Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade - Jeff Garlin on Curb, Replacing Chris Farley, and Hack Headliners

Episode Date: October 22, 2026

Jeff Garlin joins the guys to talk about doing stand-up with Judd Apatow, Garry Shandling’s influence on Curb Your Enthusiasm, and his new photography book, Best Seat in the House. Also, Jeff discusses replacing Chris Farley at Second City, and they discuss the foods that David has tried in Italy.

Lauren Michaels, there was a show at the improv in L.A., which I believe you were on, and Lauren was coming to see people. And I was on that thing. And I was last. As I went up, Lauren left. Oh, my God. Oh, really? Yeah.

Richard Joseph bring a little card and put it in the salt shaker. You know, the little thing that holds the, you know, on the salt thing. And right before we yelled action, either I or Larry would grab the card. and he'd be very upset at the start of the scene. He did it every time, all the years. I went in for him. I could not do one scene. I was not funny in every scene.

As a matter of fact, you know what? You know what I couldn't get down? I could not get down, because Odenkirk wrote it, the van down by the river. Because that was a scene at Second City. Nothing. Nothing. Jeff Garland, Dana. Jeff Garland, Kirby,

your enthusiasm was a big, big show. We do talk about that and Larry David. Yeah. Done a lot. You know him. You see him on things. Improv guy. What a gift to be on with Larry David.

A huge part of the show on there for years and years and years. And he's got a photography book out, right? Right. Behind the scenes of Hollywood. Oh, yeah. He does that, which Jeff Bridges, I think, used to do too, right? Yeah, I think a lot of people are snapping. Yeah, it's kind of fun on a set.

So that's out. It's on Amazon. And we have a really fun convos. So we had a good convo. Yeah, here it is. Jeff Garland. Jeff Garland. So, David, you're in Italy.

I was about to say, Dana, introduce me to your friend. Oh, you're a loser. Hi, Jeff. Good to see you, David. Jeff Garland. No, I am in Italy, Jeff. I'm, I think the last time I saw you is probably at the comedy. store and um yes it wasn't the comedy store and not too long ago you know what's tough jeff is you do stand

up to take a huge chunk off it doesn't seem like it but a week or two feels weird to take three three and a half months is like it's um and is there any by the way long shot because it is world now which it wasn't when we all started is there any club are there any clubs in italy like i don't or expats or anything like that i don't even know if there's stores i have I haven't left too much. I don't know if there's restaurants. I don't know. That's the same story. Yeah. Is there food? Is there just basic? There's food that you don't know is what it is. You order something like a club sandwich and they go, oh, here you go. So it's sardines on top of a chili pepper with tuna sauce. And I go, what do you think a club is? What did I? But it's all lost in translation. By the way, tuna sauce, that's as good as it gets. Tuna sauce is a real thing, right? I don't know, I'd have heard, but I know that a craft service guy, I'm a big tuna salad guy, so I had him, I said make some stuff.

And I made a joke, but it was true, he made some tuna soup. It was essentially little drops of tuna in mayo, and it was big. So he made tuna soup. And it was more mayo than tuna, you think? More mayo was soup. Oh, my gosh. Oh, by the way, I'm exaggerating this much. Yeah, I bet.

I mean, they do put veal with tuna sauce on it, and everyone says that's a no from me, dog. Like, I had tuna on my pizza the other night. I go, oh, what is this pepperoni? They go to and I go, oh, barf, no, thank you. Uh-huh. Because it tasted weird. Now, I wasn't ready. But you're in Italy.

But I'm in Italy, and I've never been. I've been here. I would not order a club sandwich. I don't. I don't. Well, I know, and everyone's coming down really hard on me. And, but I'm standing firm that I like what I like and I will stick to it. But I did finally get spaghetti with meat sauce.

It took this a whole month for someone to understand that. They go, we don't really do that. And what, did you like it? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Oh, yeah. I think everybody.

there everyone there should be hitting you hard and then you're all hitting me very hard what's the name of that movie you're doing grownups grownups three yeah grown up i was in i was i was i was in robocop three which i call the good one yeah this one's officially called grownups three this time we're trying well that's good i like that Okay. Thanks for the mouth closure. You could let it out. I do that. I just, I think it's because of my girlfriend, because my laugh scares her. She's really, really funny. She's really, really funny. So when she says something that kills me, you have to stop. You don't have to stop around us. We love it.

Okay, thanks, pal. You have a good voice, good, good. comedic voice. Yes. That's really a part of it. Like, there's a lot of comics and you're finding unique things. You have good material and your voice helps that it's just interesting. Well, thanks, pal.

I only get recognized. People see me sometimes and they're like, oh, you know. But generally, I go through the day until I talk. And once I, like the grocery store and nobody bucks me, I get in the lane. And then a bunch of people go, I thought it was you. You know, this is a giveaway. And also, you're always like almost hoarse, but I don't think you go horse, right? This is because of the movie Wally.

I didn't know how to do voice work properly. And so, you know, you do like three hours sessions. You're in a little studio thing. And every one of my things over, and I recorded for three years, at the end was me yelling and screaming. And it became this. And it's permanent. I went to a voice doctor. Who did you play in the movie, Louis Black?

