Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade - John Corbett

Episode Date: July 3, 2024

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Benefits vary by card, other conditions apply. Okay, we got John Corbett today. Friend of the world, John Corbett. I think everyone knows that face, that good-looking dude. Mostly Sex and the City, but he's done so much, right? Dana, what do you think? He's been working nonstop really in movies and big fact, Greek wedding. He had two huge hits with that Northern Exposure.

He wins the Emmy for that show. We're going to talk about his beginnings as working with Steel, how he weirdly got into acting and, uh, and hairdressing. I mean, I'm just giving you the bullet points, but it's quite a riot. It's obsession with Pee Wee Herman that led him to be a friend of the Groundlings, that stories. He tells great stories

and he's somebody who's, you know, Sex and the City, the new season's coming out soon again. So he's still working hard and he's a hell of a nice guy. Really, really fun, fun, sweet guy. Yeah. Every girl that mentions him has a crush on him. That's for sure. And he's actually a good dude. So it's good to see it.

And also married to Bo Derek who was in Tommy Boy with us. So here's our boy, John Corbett. What were you saying? All I saw was John being really animated. I click in and he goes, and so in the end I got the girl. I always get the girl in the end. You know that. I know.

First time I met you, you just said I always played the boyfriend. I always chase the girl around the kitchen for 90 minutes and get her in the end in any movie. John and I have something in common. We're both the perfect boyfriend. Here we are. You guys, yeah, you guys played a lot of boyfriends. We played a lot. Yeah. John, we'll talk about you for the rest of this, but I have to say in all my movies and TV shows, I have never, I've only been married once. I've only been this guy just like flirting with girls and it's just like the one part.

It just shows how limited I am in acting. But other than that, I guess I could do other stuff. They just have never wanted to. You could act. I mean. Who, who? David? David can act, but you, but you're like, damn, you're listen. David's a fucking great actor. There you go. Thank you. Yeah. No, I'm sick of this, man.

Here's the thing. I was thinking about you. Uh, let's think about both you guys, because, you know, we're going to do this thing. So I started thinking about what's interesting in my life. And, you know, it's not just about me, this thing. And I've listened to a lot of your podcasts. So I love it when you guys talk about yourselves. But I mean, I was watching, I was watching you, we just for fun the other night, watched Tommy Boy Gang,

because I hadn't seen it since it was in the theaters and I've never seen it with Bo right so we watched it and Man, you know what you reminded me of in that David is One of my favorite movies is Moneyball, right? You guys see money? Love it Jonah Hill Yeah, Jonah Hill very funny guy also, but I could also so easily have seen you play in a role like that in Moneyball.

Have people come to you for roles like that? Like not just the big broad comedy? No, I was sort of saying that because I was joking that in movies I'm always single and I don't know why, but once it started, it was every TV show, every sitcom, every movie, and I've only been married once in a movie. And they're like, what if you're actually married to a girl?

Would anyone believe or understand that? And so that was sort of my funny thing. But I do have a movie that we're doing in about a month where I sort of have a slightly different part. So that's rare, but I'm not here to talk about that. I'm just here to say you are known as like this perfect cool guy. And every girl I know that I mentioned, you know, that's sort of your rap is like, Oh my God, you fall in love with that guy so easily.

So we don't have to only talk about that, but that is a nice rap to have. Right. And just to complete John's thought about you, David, is I think that your attitude and your rhythm in a comedy and then put that in like, no one will know this except old people, a movie like fail safe where he's advising the president. In other words, your attitude in a serious scenario played very real would be fun. I've said, I said that to you years ago. Now, I would like that.

Now let me comment and control the interview today. So now let me go to John. Please do. I gave David a compliment. I love it. Thank you, Dana. It's rare that he gets it. You know, the funny thing I noticed about the podcast

is when sometimes David chimes in with something really funny when you guys are talking to somebody on a little bit of a roll and David chimes in with something really funny, but David just rolls right over it. But then I can hear David chuckling into the funny thing in the background that always kind of makes you laugh. Well basically I'm interrupting the flow so I just throw it in like that and the flow keeps going and then I go like this, not bad. It's really good.

I like that. What? I get into interview mode, you know, I've become like Mike Waller, some 60 minutes or something. But, uh, yeah, David in the early days was just coming onto this podcast. And so our producer used to count his yawns. Remember that? And then the podcast started, everyone goes, Hey, this is a

big podcast. So then David doubled down and now we're here. Yeah. That's the reason. That's the reason David's wondering why I'm here. Uh, uh, like what the fuck is this guy doing on this thing? Because no, we're not, but go ahead. Not many people know this, but we are neighbors. Dana and I are neighbors up here in Paso Robles. And we, for a year now, every time I see Dana anywhere, I say, when are you going to get me on that podcast? I love that podcast. I got to get on it.

And he's always, he's always saying, yes, we'll get you on. We'll get you on someday. And finally, he just had enough and he said, okay, you can come on. So that's why I'm here. Well, it'll be about an hour and then you'll never have to deal with me again, Dana. Well, the idea is that everyone we mentioned,

everyone knows you. Like you've done a lot of stuff. I mean, I don't know where to start, but I do know a few little things and you can share these. Cause I thought it was funny that you come out of high school and the phrase was you work as a Boilermaker and that leads you to acting.

Could you just tell the hat? We'll start with that for now for fun. Yeah, yeah. I left West Virginia right out of high school, I guess around 79 and came to California to meet my dad who I didn't know because they split up when I was two. We lived in California actually until I was two. And then my mom and I went back and- Wait a minute, so you met your dad like at 19? Yeah, from the time I was two till I graduated high school, I saw him two times, just because he was always working

and he had another family out here and he came for two weekends. I think that's when I was seven. He's busy. It's a theme on this podcast. David has his story. Most of our guests have an absentee dad. I don't know why. I just say it's, I would love to have had an absentee dad, but that's another story. The other thing is daddy stays. And sometimes that can be rough. But anyway, so you meet your dad, you're in LA, West Virginia, then what happens? Well, to your point, man, yeah, I'm so happy.

Daddy and I became drinking buddies when I showed up at his door at 18. But had daddy stayed, man, daddy was a tough, I saw what the other kid was like, did he raise daddy? He was a toughie, right? So sometimes that's better that daddy takes a hike. And Dana had a toughie too. I had a drinker.

So I was the same thing. When I hooked up with them, we started drinking. So that's a good common denominator, less pressure for them to be the dad. Once you turn 18, there's no child support. There's not as much stress for them. So that's when my dad saw off a little bit and started giving me his phone number and said,

you can call me now instead of me calling you. Yeah, is he still around? You know what I mean? No, and now I have to hang up and cry. No, he- I knew something was coming. No, he was great once we figured it out. But you know, I was sort of in the same boat.

So I relate, keep going. I kind of relate to what you're saying. Yeah. So my dad was also a big drinker, but a smart guy. He was a nuclear welder. He helped build San Onofre power plant and he was a watchmaker and really interesting guy. And he let me live with him and I just showed up you know, I just showed up at his door, uh,

because I came on a cross country trip with some, with some friends. Yeah. Yeah. What do you look like? You was he, did you kind of almost me? Did he, was he six five and was he just see it? We're the same. It was crazy.

We're the same size, same height and, and weight. And, uh, yeah, it was really weird, but he, But he said, what do you want to do? Cause I wasn't going to go to college. And he said, you want to be a boiler maker for people who don't know what that is. So, you know, it's like, it's not the top 10 things I was thinking, but it's not the top 10.

It was my third choice. It's crazy. It's a, you know, your welders, iron ship builders, steam boiler makers. And so I got in that union, and that's what I did for about four years. Is it like a lot of welding with the big hat on? And you know, with the gock?

