Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade - Horse Babies and the World Cup

Episode Date: July 6, 2026

This week Dana & David are talking about the World Cup, James Bond, and how Dana is the co-star to his hair. Also, Dana’s horse had a baby, Buzzing Around, and the news of the week. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

My wife goes, they're eating the afterbirth. Well, who doesn't eat the afterbirth? Who would pass it up? If you're a bird, that's like, mm-hmm. Yeah, my hair right now, I'm the co-star to my hair. It's just too much hair for my tiny face, so I need to take it down. If you put more product and grew up five more inches, you could be the basest for, like, REOS speed wagons. A little oyster cult.

I'm going to burn your dick off. Remember that part where he had him spread eagle, and he was. had a laser. Goldfinger. What do you want me to do? I want you to die. I want you to die. Sounded like Love It.

Hey, I didn't mean no harm. Davey. Come on. I'm your daddy. I'm entitled to a little bit of sugar. You look like you're about to get interrogated by somebody. I feel like I look like I'm in black and white. Right, there is a little bit of Felix the cat in you, you know.

You look warm and cozy. I thought I looked great today. What we'll tell the millions of fans. Let's just, let's, let's, let's, let's come clean right now. Right, everyone's freaking out. The message boards are lighting up. We'll go to the phones in a minute, but the story is, I am moving. Mm-hmm.

And I am in my new place, which I haven't moved in yet, but because of the timing of these podcasts and a high, high demand, is that we had to get one done today. And so we just moved this over to the new place. And it's so much more complicated. Even though it looks like we don't give a fat fuck about this, we put millions of hours, man hours into this. you're over there stacking five our energy boxes that's half your day i'm oh look at my can you guess what's behind me in the hallway are those the beatles songs that is uh that revolver and that's the beetles this is uh meet the beatles capital record signed by all four beetles that's a rarity what that's really hard to get i i'm prepared to hand you five thousand dollars for those

I know because you're a bit of a nosehound for John Lennon's glasses or Elvis's belt. You know, I like that stuff too. I think it's cool. I got a good Maryland-Roe thing too, but nosehound is what they called me in college when I was around the cocaine. I can't imagine you with Coca-cana. I would do the most microscopic bump and I'm a kiyadh-da-da. Can I ask you a question about this new room you're in? Yeah, it's not working.

Does it have a window? No, I know what you're going to say. No, no, I did. You know what we're going to say? You know what we're going to say? Just stare at the window. It's the best lighting, which it is, but my fragile eyes and retinas and irises can't handle it. What you do is you have drapes and you can narrow it.

And then you have this sort of, it's got little tiny holes. like it's sheen. It's almost like a plastic sheet that confuses the light. You'll see. Do you think my left side of my billboard forehead is too bright, Heather? Should I put that one down a little bit? Well, why is flying the wall in black and white and you're in black and white? I don't know because we're new and we...

I wish that five-hour energy was somehow in black and white because I feel like I'm watching an old movie. No, I don't think I can do that. Just down that one down a little bit. I'm just trying to get some color in me because it's so drunk. Yeah, just turn it off. That's fine. I mean, it's really no-win situation. Everyone's bored of fucking tears.

But moving is a pain, but Heather and Evan came over here yesterday. And really, it's so much crap to put cameras and lighting and these wires. In a perfect world, this is like just a test. We messed up something on the camera with the color, but we'll fix it. So anyway, let's get right down. Let's get down to the whole nitty gritty. I have stuff to talk about, but you want to start. I know what you want to start with.

Well, we basically, you know, I live on a farm, and our caretaker put his two horses in our front pasture, and there are our friends and everything. We feed them carrots, lot of them. And one of them is pregnant, and then we didn't know what was going to happen. So I was up with Nylon playing the Woodland Park outdoor event. Yeah.

And that was this, it was the, The crowd was great, but it's a 40-foot-high stage. There's no screens, and they're just like, it's like Woodstock. They're just out there. I had some relatives coming, and they were probably 150 yards from me. And they said, we thought it was real funny. But anyway, so then I flew back here after, you know, oh, there. Oh, wow.

See, that's the baby. Jumping to the end, yeah. I know, and I'm calling the baby, for now, the working name is David Spade. Full name. Look a little spadey. That's me and Farley. Yeah, without any stairwell nearby to be thrown down. No stairwells.

No, it was just cement stairs. So we woke up Tuesday, Paul, there were shrieking coyotes because the baby was born and they were shrill, like, or did they want in on the action? Yeah, while the mother. So the mother looked like it was dead. The mother was just limp in the field. So it was the baby. So it was like, let's get the baby before the mother can protect it.

Whoa. So we called our caretaker, and he came down. He came down the little road here like 70 miles an hour. So what happened was she had had colic, gave her a shot, so her teats wouldn't come out. She couldn't lactate. So it was getting hot up here. and the babies really, it would get up and fall down and get up, pull down.

So we were kind of worried. So he did all this stuff for hours, gave it a second shot. So pop-a-b-bba-ba-ba-ba. Stayed all night, 24 hours. We kept saying, can we do anything, take it to OVette or anything? And then by the next day, it was fine. But we had at one point, 50 vultures hit the front field, vultures. You know, like, and they were eating the afterburst.