No, Sheena Easton. You played Sheena Easton. No, I was the captain of the ship. I'm very proud of that. That's probably the, that and curb I'm probably most proud of. Why would you be proud of curb? Yeah. Because, by the way, can I be honest?

I'm kidding. No, no, I want to be honest. A good Christian undertone. Very proud. Because of the. The morality play that Larry David. Oh, Larry loves a good Christian lesson learned. That's his favorite thing.

Oh, okay. Yeah. Well, I just love that it felt like with you and Larry, you, like at some point, you weren't sure you were doing a take or you were just having a conversation. And that's just exponentially helps comedians make them into great actors when you don't even know your job. doing a take. There's no other. Well, both of you, it's great. Both of you would love to be on a show

where there's no script. There's an outline that's so freeing. And so I got to a point, like I read the outlines like three to six months before. He's written the outlines. And by the way, he does all the rewrites. So when we shoot, there's no rewriting. It is what it is. However, I don't read the outline again after I read it the first time. And Jeff Schaerner, for one of the producer and director directs most of the episodes. He knows when I sit down to the set, he'll sit and tell me

what we're doing today. I want to know nothing, and then he'll tell me, and within two minutes, it's action. So there's no... That's very cool. Richard Lewis, by the way, Richard Lewis used to

bring a little... Like, if we're at a table, doing a scene, Richard Joseph bring a little card and put it in the salt shaker. You know, the little thing that holds the, you know, on the salt thing. And right before we yelled action, either I or Larry would grab the card. And he'd be very upset at the start. Oh, my God. He did it every time, all the years. And you always took it? It's fantastic. Always took it. I'm getting Brando vibes. Well, you know, the thing is, we knew it was going to be there,

whatever scene. Part of the fun was figuring out where it was. Yeah. You know, Jeff. have five. First of all, you did say Richard Jew was in the middle of that, and you didn't mean to, but still, I, of course, wouldn't say anything. He did say Richard, Jew. Yeah, and then also, I know he's talking about, because Richard Lewis. When do you try on this podcast? It's. When do we try? No, I'm going to take a swing at Richard Lewis. One of his jokes when I used to watch him was, you know, he do this a lot. You know, Dana doesn't probably better. But he goes, oh my God, I checked an hotel. I'm on the road. I'm on the road. I'm supposed to have a suite. I had a regular room. I called down. I said, I don't want to be a problem. I don't have a sweet. And the guy says, oh, look. And he goes, oh, I didn't see the coffee maker on the back of my toilet. I do have a sweet. I apologize. Road jokes. They're funny. Why don't I thought that's super. Oh, they're always funny. I'm in La Jolla, by the way. I just did

this comedy store. No, you did not. That's so cool. I'm in a hotel room. Is this where what's that room like? It looks good. Like unequivocally, to me, the best room for energy. And it's so fun. I've never played here and not have fun. I got it. And I've been playing here for, in a matter of fact, I'm pretty much done doing any stand-up on clubs on the road.

I'm done. I think I'm going to be going on tour with J.B. Smooth, you know, and we'll play theaters. Great. But I only will play, like, if I'm in New York, I'll do the clubs there. If I'm in L.A., I do the clubs there. But this is the only road club that I'm going to keep. I'm doing this as the L.A. to San Diego thing.

It's the Loyal Comedy Store is a delight. And I thought both of you would have played there after all these years. It's great. We used to go to the improv in San Diego a long time. Yeah, Garnet. When Dave Becky ran it, you know? Yeah, yeah, that's right. Yeah, yeah.

I used to play there before the Comedy Store, too. In Pacific Beach, which is two different places during the day. very nice at night it's i used to go to the denies you remember the denies around the corner and then it was not if it was who's going to face plant someone every in all the drunks boom and i'm by the way not exaggerating what about diego's next it's like a nightclub you walk over after hey diegos and then there was food basket across the street i love that place like the comedy condo i did it with the funny boys my first time yeah by the way you know who used always play down there with is Judd, Judd Epitow.

He and I, he was the MC. I should do a documentary about that. I'm Judd Apatol. I don't know if I was not like Joe Appetal, but this is my Judd Apatat. This is called a bookmark impression until I get Judd. Hey, Doc, like this. That's a hilarious reference, a bookmark, because I'm thinking to myself, that doesn't sound like Judd.

At all. By the way, I don't have a face or a voice. Like I'm the most neutral human on earth. You can put a fake nose on me or I'll do a character, but I am completely neutral. I'm totally benign. You come up and you're this big, great presence on stage, big funny presence.

I let's sit in the back and I go, fuck, he's already funny. Yeah. You sound funny. There's no delay. He says hello and we're off to the races. I think people would say you make me laugh. You're already ahead of the game a little bit, and so it's yours to lose. When Jud and I, Judd and I worked the road together a lot, and we'd stay in, the comedy condo at the improv in Pacific Beach was great.

But we would always play with some truly hack headliner. It was Judd and I with, there was never a time where it wasn't a hack, and I'm pretty sure none of those people's people are still doing it unless it's on a cruise ship. Names. names, dates. Who were they? All Jews. I played the San Jose Improv a long time ago, and my opening act, who picked me up at the airport, was Dennis Miller. Oh, boy.

