Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade - Coachella + Drunk College Stories

Episode Date: April 20, 2026

Dana and David open with new material and a look at jokes that didn’t land before diving into Coachella. They share their thoughts on Justin Bieber’s performance and the controversy surrounding Sabrina Carpenter. They also weigh in on Katy Perry vs. Ruby Rose before moving into drunk college stories, a new round of Buzzing Around, and the latest news. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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I go, I'm looking at you, looking at me, b-b-ha. Yeah, I go, not much. What the fuck was that? You got a joke about pickles? What the fuck you're doing up there playing around, shuffling around, looking at your notes. I went into my dorm at the S-A-E house and two twin beds. Okay, yeah.

No, I said to the guy. He said, well, this is weird. I said, yeah. Should we f***ing this one and sleep in this one, or what should we do? What are you looking at? Do you know what you're looking at? Is it a rhetorical question? Yeah, this one guy said, what are you looking at?

I go, I'm looking at you, looking at me, bitch. Yeah, I go, not much. I'm trying to figure it out. I go move and they go make me. I go, I don't make trash, I burn it. Yeah, and if they start coming at me, I just go cut it out and do this thing, cut it out. I go like this, not the face.

Oh, God, might be in show business. I'm seven years age now. Saving my face for them. Wow, what a rowdy start we have. Whoa, going right at it. Comedy cavalcade. Your hair does look good. It's very fluffy.

Yeah, I have a new person because it's closer by to where I live. It's sort of like a volcano shooting out like this. Well, it's 50s. It's 50s. It's alpha. Never mind. I'll go back to the bangs later in the podcast. Dana, can you turn your mic down? No, I'm just a little lamped up, bitch. Yeah. Sorry, I have energy. Sorry I care about the podcast. Yeah, sorry. I forgot to phone it in. Oh, I just got another one. This is, Dana, can you turn your hair down? I can't do. Okay. My sweater is green and everything looks black in this room, but this is green. Could you tell? Okay. So, uh, I'm doing technical stuff. Give me a second. Talk, talk,

literally. I'll vamp. Talk to yourself right now. I will. So I woke up and I said this. So Greg, it's out of five on and then on the bottom I can put it. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. All right. I'll keep this off in because it makes us more human. Everyone thinks we're super geniuses. What's the difference between a genius and a super genius? You have five seconds. I'll tell you when you're in the super genius club.

Can you find the base of an I saw alese triangle? You have two seconds. You have to go find it somewhere. Well, I don't know. You said, can you? If you're a brainiac, you ought to be able to find the base of an isosceles triangle. See, the haircut and the,

glasses it's a brand new me it is i think it feels like it's either an ode to cochella or you are at kochella the idea of me i'll do it with this guy the very idea of going to the desert to watch 10 000 adolescent drugged out kids pee their pants and worship their God on the stage who's only playing YouTube videos is not my idea of fun. Did I get that right? See, I popped in there too. You know something. No, I love Coachella.

I love crowds. I like to get into a big crowd of people. Yeah, you know, I like to pay $54 for a tootsie roll. Yeah, I love it to, you know, south in the desert Coachella, you know. I mean, I like a hiding behind a cactus because of, yeah. like pooping dirt clods for the next two weeks. It's nice if you like wind and sand. I'm one of those people that know, you know, an outhouse is a wonderful adventure.

You know, it's just like it's never really cleared out. It sort of adds on to itself. And it's very exciting, actually. I always envy the people that do only fans, have sex in the outhouse. I think there's probably better location scouting we can do. Is this only fans? Like only our fans or only anyone's fans? No, only fans is just porn.

I got it because it could, you know. And the only fans used to be like the girls getting like cheeky or naked. Now it's like if you're not doing full porn, get out. Get off the site. Get off. Yeah. You take your non-porn site. That's right.

And get the hell out of here. With that all. Go. Go. Just leave. Oh, I also have something else to tell you. I like, and I'll go back to Coachella, is that I like things that I could just tell you on a phone call,

but we'll use the podcast. Someone told me they were doing sets up near you. And I go, are there any sets to do up by where day? I didn't say you. I can't even say to the city, but I said up there and they go, oh, yeah, there's a couple rooms. I'm like, oh, Dana should go in there and do. Well, what are these college rooms?

No, they're just little like clubs. They do a comedy night, but that'd be fun you could go crush send me the info because i've got a lot of new material i know you could go there i saw nielin last night he's always in shape he's always in shape he's always nilin was trying some stuff at the store i went on after you don't try material at the i know we were discussing that when you're playing an auditorium theater on the road where people are paying a lot it's almost easier to throw in a new joke in the middle of two that work because you also want to try new stuff for that but that's fine but they're paying you

and they have babysitters. And I don't want to give them any iffiness of the show. I want everything to work. And then the comedy store, all these famous comics are standing around and you're like, I don't know. They're going to watch me go, this is the garbage you're selling these days? I'm like, it's new material. Oh, come on.

