Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade - Nikki Glaser

Episode Date: May 15, 2024

Desiring fame, managing insecurity, and roasting Tom Brady with Nikki Glaser. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Check life insurance off your to-do list in no time with Policy Genius. Head to PolicyGenius.com or click the link in the description to get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you could save. That's PolicyGenius.com. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. What did I want to get off my chest recently? Well, it's probably something you got to get off your chest because we all carry around different stressors, big and small.

We just keep things bottled up and then it starts to affect us negatively, David. Negatively. Yeah, it was something about when I was merging and the people weren't waving back to me, bothered me. But you know, that, that's a small stress, but it can be bottled up and get bigger. Therapy is a safe space to get things off your chest and how to figure out, you know, you got to work through whatever's weighing you down. Yes. And I, I was in therapy. I'm there here and there now, but for five years. And you know, it does challenge your thoughts because I'm going to, this is

kind of, I don't know if this is profound, but you are your thoughts in some ways. So if you're thinking redundant, negative things or sad things or whatever, a therapist can kind of get you out of that kind of negative pattern. So be the best version of yourself. You know, and sometimes it can be small things. It can be major trauma. I think either way, it's good to talk to someone. If you're thinking of starting therapy, give Better Help a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible and suited to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire, get matched with a licensed therapist.

Switch therapist if you're not into it anytime, no additional charge. Get it off your chest with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash F-O-T-W today and get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash F-O-T-W. Dana, we've got a good friend of mine, Nikki Glaser, today, and she is someone that I've known for a while now.

Always a good laugher, always very generous with compliments, she's super fun and funny, and loves you, and we've had dinner with her once or twice, all of us together. I think during COVID we did also. And she and I do Las Vegas together, the Venetian, I think we're there again this weekend. But she's a sweetheart and we got to cover, of course, the roast. We do a lot of roast stuffs. She's so easy to talk to and incredibly honest, but it never has any teeth to it.

There's a sweetness to her and she's fun to talk to. And we talked all about her beginnings and the psychology of trying to be a standup. And then of course, a lot about the roast that is still matriculating around the culture. They don't do them that often. This one was considered the great, called the greatest roast of all time.

So it's still- It's smarter than the call at that, because then if you go, hey, did you see the greatest roast of all time? They go, oh, was it? Okay. And then the next one will be the real greatest host of all. But that was a big thing.

And she absolutely destroyed, got the first standing ovation in the room and wrote some brilliant jokes. And she walks us through that. We talk about the nerves and what jokes to use. Anyway, so it went by fast. David said, this will be an easy one. And he was right. Cause she had a lot, lot to say and she's very open and honest. I would listen to it if I was someone right now and they're doing something.

Yeah. If you like Nikki there, she's also got an HBO special coming out. HBO specials are kind of, that was my first one was HBO. Great place. It starts, I think it's out now. It's kind of a prestige thing. HBO is a little more exclusive. You know, Netflix is obviously the kingpin, but HBO is still, it's a very, they don't just throw those at anybody. No. And someday you will be dead is kind of about her jealousy of other women. Um, so yeah, she, she's everywhere now and she's, uh, she's trending as they say. She's very open, very honest. She joins us today. Young lady who's out there and she, uh, is, uh, works with David Spade in

Las Vegas at the Venetian. They're gonna be there May 5th, December 7th, but Johnny would do that. And let's please welcome Nikki Glaser. What's the state tax? Are you taxed in your native state? I would never know that. I live in Missouri and I rent an apartment and I don't own a home I don't own a car. I don't have kids But I do spend a lot of money to see Taylor Swift and stuff like that and I eat out for every meal You don't have a car

So you just uber everywhere? I? Have my I bought my mom a car and then I took her car and so I'm driving my mom's car. I paid for it I bought my mom a car and then I took her car. And so I'm driving my mom's car. I paid for it. That's a great present. Just keep taking it back. How are your parents around? No, my mom's old car.

Oh. How are your parents handling having a famous daughter who's really successful? How are they? Oh, they love it. How does that? They're famous, Dana. She's there on her Instagram.

Yeah. Well, my parents, there were five kids and so tons of pictures on the refrigerator. And then as I got more and more successful, eventually it was just all me. And I said, Mom, what are you doing? So did she have ambitions, your mom or dad, to be in theater arts?

My dad is a musician and plays around St. Louis in grocery stores and different like bars. Don't lowball him like that. I know he feels he hates when I start with grocery stores, but he's really, he's a great musician. He just, he just wanted a family and a safety. So he chose like a career in cable, which was safe for many years until he got out,

right after he got out. And then, yeah. Yeah, so it was, so he took the safe route and then I, he really believed in me and always supported me. I knew when I first like started, it was gonna take, I said eight years before I wouldn't depend on them to like help me out a little bit here and there.

And it was like eight years on the day where I didn't need them anymore, where I got that first check that kind of made it so. Well, I mean, parents normally warn, but in your own mind, I can talk for David or me, it's like, it didn't seem like a risk. I was like, well, I'm just gonna try this. I mean, were you more like, oh, I don't know.

Maybe I should have a plan B and be a junior high school. No, my plan B was like kill myself some day. I mean, honestly, like that was kind of like, I was like, I guess I'll just, I don't know what I'll do if I don't find an in some way, because I tried all the other ends. I tried acting, I had tried singing and, and no one cared to hear any more of that. And I mean, I wanted to go to theater school and be like an actress, and then I couldn't even get booked

in my high school play. I was always like, you know, in the diary of Anne Frank, I was Jewish townsperson B, and that was my senior year of like, this is gonna be my role. And so I was getting all the feedback that I did not have it. That's not Anne Frank, that's not.

Townsperson B. Her plan B was just a pill plan B. That was it. That's the only plan B we've heard. Did you guys have a plan B? Like, was there, did you even, I think that's part of why I was successful was that I didn't even, there was just no chance that it wasn't going to happen. Maybe I let that thought in for 20 minutes of my whole time struggling.

Maybe. I just, it never even occurred. I feel like I hear about like Jim Carrey and manifesting stuff. And I think I unintentionally manifested this career because I never let in a thought that it wouldn't happen. Well, I think that's good. I mean, for me, it was like, I think after a few years,

I don't know the errors of comedy booming, but at some point I was averaging five to six hundred a month, a fifty dollar gig, twenty five dollar birthday party. So then I was like in those days, too bad for the younger generation, I could, that was my job. So now this is my job. I was a waiter before this and a damn good one. Yeah. But uh, I love waiting tables too. This is my job. So then I just went wherever, but I just thought if this is what I do to make money on planet earth, this would be a good way

to go. Yeah, even if it stayed at that level, you mean? Yeah, what a waiters, I always say a waiters wage and now it'd be like 2000 a month, 2500 a month probably. Yeah, yeah. I did the same thing. Yeah, my overhead like you, Nikki, when you start, everyone when they start is a minimal overhead. So I quit too early. I was in Arizona State and I was working at a clothing store and I was also... You quit. And I quit because I was making 80 a week. I was making four gigs that are $20 a pop and I was like, I feel like I got this because I wasn't, but I, and then I got out of school. My mom was like, God damn.

I'm like, listen, I wanted to be a radio DJ because that was the only other thing you could sleep in and then maybe do the afternoon shift and it didn't seem that hard. But I thought I can't have, everything was too tough. School started to get hard. I got distracted by standup. So if you-

What were you studying to be? Like what, were you in school to be something? standup. So it was never any lofty goals. Were you in school to be something? It was a little early on, because I was still in anthropology and things that didn't matter, but it was to ultimately be in advertising, because my dad was and my brother Andy was.