And I remember thinking, you know, he's driving me back. Okay, well, I'll see what happened here? And I thought this will be nothing. He'll get a couple of laps. This will be nothing. This bag of nothing. So I'm in the back. I'm used to the middle acts that are kind of.

middley, right? And suddenly I had to go outside. I go, what the fuck is going on? And Dennis was already at a 10, you know? Right. So that was, I had to pull my socks up on that one. And by the way, on the flip-flop, I have worked with Dennis, but I've never picked him up. Yeah, he never picked him up. In other words, I've never driven with him or picked him up the airport, which when I was a young comic, I started the comic strip in Fort Lauderdale. I was always the guy picking up the headlines. Oh, really? Great thing, yeah. Fun fact, Dennis is a very defensive driver, good driver.

Fun fact, not important to this podcast. Out of my way, Gleco. Jesus Christ, you know, all I need, Mario Andretti is in the fast lane today, all right? That's exactly. It's much better than your Jud Appetal. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. If you've thought about trying therapy with our long-term partner BetterHelp, insurance options may now be available nationwide.

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to figure out a confusing relationship dynamic. Having a professional to talk through it with, that can be grounding. If you're waiting to start therapy, BetterHelp works with more than 125 health plan networks and eligible members have an average co-pay of just $23 per session with insurance. If you don't have insurance, you don't live in the United States, you can still get 10% off your first month. visit betterhelp.com slash FOTW to explore your payment options. There's that documentary now on Netflix about him doing the Monday Night Football. Have either of you seen that?

Oh, I want to see it. I'm in it. They interviewed me for it. I can't watch anything I'm in. I can't watch any documentary anything I'm in. I don't know why. It's a disease. Can you help me?

I just don't like watching myself. No, I can't because when I tell people I've seen maybe a quarter of what's on my IMDB, They're like, really? It's like, no, it's not. The doing it is if it's delightful and I love what the project is, I'll watch it. But generally, I either have a mediocre time or a, uh, and so under those circumstances, no way am I watching. I go by feedback. Like, after a while, because I'm so scared to watch it, I either heard good things or I heard nothing.

Nothing means it was bad. Sometimes you do a talk show. In the old days, a talk show is a big deal. You're on Letterman. Your friends call you voicemails on your. your machine, but you do a bad one. It's crickets. It's disgusting and so horrible. By the way, I do know what you mean. Yeah. Ms. Baron von Eybrow. What I was going to say is talk shows, which are now sort of,

you know, on the way, you know. What do you mean? What's going on with talk shows? I've been busy lately. What's going on with those? If you do, here's the thing, you do a talk show, let's say in Manhattan, you hit 6th Avenue, there's a tumbleweed going down the street. Right after you do it. No, it doesn't. Ever since Regis left. Anyway, you're ready for this? I'm out of here.

Go ahead. No, Regis, I used to always tell him that he's everything that's right about show business. It really is. He's so fucking funny. He was great. Always the best. I mean, have you ever turned down a dinner with, is someone you regret not going to that dinner?

No. Oh. Regis invited me, honest to God, Jack Parr, would love to have dinner with you. Honest to God. Jack Parr? Honest to God, I'm not kidding around. He's a big fan. He wants to do it.

Are you ready for this? You can laugh out loud. She's gone. So, I was friends with Regis. Regis once called me up and said, you know what? You know what, Dana? you know what? They want to call my book, I'm out of control.

But I told him, I never said I'm out of control. That's Dan Agone. That's Danagani's phrase because I used to go, I'm out of control. But it's so fucking funny. I wish I'd had dinner with Jack Parr. I just saw it came up in my feed. There's my feed. I know what you're going to say.

When he quit live on the air, maybe that's bumped in a real. But then he's kept going, but he did quit live on the air. I sent it to Dana. I go, I never knew. I don't know much about Jack Park. I never knew how that ended. And that was so riveting to watch him. It was riveting, but also how timely.

It's like the same exact thing. The corporations trying to control what you say and the government. And that's what he was going through back then and said, I'm out. He said, Jack Parr. Yeah, Jeff Barr. You know how Jay Leno is sort of the godfather of comedy because he never goes negative and he has very pragmatic, logical takes. So at one point when the talk shows ratings were going down, he goes, yeah, everybody's

taking a pay cut. You know, it's no big deal. You know, you take a little less. You know, you can go over the money, but, you can cut, you know, Dave gets, Dave gets the money. I get the ratings. You know, it doesn't matter. But who cares that in?

No, I really, I love Jay's positivity. Yeah. I said, I have a fear of flying, Jay. He goes, what are you trying to do, live forever? You know, it's like, he, I mean, sort of, at least in a little longer. Everything he says is very logical and very centered. Him and Jerry have that same kind of. Jerry, too.

He and Jerry are the ones that just say, you know, I said, I'm kind of depressed, all that means, oh, the cream rises, you know, Jerry's like. Yeah, I would go to either of them for advice. They both are pretty low at it. Without a doubt, without a doubt, without a doubt. And Leno's doing a lot of stand-up at the comedy store. I've been with them a lot lately, and flappers in Burbank, which is one of my favorite room. You know the yardhouse is right there?

