Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade - Esquire, Encore, & Emergencies

Episode Date: February 23, 2026

Dana gives David his flowers for landing an Esquire feature and crushing an encore at the Comedy Store. Then things take a turn — breaking news, emergencies, and a “special guest” who clears it all up… with a little help from some Bill Burr impressions. Plus: Buzzing Around, the worst stadium names ever, nightmare carnival rides, and the dangers of live streaming. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Well, the thing about me that's interesting. Looks cool. Well, the thing about me that's neat. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Hi, did you guys see my S-fire interview yet? Guess what? And by the way, it's the fact of the matter. Don't you know you gotta go?

No joke, a joke, joke. I've been to Magic Mountain. Let me tell you something. Off the record, more mountain than magic, and it's not any place. All right, before we get started on this very special episode, seriously, we do have some breaking news on a gentleman who, who claims to know where Jeffrey Epstein is at this time. And it's kind of shocking, and we're going to get to it in a second.

That sounds pretty serious. We're going to get to our guests. Our guests will be here in just a few minutes. Okay. Let's talk about our weekend first. Okay. That's more important. But it's coming up.

It's coming up. Stick around. You'll be happy when you stick around. You're not going to see this. coming no yeah so Dana yeah what selfie selfie of yourself no of you I took your oh your hair looks pretty cool today well I was trying to I want people ask me about my hair a lot you know what's your hair story what your hair story is that well two things one is there's a lot of noise in my brain I mean you're kind of quiet in there right you're

not you're not neurotic like I am or you are I'm not sure but so I want my hair to represent if it's super combed it feels like it doesn't represent what's going on on the side of my brain yeah I agree with you I like people that have the hair a little messy plus when I was 10 years old I'd see the Beatles during the hard days night or whatever and they always had deconstructed hair they never had severe parts and look at my hair so those are the two things I got sometimes they had those bangs at the beginning that were pretty that was kind of revolutionary in a way to to do the bowl cut the bangs forward.

I know it's so weird, right? I know, but now I do it all the time. You've got your look down. No, I like my hair today because we did it yesterday. I did an interview for Esquire. I don't know, when is that coming out, Heather? I don't know. I don't know what you go on.

You learn most of it here. Are you making a move? I mean, I hear. Am I making money moves? Well, are you just making a move? In the ladder of show business, are you making moves? Are you shaking the tree? I mean, what's this Esquire magazine profile?

It was actually good. This is the editor of Esquire. He sat down. He knew he read my book. He saw the last special. And he's like, let's get into it. But it got a little deeper than normal. Well, what would be the byline?

What's going to be the thing? David Spade. What is it going to be, you think? I mean, I'm sort of an open book anyway. We know all my dumb stories. So he did dig into the dad a little bit. Oh, the whole thing is called what I've learned. So I don't know, I didn't know that ahead of time

because I didn't tell anything. Oh, that's kind of, yeah, a little more profound or something. Yeah. Yeah. He did ask me, what would I have? Tell your younger self. What's the first line of my obituary? I don't like death stuff like that, but I know.

Well, Merv Griffin's was the greatest, the talk show host from the 70s. I won't be right back. That's on his tombstone. I know that. Because he always says we'll be right back. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, he asked me what I would tell my twerpy self. Oh, go back in time.

Sounds kind of interesting. Did they record you and then they're going to print what you said or is it going to be interminated by the guy? No, it was a live interview with, and it was in black and white, even though I wore a sweater that really popped. That's kind of hip. Yeah. Huh. And so I think, oh, yeah, what's, oh, I guess you'll have to say. see what my big line was I had to make up from my own.

Well, have you got a banger, as I call them, or a trender? Or is it going to be noisy? Is it, are we going to see some daily mail? I mean, that was Burr Reynolds saying. The worst sin and show business is to be boring. Yeah. No matter what. I think we didn't get that memo, did we?

Falling into that, yeah. Well, it's also, you see these people that want to be famous, and they get on like a reality show, and they'll do anything and then they regret it for the next 20 years it just follows you and they don't realize at the time don't be saying everything on your mind at all times don't be filming it don't be he just keep a little mystery yes it's good to have a little not everyone needs to know every god dang thing about you god dang it yeah dabnav it i agree to sound i hate to use those words they heart hate to sound like a tv cowboy from 1950s god dang it go dang it

Come on now, Duke. Dagnavitt is a good one. Dagnavitt, yeah, that's Bugs Bunny, I think. Oh, you can send, oh, send a picture, maybe. Heather will send Greg a picture. We'll put it up of the interview, even though it's not that exciting. But anyway, the guy was super cool.

I liked him, and I will tell you about it, I wiped out last night at the comedy store. These count as stories that are unremarkable, but I have my neck issues. I'm feeling good. I'm heading on the road today. So I do my set, crush, kill, other people's words, levitate the room. I heard it, I saw it, trended.

Bill Burr texted me. Oh, dude, I was walking out and Bill Burr was walking in. Oh, really? The thing about pickles, you know, it drives me absolutely nuts. Microphones. What do you need a fucking microphone? Get a megaphone. Just talk.

