Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade - Fresh Looks & JLo’s Roach

Episode Date: August 25, 2025

Dana shows off a new hat and David debuts fresh hair and a chic background. The guys break down Weapons and Freakier Friday while David ignores phone calls from Lovitz. Then, JLo battling a roach mid-concert, mice running up pant legs, and a so-called miracle molecule for hair growth. They field fan questions, swap some truly bizarre life stories, and—because of course—close things out with a crash course on directing porn. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You know, Dane, I always say rackum after I say like a 10 out of 10 joke. That reminds me of rackettin. If you're shopping while working, eating, or even listening to this podcast, then you know and love the thrill of the hunt. But are you getting the thrill of the best deals? Racketon shoppers do. They get brands they love with the most savings and cash back. And you can too. Start getting cash back at your favorite stores like Uniclo, Best Buy, and Expedia.

to even stack sales on top of cashback. It's easy to use, and you get your cash back through PayPal or check. The idea is simple. Stores pay Rackettin for sending them shoppers, and Rackettin shares the money with you as cash back. Download the free Racketon app and never miss a deal, or go to Racketon.ca.ca. To start getting the most bang for your buck.

That's R-A-K-U-T-E-N. Reckiton. Hunter Biden has just joined the podcast. My hair is fucking select. Whoa. Can you hear it? God dang. She's slicked it, Heather.

Yeah. I'm going to try these. Oh, yeah, I'm black and white. Look at us. Oh. Oh. Oh. Ha ha ha ha ha.

Shit. It looks a little rich. Petty on your end. Do you mind my hat? I mean, first of all, don't be frustrated. Don't be jealous. Just live with it. Just soak it in and deal with it? This is. Accept it. Yeah. It's, it's Christian bail and 310 from Yuma. It's hard to get a cool hat. I'm part cowboy. You know, I live on a farm. Yeah. A ranch, if you will, if you will. And look, I could put it. I could put it to ask questions. Do I look cool in this hat?

Yes. Does the jean jacket work with the black t-shirt? Yes. Do people love the Superman guy back there? Yes. Are they excited by your new look? I don't know. We'll find out.

My hair is combed and I got the chops in, but I'm trying to grow the middle out again. It's just not as fast as I want. You know what you look like right now? Yeah. is basically, and it's a compliment, you look like a mob boss. I mean, you look like someone who, because the mustache and the thing, I mean, you look like you, you're going to call a hit on somebody.

My glasses look bigger than normal, right? I don't know why. Maybe it's because it's weird angle. Maybe we got a weird angle. Because the hair slick back. Yeah, maybe. God, it's like way back. Yeah, what's with this slicky mix slick?

Yeah. Foreign director and action. And action. And literally. everybody. There was something I wanted to share with you in a second, you know, a philosophy of life that helps me, you know. A friend of mine used to say this to me, he'd say, and he was from Brooklyn, he'd go, about life, you go, you do what you do, I do what I do. Rub a chicken, capish. Never heard that one. But think about the brilliance of that.

You do what you do. I do what I do. I do what I do. rubber chicken capish what's the rubber chicken part I never knew okay I never know I get the do your own thing sure yeah I don't mind this yeah yeah you look like a porn director

what am I going to do judge it I'm just going to say you're gonna you look like a porn director I look like Christian bail from 310 to Yuma I'm the porn director that has on that couch this is a modeling

audition but let's lose the top. Dana, a lot of people that live out there, like my brother lives up by San Fran, and he has his big pineapple picker hats. Do you have one of those at the old barn? Absolutely. That's like you, they're everywhere. Every hardware store has a giant like sort of sombrero basically. Maybe I'll take a break halfway through and put it on. And it's complete coverage because I get just blast it out here because I don't like, I'm not a sunscreen guy. I mean, you get in the morning and sunscreen yourself, but I don't.

So on the way in and out of stores, it's so hot up here, you go, so I have one of those in my car, and you can wear them into stores, but they're giant. That'll be for our next fly on the wall. Please. Also, you were just talking about 310 to Yuma.

I saw a movie recently. What did you see recently? I saw a little thing I like to call weapons. weapons i've heard a lot about i had no idea what weapons who you know what does it mean what is it what's the billboard all this mystery impression of me looking online about that movie what's going on i don't know what is it you know it's number one with the bullet yep it's horror and mystery and it got 100% of rotten tomatoes normally for horror film yeah so i said way so i went I went to see it at my favorite time, high noon.

High noon. High noon. Okay. Way. So you go in. Yeah. Like a normal guy. Celebrities are just like us.

Look, I go at 11 a.m. or noon. These are guilty pleasures. It's me and two chatty teenage girls up behind me. So it's literally empty. But I take my time, like I said, okay, I'm going to get some water. You're supposed to hydrate, right? Oh, yeah. So I go to the snack boss or the concession.