I go to the yardhouse and I do fucking floppers. I want to come in there and see Jay and you. I want to come in there and do a set. I'm going to do fast. When I'm done here, I've got to practice again. It's Jay Howie, Neel. By the way, yes, Neela, yes. who

who who who is in that Molly Ringwald Molly Ringwald Molly Ringwald Molly Ringwald

Malie Grin Ben Burrine Is she working on a new special? Yeah I got you It's been a long time but she is She's back in it Her shows are only lit with candles

I like that She should have 16 candles on stage And then she could have five Yeah Now Jeff while you take a step I'll tell you a story about Kirby enthusiasm. So I...

Okay. You were on it. You were on it. I did it once. And the part that I remember, I've told us, but I haven't told it to you. So the joke was, you remember, so the head of NBC has tickets. And this is kind of true. They have tickets to things.

So they have Laker tickets. And you and Larry or Larry says, hey, can I have the Laker tickets to go? And they have two sets. they have good and bad so he gives them to them and you guys are sitting up in the raptors and you got floor seats

I got floor seats with the head of NBC in quotes and so we do we shoot that at like a real game I think we use the endeavor way more seats and then so we leave and then I don't know

if you guys got the form or you got some big place to do it and a lot of extras expensive night shoot and then when we're leaving I don't know if people know this maybe they do. You've probably told it. But same situation. Somebody comes to me and the guy, I forgot his name, I'm sorry, played the head of NBC and said, when you walk out, Larry's going to be

mad about the seating situation. David, be defensive. And I go, what's he doing? They go, don't worry about that. So now it turns into, this is two parts, this is stupid story. But we do a take, we're all kind of talking, arguing. And he's like, I mean, why would not? I should be in the floor. And I go, well, I mean, we all work for NBC and he goes, well, I did Seinfeld. And I go, and I did you just shoot me. It's like, it's like a toss up. And he's like, what do you mean? It's a toss up.

I go, bro, you had a good show. I had a good show. We could rotate. He's like, it's not a toss. Why are you saying this is even close to Seinfeld? And so the next take, it goes on for five minutes. That's funny. Next take, the guy comes up and he goes, be more apologetic.

And then the third take is like, try to get out of there, try to wrap him up. And it was so funny because I don't know what he's going to do and he doesn't know what I'm going to do, I guess. and it made it way more fun. You guys are talking, we're talking. No, no, no, hold on, hold on. No one is saying any of that to you unless Larry told them to say that to you. He always knows what's going on. So it's like Leno when you do the tonight show and they know your stories ahead of time

and he thinks of bits back to you, but you don't know what he's going to say. So anyway, I do it, I do it. I had a great time. I leave a couple weeks later, Larry calls me. hey, I'm sorry to say, we are going to just to the top of that when you're in the audience. Show is long. We can't use our little argument out front. I go, oh, that's too bad.

That's okay. And he said, okay, but that's all right, right? I just wanted to call you. And I go, you don't have to call me. I know I'm a big boy. I'm bummed, but, you know, that's how it works. I love being a show. And he goes, I feel like you're being sarcastic.

I go, I'm not. I'm saying, I'm saying it's okay. It goes into a curb. And I swear to God, I go, this feels like. a fucking episode because he goes, I'm going to try to put it back in. I go, no, don't. I'm saying, don't do it. I get it. I get it. I've done this

in movies. It sucks. Is that Larry for real sensitive in that way? 100%. No, 100%. He is so sensitive to other people. By the way, as long as he, here's the thing. Okay, a couple things. Number one, I'm really,

I learned a lot from Larry in terms of if you're cutting, like a Steve Colbert, No, Robert Smygel, your pals. Okay. Robert was on the show, I believe twice or three times. He got cut the first couple of times. And then he played the crazy, the guy with the auto business and the auto repair.

And he was, he was really, he was amazing in that. He had this whole speech about what we're going to do to the other team. And, all right, he does this fucking speech. And at the end of the speech, he goes, we're going to kick him in the cuss. And so we walked away. And I said, Larry, we have to acknowledge that or it's not going to be as good. And so we did a walk. Why would someone say, kick him, you know, when we discussed it.

And that made it, you know, funnier because that was so funny of Smigel to make that choice. And I'm sure after he made it, he thought there's no way that's in the show. And it was damn right in the show. Yeah, it's great. You keep it. But Larry, when someone is cut from the show, he will call them and tell them, which is so kind and thoughtful. It's very kind.

And because it's a big show, it meant a lot because he didn't have to, of course. And I didn't think I've done shows where I go or a movie where I go, yeah, I would have cut it too. But I thought it was pretty good. So I go, I get it just long. I wasn't like embarrassed like I fucked it up. I go, I think I was fine and we had a great time. So it was a bummer. But I obviously get it.

And we had him on the pot. He's funny as shit. He's great. So there was no nothing after that. I had no hard feelings or anything, of course. Jeff, let me ask you a question because you're in the show, obviously. Because for years, people were developing things and agents, man, they're always saying,

well, it's going to be kind of like curb. That became a thing. That's a big thing. And it's going to be like curb. And none of the shows were ever like curb. So curb has something going on. and I've never quite figured it out. You know, why I know the improvisation or I'm not, but still.

