F**kface - Why Are You Yelling // Medium Strength Water [35]

Episode Date: January 27, 2021

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about Geoff stepping in dog poop maybe, Gavin's sink-shroom, Andrew's dwindling buger bet confidence, and more. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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I don't know. We got a few things. I'm going to say a list of shit that I don't want to get dropped, all right? Why are you yelling? I'm not yelling. No, he sounds kind of quiet to me, Gavin that I don't want to get dropped all right because I'm yelling talk about it I don't I'm not yelling no he's quiet to me Gavin I know what you're talking about all right yeah he's screaming down my ear hole well oh my god all right well step one the first thing I want to talk about is how it's you

need to go the doctor you need to get everything checked out because you're you're all what you're all wrong uh no well go to the doctor and say, Doctor, I can hear too well. Yeah. Check out if I have super sensitive hearing. A lot of that going around these days. What was that? Just saying hi to the people listening. What?

Okay. I wanted to talk about the baseball bats. They came out right after we... Yeah. And I wanted to talk about... That I wanted to talk about the baseball bats. They came out right after we... And I wanted to talk about... That I forgot to talk about. The Billy Ripken thing that I discussed with you guys in text. And then how Eric completely and totally misinterpreted my recommendation. Every no.

And how Andrew thinks that we are ridiculous on the same scale, and I think that that's ludicrous. What do you want to start with? What episode is this? That's a lot. That's a good question. What episode is this? 38?

Is that a guess? 35. Welcome to episode 38. That can't be right. 35 feels low. I feel like last week was 35. You think we've done a few 35s already i just i don't understand i don't understand what you mean when you say that

can't be right what does that you know what no you know what you're right you know what this that was my fault eric i accidentally called last week's episode 35 when i saved it that's why i thought that you're right this is 35 you're right that This is 35. You're right. That was my mistake. Thanks. You're right. You know, I have a wallpaper in my office, and I was just looking at it, and I just noticed that if you look at it from a certain angle, it looks like a flower. It looks like a bull is getting anally penetrated by a dildo with spikes. I don't need a picture. I don't think that's going to come across too well. I'm going to send it to you right now.

I think I'm okay. Do you remember his last topic? No. No, I think I'm good. I don't think I need that one. I like that his last topic was that he is less ridiculous than I am. And then we transition to this. So how did that start?

The slack was kicking off today. I didn't get involved. I didn't want to waste content for this. So what went down? Hold on. I need to sit still to take the photo better. Okay. Let me text this photo to you. Here's what happened. Here's what happened is fucking Eric. Wait, wait, wait. Before you do this, maybe we should ask Gavin because he didn't look at it we could just get gavin's opinion yeah you just tell us what happened an unlit gavin you know how jeff has been doing the blow dryer thing gets out of the shower do you what is there any other process outside of using the blow dryer based on what jeff said what do you mean so you get out of the shower like jeff gets out of the shower and then, Jeff gets out of the shower, and then what does he do? Well, I see.

Towel off and then give yourself a blast. Insane. Thank you. No. That is crazy. That is not what it is. Absurd. Thank you.

Jeff has never brought up a towel. He has always presented this. I even talked about how the towel was a good thing because it acts as an astringent and it sloths off the dead skin. Yeah. It's about a towel? Okay. Eric was bitching that he dried himself off with the dryer and it sloths off the dead skin. Yeah. It's about a towel? Okay. Eric was bitching

that he dried himself off with the dryer and it's bullshit because his arm is sore because it took too long because he didn't dry his body off with a towel first. Okay, but Eric,

does that mean that you get out of the shower hair soaking wet? Yeah. Go straight to the hair dryer and get your hair dry like that. You don't put a towel through it. I didn't,

he didn't say anything about a towel. I wanted to see what he was talking about with the arm dryer. I'm talking about just in general with your use of hair dryers. You get out of the shower. No, here's the thing. Here's the thing. Here's the thing.

I don't want you to think that this is something that I do all the time. I'm trying to put into practical use what has been talked about on this podcast. So I took a shower one time and didn't dry my ass and then put on clothes because andrew talked about that that was terrible that was a terrible just a terrible moment that felt awful i don't know why i don't know why you would ever i don't know how you would forget to dry your own ass or whatever but it was awful i did not like it's a terrible experience yeah so here's here's what i said i said when you get out of the shower and you towel yourself off, you notice parts

of you are still wet. Like your butthole area might be a little damp. Under your balls is moist. Sometimes you miss some stuff on your back. And so when I'm drying my hair, I hit those moist spots with the dryer and I fell in love with it and I've got a whole new routine. I think I was very clear. And I think if we go

back and look at the tape, we can find multiple instances where I mention a towel. Yeah, I'm sure we could do that. I'm not gonna do that, but, um... Gavin understood it to be that. I've never got dripping wet and picked up a hair dryer for a start. Usually a hair dryer is just... Well, neither had I!

So why were you doing it? Because that's what I could have done. I just told you that I'm trying to put into practical use the things that were talked about on the show so i thought i was doing what jeff was talking about drying himself with a hair dryer because i remember him saying the towel was astringent and i thought that was a bad thing maybe no i said it was good because it's it's it's we were talking about something else and i was just saying a towel can act as an astringent it's good because it rubs off dead skin and you and you both thought this uh andrew as well yeah i i thought that jeff was selling a towel-less world which i could get

behind and i was excited about this idea but i mean you could probably shake off if you want to avoid the towel but i wouldn't be like soaked through throwing water all over my bathroom propelled by air that sounds a bit mental i dried my entire body with the hair dryer it must have taken you a year it took so my arm was so exhausted i just went why does he i kept thinking why does he do this every time he takes a shower here's what i here's what i know i know you're a reasonably good guy eric and i know you're not as dumb as you're sounding right now so what I'm gonna assume is you probably had to leave for a quote unquote meeting

when we were talking about it fully and you missed the part where I no I just remember you saying the towel's astringent and I thought that was a bad thing that wasn't even the part that towel astringent thing that was recently I have been promoting this as a time-saving, life-improving tool for a long time.

How is it time-saving, though, at that point? No, apparently it's not. I don't think it was a time-saving thing. I don't think there's any time-saving. It's saving time compared to what Eric's doing. And here's how it's saving time, Andrew. If you're drier and warmer and comfier, I bet you move faster.

I would certainly get dressed quicker. Yeah. You get dressed quicker. You do. A towel can only give you so much dryness. What does that mean? You can't get completely dry with a towel. You absolutely can't. The harder you work with a towel,

you're getting diminishing returns. It's diminishing returns, yeah. Your hair especially. Like the scalp area, you can't really shove a towel, you're getting diminishing returns. It's diminishing returns, yeah. Your hair especially. Like the scalp area, you can't really shove a towel down all of those hairs. This is insane to me. What do you mean? Why use a blow dryer?

