Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade - Jim Carrey Conspiracy, Lamar Odom’s Cocaine Summers, & Amanda Seyfried’s Prosthetic WHAT?!

Episode Date: March 9, 2026

Dana Carvey returns to The David Spade Show to recap life on the road with David — including a possible pink eye incident. The two dive into their latest movie pitch for Jason Statham’s next action hit, The Goiter and attempt to solve the mysterious Jim Carrey conspiracy circulating online. They also revisit an SNL sketch that never made it to air, weigh in on current headlines like tensions with Iran and California’s crime, and unleash another chaotic edition of Buzzing Around. Plus, the news stories get even stranger: Lamar Odom’s legendary cocaine summers, and Amanda Seyfried’s prosthetic… what exactly? To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey, Ontario, come on down to BetMGM Casino and see what our newest exclusive the Price's Right Fortune Pick has to offer. Don't miss out. Play exciting casino games based on the iconic game show, only at BetMGM. Check out how we've reimagined three of the show's iconic games, like Plinkgo, Cliffhanger, and the Big Wheel into fun casino game features. Don't forget to download the BetmGM Casino app for exclusive access and excitement on the Price's Right Fortune Pick. Pull up a seat and experience the Price is Right Fortune Pick. Only available at BedmGM Casino. BetMGM and GameSense remind you to play responsibly.

19 plus to wager. Ontario only. Please play responsibly. If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact Connects Ontario at 1866-531-2,600, to speak to an advisor, free of charge. BenMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with Eye Gaming Ontario. You can't step on anything on a podcast. The goiter.

I like the goiter. The goiter. The black guy will not eat the . The white guy will. Oh, the white guy, he will. I know everyone here is praising you. They like Wayne's world, but I ain't tapping your tummy. I'm not going to spank your spanker.

I knew that's what's coming. What do you got going on down there? We might have to trim the hedges a bit. And then she says, do you know Joe, This one has a stye, whatever that means. Oh, your call. No, I'll explain to the viewers. I'm very authentic.

Yeah, you got a stye, which is another word for pink eye, I believe. No, it's not, Dana, you know. It is that you got pinkie. No, it's not. You got pink A motherfucker. Jesus. No. What is a stye?

I haven't been around that many. Buttholes. Mm-hmm. Remember, Dana last week I was saying it looks like I have that Tom Cruise eye down there. I think it's part of it still because it looks like a little swollen. Do I put these on? Do I dare be fucking cool? Why not?

But where's my sunglasses? Maybe I should get mine. No, but you can keep that beginning where I say about my style. Here's the grossest thing, Dana. No one wants to be near you because it's contagious? Well, it's not, but they think it is. and then they're also sickened by me and disgusted. Here's the four grossest words you can say about yourself

to chase the female population. Four. Okay. Stai is four. That's not the worst one, but it's disgusting. Right. Then, oh, I have a boil. A boil. Yeah.

That's a bad word because it needs to be drained. I've got one. I have a goiter. Goiter is maybe number of. And the goiter has a human face on the end of it. That's a turnoff. What do you think is grosser? Goiter or postual? I think goiter, it feels like a monster. It feels like a sci-fi movie. Pustule, you put a band-aid on it. What do you put on a goiter? A goiter should be a poster of a bad movie. You write a scary movie, goiter. Yeah, Timothy Chalamee is hunting down the goyter.

Benicio del Toro is the goiter Bradley Cooper as the goiter's friend he played the the elephant man on Broadway now he's on film playing did he really goiter I thought he did no no the go you can't step on anything on a podcast we are the goiter I like the goiter the goiter the goiter now they make the goiter lovable. Let me set you up. Let me set you up for one of your top fives. Jason Streatham is hunting the goiter and the motion pitcher called the goiter. I'm the goiter keeper. Destroyer. Was he going to take it as a pet? No, he's the, oh, oh, well, he was the beekeeper and he keeps bees. Maybe he keeps goiters. Oh, I'm coming after you goiter.

You got puss on my family. We know what a goiter is. I don't know. I think it squirts out like a zitz. It feels. Oh, Heather, gave me a chart and it has fissure on it. And you have those cool sunglasses. You can't read it.

I feel like a goiter has a human head on it. You can look cool or you can really participate in the podcast. You can't do both. You can't see dick. Oh, that's a, that's not a goyter. That's a fish. That's a fish. What?

It's G-O-I-T-E-R. T-E-R, yeah. Yeah. Jeez. Jeez, Louise. That's, I don't know. I was at court. Here we are.

Be prepared to be... Yeah. Oh, my God. Look at that. Look at the neck. The neck glare. Oh, you need a tattle neck for that. Oh, yeah.

It's a swollen neck, or it can be the side, or I think in... be anywhere in your body. Oh my God. And guess what happens if you puncture it? Dr. Pimple Popper comes with that Wendy's salad sneeze guard stuff around her. Does Wendy's have a salad bar? I haven't been there in a decade. I used to go. It has a sneeze guard on it. I'm kind of amazed at the burger franchises that don't do advertising and still exist. I know. I'm their number one guy. I'm still so Joe dirt. I go to drive-thrues. I go in a lot. You go in a lot? I go in there. Dressed as Joe dirt. I'm just that I'm a dirt ball. I go in. I like the drive-through, you know. And that you do little characters to it. Yeah, I do little impressions and characters. They want them to recognize me.

