Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade - Is Spade David’s Real Last Name?

Episode Date: August 3, 2026

This week David and Dana talk through David’s travel woes, the Fauci trial, and they pitch a sitcom for Greta Thunberg. Also, The Turtle Club gets a remix, Buzzing Around, and the news of the week.

Well, wait a minute. Are you in a best Western? I'm in a worst Eastern. It's great that you have Oppenheimer jokes. Three years later. Do we have any Odyssey jokes? So the flight lasts 13 hours, and then you have a stink bomb in the hotel. You try to get a bite to eat. The grill's 50 years old. Is that what you're saying?

That's a good summary, peers. You're in a hotel, and you're in a hotel. you're going to move again or what? Yeah, I'll tell the fans, the fans, hey fans, or whoever struggles through the pot. This is, tell them what's going on because this looks like something happened. This is real life, guys. Like a natural disaster. Are we skimming over your fucking hair looks good.

Well, is it, do you want me to send you the product? I mean, send me everything. Everything involved with it. Well, first of all, don't be jealous. Second of all, I know a path for you to look like this. I have a path. I'm definitely pathless and I need some pathogens. So here's what happened, Dana. I am in a hotel, which is perfectly nice out here in grownups. You're filming grownups three. Let's just say it. I got here early. They like to get here early. They like to you hear way early. Yeah.

Yeah. But we're doing a bunch of testing and a bunch of this and that wardrobe and stuff. Showbiz lingo. Don't let me lose you. I was lost when we started. When you saw where I was. Why? Just because it looks like there's been some mild schismic activity or something like.

I'm in a bombshell. My hair has been fussed with all day. Oh, okay. So they've been, that's why it doesn't look as good as yours. necessarily. But it is hard when you're in there and they're like, okay, are you doing Chris? Because I'm dealing with his gray hair and the grayness of it. We're trying to figure out what level of gray.

I'm like, guys, it's blonde. And then everyone's like, it's what? Are they talking about you? Yeah, they're like, you don't think your hair's blonde. Yeah. Yeah, I do. And they're like, whoa, a lot of yes men around you. Well, what was the general hair color and grownups too?

Grownups too? Let's go to the tape. It's blonde, but, you know, we're trying to really recreate memories and moments and magic. Anyway, all this fussing and fighting and we get through it. But so far, so good. The hotel is a funny part. There's two funny parts. The hotel, I'm not a complainer, Dana.

I would never complain. You never complain. I've never heard you complain. So this is really going to be new. And, you know, I think, I don't know if you got therapy or what happened, but this is my attitude toward that. Dana, be fair, I. No, actually it would be this. Is that a boo?

No, it was more like, ah, happy. Was not a boo. I was trying to get clapping, but I fucked up. Anyway, it happened. We'll fix it in post. We'll film. It's already fixed. We've got a couple of post days scheduled for this podcast before it ever.

So you're going to be on this grown-ups movie. Let's give the fans a little bit of it. Go pull the curtain back. I would say November. So you're going to be from these kind of weird institutional rooms, cafeterias. You and Heather will set it up in a hallway, a phone booth, so just don't. Yeah.

It's on the run. It's part of the charm. So the charming part is, In my shower, you know how they spray like renews it or something on the carpets to keep it a smelling like it's nice? Yeah, they try chemicals. Yeah. And it's a little toxic. And sometimes it's a little chemically toxic.

Mean well. They mean so well. But I also have a stuffed dead body in my drain of my shower, I think, that's soaking in formaldehyde. and what do you shoot the body you have to keep when after people die? Wait a minute. Formaldehyde. Formaldehyde and there's one other thing I had said today. But wait a minute.

Are you in a best western? I'm in a worst eastern. Well, Heather's the loudest she's ever been. I love that. We popped a cork without. I don't get booed on that. That was a good one. now embalming fluid

okay got it so you live in a place where it smells like there's a dead person in the drain of the bathtub right so in the shower so I opened the door for the shower and it's like a wafty wave of like so I obviously I'm sickened by it but I think oh they put too much in that

renews it spray or whatever yeah I know the thing yeah for breeze why is it in here like they clean it with chlorox. I go, it's too strong. I'm very sensitive to him. And so I said, guys, it's, so then

the second day, I couldn't stand taking a shower. So I go, Heather, stick your honker in there. See, my what, sir? Stick your on. And smell it. And she was like, brer.

Like, obviously, I got a nose for news, but this was, she confirmed it. blew her back like, it blew her back out? Yeah, I know. Wow.

It blew her back like in those old atomic ball movies. So then we call the manager. And he's like, I go come up to the nuclear testing site. I want to show you something. He opens it. He's like, umbalming for a way.

It really just gets in your faculties. So anyway, I don't want to sleep in this room. But I might change hotels anyway. And then I go, well, I want to change at least this room, such a prima donna. And you know, production, they're like, oh, my God, what's the latest problem? It's really nothing. But even you guys wouldn't stay here. But I'm staying here too long because I finally am shipping to a different room.

room after this, after this podcast. Did, did they acknowledge the smell? Like when the guy came in, he, oh, and so is this grot of, grav, or they're going to pay for this? Grades. Grades? Is that the word?

