kind of like that late 80s. I mean, I guess the only thing that really I remember was,

uh, that, uh, Kirk Gibson at bat. That was, I guess the only thing that really I remember was that Kirk Gibson at bat. That was 88. Yeah. I mean, you're the one who brought it up. I'm just saying. Yeah, yeah. No. I just... I'm finding it interesting that other establishments... We talked about that Creed tour or whatever.

And now I'm starting to see other people embracing previous years. Other establishments and businesses. and I like it wasn't you Andrew that you were talking about Mario Party and then we yeah we should potentially do a summer of Japan 98 because

different shit would come out I got really excited because I was like what games came out at 98 and I just googled video games released in 98 and Mario Party was on the list and I was like holy shit that's perfect that's awesome I can't believe that came out 98 and so i talked to eric about it and he immediately crushed my dreams and saying it came out in like january of 99 and so i guess it was summer of 98 in japan or just it was like december 98 in japan and it took like a month or

two the next season being the Japanese summer. You know what, though? That's maybe the best thing we could do, because that's a way for us to truly experience a 98 that we didn't have access to. Yeah, that might really open up our eyes because it's not only it's like, what was the other side of the world doing while we were watching Snake Eyes? What year did Hong Kong get given back? Don't bring Snake Eyes into this! You didn't even... I'd like to think that they were also watching

Snake Eyes. Hey, Eric, just in your honor, I put Snake Eyes in the thumbnail for the new Summer of 98 movie. I saw. It's a really good thumbnail. Thank you very much. That was great. It's not even on the list I found a thing

you know how I'm not a talk to me guy I'm also not a guy that says stateside never felt the need to use that one in what context I'll see you stateside is that not a thing that said here no no no we're

all we are stateside so we don't have to say i guess you don't have yeah i might start saying i might start saying kingdom side when i'm going home well here's you never you're not separated have you ever tried i guess maybe dan if you and Dan are on different like areas of an airplane and going from from Europe to the US or I guess any other location to the US, you stateside would work. What how many scenarios do you are you able to use that? Well, that one specific moment in the air when one of you is if you're in the one person's in the front of the plane and one person's in the back, one person could be side and the other person could be kingdom side. Right. I'd be about it. That's true.

There's a transitional point there where it's pretty immediate. It's like see you next year on New Year's like that joke. It's the same type of idea. I was saying this is an idea I had, Jeff. I was thinking about time zone lines. What is like the largest? about time zone lines what is like the the largest is there is is there a borderline that has a multiple hour time zone difference is it possible to stand in the middle have half your body be in one time zone the other half like obviously you can do that but is there like a multiple hour could you throw a ball in one hand and then technically catch it like two or three hours

later in the other hand. Maybe we should do like an hour long home run or something. What's Jeff with dingers? You could you get some range on that or you order a pizza where it's where it's free after a certain amount of time has passed, but the guy's giving it to you just back into the

other times. I was like, ah, Gavin, that's the best life hack you've ever brought up on this show. I like that a lot. I'm writing that down uh hold on a second i might have an answer okay i'm looking to see if anything looks close enough where they all kind of like cross but i don't it's tough it doesn't look like anything's like well maybe in like that but that french polynesia area looks like you but that's pretty you know we're looking at it on a map. It's not really, it's pretty tough. What's that shit happening under Spain there?

Is the bottom of Spain in a different time zone? I don't know. So that means it's like straight south of England, but there's two hours of time difference. That's insane. I've never seen that. Yeah, I don't, I'm not really sure. Time zones are confusing to begin with. I mean, not very confusing, but just confusing enough

in the way that, like, they're all cut up. Okay. When I look at this map, I come to the conclusion that we all as a society are just playing make-believe. We're just pretending. You're just figuring that out. I'm just figuring that out. This is madness. This is ridiculous.

Here's the closest I can do for you. So there's a place called Baker Island, and then very close to it is another island called the Line Islands, or a group of islands called the Line Islands, and they are 26 hours apart in time zone. So if you could, I don't know, start juggling on a boat in the Baker Islands and then go to the Lion Islands

and then finish juggling 26 hours later, but it's only the boat ride. I was trying to explain that concept, I think on a podcast once, where I said because there's 26 time zones and there's 24 hours in a day that a calendar day lasts on the earth for 50 hours but i don't think anyone agreed with me i i agree with you okay i yeah i would never fight that right but i also wouldn't get on board with

it why not you can have a 50 hour day you just keep moving yeah i don't think i don't want to keep moving i did that flying back from japan where you like chase the sun and you just go like oh this i feel insane like where it's just daytime for like so long like so long and uh it like makes you feel sick physically i don't like it yeah you land before you took off or that you have the whole day again yeah it's not it's like not a good feeling oh you make up that time it's like you certainly don't i did that once and i went to i flew back to japan and went straight to vidcon like i i was up all night well i was up all day in japan and up all night on the plane and then i landed that same day was up all day and then i was just at some like open bar event of VidCon and it's like how is it it's been Saturday for like 47 hours.

