Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade - Dunkin' No Donuts

Episode Date: August 24, 2026

Dana and David talk Harry & Meghan’s return to the UK, some nitpicks from the Grown Ups 3 set, Jon Bernthal's prowess, and Dana’s review of 'Spider-Man: Brand New Day'. Also, reactions to Mustard-Gate, if David were to have auditioned for 'The Odyssey', and viral clips from the week.

This episode of Flying the Wall is presented by Amazon Music. Amazon Music is your one app for music, podcasts, and audiobooks. Download the app today and start listening. So every time I go out the front door and they see me, it's like, one horse I think levitating. It's literally, it's hooves got off the ground. We're sure. Here's me auditioning for the Odyssey, but I keep stalling.

I'm like, okay, picture a mountain over there. I get out of the water. Splice, splash, splash. I'm walking up. There's the Queen Charlize or whoever you pick. And then I'm like sore. I'm like kind of stretching. I got my sword.

I'm like, I sharpen it like a pool cube. They might put her a Guy Ritchie show and I thought they should do a reality show called Pegging Harry. We are starting. And we never stopped, to be honest. For the fan, excuse me, the fans that are listening to this.

millions, yeah. Look at this. Do you ever do this with your eyebrows? You go, hey, look over there. Do you think I should go to Taco Bell? Do I look like I think you want to go to Taco Bill? Wiggle your eyebrows. You're like, like they do the girls in the 70s movies.

God, yours can fucking move. Fucking shit. Look like Jim. There's a lot of things I can do. God dang, dude. It's like a monetizing. I'll do an eyebrow commercial. I underestimated you.

Undresumato. Another motto. Okay, let's get right to the fucking. Let's get right to it. Because it's, there's a lot going on, David. Let me see. On my end, I will give you some briefing.

I survived mustard gate last week. I got a lot of comments about it. Even on the set, people who listen to the podcast are like, why wouldn't I McDonald's have mustard? I'm like, thank you. But they do have mustard. No, but Dana.

No, but, Dana. I don't want to get back into it. It's too much. Here's a new one that you might jump in on. I'm mine or I might not. I can't guarantee you. I know. You were tough on mustard gate.

Well, I was curious. You were curious about all my lies. Well, they'll have mustards, maybe in little, you know, aluminum packages, like that. But once it goes through the thing. Please. I'll take it. I took hot mustard for nuggets. And they didn't want to give those up.

Anyway, I won't get into it. But here's a new one. Duncan Donuts. You've heard of it. Everyone's heard of it. Duncan Don't. Let me hold on. I said Duncan Donuts. Yeah. Lada in Boston, a lot back east. I got it. I see him a lot out here. Go Dunkin' Don't.

Yeah, West Coast, where the cops hang out. So a lot of people call Duncan Donuts. I'm going to stop by Duncan and get a coffee. Oh, because you're on the East Coast. You're already starting to go Jersey on me. Yeah. Yeah, you guys, do me a favor. Do me a favor.

That's what I would talk. Do me a favor. You go to Duncan Donuts. You can give me a couple of glazed donuts or give me a chocolate. Give me a chocolate bought too, okay? Eklah. Yeah. Hey, we'll pay for it, Johnny.

Hey, man. Hey, Tony. Tony, I'm Johnny. You're Tony and you're Danny. Everybody's got a wire at the end of the name. I'll make it worth your while. I'll make you with you're wild. That's a good one.

I'll take care of you. Hey, hey, you want to do me a favor? You do me a favor? You go over the Dunkin' Don and give me a couple of glazed donuts. You do a favor for me, Tony? I pay you back later. What does it mean when someone says, I'll take care of you? Like, this guy goes, you want a nice hotel in New York?

I go, I'm in a pretty good hotel. They go, this is a great hotel. You come there, I'll take care you. So take care of me. They go, I took care of the 5% excise fee on the sales tax. when you check out. So it's only going to be about $35,000 to stay away. I'll take care of you.

What they don't tell you is they want you to take care of them, if you don't mean, capoeish. Oh, yeah, it is a two-way street. Rubber chicken, capish. People let you know it's a two-way street. Remember this always, David. Yeah. You do what you do.

I do what I do. Rubber chicken, capish. I don't remember rubber chicken being part of it. What is it mean? I added rubber chicken. You do what you do. I do what I do. Rubber chicken, capish.

But no, I was going to say about Duncan Donuts is that there's a couple around here, but what you will infuriate you, and I don't mean to be so incendiary. I am incendiary. To get you worked up this early is that a lot of them say Duncan and just Duncan. And when I walk by, I go, oh, the donuts part fell off, or it's a lot. old one. You wish that's their new branding. We're just dunkin.

And I go, Duncan. Well, then what are you Duncan? Donuts? They don't realize that's part of it. Donuts is the important part. Yeah, if I did, I'm with it. A hundred percent. And seems like corporations like to, you know,

abbreviate things over time. They never go longer. They wouldn't go. Duncan donuts galore with an explanation point. They'll go Duncan, then they'll go the. You go on the kid. McDonald's, Mickey D's, something like that. Exactly.

Pizza Hut is like, you're going to the hut. Are you going to the hut? They're changing that to the hut. I swear, I just saw that. Really? I just made that up. That bothers me. Round tables.

You're going through the table? Exactly. And people are confused and end up at the wrong restaurants. And Dunkin' Donuts is like saying Roundtable, just call it, we're just going to call it round. And you're like, the table is the part. Like Pizza Hut, they're like, they want to branch out. I'm guessing. We're more than pizza.