Can you do that? that's a delicacy in some bird nation. I was like, what are they doing out there? My wife goes, they're eating the afterbirth. Well, who doesn't eat the after birth? Who would pass it up? If you're a bird, that's like, yeah, so it's nature, man.

I know you like everything called, you know, sort of homogenized and big city. Office buildings and steel and concrete. We have vultures, we have coyotes, we have, horses given birth and so everything worked out great so it's really cute we have a new picture the same picture there you well i had a video i sent too if you want to oh really if they have it i don't know it's up to heather i know it's a new place who might not have all the bells and whistles of the regular super produced podcast i know well it does look interesting i had a white shirt on but i put

this black coat on because i go it's so white and it was so reflective like i don't know we're We'll have it all set in a couple months. You look great. It's incredible. Come on. I will say that the other day I did go to my local pub and watch the World Cup. And you don't know anything about this, but the World Cup is on right now. I saw it to see how I will say people are like, you're going to watch World Cup. I'm like, yeah, when it was fun, but I'm like, I didn't know his whole fucking summer. Like it's, I thought it would be a cute long weekend, a couple games.

Well, how long doesn't it go? It was into July to the end of July, I think. Damn. Yeah. Yesterday, well, at press time, the USA will have played Bosnia-Hergesia Zovia. Played two countries at once and won. How could a country that name actually win? It's demoralizing because even the players can't pronounce it.

We are from Bosnia, Gorg. I'm from Bosnia. I'd like to buy a vowel. I'm from Blasnia, and I'm very casual within my attitude. I'm Plasma Hoska-Snachia. We are the country of Karpakhan.

Tito. Try to score on us, if you will. Oh, by the way, with the horse thing beforehand, before we leave it, this subject completely. Well, this is something that would be very used.

So there's horse people up there. We go to a party like three days before. This is, woman talks about well mostly that everything's fine but about one out of 30 they don't really breach so sometimes that face will come out and then pop back in and then come out and pop back in i'm like okay now one hoof might come out don't do anything don't pull on one hoof she's telling me this at a party you're like i'm not i'm not gonna cross my mind to pull it out two hooves come out and the head comes out then you just lean back

And are you baby? No, that was the advice. Yeah, she was giving me advice. If it's laying back and the head comes down, goes, hey, can anybody give me a hand? If it goes, Dana, Dana, help. Pull.

And you're like, I shouldn't get involved. It's so funny. Don't pull on one leg and like, I'm going to do this. I'm always about experts, hire an expert. Because one time we had a smell under the house. And like, you want to get an. crawl space, me? I go with a flashlight. Well, is there a guy we can hire that his entire job is to get in a crawl space with a weird smell? Let's find that guy that's in heaven down there.

They're doing it 10 times a day. I get it. Okay, that's the end of my worst stuff. I used to say when I used to do stand up and I wasn't doing good, guy would stand aside and go, shaky legs, cold. Shake your legs cold. Oh, shaky legs cold. That means you're a new which is a new horse. Right. And you're shaky out there. And you're a little shaky like yours. You got to get your legs like when I used to skateboard.

So you got to really get some confidence. But I guess your boy got some confidence. Oh, it was at least a full day of Charlie Chapman's slapstick or Buster Keaton. It would jaunt and then just boom, slow. I didn't walk for a week, I don't think. So that's not long. A day is good. Also, back to USA versus what?

whatever. I will say it was nice because to see the whole bar unified instead of like the Eagles versus the Cowboys yelling back and forth, everyone's pulling for the USA, which you never see anymore. And they were literally chanting USA after a goal, which. You're kidding. You never see that. Wow.

Isn't that crazy? I mean, 10 seconds. It faded fast. But that was kind of cool because, you know, in the same day where I see on the news, someone in San Diego a couple got they had an American flag in their yard and are sticking out on a full pole and they a choice to take it down it offends people and you're like in this day and age I think everyone's USA I don't know if it's great prospects in the future but if you could probably put up any other flag of any other country and you wouldn't catch flag but that was that

that that sort of caught me off guard yeah that's that's a that's a that's a surprise. And it is Fourth of July weekend. Can you bend the rules, I guess, H-O-A? Is it okay for France to kind of root for France? Is it okay for Germany? Is it okay for the USA to kind of go, they're not perfect, but are we the sucky his place on her? We're here. Yeah, this, you know. Can we root for our team without? Oh, no. I mean, our hot dogs offensive. I mean, I guess anything that rhymes people, Fourth of July in America, This 250 when it gets over will be fine with me because people, it just brings up so much hostility.

Oh, yeah, and it's a little bit of a havesy move, you know. I mean, you get the centennial, you get that. You get the bicentennial. Oh, a 250 is not really. Two and a half is not as sexy. Let's go three and go nuts. Yeah, I agree. I mean, 100, 200, I'll give it.

Yeah, but two and a half, it's a stretch. The bicentennial was a big deal when I was, very small day. I was very tiny. God, you were like in seventh grade. Yeah, I was like two years old, yeah. So what? Mother was 14. No, she was.

Made her day, man. Super happy. By the way, oh, I do my big joke about if Iran has to play the USA. Oh, yeah, what's your bit on that? And I'm like, I was like, awkward. If they have to play

them in the World Cup, like, you guys aren't still men. I don't know. Like, those bombs were four days ago. Are we still talking about them? And also probably we play Iran, they would just block the tunnel and control the traffic and the tunnel. All right. Yeah.

