Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade - Concert AFFAIR & David is Gifted a Meteorite by Dana White

Episode Date: July 21, 2025

Dana and David break down the Coldplay cheating scandal, why Richie Rich shaped David’s entire life, and how Lego Joe Dirt scored a meteorite—courtesy of Dana White. And Dana drops a barrage of Arnold impressions, plus a Scooby and Shaggy news update. Lastly, the guys tackle some fan questions. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Oh, we've always, we've never ended. Oh, sir, we've always. Oh, we're starting, trust me. Yeah, this is. And we don't really shoot out of the cannon at the beginning. La da da, da da da. Talking. Bah!

Yeah, but everyone knows, so I have a code on, that's good. That's the first order of business that everyone's psyched about. And then Dana might have a new something in the background. People ask me sometimes, you know, when we're not on they say, what's stuff in Spade's background? What's it about?

Here's my reaction. Okay. I don't even look at him. You think I'm looking at the background? Ooh. Here's a good one. That's a good one eye shot. I don't know. Ha ha ha ha. Here's a good one. That's a good one eye shot.

Here's one. Oh, you ever been, been around a Karen, you know, Karen, or the elbows up and the one eyes closed, excuse me. Okay. We were here a half hour ago and I do not have a glass of Chardonnay. All right. Karen's Karen's the worst term. I know. What is it for men who are kind of dicks?

Dick, a dick or a Doug? Do we have a name of a guy? We don't have a Karen equivalent, do we? I, there probably is. I haven't heard it because no one would dare call me because it would be Lights Out. Never, I've said this before, never do a TV show and call it lights out. Because then when the lights go out, it's like a self-fulfilling prophecy, which was my favorite talk show, by the way.

Right. We should have called it Lights. Never go out. Yeah, if we do it again, we'll call it Lights On. And then you'll be like, and then they'll go, well, the lights out for Lights On. Either that or just call it uncancellable. Welcome back to uncancellable, if that's a word. Oh, it's a Ken, someone says it's a Ken. A Ken.

Karen and Ken. And what are the characteristics of a Ken? I'm offended by both. You get offended easily, not to be critical or judgmental, but you're easily, you're kind of like, I'm offended by you criticizing me being offended. I can't, look, I've flunked algebra in high school. I don't need these kinds of questions. Dude, everyone's been asking about my fantasy football draft. Dude, everyone's been asking about my fantasy football draft. All right, let me just say, I want to know because I want to see if I can possibly understand

what that FIYAK you're talking about. It's the one where I thought it was two minutes between rounds, but it was eight hours on a draft kinks. And so I'm not done. I haven't seen you in a week. I'm not done. I'm not even close to done. I haven't seen you in a week. I'm not done. I'm not even close to done. I've made about 12 picks.

It's so, I wouldn't say interesting, but it's more infuriating because it nags at you. You're like, wait, and it doesn't alert you. So I just look on and it's like, oh, you're up in 21 picks. I go, oh, better hold tight. That could be six weeks from now. So sometimes it picks up a little bit. God, Heather's such a disaster.

The whole place is falling apart. Is Heather doing the dishes in the background? No, she's trying to stay awake during the story. She just fell out of her chair. Well, that's the story. I'll play therapist on your fantasy football. Yeah. David, do this, Fanny's foot, 12 pixels. Answer me this, what are you getting out of this behavior?

What do you think it's? My dad left me. God, you struck gold right away. My dad left me is like the answer to every question. Yeah, I think it's an escape. Fantasy football is a good escape from the chaos of all the stuff going on in the world. Well, that's a great answer and I totally get it.

What I, I didn't think of this phrase and people ask me things that I do. Brain candy. Why'd you watch that show? Brain candy. Why'd you play guitar? Oh, it is, yeah. Just you got a chatterbox, the world's on fire

or all gonna die. Ah, and is. Yeah. Just you got a chatterbox. The world's on fire. We're all going to die. And then you go to bring candy for you. It's like number 33 from the Chicago biz. David Spade picks Flill Flake night. Yeah. And then he does badly and it ruins my whole week. Yeah. It's fake. The problem is it can actually make you mad. And that's it's like golf or something like I golf. And then you can actually make you mad. And that's like golf or something. Like I golf, then you can actually,

I don't get quite as mad at golf as you would think when I screw up. But when I, fantasy football, you get your buddies and you guys all get in arguments. It's so ridiculous. I think that ritualizing fun things and having your brain decide that it actually matters when it really doesn't. Like, my brother was so into the 49ers. When the 49ers would play, he'd build up a ritual shrine. I mean,

the whole room was too much. And then he got a puppet of Joe Montana. And on third and long, he would do kind of an exorcist type thing. You go, the power of Joey compels you. The power of Joey compels you. Hut one, hut two, the power. And he would throw it at the TV. Usually it would fly over the TV. And then if he scored-

Oh, and it helps throw the ball? Oh yeah. Yeah. The power of Joey compels you. This little Joe Montana. And then if Joe scored a touchdown, he had a 49er football helmet full of beer. It was a special thing. And everyone had to take a drink of the beer. So I go, yeah, this is like a small life.

This guy's making something pretty exciting. People do make sports a big deal and it is fun. I do like football season. I will tell you not to change subjects, but I might have a solution to these ice raids everyone's mad about. Ready? All right. It's a horrible solution. Okay.

Heather looks up. All ears. Heather can't wait. The solution to the ice raids. Go. Because in California, it's a big deal. So they've been coming around and they take people and they put them in a van. You don't know for sure what's going on.

