Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade - Mike Tyson and the Met Gala

Episode Date: May 11, 2026

The guys discuss Mike Tyson, the hantavirus, and golfing with Andrew Santino and Bert Kreischer. They also cover their live show with Chris Rock for the Netflix is a Joke Festival, and go over the news of the week. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

BetMGM is an official sports betting partner of the National Hockey League and has everything for the action on the ice. Hockey fans in Canada can place live bets, create same game parlays, take player props on their favorite skaters and bet on the 26 Stanley Cup champion, including if that team will be from Canada or the USA. BetMGM also has original bets, which are hockey markets you can't find anywhere else. And it's not just about what you can do on game day. The Betmgm app has improved its lineup this season. to include instant withdraws, data insights, and a brand new rewards hub.

Download the BetmGM app today and enjoy the NHL like never before. Betmgmgm.com for terms and conditions. 19 plus to wager, Ontario only. Please play responsibly. If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact Connects Ontario at 1866-5312,600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. BetmGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with Eye Gaming Ontario. This is what we do for eight minutes before each show.

I'm not making a sound effect. That's just me. I'm actually going to a bodywork guided. Let's start with ailments. Welcome to even stars have ailments. Can an AI do this? Oh, yeah. You know what?

They told me if you're ever talking to an AI, like in an alley. I don't know where they think I'm talking to an AI, but they can't do certain things, so you have to quiz them. I think it's like if you're on a Zoom with an AI, I think the person's fake. Yeah. I saw them act it out. Then the guy goes, great. I think it was a job interview. He goes, well, everything seems to be in order.

And then at the end, he goes, real quick, can you just put three fingers in front of your face? The guy goes, he goes, well, look at this. And he goes, this is a diploma I have this. He goes, no, no, just put your fingers in front of your face. And the guy goes like this. and he goes, three fingers, and he goes, this is a little weird. I don't want to do this.

I'm not buying yet. And then he goes, put it in front of your face. And he goes, I think there's some stuff I just shouldn't do because it just sounds weird. And the guy goes, well, everything's riding on us. And he didn't do it. And he goes, thank you, click. They can't go like this for some reason.

I don't know. Should we ask AI, why AI can't do that? Whoa. There's lots of ways to get rid of AI. If you suspect you're talking to an AI, You just slow, you put your fingers up and you go, what does it do, scares it? And the AI will look down and freeze and then disappear.

Just go like this, put your fingers up and breathe heavily. Boom, gone. I go like this, go like this. You know the other way to get rid of AI on your computer? Just close the thing. Is that the other way? That's the simple hack. Just close the fucking lid of the fucking laptop.

So we are here the day after the Chris Rock, interview we did at the Netflix is a joke. Shootout at Orphium Corral. Yeah, we went to the Orphium Theater in downtown L.A., terrifying. Way downtown. Super far. And we made it as hard as possible for Chris to come and have fun and be in a good mood. And the crowd was just, everyone that got in him was like, fuck, are we here yet?

My God. Parking, mayhem, random strangers. in the intersection. You get the drill. Knife and neck. Needle in leg. Hey, how could who? Hey, guys.

Hey, Netflix is a joke festival. We got 500 shows. We got one of Spain, Carvey. Let's bury it. How about Wednesday at six? Wednesday at six folks. As far downtown as you go like, go away. You're almost there's on.

He's downtown. Well, that won't be good. I mean, they couldn't sell tickets on a night like that. Probably be a dead audience. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong again. Nice try Netflix.

I wanted to say, listen, a lot of our audience work. Well, some people work that are. Well, there's a few people that watch. It would be difficult to get to basically another state at six o'clock on a Wednesday. It was a ten is not moving. Borderline redonculus. But we got there. Chris showed up.

I haven't seen Chris in a while. We did have a great time. He always brings it. He didn't watch. through it. He was very funny. It was very lively, fun. The crowd was very lively. We got on a role setting Chris up, asking Chris questions, and he had a lot of very funny rejoinders. I don't want to give it away. It is hard to think of stuff to ask like a friend because, A, we've interviewed him before. B, you just don't want to sound like a trite idiot of like,

when did you get your first break? You know, that kind of stuff. So we sort of meandered into comedy and jokes and then people he's met things he's done and then of course it just kind of rolls from there we just jump on it but it worked out really well i thought i thought it was really good check it out this is good the timing works that's coming up this week yes they tried to stop us and it didn't work yeah they tried to do everything against us to make it not work and yeah we're not victims there's like 5,000 shows if you had money for there's a great comedy festival this Netflix. It's too much of a good thing. I think it's like literally they have to sell 200,000 tickets in a week to fill all the places. So there are very famous comedians playing arenas and

stadiums where it's like not, it's hard to sell it out. I mean, look, I never, Netflix is a joke always struck me. I'm going to suggest that they kind of modify it. Like next is, Netflix is such a joke, you know, or kind of a joke. You know, Netflix is such a joke festival. Could you think of any, David, right now as I set you up for a joke? No, I was trying to think of. Can you think of something? You're usually very fast. No, I'm slow today. I was thinking of just canceling it all together. Now, I think if they have 140 shows, I think they mentioned last night, and you've got Shane Gillis and Malaney and Theo. Chappelle. I mean, you can't think of anyone's not doing a show this week or a podcast or this or a kill Tony and they all individually do well but if you smash them

together and if let's say you only have a million dollars to spend on tickets you're gonna go through you can only see 10% of the shows yeah you can only see 40 shows but i see people at netflix in the inner sanctum i mean they're well intended they're very excited about the festival but that you can get a little too exuberant hey zinkfried shall we go to 300 shows. Oh, I like it. Yeah. Yes.

I'm going to say something crazy to you, Granford. Make up the names. Yeah. Could we go to 500 shows? Yes. 500 shows. Well, they had a golf tournament to start it all off Monday, so I went to that. And that was fun seeing a bunch of comedians out of their element and a few football players.

