Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade - Dane Cook

Episode Date: November 20, 2024

A panic attack before SNL audition, getting robbed, and worst gigs with Dane Cook. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

David, you know about Airbnb, right? I've had relatives that are coming to stay and they're staying for a little while and the hotel is far away or it's not quite the right fit. And so they get an Airbnb and these things are just a great use of digital knowledge. Where you- Oh yeah, I think people are just all moving that way

because just easy, you do it on your phone, you check it out and you find, you know, if you want your own privacy or whatever. Yeah. Or if you want a pool, you find one with a pool, you know, or one that you can bring your dog. It's it's completely not one size fits all super adjustable. I've used one in particular a couple of times and it was just charming and nice. And yeah, very easy to use. So it's a good alternative

if you need a place to stay. Right, because hotels are great. It just sometimes, hotels don't spend as much meticulously checking everything out. Airbnb, I think they always seem to have personal touches and my friends say it's great and they would never do anything but that. If you want a kitchen, you know, at the hotels it doesn't have a kitchen. A full kitchen usually can get that and do all that. Perfect accommodation, traveling with friends or family or on your own. Listen, for your next adventure it might be something to try out at least, you know? You won't regret making the switch from traditional hotels.

And you might wind up liking it. Stringing December 3rd only on Disney Plus. From the directors of Spider-Man No Way Home and The Mandalorian comes a brand new series. It's dangerous out here in space. Join the crew. We have to move fast. As they explore the galaxy. We're not alone down here. Don't miss the new Star Wars adventure. Do you wanna join me? Skeleton Crew, two episode premiere December 3rd, only on Disney+.

We have on our show today, Dana Dane Cook, a familiar name. Different than my name, D-A-N-E, and I am D-A-N-A for all you fans out there. You put the DNA in D-A-N-A. This one's interesting because his journey, he was the first person to really use social media to create a fan base with a platform called MySpace from the early knots.

MySpace, I like. And then he had so much to talk about because there's so many things going on. He did a ton of movies. He's still doing movies. He's sort of gotten to the place now where he had ups and downs and he's like, I'm good with everything and I just want to try to do the stuff I really, really want to do. And he puts his own money into stuff and he's doing, he's really, it was super interesting to talk to. I didn't know a lot of what he was telling us. Yeah. I mean, he really made the leap pretty quickly to stadiums. You know, people are doing a lot now, you know, arenas. He was one of the first to go. It was Dice, I remember, was big.

And then he had Dice earlier than him. And then he came out new and he was just like a huge. And he goes, he's a very open real person because he's had some ups and downs. He had some legal issues that he'll address in terms of family members and it's very, very interesting interview. He's very, he's a smart, clever person. I'm just going to say. It's kind of similar to the Matt Rife where a good looking dude comes out, blows up in comedy, and has a big career. And so here, hear his story.

Stick around and listen to this. Here he is, Dane Cook. ["Stormtrooper Theme Song"] Hey. Wow. The Nutty Professor is our guest today. And he is, Dane is surrounded by incredibly, he's got a stormtrooper.

I'm just painting a picture, man. Mass, you are, are you a science fiction guy like me or is fantasy, Marvel, what do you? When I see this, I look like an intern at Bad Robot. But at least they have a restaurant in Bad Robot has a full scale restaurant. You've been there, right? You're just walking along, yeah.

I've seen it, and you know, it wasn't until I looked at your benign background that I look like I'm Mr. Magorium's magical Emporium over here, so it's a little too busy. Yeah, well, look at Dane and I, it's pretty blank, but you at least are trying. I'm in an undisclosed hotel. I'm in a hotel in New York City.

You guys look like you're in like one of those like off, off the grid doctor's office. Yeah. Dane is in an undisclosed holiday in a green ribbon. I'm in a, yeah, I'm near a buffet. It's 10 minutes, it's 10 feet away, but you're not going to see it, but let's cook it up. Dane Cook is our guest.

I want to have a phrase. I just thought of it. Let's cook it up. Let's get have a phrase. I just thought of it. Let's cook it up. Let's get it cooking. I'll ask you later. How do we blow up this podcast? We're doing really well, but I want to know because you're the master of that, the original. We can start there if you want or your childhood. But the first comedian that I know of that But the first comedian that I know of that identified social media before broadband, MySpace and then decided instead of hanging out after the show, would go back and work social media.

And then became the biggest comedian on planet Earth. Right. You know, I was a dork, basically. I was a dork that loved comedy. And I felt like on stage at night, there was this great opportunity to kind of be whoever you wanted to be, right? You could create this persona, you could, you know, have this kind of rambunctious facade. And then I would go home and for 23 hours of the day through the entire

terrible 90s of road work I was just miserable I was really really like languishing miserable and like how can you make this other time of the day work and how could my my geekdom work for me somehow I love computers I saw the internet is kind of like I don't know like some kind of portal, you know, to college kids that were, you know, online late at night downloading porn or whatever they were looking for. And- It's like Facebook or something.

You start to go, I gotta get to these guys. But dial up, the energy of dial up in those days, waiting. Baa. Baa. That's just my wife. Good night. That's all I got.

I don't have anything else. That's it. Good night. That's all I got. I don't have anything else. That's it. Good night. That's not bad. That's her yelling at you. No, that's her just talking about dinner. Yes, dear. But anyway, so that was, you're a worker bee then.

You're a nerd and not willing, you're willing to put the work in because that is what's pre-broadband. You got to really work it. Hey listen, by 98 everybody made it pretty clear to me if you didn't have like a Saturday Night Live or an HBO, you know, young comedian special, if you didn't have one of those two things, you, you know, you weren't going to zeitgeist. You weren't invited to the party. And I, it's funny because I had an SNL moment

where they wanted me to come in. It was right after Adam had left the show. And I'm sure you guys, you know, remember right around that transition. And they were, they were looking at me. They were coming down, seeing me in the village. I was just doing gigs down there, going back and forth from Boston.

And on my way to my audition at SNL, I had a full on panic attack. I sat on a bench outside of Rockefeller Plaza and I didn't go in. I actually called my manager. I said, I'm not I can't do it. And he's like, why? They're all waiting for you. They want to see you.

They're looking for something to fill that, you know, that void void. Yeah. And I blew it on the day because I was like too, I also knew from a few friends that had been on the show that it was more confrontational and I was very beta at that time and I was like, I'm not gonna be able to fight for skits. I can barely get my food order out for a waiter at lunch. I'm not gonna be able to survive at SNL.

Two men enter, one man leave. You see, I mean, I just want for, who's ever listening, young men or whatever, how do you go from a beta to, at least your stage persona became alpha alpha? Yeah, it was interesting because, so my dad was a BC graduate and an all around athlete, you know, he played every sport, he boxed, he was just a stud.

And my mom was like, you know, there wasn't an Al-Anon meeting that she didn't want to sit in, you know, she was just like real super sensitive, very like introvert. I got a lot of that. I was, I was kind of like an introvert, but inside I was very competitive, because of my dad's side. So it wasn't until I got on stage and started feeling like,

oh, wait, what if I took this version of myself and just kind of brought that into the meek shell, inherit the earth, 23 hours of the day, and see if I can live in the middle? So that's kind of where it all got built up from. Well, it wasn't getting you anywhere. I mean, especially that SNL thing is such an interesting story that I was there. I mean, I was still, I stayed a year after Sandler. So I would have been probably someone you would have seen there of my final year, but

wow. And how, and don't your people turn their back on you a little after that, your management agents or no? Yeah, they were not happy. I definitely felt like I let myself down because you got to realize two years later, I'm somewhere in Tampa at a D-level gig and I'm watching Fallon who got this spot. Was doing what you could have been doing.

