Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade - BEST Western Weddings & Liam Neeson's Graffiti Balls

Episode Date: August 18, 2025

Buckle up—David tells the most unreal story from the “god damn road" and Dana drops a chaotic wedding tale before the guys get to Liam Neeson’s “hairy balls.” Then they discuss Happy Gilmore 2, Tommy Boy and Joe Dirt trivia, reveal some little-known Macaulay Culkin SNL moments, and introduce us to a theory you didn’t know you needed: ants are aliens.  To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Please gamble responsibly. If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact ConX Ontario at 1-866-531-2-600 to speak to an advisor, free of charge. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. Dana, it's so good to see you. Quickly, I have to tell you the greatest story in the world. Oh, great. If you have time, don't fast forward.

I'm excited already. You can see, I'm just stretching. Okay, it all started. Before I get to the best unreal story you've ever heard. You never exaggerate or, you know, kind of. This is a new thing where we start by exaggerating. Okay. So I was on the road and on the road on road.

We know, we know Spade. You're on the goddamn road. But you've, you're on the road. I'm with Tommy Farley. He's, uh, Chris's nephew. He's with me helping up. You know, I remember Tommy. Yeah, he's an actor here in town.

Yeah. So we go, we're going to the gig. I forget something. It's a second night, you know, when you go hotel to hotel. So I'm in Jacksonville. And if someone hears us, they'll laugh. So I go back, I go, I got to run back to my room. So I run up and I leave my door cracked sometimes when I run around in the hotel because I forget my keys sometimes.

So I get back and I'm like, oh my God, I cracked my door again, but I was leaving for the night. So I go, that's so stupid. So I go in and I can't, I'm looking at all going, where's my bag? Where's my? And the bed's messy. And, you know, of course I realized this is not my room. I'm not in my room. I'm in someone's room.

I've had that has a messy bed Same room as mine I'm like It's just such a weird feeling I go oh my God Am I What am I doing There's a wall right here

Oh shit This isn't my room And then I don't know If someone's in the bathroom If they walk out I'm terrified So then I just sprinted out Without anything happening

But then I obviously shut the door And ran And either I lock them out Or they were in the bathroom Right How weird, though, if they were to walk out and saw someone in there. A lot of hotel stuff's like that. I've walked in the wrong room and done the wrong.

But, you know, I have to say that was the best story of the year. Maybe I hyped it too much because nothing happened. Spade walks into wrong room and then walks out of wrong room. Five stars. Five stars. Clip it. Send it out. What about this?

Here's another really riveting part of it. Okay, that one, you're not going to top that. No, I get back on the elevator and I realize I hit 11 because I was in 11 the night before and just by rote, I went to just hit 11. Oh, so you figured it out. Yeah. I was in two hotels. Oh, yeah. What did you do on the break?

No. A woman who's my wife's sister named Neve was getting married. okay and she would laugh at this it was her third marriage um she's adorable so i was gonna fly out so paula is this more informational than laughs a minute because it's paula's gonna fly with her mom um who's 93 or four and i was so i went in reconnoitered i went in the day early so that flight was kind of interesting because i hate i don't like to get the airport at the end you like to be like O.J. and the Hertz rent-a-car things, like hurtling things. You like to sprint. There were some really out-of-shaped people in my two flights. Getting by, getting by, really

should not be trying to run, actually running. Well north of 60, kind of overweight, but sprinting like a slow-mo show. So anyway, so I got to the airport and it was delayed three hours. Oh, you're rotting at LAX? No, I was in a small metro airport. Oh, we're not saying one. And I walked up and down and up and down. And if I have the baseball cap on and I change my lower jaw, they either think I'm Mickey Rourke or something. Yeah, no one, everyone's so busy at the airport, sometimes they don't even pay attention.

So you probably take this plane. I've been flying Boeing's recently, I think, because when you go on an airbus, it takes off, and it sounds like the engine is literally an oversized lawnmower, and it's really working hard. Because you're going down, it's a giant, you know, it's 200 people, takes off. You've heard the sound, eh, you know that sound? Yeah, there's a weird, he-h-h-h-h-h-h-h.

And you're like, is this normal? Yeah, is this? And then when, and then it always in one minute, I know it, but it downshifts. The first time you hear, it's like, e-you're just taking right off the car mat. And then it goes, e-re. Right. Like it gave up, you know. And the plane kind of drops a little bit.

Scary. You feel like, yeah, you feel like maybe the guy dropped the tranny or something. Yeah. So I got there a day early. There's a hotel attached to the Denver airport. You just go right through the terminal into the hotel. Oh, I like that, actually. Which is pretty cool.

So the whole day I get there, I got to pick up the rent-a-car, learn how to drive around the largest airport in the world, literally pretty much. You're driving? Well, I'm getting to rent a car so I can pick up. my wife and mother-in-law at the curb the next day. And I'm sure you've dealt with this, all the directions. How do you get to the rent-a-car? Well, you know, it's so vague.

