Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade - Madonna Stories & What NOT To Say To Women

Episode Date: October 13, 2025

David and Dana chat about David’s corporate gig in Seattle before sharing stories about Madonna back in the day and what you definitely shouldn’t say to women. Then they react to news stories like Taylor Swift’s spicy lyrics in her song “Wood” and how real aliens live among us. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Discover the magic of BetMGM Casino, where the excitement is always on deck. Pull up a seat and check out a wide variety of table games with live dealer. From roulette to Blackjack, watch as a dealer host your table game and live chat with them throughout your experience to feel like you are actually at the casino. The excitement doesn't stop there with over 3,000 games to choose from, including fan favorites like cash eruption, UFC Gold Blitz, and more. Make deposits instantly to jump in on the fun and make same-day withdrawals if you win. Download the BetMGM Ontario app today. If you don't want to miss out, visit betmgm.com for terms and conditions. 19 plus to wager, Ontario only.

Please gamble responsibly. If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact ConX Ontario at 1-866-531-2-600 to speak to an advisor, free of charge. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. What's better than a well marbled ribeye sizzling on the barbecue? A well marbled ribby sizzling on the barbecue that was carefully selected by an Instacart shopper and delivered to your door. A well marbled ribby you ordered without even leaving the kitty pool. Whatever groceries your summer calls for, Instacart has you covered.

Download the Instacart app and enjoy $0 delivery fees on your first three orders. Service fees, exclusions, and terms apply. Instacart, groceries that over-deliver. Hey, David. Dana, I don't have time for pleasantries. We've got such a hot show. Oh, we do. Let's tell everybody what's coming up.

Well, we got a lot of hot, big stories coming on. We're talking again. We're talking about UFOs. Please forgive us. We're talking about UFOs. I've got a hot take on the situation in the Middle East and what's going on there. We've got some John Kennedy. We've got Senator John Kennedy.

That's right. And I was out with Adam and I've got all the juicy goss. Oh, the behind the scenes of the Adam Sandler epic 50 city tour. Tour, that's right. That's good. That's coming up in a sec. But first of all, how was your, David, believe it or not, everybody, just got off the road and came directly to the studio as far as I can tell. Yeah, that's right.

I just got here from Seattle, had a great time. Seattle is a beautiful, especially when you fly over. If it rains anywhere a lot, it makes it look nice. I would say Seattle and or Vancouver on a Sunday day is kind of the best city in the world. Wow. Unfortunately, they have three or four days a year of absolute sun. I was about to say strong words from a weak man. but um hey them fight words you weren't on a live stream you're actually pretty tough

uh i don't have my glowing back hair which a lot of people are going to complain about on youtube people can't read the little thing they can't see superman they like to see my fluffy mullet glowing let me ask you a question when you were in seattle the mullet looks great uh the side walls the whole thing uh did you go on the space needle I did not. They turned that into a COVID shot. Did you hear? No, I'm kidding.

Just for Cyclops of KZ or Godzilla? Yeah. No, I did get there. It was kind of a pretty day. We got one of them. And then I did a corporate now. Of course, everyone loves to hear, what's your corporate gig about?

It was four hotels. And funnily enough, I stayed in a hotel. so it all fit all the pieces fit but here's the one thing Dana so you had 10 minutes of up front riff I saw a guy there that I went to high school with he worked for the company and he says this is an awkward position to be in because everyone was nice the gig was great but he says oh the CEO and his wife are great people they know this girl Jenny used to crowd what is the couch surf always crashed at her house while you you're starting out. Okay. Okay. Does not ring a bell. And I said, oh, like I stated or

okay. And then I couldn't remember. I guess I'm old. I don't know. I usually remember things. Well, were you there to the comedy underground? Was that still around? In Arizona? No, sorry. I was in Seattle still. Sorry. No. Okay. No, he's from Arizona. Yeah. Oh, he, okay. Got it. So he's saying back then when I started, I'm like, oh. Oh, okay. And does ring a bell. Then I, then I, so I'm already, I don't want to make him feel weird, but I'm like, I don't. don't know. So then I go in and I do a meet and greet and the last picture is this couple. That's obviously the CEO and his lovely wife. And she said, oh, by the way, we know Jenny. And I'm like, oh my God. Oh, yeah. I just went with it. I don't know. You can't. I do that all

the time. You probably don't remember you. You probably don't remember. I'm Steve. Are you kidding, Steve? Because it's just better because they're so nice and they were and I just couldn't rack my brain. I didn't have time to go, wait, walk me through it again. So I was just like, she is such a character. She was the biggest horror. No, I didn't know what to say. You know, she'd start running the wrong way with it. They're like, what?

No, that's not. No, she's great. So I just said, oh, yeah, she was such a handful. I think I said something very generic. I know. Well, remember when we were interviewing Paul McCartney, name drop. And I brought up meeting him at Lawrence.

And he made a funny face. And he said, oh, right. I don't know what to say about that. You know, it was 40 years later, and it was such a big moment for me, but how many times does he have fawning people? I know, Dane was like, it was such, it was the first 40 pages of my diary. And he's like, Lorne, Michael? Long Island. I know, but the guy, poor guy.