Is there anything that is better globally in the summer like something you can. Well summer isn't summer isn't global. but if you were in like a i'm thinking about what was that surf documentary jeff you fucking you know the surf where they chased the summer endless summer yeah that should have been easy to remember it's very i mean they weren't they weren't being literal with it they were just traveling around the world surfing. Yeah, but I feel like they were chasing the hottest time of year in that region, were they not? I think they were chasing locations

more than anything, but sure. But you know what? Yes. We'll say yes for you. It sounds like I didn't take anything away from this documentary. Certainly you didn't. No. They surfed with... Anyway, I was going to say what would be a thing you could chase? What is a funny... Like ice cream.

Endless ice cream. I feel like ice cream is better in the heat. Just keep falling the hottest time of year. Swimming? Swimming's good. I like swimming in the cold too. I think swimming is just fun. No. You like swimming in the cold?

Well, I'm not going to opt for it, but it's not i'm not gonna opt for it but it's like something i'm not opposed to you could die if you're swimming if you're swimming in the cold it's because the plane crashed or the boat sank and you're trying to tread water until you get rescued i'm not hopping out in the middle of winter i'm just saying when it's you know and like not super cold out there's nothing wrong with a little i think i think this is a regional thing i think that your idea of cold and my Texas idea of cold are probably very different.

That would, yeah, absolutely. 100% true. Hey, speaking of cold and water and stuff, I had a thought the other day I wanted to ask you guys about. Would you guys take a boat around the Earth? Would you circumnavigate the planet in a boat?

Yeah. How long does it take to do that? don't know doesn't matter okay well time's not an issue the government has agreed to give you two years uh to to make the journey and they're going to pay for it and all expenses are paid and they're they're paying your mortgage and your rent and everything you just have to do it and it should i have no idea how long it takes but yeah but i don't i still lose two years of my life having an adventure and seeing the entire world i wouldn't say that's losing anything i'd say you gained a hell of a lot of experience and perspective and i don't want to do anything for two years so the answer is no two straight years i don't know that it takes two years god okay i got it i got it two year cut Sailing around the world takes three to five years. It can be done incredibly fast.

The world record is 40 days. On average, most people when sailing around the world need about three and a half years. So would you do it for three? So I know you don't want to do it for two, but would you do it for three and a half? It really depends on the boat for me. Would you do it in 40 days? 40? No.

What are you doing? So it sounds like the answer to this question is no from Gavin. Well, it sounds really boring. Do we get Wi-Fi in the boat? There's no Wi-Fi in the sea. You said it was boring and it made Jeff mad?

No, I didn't make mad. What if it was like a cruise ship, Gavin? It's a cruise ship and you have to... So you got satellite internet. Yeah, you got everything. Starlink or whatever. You've got it all. You would be bored on a cruise ship for Circle in the Globe? I feel like I'm the opposite of a water-adjacent guy.

Like, I want to be in the stuff or nowhere near it. I don't want to be on a boat for 40 days. Sounds miserable. What if they drag you to be on a boat for 40 days. Sounds miserable. What if they drag you from behind on a little inner tube? A couple hours a day. Not for 40 whole days, just a couple hours a day.

You get your fill in the water. I wonder what the longest that someone has been in a tube towed by a boat. Like the longest they throw in sandwiches to you and stuff. I wonder what the deepest ocean anybody's ever been towed in a speedboat like that is like what like has anybody ever gone

like skiing in the middle of the atlantic a thousand miles away from any land i i asked the question because i was thinking about it the other day it was on like tv or something and i thought yeah i would definitely sail around the world. And then I thought, and I think Andrew asked the question briefly, we glossed over it. But I got to thinking in a big boat and I was trying to figure out how small I would go before I was like, this is not worth it. You know what I mean? Like, it feels like if you're on a cruise ship, that seems pretty safe. But if you're on the cruise ship, on a cruise ship in the middle of nowhere and it starts to sink, you're just as fucked if you're in a sailboat and it starts to sink. You're just as fucked if you're in a sailboat and it starts to sink.