Okay, that makes sense. And advertising is the thing that you go, okay, that was always my fallback too, I was like, because it's creative, but apparently it's even more soulless than what we do. Like, it's apparently, you're so creative all day and it's sometimes fun, but it's like, you're ultimately just trying to manipulate people

with your art and that's gotta be kind of depressing, which is what we are doing a lot of times as well. Like. So we've asked people this before, but like, okay, your first set. Yeah, it was. Like, yeah. We've asked people this before, but like, okay, your first set. Yeah. Yeah. And where was it in the day of the first set? I mean, of course it was good, right?

Because none of us do it. It's always good. Again, do you know how many comedians that would be like just legends right now that just had a rough first set and couldn't even imagine how good it feels to have a good set, because that is what keeps you coming back, is that memory of the good one. No amount of bad ones make you forget it and chase it. But yeah, of course it was good. It was at University of Colorado, it was my freshman year.

And I was like really not doing well mentally. I was, I had an eating disorder. I was like on death's door, literally. I was about to die and I was praying to die because it's just a miserable life. You don't eat, you can't eat because that's part of the disease. You're hungry all the time, you're cold.

No one wants to be friends with you because they think you're like on a diet trying to look hot even though like that's the last thing you're trying to do. You're just like stuck. It's like, it's the fucking worst. It's having a terminal illness and everyone blaming you for it and thinking that you chose it because you want to be hot. It's like, it's the fucking worst. It's having a terminal illness and everyone blaming you for it

and thinking that you chose it because you want to be hot. It's like, it sucks. Quit choosing to be hot. Yeah, well, it's, because it starts that way, right? Like you get, you do a diet and it kind of works. You get some attention. And then I went, as I do, fucking, but I just couldn't, I went bananas and didn't even eat one of those a week.

And, and just, like, it, and so I was really good at it, but then it got really bad, I was hospitalized and stuff. So I went off to school to get away from my parents who were monitoring what I was up to with not eating. And it was already my plan to go out of state for school, but then I caught this eating disorder between deciding to go out of state and leaving for it. And I was hospitalized during the summer at home.

It's rough, but I've tricked them all, got out, was like, I'll eat enough and I'll go to school, I'll be responsible. All the doctors are telling my parents, she's gonna die if she goes there. Like, there's no question. I was like, yes, like let me, this is hell. I don't even know how to get out of this.

I don't wanna get out of it. Like, it's just, it's fucked. But then because I looked so scary, this is my theory, because I looked so scary and no one wanted to be my friend, I just became like loud and like funny and like told stories and like, you know, when we're introducing ourselves around the dorm or at the sorority, I was like rushing a sorority.

I looked like a skeleton, like it was crazy. But I just was so funny that people started forgetting the way I looked and wanting skeleton. It was crazy, but I just was so funny that people started forgetting the way I looked and wanting to be friends with me. Or I just amped up. Always go louder. Yeah, and I'd never done that before. I never needed to do that before.

I just always wanted to be not noticed. But at this point, I was so noticeable by the way I looked, I couldn't not get ahead of it. And then that was when I started hearing, like, you should be a comedian. And I was like, huh? Like, is that, what? I knew about standup, but I didn't pay attention.

It wasn't, I liked SNL, I liked Seinfeld, I liked Friends, I liked Conan. That was like the pillars of my comedy obsession. But I didn't get into standup. And then I like Googled it in my dorm room and was like, what is this like? Is it true you were inspired by JonBenet? Yeah.

In her early success. I didn't put the joke in my special, which is coming out May 11th. May 11th, what's the name of it? HBO, it's called Someday You'll Die. And it's Saturday, May 11th. So it's already out now by I think the time this is airing. So just go check it out, HBO, Someday You'll Die.

And I cut it from the special, because cause I had too many jokes about like wanting pretty girls to die. And so I had to, I had to lose one of them. So it was, you know, the joke is a true story. I've always been like insecure, always wanting to be the center of attention, not knowing how to like get it. I feel like that's faded as I get older

and realize it's not that fun. But initially I was always like, who doesn't want to be famous? Do you guys relate to that? Your friends in high school or middle school? Everyone does. But mine were like, not really. We don't really care about being famous. And I'm like, what?

We're not thirsty. Is that everything? I think now, I mean, a younger generation, because everyone is famous in their own way with Instagram, all that. But I said this to Jerry Semaphore, I checked with my wife once a year, I go, honey, did I ever say I wanted to be rich and famous? Ever?

Really? And she said no, because I was just trying to win the club. That's embarrassing. I was trying to get to the middle and then get to the headline. I was just thinking like that. It was too abstract that I would be famous,

too crazy that I could be on TV. And it hurt me in a lot of ways throughout my career. I never was able to really take it in. You know, so. So Dana, what motivated you was just be, like becoming a headliner. Like that was the first, like, I just want to be able to make a living,

a good living, a decent living, doing standup and making people laugh. Yeah. And I came from a track and field cross country background. So I was also really, really competitive, but not in a nasty way. But when Rob Williams was there initially, and then he left to do more kid Mindy when he came back,

which I said many times, I don't know. And he would levitate the room as I call it. And it looked like he wasn't trying, it was explosive. I just thought, well, there's a standard. So I kept saying, I've got to get more intense. And I was horrible. I would have one joke after like a five minute setup. For a while, you know, it's like,

I see a short setup and then a lot of, you know, it took me a long time to keep it out. But man, did you, do you figured it out? I mean, so quickly. You got to this level. Years. Yeah, I mean, but relative, like you had it, from being like bombing wildly on stage

to figuring out how to elicit the kind of laughs Robin Williams gets, and you figured it out. And, but that's so interesting to me too, cause there is a difference. Like I think for me being famous is just like being loved. It sounds vapid, but at its core, it's just like I just want love and acceptance. I want to be able to survive in the world

because people like me already. It's just a survival instinct. So I want to take some vapidity away from it because it feels like. Vapidity. I just want everyone to, is that even, um, I just want everyone to like, is that even a word? I just want everyone to, you know, um, I like that you're already, you're already walking into room and we have the benefit where people know you and have

mostly a positive opinion or at least you're not scary. At least when you walk up to people or you say, Oh, your kids are cute. They don't think you're a psychopath. They're like, oh, this guy. Or any situation, you can say hi to people or you can, and they kind of are off guard already. They're not like, hey, fuck you. Don't walk up to me. Don't say hi to me. Don't talk to me.

Doesn't that make sense in an evolutionary standpoint of like wanting the whole tribe to know who you are and care about keeping you around because, and having some stake in your existence. I mean, it comes from, it makes sense where it comes from. But Dana, I think I also have that in me too, that competitive nature that I didn't know because I think I'm the same way of like,

I'm not like throwing a remote control if I lose a video game kind of angry competitive, but I am viciously competitive. And you realize that when you do things like the roast, which is like, I was just thinking about this, this is like the day after, two days after the roast. And like immediately you walk off stage and everyone's like, this was the best, this was the second best,

this was the, like it is a ranking thing. And I'm like, oh my God, that's why I like roasts is because I wanna, I finally found a way in comedy to like compete and in a way that I feel comfortable competing,, I finally found a way in comedy to like compete and in a way that I feel comfortable competing. Like I can't compete maybe in other ways in comedy. And I don't look at like going up with this comedy store against people as a competition,

but this is like, you have five minutes, everyone's doing the same thing. It's the same task and who's the best. And yeah, it brings out that nature. The real thing is you have five minutes, everyone's doing 23. It's so true. Oh my God.