Did someone put a camera on this? Well, fortune. Femester was there on whole six with Tom Papa and they interviewed everyone before they went on we had to sit chairs it was kind of fun fortune femister and Tom Papa I like these names yeah these are they have a Netflix podcast podcast and so I played with Santino

Bert Kreischer they just randomly threw everyone together it was pretty fun I saw your Bill Burrs your Will Ferrell's your random Devontae Adams who's a great golfer I mean seriously I think anybody I think Santino the one I played with Oh, yeah, I think so. Whiskey, Ginger. Yep. I played with him before, and he's very good.

He's very serious. He's getting that card. Go, go. It was a little, I'm like, let's relax. Hey, you're slow in play. Okay? Pick it up. Yeah, exactly.

He never said that. And then, and Bert and I were just like kind of medium, so we're just doing it to screw off. But, oh, Michael Payne you won. Not a comedian. Great actor, not a comedian. What's not going on? Getting wasted and nightclubs every night. Fixed. Rigged. Rigged. Right. Uh-huh. Yeah. Hmm. So that happened. Is anything else happen? That's it.

Is it listed anywhere? I can't get a hand. We're in the festival right now? Is this technically are we part of the festival? Or is this outside? No, this outside. Okay.

Are we, is it weirder that we're doing it like this and not on Zoom? Do you think anything's different? Well, yeah, because normally I just look at you on the Zoom and I go, hey, like this. So now we're just, you know, that's why I'm going to a chiropractor at 4 o'clock today because of,

oh yeah. Well, David. Dana's got a little bit of the spade. One of these days, let's get a table, and we'll just go across the table. I would like that. Joe Rogan does it. Maybe it works. Yeah. Call me crazy, but why not do a Joe Rogan? He has 70 million and we only have 65 million. That's right. We have a table here from Z Gallery. I know this table is kind of... Yeah, our necks have to be saved. We have to do it orthopedically at this point. Just going like this. Do you know why my neck hurts? Because last night going to this to Chris Rock, I'm like this, I'm like, yes, Chris. Interesting, Chris. Oh, yeah.

That's for an hour and a half. I try to look over this way once in a while. Then he starts again. I'm like, mm-hmm. Yeah, I was hoping you'd go real quiet, and I could save my neck and go over like this and kind of go to you, but no. I know.

You didn't look at him once. You were like this with me. Talk to the fist. Our guys are here going, hey, we don't, we got no skin in the game. What do you want to do? Put them on top of each other. I know.

Just tell us what to do. We don't care. We, but we had a good time and anything else. What was your week like other than this all-consuming? Oh, goodness. The cows and the horses and the nature. Your horse is going to have a baby. I don't want to give a spoiler.

In July. And we're with real authentic rancher people. And I said, is it going to take them to a birthing place or anything? Don't be ridiculous. They'll have it right here in the field. But what if something goes wrong? I mean, I've seen all creatures great and small. I mean, if you get a picture, you see me.

and I'm like here up into the horse. Excuse me. Pull the baby out. That's what my fear is. Barf, that's my fear. But that's what happens. Do you need me up there for that? You just go and see the meat.

What? Do you need me up there to help you? Well, yeah, I've got a room all set up for you. Heather can film it. Yeah. If you'll go elbow deep. I've done it before. You have?

How? And with who? I'm talking about a man to animal. Oh, yeah. Not with an animal. I don't know what. I can't even want to put, I don't even want to think about this.

So, yeah, I just came down to L.A., checked in a hotel. Let's see if I have anything interesting to talk about. I ordered room service. Oh. Oh, yeah, do you want to talk about your room service? Is there anything there? I don't have a real chunk on it.

It's just, you know, I'm always trying to just be mellow. I mean, I'm not like, get the food in here. Now, get out. I go into nice guy mode and I don't even want them to carry the tray. And there was this young woman who came twice yesterday and she was really strong. I kept, I'll take that for you. He goes, don't worry about it. So I realize it's not that he's that strong.

It's I'm that weak. Because they're like 40 pound trays. Yeah, she just goes, I'm okay. Yeah. Not a problem. And I go, I'll get the door. You don't have to. Okay.

Okay. I like when they put the little cork in the door. They put the little holder. They got a whole system. Stay out of my way, please. I got this. I'm like, I can handle the lemons if they're in little cutlets. Yeah, I always try to fake help. I do a lot of this.

You want me to, then I clear the way a little bit and literally doing nothing. Well, I just try to, do you want this? Do you want shrimp sauce? Do you want? Fine, fine, fine. Do you want anything else? No, no, fine, fine. I just make sure, you know.

We stay in hotels a lot, folks. It's just a company we do, and that's why most of our bits are around travel and hotels. What are you going to do? I have a big question for you. I don't mean to break the internet, but when you get your toast, is it too squishy because they wrap it in plastic? No. Well, what hotel? Where are you?

Anywhere. The problem is they don't leave it open, so you get it. And the point of toast is the toastiness. And so I never throw a fit. Isn't it? Well, for it to be toasted. Right. Or just give me bread because it's toast and they wrap it up.

Now it's trapped in its own steam and it's fucking squishy. I call down. Well, there are places I've worked and stayed in the middle of West Virginia. That's what we don't, we'll cut that. But anyway, where room service please. Oh, we don't have any room service. But there's a menu and as a pizza place like three, Three miles away, I don't have a car, so I just hike over.

Brought to you by Apple Card. Apple Card users get 2% daily cash back on purchases made in store and online, whether it's for big ticket items or everyday purchases when they use their Apple Card with Apple Pay. Now, that's a benefit that's just too good to pass up. You could be earning 2% daily cashback when you use your Apple Card with Apple Pay to buy turmeric for your signature curry. 2% back on flights to visit the family in Tucson, and even 2% back on your kid's new tuba. You might even be able to get 2% back on a tuba tutor.