Concessions with the concessions. So I see two people. I won't make any judgment about them. But I don't want to exaggerate. I think it took them probably a good 15 minutes. And they had been up at the counter before I got there. it's a ghost town no one's around there's the person so it's popcorn it's frizzle sticks it it's it's a pizza it's it's hot dogs and another large cook not a large cook yeah it went on

and on the guy was sweating he kept going in the back bringing out more popcorn or he's doing stuff he's got you know a little baked do you have better hot dogs in the back um let me go look so that was frustrating because I thought I was going to miss the movie so I got up there and I realized lately if I'm upset I get a little onry I start to channel billy bob thornton um uh landmine so I get up there and it's like lady she goes you want any popcorn I go lady I don't want any goddamn popcorn I came here for a goddamn cocoa with goddamn 20 minutes now you got some more help because guess what's on right now the coming attractions and that's the best fucking thing I see all day all movies suck you got to know that by now but come in your traction

is two minutes to ten movies, it suck. So give me my goddamn Coke and I'll get out of here. She goes, that'll be $12. $12, my ass. So I got really into it, and I walked away. Yeah, for sure you did. You can wave your arms around all goofy. That's what he says, the new T-Mobile commercial.

Yeah. They let him say goofy. That's fucking funny. I know, but he's so great in that part. And can we have him come on our podcast? I love him. I think I've seen him out in the world. He's too cool for school.

I mean, he's hard to fly. flush out. I would like Benicio. I would like Billy Bob. I want Owen Wilson and Joaquin. I know. They're elusive. They're light on their feet. They're not celebrities with their schnaz out there. What do I get? You know. Look at me. Yeah. So I'll just say right now, Billy, if you're watching this goddamn podcast, you know, guess what? Yeah, we could use some more downloads and we need someone with your star power. So get your ass off the couch. Well, I saw a freaky product. No.

Can you believe this, Dana? Why? Well, I have a really good reason. You know what it is? While you were kicking back in your hammock up there, we got a call saying, do you guys want Jamie Lee Curtis tomorrow? Can you do it tomorrow? And I said, yeah.

And so I guess that I did, ran out of Freaky Friday. I said, one of us should see this. And I hadn't seen the first one. And I went with a dude, which is even funnier, and he's this tough guy. And on eating before the movie, I kept saying, did you see the first? Have you seen Freaky Friday? He goes, freakyer. I go, what are you talking about?

He goes, this one's called Freakier Friday. Oh, shit, hold on. That's me calling you. No, it's love it's hanging up. Hello? Heather, you might have to get my picture back. But anyway, so I go, he kept saying, It's freakyer.

I go, no one doesn't know what I'm talking. Jesus, he won't take no for it. It's silence that. Heather, they're texting and tell him to zip it. God dang, Lovis. What do you want to do,

God, he can't live without you. It's weird. I love you. I love you, Sam. So I go, so I go see the movie. Anyway, by the way, long story short, Jamie Lee had to push it till December. Oh.

But anyway, I have to say, I did like the movie. I'm glad I went because the pop. Positives are that Lindsay Lyon is a talent. She's great. She's super adorable, cute, funny movie star. And Jamie Lee Curtis was funny. And you know how they got her to do stuff? She's the grandmother in it, which is usually sort of thankless.

But the kids, this is where it gets a little tricky. Oh. The first one, Lindsay and Jamie Lee Curtis flip-flopped, right? I guess. Lightning bolt hits or something, whatever happened. This one, her kid and her friend at school are fighting, a dark-haired girl. Okay. So you've got to follow this.

They hate each other. Right. Now, spoiler alert, turn it off. Don't turn it off, though. Turn on mute. So Lindsey Loan goes to a, what is it called a truth, a future teller? Fortune teller? Jesus.

God dang. What the fuck? You can't talk like a fortune. person on the god damn show what the fuck am i doing on the show i'm a pro talker too and you are you're a professional talker so go ahead so they go to uh who swaps look it up heather who is the girl is the fortune it's on she's on she was on s andl she's funny and she does a great job you know the lightning hits and the wiggily camera oh hidey gardner it wasn't hiding garden it wasn't rachel drag sort of that era and uh and so anyway but they flip flop like this

Jamie Lee goes into the friend. Lindsay Lohen goes into her daughter. The friend goes into Jamie Lee. So whenever someone talks, you're like, I need a fucking schematic. So it's a triple swap. It's a quadruple.

That's why it's freakier. Because the first one is just mother daughter swap. Yeah, freakier isn't a strong enough word. It's confusing Friday. Okay. It's all right. You know,

you go for the quadplex with the foursome there swap. opinion, you spent half the time doing calculus instead of enjoying your matinee. We got that FBI chart behind you with all the name of kid. This person just said this joke, that means she's old now talking about pamper's. But they did, it was a little more clever than I thought. It was kind of well written. And the scenes all lent themselves, you know.

Low expectations much. Look. Well, I didn't know. I thought it was like for children. And it was kind of funny. You know, so I'll give it up. I think you said weapons was really good. we didn't get into it, but you said weapons is really good. That was Vanessa Bayer, by the way.

Look, okay, good, yeah. Two things. One is when I see these sequels years later, I just go with AI, Waynes World Three. I'm just putting it out there. And what would you do? You could also do it as a puppet show. You could do anything as a puppet show. You could just do little puppets and go, Hey, Gary. I have a Garth puppet. It's in the garage, so I'm bringing that out. I'm bringing my puppets out For the next one, they're just pops. Shit. God damn it. No, what, weapons was one of those just great movies.

That's all I can tell you. I heard this, and I don't want you to give away, because I think people are still seeing it. Right. I won't give it away. I gave all the Freaky Friday away. But Weapons is, someone said it actually has comedy infused in it, quality comedy, so it's an interesting hybrid. Right. I will say this.