No, I don't know if it's grottis, but they're going to let me switch rooms and they've been very nice. And then I shut the shower door, and then the big reveal was they go, we have anything person clean it. They clean, scrub, scrub, I don't really know what they're cleaning. I took out all the shampoos because I thought one might be accidentally filled with Fabriz.

So I took them all out, put them by the door. And then that night I opened the shower. I wasn't ready because the shower door is always open. It must be coming from the drain because it had built up to boom. It was so. You're just. Oh, well, also the lights don't work. Well, that's ghosts.

Oh, the lights flickered. Then they just went off and then they don't work at all. And so this is you. Okay, Heather, I'll talk to you later. I'm just going to check in up my room, Heather. What? Now you've gone. Not one fucking instant room.

God, this really feels like a documentary shot in like some kind of war zone. Got this couch here about that. You're a correspondent. Anyway, I'm here on the front effing lines to get that five hours. right in there. It's a miracle that you pulled this together. Howard, so, I mean, Heather is so professional, she kept all the five hours in the box, so they're super heavy. So I'm lugging around going, this should just be the, you see the shell, the casing. Yeah, we don't want to, we can cut this part out because you, well, yeah, you want to actually use

the product. So it'll get lighter. Right. But I took them all out to drink them. Mm-hmm. I mean these? I know. I have. I'm in my socks right now. Okay, other than that, give me some horror stories. Then I'll tell you about my flight. I don't know if you can handle that part either. That's quicker. Yeah, if that was,

people go, do you only tell stories about hotels and flights? I'm like, nope. And then here I am exactly those two. Check. We were, the wife and I were in a five, really big, big time Vegas hotel. tell. Ooh. Oh, we give you a special suite.

You know, I'm working, doing comedy. They walk you up. They show you around. We give you a special suite. You know, there's a pool table there. It's unbelievable. Stinkaroo, just like you had it. Oh, there's a stink.

Yeah, it was like this. I checked the room. Oh, then I went. But they came up with Frize, and then they said, don't flash don't flush too often the toilet that they come up that way

and this is like 3,000 a night for the room yeah Jesus no that was it was part of the gig whoops I got it

but we got a stinky thing so what happened that was very dramatic here I don't know you can make the jokes but the Jose came

with a trailer and he took the mom and the baby a way to get them used to the trailer, we thought. Yeah. Magrosa. And by the way, the little colt has six official names. Because I found out, horses don't know their names.

Oh, that's true. Yeah. So it's either some say San Francisco, some say whatever. But then the older quarter horse went crazy when the two friends left. Oh, no. How long are they going for, just for the? It was a thing session. Well, actually, we did, we thought it was to acclimate the cult to go in around a trailer,

but they did go over and it was the stud of the valley. I know. She had the baby like three weeks ago. I was the first one to say it. I said, she's not ready. She's not ready to date. Yeah, she's not ready. I mean, she's still thinking about the other guy.

But anyway, so that this was going on and it was all over the valley, was this sound of the the horse from behind. Oh, no, really? For an hour. We had neighbors calling. Are you okay? Your horse is just going crazy. So, you know, and then the other horse came back, Magrosa, and she had kind of a smile on her face.

I don't know what happened. Is it the same dude or is it a new one? It, dude, you need to know, it is actually a new, a new, a new dad. Yeah. stud there's it's called a stud farm and um you're familiar with that right i mean i like that the kids doing an episode of my two dads now that's a good reference how far back does that's going back that's like no was that tom hanks or no or it was paul riser yeah paul riser were they gay what was the story i don't remember i mean that she had she had she had

had two dads. Yes. My two dads. Yeah, yes. 90s. Or there was a widow or something. There's always a widow. Let's look at a clip.

No one or another clip. I just want a polymarket. Let's look at a clip is a good bet. In the first 15 minutes or under, I just won $15,000. No, people would take me serious. So anyway. The horse went away. A horse went away.

The other one cried. And it came back. That's my story. That's good. So the other horse isn't freaking out. And then the horse was just super happy. Yeah. So it obviously was related to the horse.

Oh, totally. You kind of think they're just like, because they'll just stand in a field for like 11 hours staring and moving. But it really missed the horses. Then as soon as they came back, it was all calm again. So they do have emotions, David. I think they like their usual situation.

and you kind of upset the apple card a bit. Well, they don't know. They have an IQ of two or two and a half, so they don't realize that the horses are coming back. And they could be back in a day. It would seem like 30 years. Right. And then if the horses go out again,

they don't realize that yesterday they went out. They don't remember that. So Rojo was really upset again. Wait, what are some of the new horse names? and then we'll move on. San Francisco is in the running. That's a long one. Yeah, that's a long one.

People like Dusty. Oh, yeah, I like Dusty. Whitney suggested Dusty, too. I know. So Whitney may be the winner. I mean, she's in, right now there's six names. I'm not sure. Did you or Heather introduce the name?

I'm just asking. Spudley. Well, one of the names, the original name was David Spade. I know, but that's not going to get that horse any respect. But the horse doesn't know its name. As far as we know, they know us, they see us and they love us. Don't be jealous. You know those classic tri-colored freezer pops we used to fight over during the scorching summer days?