It's mostly all that. Well, the thing, the helmet. You gotta wear the helmet. Dana, one of us hasn't been boiling me. Look at these hands. Look at these hands. She's the fucking little girl hand. The softest fucking hand I've ever seen. You know what's bothering me. Look at his hands. Look at his hands. He's a fucking little soft as fucking hands. You know what's bothering me?

The little baby. I got little girl hands. Yeah, little baby. Soft little little. No wrinkles. I was I watched Rage and Ball last year, but now you're a welder, boiler maker. You're in a shop. Have you got a really hard ass foreman fucking with you?

Yeah, every one of on you guys. Everyone. Corbin quit gold breaking. You got, yeah, every one of them has the guy from Full Metal Jacket fucking telling you, let's go. Let's go, let's go. Let's go. Full Metal Jacket, I love it. It's Full Metal Jacket.

Yeah, we're working, it's 10 hours a day, six days a week. So we're cranking out 60 hours a week. And yeah, it's just, you know, it's a tough, tough life. I mean, guys are fucking losing fingers and hands and equipment. And you know, it's like, get a new guy. And it's like football when the quarterback goes down. It's like, you ever notice that?

The coach barely even looks. He's like, next guy, get in there. Yeah. Get in there, Jennings. When do you break, when do you break it to the Boilermaker squad that you gotta leave early because you have a cold reading class? But you wandered off.

You're like, guys, I saw Hamlet last night. And they're like, uh-huh, it's like a movie. And you're like, I think that's my calling. They're like, get the fuck out of here. That's fucking, that's funny. So tell me about you. You wandered off the job site, I think. I got hurt. I actually got hurt.

I got hurt. I hurt my back and and I couldn't do that heavy work anymore. I kept sort of walking with the cane, right. And I'm about to, I don't know, 23. And my dad, my dad said, go to college. I was living down in Belfour and he said, go to Cerritos college. That's where he learned to weld.

He's the best brainstormer we got. So he wants you to go back to welding school. You got to back back in a cane. Oh, go to Harvard. He doesn't want me to go to welding school. That's where he learned to weld. He goes, just go to school. Finish your fucking education.

And that's where the real, you don't wanna do this your whole life anyway. But that that little junior college is where I discovered acting. I met some actors who invited me to a improv class. And man, as soon as I walked in there, you know, I didn't act in high school or anything like that. As soon as I walked in there, I just said, fuck it, this is for me, you know, because I always made my buddies laugh and things like that. And I signed up for all the acting classes and I swear to God, two months later, I'm in hair. They did a great, you know, collection of hair.

Hey, give me a head with hair. Long, beautiful hair. Hey, you got it down. Perfect. You guys are, can you guys harmonize? Hair, hair, hair, hair. Shiny, flex,, waxing. Everyone's got a bush.

Is that one of the lines? I didn't see it. That's one of the lines that they do on Broadway. Why does it sound like Nathan Lane or something? I don't know, I'm gonna sing a song. All right, go ahead. So you're doing hair at a junior college. You got no other projects, but you're loving it. Oh yeah, I'm doing hair. I did actually go to hair school, but I wasn're doing here at a junior college. You got no other

I did actually go to hair school, but I wasn't going here. Oh, we'll get to your, your that in a second. That's crazy. Uh, what happens, what happens? I do it for about a year. Check it out. I signed up for extra work, right? So I start doing extra work. I'm on fucking chips. I'm on Cagney and Lacey. It's sweet. Did you guys ever do extra work? I don't think so. Cause we were doing standup, you know. Okay. So here's the great thing about extra work.

I mean, how crazy is this? I even did extra work on square pegs with Sarah Jessica Parker. And I think 80 fucking four or five, something like that, right? Yeah. And so here's the great thing about extra work. If you show up and just shut the fuck up

and mind your business and open your eyes, you can learn. You get paid. You get paid. 35 bucks a day, I remember the extra pay. You can learn a lot. You can learn what this guy's doing holding this microphone and what a key grip is.

And that's what I did. I used that as, I mean, I knew what everybody did by the time I got my first one line on a movie. So it was a great- But you know, the real stuff, sorry to interrupt you, but it made me think that's really how you learn just how an actual set works, not acting class, where you go, oh, they do a few takes,

that guy comes over and tells me, change their delivery. Okay, that seemed to work better. So you realize, oh, this is how fast it works, this is how people get talked to, this is the hierarchy. And then when you get on a set, you're not totally blindsided like we all were. Or intimidated by that environment, you know? I was, oh my God, after like two years of extra work,

you know, and still hadn't really gotten, you know, here's the great thing too about, we all have this feeling, right? When you're an extra, you just know somebody's gonna see your potential and see the fucking, the star. That guy is a star, man. It's gonna happen. And it just, it never does, right?

But by the end of like two years of doing extra work, man, you could put me in a scene with Robert De Niro, even though I had never been on camera, except as an extra. And I had just had so much confidence of being on the set, You're right, David. That's it gives you so much confidence. Well, it's kind of like it's, it's magic in a way.

And then if you're watching actors and you go, Oh, they're just going to, they're just talking and that they're just repeating. I mean, I did a movie with Burt Lancaster and Kirk Douglas. I was so fucking scared. And then we're doing a scene and it's like, I tell you where to rub the train. And he just said it like that. Then he said it like that 10 more times. And then Kirk Douglass, I think we got to rub the train. So I was like, this is Kirk Douglass and Burt Lancaster. I mean, that's it? Yeah. But if you're reading a script along Dana, like if you, I've done this where I had two lines and something. So I'm just, I'm just sort of reading the script, watching from the side.

And the way they do it compared to how it is on the screen, where I read it in my head, I go, Oh, they're putting a little spin on that. Oh, they're, Oh, that's not how I pictured that line. Oh, they went down on that. And that's kind of little things you pick up. You go, Oh, like you do an acting class, you learn stuff you don't even think you would learn. And you go, Oh, that helped me. But check this out though. Here's the thing, did you find this with Kirk Douglas in Lancaster?

Burt Lancaster. Burt Lancaster, when you get on the set, you know, if you've, David, even if you've had a month's worth of acting classes, right, you can now do a monologue, you can do a fucking scene. When you get on set and you see that these guys can't even say two fucking lines without fucking it up. Like, I just worked in Steel Factory 60 hours a week. That's hard work. These guys can't even

string two lines together. And when you see, you know, I mean, it's just, that's just the way it is. I'm still the laziness, the blatant laziness. If you can act, this is for kids listening, if you can act for 20 seconds, you can own Hollywood. All you need is 20 seconds. Cut. And it doesn't hurt your back usually. So you're like, why was I doing that other bullshit?

Yeah. It's a 20 second increment kind of deal. So my teacher came to me and she said, her name's Georgia Will, and she said, look, I think you could. And you're like, and that was the beginning of every girl hitting on me for the rest of my life. Well, we'll get to the ladies later, but he's happily married now. Yes, I know.

I love Bo. Yeah. She says, she says, she says, she says, um, you gotta, I think you could do this, but you've got, you know, I'm living 30 miles south of Hollywood and I've been there four years been that Hollywood twice. Once to walk around and look at the stars on Hollywood Boulevard and another time to see a taping of Family Feud with Richard Dawson, right? That's my husband.

Oh, wow. Yeah, it might as well be 300 miles away when you live down Long Beach. You just never go. What are you gonna do, go to Shakey's Pizza Parlor? I mean, there's fucking, there's nothing there. And she said, so, I had a nice, I mean, I was making 20 bucks an hour in 1980 working at seal factory. I had a nice little condo. Uh, uh, she's,

she says, you gotta, you gotta move up there and you gotta take acting classes because time's ticking. You know, you should have started this at 18 and I did it. I fucking moved to Westwood. It's scary, but that's probably the best advice. If she didn't give me that advice, we wouldn't be talking right now. It just wouldn't have never happened. I would have been too afraid to make a big move like that. But I moved to Westwood and moved in with,

there was five of us, me and four 18 year olds in a two bedroom apartment. They were all going to UCLA and I was in the bedroom with three guys. I enrolled in hair school. You were enrolled in hair school, even though you're thinking of being an actor. I like he throws it in like it's the most normal move. That's probably his dad called him. We all tried to get a, I started making handmade gloves before I audition for SNL. I had to have something to fall back on. So you're confident, but you go to hair school just in case it doesn't work out.