For anything. Well, I guess the hair, no, it's fine. I just don't use the blow dryer. It's not part of my routine, so it's just odd to me. I think the towel's fantastic. I didn't use a blow dryer for probably 35 years, and then someone convinced me to or i read about it or something and i tried one and i'll never go back changed my life in what way uh well it makes your hair it made my hair a lot less plaster to my head first of all it got me out of the house it got me out of the house faster on

cold days because i didn't have to wait for my hair to completely dry it got it made it faster for me when I had to like put shit in my hair and style it and stuff I didn't have to wait an extra 15 minutes for my hair to dry like and it made me warm and happy and it led to me discovering that a blow dryer on your balls and in your butt crack and behind your knees and under your arms is fucking awesome find the knees it's not even any hair though I don't see the point of that one. There's water there. Eric, you said earlier in the week, you said that you deliberately didn't dry your ass. Yeah, I wanted, I'm trying to explain

that I'm trying to put what is happening into this show into practical use to see what it's like. What practical use is there with Andrew forgetting to dry his asshole? No, he just wanted the experience. I had to see what it was like because I don't think I've ever, like,

it just seems like so insane to dry his asshole. I had to see what it was like, because I don't think I've ever like, it just seems like so insane to dry your entire body and then not dry your ass. You forget about your ass. Just to be like, well, I got my legs. Skip on up. Got my torso. Yeah, you have to actively jump the

gap. No, definitely. I'm clearing that gap frequently, and I'm not aware of it and then it's it's a real sadness that i'm glad eric can now relate to and you put your underwear on and it's just damp it's just a bad start it felt like you know when you're about to jump in a pool and the you know the pool is cold but you're just gonna like go for it that's how it felt putting on my underwear knowing my ass was still wet it was just like oh we're about that's a whole that's not gonna be good yeah that's a whole other layer i never see

it coming i can't relate to that set you up for a bad day it is demoralized it's a lot to recover from it is rare to feel like you've lost when all you've done is under the bathroom but you feel like you've lost on the day and you have ground again it's not getting over just take them off try them and put on new ones it gavin you got to try it it's a real demoralizer if anything it's sort of a motivator because you feel like you need to win the day back like you're starting at a deficit like you fumbled the ball on the first drive and you now need to get those points back so in a way it may be a good thing i love it oh i got another thing too i hate to say it i got more foot related problems oh god you might remember uh recently i had an issue uh which continues to persist including the socks i'm wearing right now uh my yellow van socks that i

had today uh fucked me in the butt uh and switched on me uh as as they as my socks do every day well i it's it's been brought to my attention my girlfriend pointed out because i'm always bitching about it i can't leave the house without stepping in dog shit i i my backyard i got two old dogs they shit a decent dog amount um i clean it up constantly i try to stay on top of it because i spend so much time spraying dog shit off my shoes they they don't they're not inordinately large shitters you know they're normal dogs they have a they have a i think they're actually on low residue diets so uh i i don't i don't understand

i had an idea you know because i have been trying i've been trying for well emily moved in in march right and we'd been dating for a couple years before that i've been trying to catch her in the act of shitting right uh because she persists that she has her she her body does much like kim jong her body produces no fecal matter and uh and uh nor does it nor does it fart it just burps constantly and she apparently expels all of those things through her mouth but I don't buy it and then it struck me I've been stepping in shit so much and it's more than two dogs can shit and I

sleep in the yard constantly I think Emily's shitting in the backyard or maybe she's shitting into a bag in the toilet and then throwing it in the backyard but it fucking hit me two things A not only am I cleaning up my girlfriend's shit in doggy bags but it fucking hit me. Two things. A, not only am I cleaning up my girlfriend's shit in doggy bags, but I'm also stepping in it.

Why are you in your backyard so much? Well, I gotta get to my bicycle. And I gotta pick up the dog shit. I got so many windows in my house, I can't look out. If I look out my back window, I will see a pile of dog shit and I have to run out.

It's like an obsession with me. I have to run out and immediately pick it up because I don't like the idea of feces just languishing about, relaxing, like it's sunning in my backyard. I mean, that's where

most of the feces is, though. It's just sunning. Hmm. I mean, not humans. Most humans don't. Gavin, most of it is smushed into the waffle print of the bottom of my veins. That's where most of it is.

I have to bring up the earnestness in which you wrapped up your whole thing about your girlfriend not shitting with, I don't buy it. That was incredible. You said that with such an honesty, like it's implausible. Like it could be a convincing lie. I've been mad about it for years. For a long time, dude. It's impossible she moved in two weeks before the goddamn pandemic and then we didn't leave the house for nine months wow i tell me that that woman that five foot six little blonde lady

is has not shit in 10 months at this point it's bullshit i think we only we're down to one bathroom guys because my fucking toilet because the plumbing under my house disintegrated right so it's two people one bathroom the bathroom's in our bedroom i'm in our bedroom a lot i sleep there i'm gonna see it if she goes in there i hide in her closet sometimes i'm telling you if she shits she does it in the yard i don't think she does i think it's more likely she's classier than that it's more likely that while some of the yard work was going on or while some of the you know the library work was going on she had a secret bathroom commissioned that you don't know where it is i think that's much more likely i like i used to think i used and i was gonna follow her but it starts to get stalkerish i don't want to

do that you know i don't want to i don't want to be a creepy dude but like I used to think that maybe on her way to or from work she had like a Starbucks or like an Office Depot or like a Best Buy she stopped at that's like her her toilet away from home where she does all of her secret shitting because she insists that you can't shit at her salon because there's people there getting their hair done and it would stink. So nobody poops at her salon either. So if she doesn't shit at home and she doesn't shit at work, she's got to be shitting in route. So it's like the mentality of like if you're in a hotel room with someone, you don't know each other super well, you'll go down to the lobby to take the shit. Yeah, shit in the lobby.

100%. 100%. But then the pandemic happened and she stopped working for a long time. So it wasn't like she could like pop on off to best buy to to drop her load right anyway i got off on a tangent i just wanted to say i'm so fucking sick of foot related issues and i'm so fucking sick of cleaning dog shit off my feet i've had to wash this pair of vans that i'm wearing now three what's today thursday three times this week. If I gave you $100,000,

let's say that I was going to cover the entire cost of ripping up all your pipes, job done, but you have to shit in a Best Buy for a year, would you do it? Yes. You can only shit at Best Buy. Middle of the night, you've got to hold it in until the next morning. That's such an easy bet.

What if it's like a diarrhea situation? Wait, can... Then I hope you're in a Best Buy. Like, if it just evacuates. Like, if I shit my pants. I shit my pants last week. Yeah.

Could it be any Best Buy? Any Best Buy, yeah. Not a specific Best Buy. And I can only shit there. Like, this isn't a thing of, like, what if I shit myself outside? Like, it's an

uncomfortable shit. I lose the bet. It has to be in a Best Buy. All of your turd has to it's an uncomfortable shit. I lose the bet. It has to be in a Best Buy. All of your turd has to land from anus to water in a Best Buy. Okay. What if I shit in a bucket and then bring it into a Best Buy? No. Okay.

No, no, no. I think I could make this work. I don't think you could do that, though. I don't think you're allowed to walk into Best Buy with buckets of feces. If they don't catch you. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. For the bet rules, if you're allowing me to do that, I feel like you'd let me.

Here's what you do, Andrew. I have the perfect cover for you. What you need to do is you get like a Dickies jumpsuit. Right? Just put a name on the front of it. Like an embroidered name. It doesn't have to be your name. It could be Craig or Bill or whatever. Right? Then just get a clipboard with some paper on it. It doesn't have to be your name just could be craig or bill or whatever right then just get a just get a paper a clipboard with some paper on it doesn't have to be anything just a clipboard

and then in your other hand get a tool chest put the shit in a box like in a bag in the tool chest and then walk in like you're on like you're there to fix something okay no but nobody questions the repairman yeah that's a great plan yeah i think i'd be, I'm a personal home game shitter. I don't shit on the road that much. I don't like public restrooms. But if I have to shit in essentially one Best Buy, I think that would become my home game pretty quickly. That'd be like my home stadium, that toilet.