And you were right there with him. You would have been maybe a castmate with him. I don't know, man. Yeah, in Okeechobee. Right? I was just, I was out there going, oh no. Oh wow. I think I missed that opportunity.

And of course at that point, there was nothing else. There was just, there was just the next gig where at that point they didn't care that I was coming and they didn't care when I left. It was nothing else. There was just the next gig where at that point, they didn't care that I was coming and they didn't care when I left. It was those gigs. Just a flash in my head, did you ever play the rib tickler in Minneapolis? No, I did not. That's a real club.

It was kind of a fun club, but it's pretty grim out there when you're, I mean, but at that point at least in your head, you're gonna be a professional. We're making a living, you're not leaving, you're just gonna find a way, right? You're not one of those people who quit for a month or something. I'm doing a lot of college gigs. Yeah, so.

At the time I'm out there, I'm doing a lot of gigs. I remember the kind of the gang that was out there at the time was like, I would do gigs with Chappelle, Tracy Morgan, who else was out there at that time. It just a flock of like, you know, great up and coming comedians that were killing it. But I felt like everybody else sorta had a trajectory and mine was already like, you know,

every time I walked by that bench at Rockefeller Plaza, I was like, ah, I'm an asshole. I can't believe I screwed it. You're like, I had mental problems before it was cool. You were way ahead of the game there with ADD. Or anxiety. If you were now, you'd Instagram that, or you'd live stream it.

I'm right outside Rockford Center. My dream's right there. I can't open the door, gang. A full blown panic attack. That would have blown up globally. That probably would have gotten a lot of tips. I need a personal day. I blame SNL and I'm going to come in there, they owe me, you would get that

day back somehow because it is tricky to do that. I mean, it's hard because I'm sorry, I'm going to be answering all your questions for you. Please. What it is is you do that and now you're going to do rib ticklers and all these gigs, which we've all done, and you're going to do rib ticklers and all these gigs which we've all done and you're going where am I? What is my goal now because I just kind of missed one goal

So it must be tough. Oh Yeah, it it definitely was I mean it was like There was I never wanted to stop. You know, I always was like, okay I guess there's some other avenue but it wasn't till like the end of the nineties into, you know, my space and social media that quite literally, long story short, I was sitting in front of the computer one day, I start posting stuff on my space and I just was putting up clips and talking to fans and really like just nerding out all that, like eating Froot Loops and just responding to people. Full time job.

You know, that were, you know, in between classes. And then finally, I remember I saw it go from a few hundred people to like 2000 followers in like a matter of days. And I was sitting in my office or I say my office, but I was sitting on a futon, which was also in my kitchen, which was also in a basement. We all had a futon at some point. Right, the dreaded futon days. Futon is your kitchen.

And then I finally looked and I was like, damn dude, I just hit 2000 followers. And I'm serious when I say, I'm like, I think this is it. I was like, I think I could build like a little army through this and I just didn't let up. For four years. I answered every thing that anybody sent me. I would send them links and you name it.

I like, I was friends with everybody for a while who wrote me. And what was, how big did that first wave get? Where did you get to in four years? I mean, this is early, early social media, a hundred thousand or more. It was 7 million followers by the time. this is early, early social media, 100,000 or more? It was seven million followers by the time, MySpace was say defunct, but in that time- Seven million? Holy shit.

Like 2004, five? Yes, yeah. And so what was crazy is- Holy, that's a billion today. It, right? It's almost like being on the Celtics in the 80s and realizing those guys probably only made $40,000 a year. But I could click one button and sell out,

you name it that point, like a field house at a college or even a small arena back in 03, 04, I could click one click and the algorithm just did a job. You just say tickets for sale sale going on sale right now. Done, no radio, no good morning Cincinnati, like nothing, just click. No zoo crew. No zoo crew.

You got, I'm gonna use the word Oracle pioneer. I think young people listening understand the first, maybe the first human being. I don't know who your peers were, but I know in the world of comedy, you started this. So some of the toxicity of social media, I kind of put on you. Yeah. Let's turn this around a little bit. You're a problem. But that's extraordinary. In the meanwhile, I'm just interested in the process of the lane of becoming great, not just good,

as a standup, you know what I mean? Just that work ethic and all that, those reps. Yeah, well, if you start knowing I can click one button and get everybody's attention, I better be delivering something that's worthy because if you have that many people walking away from your shitty thing, they're going to tell everybody. So yeah. Sure.

You have to be good. There's no way you're doing those gigs and not having satisfied customers because it wouldn't last a minute. You know, of course everything ebbs and flows, but you have a great run like that. A great mindset is I have to kill. And so that means the weaker bits go overboard. I have to kill and they're all coming to see me and they're my friends.

So I get this pressure. I would be in the village every night and I would try to book six to upwards of 10 gigs in a night so I could work, work, work. I'd be going cellar, Boston comedy club, the wah, come up to stand up in New York, come back down to Danger Fields, back over to the cellar, Boston comedy club, the wah, come up to stand up in New York, come back down to Dangerfields, back over to the cellar for the midnight show.

Just do that circle, man, all night long to try to figure out what works, what's funny. Okay, that's lesson number two for young people listening. That's just work. What's your demographic here, Dana? When we say young people listening, we're talking 40 to-

No, anything under 60. 60 to 90, yeah. Most of the demographic is 83. I don't know why I come from the 80s. We have a few- All you elderly residents at Mediplex Nursing Home in Lexington, listen up. Any aspiring standups who've been in it 35 years

or having trouble in their mid 50s, landing a pain gig. You're getting truth to power here right now. We are cooking it. I like when we have Paul McCartney on and be like, get somebody famous. I'm like, he is famous. I know. Get somebody from TikTok.

That's like, we try to do both, but you know what I mean. We're like old school, the people that actually did something, you know, and I think TikTok is something and all that stuff is something, but we sort of are more old school about it. But listen, we'll take whatever. We're trying to bend a little bit on this. So you do that.

So you're far from Burger King where you worked once and I fucking still miss Burger King. I love it so much. Did you grow up really just middle class basically? Or were you? Yeah, we grew up, I say in my act because I thought we were lower middle class and I learned in my teens we were upper poor.

My mom was just cleaning toilets and doing housekeeping and just doing anything she could to keep us in a pretty good spot. But yeah, no we were- Were you in Southy? You're but yeah. You were in Southie? You're Southie? We were in Allington, which I don't even know how we managed that,

but you know, we were in the system, we were food stamps and Salvation Army used to come over and have to, you know, fill our furnace up with, you know, with oil. Okay. Yeah, man, it was- So you were work middle class. I was drafted by the Salvation Army. You were lower middle class. I'm just saying it's where you came from, where you went is- You were more middle class. Everyone's got drafted by this early. You were lower middle class. I'm just saying it's where you came from,

where you went is always startling. Yeah, we were like a week to week family, but it was kind of also kind of really, it was really bonkers because we would, my mom, it took me a lot of years to realize like, my mom just was full tilt committed to like, even if you're desperate and you're ass out, you gotta still go for your dreams.