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I'm hooked. Listen, you will be too. Hooky up. Ignite those taste buds with a firework freeze flavored, five-hour energy shot now available online at five-hourenergy.com or Amazon. Well, I will tell you about the flight now that you're trying to pull it out of me. So, okay, so you're flying across the country a few days ago. Going to New Jersey.

Yes. Cute flight, not as far going that way, one hour shorter. Yeah, I like that. LA to New York. So we get there. Plus I have a ton of bags because, you know. Yeah, it's just, it's going to be a while. You're a movie star going to make shoot a big giant Hollywood movie.

I was telling you have one of the movie stuff. No one was listening. So, oh, my hair is shorter too. So anyway, I go, go, go. We get there, they go. We get all the way in the plane. Pilot comes out. Okay, guys.

You know the feeling. If there's a comedian on, they juice it up a bit. And the guy thinks he's on America's got talent. Oh, no. Yep. The pilot goes, I'll do this when he goes.

Okay, folks. First of all, the first thing he says, we're going to be about an hour late. They're keeping us here in the runway about an hour. We're going to go to New Jersey, blah, blah. And I'm like, you can't just throw in there with no remorse. We're going to be an hour late. We're not taking off for an hour.

And he was too much joie de vivre and Selavi. And I was like, uh-huh. So immediately I'm mad at him. And then he goes, well, we're going to be heading to Newark stopping in Bangkok. And his eyes dart to me. And I'm like, gong, you're not going to Hollywood, sir. You know what I mean? He thinks he's going to get the golden buzzer on that dog.

shit. He's got these jokes, you know, that they go, oh, yeah, the standard jokes. Yeah, but then they go, I got to rev it up because there's a comedian here. I'll give him the A plus material. And I'm like, that's your good stuff. That's your closer. Well, he's in the cockpit, though, right? Doing this. He's out. He walked out. Oh, he's out with the thing going. That's walking. He's doing any going. Okay, sorry, I missed that. And so he's doing standup basically in front of you. He like took it from the person. Yeah. Said, I got this. I got it. Hey, ladies and germs.

He goes, ladies and germs? And then does he look, does he look at you? He looks at me. Hey, germ. No, that's a big laugh line. I'm supposed to be like, you know, like I'm a scout in the audience. Yeah, he doesn't understand. Yeah, and he's so hilarious.

Also, then we go and it's so stormy and bumpy, you'd hate it. Then we land. I've been in those flights, yeah. We're circling. Heather's like, we're circling. Can you tell him like, no, it make me sick. Oh, and, yeah. New Jersey.

Then we land, but we land in Dulles, like diehard. Well, wait a man. You were, but you're supposed to. Too stormy. You divert. You divert to Dulles. Again, you put a fine point on it. You made it very clear.

Well, you don't just end up. I mean, it's planned, hopefully, not that shit. They said, we got to divert. We're going to Dulles. And I thought we were landing in New Jersey. I'm like, ah, snap. So I go, she-y-y. Oh, that is a drag.

You didn't even have to make a story out of this one so far. And then we go, we're going to taxi, refuel, and get out of here. We taxi for maybe 30 minutes. Then, glug, glug, glug, glug, glueling. And now, how long would I think it would take to refuel? So they're up there kicking and scratching. I don't like that. Having the time of their lives.

We're all dead silent. They're like, ha-ha. By the way, please don't get up. Please don't stand up. Don't do anything on the runway. then they're goofing around juggling up there. And I'm like, can I stand up an inch? Like, sit down.

Get fucked. So then after tickling and playing twister, I finally go, hey, any word on the gas? And the guy goes, yep, we're going to get right out of here after it's gassed up. I go, when's that? They go, when it's done? I go, when's that? And he goes, pretty soon. I'll kill you.

Does anyone else talk on the airplane but you? It feels like you're alone on the airplane. I was close to the front. Is there anyone else? To me like Bruce Willis, like, you're the boss, dude. Do something. Jeez. You're the toughest one.

Why would they, what, so they're going to refuel to get you to New Jersey, like a 20-minute flight? We're going to take a sip of gas because you didn't run out going to even shorter than where we were going. But, you know, I'm not dumb. Something doesn't smell right. smell right. Yeah. That's the first thing he didn't smell right

in this trip. So then I go, and he goes, we're taking off, sit out. Nothing. Nothing for 40 minutes you would have flipped out.

We're not taxing. Sit down and then you just did. Every sits down. I got crickets. That's when I start to go bananas. We finally, okay, where it's taxiing.

I'm like, it took you 40 minutes to give you the update. So we land at 1.30 in the morning and I have to work all day the next day. Far be it for me to complain. So, no, I want to know when you left your house to when you walked in the hotel room, because that's what I call it. That's travel time. What was it about?