It's 500 people. It's 60 bucks a ticket. You've got the biggest stars in show business around. I'm going to try out this chunk about going to serious. going to Sears Roebuck with my dad as a kid, five minutes of silence, and then you got to face full Bill Burr backstage. What the fuck was that? You got a joke about pickles?

What the fuck you're doing up there playing around, shuffling around, looking at your notes? Did I tell you one time I had the hiccups. I had the hiccups on stage after dinner, and I had to go on. I'm like, oh, shoot. And so I'm like, I was in the OR, original room, smaller. And I'm like,

anyway, I'm hicking uping like this. And it's so, it's funny for about a minute. And I can't really do my act because I can't really talk. It's so much. Yeah.

I was like, of course, wanted to go to the hospital because I'm such a pussy. But then I finally go, I finally go, I can't just do my act because I'm,

it's not funny anymore. Now it's like, just talk, dude. I'm like, uh, so I go, hey, who's next?

I'm sorry. I'm just going to bring up the next person. This is ridiculous. And then they go, someone yells. It's built. I go oh no no no no and I go and then I hear what I got five more minutes they go no Spade once you up I see I'm watching the hallway silent going and then he comes

pokes his head and he goes shut the fuck up what's going on and I go ladies and gentlemen Bill Burr he comes up he goes in all my fucking years this guy's got the hiccups I got to go on because the guy's got the hiccups I was like the worst guy to follow that to just sit there and rip I know. Yeah. He could do 20 minutes. Alarious. Oh, yeah. Hickups, you know. Who invented hiccups? You know, what, what do you got to? You got to have a fucking name for everything.

It just means your throat's kind of spasming. You got to go out of plan. We need a name. What's your last name? Hickup. That's one of mine called these fucking things. Good night. No, I, I'm like, do men really get hiccups? I thought that was for chicks. I had once in a while because I had chronic bronchitis when I was doing 10 hours a week of stand-up. you know I'd be I had a cough so every time I coughed I either shoot my leg out or just go I'd let it spasm me and that helped me in your act you did it yeah every time I cough

because I couldn't suppress the cough so I'm going anyway well isn't that special I like how isn't that special your go-to joke you're doing oh well hey the lady in its day was considered pretty cool hey Ontario come on down to bedmgm Casino and see what our newest exclusive the Price's Right Fortune Pick has to offer. Don't miss out. Play exciting casino games based on the iconic game show only at BetmGM. Check out how we've reimagined three of the show's iconic games, like Plinko, Clifhanger, and the Big Wheel into Fun Casino Game features.

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If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact Connects Ontario at 1866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor, free of charge. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with Eye Gaming Ontario. Hi, my name is Lloyd Lockridge, and I'm the host. of a new podcast from Odyssey called Family Lour. In this podcast, I'm going to have people on to tell unusual and sometimes far-fetched stories about their families. I've heard my whole life that she invented the Margarita.

And then we're going to investigate those stories and find out how much of it is true. He gets a patent one month before the Wright brothers. Oh, my God. Please follow and listen to Family Lour, an Odyssey podcast, available now on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your shows. Local news is in decline across Canada, and this is bad news for all of us. With less local news, noise, rumors, and misinformation fill the void, and it gets harder to separate truth from fiction. That's why CBC News is putting more journalists in more places across Canada,

reporting on the ground from where you live, telling the stories that matter to all of us, because local news is big news. Choose news, not noise. CBC News. Oh, by the way, I know you like sports. I don't know much about the WMBA, but they had a draft recently. And I walked by the TV. The first three picks were women. I was like, okay, good luck.

I don't know what they're doing over there. I mean, I'm all for equality, but. What do you mean? Well, whatever the WMBA is, they're picking women first. Yeah, right. Oh, it's the women's now. Oh, okay. Oh, it's the women's national basketball association.

That makes more sense. Good, I say it. Early onset dementia comes up in different forms. No, that was my bit. Oh, that was the bit. It said I don't really know much about it, but why are they thinking women at front? I lost the setup. So maybe I have early onset.

Yeah, I know. I like seeing a girl. This is why I don't do it in the comedy story. You know what? Because this is a podcast, you can try out anything because everyone knows, clearly we're not prepared. intentionally. Clearly, it so far hasn't worked for you and Heather, but other than that, I think it's got a lot of promise. Which one? Over to my joke. Okay. Well, all right. Let's go back to Coachella. I will say this. You heard Bieber played his laptop and played YouTube video of him,

I think it was himself. Younger, right? And he just sat back and we all, they all listened to it? Or I, what was it? Heather, they listened to Justin Bieber or he sang along with himself. Wait, did he, ask the question again? No, he's saying at Coachella, Bieber had a laptop, he played YouTube, and then he would play himself, right?

He played himself when he was younger, though. Yeah, when he's younger. I think it's kind of cool. I kind of liked Bieber's lo-fi approach, but a lot of people didn't like it. But a lot of people did. Well, I, as a casual observer, I think when you deconstruct something and go that lo-fi

when it's like 100,000 people in the desert, it's kind of a next level move to make it into a 10-seater in the valley. Yeah, it's cool. You make people listen. Yeah. Be quiet. They're like, you know, it's either that

or you have big satanic ritual. I like that he kind of just kept it small. You know, anybody who's got, let's call them 300 tucked. Okay, if you have 300 tucked... Million. Yeah, and it's tucked. It's tight. It's after tax.