A couple of things. What is it? A couple of things. Ricky Jervais based the office on Kirby's Enthusiasm. Wow. It goes back that far. That far. Yeah, and HBO used to call us the first couple years, no kidding.

Their little experimental show, I swear. And then we went on to be the longest running comedy in HBO history. Yeah, so they called it art. But they added the word little, which of course, is belittling. They're a little experimental show, you know. That was Larry's special, right? He did a special where he's walking around before.

So we did the hour special. Yeah. And he said to me, after filming the first scene, it was about us waiting to meet an executive, and I was telling him how I don't chew gum, don't like it, whatever, something absurd. And then we're filming in the HBO offices. It was an empty on a Saturday.

So I remember I'm sitting at one assistant's desk and I'm standing across from him. He goes, wouldn't this be great? Do it's a TV series? Be great. Come on. We'll do it. And my inner monologue was right. Like that's going to happen for, you know.

44 years later. Where does Larry Sanders fit in there between Ricky Jervais show the office? Larry Sanders and you guys. It's a trifecta. I have a story about that. Because I was on Larry Sanders a few times. David probably was. Yeah.

Twice. I'm not kidding. So it was, curb your enthusiasm was my idea. I approached the devious name Larry David. So if you have a good idea, go to what genius. But I'll be damned if it wasn't 100% influenced by Larry Sanders. Larry Sanders was before us. And Larry Sanders set the bar of what comedy could be on television.

It had never been, never been done before. So I did, I used to do this podcast called By the Way at Largo. And one of my guests was Gary, okay? And Gary were sitting there, and I knew he had to have thought it a million times. And I said to him, you know, in front of the audience, I said, you know, there wouldn't be a curb your enthusiasm if not for the Larry Sanders show. He was so touched. It just is, you could see the warmth coming out of him like, oh, you know that. And it is true.

And wow. And the audience applauded because it's 100% true. There would be no curb. The curb your enthusiasm was based on two things. Larry Sanders and all comedy, you know, that came before it, obviously. But in my experience at Second City, so we improvised. That came out of me, you know. But Gary's show, big time, big time.

I have to say, yeah, go ahead, you know. Oh, it was the first time I was on a show where they had three, I think it was 16mm film on shoulders. And there were three setups. So one's on Larry, one's on me, and then one's a two shot. So every take was its own take. There was no overlap or coverage. It was so freeing.

And also Gary, Gary, not Larry and Gary, right before a take, he'd say, well, you're kind of like this and I'm sort of like this. And, you know, it was just sort of very ad hoc. So I could kind of trace that. But I think that Larry David is also, he's his own unique voice, obviously. So he and Gary are totally unique. And I think Larry Sanders changed the landscape of comedy television, as did the Sopranos for dramatic television. Yeah.

And they both were on the same. It's flipped it over to where the level of quality could go up. Right. And the old days, you'd say, guys, it's feature film quality. Yeah. And now you go, it's streaming show quality. I don't know if the movies are quite as good as the streaming show. But by the way, like any show that tried being like curb and comedians we know and love tried it and failed miserably.

And I, there's only one thing. It's not the cast. Casts help, what have you. It's Larry David singularly is the reason why that show was great. You know, I played my part. Susie plays her part. Mary David, Susie and I did a podcast for a minute, which was the history of curb your enthusiasm before I art radio canceled us. I wanted to add that in. Okay. Where can you find it? The Pluto channel? I mean, where can you find it?

There were two abs. After we finished like season six or something, they cut it. But I had to watch the shows all over again, which I, you both would know this. Forget me watching. When you're involved with something, You kind of don't even want to watch it once. You see it because of cuts, what have you. But to watch repeated viewings, are you kidding me? So I was, yes, and I was dreading it. And then as I watched it, I went, oh, he's more brilliant than I thought. How do you do this?

And then he wrote every single, 121, including the special episodes. He wrote on his own. And if you look over the show, you go, how did he do that? How did he do that? When did that, when did the, sorry, David, go ahead. I was just going to say to what you said Dana for, but like a lot of people want to do it. A lot of people bring it up. I've been in meetings, you should do a curb type show.

I go, guys, it, it, it, the fact that it looks so easy and it's so fucking hard, I don't think people get how complicated it is to make, have you good, she's good, J.B.'s good. And also, and he's good, and he's a genius. Everyone's killing it. and then the editing and the and the and the and the hassle on the rear it's just and to come off like a breeze is like anything you just think oh i could be on the lakers well it doesn't look that hard you know a lot of it is very it's humanism it's really like i remember one of their i don't know when the first

time the the tent in your pants episode you know i'm like okay that is really episode one that's episode one so i watched that and i went this is so simple so brilliant and his own reaction to it. And a lot of the episodes are him being embarrassed or observing something, but then to build 20 minutes around that and have it be brilliant. And the character of him, as soon as he was established, like Archie Bunker or something, something he'd see, something you're observing, and you just knew it was on. She saw the tent in his pants. And then he's like, so anyway, it was it real or was it a prosthetic in there or was just the corduroy's pitching up.