So my mom, even though here we are, we're in the system and we're trying to figure out week to week, she'd come home with a used Corvette and be like, look what I bought. And I was like, how can we even do that, mom? She's like, I know we're gonna have to work harder. She would just be like, we gotta all work another job so I can have this fun car.

And it was just like, she set a precedent, which obviously I took into my standup, which is like, you can have what you want even in the lean years, the tough years, but you gotta work triple over time. You gotta, right? Give it everything you got. You gotta pay for it, yeah.

You gotta pay for it. We also found out, I just looked up she did have an OnlyFans. she did have an OnlyFans. She did have an OnlyFans. What would she have been doing? First person in history. She would have been doing like a Jane Fonda workout, but like in a slinky outfit back in 1988.

I'm in my Barbarella outfit tonight, so. I don't wanna go on a tangent, that's funny. I can't get a handle on the money in OnlyFans. This Olympic athlete, I think it's a gymnast from some country and so she's got 320,000 followers. You had 7 million, but she's monetizing $20 a month and it's not pornographic, just cute stuff. So it's 6.3 million a year, loves her new job.

So anyway, that's kind of fascinating, but let's go back to you. Let's go back to our grind of comedy. Tis the season for shopping, and with Rakatan, it's also the season for stacking up the savings. Stack cash back at hundreds of stores on top of holiday sales. That's like saving on savings.

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Just start your shopping at rakuten.ca or the Rakuten app. Do your shopping like you normally would and you'll get the cash back by PayPal or check. I'm going to say it. It's truly a no brainer. I said it. Truly. said it. Truly. Oh yeah. Listen, join for free at Rakuten.ca or download the Rakuten app. That's R-A-K-U-T-E-N Rakuten.ca. What was the biggest, I mean, Retaliation seemed in 2005 was sort of a rocket, a super rocket. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. that was my that was my second album and It was kind of funny because when I put the first album out Comedy Central who did my record deal They were like the comedy album is dead. So they gave me this great bad deal

Where they were because they were like it's just a calling card and no one's even that I remember they told me in the meeting If if eight if you move eight thousand, you know, pre-digital, you know, we'll be shocked. And I was telling them, I got a lot of fans, man. I got colleges all over the country. So I made a great deal with Comedy Central where I was like, okay, if I sell over 100,000, you'll give me like $2.50 per album.

And they were like, okay, but if you don't, we keep everything. And I was like, deal. And then Retaliation, I think, sold like, I don't know, 102,000 copies in that first week. And that was like a big win for me and my fan because I was like, okay, now I'm putting a little bit of cashola away so I can really live this dream.

And they got to listen. That's crazy because when you can play that like that where they don't believe in it, you're like have almost a secret weapon going, wait, do you guys not, I'm trying to let you in on this. That's a shrewd business move. And that went platinum, right? Yeah, yeah, double plaid, man.

Double plaid. But I did it as a double album because I knew I would go gold or maybe, you know, possibly police platinum. If you have two discs in a unit back then, that counted as two sales. So I hit that 500,000. I kind of, it was like my little cheat way in

by doing a double comedy album. I could hit that precedent, you know, sooner if I was gonna hit it at all. And was that, I'm sorry, was that, because you did premium blend, which is something I hear in a lot of intros to comics. And I don't, I did half hour comedy. And then there's, we've all done stand up spotlight,

you know, evening at the improv. So it's all that kind of stuff. But those can help you blow up a little bit. So did premium blend move the needle or what was really the needle mover other than you're just doing it on the road? Yeah, it was, it was premium blends. It was, you know, they had like three or four of those kind of like not stand up, stand

up. That was like early nineties, but you know, those things where they were clipify you and then you would end up interstitials or whatever on, on their network or shorties watching shorties watching shorties and all these kinds of things. But more than anything. I want to be on that. More than anything, it was like,

it didn't occur to me until, you know, I was maybe 26, 27, I was like, oh shit, I'm growing up with a new generation of comedy fans. If I just stay here and expand with these premium blends and stuff, I'm just gonna build up that, you know, initial squad of familiarity. And I didn't know, I mean, did I know it was gonna go to, you know, Madison Square Gardens and all that?

No, I hoped it was a dream, but it was definitely like, when it started happening, I was like, oh shit, this is gonna be in the never been done before business. Unbelievable. Madison Square Garden is such a benchmark for comedians because it's very rare. I think they said Dice did it before you. Well, it was incredibly rare when Dane did it

because just Dice and then you, right? And that was it. Madison Square Garden, you were the second and you did two shows in one night or two shows back to back? Yeah, I think it was two shows. Yeah, an eight and a 10, somehow we managed to. Eight and a 10?

It's 20,000? Takes five hours to unload them out and in. But oh, Yos, did you do TD Gardens? I'm sure Boston, you would have probably wanted to do. Dude, that was vicious. So like Spade, it was crazy because Vicious Circle, that was the first arena anything. And HBO, when they were like, all right,

we want to give you your moment. What do you want to do? And I was like, I want to see if Marty Kulner, who I was a fan of and I knew had directed Carlin's first special 1978 on location, Carlin in the Round. And so I went and pitched to HBO, could I meet with Marty and could we do it in the round and we could do it at Boston Garden

because that's my New England affiliate, all my fans from now 15 years, they somehow agreed to pay for that and do it. And that was the first arena that I ever played was that Vicious Circle show. That was the first night I ever played an arena in the round like that. Wow, and I watched that.

I watched that when it first came out and I was like, damn, who is this guy? I mean, the commitment, there's the bit, is it the one where you do breaking and entering? Yeah. If someone asked me to ask you this question, is that a true story where you just say to your friends, let's break and enter somewhere tonight? Or was it an embellishment of a true story?

Yeah, no, no, it was, it was, it was cobbled together from two or three different times where what we would do is there was always like construction sites and new homes being built around where we were. So we'd sneak through the woods and then we would B&E, we'd get into these places and you know, whatever, just like, you know, literally just like hang out in these abandoned or being built homes. And years later, I remember in like junior high school in my first, you know, notebook of like possible ideas

for sketches, I was like, I gotta do something with the B and E. And so that ended up in there. You have something in common with David in that you don't lean on it neither does David, but you both will use sound effects. And you did a lot in that particular bit, sneaking in, opening the door, all that stuff,

which is a very effective thing to paint a picture. Just texture. No, it's great. I do it. Everyone does it. It's great. Yeah, you're painting these verbal pictures and you're trying to use as many, you know.

Anything. Johnny Carson once said, you know, you use everything as a comedian. You use everything. Something you did when you were eight, you know, you use every element in standup. And I guess, you know, that's what we try to do. If you don't have sing, I mean, there's,

when you go on SNL or standup, there's singing, there's playing instruments, all help in standup. You know what I mean, there's, when you go on SNL or standup, there's singing, there's playing instruments, all help in standup. You know what I mean? If you can put that into a bit, it helps. Yeah. Some noise helps. Some anything also jokes, also the verbal, it's all combined.