I'd get to know it really comfortably. So I think if I can make it through the first week, I'd be good. Do you think if you picked, if you chose to go this route what is it a year do you think after like maybe a month of shitting in the best buy you would bring stuff from home to start to make it feel more like to start to modify it to make it feel a little like a candle in a magazine yeah or like you know a doily or you spruce it up a bit

i would bring my own toilet paper a hundred percent can't use their bullshit you got to bring your own toilet paper. I don't know. I don't think I've ever been in a Best Buy toilet. Do they even have them? Mm-hmm. Okay.

I assume they do. Yeah. I shit. I shit. I don't shit. I'm similar to Andrew. I prefer to shit at home and not in the yard.

Home advantage. But I pee. I pee in a lot of container stores now. I pee my pants in a lot of container stores, a lot of Home Depots and Lowe's, and they also have decent bathrooms. Speaking of bathrooms,

I don't know if I was telling you about how I had a blocked sink, the guest sink. It's usually where Dan sleeps when he's here, but hasn't been in it in about a year, so it's been just a bit empty. The other day, I was just washing my hands in it or something,

and the water just, it was draining slowly before it the water just stopped dead in the sink i was like oh no what's going on here so i put some uh i did some drano which i've heard i've heard it's gonna sometimes be bad for your pipes that didn't do anything it just the drano got stuck and then i did baking soda and vinegar which i also thought was gonna work didn't do anything in the end i bought off amazon a little um it's like a plastic orange thing with a bunch of barbs on it and you shove it down it like it's gonna pull hair out did that shoved it all the way down uh struggled with it a little bit pulled it up a gigantic drain hole sized mushroom what it was it was i got sink shrooms it was just a massive mushroom that had the cap was completely i think i got some like major mold problems in the guest in the guest bathroom i don't know what to do about it yeah yeah that that sounds uh that sounds bad yeah that sounds there shouldn't be enough standing

anything for it to grow in there you you know what it sounds like it sounds like what the problem i'm having you uh you should probably you should probably call a plumber and ask them, tell them what you just told us in the exact same way you told us and say, is it an issue in my house, which I think is a fairly new house. My house is like 100 years old. Your house is pretty new. Is it an issue that my guest sink

is growing giant mushrooms? And I'm going to guess they're going to come down immediately and you're going to you and I are going to be partners guess they're gonna come down immediately and you're gonna you and I are gonna be you and I are gonna be partners in misery for a I immediately turned around I went and got a mask and some rubber gloves

and I just had to smash that thing to pieces until it all went down and I poured bleach down I was I was trying to murder this fungus I just don't know how far it goes down because I assume there was just some I assume there was just some water it's like sat in the little u it was like slut it was like slimy and black if you had to guess if you had to guess how many feet

in it is how would you what would you guess i i think it was growing from the base of where it curves so not in the wall yet just under the sink oh i don't know i i don't want to take off What would you guess? I think it was growing from the base of where it curves. So not in the wall yet, just under the sink. Oh, I don't know. I don't want to take off the... I don't want to open the pipe. I don't want to... I know what's in there and I don't want to see it. Because I was gagging.

I was... As I was trying to flush it down, I was spitting. I was choking on the look of it. I almost threw up in the mask. It was splashing on me. It was a nightmare. All I did, I smashed it all to pieces, flushed what I could of it down.

I made sure the water drained again. Then I closed the bathroom door and I closed the room door and I haven't been in there since. That's the joys of home ownership, man. My kitchen sink stopped working. If you both have to dig up your entire yards, I'm going to be the happiest

I may have ever been in my life. I'm so excited. I think I'm going to have to open entire yards, I'm going to be the happiest I may have ever been in my life. I'm so excited. I think I'm going to have to open the wall, Andrew. I don't want to live in a fungus house. I already did. Did I tell you about my carpet mushrooms that I had in my first house? No. You have a whole mushroom

thing. If you would have pulled the mushroom out of the fucking sink while I was there, I would think you were doing a magic trick. I can't. I would never even consider it. I've never heard anything like this. For some reason, it happened, what, six years ago, seven years ago maybe, I had my carpet mushrooms, and now they've returned seven years later.

The carpet mushrooms were, it was in my office, which was an old garage conversion. It used to be like a two-car garage, then became my office. But every so often, I would just get this cluster, maybe like the size of a cereal bowl, a cluster of mushrooms that would just grow up through the carpet,

and I'd have to trim them, and then I'd just take the vacuum over like I was mowing my carpet, and they'd come back every few months, I'd have new mushrooms, and I'd trim them again, and eventually eventually I moved You never like asked anybody about the mushrooms. You didn't go for a sissy. You just lived with no

I just know your shoes and I was like the house. I got sucks, and I should move out of it Try it can I ask one more question about this yeah is this guest bathroom? Can I ask one more question about this? Yeah. Is this guest bathroom, is it on the, is it a, well, you're British, right? It's upstairs. It's upstairs. I can't imagine that improves the situation. I was really hoping you were going to say it was a downstairs bathroom.

What, for my sake or for comedy's sake? Well, for your sake. For comedy's sake, it being a second floor bathroom, I think is way funnier. I think that's I think I think that is that's a bad sign. I assume Dan shaved in it once and then gauzed on it, brushing his teeth or something. And it just sat and he left and it just sat without a rinse. I think that's what happened. Well, he's probably covered in fungus anyway.

Eric says definitely Dan's fault. Yeah, I agree, Eric. Yeah. Man, Dan's a human being I haven't thought of in a long time. I wonder how he weathered the pandemic. He's enjoying himself. Yeah, I bet he is. I had my own house issue as well.

I can relate to this. I had my own problem. I have a Donkey Kong 64 update as well. Very sadly. Close your ears, Jeff. Oh my god. You guys were doing this shit in text the other day too. By the way, the fucking face show,

it just never stops now. It's a 24 hour a day fucking ons's just a onslaught via slack and text and it's just I'm so fucking I'm so mad about Donkey Kong 64 and how I'm not mad about it now because you fuckers I don't give a shit about it I don't care talk about it good news Jeff for you this will be the last Donkey Kong 64 update

I'm never gonna last Donkey Kong 64 update. I'm never going to beat Donkey Kong 64. Why not? I was getting ready for bed, and I have a fan that I turn on before I go to sleep just as a noise thing to drift off to. Yeah, a bit of white noise? A bit of white noise, and it wasn't on. It was working, and it just wasn't to start.

So I thought, oh, sometimes the plug gets loose. So I shoved the plug in, and it wasn't it was just wasn't start so I thought us sometimes the plug gets loose so I shoved the plug in and it like puttered and Nothing happened. I was like that's weird. I shoved it back in Puttered nothing happened shoved it in a third time then like a large spark flew out of the plug and then I smelt smoke and it didn't work and I tripped the breaker in my room and uh everything went out and my donkey kong 64 didn't save properly so i lost my save lost all progress trying to plug this fan in i had too many devices plugged into my room i believe shockingly i don't know if you

believe that yeah and i lost because you've got half a kitchen there. Yeah, that's a great point. I think you're right. I think the kitchen took down my Donkey Kong 64. But it's a fair trade. I'm loving the Keurig machine. I was here earlier. The reason why I had Craig in here is because somebody messaged me like,

you should make ramen using the Keurig because I never really thought about it. It's just like a hot water machine. So I tried that pretty good. I thought it was going to shoot water everywhere and I was going to burn myself. I was very nervous about it. That's why I wanted to have like a recording of it. It's like the saddest sputter of water I've ever seen.