Not an Apple card customer. You can apply in the wallet app on iPhone. Subject to credit approval, Apple Card is issued by Goldman Sachs Bank, USA, Salt Lake City Branch. Terms and more at apple. benefits. Hi, everybody. I'm Maury Povich. On my podcast, on par with Maripovich, I'm going to sit down with the icons, the stars, and the faces at the very center of today's big cultural moments. With everyone from comedians Josh Johnson, Dan Soder, Leanne Morgan, to newsmakers,

Don Lemon, Joy Reid, Aaron Parnas, and so many more. So join me for new episodes every week because nothing is off limits. Great conversations. They're always on par. Follow and listen to On Par with Maripovich, wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, Ontario. Come on down to BetMGM Casino and see what our newest exclusive the Price's Right Fortune Pick has to offer. Don't miss out. Play exciting casino games based on the iconic game show only at BetMGM.

Check out how we've reimagined three of the show's iconic games, like Plinko, cliffhanger, and the Big Wheel into fun casino game features. Don't forget to download the BenMGM Casino app for exclusive access. and excitement on the Price's Right Fortune Pick. Pull up a seat and experience the Price's Right Fortune Pick only available at BetMGMGM Casino. BetMGM and GameSense remind you to play responsibly. 19 plus to wager.

Ontario only. Please play responsibly. If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact Connects Ontario at 1866-531-2,600, to speak to an advisor, free of charge. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with Eye Gaming Ontario. I have a story that's cold off the press is the MetGallel. The MetGall has been so far away from the time this airs, but I will tell you. Oh, but it'll never end in our minds.

Because I asked Rock last night, I go, do you go to the Met Gala or do you not have anything stupid enough to wear? And he said he went last year, but, oops, spoiler. But when I was watching some of the people and here. Here's my question. Why is that a spoiler? He said he went last year, spoiler. Yeah. It makes no sense.

But still listen. It sounded funny. I gave the whole podcast away. So when I see people and they go through the outfits and they go through who's had a few nips and tucks, I want to make a petition for Margo Robbie to never touch your face. This is someone who has such, I was watching Wuthering Heights with the WU, everyone says weathering and I go like this. I saw it. Weathering Heights?

No, Wuthering. Thank you. Wuthering Heights. Right. A remake. Doesn't mean it's not a good movie, but we've seen it before. Right.

It was shot a little bit like young Frankenstein. He always looks a little bit like a Frankenstein. Very good looking, great actor, but I always see a Frankenstein when I see him. He's a stud. And then when you've ever heard him really talk, I go, oh, that's your accent? Because I'm like, he always sounds like on euphoria.

Yeah. Well, here's my question for you. So in movies now, it's Calceleb, it's what you do, is you've got the male star and the female name, but might be married, whatever, but then they floated out like, hey, there's some extracurricular activities happening in the trailers during the shoot.

And they did it with Margot, and Jason Adla Bougat out. What's his name? Jacob Allorty. Jacob Allorty. And they make it like, it's always right when the movie comes out, are they hooking up?

And it makes you go, oh, I wonder if I can see the movie, if I can tell if there's any chemistry. Well, that's what makes you see the movie. Are they, is this simulated sex and pretend or they like get these cameras out of here kind of thing? I heard they started the movie with one boner and then after that nothing. Did he have the boner? I did not know that. I just said someone was, by the way, they put it in an interesting situation to turn people on. The guy was getting hung, like killed.

Yeah. And he gets a boner. And I'm like, that's where you throw it. Yeah, that was when I knew this was my kind of. kind of movie. The first scene, a guy gets hung in midgetable and then they show that he's excited. Why was he excited? Well, you know, the weiner Wrangler is what they call him.

Winner Wranglers did a prosthesis. But I guess, you know, you went to, where was it, Arizona State? Yes, when you are affixiated, you get roused. Now, some people do it like in a closet and then they come to or something, no pun intended. it. But yeah, that was, so anyway, this is good. But after that, I heard there wasn't enough sex. They wanted raunchy sex. That's the way it was. Look, maybe I'm old-fashioned, but I'll just say this for filmmakers. And this, I don't know if this is a hot tank. More boners? What is it? No, it's more the unrequited. And they're using it to a point,

but we don't, it's just that they really want to have sex, but they can't have a sex. It's all about that tension, you know. The actual sex, is not as interesting as a film. Oh, yeah, I fast forward to that. For more tease and more, you know. So when this movie, Wuthering, was there a lot of teas? Yeah, there was.

I mean, the whole book and everything is about that because they, he's adopted and he comes in the house and they just have this tomboy kind of relationship, and then they realize they grew up and they're all hormonal and horny. And they're both, but you can't marry your brother. Get out.

I saw a clip the day. I was watching it for a little bit. And I was like, I didn't get what was going on. So he had come back and he's her brother. Well, like not by birth, I believe. We're going to get letters. No, I don't know. I mean, listen, she, anyway, the point was gorgeous.

And I know at some point someone's going to get to her and go, you should do a little bit of this. Nothing. Do nothing. She was extraordinary in a movie that wasn't a hit. I think it was called Babylon. Oh, yeah, Babylon. Is that with Brett Pitt? And her performance in that was like,

next level. That starts with like an orgy, right? Yeah, it's just, it's a wild movie. I don't know, maybe audiences didn't quite connect to it. It like comes in the middle of the movie, like just this crazy sex craze intensity around the early days of film. Was it Baz Luhrman or who did that?

Yeah. It was? Or his brother, Edward Lerman. Okay. One of the Lerman brothers. That whole family. I'm like. Oh, here's I didn't like.

Oh, by the way, in political news, there's a big mayor race here in town. Spencer Pratt. Spencer Pratt is getting a lot of chatter here in town because, for better for worse, there's the old guard of mayor, Karen Bass. Yeah. And if people aren't happy, they look to someone else. And they're like, what about Spencer? What does he know about this? And he makes some good points.

Well, his platform is a little. out there. He wants to clean up the streets, lower crime, help the homeless get elsewhere. He wants to lower taxes and have a financial boom. And he wants it to become kind of a jewel

of the world. I don't like it. What's that about? Those goals anyone would really want? I don't like that angle. Also, there's only caveat is that. And he can't run on a platform or clean up the city. and make it become a jewel of the world? Yeah.