You're like, fuck, this is a highly competitive business. If I have one thing I can do. Use it. To help a bit. Yeah. That'll. Use it. That's, is that right when you did SNL?

Cause you hosted twice? Is that in two years? I forget what someone told me. It was like the end of one season. And I think I'm either back to back host cause I opened the next season. It was like the end of the season. Then maybe it was one.

And then I, it was like almost like within three episodes I hosted twice. Shit, get more famous, my God. Yeah. I knew it. I mean, that's rare. And this year, I mean, Nate did it last year as a comedian, Nate Bragazzi. Like, I don't know, maybe March, I don't know when, but then he came back this year. So even under a year is pretty remarkable, I think, because when I was there,

you know, it's because you could pick anybody. So it's very hard to get a double invite like that. Just to be able to finally do it though, after the bench incident years earlier and to finally be asked to, you know, come on there and host, man. It was like, and then to be able to even just share it with you guys. Like, I don't want to geek out too much, but it's very cool because growing up watching you guys and continue to, and then there I was, I missed my moment, but I got a second chance at like being a part

of your world in a way. You know, that was the show in seventh grade that really, for me, it was a Martin Short moment. I remember watching Martin Short do Ed Grimley. And I think that night, that episode with, you know, all of you guys and all the shenanigans, I was like, I think I kind of belong around these people. I think that's where I gotta go.

Definitely. How'd you get past the bench? So when you came and hosted, did you hit the bench? Did you tell Lorne about the bench incident? Freeze. Did you tell anyone about it? I told him because at the time when they first were looking at me,

from what I understood, he was familiar, I was on the radar, and so, you know, I reminded him and said, I don't know, I, I probably, uh, kept a slot available for you guys that day. Cause I didn't come in when you guys wanted me to, but he didn't, he didn't care too much about that. Ooh. And who was, who were your playmates then? Uh, was Tina Fey still there?

Uh, was Fallon, there was sort of a crossover. When you were hosting. Yeah. And Andy was there and Bill, Bill Hader was on the come up and Kristen Wiig, I got to do some, a Target sketch, you know, with her. Yeah, man, it was fun. You know, Don Pardo was still there

for the first time I came through. So I got pictures with him in the hall and got to hear him say, Dane Cook. Dane Cook. Yeah, man, it was, it was, I got to hear him say, Dane Cook. Dane Cook. Yeah, man, it was, errr. It was, I got to feel like I was horrible in a couple of things.

I remember just coming off a couple of sketches being like, whoa, that was bad, okay. I hope the next one's better, cause that one, I, You're talking about the air show, not the practice show, the air show? Yeah, yeah, the air show. I remember something, oof, something missed the mark.

And how can we describe that? That feeling in your body when you know you're missing and you just gotta keep going? Oh yeah. I know with standup, you can call an audible Mayday, Mayday, and go to do crowd work or switch up your best bit. But you're locked into a sketch and everybody's been in sketches that die there, everybody.

How about when you're in a sketch and you know you're dying and then you lose the fake voice that you're trying. I was on the road. You got like a six minute closer and you needed to get to your time. You start it, they're not buying it. You're like, I think I have to do this whole fucking bit because I have nothing left and I've got to do this and now I'm locked in and you're scrambling for a way out. That's a sketch and you know, everyone else is relying on you. Eyes are darting, you're like, oh, this is.

Oh, when you have your ender, what you think is your ender to a five minute bit and it gets nothing. So that, that, that, that, that, and just like crickets. Dana, I remember times I'd be on the road, the opening bit would miss so bad, I'd go to my ender second.

Oh, you'd close your second? Close your second. And if that shit the bed, I was like, what do I do for the next 35 minutes? Holy fucking shit. I was thinking the other day, have you ever done this? We always talk about when you're a standup and you're bombing and there's something

really rewarding about you, slowly get them back. It happens sometimes on corporate gigs, they're not really paying attention. But then you slowly, by the end, you're getting them and it's really fun. The thing that's worse is you're killing and you're losing them somehow.

And you're like, what's going on? I was killing. And that's the sickest feeling is you're like, you missed three bits in a row and you're like, what's going on? I was killing. And that's the sickest feeling is you're like, you miss three bits in a row and you're like, I cannot lose these people. There's no way. So weird. And it happens.

Especially in a big room. You know, Richard Pryor famously said- You want to stop and be like, honestly, I, sincerely, what did I do? Where did you guys lose base? Yeah, exactly. I feel like we were friends. I feel like we were a bit wrong or-

I sometimes go, guys, you are the ones that laughed at the dog joke. Where are you? And they're like, ah, that was funny. This stuff sucks. But Richard Pryor said, don't reflect the energy of the audience. If they're going down, then you just get louder.

You never sort of start to get into their rhythm. And I don't see Dane doing that. I did a gig with, it was me, Bill Burr, Patrice O'Neil, a few guys. So it was like dinner theater gig, but. I did a gig with, it was me, Bill Burr, Patrice O'Neill, a few guys, it was like dinner theater gig, 95. And a guy, you hear the utensils rattling, people are eating, all you hear is like, you know, the people getting. Seabass being chewed.

Right, glass is being refilled with way too much ice. You're like, do you need that much ice in your water? Really? You need Arctic level ice right now? Everything noisy. Bill Burr's on stage and you know, Bill, whatever. He's like trying to wrangle him and a guy in the very back who wasn't having it

threw a buttered biscuit through the air and the buttered biscuit hit butter side up and just stuck to Burr's head right here. Like a buttered biscuit unicorn, Bill Burr. And it's stuck? It's stuck right here. Like a butter biscuit unicorn, Bill Burr. It's stuck. It's stuck right here. I'm getting hit with a fucking biscuit over here. What? I got a biscuit dude, stuck in my head dude.

He's listening right now going, fuck you guys. Hi Bill. But it is fun now to talk about the, I've been thinking I'd like to do like some kind of, You guys. Hi Bill. Bill never misses an episode. It is fun now to talk about the, I've been thinking I'd like to do like some kind of, well, I guess it is podcasting, but it'd be fun to do like a documentary with just kind of like worst, worst hell gig moment,

worst, what's the worst thing that ever happened on stage where you left and you were like, why, why am I doing this? Okay, that's, that was my next question for you. Was that it for you or was there worse? The most humiliating, worst gig. I had, I had a stage collapse. I used to be like, I was really like huge high energy, you know, the first 10 years.

So I was like a whirling dervish. I'm like, I'm the Tasmanian devil of comedy and I'm sweating within four minutes. And it's just, and I'm on a whirling dervish. I'm like, I'm the Tasmanian devil of comedy and I'm sweating within four minutes. And it's just, and I'm on a stage at the University of Rhode Island and it was one of those makeshift ones that they kind of made for the show that you feel like it's always moving

a little underneath you. The legs collapsed and the whole stage went and I slid into the people in the front row, like under the chairs. I ended up under them. And that was pretty humiliating because then I'm like, where do I go from there? 10 minutes in after I've titan-icked myself.

Start dervish whirling again. You might find this funny. Trying to fix the stage legs. Anybody have a crust of red? But there was a comedian, Rick Reynolds, who was, he's great. I remember Rick Reynolds. Anyway, and Rick would, he went up one night and sometimes the audience would razz him. So he went up, he wanted to kill, he was all fluffed and folded.