There's no risk. I don't know what the strength button does. Does anyone know what that what does that mean? I think it just makes your coffee stronger. But what does that it just i think it just puts more water through the pods before saying hey i'm done it infuses longer maybe okay well i did medium strength and uh yeah i made a ramen before medium strength water yeah medium strength water what the fuck is that medium strength water. Medium strength water. What do you mean? It only affects the pods.

Unless you had a ramen pod in there, which I don't think you did. I don't think the strength affected it. No, no, no. I just had the bowl. Well, what does this... Well, the buttons, it doesn't manipulate the pod in any way.

It'd be how the water flows, would it not? What? What do you... What? The pod is just the pod. The pod is a stationary object. I don't think any of the buttons impact the pod is just the pod the pod is a stationary object i don't think any of the buttons impact the pod i'm saying the strength probably affects how long the water stays in the pod or how quickly it shoots through the pod if it like goes slowly through the pod i assume it

gets stronger coffee yeah but i'm saying whatever flow rate whatever medium water means nothing is what he's saying when you take the pot out you can have meat hard medium or soft water you're still gonna make the same fucking ramen which by the way just get a tea kettle well i have a keurig machine in my room so why would i get this too much work yeah well it's it shoots hot water it can be it's whatever you wanted to do i feel like honestly a kettle would be so useful. That seems so inefficient. Yeah. Well, how am I gonna heat the fucking kettle? I'd have to bring something else in. I don't have any... I can't

naturally heat the kettle from my room. I can't plug it in. Just plug it in. Get an electric little tea kettle. Oh, I can get an... Do I have those? Yeah, I have... That's what I make my coffee with. I use French press. That's what I make my coffee with every day. I thought you need to, like, put those on, like, like an oven and then that

No! That's a teapot! Ah Well no That's a tea kettle That's a stove kettle That's like a Yeah it's different

One with the whistles at the end Yeah You don't know you can electrically heat water What do you think a microwave's doing? No I know what a microwave is but I don't want to put a whole microwave in here

If I could just get like a kettle that's something to consider but then Yeah you can get tea you can get like a kettle, that's something to consider. But then, I don't know. Yeah, you can get tea. You can get like instant coffee. You could do your ramen. Maybe a little curry pot. I feel like that's redundant though

now that I have a Keurig. Pot noodle. I feel like I should have just bought that and not got a Keurig. Well, what's the difference? It's more specific. Yeah, I think a Keurig has narrowed you down in what you can achieve in your bedroom.

Yeah, a Keurig is for one cup of coffee or one hot cocoa. In your case, I think hot cocoa. Ramen as well. The ramen turned out pretty good. It's not for ramen. It worked pretty good. My medium water. I'm going to give you medium water.

I'm going to guess the amount of work you put in to make that ramen is way greater than it needed to be. What do you mean? I fucking, I opened the lid. I poured the packet in. you put in to make that ramen is way greater than it needed to be what do you mean i fucking i i opened the lid i poured the packet in i i was very worried about what the strength meant i put it on high heat and i clicked go it was just like andrew cough do you put the what you put the packet through the keurig what do you mean what do you mean i thought you were heating the water are you no no are you making the ramen in the Keurig machine? Well, I mean, I can't put the fucking ramen in the

machine, but I just put it where the cup would go. Oh, I see. Okay. The way you said it. The way you said it for a second. You scared me for a second. You just put the ramen in the reservoir and just spaghettis out the other end.

Jesus. Honestly, Andrew, I think your life is overly complicated. The way you operate is absolute insanity. I think this will help you a lot. You need to move your bed to the kitchen and I think all of your problems will go away. You're making it too complicated by bringing the kitchen to you.

You need to go there. He's right. And sleep. How is this complicated though? Explain to me you. You need to go there. He's right. And sleep. How is this complicated, though? Explain to me how this isn't any way complicated. You blew a fuse for a start. You blew the breaker. Yeah, you lost 20 hours of Donkey Kong

work, dude. Yeah, which you've now got to do again. No, I don't. So that you can save 30 seconds on a ramen packet. You cost yourself 20 hours. How many hours in that game were you uh easily like probably 25 i think you should try it maybe start with a sleeping bag and then maybe work on putting a small bed in the kitchen i there's no my i love my bed so much and it wouldn't fit in a kitchen it wouldn't fit in my kitchen at least what about the dining room this work uh i don't i really don't feel like i'm gaining anything here with this move i feel

like what i'm doing now is perfect i mean there are adjustments to definitely be made i i shimmy to my bed every day uh i i agree like there are things i need to adjust about my room but um i don't think moving to the kitchen solves that. Since you say your situation's perfect, but you have set off multiple fire alarms. Yeah. You almost burned the place down. You had the whole waffle bomb scenario. You don't, like...

He had desk floor dogs. You had desk floor dogs. You had, you're spending 10 times the amount of effort to make ramen noodles than you would be if you were spending 10 times the amount of effort to make a ramen noodles than you would be if you were just sleeping in the kitchen and you you know you're lucky you didn't burn your whole room down with that fan it doesn't sound like it's going well i you know things i think are going great you guys are greatly overestimating you just get trapped outside naked the other day she had to show the delivery guy your dick that i don't understand what that

has to do with my room i nothing i'm just telling you it's funny yeah because i've never seen i've never seen where andrew lives i i'm picturing it as like a seven-story building with a different room on each floor and each floor is just the size of one room and it's so much effort for you to go to the kitchen for the bedroom it's like a trek You need to put on boots to do it or something. It is a real effort. And I don't think moving down there would be useful. Why don't you just get a stairlift? A stairlift? Ooh.

Is that one of those chairs? Like the old lady in Gremlins had. Nah, that seems like work. You hit a button at the top of the lift, the Keurig starts boiling the water by the time you get to the bottom. You just put a mug in and keep moving. It'll be great.

I don't think so. I need to move some things because I do, as I said, I shimmy to my bed every day. I need to move some things. But outside of that, it's great. It's interesting, the life hacks that we share on this. Like Jeff's obviously got his full body blow dry. Andrew's got his kitchen in his bedroom yeah what do you what do you have gavin you have the bathroom

i got the fungus we need to combine rooms gavin we we're got a kitchen set up going on i could use those mushrooms maybe we can make some sort of dish oh my god it was so bad i i think uh my main life hack the one i do it's not a funny one it's just very convenient because it's got rid of a problem that i used to always have is that i keep uh a phillips head screwdriver and a pair of scissors in almost every room because i constantly in like i would not like to add up all the amount of time that i've spent looking for scissors in my life because it's like i open this quickly with scissors. Where are the scissors? No idea. Now they're everywhere and the same

with iPhone cables. I have the same thing with fingernail clippers. I probably have 20 pairs of fingernail clippers because when you need them, they're never there. When do you emergency need fingernail clippers? Surely you're just like, these are getting long. Let me just Alright, here's

Alright. Although you do compulsively trim. Yeah. I'm kind of compulsive about my nails, but then also there's... I don't know that we need to get into it today. I don't know that I want to get into the whole fingernail thing. You can trust us. No, I know.

It's just that I really want to talk about the bats and Billy Ripken. This is going to be a whole thing. You guys are going to make fun of me for this and stuff. And I just... No. I can't cut my Billy Ripken. This is going to be a whole thing. You guys are going to make fun of me for this and stuff. And I just... No. I can't cut my fingernails, all 10 fingernails at once. I get...