I mean, we're 99% pizza, but we have one salad. Way more than pizza. Yeah. This is the new Pizza Hut. We're Costco. Everyone wants it all. Like Dunkin' Donuts. We're not just donuts.

We're donuts. We're donut holes and we're coffee. And we have a CPA over in the corner in case you want to work on your taxes. Yeah. That would be okay. Then that's branching out. That's branching out a little bit. You get a donut and you get it on it.

But I'm not super mad about that. I just wanted to bring it to your attention. Super mad. Isn't that a movie? Super bad. And Spade is super mad. Super mad. You know, where am I going if I say this?

Hey, you're going to, you're going to the freeze? You're going to go to a freeze? Yeah, you're going to the freeze? Huh? Tasty freeze? No, Foster freeze. Foster freeze. Foster freeze.

You go into the freeze? That's what they say. That's a deeper cut, I think. I don't, we didn't have those. Hey, did you catch wall? That's what they call our show. Hey, did you listen to Wall last week? No, they shortened and go, did you catch F-O-T-W?

Takes fucking an hour to say. Hey, man, I graduated from state school. I don't need acronisms and. Dude, there's schooly acrony. I need language. Yeah. Motherfuck. I think fly.

I saw you fly. So, well, you tell me a story. Then I'll tell you a longer one. I just have a few little headlines. Well, one was we can no longer give treats to the horses because they went crazy. Why, they liked them too much? They love them too much. In nature, they're not out.

They're trying to get grassed. They're out on the planes, thousands of horses. They don't see a Boston cream pile. Yeah, exactly. It's like, they're bringing. Trains can't. We've got little apple horses treats. You get giant bags and they're sweet and can't. So every time I go out the front door and they see me, it's like, they're like, one horse I think levitated. It literally, it's homes got off the ground.

We're sure. So we were told no more treats. And now they look, they go, and I just stand there. And then they just slowly turn away. And I thought they loved me. Yeah. They just, walk away. Oh, they don't give a shit because you're the crack head that you don't give them crack anymore. That's an apt analogy, David's face. A little bit because, you know, I don't even really sugar. I've been trying since Swarrow High School to get off sugar. So if you give me an apple fritter, I'll fucking cremate. Like it's so, people go, this isn't that good of candy. I'm like, I will tell you, I don't eat much of this stuff. So if I eat one bite, a dessert, it's so good to me. So a horse is like, I'm back to fucking grasp.

Grass isn't that good. I've tried it for real. Well, I'd like to make an observation. When I was a kid, there were five of us, and sugar got it in the house. Sugar smacks. You remember the day? Oh, yeah, and corn puffs. Everybody competed.

It was scarcity. There's five of us. My oldest brother, Mark, we call him Louis now, he would take a box of sweet cereal, like Captain Crunch, put it in a bowl that you would make frosting. You're like a bowl this big, put a quart of milk. Family salad bowl. We call him the human garbage disposal. No joke.

I'm not getting around here. But then did it continue? Like, I had a much bigger sweet tooth when I was a kid because all the commercials on cartoons and stuff. But I don't have it as much, but I like a nice little carrot. Count Chocula. Counts it when they get out. Yeah, that was right. Rast sputin.

Rasputin cereal? Rasputin, it was raspberries and super sh- I just made that up, but it is funny. By the way, the RASP will give them free rein to put raspberries in it. Yeah. Rasputt, what is your favorite, just without thinking, don't go into your comedian brain. You're having dessert.

Oh. What's your favorite dessert? You have five seconds. I would say German chocolate. Ew. I know. It's not for everybody. It's too sweet, bro.

But I'll take, because it's got coconut and chocolate. But I would take, I do like chocolate. I would take that kind of cake, lava cake. I don't like Teremisa. I don't like, sure, Bert. I don't like, the ones are like half-ass. Like, give me you something to get into. All I made a perfect sponge cake.

Ooh, I do like. Yeah, and would you rather have chocolate or vanilla icing? God, I'm so used to chocolate, but vanilla is. kind of a hit. I sleeper. I like it. She went chocolate, but she had a YouTube video going on. The guy was very cool, very chill guy from Chicago. Now you got to get all that stuff in there, man. You know, and he was like, two eggs, get another egg. And I was like, in my mind, I'm going, this is going to be a disaster. And then, of course, Paula comes out perfect. Perfection. And so I will say this. If pumpkin pie is on the counter, you know,

there's Thanksgiving, and then there's pumpkin pie on the counter, I will gain 10 pounds in a week because I'll pass it. Is that your thing? I would say, because it's not super sweet, pumpkin pie with a little bit of whipped cream, probably be my most appealing, because I don't feel like I'm going to be like German chocolate cake. I would hurl so bad. And then Wayne would spew, and I would hurl.

And it'd be like a hurl fist. Yeah. I would say I do what I like carrot cake too shocking it doesn't taste like carrots that we have some in our refrigerator oh yeah that's good they got a seven layer ones sometimes the restaurant will send over like a seven layer cake I'm like can you just put this in a pillowcase for me to take home it's so fucking huge a pillowcase well wouldn't it get gushed together I'll just smash it a few times and stick a fork and the pillow get no something will be good My favor, next time you give me a cake, you know, put it in a box, you know, that freaking pillowcase.

I'm sleeping on a cake cake all night. You know what I mean? I wouldn't. Yeah. Oh, we had some hijinks the other night. We were at, first of all, I have a side story. One of the kids in the movie was in obsession. He has a.