It's a wall. It just informs your life. I've talked about this a lot. You've got the cliff notes, and it just makes you more your authentic self. Because he's not dancing for his donuts. He's not up there. Am I good?

He's Justin fucking Beaver. And if you don't like it, you go fucking go to Palm Springs. Get that hell out of Coachella. I haven't performed in my boxers lately, but I'm thinking about it. You need cowboy boots, you need boxers, you need a hoodie over the top or they can't see your face, like a huge hoodie. And then you got to take the best bits of my act and see what if you can be school. I go on a jockstrap and a sailor hat and I do my best. Your dress is a four-year-old school girl with a lollipop and you have big braids.

And you daint his act. Yeah, well, you know, I'm thinking of, I'm thinking of, I'm thinking of, of doing some stuff like that. If I have, okay, I have another thing about Sabrina Carpenter that you didn't know. Oh, oh, Sabby. Oh, you probably know her from when you did Biden. Did you see her out there?

Yeah, I think she was on the show. You know, I went up and said, could I get an autograph? Hi, Dana. She goes, no, I know. I walked over and said, you know, my uncle was a carpenter. Oh, that's a good picture.

She said she was very sweet, really nice. Then she asked if she could get a picture. with me. I said, hey, you got any money? I'm jealous because I saw it the 50th. She was in the crowd and I whipped over to do my joke in the audience. Didn't even look. Couldn't care

less. Didn't look at me. I walked by like this. I'm going to do a bit in about 25 seconds. She was like this. Anyway, she was at Coachella and why is this a controversy? It's so nothing.

Somebody, I take her side for being a performer someone is making noise and she stops playing goes what is that noise and they go i'm yodeling and so someone's yodeling now yohlea he hoohoo hoo hoo no yodling can get loud i don't know if you do it a lot i don't if you hear it a lot i know all about yodeling i know all about i know all about i'm from i was born in yodoole i was born in a town called yodel so but look It's either supportive or it's disruptive. Well, I'm telling you, even if it's supportive, it's like, I don't bring my supportive air horn to shows. Like if someone's going, ooh, you go, okay, and then they yelled, it's a cultural thing.

She goes, well, I don't love it during my shows or something. And then they, and they're like, she said I don't like it? Yeah, she's. Yeah, she's. Yeah. Which is fair. Yeah. She's on the show.

What's distracting you? And someone does it for attention. I'm sure it's, sure, part of their culture, but you know if you're making a lot of noise. It's not, there's a time and place. Yeah. So then they go, is she going to get canceled? I'm like, let's quit throwing around canceled for whatever the fuck happens.

Should we ruin her life for this? It's just making it. It's so exciting. She could get canceled. I mean, when I was younger and naive, I'd go to shows. And I would bring up a typewriter, a really, loud, old-fashioned one. And I were just doing that. And I couldn't believe that Stevie Wonder went, what's that? You go, you should know a lot of noises. Who's the yodeling woman who's a singer?

And she can yodel. Jewel. Yeah. So maybe it was Jewel. I don't think it was Jewel, but that's, you know, something like that, Jewel would not do that to her. No, no. Yeah, jewelry is her twin sister. She's nasty. That's all I got, man. I told you. I don't have a script. You do not. I do not. I'm official. Official. Yeah. Is that what you think's funny to just make up things. So don't funny at all. Do you find that funny? Is not funny funny, not funny funny. Bus boys. April, what, 21st? 17. April 17th I have a story for Pierce

Okay All right I'm here with David Spade He's got a story for me What do you have to say I said Pierce did you hear This story is a little rough run the end I can't tell it all

But it's the Ruby Rose Katie Perry story Well I'd love to hear it It's a little rough run I don't know if Dana can handle it Katie Perry Katie Perry Of course

Started by making a comment About Bieber's performance Beber yes And Ruby Rose is beautiful actress that is in whatever but I know her face she says oh something the effect of who's listening to you after you ass aid me 10 years ago 20 years ago which means assault right sexual assault we can say it so sexual assault yeah and she goes and it says remember when I was trying to hide from you I was hugging this other woman I was down trying to hide when you walk

in and you came over and are you ready for the Spears? I'm all ears and I'm pissed. Lean over, crouched over me, pulled your underpants to the side and then pushed your pajay-jay on my face and I got up and projectile vomited. This is a fun story I read today. Is that, so projectile bombing and underwear moving about? Moving about, yeah. underwear out of place

with projector is that your idea of a fun story to start a podcast do you think people would like this I know everyone just crashed to a tree

I almost did I was like I can't even hear this story so I have to ruin someone else's day oh someone's here who also

listen to this story I don't know if you'll show a comment or not but I like in full bug eyes mode That was taken 30 years ago.

She's ageless and energy of a... Of a gladiator. What else you have? So that story's sickening. What else? That was great. Yeah, that's a real fun picture to paint. That was a good one.