No, I get this when I'm tired and I'm driving. It's the only time I go to McDonald's. regular cheeseburger, small fry, small Coke. And that carb, salty, sugary bomb gets me 200 miles safely. Oh, that's great. Yeah. They think it's for a baby. They go, oh, okay. Is there an adult in the car that wants anything?

Well, it's just me. And if they don't have what I want, I just, I kind of go. Oh, Heather and I know what that is. That's hysterical. Okay. Oh, I should have went like this. Yeah, that's better. Yeah.

All right. Well, before I tell you what that is, which we know what that is, but I was at McDonald's and you know, Dana, when you go and they know you, they get distracted from the order. So I go, quarter pound with cheese and fried, and they go, oh, were you in bench swimmers? And I go, yeah. And we'll talk about that. Let's just get this order. And then at the end, I get the order, and it's wrong.

I go, I didn't order spaghetti, you know. But I don't say anything. I go in and they go, hey, were you on television? Are you somebody? And then I go, yeah. And they go, do you know David Spade? That gives that a lot. Do you know him?

You do a podcast with him, but do you know him? I was once in a movie theater and they kind of tagged me. And then they came and got me and brought me out into the foyer. And they said, hey, do you know Adam Sandler? That's a big one. That's a big one. This was a while back, but he'd still had, he still had, you know, hit, hit after hit. I had a fun dinner with Chris Rock and Adam was not.

Adam was coming and then he goes, oh wait, I thought it was Friday. It's tomorrow. I go, no, we're already here. He's like, oh, no. So Chris is like, Spade, it's just me and you. And did it get awkward? Did it get quiet? Or can you guys converse?

We had nothing to say to each other. No, Chris is one of, he is pretty funny, as we know. I think that's an understatement, yeah. Well, he's got that, he's got that thing of like, he likes to take a big subject and he's brilliant at it, a big giant thing. And then he'll just drop in like this simplification that sums the whole big giant thing up.

Yeah. You got to have material or whatever it is on stage. you know, that's his cool move. I almost said a joke, but it's too dirty. We can cut it. And when he says everything twice, the black guy don't eat the pussy. The black guy will not eat the pussy.

And then goes, the white guy will. No, the white guy, he will. Everything's twice. I know. He's funny. Well, he says before he starts a special, he takes time off from stand-up he watches evangelical preachers and they go and the lord cares about you the stage is 300 feet wide walked to the other side he's like a panther lord cares about yeah they do

repeat also yeah he's good he's got a good style and uh super funny in real life which is really the hard part and he is oh this brings us to jim carey the big debate jim carry at the caesar awards in Paris that's like the Oscars for them and he got a much deserved was a lifetime achievement award didn't jerry lewis get that i mean the french love physical comedy i'm not sure what he got but it was big i did see a clip of it yeah but the problem is they say his face looked a little more circular it's it's sort of is it him or is it not that's how they don't just say that's ridiculous Apparently, his publicist has confirmed it was indeed him who attended that event. Oh, okay. So his publicist has to go out on a limb and say yes, it was.

Of course, it's Jim Carrey. Yes. But you know how the internet gets. So they say there's definitely some lighting, some things. Maybe he had a few squirts, a few pulls and pinches like everybody because that's just the way it is here. We're in Hollywood. But no one's shocked by that. But he looked a little more. full than he is when he you know people haven't seen him in 10 years I don't know it's been that long but I thought he looked healthy that's the main thing he looked good I don't know anything about that he probably you know they say you go away you're rested you come back but yeah he looks good I got money for food I mean I if he if he put on a few fine he's always skinny who cares but anyway

I was out the other night and they were like David David is it a clone Because there's a theory that there's a guy that impersonates people and he wears a mask, which is a whole other thing. They said Joe Biden was a guy with a mask sometimes. I mean, these masks are so good so it could be almost anyone. But that one was almost not good enough to be Jim Carrey. It was too full. You know what I mean? Right.

You've had apple dumpling cheeks and, you know, he had, you know, nice head of hair. I'll just say one thing to that that people think it's the mask. Don't, don't, don't, no, don't, don't, don't, no, don't. Don't don't don't know Can tell Can tell Not sure Not sure

It's a mask Don't don't don't Can't tell Can't can't tell Don't know Can't tell Don't know can't tell Don't mask

Is not for sure Not a mask Buffy cheeks Not a mask Not a mask Not a mask Not a mask Mha-Mah

Mha Mha By the way I didn't I'm never going to be on this podcast again without sunglasses. Why, can that are cool?

Are these new ones, Heather? Because they look, they look bigger. I don't know if these are the new ones. I got new ones because I lost you. I lost the other ones. You know, Heather, when I walked in last night, they were sitting right there. Did you find them?

No. Fudge. I have my cool ones. Maybe when we take a break, I'll go back. I found my cool ones. I lost, do you ever lose something for like three years? And then you go, yeah.

Fuck, that's where they were. Or it's in a coat. I wear this black coat and these shades and I sit in the back, McDonald's like this. I go, whoa. I sit like Fonzie. What? They go, were you the guy in benchworms?