The locker room and the stadium. You know, because it's part of their thing. By the way, are we still in, are we still at war or peace or somewhere in a gray area in the middle? I've seen this play before. I come from another time. When I heard Middle East war, I went, huh. That may be drag out. Yeah, you basically, you throw in special ops guys that just keep an eye in the country.

They blend in. Looks like they got some nuclear dust. You drop a bomb on them. But this thing, all I want to know when anybody, there's a brain trust, even making a movie, there's a brain trust. Everyone should get around and go, we're all so excited, but what could go wrong? Let's spend two hours of what could go wrong. Right. Let's do that first. Because, I mean, even Ukraine, I felt it was sort of pitched like it's going to be a long weekend, maybe going to next week, worst case. They always sort of sound like it's cut and dry. It's not very complex. It's a two-week thing. When Ukraine gets absolutely no attention, it's still at that, all that, and they're like, guys, remember? We were like the story. And now it's also, I think the problem is they're saying there's no, like, leader of Iran. So it's.

It's like, you know, you're at a car dealership in Cerritos Auto Square, and they're like, bro, bro, it's me. I'm the guy to talk to. Well, yeah, because they blew up the Ayatollah, and they blew up another 50 guys. Well, these are the final leaders. And then them, and then there's like more coming. You're right, Guy, Giof to ask you.

I do use cars in Bakhtonara. Yeah, I'm the guy. You talk to me. I talk to my guys. They run all the dealerships. So it's sort of complex, but we won't do all that. I'll say this is not even political at all, but warfare's changed because of drones. And Ukraine has become adept.

And it's really Samson and Goliath or Goliath and David basically would be a better analogy. So you can take, you can get a $3,500 little, put a satchel bomb to it and shoot a million of those, a big aircraft carrier. Right. So we need to reinvent the way we have weapons. It's real Ashford and Simpson. What? Remember that singing duo? No, I was trying to think of an equivalent.

I know, you're thinking of Samson and Goliath or David and Glythe? David and Glythe. What was the biblical guy? Samson was the guy who was really strong and then didn't. He cut his hair or something? The woman wanted to cut his hair and he was weak. He was the first whipped biblical character. I think it was, he didn't cut his hair.

I think the girl made him get a perm in the knee. at week. The girl gave him a tattoo of a heart. And then he had no power. He wilted. Okay, so more stuff. I did have a problem with my swimming pool before I sold it. And I had to get it fixed.

Oh, really? And it's a great story. I'm going to save it for next week because it's called a teaser. Well, that's the thing. But when you sell houses, you got to fix a mom. Yeah, I was trouble shooting my own place going like, Yeah. Before someone says, oh, there's a crack in that fucking fence.

You go, oh, I took care of it. So I did. I troubleshoot it. And then the problem was something was built wrong. And obviously I should fix it. But then I go, well, if it was built wrong, how did it pass inspection to where I bought it? Exactly. I wish I could say, I don't know what you're talking about.

Right. I'm too honest. So we found the guy that fixed it and he kind of didn't do me a solid. So let's save it for next week. It's juicy. We added here. And I'm naming names because I'm going to give them a week to say, hey, we got to make this right. Oh.

Yeah, because they should, the people should know. These are two words, new homeowners or people trying to, you don't want to hear if you're the homeowner or the new or trying to buy a home. it's got mold and dry rot other than that it's perfect mold and dry rot mold dry rot and fire ants mostly in the bedrooms uh yeah i fixed everything it took it took months because it so it was a complicated issue but i did i took care of it so come by dana you might need it you can buy it out of your bar tab right am i am i if the stocks do what i want to do we'll see what's going on with that change oh yeah you got money you got money you got

mullah flowing. Oh, no, no. I left a lot of coins on the table. You know, Cases, Reale, you know, with the new Bond cat, you know, the guy's eye is bleeding,

you know, you were one of those two cats, okay? I like when everyone, everyone, James Bond has got this mystique to where the producers about once every two months

float out. Harry Styles might be the next They just keep it alive by just saying anyone and then people load in, oh, we chime in, chirp in. And you go, who cares really at a certain point? Let's just make one. Well, because a lot of people just totally connect to Sean Conry. Sean Conry. And I thought it was smart when they just didn't try to do anything like Roger Moore or Pierce Bronson who did great jobs.

And they went with Daniel Craig, you know, who never did a pushup. never did a push-up. And then he swore up and out, he'll never do another one. Then they threw a couple bucks as way. And guess what? On the set, the first day reporting for booty. That's not bad. I like a good fun. I told you that when I was at the Oscars. Pre-pandemic, I think. I went backstage and there's a bar there. Daniel Craig is there in a tuxedo having a martini. And I said, are you ever out of character? Yeah. But he's a character actor that guy.

And he went, Wayne's World, party on, excellent. Oh, yeah. Wayne's World. Yeah. Party on. Party on. I don't need anything off that. I'm getting my summer cut.

We heard a lot of teasers about. Well, clearly I haven't gotten it. But I'm getting it. It's way overwhelming. You get a trim. You're like somebody who has someone in a closet waiting to come out to trim your hair. The thing when you're raised. rich on the road if you're doing the road.

The first sign is you travel with a barber. Yeah. Yeah. Not me, though. I don't know. I don't do that. But I'm saying that's, I know two people that travel with barbers. They just have so much money.