You go out. The biggest airport, Denver, is such a cluster. I go out. So I still was never totally sure I was going to make it, but I did a test run. The next day they come in, and they're at the curb. Oh, you did a test run. I did a test run. But I still at the last second of my east, west, south,

they said well go to the cell phone place so there's a place 10 miles away and everyone's in there looking at their cell phones because you can't wait at the gate so they're all just in there and then all of a sudden they start moving I'm like holy shit I got to go so then I followed them and we made it and then we checked into a Best Western Dana James Carvey well let me put it this way. If anything says best, you expect some kind of best. That's the best hotel. So my mother-in-law and, by the way, her whole house flooded. There's carpenters everywhere. Kitchen floor has to be replaced. So she's coming from a random flood that flooded the downstairs, blah, blah, blah. So I go get them and we go to the best western. Now, I go into my room.

You could say paper thin, whatever you do. But there was a guy next to me when I tried to go to sleep that apparently was throwing up from drinking too much alcohol. So it was 10 minutes. I felt like it was in the room with me. So I'm trying never, never land. But I realized my pillow was like, I don't know if you could ever get a rubber pillow. Like Herman Munster could sleep on it, but not a regular human.

Like, it doesn't go down at all. You have a sensitive neck, right? So it's like 10 o'clock, but Target is open. So Paul and I go over to get me a $2 pillow to see if that don't work for me. And so the next morning I get up, but my mother-in-law and her room is flooded and has a sewage component. She came from the flood into a flood. We came from the flood into another flood. So we're like, we called an audible.

We didn't try to switch rooms. And then Paula said, we got to go. We got to get out of it. Even though all the wedding party, like 40 people are at the hotel. So we went over to the Hilton. We go, this is awesome. Big atrium. Juicy.

The guy's checking. Okay, let me see. I think I have no. Oh, we have a hundred. This is quoting. We have 125 people checking in in two hours. I got one room. We're not going to share it.

Then we went to a place called the Armstrong. and that was cool. So it's obviously not a huge metropolis you're in. It's not Denver, exactly. So you have to kind of get a smaller hotel. I was Elvis in Fort Collins. I have never been recognized. I don't want to be starstruck with Bernie on.

You know, I mean, I'm not normally like that. I've seen you, but no one goes to Fort Collins. So I'm Elvis for the entire weekend. I can't hide. Hey, man, you know, I'm a little starstruck. drawing. I don't really know what to say to you. But anyway, we had a wedding of four days. We had dinners. We had breakfast. You want to go to the makeup? Pick the flowers thing? No, I think I'll tap out on that. Oh, you got an itiner or you can pick things. Yeah, you could kind of go. Paula was going.

So anyway, the wedding happened out in the middle of nowhere. You drive like roads, roads, then dirt roads, dirt roads to an abandoned lake with a wreck room and where they filmed chainsaw massacre and we're out there pre-wedding guess what leak

toilet backed up sewage problems water flooding in the little rec room area where the big table Colorado what's happening we got a guy a guy comes in a snaking

the thing while the wedding's going on the wedding it the guy's playing an oboe or something like these it was like Ken Burns kind of stuff really and the weather got incredibly dramatic so the vows were mature vows these people have lived you know and they're very emotional but the cool part was the groom geoffrey wrote a poem about neve and it was very beautiful and then with his friend he made a song out of it with a i so a lot of people work its way in beautiful singer a lot of people who was

singing that song a lot of seniors there That was AI. Well, what do you mean? A.I. Dagnamet. That sounds just like a real song. Like a witch? So then the bathroom was out, so you had to do a hike up.

You had to go to this, it's a deliverance vibe. There's this house up the block to the lettuce, she's her bathroom, and a woman on a swing. What are you doing here? You know, there's a guitar laying down on the carpet, toys everywhere, a junk dog. Everything is. So. Anyway, it was great. And on the way back, my mother-in-law needed a wheelchair through the airport.

Never went through an airport like that. Because we were with her, we just went. We were king to the hole like butter. Did you get on a cart? No, we just followed that wheelchair, man. Beep, beep. Sometimes they pull a cart up and I say, no, thanks. I want to walk it.

I need steps. I don't know if anything. Well, I could go on more, but that's kind of, that's the general. Is that the long and short of it? That's a long and a short. I like vows where they're like on the third marriage going, hey, let's just see what happens. Let's,

let's try it out. Well, this was so emotional. It's kind of like they finally checked off all the boxes on the person they had. Good, good, good. Like you're, I want someone who's like this and like that. And so it was I,

I'm, I tear up easily. Of course. I do too. I was, because, you know, I've known Neve,

I've known Paula's sister since she's sick. years old and I was the funny boyfriend that came around you know and so we had this thing where I had a Volkswagen bug and she would sit on my lap and drive the car this is in the late 70s and then if we saw a motorcycle guy with a helmet on I'd say bubblehead two o'clock and then you'd press the button that sprayed the water on the actual windshield it just pretend that you're actually somehow spraying the bubblehead she never forgot that so you know my lap driving bubblehead two o'clock. Did they ever have the courtesy during their vows to say, how about a round of applause for

Dana Carver, UK is here? Well, there was. Does anyone else want to speak? Right. Yeah, there you go. You got a time to do a set. No, but then I thought, I don't want, I want this to be their day. I don't want to get up and start, you know, nah, dad, dad, yeah.