You get bored? I get bored. I'm good for three. By the time I do... And I'll do two. I have a system worked out where I'll do two on one hand and then one on the other. And then that's enough. And then I'll get to the rest later.

And so I need to have fingernail clippers in my car and in my backpack. one hand and then one on the other and then that's enough and then i'll get to the rest later and so i need to have fingernail clippers in my car and in my backpack and buy my and in my nightstand and in the bathroom and in the in the kitchen and then how do you keep track of oh that sounds like a nightmare surely you've got some fingers that haven't been trimmed for like a month and the other ones have got like a week on them no it's never i don't let it get that out of control but it's like but the end result is i i have i have this problem with gas too like i have trouble sitting still while i'm pumping gas so like i'll get to like a half a tank and i'll go that's enough i'll finish that later and then i'll just get like a half tank of gas and then leave because i just it just it's so hard for me to sit still and just watch the fucking meter go up.

I thought you were going to say you couldn't fart all at once. I was really confused as to what gasp was going to be. I have to release my farts in stages. No, it's just like... So how do you get by brushing your teeth? Because that's boring. That's like you've got to just sit there and do it. Do you just do half and then the rest later?

No, I just... This is an upper day. I just brush my teeth then the rest later no i just i just an upper day i just brush my teeth it's like that's what it's like some shit you just got to do because that takes longer than oh for sure all 10 fingers oh for sure totally yeah how many nails so you do three nails so this is sometimes more like i've done there are times i'm sorry what's that is it like once a day you do three or like what is the average how long does it take for you to do all your nails on average oh less than a week less than a week what do you mean less than a week i would i really want to see your calendar i can't make this meeting you gotta trim the ring finger and the little finger like i can tell right now my my right

thumbnail and my left pinky nail or two are i need to be that the out of syncness would drive me oh my god it takes maximum 90 seconds to do all 10 oh it's the worst so boring i can't do it so you know maybe i'll do it like i'll do it in like an hour i go back and do a few more sometimes i'll do more i have done all 10 at once i just don't i just i wouldn't wouldn't say... I'd say, like, maybe twice a year. How long does it take? A couple seconds. You're just like, do-do-do, do-do-do.

Whenever I get annoyed by one finger, I'll just go do that finger, and then I'll go, like, well, now the rest are long. And then I'll go, like, well, I'll just do, like, the two that are the longest. And then that's good for a while. And then, like, three days later, I'll go, like, oh, I noticed this one's gone. So I'd say about about a week i cut all my fingernails oh maybe maybe less than a week anyway i didn't want to talk about that that makes me sound weird what's that the hassle of

having to cut one fingernail is just awful yeah oh my god i know i know it costs me more time in the long run because of setup and tear down right i feel like there's a small period after you've done your fingernails where you've got to get used to them being a little bit shorter than they were and that's that's like a little bit of adjustment but you must be constantly adjusting to that yeah yeah probably can't yeah there are days when i just can't take it and i'm like oh i hate how this finger is shorter than the others and i'll just like buckle down and cut the rest of them this is insane to me this is one of the most mental things

you've ever said you are right yeah we I'm gonna make fun of you for this you're absolutely right that was uh that was crazy I didn't I didn't really want to go there certainly it certainly wasn't where I wanted to take today's podcast uh as somebody who's saying

that you're just as weird and it's just taking a longer time for it to come out, you're on a roll. You're on a roll with this nail thing, too. I don't think that's weird. I think I just have a short attention span. Yeah, but your attention span is so long on other things. Yeah, well, it's a little stuff that I like.

It's a whole process. You've put so much thought into this. So much thought into what? Cutting your nails. The amount of thought and effort it's not a lot of thought it really is a process the nice thing about my brain is it can do two things at once most of the time too so it's like it's not like it requires all of my mental faculties to deal with the fingernails i bet because this is face and we have a wonderful

face audience i bet we're gonna see a bunch of those comment leavers uh saying that they also do the same thing with their nails i i'm gonna guess that i get less positive feedback about the fingernails than i did about the nose flaps but way more than i do about than i did about the left sock i think it'll be in the middle a lot of people have taken objection to eric's statement eric did you see this there's a lot of people there's a lot of comment leavers, Eric, who are is that they are just own it. That's OK. If you're going to leave comments, be a comment lever. But, you know, don't tell me that you're not in the comments. That's crazy. While you're doing.

Speaking of the comment levers, those people also tend to buy bats. And should we talk about how the fucking bats went? Yeah, they were on sale for like eight seconds or something? I think, I don't know that, well, I think somebody told me seven or 13 seconds. I don't know that they can get that grant, like that down to the second with the detail, but they were out of,

they went out of stock immediately. And there were some questions as to how many were for sale. I think I made 50. The ones I made for you and Nick and Andrew and Eric were outside of the 50. Like they had, I had extra bats. So the ones I made for, and the one I made for me as well, those are not a part of the 51 that I made.

So I think out of the 51 that were for sale 49 of them went for sale because one went to jack and one went to uh rebecca in england so yeah so i think it was 49 bats that went on sale and they sold out in i don't know fucking nothing no time like less than a minute 10 seconds that's crazy they say like super rare yeah that is really crazy uh and and i feel bad about it i mean i'm excited about it because i'm excited that people thought enough of the the whole thing to buy them but so we you know we feel bad about it because a lot of people wanted to get bats that couldn't so i think we're gonna we're looking into it right now but um we're looking

at making like a second run of bats but then i don't want the the first bat people to feel any less special for their bat so the new bats that we make would be different like we'll do a different design like shit yeah yeah well that would be different but maybe the colors that like the colorways would be different on it you know it'll be like a pair of jordans i saw a picture of the one where you wrote face on it i guess the person that's the very that's, yeah. Boy, did you make a dog's dinner of that. Dude, I can see why you switched to numbers. No, you're right. And that's blown up, dude.

That thing is tiny. Like, you know how big your bat is. Now, transpose it to look at your knob and think, how did he write those eight fucking letters on that thing? There's no room. It's brutal. And I'm not burning shit anymore. Like, the next run will not be hand-numbered by Jeff.

Maybe we'll have an autograph card in it and we'll all autograph it or something, but I'm not numbering anymore for a while. The next one will just be fucking bats and they'll be cheaper and they'll be available for people to get. Who wants that? Yeah.

The people didn't get the first bat. The pain and the turmoil is why people bought them. I feel like you're overvaluing how many people wanted actual bats. The bats, I feel like, the actual material, I don't think matters that much. And they don't function as bats. No.

I think there has to be a level of suffering, Jeff, for this game. All right, I don't want to number them, though. I can burn them, I just want to do it differently. Why don't you brand them? That's a great idea. Well, I just I just don't want it to suck. I don't want to lose a whole weekend again.

It took you a whole weekend to number 50 bats in stages because I could I get bored. I was about to say, I just talked to the fucking it takes you a week to do your fingernails. Why am I shocked that it took you a whole weekend for 50 back in my head i would spend an hour sanding the bottoms and then i would spend maybe 90 minutes numbering them in my head way more than 90 minutes no thing yeah yeah you're dealing with to count to magnifying oh you know what with a wood burner and a magnifying glass and like all these tools and the wood burner gets overheated and then it burns too fast so you got to take breaks and unplug it for a while and let it cool down and then burn it like it's a it was i got it down to a science that i would say from

bat 30 to 51 i was fucking humming but those first 30 were rough i could do the lot in half a day well then you're gonna do the next batch. All right. All right. I have all the equipment. I'll drop it off at your house. How much is the lot? Are we doing like another 50?