That was over 12 hours, right? Yeah. We left at 9 a.m. at 9 a.m. my house. Yeah, I did a 13 to Miami. Door to door. door to door yeah then i walk in a pile of her news it and i was like this so you think you have a break and then there's just this i have a sensitive snout and then i got up to go to the first thing which is an hour 15 away and my neck and i was all right my neck is tough but i was okay after that flight my temper

I didn't flip out. And my neck was okay. We worked all day until probably 6 p.m. And then I had some food. Then I zonked. Did you actually, was it just testing again? Or did you actually shoot scenes? No, no scenes.

Then some rehearsals, some testing, some wardrobe, some. And then we had a read through yesterday. And so there's just a lot going on. Do you have a director yet? No. no we do we have Kyle what is his last name

nunncheck new check and he's a great guy he came from workaholics he was directing I think maybe came up with workaholics with those guys great dude just did Happy Gilmore

jumping over here he's got this one's kind of a lot of moving parts if you can imagine so he did Happy Gilmore too and now he's doing this one that's nice huh I'd seem It seems like a lot of moving parts.

It's a cast of thousands. I said you have a lot of moving parts. I'm the only one you need to worry about. Keep your eyes on me at all time. Eyes in the prize. Higgins. What movie is that from? That's just funny.

I don't know. I don't know where Higgins. I thought Steve Higgins or. No, Higgins is me in the movie. Oh, that's your name? Yeah, I'll get you a link. In the movie. Yeah.

Higgins? Can we talk about that? Can we talk about it? Is it too late to change it from the first two movies? What are you playing a billionaire hedge fund guy? Dana. You're playing David. Is part of the American fabric.

You're going to have townies beat you guys up again or threaten you, I bet. Townies will threaten. Don't guess ahead. The fans wait for it. No, I said, we should put a nuclear bomb in it like Oppenheimer. that helped that movie. They're like, okay, these are all good suggestions. There's no bad ideas.

That one's bad. It's up and upper. Yeah, called Floppenheimer. It can't flop, it's on Netflix. Wait, what was Todd Glass's joke about that? Oh, I cannot even think about it. I'll tell it next week. So tune in.

It's great that you have Oppenheimer jokes. Three years later. Do we have any Odyssey jokes? The Odyssey. No jokes. I heard my favorite Zendaya is not in it a lot. She's in plenty. Okay.

I'm hearing this in the streets. She's like the ghost queen. She's like above everything. She rolls in and out, you know. Are you going to see Spider-Man? What do I, do I look like someone's going to see Spider-Man? Baby, baby, baby, baby. I don't know.

The Marvel Universe. and all that's lost my lost the thread a little bit is robert downy junior in it because i will watch that guy bob downy made an interesting move which i personally don't love i don't i don't want to get our fan base bobby downy i know i've heard about that love robert dj year bob just bob as a friend r dj yeah and a and a peer and a peer and someone that we both look up to each other i think so he was in the Avengers he was Iron Man for those of you that don't know

he played Iron Man he came in and played Iron Man but he wasn't really made of iron he wore an iron shoot He wore an iron shoot And that's how they Johnny really explains To the audience

He's not actually an iron man He just with the suit He's uh you could call him an iron man Because he's wearing In bus boys it's funny because we go Undercover at school They go how to I go and I go, I don't know, this kid called me

Low Iron Man, and they go, I don't know why, and he goes, because you're a pussy. And I go, oh, I knew it was negative. And he called me an iPhone one inch. It doesn't sound negative. No, because I'm also, why do? Because I was wired. That's right.

It's trying to get information. I cannot give all the busboys away. Oh, it's going to Hulu, August 15th. Oh, it is? Yeah. Oh, you're going to a real? Excuse me You're going

Oh you're not just You're going to a real Streaming service I'm not saying It's shocking But it's going to be I'm blippy It's going to be

I'm squeeps squab All the big ones Pluto will be the last place That's on The Pluto network I say a joke About Tooby

And they're like They just sold Tooby For a billion I'm like That fucking trashy Really is that What's Well every channel's worth

A lot What the fudge is going Everybody's a billion I can't stand it. Anyway, gal back. Well, Mamme, Man, Danny's going after billionaires in New York. If you have a second home in New York,

he wants you to pay more tax. Yeah. Yeah. I think it was a bit of a stumble to post online all the people that have second homes and their addresses. Because you know, you can't say after he says, should protest in the streets and then say that, I would be worried if I was a guy with that.

It was a little weird, but yeah. I told you I do it, and now I'm doing it. I'm Mnambi. That's Mn-Den-E's impression? I'm Mandini. If you don't do the impression, you just say the name. I'm M-Denny. I think it's M-Dony.

Be careful David Spade or I'll drop a tax bomb on you. God damn. He really bombed it. But it was famous, a lot of famous people and said their addresses and I was like, Ooh. Ooh. That's dangerous. I don't know about that far.

Just tax them. I don't think you kind of. Just tax the fuck out of them. Put a, walk him down the street tied together. Who did I hear say something today? Oh, I shouldn't say. It was a celebrity. It was a celebrity that we know that's been on here.

Friend of the show. A friend of the show. to the show? That said, oh, I did this movie and I loved it because I made so much money, I got to buy my second, third house. And I go, I don't think this is what you should tell the American people. Yeah. It's expensive out there. I'll tell you that much.