And everyone's like, who, but it was very emotional. It was sweet. And, you know, it is mature. I do think, you know, getting married in that age group, maybe you are a little more picky or just kind of know. Well, you probably sink up more than when you were 24 or something because everyone changes so much in their life. And then by that point, they probably, it's fun to find someone a little later. You go, hey, I am someone to roll with. Yeah, I really liked the groom and you can't help, but you're there and you're a husband.

and then you're hearing compliments about him. You go, geez, do I qualify for that? You always, you're always there for me. You protect me. You take care of me. Paul is just darting your eyes going, oh, boy. Paul is already, she's already yawning. She's like, oh, you can get all those things.

And you do this and you do that and do that. I'm like, we're so funny. Everyone was shocked that we've been married 42 years because there's like 14 divorces between the two families and they were all there, literally. And they're like, what? Did I hear that right? No, everyone is shocked. But, you know, I've met Paula.

She's so cool that I could see it. I could see it. Interesting. I could see how you guys get along and you are both very mature and you have a good thing going, which is not what everyone has going. Well, in the end of the day, I think someone said this recently, who are you going to watch TV with? Right.

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Hello, it's Lena Dunham. I host a podcast called The Sea Word with my dearest friend and historian of bad behavior, Alyssa Bennett. What is up? It's a chat show about women whose society is called crazy. We're going to be rediscovering the stories

of women's society dismissed by calling them mad, sad, or just plain bad. Listen to and follow the C-word with Lena Dunham and Alyssa. Elizabeth Bennett, available now wherever you get your podcasts. All right. I have some more superficial stuff to talk about. That was nice.

I do cry at that. I cry at commercials. I cry anywhere. This is, I tear up. Oh, Heather, by the way, that we should do that Liam Neeson video. Do you have it in there anywhere? Do only I have it? I have it.

Well, you have it. Just send it while I'm doing this. We'll get to it. I'd like to see that because the whole, Who's his new girlfriend from Baywatch? Pamela. I've had people say to me that's not real, is it? I don't know if it is.

It's very believable. It's funny because I knew Pamela in the old days, I don't talk to her anymore, and I can't find her. Her old number doesn't work, and I'm like, we should have her on and she's got a movie out. I think we should have her on.

She's great. She's super upbeat, fun, but she's got a great voice. She'd be fun to have on, but we'll see. Heather's going to send in the meantime, someone asked me this weekend two little trivia questions one they saw a jo dirt screening they told Heather you know when you screen a movie first yeah of course you know in the movie Dana I don't

give it all the way but I'm looking for my parents and I I've seen it 11 times it's embarrassing you say that it's embarrassing you've seen it too much I actually think it's it's a sleeper when the clips I've seen of it and I go yeah that There's just a fun. I see why it's lasted. There's such a gentle fun. Yeah, it's got some crunchy moments, word packages. And so, you know, like you said, in movies,

I always remember the quirky throwaways, the weird little bits. And it has a measure of that. And I am not sarcastic, and I'm actually a genuine person, which is very nervous. I know. I couldn't believe when I saw it. What happened to the funny guy? I know. I'm a nice guy that gets pushed around and people start to feel for you.

but the parents were played by Gary Busey and Roseanne. And I didn't forget that, but I forgot the day they shot Fred Wolfe, the other writer, didn't come in. And I was like, I think he said he was sick, but I'm like, you cannot leave me alone with Gary Busey going, I got a line change. I spoon fed Eisenhower. You know, he says like all these crazy things. Oh, one of those guys. He talks like Charles Manson or something. You know, Hitler was my cousin.

Yeah, he just goes, and he can talk in a run-on sentence for maybe 15 minutes. So he's pitching me ideas, and Roseanne, who I know better and well, wasn't as big a, wasn't really a problem. Just, she's a comedian, so she goes, I might change this, fine. So we do it, but it's such hurting cats because there's so much going on in that scene anyway. It's a very crux of the movie. and so we do it and every take is different and Gary's saying so many things he was in black sheep so I know him a little bit

and he's definitely funny it was just hard to wrangle him to get my cues from my lines or Roseanne so anyway we showed it a screening and I remember Sandler saying movie's great it got laughs all the way through we have to change the parents

because it is the one thing that didn't quite work so we went and reshot which is very normal for movies They weren't in the movie. We went and re-shot it. That's why it's funny. Someone saw it with Roseanne.

I go, how would you see it with her? I thought we cut it before we screened it. God, I thought they were you said they were in it. I wasn't misremembering. So who were the parents? We had Fred Ward and this woman, both character actors that were good, but it was, we decided not to steal focus with stars, just have them regular parents, regular scene, because it's kind of emotional scene.

because they don't really like me. Anyway, weird, huh, that Roseanne and Gary Busey were the parents? I had a weird thing once. I was doing Master of Disguise. I was so happy to get Robert Locha. I love them, yeah. Because of big and all that, like he would be. Roadhouse.