So maybe if they just made one tweak, instead of immigrants, they grab homeless people. Then they throw them in the van and we don't know where they took them. And then they're all gone. What? I mean, I don't know how many people would fight it. It's like, oh, sorry. Your words, not mine.

Now your idea is to substitute illegal aliens for homeless people. And you never know where they went. Is that your plan? Your words, not mine. Yeah. That's your plan. I plead the fifth.

I would say, you know, they talk about Epstein Island, just homeless Island, just, and have it be fantastic. Take an Island out in the Pacific, make it beautiful condos, everything. We have about 70,000 in California and just say, do you want to do it? Fantasy life cruise, you know, go out there. Um, I mean, the billions they're paying or throwing away or not using. It's like you have all these billions and billions is a lot of money.

So say we're going to rent all the Carnival Cruise ships and we're gonna say, take everyone here. And then they have, or take them out to Burning Man and set up a whole camera. I used to do a Trump thing. They need ice, you gotta have ice. They say the glaciers are melting. I know how to make ice.

I can make a lot of ice. I'll take all the ice from the Trump Hotel. I'll put them on the Carnival Cruise ship. They a lot of ice. I'll take all the ice from the Trump Hotel. I'll put them on the Carnival Cruise ship. They're friends of mine. I know these people. We make glaciers. Sorry, it's not the actual ice. Actual ice. You can get all the ice from the Trump Hotels. There's a lot of ice. I can tell you that. I can promise you that. It's a tremendous amount of ice. You put it on the Carnival Cruise ships. They go up to Antarctica and they make glaciers. Oh, they add it? Yeah. That's not about it? Oh, they make glaciers.

That's not about it either. Jeez, you got a lot of questions for my bit. Well, we were just talking about the other ice. Great, I'll put down my number two. Jesus. Dana, we'd like to cross examine your bit. I have a quick thing for us today. This was this little dovetail.

So that the only way to solve the Epstein thing is to have everybody go in and testify like anybody famous. They go in and testify. Now, Mr. Pitt, is that your real name? Yeah. Have you to your knowledge? Your words, not my mom, where's your nurse ever been on the Epstein Island? Nope. Now, and why do you say that?

Cause I was never on the island. All right, well, chair, I dismiss Mr. Pitt. That's a good plan. It's Brad Pitt. Yeah, now my next one is Mr. Schwarzenegger, were you ever on Epstein Island? No, no, because I don't like islands. I only like landmass.

No, Jim. I like that he says, I prefer landmass. Landmass. I like landmass. I don't like little girly islands. I like landmass. All right, I hear you. Is he dismissed? I guess so.

I don't want to work these bits out because I know you're going to join in and they'll just be sort of fun. I know, they kind of run. I like it. I go to an island and I do coconut curls. You can work out wherever you go. Do you know that I... I like when I hear other people do Arnold, it makes me happy. It's so bad. Mine are always better.

If this isn't better than talking. I actually used to do this 20 minute bit called predator Island. This is pre Epstein where all the kind of canceled men would go and that would be hosted by Arnold. Welcome to predator Island. Will we take care of all the predator people? Look, this's Woody Allen. What are you doing here?

Yeah, because, you know, we think that, you know, the charge is false, you know. Run, I lay down ground fire. Run, Woody. Run to the brambles. Wearing my khakis. Should have brought some sweats. Yeah, look, Rosie O'Donnell is in racist legume. Rosie O'Donnell. Look at Jesse Smollett, he's on hoax mountain.

Hoax mountain, I like that. Lay down some ground fire. So anyway, that was my... Ba da ba, ba da ba. I like it, you came literally loaded. Oh, I am loaded. Had a little extra in my orange juice. My mom, I'm worried

because sometimes she takes her dog's drugs. I thought it was by accident, but. What? Come on. I don't know if it's concerning, but like my dog. Well, wait a minute, sometimes she takes her dog's drugs? Is she, Mr. McGoo? Well, like only like tramadol. Like, because I think she ran out and she hurt her leg.

And she goes, it's the same thing. I'm like, I don't know. She goes, Davey, Davey, relax. It's just a pooch pill, Davey. It's just a pooch pill. We were all together on the Fourth of July. Oh, she's like, Davey, go say hi to that lady over there. She said she was your biggest fan.

Oh, why, you're gonna keep eating lunch? I go, I'll go over there in a minute. Oh, I don't like when you get like this. These are fans. I go, I know, I literally, I'm always nice anyway, no joke, but I, sometimes it's funny because right now she's got me on the hook for two different things and she's like, he just texted me up the wazoo about it.

I go, mom, oh my God. People get to her and then they go, just tell them to do this and she's like, done. Parents, you know. Parents. Parents and so having a child, got kind of lucky in free market America, got on TV and then they just root for you. Like I had my career was like a roller coaster.

You know, I was on a down slope. My parents would call me. They'd be on vacation in Montana. My mom would go, you sure got a lot of fans up here. Yeah, that's very nice. My dad would go, oh, Jesus Christ, you got a lot of fans up here. Yeah, that's very nice. My dad would go, Oh, Jesus Christ, you got a lot of fans up here. Yeah, I like it. It kind of picks you up because you think things aren't going good

and it's always like up and down and they're always pulling for you. Ideally, but she is for sure. Well, and the good thing too is when you're on SNL and you're dressed like a tomato or with a clown nose on and floppy feet, you're doing this goofy sketch, just check yourself for a second and go, look what I'm doing. Don't take it too seriously. I get paid to dress like a bagel. Yeah, I asked Jerry Seinfeld about that. I go, should I take it seriously? No. What should I take seriously? Nothing. Why are you taking it seriously?