It was at the improv in San Diego or something. Yeah, for sure. And then within two minutes I looked out and he was waiting into the audience, fighting them, a left, a right. He wanted them to love, he's a big guy. I looked out and he was waiting into the audience, fighting them on left. Right, he wanted them to love. He said, he's a big guy. He wanted them to love him, but within 90 seconds, he was doing roundhouses to the front row.

I know that was one of the greatest turns in life. He wore plants with flames on them. If you won't love me, I'll beat the shit out of you. You didn't like that joke, how about now? Doof. There was a gig in downtown Boston where somebody projectile-bombed during the show. Okay.

Into the back of the head of the person in front of them. I wasn't on stage, but I was watching the comic. And then the person who had thrown up, it was the best because they throw up and everybody's like, you just hear, ah! And then that drunk person who threw up just went, keep going, keep going, like, like, impossible. So still really nice about it.

Never invite Linda Blair. Let's get the attention off me, it's all good. It's okay, I'm sorry, I love you, Dane. I did almost pass out live on air at Saturday Night Live though though during my first appearance. They did a sketch where I was wearing an oversized sweater, holiday sweater, and it had all these, I don't know how they made it, but it had all these real pieces of like, you know, lint, the huge.

And during rehearsal, they were like floating around, like you could see them in the air. And what happened during rehearsal was I breathed in and one of these big lint balls went into my throat. And suddenly if you ever got like a thing, a cotton in your throat, I couldn't fucking read. Oh my God. I was terrified because I was like, and I'm, I'm trying to get it out. Then during the live, I see them all floating around me and I'm so scared

that I'm going to breathe one of these things in that if you watch the sketch, I'm just doing this randomly to keep, I'm just like, let me tell you, just to keep lint balls from flying back to my gullet. And blocking your mouth, trying to do your German accent for the sketch. That is one thing about comedy and Saturday Night Live in particular,

like I was doing a club once and I just bit my tongue and I'm just bleeding and now Dan of Larfo, you know, stuff like that. Or you're a Charlie horse or you slam your shit. Eyelash and eye, there's so many things you feel. And then you gotta go up there in pain. I mean, right? You have to take a dump. Huge direction.

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please go to ConnixOntario.ca. What about these movies? Tell me if these movies sound familiar. Do you recognize any of these names? Employee of the Month, Good Luck Chuck, my best friend. So you're starting to get a ton of movies, because I remember you were getting one almost probably every year they were coming out. Any favorites or any ones? It was kind of cool because that was just it was like, I came up with these directors, producers that, you know, were just fans had probably seen me years ago and like whatever shitty gigs, but now they're, you know, fans and they're like on the come up so they, you know how it is, they kind of like, oh, I'm on

the come up. I want to, I want to do something with you, your, your comic that I entertain me coming up. So it was really fun. Definitely felt like I had a great era through, it was really Lionsgate, like eight Lionsgate films, I think I did in a row. Eight?

Yeah. Wow. Yeah, it was a blast, man. I will tell you, like, when you hit that, when you're hitting your stride and you're the belle of the ball in that moment before, you know, Haterade and the spanking machine, you know, has to knock at your door. When you're at that, that moment and you're getting the adulation and you're not in Jeers in TV Guide, you're in

Cheers in TV Guide. Oh, right. I've been in both. It's awesome, man. It was a good run. I had a good good run. Cheers in Jeers is so fucking funny. Who was your favorite director or favorite co-star? And you had Jack Shepard in there. And favorite Jessica. Kate Hudson. Oh man. Who's hotter, Kate Hudson or Jessica Alba? I got to work with all the Jessicas.

I think that, I think working with Kevin Costner on a drama I did called Mr. Brooks. I saw that movie. Loved it. You were great in that. The time of my life. Costner on a drama I did called Mr. Brooks. Yes, I saw that movie. Loved it. You were great in that. The time of my life. Costner's a stud. I got to work with Diane Weiss, John Mahoney,

and a great gang of people on Dan and Real Life. Steve Carell led that movie. Saw that too. I got to do like comedy stuff that was just like my version of vacation or my version of the comedies, your stripes. And then I got to do some stuff that was ancillary, but to me just as rewarding

because it was so like different. It was just stuff that was different from comedy. So it was cool. Yeah, of course. Who has that? I mean, so just pause for a second in your existence. So you're doing these films, you've got all these specials and albums and millions

and you're getting really films, you've got all these specials and albums and millions and you're, you're getting really wealthy and really famous. Did it go to, I mean, how did you respond to that? Just work harder? Were you kind of numb to it or were you sort of, what do you? Yeah, it was like, all I ever wanted to do is take what I earned and put it back into creativity. So I didn't have like, I was just a jeans and t-shirt guy. I wasn't living, you know, I leased my car. I wasn't doing anything that was, you know, okay. You know what I mean? I wasn't trying to like live this, you know, lavish lifestyle. I just really wanted to go, okay, if I can take this money and make the stuff that I want to make with my, with, with my, you know, gang coming

up. Um, but you know, unfortunately things sometimes get in the way. I wanna make with my gang coming up. But unfortunately things sometimes get in the way. I've just finished a two year documentary where I can't talk too much about it, but basically I had to put my own brother in prison in 09 because pretty much the life savings that I had up until then he had stolen him and his wife were basically like behind the scenes taking everything that I'd earned, all those movies, all those arena shows.

And they were, they were investing it for me in terrible investments. But, and that threw off my plan a little bit because that went from me being able to self finance and kind of sustain outside of Hollywood. Oh, you're right. And I'm back on the road. You could put together. So you I'm back on the road.

You could put together- So you literally went back to essentially zero. I mean, I'm saying you didn't have 10 bucks in your pocket, but basically millions and millions of dollars goes missing and you can't get it back. I know you have a documentary, but I mean that- Millions of dollars gone. The doc will come out next year.

And basically what I'm sharing in the doc is not only like what that year of court cases was like going up against, you know, my brother, but it was really like, how can I, I'm coming off of the, I'm, I'm, I'm not, I'm no longer on that trajectory. In fact, I, for that era, it was a pretty, it was a pretty good run. So now I'm coming down the other side, things are cooling and we're just hitting 09. We're going to hit this terrible economy housing crisis. And I now have a decision to make. I could take the little bit of money that I have remaining and I can invest it in renting arenas myself because no promoter in that era wanted a front because of the economy. So I spent a year taking anything I had and renting.

Like I was renting arenas like they were Elks lodges. I was calling arenas. Can I rent it on a Tuesday? How much? 60 grand? All right. And I would set the ticket price. And then my goal was at the end of that year, I want to be able to recoup what he took.

So when I see him in court, I'm not looking at him like feeling like I'm under his thumb still. So that was a wild couple of years, man. Cause I went from rags, riches, rags, and then I had to figure out a way to kind of have my own little Rocky II moment. Did they, I'm sorry, don't answer these questions.