You're a really long way away from land. And then I started to think about the go-go now day and how uncomfortable I felt when we were in deep ocean and how far, how we were an hour and a half away from land and how shitty that made me feel in my tummy. And that got me thinking, maybe I wouldn't do it. And I was wondering if y'all would, because it's one of those things that I thought instantly, maybe I wouldn't do it. And I was wondering if y'all would, because it's one of those things that I thought instantly,

of course, I would do that. And then I thought, oh, shit, I may be lying to myself. I might be terrified of that. Yeah, I felt the same way when I had to swing with sharks in the Bahamas. We had to boat out to a bigger boat that was just out in the ocean. And it was shocking to see how quickly all the phone signals gone. You can still see the land and you've got no bars and then we were just going in a boat for about half an hour into the middle of the sea and the guy driving was like i never met him before you could just you could

just club me in the head and throw me out yeah how would anyone ever know i was there there's something really funny about the fact that you're leaving to swim with sharks in your moment of terror is when the cell phone signal drops. That's scarier to me. Because if I got stuck there, I'd be screwed. I swam with the damn sharks. It was fine. At least on the bright side, if you and a shark get into it, it can't call for

backup either. I just love the idea that Gavin loses cell phone reception. He's going to swim with sharks and he's looking at the boat captain being like, I don't know if I can trust this guy. You're about to go swim with sharks. Okay. Would you get into a boat with someone you've known for three minutes and have him drive

you out into the sea for like 45 minutes? Apparently I would do it with a dude who we don't speak the same language and the engines on fire the whole time and smelling like gasoline. Sure. Yeah, I carpooled with a guy I met on a flight from San Antonio to Austin. Yeah, but you were in a car on the roads

with other people. No, but I didn't. My phone didn't work that entire time. I didn't have roaming. Somebody could knock you on the head in a car just as easily as on a boat. I don't know maybe even easier there's a lot of empty

a lot of empty land between Austin and San Antonio you can do it at any moment but the thing is in a car on a public road he's gotta consider

where he's gonna dump me in the middle of the sea he can just deflate my lungs and shut me down I'm done so you're saying that there's more

dumpage in the sea easy it's not more dumpage it's just the idea of it is more alluring done it's true so you're saying that there's more dumpage in the sea easy oh it's not more dumpage it's just the idea of it is more alluring because there's it's such easy dumpage because i think people dump way more in cars than they do in boats have you guys ever looked into how many people die and disappear in national parks no no yeah there's no law enforcement in national parks and so lots of sketchy shit happens out in national parks that just goes unreported or if it's reported goes unsolved national parks are

real fucking dangerous because of that but the law still applies there though yeah just like i'm just saying you said that in such such a great way. It's the ocean of the land, the national park. Walking up to a park and just seeing a sign that says, the law stops here. Jurassic Park, maybe? That's probably a place where laws don't apply. All sorts of shit happened in there. What is the,

I mean, if you said, if you call someone in National Park with an emergency, the police would try and find you, right? People would come.

Like, is there a place where if you tell them where you are, they just shrug and go, we can't help you? Yeah. Any,

any, anybody who doesn't leave when a hurricane is about to destroy their city and it's been evacuated and they get, and the governor or mayor will get on the news and say if you don't evacuate

we can't help you first responders won't be able to get to you yet thousands of people along the Gulf Coast do that every year my brain went to Hall of Mirrors that's a real tough place to find someone there you go gonna cause a lot of property damage

I've never been in a hall of mirrors but i've seen them in movies quite a bit and it seems very confusing what if we all pop on a pantomask and it would go into a whole there is what would you be more afraid if we did that in a hall of mirrors or a national park andrew uh hall of mirrors for sure. I said National Park. I think I meant National Forest. Oh, is what I actually mean. Well, I apologize. I'll get I'll clarify whatever it is when the next episode of Saw Right comes out in our feed.

I'll listen to it then. Figure it out. Yeah, it's for it's for example, National Parks usually forbid hunting. National Forests allow it. It's like all all bets are off in national forests. Can I put something in the So Alright feed? Yeah. What do you want to put?

You know what? Yeah, absolutely. I would absolutely love it. Anything you want. Can I just give you the audio file? Do you have to put it in the feed? Yes. Okay. Okay.