I did hear him yesterday on Instagram. I love Jerry. Going like nothing matters. This is his latest advice. It's just, it doesn't matter. Like these things, these people that you think hate you, they'll be gone soon. Everyone will just be gone. You'll be gone. It will be gone. It's all gone. It's stoicism. It's a way to not take this, this seriously. And really, this is a fact. I looked it up that in the next 150 years, 8 billion people will die and then they'll be dead for at least a trillion years. Jesus, brought to you by Bummer. God, let's go to a commercial.

Summer's here and you can now get almost anything you need for your sunny days delivered with Uber Eats. What do we mean by almost? Well, you can't get a Wellgroom lawn delivered, but you can get a chicken parmesan delivered. A cabana? That's a no. But a banana? That's a yes. A nice tan? Sorry, no. But a box fan? Happily yes. Alright, I want to show one thing that's probably on our videos. for details. Oh, look at these two. Oh, all right. Come on, you're OK. Oh, what? Busted.

Either they're having an affair or they're just very shy. That's Chris Martin. And they say it looks like they were having an affair and they both got puffed. Well, let me see it again. Let me see it again, because I want to see the OK, they're on. They see shit. Yeah, that's it. They immediately disappears. He got something to hide.

So while he's a CEO of a big company and it's not confirmed. I'm just, I'm just going to say putting that camera on them and what Chris Martin said is more than that. It's a Coldplay brother. Oh, fuck. Yeah, yeah, I did that. That's where he got the name Coldplay because he would always embarrass people in the audience. He said, I think I'm going to name the band Coldplay. We put cameras on people, make fun of them.

I don't know. I don't do it Chris Martin, but. You know who else? It felt like something that Mr. Freeze would do. Mr. Freeze, I freeze you guys. Mr. Freeze, I put the freeze camera on you. Now you're diving to the headboard out of embarrassment

because you're having an illicit affair. Run, run, I lay down ground fire. Pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft. He played Mr. Freeze in Batman. And you know what? He was actually, that movie sucked of all the Batmans, but Arnold was great in Mr. Freeze. He was great.

He was so committed. I missed the freeze. Did you hear the Tommy Lee Jones, Jim Carrey story where no Jim Carrey comes in? Tommy Lee Jones is this serious actor. He's playing two face and Jim Carrey is playing the Joker, the Riddler, something ridiculous.

Yeah, he's the Riddler, I believe. Yeah, and he said, on one of his days off, he went to a restaurant and he saw him. This is, it sounds true, I don't know, I gotta ask. I'll let you know. Jim sees him and goes up to him and says hi to him on his table, and he says, it's been so fun doing this, acting in this movie with you, And he goes, you sir, are not an actor.

You sir are a clown. I am an actor and I'm in a movie with a clown. We are not the same. I've heard that story so many times. Let's ask Jim Carrey. I heard the same story, but I think what it was is that he was having dinner with Casey Kasem and he said that to him and then Casey said, let me answer this. You sir, an artist and actor, you are a clown. That's all you'll ever be.

I'm Casey Kasem. And checking in at number five, prime rib. And then Scooby on the table, give me a ride. Scooby thinks he's an actor, Scooby thinks he's an actor. What do you think, Scoob? Ground. Ground? Clown. Oh, clown.

Scooby has trouble with his elves. I couldn't think faster. I think Q&A with Shaggy and Scooby is good. And then the audience could try to figure out what the fayuk you're saying. Scooby, who do you think's a better actor, Al Pacino or Robert De Niro? Which one can I say better? Rariro. Rariro. Robert De Niro. Which one can I say better? Rerebro Rerebro No, I said what you said Oh at the end he does but you know I see him Oh, that's a good one man. Thanks for God same on a silver scooby was fucked on that one

Scooby-dooby-doo, who do you think some better actor Scoob? Let's see Let me don't put Scooby on a spot Who do you think's a better actor, Scoob? Let's see. Don't put Scooby on a spot. Christopher Walken or Leonardo DiCaprio. Rio. It's easier to say. Rio, no, give me a DiCaprio as Scooby. No, Scooby, I said Rio because Leo's easier to say as Scooby. Rararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararar Okay, I'll do it. Who's a better actor?

Christopher, Christian Bale or Benicio del Toro? Right on, bro. Oh, he doesn't know. I didn't know he couldn't have an opinion. Look, look everybody. I'm working right now. He goes, you got these sausages? Look, look everybody, I'm working right now. Arararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblbl Zoinks. What does zoinks mean? It means a lot of things. No, but Casey Kasem is the guy doing it, but Scooby is higher, you're right. And my highest compliment, I guess,

were some comments like, hey man, the dude sounds exactly like Casey Kasem, not knowing that Casey Kasem was Shakey. But Shaggy goes a little higher octave, like, Scoob. Scoob, he kind of breaks. He's always scared. Oh, Scoob, yeah. Shag's kind of a puss.

Is Shaggy always on fucking drugs or something? He looks like a burnout. Well, they made him into kind of a hippie burnout, the character. Yeah. Well, Scoob. Let's go to the sphere. Scoob, I suddenly have double vision. I don't think I want to ride the Matterhorn today. Scoob, I suddenly have double vision. I don't think I want to ride the Matterhorn today. Scoob, did you have those mushrooms?

Rutt-Roe. Rutt-Roe is the most famous one. Rutt-Roe is the most famous, we never do it. Rutt-Roe. Shit. Rutt-Roe. All right, let's do more hot stories. Yeah, that's it.