He was in the movie obsession? Yeah. Okay. Is it Tomlinson? Thompson? Gets in there. Cool kids. Anyway, he said that when they.

did a scene. They work, these dudes work at, it's called like Castle Music or something. And he said, that's where you guys did Wayne's World stuff. Out in New Jersey? No, I think it was in L.A. Oh, in L.A. Yeah, yeah. We did film stuff. It was kind of turned into Stan McKitas, this hockey player that Mike loved. And it was going to Stan McKedas. Wasn't that like a donut shop, though? It was a donut shop. No, he was. was talking about like a guitar store. Maybe Michael. Yeah, I remember that scene, the guitar store. Yeah.

That was where Mike started to play Storway to Heaven. They said, and then, hey, no stairway. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I believe I did a drum. So you must have, yeah. And, uh, but the guy was, the guy was excited because they were doing an obsession. He's like, oh, we can handle that. We've had Wayne's World.

Yeah. Yeah. For a comedian. To do a drum solo in a movie is very fun in character. Spoiled. I like to play. Poop. Okay.

So that was good. He was excited. Okay. He was excited because you go poop. Running a business means wearing a lot of hats. But I used to find that traditional banking options always seem to slow me down with endless friction. like plain phone tag, just to chase down the status of an international wire transfer. That's why I love using Mercury.

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I've been listening while walking the dog tackling that endless mountain of laundry. and it just you're always doing the laundry I do loads and loads of it all day Sundays yeah Sunday's Lawner Day Boo I got 55 of these And it just fits perfectly into my routine I recently queued up Project Hail Mary

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immersive. And the best part is that you don't need a separate app to dive into your next favorite story. It's all seamlessly integrated right where you already listen. Amazon music is definitely my favorite part of my routine. Music, podcast, audio books, it's all in one app. He was excited about that. And we shot up on this mountain. And I swear it was like this cabin. We were supposedly in like, you know, what's this up? an adventure film? What are you doing? The sound of music out there?

In grownups, we're all up there doing this top secret scene. No, it's stupid. But we're up there, and to get up to this set, it's a little over an hour away. Driving. You can't complain about the movie. You're in a movie. You're in a movie. No, no, you can't complain.

You're in a movie. Yeah. I can only complain to other people in the movie. And I will find ways to complain. Don't you worry. If that's what you're worried about, don't worry. Well, movies are generally about discomfort. Yeah, you're getting paid for something.

It's like, you got to kneel down or you got a pin in the back of your shirt and it's kind of grind. You know, that's all. And you're kind of like, I would say this, probably the most physically tired. Just, just not complaining. Just the most physically tired ever been is on a movie set. I thought, this is my childhood dream. I'm in a movie and I'm more exhausted than I've ever been as a human being on the earth.

That was doing the Foxy Lady. scene. I had to come out like Frazier in the 15th round. I was like, over and over over over and over. Over and over. I love that song. You probably shot that one scene all day. Same thing, all day. No, I was late. Started late. It was double

overtime. Actually, every 20 minutes, a crew member got a new car because they get double triple golden. They get so much golden time. It's double triple golden overtime. You get a Beulik. The funny thing is we don't get overtime. So the crew is that you're right. They get, they're

fine. They're like, this will be great. Let this asshole keep, keep going. I know. That was that, you know, you kind of, because this is not normal when you get to a set, when you come in in the morning and you clock out, you go, oh, it's 23 hours. Oh, shit. And on Friday, they can really wrap fuck here because. Yeah. You don't have any time you have to be done. You just have to be back Monday at 6 a.m. So we didn't go too late last night. Last night was Friday. But I'm there. Oh, by the way, So there's a scene where we're standing up and we're all drinking beers, but we're doing the whole day's scene, two days, in one spot. So Chris Rock and I were all laughing because we're standing. And I'm like, about halfway through the first day, I go, Chris, don't let this get around.

But I'm not a great stander. And I go, it's happened in the last couple years. He goes, I'm telling you, I'm not either. He goes, we're standing here. You can't move. You're like, you know, they tweak you for the camera. So it's not like you can rock around. You can't shift your feet.

You can't go like this. And then they go, going again, going again, going again, pushing in, going again, walk away for one second. And so after a couple hours, and I go, I realize if my neck starts to give me trouble and I'm walking on standing at home, I just sit down and watch it. You know, you don't think about it. You just go, you go where it's most comfortable in your life. when you're not allowed to, it's pretty funny.

He goes, my hips, and I'm like my neck, and then I hear Schneider go, knees. So we're all falling apart, obviously. And then he goes, yesterday he comes and he goes, does the floor seem really hard to you? And I go, yeah, it's cement. And he goes, I knew it. It feels really hard. I go, yeah, he goes, I can feel it. And he goes, there's not much give.

I go, there's, yeah, there's not. Not a lot. I wish the floor had more give. I go, I know he goes, maybe it's my shoes are not helping. I go, usually the shoes help out. They're the buffer between the floor and the foot. And then later, yeah, I go, dude, do you think the floor got harder overnight? He goes, I was thinking that.

What, some secret crew members going in and sabotaging it. It's just, we're feeling more pain the second day. And now we're like making up the excuses of why. we're collapsing and we all have our things pretty funny but the okay so we're in this small like cabin by a lake when i pull up i go i said to my butler and my driver i says i said no i says i says i says to my driver i says no the guy the union guys i goes wishing he had sandler he goes um i go i just see one glimpse of this creepy lake in the middle of mountain i go this is like a friday the 13th like i would be scared to be he's

here. I get up in the PA, first thing he says is, dude, I just spent three months up here doing Friday to 13. I go, shut the front door. You filmed that here. I was kidding. He goes, no, we're doing a new show about it, blah, blah. So I get in. Storms are coming. Storm comes like Wizard of Oz, pounding so hard, and we're kind of scared in there. It's, you know, 70 of us in this little, like, cabin shooting. Is this kind of a horror film? It's kind of scary. Lights go out. Okay, so it's a hot, a little bit of a haunted. And the generators go. Generators pick up.