And he says everyone will get their own reality show. He doesn't need to add that. He wants to rename L.A. The Hill. Now, I think he makes some good points. Can he come through? I don't know. But at least it's getting attention by talking and saying some things you like to hear, which happens around this time of year before election.

But I do think that if he's, he seems serious about it. He was caught in the fires where they burn his house down. And like this bad man parity did. It's like coming back saying, you wrong to me. Because none of the money seems to be going to the victims of the fire, Altadena or palisades. Right. And there are what they call secular trends that are not really related to politics in a sense,

is that we give our public employees pensions. In the olden days, you get your pension and you were kind of going, to the stars in about five or eight years. Now you get your pension at 53 and you live to 102. Yeah. And there's inflation bumps. So it's happening in Japan all over the world that people just don't want to check out. They're liking it so much and they're getting government money and then it goes for three decades instead of two years. Does that make any sense? So so so much. So you start to run out of money. Yep. And then the then you can't get the money for clean up the city or fight crime or or the money to do forest management around fire prone areas that costs money to have

guys go in there with a rake you got to pick and choose your fights on those uh i did i do think it was crazy that oh who just apologize to the oh i judge apologize to the guy that tried to shoot trump because the conditions or the way who's being held i mean but come on I mean, like my dad said, don't go to jail. It's not fun. Good thing about jail is, that's her bad guys going. It's not great. Yeah.

That's supposed to be. Right. So when you do a crime. I get, it should all be enough to be like humane, of course. But I don't like doing one of these sort of numbers where you're running in with a gun shooting. And then they're like, hey, sorry, it was it was a total hassle for you and you got arrested. Yeah. I just shouldn't say that.

say, here's my judgment, this or that, don't throw in that. That's a weird, weird thing. It's like when Mandami, someone tried to stab someone and got shot, and then he went to the hospital and apologized to them. It's like, well, it all comes through this one basic idea is that all people are good and all people are born good. And so someone's behaving badly, they were let down by society. So the oppressor and the oppressed are the same. The victim and the perpetrator are the same or in some ways the perpetrator gets is people feel more empathy toward because wow what made him do that because he's a great person or she right so it's all in my book how to solve everything i know everything by dana florfo yeah it is just sometimes that rubs me the wrong way i

don't know about anyone you just you just really if you're going to go visit a city what's it like and you can hear a thousand things if you hear uh it's it's clean and safe Oh, let's go there. Yeah. So every city needs to work toward that. Try to get back to that. Get back to it's a clean, safe city that you want to visit. And then the business comes in, tax revenue rises.

It's all in my book. Hey, everybody. I know what to do. That is a good name. Hey, everybody. Come to me for the answers. Which comes about this catchphrase that I, it's not a catchphrase. It was something Mike Tyson said.

So last night being silly in the car on the way to the. gig, which I just told the story of Tyson, who I love the clips of him. He's on with some radio DJ, and the radio DJ says, so you're voting for Trump? And Tyson was, it goes, yeah, I vote for Trump. I'm voting for Trump. And then he goes, what are you going to do about it? And then the guy gets scared. He's like, well, I just might come saying, no, what are you going to do about it?

So what are you going to do about it? So I just thought, what are you going to do about it? It is funny because the guy was like, well, I don't know if you should vote for him because this is he goes. Yeah, but what are you going to do about it? How are you going to stop me because I'll knock you the fuck out? Right, but he does. He's seated, but he does the thing of like you go like this, like make your move.

What are you going to do about it? What are you going to sit over there? What are you going to do about it? I'm voting for Trump. What are you going to do about it? And I just say, what are you going to do about it? You know, is a funny answer because also it could, when you're with another guy and especially Mike Tyson, guys in line at the bank, you bump into someone.

I don't, I don't know if we've talked about this, where with you. With women, I don't know if you think. Banks don't exist anymore. Like if you're in line of the bank, it's the normal thing. I'm in touch with reality. When you're in the breadline. Okay, you're not on your online account. When I'm buying milk for a 10 cents a gallon or whatever it is.

Yeah, you get in a scuffle. Right. And someone bumps into you. There is a chance any time in the day as a guy, you can get in a fighter beat up. And I think with women, it's not, it doesn't always cross their mind. But with me, every time, you're in a car, road rage. If this guy cuts me up and gets out of the car, he's going to beat the shit out of it. So that can happen.

And so when Mike Tyson says to you, what are you going to do about it? You know what he means. He's like, fight me right now. It's not going to change my mind, but what are you going to do as a man? Yeah. It's so funny. I got pulled over for a little bit of speeding ticket. And I was just thinking of Tyson that moment.

He goes, oh, you're going to his fast. And I go. Yeah, so what are you going to do about it? Well, I'm going to give you a ticket. Yeah, but what are you going to do about it? Yeah, I was going over speed limits. What are you going to do about it? I went over.

What are you going to do about it? And I should stop that. Are you going to, I think it means. you're going to physically stop me from doing something and you're not? Right. It's helpful if you're 220 pounds of solid muscle with giant lethal hands that could kill you with one punch. That is helpful.

I may not have the size to be physically threatening, but anytime you say, what are you going to do about it? Hey, you're in the wrong line at the bank. You're supposed to start over there. I want to say this all right. What are you going to do about it? Well, you're in the wrong line. Yeah, but what are you going to do about it?

That's a better one. But what are you going to do by it? I'm going to do nothing. Exactly. Why are we talking? So why are we even wasting time? Because you know you're going to do nothing. I do love it.

Yeah. So that's the new catchphrase. You can use it at home with your friends. Try not to get in trouble with it, but it's kind of a fun thing. It puts you in a positive sort of strong posture in life. Because Tyson, he hasn't fought for, what, 20 years? And everyone knows that guy could kill me in two seconds.