I know the documentary is coming up, but I'm just curious, were they incompetent by investing it and losing it or were they actually embezzling it and enhancing their life? Or you're just not aware they're doing anything? Yeah, it's like both Dana. They were like doing some things that enhanced, they were doing some things willy nilly that were, when you see it, you're gonna,

let me tell you, this is what I'm proudest about. I will watch it. The doc, if we did our job right, it's like, it's gonna be slaughtered in true crime and comedy because there's a lot of funny shit, but also it's pretty harrowing the level of you know, sociopath and megalomaniac and the guy that I grew up with that I love, my best friend, my older brother. Like when you see who this guy was in this doc,

you're gonna, you won't believe where this goes. It gets dark, man. Yeah, I didn't even tell you the dark part. That's just what happened to me. Everything that kind of was happening around me. It's already a lot. Well, also, you know, when people get a little more money, they get a little more fame,

and you get a tighter circle because it's very hard because everyone's grabbing at you. And so you really only have a handful of people that you trust. And when that happens, that's mentally, that's such a kick in the ass because you're like, wait, I can't even turn to my family. Yeah. Yeah. And resentment from jealousy to actual resentment, David had his own

issues with that, but it's kind of hidding in plain sight. And that would, besides greed, but resentment, because now his little brother, this is just biblical, is a superstar. And so he, I don't know, is, well, is he, uh, how's your relationship now? Or is he in the documentary or? Um, okay. You'll have to wait and see on that. Okay. That's good. I mean, I want you to, I'm going to watch this. It's a good teaser already. I'm into it. I've stayed close with my nephew, his son. I was always close with him. He was 15 when it happened. I'm still really close with my brother's son today. The doc gets into kind of where things are at now. But realistically, yes, like in that moment of

like, whole crush depth level of despair. This is the weird thing. The gigs are still the fans show up. The gigs are outstanding, even though the economy is like people are trusting me with a couple of their last dollars right now in this time. But like I remember, even though I was I was so busted up, I still just loved comedy so much that it I it's this is going to sound like so kind of hokey. But it just saved my life because I loved laughter in that time. And I knew even in that moment, I knew I was like someday. I don't know if it's going to be in 10 or 20 years. This story is awesome. This story, because it's it's what happened.

It's like a downfall moment. Everybody loves downfall. It's a comeback moment. Everybody loves to come back. Showbiz moment. It's a how how did I do it on my own? I'm self-made, but then this thing happens, my brother's the devil. And I remember sitting in it being like, I don't know when I'm gonna talk about it,

but someday this will be the best story I ever tell. So I can't wait to talk about this next year when you got the money. We've heard stories around this idea, like Doris Day's husband died, she was doing sitcoms. There is no money, it's all gone. But nothing quite like this. So you have two right now.

Nobody, no comedian went on MySpace and really kind of hacked the idea of social media into seven million followers. And now this is your second one. And now, I don't even- And you're out there still doing it. I saw Dane a week ago at the improv. So you're still getting to do what you like to do.

This is a story that happened and you have to just keep moving, of course. So nothing you can do, but just keep moving and keep making money and doing what you like. Yeah. It's- And did you get more popular? Cause I was going to go to this, like this idea of

like being handsome and and alpha like yes surrogate boyfriend David I'm talking to David now but you know what your your brand you were you were and and also a great stand-up and a millionaire but and so comedians are easily jealous and stuff like that. You know, like I had a health issue in the nineties and I got more compliments and that guy's great. You know, did people suddenly kind of, you're awesome. You know, because people would get, these are just, you know, human emotions.

You mean when he's a little down, are they finally being cool about? Well, you might find people going, this is a brilliant standup and you'll get more stuff because it's, you know, you're no longer. You find out who your friends are so quick, you know? There you go. And that- Well put.

And that everything, listen, I even knew when I was on the come up, because it wasn't like it was overnight. It was, you know, it was a long kind of trajectory. I already had like my Boston cronies, my friends who are just regular. Folks away from the industry. I've never felt like I'm really a I'm in it, but I'm not of it. You know, I'm out here because I like the clubs and, but I've never quite felt that let down by it because I knew that's the mechanism.

They build you up, knock you down, and then it's up to you to figure out like, how do I own my own IP and how do I get to my audience? All that other stuff. It didn't really rattle me to the core as much as stuff that happened with my brother. If you can remember that you're not quite as good as they say you are at the point when you're at the Zenith

and then you're not as bad as they say you are, you're like, I've always been what I think is pretty good. So if they say I'm great, I'm like, I don't buy into all that shit. I had a friend that wasn't a yes man and he would keep telling me, I'm not some ass kisser. I'm your friend, I'll tell you when you're bad. And I'm always gonna tell you you're bad. That's what a good friend I am.

You're never good. I go, well, you can be a sometimes maybe man or maybe a yes man. No, no, it's always a no man. You're not good. I'm like, wow, you're such a valuable person in my life. I think you go the other way. I feel bad about saying that.

I am that friend he's talking about. I apologize. But I kind of relate to you in that way. I feel I'm outside the thing. I am that friend he's talking about. I apologize. But I kind of relate to you in that way. I feel I'm outside the thing. I'm not in the party scene and I never really cared. I'm mostly possessed with doing something funny. Truly, it sounds self-congratulatory.

I also was an introverted extrovert and also had a lane of real competitiveness but plain fair about it. But yeah, just see a guy kill. I want to kill like that, you know, that kind of thing. Yeah, it's what's so, you know, there's no playbook. And also too, like, then you make it and I think the hardest part was like, I made it. And then the group of guys that I was around at the time, they think you're different. They want to make it. They're not feeling so good about where they're at.

And you know what's so funny is like, you look at a time when I broke through, I remember talking to Bilbo outside the Laugh Factory. He's like, ah man, when's my ship going to come in? It's like, look when a ship came in, it came in. It's like, he had his moment. He's still in his moment. And you go like, you don't know, man,

you got to hang in there. You just got to keep duking it out. And you hope that on the other side of it, you just have great people around you that will give you shit when you have a great moment and we'll talk you up when like you realistically need a little bit of help. Well, obviously it's the era of the personal career outside of the mainstream Hollywood, Tom Sager and Bill Kreischner and all these guys who are Nate Borgazzi, they try to get him to do a sitcom. He's like, what's in it for me or whatever.

Not Nate, but a game show or something, but it's kind of what you've done. You've maintained danecook.com or just Inc. How we're inside. Do you think they pitched Borgazzi a game show of Yahtzee? Like Borgazzi Yahtzee? What do you think they brought Borgazzi? Ohhtzee, like Borgazzi Yahtzee? What do you think they brought Borgazzi? Oh my God.

Right? Borgazzi. I have to get off the podcast and produce that. I'll show you a text. That was exactly what they did. I'll show you the text. Borgazzi. That's yeah.

I think Nate is doing a game show. Borgazzi is not a bad idea. It's funny. I don't remember. They were pitching him something, but he already is Nate Borgazzi, Inc. You know, he. Yeah, you know, you get to be Nate Bregazzi, Inc. You know, he works at it. Yeah, you know, you get to be a brand,

he's like a clean brand, which is very rare, so I think that will keep working for him. The game show they pitched me, they tried to get me in the game show at the time, and I think it was called Mr. Wiz, I think was gonna be the name of the game show. Oh. I mean, Mr. Wiz.

What about Dane Cooks in a cooking show? Dane Cooks? I think was going to be the name of the game show. Oh. Mr. Whiz. What about Dane Cooks in a cooking show? Dane Cooks? How about Gotta Take a P? The great Dane Cooking Show. See? Well, obviously they pitch you a cooking show because your names...