Hmm. Oh, so's, that's it. Hmm. Oh, so Brittany, who we like, uh, Brittany did an Instagram post where she said, um, that she adopted a kid and, uh, but what has exactly the reaction is this. Well, first of all, we love Brittany, but at some point when she was semi locked down, maybe it wasn't a horrible idea. Maybe they know more than we know as an outsider that maybe she needs a little guidance. Well, what I love about the byline, oops, I didn't adopt a kid or a dog dot dot dot quote,

just having fun online. Well, I don't know if the team does that after or she does, or I don't know. I don't know. Yeah, I know the team we were talking about the other day. It is amazing how much I hear that freaking word team, my team, your team. If I'm on a corporate date, wherever I am of anybody, our team will go back to you. You have a team. You have a really big team. You're looking at the beginning and end of my team.

I don't have a team. You're my team. Heather's my team. I do answer for you a lot. You know, I have residual KCKs and voice. Heather's my team. You're my team. Sometimes I do a voice and I can't get out of it.

When we do, we're doing Yamava Casino down here in LA. Yeah, let's promote that. Yamava Casino one night only. Danis Farfow and David Spudler with all their wacky shenanigans. They go, does Danis still need, we heard he needs his raisins cut in half and a bowl. And I go, yep, I just talked to him.

I'm his team. And that's what the team says he needs before he can go on. He can't do one impression without it. Yes. What's your ritual one minute before you go out so the fans can know? You have one minute Mr. Spade.

Ketchup, mustard, ketchup mustard. Actually, what I do do is, I usually go in the bathroom of the dressing room. If people are there and I don't wanna kick them out, I just go in the bathroom and I look at my notes and I go, I gotta figure out the first minute. What's going on right when I, visualize what's going on out there.

What are you gonna say? You can get spooked like a horse if you don't know what's going on and you get thrown right away. It's hard to get it back. So go out there, think on the first joke, think of something about the city or whatever I want to do just about that before I sort of get into a groove. But if you get it, if you get, if you come out on solid footing, then you can do better. Sometimes you get thrown by something in the audience or lights are too bright or something.

You're like, uh-oh, what's yours? I'd say that I sort of peek around the curtain and try to catch a vibe. Oh, you do. There's a lot of hubbub, a lot of energy. I do that a little earlier when they announce the show and the lights go down and the opener's on, I go look and say, oh, they're doing great.

Yeah, earlier I'm in an ice bath in the dressing room. You're an ice bath from noon to five. Just to wake myself up. But I would say nothing defeats, like if you can have second show energy in a first show, because when you have to do a second show, which is more than twice as hard. Seconding, yeah, they're tough.

You just have that Mode of like I just did that, you know, I mean you're you're in much more of a good not Judging yourself out there. I think it comes up for the first show Listen, we've all done the road where you do two shows a night is very common on weekends And we all did even in the old days the heyday of clubs three on a Saturday. But to get your energy up, it sounds like you don't, we're very mellow. But if you do that, and you can't help but come off, the adrenaline goes down a little bit, and then you kind of level off, and you've got to

bring it back up. It's very weird on the body, you start to sleep, and then you go, Oh, my God, I got to get back up again. Geez, I would say that what I do when I walk out there is I try to do something that makes me laugh to myself. And so for a while now they ask me, what do you want to go on to? So for some reason, I just, no reason, except that it makes me laugh. That my theme when I come out is Suspicious Minds by Elvis Presley. Yeah, great song. And the song, the crowd's always really happy and sometimes I start singing it with them.

We can't go on together. And so then I'm just thinking, this is, remember how ridiculous it is what we do. Goofy songs are good to come out. Nobody gonna break on my stride. I think I came out to that once. That's funny. Nobody gonna break my stride.

It just puts them in a goofy mood right from the beginning. I used to have Zeppelin and it was great, but actually the energy of a loud Zeppelin song is almost too much energy to follow because it's too good. I would say that Zeppelin's the greatest, but probably the greatest heavy metal intro to a song, and to your point, it almost overwhelms the set.

I stopped using it, was inner sand man by Metallica and it just built. It's so fucking awesome. But then it's like, it's such a thing. And then, and then, and then it quiets. Then it's just a single voice. What's up Des Moines. Hi guys. I went to the cornfields today.

When I hear someone do Garth, it makes me laugh harder than when I do it. Yeah. Meanwhile, the crowd's going, tonight. Yeah. Take my hand. Go, go, two, go, pom, pom, pom, pom, pom, pom. Never, never land.

Never, never land. Hi, I'm Garth. I'm happy now. Hi, I bought a snow cone at your Dairy Queen, didn't I? Yeah. I like to get Jumoka almond fudge because it doesn't stop with Jumoka. You also have the fudge at the end. I like when Sherry or Terry do Barbara Walters. I know. I gave her that Barbara Walters at Baskin-Robbins

and then you know you're trying to think of all the flavors. Yeah. And that's... She came up with it like that. She jumped right on it like Sherry who I don't think is on yet. I'm flying the wall but it's very soon if it's not. I think we got Sandler up right now. I can't tell if this is going to air in 2026. I'm so confused. I know. Believe me, the audience just clicks and goes, I hope these assholes are funny. We don't even know what's going on. I always want to remind the audience, first of all, subscribe that group's button.