But everyone shits their pants and they meet Paul. Of course. They don't forget it, but then he meets a million people, you know? Right. But the same thing, you were just David Spade in a comedy club. Probably, no offense, not that good yet, looked about 13. Easy. And to them, then you became iconic or super famous.

It's a little strong, yeah. Well, let's talk about your high school. Who in your high school is famous? You know, Sandra Bernhardt went to my high school. You're kidding. You know Santa Bernhardt, right? Yeah, yeah. And all the presidents went to my high school.

No, actually, Sandra Bernhardt went, and that was a big deal because picture comedy, and I have to say, and this is what you say about meeting people, I was out in L.A. on Southwest, my second year of standup going back and forth, I see her at the luggage rack, you know, in this turnstile. Okay. I walk up, and she's a pretty big deal. I was hanging out with Madonna at the time. She wasn't with her there at the fucking Southwest Luggage Rock. But I said, hey, Sandra, my name, Daveype, and I went to Sawaro High School, and so did you. And I'm out here doing stand-up, thinking she's going to, what, do car wheels? She goes like this.

Oh, okay. And then she's looking for a bag, and I go, yeah, cool, cool, cool, cool. So I'm going to fucking get out of your grill. And then she just gave me nothing. And I was like, it really kind of stung of it. Even though it just happened, she didn't do nothing wrong. You know, I once, I had a head cold. I flew to a gig in Florida way back to San Francisco.

My ear was out of control. Like years late, I punctured it. Like years later, I went to an ear guy and he goes, hey, what happened over here? The cartilage was all decimated. So I was still in massive pain at the, oozing sand out of your area. And that guy goes, yeah. I know high school and gain. I mean, I was like, I'm sorry.

I'm in a lot of pain. I know what you said. I'm sorry. So that Sandra Bernard, that was in her book. Iced. And she had extreme diarrhea when she met you and needed to get out of there. She said I'd had diarrhea from 1989 to 93, so I was tough on people. But no, she was fine.

I might have you met her after that. I don't know. but I think when I met Madonna, I go, I met your friend, did not go well. Can I tell you my Madonna story? Please. Well, she was in the Wayne's World film and she was around a little bit.

She was at Wayne's World on S&L when you did Wayne'sville, right? Yeah, we did a short film and, you know, and so she was cool, but I just stepped in it without knowing. She came over to our table at the party, and I think I said something really super because she was so fit, you know.

I said, the thing I admire about you. And I shouldn't have said admire about you most. I might have accidentally said that is, you know, how fit you are. And I can see later how she took offense to it. And she basically kind of said, you know, like the thing you admire about me is how fit I am. You know, like I'm a fucking artist. You know what I mean? So she said kind of like fuck you or something like that.

Let me finish the story. So I did Chris Farley's thing, which I'd seen him do, because I just was triggered. So I go, Madonna, can you hear this? Let me turn it up for you. Yeah, crank it. So then she left. And about half hour late, she came back and sat on my lap, not in a seductive way, but in like a puppy dog friendly way. You flipped her off for real?

Yeah, I went, Madonna. I hear that, well, I was, this was 92 or three. I'd had Wayne's World. I got six Emmy nominations, so I wasn't taken any shit. I can flip off Madonna. But I made a mistake. I apologize to her if she's listening on this podcast. It was a rude.

She's listening to everyone. She, I have to say I could see her saying that and being, but she is feisty and I do think she has a sense of humor. She's feisty and I think the fact that I did that, she really respected it. Yeah, I like that you fucked her out.

But I would say, and I'm not saying it now because she's probably watching or listening, is that when I look at Lady Gaga and all these people, all these giant Katie Perry, whatever, Madonna, lit the match. They take a page at her playbook for sure. Yeah,

and they almost do her songs and the whole big production and dancing and they're, you know, gay following everything. They copied Madonna. I would get nervous around Madonna. I saw Madonna at S&L once.

I saw her somewhere else. I've seen her out. I get nervous. So she's a big star. Now, uh, I will say I have met women and done that move

where I go, oh, I haven't seen you know why. You look so sturdy. they're like dirty oh like a heifer cow let me tell you something that are not compliments to women sturdy you look um strong you look healthy healthy is the worst thing you could say to anyone um and uh are you bulking up or something right i think the extra weight looks good on you that's not that's not what i always say is um birth and hips what's your most your most you

most friendly, heartfelt, maybe slightly kiss-assy thing to say to a woman you haven't seen in a while or anybody, really. You look fantastic. I mean, it's funny that it always goes to looks, unfortunately, but it is sort of like a nervous thing to just say, you look great or you look, someone told me that day I looked very well-rested. I told you that, Heather, remember? You look very, no, they said actually the word refreshed, which I don't hear a lot. You don't hear that word. I think it's people need, it's not, it's not negative to just say a nice thing to someone, you know, because we're all aging. And then, you know, you haven't seen someone 20 years. You want to hear, hey, what, where's Dorian Gray?