Is that possible? No one's trying to be funny. The comedy completely comes out of characters and the situations they're in. The casting of the people is perfect. Amy Madigan is in it. And for a long time, I didn't know, God, who is this? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because she plays a cool, weird character.

She's good. You know, Josh Brolin, like, he's stocky enough that when he punches something, you know, you kind of believe that he's going to do damage, you know? Thanos. Yeah, he's a bruiser play. He has a cool old school dude look. Yeah. And I'm sorry, the lead is so good. Can you look this up, guys? She was in. One of our 500 team. Yeah. You know, the credit roll at the end. It's number 17. We'll figure this one out. Who is it the lead guy? No, the woman who played this school teacher. Look how you just pushed in. Do you see this heaven? I didn't do anything. Oh, that's hysterical. Oh, look at you. Oh, my. God, did you see you better now? Now I can see you. No one can see what happened is Dana's, we'd have a split screen, but we're small. Dana got bigger, which he liked, and that's what I'm sure he was so excited about that.

And then it went for both big. Oh my God, this is ground. This is something where we should call George Lucas. Instead of Freakier Friday, this is Flyer, Wallie. Bankmore Onc, Bankmore Oncour's. you switch to a Scotia Bank banking package. Learn more at scotiabank.com slash banking packages. Conditions apply. Scotia Bank, you're richer than you think.

Hello, it's Lena Dunham. I host a podcast called The Sea Word with my dearest friend and historian of bad behavior, Alyssa Bennett. What is up? It's a chat show about women whose society is called crazy. We're going to be rediscovering

the stories of women's society dismissed by calling them, mad, sad, or just plain bad. Listen to and follow the C-word with Lena Dunham and Elizabeth Bennett. Available now, wherever you get your podcasts. Ontario, the wait is over. The gold standard of online casinos has arrived. Golden Nugget online casino is live.

Bringing Vegas-style excitement and a world-class gaming experience right to your fingertips. Whether you're a seasoned player or just starting, signing up is fast and simple. And in just a few clicks, you can have access to our exclusive library of the best slots and top-tier table games. Make the most of your downtime with unbeatable promotions and jackpots that can turn any mundane moment into a golden opportunity at Golden Nugget Online Casino. Take a spin on the slots, challenge yourself at the tables, or join a live dealer game to feel the thrill of real-time action, all from the comfort of your own devices.

Why settle for less when you can go for the gold at Golden Nugget Online Casino. Gambling problem, call Connects Ontario, 1866-531-260, 19 and over, physically present in Ontario. Eligibility restrictions apply. See golden nuggettcasino.com for details. Please play responsibly. Well, what we learn is the people in weapons, it's funny, but they're not sweaty and thirsty like us, begging for laughs like us. It's like a Stephen King book to me, or it's been influenced by different things, but it makes something new. And it just really works.

And even for myself, because I know how the rabbit gets out of the hat, when the person's in the dark haunted room and the camera goes tight on them, you're waiting for the pop. You're waiting for the, you know. So I still at this age, I just squint at that point, I don't want to, I know it's coming. I still want to get that. I actually do that too, or I cover my eyes or my ears because it's too much of a jump scare. Yeah, there was also just a sound scare. Yeah, I don't like, gone, gone, gone, gone. And I'm, no one would believe this.

I'm such a colossal pussy that I can't. I've never seen a scary movie, never seen Exorcist, Halloween, anything. Amityville, these old ones, Friday 13th, nothing. So this one feels like it's a little scary and our kids involved makes it scarier. Yeah, everyone knows the basic premise. No. Okay. There's kids involved.

There's kids involved. Well, they're on a poster, so they're doing something. But most of the movie is just, you're into like a mystery of missing people. I like it. Okay, so it's clever. It's clever. Who's going where? And so I'm going to see it again. It's very great. Could I handle it? Well, I didn't want to say this, but we should have, if I could do confetti, I would. But that is now, according to my AI, that's the hundredth time us doing this podcast where you called yourself a colossus. Oh, is it really? Is that one of my big things? A colossal pussy. Well, people are onto it now. You're actually kind of a tough character. You're never afraid on an airplane. I'm strapped in, sucking on a Heineken.

You're up there kind of singing and dancing. I have to tell you, when I was living in Casa Grande, Arizona, from when I was 8 to 12, my brother, you know, it's desert. So the fun things are to reconnect, or collect snakes and stuff. Yeah, yeah. So we had, in his room, my mom let him. We had no dad around. So this is where the, this kind of gets a lopsided.

But she let him have five rattlesnakes in a cage in his room, a boa constrictor and a python. Python. Python got out. Pope Boa got out. And one time he came up to me with the rattlesnake. He's got gloves on. He goes, touch it. Touch it. And I go, no. And he goes, touch it. Touch it. I'll bash your face. So I touched the front of it. He goes, what are you doing? I don't, I don't know what the story game is here. I be beat up or touch it. You were, he was very pushy about it. I think that was, I wasn't supposed to touch it. But it didn't bite me. So I think he was holding it so tight. It didn't get to go. God, dude.