I texted you during the roast. I go, is everyone going fucking long or what's going on here? Well, it was interesting. They told us like, you know, football players are getting three minutes. Belichick's getting two, you know, and then you're getting, you're getting six.

You're getting, Andrew's getting six. Jeff's getting six. And everyone went over because the laughs, you don't account for the laughs at the forum, but I will say they were like, I thought they were gonna be a lot more strict about it. You can't do this.

You know, you can't say this, but get this. I'm sitting, so I have my set like, I'm down to the wire, right? I've been working for a month on perfecting every fucking word, every transition. Everything makes sense. Finally get it down, submit it. I mean like under the wire, then rush to the red carpet.

Out of the red carpet I go, do I have time to go to prompter to see what this fucking looks like even? Read through the prompter. In the prompter room, all the comedians, all the people on the dais are in the room. So I'm like, can they get behind? So I'm reading through Kevin's behind me. I'm like, Kevin Hart, will you not look at,

but he couldn't see over everyone's shoulders anyway, so it didn't fucking matter. So I was like, can you raise the monitor? And so he, so I'm reading through, I like, and then rushed right on stage. I sit down, Kevin comes up to do his set first, open, and he does one of my jokes. Classic row situation.

Do you think he saw it on the prompter or just parallel development? That set up sounded like I thought he stole it. No, no, no. Yeah, no, sorry about that. Parallel development. Yes, obviously. But I was just like, how did they not catch this?

But the truth is like the writing team is getting jokes last minute. Kevin chose his jokes very last minute. They're entering them in. No one cross-checked it. So his joke is that Tom Brady got out of his divorce and then he's been fucking around town so much his dick has CTE.

And mine was about masturbating to him to research for this and my clit has CTE. But on mine, I have like a tag that I'm like, okay, that kind of, that makes it different. So I'll just blow past the fact that I do the same joke. But I'm also like, at first I'm just my face, I can't even, I'm on camera, but I'm like, oh no. How do you get it off the prompter that,

I mean during the show, you can't get it off the prompter. No, it's a live show. There's no producer to call. We're on stage already set. I don't have, I'm like, do I talk into my lab and think maybe someone hears me? I don't have an in-ear to hear if they hear me. Jeff Ross, who's the producer, comes and sits down next to me.

I go, I have the same joke Kevin just did, and I can't take it out of the prompter. The prompter guy is knocking, I haven't worked with him enough to, hey, if I do this, just go to the next one. I had it set. So then I'm looking at one of my friends who's in the front row, and she knows my set backwards and forwards and she's like, deer in headlights look too. And I go, what do I do?

And she's just like looking at the carpet because we're trying to think of another joke that will fit coming out of, Tom, you were on my fantasy team last night and then transition after the CTE, like into something CTE without saying it. Like, so- And can you jump the line without the prompter freaking out

and blowing your rhythm? No, but that's the thing I'm like, I don't think I can't, cause I'm like, I don't even know. And then I, and it would ruin my flow entirely if I stopped and go, hey, can you, and then I go, okay, maybe I'll just say the joke and go, um, that would have gotten better had it not been already

set like address it. But then that's like, do I need to, I've never performed for even this big of a crowd before it's at the forum. So it's like, I don need to? I've never performed for even this big of a crowd before. It's at the forum. So it's like, I don't know the dynamics of the sound and what people like. And so, but then I did the math on it. I was like, okay, there's enough time between me

and that joke that they might reset. Like they'll subconsciously know that isn't as funny as it would have been without hearing it, but maybe they will be able to place it. I think so. I mean, I just noticed it. I think so. I mean, I just noticed it and I went, oh, well, the head didn't talk to the tail.

That was just, and there was gonna be- Yeah, no one's gonna be like, she stole that 11 minutes ago. Other people talking about how beautiful Tom Brady is, how attractive he is and stuff like that, or is he gay? Yeah. How can you not have overlap? There's gonna be bumps.

Definitely, and I was surprised that there weren't more like when I submit, because after that happened, it was one of his first jokes. And so the rest of the time I'm watching his, the teleprompter like where else, like what am I gonna do? Like it was just that moment of, you know, live TV,

which obviously you guys are used to where it's like, you're, I gotta make a decision and let's just see if it's the right one. But you have the best line of the night. Which was? I thought it was the most clever. It was hard hitting. It really made me laugh out loud. And that was, how does it feel? I won't want to even say it.

He can kick your ass while he eats. Yeah. Oh, thank you. Yeah. Yeah. I'd say that I talk about Tom Brady now, Gisele, his ex-wife is dating a jujitsu instructor. I was like, that's gotta hurt knowing your ex-wife's new boyfriend could beat your ass while eating hers. I like that you don't say eating her ass. I'm glad that you like that because I was like, oh, I'm not even saying that. Poor Gisele has to like-

Well, it's so outrageous, but it was constructed really well. Thank you. You said hers. You didn't say ass twice so outrageous, but it was constructed really well. Thank you. You said hers, you didn't say ass twice. It was a reason it was palatable. Thank you. That really means a lot. Well, I'll just tell you a point, but like it doesn't matter that you're on the thing.

I thought you won the night. You saw how Kevin Hart react. If there is a competition, there isn't. He was a good reactor though. He really did give it up to, you know, me, me, not no money line and all that. I mean, he sincerely in that moment was giving it up to you. Like that's how it's done.

It doesn't get any better. So you must have felt good after that. I mean, amazing because you guys know, like we are all kind of in competition sometimes and for another comedian like Kevin Hart, who definitely has achieved that level of success by making things about him and probably not making it about other people and shining the light on them.

That's how you get there, to use that time to break. I mean, he literally went up and was like quoting people's jokes, just saying them again. He literally, after I got a standing ovation, which I didn't even know about, he goes, I want everyone in the room, in case you didn't see it at home,

Nikki got a standing ovation, to give me that. Like he. He goes, I want everyone in the, in case you didn't see it at home, Nikki got a standing ovation to give me that. Like he didn't, I know why he was doing that because he wants to build me up. It wasn't so that people actually, it was, it was designed that way. And I thanked him afterwards. And I said, I know you did, you didn't need to be as generous with, you know, the laughter and, and, and saying things afterward as you did. And he was, he did it for everyone. And it was, it was an example of what I wanna like

be more like in this business. It made it more fun. It made him very likable too. Yeah. It's a way to get Fallon, you know, when you go on his show, when you do stand up on his show, he comes, which is terrifying.

And you kind of do, you don't go up cold, but you're coming back from a commercial break. It's obviously, it's like all of a sudden this person just standing there who's no one's seen, it's like kind of going up cold a little bit for an audience. But he comes out before, warms them up, tells them, I love this girl so much. Like even if he doesn't,

and then he is like cackling at his desk and just his silhouette moving, he probably isn't even making any sound, but he's giving us that. And the audience is watching him to decide how to feel about me, subconsciously. It's the way that I feel about YouTube comments, which I hate so much. I hate that everyone gets to just comment on things all the time. And David, when I talk about this, I always say how you told me that the Hollywood Minute

on SNL was the only time celebrities got got roasted or like kind of got made fun of or ridiculed. Correctly like that. Yeah. It was all People magazine and all, everything was like fawning, fawning, fawning. Yeah. But that was the only place for it in the 90s.