Like, hey, not now, Matt, hey, man. And then with me, do you know the guy that's in benchwarmers? Not now, not now. Not now. Not now. Not, not, not now. It's not a good time to ask him.

Happy mad. Well, you got to do the fall. I'll set out for the second. I know. I like that. Happy Madison. That's like the flu. You know.

All right. So this podcast, Dane, is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all in one platform that helps you build a professional website. It's what you need. Showcase what you do. Grow your brand. And it's all in one spot. Whether you're starting from scratch, you're scaling your business.

Your Squarespace gives you the tools to succeed online. and this is the kind of stuff you need. They walk you through it. It makes offering services easy. You know, you can list consultations, events, or experiences, accept payments online, and even send on-brand invoices all from your own little website. Hmm. You know, the built-in appointment scheduling and email marketing tools make managing everything so much simpler,

which honestly saves me a ton of time. And the design options are incredible. I mean, start with, David, the blueprint AI, or pick from their award-winning templates, then drag and drop your way to a site that perfectly matches your style. It feels professional. It's highly polished and completely on-brand. Even if you don't have any design experience, Squarespace also makes claiming your perfect domain simple and secure. I'm always dragging and dropping.

So your business can be online and protected from day one. Go to Squarespace.com slash fly for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code of Fly to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. But anyway, do you ever lose something and you're so frustrated like your wall or your car? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you're looking in the freezer and you go,

okay, what if I actively tried to hide it from myself. Oh, forget that. I used to do that with drugs, yeah. Yeah, I must have hit it from myself because it's nowhere in my purview. Anyway. And where'd you find it?

At your house. You know what's funny? Missing a lot of cash. I used to have a lot of drugs. And then, of course, I sneeze, and they pop out of my butt, and I go, that's always the last place you look. Why don't you say butthole?

You want to say butt hole. I do. You do. I'm cleaning it up for you. Well, butthole is more like third grade and weiner is like fourth grade. So keep it in that primary school area. Bud hole. See, now you got.

I like it. But this says, where, where, where is it? Where, where, where is it? Bigh hole. Where is my one perka said I can't find is it in my bunghole? Bung hole. Bung hole. Bung hole is even grosser.

Beavis and Budhead during the podcast? Bangolio. He said bongo. I'll predict that in the comments, it will be at least 40% of the people will be doing the, you know, kind of Tom Cruise, Mission Impossible theme. It's hard to do the joke without saying it because you have to hear it with all the inflection. Exactly. Well, let me see. To wrap up Jim Carrey, I will say.

Let's wrap him up. Oh, I checked in on him. I checked in on them just to say, congratulations, much deserved. Because we're friendly, at least. And I don't seem a lot. I said, I might, are you in Mau? He lives in Maui, I thought. And I said, if we go out to a movie there later this year, are you there?

And he said, I think I'll be back there by then. So I think Jim Carrey was just Jim. I didn't ask, but I think he won the award. And I think everything's normal. I think it looks great. It's obviously Jim Carrey. And we should say, because we can be sincere, you know, he is brilliant. I mean, his physical comedy, starting with Ace Ventura, which I turned down.

No, you did not. I did, but they didn't know. Oh, my God. But Jim Carrey was way better than anyone else could have been in that role. Because I was watching with Nicholas Cage, their good buddies in Toronto in a movie theater. and he he created this new idea of being a comedian on screen like hyper reality like what do you do that I mean just no sense of anything being real and yet he was so committed because the guy guys to raise him in the police station razz him hey what are you doing ace and go oh I wonder it's like

william right times a hundred and right and I think I think when they were saying about that back then was it was just a goofy movie maybe being passed around he says he'll do it he didn't make that much but he's like let's just do take a huge swing and it'll miss or it'll hit and chances where it would miss but he's he's actually kind of a good looking guy he has a rubbery face and it's and he's got a good boys and he's very it's somewhat something about it's so hilarious he does it really well whatever he's doing. He beat himself up in a bathroom of one of his movies. I mean, he was rubbery body. I mean, he'd actually, when he auditioned, no, he could put his foot over his head. So, yeah, so he's one of a kind, well-deserved in the French. French went, jillacolpottesita,

this is what they're saying. You interpret. This is what they're saying. You interpret. Is it you were a clone? Well, that's what they're saying. Is it really him? Is it a mission impossible mask? Could, could, could be a mask. Oh, could, could be a mask. In French? Verdezhu, rivasse.

It's hard to do, Dana. I know it is. I do a lot of fake languages. You do a lot of fake languages and they all sound real. Because I like said Caesar. Pizza, pizza. And I get to see the batu, What did that, what did I just say?

That's not the real David Spade. Can't you tell? Look at his sunglasses. He's got the eye that's having trouble. What about SNL did the thing that we were doing last night? We did Deepak. Right. And I didn't.

I wasn't really, because I saw a comment said, I owe Earth an apology, but I didn't. Oh, really? Yeah, but that's all right. I wasn't, yeah, it's the one comment. But what I was really trying to say was that would subconsciously what they're thinking, would they blurt it out, kind of like Tourette's, but not literally. And that was Deepak Chopra with the Epstein file saying, bring you a girlfriend. I mean, his was pretty frisky.