Yeah, I've said this before, but, you know, we used to have kids performer Desert Dan at a birthday party. All these kids would bring all his little rabbits and tortoises and a bow constrictor. And what dad here will volunteer to have Arnold, Arnold, the boat constrictor. So I, the kid, look, I go, okay. So it gets around my neck. And then it starts tightening. Of course. And the kids are laughing.

Ah, ha. Oh, you're going to die. Arnold likes you. That's why he's tying you. He's hugging you. You're on your neck. No shame. I'm going to cough now because of that.

Look, don't do those tricky bits, dude. That was, that really constricted me. But, yeah, it sounds like you and your brother had a delightful relationship. I will say, I might have told you this, but Brian, my brother is great. And he's the toughest one. So he definitely got bit by one of the rattlers. But one time we were, we found a rattlesnake on our driveway. My stepdad, who was a little buzz, came home from work.

And he saw us with tennis rackets on the driveway for about 20 minutes. We were trying to wrangle it to pick it up behind the head and put it in a jug of empty milk cart, not a full. And then it kind of stays in the bottom. It doesn't, it's hard to get out. So we're doing this. maneuver and he comes home and he's drunk and he goes, what are you doing? Trying to play tennis with it. That was his first big laugh.

And then we said, no, we're trying to get the milk cart. And he goes, you just pick it up and put it in. And it bit him. Now, we knew there was a reason why we weren't just picking it up and putting it. And it bit him. And then he goes, and then he stuffed it in, acted like it was nothing. There you go. And he goes, I'm going to go take a nap.

I go, I bet you will. So he went in and we were over there. How old are you giving your dad shit like that? We were probably 9, 11, and 13. My stepdad. So we could push him a little bit. Yeah. And then we were like all three lined up like the Brady bunch looking into the living

him. He's asleep. And his arm starts to swell. Then his whole shoulder and the side of his face. And we had to wake him up and go, hey, you got to go to the doctor. So we took him in. He was purple. It got all purple.

But he made it. He made it through. Did anyone, did the 13-year-old think to suck the poison out of the wound and spit it out? No, Perv. What happened was... Isn't that what you're supposed to do? That's a rumor. Yeah, I don't know if it's real, but everyone knew that one.

Not only just suck the poison, take a pocketknife and cut the two holes together. Right, yeah, I've seen it in Western movies. Anyway, we never came to that. I will tell you something last night, quickly I did it. I did a set at the improv. Of course, and you crushed. I got Heather. Heather's waiting to hear this because she asked me what happened.

Okay. Drive home, my sweet car. You know, lost in some tunes. Now, I have sort of a little road that goes up to my mansion. Oh, I know the road. Yeah. A mansion. I mean, what am I saying?

This is other people's words. You know. What? 44 windows, three pantries. I don't know what you call. 17 bedrooms. I've been in a door. Yeah.

My house could fit inside your kitchen. Let's put it that way. If my house had a baby. No. So anyway, my gate is skinny. Obviously, three of my friends have scraped their cars like I can't open her. Oh my God. Yeah, that's horrible.

Yeah, that's the worst. It's skinny. Anyway, but one of my big fears is what happens in L.A. Because it's crime riddled is you get followed home, kind of like celebrity types. But anybody, followed home, go in your, follow you into your, driveway, and then they block you, get out, beat you up, tie you up, and steal all your stuff, right? And so, of course. So that happens a lot around here. For real. So it's a trick where they block you, you can't get out, but they follow you home. So I'm going up this crummy little

street, which is pretty skinny. And there's two cars behind me. I don't even notice. And I'm like, they're kind of on my ass. So I go, well, oh shit, of course, it's the first thing I think. You got to up there. Yeah. Yeah. And there's pitch black. Oh, it's a perfect place for carjacking. Perfect robbery, perfect crime. So I pull over, and I got my pepper spray right here, and I go, I don't want to pull into my driveway, so I just pull up right before, like, let them pass. Yeah, yeah. They pull up next to me and stop.

So what do you do? And it's pitch black. Yeah. And it's dead quiet neighborhood, windy road. Five guys in a car, a car behind them. Five guys in a car pull up. and stop alongside you. And I got my window cracked and they got theirs down.

And I got this and they're not going past me. I think I know what's going to happen. You do? They go, hey, do you know where Jensen Street is? Close. Hey, can you sign a bunch of shit? We got all the stuff. We got some funcos and I go, get the fuck out of here.

I go, you guys, they followed me from the improv, two cars. Oh, man. I let them up. I've never heard of that. But they almost got sprayed. And then I went into my driveway. I was kind of nervous now because, and I went in and I go, if they come behind me, I'm going to get the gun.

He's going to show it to him like, hey, this is for real. Now you're my house. Like, you can't do this because they were at the improv and they were in front of the gate. And they're all waiting with stuff to sign. And then I signed one on the way in, but I go, that's it. I'm not going to sign anyway, I leave because they get like a clump. It's kind of nerve wracked.

So they're all clumped up by when I drive out. And I wave through the window. They're not really fans. So I love fans. But we talked about this before, like at the airport. It's not fans. It's a business. And there can be a little aggressive sometimes and they're angry.

They've never, so they follow me all the way home, which I didn't realize. That's even scarier knowing situational awareness. I don't know someone. No, and it's a ways away. You don't live around the block. It's like a long follow. I mean, I'm just imagining the conversation, hey, we got our bungos. We got our Joe Dirt posters, babe, we're going to cook.