And then so Coachella's done. Yeah, no. Did my WMBA Joe? that killed what else mm-hmm oh I let me see oh this this will be on on like 20th 17 18 18 18 so it's April 20th today okay okay good Dana like that meme with the woman with all the numbers of overhead yes April 20th funny gonna get in your calculator yes so So what else did you do this weekend?

That is of note and very important to talk about. Fed the horses? Okay, that's up there. I don't know if it's at the top, but it's up there. I watched the Masters. Oh, right. Yeah, with Rory McElroy. Do you know what the difference between a hooker and Roy McElroy?

And a rooster is? Hooker and a rooster, no. A rooster says cockadoodle do And a hooker says any cockle do You know, we're going to go to a commercial Beedleap beep Pop-pap What's the difference between Tiger Woods

And Rory Macalry? Go ahead One won the masters The ones in rehab in Switzerland Boots! Is he in Switzerland? He gets to go to a good room? Of course! Of course!

Wouldn't you want to go to Switzerland? I mean, my God. Yeah, I mean, I'm neutral around the whole idea. Do you think that's performative? No. He does feel like I should go ahead. I think Switzerland, it's a little quieter. He's in the mountains.

Probably they let him go up to the mountains and sing the hills are alive with the sound of music. I mean, it's cool. Can you sing it? I wonder if he knows I mentioned him on Howard Stern. No, Howard mentioned him. I root for Tiger Woods. That's all I'm going to say. I root for Tiger Woods.

Tiger's a really, really, really good friend of mine, and you're a business acquaintance of mine. I guess I'm an actual fan of Tiger Woods, and you were like, I guess he's a good golfer, what? I go, who is he? He's famous? Okay, I'll do it. Well, the other guy, the guy who got no attention in the 90s young golfer,

great golfer called Rooster Branch. And Rooster Branch was as good as Tiger Woods. So I was going for real one. Yeah, rooster brands. He was, he always went under. No, no. It's a play up his name. Tiger wood.

Branch substitutes for woods. I know. Tiger. I don't know how I go tiger to rooster. It's two animals. It'd be more like leopard lumber. It almost took me back to the disgusting joke about you said about the hooker and the rooster. Uh, you've been, you've been dancing between PG-13 and,

Yeah, I'm making it rough. That Katie Perry story is rough. You know, she's probably backpedaling all the way back to Mars. Well, also, go ahead. What about Baldini? Lauren left a message for me. Oh, Lauren, Michael's. Baldini's lawyer, they threw out 10 to the 13 charges.

I think that Lively and Reynolds have a really strong play in their back pocket. otherwise why would they go to trial that's great Lauren when's your movie come out um we're going opposite bus boys so um I'm feeling like really really good about it oh my gosh I want to give a plug to roommates I was going to go to that premiere last night which roommates Sadie sandler's movie oh great a good old school college comedy she moves a with a roommate and you know you get just pushed together and I think there's friction I'm not going to give everything away but it's a good comedy you know we had Animal House we had a lot of those we did PCU in the old days did you ever live in a dorm and have a randomly assigned roommate

I stay Heather did it's your hand I have a story oh go ahead Go ahead. You can tell your side. It's not that, it's not that exotic, but it is weird. You get in the room. There's two twin beds, you know. So I set up my stuff on one side and wait for the roommate. Guy comes in. Hey, I'm Paul. You know, what's up? Okay. This is a tiny room. And so it's like, okay, time to go to sleep. So I get a little single bed. He's over there. And then we're just chatting a little bit. The lights are out. So I, at the end, he goes, and so what do you say you do again? And I said, and I guess I was muffled in the pillow. I said I'm a comedian. Okay. Then we slept. Later on the next day, he said, so how long have you been a communist? He thought comedian muffled. He thought I said communist somehow. Isn't that fascinating? Should we take a break? We should take a break right now.

Well, people laugh. Nothing can follow that. I went into my dorm at the S-A-E house and two twin beds. And the guys, yeah. No, I said to the guy, he said, well, this is weird. I said, yeah, should we fucking this one and sleep in this one? Or what should we do? Oh, we laughed.

Oh, my gosh. My first roommate said, you know, he stood up. There was blood trickling down the front. And he had a machete and a knife. He goes, pick your poison. Oh, no. I'll kill you either way. So I called the door monitor and go, this is, I don't know if this is going to work out.

This is Dana in 5G? It was for Ducci Hall. it was boy girl 15 floors do the math dude manzanita was the warm right next to mine and i think i told you this i got a little i got a little juiced i had a few uh knocks at the s ae party i walked this girl home she goes i i said i can drive you meanwhile it's 200 yards meanwhile i just want to show her i have a car it's a horrible old volvo big stick shift so She's like, sure. I drive 100 feet out of the 200.

I get pulled over. Boop, boop. I don't need the dance mix. Woo, woo, woo, woo. So I pull over. She's standing there. She was on the ASU calendar. And I had no heat.