They start blinking. And we can't. And then they go now per Netflix and SAG rules. There's a lightning storm and a tornado warning. You cannot leave. You get those out in the east. You can't walk to your trailer 30 feet. So we're locked in for hours.

And you know, I'll give it to Netflix. No one left. We're all stuck. No one tried to make a break for it. It was definitely a little weird. but we did it because we're all so fucking tough. You're standing on cement in a dark room with tornadoes coming at you for 12 hours. Oh, yeah.

We, Heather filmed a story for Instagram where it's pounding rain. And that's before they said, you can't leave again. So once we said we're leave, we're locked in. Anyway, and then there's a picture of a tornado. In the paper the next day they go, a tornado hit New Jersey. Isn't that crazoid? They get them in the summertime. It's a heat convection.

It's a heat molecules, monsoonal moist. New Jersey gets all the movies. I mean, they're doing grown-ups, and then they're doing Friday of 13th, you know, because they pay the, they do. They do. They take care of you. Hey, a, sand man. What do you need? What do you need?

You know, I won't produce the movie in New Jersey. What is it going to take? You know, Richie check. I wish it was like an L.A. In California, it's like, you should just be a piece of it. so happy that you can do a film. It's true. It's seven million a day. I was thinking of a thing about your precious Odyssey that I haven't seen yet. Uh-huh. Here's the thing that I wonder, because you know, when they said they had a casting choice and everyone was just relax. It's still the same movie.

And you go, yeah, okay. Here's one. I'm trying to think of how far it would go where it would bother people. what if the Trojan horse was a Trojan chicken? And he goes, I just kind of pictured it's a chicken. Still got people stuffed in it. But would people go, that's too much. You can't make it a chicken. Why not? It's an animal.

It's a fake animal. It's not a real horse. Right? Well, yeah. Technically, let me check on my ancient Greek poem here for a second. I mean, did the people in the castle think a real horse was coming? It was just 100 feet tall. No, it's just a fake horse.

It could have technically been a fake chicken. It could have been a ground squirrel. It could have been a giant ground squirrel. Oscelot. Oscelot. That would have raised too many questions. Like, what is it? We're not going to let it in.

It could have been a really cute mouse that was just like 20 feet high with a big smile on its face. Right. Make it cute to let it in because you don't want to like, oh, it has rabies or we don't know what that is. You know, maybe we should keep it out. anything inviting chicken i don't know it would be my first yeah that thing i don't kind of buy it you know i just go with it but in the whole thing i like they're going to open the open the gauge

that we built for 300 years so we can get this fake horse in here and they're actually on top of it with spears going like this trying to see if they hit anybody so the guys in there are kind of dodging it and stuff oh really they check check to see if anyone's in there hey is anyone one in there. If they are, they're pretty dexterous. I got most of it poking in there. I do that with like a Cadbury rabbit. I poke it to see if there's any marshmallows in it. Yeah, that's kind of like, so you're living the Odyssey. Every day. You don't have to see it. I saw Spider-Man and get this. God, dang, you're so ahead of me. All right, let's hear it. I was alone in the theater,

or 700 seats, surround sound. Stadium seating. Nobody came. I like to go in the morning because I had a day off. It was 1140 start. Rolling. And I liked that. I thought they landed it. I thought it was the best one because they successfully did this kind of emotional arc.

It's a lot of emotion these movies. And they're used to not be. And now they rely on that. I think it's got to have somewhere to go. So it's like, you know, Bruce Wayne, I guess, his parents got killed. But they didn't talk about the whole movie. There's like Superman, he was bawling about something. You got to have tears and shaking tears and hugging.

I don't know what we're going to do, Spider-Man. But I like it. I like Spider-Man. I went with it. I thought Tom Holland was really good. Sendanyi was in there. If I was Spider-Man, I'm not even joking. I probably wouldn't be.

I'm probably out of the age range. Well, let's let's let's say you can't be Spider-Man. Let's hear him out. Okay. Here they go to high school and they build a CGI, you know, a little bit to make me look high school. And I'd be have some books. I'd be like, hey, MJ, how about a BJ? You know, then everyone starts laughing, chuckling in the hallway.

Just stuff like that, I would add. Yeah. So this is pre-woke kind of movie. And then, but I would say that honestly, first of all, because of my shoulders are torqued. I couldn't like shoot webs too long like this. It would have to be like, hey guys, it's torque in my shoulder a little bit, you know, the rotator. So I go, I can do a couple more and then we should take lunch. You know, I'm not a porn star. I can't shoot these webs all day. Let's take an hour and then maybe I'll do Lefty after lunch, right?

And then Lefty, I'm like, I could even barely touch my, like this. So lefty, the Green Goblin might get away because I'd be missing him, you know. It's like when I try to shoot baskets lefty, I'm like, pew, peon. Green Goblin all near him, but nowhere, you know, he'd be fucking later. Well, you don't have to worry about that, because they're in a giant city. I don't worry about that.

That's CGI. And, you know, that little Spider-Man guy is obviously AA or whatever, and it's flying magnificently and shooting cotton candy everywhere. Yeah. They really did. I don't remember, I didn't see all the Spider-Men's. I might have missed

a couple, you know. There's a cartoon. But it was a lot of dexterity. Yeah, yeah. Wrapping people up. So, but I'd say it's worth 2250 for a matinee. Is that what it is? Mm-hmm. Oh, my, is it really?