Talk loud. How about that? We're such pussies. a microphone there's fucking 30 people here what do you need you know what drives me out of my fucking mind what doves what's the fucking what you know what i don't like how they fucking spell it got apostrophe in there and some bullshit oh oh no oh stop the riff is here what look at me well the thing about me that's interesting looks cool well the thing about me that's neat blah blah blah blah blah blah blah well the fact is black and white now that they buy you the clothes

or were those your own clothes that happened to be? It was my clothes. It looks like a teaneck. It is not. Oh, it's not a mock teaneck, obviously. No. What's the real color of that sweater? Blue, of course.

Most of my shit's blue. Well, you look, it makes you look kind of like classic, like sort of iconic. I think it's very cool. I'm like Clooney, they say. A lot of people are saying it. Many of people are saying they're talking about. Clooney, George Clooney, George Clooney. He's not very good actor, you know, you know,

if Trump took on. I know. I like doing Bill Burr is funny because it's so funny. He was on the set. We had a lot of people there last night. Bobby Lee was there acting nuts. Bobby Lee is very likable and fun to hang out with. Oh, yeah.

He's a human, he's Xanax in human form. I mean, you're going to get very happy and relaxed, I guess. So I don't take Zichaeled night when I got off. So Annie Letterman is there. She goes, you either bring up me or Bobby Lee, and I'm like, I don't like this, because then I got to finish. And I got to be the MC and go, all right, you're next to act, fine. You don't know. And I don't know.

So I go, all right, then I'm finished instead of like, I give my big razzle dazzle ending. And then I go, all right. And then I go, wait, who's next? And then I go, who am I bringing up? Stick your head out of the curtain so I could see. No one's there. All right. Oh, one of those things.

Is the show going to keep going or no? No one's there. This show is such a disaster. So then I go, encore. So I walk back and do more. And then I hear Bobby go, all right, it's me. I'm here now. And I go, oh.

I've got to get out of here. What are you talking about an encore? I know. I made my own encore. Oh, my goodness. Why are we standing? Please. I know.

It wasn't really an encore, but I had to keep going. So then I went to leave and I walked around and I have to cut through the side of the crowd. And this pudgy fat guy had his table stuck. Isn't that redundant? It's a type of fat guy. Okay. This sort of overweight fact guy. Yeah, I gotcha.

And so I'm walking straight down to the exit. It's along the edge, but you don't want to steal from the show, you know? So I go down and he's like this. And he's got his table, these little square tables. And it's pitch black, you know the comedy store, black tables, black room. You can't see. I know. It's weird.

And I'm hustling through and I crack in full sprint my knee into a table. And that wasn't the biggest pain. It spun me around and snapped my neck. And everyone goes, whoa. Like it was so painful. Oh, it was that hard? And I was like, oh, my God, my neck. And then I was like, couldn't care less about my legs because they're tough as shit.

But the neck was like, oh, fragile glass. I'd like to see you hit and then do a full 360. I did a spin. I'm on a comedy store floor. And then the guy was like, hey, buddy. What are you laughing at? You cause this act. Yeah, I went.

I don't know if folks at home know that, you know, you know, let me say it's kind of an effeminate sport. Me have microphone to say funny things, but you can get wounded. You can really, I had a brain scam once after falling off the stage at the laboratory, the little improv room. The lab at the improv? Well, because it was a one-foot thing, and they had a piano over there, and it's pitch black.

Yeah. And so I went down, and there was hard stuff. there was hard surfaces. So I was in a killing cage. I was doing the church, like, well, isn't that special? And then I was in a killing cage. Poof, pf, pf.

So I went outside into the driveway, whatever out there, and the guy came out and I go, am I okay? Like, do I look okay? Like, was I bleeding? But I had a migraine next day brain scan. Came back negative. What a puss. He went to get in my MRI.

I like brain scans. I mean, call me crazy. but they get you in that machine. Yeah. So, you know, sometimes after this podcast, I get a brain scan, the local hospital, just be gone. Because you drive me nuts.

Yeah, that's true. I heard the bouncer say, I was there when that happened to Dana. We went outside. His hair was a little down on final net, but other than that, it was fine. That was the major. Yeah, isn't that a spray?

Final net, hairspray. Yeah. There you go. I, you know. I drenched my hair spray. Anyway, I got out of there somehow. Of course, I stole focus from the show. I was like, oh, is he okay?

He's scared. I walk out and it starts pissing, pouring rain on me, on my beautiful hair. I was like, oh. Okay. It can't get worse. It can. But I walked in the rain like a tough guy. Hold on a second.

Hold on a second. Get David umbrella for his birthday? Oh, yeah. I'm not only to carry umbrella. Who needs an umbrella? You're a guy. You're wet. You get a rain jacket with a hood.

What, you need a fucking merry popping stick on your fucking hand? What are you going to fly around the comedy store? Hey, chimchimmerie? What are you fucking dick mad night? Get a fucking raincoat with a hood on a top. Drives me a fucking man. Go work on your car. Don't get a set, you pussy.

Fries me fucking nuts. Everything's driving me up a fucking wall. And speaking of walls, what the fuck is worth wall? Why do you need one? Yeah. Why think it creates a room? Get the fuck out on my face with the room and shit. Just stay on your side.