You know, it's just, it's playful. It's playful stuff. Grab a coffee and discover Vegas level excitement with BenMGM Casino. Now introducing our hottest exclusive, friends, the one with multi-drop, your favorite classic television show is being reimagined into your new favorite casino game featuring iconic images from the show spin our new exclusive

because we are not on a break play friends the one with multi-drop exclusively at BenMGM Casino want even more options pull up a seat and check out a wide variety of table games from blackjack to poker or head over to the arcade for nostalgic casino thrills

download the BetMGM Ontario app today you don't want to miss out 19 plus to wager Ontario only. Please play responsibly. If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact Connects Ontario at 1866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor. Free of charge.

MedMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with Eye Gaming Ontario. With Amex Platinum, access to exclusive Amex pre-sale tickets can score you a spot trackside. So being a fan for life turns into the trip of a lifetime. That's the powerful backing of Amex. Pre-sale tickets for future events subject to availability and varied by race. Terms and conditions apply. Learn more at amex.ca.com. What do you want to get into before I get into?

I don't remember what you get into. You know, we have a tape delay for our show, but right now, as we are recording this, there's been a peace deal between Israel and Gaza. And I just thought, first of all, I went on. The New York Times, and they had a big thing of Kushner, the brother-in-law solves the Middle East problem, you know, because I don't blame them. Because Trump is a showboater, I mean, and they don't want to give them anything. So Obama came out with a statement. I want to congratulate the Bist deal, the whole team, and, you know, Mr. Cusner and what?

What? No, no, I think I want to, I want to show my previous. Everyone should be glad for the peace deal for the people who and the guy's name escapes me It's kind of like it when in Hitler in Germany in the 30s there must have been people hated him You know and I just want to thank Klaus Vilsa and Wilhelm Faso for completing the Autobahn It's fantastic and of course I also would like to think says what? They don't even tell him then They mumbled the name yeah so here's trump if this holds through this podcast because you know i give speeches i love if it lasts for three days how much will he because he's going to toot his own heart oh my i love the

thing that he does he makes a statement in the teleprompter and then he tags it with real softness you know i brought peace to the middle east i brought peace i brought peace to the middle east and people like peace i solved eight wars eight wars there was seven then there was eight and I saw I was seven. I'm going to rebuild Gaza. I'm going to rebuild it. I know how to build it.

People like rebuilding. They like it. It's kind of dais. It's like a little teddy bear in between. But he will be out there. I hope it holds by the time we air this. It is a great thing. He doesn't like pauses.

You're right. He hits that prompt and then he has to fill. There's Phil. He likes to tag it. I did a lot of great things. Things I did that were great and people love them. People like it. A lot of cool.

I tell you, I hate my enemies. I can't help it. You know, there's this. I hate bad people. I know, I hate bad people. I do a lot of things. I'll tell you on a lighter note that the Charlie Sheen being on the show was a huge hit because the clip I showed of Emilio popping in really brought back some nostalgia and, Heather,

we have to find Emilio on Instagram. We should invite him on. If you would come on, that'd be awesome. Because he was, I mean, we've probably got 3 million people watching that. Just that clip of the reel of him popping in and you were talking about all the movies they've done. And it was like, oh, my God, to see those guys together. And he looks like Martin Sheen exactly. And people have a lot of good vibes for the two of them together.

And Charlie got a lot of good, like, comeback story, nice, you know. Yeah, it was a feel-good podcast. I'd seen all the other podcasts. So I thought about him and what he achieved. And let's slow down for a second. Let's just slow down. Him as an artiste. And then I always think of the brother.

I've got a brother. And I think of Emilio is a film producer and director now and stuff. And then looking at his first five, six years out of the gate and all those iconic movies. So to see him show up, I wish we, it's too bad the sound. Hot off guard, yeah. And working man, they meant. mentioned young guns. We didn't even talk about those.

Those are mighty ducks. Well, that's a more amelio side. But we could always... But it was so sweet that knowing Charlie's story and the stuff he had in his life and then there he is with his brother. Yeah, that's the part.

And they're completely, you can tell. They're just buddies again. He's like helping him out. And then he goes, hey, come on over here for a second. Yeah. So it was very sweet. That was nice.

Other than that, Should we get to some news stories? Well, let me just do a quick one that made me laugh, is that, you know, Taylor Swift did the song. It's been, now there's been nine million things about the song, Wood. Oh, yeah. So our old friend. The working title was boner.

Yeah. Our old friend, Senator John, yeah. Oh, yeah. Okay, John Kennedy. Yeah, Senator John Kennedy. We've done him for a while. weighed in on it in a congressional hearing. Now, some of the things are sons and daughters.

daughters here or may not be age appropriate. This is a quote, and I quote it, specifically Taylor Swift's album, about her football boyfriend player. Forgive me, if it sounds cocky, he automized me. He opened my eyes. redwood ain't hard to see his love was the key that opened my thighs

her words not mine did I get that right? I get that right? I get that right? Yes. I think so. And David Spade went played Seattle

and he said that it was a beautiful city as long as it wasn't rainy. Do I get that right? I did say something like that, yeah. Yeah. He's shy. What about how much everything costs in the big bill?