No, 1950. No, 1950. Spider-Man. Oh, what was it going to say? Is that, yeah, I think, what if they go, oh, no, we're going to AI City. That's the name it that. CGI-I-Ville, just to kind of cover the fact that it all looks fake and shit. I know. Heather, or Greg, could you look up something for me?

Please. There's an actor that is in Spider-Man a lot with Tom Holland, and he's also in The Odyssey as kind of a bad guy, and I just want to get his name out there because he's so good. Not a best friend, is it in Spider-Man? Like a Mexican kid? No, no, no, totally different. Okay. He's in both.

You've seen him in The Walking Dead. you've seen him in a lot of movies. And him and Tom Holland both starred in these two. I mean, the money that's coming in is just crazy. And they're both in the Odyssey, too. John Bernthal. John Bernthal is the name of the actor. He's great.

You would recognize him if the picture came up. But he's great in both. And I guess it's him and Tom Holland, you know. Yeah. Tom Holland, that's kind of a winning recipe when you get into that $3 billion. dollar area. I think this guy plays the Punisher, Heather, because I saw a meme that said,

why does the guy that plays the Punisher make only two million for this movie and Zendaya makes 10 million? And they go, probably because you call him the guy from Punisher and you call her Zendaya. So they don't even know what his name is. Well, he's got to get an insta count. That's another thing, right?

he's a great actor he's really good and he was good in uh your precious odyssey right wolf of wall street yeah he plays a totally opposite in and uh spider man he's kind of kind of the friend but a super tough new york guy let me take care of it for you kid you know that kind of thing that's me he's a bad guy in uh you know odyssey is kind of a king uh he's kind of eaten hey bring me some more chicken you know he's just really good i just wanted to put that out there john any part in the Odyssey and killed it. Just FYI. Just throwing it out. Yeah, because you, you could hide. You can crouch. You could hide. You would have been a spy. I can disappear into characters. I can play snark. I can also play sarcastic. Okay, but just for a second. Can you feel yourself? It's 6,000 BC.

You've just got off the ship. So you're going to talk in a little Jason the Argonautis. It'll be a little stilted to the queen. here we go three two this is unrehearsed action off the ship take me do your leader what i think i think it's not a medieval voice we come from far away from the land of sea what over hill over dale uh and on dale in my case i'm just exploring in my own sexuality. Here's me auditioning for the Odyssey, but I keep stalling. I'm like, okay, picture a mountain over there.

I get out of the water. Splash, splash, splash. I'm walking up. There's the queen, Charlize, or whoever you pick. And then I'm like sore. I'm like kind of stretching. I got my sword.

I'm like, I sharpen it like a pool. And here's Christopher Nolan. Can you just fucking go? Just say anything so we can get you out of here because you're wrong for it already. Chrissy, Chrissy Noel,

that's what I call him, Chrissy Noel. I am built like Elliot Page, like check these guns out. Yeah, you could have, that,

you could have done that role. I would have loved to have done the Matt Damon role. If it was me, LA Page roll, like, I'm Achilles

and everyone's like, fucking spade is this guy? Have you not understood that we will always protect the king? Why? I am, Malitis.

Where are you from? From, Satapo. I bring great fruits and wine to you. You know, that's how you do it, David. If you want to get in it. Yes. The next Sandler movie, the next Sandler movie has to be the exact grown-ups cast doing a medieval with sandals on boats. What if we got thrown into the Odyssey back in time and all the five months?

Yeah, I think that would be really funny. Sandler's coming off the boat. Oh, wow. Do you got any water? So, about it. fucking Higgins. It'll be funny. I get stuck in a tire.

Good. At least we've got grown-ups four nailed down. We should do three and four together like, you know, John Wick or something. Since we're recording this close to air time, a couple little segments here. Trump has, as you probably heard, declared the straight of hormoose on American territory. I have heard it. I'm not sure what the paperwork is like to do that. I think he just said it.

It's American now. It's the Strait of Hormuz. It's an American tattoo. We own it. I declare it. I declare this. You feel like I'm doing a bit, right? But this is literally what he did.

And it's like instantly, instantly Disney already booked a cruise and the Strader Hormuz. And I go, isn't that too soon? They really did? Yeah. They want, they instantly heard that Disney's going to go in and they go, they got Mickey, they got everybody on the cruise to the American theater. There's nothing like it. Nobody's ever seen anything like it.

The Iranians have drones. They're still oil tank. It's difficult to have a Disney cruise through the Strait of Hormuz. I'm hot take. I'm just saying. The Norella, I think it's too soon to put a cruise. ship in there with America. Yeah, because, you know, something about a drone is not great with a buffet.

Okay, here's your hot take on this, that are sweet Prince Harry and Megan Markle are moving from Montecito to the Coxwolds. To the what, ladies and gentlemen? The Coxwolds. That's where everyone's got houses. Simon Cowell, Ellen DeGeneres. They all move out to this beautiful country. It's Richie Rich, the Coxwolds.

Richie might do a show over there. I said she should have been back on suits. They might put in a guy Richie's show, and I thought they should do a reality show called Pegging Harry. I'm just going to put it to you this way. If they go out there with that press corps, the only suit she'll be wearing as a suit of armor. They're going to go after for sure.