Yeah. He was the first heavy one. weight boxer, you know, champion that I met and then shook his hand. And it was like, it was like just, it weighed about 60 pounds. I go, your hand is so heavy. He goes, yeah, what are you going to do about it? Yeah, exactly. Well, no, I'm just saying it's a very heavy hand. I know, but what are you going to do about it? He said, what are you going to do about it? He said, what are you going to do about? I know, it's a great sure. I, you know, you know, No, it's a terrific hand.

It's just, but the point is that... They have brittle bones. One punch, you would not be happy. All right, let's... Let me show you a video I saw on Instagram. You know, when we, uh, sometimes they pull sound from movies, this is funny sound. Tell me who these people are. Mark Second. We got to go to Milan.

Milan, what? Italy? What's in Milan? Was that your voice? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, funny? Well, did someone do that, or do you do? There's a TikTok trend. I didn't even recognize their own voice where they go,

this is you. And it's people. And that other part, play it again, is it too late? The other part, Sandler, this part. And we got to go to Milan. That doesn't even sound like them. Italy? What's in Milan?

It's grown-ups, yeah. Oh, okay, so they took those from grownups. So there's a scene in grown-ups where we're at Woodman's, and Sandler's embarrassed because Sal Mahiak's wife says, you can't hang out with these guys next week. Yeah. You know what we're doing? And I go, wow, what are you doing?

He goes, we got to go to Milan. I go, Milan, what? Italy? What's in Milan? And then he goes, fashion show. And we're all like, no way, dude. You're leaving? And he's like, yeah. But I think it's funny, they pull it for that.

And then everyone does the same thing. They pan to all these places in Italy. So it's sort of a slice of life. Grownups is trundling around in the culture. I think I'm going on out on a limb, but maybe you guys should make a third one. I think people, I think there's what they call demand in the marketplace.

Yes, TBS channel is asking. There you go, we need that thing. Does TBS still exist? I think we're keeping it of the lights on over there with grownups and Joe Dirt and benchwormers. Oh, blended is on it? Blended all movies. Blended every day?

Huh. Oh, shit. Okay. I'm going to see Chris Rock because we're meeting in Milan, the summer. He's going to take me on a boat. Really? Yeah.

So that was arranged last night? You're going to go to Milan and go on a boat with him. It's a lot of big talk, yeah. I'll go. What are you going to do about it? I already worked it in. All right, let's do it. What are you going to do about that?

Well, no, I'm just saying you're in the wrong line. Okay, hold on, hold on, no, no, push the action yet. I don't know what this is. Let's play it. We'll figure it out. All right, we can see it. This is how F1 drivers reacted to my really high backflip. I have one of the highest standing backflips.

Is that real? That's a really high one. I only rate it one through 10. Holy shit. Shit. Well, they're kind of shorter anyway, F1 drivers. Wow. I don't tell the viewers, but it's because I'm black. What are you going to do about it?

It's fine. What are you going to do about it? It's definitely higher than I picture it. Well, he's got a big vertical and then he pulls his legs way up. I mean, that's vertical. Okay, one more. This guy's tall as shit too. This guy's tall as shit, too. Seems like it.

One. It's really easy for them. It's so easy. Now, Dana, you know my neck hurts because I did a backflip and I landed short. Is that how I happened? An injury? That's how it happened. I didn't know that.

I was doing backflips for a show in high school, like a talent show, and I was on the hardwood. And that day I was with my buddy, Dan, I think, and I go, hey, we're at the pool. And I go, I got to do a standing back tonight. I was also in gymnastics, a lot of red flags here. In gymnastics, hey, and we were doing a dance number that night. Uh-oh. Uh-oh, ladies. And so I go in the daytime and I was in the pool and I was barefoot and I go in the grass.

And I go, hey, let me practice one before tonight because we have to do at the end of this thing. We're doing sketches and stuff. So I do it and he flips me around. I go, what happened? He goes, you weren't going to make it. I go, no, no, no. I can do these. I got to do it tonight.

So that night I went in and I was backstage. And the crowd is coming in and I go to the other guy. It's pitch black back there. I go, hey, on that black hardwood, I go, hey, flip me around. I go, I'm going to do back. And he flips me around. And then I go, okay, don't spot me on this one. He goes, okay.

And I went, and I came out short and missed my feet and landed on my face. And I balanced off my head. And I go, and he goes, are you right? And I go, not at all. And I walked away and this tooth was loose and it was pouring blood. And I had black pain on my teeth in the stage. So I got back to stage and they called my mom out and a doctor from their back. And is there a doctor in the house?

For real. Wow. And he goes, he goes, he's a little rattled. I mean, by the way, this is, I had a, can you? I didn't know who anyone was for an hour. I use this to illustrate it. Like, you go. Okay.

You go up. Yeah. Okay. Let me see. I mean, I'm standing there. Like there. And you're supposed to go up and line like that. Yeah.

Full rotation. And line short, you go, wham. But wouldn't you be on your back? No. You're coming. on your feet. Oh, okay. I was too short.

Yeah. And so I just basically did a back dive and all the weight went on my face. Okay. Here's your face. All right, buddy. And then, do you don't. Yeah, didn't go far enough. Like, I put my feet out, but they missed the ground.

The feet need to go all the way around like that. It is hard to explain. And you went, I know, you went, hey, buddy, I got this. How bad I could fuck this up. Like that. And bam. You didn't rotate. in.

So you didn't get enough lift. So it cracked my and my jaw. And so. Well, you could have been paralyzed. Yeah. Because it was, you know,

I see these fails on TV and it's like, ha, ha, another fail, and they go, and I'm like, each one of those, I go,

that guy's fucked for years. Because some of the, so anyway, I'm backstage, I don't know who anyone is for a full hour. Right. They should have choppered me out,

everyone on one knee. But instead, I'm just backstage staring into my mom's, I don't know who she is. Doctors's like, He's a little shook up. He's rattled.

All these little things. Oh, all these little things. And they go get, but we don't have insurance. So, of course not. Get him to the hospital. And she's like, oh, my God, right away. And then my mom's like, Davey, do you want to go to the hospital? Or Pizza Hut.