Sorry. Smash that button. Smash it. Smash it. And always remember, you can fast forward or you could turn us off, you know, just just or listen to the whole thing. You have you have options and it's free. Yeah, and we do the commercials too. It's really it's and we read the commercials are so great. I like when people go commercials are the funniest part. I go, well, that's concerning. That's funnier than our trying to be funny

parts you know what the best part of the show is is when you guys are wrapping up and it's almost over I love that part you know what I usually start with the credits and then I turn it off you know what I do is I have it on the background when I'm cooking and then after a while I turn the sound off and I'll see it a little bit yeah it's really good with the sound off. You know what your show is good for? When I'm cooking, I have the TV on the background and then I have the podcast on in the background for the TV.

What I do sometimes when I need a break is I put on Angel Harpasta and I put it in and it's a two minute and you got to really focus. You go over to it's gummy. So for that two minutes, I'm totally focused on the pasta. And I don't have to listen to that stupid podcast. The good thing about your podcast is if I listen long enough, you'll yell some joke that's so dumb, then I go, okay, finally they hit something.

And then it flatlines for about 22 minutes. Yeah. It's not bad about your podcast is that at a given moment, I can tell that you're both really phoning it in. That kind of makes me smile. Someone told me on the, on the credits, it looks like spade or like phone. And then this time I go, I've been phoning it in since day one. I've got bad news.

Yeah. And what is the problem with phoning it in? It just means you're relaxed. Yeah. I go, do you have a phone? What are you from 1980? I have a cell phone. Why are we having this ongoing war? Actually, someone asked me what my sound machine was called. That one that makes all the noises. Okay, let's. It's called soundboard. It's hysterical though, but it's easy laughs.

I wanna pitch something. First of all, I don't think anyone can totally monopolize and have a monopoly on those little sounds. So I'm saying David and Dana's. Oh, yeah. Soundy. Soundboard. Yeah.

Call it something else. Soundy, Woundy or whatever. I go, you can have sounds like this if Sydney Sweeney walks in the room. Do you hear that? Yeah, but put it further on the mic, give it a little louder. Okay. You get a boner.

Yeah. When Dana does a joke. It's a boo. Yeah, we could just put some classic ones in there, like get to the chopper, you know, I could do some just one off kind of thing. Yeah, that's a good one. Why do I not have, every time I think I'm on a roll. It's so funny and I have it and you don't.

When Dana does a bad joke. Kong. When Dana does a joke that he thinks is funny. It doesn't even make sense. I hit the wrong one. No, here's Dana. Here's Dana when he when he closes the Yamava casino. We got to figure out who's gonna open. I like to open, but you like to close. I don't care. I'll do whatever you want. I'm your opener man.

We're both there. You know what you said the other day that was funny? We said something that was a bit murky and you said it's a murkfest. Did I? You're funny. Thank you for keeping track of my funniest side. Every couple weeks you say something funny, I scribble it down. Okay, what's going on next story?

Top tier AI employees at Meta, which is Zuckerberg, will earn a base salary of $100 million. With bonuses of up to $300 million a year, I can safely say we're in the wrong business. There's no way. Wait, offering compensation. It's up to, so. We might only get $50 million. You might only get nothing. But the base of $100 million is nice, but what do you expect?

Oh, is it base? Yeah, that's your salary. That is base. Wow. Hi, I'm Mark Zuckerberg. So what I'm going to pay you is 100 million a year as a base salary. And then you can earn bonuses of up to 300 million per year. Where are you going?

What did you what did you get at your last job? I got a thirty two thousand a year with no bonus. OK, we're going to up that to 100 million. And the nerds are like, okay, that sounds good. 100 billion and then maybe 300 billion bonus. So thank you so much. I'll just be going to my car now and call my wife. It's a world where everybody feels poor

because there's things like that. They're like, oh, should I be getting 100 million at my job? No truer words have ever been spoken by you, David. So true that the constant onslaught of people on 500 foot long yachts and just just saw them and go more parties and jets and money and power, you know, it just makes people feel bad. Well, that should be banned. There's always people making way more, but there's always people making less.

So it's hard to keep that. It's an illusion. It's an illusion. Most people are struggling at some level, you know? You know, it reminds me of Superman. There's a tear in the earth's fiber and there's a prism of a black hole. Is that in the movie?

I haven't seen it yet. That's what I got from it. Oh, you haven't seen it yet. Oh, you don't want to know? Toy boat, toy boat, toy boat. You don't know who wins? Okay. Lex Luthor?

Martin Luther Lex? Oh yeah, we can't talk about it until you see it. Sometimes I will, because I want to be transparent on this podcast, I'll wiki and get kind of like when I watched the last Mission Impossible, there's so much confusion that I just did look at that. Okay, there's a thing that has to connect to the thing. So once in a while, yeah, once in a while, it's okay to kind of know if it's a very confusing movie. I assume Superman's pretty straightforward,

but with you, you're gonna get a little tired. Here's the impression of you watching Superman in the theater. What's going on? I don't really get it. I don't understand. Who does the dog belong to? Who are the bad guys? What's the guy with the weird head?

Is that a dog? Why is the dog here? Is it lost? Where's the Enigma? Is that only in the other movie? Yeah. Impossible Superman should be. They could make that with AI. Just take those two movies and make Impossible Superman. Tom could help him. Tom Cruise in there.

Oh, I can't say anything about it. Well, you can tell me. Let me just say this one thing. I read all the comic books as a kid, okay? I'll tell you one thing. Let me just say this one thing. I read all the comic books as a kid, okay? I like people go, I'll tell you one thing, this doesn't even give away anything. This won't give away anything. So tell me that one thing.