They just are burning it. They're just like, I need this guy. And I need a. Oh, you need a masseuse, a barber, you know, accounting, a therapist, you know. Somebody to pop my zits. The main thing is don't let someone cut in your hair get too chatty. You know, they get chatty and you're talking and all of a sudden, what happened? That's the whole thing.

All of a sudden, you look like you right now. So what's the summer cut? What's the plan? Do we have some inspo picks we can show the audience? You come up with a phrase and it becomes that's. Inso picks is real, I think, right, Heather? Yeah, inspo. So you bring in a bunch of pictures of people you like.

Well, this is what I say to people. And I don't know if you took my advice, but never lead with. your hair. No, I did not take that. See that guy with his hair? So my hair right now, I'm the co-star to my hair. It's just too much hair for my tiny face.

I need to take it down. If you put more product and grew it five more inches, you could be the basest for like Ario Speedwagoners. Blue Oyster Coul. Well, Jagger's still like this. A lot of old rock stars still just have a main... The problem is it gets a little drier and you need a little three-minute miracle in there.

some conditioner. After a while, but these rockers, I've seen, I saw the Doobie brothers, and I wanted to spray their hair with, you know, a cord of oil. Well, were they literally taking it to the street or were they in a stadium? Yeah, and they were also the dry, long hair where it could start a brush fire easily. Well, here's the thing, what you do, and just a newsflash for people. So if you're an aging rock star, you basically, you grow up,

a beard, then you grow your hair out, and then you put these on. Oh, wow. And you're basically any age, you know. Your cover, yeah, you're covering any of your life. Your beard, a real beard, you know, like this, gets rid of this, and then you just hair that way out, and then you always have sunglasses off. But you try not to have the white beard. No, no, no, no.

I think someone, yeah. No, no, no, no. It's, you do a thing and whatever, and the door. Nobody, nobody colors the hair or dyes their beard, though. Nobody. I'm going to be the first. Hey, we are the product, man. What else you got?

Because I don't have too much going on. It's Fourth of July weekend. They're traveling. Oh, we have a new gas tax started the 1st of July. And I didn't feel bad when they said it's up. It's two cents a gallon. And I go, I can handle that. And they said, well, it was 61 cents.

Now it's 63 cents a gallon, a gallon in California. You know, they call it mission creep. It's like tax creep. And I don't mind. I want to pay tax. But I just would like, I'd like to get a statement and say, here is where your tax dollars went. That's all. Like it did something.

Yeah. This went to a supervisor. It was a hell of a nice guy. Works in Lodi, California. $780,000 for assisting the penguin trainer. I just want it to be. Penguin train. Yeah, the penguin chain.

De-thawing the penguins flappers when it gets out of the pool. Are you a big Fourth of July guy? There is some Fourth of July pressure. Okay, I can't see you. Why is there pressure? Because people are like, what are you doing on the fourth? What are you doing the whole weekend? What are you doing?

And it better be a lot. Go. And I'm like, well, I used to kind of float around on a boat and a harbor in Newport. They have fireworks. And I think they still do. but a lot of cities are not doing fireworks anymore. And then you're like, well, you can't really take that away because then what's left? Like Fourth of July is really...

Then they do a thousand little tiny drones that blink lights and move around and do all that over Santa Monica. Oh, no. Yeah. Yeah. You know about that. Well, listen, you and Heather won because they're all going away. And so now it's just what's the fourth? I know, I know about the scared animals.

They can't run the show for every reason of the war. I mean, I know it sucks, but like my dad, I'd say, I don't like the noise. He goes, eh, life's tough, Davey. You're going to be okay? You don't get your way every time. Not a great dad. Was that like on high? Was that like imprinted into your brain?

Yeah, I hated it. You're going to make it? You're going to make it, Davey. So when you first started as a stand-up, you were fledgling. Did your dad advise you? But before you got famous? or see a set and he just go gong well I was just trundling along

and trundling I didn't even tell my parents I was doing stand up it didn't matter but I was in this San Francisco stand-up comedy competition so they came to that oh that's a big one and that's where Robin Williams gives me a $500 check and Mort Sal's back there and my dad said after the show to my brother oh Jesus Christ who knew day

was funny. He didn't know what his whole life? No, because I would just go like this and get out of the room. Why would it run and cry out in the bushes? No reason to be in that same room. We were five of us. We were the craziest dads. Yeah, my dad started coming to the bar because I would perform at in Scottsdale

because he'd say he was with me and my dad and he charged drinks. And then they would charge him to me. It's kind of heady stuff. My dad had a Cadillac. And then he came to my house once. I had a Mercedes-Benz at that point. First time I had money, 420 SEL. He went out in the morning and he measured my car and then his car.

Oh, I got your beat, Dane. And then his driver's license plate in the back was, it said, father of Dana Carvey. And then he, because I was sending him money with my mom and stuff, he would have a bill full with like hundreds of dollars and buy drinks for everyone. So, yeah, he was an interesting character. Exactly the same. My dad would meet me at the jet lag. Like even on Thanksgiving, the jet lag bar was in a strip mall nowhere near an airport.