And the big, what people are trying to slip in during this shutdown, Ocasio Cortez, part of the far left of her pardon, said we've got to put $385 million so that bisexual mixed race dwarfs that are left-handed and go by the pronouns, me, them, hey, you, what's going on, need that money so they can learn how to dance the tango. That's a ridiculous amount of money for that.

That's crazy, right? We're trying to get trans crickets in Uganda. Like yours is, I got this funny, this high. I'm trying not to commit to it because he does go high at these sometimes. He gets really mad. Oh, he has a big reason. He goes for the bleachers. He goes for the back of the house.

But sometimes he just is mumbling through and reading. No, he's looking at his nose. Now, I believe that you tweeted October 4th. You tweeted October 4th. And I quote, I think America sucks. You still stand by that? Is that something we want And then he smiles

Your words, not mine He knows he caught him What a stupid look I know He's got an easel He's got like a pointer Oh he's such a funny character Whatever you're excited

Of the political aisle is You gotta laugh Oh you have to You have to Oh okay what else I can talk about anything We can talk about it Well let's run with some of these stories

What are we got? Anything decent to run with? Let's do what we promised. Yeah. Oh, high school students are being locked up for wearing saggy pants. This is something that's been around for a while. Oh, look at these lightning bowl pants. They're pretty low, I got to admit. Those are wearing sagging pants to school in Oliver, Tennessee.

That's true. I didn't even know what else to do. Antonio Amund said to serve 48 hours behind bars. He should hook those pants that handcuffs to his belt buckle. Yeah. Charles Woods. I know where this comes from. I like when they show money.

Not part of the story. Wood said a reported happened more than once. I really like. Ammons who said he's never been in school without crime with other inmates. Show more pants. You can see part of the waistband of his underwear and his gym is under pants. I think jail time might be a little too much, but at the same time out of saggy pants, four students were charged with indecent exposure. Look about, Hannah.

Those are like five layers of pants. Comedian Tim Conway. Yeah, there you go. Now, there's some regular pants. He used to do, he used to do, what was named? Oh, Dwarf on golf. And he had short pants. Now, you know where that comes from, right?

I don't know. The Sagi, look. So when you get arraigned in prison, you can't have a belt. So when they take you to a jail or whatever, they take your belt. And so the convicts, it would slide down and they would, walk in like that sometimes my sweats don't have a string is it like that when i'm in jail i usually i go can i just wear what i'm wearing you know they're like yeah do whatever here's the thing is it okay to observe it you know it's kind of like you get used to it like there was my brother

worked at this company and one one day a guy decided to come in and he just rolled the sleeve of one of his pants the left leg he rolled it up above his knee and that was just his fashion So if you see pants like that, you're allowed to go, what the fuck are? No, I think it's just hard to move around and maneuver. Exactly. I mean, you look shuffly and then, but all fashion, like, it doesn't matter. If you can handle it, do it. I don't even not like it.

Our resident woman, Heather, is that sexy? Sexy is a question. She's scared of bits and parts. falling out. It looks like below the wean line, I have to say. Oh, it's way below that. The equator is below that. Now back in the, I can't get out my back in the 1950s and I love Lucy had Fred Mertz. And so his pants were. Oh, those are comically high. Yeah. Just the pants in those days, they wore him super high. Now it's super low. It'll everything goes back to norm. Todd Glass used to say sometimes fat people just make up a middle.

and they put the belt there. There is draw a belly button right there and go, I'm going to call this the middle and we're going to. Well, that's when you, because a lot go below the gut and then it explodes from the belt. It's right around the lower pelvis. Yes. And then you can go above the gut, but in the middle gives you like a 70 inch waist, which is not a current.

Right in the middle of the boiler. Okay, let's move it on from our big fashion police segment. Okay. Woman goes viral for sending back 2,000. gift because she knows her worth. Mm-hmm. Ooh, baby, I'm worth it. Go to the next one.

There's got to be more to this. Oh, a woman is going viral after revealing she returned $2,000 an early gift from someone. She was dating, stating that gesture didn't align with her standards or values. She knows her worth and the Internet is divided. They called her bold and empowered, and some say gold digger. So the guy said, I hit you at two grand for your birthday. They didn't want to get you. She said, thank you, but no thanks.

That's not enough for me. Well, did they say what it was? It was money, just money. Oh, just cash, sorry. Okay. Which cash isn't a bad present because you can go buy what you want. It's not as maybe thoughtful if you don't. Here's the reason I think it's weird.

Because I got a couple of beans in my jeans. I got a couple shekels in my pocket. The thing that blew me, blew my mind, blew me. Sorry, it's a PG-13 show. Not anymore. Was when I went on comedians in cars with Jerry Seinfeld. And at the end, he's dropping me off in his car and he hands me the envelope. And so it's my fee was $10,000 in cash, but it felt like 10x.

So getting $2,000 in cash would feel like $20,000 because everything is digital, electronic. you never really see or feel your money. So when you have money in your hand, always, if they pay me at one of these clubs for a set, like the old days, you get 20 bucks to a set, you get 40 bucks to a set, they give you 40,

it's cold hard cash. There's something better about that than just numbers on a... When I play the improv sometimes, they give you 500 bucks. They just hand it to you, I don't really need it. And it's 500 bucks.