I mean, most people can't even buy a house. It's just brutal out there. No, buy a house, go out to dinner. Everything is just, get a slurpy. It's amped up. Yeah. Buy some chapstick. Jacked it.

up to do basic stuff. You think I'm like that. Everything is so expensive. Is he the chef now? Yeah. Everybody's a chef with you, David Spade. I love your stink bomb story in the hotel room.

Because I needed some sleep. Dang it's a much. Listen, there must have been a six pound stink bug I stepped on. Like a big as a fucking kettlebell. Because it was the emitting of the what else are they called what your faculties there's other words up there so oh well it was sort of

hmm what does it mean way up in your nose oh there's another word I'm looking for um but poutchew would call it your nasal area oh your boy is in trouble your nasal area yeah fouchie i played the fit on the advice of my attention Tony, I will evoke my right under the Fifth Amendment of the Constitution to refrain from telling anything right now. I'm not supposed to tell any lies. I've got to be careful. A little bit of the rocky guy. I do fouches like this.

I'm Tony Fouchy. And from the bottom of my all-new leather fouches, go fuck yourself. Yeah. He was really on the... on the griddle. But he wasn't saying anything. I want to hear him say something. Well, it just got to do that.

It's a constitution. David, it's his right. I know. I heard that because he got amnesty. What did he get? He got pardoned by Joe Bine. So he has to answer. That's a little bit of a gray area there.

How about are you allowed to do an opening statement and still do the fifth go? go that's all you get oh i'm asking you oh yeah he did do an opening state i'm saying are you allowed to go yes oh oh yes there are people in the republican party that have an obsession with me is that what he says yeah and they're just trying to get at me i'm tony fouchy what about we'll do it go ahead maybe we'll do them on

our five era energy oh that's great it's about to come out I will say I was going to get a cheese steak and the recommendation was this little choke and puke down the street and they go it's great

the griddle has seasoning from 50 years I go like a bathtub ring What do you mean? So you didn't think it was a recipe from 50 years ago. You thought it was an actual product that was 50 years old. Well, no, brittle from 50 years of seasoning of just cooking on it over and over and over. I'm like, that's your big pitch?

Do you ever think that you're kind of seeking trouble? Because it seems like everything that could go wrong goes wrong. We got to get a movie and just David Spade. the victim. Mr. Victor. Well, the airplane ride was a mofo. I know, and it kills me to complain. It goes against

every fire. You're not really complaining. You're reporting. Yeah, thank you. Let me ask this guy. David complaining? Ask somebody. No. David Spade doesn't pay

his fair share. But his stories were true. Also with the Grinnell, 50 years old, he shouldn't have bad their ham sandwich from that place. And by the way, I talk a lot like Tony Fauci right now. No complaints. No complaints.

Don't proceed. Don't proceed. It's the millionaires and you're a millionaire. Oh, it's the billionaires. You're almost a billion. They always call them about you. You're a billion. You fly private.

Don't twist it all around. I guess the biggest private jet guy was Al Gore. I don't blame him. That's a wonderful thing to do. I've talked to pilots. I love your position. fly. I like to fly by myself on a private jet. They call it private because it's just me. Then I buy offsets. They plant trees. They don't get your B and a bonnet. Yeah. I have to fly to save the climate. You're like, no, that, yes. That's it. Yeah. Some CO2 is good. By the way, we have more green plants on Earth than it ever. In history of the Earth. How dare you? How dare you? How dare you? How dare you? Greta Thumburg

I know I like her I love her Let's bring her on She's cool She has a sitcom by now It would be called The Craby little girl How dare you?

How dare you? How dare you? How dare you? How dare you? Welcome to Greta Thumburg Welcome, Greta Thunberg And how dare you? How dare you?

It's an SNL game show. Yeah. Who plays Greta Thumburg. Sarah Silverman. No, Sarah Sherman. All the Sarah's. Dude, I said to the funniest burn today because it was some girl sits on a log. And she falls backwards down a hill and her pants pull down her knees and the log rolls over.

And it's, they're all cracking up. It's ridiculous. And I go, Sarah, was this your SNL audition? Fucking burn. So awesome, Spade. Good job, Stade. Good job. You're a good friend to Sarah.

Okay, do you, let's do five-hour because it's getting that time. It's around that time. Oh, I got to read it. I got to read it. Heather, Heather, Heather, Heather. Oh, the intro. To let you get prepped. Who's Cam?

Cam from Busboys? Cam. Oh, sorry, Sam from Busboys. Yeah, from S&L, too. Cam Patterson. Yeah. Yeah, more from that. Yeah, more from S&L.

know. I think he said something, one of his jokes was, he said Dio was dumber than JFK after the first bullet. Remember that? These jokes won't be on a sitcom. Go on for the, going for the family audience. Yeah. It's great.

No, you're a beautiful, intelligent woman. It's funny because you're not supposed to say it. You say it and then people laugh. I like to cause it's taboo. Who are we talking to? Oh, Tony Hale that loves watching bloopers on Instagram from different shows. I know. It's so fun.