I know. They're so mean. I wish them all the best. thing was that they just did it and they didn't tell king charles apparently well i mean it's all they all got to get on the same page because they six months ago they showed him an interview going i fear to go back to england because of the fear for the safety my love to it ribbit and libit and there's one name the middle names are seven and five are my is that how old they are i think i little kids.

But, you know, the king was just notified at the last second. You said a cup of tea. I'll just have one more cup of tea. Thank you. We have something to inform you. Yes, what is it? Megan and Harry are moving back to great. Yeah.

I thought a fucking spit take. What the fuck is going on? Nobody tells me dick in this house. We have a high stress alert. You want to be fucking stressed out. Those who are coming back and, you know, I'm king fucking Charles and I will fuck you up. He must be cheating bricks going, how do I deal with this?

And they said he's got cancer. Maybe that's where they're coming back. But do you want to stress the dude out? I mean, he is just. No, he says he's at it rough. I mean, you know, he had Camille Parker Bowl scandal and all the difference. She's still a side piece or what's going on? Side piece.

I think she's the queen of England. I don't know. Oh, is he? Everybody competes for titles. Like you're the king of the podcast, king of fly on the wall. It's King David of Fly on the Wall side. And I'm the prince. I don't need too many titles.

Everyone's title hungry. Okay. We can get to real. Also in L.A., they said they're going to put some more taxpayer money aside to make places. This sounds mean. I take it back. they're gonna well it's a story home where homeless people can have sex and masturbate with little rooms and stuff so they don't do it out in the parks i i'm i have no comment i don't

be as a comedian say well what's next you know you know conjugable visits to the home i'll just go down there and just see what's going on yeah i don't know they tried that in new york city than what we thought if these guys were getting there and getting banged, you know, maybe they'd find a home or something, get a real estate guy, if they were banging in the hotels. I have to say the new mayor, whoever it is going to have their hands full, because if you can't fix homeless with 20 bill, I mean, that's 18 zeros, babe.

Like, what's the new angle? It's gotten worse. So if 20 billion won't put a hole in the dam, we have to think of a new way. Something's going on. I don't know. Well, someone from the mayor's office just says to the comptroller, we'd like another, let's make it $50 billion.

Right. They just want more money. That'll take care of all of it. We'll spend it wisely. I'm all for taxes if they do something. I pay taxes all the time. I love, I'm like Arnold. I love to pay taxes.

I love to pay a lot of taxes because it means I made the lot of money. Well, I'm not that excited as he is about. That's very Arnold. He's like Jay Leno. They're just only positive. Hey, Ontario. Come on down to BetmGM casino and see what our newest exclusive the Price's Right Fortune Pick has to offer.

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Ontario only. Please play responsibly. If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, Please contact Connects Ontario at 1866-531-2,600, to speak to an advisor, free of charge. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with Eye Gaming Ontario. Okay, let's get to some stories. What are we got in the news? Stories. We got stories.

We always blabbed for so long at the beginning. It's my fault. Okay. Oh, this is someone, I thought this is a bit. I don't think it is. Let's hear your thoughts. Hi, how are you? How are you? Good. What are we going to do today? Just my roots. I do want to let you know, like, I'm recording this entire appointment just for legal purposes to like protect myself as a client and, because I've had bad experiences before.

What legal purposes do you need? Like in case I have to take this to like the police or like the like courts in case like you burn off my hair or like you do something wrong. I just want to make sure that we have like communication. Like it's recorded and make sure that we're both on the same page and I like if something goes wrong, it's on you not me. I'm the lady. Okay. Do you know that you sign consent forms before also, right?

I actually didn't sign those. I just put like smiley bases. Consent form for hair. Just because I'm reporting, just because you did not consent to me actually putting product on your hair. I just don't do you need to sign something that says that you're going to mess up my hair.

You need to sign something that gives me permission to put something on your head that could possibly mess up your hair. Not because of me. I don't know what you have going on here. You could have put something on your hair. So she wants to film it for legal purposes,

which is such a weird way to start an appointment. Well, I just think there are two talented actresses from the ground lanes who made this? I don't know if it's a bit, Heather. What do you? I would love to know because I believe it is a bit. And they played it very straight. It could be very,

both have good points. Yeah. The hairdresser is sort of important in this situation, but the hairdresser, it's true. If you've done box-style... Do you sign NDAs to go anywhere? Do you sign... It's just sort of implicated.

And I get at some point, someone got burned so bad, they go, I have to do this. But I would just film it and not make a big deal of it, but to say, you do know, this is for my protection legally. Like, if you ruin my hair, I'm suing you. It's like, that's why the girl ultimately didn't do it. She said, well, you can go.

I can't. It's too stressful. Well, the next 10 clients are just like, yeah, just make it kind of blonder. Right. And then they go home and complain. Who needs to go to court over some kind of quaff, okay? The bang's got too short. Your Honor, I have a witness.

here. It just seems it's not worth it. I'm complaining it was, I've been accused of making it too brassy. Okay. Judy Minwell was arrested today for adding too much brass to Cindy Nottinger's hair. She's spending the night in county jail. Her attorneys are suing for mal-frosting. She didn't touch up the roots as per the contract. Bring up Fallon's band, the roots.

Go ahead. I'll tell you that variety had an article about fake emails. We've mentioned this, but Amy Polar Show. So more podcasts are getting a scam of they're going to people with over a couple hundred thousand followers saying, fly on the wall. I work with them. They'd like you to come on the podcast. We want to set up a Facebook or, you know, Facebook lives. We can talk about it and do a pre-interested.

view and people do this and it's happening to more podcasts i try to warn people they write me and i said it's not real but they had an article about it variety because it's happening so much and people are getting all the information once you log on to a zoom or a facebook they somehow get in there and they take over your facebook and they take over things in your accounts and then then it's curtains for you um you really have to get your spidey sense full circle folks and your radar because because you get an email and you go, oh, no, fake. You know, we have the bill, we can do this and that.