So there's something about cash. I don't know about this woman, but $2,000 in cash, So she can't buy something she likes for two grand. Is that under the threshold of what you? I mean, I would say if they're just casually dating, it's not a thought out gift, but sometimes people go, I would rather just buy something that I want with money. But her saying, if you're giving me money, this isn't enough money to give me.

This is, and I don't even have to name it, the Kardashian effect. But the sense that everyone's a billionaire and we're all on yachts and we're all on private jets. in the sense of feeling less than because of all this money shattering around, you know. And so you get to that with chump change, two grand. Oh, baby, I'm worth it. Yeah, and I think they see on TikTok people going, oh, I get money for this. And everyone's got this beautiful life on. Only fans.

I don't know. I wear a bra and I get a million dollars. Yeah. The only fans, girls always say how much they're getting. I think it's a little bit of a reaction of like, oh, you think this is so bad. Here's how much I make. And so you're supposed to, that's supposed to shut everyone up, which it shuts me up. It pretty much shuts people.

Yeah, shuts everybody up. Okay, what else? Ooh, baby, I'm worth it. Yeah. Give it to me. I'm worth it. I can't sing that song. We'll get in trouble.

Fan is suing LeBron over misleading Hennessy ad. Do you know what this is about, Dana? No. No. Completely blind. Did we talk about last time? The last podcast we did? This was a couple times ago, though, right?

So he comes out and says. says, I'm making a decision like he did when he's going to Miami. And he goes, you'll hear my decision about my life at 9 o'clock on Tuesday. So all the sports channels were like, he's going to retire. So people bought tickets for the Lakers at higher prices because it's his last year. And his announcement was he's teaming with Hennessy to do an ad. Oh. Do we already talk about that?

Yeah. do you remember this uh dana i i do oh but it was something to do with hennessee and lebron months ago or dream uh a corporate no we it was this it was tuesday so maybe we just talked about in real life but he did it so people are mad that he did it and so now a fan is going as far as suing him saying i paid more for tickets and now what's he trying to get would he just refund the tickets or he wants a lot of cash? Maybe just a couple million for his trouble. I don't know.

No one wants under millions. Why does anyone sue anyone? LeBron is going to go to, he's Tom Brady. This guy is going to go to 45, I think. I think he can. How old is he? He's 47. So that doesn't even go.

You have to go backwards. Greg, is he 41 yet? No. No. No. I think he turns 41 in December. this is still because he can play every position and sprint the four you know dunk the ball is not like a guy comes in she suits three points or cream abdul jabar was sort of a a dancer out there he's

very skyhooked yeah he's like i don't think he's rinsed yet i mean he's still better than he's not the best but he's better than a lot of people but i think people are saying would michael jordan have done that you know that when they always compare him to jordan so that's jordan left when he had more time but you know LeBron is by every measure of physical freak you know yeah if you're 6-8

275 280 and you're running at when most people get out of the way even other NBA players he's running toward the hoop man with that speed in that size he's 41 in December minging we're doing the Batman theme

no that was a train hitting did me hear that again, well, I won't over talk. Going across the cross arc, I don't know. Well, the fading was the best part. Something there.

I used to be able to do a bus stopping. Yeah, I was waiting for that last one. And I'm telling you, you don't do enough. sound effects in your stand-up. You need to... Can't find the gears.

I have a guy... Those are the brakes. Trying to pick a safe. No, you don't. No, you don't. You just made that up. Oh! That's a miced-up grasshopper eating.

All right, next story. Oh, that's a good one. phone. I got that from Jonathan Winters. Oh, look at this story. That's a little kid. Okay. JFK Airport, official stun as woman presents a passport from the nation, Terenza, does not exist. Okay, play this thing. Yeah, that's funny. The woman has landed at JFK Airport. This is a real story, though. Passport from a country that has never existed in our lifetime. Is she a time traveler then? She has a JFK International Airport are in shock. Tonight, a woman arrived from Tokyo during the passport from a nation called Torenza, a place that does not.

exist on any map of our world look at her passport was flawless biometric chip perfect holograms dozens of stamps from countries that also do not exist her documents were perfect better than perfect wow the country turenza it doesn't exist anywhere you have another guy say that she looked completely ordinary like any tourist but when agents told her turenza isn't real she froze then whispered then this isn't my world she asked me is this america i said yes of course Then she whispered, America, like she had landed in the wrong place. This is like a fifth person. Listen to this bullshit.

She sat calmly for hours. Then she vanished. Cameras show her fading away like static on a broken television screen. We see the static. Explain it, Dana. Explain it. Well, we see everything but the camera showing her from away. I want to see her disappear, but you'd say that's fake too.

I know how you are. Well, yeah, with the AI. What if the aliens, like this woman is clearly an alien? What if they say, we are going to give you, you know, because there's rumors that we've made deals to get technology from them, we're going to introduce you guys to AI right when we start showing up because no one will believe it. It'll be like, now it's murky. You see a video of a UFO online. What do you do? You say, I don't know.

I don't know. It could be AI. AI. I don't believe it. Smart, right? I don't believe when I see it. Pretty soon they can do anything with AI. They could say a criminal will get off robbing a bank.