Yeah, he'd be the grandfather and stuff. And then so at the read-through afterwards, you know, they said the accent's too shaky. You know, he's supposed to do Italian accent, you know. Oh, what happened? Then, oh, it's too shaky. So it was kind of torturous because I, but I think he got his full payment and he went to Italy. Oh, who dropped the hammer, you? No.

Hat read-through? I think Jack. Jack Jeroputo? But only well-intended. I mean, everyone loved Robert. It was just sort of maybe it's not quite, but, you know, the movie was so goofy. I think Barbara Streisand, it was really cool. visited the set.

Ooh. And James Brolin was playing. Oh, he's in it. He's in it too. He's doing an Italian accent. I'm doing Italian. And she, she, she, Barbara said very gently and nicely, she goes,

I just, I don't understand why the accents are also different. I mean, shouldn't they sort of be kind of the same? And by the way, when I met her, I had full prosthetic. You couldn't even see me.

It was just because of the timing of Robert Shaw from Jaws, shark going to water so I'm casually talking to her as Dana looking exactly like Robert Shaw from Josh shark going to water stric end come to the set

loo should leave the set so anyway movies are movies are like that I'm obviously Gary Busey's brilliant Roseanne Barr is hysterical so there is some reason maybe they were yeah this happens a lot sure I don't know if I've been replaced on stuff

but it can happen. It just, like you said, Italian accent's awful, but like all three are from obviously different parts of Italy. You should have explained to Barbara Streisand. Aye, aye.

There's so many things that are off on the movie. It was put together with scotch tape and hope. I mean, but I still like this scene. I know you haven't seen it, but I like stuff like this,

but it doesn't even make sense. Like pistachio is an Italian waiter and he's got all this spaghetti in these plays. Yes, I bring a spaghetti, here I go. And there's a table of five. And then he falls out of frame.

And then you see fake legs kick up behind to make it really seem like it. Like one, two, three, throw the legs up that look like his shoes. And then I'm on the table and you cut and everyone's like a cartoon. So the entire party that was just normal people, they're all covered in spaghetti. But they're not moving. It's like a cartoon. They're just sitting there stunned. covered head, head and

spaghetti. So I'm crawling across the table and I take a napkin and I'm trying to clean the guy's glasses. I love it. I clean. And then we have a shot from inside of it blurry. Have you going like a Yeah, so it could have been a great movie.

It made $100 million with video. It doesn't matter. I didn't get the $100 million. Those are funny scenes. I mean, every movie. I like silliness. If you're doing it, there's going to be a couple funny scenes. There just has to be. And also, I think I believe it's pretty trite right now, but a big, silly, funny comedy, I think that, you know, Liam Mason, I haven't seen it yet,

but it's, it's, yeah, naked gun. So that feels kind of good to me if it's just. Oh, here's a video. Oh, let's give. Okay. Okay. Well, here's a video. Did someone spray paint? I'm driving along. The setup is, I go, there's naked. Someone should draw a dick. and someone literally walks up while I'm driving by and draws a dick on it. So you have the thought, and then that guy did it. Jody said it, yeah. And so that's...

So this guy just happens to... I was there to verify that that is exactly what happened. Yeah, Heather says it's exactly what happened. We're driving by and we're like, look at his legs. How funny. And Jody goes, someone should draw a dick. And this guy just casually walks up. I don't need the hair on the balls, but...

I think it looks like a... It looks like more of a bar chair or something. I'm not sure. I'm not going on. Bark a lounger. And we caught this vandal in the act. Forgot to report him. So anyway.

That's an actually cool real video. It's funny that we caught that. It was fucking crazy, Dana. It was fucking nuts. You manifest it. Yeah. Manifesto. So you were mentioning Jack in Happy Gilmore.

Jack is in Happy Gilmore, one of the announcers. Perfect. He's a producer with Adam. Anyway, he's back and Happy Gilmore, too. So I was watching it the other day, and here's some trivia, because I just gave you some Jeter trivia. When he did, well, Happy Madison is his company. And some people were confused, and they said, why is it called that?

I said, oh, because his first two movies were Billy Madison and Happy Gilmore, and he combined him you know that people know that but some people might not put that together no so uh that's one also one oddly he shot we were both doing an s and l we both got a deal to do a movie ours was Tommy boy in that summer when the show was over so during this production year on weeks off at S&L we would work on you know if the turners were working on Tommy boy Freddie wolf Chris and I would add stuff, whatever. But that's going, and then Adam and I think Hurleyhee are writing Billy Madison. But ours isn't called Tommy Boy.

I've told you this. It was called Billy the Third, a Midwestern. That's what it said on the front of the script. So there you go. It's kind of funny. So he was starting shooting first, so we're like, oh, we can't both be Billy. Farley's movie in the whole movie was Billy. So we got stuck because then.