This is just pure luck. I'm just driving her home. Just driving home 200 yards. Yeah, so what is the problem? Problem is you could drive drunk back then. I think it was one of the last years. I was drunk. but I get out

but you're going 200 yards okay I'm going to I'm just basically a neutral role you're lightly buzzed I've got a I've had a few snorts and uh anyway the cop throws me in handcuffs and I'm like this

I'll I'll be over soon I just have to deal with this she's like later this guy ruins it's so bad takes me to jail he goes you have a warrant and it's like on those TikTok videos like I go you can't do this I don't say

that I'm not smart enough he just goes you're going to jail I go for what he goes a warrant I go oh I don't even ask what it's for is go oh no then I get to jail and I'm like this and I go what what I what wait what's my warrant for what did I do I don't do anything wrong I'm perfect and he goes you have three unpaid speeding tickets oh and he shows him to me and it's my brother Andy signed him oh my brother had a warrant so he said he was me and then he just said I don't know my ID, but this is my name and birthday. And then those built up. Threw me in the clank.

Mike Sterner, this comedian that I did open mics with, came down and got me out for $200. So I stayed the night. I'm a hard core, dude. I don't think you get it. That was a good story. That was a really good twist. Well, my friend and I in front of Verducci Hall,

we had a Voltzwegoog and Buck. So we were just drinking beer and driving, right? Not a lot of beer, but we get out in this pretend campus, policemen like you guys are in trouble you know yeah first we were kind of like okay so we went to the dorm the desk and then I said who's your supervisor that be boo boozee I go I'm gonna call him so I call us or I go we're getting harassed here by what is it Dave so we got off but we weren't driving drunk we just had a couple of years I know that's there they all don't do as we do what is we say you know what I mean

but your story is interesting I hope Andy apologized. Not really, but yeah. That tricky little. Andy could not care less, I will say that. I can safely say that. Yes. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. But he's cool. I talked to you two days ago. No, it's not. He was a young man too. He was the stud of the school. Actually, he got me some heat there at the school because everyone liked him, so they were like,

oh, who are you? Okay. If you're, if any way related to him, you're cool. God, I wish I went to the school. That's a good deal. But they kissed my ass, when I was a pledge. And the second I was active, they're like,

get down, give me 20, take this toothbrush, wash out the shitter. I'm like, wait, what? I'm the guy you were just kissing his ass two minutes ago. Why am I in? Now you're in. We tricked you. Now you're a pledge and you're a scrub,

and we're going to put paprika in your hair and tell you what to do all night and make you drink. I'm like, huh? Was that a positive thing they were saying to you at the moment or a negative? Negative. It's negative. So why did you sign up for Phi Delta Kats?

Didn't you see Animal House with John Belushi? I know, but they just trick you because they say that you're the greatest guy in the world. And then they go, for starters, you're not the greatest guy in the world. I'm like, oh. I was so bamboozled, man. So you've changed a lot since you were 19 because anytime someone would talk to you, just go, I know. I was so young and innocent and trusting.

Where'd you get the snappy comedian from? What you just like, Who? The snappy guy. This is you going to, Junior Kong. Just from hiding, stuffing feelings down. Oh,

Dana. All right, let's do some new stories. And we'll really get on this unless you have more riveting. Not at all. I just think it's kind of interesting that Bernie Sanders is the king maker

of the Democratic Party. Is he decided? who's like gonna run he got mame dini in and other people he'll see he's his best friend go head what is he gonna talk i guess he should talk the premise is funny i don't have the fucking puppet near me where the fuck is he even the audience asleep the millionaire the puppets 84 years old it's made a hardboard from 1921 yeah the millionaires and the billionaires the billionaires i'm bernie sanders I don't have a bit, I guess.

I don't know. How about this? There's another straight. You know the straight of Hormuz? Now there's another straight, but it puts straight at the end. It's called Baba al-Mandeb straight, and it's off the Red Sea, and its nickname is the Gate of Tears. Yeah, I've been there. So later on, when we do our buzzing around, I'm going to do a little thing about that.

We can do it right now. What? All right. Yeah, I went to hear. I had an Airbnb at that gate of tears one time. It's not exciting. You just watch oil tankers go by. The gate of tears.

Now, you, mm-mm. Who is buzzing on? Oh, no. Where's the segment? I got to introduce it. You got to introduce the segment. Damn. Scramble, scramble.

Nope. Nope, not on my own once. Not for one second. Rosen lasagna, medium power. 15 minutes. Sounds like Ojo time. Let's play. Feel the fun with Play Ojo.

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19 plus Ontario only. Please play responsibly. Concerned about your gambling or that of someone close to you. Call 1866-531-2600 or visit Connex Ontario.ca. Okay, guess what? Uh-oh. Time again. It's time for buzzing around.

Sponsored by five-hour energy for the wide variety of bullet flavors to choose from. That's right. As much caffeine is a 12-ounce premium cup of coffee, but zero sugar, zero-sugar crash. Find five-hour energy shots online at five-hourenergy.com or Amazon today. So I'm going to give Dana. Okay. Well, I have a lot of Dana on his own. We talked about it.