Like, and look at it now. We, that seems insane that that would be the old, like it's, it didn't exist before. Now we're an angry mob. Yeah. And so I, YouTube comments are constantly there to tell you how to feel about a video. Even I'm a pretty savvy consumer and I feel like, I want to watch content and really make my own decision

about how I feel about this and not be influenced. But then a little YouTube comment pops up and if it's like, if it's fly on the wall or whatever, commenting one of the greatest things I've ever seen and I see a little check and if it's like, if it's fly on the wall or whatever commenting one of the greatest things I've ever seen and I see a little check mark next to your name, even if I don't know what it is, I'm like, oh, someone with a check mark thinks this is the best thing.

I like this more no matter what. I just do. Even me who knows that it's trying to get me to like it. So that's what I think it's really detrimental when it's negative, but when Kevin kind of cosigned, it really, I think that's why there's been this fervor afterwards that I've never felt in my career before of people being like, you had a standing ovation,

you were the best one. I'm like, thank you, Kevin Hart. I mean, I did well, but that really, that boost helps so much. Get ready for Las Vegas style action at Bet MGM, That boost helps so much. like Blackjack, Baccarat, and Roulette. With our ever-growing library of digital slot games, a large selection of online table games, and signature BetMGM service, there is no better way to bring the excitement and ambience of Las Vegas home to you than with BetMGM Casino. Download the BetMGM Casino app today. BetMGM and GameSense remind you to play responsibly. BetMGM.com for Ts and Cs, 19 plus to wager, ON only. Please play responsibly. betmgm.com for t's and c's. 19 plus to wager. o n only. please play

responsibly. if you have any questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact connects ontario at 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. betmgm operates pursuant to any operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. It's Sophia Franklin, and if you don't already know, listen up. My mini series is live now each and every Monday, and the only person missing is you. We're dating, we're dumping, we're learning, and we're tapping into all the feels

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Please play responsibly. Gambling problem? Call Connects Ontario at 1-866-531-2600 to talk to an advisor free of charge. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. It's hard to have no glitches. It's hard to go through a set. It's hard to go later. I when they introduced you, I said, fuck yeah, she's got to go soon because

Andrew Schultz, who's great. and by the time they got to him, I forgot he was going on. I'm like, oh my God, he's still, he's gotta follow every joke. And he still did great. I told him, I said, if we swap sets, this could be a different conversation because he's like, you did the best,

don't even fucking try to tell me I did too. And he's being very sweet, but I go, but we know it was about, they didn't have any juice left. And we were two hours into a show. I couldn't believe how well Tom Brady did three hours into a show. I was like, but it was a good time though, all around. Who did you guys in your career? Like, do you feel, were there any moments where someone went out of their way to

vouch for you or say you're funny that is like stands out to you. I know you have tons, but. Well, for me, I guess Brad Gray and Bernie Burlstein, they were, they just championed me. I had other managers and people didn't get me. I was sort of a cutesy guy. I didn't look like a comedian. I did a lot of weird sitcoms

because I didn't know that I'd be on Saturday Night Live in three years, you know? Whoa, really? They were the first ones that said, yeah, you, you, yeah, you've got it. And directed you towards SNL and that kind of thing? Were they the ones that say, this is where you belong? Yes, and Bernie managed Lauren Michaels.

Bernie was Lauren's manager. Got it. And we were all in the ecosystem there. So it was a lot of luck, but just want for a second, being competitive like Kevin Hart, I'm sure is, maybe he's like who can get to a billion or whatever, is a separate lane from generosity. Yeah.

And being, it's like, I can imagine you meeting a version of yourself who's like 22 in the clubs and you, you had something good about her. Yeah, Tonya Harding her. Yeah, you just make sure, well, just to be honest, you probably would squash her. Right, because of the amount of time I've been doing it versus her. Yeah. And you pull out the tricks and then the baton? But yeah, that's what I was talking, like the Jean Benet story that I didn't get,

like I'm threatened by girls who are like younger and prettier and I can see potential in them. Like, of course I want them to go away and to get a boy, like, you know, Brittany Murphy out. I hate to, I'm making obviously a joke, but I want them to get away and to get, you know, get a boy, like, you know, Brittany Murphy out. I hate to, I'm making obviously a joke, but I want them to get a boyfriend who controls them and then they don't get to succeed and beat and reach their potential.

There's a secret deep part of me that yes, because when, if the, to me, this is survival of the fittest. And if she's out there, then that's one less spot for me. And people say there's room enough for everyone, but there is a threshold for how many people people can know. So there is, you can say it all day, everyone can be famous, but we don't, not everyone can.

There is a threshold. So there is a spot. If someone goes, another spot opens up. And, but now I fight that disgusting part of my brain that is so jealous and so critical. And when I, I challenge myself every time I get threatened by a girl on Instagram, like I see a clip of a young hot girl and she's being hilarious, like Catherine Blanford

or what is her name, Caroline Benowitz, these two like cute blonde hilarious girls and I'm just like what the fuck and I just want them to not be funny so bad. I'm watching it like please don't be funny and it is because it is every time because they're just naturally hilarious in a way That I feel like I'm not I now instead of when I feel like go away Bitch, I I posted on my Instagram story and I say this girl's hilarious. I just like I have to do it it's my rule for myself to like fight that because that people did that to me early on in my career and tried to like You know get me canceled in different career and tried to like, you know,

get me canceled in different clubs and told people I was sleeping with comedians to get stage time. And I was like a virgin. I didn't even, I was scared of sex. And I was suddenly like this whore that was blowing people, disgusting comics for stage time. And it was, it really held me back.

I had to like move out of my home club town because it was like, no one respected me and everyone thought I was stealing jokes from guys. I like that move still works. It's like, she's a whore. It's like, it sounds like it works through the history of time. Yeah.

And it just- Everyone's like, what? And she was, these guys were right. She's blowing Pauly Shore and he's writing for her. And I was like, I don't know which I should be more insulted by. Yeah. Not I was, I was like, I don't know which I should be more insulted by. Not because Paulie's hilarious, but like that, how could you think he could write these jokes for me and that I would trust him to write to my voice? Like it was just like, it was, so I try to just do the opposite, even though

they're absolutely I res, I really relate to that bully the person, you know, the people that even bully me. What is, is the phrase rumor monger? Is that the phrase? People who cultivate rumors to destroy people? It's easy to do, isn't it? Schadenfreude, you know the German word for taking joy in your friends' failures.

So that, we all are five years, oh, okay. We're all 10 years old inside. So there is all of those reflexes. It's like Toy Story. There's a new kid in town, all that. The next Nikki Glaser. Jeez. It's instinctual.

You're being replaced. There's someone younger. They get more attention. They're more fertile. These are all the things I talk about in my special, but yeah, it makes sense. I remember, what was I just gonna say? Oh, but when my bully in my hometown,

who really devastated me, and I really did have to leave town because she got all of my friend comics against me, like my club that I started at, I just couldn't get stage time because she convinced everyone I was a hack whore. And so, years later... That's the title of your next special. HACK HORN.