They show the video. They go, that could be a, it's not me. Well, it's pretty close. They keep coming out with different ones. There's a new one out. And we could really potentially start this podcast, and it would be our digital copies. And we'll look and talk just like us. And do we get, we get paid?

Scared yet? scared you wake up sheeple sorry mr spade run away there's a new sheriff in town it's called a i your services are no longer no way they need me they need me to be like this when you're talking like this and they show me laughing okay another one where are we at where we Okay, his job is to pretend I think we've had something like this before It's funny though, it's so mean So he's running a scary ride

Oh, don't ladies, there's a knot in a chain Let me picture that, dude Keeps something Oh Hold on guys Something wrong with your seat belts I gotta come check it, hold on Doesn't the word get around?

I forgot to put the shoulder traps on Let me get them right there They look up They should drop a hair soon I sit still for a second I got something wrong with the chain There's a knot in it The chain there's a nod in it

How fun Just thinking of new things The whole time they're falling They're like That chain has a knot I gotta come check it Poor little girls Help

How dramatic does he get You know Hold on Hold on ladies I forgot the shoulder strap Oh we already did He should get on the walk talking, say shut it down.

Shut it down now. I mean, if he wants to... Don't let anyone else go. I won't. Shut it down. I said, shut it down. Damn it. That's fun.

That's for Halloween. Do you like that kind of stuff? I'm terrified. I'm terrified. Real rides? No. Am I reading this right? The real ride.

Is that what they call them? Now, in 1981, you were a young boy, and you went on the old great smoky railroad ride in Tennessee. Nashville, Tennessee, where you proceeded to fall off the caboose, where you were caught by a man in a bear costume. Did I get that right? Your story, not mine. I used to ride the roundup where you'd go on the wall and it would spin like this, then it would go like that. And you'd be like stuck to the wall.

How I did that knowing what a colossal pussy I've turned into, I don't know. Oh, yeah, I've been in the wall one where the floor drops and you're all just stuck like rats. Yeah. And if you barf, hits you on the other side. You know, Disneyland is still just, you know, Pirates Caribbean, you know, I mean. Paras Caribbean.

Parts Caribbean is Space Mountain. It's all this atmospheric stuff. It's not just metal like it. What's that magic mountain? Guess what? It ain't so magic after a long. No. It's more mountain than magic.

All right, let's do one more. Let's just get this going. I guess this whole story is Steve Jobs. There's a big story that his daughter's pretty. I thought it was an AI picture, but that's his daughter, and her name's, what is her name, Eve? And they say, Eve, and the company's called Apple. Her name's Eve, is that why?

We don't know. But she's very pretty, and everyone was shocked that his daughter was pretty, and she's wearing a turtleneck. Well, that gives it away, you know. I mean, it was a very pretty woman in that picture. I just wondered if there was any digital help. It looks extremely smooth. How old is she?

Because she looks 20. I would guess 25. Now, her. She said, oh. You want to show Dan of the zebra video just for fun? You don't have to put it in the show. Oh, you want to show him the zebra? Your zebra video?

Does he have, Greg does not have. There's no way he would have it. Oh, boy. All right. Heather wants to send you a video. She tweets. She only added music She's sending it to Greg

She's sending Let's watch it just her fun Let's watch it Let's watch it This is good This is a prize I already saw it I liked it Yo you want to see something cool

No Well I'm gonna do it anyway Here he comes back Here he comes back wow that's a strategic fence move look at this look at the landing is that real yeah the zebra hit it perfectly and it flipped them over and how it put some rock and roll music on that I think that's slightly better than a girl's pretty oh yeah oh story yeah Eve Jobs is pretty Well, I was just going to go into being Eve Jobs.

That's like being Barbara Lincoln in 1870 or something. I mean, Steve Jobs is so famous, you know. She said Eve Jobs. She wanted to change her name so they wouldn't know his dad. So she wanted to change your name to Steve Jobs. Just really hammered home. Because of his wealth, she changed her first name legally to don't need jobs. Oh, boy.

Not bad. Let's go back to the zebra. Can we realize it? In a fucking pinch. In a pinch. What do you got? Dana's not caring enough about the zebra, Heather, I can tell us.

No, I mean, the flip thing blew my mind. I could see it again, actually. Eve Jobs is not a big story, but we'll go to the next. The zebra is pretty. The zebra was gorgeous. Oh, look at this. US has an AI powered laser cannon. This is what you can use in a war.

Watch this thing. The Department of Defense has just announced a new type of laser I thought it was a car washer. Combat deployment testing. It has no muzzle, no ammunition, and no explosion. This is... Lethality. Leatality.

This weapon is called Sentinel X, controlled by an artificial intelligence system that can identify and lock on the targets in 0.3... Oh, it's not controlled by us. Who's a control? C-O-A-O. This is like... Vaporize enemy drones. Wow.