Who needs a wall? Yeah, walls. He did come in drenched. He was super wet. You know, every year, David, I think we can unequivocally say this. We make resolutions that somehow never stick. But this year, I've found the one resolution. that actually works.

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Is it? Is it or is it? We don't know. It's so real looking. Look. Yeah, you guys should actually, everybody here, Check out Wayfair, you know, go to their site because I've been looking around and it's really good stuff. I know I sound like I'm doing a different pitch, but it's not that expensive, but it's really cool.

Yeah. I'm looking at a sort of a chaise lounge or a little couch. Bedding and bath basics, bedding, mattresses. And for you, David, towels, because I know you have one of those like you have in a public restroom, a air dryer, you don't have towels. So I put my hair in a towel like this. and I walk around the house, like I'm in a 60s movie, like Doris Day. I did that in Opportunity Knox. Everything was an opportunity knock.

Everything was in. So, yeah, you can get stuff for your kids' room, you know, get them on track this year. You got storage for every space. You got storing for outdoor furniture, bathroom, getting organized. Kitchen. Kitchen stuff, yeah. A lot of people work from home, so you got those setups. You get desks, chairs, bookcases, fake back.

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They got a huge sludge of home decor items. It's easy to find what's right for you. Yeah, you were looking, what are you looking for, Shays lounges? Well, I was looking for just a little couch or a chaise lounge. And then I just saw like 20 different options. So I'm going to order one probably today. So you look, you see, it's easy to find. You look, you see. Yeah, anything you want, you can navigate their site very easily.

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Wayfair. Every style. Every home. Every home. I won't be as funny as your story, but midnight, two nights ago, something like that, right? Asleep. This comes on, you know, you know what, it's an emergency alert. I had the ringer off.

Emergency alert, tornado, tornado in your vicinity. Tornado. Tornado. Tornado in your vicinity. Please, please, you know, get in a small room in your house. It's scarier than anything. Well, the idea, yeah, tornadoes landed maybe 10 miles away. It's heading our way.

And there's lightning and noise and rain. And then I'm just checking every second for, because I love. I love the math of it, the radar, where it's heading. It's going east. It's sliding down. And then the sky just lights up. Just like there's reporters out in front of the door. I opened it up and like, just bright blinding light.

Yeah. And just rumbling, rumbling, you know. And I thought, wow, it's so relaxed down there and logangles. Yeah, juicy. I'm like this, fucking. But I could hear it pounding on the ceiling. And it does wake me. It's so loud.

The rain lightly has been so loud. Well, it's not even a job. We watched Hannah and your sisters earlier in the evening. My wife and I with Woody Allen. So then as this was happening, just to calm everyone down, I was like, yeah, sure. Great, you know. That's all I need is a tornado. You know, I got to be, you know, Dorothy going to see the Munchkins.

No, it was a wonderful tornado. It's just like I like to be terra firma. I don't mean to be didactic or facetious, but it's a bit of a bit of a wonderful tornado. a breeze don't we mean to be it ridiculous ex picali alidotius hey that's our second merry poppins oh my god in one we do three then we have lottery winners on our i'm gonna make bill burr listen to this just to see what he's missing and he'll go well talk like that well remind him that it was a character i did before i knew bill

it was from the nineties no matter what it was about east coast comedians who harbor like anger comedy, which they're hysterical throughout history. And then they get rich and famous and they have to kind of think of something that would make them angry.

It's funny. He's so calm and normal backstage. Oh, yeah. And Bill Burr, if you ever run into them, folks, no matter what, if you start talking about it, just say, who is your favorite drummer? It's over.

You'll go 20 minutes. He likes to talk with drums. And he likes to talk about cars. Drums. Yeah, so he's the coolest. Oh, yeah. Should we check in with that breaking news yet or not? Yeah, our guest has actually arrived.

He's in the green room. Is that right, Craig? Yeah. Guests in the green room. Okay, let's see. Oh, here he's coming in, sort of a back way. This guy knows something about Epstein? Yeah.

Oh, boy. Okay. Hello, hello, everybody. I'm so glad to be on your show. Well, hi. So you claim to know something about where Jeffrey Epstein was? Uh, yeah. Yeah.

Hi. Does he look like Jeffrey Epstein? No, he looks a little bit like, it feels like it's Jeffrey Epstein with a mustache or something. Don't you're ridiculous. Jeffrey Epstein does not have a mustache last I checked, idiot. You fucking moron. Oh, well, that's a little harsh. I'm the host.

Come on. Hey, come on. What is your name? What is your name? Yeah, what's your name? Steve. Steve. So why should we listen to you?

Why would you have any? idea where Jeffrey Epstein is. I don't know. You have any money on you? Oh, boy. You want money? Well, I thought he had so much. I want some money.

Wait a minute. Who is this? David Speed. Yeah. I heard about the Esquire cover. You look great. You did already? Yes, it's out everywhere.