I think that's like the Japanese translation of my- of the one that's out now. What is this? That's your poster. HACK HORN. That's the poster. In Tokyo. Hallelujah. But what I remember, um, uh, I had told Amy Schumer was, uh, we were dear friends at the-

and we were talking about- and she knew all about her, and oh, we both hated this girl, and we're like, oh, you know what, this is gonna drive you to succeed. And I finally got to a place where I was doing really well and I remember texting Amy one day, like, I found out she's pregnant. And I was kind of like, oh, she's like, got a husband and a boyfriend, and Amy just goes,

you won! And I was like, oh, you're right, we're not gonna hear much from her now. So yeah, that's my new thing is wishing girls pregnant. Yeah. I'll wish them to get pregnant to get rid of them for a while. Instead of death, just pregnancy. It buys you some time.

Yeah. When we did the roast for Rob Lowe, I saw Rob yesterday actually. We did the roast for Rob Lowe. Why did I say that? We... for Rob Lowe, I saw Rob yesterday actually. We did the roast for Rob Lowe, why did I say that? What I thought- Because you can't not see him and go like, I'm looking at a perfect, it's jarring what he looks like. I'm sure you never get used to it,

but yeah, when we were doing the roast. It still bothers me. It is. He's my Jambonet. It hurts. When I did the roast with Nicky, that's the only one I've done, was for against Rob Loweowe or whatever it's called.

It was Rob Lowe roast. And then I thought one of the interesting things that never did it was the respect and quiet unwritten rule that regular people don't seem to know when I go to the improv, if Jeff Ross is on stage, I don't go in. And when they're practicing roast jokes, I saw you the other night, you're doing yours, the other comics that are on the roast, step aside on their own. They go, we're not allowed to see each other.

And when you go to the stage, Dana, they were like, that day I'm going to just look at the prompter, Rob Lowe is there. And they go, we gotta get Rob Lowe out before you can come in. And everyone's in on it, and everyone understands. Yep. Oh, wait. But we don't say it.

Yeah, they just go, you're not ready to go in yet. And in my head, I go, oh, Nikki must be, someone's in there. Yeah, we don't, that's the strange thing. I've noticed that in this time around, like I'm running into Jeff around town, and you're trying to get a sense of like, how hard are we going? With Tom Brady, can we mention Aaron Hernandez?

Can we mention him kissing his kids? Can we mention Giselle even? Can we mention Bridget Moynihan? Can we mention him deflating balls? You don't know where the line is. So I got on an early call and I'm like, you know, what's the vibe? You just want to get a sense of other people's jokes to see what's going on. You don't know what they are, yeah.

But you can't because you wouldn't want anyone to see your jokes. Because you go, am I the one going too far? That's the funny part. And then you hear someone going too far and you're like, well, now I wanna go further. And now your whole set, the bar rises. Yeah. That's what happened to me like a week ago. I'm like, wait, there is an Aaron Hernandez joke?

Like, we're gonna joke about a guy who hung himself in prison tragically after killing someone because he had CTE, which is what all these guys are gonna get on stage eventually. Like, oh, we're going there? Let's, okay. Now, now the- There were three of them, right? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it was, yeah, there were Bridget Monahan said something today. She did. She said, she posted something like, you know, I would never, it wasn't, it wasn't saying her, but she said,

I would never let people, it's really what you think she'd say, something like, that's not something I would do. I thought we would never do stuff like this about, and it was like, cause she gets dragged into it. I think from one of your jokes, but also Giselle took such a fucking beating that all I wanted was her to walk out at the end and get a standing ovation. How cool would that have been? I'm sure they tried to get her, but there's no way. That would have been so cool. Sources in a fucking karate gi.

It's Brazilian with a white belt. She goes, it's a white belt. It's not about the karate lesson. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I haven't learned one thing. Okay, I have a question, Nikki. In the room and your vibe, you're looking at Tom, you're watching him, he's a good sport.

They say he got mad at Jeff Ross for a second. What's your vibe of how much pain or not pain he was feeling and how much he was expecting these level of jokes or was he surprised? What did he... Could you... Was down for whatever.

I mean, there was, you know, we all agreed not to make fun of his kids and the kissing thing. We all were like, we don't want to bring that into it because it, you know, his kids are in like a middle school. We want them to keep that special between them. And so we just decided that was kind of the only, that was the only one that I was like, Hey, we're was kind of the only one that I was like,

hey, we're all kind of collectively not gonna do that. And I would go, okay, well, there goes half my act. Like so much was about that. I'm kissing the kid, helping the kid. Because that was the only thing I knew about him. Like that was, when that video came out, I was kind of obsessed with it because my dad used to kiss me on the lips as a kid.

And I had a bit of, like it went into my adulthood where I was like, we can't do this anymore. I know we do this as a family. And my other friends would be like, you guys kiss him. Like I related to it. So I had a lot of jokes about that. And then they all went away, but forget what your question was.

Well, did you feel like that he was, like some people might see that he cosigned for the Giselle jokes and he had a heads up that where they were gonna go to. Dude, it was so rough. Well, I couldn't look at him because I felt like he, even in there's this clip of me online that I'm watching and he cuts to him and he looks devastated.

Like he looks really shell shocked. Like a tight smile. Tight smile. Yeah, and I thought he would be able to fake it more, but I also, I'm like, oh wow, I thought he was gonna know all of our jokes. I honestly, cause he's an EP on it. So I thought he, and he wants to control things.

Like I'm sure he's, he's gonna deflate some of our jokes by looking at them and you know, and making them more palatable for him to handle and hold. And, but he didn't. And he, cause even when Jeff made the Robert Kraft joke about like alluding to the happy ending massages, he got up and and he, cause even when Jeff made the Robert Kraft joke about like alluding to the happy ending massages, he got up and was like, no, I didn't hear it happen, but I saw him get up.

I didn't know what he said, but I was on the stern yesterday and he said that he was like, no, that's too far or something. And that was a real moment. Don't ever say that shit again. That's what he said? Yeah. Yikes, cause Jeff did sit back down and was like, did I cross, like, was that, cause he tried to handle it.

Why on God's green earth would it be about that? What do you mean? Why, why is he picking that? Because I think Robert Kraft was a hard get to get in that room and Tom probably vouched and said they are not going to come after you. You cannot sit in the fucking within a mile radius. No, but that was that he should have communicated better because Jeff would have never ever

over set the line that Tom put down. And he would have made it like, he wouldn't have ever. So that wasn't communicated clearly because Jeff was so like conscious about it. It was like a throw away. Conscious about it. Yeah, it was, but he was offended, dude. I really do think that he didn't expect it,

but I was checking in with Jeff beforehand and he was like, he's ready to go. He wants to do this full throttle, let's go. No holds barred, just not the kids. Like he can take it. And I go Giselle and he like, yep, he can take it. I'm like, all right. And if you watch a Greg Giraldo roast compilation,

that's all you need to do to watch to know what you're in for. Like it's going to be that level because we're all watching those and we're all striving for that level of- Of cringey, of truth and harshness. And yeah, and so for him to ever be surprised at anything

is just bad planning and you didn't, and you thought you were impervious to it or something, that's insane. Everything we know about Tom Brady as an athlete, his preparation is perfectionism. Perfection. And he would scream it. So there is a crazy as a fox kind of vibe here.

Oh yeah, I mean studying him, yeah. Well, he's very, he's more vulnerable. He's more human. They call him the human robot. He's about to sign a $375 million deal to be in the booth. So these little asides and jokes, it's all been sort of said out loud in a vicious way. So I think it's a new day in town

for him walking down the street because you kind of feel empathy for him. There was that joke, I think it was Kevin Hart, you went eight and nine and you lost your wife and kids. Oh yeah, it was worth going eight and nine for. Yes. There was that too. But as far as primality, if you talk about the male psyche and the male ego and what, however that went down, we don't know.