No, we would do. I would say we'd probably do 200, 100 or 200. There were at least that many people. Does that change your scale, Gavin, for how long you think it would take? Nah. I'll get them done. I love it.

I think I think I could do 200 bats in like three hours if I'm just numbering them that seems super easy should we briefly with all this confidence flying around the room do we want to briefly mention that uh in between the last recording in this one Jeff Andrew suggested a third burger bet and then and then turned his back on it immediately. Oh my God. I forgot it. What was that? Was that like a momentary lapse in sanity?

That was so weird. I felt so bad that he was basically going to be double or nothing again. And I just couldn't let him go through with it. I was like, I don't care what you've thought of. It still isn't going to happen. It just seemed desperate. I wasn't sure what was going on no there was no desperation at all it was I was I woke up really early that day as in the shower and I was like you know what

those burgers are no fucking problem I think those burgers no problem at all done it twice yeah yeah I had a slight adjustment I was like you know what this is a mental game and I think if I make this small change, I can make this work. I think I'm good. I had so much burger confidence from between like 4 a.m. until like 9 a.m. Then it began to reduce a little bit. And then I had a burger in the evening and it was shot. It was shot by one burger.

And I was like, I was grounded back to reality. Because you were aggressively confident for a little bit. I felt really good about it from four to seven. It was on Monday. You started the text conversation with, I'm feeling spicy this morning, Gavin. Jeff replies with, what does that even mean? Andrew says, 25 double burgers,

round three, double or nothing again but if i lose we bump it from a pencil to a 30 centimeter ruler yeah the burger confidence is back i have a new strategy jeff's saying that's a ton more wood so much wood in a ruler yeah and then i think so that was at 9 a.m uh by oh it went down a little bit oh yeah when the burger confidence hits there's no stopping it that was about three in the afternoon by 7 30 the burgers are off the table not possible what happened was i was like a fighter who's in retirement and just got a little excited for a minute and i did one sparring round and i realized uh this is not i'm i'm talking beyond my deck it's

ever a big deal when a boxer who's never won a fight comes out of retirement i never said it was a big deal i just said i felt like i could finally win one. I know what you mean. I know what you mean, Andrew. Every once in a while I go to the beach and I'll think I'm going to go surfing again. And then I get to the moment when it's time to surf and I go, that's a lot of work. You know what?

Never mind. Leave it to my youth. What was the revelation you had that didn't pay off? Well, I mean mean you bring up a great point gavin and that you'd think that i mean never being successful at it would make me less motivated but it just makes me want to do it more i feel like it's this mountain i'm gonna eventually climb i just haven't got there yet and uh your question was what made me realize what was like my sparring session that that like is that is that we were asking i guess you've already explained like what brought it on and i had a burger yeah i there was nothing that brought

it on i just felt i had the burger confidence i woke up with burger with the burger in my mind i was like i bet i could fucking do this let's do this but that's why it's not gone this isn't not gonna happen we have a deal we have the framework of a deal in place now. And when I get that burger confidence back, I can just roll with it. And I don't even need to talk to you. There's no negotiating. Your stomach is the same size. Yeah, but I this is a mental game, I think.

And I just I need to get there. That was a big factor of it. If I'm going to do this, it's going to be a day where I have ridiculous amounts of confidence about it and I didn't have that after eating that burger I felt a little full I can't I can't believe I'm saying this but Gavin I think he's 100% right I do think it's all mental and if he can strike

while the confidence is high like like if you would have the reality is Andrew if when you woke up that morning and you felt that burger confidence if you'd immediately place that order and had those burgers in your house within an hour, you probably could have done it right then. I would have had a huge start without a doubt. And that's all I think I need.

I think I just need that initial momentum and I can carry the rest of the way because I was close last time. It wasn't like I missed it by a lot. I was pretty close. You weren't close enough to try it again yeah i had i had like 42 of the patties like that's pretty good the patty is part of the burger you're saying it like it's like you had 42 burgers you had 42 patties you also lost count to like a factor of two you thought you're you're eating singles thinking they were full burgers

your math was so wrong my math was was really wrong, but once again, that just, it's a confidence thing. I don't need the math for it to be right. Like, if anything, my math being bad just makes it better. I think you've lost the plot, and I think you're going to try it again. You're going to lose again. You're going to say, I'm never trying this again.

Six months down the line, burger round four. I think we're in a constant face cycle here. Until I do it, I think, i think yeah it's gonna be a thing and it can't be done like people have eaten way more burgers it's not an impossible thing but it'll happen one day i will climb that mountain i will climb burger mountain dude i do you have a ruler in your hand like a 30 centimeter ruler in your hand i uh no but i have I distinctly own one no I used okay they're so big they're so no they're not that big they that's I remember that's like five pencils worth of wood man I have I have a when I was in the third grade my teacher yelled a lot and then I'd get upset about it even though I was like a

really good kid I just didn't make me uncomfortable i didn't like the conflict so they try to like go the extra effort and connecting with me and there was one time where they're trying to prove some point about like uh leverage i guess was the lesson and i had a wooden ruler and they knew it and they said try to break your ruler and they they knew i couldn't they knew i wouldn't be able to with my hands and so they're like try to break your ruler and so like i'm trying my hands and and then they continue on with their lesson and then i thought well he wants me to i misinterpreted i thought he actually wanted me to break my ruler so i put it on my knee and i cracked it in half and the crack was so loud and it just echoed through the room and everyone went quiet and the teacher just had like the biggest sigh i'm just like

did he try and make you eat it is is this like no okay no no but he was just so disappointed i'm saying like i've i've i have a ruler in my mind because of that experience i got you it's stuck in my ruler story so it is cemented i know what i'm dealing with with the ruler was mainly my point i don't think you should eat one well Well, I don't think I should eat a pencil either, but at a certain point, it doesn't matter. I think if you gave yourself six months to fully finish the pencil, you could do it without...

I think the shavings are the way to go with that. A bit of garnish. I wonder what's more dangerous for your body. Like, what's less healthy? Eating a ruler or eating 50 burgers? I'd say the burgers. I think the wood splinters would be an issue.

Yeah. It's so much wood. It's not like a beaver. It's so much wood, a ruler, Andrew. I know you know what one is, but it's a lot of wood. Also, when you fail this bet, what's round four going to be? You're going to just eat the contents of a pencil case? When does it end?

In my head, I kind of like the idea of elevating it every time to eventually just be a door to where we start. To where it stops. It can't be the door. I think that'd be the goal. That'd be the dream. But yeah, there was burger confidence and it faded, but we have something on the table.

So next time I really feel it, I'll just go. Yeah, I think you gotta start to strike when the iron's hot. Yeah. Absolutely. For sure. Oh, another thing, since we were talking about bats, Billy Ripken. Yes.