Here's what happens. So because of the accident, you know, I sued the company and I got a nice sack of cash, right? Okay. More than a hundred thousand or less. It was about, it was about a hundred thousand of which I got about $33,000. Right. Okay. They get some and everybody gets a little, and I got that. But you know, my rent is at this place is $300 a month, you know, with the guys. So I'm doing all right. But the girlfriend that I had at the time was a hairdresser who made it down in Long Beach. She made a good

living at it. Right. So I know I'm not going to be on a TV show anytime soon. And I think, hmm, I like what she does. It's kind of creative. I love shampoo and, and I think that I'm the movie shampoo. Yeah. Great. You're great. In my mind- Oh, yeah, great. You're great. I can cut hair to all the... I knew one thing was gonna happen. There was money in people in show business' pockets, and I was gonna fucking take some of it out

one way or another. I was either gonna be an actor, or I was gonna be a hairdresser on movie sets. You know? Right. And getting some of that cash that they have. Because now, ah, that's looking good, man. Oh, no, John, I just took my hat off because I thought it was rude I'm wearing a hat. No, I like it.

I like it. I like the fucking height. Me and Dane have the interchangeable hair, so. We get a lot of heights. There's nobody you've ever had on this podcast, by the way, out of 150 of them that knows hair more than I do. You fucking nail it. I love it. You both have great hair. Okay. So you then you become a professional and you're working in a salon and you're kind of like and you're young strapping young man six foot five. So you're a little bit like Warren Beatty

in shampoo at that point. There's nothing more seductive than cutting a woman's hair. And you're straight and that's so rare. So these girls are all coming in and talking. You're just meeting girl. I mean, that's like, that's all you do. That is not correct. I am, I am working.

You guys know where that little restaurant by the Beverly center is called Jan's. It's right over the kind of a casual. Yeah. Yeah. Like a little diner. Right. So we're sharing the Harris school. We're sharing the parking lot with Jan's.

It's like, God, I don't know, Beverly and La Cienega. So I'm right in the Jewish area of, of Beverly Hills. So every not hot chickie, but every client I have is a little old Jewish lady who's coming in for a $3 set, right? And I'm gonna get, I'm gonna get a dime and maybe a quarter for a tip, right? So the whole time I'm there, I'm working on 60-year-old ladies. Oh, okay. Yeah, sending fucking hair. We were off by a little bit, John.

I was picturing that on Instagram. I mean, the money that goes into it now with everyone around town, like there's so much money being spent on hair and coloring and all that stuff. Oh yeah. There was a guy at this particular time, I mean, Josephi Franco, you ever heard of this guy?

Oh yeah. Very famous, Mickey Rourke's his best friend. This is 1985 and he's getting 35 bucks a haircut back then and nobody could believe he was making, getting paid that much for a haircut. Crazy. Wow. I think, I think that's on Canon maybe that maybe that's still there. It's still there. Yeah.

You might laugh at this. When I first got a little extra money, I would have someone come to my house. This is me in the eighties, little SNL money. Yeah. You might laugh at this. When I first got a little extra money, I would have someone come to my house. This is me in the eighties, little SNL money. And it was like $400. What? I didn't even, I maybe, I don't know what I was thinking. Clinton, his haircut on the air force. Because it's $400.

The guy brings a, the leather pouch has like 90 scissors in it and he's going around my ear with little tiny scissors and he often I would bleed and I'd still pay him and I'd have to you know I was dabbing cotton anyway uh so go so you're doing that and um so here's what what's your first move in in Hollywood then what are you gonna say so back then So back then you had to go into a fucking guy's office and do a scene if you wanted to try to get an agent. Hardest things in the world, move into Hollywood for anybody listening. Here's your two toughest things, getting an agent and getting your SAG card.

They're almost impossible things to do, right? Without help, without some sort of help. Without knowing anybody. No connections, yeah. It's an impossible task. But back then you would, I only did it once. I had this old timey agent named Dick Dunn, who referred to himself in the third person as old Dick Dunn.

Old Dick Dunn always returns his calls. old Dick Dunn. Old Dick Dunn always returns his calls. Old Dick Dunn. Old Dick Dunn. I want to make that a character. Dana wants to play him already. Dick Dunn doesn't do that. Dick Dunn goes over here. Dick Dunn gets it done.

Dick Dunn drives himself to work. Old Dick Dunn. You gotta add the old Dick Dunn. You referred to him. Old Dick Dunn. Okay. Old Dick Dunn will give you a dick down. Old Dick Dunn had a farm. E-I-E-I fuck yourself. So what, so he's your agent now? So Old Dick Dunn, I go in a new scene and he's my guy. And Old Dick Dunn has an office up on the end of Sunset where it goes into Beverly Hills,

right across from the old Jaguar place. I don't know if that's still there, but do you know what I'm talking about? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Check this out. Old Dick Dunn used to say, hey, come down to the office today at noon. We're going to lunch.

And I'd go down at noon. This is probably night. Yeah. This is 1985. Guess who's fucking in the office. And we're going to go down and have lunch at the, uh, old hamburger hamlet at the end there. Remember that?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, definitely. I walked in Vincent price. So he's friends with Dick Dunne. He goes, come on, we're coming. You're coming with me and Vince. We're going down here. I fucking get to go hang out with a couple of times this

happened with Vincent Price. Hi, I'm Vincent Price. No, I don't do it. I'd like the curly fries. Well, I love that. We're dealing with a very unusual situation. It's slightly Peter Laurie, a little bit. Yeah.

You know, Hamburger Hamlet had, you were over there by Abrams Artists too, which was kind of by that vicinity. There was La Dome, which someone told me Elton John ate there for lunch once, and I kept going, someone take me to that place so I can see Elton John in real life. And Hamburger Hamlet, Dean Martin was there once.

Oh, did you see him? Yeah. So it's the same thing. It's like you can randomly, you get these agents that their whole life is based on lunch. They go, let's go to lunch. And then they go to, they get out and show off their new clients, which you look like a big studies walking on. He's like, it's my new guy.

It's my new guy. But he knows Vincent Price, which is pretty cool. Yeah. So you're, you're hanging out with old Dick Dunn and Vincent Price in 1985. The crazy thing is Dick Caprio's squad. Here's the fucking craziest part. I looked it up recently cause he was such an old man to me, right? Uh, you know, he was a little hunched over.

I looked it up. I'm fucking 63. He was a year younger than me when we were going to lunch. It's a price. And he seemed ancient. He seemed ancient. He was a fucking year younger than me.

So bizarre. So here's what happens. The old Dick Dunn, he's sending me out for things and halfway through hair school, I get a commercial, right? So I get this commercial for a Samsung electronics. I shoot it in one afternoon and hair school takes about a year to get out of. So halfway through hair school,

when I graduate from hair school, this commercial starts running. And so I'm working in this salon, and I go to work at this salon on Melrose in Bustiana called On Mars. And our biggest client was this rock and roll kid named Charlie Sexton. You remember this kid at all?

Oh, hell yeah. Yeah. Beats so lonely. Beats so lonely. Oh, I love that you know that. Charlie was our guy. I used to watch Charlie's hair for him. I'm making $150 a week in this hair salon,

hoping for some walk-ins would Charlie ever happen because it's on the third floor of this building. So walk-ups. Yeah, nobody's walking in. So I'm basically- It's too tall. I can't even get- Yeah, fuck that place.