We changed his name to Tommy in the movie, but we had no title. So the whole movie, we didn't have a title. And every title was dumb. There's Big Time, Rocky Road. I have actually mock-up of a poster that says Rocky Road. And same thing, us in a car, crazy. What are you going to call it? And then I think Brian Denny, he is dad in the movie, Tommy Boy, come here, come in here.

He just would ad-lib that. And then they told me later, it's called Tommy Boy. And I was like, I didn't really love it. I was like, Tommy Boy. It is one of those where you don't feel like you have to remember it. Somehow it hits your brain. The Master of Disguise, he was the master of the sky. That's a good title, yeah, that makes sense.

And it sums up the whole movie. It's perfect. But the movie doesn't make literal sense. I think Tommy Boy makes sense because he, you know, the sacred mantra to become to become another person. So he goes, yes, I will go to the turtle club. And then he starts going, become another person. That's the sacred mantra to become another person.

But nothing really happens. Right. And in Tommy Boy, his dad passed away. He wants to be like his dad. He let everyone down. He doesn't want to be a failure. Yeah, there's some themes. Even Happy Gilmore is a little more family-oriented,

a little deeper, a little more emotional than probably Happy Gilmore one. happy to get more too it's great there's a ton of jokes there's a lot going on and of course you've heard about the cameos so it's just a lot of fun very fun I was hitting him up in the first 10 minutes going got so many jokes already and also so much money like just coming off of scrimpy busboys of how much we spent on it and knowing kind of how much things cost like you know when you watch a movie you go he has an airplane in one scene just a cutaway stunt where the stairs are there that you get on in the airplane when they work on the plane, and the plane wing hits it, knocks him over and almost hits their one.

Just that. Just that. 300,000. You got to set up, you got to get the airport. You got to get a plane. You could hurt the wing. And then you got to pay for the wing. If you, it knocks it over, you probably do it twice because make sure the guy's doing

something, he has a timeout right away. Then this falls almost on him and stunting him around, fire trucks. Just that. It was a cutaway. And a funny one, in like a montage, I'm like just going, oh, my God. So great songs, of course. Expensive. I just had something popping in my head.

Yeah. You think Borat was the most least expensive film that made the most money? Because it's like a camera kind of, it's out in the world with his character. Possibly that. And what was the one, the scary one where they walked on the handheld, they found? Oh, yeah, Blair Witch, which I never saw. You would hate it. Too scary.

Too shaky. It was too shaky. I got a headache years ago. I don't like this kind. But I do like the idea of a found camera. It just makes the movie so fucking cheap and just focus on funny stuff. Look, we're in a real movie. We found video of a cheaper movie.

So let's play that video. Yes, exactly. It's funny. It's a good hook. I don't know. I think AI, AI, we'll be able to make a movie very soon just with our laptop look just like anything you want. Someone said the other day, what would the Gap Girls be doing now in this day and age? I'm sure everyone's thinking that.

I go, I'm sure it would be a little harder to write Gap Girls go to Gaza or whatever. You know, there's a lot of things you could do. Well, what about a Gap Girls movie? I mean, you know. Gap girls try to stop 911. They go back in time to stop 9-11. It's a heavier than a regular gap girl. They go back to Hitler's Nazi Germany in 1935.

Everyone wants to go back and kill Hitler. The funniest thing is not funny, but a good trick we've talked about in movies is everyone's scared of being racist. You can't see any country as bad. Even in this movie I just saw it was a Superman, they have made up names of countries. Yeah, made-up countries, but you kind of get the general gist, if you know what I mean. Yeah, so you go, okay, that's that. But, and they always fight superheroes because you can't get mad. You go, okay, they're bad people, I guess.

But when you start naming countries that are bad, everyone goes, hey, woo. Well, yeah, yeah, so you have to. Or you go, Wonder Woman went back to Nazi Germany. Yes. Now there's the bad guy. And everyone goes, okay. Well, Dunkirk, who I think it was the German, Nazis versus the British, they were only referred to as the enemy, enemy planes, enemy this,

enemy this, enemy that. Oh, really? Because that's what Maverick did to push out. He really pushed out. He calls him the bad guys. The bad guys, yeah. So I think that in Superman, the only time I kind of laughed to myself a little bit is when Lex Luther kept pointing at Superman and going, you're just an alien, you know, in today's

modern political world, you alien you. But he is an alien. You'll never fit in. You're an alien, yeah. But he is a literal from another planet. The way when I grew up, that's how I would think of the word aliens, like the movie alien. Yeah. But it's really about the border and the securing of the border.

When I picture aliens, I picture the little green man. I don't picture Superman. Right. But he technically is, I guess. I liked it. Oh, Superman. Did you like it? yeah because i go in with um gentle a gentle approach like you know what they're trying to do is launch

superman they very tough and i think they kind of did it i didn't mind fantastic four because superman was just a story you already know you already know two-thirds of it you know the daily planet you know there's lowest lane you know this and that and then here who's the guy playing him is new and then what's the story. Got a little like the flash when they went to different dimensions and stuff. Yeah, it was definitely out there. But they made them emotional. I mean, I go back to the comic books with a little kid. And there was a black and white television show called Superman. But they made him emotional. I thought it was good. Hard to do. What was that, George Reeves?