I was watching Seinfeld and Julie Louise laughing all the time is so funny. And you know they're all, it's so fun. Okay. I wish I could talk about that. Because it's time for buzzing around. Sponsor by Five Hour Energy's Firework Freeze Flavor. Ignite your taste buds with a red, white, blue freezer pop classic. reimagined as a delicious firework freeze,

five-hour energy shot. Fine firework freeze. Five-hour energy shot. Online at five-hourenergy.com or Amazon today. Dana will be doing a scenario, a fictitious one. Don't think it's real. I don't know if it's... Please don't think it's real at home.

He's just making up jokes. It's just making up jokes. It's nothing that really is happening. It's not funny. But I already kind of gave away my joke. that made me laugh. Okay, this is... Who did?

I already gave it away a little bit. Well, this is Tony Fauci. People too now having dinner with Christopher Walken, and then Lauren Michaels comes in. Oh, I love it already. Okay, shh, very quiet on the set. Go. Tony, Tony, do you like tomatoes?

On the advice of my attorney, I vote my Fifth Amendment right under the Constitution and frame of asking a question. Wow. Do you like avocados? On the advice of my attorney, I invoke on the Fifth Amendment of the Constitution of Franklin Ransley. Your question. What's up, everybody?

Tony, how are you? Would you guys like to split some calamari? And then you read it. On the advice of my attorney. Oh, on the advice of my attorney, I'm about the Constitution. That's close. And the advice of my son of attorney. In the constitution.

But I do like, I do like, uh, octopus. Tony, what about doing it's a joke? Why did the chicken cross the road? On the by the man, that was that, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And the advice of my, you got it. That's what he should have started doing in the hearing. I thought people had a hard time understanding me.

But this takes it to a whole level. Now, excuse me, I got to go make some more Girl Scout cookies. Cookies. With Lauren said, Anthony, host, first show this season, maybe? First show, you're going to be with the Goo Goo Dolls? We'll pair you with the Goo Goo Dolls. I think it's a pretty good show. Anthony, the richer you guys.

get the more sort of casual and relaxed and you get very quiet. I think maybe we should have some sourdough rolls. Yeah. On the advice of my gay, and in a knee, can you send me in Fauci some, do you have churros? You know what churos are?

Churals are like a little rolled-up thing, powdered up sugar. Mexican, like dessert. of my cheros. He got it mixed up. Yeah. I'm red red. The advice of insurers.

Who's this guy? Is that red red, red necky? Red rednecky, the redneck comedian. That's right. Did you make up a rednecky? Well, I just, I had AI do this character. You did the character and AI goes, I know what you're looking at. Yeah, I just described it.

I'm red, red neck either. Now everything sounds like that. like Fauci now. It's a problem for people doing questions. Wait, let me hear the Red Rednecky. I'm red rednecky. Yeah, sort of. Let's see. I'm Red, Redneck comedian. My foot got caught in the lawnmower. I went to the doctor. They said,

we got to aptitate your left foot. I said, can I keep my right foot? They said, yeah. I said, come and get some. That's not even a show. Well, because he's, the thing is, he's so positive. No, whatever. ever happened. Oh, he's happy? I asked my daddy what's for dinner. He said, shit on a shingle. I said, this day just keeps getting better and better. Coma Gets home. Yeah, shit on his shingle. I think my daddy said that, too. That's a good one. Yeah, that's a World War II thing. I asked my mama what's for dinner.

She said, rogue kill. I said, what kind? She said, uh-oh, I guess I'll go check the bumper. Guard mark. Come and get some. Are we still doing five-hour energy? No, it's over. Oh, yeah, that was buzzing around. Sponsored by five-hour energies, Firework Freeze Flavor,

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Yes, you heard it right. Your Amazon Music, Unlimited subscription. now includes access to audiobooks, meaning it does so much more for you without any extra hassle, Dana. I've been listening while walking the dog tackling that endless mountain of laundry. And it just fits perfect. You're always doing the laundry. I do loads and loads of it all day. Sundays.

Yeah, Sunday's Laundry Day. Boo, I got 55 of these. And it just fits perfectly into my routine. I recently queued up Project Hale. Mary out which was a great movie but great to listen to too hearing the story come to life in the narrator's voice completely transformed my afternoon chores into an epic space adventure jealous yeah it's amazing how a great voice performance makes the story feel so special and immersive and the best part is that you don't need a separate app to dive into your next favorite story it's all seamlessly

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I'm trying I'm yawning. I'm on East Coast time. I think you're doing it after hearing your story. I know, right? I think you're bringing it really good today. And I was really preening and peacocking to the camera test today. I mean, I'm out there working on the farm at 5.30, so it's a little late for me. Poked and bails the hay with a pitch horse.

So the flight lasts 13 hours, and then you have a stink bomb in the hotel. You try to get a bite to eat the grill's 50 years old. Is that what you're saying? That's a good summary, peers. That's really, remind me never to travel with you. Remind me never to listen to this fucking shit again. Now, well, let's go to some news stories. We've got a few minutes.

Oh, my God. We haven't had a story yet? No, I know. Sorry. Okay. On the advice of, okay. Oh, this. Oh, Heather's reading ahead.