I don't judge it. I don't know it. I don't think so. We've got a frisky. Got a thing. So that was just Deepak Chopra with. sort of involuntarily spasming into his true self. Right.

Like love and consciousness and this and spank me with a spoon, you bitch. And then he's convulsing. So that's what that, we've explained that one. Now, how do we explain what you did last week? No, I'm saying S&L did Tourette. And it got cut. And it also was just celebrities blurting out subconscious thought. Celebrity impressions blurting out as an L staple yeah mm-hmm that have had their problems in the past and

Blaming them on Tourette's yeah exactly so it's kind of like mine they're blurting out what what they really want to say Yes I thought Sarah Sherman was funny as Jill Zerun and Keenan uh was he was Cosby I just don't cause me is such a funny voice and just said what because the man said what the pudding and it's just such a funny rhythm, you know. But yeah. So did they cut it because it was offensive? But those things on the surface are funny. But if you look too deep about Tourette's, yes, it's a little offensive.

But that's kind of what they do. I don't, you know, I don't think the intent is, you know, it's also because Tourette's was in the ether because of the N-word debacle of 10 days ago. Right. So it was just in the ether. Now here's something for the audience, for you. All right. I'm here to educate you.

Now, I actually have a question for you. Hang on, hit the button. We still don't know what it means yet. This is going to be explained. We're going to pay it off. When they say cut for time, are they literally pulling that from dress and airing it? well it was there's nothing gets caught on the air no it must have been no it can get cut on the air

but it's not shot and cut right if you do it on the air it's on the air well they might they might put it on youtube if they run out of time well no i see what you're saying they would cut it yeah they would cut it on air so if they did it it meant they had time to do it they would use it from dress but on air it got cut while they're doing this they go let's just do the dress version And then the dress one got leaked or put out or they just put it out online. They do it. I think it's smart because when I saw that, I thought it was funny. And I thought it was on the show.

Yeah, we used to have sketches cut back in 1885. When they covered away. We didn't have YouTube. We had lube. When there were sketches, it was literally us sketching out of scene. Lord Michaels was. 17 years old. And we had to put ointment on his pimples before the show started.

Before the show started. Why is he old so old? Who is he? But yeah, that's cool that things can live on YouTube. Yeah. If we had that, I'm so jealous of that. Well, we got a lot of stuff on YouTube. Everyone's got a lot of stuff on YouTube.

Now. Yeah, now. Way too late. By the way, the airport security thing was Sharon Stone. I do an Indian guy. Couldn't do it today. Whoops. And Rob Schneider and Kevin Neeland.

That was $16 million last year. Now it's like $22 million. I think it's from that era of a different kind of era where there was a lot more, you know, kind of non-PC stuff. Yes, because that's what Marcelo said to us when he was doing an Italian waiter sketch. He looked at the Italian waiter sketch from the 90s. And he goes, that was so much fun here. but we explained, well, we got to do a lot of different edgy stuff then. So, yeah, you could have full frontal nudity back then.

Also, oh, we did a gig. While we were gone, we did a gig and it was hysterical. Dana Carvey, I hate to admit, really crushed. Well, I have. And it's great. You set them up for me. Spade came out with total destruction. Spade came out, but Larry Bubble,

Brown, your friend came out and we can explain the button. He's our opener. He's a brilliant comedian. He's hysterical. And kind of the motif of his act is that it's self-deprecating, like life didn't work out for him. Someone stole my identity. Now they can't get laid. And then he says this.

Sort of like it's a someone stole my identity. Now they can't get laid. And that's like, as an emphasis. And the audience always loves it. It becomes a catchphrase. So he's selling these. And we'll next week, we'll tell you where he can buy one if want to buy one. It's fun to have it around if like is dinner ready, you know, no.

So it's any kind of. And Larry Bubbles Brown. He's based out of San Francisco. He's a San Francisco treat, you know. I remember his name from the old, what was that, Just for Laughs newspaper? San Francisco. comedy competition and all the clubs who's playing where I love that yeah and Paula Poundstone the great Paula Poundstone one night was introducing him and just said oh here is Larry

bubbles brown because then he comes out sort of as like mhr like we're oh he's he's kind of a downer and that where bubbles came from yeah and that's where and then it just stuck Larry bubbles brown oh you know what's funny is that when I was in one of these gigs in in Oklahoma, this maid gets on the elevator with me, housekeeping, and she goes, she's an old black lady, and I said, oh, hey, gotta, I said, how you doing today? She goes, oh, David Spade. They said, you were in the hotel.

And I said, she goes, oh, I'm not gonna bubble you up like they are. I will bubble you up. I don't, I know you don't wanna get bubbled up right now. And I said, no, I do like to get bubbled up. Never heard that term of my life. It's loved it Instead of butter you up sort of

I guess Oh you're all bubbled up Yeah I don't want to It's like I don't want to fluff your feathers Yeah I had one I'm not gonna tap your tummy Is that what they say? Yeah I ain't gonna tap your tummy

I know everyone here is praising you They like Wayne's world But I ain't tapping your tummy I'm not gonna spank your spankter I knew that's was coming I will not photograph fuel private pot. Wait, flop your feathers, a good one.