A prosthetic. Yeah, he's strapped one on. What the fuck are you talking about? That's my sense. That's my sense. By the way, but by the way, being of its time, by the way, that's only something that happens

when you wore pleaded pants. Right. Pleaded khakis. So you know we sat down, as many of us have, and thought, someone's going to think, I have a boner as I'm sitting here. And he took it, he took it and built it from that.

Yeah, there's 20 minutes. off one comment. That's all he had initially. I've only got one episode. Actually, every year, and, you know, he's pretty much loaded. I'll use that term. What do you mean? Celebrity net worth.

Money to burn. Holy tomatoes. You don't even have to look. It's just, we know it's up there. I have this theory. Celebrity net worth is a great term. I have a theory. I have a theory that people of a certain wealth have, when they cross their legs, it's very relaxed and they kick their foot and their hands are almost languorous.

They move different into the room. And it's just a certain level of wealth that creates this wash of relaxation. You can see how stiff David is and how tidy is like that. I'm broke. But yet, to be honest with you, when he's off stage, he's got the last. leg crossing and the arms. Really? By the way, Dana, that is a great observation that I've never heard anyone say, and it is

100% true. Absolutely. Even Obama's like that when he's giving speeches, when he's sitting down on like podcast, he's very legs like that, relaxed. He's very rich. Yeah, anyone with a lot of, just that other money, whatever you call that level of Titan on the earth. Next level, yeah.

And yeah, the foot's like this. They would go up and down. Celebrity sports is a real thing, by the way. That's a real website. Celebrity sports? No, net worth. Yeah, but are they accurate if you looked at your celebrity net worth, David? Well, I think what they do, and Jeff, you can look at ears one day, but I think they take what they're guessing.

Look me up. Look me up. You've made on shows all your life with no taxes and that you haven't spent any money. Okay, so if you do that, if you do that, because I've had a divorce. I'll try. Okay. And then you go. And then everyone was, you got that much?

And you go, well, that's not. I don't have that much. Well, 24 seasons of curb. Let me see. Let's see. Jeff, here it is. You can say it out loud. Go ahead.

Do I say it out loud? Yeah, I don't give a shit because I know it's wrong. Ladies and gentlemen. Yeah, yeah. Jeff Edward Garland, if that's you. Jed. Jedd Edward Garland estimated net worth wait for it 20 million dollars that's pretty good let's let's let's let's go through that first off I've never had that let's unpack it

okay go ahead I have never had that much money I have had a significant amount of money getting divorced good night nurse I support my girlfriend I help my kids I have an assistant, like I have all these things, but divorce mostly. I don't even have one. I've got maybe one tenth of that. Maybe. You know what I mean? It's like, and I haven't worked in three years.

I mean, the idea that it's $20 million is hilarious, man. That's the thing. He raised me up. I'm like, don't bother. Then that I take the zero away and it's completely accurate. So. Yes, 100%. But David, you're right.

That seems all encompassed. but I'd like to think I made more than that in my entire career. I think you made more than that and all the shit you've done. You're on the Goldbergs and that's a sitcom. That just keeps going in residuals. But you also get taxed and you're living in California problem. Al Pacino went bankrupt twice, he said, because he would get $10 million for a movie and he'd just be hypnotized into he's getting $10 million.

He didn't know he was getting maybe $3.5, which is incredible, but it's not $10. And so that's the thing. when I hear someone's celebrity net worth is $400 million, I go, well, they must have made a billion to get to the $400 million. Yeah. Unless they're investors. Unless they're investors, there's actors who are not even that famous that went up to Silicon Valley and bought shares of Uber early on. And they're as wealthy as the biggest actors. Yeah, these guys.

I think of defending your life. For me, my defending, you remember all the things he passed on? Apple and swatches. He was offered to get into the bottom. Mine for that is, I would have been, you could have said hundreds of millions for me, early on, I had the opportunity to buy big stocks in Netflix. Oh, shit. I've been, you know, Ted Serranos was a very close friend of mine, and I was friends with him

since Netflix was a two-room office at Raleigh Studios. That's all it was when it started two rooms. and, you know, I could have easily invested a ton and gotten, I mean, I can't even imagine the amount of money if I had that many stocks that I could have afforded. I can't imagine the kind of money. I know, I don't know. Maybe I'm low on hundreds of millions. Everyone's got those stories. I was hosting an event with Warren Buffett and Silicon Valley, outdoor some billionaire's house.

And then someone said to me, oh, here come the Google guys. Let's ditch the Google guys. because all they wanted was money. Fucking nerds. So if you'd give them them to, let's ditch the Google guys. That's the name of my book, by the way. It's out right now on Amazon.

Oh, yeah. The photography, what are we talking about? Let's get to the reason you're here. I want to say, my autobiography is called Barnaby Jones is yours. Barnaby Jones. You mean, I like. The Barnaby Jones TV show.

show? No, what I'm saying is, no matter how old I get, I can always like, he was old and had his nephew run. And then there was a canon who ran, which was quite a view. So it was old. And they were back to back. And Cannon was a spin-off of Barnaby Jones. And so Quinn Martin, and they had two back-to-back. Quinn Martin. Yeah, Quinn Martin production. So they had an old guy and a really fat old guy. And that was two-hour block. And it worked.