Hey, he didn't sign. Hey Eddie, let's follow him And they pile into a car And is anyone going, this isn't a great idea This isn't a great idea No, let's not follow him He's going to get freaked out He didn't love it at the improv

Do you think he's going to love it in his driveway? He's going to be pulled over In his driveway at his house? Yeah So you're getting too famous I've said it before. I don't know if it's sad I think it's just these guys

Because they do it to other people that are there But when you're on the bill And the improv's great by the way They try to go here It makes me want to go do sets down there and then ditch the guys who want to sign. Well, because they're just not, listen, I sign stuff all, you do the same thing. I do it.

You're like, I can't do anymore because they could go two hours. Friendly. Yeah, if you don't stop, and then they still hate you. But the worst is blue marker for this. No, use the soap. No, put it on the side. Don't put my name. Put it right next to Adams.

Make sure. And then I've got this one. This is my daughter, and she's a big fan. Oh, I think. out yeah we just could you please and and then they start to fight amongst each other you got enough dude you got like 10 from him and they refer to you as him he's gonna sign some more he's being really weird me but anyway that story i won't milk it because we talk about the stuff before love the everyday fans talk all day have a great time so uh that these are just like an interesting

breed of people that really rub me wrong i hate it i can't stand it uh that's it i support you i We won't beat it up too bad. No, no, it's, you'd have to be in the situation. It sounds like first world problems. I saw you at Largo once, and you left Largo, and when I drove around, there was probably 15 people around you in a circle, and I see Dane in the middle going to go sign, selfie, sign, selfie. Which guy did I not get?

They give you another one trick me over here. No, you never got me. First of all, it was bedlam because you and I were interviewing Mr. Will Farrell. Oh, yeah. And so Will draws a pretty intense crowd. And then he's, he got, he had an escape pot or a helicopter or something. Like he's gone. And then I'm kind of waiting.

I go out the side and I see you driving by. No one's bugging you honk and wave. It's no long, sucker. So then they're like, they're swarming. They're down the street. Then they see there's one last quasi-ce celebrity done. So they get all around me and I'm like, you innocently were walking down the street.

Yeah, I thought I was going to cross the street and just be fine. Then I'm in this my asthma. I'm like just in, I got plankton. I can't move. I'm part of this, this moving human thing. And I'm signing inside this tunnel as fast as I could. And then they're going like this. They never end because they got a new one.

Really mad. Where's David Spade? I don't know. I don't know where David Spade is. Why would he go away? Well, because he goes away. But look, if you want to follow him, this is his address. Yeah.

Well, he likes it. He does it better at the house. All right. Let's get to some news stories. Let's really let people know what's going on in the world, the stupidest stories in the world. Not at all. The best. Okay, this is J-Lo.

Oh, okay, play it. Oh, I think I know what this is. Look at her neck, Heather. Do you see this? You've seen this? Look at her. See that, Dana? Oh, I see it.

Is that a roach? can see it. Is this AI, though? Go for the jugular. Get off of him. That was good. Tickling. What did you say? Where was she? Oh, was it a cricket or a cockroach?

What do you think, Dana? Now we're in a wine shot. I would say it would be a cricket. I don't know. I don't know why I think that. What are you more scared of? I don't like cockroaches, especially. Crickets make little sounds.

I mean. Croc. Yeah. Crickets are really just cockroaches with good PR. Because they're both gross. You know what's weird, and you may know this. But so we get ant infestations up here. It's around the tub.

and all of a sudden there's a hundred thousand ants and you're looking at them and they're like what are they doing and then you bring in the ant trap that attracts them so then we have a million ants and they're frantically getting inside the trap they think it's really good juicy stuff oh yeah and then they take it out and they go back to the queen oh and give it to the queen so the idea is you have to kill the queen to kill the colony so that's how clever this is and they're all super happy. And sometimes you see them running into each other, like opposite sides of a freeway. They're so excited.

Get to the queen. And then they're like, this is so juicy for the queen. A gift for the queen. Oh, a gift for the queen is my aunt substitution voice. Oh, let's bring it back to the queen. Oh, oh, no. Please accept this crumb of poison. They don't know.

We have a tester. Yeah. So anyway, that's, you know, it's, it's sort of weird. You're kind of murdering like. A million separate little entities. I know. It feels weird. You know,

if you ever have anns in your bed, that's, I had ants when I stayed at this guy's house at U of A doing stand-up, got me a gig, but there's nowhere to stay. And everyone keeps going, we'll figure it out. I don't like that plan.

We'll figure it out. We'll figure it out. So we're drinking. I kept going, well, where do I put my stuff? I just want to know some safety plan. What am I doing here?

Wound up at that party house. No one had a plan. So they go, just sleep there on a lazy boy chair. So it's about this far back. Oh, my God, I'm getting another call. Can't you silence it? How do I do it?

How do you silence your phone, Heather? Artie Lang. Artie Lang. It's Artie Lang. Is that crazy? God, we get better guests just calls that you. We should just put them on. Everybody calls just jump on.

Oh, and this is Mark Wahlberg and Brad Pitt calling. Well, so, oh, we did the ants. Okay. All right, let's do the next story. Oh, UCLA develops a molecule that regrows hair in one week by reactivating follicles. There's no chance because I would run down there right now. Everyone would.