Okay. I mean, yeah, sure. Whatever. Yeah, why not? Hey, I know we need to wrap up because we're getting about long. However, I would like to leave you guys with a thought, something to maybe work on

from between now and next week. And then maybe the audience can have interest in this as well. I had this idea the other day when I was thinking about what to cook for dinner and I was at the grocery store and I was looking at beans and I saw kidney beans

and I thought, I wonder if you could build a human out of food named after human body parts. So I started to assemble what I could come up with. I've got kidney beans, I've got artichoke hearts, I've got elbow macaroni, I've got lady

fingers, and I discovered there's a brandy-infused chocolate truffle called Nipples of Venus. So we've got nipples, fingers, elbows, hearts, and kidneys. We just need to come up with the rest of a body. Do you think we could do that? Do you think there's enough food

named after body parts that you could fill out a human? But like chicken legs are out. Chicken leg would work. Why not? What about chicken breasts then? Because now we're just putting together other things. Maybe you would do like turkey.

Maybe you would do turkey breast, chicken leg. So one animal per part. There's that bit on the, if you're eating an artichoke and you got the leaves off there's that bit between the leaves and the heart called the beard is that true she might not be cool that it's just whatever maybe this is what I

called it as a kid I'm gonna look that up I go to head cheese and uh ears of corn oh here's the corners of corn is awesome yeah of corn what about what about coq au vin head cheese what's what's the word i'm trying to win that's uh by the way uh yes it's is. I think that they're... Oh, oh. No, no, there's no artichoke beard.

Okay, how do you feel about this? Potato skin. Potato skin's great. Great. Now, once we actually get this person built, they got to have something pumping. Blood orange. Blood orange.

Dude, that's so good. Muscles. Muscles. Muscles. That's amazing! We made so much progress already. We're like 40% of the way towards a person.

Should we eventually, once we got all the ingredients, lay it out as a human anatomy and eat it together? I think we should. What? I do. What do you mean you know how like sometimes sometimes people like trashy people who think they're being fancy will eat sushi off a naked lady like what if i think i've ever seen it's i see it on like reality shows all the time uh

what if we uh what yeah we just like sit around a big table and we just eat a person in food? Spotted dick. Spotted dick. Clam. What? Did you say clam? Okay, I'll take it. That works.

This sucks. Rump roast. Rump roast. Rump roast is great. Rump roast. See, look at it. You guys came up with so many that never even crossed my mind. That's amazing. See, this is... I love it when an idea comes together.

Nuts. Nuts! In my head, this is just turning out to be another crazy game of Operation. All right. Well, maybe the think on that and see what else you can come up with. And I'm sure the audience can can send us their suggestions as well. Hey, September 29th, 10 p.m. We are doing Sloppy Joe's Bingo.

So 10 p.m. Central. Tune in. Is there a T-bone in the body? Human T-bone? Human T-bone. Yeah. Do we have a T-bone?

Human T-bone. Looking it up now. I think so. 206 bones. I don't see any of them necessarily being T. Okay. I'm not on that list. Okay.

Cut down the center vertebral axis of a human. Split the black bone, and then separate out a section of lower back muscle, and that would result in the equivalent of a T-bone. Oh. I don't know if that counts. Gross. I don't like that.

This is fun. It was fun. I appreciate seeing you guys again. I missed you last week. Real zazzle. I think next time, Andrew, we should read off your list of musings again, because I enjoyed that last time. Okay, we can do that. Oh, yeah. We can continue the zazzle streak time Andrew we should read off your list of musics again because I enjoyed that last time okay we can do that

oh yeah we can continue the zazzle streak we got going these episodes since it was summer of 98 Emily was saying we should put it all on a CD and sell it I like that CDs were a thing in 98 yeah you want us to put the music on it no

put Andrew's 75 fucking lines on a CD oh I thought you were telling us to put the music on it? No, put Andrew's 75 fucking lines on a CD. Oh, I thought you were telling us to put our playlist on. I'm like, we can't sell other people's music. No, I don't want to do that. Good. No. This was a bad idea.

This was sell Andrew saying 75 stupid things. One comment I really enjoyed from the most recent episode that came out is that Jeff said we're off fruit. We need to turn towards vegetables and be a vegetable podcast. And then apparently Jeff listed like five fruits. You know what I listed? I listed shit

like tomatoes and they're like and they're like, if it's got a seed, it's technically a fruit. So I looked up list of vegetables on Wikipedia and it says some vegetables, which are botanically fruits such as tomatoes are still considered to be vegetables in the culinary sense. And so that play.

So fuck y'all. How about that? You go to you go to a store and you go to buy tomato. It's going to be in the vegetable aisle. I guarantee you. Yeah. Fair point. You got them real good.

No reason to get pedantic about what is commonly referred to as a vegetable. Right. We would never get pedantic on this show. Thank you. No, it's not what we do. Would you like a dog if it had a handle? What the fuck? End the show.