James Gunn. Oh, George Reeves back in the day. Yeah. Fantastic Four was probably better than I thought. Got that out. Either you have a frog in your throat or you didn't really like Fantastic Four. I really enjoyed Fantastic Four. Yeah. When I lie, I do that. All right, let's get to some headlines, some hot headlines. Okay, right off the press.

Oh, this is an airplane. This might be a, I, this is it? Okay, if this was an airplane, would you fly it? Would you fly in a C-through airplane? Oh, that's AI. for sure. No. Not right now.

Like, ah, no. Someone, or the toilet's transparent. You have to put one wall up in there. Well, first of all, if it, to have bright sun, you are closer to the sun, technically, and it's coming right down on top of you. I don't mind big side windows. Listen, I already shooting some holes in this. Yeah.

And I doubt they'd have a sunroof. Big fat. No, thank you. Would it scare you? if it sounded like those those air buses Sometimes it sounds like it's kind of crying Would you do a glass bottom boat Yep

You like that oh you like that Yeah because they're beneath me I'm safe from the boat If it was pexyglass If it's just actual glass A good crack on a rock, no thank you Have you seen in China They have like

First of all plexiglass over something scares your brain to walk on. You don't want to walk on it. Yeah. Because you'll fall. If there's an alligator under there. You think you're going to fall. So it's very hard to make your body walk on it.

And then China, they have ones that pretend to crack. Just to scare the population. Is it part of a theme park? Unreal. And everyone goes, I don't. I go, I would kill someone. How would they go?

What is that? And then they get on the plane. And then they get up. Oh. Oh, so good a good transition. Sorry, that was a little earthquake, Japanese men on an earthquake. Just a little appertive. It does pretty good in the comments.

Okay, what's the next? Well, I didn't do it properly. Maybe I'll do it later. You can read us. California leads the nation in both unemployment and homelessless. We're number one. Connect the dots. I don't know.

I like, is that fake? There's a tree on fire on top of everything else. Sounds like the fire was added in. I think they're like sum up California AI in this picture. Fire, homeless, crime, burning, news van. What are those vans? Yeah, I don't know.

I mean, we still have great weather right now. I don't want it just to be great weather. And we need more in California. Get back to the old days. more going on just just basic stuff we want our goods and services to function properly we want as much as possible um feel safe walking around safe is a big one going places ideally back in the day in the 50s when they put in the highway system i'm going to ask you a question we can check with a i how they put in like four lanes on both sides most of the time yeah and then you have gridlock

forever. How many lanes did they need? This is a good question. Heather, how many lanes should they put in initially, like 20 lanes on each side before they built all the buildings and everything around the freeway? Or at least 10 lanes on each side, those fucking idiots. Well, I mean, back then it wasn't as popular. You didn't know what they thought it was impossible. Yeah. Who would come to this time? I'm telling you, four lanes, both sides of automobiles. There's no way anyone's ever going to have to slow down. There just ain't enough gun dang cars in the world.

Right after I moved here, they said they were building a new lane on the 101 freeway in Hollywood. And I was like, it took them five years. And I'm like, what are the things going to happen at the end? It's like buying, making a pair of pants for a two-year-old. And then they're seven now because they go, do they think people are going, oh my God, I forgot about the new lane.

That's a good way to put it. Yeah. They got little toddler pants. in these adults. But if this is true, this breaks my heart because Disney, Walt Disney was a visionary and I think he wanted to put a monorail in the middle of all the freeways,

above ground monorail and potentially a monorail all the way to San Francisco because were you ever as happy if you're a kid at Disneyland, welcome to the United, to the Magic Kingdom. Please exit on the right.

You will enter the plastic punishment room where you will be settled up and the score will be even in the magic kingdom the plastic punish room always loves you best well that robotic voice they use to take you on and off the monorail sounds slightly slightly sinister your wallet and keys down they will be taken this is a robbery explosions will not be tolerated please when the monorail stops exit to the right and enter the place where people don't want to go. The place where people want to go is the Magic Kingdom's favorite kingdom. Exit right and then take a left to the plastic punishment room.

Well, all secrets remain secrets. Last time I went to... The best I can do right now. Last time I went to Disney and then I got on one of those trams that parked in the wrong spot. So they're like, it's over yonder. I go, they're like, see that little bubble? I'm like, that's where I'm going.

going, this is where I parked, and that's where I'm going. It's another mile or so. So I get on a tram, it's like, but everyone on the tram was trying to help me, you know. So I'll walk, I'll walk with you. I'll show you where he's. I'll work with you. Paul and I on a Saturday morning a couple years ago, we just said we're in West Hollywood. We go, fuck it. We have nothing to do. Let's just start, let's start driving to Disneyland. Whoa. So we didn't, you know, so we went in there and they go, well, the park is full. Disney land's full on a fucking set. But if you buy a ticket for California Adventureland,

you can then go into Disneyland. So it was like $1,300 each. We stayed for 90 minutes. God dang. We did Pirates of the Caribbean. Any rides or you did something good. We did one ride, and then we just walked around. Just still love it, though.