Well, if you could have more hair than you do, even if you have 90% of your hair, you go, just with a little drop and then it all just starts growing wherever you want it. But what if you did it in the wrong place? And it's splattered on the tip of your nose. I mean, there are hazards to this. You almost said Wiener. I'm not saying it this show.

Weiner. No, I believe that in the, with AI biochemical stuff and these kinds of, you know, DNA shit and all that, they're going to be able to just solve. I mean, can they fucking do it already? Like, enough people are bald. You prove your point. Let's get, you can do everything else. Let's go. It's a trillion dollar.

It's a quillian. It's a trillion. Addressable market. Oh. Yeah. This vain world, of course. Of course. You would, yeah, it'd just be like, yeah.

I'd rub it all over my arms and be like this, what's up? Yeah. I'd rub it. Yeah, I'd rub it. Yeah, you know I'd rub it. That's why you look like a porn director and now you're talking like one. Yeah, yeah. Give me that dropper.

Okay, next one. What's next? Colorado man mauled after attempting to join Wyoming wolf pack Oh, he dressed like a furry, dressed like a wolf And he crawled around, oh boy, this is not a good idea And from Fort Collins, who identifies as a wolf furry Has been mauled in Wyoming

After attempting to join an actual pack of wolves A self-described wolf furry from Fort Collins Is recovering in a Wyoming hospital after attempting to integrate himself into an actual act of wild moves. 28-year-old Lupus Moon Howl, legally known as Brian Sanders. Okay, that's enough. Well, I love how happy the narrator is. Sometimes I wish I could find he's without the narrator because that's fucking our job.

But Lucas Mulhowell, I think I remember him of my yearbook, but he's crawling around. It's just bad idea. It's in a little wolf outfit and tries to call around. So, first of all, wolves have great sense of smell and scent. So they know within a billionth of a second, it is not a wolf. He's like, hey, what's going on? What are we all doing, wolf-wise, tonight? Yeah.

So then they just start mauling. But I guess he didn't really get hurt. But you know where he blew it? He called it. He goes, let's go look for sheep. And they're like, it's sheep. So what's going on? This guy's weird.

also bad idea jeans he could have been in that commercial yes are you in bad idea jeans yes do you remember what your joke was no oh you mean that the saturday live commercial parody no i don't think i was in that i think i was in bad idea jeans three-legged jeans oh okay i was not in mom jeans yeah jeans is a good thing for a bit i think they did a calvin klein they've done a million gene bits.

Yeah, I think mom jeans was pretty memorable because the look was so funny on them. I think that was Tina, Amy. Time wasted and kind of puffy, yeah. Yeah, hilarious. Tina Faye. Always funny. Amy Tina.

Okay, what's next? Rat runs into napping woman's pants in Vietnam. Vietnam, no rules. Let's see. Oh, yuck. Oh, my God, Heather, can we try this with you? No, they play Gangnam Style. I thought that was a rat in the bottom left.

Oh, that's someone's head. Okay, so can you? Did it ever go out of her pants? I couldn't tell. Yeah, turn the sound off. Let's try it again. Okay, let's. Okay, so she's relaxing.

on the floor there it goes goes up it goes up her pants a rat up to the chattahoochee canal and then she's dancing and she's got oh and see it ran yeah it's like where was that was that was that a ring camera or who's taking that shot i think that sounds like a store camera that seems like a cc tv right well that's the thing is like you know i know people like my wife i really hates rats yeah they don't really i know a lot of really hate rats yeah yeah Rats don't really bother me as much. Mice have a good rep, pretty much. Rats, bad rep.

Oh, by the way, I heard last night, I heard them last night above me. Rats in here? In my house. What do you hear? In the attic. Well, we have a guy come out and had them out a couple weeks ago, so then I'm going to wait and see. But, yeah, it's pretty loud. It feels like they're chewing on something up in the attic.

Yeah. Chewing on wires. You know, I thought I had a rat in my closet because I heard round and round what comes around. Is that a rat song? That's the band rat, yeah. Okay.

I assume there was a connection. So dumb. I'm so glad there was. Okay, one more. Let's do this. Then we're going to take some calls, I think. Oh, okay. Oh, here's, this is like something I would never do.

We, of course, Spade won't do it. Just this video I don't like. Oh, that guy is very high up. What am I looking at? Way high up. I think he's got one of those sticks. Where's the camera? Is he like 300 feet in the air?

Oh, he's doing a handstand? Not a chance. I would just jump, but I would not do this. He's talking in. How high he's above water, right? Yeah, that looks like a little dinky pool. A pool. Is that a full island?

I can't tell. But we're, okay, handstand, nope. Okay. Oh, that doesn't look deep at all. He hit his head. Yeah, it didn't look near deep enough. I looked about, damn, eight feet deep. Was he all right?

It's not enough. He's okay. He's staying with me right now. Really? He's a little shook up. Is he wearing sunglasses and have mustache, too? my porn look I got to switch up next week

I don't mind sunglasses now and then but this new lighting makes my head shiny and then this looks a little wrinkly I gotta shave that I guess I mean it looks too I think it looks good so you're using different lighting

I'm down in the studio right so you have more diffuse bigger lights but you can make them you can turn them down yeah and then I've got it's black or behind me and yours is white which is the funniest part it's like exactly the opposite I don't know.