Arsness cuts off penis, then use it to start. a blaze and neighbor's garage cops that's the cops well what could have happened here Dana and they use it as a match um I mean who hasn't tried this I mean most men this is sort of some

of course every crazy person has better hair than me God dang it you do ever notice that homeless people do have great heads of hair Yeah and huge wieners Well because they're always dropping their I know, they're showing off. I don't know what this story is.

Cuts off penis. You want to read this out loud for our listening. Was a bunch of junk? A Fireburg in Indiana cut off his own wean dumped gasoline on it. And uses his weiner to start a blaze? God, where's the HOA? This is going to grab the audience and hold them. By the way, I thought Red Rednecky was skinnier.

Yeah, I got that message. I actually thought that too. Red Rednecky can be skinny. Yeah, you know, it's still in the early stages. Yes, I'm going to, you know, here's what you do is you put in your 10, 15 red rednecky jokes to Claude. You say, give me a thousand jokes. Freaking Claude. clawed.

Someone told me to get clawed. I was like, I don't know. It's like the vaccine. I'm going to wait, get more information. Yeah, the vaccine was overrated. I mean, I did it, but. I had to get the vaccine within seconds, or I couldn't go to my agents, or I couldn't go on the set of my job.

I couldn't fly. Okay, what's the next story? Let's see. Turned. Turned the regular club into the turtle club. Play it. An insane character I did in a master disguise. Heather.

Look at they put the turtles in the audience. I like that they use the turtle just occasionally. It comes in. Yeah, like that. Turtle? Hurl. What? Turtle club, man.

Oh, right. I'm just thinking... That's a compliment. We should talk to Happy Madison. Do you either do a cartoon called Turtle Man? Oh, that would be good. And he's a private detective and his car looks like a turtle shell. Does this woman work here?

What voice is that? I'm showing you a picture. Am I not turtily enough for Turtle Club? Drop, drop. It was weird. When I was doing that, character. It was so weird that I had the thing on. I'm a turtle. I'm a turtle. And then I do a take and I go to Video Village for you kids where all the people are there. And they're just they're looking

down as I come in. I'm not kidding. It was like a morgue in there. I mean, you know, seriously, it was like somebody died. Because they didn't know. It would be a huge, huge hit. They didn't know. in my poly market. I didn't pick the Turtle Club today. I would have won quite a fortune. I was a handbutts. I would have won a shrew. A bit of a smidge of a fortune.

Yeah. A kid through school. Yeah, I think it's time. I like Turtle Club. Okay, let's do know. Okay, here we go. That was cool. We give a summary.

That was cool. I dug it. Mm-hmm. Oh, I think, oh, this is fine. Dana, this is a girl that got bullied. And I like this because her mom helps her. and goes, I'm going to feed you the bully lines, and then you, okay.

People are calling you. That's probably going to help you give a comeback. Okay, I like that. She's very cute. Fucking ugly. Okay. I told the barbers. No, it started too late.

I told my hair dresser to give me your cut. That's a good one. You're a gap tooth bitch. Okay. You're an ugly little rat. Okay. She can't, God, her mom's the meanest. Okay.

You have the worst haircut and she goes, okay, I went to your barber. And the guy was barber. I think that she seems like the coolest kid. I don't know if she needs the training. Why would she get picked on? She's like the funniest. Why is she getting picked on? I like that she's not super sad about it because they're trying to coach her.

And she's like just laughs because it's like it throws her because she goes, you're a bucktooth bitch. beaver and she's like, okay. Like, mom, let's start with a few softballs first. We got to find out what the attack line is before we go to something. You butt too bitch. The mom was going in hard and she's like, I think that's why she laughed. She's like, well, that was a bit more than I thought was coming. I think the basic classic from my childhood, I don't know about you was, I know you are, but what am I?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I know you are. What am I? Yeah. Hey, they'd be like, hey, hey, Spade, you're an idiot. I know you are. What am I? No, I know you are, but did you have something about me? Was there another one in there?

I know you are. I'm rubber, you're a glue. What you say to me sticks to you? Yeah, there was, why don't you make me? I go, I don't make trash. I burn it. This was my child with three older brothers who would bully me. It'd be like, cut it out.

Cut it out. Quit punching me. Stop it. Did your brothers ever hold you down and then spit and have the spit go all the way? Sorry, I triggered you. I don't know why they got some of joy out of it. It definitely, I don't like being held down. I don't think anyone does, but pinned down my brother.

I never liked it up, which is not an exact science because sometimes he just spits on me. At least you didn't get the whiskers. Your dad never came back and held you down with a two-week growth and rubbed his face on your prepubescent face. No, but my grandma used to go, you feel this bikini wax on your face. I go, I'm kidding. It's a mega bush. I went to grandmas.

How did you not? Well, I was thinking ahead, but let me, give me a second. What happened to Grandma? I went to her medicine camera. I'm like 10. It was like, even I knew. Dry to Jesus, I was like, so then she's like, and she was a chain smoker.