Oh, it was a pretty fun interview. At least Dan Agarno is an idiot, but you know I don't look like Jeffrey Epstein. No, you don't. Now that I think, you don't, he was, he was looking well. He does not have a mustache. No, he doesn't. This is insanity. So why would anybody think that I am Jeffrey Epstein? But I do know where he is. Well, where is he and what is he up to? Well, it was a long night at the jail and some people woke me up and said, hey, you want to go for a ride, Jeffrey Epstein?

A lot of people think that's what happened. Oh, wait a minute, that wasn't me. Jeffrey Epstein doesn't have a mustache, David Speed. Why are you crazy thinking I'm Jeffrey Epstein when he never had a mustache? I understand. Should we come back to this? Or should we? I just want one more question.

Okay. Are you in witness protection? Yeah. Is that what you are? Witness protection. I got a goal. So anyway, that was our guest today. Oh, he said he's got to go?

I thought he said he had a goal in soccer. Go. I want to remind the audience that David and I do not rehearse these bits. Yeah, there's not possible. I just had my friend Marker, Sean, make me a Jeffrey Epstein, and with black magic marker, I made a mustache. We should have a crawl at the bottom and says there was no thought put into any of these bits today. There's no effort or thought. No, it is.

There's effort. We did a good job. No, no, absolutely. Now, if you're in your car, if you don't see it, it's a little trickier. But it was a gentleman who looked like Jeffrey Epstein, identical twin, but had a mustache and was very upset that we even suggested he could be Jeffrey Epstein. Yeah. So do you have any other stories in the weekend or should we get to some news or what do you got? Really just the storms and, you know, I mean, I just stuff.

I was in Helangeles for a few days. Oh, yeah. Do you want to do buzzing around? Oh, yeah. Why? Do you have it in you to do buzzing around? Absolutely. I've always got to do it. I keep doing that voice now. I can't get out of it. Okay, we're going to do buzzing around. Busing around. This is, it's sponsored by five-hour energy, as we know, and is the return of their confetti-craze flavor. Bring big birthday energy wherever you go with this.

plan your confetti crazed party at www. www.5hour energy dot com or Amazon available now. Okay, so what I'm going to do is I'm going to give you a scenario. A scenario. It can go wherever it wants. Yeah, and then you just make up a bunch of stupid stuff. It's God impressions.

This is going to be Joe Biden as a highway patrol. Okay, because he's going to... Yeah, he's going to pull over. Paul McCartney, and there will be Michael Cain in the car. There will be bad bunny fresh off the Super Bowl in the car. I'll work on my bad bunny. And anyone else that can fit in the car. If there is anyone else, it doesn't matter.

I'll see where I go. Some thoughts. Go. Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo. How'd he go? Let's roll out on the window. Oh, you do the window effect. Roll down the window.

Well, I love that you just go right into it and don't even think. That's okay. Yeah. Well, hello, officer. This is Paul McCorny. License registration. What are you doing as a high white gentleman, you know? I thought you're the ex-president of the United States of America.

Yeah, that's shocking for Paul. She thought she got out and have a job. No job. I'm not getting around here. Come on, folks. Well, I don't, you know, I'm just here. Here is my friend Michael Kaine and bad bunnies in the back. So I, I don't really have license and registration.

It's in Liverpool. But I do have an Arby's takeout menu with that too. Takeout an Arby's. Come on, that'll do good. They got the beef. Hey, we've got the beef. I'm not kidding around here. I can't believe Biden knows they've got the beef.

They got the beef. No joke. I'm being serious. Come on. Okay. Hey, Michael Kane. Oh, Michael Kane. I don't know what I'm doing here.

I've got a bloody driver's license, but Paul McCartney wouldn't let me drive. Right, bad bunny? Ugh. I call my stars, I say. Careful. Come as a, Signor Biden. Hey, I speak Ola. I speak Spanish, you too.

I speak Ola. I like you, people. The Ola of Permanites. Yeah, come's da. Senior Biden. What Posa? Yeah, Jolla and I got married in Kappa. Come on.

I mean, I don't speak all this stuff. You seem like a good man. Where's the bad bunny? I am the bad bunny. Come on. There is a bad bunny. bunny. I am the bad bunny, right Bob Dylan? Hey, hey, hey, policeman, policeman, talking, talking strange. Yeah, kind of crazy policeman. What? No, come on. Guess what?

And by the way, the fact of the matter is, everybody. And guess what? And by the way, the fact the matter is, gosh what, and by the way, the fact the matter is. Good job. Pasa, kipasa. Oh, wait. Here comes a motorcycle policeman. Dennis Miller. Christ sakes, you got a cavalcade of stars on here. What are the odds that McCartney would be gallivanting across the world

in an Oldsmobile with that kind of motley crew back there, right, David Spade? Hi, did you guys see my Esquire interview yet? And scene. I didn't know I was going to be in it. That's five-hour energy, man. That's a lot of energy. By the way, you see how my things are all brightly. Oh, yeah.

It looks unbelievable. Look at that. Looks like a professional. That was buzzing around with Dana Carby. Sponsored by Five Hour Energy's confetti-craze flavor, backed by popular man. Confetti craze tastes like the best birthday cake ever with its rich buttery and manilae flavors since Five-R Energy's shots are tiny and resists. receivable, it's easy to take to a birthday anywhere you go.