And good ego boost. That's it. It's an ego boost. Butter your buns. Oh, yeah, butter your biscuits. They're usually, I had like 17, I was there a day early, so I had like 17 room service orders, you know, because you can't get a snack. You're in the tower and you're like, uh, oh, we're in a tower of a casino hotel and it was

so busy. There's so many people there. You know, it's a casino. itself is very nice, Thunder Valley. And it's great. For them to pack in 4,000 people, I'm always like, where are they coming from? It's in the middle of almost nowhere. This is always the case.

I was shocked. That thing I went out there and looked, I go, uh, we're in trouble. You know, it's actually 4,500. Where are they going to come from? It's a little bit off the beaten path. But, well, I loved it. They all show, because we went to dinner and everyone was there going, hey, we're all coming to show because it's the only, once they're all there, there's like three

restaurants so right i asked the guy why are you coming to the show he goes uh it's the only show yeah the only game in town i'll take it in Vegas there's like 1900 shows but it was an incredible audience had a great time we should go back in some point isn't it kind of go ahead go ahead no i thought you're going to talk with the war but i think you got something oh no the war well words aren't funny, but Trump is still amusing. Like, I guess there was a submarine and we sunk an Iranian ship, and it hadn't been done since World War II. So Trump was really nonsense World War II. If you can think about it, look at that nonsense. World War II. Pete Higgsith. He's a smart cookie. He's a tough cookie. He's a cookie monster. But this time he went further. I mean, he's a vicious ding-dong.

You remember ding dons? These ding dons, hostess, you know, a little bit of frosting, they're good. You know, he's a delicious ding-dong pig head with is a tough. He's a moist cookie. He's a honey bun. He's moist and soft with cinnamon, that guy. He's a hostess cupcake with the squiggly frosted. You remember the squiggly?

The icing. The icy there was a squiggle on top of the cupcake. It's icing. And the press goes, what are we talking? talking about again? He's a tough twinkie. He's a hoey-ho-ho. He's a tough ho-ho. You remember ho-hoes? Very similar to ding-dongs. Fencing ding-dongs. He's a maple bar. He's a maple bar. He's a sweet. Remember the maple bars? You got to remember the bare claws. The claws can bite you like pecans. Pete Pizuki. He needs oxygen.

Pete, by the way, Hegzith is a tough word to work into the whole bit. I know, Egseth. I had some idea of it. I just went from Cookie Monster. He's a vicious ding-dong. I thought that was funny. Yeah, I like, remember the squiggles?

I did this two minutes ago. Remember the ding-dong? He took a little bit, a little bit of frosting and chocolate covered cookies. He's a tough ho-ho. He's a jumbo honey bun, soft-loose. with honey glaze. He's a sneaky hostess cupcake. You remember the squiggle?

So that's what I wanted to do, but I just didn't get to it. That was exciting. Then I went to the pharmacy and I wanted to get a beard trimmer. So I, but they're all locked. It's funny. Shampoos locked. Everything's in there.

Even where you are, it's locked. This is horrible. I know, you gotta press a button. And then you wanna just kind of get something and get out and there's like, customer help out for, everyone, What does he want? So she comes over high and so there's regular shavers at one side and then there's the

Manscape side. She's like, which one? Which one do you want me to open? Do you want me to open this? Let's open this. So you want and she holds it up. Do you want this one? The Mansca.

For your nuts sack? And on the front of it it says for down there. No, no, I just want the Niroko. You sure? You sure you don't want. What do you got going on down there? We might have to trim the hedges a bit. And then she says, do you know Joe Dirt?

Dude, I do that. I have to buzz the buzzer and the guy with the keys comes out. Takes it and they go like this. We got aisle four. Yeah, it's like preparation, each all that stuff. So they come in and I'm like, I don't know if you need to, if you have to lock up the toothpicks, folks, I think we're losing the battle against crime.

Yeah, we've got Paul Mitchell's shampoo for everyday use, everybody. Let's tighten it up in here. Yeah. I'm going to open this up. I want everyone to be on alert. All right. When we open it, if we get rushed, we're going to have to use a drill. Yeah.

I'm not even interested in anything that's not locked up. This just shows me what's valuable. I'm like, oh, so the Q-tips are what everybody wants. It was weird. They had Joe Dirt signed autograph posters, aisle four, the Joe Dirt poster, and they were locked up. They were locked up. I did a signing.

I just sat there with a card table and signed them. Yeah, you did your pharmacy tour last summer and you signed. I do all the CVSs, all the big ones. Yeah. No, I got to tell you that it's the crime in L.A. I don't know if people think we're joking. They lock up almost everything in the pharmacy. And so you go in and you go, I got to get this.

Then they got unlock. And then the and then that people, you know, the mayor was like, you know, you should really work on making. making your store safer and locking more things up. I'm like, how about we just don't let people steal it? You know, like, let's make more laws. That's crazy. That is crazy.

The whole, in New York City on the corner, and I was back there doing Biden last summer, living on 57th Street in this hotel, the pharmacy on the corner had like an army man, a flack jacket, and I guess an AK-47 with combat boots, just standing to the opening the whole time, you know, It's kind of intimidating.