I got the little fly on the wall thing. I got Superman. I got a plant. I got a candle, a lighter, and a nightlight. You do what you do. I do what I do. Yeah, you're right. Still works.

Yeah, Robert chicken. No, then. And then. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, that's right. As a BML Eclipse Visa Infinite Cardholder, you don't just earn points. You earn five times the points. On the must-haves, like groceries and gas.

and little extras like takeout and ride share. So you build your points faster. And then you can redeem your points on things like travel and more. And we could all use a vacation. Apply now and get up to 60,000 points. So many points. For more info, visit bemo.com slash eclipse. Visit us today.

Terms and conditions apply. Oh, hi, buddy. Who's the best? You are. I wish I could spend all day with you instead. Uh, Dave, you're off mute. Hey, happens to the best of us. Enjoy some goldfish cheddar crackers.

Goldfish have short memories. Be like goldfish. The white chocolate macadamia cream cold brew from Starbucks is made just the way you like it. Handcrafted cold foam topped with toasted cookie crumble. It's a sweet summer twist on iced coffee. Your cold brew is ready at Starbucks. All right, let's do one more story. Then we'll take some, we're going to interact with you guys.

I like this show, though. I like it. Yeah, I do too. Okay, what? Oh, yeah. I saw a couple things of these turtles. You can just, if we can just show them. Look at these turtles.

They always put scary music to intonate to help you decide that it's not fun. It's scary. It's like a trick. So the turtles are all in formation under the, The turtles, I've seen this a few times on Instagram. They're in a circle. There's a couple boss turtles in the middle, I think. Is that two turtles in the middle?

Are my crazy? There's one at least. That's two in the middle and then the others are around them. It's some kind of UFC cage match. They're not humping. Yeah, okay. Yeah. I don't know why they would look so perfect.

I don't think it's a high. Well, as someone who played a turtle in a movie, I can tell you right now. They are certainly turtily enough for the turtle club. That could be a turtle club meeting. That's how I picture it. You know what I want to do of having Madison wants to do it is an animated show called The Adventures of Turtle Man. And his car looks like he's a detective, but no one, no one ever says to him, what are you a fucking turtle? But he's like, Turtle Man, and he just solves crime.

Oh, no one mentions it? Yeah, I'd like to ask you a few questions if you don't mind. That doesn't even have to be happy, man. Otherwise, I will do a master of disguise. This is a newsflash. I will do a master of disguise sequel, but in the sequel, I play not pistachio, the young protege. I play the grandpa, the wizard. Oh.

And I would love to have Bowen Yang play pistachio. Wow. Because that guy's funny. Wow. I'm putting it out there. Friend of the show. Friend of the show. Friend of the show.

It's that thing of like a Sarah Sherman could play your beard. Do you have a beard in it, long beard? Oh, we got all kinds of parts. I put most of the S&O cast in there. Put Sarah Sherman in there. She would play a big mole on your nose. She likes to play weird stuff.

I know. Okay, let's do our question. Oh, we're taking fan questions now? Oh. Okay, reading. All right. I can't. It's very small.

Okay. I absolutely, here's, hey guys. I absolutely hate waking up in the morning. Coffee doesn't work anymore. Any tips or tricks. How do I make myself a morning person? Thanks, Emma. Wow.

Morning person. Oh, boy. Well, you're kind of morning person. Oh, yeah. I like generally on the farm, I get up between six, six, 15. Oh, I hear a rooster every. morning. Kaka Kaka-a-k-k-a-k-a-k-a-k-k-a.

Oh, yeah. I hear crickets at night. I love it. And the birds and the hawks are flying in. Ah, kaka, kaka, kaka. Yeah. Well, a morning person, I got up at, God-dang, 6-10 today. Ah, it's too early, man.

Not good for a nightclub comedian. Well, you said I get up at 10. No. I slept like fuck pie, man. I slept. Sometimes I have the weirdest dreams. I sleep like shit. But if I sleep so bad, my neck hurt. that's a tough day.

Where do you get your pillows? Because pillows matter like my wife and I travel with a pillow, unless we're at four seasons or something. Otherwise, you won't sleep. It's a Herman Munster pillow at the hotel. Yeah. Solid rubber. You know.

This high or this high? We want to be able to compress it down like, so it kind of goes. It took me, you know, 20 solid years in the road of stand-up of using every dog-ship pillow. And then I finally said, just brought one I liked. And then that was game changer. I could sleep with any pillow. I remember Lauren Michael saying to me once, Mick

Mick travels with his own pillow and I thought, well, that's weird. Why would he have to do? That's bourgeois, travel with your own pillow. Makes sense. That's for me traveling with my own pillow. Mick goes to Duxiana.

Mick wears a tank top to bed and box your shorts and wool socks. Thank you, Lord. Mick doesn't like anything too constricting. You wears a wife, beater. Mick, Mick, if it's very cold, he wears a triple blanket motif and a feather down. And then he has a pipe, a lit pipe that he smokes throughout the night just to sort of clear his lungs.

He has Benaka right there case someone breaks in, he can talk. If Nick, if Mick wakes up in the middle of the night, he, like, kicks Keith Richards out of the bed. I go, what? Mitch goes to bed in the day and wakes up at night. Ah, man, I want to have the movement of Mick Jagger if I get to his age. He's doing, he's doing good. You know what? We haven't answered the question.