Right. Text, fake. Get out of here. Fake, fake, fake, fake. But if you get it and it says it's from the two biggest stars in the world, Dana Carvey, David Spade. Hear me. And they say, they want you to be on the show.

So it sounds normal. The fake one is flying the wall at Gmail. Yeah, a guy named Carlos. But I think they change it, but they're doing it to everyone. So just keep your eyes. Well, someone's on TikTok as Dana Carlin. And I can't get in there. And he takes fan questions.

He sells merch. And Heather tried to help me once. But yeah, there's a guy on TikTok says he's me. I found it as Rob Schneider. It was Rob Schneider in the beginning. And then it was Fred Wolf. But so I don't know. I don't have the band with me.

How much time can we spend on tech in our life? And then suddenly we're 105. We're just warning our fans because they're very nice. people out there that want to come on. All right, next story. I'm really killing it. You're keeping pace. Okay, Dana.

Man in Chucky style mask has been chasing and asking people if they're ready to die. This sounds like a fun prank. What a cool guy. Until one Philly woman squared up to him. Please fight him. Please, let me see. Flynn refused to become a victim.

When a masked stranger approached her in center city lab, when she squared up and kicked him in the chest. Please. You kicked him in the center of the show. Yeah. You know, just like that. Oh, good kick.

Yeah. Nice. Jamika W. believes the person who targeted her is the same suspect. Police say was caught on camera chasing a woman outside City Hall minutes earlier. Before her own counter, Jamika says she spotted the mass suspect approaching a runner. I think it's the same guy. I started to wave at her across from the intersection and say, hey, there's someone behind you.

She then witnessed him try to force his way into the coffee shop before turning. It's just, you know, it's a movie promo. I would turn this guy down. I told Lauren Michaels. It's not funny, Lauren. Yeah, I mean, Lauren, I put this mask on and I sort of frighten people. It's good for stress relief. And I go, Lauren, it's ridiculous.

People are going to hurt you. And I catch them and say, congratulations, you're in the new cast. That's how he tells him. He puts them. I guess because there's so much haunted house, you know, SNL has every kind of costume that Lauren put, give me Chuckie. I'll put a thing on.

I'm just going to like walk around. Yeah. Scare people a little bit. It's terrifying. That's Lauren. So they got them. They got them. Is this one about they got them?

That guy's lucky that somebody. Chuckie style mask has been identified. Oh. He's wanted for terrorizing in Florida, Philadelphia. And tonight we've learned that he often established to the L.A. area. Look at him chasing. The worst thing if you're a female runner, a guy is chasing. The L.A. area, but also Las Vegas.

He was all over these towns. He was three-year-old Zemir Hughes. That's the guy? That's the guy. He's 22-year-old Zymier Hughes. They say he chases people around and asks if they're ready to die. Good, good. He packed up his bags two nights ago.

Even with baseball. I mean, come on. And he's on the run? What the hell is with this story? They found him. Why didn't some human being just pick him up and body slam him? Yeah, we got to bring back beatings. He used to like deter people if they know they're going to get their shit kicked out of.

What a bummer. If that, if Chucky follows me, I don't care which scary mask is chasing me. But if they're saying I'm ready to die, I had a guy say that, homeless dude. He came up to my car and I tried to spray him with pepper spray and it didn't work. This is what you don't want, Dana. What is the downside of that story? A guy came up to you and said, do you want to die? I mean, what's the problem?

I'm just trying to understand. He saw me walking. Yeah. In the middle of L.A., just walking on the street, middle of my day, listening to music. He walks by me. Then he comes and crowds me about five feet away and stares at me. And I just stop. And he goes, you good?

And I go, yeah, I know it's weird vibes already. He doesn't look too beat up, I don't know what's going on. He's just like a little sketched. Then he goes, I don't think you should be here right now. And I go, got it. And I walk right back to my car. I go, I don't need to hear any more information.

This guy's going to kill me. So I go walk back to my car and I get close to my car and I'm walking backwards looking back. And he's about a block away and he's still staring at me. So I get, I go to my car and he starts walking toward me. So I roll down one of the windows and I have pepper spray in there. And I shake it up. And I go, it's my imagination. He's just going to walk.

by. And he walks by and then he comes back and looks in. He goes, what the fuck are you looking at? I go, what the fuck are you doing following me? And he goes, I had a dream. You died. That's all I needed to hear. Pull out the pepper spray, but it's under the windows so you can't see my hand. And I spray it and it goes, bloop. And I shook it up and sprayed it. It didn't work. And he goes to lean in and I go, well, you should have those dreams analyze because I didn't know what to do. Pepper spray. You were at the wheel of your car. I was going to glass him in the face as hard as I could with pepper spray.

Well, then you're going to see him two days later. I don't care. I'll come with it bad. You put the window up and you press on the accelerator. No, I did after it didn't work. But I had to say I was ready going, I don't think this guy is going to do anything. And then he did. And I just wanted a face full of this shit for him.

Just so he knows, get the fuck out of here. I hope it burns your eyes out. Like, you're going to start saying that shit to me, threatened to kill me. then I'll do everything I can. So anyway, I did floor it because I was like, oh. And then I started to smell the pepper spray, which is another mistake. So then you get it. Because it landed in my car.