And, you know, I'd like to get a Cadbury bar and suddenly I've got a Glock 45 in my face. Quickly, just an abazabah if you want to pat me down. Yeah. You know, I hope you keep your grenades holstered because I'm just looking for Bazooka Joe, you know. This is, this is, pardon me for having an extra peppermint patty.

If you keep you. you know, you're a beating baton, you know, kind of holstered. I just want to maybe get a diet Pepsi if I could. No, you're a wonderful swat team. It's great if a criminal gang comes in you. I'm sure you would be terrific to have, but I just want sort of a smaller Cadbury bra. I love it so much.

So funny. Just trying to get a couple lifesavers. I know. So in our comedian brains, we're trying to go, the weaponization of the guy, the baton, their grenades, versus the more meek and friendly and kid. Yeah. The normal people that are terrified to go in because the worst is when you're standing there waiting for the four hour line and then someone just rips something out, walks out. And they're like, we're not allowed to follow them. We get fired. I'm like, something's wrong with that system. Do you ever turn around at a pharmacy, especially a crowded one, and you just grab something, you turn back and 19 people have gotten in line while you turned away for a second? Yeah, I was here.

I bought myself a half hour. Yeah. Have you ever gotten your pills and they're like putting all your pills out and everyone looks? And then they go, do you need a pharmacist to tell you how to put these, how to do these? And I go, I know how suppositories work. I just stick him on my butt and I like yeah butthole yeah you just stick them up your bunghole I think it's sweet you know when a senior and I really very elderly gentleman kind of trundles up and and he goes hey I and he's got his joke that you can tell he's used a thousand times

it's something sweet about it hey there's a rumor that there's some medications waiting for me You know, and you can tell it's his go-do thing. That's funny. I know, and the people are so friendly. They're like, yes, Mr. Wilkins, just like last week. In a way, pharmacies are weird. You know, my whole deal with pharmacies. I know.

Let's not get you going. Don't get me going on that. Save it for next week. All right, let's do our five-hour thing. Yes, yes. You guys. Mm-hmm. This is your...

We're going to do buzzing around, applause. This, five-hour energy, look, I'm not, this is what we're talking about. This is buzzing around. Their fruity rainbow flavor. Treat your taste buds to an explosion of fruit candy flavor with a tasty caffeine kick. Get candy-flavored chaos with fruit rainbow, five-hour energy shots. You can get them at five-hour energy.com or Amazon. Mm-hmm.

And this, this one today is going. to be if you get a scenario i'll bark out a few celebrities okay i haven't seen john kennedy in a while i'm gonna put him on a um a life raft after the cruise ship sank so there are a live raft in the ocean let's i'm thinking of maybe um travolta i think travolta because i did them at that casino and i kind of like visiting yeah 1972 john who's the nicest celebrity i've ever met if it's possible. And then I guess Senator John Kennedy is always fun in the life raft. And you can always chime in. And then I just maybe I think I'd be funny if Dillon's in the life raft too. I'm trying to think of the most. And maybe Michael Kane and and a big one, Timothy Chalamee

and then maybe Burgess Meredith. Okay. I'll cover that. Okay, I'll throw to you as... Okay, yeah, you don't know what I'm needed. Okay, all right, here we go. So they're in the life... This is so ridiculous. So dumb. You know, I'm kind of...

Suddenly I'm being punchy. Yeah, you know, this is like so weird. I'm in the middle of nowhere in a life raft, you know. There's no paddles or anything. I say we just paddle with our hands and try to get the Fiji or something like that. Feet chic. Yeah. What do you think, Senator?

John Kennedy. Says their phone name. Did I? Did I just wake up in stupid town? You're suggesting that we will paddle with our hands 5,000 miles to the island of Fiji. Your words, not mine. What do you say? Bob Dylan.

Hey, there's no rules. When it comes to paddling, we can go. anywhere we want. We can paddle with the left hand, paddle with the right hand, as long as we're going in the red direction. Right, Michael Keane? I think it's obvious that we should light a flower.

There's no reason, there's no reason to bloody paddle across the Atlantic Ocean or Pacific, wherever the fuck we are. If you can light a flare. Right, Timothy? Hey, hey, come on. Man, no, seriously, we should let a flare, man.

Hey, this is Timothy Shalemy. We should... I play Martin Supreme. We should definitely light a flare, man. No, we could light a flare. I'm telling you, man. Right, Burgess Meredith? Paddling.

This paddling's going to hoit your poignant, Rock. You can't paddle anybody. I'm not having battled for 20 years. I've got to be poignant. We've got to have Stallone in the life raft. Hey, hey, what are you, what do you mean? How are we going to have a paddle? You know what I'm saying?

This paddling's going to hoot you, rock. It's going to hate you, poignant. Poiming it. Hey, I, why, you know. Edmund. No, I need a defibrillator. I, I'm not bad. Hey, I think it's a great idea.

Just paddling everyone. Right, Senator John King. Now, did I wake? up one morning years this is what you call a madhouse your words not mine your words not mine i'm not known from my physicality i'm not i am 75 years old and you want me to paddle 3,000 miles i'll be doing the navigational participation and you know By the way, the cruise ship is about 50 feet from us. So this fantasy is just all over.