So I stayed, I got my memory back about halfway through the show, went out and did a couple of my numbers. And then afterwards, we went to the after part. I never got it looked at. And it started to get worse. then I got out of high school and got to a start to do standup. And then the stress combined with the never fixing it, the neck and jaw was just fucked up. And to this day, that's why it's still.

Did you ever get it, you know, MRI to see what happened? Well, what happened? Are there so much money? Are there so much money? Everything's like smashed down and it's the muscles are the most pain. So muscles are tough because any muscle relax it knocks you out. Right. But it's really the guys like just you're so fucking tough as shit, man.

It's like unreal. Well. Huh? Pizza was good. And the floor was okay. I thought you'd ask about the floor. The floor was fine. Yeah, I had an neck thing.

That was fun. But what was Pizza Hut like? Pizza Hut. I think it was more shakies, but they have a salad bar. That's why I like all these old trashy places. Closest I came to that was that, and I've told it before, that I was doing a flip on Saturday Night Live. SNL on Friday, pre-tape.

I was playing Vice President Dan Quayle as if he was Dick Van Dyke and the old Dick Van Dyke show. And in that thing for you, Boomer's, he goes, da-da-da-da, and there's an ottoman, and he does a flip-over it. Fake trip at flip-to-da.

It's hard to do it right. Right, and I don't think there was no stunt coordinator there. There was just the Ottoman, and it might have been teeny carpet or something like that. It wasn't like a soft landing, kind of thing. Oh, yeah. So the first time I did it, like, oh, I didn't fully rotate and I landed

here. There's a bump here. And then I was just stupid. I kept doing it. Of course. So then it's completely separated. Grade three, I found out later. I'm walking around 8-H like this. And Mary Tyler Moore's husband is there, who's a doctor. He goes, hey, come here. I think you got something. Oh, he says. And yeah, Mary, yeah, the husband said, oh, I'm going to have to call the Doctor. So I said, all right. So they checked me out. They said it's probably non-surgical.

So the next night I had to do the show with all the quick changes. Gah, yeah. Anyway, that's my story. No, I'm not even joking. It still hurts. After that, on Schiller Vision, my neck was already fucked at S&L.

And I'm so thirsty to be in the show. Short film. Tom Schiller says, you want to be in this short film that no one will see or care about? I go, yep. So I go to the park by the water over there on the West End.

With Victoria, we're playing old people. and we live our whole life and then a bomb drops on us. So they're on a ladder, about 10 feet above me and keep dropping this bomb. It hits me in the head and I fall down. And it jams my neck so bad.

I go, I kind of hurt and he goes, okay, let's get it again. I probably do it seven times. And it jammed my spine every time. It should have been illegal. We need at least an intimacy coordinator on there because I was getting fucked on the deal. Well, why?

After, okay, you do it three times. And when did you think to say, I'm not going to do it? And he would say you'd have to do it. And then you would say, what are you going to do about it? I'm not going to do anymore. Because I don't want the word to give back to Lauren that I didn't do it. Oh, okay, got you.

And I didn't want to be in this dog shit three-minute bit that was played at five to one. So I remember going and I was trying to think of who I could go to. I went to acupuncture. And we have no time. Yeah. So there's no time except a Sunday to go to any doctor. And I have my scrap pennies I make on the show. Other than that, Arles.

go to another video. This has been sad sack production. That was a feel good story of the year. I'm fucking dinged out. Can we edit that and bring it on the top of the show?

When I go like this, I go, he goes, I go, I don't want to do it again. What are you going to do about it? And he goes, beat this shit out of you. And I go, oh, that backfire. Yeah, you got to be menacing with that. Oh, this is interesting, Danny. You might think this is interesting.

Maybe. In 19, can I read this? This is the big part. In 1965, archaeologist in Peru on Earth, ceramic jaguar vessel when they poured water and it roared 2,000 years ago. Inca's did something.

Modern engineers can't precisely reproduce. I love old things that you go, are there aliens, where do these come from? So they make these so precise that when they pour them, they whistle a different whistle. Let's see it. Isn't that cool?

So how old was it? When did they make those? Dude, two thousand years ago when you were born. Well, I think it's clever, but imagine how much free time they had. I mean, it's like there was no distractions. They had lots of time. Well, what happened was, and very old in times, humans would eat snails and snakes and anything they could. And we were incredibly healthy.

Then the agricultural revolution came in, wheat. So we were just eating wheat. But it was enough to, we could put it in a silo. and then feed guys to think of how to make weapons. Because everyone's hunting and gathering. They had no time to make a weapon. Finally, that guy's eating tons of wheat. Yeah.

And they're going, hey, what about this? And then the whistle workers were right next to him. Huckot. I make a bird whistle high. Make a turtle. That's a good vocation back then. This is a Mayan accent from 12, 18. From Emper's New Group.

I can't believe I nailed it. I don't know. You know how to. You know I heard during the. like the Civil War and those old wars, all they had was Luna bars to eat. They just had protein bars, no real food around. Well, in World War II they call it a heart attack, I think. Yeah, in World War II, then they had like those Nutra-Grain ones.

Yeah. And the Strader Hermes on the ships, they have Susie Cues, those little... Strader Moose! What is it? With Trump or Biden? No, it's the old actor. Oh, Kirk Douglas up on it. in the movie.

Why is this funny? He's like, I'm going to call it the straight of a moose. Excuse me? I told you. I don't want to tell you again. From now on, this body of water is going to be cold. Wait for it. The straight of a moose.

What do you think, Bert? I think it's a fine day. Strata home moves. Shit, we've gone this long already. Straight a home moves. All right, let's do another story. This is for the 90-year-old's. I know. We've been fucking yapping, dude.

Okay, oh, this is cute. Heather, this is cute. Like you when you get news. So he's giving his fiancee. Come over here and look. Here, pause for a second. Surprising my fiance with a puppy after two years of begging. She does a classic Heather thing. Is it a joke? She freaks out.