How sweet it is. Plan your confetti-grace party at www.5hourenergy.com or Amazon. It's available now. That was good. I like that Biden knows a lot of stuff. I know, and it's interesting in his post-presidency that he would go through the academy and become a highway patrolman. And have a focus to do it. And also that Paul McCartney probably could write.

a song about that about his little catchphrases and by the way guess what and by the way it's the fact of the matter don't you know you gotta go no joke a joke joke i see yeah that was like four no one kind of rippy rip yeah so we did that and uh we'll get us some um we're clicking them off stories really great yeah that was funny i liked it um i enjoyed it because i like the idea of those people in one little scene together. I like just hearing what you're going to say. My bad bunny, I'm going to work on it. No.

I like K Pasa. We got married there. Yeah. Improv is the funnest, I got to say. Okay, what else? Let's see. Give me a news story. We'll jump right into these big stories.

These nonsensical stories. We had our storms. It turns out are usually never. true but that's fine okay here we go oh shocking a Chinese female oh streamer reportedly lost a bunch of followers oh her her filter on her kept popping off oh she had a filter and the filter popped off and she looked like 80 years old or something oh oh she has a face filter like yeah wow that's intense so I I could put on a David Spade face of potentially.

She looks still pretty, just different. Yeah, just different. She's a tan. Yeah, she looks fine in both. But you can put on filters, I guess. You just don't know. I mean, I feel like if you're on Instagram, when you're making money and people are clicking on,

you could just be like, oh, this is a character. It's a super pretty character that will make money. Because what are the chance you ever going to meet the actual person or find out for real what anyone looks like. So who knows? Could I do an AI face that looked like every character I just did, like identical, like Paul McCartney's talking? You might be able to put that.

Yeah, Kyle Dunnigan does stuff like that. He's got some face swap thing. He does it, but it's probably more sophisticated now. Yeah, it probably gets better every week. Every hour. AI's taking over. But, yeah. So thoughts and prayers go out to her for losing 140 followers.

Okay. 40,000. 140,000. That's a lot, actually. If I did that, I don't know if I'd come to work. If you lost followers, I would crawl up into a ball. Oh, yeah. You know what? You'd feel so bad you'd probably finally follow me. Don't, do I follow you? I can't remember. You're like, we're not there yet. Let's take it slow. Yeah, I'm just sort of unintentionally mysterious, but that's all right. When you meet people, Dana, you've never run into this. because you're out there in the tornadoes,

but when you're like backstage, in tornado alley, we bought the house. In Dorothy country. Yeah. Why is this house so cheap? Well, I don't know. It just is. It's not in tornado alley, is it?

Oh, don't be ridiculous. If you move to a place called Twister Meadows, there might be a tornado. If you move to a town called Flying Furniture Dakota, you just might meet a tornado. If you move to a town called temporary town, there might be in the tornado alley. If you move to a town called Oosing Soar, Minnesota, you might have people with ambulatory injuries on a consistent face. We switched it. I switched it from to oozing sore.

I like it. No, that's an old Larry King bit I used to do that when he would talk, you know, Ronoke, Virginia, the towns, they would sound like diseases. Creeping rash, Minnesota, you're on, you know, oozing sore, Nebraska. Pustule, Nevada. Pustule's good. Pustule. That's a gross one because one time someone said to me, three in a row.

I have a boil on my arm. I go sick. They go, no, it's a goiter. I go, worse. They go, no, like a postule. I go, bleh. Geez, when did they make their way to the word hunchback

from a postural goiter into a hunchback? That's... Hi, Gary Goiter. How are you? That's a bad last name. I would change my name if that name was Gary Gowier.

Remember what happened to Gary Glitter? Who was Gary Glitter? Gary Glitter was in the band the glitteronies. That's a spinoff of SpaghettiOs. No, he was... Oh, that guy? To every game.

Oh, man. Does he get a piece of that for every game? Yeah, but he got involved in some stuff. Okay. We'll leave it at that. So he got in trouble. Ethereum. We'll leave it to the comment section to figure it out.

I love where these arenas are named after crypto, and crypto drops way down on the arena, they have to actually try to shrink it. It's really complicated to make it look not so important. What, the crypto or the arena? Well, if it's like crypto arena and then crypto goes away, they have to like turn crypto into a different word. So the crew goes up there and they rearrange the letters,

and it spells toe cripe, and it's just not the same. No, I think I don't like me. Give me an assist here. I'm drowning in this kid. I don't like naming arenas. I'm helping. Because I like, you know, I like the Dodger Stadium. I like, you know, when they say like Tiger.

Name of the team. Soldier Field. Just cool. Yeah, I do. And then they turn it into like Target Center. Bill Sanitation Center Stadium. Arizona has that waste management. I know.

I know waste management arena. Well, it used to be called like the. garbage cannery. There's something like, you go, come on, guys. But I think the one that was the worst is the constipated stadium. It's in East Texas. It's like a 70th, yeah. Welcome to a constipated stadium in today's game.