I love drinks for everybody kind of thing. Jet lag and I met him once and I'm like, hey. And then bartender's like, oh, is this your son? He goes, yeah, he goes, this one's going to clear up your bill. He goes, hey, let him get settled. Jesus. I didn't, you know, those days, and I feel bad for this, generation. You could move out if you had like 300 bucks a month as a bus boy. My room,

my room was 58 bucks at roommates. But then later on my dad a little bit tried to redo history. So one time he said, oh, Jesus Christ, I always supported you. I go, well, no, you didn't support me or not support me. I just went to some clubs and now I just did it on my own. Now I'm telling you. Now I'm telling you. And he goes, I was your fucking North Light. I wasn't mad. It wasn't mad it was just it was fine it wasn't his fault mine took all the credit for me and then he switched over to kate spade and said uh if it's a if it's a female he says i'll get you kate spade versus yeah it's human nature it's i'll get you in s&L it's human nature what are you going to do i mean uh okay let's get to some pot store what are you going to do about what are you going to do about

what are you doing that way yeah there you're going to do about you're going to Heather had it. I kind of munched botched. You got just hotballed right here. What are you going to do about it? Well, what are you going to fight that guy? Yeah, I'm going to fight it. What are you going to do about it?

What are you going to do about it? Yes. Yes, I know. I'm just going to do what I do, but you know what are you going to do about it. Okay. Just for the fans. Okay. This car, oh yeah.

Okay, this video, what do you think is happening here with this car driving? If someone falls asleep, someone's drunk. I remember watching this. I didn't know what was going on. Okay. I feel like someone left their car and drive. Or a little kids driving. Oh, yeah, a little baby will get out.

Because why is it slowing down? It's a dog. If it's left and drive. No sound. Oh, now it's going to go backwards. No. Oh, no. A kid.

A baby? No. A delivery person? Delivering because there's no driveway on the lawn? There's a driver. They said, fuck it. They said, what's shorter? The shortest distance between two points is a straight line.

That's funny. Like, this is a huge story. The car is driving on the lawn. I know. I tried to trick you because I was tricked. I saw it and I go, it's going to blow your mind. Yeah.

Oh, who moves those cameras? Is that a ring camera or something? Look at it. Hey, man. I think this one sees absolutely no problem with that. No big deal. Now, spin out a little bit in the grass. What car is that, Dana?

Dodge Centra. I wouldn't know. I'm usually good with cars. I didn't know what that was. Okay, next one. I like that. That one, you didn't have no idea what was going on. Okay, a child disrupted his performance.

Is there any sound on these? Yep. Oh, this is cute. This guy's like a professional. violinist yeah okay that's cute

even though it's like going fast and slow but fast is it in fast speed well that's kind of cool so I like that

the guy was like good and then he distracted so he gave the little cute girl of the bow and then leaned against it

and played played a little solo yeah give her job and she had a big smile in her face that's the feel good we have some feel good ones besides the

the horse shots that was the best feel good one yeah that was a feel good one what about my two horses though yeah they're well you didn't have a picture the other one the one that they've been hooking up oh well yeah that's a whole other story i'll say this shot where's the one that was the dad or the mom what's that one the mom uh that's the mom there there is there is video of the actual seeing somewhere love love making but you please it's I don't know if we can show that. But is the dad seeing someone else at this point

and they're sort of separate or what? I don't know. Seeing other horses on the yard. Yeah, here's one. I'll send this to. Embarrassing. Okay. Okay.

And we'll go to our next big story. Okay. Well, I squirm around in my uncomfortable thing. Let's get a banger. Let's get a banger in here. Oh, I would go crazy. You're flying and someone opens the door. You always think this could happen.

Well, of course. You wouldn't care. I'd be fucking. fucking knocking people out. I'm assuming the door is going to flunk open. Look at Dane in the front with the wind going, why would you do that? Oh, they blanked their faces out. Well, why is it?

Oh, some passenger actually pulled the thing and opened the door. And then once it's open, you can't get it closed. I guess because it's a suction thing. I'll explain it later with them on a cocktail napkin. I saw it in Goldfinger up in the plane. Yeah. Oh, didn't fat Goldfinger get? sucked out of the window?

Yeah, got sucked out. Oh, I remember that. Goodbye. Blow, Bo, Blow felt. Bon. James Bond.

Good luck. Good luck. Yes. You're a fine lasser. I'm going to burn your dick off. Remember that part where he had him spread eagle and he's had a laser? I was like, not cool.

Come on, we're guys, dude. Gold finger. What do you want me to do? I want you to die. I want you to die. sounded like Lovett's Yeah Loveitt should have been

Goldfiger Actually John would have played A pretty funny goldfinger For Money Penny Yes I love Money Penny That's a good name

Not a lot of people named Money Penny anymore I'm finding my travels That's a great movie All right let's see another crummy video Here we go We're doing great man This is a rag tag one

in the new house was it yes and we're doing it okay here we're in government gave a list to FIFA of 13,000 dads who have not paid child support and said they may not go to a game yeah yeah so people were like well did did you just take away their passports or something like you're the government they're like no I want a burden you're not entering the fucking stadium why is that the I mean that's why I want you to react well I can't believe she was I thought I thought she was She was like this. Yeah, she gives the podcast something. Yeah. You should be like this. What?

Your pool had something wrong with it? What? That's better. They know how to do it. I thought FIFA was fuck around and find out, but it's not. It's something with soccer. What was that video about? That video was Argentina.