He dies in the first five minutes. And it gives away nothing. One thing I am interested in. No, that's not true. Because the original was like amazing. This is the original modern era Chris Reeve. And so the director, James Gunn said, okay, I want someone who can do a Brando and be his dad. And so he picked Bradley Cooper, who's a fantastic actor, but my head is still stuck on

Brando. I wish they just kept Brando with AI or something. Oh, yeah. Well, there's also they just kept Brando with AI or something. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, there's also- Nothing against Coop, as I call him. Nothing against Coop. He's a brilliant actor. Coop is one of his dads. There's only one Brando.

You hear what I said? What? Bradley Cooper is one of his dads. Well, that's what I mean. Oh, you mean in real life? No, in the movie. But in real life too? No, he's one of his dads. I mean, there's more than one dads?

I don't know. Is that some Krypton thing? You have two fathers, Scoob, on planet Krypton. I don't know. Rirolo. I don't know. Gee, secret keeper. Well, I don't want to tell you because you haven't seen it.

When am I going to see it? His dad is the dog. And everyone goes, well, okay, come on. His dad is a dog? No, he does have a dog in the movie. I saw the preview when he's in the ice. I can tell you that. He's in the ice like...

And then you see the dog running in. Yeah he's beaten up which is it's always funny when these superheroes get beat up because you go aren't you made of steel but he gets beat up and he's like bleeding I don't know he could bleed either he goes I guess I have no life in me but I need I need to whistle and he goes at like 1 million decibels for about three minutes straight. You go, you do have some energy left. Don't, everyone's throwing their laptop out the window. Well, here's the thing that I've always found problematic with these Marvel superhero movies. You got the Hulk.

Nothing can destroy him. He's going to have a fist fight with some giant lizard and nothing can destroy or hurt either one of them. And they pound the shit out of each other for 10 minutes and they kind of walk away. It's like- And they go, no one can get beat up. So why do you fight for a half hour?

The whole goal of Superman, having seen the movie, is to make you think he's actually in danger at some point. Yeah. And that's the whole goal of the movie. Otherwise, I guess he's going to get out of this one. But the problem with Superman versus Batman is Batman is a person. Who can easily die. Is he? Batman is Batman person.

The your words, not mine, your movie, not mine. Your superhero. No, I know. Batman was just, yeah, it's just. So you're fighting the biggest star in the world, Superman, that's not even from here and you're supposed to beat him. Can I just make an observation for a second? Briefly, yes. In the analog days for all you millennials and you Heathers and you youngins, the analog days, you might go on a vacation. And you might be in a shitty cabin near a lake and there's a little store you go into.

First of all, they got a thing. It says Coca-Cola on the outside. And you put it up and it's all cold drinks like knee-high soda and root beer. And you take them out and you buy them and then they have stacks of comic books and you have no TV no electronics no Wi-Fi nothing to do nothing so you get a Superman versus Batman comic book and you go just hang out on a wood pile also use your imagination a lot because you have to picture the fight.

It was heaven and there was creepy magazine to creepy comic books, which were kind of scary. But that was when you're somewhere. Even for people now, if you go somewhere and you don't have Wi-Fi and you don't have any television, electronics and you look over, you see a bookcase, you go, I think I'm going to read Moby Dick. Right. It's just raw dogging. I mean, early on, talk about raw dogging in flight, but when you're a kid,

Richie Rich, I read a lot for some reason, the poor little rich kid. And I think I would dream of like, because we didn't have that much money. I'm like, look at this fucking kid. He has like a Rolls Royce skateboard. I'm like, yeah, so great. You remember the days where the windows were up the entire flight and the pilot would come on the Grand Canyon can be seen to the left. This is this was exciting.

Yeah, it's exciting. Now it's funny that in the day they all put the thing down. No, you're a it's pitch black too, but you're on your electronics. One time I wasn't paying attention. Suddenly I heard the bus land. You land. Yeah, like very weird I don't really like it if one person is always to my right side has their window fully blasting on me

So it's give me a headache here, but everyone else is down. So there should be I know it's sad life. I have This is like bad about you ever actually do feel bad about your behavior because you weren't paying attention? Yeah. So I'm on a flight, it's from Hawaii. So unfortunately two hurricanes have merged together and they're in our path, so stay seated. So everyone's got their thing down.

So I wanna use the restroom very badly. So I'm looking, I keep opening the window and looking at the weather and closing it and opening, looking at the weather and closing it. So I must've done it too much because as we're getting our bags, this woman goes, yeah, yeah, you liked to open and close the window a lot, didn't you? Yeah, you did it the whole time. Yeah, you did.

And then I said intuitively, I didn't want to have an argument. I said, well, you, oh, you should have told me. No, they're not going to tell some superstar, no one knows who I am. You do not, you know how invisible I am. I mean, look at, look at this. I have the sunglasses, Dana, where'd you go? Who's this exactly with you? And like I've said before, you are famous fame.

You are like walking around with a Disney character. Mickey Mouse or Pluto? It's because I wear my grown-up shirt when we go out. I go, what? Well, you've got you've been in some blockbusters. No, listen, I If I went around dressed as Garth, I'd get mobbed. Right. But no one knows who I am. No, some people know me, some don't. It's the way it always is. You never know.

The ones that matter when you're like at the airport and you want to get into their restaurant because you have 20 minutes to eat and they're like, that'll be a two and a half hour line. I'm like this. Because they're not giving you the... No, they don't give you jack shit.

What I do, if someone does come up and they've got this, I put them out of their misery. I always go, let's take a picture. They go, really? Yeah, sometimes it's better to just say, let's do it. Yeah, let's do it, come on. Cause they're standing there with their phone like this going.