No, I can't even get up the stairs for my haircut. No, my little Jewish ladies aren't coming there anymore. Oh, they're coming, yeah. Now I'm in the hip place, but it's all appointments for the three other hairdressers that are working there who are fucking booked all day long. And I'm sweeping up fucking hair and throw it at Trescan and wait for a while.

Split ends of Charlie Sexton. There's a new kid in town? The new kid's gotta be the shampoo boy too, so I'm shampooing everybody's heads. And towels dry them. Here's the thing, I'm 150 a week, two months I'm working in Salon, the commercial starts playing,

eight grand a month I get for two months for this thing I worked six hours on and I quit, I quit that job. And now one commercial, throw up down your scissors and do a Norma Ray. Guess what? You all. So great. That's fucking that grand. And that's what gets you addicted. You go, so great. That's fucking that. I love it. Eight grand. And that's what gets you addicted.

You go, holy crap. There's money in them there hills. I'm still in the $300 a month place, right? So, and I still got a nice little. Pies of Rolls Royce. I got a sack. Do you have any shoes with diamonds on them? And I got a little leftover from the sack of gold from the lawsuit, right?

So I'm like, fuck, I'm not going to do this hair deal. And I'm kind of going out on auditions and stuff. I got my fucking cheap little headshot. But another mistake, young people who are listening, coming to Hollywood, just know this, it's not going to happen. You're fucking not going to have a 40-year career where you only get to act and live in a multimillion dollar house. It's like telling a kid who's standing in line for the five o'clock fucking comedy store there to do open mic night.

Like this probably is not, you're not going to do this for 30 years and live in a million dollar house. You kind of just got to know that that's not going to happen. It's, you know, for the three of us, it happened, but there's a lot, so many reasons why it probably shouldn't have happened, right? It's a possibility, but it's very, very tough. And they see people like you, they see people and they go, it can happen and that keeps people going.

And if they're good, I think if you're good, someone finds you. Advice I used to get was like, how do you do this? How do you do this? I go, people will find you. If you're good at something, like your teacher realized you had something and sometimes in comedy, I see people and I go, I think this guy is gonna make it. But you can't, it's not just about do it a lot.

It is about doing a lot, but if you have something, I think the word gets around somehow. Right, but it's, it's tough. I mean, I think it's emotionally violent to do this career. I was in this acting class at San Francisco State and this actress came in and she's somebody you might recognize or did a few commercials. First time I'd heard this, if you can do anything else with your life, do that. But if you can't live without trying show business, go ahead. That's how it was, but she had a cigarette and she looked pretty boosted up, but anyway, go ahead. It ain't easy, kid.

So here you are. Now you got a commercial under your belt. Yeah, I got a commercial under my belt and, you know, I don't know, a year's worth of Hollywood acting classes, right? But here's the mistake that everybody makes, that old Dick Dunn's now, he's got some connections, right? So he's sending me out for, Hollywood's such a small little town back in the 80s, it's even smaller now in some ways, for let's say casting directors, you guys know this,

for casting directors, there's fucking 12 or 15 of them. Right. So Dick Dunn sending me out for pilots and stuff. Cause you know, I'm a tall fucking half decent looking white guy. Right. So back then that was most of every fucking, every pilot had a ropher guy like that, but I'm not ready. You know, I'm fucking walking to green. I'm green. My hands are shaking the fucking script. I'm not ready. You know, I'm fucking walking to green. I'm green. My hands are shaking the fucking scripts I'm forgetting where I am a pouring sweat like broadcast news and the mistake is

these guys now have seen me and You only get that you know saying you only get one first shot one first shot to make a good impression So they're never fucking bringing me back. Every time I go in there, they're like, no, you can just tell when somebody's ready. You see a guy on any open mic night, you guys know like, fuck, this guy's got something or he's got a long way to go.

It's too early. Yeah, it's too early. So that was my big mistake. Well, not my mistake, cause I was learning, but that's my advice also to people like don't come to Hollywood and go get that head shot before you take like three years of acting classes. Before we get to your your success yes exposure and stuff I know that you did work doing lighting

at the timelines and when Phil Hartman and John Leavitts were there. This is a fucking great story. Now we got something. This is SNL, baby. SNL. Adjacent. This is SNL, fucking. So why were you working there if you were so flush and doing commercials?

Yeah, well, you didn't run out of that 8K that got taxed, did you? It goes like this. So my buddy wants to go see the movies, right? Remember, we used to go to the movies and see a fucking look at the posters and go, oh, let's go see this one, right? Fuck yeah. Yeah. So we do that.

And then there's this movie with this guy and it's called, you know, P we's big adventure. I say, he goes, let's go see it. And I said, no, fuck, let's go see whatever else is playing. That's a fucking kids movie. He says, I don't think it's a kids movie. I think it's something else. So we go, it's like fucking that first showing 10, 30 or 11 o'clock. I can't remember what theater was somewhere in Hollywood. We go see this movie and I sit there. My fucking jaw drops. I can't even understand like what I'm seeing.

Right. Because this character is, you know, it's so dimensional and this fucking guy, who is this guy? We sit through like three, three of them. We sit through three of those screenings. They have probably went back a couple of times and took other people. But what you got to remember is, and nobody understands it today, except this age range. Once you walk out of that theater and you're going, who's fucking Pee Wee Herman?

You got no way to look up who this guy is. There's no fucking little thing you can touch. Can't Google him? Yeah. What do you... Go find information in 1985. Plus, I thought he's a real guy. is, you know, there's, there's no fucking little thing you can touch. Google them. Yeah. What do you go find information in 1985? I thought he's a real guy. I didn't think he's playing anyone. I was too new.

I was just like, that's a real guy. You know, I didn't think it was a Paul Rubens. That's funny. Or somewhere. There is no Paul Rubens. There's only Pee Wee Herman. Yeah. I'm not even sure I knew this, you know, we're reading the credits is this guy's name was Paul Rubens, there's only Pee Wee Herman. I'm not even sure I knew this, we're reading the credits that this guy's name was Paul Rubens.

So we can't find out anything about this guy. And not too long after that, my buddy says, hey, there's this place where this guy named Paul Ruben who's playing Pee Wee studied acting and does skits called the Groundlings. It's on Melrose. Let's go fucking check it out. He'll probably be there, right?

Yeah, for sure. So, so we go there. It makes sense. Oh, yeah, it makes sense. So far it tracks. It tracks, we're gonna go fucking see this guy. So we go, it's a Friday night. I remember it was a Friday night, we get some tickets.

I think they're fucking seven or $10 to go to see the Groundlings. You guys have been to the Groundlings. Yep. So we walk in this theater, it's a very tiny theater for anybody listening, it's never been there. And at this time, nobody's talking about the Groundlings.

So now everybody has some kind of reference because of all the Saturday night live alum. But it know, it's a very small theater. There's an aisle up the middle. It's about 99 seats and there's fucking 50 seats on each side up a little incline. It's small. Tiny, intimate. Very tiny, intimate. So we get in there and we're looking around, fuck, Peewee's not here. And the show starts. I'm sure he's not there.

The show starts and once again, I can't believe what I'm seeing. So it's about a half hour, I'm sorry. I guess it's 45 minutes or so of sketch, right? And then they take a little intermission and then come back and this fella stands up and starts saying, you know, give me a place, give me a town, give me a job. And they're doing some of the fucking best improv I've ever seen because

I have only been in classes, right? With people who don't know what the fuck they're doing. It looks like a magic trick. It's unbelievable how crazy is you go, how are they doing this? It is a magic trick because they've studied how to produce the fucking rabbits from the hat. I mean, they, you know, the, the, the, the gimme a scenario as you know, is, is also a trick. It's like you'd fucking say anything, you know? Yeah.