Oh. It has so many deadbeat dads that they have them on a database. And when they came, because everyone loves soccer down there, when they came, they popped them. And then they said, and you're not going in the, you can't go to the game. They're like, when, my dad came up with the phrase. But my kid is on SNL. Let me.

Hey, I didn't mean no harm. Hey, come on. Come on. I'm your daddy. I'm entitled to a little bit of sugar. We bought him a car once, and it was like a 300 ZX, like too old to have it. And he's like, I told my brother Andy, I go, just buy it for him. I mean, I just got him a condo.

You get him in the car. And he's like, how much is it? I go, it's like 27 grand. He goes, okay. And he calls next day. He goes, you rat fucker. It was 40. And so I see my dad.

I go, you told me he was 27. He goes, hey, got to get the pinstripes. Come on, man. I got to get the sheepskins. You want me to represent? This looks bad on you. there is something called kind of a lovable scoundrel. You know, and your dad is, and you know, my dad, people loved him too.

He had a lot of friends, you know, you got to forgive him. They're just human. You want me to have a little bit of a pimp sled, don't you? You know, I'll embarrass you if I drive a jalopy. I go, eh, that's a really good point. Yeah. Okay, next story. He did.

He said, this is for you. when he's when that's his spin was like you want me to have a nice car because it looks bad for you what is this thing what is this thing this is in your answer right now June 6th this is 8th 9th 9th 9th um up in granth are those spider webs something not good yeah yeah yeah those are spiders she answered oh she I've never had before. Okay. If those are spider webs, first of all, I'm moving to another planet.

Second of all, you can, I've seen people light them on fire and they go right up. It's like cotton candy, that shit. They don't have a plan to get out. Dude, what if you were stuck in there? I couldn't cry hard enough. I'm so scared of spiders. I like spiders. I was about to say, you're going to act.

No, no. You would be bald. You'd be trying to get out like the horse. Pull me out. I'm stuck. Hey, pull the baby out. Yeah, I'm not going to pull the baby out. What are you going to do about it?

Oh, God. I'm not going to pull the baby out. That's good. That's good. It came back. Heather, can you close that middle of curtain because it's blinding. This house is a blinding. Well, my lights changes too in here. You know what the problem is there's.

so many windows, four pantries, whatever. It's a mansion. These are other people's words. You'll get some diffusion things that'll make you glow. I know. Everyone makes fun of me because I go, well, sorry I don't want a laser beam in my eyes. They're like, oh, you close in the windows, you push. I go, well, if you can't see this TV, it looks just blank. Who is this character that all my friends hate me. They all yell at me. What are you, a little puss? What do you do? A little puss. A little fragile Puss. That's kind of true, though. Okay, more and more.

By the way, we're ripping through this because even though I'm uncomfortable, I'm really putting on a good show. Yeah, that's, you always bring it no matter what this. I always fucking bring it. By the way, our tumultuous stuff. We had a good Ed Norton Cliff about Fight Club that blew up the internet. Wops, saw it multi-millions. Millions and millions of outview.

Mine on Instagram is seven million, I think. Really? It was churning out the, I mean, do we get a penny? No, it doesn't matter, but it's good. It looks good to brag about when I'm out at like 7-11. I talk about it. Jesus, it had more clicks than a Broadway dancer, you know. More clicks than fucking seatbelt and a corolla. What about Nathan Lane was funny too? I thought Nathan Lane was funny. He's on right now. Nathan Lane was great. That's your buddy. I was, yeah, we were, we had this six-month experience that.

that we never really talked about like that. And it was just stunning that how much we remember the same crazy shit. And there's much more. We could have done a three hours, but. This is something you should do if you're in your, in your hotel window and your board, Heather. Dana, you two.

What? On the bus, I wrote a song about it. You want to hit, here go. Oh, no fast forward. Not fast forward. Not fast forward. Here we go. We got a,

I don't know. Why is it thing fast for us? So people just act like they're helping people walk. Well, I think it's actually kind of funny. Oh, move the car. Shutting doors. Well, it's because she's... Oh, that was good.

Push the bus too. It's kind of positive and she's guiding them in. I mean, it's kind of a positive video. People used to go like this and like squish people, but this is a funnier spin. Get on the bus. Get on the phone. Get on the phone. I don't think it was in that speed, though, but it's kind of funny.

No, they altered the speed maybe a little bit too much. But I think all of these are going too fast. I don't know. All of these? All of these videos. What are we out? Ramped up. Oh, I see what you're saying.

Technical issues, yeah. Right. But how about this? I saw the spurs once, your precious football team. My spurs? Basketball team. I saw them at one of my hotels in the road and the bus pulls up. Yeah, I'll get off.

And they're walking to the lobby and we're all like this, you know? And then the last guy's carrying a basketball. I'm like, all right, relax. He's like this. I'm like, we got it. We all know you're on the basketball team. You're all eight feet tall. He's got to be like, huh?

I don't walk into a hotel and carry a microphone. Hey, is this the front desk? Are you too married? Okay. Where's the gift shop? So everyone knows them a comedian? That's funny. Yeah, I know.

Look at this guy. Is that a new shirt? This spring, denim gets a softer, lighter update. Introducing Old Navy's drapey denim wide leg. A new fit that moves with you. It's everything you want denim to feel like for summer. Easy, breathable, and effortlessly cool. with a fit that creates natural movement and a wide leg that feels modern, not overwhelming.