You mean like a suitcase? Like you could pick it up like a suitcase? Well, I've seen a lot of dogs wearing like, you know, wraps around their body and on top is a little handle for like small dogs. But I thought, what if the shoulder blades just went really high and then a bone bridged across

and then it's just like normal fur and skin? You're asking if a dog combined with a GameCube, would it be better? Is that a successful question? I was just wondering whether I'd be weirded out by the dog if it had a natural handle or whether that would be awesome.

Isn't that the scruff? Oh, yeah. No, but you can't get your hand all the way under it. Yeah. Not like a GameCube. Do you think... Because the way we have dogs now, like our sweet little Henry... The way we have dogs. Well, the way we have dogs now like like our sweet little henry the way we have dogs well the way we have dogs now it's it's through it's through uh hundreds of years of selective breeding right like if you look up what an english bulldog looked like 100 years ago it's very

different from what an english bulldog looks like now uh because they've been bred uh to to achieve that aesthetic right and that's the case for almost all dogs. So do you think if you put your work, if you really put work into it, do you think you could breed a handle into a dog? I think you'd be relying on some pretty hefty mutations there. You'd have to

just keep an eye out for a dog with massive shoulder blades and then breed and wait for another one i'm not saying that you would do it quickly you know it might not even be something you do in your lifetime but if you started today maybe your kids could get there and imagine it imagine it like thick like a pelvis so it's not like a weak bone that has a bunch of joints it's just like a solid piece and you can pet the top of the handle if you want and you can also use the handle it needs to be a strong handle because if it breaks and you can pet the top of the handle if you want and you can use the handle

It needs to be a strong handle because if it breaks off you can't glue it back on No pet the top of the handle and use it as a handle Well you can put under the handle you know Like belly scratches for a handle that's nice. Can we end this now, please? I'll be honest I thought Eric would have more input. No, I belly scratches for a handle that's nice can we end this now please i'll be honest i thought eric would have more input no i'm a tiny shitty little dog guy i i like i like the idea i think a little bit but also picking up a dog by a handle that is the dog i'm not a big i don't think i really like by its handle not a hat it's but just it's like it's leg yeah no i know i just don't think that

like i think we have that and it's the scruff and we just, I don't pick up dogs like that. You're not into it now because it doesn't exist yet, but once it exists and people get used to it, it might become very commonly accepted

and maybe even sought after. No. No. All right. I could imagine it in Fallout 5. Yeah. That feels like a good place for it.

Handle dogs in Fallout? When does Fallout 5 come out? I don't think it's even announced. So probably like 2042. Probably forever. I guess we have to... We're getting Starfield in a couple days, right? We'll get it tomorrow.

Yeah, tonight, I think. It's not out today. I tried to upload it this morning. I don't know whether to be excited about that. Is that going to be good? Do people think it's good? I think it's going to be good. Just sweet.

I don't personally think Bethesda makes a lot of bad games. I'm excited. Always good. Wasn't Fallout 76 a big jumbo turd? Did you ever play it? It was fucking fun as hell. I didn't like it at launch, but people love it now. Like they do a lot of work.

At launch, it's good. It's fun now. I enjoy it. Is it fun with people or fun solo though? Both. I play solo. I think both. Yeah.

Okay. I'll give it a go. It's one of those games that seems to have come back around. Thanks for listening to this podcast. If you liked it, subscribe. And then I think that's it. There won't be any more So Alright on this feed, but you can go to So Alright's feed

and listen to whatever Gavin puts over there. If suddenly there's something over there, just know Gavin did it. And listen, feel free to listen to the ones I do too because I'm also putting content out on the Soul Alright feed. Right. It's not just Gavin. I really enjoyed the first episode.

It was really good. Thank you. You know, I found something interesting. Three people, I'm not going to say who they were, three people the day my new podcast launched reached out to me to congratulate me and say hey that's really cool really loved it or congratulations on your launch i hope it goes well three people out of everybody on earth that i know did that and none of them were in this podcast thanks for listening well no i just

well i was i'm an honorable man i didn't listen an honorable man. I didn't listen to it yet. I also haven't listened to it yet. But, you know, I'll find it in this feed. Mango Street! We already quit. We already cut. Hey guys, Major League Fan Jack here with a look at next week's episode of

F*** Face. Jeff is the best at ad reads. Patton is playing Starfield. Gavin gets cocky. Let's talk about houses. Jeff cooked up some faces. And once again, Andrew does not eat the pencil. All that and more on next week's episode of F*** Face. We'll see you next time.