But that's a very, that made me empathetic toward him. I agree. I think he didn't think that angle of like losing your family would be brought in. It is. And the truth is he did it. Like he didn't abandon his kids. He's like a great father. I hope that he was able to just know that that's not true.

But wouldn't you not want that out there? Just the people that- Of course. Casual viewer goes, oh, he deserves his kids too. Now that's what I know about him. Like anyone who doesn't, we defined who he is now. You're so right. This is opening up a world in which he might face more criticism. I do know he didn't go to the after party.

You know, like- I fucking would go cry in the corner. He would have water. But you know, it's divorce with like a total net worth between the two of them, about a half billions. And their kids are living online every day. They're 10 and 12 or something like that. So they're seeing all these jokes.

So they- I know. Brutal. But then, so this- Fuck. They're already acclimated. It's not out of the blue. Yeah, that's a good point.

I mean- It's just their life. And that was when I said some savage joke about, I think the eating ass Gisele joke, which I was scared to even look towards him. But then I was just to even look towards him. But then I was just like, you're Tom Brady. I just, I go, you'll be okay.

Like I literally said that because I'm like, you will. Like, and you did ask for this. And if you don't know how it's interesting, cause I wonder, I'm going on Kim Allayer today and my angle is like, oh, let me read some jokes about me that didn't make it. Like there's a writer's room and so many jokes that people didn't use about me because I wasn't,

people thought, there's more important people to talk about. I'll read those. And so those are coming in right now. And I'm like, oh God. And some of them are from my close friends who were in that room. And I'm like, you see this thing about me that I thought I only saw about myself.

Like I'm having that moment, but I think that's, I feel like, you see this thing about me that I thought I only saw about myself. I'm having that moment, but I think that's, I feel like it's a good move, because I was gonna read roast jokes that didn't make it and just go harder on people. And I'm like, no, what if I go hard on myself and it kind of give myself that Tom Brady treatment that I just dished out, but it's hard, man.

It's a great idea, but yeah, it is sort of like, what are people's perceiving about me that I don't see? It's so gross. Because you don't even, like, they would never, like the things we said about Tom Brady, we wouldn't, you can't even tell him in a, you know, on a Zoom meeting of like, here's the areas that we might go to, like, no one did that.

No one even said, because there are things about me, I know that I just already read coming in where I'm like, I really didn't know anyone thought that about me. Like I really thought that was just between me and the mirror when I'm alone. And so I'm sure- So you can't get roasted. Like I think I got asked to be roasted once

and it's good money, but I thought I could never handle it. And that's why I never did it. And I only did it as a host. And in the host, you're in the crossfire. And I think some jokes about me got traded because we got that last minute edition and it was too juicy. So everyone jumped on Ann Coulter.

Oh God, yeah. So she became the punchy. And later I was told, oh, you dodged a few bullets because you switched. I'm surprised you did that. I wasn't really oh, you dodged a few bullets because you switched. Because yeah, great. I'm surprised you did that. I wasn't really friends with you back then, but knowing you now, I'm so glad you did.

But it was, it's brutal. It hurts so much. I'm glad that I kind of got brushed over, but there was like one or two jokes about me that afterwards at the after party, I just was kind of a little bit like processing and being like, wait, why did he write? Like, was that a joke or was that from a real place? And like, yeah, it stays with you a little bit.

So it's, you know, but it's worth it because it's the exposure and then if Brady's my friend, he has he has a shirt on top and underneath he has a t shirt. And at the end, he unbuttons it. And it's just all the topics that were covered. Giselle trainer ass. So he just goes, knew it. That was yes. Knew it. But yeah, I wouldn't want to do that. I mean, the early ones, the first one, one of them was big.

Was it, was it Chevy chase? One of the first on the Comedy Central and that one, because I don't think Chevy was ready for it. I really saw real pain and real wish I wasn't here. I think now people who do it, I mean, the next celebrity is gonna do it. Come on, man. You have to think of the fallacy.

Well, Nikki, honestly. What's worse? You do, you have to know. You have to know, but don't do it. No one is immune to it. But that's kind of like the person we wanna get who thinks there's such hot shit that- There's nothing there.

It's everyone, everyone else can be looked at like that, but not me. And that's kind of what maybe was Tom Brady was feeling. Yeah, that's a good one. But now he knows. Well, Nikki, would you rather be, this is the problem I thought was the Chevy Chase one, was Don Rickles and those guys in the old days,

if people know, that was the fun roast. Dean Martin, Frank Sinatra, huge stars. And they were little pokes. 1970s. You know, and they were fun pokes. They're all friends. Chevy Chase, I think it was strangers, hired assassins. So a guy's like, hi, uh, I'm, I'm, you know, whoever, by the way, you're a piece of shit.

And now it's too mean because you're like, wait, who's this guy? And so is it worse from strangers or is it worse from your friends? If you were roasting me and it was too mean, I wouldn't even know how to look at you after. I would be... Yeah, I felt way worse roasting Jeff Ross and Burt Kreischer and... Oh right, you said he was disgusting. Yeah, I said he's disgusting to look at and I was gonna lose that joke because I'm like, this is so harsh and my friends were being like, yeah, it's not really... You don't even say what he looks like, you just say he's disgusting to look at. And I go, no, but that's why it's funny.

It's just, it's so, that's the reason I like it. It's intentional to be just to be direct. Who did the sea lion reference? Like go back to the ocean? Oh, that was like the only woman you'll ever make wet is the one who helps roll you back into the ocean. That was your line, right? Yeah, yeah.

It's not a great line, it's just a great joke. And then I had to sit back down next to him and I do love him and I actually do think he looks better. Like he's looking good. I love Jeff Ross. And then to tell Burt, I like, oh, I'm such a fan of your joke. Like I obviously, I told Burt later,

you know I don't feel that way. And then, but yeah, I think it's, strangers, it's easier to be vicious because I don't know them. Like I didn't even meet Tom before the roast. So it was way easier to be sociopathic things to him because I didn't, he's just a person, he's just a person on a page to me. Like he's not real. Isn't Jeff Frost kind of a ladies man or, you know? Yeah, he does really, he-

I met him once, yeah, very young, beautiful one with him. He's charming and adorable, and yeah, but it felt, in the past I wasn't close with Jeff, or I guess it was five years ago that I did the last one, and this time I just, I felt a lot, I guess I'm growing as a person, because I felt way worse this time around saying these jokes than I ever have.

I really never even cared before. It's hard to keep doing forever. You know, Tony Hinchcliffe did a good job coming from the crowd. Oh, he killed. I think coming from the crowd is a great trick. A, no one expects anything from him. Most people don't know him. No bar, yes.

No bar, walks out of the audience like, I don't even know what he's doing and I'm a comedian. I'm like, is he coming on to introduce something? It was so cool. And then he just casually throws a line out about someone and people are going like, who is he coming on to introduce something? And then he just casually throws a line about someone and people are doing like, who is he? Oh, that's kind of funny. Oh, that's pretty funny. And that's really good. Then he gets like Sam Jay and he does, nah, whatever that one was.

And then it was like, whoa, where this guy comes from. Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. And then that king, king, king, king, king rhythm. And then get off. Great job. He was amazing. I was blown away. That was like such a moment for him. And yeah, to walk while you're doing it, it was just... The truth is the people who do the best

and those are the ones that are just like working the hardest. Talking to people afterwards, it's like, what did you do to prepare this? And we were all just so exhausted. The ones, the people that really killed just- Tighten and tighten and you edit and lose. Start a month out and just say jokes and edit them.