I had so much fun doing Hans or Hans and Franz last week. So this week, they're in a congressional hearing with Senator John Kennedy because they believe they have the capacity because over time all these closing of different straits in the Middle East will tax our Navy. But they claim, they will claim they will say something about that. Okay. Now, with or without? You can do it with it. Now, you can be there if you want.

Now, Hans and Franz, you're here with our committee. I get that right, you have something to say? Are those your real names? Yeah, I'm here to say something to you. I think you're gonna want to hear it. Well, I'm all ears. Did I file off a tomato truck? You claim, you are claiming that you are personally able without any kind of ship or craft to close up the straight of her moves.

Did I get that right? He doesn't have glasses on. Yeah, the glasses. Yeah, we could very easily close us straight of home moves. Just how in the Lord's name do you propose to close the straight of Hormuz? Yeah, listen to us. Hear us now and listen to us later very carefully. Carefully.

What we would do is this. This is our process. First, we're on land, and we do a thousand squats. And the bodics get so superb-dab. Our bodies become huge like giant fleshy boulders. And then Hans and France, what we do, he's France, what we do is with our giant pumped up blood and gorged buttocks the size of giant boulders.

We kind of like King Neptune. We sit down in the strait of Hormuz and displace the water and no ships could get past us. Oh my guys, this is an outlandish plan. Yeah. Did I, did someone draw stupid on my forehead? You're proposing you would do 10,000 squats, muscularize and weaponize your buttocks, sit down in the ocean or the straight of horror moves and relieve the United States Navy of the burden of stopping that, clogging up that straight. Yeah.

You're smarter than you look. Your buttocks is the size of Texas. We already told Pierce Morgan he believed us. So your claim is that you can make your buttock so large. You could block the straight of music. So I get that right? Yeah, yes, Pierce Morgan. Are you joking with me?

You can't be serious that your buttocks could grow to that size simply by doing squats. You should try doing squats yourself. The problem with you. you and Senator John Kennedy is your bodice are shrivelled and tiny. Oh my God, shots fired. And deflated and you can't process a muscular buttock. They can't process thinking about it?

Well, now here we are. We don't believe word out of your mouth. Oh, I think it's pat-lip-sured, but you're suggesting that your buttocks could get pumped up. Perhaps they could get as large as a cantaloupe or something like that. But it's, it is patently absurd, right, Pierce? Yeah, I think it's really offensive. Your bodies could never get that large. Wait a minute.

Turn on the TV. See what on TV now? And the whole move straights are cruel. Oh, my God. He showed them. They showed them. I'm going to slowly go down because I don't. know how to stop this.

That's a good ending. And see. Whoa, that was a solid buzzing around. It's sponsored by five-hour energies. Tasty caffeine flavors. As Dana rests his voice,

enjoy big flavor in a tiny bottle. Five-hour energy shots pack the flavors of the season portable. Two-ounce shot. Five-hour energy shots online at five-hourenergy.com where Amazon today.

Do I know how to read? Could I, geez, I know this is that, yeah, I don't know if something happened. I like that scenario, by the way. You're recovering from the abstraction that they could pump their butt up, buttocks up so large they could clog an ocean straight. I think it's because of the boosters. Yeah, that's just with the buttocks. What if we get our calves popped up to? Oh my God, that scenario was, I like that you came up with that seemingly fictitious scenario.

seemingly victitious, you know. I did, you know, I mean, don't be afraid to buzz around. It's brought to you by whatever. I don't know. I'm recovering. Let's get some stories. Here we are.

38 minutes. Let's see if anything's worth talking about. Let's do it. Okay. Okay. Oh, this is, you ever go skiing? Not really, but tobogany. This is how scary is.

is to ski on a top of mount every time this guy goes one inch closer I go never nope no could not do it not not fun let's see it let's see check it out by the way don't ever tell me to wait for it on a video I don't I'll decide that part so right there I'd be like you can still get out no get out get out nope nope no deciding which cliff you're gonna ski down you're so good is it easy for them I mean it's easy for these guys no I know the sound of the skis are slot which way don't go left that's harder okay go where there's just snow and not rocks maybe that's a hot take but right just go very very careful okay he's deciding oh he's just walking I didn't know I could do this now he's gonna give okay now here we go whoops he caught a fucking rock oh boy okay you are not falling you are not falling in the snow this whole wow I well that's straight down that's like a like a slide uh that's that's that's pretty that's an awesome video I assume he's okay so I can't I just can't

believe that you got this footage of yourself that's me screaming I looped in how is that no I thought it was so is that you didn't you say you were going to Tahoe that's me approaching the Honey Hill. Yeah, that's, wow. Uh, that was a, that was a very interesting video. I, I don't think I would personally have screamed. I would have been saying, come on. Yeah, more. Let's do this. Come on. I would be going we because it's basically a slide at that point. He's just going. Yeah. But if you have any chance of catching a rock like that on your ski, if you're not perfectly unbelievably good, I always see the guy. You never see them fall. It's always. I was like, dee-d-deesh, dege, and a guy's like, like, immediately falls. I know. I guess, I mean, I don't know if I read this properly,

but his nickname was Catch Rock. His friend's called him Catch Rock, because he always... Can he catch rock? Yeah, he's always... You always would catch a rock. And, you know, you got to stay on the snow and not have the ski go toward a rock jutting...