I swear. Look at this. She could it be a snake or something? No, it's a little puppy. It's cute. Oh. She's overwhelmed with joy. She's so excited.

Yeah, it's too much. Isn't it cute? Look at the puppy's so cute, too. Hey, mom. She can't even deal with it. Jeez, I'm so glad she got a puppy. I know, me too. I wish I could get a puppy for everyone here.

How bad was life? Like, everything's straightened out. I can't. I can't breathe. You got to do it. Look at that little puppy. Hey. See, that's the feeling good one.

All right, that's enough. Did you see the sequel? There's one light goes two weeks later and there's puppy shit all over the rug and she goes, you clean it up. And the puppy's like, oh, mama. I've been holding that one in in the box. Okay. How many different raspberries do you have? Okay, what's this?

Let's say. This is... That's us from last night's show. Oh, he's... Skateboarding king. To Botswana. You know, what a good crowd. Dude, let's bring that crowd on the road with us.

Wow. That was us last night with Chris Rock. Look at how great they are. They're so excited to do one skateboard trick. They think it's magic. I love it. How did... When is the age where you kind of lose that kind of unbridled jokes?

joy over tiny things. With ice cream. I can't believe it. Dude, I saw a guy doing, he's like a magician, he had like a puppet. And every time you turn around, he's got like a bunch of like,

you know, six year olds. And he goes, I can't feed the puppy yet. Let me see what else I have and the puppy bites it. And they all go, ah, because they can't believe

the puppy ate, you know, the fake. They scream and laugh so hard. And he goes, whoa, what happened? And they're all like, yeah, the dog he ate it. It's so funny.

I know. Yeah, that's the best time. And then everyone, you know, who needs them. I'd say, you know, 20 to 25 before life gets you by the scruff of the neck. By the short and curlies. By the short and curleys. I don't know.

What are you talking about? They used to say that when people had short and curlies. Okay, let me just take a step. Hey, man, when the going gets tough, the tough get going. Winners find a way to win. Losers find a way to lose. These are high school cross-country posters. And which one would you?

you have been going gets tough the tough get going winners find a way to win losers find a way to lose um i i i had ass gas or grass nobody rides for free is that was that that's when you're trying to give a girl a ride phoenix junior high yeah yeah i don't know i know at mohavi elementary uh masked mannequin scares car burglars which oh at least you're shooting this might not be as fun as the other oh i love these uh it's perfect right after the puppy. Wow. What's going on?

He gets broken into constantly. It's like all the time. So I was just kind of getting tired of it. But it backfired obviously. Oh, he put a fake man. Oh, he put a fake. Manichin in his car to deter people. And then they shot it.

Like a scarecrow for thieves. Instead of just walking away, they just shoot out of how many times. Oh, that's what happens. And they're like, that's terrifying. What if he was just sitting in there? Bullets that went through the back of the seat. They thought, he goes, I'll just put a mannequin, I'm getting robbed too much.

They'll think someone's home. Then they just gunned down the mannequin. And then they just kill the mannequin. And he's like, like, there goes, that's supposed to deter them. It kind of backfired. Yeah, it didn't. It seemed to increase the amount of carcages. They unloaded.

Yeah, because the mannequin goes, what are you going to do about it? And they shot him. Okay, six, what are you going to do about it? Okay. Let them shoot the plastic man, as long as the earthy flesh-turned guy is safe. almost an hour. Is that true? What?

Podcast is so good. People were listening going, you could have lopped off 20 minutes and we wouldn't even notice. I was not funny at the beginning. I'm getting there. These are at the comments or for this episode. Yeah.

This is my comment. Shut up, Danny. They're in person now. They're in the same room. No, they're not. They always do it over Zoom. Shut up, Danny. They're in.

Everyone's going to be like, run in here. Look at YouTube. They're in the same room. Run in here. Yeah. But they can't look at each other. they're kind of tilted. Their necks are a little stiff.

You just watch the show too much, Danny. Hey, y'all. It's Kelly Clarkson with Wayfair. Ever order furniture online and wonder, what if? Like, what if it doesn't hold up? That sofa was four days old. You should have ordered from Wayfair. With Wayfair, there's no what if.

Just style you love and quality you can trust. Visit Wayfair.com. Wayfair, every style, every home. The Horontovirus? Oh, no, I'm scared of the hauntas virus. Haunted virus? Is that the rat virus? The rat one that they said today is taking over and the new corona.

And I'm scared to death. I won't be able to go to Milan. So what does that say the people who got it? What did they do? No, but they're saying they're going to maybe stop people from traveling. This is the beginning. This is the beginning. Oh, I mean a lockdown on cruise ships?

Yep. You heard it here. I heard on three different news this morning. I go, shut the F up. You cannot stop. Well, this will be all the patrol cars. the government officials and the Apache helicopters. We are currently, the princess,

USS Princess is officially quarantined. Please leave the boat. No. There's one man right to the gangplank. Sir, sir, please get out of the way so we can board this boat. We are taking control of it. No, they're off. What are you going to do about it? All that.

Oh, yeah, because I wanted it to be a surprise. It was. That's not going to go. I interrupted. No, what are you going to do about it? Is that, is that, Is that the hauntavirus talking or is that the person? No, that was... Here's a hauntavirus when the vaccine comes up

because I'm here to kill you. He goes, what are you gonna do about it? Yeah, the hunter virus learned to do an impression of Tyson. It scares everyone I... Scares a vaccine. I don't want you, I don't want you inside my body, hauntar virus. Yeah, what are you gonna do about it?

Exactly. You're gonna get a fever, you know? You gotta get a fever, you know. Well, I don't want that. I get away. What are you gonna do about it though? See? This is the theme.

This is the theme of the show. This is the theme of the show. This is how I do about it. If I get a hold of a rhythm, it's like a song on my head and I can't stop and I'm sorry. Next week I'll have something else. But this is the what are you going to do about a week? Because I just love that. I wonder if by Monday when this is on everyone will be talking about the haunted virus or whatever it's called, hauntive virus.