Cannon couldn't even squeak into his car. He was like, I don't want to take a right turn. It takes too much effort. They're doing a remake of Canon, I heard. It's called Canon. GLP. Or it's called it's called Can, even though it's the first one, Canon 3, this time we try.

This time we give it 80%. Well, yeah, you just keep going in show business, right? You just keep going in show business. I mean, there's just no, you know, I mean, everyone was old when I was a kid. It was Jack Benny and all those guys. Bob Hope and Jackie Cleese and they were ancient. Look at George Burns. Then he worked until he was 99.

I'm not mistaken. He had a Vegas gig set up for his 100th birthday. He didn't quite make it. Yeah, he forgot. Lovis ran into him when he was like 98 or something. And George Byrd said to him, I got 18 months. Shit.

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We thank Bluchu for sponsoring the pod and the bedroom. What's the book called? Bessie in the house, am I wrong? Best in the house. Moments I captured, though nobody asked me. Dana said this book is number one. Number one on Amazon for photography books. It was.

Yeah. Go ahead. So you're a photo guy. What were you using most of the time, a cannon, whatever? I mean, you weren't, did you never use the iPhone or just a? Like a? No, no. a Lyca M11, a Lyca M10, because I've been shooting for a while with it, maybe even an M9.

So I use Lika Range Finder's cameras and usually a 35 millimeter lens. And you take pictures of all your adventures. Is that right? Yeah. I have my, like, there's shots in there where you're like, how did you get that shot? And I try explaining, if you see a camera in my hand, including I pull it out when I'm in the middle of a scene after a scene, after every take. pull it out. The camera. No, a pair of pleaded pants. Sorry, you set me up. You set me off. No, by the way, that was a softball. That was a softball. No, I pulled my camera out. So Larry David, for example,

me having a camera, he barely paid attention. And if he did, there's a picture in the book of him like with a cowboy hat pointing at me. He knew I had the camera and he did that for me. But in general, every shot that I have of them that's in the book, and there's lots of people. even Margot Robbie, Brad Pitt, Jeff Tweedy. How did Brad Pitt react? No, Brad Pitt shoots a Lika M6. Oh, so he and Margo, before we started filming, I go, can I take pictures of you guys?

They said, anytime. And I have the one in the book, which I think is the best picture I've ever taken, is Margot Robbie asleep on a set that she had just filmed. Like she's a 1920s set, by the way, of like a 1920s movie, and there's a chair there. She fell asleep. And I remember the producer running over, Marco's, Marco fell asleep on the set. And it was like, oh, grab my camera.

And I took two pictures. First picture standing above her. And then I went, that will not go good. You know, just like looking at her like this, sleeping lady. And then I pulled back and I sort of got the whole environment. And of course, the one-quartered. lights, you know, when they, when they, you know, not using it was the perfect lighting for me. And it looks like his pose, but she's really sleeping.

I saw it. I saw it this morning. It is, it's beautiful picture. Thank you. Thank you. Where do you see them? You said they're not on curve. It's on something else?

No. I'm there. For example, Brad and Margarabi, I was, I did a movie with them called Babylon. Oh, you were in Babylon. Okay. Yeah, I played the head of the movie studio. But yeah, so I've done a lot of things. I just have my camera with me

and I just ask the people I might want to shoot, do you mind? And also on set, I go right to the set photographer and I say, by the way, the ones I've worked with have been helpful to me, but mine always have to be environmental. In other words, if I shoot a shot on a larry on set, there's got to be cameras in the shot,

something a boom, because what they're shooting is within the camp, you know, thing for like when there was TV guide or whatever. I didn't want to step on their toes per se. So everything is environmental. Nothing is posed, you know, so. Yeah. Very cool. Can I just say one thing? I never said it publicly, but I thought Margot Ravi was unbelievable in Babylon. Her performance. Yeah, she was great. Yeah, I had no idea in her range. Yeah, and let me say something else about her, which is incredibly beautiful, but that's how she is on the inside. Her warmth and her kindness kind of blew me away. It seems like that's the case without even knowing her.

It just seems like she's pretty cool a chick. Mm-hmm. Wow. Well, well, you know, can I say this also? This is fun because we don't know many dicks in our business. The ones that are stand out. Most people at worst are nice. you know and the more successful ones in general are the nicest and their body's lanky but um but yeah

there aren't many people in show business where you just go uh did you treat them like google coming up with war and yeah well you hear you sort of hear about it when there's smoke there's fire if you hear it enough times you go i think that's probably someone i wouldn't want to work you see it's a director maybe i don't know manathan hopkins i got to do a movie with him and just the most sensitive gentle, smart. I met him, I go, someone put a camera on him. What the hell is this? He just had his look and everything.

Yeah, where was like, yeah. Can someone get a camera around that guy? Very good, David. Where was Jeff? I wasn't there. I know. I know. We needed you.

Hold on Dana. I would have focused on you. That's all I'm saying. The rubbery face of Dana Carby. Jeff Garland, 45 minutes in. He would have focused on me. Thank you. Okay.