Thinking about it obsessively, working with people all day long, and then running it around town five times a night. I mean, I did five sets a night for like a week and a half. It's not even the same too, because you're like, these people aren't on the dais. You're telling the crowd crowd picture Tom Brady right here Picture you know Tom Segura's picture him over there

Yeah, I was a and they're like, okay, it's not quite the same but it you can get a good feel. Yes Yeah, I have to explain to a room at the Laugh Factory at 11 p.m At night, which is mostly Armenians who drew blood. So is it like so for this joke? You need to know he was injured and on 2001 and that's, you know, like, it's exhausting to set it up. So it was fun to go out and do the roast set for the first time without being like, okay guys, here's, I set the stage.

But it's just such a weird set to do just one time. Tom sitting there is a whole big- Changes everything. How many minutes did you do, by the way? I don't know how many it ended up being, but it was planned to be, in the clubs it was seven. So at the forum it was probably like eight, eight and a half with just the larger laughs.

But there was like jokes I put in last minute of like wanting to shoot my boyfriend in the fucking face for a lottery ticket to suck his dick. Like that was insane. And I added that the day before and that was ticket to suck his dick. Like that was insane. And I added that the day before and that was like a high risk situation. Like there were some jokes. I was like, this isn't even really tested. Um, I don't know if this is going to, it's just, I'm so glad it's over.

I mean, don't you guys have those things all the time where it's like so much pressure kind of pressure. I, I did observe you. There was a wide shot as the show was starting. Oh, there's Nikki. And I, I saw you go big sigh. Like just like, you know. You probably could see my sigh from a wide shot at the forum.

A wide shot, I was not sure if I could see. Maybe they're panning over. I just saw it and I thought, that's exactly the frame of mind I would be in. Like, okay, here we go. It's also supposed to be ha ha ha ha. We have a job to do. I'm, this is part of my career. If I cleared the frame of mind, I would be in like, okay, here we go. It's also supposed to be ha ha ha ha. We have a job to do.

This is part of my career. This audience is enormous. You don't want to think about it because the way everything is stratified, this is still playing on Netflix. It's trending for months. So there was, you wanted to go, ah, this isn't important.

I'm just roasting that, fuck it. But then side, you go, no, this is kind of a big thing. It's the biggest thing I'll ever do. It's the Super Bowl of comedy. Like the amount of, I will never, literally I'll never have a moment in my career like I had yesterday, the day after the roast. There's nothing I can do as a comedian,

hosting SNL, announcing I just had a baby, maybe if I like start dating Taylor Swift, that's the only amount of texts I will get. Like this is the scale of this is unprecedented for a comedian. Like my special will come out. I won't even get this many texts. Like, this is the scale of this is unprecedented for a comedian. Like, my special will come out. I won't even get this many texts. It won't ever happen again like this.

And so, yeah, I, but I kind of had a feeling about that. So you can't, there's other opportunities that I've gone, wow, I didn't work hard enough. I didn't understand the scale of that. And I fucking phoned it in and I'll never do that again. But this, I just had a feeling this is going to be pretty big. So you've got to work hard. I'll never do that again. But this, I just had a feeling this is gonna be pretty big, so you gotta work hard.

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So I was just like, I had a lot to do that week. And I was like, I'll just do whatever they write for me and punch it up. And I should have had my own angle. John Mulaney won, I'm presenting it to him. And like the thing I did for that was just so not fun. Like I totally blew it, totally blew it. And I'm like, oh man, this would have,

this is a room of all like the people in the industry. Like I squandered it and I go, it, totally blew it. And I'm like, oh man, this is a room of all like the people in the industry, like I squandered it. And I go, okay, lesson that I learned 20 years in, I shouldn't have learned this this late, but never like, treat these things, treat everything at least as try the best you did, because you didn't do the best you could do. Are comedians more disciplined now?

Because I mean, there was always Jerry Seinfeld, at least for me in the clubs and he was super disciplined. But a lot of really good comics would get a set, which was maybe like 30, and then they would do crowd work. And they would just develop a drinking problem, and they would go out across the country, and then you'd see them five years later, it's the exact same set. And then we're meeting John Mulaney and Jim Gaffigan

and you and Jerry Seinfeld, and learning about this idea of treating it like a college essay, like every line. And then going into the club night after night. I don't know, people did that back then. The successful ones did. Yeah, there's a component to being funny that is like just how hard you work. Like you can, we all think it's just natural and it is, that's what gets you into it. But yeah, you can be so much funnier

by doing things that aren't funny at all and are just really just focusing. But I mean, those guys that you listed, like I don't work like that on my standup. After this roast, I was like, man, if I worked this hard on my standup, you know, at this level that I worked at, I did for my special that is out on HBO now,

but it's like, I didn't give enough time. I worked probably about two months on an hour set. And this, I worked for a month on six minutes. So for the next hour, I have to work 10 months ahead of time to get this kind of precision. And that's what I learned from this is like, it takes a month to get the six minutes that's perfect. And that's going to the club, recording, listening to it and changing.

And having a script and working with a writer's assistant who's keeping track of, wait, you said this thing on stage, like who's in the room jotting things down. Cause I don't like listening back to myself. So I just, for my special, I hired someone to like come on the road with me and keep track of what I was saying on stage, riffing.

That would be funny. I've never heard that, but that's brilliant. But I just was like, why am I not treating my specials like I would treat if I was hosting a show? Yeah, a movie. I need help. I want people to punch this up to make it funnier. I want, you know, this doesn't have to be

this solo endeavor that I've always thought standup is that I want, you know, this doesn't have to be this solo endeavor that I've always thought standup is that I like about standup because it's about control and I can say, I did this. No, I didn't have any help. I can take all the credit, but it's so much better if you have help and you can take credit because it's the smart way to approach it.

It's a good way to do it because you're the character. So if someone writes a joke for you, we know kind of what your style is. I think Kevin Hart, a few years back, I was impressed that he'd go to Flappers. He'd have just bare ideas, kind of rough ideas. He'd have four or five writers in the room, even though it was packed 200 seats,

and he would just do it, and then they would sort of yell out, and he goes, what was that thing again? And then he would do it again. Then they would go in the little room, they'd have that rented out for the night. They compare notes between shows. Do this, do this, do this.

So there are ways to treat it so it will move faster. Yeah. It doesn't have to take two years to get say you need. Well, we had Dave, David Tell did 35 of stand up and five of, and it was great. I loved his special. God. We did too. Nikki, you know, the, I think when our Rob Lowe roast,

it was just a hair early, because when you guys get the benefit of TikTok, I wish we had TikTok, Instagram, there's so many things getting passed around after the roast that I don't think we got back then. It was just like, did you see it? Oh, it'll rerun soon. You can watch it in like another month.

But A, it's live, so it makes it more of, it's a great idea from Ted. And B, it gets passed around. So you're going to see it somehow. You're going to see your set, Tony, whoever, whoever, Tom's best joke about the fucking give me 20 million, and I'll admit I did it or whatever. That was wild. Great, great, great.

Yes. We should mention how good he did. Yeah, but I've seen, even seen, our old clips are being re- Oh, because of it's roast? They're coming out. Like I just saw, no, like even leading up, roast clips are just so sticky online.