You might, yeah. You go, you wanna take a picture? Oh yeah, okay. Yeah, they're like, you know. And then they go, take off your sunglasses. This is them taking it all. Oh yeah, they're all nervous. They can't open their phones.

They asked me, do you know how to work it? Yeah, they go, can we take a picture? And I go, yeah, and they go, I don't hear, I don't know how to do it. Just they hand it to me and I'm like. As a BMO Eclipse Visa Infinite card holder, you don't just earn points. Ahem.

You earn five times the points. On the must-haves, like groceries and gas, and little extras like takeout and rideshare. So you build your points faster. And then you can redeem your points on things like travel and more. And we could all use a vacation. Apply now and get up to 60,000 points. So many points. For more info, visit bmo.com slash eclipse.

Visit us today. Tests and conditions apply. At Grey Goose, we believe that pleasure is a necessity. That's why we craft the world's number one premium vodka in France, using only three of the finest natural ingredients, French winter wheat, water from Jean Sac, and yeast. With Grey Goose, we invite you to live in the moment and make time wait. Sip responsibly.

Okay, let's look at another one. Let's look at another. My hair got cut. You didn't say anything. All I know is that... You see this, Heather? Looks incredible today. It's hard because it's freaking gray. Okay, I see where this is going. Oh, yeah, this is I didn't see this video, but I can just say that for a present day and it did send me a meteor

about four years ago. Oh, I should have it just out of the blue was that's part of Joe Dirt, right? You want to grab it Heather? That is Joe's is it over? I'm like, this is pretty badass. Yeah, so I bought some I was just By and I bought another one and I sent it to David Spade number Joe dirt. Yes Thanks that he's got a guy right? I said Joe dirt now. You got a real one You have a meteorite guy. I love you really did this When stuff goes up, I'll send you an auction book of everything that's up. I do auctions too. And that auction.

By the way, this was like one of the nicest things in the world that to think of me and send me this, which was expensive because I saw it. It had a receipt or something in it where you could tell from the auction. They're not giving these meteorites away. Is it a meteor or meteorite Dana? Go meteor and meteorite Dana. Heather has a little boo boo and the world needs to know. Okay. We're going to do fan questions in a minute. I just want to make an observation again, not being funny.

Yeah. Go ahead. Specific random guess. Like if you're out about in the world and you see something and it makes you think of someone and then you just give them that gift, you may skip the next five birthdays or it's just out of the blue because that's a really cool thing that happens. That's the best way to do it. Yeah. Like oh yeah. Instead of the day before the birthday you get him a can of WD-40 or like at 7-Eleven. I got to get, but if you think of something. Yeah, and you see that and you think of the person, guess what?

In the middle of the year. I don't want to give it away, but next time I see it. Is that my next birthday? Yeah, that's for you. I didn't want to give it away, but it's yours. This is Lego Joderts. I went to Lego Land. Well, that's cool.

I took Harbor to Lego Land and they go, hey, we have a special thing for you. They took me into the Lego place. I don't know where it was Inside and they made that for me. So I got a wagon for it and then we have Dana's meteor it's small smaller than I thought it would be Joe dirt's meteor. What do you mean? Dan? So I put it in Joe dirt's meteor. It's smaller than I thought it would be. Can you see it when it's right here? It's Joe Dirt's meteor. What do you mean, Dana's? And so I put it in Joe Dirt's meteor. Oh.

And then Lego Joe Dirt carries it. Hey man, what's crappin' in? So it was- It makes me wanna watch Joe Dirt again. I keep seeing these little clips and I think it's better than I remembered it. Can I remember- Well, it's actually a feel good movie.

So ultimately it's. Oh, you played it kind of real. You were sort of an empathetic character. For once I was not like a sarcastic smartass. No, you were, I think in the writing you can see, you know. I'm gonna do a Joder thing this weekend I think. So I'll tell you next week if I do it. But I thought this meteor was great.

I thought it would be bigger because it's in a big box. The meteor. And it's just a little. But it is from. It's from space. It's from space. It's from Joe Dirk, but it's smaller because a Lego is smaller than a regular person. So great.

So I didn't see his, but maybe it's like that. But anyway, I do that kind of thing too. I look at these things and I've bought people things because there's like, they're a star Wars fan. Oh, we have a lightsaber from the real movie or Indiana Jones's hat. Like those kinds of things are one of a kind. It's really, they're too expensive though. But if you can get a cool one, they usually under on the download, go up in value a lot because people

love these little things from the world of movies and stars. You know, it's, I don't know. I don't know if the words like you have beetle stuff. Don't you have some beetle stuff? Yep. I have, yeah, I have beetle stuff. Some pretty albums signed by all four Beatles is worth a lot. Not too many in the world. Not too many. The gift was from NBC when they were trying to get me to take over when Letterman left. So they got me a gift at Sotheby's in London. And I still have it.

But I think that- But when you did New Letterman, you gave it back, right? No, I couldn't. I couldn't find out how it works. They said this is from this NBC. Fred Silverman. Fred Silverman called me. No, I didn't give it back.

But I do think that people have hobbies and passionate and start collecting. Seems like a lot of times they end up getting really rich from it. Like Jay Leno with the cars. It's more, he's probably had more money off his cars than all of his tonight show money and all the rest. Uh, yeah. But Dana, you might have a little boo. You know, you know what they are.