You know what happens? you go like this and you catch one little thing and it pulls it that way and then your weight goes over here and then you're like gutin knocked german and then good dege good dege dege dege skis fly yard sail get a toboggan obviously that's not that guy's sport get a toboggan carry it up there's dana up at his house the bunny hill and then get the toboggan and go woo and have a party but that's that's not Okay, next one. Next one. We all learned a valuable lesson.

Yes. Did we? Did we? He did. Okay, this is a robot? Let's see what it is. Yeah, maybe robot. This would scare me.

Shit. Oh, that's. Is that a girl or a robot? I bet a girl could do that. Terrifying. It's a robot. So it is a robot. My brother Brian would do that.

He would love this. It does look kind of real. What if that was like trick or treat and then they did that? Well, that's why, you know, you just want to make a horror film with an iPhone and you have that toy. Dude, that would sell it. And you just put sound underneath it. It's fantastic. I also like the laugh of the guy, how much joy he got.

Yeah. Bought it on Amazon and press play. And it worked. And you know what? You're right. You could make, you could sell. a movie from a trailer if you just do that scary put some noise behind and some eerie music and then dosh she drops down yeah and just go uh it could be the next megon movie witchcraft let me ask you a

question so that figure is there you're at your house at night you see it in the doorway what is the scariest way it could walk to you if it wasn't that because that's right up there is the scariest what else it's in the doorway bending over backwards oh okay With a broken bones they go backwards. Yeah. Hair and face, oily hair. It's never like in barrettes or anything. It's just hanging.

I don't know why it really scared me if it was at night and it just crossed over its feet and just went like that. Yeah. Coming right at you. That would just terrify me. Well, if they're snapping, I wouldn't, I'd like it. Well, one foot goes over the other. Maybe if they turned their skin inside out, I wouldn't like it.

Yeah. Or if they went like this and went, Oh, yuck, yeah. And it was you. And it was you. I would be so scared. Hey, buddy. That's like the third mission impossible.

They do that. Hey, buddy. That's what the scary guy says. That's you as the scary guy. Okay. Okay, next one. We can always do another buzzing around. No, no, no.

I have no idea. What does that say? Can you read it? If, if warm enough for scorpion season in Arizona yet. I'm from Arizona and I've seen so many scorpions. Oh. Oh, Tiny Tim. Are those all scorpions?

Yes. Sickening. Heather, were you crawl in there for a hundred? Whoa. Cancel my trip to Arizona. That's the guy flying out. I didn't even get that. By the way, this is just a story without a picture,

but the reboot of Malkin in the middle, they're having a non-binary character. Oh, and the new one. Yeah, we interviewed Brian Cranston. Yeah, did you talk about that? No, but I know that one kid that played Little Joder in the movie is not doing it. I think he's going to Harvard now.

They said, Brian told us this, that he's not going to the reboot. He's the only one. So maybe they were replacing that character with a new character. But they're doing certain things on Apocalypse now, if you order it online and stuff, that Brando's character is not Colonel Kurtz. It's now they, them.

They updated it? Yeah. Okay, well, that's a big tweak. My name is they. I know. I was shocked. They would do that for something. They them?

Yeah. Colonel. They re-dubbed it too? My name is, my name is, my name is, yeah, they just dubbed it, and it's just, I guess, it's blowing up. Do you remember when he drops the orange in the Godfather at the end? Oh, at the end, yeah. He's like in the, and the kid's playing with him. Oh, he's got the funny teeth in, and the kid starts crying, and then he does this sort of ballet fall off the atrium.

You know, Copeland, had no idea. what he was going to do. He's like, just somehow croak. And he's like, I got some ideas. I'd say at least twice a year, my wife and I watch Godfather one and two. Those are pretty good. They're pretty, pretty good.

Remember when I sent you that video, which is kind of cool? I see him now all the time. Now they pop up. It just starts right at the Academy Awards, random year. Yeah. someone like Terry Gar and Gene Hackman going,

and now best supporting actress, and they read them all. And they're all unbelievable movies with great performances. I'm like, wow, wow. And then the next year, the next one clicked down. It was like Best Actor two years later. And Donald Sutherland is, it's so cool to see what they look like, the movies they were in, how great,

how much I was in the movies. Like all the President's Men was in there, Godfather, all the, these cool movies, Sybil, not simple, but a alien was in there. I mean, just, yeah, there's a lot of, like I think I, Jessica Lang and Tutsi, what I was watching going, who's going to win, supporting? And it was Terry Gar and Tutsi was one of them. I go, it's got to be Terry Gar, she was so tragic. And then Jessica Lang was supporting. She was like the star. And she won. She was so unreal and so hot. That is a great, what they call a screw.

ball comedy to pull that off the way they did was amazing um anyway interrupt you just and joss not at all jaws i like all these i mean i like i love movies i'm always looking for a great movie i'm looking for another master and commander i'm looking for another out of africa in the skies uh just these big cool historical epics or looking for another butch cast are you looking forward to nolan's movie what's it called Christopher Nolan. I'm always going to see a movie of his. What's unique about him is Tarantino's brilliant, but he does stay in a certain lane that he's great. Nolan does spaceship. Now he's doing Ulysses, I guess. Is that what it is? I think Matt Damon's going to have sandals and a beard. But it's Christopher Nolan, so you have to go see it. He's right up there.