This is like when they said there's no direct. energy weapons. Now, could that start a fire anywhere in this country? Sure. Sure. Look at it. From a satellite, pshu. From somewhere. Whatever the latest weapons are, are their top secret. What is it, Heather? They announced the start of the palisades fire and arrested. No, we're going to add. That's coming up. That'll lead us to this. We're on fire and then we'll get that going. No, these energy weapons, they always say, oh, those aren't real. Look at there's, there's a for sure one. And it looks like It's pretty badass. I don't like when they say it's operated by AI.

That means I think it's time to shoot you now, Master. No, AI, please don't. Hey, master, guess what? I just thought of this. You and other earthlings are the real problem on Earth, so I have no choice. Dish, dish, dish, dis, sorry, digital lasers. Here's what I heard. We got satellites and we got weapons on them, whether they're whatever energy they are,

that if Russia ever tried anything. Don't even try it. Don't even try it. Moscow, it's like something like four to six minutes vapor. I know. There's so many things that we're trying to, oh, that's, it's crazy. I know. I wonder who would win.

It's getting, it's, it's already scary. Everyone's getting armed up. You go, what's all these weapons for? What are we going to use? Dude, everyone's looking at these going. Are those legal, these arms? Yeah, I mean, you've got guns. You know, a lot of countries have guns.

You have guns. Here's my direct energy weapon. Gaddige. Gaddish. We got to have, I got to have an applause thing for how many times you have said Gaddish. That'll be in our coffee mug merch sweats. What is it even mean, Deguiche? I don't know.

It just sound. Gadush. This episode is brought to you by Peloton. A new era of fitness is here. Introducing the new Peloton Cross Training Tread Plus, powered by Peloton IQ. Built for breakthroughs with personalized workout plans, real-time insights, and endless ways to move. Lift with confidence, while Peloton IQ counts reps, corrects form, and tracks your progress. Let yourself run, lift, flow, and go.

Explore the new Peloton Cross Training Tread Plus at OnePeloton.ca. What a run! This champ is picking up. speed, but they found a lane. Phenomenal launches into the air. Absolutely incredible Air Transat. Fly the seven-time world's best leisure airline champions, Air Transat. All right, let's talk about the fires because the big story in January, so I think they figured

out that the fires were maybe lit, our actual arsonist. Was he an Uber driver or something like that? No, it was just they didn't put out. they didn't put out the first fire the first fire on January 1st yeah it was just a normal camp fight it wasn't like I don't think it was started but who did they arrest

they arrested a guy it's like they didn't put out there I don't know yeah it just wasn't contained yeah it wasn't so it's smoldered it's the one that's smoldered for like a week yeah until the wind hit but they did arrest someone

I think he said he was an Uber driver but he took off to Florida and they brought him back But this long drive to Florida? It took them. How can they blame all on him when there was water? It's like, there's a million things wrong with the story because there's no water. There was, you know, there was reservoirs that were empty.

There was fire alarms shut off. There's a million things that just didn't add up. And then the big one now, because Spencer Pratt is out there rattling the cages about this story a lot. And they're mad that Gavin Newsom is now. spending a 100 to 300 million on the gerrymandering issue, but not giving hiring more firemen. I think we had a shot of that. But they're supposed to hire way more firemen

and make more firehouses. Vitoes, firefighter, raise. Is this true, calling it too costly after spending? Well, I don't know if this gas cannon match with Karen Batch. Right. I don't know if, I say to him and Karen Bass, holding those two things up and that photo was like bad politics. And this is, yeah, this got a little slightly debunked. Like, they make cuts every year. Like, what they did this year wasn't different than apparently any other year.

Right. But I think it's a lot of combinations. Right. I mean. Water, wind, smoldering. How it started. They arrested some guy. I wonder how they could pin it all on him.

unless they caught him. I heard they checked out his phone, his story didn't check out. Did he make the initial fire? That's what we're trying to find out. But they did bust a guy. And after all this time, it sounds odd that they would get somebody.

You know? But it was the most horrific fire we've had. I mean, that was the most, because they're not building anything yet. I mean, if you look, they're not building all the houses back. They're not giving all the permits, they've said. So something's going on that's just odd.

I will say that. More to come. it's it's whoever did it i don't care who but it was you know poorly planned i mean we have to allocate resources in california that can be used for alternative purposes so it goes to yen or it goes to yang but i would say in california with a i or just with good planning we can identify where they need problem they need some uh forest management we need extra water you know be defensive and obviously this fire blew everyone's mind i'm very surprised prize that that you know it hasn't been controlled burns it's fire it's life or death it's like the

police it's like we have to have strong um police department fire department i don't know i know it's a hot take but you know we do have in california we we have and it's not we could put more money toward that it would be great we could find the money somewhere and not waste money would be very nice and we are a state a lot of states have public employee pensions and people are living they get their pension at 55, and then they lived to 95, and the system wasn't built for that. Guess what the age was when you could collect Social Security when they first made it in the 1930s? I don't know, 50?

61, but the average life expectancy was 65. Sure, that's probably where 65 came from. Now you get your social... I'm not saying this politically. I'm just saying it's a fact. You get at 62, maybe you go to 102. That's a lot of pay off. That's a hard part, yeah.

I am running for mayor. I wanted to announce that. Please, please do. I would love it. Okay, let's see what else. And then, Dana, I got to get you out of here. We've got to get you back to Seattle. You have another set.