But it's, but they're seeming like geniuses at this point. Yeah. So after the show, there's gonna be another show. We're at the early show. After the show, we go out and the audience is clearing out and that's fella who's saying, give me a name, give me a place, comes out in the thing. And I go up to him and I say, hey, I love the show. I could tell he's kind of in charge. It turns out to spell his name's Tom Maxwell, who at the time is like a founding member of the groundlings and the sort of guy, their director,

right? Of everything. But I just know he's the guy that was leading the fucking band. And so I said, is there any, is there any job that I could do here? I love this, I wanna be around this. And he said, he looks me up and down. He says, are you available every weekend? And I said, yeah. He says, my spot guy's leaving. You ever work at Spotlight? And I said, no.

He said, can you come tomorrow night for the first show? Get here about six o'clock and you're gonna do two weeks with my spotlight guy and you're gonna take over the spotlight. I said, yeah. He goes, you're also gonna sell candy and beer at the intermissions. And he says, you good with that?

And I said, yeah. He goes, 35 bucks to show cash. So 70 bucks a night, you good with that? And I go, yeah. He goes, I'll see you tomorrow. And I fucking came back the next day and I learned how to fucking do the spotlight, which is much more intricate than you would think because, you know, now you're,

now you're doing a dance, right. With, with, with the performers. So I might have been, it might've happened before me, but I, uh, I don't remember like love it's for example, doing, hello, that's the thespian, Thomas DeMegan. Jealous? So when, so for instance, you know, Hartman would probably say, and now a word from

Liars Anonymous, right? And at that beat, it's a dark theater, bang, that spotlight has to come on exactly where fucking Lovitz is gonna be. Right, yeah, bang, that spotlight has to come on exactly where fucking love is gonna be. Right, yeah, totally. And I gotta know his act, and I gotta know what his last fucking goodbye line is, and bang, spotlight goes out, stage is dark for a minute.

You know, there's a little booth next to me where guys are also operating the main lights, right? So I gotta learn this fucking act, and for the whole, you know, for the whole show. And it was just fucking amazing. And I don't know how long I was there before one weekend, Lovitz is gone. Right? It's like, where's John? He's got an audition for Saturday Night Live. Now in my mind, this, this is not possible because, you know, that you have run across in the world, it might be on Saturday Night Live. One of my favorite shows that I have watched since

the day it came on in 1975, I believe it was October, because I'm about 14 or 15 and to this fucking day have probably never missed an episode. I mean, I still get excited when I wake up on Saturdays. I'm not bullshitting that tonight is a new fucking episode of Saturday Night Live with somebody, Josh Brolin maybe. And all day long I'm like, fuck, it's coming on soon. I'm still like a 14 year old boy when it's on. Are you guys like that at all? I love it.

Well, if I go back there, if I go back there and I hear that theme music, Lauren talks to me and I go in 8H. Yeah. It's heady, heady stuff. There's nothing like it, but the interesting part of that is that you're seeing Phil Hartman and John Lovitz pre-Saturday night live working together. And then I think there was, at one point you were there, I don't know, around this time and you were having an argument with your girlfriend at the groundlings in the hallway and something happened. What was that story? Just an argument, getting a little loud and then what happened? Well, so that's funny. So love is, so from this time, there's only a couple of people

that are going to know I Ozzie the Groundlings. Phil wasn't one of them, because I didn't have much exchange with him. But Lovitz, Kathy Griffin, George McGrath, you know that guy, George McGrath? He was Simpson's guy I always heard about. I never met him. Simpson's guy, and he wrote a lot of the Pee Wee stuff.

People thought he's a great writer, yeah. Great fucking writer, and even better performer. Should have been on Saturday Night Live, why? Oh, stuff. People thought he's a great writer, yeah. Great fucking writer and even better performer. Should have been on Saturday Night Live, why? Oh, I didn't know he's a performer. Oh my God, one of the best, one of the best. So, and the back of these stairs at the ground links where you work in the spotlight, goes down to where the cast is.

Phil and John would sneak up individually to kind of watch the show if they weren't on for a while. And I would kind of have this rap with John, right? And so we sort of had a thing. Phil would come up and I liked shoes, right? I always bought like thrift store shoes and Phil would always notice my shoes, like executive wing tips or some two-tone shoes.

Oh yeah. And he'd say, every time he'd say, hey, nice shoes. He'd whisper to me because the audience is also sitting right below me. He'd say, I'd say, hey, nice shoes. He'd whisper to me, because the audience is also sitting right below me. He'd say, I'd say, thanks, thanks. He'd say, would you get those? And I like to shop. He wants a pair.

Yeah, I like to shop at this place called Ardbarks. They used to be on Melrose. I remember Ardbarks. Ardbarks. Way to get those shoes, fella. Yeah, I like the shoes. Yeah, Lusia Kazzard and Phil, yeah. the shoes. Yeah, I'm a shit hazard. Yeah So every time you because as he's coming up these stairs, you know

He's seen my feet first before he gets the top and so every time I started found myself like Trying to wear nice shoes when I work because I thought bill might notice. Yeah, what a great reason to talk Yeah, yeah, and every time he'd fucking come up almost and he'd look at my shoes and he'd say, hard works. And I'd say, yeah, hard works. But I was more friendly with love. Three bucks. So anyway, what about the argument with the girlfriend?

Yeah. So I'm with this girlfriend, but this time I'm famous, right? Cause I'm on Northern exposure for about two years. So John and Phil are hosting this thing in like Montana. One of these things you guys get paid for to come host the charity event right. And I'm with this girlfriend and we're arguing in the hall out loud fucking kind of yelling and the door pops open and it's love it's and he says hey Hey, he goes, get in here. And so we both come into the, into the room. So you guys do love it's all the time.

Right. And so the world kind of thinks of love. It says, uh, you know, jealous, I don't know. Hello jealous. Yeah. That guy. Right. That he, and he's like that on the talk show.

So they don't know there's another fucking side to this guy. And Lubbitz for about an hour was like a therapist to us, telling us why we should be kind to each other, how to fucking get through this thing. It was like every self-help book you've ever read, because I've read a ton of them, in an hour. I mean, I just, I always remember that he did that. You know that side of him, right? He's like that, he's like a fix it guy.

If you say something's wrong, he goes, I'm going to give you a list of three doctors that you should see tomorrow. And I'm going to call them ahead of time. And I'm like, oh, OK. So he really gets into things. And he's very like an earnest person. Yeah.

That seems a little different than his persona. So you're trying to get the power over. You should accept the power. I could just see him. Why do you fight? You need to, you're lucky to have someone, you know, he, he, yeah, he does get in that. He's not that broad, but he comes, he will have a talk with you. I agree. You're right on that story. It was, it was just amazing. And, uh, I bumped into him a few times since then,

you know, cause where we live, we're just so far out, out of Hollywood by, uh, you know, a lot of hours, but I just so far out of Hollywood by a lot of hours, but I'll always remember him until they stick me in the ground that he was the time to be so sweet like that. That's nice. John, if you're listening, there you go. So you have such a big resume here. I didn't even know where to start.

Let's talk about this fat resume. Damn. What the first big one was Northern Exposure. The controversy of, with Rob Lowe, I don't know if it's a known controversy, but it's not really. Hey, wait, let me tell you guys one thing. We shared, the three of us shared a space in the early 90s, I think you know this, Dana, but I'm going to reveal it.

We shared a space in the early 90s for one of the most iconic things in rock and roll that ever happened. You know what it is, David Spade? Uh-uh, I do not. The three of us were at the 1992 MTV awards that some people say were the best awards ever. The one Dana hosted? The one Dana hosted.

I presented to Ben Halen. You did skits. You did the welcoming guy. And oh, the receptionist. And I also was trying to help write Dana jokes. I think Dana, right? I was supposed to be underneath there with you. You were writing and you did that.