Yeah. But it was so old, you didn't do much. So I had to run out and get all. I was like, I got to get new. When I was in Montana, they said, oh, yeah, we're going to go for a walk. Well, you better bring some bear spray. Yeah, for sure. And it's like this big, you got to walk around with it.

And it goes like 50 feet. So we're trying to go for a nice little walk. a trail with trees and everything. We may have a charging grizzly and then it's on fire extinguisher. Shoot it 50 feet into the hair's face and hope it stops. You know what? Maybe we'll just get in a boat and go out in the lake, I think. Yeah, I know.

You just never know because there's always people in one second can just be so nuts. Well, I had the same thing up here. I had a cow just staring at me, just staring at me, just staring at me, just looking at me. You know, and I said, what are you looking at? Yeah. And it said nothing. What are you going to do? And you said, you call me nothing.

Oh, yeah, what are you going to do about it? No, I went into the Tyson. Yeah, what are you going to do about it? Yeah, there you go. The cows said, you don't belong here. Yeah, no, I don't. But what are you going to do about it? What are you going to do about it?

Are you trying to do a Mike Tyson impression? Yeah. What are you going to do about it? I'm doing Mike Tyson. What are you going to do about it? That went on for about half the day. Are you doing bits in the middle of our tent standoff? Yeah.

What are you going to do about it? Well, what are you going to do about it? It's just a great street thing. That guy. And then I'll kill you. I'll kill you. That's what I'll do. And you go with your pepper spray guy, you should just have, what you, what are you going to do about it?

I don't think you should be here. I would have flipped out on that guy. If I sprayed him and he went down, I probably would have gotten out. Just to, I don't know what. I think it's time you have a constant companion. I know. I have to say. I walk around New Jersey and everything's great.

until like the McDonald's, I went in and guys got someone in a headlock out front. I'm like, this isn't a good sign. You got to go with Heather because Heather, it's, well, she has, she can really kick.

She's got this sort of martial arts kicking thing. So I would only go with her. I go, Heather, tackle them. I'll get some help. Yeah. All right. Pull on his hair.

Another story. One more. Oh, this is my worst case scenario. Octopus gets on a guy's boat and wraps his face. This is a fucking movie. Like alien. Get your own face. Luckily he has a frickin' stick.

Or is that a pipe? Who's filming another octopus? These guys film themselves. Everyone's going to love with themselves. They're like, here's my journey. I'd be like, I'd be like, it feels like he got to

camera, got it all set, and then kind of got the octopus, put it on his face. Dude, I wouldn't even pretend with an octa. You'll die in a second. They get in you, take away your oxygen. Yeah. You know, I had one on my face once and I felt like such a sucker. I felt like such a sucker. How do I let that thing jump on my face?

That sucker was on you like a sucker. I felt like such a sucker, man. That's kind of funny, right? All right. It's a good pun. Yeah. It's like alien, though, an octopus in your face. Good luck.

Oh, it's all alien was the... What are you getting? I know what you're about to get. I'm giving myself a little sugar. Oh, for your joke. Giving some sugar. I felt because of my sucker thing. Doesn't this look like I blurred out this photo in the background?

That looks kind of cool. Oh, you stack yours triple high. Oh, my five hours. Yeah, I don't go triple high. Interesting. Interesting. We put two men in a room and told them to stack these boxes. I like starting early when we do these personally because I'm up early.

I got farmers hours. All right. Well, are we done with the crowd? What are we doing? Should we sign off? Because we got 17. Everyone's on pins and needles. They're pulled over in the car listening going, what next?

Oh, I'll be in Vegas. Okay, let's do some housekeeping. Let's do some housekeeping. September 5th and 6th. Go ahead. Don't mumble it. I can't remember. Labor Day weekend with Nikki Glazer,

Caesar's Palace, come one, come all. Two nights, two shows? No, two nights, one show a night. Oh, look at you with the balloons. It's so great. Two nights, one show a night. Yeah, I never know one of my thing.

But that's the only time I can get away from the movie is to do Seizers because we had a deal. I'm looking forward to. it, I'm excited. What about you? That's a great show, you and Nikki. It's a great comedy show. You should go if you like to laugh, you know, check it out. Seizers is a great

room. It's, it's the stage is slightly tilted. It's even though it's 4,000 seats, it's very intimate. You know, so it's a great. 4,400. Beautiful. I saw Sting there. Great. Okay, go ahead.

Who's cooler than Sting? I know. Such a fucking stud. I love him. Brilliant. Yeah. Um, um, um,

so it wasn't, so people are worried it wasn't Lauren in the haunted house mass. People are worried. People are worried. But I did talk Lauren out of it and someone else did it. It's just like a Halloween memory. You go around, you make people like frightened and then you walk away.

It's good for your blood pressure. You can scare them to find out who they really are. Okay, so I guess we're petering out. So this is the end, everybody. Thank you so much. Well, either we start a whole new stanza or we say goodbye. We're going to say goodbye, everybody. You were a great crowd today.

Thank you so much. You were a great crowd, and we appreciate you. My hair is right out of the shower turned back. Thank you. I don't think the podcast was that good, but I do appreciate it. I like it. All right, listen, if you're enjoying the fly on the wall, of course, Hopefully you are.

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Hear me now. Believe me later. Fly on the wall, believe it or not, is presented by Odyssey. And executive to produce by Hold For It, Dana Carvey and David Spade, or David Spade and Dana Carvey. We don't write those stuff.

Heather Santoro, Greg Holtzman, and Leah Reese Dennis. The show is edited by Evan Cox, with production support from Phil Sweet Tech. Talent Production and Booking by Sophia Lippor.