It's all right. Spend the money. Okay, next Just next story Oh, this one You have to sit here and take it in You can start it Just interesting to me, not to you

Well, no, I'm just trying to figure out What I'm looking at The amount of cement required is extraordinary For three days, they kept pouring In an one an hill Tons of cement They go, how big is it? They begin the excavation room

who brushed this here brush that there and what are they looking for they go there's a big an hill on the on the farms they're pouring cement to go how far does it go oh how far the ant like where are the ants going right help of mechanical diggers they're freaking genius at last wow they begin to see the structure of the city state slow pushing I don't love the screen shot Yeah, answer. The Lost City of Antlantis. Yeah. It's so smart. And off the main routes are side roads. Does this guy even work there?

Well, what are we supposed to make of this? I mean, are they smarter than us, really? What if they are aliens? Ventilation and provide the shortest transit. They can be this. big if they're aliens. It doesn't mean they're not. Here's the launch pad that they use to launch into

outer space. Here's just a regular ball sack. Everything looks like it has been designed by an architect. I mean, look how smart it is. But of course that isn't true. And tidy. This colossal and complex city was created by

the collective will of the ant colony. Yes. The super organism. Moving together as a team. Yeah, that's enough. But it's great. And I don't want to sound racist, but I do think a lot of ants look the same. You know what I mean? Like, I can't tell them apart.

That is racist. Okay. But. I take it back. Up here on the farm, which I find kind of creepy science fictiony, we can get ant F infestations. Do you have buyer ants? The red ones? Well, they're probably around too.

We got all kinds of ants. But what you do is you have this thing and there's dipped in cotton. they eat it and they try to bring it back to the queen. So you've seen thousands of ants, but somewhere there's a queen, you know, the size of a NBA basketball. Bring me cotton balls. So they bring it as a sacrifice,

and then the queen gets poison. And then the ants all die. They have nothing nowhere to go if they have no queen. So you kill the queen, kill the hive. That's where ants are dumb because when the queen dies, they go, Well, the soldier ants, you know, complain a lot. Why am I a soldier ant?

All I do is bust my ass all day. Get in formation, soldier. They better not get unionized. That's the end of it. But I would say there's probably more stuff just on Earth that's weirder than anything we could find in outer space. So how about this? At the core of the earth, the magma level, is that what it's called? It's, you know, 6,000 degrees.

Why is the bottom of the ocean so cold? Go ahead, Dana. Well, I don't know, but I like the shows that 25 miles beneath the surface of the ocean live the Marnovo opnoids. These measure one millimeter wide and temperatures below 300 degrees Fahrenheit. They thrive in this dark frozen waistline. They are fine with it. here's an arc nod now let's put a let's put a flashlight they've never seen a fucking flashlight let's scare the shit out of them they're like

here's an arc nod being born here's the rest of the arknaud's life here it is passing away they don't do much like what is the point they go like this meo and then the light goes on them they go and then they go back to their life when they're first born they're really surprised by how fucking freezing it. They're like, I can't wait till summer.

They're like, I got some bad news. There's no summer. But I don't know. Look at the sorry sky. The bottom of the ocean is nuts. And I don't know why if it's molten hot, it doesn't warm up down there. Thank you. Okay.

Can we get some scientists on? We should get somebody interesting on for once. instead of you. So we answer our questions. No, I know I'm not interesting. I go to the scientist. Hey, can you answer my question about the ant farm? Hey, look at this.

Do I have a hive? All right, one more. And then, Dana, I have got to get out of here. You've always, you're going on the road, right? I don't know. Parents leave 10-year-old alone at airport over expired passport and board flight for vacation. Either I don't understand what I'm, that can't be true. Roll the tape.

The parents told authorities a relative would come collect the child. That means they're in another country. No one says that here. Oh. Authorities remove the couple from the plane. We're going to fly now, Tammy. Just stay here and Uncle Thok-knock will come by. Yeah, here's a couple numbers I scribbled down.

Try them from the pay phone. and I'm sure you'll connect with them. You know who's going to pick her up? Seriously. McCauley Culkin. I'm walking. I'm talking. McCallie Culkin.

Home alone, remember? Right, but would he be helping her come to the house to wait for both their own? I don't know. I think he'd just make sure she was okay at the airport. I don't know if you've thought this out. Or Kiernan Kalkin. One of the Kalkin boys would take. I like those guys.

Kiernan. I knew him when he was eight years old We hung out a lot Me and the Colkin boys at S&O You did not Oh when he had when he hosted? Yeah And their dad was

You know A familiar territory What was his name? Dick Wad Jones No I don't know Oh you didn't remind you of your dad Yeah A little bit of a hurting cowboy

Yeah You know a little bit When McCauley Calkin was Sorry I interrupted your pain No, that was fine. That was a good little job. Okay, so McCauley's lost. We lose him on SNL.