Kind of the namesake of this podcast, if you don't know. We got the name because he... The idea for the name of the podcast came from Billy Ripken. Yes. Kind of the namesake of this podcast. If you don't know, we got we got the name because he the idea for the name of the podcast came from Billy Ripken wrote face on a baseball bat and they ended up making a 1989 Fleer baseball card out of it. It became an error and highly sought after in the 80s. Anyway, I have a real fucking problem that's not related to dog shit or plumbing or my girlfriend shit or any of that. The problem I have is

that Andrew and this podcast have started me on a fucking dark path of collecting cards again, and it is not... I don't have a healthy relationship with it. But a part of that is that I spend way, way, way, way, way too much of my free time

lurking in baseball and basketball card forums across the internet now. I spend a lot of my free time. I feel really bad because I used to lurk in architectural forums about Austin, just like all the Austin skyscrapers and stuff going up. And I've completely avoided that community now for the basketball card community. However, in the process of this, I noticed, especially over the holiday break, on like four different threads, two on Reddit and two on other websites, where people were talking about this Billy Ripken

face card and they couldn't figure out why it's worth so much money all of a sudden. It used to go for like 20, 25 bucks. And now people are saying it's on ebay for like 300 and people are like what the fuck happened this has always been a funny joke card but it's never it hasn't been worth anything in like 20 years like did billy ripken die he did not by the way like did he get it did he get added to the hall of fame like what's the deal and they don't seem to know why and i think we can take credit for that i mean that might be true i don't know i mean who else is pushing billy ripken's face card right now that's a great point is that the most valuable

card you have now you think who me yeah no no no no you don't think so well okay what about for for i got that emily got me that box of that immaculate box i had a lot of stuff in there what's up that's true i'm just thinking of like well what do you think is your most valuable card i have a charles i have an autographed charles barkley ricky card that i've had since well that's how i got the charles barkley story from um that i've had since 16 he was less than excited to do it right yeah he was less than enthused um i don't know man i got a lot of like i got a really cool randy a rosarina like one of one the other day um i got some stuff uh i'm right now i'm collecting uh i've decided i'm gonna i'm gonna own every marcus smart rookie card he's my favorite player on the celtics and so i and now i'm flirting

with the idea of instead of just having every marcus smart rookie card like because you know there's like andrew knows this but there's like 60 versions of of a rookie card in a year like probably literally there's probably 60 different marcus smart rookie cards from 2015 or 2014 so i was thinking i'll collect all of them and then i was thinking instead of collecting one of each what if i just collect every marcus smart rookie card on earth so now i'm i i'm buying because they're not super expensive I'm buying like lots of like 20 of his Donruss rookie card at a time because it's like 8 bucks and I get like and now and I'm getting like this is where

it's what I'm saying it's getting dark this is getting really dark I'm getting way too into it but I think that we have manipulated unintentionally but I think that we have helped increase the value of the Billy Ripken card because it's going for like a couple hundred bucks on eBay, whereas before our podcast, it was going for like 20, 30 bucks.

You know what we need to do? I didn't get one. No, that's your problem, Gavin. I'm going to continue this. You can get in on this. There's a very clear thing we need to do now. What is the cheapest, most bullshit card we can find and then buy a bunch of? Raise the value on that. Media profit. I'm kind of trying to do that with MarketSmart cards right now. I don't think... I don't know about the MarketSmart market. I think we need to pick...

Because MarketSmart has value. He's a loved player. He's popular. I think we need to find someone who has no value at all. No disrespect to them. No value at all. Terrible player. Just own that market.

Is it legal to do this kind of artificial inflation? It's almost like insider trading. Who's going to stop us? Fucking the Panini company? What are they going to do? I'm not worried about Panini. Don't think of it as a social experiment. Don't think of it as a money-making venture, Gavin.

Yeah. Think of it as like, you know how everything is terrible? Do you know those dudes? The people that they collect the Jerry Maguire VHS tapes and they're building like a yes a shrine in the desert with like hundreds of thousands of Jerry Maguire like think of it like that it's like performance art we're collecting every 1991 Detlef Schrempf fucking tops card or whatever it is uh we just need to figure out, and I bet the audience could help us, who's the best character to pick

to do this with? Just a useless why do they even have a card player? I feel like Andrew was going for money, though. Oh, I definitely was, but I mean, I'm open to performance art, too. But for the purposes of us saying it in public

on this podcast, he's not. No, exactly. Bad play. It's art. Yeah, we just need to figure out, like, who's the, like, who's the Matt Bragg of professional sports? Think about it. Poor Matt. That was unnecessary. That was a blow, Geoff. That was just mean. Only because I love him so much and he'll never know because he doesn't listen.

I think he'll know about that one. Yeah, that was unnecessary. Do you have any collectibles, Gavin? Do you collect any shit? I don't think collectibles. Gavin you collect any shit I think collectible you remember when I'm Hurricane Katrina happened and bungee sold I'm sorry I just didn't expect I

didn't expect Hurricane Katrina to come out of the collectible talk go ahead I apologize and they saw the shirt I think all the proceeds went to some Katrina charity or like money pool so they uh they had this diagram of master chief kicking the flood and it said fight the flood on a shirt they sold that shirt to make money anyway i've got the original sketch of that which i bought at the uh charity auction at the end that's probably the only thing that's i would say

collectible that someone who likes Halo might actually want. You get a certain piece of art from a certain artist that's pretty fucking cool. One of a kind. Who are you referring to? Damien Hirst? Yeah. Damien Hirst signed a coverall that I was wearing. That's pretty cool. It's not really

a well-known item, though. It's just he doodled on me. I think a Damien hearst doodle is pretty collectible those are cool options yeah i just like it's i i feel like i need i just have dumb stuff like that's the best collectible items i have are just items nobody needs like i think my force whitaker autograph battlefield earth card probably the best collectible I have. Nobody needs that. That's not a thing anyone wants.

I'm jealous of it. It's a really stupid. It was a rare pull. I think this is probably the greatest pull I'll ever have in my life from a box. And it's for a card nobody actually cares about. Should we do this once or should we do this? once or should we do this? Like, because, you know,

I'm sitting here trying to think of who's like the goofiest athlete or like the worst baseball card you can think of to pick. But like, you bring up that. Like, we could pick a Daredevil the movie card too. Or it could be like a garbage bill. That's true. It doesn't have to be sports.

That's true. There are entertainment cards. I don't know. although i do think sports probably makes more sense i think so too there's uh there's a hockey player i don't know i should look if dale weiss has cards okay i like dale weiss dale weiss is this hockey player who's like a fourth line guy meaning that he's like he's he's a cock like he's a professional athlete but he's as barely a professional athlete as you can be within the sport of hockey and there was a lockout a few years ago and almost every player went to either like the swedish elite league or the russian like the khl like the main russian league and dale weiss went to like this Dutch league that no other player went to that is like barely above

amateur. And he scored like 50 goals and had like 60 assists in 20 games. And so then he came back after the lockout. Everybody was calling him Dutch Gretzky, which I thought he was. He lit it up over there like nobody has ever seen. It was like he's the LeBron James for like two weeks and then came back to reality. So Dale Weiss, I'm going to put in the ring. All right. Maybe a card that I can't imagine has any value. I don't think anyone's collecting Dale Weiss cards. We'll put him in the ring.

And I'm going to think of I'm going to think of people. Yeah. Hmm. OK, I'm on it. I got I'm going to I'm going to come up with some some options, too. I'm fascinated to hear what Gavin will come up with. Yeah, me too. What I'm interested in. Somebody who doesn't know anything about this yeah i don't know i tried

to get ernie johnson to intro this podcast once i should know you didn't i can't yeah yeah did you really i did yeah it didn't go anywhere but i tried guys you don't know who that is but he's a basketball announcer that's fucking cool one of the best yeah his dms are open on twitter for some reason i was just like hey ernie what's up slide into ernie's dms i slid so hard into ernie's dms to try to get him it was when we're doing i don't did we even do an intro to this episode i don't think we did hey hello and welcome yeah we did because it's episode 35 or 38 oh that's right yeah no i guess we did he's's episode 35 or 38. Oh, that's right. Yeah. No, I guess we did. He seems really professional. So I thought he'd be able to give us a good intro.