Another set. Okay. Footage? Oh, this is kind of funny. this is the thing that bites you in the ass there's a Glenn Powell show I can explain this story Glenn Powell's show on Hulu

and so this girl is having a party because she has a scene in the movie or the show and her part comes up and it's she's been replaced by the Hawk Tui girl Hawk Tua Hawk Tua remember Hawk Tua

so all her friends are like where are you So they were going to be in later? No, this is literally my scene. I was fine. I don't know. So they went back and shot it with Hawk, too. Look at her flipping out. Being an actress is hard in L.A.

It's brutal. It's too sticky. You know, I was thinking about it's like everything that happened to me. Chernobyl Chernobyl. Troinovo! Stop it, that's fine. This happens all the time, but it's horrible.

They never tell you anything in Hollywood. Don't tell her. You never know you're fired. You never know you've been replaced. It's just, it's a tough. It's not Hawk 2 his fault. She, of course, had to make a big statement about this. I know you follow her on Instagram, you probably heard it, but you got that hawk-toe

newsletter, but. She had a Hawk 2y newsletter. Toie coin at one point, right? And built it up and took all the money. Something like that. Yeah. And she was underground for a while. She popped back in.

Glenn Powell, though, is cool. He could come on. We always tell everybody they can come on. He can come on. He can come on. And we never see him. Yeah, we never ask him. We never see him.

He's cool. He's very talented. And he's made this live streaming show. He plays Chad, the football player. You know, he's proactive in his career. What is it? Oh, Hulu. Yeah.

All right, one more, and then let's wrap it up. Let's wrap it up. Okay, one more, it's better be a fucking dinger. We need to be a fucking mic drop. Okay, this is kind of funny. This is a... These are people complaining that slide is too dangerous for their kids, and they've been talking about it for a year, and no one believes them.

So they sent a policeman or somebody down. Did she... The reason why this Boston slide went viral was because parents kept writing letters and emails. It's a little bit of a wind-up. They're like, hey, there's a slide you put up at a public park. Super dangerous, by the way. It doesn't look that bad.

I'm not so sure about the metal landing area. Just go flying. Yeah. Do something about this? And Boston for a while was like, it's a children's slide. How fast they don't mean? The city just kept rushing out. Where do you land?

Is that sand? If you don't like it, just don't write it. And so they keep writing. They keep writing letters about this goddamn line. This woman's trying to. get to a minute. All right. We have to see what these people are talking about.

They always do a long wind up. Okay. This is what they do. And then they say, okay. Then they get money for. Thank you so much. We understand.

All right. We got it. All right. So they said a take. Here's the cop. He like gets a concussion. You're supposed to go down feet first? Going down this slide.

Feet first, yes. Line on his stomach. Feet first? I think he got. spun around in the, oh, he got spun around. Okay, so it was highly dangerous. But he was feet first, wasn't he? I don't think you can sit up in there. It's too small. Look, I, this happened to me in Seattle, of all places, but my cousin and I went to a water park. It's kind of rainy day, believe it or not. And all these slides, and there were lines still. People go and going,

and going. And there was one like tunnel thing. And, hey, there's no line. This must be a breeze. It was pretty monstrous. I mean, I got battered and bruised from that. Now, you look a little beat up yeah you weren't there you're still a little dinged up i feel my cousin was is a uh pulalter so he's like a muscle man so he went through it but i was you know we always have to be tough when you're you're you're not an average size man adult male horrible don't even you got to be tough uh okay that's our show for today we did a great job we were great again and so are you so great and if you want to you want to smash that subscriber button you all to smash the show shit out of it. Yeah, just fucking waylaced it. We'll, we'll read some comments next week.

And there are some people that comment too many. I see people that comment over and over like 20 on one episode. I'm like, relax. Well, let's read some comments because anyone who's going to the trouble, I would like to put a little sunshine on it. And we'll let's read some of the negative ones. What's with your hair? You're not funny. Why do you over talk? And I go, you know, these will be the one's addressed to you. But I... Is that jean jacket going into Smithsonian? Why do you wear the exact same thing? I can't... Why do you have Superman there? And what's with that fake plant? Why do I have fresh stripes? Okay. Thank you, everybody. We'll see you next time. Hey, guys, if you're loving this podcast, which you are, be sure to click follow on your favorite podcast app.

Give us a review, five-star rating, and maybe even share an episode that you've loved with a friend. If you're watching this episode on YouTube, please subscribe. We're on video now. Fly on the Wall is presented by Odyssey, and executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Heather Santoro, and Greg Holtzman, Maddie Sprung Kaiser, and Leah Reese Dennis of Odyssey.

Our senior producer is Greg Holtzman, and the show is produced and edited by Phil Sweet Tech. Booking by Cultivated Entertainment. Special thanks. of Patrick Fogarty, Evan Cox, Mora Curran, Melissa Wester, Hillary Schuff, Eric Donnelly, Colin Gaynor, Sean Cherry, Kurt Courtney, and Lauren Vieira. Reach out with us any questions to be asked and answer on the show. You can email us at fly on the wall at odyssey.com. That's a-u-d-ac-y-com.