It's ironically in diarrheaville, Texas. If you live in diarrheaville, Texas, you just might have to stay close to an outhouse. Capitia. If you. Jeff Foxy, I did Jeff Foxy on SNL, and I was, I was the Ebola virus. Oh, that's right. You did do them. Go ahead.

People, if you are. And then I don't know. I can't remember it. But. If you da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. You just might be the da-da-abab. The Ebola virus. Yeah.

Yeah, that's how it was. That was a weekend update bit. All right, one more story, and then we'll do two more up for it. Okay. Oh, this is Colin Joe's from S&L. He's at the Olympics. Oh, that's right.

Yeah, yeah. Okay, let's see what he says. Oh, he did the bobsled. Oh, he did the bobsled. Oh, I was not prepared for the level of terror of this bobslet. Look at how fast they go.

Oh, yeah. And they mic you too, which is horrible. That's wild. I thought my bones were going to fly off my body and be littered all up in the ground. He was not ready. He was literally genuinely. He just thought it would be like Disneyland or something. But look at how rough it is.

Well, they go at eight miles an hour, right? I would be bawling my head off. How did he not know, though? Well, I guess until you're in the sled and going, you know. Well, because he's in a production meeting. They're like, it'd be fun. Jump on the bobs said, woo, go down like a tobago. And he was like, all right, I can probably do that.

Okay, sign these waivers, these death waivers. I don't know if I'm much of a thrill seeker. I was once at the doing this corporate date, and there was a West Virginia or something, and there was a gigantic brand new roller coaster, but it was like triple triple upside down. It was bigger than Godzilla. It was just huge. And local newsagging, Dana Carvey, the church lady, is going to take a ride on this beauty. And I wasn't looking forward.

to it you know oh you said you would do it is the maiden voyage you know they had they hadn't been test out so i'm going all right i'll do it what the fuck you know and then they go up the temperature is too low we we can't go because it might stick it was so cold it was cold it was cold but it dropped suddenly to like whatever of 42 or 30 something it dropped and we couldn't go and i had to thank the lord pretend that i was disappointed oh I wanted to go, man. Dude, all you need, like I did the roundup when I was a kid where you stick to the walls and then the floor drops out and you're spinning.

And I'm like, just trying to be cool with everyone. I go, nope, no more. Like, it is so, I don't need that amount of scare in my body. It's like you're almost getting in a crash, that fear, but for like four minutes. Why don't people know? Because I did that with my sister along. She was like 10 years old at Magic Mountain. And you go in a room and there's a floor.

and you're all ag up against the wall it's circular if you know about this it starts it starts going round and round around to the point where sick enough you're pinned against the wall because the centrifugal force is so extreme you're already nauseous and have a headache and then the floor slowly goes away so you're just on the wall going it's like no then it goes like this day and it starts tilting now you're going like this oh i don't know if my like i'm in a fucking dryer i'm like you're You're joking. This cannot be legal. But the 10-year-old was at the time, Neve, she bounced out of there, like, happy.

And I was really sick for like at least an hour. People that say, I've been to Magic Mountain. Let me tell you something. Off the record, more mountain than magic. And it's not even close. It's 98% mountain. Very little magic. I'm just, if I go to Pirates of Caribbean and has that little teeny thing.

But everything is environmental and there's puppets talking at me. I'm happy. but I have enough stress to I don't want to go upside down or be dropped a thousand feet I even did the fucking teacups the teacups huh Heather showed it to me that's it it's terrifying she just found it looks like you're in an air filter

okay is there a picture we can show she can send it it'll it'll like interrupt the next story we'll come back and show everyone how sick it is people know when they go on these rides you don't need it and if you hurt yourself Well, I always show on my Instagram, I'm on some Algo where it's like, ride fails. And I'm like, that's a little light of a term to show 300 people dying.

Like, they do one of these things. And then they just unhooks and they all fly in the air and smash. And everyone's like, want, one, but when it does get stuck and it's 400 feet in the air and everyone has to get out of a little teacup and go down. Or stuck upside down. It's just when it gets stuck, a mechanical thing. But as a kid, it was the county fair. the carnies and the gypsies would come in and set up the thing the day before so a lot of the rides

would just fall apart in real time hi mommy hi daddy no chance no chance okay okay i got the tea cups let's put those d cups in the teacups what's the next thing you to go on tom sawyer's island is that what it is go one of those cases i like how dennis goes very quiet dennis is crying okay carvey that's Sounds like fun. You take a little ride and go. Tom Sawyer's Island with the drawbridge where you see Winnie, the mute. Greet you.

Hey, here's fucking Gleco. He lives under the sink. Survey says Thorzine. All right. Let's see. We should have Dennis on. I know. We got to get him on again.

We got to get him on. It's hard to make him live up to what he sounds like. Searchlight Pictures presents in the blink of an eye. on Hulu on Disney Plus, a sweeping science fiction drama spanning the Stone Age, the present day, and the distant future, about the essence of what it means to be human,

regardless of our place in history. The film is directed by Oscar-winning filmmaker Andrew Stanton and stars Rashida Jones, Kate McKinnon, and David Diggs. Stream in the blink of an eye, February 27, only on Hulu on Disney Plus. Sign up at Disneyplus.com. Okay, what is this? I can't read it.