They pitched me a car show because Carv eats, you know... Can you drop the V-A-Y and just be like, can you just be Dana Carr? It'll help the show. Want to become up to 50% wealthier? Paying $0 in management fees with Quest Wealth Portfolios can help you get there. All you need to do is make a new deposit before December 31st, 2024 to pay $0 in management fees on net new deposits until the end of 2025. Lower fees means you can keep more of your money where it belongs,

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to break and they're on Saturday Night Live. You crushed it. That was awesome, man. That was and allow me to say I thought you were the best part of that whole opening. I thought everybody was great, but you just like, it's that moment where you feel like somebody just came in and took it to another level. It was awesome to see that. That cold opening, when he came in at the end,

I was like, this is great because they don't know he's coming. Everywhere they turn, it's another celebrity. They're like, that guy, and they're like, oh fuck, here comes Dana. And you hit, and you hit on every, where I think I see where you want to hit, I felt like you hit on every, you know, where I think I see like where you wanna hit, like I felt like you hit on every line

that you wanted to hit. That one felt good. First one was a little nerve wracking, but then it's become a character. It's Mr. Magoo, it's Tim Conway. It's fanciful. Yeah, there's definitely, you know, hey, you're not here.

I'll come right back. Yeah, I thought she was standing there. It was great. I'm just coming onto it. I did little YouTube clips on this show, but nothing now it's really fun to do, full three dimensional. And you would probably appreciate this being a host,

is that we go out now and we shake Lauren's hands and I'm in the Biden getup, that was for the second show. So I do it just a giant hop skipping, is whatever I can get out of my body sprint across the studio dressed as Biden because it gets my headspace into laughing. They're looking at me as hyperactive Biden. But anyway, but that's it's it's a lot of fun. Thank you. See, when a comedian tells you, gives you a compliment, it really matters. Somebody who's been there knows what the...

Biden training like Rocky to come back and run again and he just gets stronger and stronger and he's running with a log on his back. And just like... Yeah, he's just punching a guy. And guess what? And by the way, punch. And guess what?

Because you actually are very active. You could pull all that shit off. I think that what like a lot of people don't realize is that comedians in these moments that like you guys are sharing on this podcast or even just the backstage at the store or wherever, like that is kind of the, that's like the best part of it. The show is great.

Show's like the frosting on the cake of the day, but the correspondence with comedians and what gets us off and what makes us really laugh about a set or what went wrong and nobody cares but other comics care. That minutia. I'll tell you a quick thing about Jerry Lewis. Jerry Lewis was my, I became friends with Jerry Lewis in the last eight years of his

life. He was my mentor. He was a really good guy to me. He definitely in that dark moment coming out of like my brother, you know, the industry kind of doesn't care about me at that point. My moments over I'm coming off of this, you know, terrible and all of a sudden I get a phone call out of the blue inviting me down to see Jerry Lewis documentary, Method of the Madness down at Paramount.

I'm miserable. I'm literally in like a rut, but I'm like, I grew up loving Jerry. I never met him. I don't know Jerry Lewis. I go in absolute genius. Yeah. He conquered the world for a decade. It was really, you know, you know, Martin and Lewis, like Jerry Lewis is like the Bieber

of comedy of the Jimmy Carrey, you know, Sandler Carrey and, you know, Sandler Carrey. All in one. Nutty Professor is one of the greatest comedies ever made. So I sit there and I go and after the presentation, I didn't know Jerry Lewis is going to be there. He gets up in front of everybody at Paramount. The first thing he says, I'm sitting in the fourth row with my buddy Richard, we're just watching, and he goes, and he's 82 at the time, and he gets up there and he goes, And he goes, and he's 82 at the time, and he gets up there and he goes,

where's Dane Cook? First thing he says, and I can't believe it. I can't fathom it because I'm hearing the voice that I grew up loving saying my name. Yeah. Yeah. And then he goes, I wanna know where Dane Cook is. And I'm like, I don't even know how to stand. I'm half standing.

I'm like, and I think I said, Jerry, I love you. That's all I could think to say. I go, just Jerry, I love you. And he goes, I want to talk to you, my boy, after. And so I go and I meet Jerry Lewis after. He takes my phone number. He starts calling me. Every Sunday he calls me,

hello it's the Jew in the desert calling Dane Cook my boy. And I start this friendship and mentor you know Sundays with Jerry basically. But I would go on the road with him because he's still touring 85, 86, 87 and I promise I'm getting to a point with this story which is about like- No I'm loving every second of this story. So I'm and I'm seeing just everything about Jerry, I'm seeing him perform, and every night Jerry would do a thing where at the end of his performance,

he'd do the typewriter and he's doing, ring, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ring, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, he's just doing this for like a fucking hour. Ring, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, The pantomime. Ring, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Ring, ding, ding, ding, ding. The pantomime. Yeah, yeah. Ring, ring, ring, ring.

Ring, ring, ring, ring. Yeah, yeah. It's mental. Yeah, it's crazy. But after that, he would do a Q and A. He'd do a Q and A. And the Q and A was always 40 minutes. And he'd sit in his chair,

and you could go up to the mic, ask Jerry Lewis a question. And on this particular night, two things that like, this is who I think we all are as comedians in our heart, what Jerry, what happened to and from Jerry this on this night. And it gave me permission for the rest of my career to be like, I'm a madman. I'm convoluted. I can be a lot of things all at once. And Jerry just proved that I'll never not be those things. Here's what happened. So he's up there, he finishes all the stuff, and first a woman comes up and she goes,

she's so excited to speak to Jerry Lewis. And you know, he's got all these spine problems at this point, and his hands, we're doing the typewriter for so many years, are just like. Little T-Rex hands, little T-Rex hands. Yeah. He's always kind of like, you know, surly. And if you know anything, or if you ever had the chance to share space with him, there's something kind of scary king of comedy about Jerry, but also very like just like fucking

boyish and beautiful, but something kind of intimidating. So he's in the chair and his tongue's going, like he's looking for the shark off the back of a boat. Jacked on prednisone. We're at Dane is doing a very interesting, very physical act out. It's like the Hunchback of Notre Dame, T-Rex typewriter, Jerry Lewis. Okay, continue. So the first thing that this is great. So the woman comes out and she's so heartfelt and she goes, Jerry I just want to say that in 1972 you did a film called The Beach Cottage and when I watched The Beach Cottage I was so moved and there's a scene on the beach and I'm watching Jerry

and he's like he's just going back and forth. Rocking. I think he's gonna like break the wood chair that the director's chair he's sitting on. Cause then I can hear it creaking cause he's going back and forth. He's turning it into a rocking chair, even though it's a static chair. And she finishes her statement and Jerry goes like this. She goes, can you speak to anything about that experience in this film that it moved me. It really enhanced my young life. Please, anything you remember about the film. And Jerry goes, I guess he goes. That movie sucked and I sucked in it.

Her dreams are crushed. Mortified. She's literally like backs away from. Wow. Oh my God. So this moment happens and then all of a sudden the liaison who after 40 minutes comes out and we're like 23 minutes in or whatever and says, ladies and gentlemen, one more time for Mr. Jerry Lewis. And Jerry looks at this person and then Jerry is taken off stage.