Let's get back on board. Get back on board. All right. That was buzzing around. Starring Dana Carvey, sponsored by Five Hour Energy's fruity rainbow flavor. Treat yourself to a candy-like flavor explosion. Satisfy your sweet tooth with the zero-sugar treat. Once again, you can get in on this candy-flavored chaos online at

www.5hourenergy.com or Amazon today. Applaus, applause. That's right. You know, busting around. Still going around. By the way, I get warmed up. Then we stop. Go ahead.

Oh, there's the ship that got blown up. Who's that? That's Trevolta seeing the Iranian ship. You know, this is like weird. There's a ship that got blown up by the peak health sky. You know, he's, Trump says he's tough. a ding dong you know by the way do you think this war how is it going to affect the rea comedy festival i think that's what everyone's asking is there another one i'm sure next year yeah

oh it might they might have to put a pause in it they might have to put a pin in it yeah you know like don't want to have to do comedy with a flat jacket on you know i'm saying yeah that's already scary over that all right let's go to a few stories even though we're running and late. Let's see what's in the news. Let's get a couple stories. So people want them. Okay. A woman sent her ex-boyfriend over 1,000 pounds of onions so that she could make him cry

the same way he made her cry. I like they have this AI photo of this guy scratching his head. This is probably, I don't know if it's a fake story. It's like a joke. Well, it's not real. Nobody sends a thousand pounds. I mean, a thousand pounds. You know how much money you'd have to spend?

One, the energy and the money. How about one onion? Yeah. I think that this is made up. I'm going out on a limb. It's a hot take. How about just put a fart in a jar? It's a lot cheaper.

That's what I do. When I'm in a pinch for a present. Fart in a jar. There's girls that sell those and you would be shocked, Dana. I know. I have to cover your ears and protect you from what's going on out there. I don't want to think about it. There was a Christmas tradition at the Carvey House, we're in our 20s, where you'd farted a jar.

You would do a diversionary gift and see if someone was sad, you know, like a gift would be a bottle of Heinz ketchup. And you go, you like it, don't you? It's a bottle of Heinz ketchup. They look disappointed. And then my brother had a little keyboard and we'd sing a song. You can take it. You could take it, take it, take it back, you know, return it. Okay. Well, those aren't like fun Christmases, right? This sounds really good. That sounds like a blast. All right.

next story. By the way, we didn't tell the audience, you did chopping broccoli and you did an acoustic version. That was. Remember that, Heather? I started on piano. Heather filmed it. Oh, yeah, I started on piano and then some clubs didn't have pianos back.

This is pre-S-N-L. And then I sort of adapted a D, little to C to a little E, little runner-runner. Yeah, I know the language. This is that masterclass thing. Okay, here's our next story. Lamar Odom claims he'd be in the Hall of Fame, if not for his, quote, great cocaine summers. Yeah.

I mean, I don't know. Well, I'm happy for him. He's joyous. He made a choice. He won a title, didn't he? Yeah, with the Lakers. Yeah, I think so. I mean, also, people are mad that he,

didn't he break up with Chloe twice? I don't know. Well, now I'm mad. Never break up. Now, here's one rule of life. If you've landed a Kardashian with a $7 billion empire, never break up with a Kardashian. My words, not yours. My theory already single.

Okay. Next story. I was trying to think of something or two of them. Okay. There wasn't much there. Don't worry. Yeah, I'll tell you in a second. Okay, I don't know what this is.

Let's see it. Me that most of the customers. Some of these accidents are serious. Are paid actors? Yeah. How do you know that? Because I am one. It's the best acting job in Hollywood,

or at least the one that's the most consistent. This would be shocking if it's true. It was during Rick Caruso's campaign to show that he was successful and which I go to without being paid. Yeah, it's quite a place. This guy is saying, thriving. He's an actor and to make money, they go to the grove and walk around. And he's, at the beginning of every shift, you get your loop.

And he's paid to hang out at the grove? Yeah. Why? His loop was parking lot to the theaters and battle. He's not a security guard. It's just so, look at, he was an escalator guy for the first six months. He just go up and down the escalator. Down to the people that right on the trolleys. Those are all extras. You don't need as many because that's obviously the The trolly. So what? He just walks around and that's his job? Yeah, that's the funniest part.

If it's true, it's crazy. What are you saying? Yeah, mine's non-speaking. Oh, he's a non-speaking interaction. So he just walks with like a fake guy. Does he have a little sign? He's wearing a little half that says the grove? No, how do you know he's not just a dude walking around?

No, he just, they... I don't understand. They want that, they want the grove to look packed, is what he's saying. So they pay them to come walking around. So there I go. is a reason they just pay people to look like the grove is yeah look like it's bustling and right after covid he's saying they had to do that and he got paid and his loop was escalators movie theater and back and someone else is like i go to the fountain and to zara what a job i mean it's

got to be at least 15 bucks an hour it's it's l.a right i could get my steps my maximum steps in one day is still 13 000 which is considered nothing well Where are you strolling or are you actually working? You know what you could do is walk down the hill where you live? Wrong. Walk down the hill to the bottom. Not back up. And then grind back up.