What does it say? Let's see, I can get it. Calais is a trained. Oh, cute. Dog can detect cancer by scent. Oh, no cancer. Cancer, cancer, cancer. A little too excited about cancer.

What a cute dog, though. So, aside from not liking dogs walking on like hardwood with their nails, I like this video. Because they put all these things out. And the dog goes right to like a little... Yeah, it's traditionally sort of a little bit sad or dark, a story about cancer, but then the dog lifted it into joy, you know? They should have the dog just walk around an airport or just walk around, you know, anywhere.

A mall will go to the grove, and then the dog walks up to you in points, and you're like, oh, fuck, is this the cancer? Chris Sanks, who ever thought of the phrase, man's best friend had it going, you know? starting to sniff out things that are negative and we'll kind of guard you at night. They go, does this guy have cancer? No, no. Or just cocaine. Well, they do.

They do, they smell everything. Yeah. And each other. Okay. Another idea. Yeah, they like to smell butts. That's where they lost me. And they cannot lie.

I like smelling butts and I can't laugh. These other brothers can't den, then. And I'm strong. And I get home. Oh, I like that you know that. Let's get strong. Oh, no, I mean, that is, might be the greatest hip-hop song. It's catchy.

It's the catchiest song. One of the catchiest songs. Okay, what's next? So beat up for my big incident. Yeah, I just was running and gunning for the last six days. I'm doing good, though. I don't even know what this is. Let's just see.

Okay, let's let it play. She'd be willing to do this. They'll pay you $2.3 million dollars in all. you have to do is live alone in this cabin near Lake Superior. Oh shit, that's Dana's house. The cabin is located right on the lake, surrounded by endless water and trees. Inside it's going to be a living room. No.

A small kitchen, a bedroom and a bathroom. 2.3. Wow. The rules are simple. You can't leave the cabin beyond 1,000-6-00- So. No, that's me. No phone.

At first, it feels like paradise. The calm water, the breeze and the silence. But by day 10, you'll realize. that the quiet and vastness become overwhelming. In the last challenge, someone lasted 11 days. Dana's lasted three years. Not with 2.3 million. The hardest part wasn't the silence itself.

It was hearing only the water in my own breathing. They filmed this thing at my house, to your point. I do. I lease it out. Okay, that's enough. So here's the question. Could you do it? Well, what's the overriding thing?

Well, you're not starving. You're not hungry. You're just in an isolated. You can't do it for 38 days. You see the guy that lived in the rock last week on the show? Yeah, I mean, yeah. Sitting in a fucking rock. That'd be a chip shot for him to just sit in a mansion on it.

I could almost do that. I thought it was gonna be that there was tides or something, the water would come up and you'd have to swim and save yourself. Or tread water. I mean, for that much money, I mean, if I couldn't have like, if I could only bring a couple of things, I'd bring a couple of my movies, a couple of my magazine articles. And some of your 8x10s to look at, yeah, some of the

Those are in my earthquake kit. I have eight by tens for some of yourself. Just so the firemen will get me sooner. I would just say the people with the 2.3, if that's after tax, call us. Call us. We'll go. We'll podcast from there. I'll do it.

I actually, you would last longer than me on actually any of these shows. You could do Survivor probably. If I had a stack of books or I could watch TV or something, I mean, watch some old movies. Read books. Tell me if you remember this. Twilight Zone. A guy stuck in an island,

but it's covered in books. And what happens right at the end of the episode? He drops his glasses and they break. Well, are you... Do you know the actual episode? That's the one I kind of remember. Okay, real quick, just for the Twilight Zone. Do you know what it is?

Yeah, yeah. Burgess Meredith. Yeah, oh, Rock, he's going to hoit chip poignant, rock, poignant. God, we got to do that on buzzing around. Okay, good. Remind him. Heather, remind us. He just says it's Burgess Meredith.

He just does that. So Burgess Meredith does a Twilight Zone where he's kind of a nerd that reads all the time at the bank. What are you reading for, Jensen? Put the book down. He never can read. His wife yells at him. All you want to do is read. So then for some reason, he has to go check the vault downstairs.

There's in the bank. You know, it gets inside there. There's a nuclear apocalypse. Oh. So he comes up. He comes up and it's just nobody's around and it's just isolated, nothing. And he's really disturbed. But then they kind of cut to him a little while later.

He's got a stack of books like 10 feet high next to him. And he's saying, I have time now. Time to read. So he becomes kind of euphoric. Time. And he reaches for the book and the glasses fall off. and break. But I had time.

I had time. And then it cuts the rod, sir. Picture, if you will. A guy will eventually play the trainer of Rocky and hit movies. Here in this shitbox show, we like to go. The Twilight Zone. The Great Show.

He has to walk over to Pearl Vision Center, which has been destroyed. Well, I think the sequel would be he crawls along the broken glass. By feeling he gets into lens crafters. He feels around and tries on 300 glasses and eventually hits the jackpot and the reading begins again.

I'm Rudd Sirley. You know, my mom's Japanese and my dad's optometrist and every December 7th, they attack Pearl Vision Center. Okay. Whose joke is that? That's Mike Sterner from Arizona when I started.