I played drums with you too via remote. Oh yeah. You got Nirvana. You got Nirvana. Black Crows, Elton John, Guns N' Roses. Yeah. Shit. And a 20,000 seater.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, you've got fucking Eric Clapton. I mean, it was, yeah, it was a 20,000 seater. That was an- Pauli Pavilion. It was Pauli Pavilion. They were a big deal. That was a big deal.

That was a very big deal. Howard Stern, Fart Man came down. Oh yeah. Yeah. All the a very big deal. Howard Stern, Fart Man came down. Oh yeah. Yeah. Oh, the same one. I can't unsee that. So much more fun then than it feels. I didn't know the MTV Awards, did they even do them anymore? So then here's another three degrees since we're in this section. Okay. Your wife was on, thankfully did a part in a movie I did called Master of Disguise, where she starts the movie and runs away in the night and stuff, and then goes in a car and she goes like this,

and then suddenly it's James Brolin. So as if James Brolin was doing a disguise, so he's Bo Derek. David worked with her on Tommy boy. And then so we also have that connection to Bo. We have that connection. I mean, you're married to her, but we, we, I, I met her. I, I, I was, so the other night when we watched, when we watched Tommy boy, we were talking about some stuff. And I remember on your podcast, somebody, I don't remember who it was, podcast, somebody I don't remember who it was, was talking about both short hair in Tommy Boy, right? And, and that john had said, I don't want you to look like a movie star, cut your hair short. And she said, Fuck, that didn't happen like this. Here's what happened. Let's see if you guys know.

So Bo is in Paris on pre-production on a movie, right? That she's going to do a couple months from now, but she thought she should have short hair. So she cuts her hair and she's trying it out. And she said about a week later, she gets a phone call. Uh, we want to, we want you to offer you this movie. Uh, but if you say yes, you've gotta get on a plane tomorrow and fly to Toronto from Paris. And start that afternoon, which she did.

She said yes to it. And she said she fucking landed in Toronto in the morning. And by the afternoon, she was shooting the swimming pool scene, right? Wow, wow, yeah. Sounds familiar, yeah. For all these years, as we know acting, how acting goes, you don't fucking get a call 12 hours before. So she was obviously replacing

somebody. I was wanting, are you going to ask me who she covered? I don't know. We finally. I don't know who fell out. Do you know? Cause I don't know. Who could beat Bo Derek? So Bo's fantastic manager, I don't even know if you know this, but was the great Bernie Burstein, right? Oh, we, yeah. Oh, oh, it was? It was, yeah. Oh, wow, that all ties together, okay.

Bernie well. So Bernie only had two women, apparently, according to Bernie, who we've had so many dinners with, I fucking love that guy. Bernie only had Gilda and Bo, apparently according to Bernie, who we've had so many dinners with. I fucking love that guy. Yeah. Bernie had Gilda and Bo, the only two women he's ever represented. I think that's pretty cool. Shit.

That's, that's a good group. So, Dan, I mean, David, you don't know who Bo replaced? If you tell me maybe to ring a bell, but I just, it's Bo is so ingrained in my head for that. Raquel Welch. Oh, do I just, it's, Bo is so ingrained in my head for that. Who is it? Raquel Welch. Oh, do I remember anything about Raquel Welch? Wow. I don't think that got, I don't think I got CC'd on that. Didn't come across my desk. I was in the same boat. They're going, get the fuck over there and cut your hair and go get your fittings and learn your lines. And then they're like, I think,

and I think we were like, wait, who's the person playing this? Who's this? Because we didn't know. We had one girl we knew that we got as the girl that we both flirt with at the pool. But other than that, we didn't know anyone. We didn't know. Julie Warner was in my acting class though. Wait. That's not why she got it, but we knew her Rob, Rob Schneider was in there in Ivana Chubbuck's class. And then, uh, so I was like, when they, her name came up, I said, Oh, I think she's great. She came in, Farley loved her. Um, and Bo came in and, uh, Bo came into a shits room. That's so nice. She just said yes, by

the way, cause it was kind of a gamble. Yeah. Well, she had time off for this other thing that never actually happened. Here's the other thing. Oh. Bo said, she was only supposed to be there for a week. She said, I was fucking there for 10 weeks. On Tommy Boy?

On Tommy Boy. And then she started flying home and coming back for, just those few little scenes that she's in. She's probably in five little scenes. She said she was there for 10, 10 weeks. And I've heard you on the thing saying before, how you guys would fly back to do the show and then come back on, on Saturday night and be exhausted. And Les Farley went to the same party. When he, when he wanted to go to the fucking after party, we were dead.

Yeah. We got to go for one minute. Lauren will get mad. I go, Lauren doesn't know where the fuck we are. I said, what do you, what do you remember about Chris? And she said, here's what she said about each of you. She said, the crazy thing I remember is this is 95. So it's not like you can get an espresso machine stuff. Now she said he wanted an espresso machine and she goes, they got him like a $14,000

espresso machine and he would drink a bunch of espresso and then she said his face just get beat red and he'd like, you know, pull his hair up and stuff and go like, what are we doing? What are we waiting for? Yeah. It was, it was a, uh, she was exactly right. And the first day we had a three and a half page scene in the diner where I realized he's a good salesman and he's talking to a lady about chicken wings or whatever they are, wingy. And he was doing a shot of espresso between each take and we were like, Chris, what are you doing?

We both didn't really know how much fucking coverage we would do. We thought we'd do the scene a few times. Everyone's like, great job. But that was a master. And then they push in and do a medium shot. Then they push over me and do my over the shoulder of Chris, then a tight, and then turn around to me. And then me as a wide, and then the two of us in a side shot.

And then the waitress this way, then that way. And we had no idea. So we're there for 16 hours. And Chris is asleep at lunch going, what the fuck? We have more of this? We already did it a hundred times. He peaked at 9 a.m. Yeah, he peaked at 9 a.m.

And we said, you can't, I said, I don't think you're going to have that cappuccino all day, you're going to have a heart attack. I said that coupled with your salt imbalance leads to a weight problem. And so, yeah, so he, uh, he goes, I got to tone it down, but he would, he would drink all that in the morning and he would crash so hard at lunch that all the PAs would be like, I'm not waking them up. Cause you'd hear knock, knock, knock knock. Get the fuck out of here. And they're like, they need you. First team. So funny. And he'd come back so mad and his hair.

All I remember is Bo was being lovely and we were nervous around her. And so, but she couldn't have been more sweet. And she might've felt like she's, cause she wasn't ever seen that, and these idiots, you know, like this goofy comedy, but I'm glad it actually worked out where she's part of it. Cause over the years, I always hear about it. It's very nice to hear about something like that. I'm glad she's part of it all.

I said, what do you remember about David mostly? And she said, I just remember a steady stream of people, he was eating more tuna fish sandwiches than I've ever seen anybody eat in their life. And he never put on a pound, but he was constantly eating tuna fish sandwiches. It was the stress of the movie. My weight I was losing was going straight to Farley.

So the Lauren would say, well, the weight stayed on screen. It just shifted from you to him. But he said you were like the number 10. It's a little skinny spade. And then Farley became Laurel and Harry. Well, it became Laurel and Hardy. Yeah, it was Laurel and Hardy. It was Laurel. And through the, you know,

you're shooting the movie out of sequence, so we don't even know if it's any good, but we were stressed out of our fucking gourds. Here's the funny thing I want people who are listening to do. So I'm surprised there's not more outtakes and bloopers of you guys, because I looked them up online,

and there's really only one little set of like a three minute little put together of bloopers of you guys, because I looked them up online. And there's really only one little set of like a three minute little put together of bloopers, right? Unless there's another one I couldn't find. But you know, when you're making a movie, you're there for fucking six weeks, mostly 14 hours a day, and you don't move to the next scene

for people who aren't in showbiz. You don't move to the next scene till you shoot one of the things David was talking about, like two people sitting at a table, and then you'll shoot the other guy from another angle. And until you get that angle and then move it to another one, you don't even think about going outside

to shoot the fucking scene in the rain with the deer or whatever. So when I watch these bloopers, people who haven't made many movies, it's always- I know what you're gonna say. I don't know, listen, it's always fun. It's always fun. It's always fun to fuck up and laugh, right?