And then everyone's like, where is he? Where is he? And then you see Lauren in an acting debut running down the hallway going, he goes, McCauley, McCauley. Where's McCauley? I remember that. I'm like, one more with energy. Do it right.

I think you're joking. You need to go. Macaulay, McCaugh. No, and then I remember he, he hugged McCauley, and then he patted his back. I'm like, really, like, sort of overwhelmed right now. You could see how emotional I am. Cut, Lauren, that's not your line. I know, but I want to.

McCauley, do you understand why we're going to pay you in Mike and Ikes? Not money. Kit Culkin. give Lauren credit that he created this comic persona around himself of the unflappable area that guy he did a really funny thing when Martin Short was hosting and he's running around singing I haven't done doing Martin Short stuff hysterical and he comes around and he gets he sees Jimmy Fallon and then they kind of do a fake kiss or something you know like he's so excited and then he kind of turns to Lauren like that and

the way the way Lauren just went the way he just turned away with no was that on the 50th no that was on just Martin shorts was Lauren just saying like it was too big and broad for him yeah he just went he just went like this is no one's going to touch me basically but it was such a perfect move oh like he's going to kiss him next so he's uh he has a very funny I'm not in this bit sometimes you write Lauren in a bit And then they go, yeah, Lauren's not in it anymore. I go, why not? I go, he's not in it.

Yeah, what happened? Was I at the meeting? You make him look stupid or something? And he goes, I won't be doing that. Well, I think he knows who that the character of Lorne Michaels is on the show. It's not what I'm going to be unflappable. I'm going to be low-key. I'm going to be erudite.

And it's that thing of like being unflappable in a place that's very flappable. you're the unflappable one dude I just yawned I can't wait to hear it I'll keep going I just yawn and people go in the comments why's you yawn are you tired I'm like I guess okay

I'll be there in a minute honey I'm just putting comments on fly on the wall I'll be there a little bit okay I gotta log in hey Dana do you own anything else besides a jean jacket and a black t-shirt and then he goes send honey let me just wait for a couple thumbs up honey i'll be right back i'm

i'm just leaving comments for now david spade hey spade did you sleep on your face again yeah hey spade you're really walking through this one hmm sam you're christopher walking comments to get people Oh, Oh, rage bait bots They have bots that rage bait What is that? I like a girl that rage baits

And tells guys on dates How come you weren't an athlete in high school Did you ever want to be? And they're like, what fucking was, dude? So funny. You just say things to guys That immediately makes them mad Makes them defensive.

Yeah, I'll do it next week. Ooh, cliffhanger. All right, Dana. It was nice to hear about your wedding. I'm glad you had a nice time. Went to the wedding, did the thing, all the events. Glad to be back here. Levi jacket is okay, safe.

I don't know why. I mean, if people comment, I'm just like, you know, in the early days we're switching shirts. Oh, it's this day and you get another, put a hat on. And then I just said, I'll just be like Superman wears the same thing when he's super. That's true. Yeah. Fantastic 40, too.

I'm not saying I'm Superman, but you know what I? I have a uniform. I like in Fantastic 4 when the thing is trying to hit on a guy, a girl, and he goes, you've got me really bricked up. That's funny. I haven't seen that yet, but that's a funny line. It goes like this. You got me bricked up.

He's very quietly, subtly going gross. You're pointing at Superman. I know. To prove your point. Yeah. Yeah. He's dressed in the same thing. His shoulders are unusually.

big, it looks like from here. Thank you. Oh. Oh, you're talking about Superman? Oh, I'm sorry. I got that wrong. Oh. Did you have your shoulders removed?

I'll tell you what. Shoulders, you want to shrink down. I'm fighting back with push-ups, man, but it's hard. Yeah, shoulders want to get strong. You're white. Well, is 30 push-ups strong? I don't know. Oh, yeah.

I've been 30 since high school. All right, I'm going to go. All right, do you think. Stay on, though, Dana, because I want to talk to you about this. I really enjoyed this episode. I really enjoyed it. Next time, let's do it in my house. We had a lot of fun.

I got lemonade. Okay. I'll come down anytime. Bye, guys. Oh. Hey, guys. If you're loving this podcast, which you are, be sure to click follow on your favorite podcast app. Give us a review, five-star rating.

and maybe you can share an episode that you've loved with a friend. If you're watching this episode on YouTube, please subscribe. We're on video now. Fly on the Wall is presented by Odyssey, and executive produced by Danny Carvey and David Spade, Heather Santoro, and Greg Holtzman, Maddie Sprung Kaiser, and Leah Reese Dennis of Odyssey. Our senior producer is Greg Holtzman,

and the show is produced and edited by Phil Sweet Tech. Booking by Cultivated Entertainment. Special thanks to Patrick Fogarty, Evan Cooke. Cox, Mora Curran, Melissa Wester, Hillary Shuff, Eric Donnelly, Colin Gaynor, Sean Cherry, Kirk Courtney, and Lauren Vieira. Reach out with us any questions to be asked and answer on the show. You can email us at fly on the wall at odyssey.com. That's A-U-D-A-C-Y dot com.