No, Dana. Yeah. Dana, no. Heather could film me doing it. Sorry. Oh, you could do it. Easy. You're the people I almost hit coming up my hill because there's no sidewalk.

Here's an impression of me going up your hill when I drive up it. Okay. Just gone the way to your place. Oh, dry. Here's my impression of you, here's you walking at my hill. No stress. Here's me trying to reach for the intercom to get to the gate.

Separated shoulder. And then you look at the gate and it's like, uh-uh, uh-uh. Hey, Heather. Here's Bobby Lee pulling in my gate. Scrape. He wasn't even looking. He wanted to. scrape. I know. It's really a badge of honor. Because instead of wiping his butt, he scraped it along

the refimes now. It's a good, it's a good story. All right, one more punchy story. I know what I was going to say. You would have been the greatest cast member of the history of S&L if you had an unsisting when you were off camera wearing the Gap Girl outfit. That was so. So is that back? Okay. I'm Back to Lamar. Or I would have been in the S&L Hall of Fame if not for that. Yeah, but you were always dressing the gap. David, do you have any sketches? And I'd look over and you'd be in the gap girl outfit.

And I'm like, this is not. What is he doing? At the time, it seemed like it made sense because I'd wear it to the cast party afterwards and everything. But it was stupid. And it kept me out of the first Ballot Hall of Fame. I went to the Emmys dressed as the church lady once. Yeah, that was fun.

Jesus. Oh, boy. Boy, that was not good. Well, well, well. All right, we're going to end with a banger. This story's good. All right, this is it. Pressure on, drum roll.

Amanda Seyfried wore a prosthetic butthole for her new movie, Testament of Anne Lee. Why? I think I need more to the story. There's her with her regular butthole. That's just her. Where do we? In the press line. I don't even know what this movie's about.

Well, that would denote there's some filmography around that particular part of her anatomy, and yet she wanted a fake one. What does it say right there where it says, is this people magazine? No, it's page six. Amanda had a cool and exciting time using the prosthetic butthole filming. Read more. Yeah, we need more to this story. Right.

This may have to be a cliffhanger for next week's podcast. Well, if you're showing your BH, you might be showing your P also. Let's be honest. I don't want to talk about this. This is a wiener heavy show. I think we've jumped. This show is the disaster. Can I just say something about that actress from my favorite film this year, Housemade?

Housemade. Did she get an award nomination at least for that? She was good in the Housemaid, yeah. Could we give? She was kind of a co-star. She could have got a supporting actress. She did get Best Butthole. She got the most realistic butthole.

All right, we've passed. What we have now officially done... I know. We're in a weird area. ...said the word butthole 20 times. Ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma. No, no, don't. Like, this won't...

I know, we didn't wait. A lot of people ran. I'm sorry. Larry's like, that's not how you do it. That's not, you're ruining it. Well, this is just my... new toy we'll be back next week how you can get it and you have it out in the kitchen we're plugging other people's merch we don't even have we don't have our own where's our fly on the wall sweatshirts those sold

out fast we got to get new ones i want i like the the sweatpants i wear them to the gym because they're more comfortable and no one notices that they say fly no they're cool so that's kind of cool right yeah uh okay well thanks for coming on dana i know you're busy boy i love being on the david spade show And my eye, hopefully my next week will be all right. I'm wearing sunglasses next week. I'm just going to pre-order that. Come see me in Durham or Charlotte coming up or Nashville or Pittsburgh or. Spade is a killer.

I was going on second that night and I was in the wings and I just said of the sound guys, is there any way we can get more light or? Because you were, you were levitating. the room and I was like, fire up. You know what we did that was good? After Dana crushed and then we went out together. To go, hey everybody. And then we saw two sweet young women dresses,

and one is Joe Dirt. And they were together standing together. That was hysterical in the front row. I can't even, that's a psych. That was, that was great. We should have gotten a picture with him. But next time we do something that big, we should get a picture of Heather come out

So we're like in the audience behind us. Because a lot of people don't believe it was $4,500. And we'll post it. And we will post it. Yeah. Okay, let's do it. And I will see you guys soon. We'll see you next week.

Thank you for coming. Thank you for me. Thank you for being here. Hey, guys. If you're loving this podcast, which you are, be sure to click follow on your favorite podcast app. Give us a review, five-star rating. And maybe you can share an episode that you've loved with a friend.

If you're watching this episode on YouTube, Please subscribe. We're on video now. Fly on the Wall is presented by Odyssey, an executive produced by Danny Carvey and David Spade, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman, Maddie Sprung Kaiser, and Leah Reese Dennis of Odyssey.

Our senior producer is Greg Holtzman, and the show is produced and edited by Phil Sweet Tech. Booking by Cultivated Entertainment. Special thanks to Patrick Fogarty, Evan Cox, Mora Curran, Melissa Wester, Hillary Schuff, Eric Donnelly, Colin Gaynor, Sean Cherry, Kurt Courtney, and Lauren Vieira.

Reach out with us any questions to be asked and answered on the show. You can email us at fly on the wall at odyssey.com. That's A-U-D-A-C-Y-I-com.