But the more somebody laughs and fucks up a take, the more you gotta stay there and fucking do it. And the clock just ticks and sometimes you're going, man, we could have been out in here an hour and I'm still trying to do the scene, right? So to watch Farley, you know, be like a little kid, cause I was watching you and you rarely fuck up and Farley would constantly like machine gun laugh

when he fucks up and sometimes you laugh, but I'd look at your face and some of these and you're just like looking straight ahead and he's like, kind of in your ear with the ha ha ha. I knew where you were heading with that because I saw the tape once and I was like, oh my God, look at me. Because I'm just staring into space going,

we're going again. Because you can't get it and you can't move on, like you said, and it's three hours after we're supposed to wrap and we have to fly back to New York from Toronto. And I'm like, Farley, just say it. And he thought it was the greatest joy in the world to fuck up his lines and get the crowd laughing.

He's like the mayor of the guy. He's like, look at chip over there. He's laughing. He knows what's going on. And I'm like, Barley, keep going. We got to get this. And so I could see some of those we would laugh and some of those. We were just staring into space because we were in a days going.

It's so long. It's so long. Yeah. And there's one little thing where he's trying to pop that fucking life preserver, right? And the movie, he just grabs a pen and it pops, but there's an outtake of him and you could kind of see the anger in him, which is he's getting mad. He's like, this fucking pen doesn't fucking work or something like that. That's,

that's little wasn't sharp enough. Yeah. It wasn't sharp enough. There's I love seeing those little intricate things. Yeah, the behind the scenes. There's one time when I go for some reason when he goes, Zalinski is and I go, and he seems like a nice guy and I go, he made a nice guy. And, and then he starts laughing and then I start laughing because that's a genuine we crack up and he laughs. Yeah. Yeah. But I'm like, and then I'm like, we gotta get that again. Cause it sounded kind of funny. I hope they can keep that because,

cause I'm trying to stay in it. And then he laughs so hard. I can't, I start laughing. Oh, people look at, there's a sweet one too, where you're saying line and then you whisper his line to him and he fucking throws himself down and he's like, ah, Cause I would know his lines in my head. I'm like, just say this. And then I say this. And he's like, ah, because I would know his lines in my head.

I'm like, just say this. And then I say this and he's like staring into space. I'm like that blank look. He does not know what's next. It's so great. People, good people listening, just fucking punch it in and watch it. All right. What do you want to know?

Well, well, you've said, Well, these are your tent poles, basically, for the general public. Northern Exposure, won the Emmy, your first huge job. Obviously, Sex in the City, and then revisiting it now. Obviously, your time as a rock star, which is really interesting, or a country music star. My big fat Greek wedding, one and two. Jesus. Parenthood, Kate Hudson raising Helen,

Tony Collette's husband in United States of Terror. So, we can't get to all of it, but. That's okay, there's a lot of shit on okay. There's a lot of shit on there. There's a lot of shit on there. Here's the thing, fellas. It's called fly on the wall, right? So you got to reveal some stuff, right? Or else we're just fucking talking.

The fact of the matter is I kind of picked, look, I'm at the, I'm at the fourth quarter of the football game now in life and in show business. It's just a fact. So I can reveal now, I picked the fucking wrong thing to do with my life. Right? I mean, I really, you know, being an actor is, for one, since I was a kid, I hate to be told what to do fucking by any authority figure. So I picked something to do with my whole life from my fulfillment of my work life,

which is dude, stand here, say this, put this on, look this way, say it faster, cut your hair like this. And there's not really as an actor, um, in my position, which is, you know, always second, third banana in hired and. Yeah. Emma fucking stone in, in, you know, in pretty poor thing, poor things, you know, where I'm collaborating. I'm not collaborating with the writers. I'm just fucking. Have you ever sat like a puppet, you feel like a puppet, but here's the, here's the part of the puppet. Have you ever sat in a fucking waiting room of a doctor's office for like an hour?

And you're going what the fuck for me that's what making a movie is like because I'm not part of any creative process and Right those minutes that will do to the table and then they say okay We're gonna turn around when each in two hours that 14 hour day for those six weeks Where it for anybody listening it's gonna sound like I'm an ungrateful prick, but I'm just telling you, for my work life, I made a lot of money. I live in a beautiful home. People come to me in every fucking restaurant I go in. I'm a friend of the world's, but as far as a fulfilling creative work life, I didn't write one fucking

line. I didn't write one joke to make people laugh. So it's been unfulfilling on on that level like all those things you you mentioned. You know there were some you know good times here and there but most of it's sitting waiting for them to fucking knock on your door to go hey we need you to come back and say that thing again and to me man there's it's such a boring fucking life. Anybody listening has never been on a movie set. If you came to visit any one of us for two days, just two of those 14 hour days, you'd say, I never want to be here ever again.

This is like watching paint dry. And it's just human, it's just human stuff. Did you ever have a director that you felt, because I had this experience in my three movie career, was actively had animus toward you, didn't really want to cast you, was kind of subtly sabotaging you. I mean, you get in scenarios where you really feel... Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Many of them. Many of them. But mostly they've got such a... Look, I'm not a fucking movie actor. I've been in basically Big Fat Greek Weddings,

such a, you know, look, I'm not a fucking movie actor. I've been in basically big factory weddings, the only movie I'm a really a television actor. And so you know, that thing has to move quick and that guy's got to make a million decisions. And you know, we're not shucking the job and going out for wine after so you know, I'm just at that point in my life now that, you know, I like being at home with with Bo and the dogs and I don't want to go to fucking Little Rock the marking the wall going like, I'll get out of here soon. So at this point in my life, I'm just going to just sort of, you know, I have if something seems really, really fucking fun, uh, I'll say yes. But then I get there in two days later, I'm always saying like, why don't fucking say yes, because also that work life means, you know, it, it, it, my best. Uh, I w I worked five or six weeks a year.

Right. So saying, I picked that un six weeks a year, right? So saying I picked that unfulfilling thing to do, like, here's the thing, I have to sit and wait for the phone to ring. And like in 22, it never rang once. So for that whole year, I'm sitting like, how do I get my, besides playing the guitar and piano at home, how do I express myself?

You guys can really, if you wanna work fucking 52 weeks a year, you can do it. You know, you can get a guy who books you, you can travel the fucking country. You got to stay in a lot of holiday inns and you got to be on a lot of planes. And do you want to do that? But you can kind of control your own life, right? And work as much as you want. But you know, do you want to be fucking carrot top, right? Carrot top, not taking anything away from fucking great, you know, what he does is great. But for 17 years, he's been in Las Vegas,

going 12 shows a week, pulling a fucking lighted toilet seat out of a trunk. And I mean, how exciting can that be for fucking Carrot Top? Don't give away his clothes. I would just say, I going to play something, John. Oh, let's play something. Because within all that, which every actor, really, really incredibly successful ones

like you, you've got a lot of nominations and stuff. This is a scene that I saw from Northern Exposure where your character predicts the future. And so I understand why you got the Emmy for that performance. It's not easy. So here it is. Let me see that. John predicting the future. OK. Well, I have to tell you, Chris, I felt a little self-conscious getting these. I mean, technically, I don't need to own my own washer and dryer. But then I thought, why would be so provincial?

That was no big luxury. I grew up with a washer and dryer. And gross point. Mm. Smells grew up with a washer and dryer. And gross point? Mmm. It smells new, like a new car. Look, and it's so shiny. It makes me feel, uh, elegant. That's the self-affirming power of a new toy. That's the life support system of the whole capitalist animal. Huh? I mean, when you think about it, the whole material gratification angle is just the tip of the iceberg.