Plus, that signature, wait, for this price, moment. Old Navy's drapeed denim wide leg. One thing great about football or soccer is that Messe is maybe the best ever. I think he's like 5'5. You can be tall, but you can be basketball. There was Spud Webb. I think he was 570. He won the slam dunk competition.

I remember that. Kind of mind-blowing. But I had an elevator one time open up, and it was an NBA team there in all their sweat. And it was like just a... It's very weird. Everybody was... When you watch, if you watch WMBA,

you're Caitlin Clark, who we like a... Sophie Cunningham works with her on there. She's kind of funny. You see her when she was pointing the other day. It was kind of funny, pointing at the other person. She went on SNL like a couple years ago, I think. Sophie Cunningham? No.

No, Caitlin Clark. Oh, Caitlin did? Did she do something? Yeah, she was funny. She was on update, very poised. Oh, yeah, that's great. Yeah. She wasn't dancing for a little bit like Dracula in Hotel Transylvania, but I don't, I don't argue.

I can't argue that. But she's great. And Sophie, maybe we could have one of them on because it's kind of fun to talk to about that. I love that. The whole world is an interesting world. Yeah. But what the point was, like, she's six feet tall. She doesn't look at really.

She's just skinny, but when they're all standing out there, you don't know. Charles Barkley looks short, but then he's six, six, because he's next to all these. He's next to Shaq, who's seven two. Yeah, it looks like. I don't even go to games for that reason. I don't even want to be near a photo of me and a basketball player. And they're like,

well, you see the billionaires and the owners of the teams. And I guess they're just kind of slight and sort of hunched over and nerdy. Yeah. Most of them, you know. Yeah. That's not me, though. No. Okay.

Let's do another story. Then I got a million things to do, Dan. I need you to help me move boxes. Yeah, we, yeah, I've been up 12 hours at this moment. Okay, this is Bangkok, which you don't know where it is, but I'll show you on a map. I know what it means. This is my biggest fear. Okay.

This is cars. I would like to know. And here comes a sinkhole. Sink hole. Sink hole. Where do you go when you fall? Where do you go? It's getting worse.

Where do you go? Wow. I've seen sinkholes and people go in them and I go, not the way to go. You're disappearing. You disappear. You're like, hi, I'm going to just cruise off to the center of the earth. Well, it sounds like the guy's talking to the falling concrete. Whoa, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

It's not going to do anything. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Don't do that. Well, he'd be so scared. Like, how scary. If you're in that car, that white car, I'd advise you to get out the other side. Okay, let's see. Note to self-cancel that little journey to Bangkok this summer.

Stay off Main Street. First, yeah, now our government's looking better and better. Although we get potholes, but not go to Bangkok. You love it so much. Go to Bangkok. You hate it here, go. Yeah, the whole thing can collapse. Okay, wait, should we do one more?

Let's do one more and end on a real, I don't know if this is it. Then we have to do three hour energy. Five hour energy. Well, yeah, let's do your, after this we'll do it. Okay, ready? Let's see this one. Looks like art, it's like transit, but this whole corner, it's a signal stack. Relay boxes, voltage chambers, smart grid panels, all tucked into one walkable zone, right where thousands of people have

Oh, it's like a grid. Five, geez, trying your brain, they make it like a little, park. Pulsed, behavioral, pulsing. All CET all active. Number 13,

number of transformation, not to mention, Mark Ryder. That's a little, I wouldn't want to live right there. So they're like, look at this fun tech, and you're like, really?

Oh, I just microwave my brain. And I'm not super paranoid about that stuff, but I don't want to live right next to like, you feel a humming in your body. You're like, I don't, this can't be good for me.

No, you know that the 49ers, training facility was near all this transmission power plant and then a lot of curious injuries the last two seasons and i think that they moved they just something about that vulnerability and curious yes don't know you're by curious yeah yeah me this okay let's do five-hour energy Heather, you might have to have a home. Five Hour Energy. It's time for buzzing around. Sponsored by Five Hour Energy's Fireworks Freeze Flavor.

Ignite your taste buzz with a red, white, and blue, freezer, pop classic. Reimagined is a delicious firework freeze. Five Hour Energy shot. Find Firework Freeze shots online at five hour energy.com or Amazon today. Okay. The setup is Dana's going to do some impressions in a fictitious setting. It's a fictitious setting. And they're pretty, they're not really rehearsed or anything or thought out much.

Or thought out in any way. Also, did you know Theo had our boy John Kennedy on last week? Are you jealous? Did he? I know. We should have, right? Oh, wow. He probably, he probably saw we make fun.

It's so funny. Now, you are from Louisiana. Did I get that right? Is that right? Yeah, I feel like, I might feel like I. Okay. All right, let's see what you got. Here's what I got.

I got on the Pierce Morgan show, this famous redneck comedian comedian, Red Rednecky. Joining me today is a comedian named Red Red Redneck comedian, who is making a lot of noise in the show business. He's selling out arenas all over the world, and please welcome to Mr. Red Rednecky. Yeah. of high peers, I'm good. How are you, sir?