So I tried. I reached out. Nothing happened. Well, hopefully the audience will have some suggestions for us too. The collective brainpower of the Christmas. If they can make a Christmas album, they can come up with a funny card for us to collect for sure. Valentine's Day album on the way from what I hear. Are serious yeah oh it's rare that not many people make valentine's day

albums but it's in the works for my uh also if anyone in the audience has tips on uh drain mushrooms uh whether i should deal with it whether i should move let me know oh yeah and if you have a line on bat knob manufacturers let us us know. Oh, fuck, Jeff. I've been meaning. I thank you for saying that. I even queued this up to load. I'm going to post a photo in the Discord. I have a knob guy.

And when I was talking to him about knobs, as one does, he showed me this photo. I was like, which one do you want? I feel like as much as I hate to say it, Gavin might have a point because those are definite like gavin understandings of what a knob is well the one on the right looks like a butt plug i i'd say the middle one is the best knob that could be a could be a cabinet handle and you could write something on it i think the one on the left is like that's what a knob is to me that's what a knob is to me the on the left that's just that could be anything that could be the back of a pin what like a badge yeah but yours could be a fucking doorknob as you said like i don't know what yeah but that's you gotta have a little bit of stick to make it a

knob a knob on its own it's i think think of it this way gavin we could flip that that knob coin it's like a knob coin just the knob you could flip that and it might be selling coins then if we want to be flipping stuff no it was a knob it is a knob what do you mean that is all knob what you're arguing for is beyond the the knob. It's not a knob. A knob needs some shaft as a context to qualify its knobness. That's not true. That's absolutely not. What are you talking about? A knob is a knob.

What do you mean? What do you mean? A knob is a knob, man. It's like saying a wheel needs part of an axle to still be a wheel. But you couldn't open a door. You couldn't twist a door you can twist the door open with what you've got on the left if you hammered it into a fucking thing you could what thing well you couldn't hit a baseball with any of

those well well they're not what is it knobs well the one of the rights half a bat it's like a tenth of a bat okay look by look. By definition, what's a knob? Does anyone know? Something you can grip. Hold on. You can definitely grip that knob. With... Hold on, I'm looking at that knob definition. A rounded lump or ball, especially at the end or on the surface

of something. Oh! I think I just won. No, because you could remove it from the thing and it would still be a knob. Okay, if that's not a fucking knob on the left, what is it, Gavin? Um, a circle of wood? Like a completely useless, coin-shaped piece of wood? What do you mean?

What would you call that? I wouldn't call anything. That doesn't exist. That's not a thing. The one in the middle is an actual knob. No, it's not. Well, they're all knobs. Technically, they all have a knob, but I think there's an actual knob no it's not well they're all knobs technically they all have a knob but i think there's an unnecessary amount of shit eric what are these which one's the knob yeah maybe we'll have to let eric decide uh i think we should let the fans decide but i think it's the middle one because the one on the left looks like a coin yes and i

and i understand where everyone's coming from but I think if you were to show people on the left or people the one on the left I think they would look at it and go well that's a button and then the middle one looks like a knob I'm sorry but that's how I don't think anyone would say the middle one is a knob either though

without context that just looks like a bottom part of a bat the bottom part of a bat which is, right, right, right. The bottom part of a bat, which is known as... Yeah, but it's about how we phrase it again. We just need to post a poll. A, B, or C. Yes, I agree. Well, listen, listen. I'm okay with that. C is ludicrous. If we're gonna

make C, we might as well say it's a bat. C is ludicrous. A or B? Please. We'll put the picture up. We'll put a big red fucking cross in C. Fuck C. It's gotta be A or B. Okay. I. We'll put the picture up. We'll put a big red fucking cross in C. Fuck C. It's got to be A or B. Okay.

I think that's good. Okay. All right. We'll let the audience decide. Andrew, can this person, can this knob person crank out knobs? I said, well, I believe so. I asked how many knobs could you make me, and they said as many as you need. Okay. Well, let's put them in touch with Tony in merch,

or Robert in merch, and let's get... Well, first off, we got to get... Well, let's make the introduction so that they know each other, and then we'll figure out what the cost is and stuff. Why are you... What are you doing? What are you...

What is this? We're going to sell Nobs. Yeah, I don't know why you're doing the business end of it right now with teaching Andrew how to do it. Oh, it's a peer behind the veil. The audience loves to sell knobs. Yeah, I don't know why you're doing the business end of it right now with teaching Andrew how to do it. Oh, it's a peer behind the veil. The audience loves to see that. They're way into it.

Andrew, it's the secret sauce. Are these the knobs of a full-size bat or tiny bat knobs again? I don't know how bats work. If we're going to sell bat knobs, they need to be full-size knobs. I agree. There's no point in selling the bat that we sold in knob-only form.

I want to see a nice finished kitchen all looking really nice, but one of the cabinets has our bat knob on it. Yeah. That's the dream for me. That's the dream? Yeah, that's the dream yeah i agree

i think those are normal size knobs are they not i don't i don't i haven't got there's no scale there yeah but i i think that's a boy wait wait wait wait wait it is there is some scale that's a pool table that's a pool table so there's still no scale it's not right by the pocket no it's not no you could kind of i feel like you could kind of figure that out i'd say that's uh it's like the size of a pool ball the middle one's probably about the size of a pool ball right no knob i think the knob it would i think you could put a pool ball on that just the knob i think it would sit on there fine. I really like the middle one, guys. I really like the way that looks. I'm with Andrew,

but here we are. I think we gotta let the audience decide. Do they want a little bit of stick in there? Do they want a little bit of knob? I can't talk. Which one is the knob? A, B, or C? Not C. Fuck C. A or B. Which one do you want? It's in the picture.

Yeah, I'll put it in there. In like a year when this comes out. When does this air? Two weeks from now. In like two weeks? We're not that far ahead. Okay. We're not that far. Hey, man. We're that far behind. We're not that far ahead. Come on. The way

our dumb shit works, we'll be so far past knobs by in two weeks. We'll be talking about some other dumb shit. We'll be trying to sell Gavin's magic mushrooms or whatever. Biohazard. Are we just doing one or two today? No, we're just doing one. Yeah, it's just one and we should end this one.

Oh yeah, let's do that. Hey, thanks for listening to another episode of F*** Face. I believe it was episode 35, but it also could have been episode 38. Either way, it was 35 is what I'm hearing potentially. Probably not 38, probably 35. Like and subscribe. I don't know why I say that.

This is not on YouTube. But give us all the stars and leave us a review. And be sure to let us know who you think we should own every basketball or baseball or sports card of. That's a great call. Also, I'm looking to sell not the Rooster Teeth store. So, interest, let me know. Oh, yeah. Also, bats are out of stock.

The hats are also the Russian fuck hats are out of stock. But we do still have Ian shirts. That is true. So, if you wanted to pick up an Ian pocket tee that they're still available in the store. Can I have a hat Eric? Yes.

And we have our own section now in the store and I'd like to point out that the Ian tee has been in the store now for a while and I still don't have one. I don't have a

gerbil shirt Jeff. I don't either. Do we sell that yet? Yeah. Yeah. Where's all our stuff? Oh my God. End the fucking episode