But by the way, I have told you how much I admire you. And I told you very young in my comedic days, I must have been 20, when you did the cafe, the, what was the cafe club in, no, in San Francisco? The other cafe? And it was on TV. There was a special on TV. It was called on TV where you could watch porn and waves. It was one of those things, you know.

Oh, yeah, yeah. And on TV was known for that. That was like, and there was a comedy special with Dana. And I was just, who is he? He's a star. He's awesome. And of course, I admire it. It's true.

Yeah, from the very get-go. I was lucky to get on SNL. I'll tell you that, man. That was not easy. By the way, David, the year you auditioned for SNL with like Adam and everybody, I did too, sort of. Lauren Michaels There was a show at the improv in L.A., which I believe you were on,

and Lauren was coming to see people. And I was on that thing. And I was last. As I went up, Lauren left. Oh, my God. Oh, really? Yeah. And then Marcy Klein, who I'm friends with, by the way.

But I wasn't back in the day. I went up on a showcase that I was supposed to be on. There was maybe four or five of us. And she said, We're really only hiring. And I destroyed. And she said to my manager, we're really just women now. Oh, sure.

I mean, it is a timing thing. Yeah, it is. But also I'm grateful because I'm an addict, you know, I'm sober, mostly from food, but I've abused alcohol. I've abused weed, you know. And so I know, especially the Eden, I know I would have died if I had worked there. That's all I know. From stress.

Yeah. Yeah. From stress and drug use and whatever. It would have brought the worst of me. You know, I replaced Chris Farley at Second City. I replaced them. And in terms of big guys, I'm much more like Jackie Gleason and he's much more John Belushi. So I am not exaggerating.

I went in for him. I could not do one scene. I was not funny in every scene. As a matter of fact. You know what? You know what I couldn't get down? I could not get down because Odin Kirk wrote it, the van down by the river. Because that was a scene at Second City.

Nothing. Nothing could not do it. It was just such a different style and uniquely him. Could not do it. Well, he went to a level of energy. I don't think it's been topped in comedy in that particular sketch. And then he fell on David or something. I don't know.

Or he spent. Is the guy a guy of fat. Yeah, that's That is interesting Because I can't even picture it like that But there was something called whale boy too I think they talked about That was a second city

Yeah, whale boy Yeah, all that stuff could not pull off I mean, I'm talking about every scene But nobody could But you did just fine Yeah, you did just fine Yeah, you did just fine Pete

What was Pete's last name? Thin guy David's short block Short talk here Chicago guy To do it and hit every note that Chris did. And yet he was a very calm presence.

And he just, he goes, let me try it. And I go, yes, please try it. And we switch parts. And he destroyed. Okay. So it was. Is it the same layout like we're on the couch and it's the kids? Exactly the same layout.

There is no, there is no difference. And, you know, that happened to me. I was in the very first, what was Mike Myers' character, the German guy who, you know, So, Richard. Yes. Deeter. Deeter. And he did a scene with Ben Stiller when Ben was Eddie Munster.

And it was almost, very similar. I did one with that character in Second City. He did that character in Second City. And I was Fred Flintstone. And he was asking me about my career. I remember this Eddie Monster. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. So, yeah, Ben was great as Eddie Monster. That was funny. Well, Jeff, thank you for helping us out. It's great talk to. This was fun. It's fun. I just have some laughs.

Well, I also want to say, I will get off this thinking I failed you. No, you won't. Why? We all cracked up. I appreciate that. You didn't crack up as much as I did from YouTube. And it's just the way I feel. I'm sorry.

Yeah, that's what I'll feel when I get off. Oh, no. Okay. I sometimes have podcasts regret. Like, why did I say that? Maybe I should ask that question. Why was I overtaking him when he was, or she, when she was telling that story? So I understand.

Yeah, we all. And by the way, a lot of over-talking by me, which is part for the course. Oh, we love energy. We love energy. We brought a lot. We're just talking. But also, like, me mentioning, like, I was my idea curb. I told, like, every single thing that I did like that.

I regret. It's like I didn't need to do that. you know and you know but i do agree with the statement if you have a great idea hell a genius yes that's a statement i stand by regret that i've had a lot i could have i could have told that to uh one of the olson twins in the show what he wanted to work i have a career i have a career because of larry david yeah well you did great dude um you did great on this show i look forward to the store and there's a photography book you should check it out if you can It's on Amazon.

All right. Well, we'll see you around campus. Best seat in the house. And by the way, I always look forward to seeing either one of you. David, I see you a lot more than Dana.

But nonetheless, you're a great gentleman. Thank you. Thank you. All right, listen, if you're enjoying the fly on the wall, of course,

hopefully you are. Click follow. We don't want to be desperate, but obviously smash that goddamn button on your favorite podcast app. Smash it. Leave a review, a good one.

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Fly in the Wall, believe it or not, is presented by Odyssey. And executive produced by Hold For It, Dana Carvey and David Spade. Or David Spade and Dana Carvey. We don't write this stuff. Heather Santoro. Greg Holtzman and Leah Reese Dennis. The show is edited by Evan Cox, with production support from Phil Sweet Tech.

Talent production and booking by Sophia Lippor.