Uh, I remember man cards and all the rest. Okay. So we're going to do two fan questions. We can always cut them. Yeah, let's hit a fan question. Cut them if they suck and we give a bad answer. Yeah. Hello, David, Dana and fly on the well pod. My name is Sarah Grace. And I have a question for Shaggy News. Before I get into it, I just like to say that I'm such a huge fan and I look forward to the podcast. Every single week you guys are literally my emotional support comedians.

You know, some people need a smoke break, but I need a David Spade and Dana Carvey break during my day because you guys just make me laugh and forget about my week-to-week stressors and we all need to laugh sometimes. David, I am such a fan and I just think you're so witty, funny, and sarcastic and I've got a little crush on you

because of that and Dana. I have so much admiration for you as well. Anyways, enough rambling. I'm gonna get to my question now. I am gonna be a junior in college and I'm moving out of my parents' house for the first time and going to a university. And my question is, what advice would you have someone that's moving to a new place for the first time?

Thanks so much, guys. Bye. Go ahead. Okay, David, wasn't it for you? Very sweet. What was the exact wording of the question? I think it's she's going away to college. College.

Must be a different state, I'm guessing. That is scary. Um, and what would be, what's our advice? Yeah. Hmm. Real tough, real twist. Real tough. Well, first of all, you know,

stay out of the sun, you know, really wear a big hat. Cause you have really great skin. You almost look animated and you're 18, I assume. So wear a big hat. Second of all, my question is, are you in a dorm? Because if you're in a dorm, you're going to meet like 300 people in one day. And that's a great way to do it. I think it's an incredible, I was in a dorm once for a year, and it was boy girls, 15 stories high, Super Vducci Hall, San Francisco State. And so it's a huge social environment.

I think don't be fearful and just be open. And based on her being a fan of yours, means she's a high quality person. Well, she seems pretty friendly and outgoing. And so a cute girl out there in the real world, especially like, yeah, I did that at ASU. There's dorms there, there's fraternities. You don't have to join that stuff. It was sort of the way into this social life, I got, yeah, I did that at ASU. There's dorms there, there's fraternities. Yeah.

You don't have to join that stuff. It was sort of the way into this social life, but I would keep the drinking within reason. It's not, I mean, no one's not gonna drink, I guess. Just be realistic, but just try to focus a little bit on school and maybe get a part-time job. But it's hard to move to a different city, especially away from the parents, away from the fam. Yeah, I mean, you know,

embrace the, embrace the anxiety, just trust it. Of course, everyone else who's getting in this dorm as a freshman, coming from other places, they'll, you'll think they're way more confident than you, and you'll, you know, just remember everybody's a little nervous about this whole experience, but in the in the context of your lifetime Just enjoy the hell out of it because you get it if you don't have to work if you can if you're able to I was sweeping the The stairwell and vacuuming the building wasn't too bad. I met people that way. I was vacuuming a 15 story building, but just enjoy it.

Go with it and anxiety and a little bit all normal and easy on the booze. This madness lies that way. Yeah. And you know, uh, in closing, I'll say that sometimes you wind up having these friends for life, so some are more in high school, some more in college, but it can happen. So just see what happens and try not to stress too much. One last thing and I'll say it as Garth, if you're bored some night, what you can do is maybe put on

Winsworld, Winsworld 1, and then you could watch it. On laser disc. Okay, thank you for that question. We got another question. Thanks, thanks though. Hey, Dina and David, huge fan, love the podcast. Thanks for taking my question. Dina, you make the best turtle, and David, you are the only llama I've ever liked. Out of curiosity, if you could be any animal in the world, what would you both be?

That's easy for me. It is? Yeah. What sort of a raccoon would you be? I would say I'd probably be, well, I would go with the breed of dog that is the most effusive and cheerful. Where I live, there's a collie,

some kind of collie looks like Lassie or something or a golden lab. This dog is like just no upper stuff about what we're in the moment completely being joyful. So I'll just say a golden lab. David, you probably want to be a cockroach. You'll be a cockroach. I think a dog like Australian Shepherd or something, running a lot, good mood, order cally, everybody likes you, golden retrievers like that. I'm tired of being so smart. I'd be a dumb dog. It's just more fun.

There's been so many bits about dogs, but you know, it's just, if you have a dog People they see you if I've seen dogs in a car and then their owner comes back and it's just it's like the super Yeah, there's a lot of cool animals, but that's a good one. Yeah. All right, Danny your answer is wrong. Mine was right Thank you. Everybody. Let the fans decide. I also like to be a gorilla because they look really powerful. Yeah. I think you can only be one, but okay. All right, well thanks David. I've really enjoyed having you on, on Flying the Wall without a guest.

Thanks for having me and I'm really well. Thank you and I do my traditional weekly selfie of you. Good. Of you? You did face me, yeah. That was a good picture behind Superman behind you. That's great. I'll see everybody next week. All right. Give us a review, five-star rating, and maybe even share an episode that you've loved with a friend.

If you're watching this episode on YouTube, please subscribe. We're on video now! Fly on the Wall is presented by Odyssey, an executive produced by Danny Carvey and David Spade, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman, Matt Eastbrung-Kaiser, and Leah Reese Dennis of Odyssey.

Our senior producer is Greg Holtzman, and the show is produced and edited by Phil Sweetek. Booking by Cultivated Entertainment. Special thanks to Patrick Fogarty, Evan Cox, Maura Curran, Melissa Wester, Hilary Shuff, Eric Donnelly, Colin Gaynor, Sean Cherry, Kurt Courtney, and Lauren Vieira. Reach out with us any questions to be asked and answered on the show. You can email us at flyonthewallatodyssey.com. That's A-U-D-A-C-Y dot com.