I like, I'm just basic books like that. You know what I mean? Just like... Mike Sterner. Where is Mike Sterner? Colin. He was so funny.

He had great song parodies. Let's have them on. You could always get me with a song parody. I don't care where you're from. I would love... Well, we're going to be playing... Let's do a Plug City. Next weekend, we're going to be playing Thunder Valley in Lincoln, California.

Yeah, we are. Right outside of Sacramento. And I don't know. I'm trying to... I'm thinking I might start with... guitar i'm trying to shake up my act i might i might come out you do something got a black magic marker bum bum bum bum bum bum but i have a might have some surprises oh by the way by the time this is on we will have aired eddie better that was fun eddie vetter yeah just this uh uh thoughtful

sweet person uh yeah fun fun to talk to you that guy is yeah i could you know he and i went down the rabbit all for a second. Yeah. Just, just, we could have talked about Revolver and the White album for like an hour. The Beatles. That was good time, though. That was fun. Okay, let's do another story.

Then we'll get, we'll get, we'll get, we'll get, we're, let's wrap them up. And then let's get to our. Banger. Yes, get a banger. Okay. Oh, this story. X-UFC fighter. Seriously?

Oh, do that. Wait. Wait. You know who I am. I don't know why you lying but don't act like you don't know me. You definitely know me. Yeah, I just don't.

Don't be lying because girls around and shit. You definitely know me, bro. Not even knowing some disrespectful shit, but. Don't like your attitude. I don't like your fucking tone. I don't like you at all, though. This is a little rough for our podcast. Is he trying to get punched?

I mean, you've definitely never been punched if you're doing stuff like this. Are you the guy that got slapped on video? I did, but I'll slap the shit out. You know. I'm going to show you the inside of the inside of the. Wow. This kid can't win. He's done this before. Oh, he does this to trend.

Oh, man. Oh, my God. An elbow. Did he get up from that? Wow. It's not even the guy who's yelling at it. It's another guy. What's going on now? It sticks. These are streamers. I don't know what's going.

Okay. about well this is a feel good uh video to end on i'm glad you guys picked this today i think we'll skip that one because i don't even know it's i feel like it was me accidentally because i saw that guy on a different one and he was talking so much i was thinking to my head sometimes young people just do not know that you can get in a fight and get beat up if you just keep talking and you've got to know when you're around dudes or dudes that are bigger people have a short fuse and they'll just hit you well that was I think but that wasn't I didn't see that one he kept ratcheting it on the guy it doesn't you know the guy could have the giant guy could

have like in master disguise you remember the movie sure he learns that you you always hit a man with an open hand you know you make your point but you keep dignity so I think the guy should have slapped him well the guy that got hit yeah the one I actually saw yeah he was The problem is first you're on live stream, which means it's live while you're doing it. So the person you're making fun of feels even worse because it's live, you're not going to cut this part out. So he's being humiliated.

And he started flirting with this dude's wife. And so the punky kid was doing that, and the other guy was going, you're going to get hit, dude, you better stop. And he goes, no, man, you don't scare me. Your wife's really pretty. And maybe, you know, she can always walk away. And then, but it was an open hand, like you said.

and he was like, cuckoo. Oh, I thought it was not open. But now this one is another one I hadn't seen, but he's back and getting punched again. If that's his hook, I wouldn't keep doing that. Because it looked like a really flush. Yeah, that looked like a real, either that or was it on the elbow.

Either way, he was like. It looked like a short right cross with a lot of quick power to it. And his face just went, beep. He went, Goodenacht. Good night. that's a new tradition here on flying the wall.

We're going to have some kind of violent clip. It went violent. End our joy fest. Remember last week we had one of the two and a lot? It shouldn't even be happening, but he's asking, you want, really? Hello, everybody. I don't know why you end with a violent clip all the time. I don't know.

You want to send people home with a good feeling, right? Yeah, we want a fake Epstein. That will uplifts everyone. I'm not Epstein. Look at the mustache. I forgot. Sorry. Thank you.

I guarantee everyone that I'll have a different puppet for next week's episode. All right. Well, thank you for hanging in there if anyone stayed with us. And we'll see you next time. Thank you. You appreciate it. Hey, guys, if you're loving this podcast, which you are, be sure to click follow on your favorite podcast app. Give us a review, five-star rating.

Maybe you can share an episode. episode that you've loved with a friend. If you're watching this episode on YouTube, please subscribe. We're on video now. Fly on the Wall is presented by Odyssey, and executive produced by Danny Carvey and David Spade, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman, Maddie Sprung Kaiser, and Leah Reese Dennis of Odyssey.

Our senior producer is Greg Holtzman, and the show is produced and edited by Phil Sweet Tech. Booking by Cultivated Entertainment. Special thanks to Patrick Fogarty, Evan Cox, Maura Curran, Melissa Wester, Hillary Shuff, Eric Donnelly, Colin Gaynor, Sean Cherry, Kurt Courtney, and Lauren Vieira. Reach out with us any questions to be asked and answered on the show. We can email us at fly on the wall at odyssey.com. That's A-U-D-A-C-Y-I-com.