And I've seen a couple of yours, like they're taking them from now. And like, I'm getting a boost. I'm seeing boosts from like old roasts of just people regenerating that stuff. But yeah, I mean the scale of this, it was everywhere yesterday. It was Comedy Central is not Netflix, unfortunately. Even I did a special on there and it didn't get seen as much as Netflix. Did your Comedy Central compare to Netflix? Or HBO? Yeah, HBO is not global,. Yeah, HBO, HBO's not global, so, which is fine, because it's like about, okay,

we might not be able to tour internationally. I'm okay. The Congo? Yeah, because you know, I'll go there if they want me. So I'm kind of, I'll do any, I'll go anywhere, I'll take any gig. So I'm kind of glad that, and I don't like traveling internationally, I get stressed out by customs. So I'm kind of like, okay, I'll take any gig. So I'm kind of glad that, and I don't like traveling internationally,

I get stressed out by customs. So I'm kind of like, okay, I'm good not going. And HBO has a classiness to it that I really like. And they're really selective. So, but yeah, there's definitely a difference. My Comedy Central and Dana couldn't even find, honestly, no joke. I was like, Dana, check it out.

He's like, I gotta get online and then I gotta join. I couldn't find it. You can find it on YouTube check it out. But that's why I always tell you. And he's like, I gotta get online and then I gotta join. I couldn't find it. I was like, find it on YouTube, I think. But that's almost good though, because that's why when we're in Vegas, and I'm like, at the Venetian, Dave and I have a weekend show. So you two play the Venetian on a regular basis.

And what's your next gig? I think it's July. We got July, we got September. July's a little hot. They had me play there. It was 117 the weekend I was there. I think this is the last July Vegas is gonna be functional.

What does that mean? Just in terms of climate change. Like it's, it's getting dicey. So this is one of the last summers I think that town will be inhabitable. But actually it's kind of all indoors at this point. And we'll be there. Yeah, and we'll be there.

But still the crowd is wilted. That's the problem. Yeah, they've been out in the sun. But it's such a fun show. But that's why I'm always like, Dave, will you just do bits from that comedy set? Like, I know them. And you can because no one saw it.

And I feel the same way about some stuff in the past. And I hate it because you go, God, I did it. And I technically am not supposed to use them, but I'm like, I worked so hard on it. And then I'm like, and who saw it? And then you do one in anywhere else and you go, oh, these people saw it. Yeah, yeah.

And it feels like I did it. Shame. But you know what? But you have the kind of jokes that you wanna hear again and again. There's like only a handful of comedians who you want. Same with you, Dana, like that you want to see bits again. Like it's not just the element of surprise that makes it funny.

I think a lot of my jokes are like, it's, oh, it's that twist of phrase, turn of phrase at the end. And once you hear it, it's like the, you know, the rabbit's out of the hat. But for you guys, I think I want to hear stuff over and over. Well, I don't know. Last time you saw me, I didn't have anything. I just had bare notes. Oh my God, you were so funny.

Last time I saw you, it was such a treat. I'm just doing, you know, I kind of am a sketch player at a heart. So then if I do say Paul McCartney and the audience is hot, I'll just keep going. But I was interested in you guys on the road. So who, do you flip a coin? Who closes?

Who opens? Oh, Dave closes. I don't want to touch that. Cause he's David Spade. Yeah, he's fucking David Spade. He's my favorite comedian. I like, I start sounding like him by the end of the week. Like that's the joy of working with him is like,

I absorb his funniness a little bit and I can spin it. Like I totally steal his like cadence, not even intentionally, you know, it's like when Madonna starts sounding British, like you just hang out enough and you just can't help but be funnier around him. And then I get to, it's, you know, when you're on the road, you just like, after you get off stage,

I have to go do a meet and greet and I'm kind of alone. But this, after I get off stage, I just get to go watch my favorite comedian and like they're doing stuff that I requested, after I get off stage, I just get to go watch my favorite comedian, and they're doing stuff that I requested, like I get to put in requests, and it's so fun. Then I look at Nikki and mention her half the time, because if she likes a joke, I look over and go, okay. It's so fun.

It's so fun. And we go out to dinner beforehand, and it's just a great weekend. It makes it a weekend I look forward to, and we do it about four or five times a year. Yeah, when you're solo on the road, really solo, yeah, it's a little lonelier. The day of the hotel is so long, and what do I do?

It's like, so if you do have another person there, the whole energy, you come out. I remember playing, there was playing a big casino with Dennis, and it was starting at eight, and it's one of those things where they come in later, but we kicked out the curtain, and all the chairs were empty. It was like 7.58 and he goes, Christ, thanks Carvey, are we three dog night all this time?

It's like, so Dennis, then they rush in, they're finishing their drinks and they rush in and we were okay, but at that moment, you know. All right, we gotta let Nikki go. Unfortunately. So you got Jimmy Kimmel tonight, what's your first line? You sit down, your first joke. I'll probably, like I've been,

I'll probably thank him for sending me an email because he, that'll get us into some areas. And I really do want to thank him because he wrote me a really nice email when he didn't need to and he's a busy man. So I'll probably do that Ingratiate myself ingratiation good. It's always spray tan something. I don't know. I always comment on Just try to get it. Whatever's going on to settle in just settle in. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah

Make a joke about how I'm trying to dress like do a leap like the outfit I'm wearing I just I'm who do I think I am something like that Love it. Okay, I'm gonna, I just, I'm who do I think I am, something like that. Love it. Okay. We'll find out if you did it soon. I'm gonna set my VCR. We'll see. I watched you last night, Spade, on Kimmel. I guess you were on like a month ago or something like that.

And I watched your set to like be inspired because you are always so great on those. And I watched you before Howard too. I did Howard yesterday and I was like, what's the vibe I wanna go into with Howard? Like my ideal Howard is a spade Howard. And I didn't nail that, but I definitely listened to you beforehand to like get in the right state of mind. So all those take work.

There's talk shows you gotta, those are things you gotta plan out a little bit. Absolutely. Don't realize that you gotta, you can't just flounder and just go, I'm so interesting. You're like, nope, you gotta have a plan and learn that the hard way as well. Won't do that again. I'll just leave it at this as the business side of my head. My final comment is that you're still penetrating the market, not a sexual pun and you're growing your brand.

And I do think this special coupled with the roast and the spot you were in and how you killed. So it's just kind of cool. You are like your own company and it's just doing very well. I just want to say that. Thank you, Dana. That means so much to me. And like just, yeah, the fact that I know both of you

is truly, I said it on Tiger Belly yesterday is an achievement of my career, is like getting to know. Well, you were my favorite. David told you that, cause David, he would go to dinners and stuff and people would visit. And then you were always the easiest person to talk to. I got to go to a dinner with you once.

And then we had such a great talk. And then, yeah, I felt like I was friends with you afterwards. It just took one dinner and it was it was amazing. That was one of the best nights of my life. It was so cool. Well, I'd love to do it again. I would, too. It felt like it today. Thank you guys for having me. Pleasure. OK, enjoy. Bye you guys for having me. Pleasure. Bye sweetheart.

Enjoy yourself. Bye. This has been a presentation of Odyssey. Please follow, subscribe, leave a like, a review. All this stuff, smash that button, whatever it is. Wherever you get your podcasts. Fly on the Wall is executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Jenna Weiss Berman of Odyssey, Charlie Finan of Brillstein Entertainment,

and Heather Santoro. The show's lead producer is Greg Holtzman.