And then she had some tea, so she took the tea that you dip into the tea bag and tried to light it. Ah, crazy for us. Grandma! Because she's on so, I like you open the medicine cabinet's a hundred things. It's like hydrogonga gigo. Yeah. God bless her, you know. She needed a little extra juice to get by and left.

All right, let's throw one more, one or two more. There's a leaner one in here somewhere. This is it. Katie Perry gets stuck inside giant. Oh, this is a giant bottle. She makes a big goofy bottle in her concert and then she can't get out. She's crowd surfing in her bottle. Oh, I love this.

Now she's trying to get out. Yeah, she's stuck. Well, it looks like a condom, doesn't it? Does anyone have a bottle opener? Yeah, I could be. It could be the intestines of a whale. I don't know. I would start to get scared because she can't roll it.

No one's pushing her. Well, they don't really see her. I don't know. I mean, what was this considered a home run as you do it all the time? No, it was a stunt gone wrong, they're saying.

I think it's like crowd surfing with safer. So they put you in like a circle. Oh, and then put you out amongst everyone and you're inside this place. They're like not going along with the rehearsal where they're supposed to pass her along to like stage. And she's like, oh, they're just guys I've stalled out here.

I've rarely done that. I mean, you've tried it in some of your gigs. It's sort of a smaller to, yeah. Oh, this is kind of sad when, it's just having a brat. And now Tom Cruise, oh, his daughter is changing his last name, her last name, man. Huh.

That's a bummer. But listen to this. She gave an excuse, which I think is, I would guess, a bluff, but I do think it's nice. She at least said an excuse. Right. I, to pursue acting without relying on. I don't have enough information to have an opinion. I use that phrase a lot, but she can change, she can change her name, but I think the, you know, just, it's hard to really erase yourself now and really change your name and have no one know what came from. Right. I mean,

people, especially in LA, if you're related to anyone, everyone just goes, oh, see that, that guy's dad invented mothballs, you know, and they're like, oh, I've heard of them. Yeah, he's super rich. Like, everyone is introduced or talked about, and they have to drop in. Right. And I, I think she's a really, appears to be a really sweet young woman, but I would just say that if you do want to change your identity secretly, maybe you wouldn't post it globally? Globally. I don't know if she posted her new name.

Her new name is Pitt. And her middle name is Brad? Yeah. I'm sorry, Brad Pitt. Hey, I'm just going to say this right now, because people literally have asked me this occasionally. Is Spade your real last name? Oh, I have heard of that.

You know, this comes up, but when we're on Sarnet Live and Chris Rock said, people think we both made up our last name. Chris Rock as well. Show busy, yeah. Too cool, too cool. Best thing my dad did. Give me a cool name and then split. But I liked it.

I like the name. Oh, it works. It's great. Yeah, would I like a hug also? Which is like, oh. Oh, okay. Oh, we're going there. Just look at my gum collection of my hand, and I'm a little light. Yeah, yeah.

Dana, should we end it on that whimper? I'm fine with it. Any dates? Oh, you want another one? All right. We'll do one more. Oh, this is just a technical thing. I think is real.

Maybe it's a fake way of looking fake, but when you see disaster movies and how they make it. Okay. Cool. If you do that in slow motion, and you have enough angles, looks for sure real. Well, it's a little bit going back to Odyssey

where it, you know, it is water, it is waves, it's flowing in there and there's model, model city. So, yeah,

usually you could do it with AI, but, yeah, look pretty cool. And if people think that's AI, then we're really focusing. I'm like, you're faking the fake stuff.

Like, come on. Come on. So I can't believe, you can just, you can just maybe tell us or not tell us, but where are they going to use that in grownups three? No, that's not in grownups three. No? I cannot tell you one minuscule molecule. Hmm.

Hmm. No, we were doing camera tests. I took a picture of somebody because I thought was funny. And they go, don't post it. I go, relax. I'm not some thirsty poster. Or am I? once with the flirtation.

I like to go to the camera. Because I have to look down to look at you on it. But I want to look up into the lens like a normal person. No, well, that gives you, because you do that sometimes. Like, I'd be like, hey, David, what's up? I know, it's funny. I love it.

Okay, well, I'll let you go. All right, thanks, David. You're a trooper based on what you put up with this week to come in and do the podcast. I thought we'd have. Yes, I owe it to the fans. They freak out if I wasn't here. I think you do. But thanks for playing along.

We'll see you next week. Good night, everybody. All right, listen, if you're enjoying the fly on the wall, of course, hopefully you are. Click follow. We don't want to be desperate, but obviously smash that goddamn button on your favorite podcast app. Smash it. Leave a review, a good one. Leave a five-star rating, nothing else.

Whoops. And maybe even share an episode with a friend. If you're watching this episode on YouTube, please. Subscribe, Dana. What do you think? I'm going to tell you this right now. Hear me now, believe me later. Fly on the Wall, believe it or not, is presented by Odyssey. And executive produced by Hold For It, Dana Carvey and David Spade.

Or David Spade and Dana Carvey. We don't write those stuff. Heather Santoro, Greg Holtzman, and Leah Reese Dennis. The show is edited by Evan Cox, with production support from Phil Sweet Tech. Talent production and booking by Sophia Lippor.