Oh, a morning person, yeah. Well, they're saying coffee doesn't work. So that's a big one. If you get up, I would say, if they can't wake up, I'm going to say if you can't just start exercising, go in the shower, put it on. ice cold, then two big cups coffee. If you're not awake, then you should go to the, go to the ER. Yeah, immediately. Okay, that's a great answer. Okay, let's go there's the last question. Here we go. It was a sincere. Okay. Was there ever, was there, uh, everyone, someone, which is wrong. Was there ever someone you worked with in the entertainment industry that you

thought was a dick because of how they acted at first, but then you ended up. up really liking them or even becoming friends. Wow. That kind of describes our relationship. No, you weren't to take. No, who did I? I can't think. I'm thinking of S&L first,

but I can't think of anyone at my jobs and showbiz. It was really rough on me. And then later on that was working. I mean, I don't mind when people are sort of tentative with me at first because they feel people out. It takes a while. You can't be like fake immediate friends, you know.

Yeah, I mean, sometimes, you know, it's really, it's sort of an interesting idea of making friends as mature adults, you know. I meet people or we know couples or whatever, and the husband or the guy is just no friends. I mean, a lot of men are just sort of isolated with their job or whatever. Our job is so social. if you're working with other comedians and you really become friends

with the cast that you don't even know. Your original cast, we were in a hybrid cast. But mostly everyone who gets on SNL, when I was there, I didn't have anybody who was a dick.

We're all friendly, and I think what happens is the hard thing about a showbiz, which is, you know, there's obviously a million positive things. When you go on a movie or a show, movies seven to ten weeks with everybody every day

then gone then they're gone it's so hard to keep it going now they're in a different movie you're over here they're back in Nova Scotia you're here and so suddenly you're like oh I never see them anymore we had such a blast plus common denominator of we're on the movie your meeting lines

you have the same time off you eat lunch together you have the weekends you're stuck in something down and then it goes away and you're like that's tough to deal with because you're like oh I kind of got close with some people That's weird. I think if you're on live TV and you're scared and you go out and you're with a partner in the scene or two people, three people, and maybe it just barely made it to air and then you land it.

It just, it hooks the audience and it kind of kills on air. It is very bonding when you come off. Like, I got, wow, we fucking crushed it. What happens is you go out into out of 8H and you see all the people around there, where to go, where to go. Yeah. Sometimes you don't, you come out and they just sort of look away. They don't want to make eye contact. Yeah, I agree.

It's bonding when you're with the whole group on a show, common goal. It's fun. And you all have a job. It's fun, good mood kind of thing. Yeah. All right. Well, Dane, I think you've learned a lot for me today. I did.

I learned how to look like a porn director. All right. We're going to try one more. Let's get our stunt weiner in here. I don't know how I'd be, I'd be embarrassed to be a porn director. I go, okay, you guys, you know, do it or whatever. And begin at any time. Maybe that thing could get higher if possible and then start the,

and then maybe turn around, it's just mine. Yeah. I don't know. I mean, like, yeah, it doesn't float my boat. I'm not someone at night. I thought we had something in common. I don't judge it, but it's, I don't know if it's actually great for people, young, young, young people being able to click on and see hardcore porn. I mean, we had Playboy magazine at the dump, you know.

We had Sears catalog. Yeah. And so I don't really, I don't know if a lot of this social media. porn. It's a little toxic, the culture. Don't think it can be great. I think we probably agree on it. Guess what I'm watching lately? Watch. The original Batman series with Adam West.

Oh, really? Adam West. It's so funny. Is it a little William Shatner, his delivery? He's got his own rhythm, but it's Shatner-esque. He's taking lines that Robin, we, but it's the whole thing is so colorful, so technicolor and fun. And then the Batman character is like the ultimate American citizen, you know, that they go to the

Batmobile. He doesn't put a, Robin doesn't put a coin in the meter. No, Robin, we must always support civic government by putting the coins. Yeah, we're going to do our duty. There's a lot of stuff in there that's really ages well. So I would tell young people to look, check it out. Batman, 1960s. The old Batman. Sounds fun. The only seizures now sounds who our seizures are. Okay, we'll see everybody next time.

Thanks, and bye-bye. Thank you. Hey, guys, if you're loving this podcast, which you are, be sure to click follow on your favorite podcast app. Give us a review, five-star rating, and maybe you can share an episode that you've loved with a friend. If you're watching this episode on YouTube, please subscribe. We're on video now.

Line on the Wall is presented by Odyssey, an executive produced by Danny Carvey and David Spade, Heather Santoro, and Greg Holtzman, Maddie Sprung Kaiser, and Leah Reese Dennis of Odyssey. Our senior producer is Greg Holtzman, and the show is produced and edited by Phil Sweet Tech. Booking by Cultivated Entertainment.

Special thanks to Patrick Fogarty, Evan Cox, Mora Curran, Melissa Wester, Hillary Schuff, Eric Donnelly, Colin Gaynor, Sean Cherry, Kurt Courtney, and Lauren Vieira.

Reach out with us any questions to be asked and answered on the show. You can email us at fly on the wall at odyssey.com. That's A-U-D-A-C-Y-I-com.