And they said they're tracing people's because they got off the boat. Now where did they go? Where do they come from? Now they're starting to do that again. The beginnings of like we got to find out where people were, stop them from going somewhere else, maybe slow down on travel. And I'm like, no, no, no, no. Let me, please help me understand.

Like, who wants to go on a large, giant, sweaty boat with all these people? The toilets don't really work. Everyone's drunk. People are falling over. And then there's tidal waves. Someone always dies. Every story. Daily man, once a week.

Every time. What about this? Good news. I saw this morning. Moderna Ardi's were going to haunt the virus vaccine. Oh, boy. Do not. Yes, to the rescue.

I'm going to make a little stock buy. Yeah. M-O-D-E-R-N-A. Okay, good. That's what I heard. I'm just telling what I heard. Undisclosed amount. All right, I guess we should wrap up.

Let's do another. Let's do one more. Thanks for, oh. Why not? Oh, this kid, I like this because this kid can recreate a logo with a truck. What about a? Kleenex was good, right? Clora.

Oh, so he's memorized the font and everything. Right, that looks good. You can't see it, Heather, can you? Dude, that looks just like it. What about Fabriz? Fabriz. Why did you sound like you're mad? I'm not.

Fabriz. Cambles. I mean, this kid's pretty gifted if he can recreate. This is cool. I like this. I can't think of any. Walt Disney. Big.

Big. Yeah, there you go. Oh, the circle. Ooh, the S too. Good job, kid. And he's also working in this. And he's in a tight, in a limited square. Yeah.

What about? Give him one more. Cadbury? Fucking Cadbury. God, he never stops. He really gives it a gripper. Got some crocs on. He's chilling.

He's uncomfortable. That was pretty good, though. That was cute. Yeah. We've had some cuties today. Mm-hmm. Yeah. except the haunted virus.

Wait, what was the next one? That sounded fucking rough. Fini-s socialist women dance to fake asylum seekers, not to abuse European women. It seems like a joke, but it's not. Wait, let's see it. Now it's too late. My No-no plays, Heather. Oh, that's right.

Can you see him dancing? It's hysterical. Now, is that not AI? Or is that real? This is real. Is it squared on there? I never look and the lights are off. Well, I'm sorry, they're all square.

And I'm like, are they? They're singing this to this guy. And the guy goes, you know, what are you going to do about it? I'm sorry. You set me up, right? That's a good wrap up. That was intentional, right? They had to be because that was the ultimate.

That was a good wrap up. What are you going to do about it? This has been sort of the show. And we did a pretty good job. It had some dead spots on my end. Dane was always bringing it. But I just felt silly. I felt a little.

We're summarizing the show. A little spacey from the whole whoopty-do yesterday, two-hour drive to the gig downtown. I'm going to this Netflix brunch. Yes. I'm going to go with Nikki. And daytime parties are a little odd for me, because I'm a little bit of a recluse.

And so I'm a little bit, I'm a little bit of a prude. I'm a little shy in crowds. So, but once I see that buffet, you're a wallflower. Yeah. So I'm going to do that and then you're going to drive back after you. Go see the doctor. I'm going to go get a little adjustment. I will be sitting different.

Probably in 10 days I will get sort of a haircut. I want people. I know if you have your calendars out or if you just want. ICal alert. Got it. And other than that, I'm going to go to New York. And then I'm going to go to. Miami. Then you're coming back here because we're doing one in person. And then yeah.

And then coming back here for our friend Brendan Fraser. Yeah. And you will be going to brunches and parties. Clicking my heels around here, going to the grove. Doing laps around your house. Worrying about the haunt of virus. Haunt of who virus what? Punching rats in the stomach. Is it from rats? We had a rat investation at our house once. Is it from your farm? Oh, no, it was another house, David. What if they trace it back to your farm? But here's the thing, they go, oh, don't be afraid.

And they all show up in hazmat suits. They're all just like, down, we're coming up and stuff. And then we catch rats. They're like a foot long. And you're like, you have to go down. They've been smashed by the trap and you've got to handle them. This one tight. That's allergic to this story.

That's all my rat story. I don't really, I like, I'm not a rat guy. I mean, I knew a guy I had a pet rat and loved his pet rat. I just don't, I don't get it. Did you notice that my leg is showing more as the episode one of all? People are already lighting up the comments. I got to get a 32 in seam or something to cover up because... Are you growing out of your pants?

Well, my legs have gotten a little longer recently. I don't know what it is. It's some kind of hant-a-virus side effect. Make a stop of T. I'm not spreading anything. I'm not eating any more rat poop. You know what? At least for a while.

That's anti-road. Man, I'm not comfortable with that kind of thinking. That's rude. They're the bad guy. Yeah, they're not the bad guy. I think that's prejudicial in a sense. I'm with you. Blame it on the rat.

That's an easy one to blame it on. Yeah. Everyone hates rats. All right, thanks for coming, guys. Thanks for being here next week. We'll see you again on another edition of boop-boop. Hey, guys, if you're loving this podcast, which you are, be sure to click follow on your favorite podcast app. Give us review, five-star rating.

and maybe even share an episode that you've loved with a friend. If you're watching this episode on YouTube, please subscribe. We're on video now. Fly on the Wall is presented by Odyssey, and executive produced by Danny Carvey and David Spade, Heather Santoro, and Greg Holtzman, Maddie Sprung Kaiser, and Leah Reese Dennis of Odyssey. Our senior producer is Greg Holtzman,

and the show is produced and edited by Phil Sweet Tech. Booking by Cultivated Entertainment. Special thanks to Patrick Fogarty, Evan Cox, Mora Curran, Melissa Wester, Hillary Schuff, Eric Donnelly, Colin Gaynor, Sean Cherry, Kurt Courtney, and Lauren Vieira. Reach out with us any questions to be asked and answer on the show. You can email us at fly on the wall at odyssey.com. That's A-U-D-A-C-Y dot com.