I agree. Okay. Next. Odyssey. What did I say, Greg? You said Ulysses. Oh, Ulysses. Okay, sorry. Sorry, my... Okay. Go ahead. Here we go.

Roe builds and test a homemade laser. My camera is only weakly sensitive to this laser's wavelength, yet it still managed to unveil the actual beast at hand. Unveal. Even without careful focusing, the laser can easily set fire to my fence about 70 meters in the distance. Really? After the fog lifted,

I switched back to filming invisible. light note in the camera, which means the laser is back to being invisible the way it is in real life. Look at that. How easy to start. This feels like the kind of thing that they make new laws about. That's funny. I'm so glad he's not lying. He's not a liar. He's not a liar.

Every day the urge is there to light that thing on fire. However, it wouldn't exactly be very responsible of me. Someone like this thing on fire instead. Look at that. Because honestly, no way. When you look at Maui in these places, you can you get turned it off. It's like an invisible laser.

To actually ignite the gas. I decided to give it another try. To we have invisible lasers? Stop. Stop. He's having too much fun. Does the United States military have invisible lasers from the sky? That's what I'm saying is like if there's a fires at start and you go, I don't know how.

I don't know how it started. Was there a arson? like you could fucking pop that from a mile away miles away and be like oh oh i think we need more perimeter security yeah we are yeah we have people are building bunkers more they're not building little wonderbread houses or little cabiny house they're building concrete bunkers yeah i'm gonna laser proof my trees in my houses i will laser proof your head in in a minute That's what a bully says. That's something my dad would say to you.

Oh, yeah. I'd laser-proof your head in in a minute. No, he'd say, you better fist-proof your face. And you're like, oh, we sort of switched it all around. Or he'd say not shaving for a week. Time for the whiskers. Isn't it fun? Oh, and he'd grind them on your or something?

Yeah, I get on top. You know, but enough about the fun times. Yeah. All right, one more. One more. I got it. A million. things going. Yes, you do.

Yes, you do. Okay, good spin on the hammer. I'll give him that. Okay. Fascinating. You can do this on your farm, Dan. Oh, yeah. I did it this morning. Okay, three nails in a row. Then he's going to... Whoa. Okay. No wonder you had a weird haircut. Yeah, I don't love it. Yeah, look. That's hard to do with the hammer. Yeah, he's going to slam them all down. I mean, he better.

Or pull him out. Oh. Is that it? Oh, he got the middle one. I guess that is really hard. That guy should be in a kung fu movie. Okay, let's just throw a commercial for nails. Because he's doing the jacket and all the sound and stuff, you know.

His goofy hair. I can do kind of the same with my puppets. Don't. Why are you doing me like that? I like that. Hey, you know, by the way, that was actually a funny thing to say. I'm going back down to the pile of cardboard people. Let them go down easily, gently, then.

Gently. All right, well, I'm going to let you go, Danny. You got your hair. You got your hair. You better go show it around town. I'm going to puff it up a little more. I got a little thing in the back comes around. That's a good puff noise. You were amazing today.

You were amazing, Dana. You got through my R-rated stories. Don't put them right on the mic. People get mad. Oh, really? I went through the comments. People tell me spayed enough of your jokes that are too loud. I like it.

People laugh today. They were a lot of laughs. There's a lot of laughs. I think Hans and Franz doing a 10,000 squats and enlarging there. But I enjoyed that. God, we gave him a full show, 55 minutes. Too much. Too much of a good thing.

I know. They won't even, they'll just watch the clips. They won't even click on, but please click on. I'm leaving Dana. Smash that subscriber. Yeah, smash the shit out of that subscriber. Like, comment, share, take pictures of it, whatever you got to do. All right. Okay, bye. Hey, guys. If you're loving this podcast, which you are, be sure to click follow on your favorite podcast app. Give us a review, five-star rating, and maybe you can share an episode that you've loved with a friend. If you're watching this episode on YouTube, please subscribe.

We're on video now. Fly on the Wall is presented by Odyssey, an executive produced by Danny Carvey and David Spade, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman, Maddie Sprung Kaiser, and Leah Reese Dennis of Odyssey. Our senior producer is Greg Holtzman, and the show is produced and edited by Phil Sweet Tech. Booking by Cultivated Entertainment.

Special thanks to Patrick Fogarty, Evan Cox, Mora Curran, Melissa Wester, Hillary Schuff. Eric Donnelly, Colin Gaynor, Sean Cherry, Kurt Courtney, and Lauren Vieira. Reach out with us any questions to be asked and answer on the show. You can email us at fly on the wall at odyssey.com. That's a-u-d-ac-y-i-com.