I'm happy to be here. Now, you were born in, well, Baton Rouge, I understand. Well, I basically was born about 40 miles south of Baton Rouge in an alligator swamp. See, my mama, she loved alligators. They loved her, almost like a Tarzan kind of deal with the chimpanzees. She had an understanding, so she would bathe or wade into this alligator swamp. So she's a hefty woman. She was out there one day and yelled to my daddy.

I think I'm giving up birth to a baby. So I popped out. That first thing I saw was an alligator. And my baby brain thought, mama? So you actually were born in an alligator swamp. Okay. This is not the usual rhythm of red, red, redneck you by the way. Well, I'm kind of having to.

I'm experimenting. Now, could you share some of your, famous routines. There's t-shirts all over the world. There we go. Yeah, sure thing. I'm Mr. Morgan. Yeah, well, I always say my name. I'm red-breadnecky, red-neck comedian.

You ever fart so loud dog two-stayed-away go, what day? That's a classic. When you say a dog two-stayed-away, and you're actually saying that they could hear your flatulence from probably close to 100 kilometers away. Well, I was just funny.

I mean, you know, I'm a funny, but how about this one? I went to the doctor. The doctor said, we got to amputate your left foot. I said, can I keep my right foot? They said, sure thing. I said, come and get so. Wait a second.

So. I hope here it's asking, but he doesn't have. So even though they, is this a true story? No, I was just funny. But I was funny I was just funning you know But some people take it serious But I do my left foot size 14

And my right foot is size 4 and a half So I walk a little different Well One's like a stump Well Do you have routines where the audience Doesn't quite get it And they get angry

Well You know One joke that I dropped was I'm red redneck A redneck comedian I'm in my son sister or because mama turned me down come a get some you married your sister because your mom turned you down yeah i'm turning it appears not perfect mr spade agrees with me so that you got booed off the

stage was that yes that's true but i like to understand what my bits would come against how much more positive like here's one i just wrote today which is true my daddy smoked a corn called pipe but He couldn't afford no tobacco. So he lit the pipe on fire and smoked that. He was missing his lower lip coming gets on. He smoked the actual corn cop. So he burnt his lips. Yeah.

What are you going to do about it? Yeah. Now you're taking Mike Tyson's thing. Dude, don't get accused of stealing of your comedian. Anyway, my guest today is Ben Rednecky, the Redneck comedian, you know, settling out. stadiums all over the world. Your husband's bits.

No one funny. Well, thank you kindly, Mr. Pierce Morgan, if that's your real name. I like that Pierce Morgan still did the promotion, even though he didn't really think he was that funny. I thought of it 32 minutes ago. No, I like the Pierce goes, well, Red,

you're a very funny comedian. You're working all over the world. Do you really believe people want to hear something? Like crap's so big. Kill Tony. I'm red redneck comedian. You ever crap so big don't think it'd get down that

Turlet, comagie's on. Turlet. Now, is that the kind of comedy you think people like? You actually, so you started doing Pierce Morgan in a way, being curious. I kind of did because I'm curious about this and I really play along and I will say

it reminded me of some videos I've seen on Instagram where when they're in England and if they ever mention going to the bathroom, the girls are unabashedly. going, they go, can we have a few words? And girls like, yeah, we were just in the toilet. No, we were just in the toilet.

We just came out of the toilet. I'm like, do we say toilet? It's disgusting. Yeah, you would be, you would call it. I'd like to go to the restroom. Right. You're not bloody rested in there. Boys room.

Or the boys' room. Or I'd see women say, I'm going to the little girl's room. Oh, yeah, I got to do this thing. Oh, do you normally do an outro after Dana does? a character yeah we need it that we need that that was buzzing around the 22-minute bit sponsored by five-hour underage firework freeze flavor the iconic red white and blue freezer pop flavor you crave with none of the sugar spark a tasty flavor sensation with firework freeze fiber energy shots available at five our energy dot com and amazon today who okay i'm gonna get rid of that one

that's it all right dana we're gonna wrap up the show I hope everybody had a great Fourth of July. Yeah. We didn't talk about our Fourth of July that we had. It was great. Yeah, it was all great. It was very fourth. I do always watch the ball drop in New York.

I did that again. I like that. Yeah. New York City. My doctor watched mine during my physical. Well, wait a minute. There's no ball drop on that. Is that rednecky?

Wait a minute. That ball drop is New Year's Eve. Oh, that's what it is. I confused it. Come and don't get some. Don't get some. All right, thanks, buddy. Next time I'll be all worked in here and it'll be a little more professional.

Well, I can't wait. Everyone really liked it. It's a work in progress, no pressure. And we'll talk later, buddy. All right, listen, if you're enjoying the fly on the wall, of course, hopefully you are. Click follow. We don't want to be desperate, but obviously smash that goddamn button on your favorite podcast app. Smash it.

Leave a review, a good one. Leave a five-star rating, nothing else. Whoops. And maybe even share an episode with a friend. If you're watching this episode on YouTube, please. Subscribe, Dana. What do you think? I'm going to tell you this right now.

Hit me now and I'll believe me later. Fly on the Wall, believe it or not, is presented by Odyssey. And executive produced by Holiness. for it, Dana Carvey and David Spade, or David Spade and Dana Carvey, we don't write this stuff. Heather Santoro, Greg Holtzman, and

Leah Reese Dennis. The show is edited by Evan Cox with production support from Phil Sweet Tech. Talent production and booking by Sophia Lippor.