These babies here embody the whole wolf and warp of human development. A washer and dryer. Ever since the place has seen error, Homo erectus has been flocking it down to the local creek to beat their first skivvies against rocks, right? Well, what's a laundromat except the same old creek but with a cheap tin roof over it, huh? Yeah, so? But this...

this is progress. I mean, these two iron boxes, we've gone from communal sides to private spin cycle. We're on our total blitzkrieg towards isolation. You think? Listen to me, the day's coming, and it ain't gonna be long when you ain't even gonna have to leave your living room.

No more schools, no more bodegas, no more tabernacles, no more sinoplexes, all right? You're gonna snuggle up to your fiber optics, baby, and bliss out. Whoa. Wow. Okay. Whoa. That is a little prophetic.

That's probably 1991 or so. Yeah, the audience on this podcast will hear it, but I'm just saying, you know, we all have a little critic in our head, but within that gauntlet you've walked of, you know, being in the trailer and being controlled like a puppet, there's really good work. You know, I mean, you were in the pocket in that moment with that character. everything I've ever done that was my first job I think I was 27 or 8 when I got that that was my first fucking job ever I did a Wonder Years you know a little guesser but that that was it that even to this day that was them and funny enough after 30 years they just started playing again on Amazon they couldn't get the rights because all the music it just started streaming which is kind of and That was the one where we had amazing writers and I don't think I could memorize that today at this age.

I'd need fucking Barla Brando cue cards everywhere. That's all I could think is how do you memorize it? Oh my God, I couldn't do that today. But yeah, I know what you mean. And you gotta be, for people who aren't in the business and they're going, fuck this guy, you gotta be in this business to kinda get a hook into what I'm talking about. You guys have been just as long as I have.

Dana, even longer. I mean, you know, you've put up with all that shit before Saturday Night Live. You know, you were, you know, I'm curious to what where your life would have been if Saturday Night Live didn't come along, I think you would have stayed in acting and fucking good things would have happened there. But I think you would have found yourself, unless you were writing stuff, saying exactly what I'm saying is like, Christ, man.

I don't know, I did Blue Thunder, I did One of the Boys. I was completely controlled in these little things and doing stuff I hated to be doing. So, I mean, again, you're living this dream, which we acknowledge to everybody, but right now, there's going to be some hammering at my... Hey now!

Yeah, that's right. Hey now. My crew was told from 11 to 12 to not hammer on top of my head, so we're at that time. But yeah, that's all very true, but just one word to describe Sarah Jessica Parker. One word or three words. One paragraph, one page. Fucking beautiful present team leader. If I could do something with just one person, if I had to act the rest of my life and had

to pick one person, it would be her man. I mean there's something about this girl that's just fucking you know there's you know I can hit a tennis ball back and forth you know if you're not too good and she'll just hit it back and forth with me all day and never try to fucking slam me one you know or anything like that like some of these fucking actors do that you do scenes with, she's the best. And I get to do it again, apparently, because I did that reboot last year, and then right before the actor strike

and the writer strike, they said, hey, if we get picked up, would you do it again? And I said, sure, I'll come do some, but I really haven't heard anything since then. I'm hoping that we come back and do some more. Let me see what's going on. All right. Wow. I'll get back to you.

All right. That's awesome. Hey, Dana, would you tell me, one of my favorite bits is to break this fucking guy complaining story up. Would you tell me the Travolta? Red, red necky. Oh, red, red necky, you know that, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, us, by the way, my fucking favorite guy on the planet, Dennis Miller. What if you did read his Dennis? What would that sound like? Oh, all right. Let's let's give it a

shot before the for this more hammering. You ever fart so loud a dog to stay away going, what that coming in some. I don't mind it. I don't mind it. I asked my mom to wash my tidy whitey. She said, sure thing. I asked her how it goes. She goes, great. Haven't seen skid marks like that since the Daytona 500 come and get some. Come get some. Oh, I fucking love.

I asked my daddy what's for dinner. He says shit on a shingle. I said, this day just keeps getting better and better coming against some. It kind of works. The Superfly audience. We gotta take, we gotta carry that over to Superfly. Oh, Dennis is the best.

He's so fucking funny, Dennis. Oh, fuck. Dennis Miller is my favorite, favorite fucking friend in the world. He's so fucking funny, Dennis. Oh, fuck. Dennis Miller is my favorite, favorite fucking friend in the world. He's great. Yeah. So, uh, well we could go on for another hour and make a two-parter. No, come back because you have, you scratched the surface and-

Yeah, John, I mean, your stories are amazing. I have to say, you, you weren't complaining there. You were just giving a bleak reality that everyone kind of knows anyway, but they don't hear a lot. And everyone knows show business is tough. You were sort of saying parts that were tough. I mean, we all know the glitz and glamour and the money part when it works, but there's a grind there.

It's always a grind. It doesn't totally just go away. Okay. Now I have to do one more thing. One more thing. Okay. Here you were in control, and then I'll do your request. This is 30 seconds.

Greg, could you play the song? In Control, John Corbett, original. Oh, you're playing the star show. Little Bon Jovi feel to begin with. Yeah, yeah. Oh, you have me. I mean, look at this. Come on. Star. Oh, it's a whole video. Bon Jovi feel yeah, yeah I mean look at this

Star oh, it's a whole video. We're watching a video about all the women we've known When the conversation turns Baby I've learned Come on, man. Whoa, look at this shot. That's a whole other bottle of whiskey. That's a whole other case of the blues. So, there you go. That's written by you. I assume essentially co-produced

played the instruments. That's look him up. Yeah. Look me up. That's a lot of fun. As you know, being a fellow musician, that's, that's a lot of fun. Hey, let me tell you, I can't do what I just saw though, but go ahead. David, I got to let catchphrase for you. You need a catchphrase. And you gave it to yourself. You gave it to yourself. One of my favorite things, and then we'll get off. One of my favorite things you did was, you did Norm's show before he passed. And I love, do you remember your catchphrase for the angry guy, the angry guy? And he goes, Hey, how would the angry guy say it when you were talking

about getting catfish and you did the fucking funniest thing, you're like, show me that. That's horrible. But yes, I do. It's a great phrase. That's the guy that's the dirty pervert that DMs girls and he's too rough right away. Yeah.

Is that what it is? I got a line for you. Would you say this line and then give me the catchphrase? Go ahead. Okay, the line is, I'll put this order in and be right back with your drinks, girls. Catchphrase. Okay, let me see if I remember the catchphrase. Okay, girls, I'm just going to put your order in and I'll be right back with your drinks.

Does that sound good? Now show me that pussy. Turns into the exorcist. I don't know. Puss. You know, John, I hear a lot about that Norm show. I never saw it, but it was his Netflix show and I heard so much nice things about it. It's hard to watch now because he passed away, but doing it was funny.

And it was really, because it was such a ragtag operation. And it made me think that's the way all these shows should be. Because it was so funny that it was such a fucking screw off. Yeah. We had a blast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank you for bringing that up. And I don't remember that one.

And I just did remember it. Great. And by the way, thanks for coming on also. Yeah. You kind of stole Dana's my friend, that's fine. We're not gonna skim over that. Dana's got a new friend, he's up there having dinners every night laughing and giggling. I have an in town place.

Yeah. I'll see you next week. When he comes to see me, he struggles through a dinner and it's fine. And that's great. But John, you were hysterical, what a blast. Yeah, really, really fun. Thanks for talking to us.

I love it. I love it. I had fun. Thank you guys. All right. I'll talk to you soon, buddy. Talk to you soon. Bye. whatever it is, wherever you get your podcasts. Fly on the Wall is executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Jenna Weiss, Berman of Odyssey, Charlie Finan of Brillstein Entertainment, and Heather Santoro. The show's lead producer is Greg Holtzman.