I go backstage and Danielle, his daughter is there and she's like, he is, he is fit to be tied and he only wants to talk to you. And he's in the back of a room where everybody wants to meet him. And he's sitting alone at a table, but nobody's approaching Jerry. Where's Dane? Where's Dane Cook? I grew up with a, you know what it is? I never was intimidated. I grew up with a, you know what it is? I never was intimidated. I grew up with an alcoholic father

and I think I always kind of liked that weird energy. I was never scared of it. Fuzz energy, yeah. I walk up to Jerry and now he's 88 years old and I'll never forget this man. He just looked at me and he grabbed me really tight by the arm and he goes, I had 15 more minutes

They lit me early and he was so upset that he didn't get to finish his time Yeah, go. I think your career is gonna be fine Jerry. You've conquered the world. You've done Everything and he just wanted 15 more minutes of Q&A and he was robbed of it. And it was like- He got the light early. Wow. Yeah. Is that a mistake or did they just want him off?

I don't know. I don't know, but he was so livid. And it was like, it was a gift. Cause I'm like, when we're talking and we're in these moments and for people listening, like to me, it was just like, oh, we're all such unique creatures, comedians. And we all have permission to spin as much as we want,

as long as we get those little nuggets of comedy gold when we're on stage. Yeah, yeah, getting off early would be also, God, the other night I was, this is not as good as that story, of course it sucks. That was great. That's a good one, but I had a corporate gig, I think I told Dana,

Mego, we have a countdown clock out there for you. You do 45, and I was like, okay. And that's kind of the typical corporate, used to be an hour, but 45 is believe me enough. So it's always the end of their day. We had Dana and I always laugh about this. Oh no, they get up at six and- And you could be a surprise,

they're like, they're starting to leave, and they're like, oh, this guy. So they're usually pretty good. But anyway, so it's 45, and these things are like, this one starting to leave. And they're like, oh, this guy. So it's, they're usually pretty good. But anyway, so it's 45 and these things are like, this one was 11,000 people and they got like stopwatches, headsets backstage. All right, they're going to get her off.

You're almost on. You have 90 seconds to get up. So they pushed me out there and I'm getting my bearings and I dart down to the clock and it goes 59, 58. I'm like, wait, is an hour. And then it's, 58. I'm like, wait, is an hour and then it's going down. And I'm like, I thought it was counting up. And then I go, am I supposed to 45? And you can't ask anyone now. Am I go, do they want an hour?

Cause it's a different set. Like I have to change. And then I go, I'm sticking to my 45 and it's not going one to 45. So now it's like 28. I'm like, so 28 is supposed to be, what would it, because you know, I'm glancing over between my bit about falling out a window and my hilarious, I don't want to give the whole act away, but you know.

I love that window bit. So, you know, you're just going, I don't want to do this math. Am I even close to being, I don't know. Anyway. Well, I'll give it my, the best thing you can hear at a corporate date, the CEO had a little too much to drink and he went over. I'm supposed to do an hour. Could you do 35? I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry. Are you okay with that? And then you fake like you're mad. I don't know. Maybe they could sweeten the pot. I'm sweet. Sweeten the pot. I'm seeing sweeten the pot. It should be a little fee on that one. Couple more carrot sticks in my green room. You don't live in an artist. I'll tell you what, I'll land the plane to 28 minutes. How about that?

Is that, it works? I'll go even shorter. Yeah, fuck yeah, cause you've been great. Do you mind if the CEO meets you for one photo? I'm like, I always hear, a lot of comics won't do this. I go, who the fuck is saying no? They paid you, you're there. Like, can you take a picture of this daughter?

No, that's not my deal. I'm like, yeah, get her back here. Get anyone back here, I don't care. Does it cut into your time if we did this raffle? It's 10 minutes, like, please, I'll open with a raffle. Like, please, yes, let's make a raffle. For hungry children, would you mind staying on stage and picking a raffle in. Four hungry children, and would you mind staying on stage and picking the raffle?

It really would help the, no. Should we, do we have to call your agent? Why do people do corporate dates and then just angrily fight the whole process? The whole process. Don't pick the ticket, but once you are in there, just say yes. Just say yes, because you say yes to 100 autographs

and then use, or pictures, sorry, 1940s, and you say no to 101, you're an asshole. So always go to the end and say yes. Oh, right, yeah, you get in there, you know, it's like I'll put on the Uber Eats shirt, whatever you need, like yeah. Yeah, let's go. I'll wear an Aper Eats.

The CEO can get me in a headlock, ask church lady. Well, yeah. One of, we did a contest to see who, one of our employees of the month can kick you in the nuts. Is that fine? I'm like, get her up there. You know, anyway, Dane, thank you for talking to us. Anything else, Dane?

This guy's got a very interesting. I just want to. The tour is on now. Oh yeah, okay. Here we go. So you got a tour. Fresh new flavor, fresh new flavor tour, dancook.com. And you're going out for a few months

and you're going all over the place. Yeah, fresh new flavor tour the rest of the year, all beautiful theaters only. So we've been at the Beacon, we did the Chicago Theater, Fox Theater coming up, beautiful theaters across the country. And then Gritty and Pink is my new special and that'll be out in the spring.

Now I like that. Gritty and Pink, what a cool name. David's doing a special. We'll just end with this. Have you picked a name yet or you're waiting? No, I'm waiting because I realized. Dane's obviously good at names. I love names, babe.

What would David's special? If you need help, you can think tanking. I know, let's brainstorm because I have a couple and then I go, I'll wait. Because you know what? You don't have to name it the day you shoot it. So I'm lucky because it's a week away. I can wait till it's getting closer.

Yeah. But. Rackham is not gonna do it because David loves to say that. Say Rackham the way you do it. Oh, if there's a joke, you do a joke. Yeah, yeah. And so when you go, hey Dana, I saw you

and you were with your mom, ha ha, Rackham. Ha ha. Ha ha. It really puts people, they're in their place, they have nothing to do, they get lost. It's such a funny observation of the alpha of saying rack them after you've cleared the debts. Jackie Gleason and Paul Newman, rack them.

Minnesota Fats, put that eight ball in, rack them. Before you guys disconnect me, I gotta say this sincerely because we've always sort of traveled different circles and I know David, we've been on same stages, but this really, even though I approached David, I said, I hope if at some point, if you guys ever need a guest to fill in, you have a dropout.

It just meant a lot for me to be able to come on here and say, like, you guys have brought me a lot of entertainment, and you guys also have been cool to work alongside, even though we maybe didn't always end up in the same backstage. So I appreciate you guys also have been cool to work alongside, even though we maybe didn't always end up in the same backstage, so I appreciate you guys. Well, thank you, buddy. I was always a fan, and this podcast,

your energy, the stories, you made our job really easy. Very entertaining. It was great. You're gonna like it, and I just had a great fun hour, so thanks, bud. You got it, fellas. That was awesome. I'll see you backstage.

Good luck out there. All right, buddy. Yeah, that's awesome. I'll see you backstage. Good luck out there. All right, buddy. Peace out. This has been a presentation of Odyssey. Please follow, subscribe. Leave a like, a review. All this stuff, smash that button, whatever it is, wherever you get your podcasts.

Fly on the Wall is executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Jenna Weiss Berman of Odyssey, and Heather Santoro. The show's lead producer is Greg Holtzman.