Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade - Norm MacDonald, Grudges, and Loose in the Crotch with Kevin Nealon

Episode Date: May 28, 2026

Kevin Nealon joins the guys to talk about golfing with Norm MacDonald, not wanting to know what Lin-Manuel Miranda thinks of him, and his new special, Loose in the Crotch. Also, AI Co-Writers, Hanz & Franz's insecurities, and asking Julian Lennon who his favorite Beatle is. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I did a hike with Lin-Manuel Miranda, who wrote Hamilton. Yeah, yeah. And I was using one of those, you know, mics that you hook to your collar or whatever. Lavalier. Yeah, first time I was using it. And we finished the hike, and I forgot to take his off. So I'm walking. It took me like a half hour to get to him.

And I know that everything he said is on that recorder for that half hour. And I never listened to it because I didn't want to know. Could we listen to it? he said. Here's something if you want to get brought down a lot, is go on chat, GBT, and ask the question, are you handsome?

Is Dana Carvey handsome? As you what they say. My son did that. My son did that to me. And it said, well, you know, it depends on what you mean by handsome. You know. I just saw Kevin Neal and last night

drive up to the comedy store and ignore me. Um, huh. No, I was talking to someone. I'm like, there's Kevin. He's too tall to talk to, especially with all these witnesses. So I was going to go bust his balls over, but he parked and he walked the other way into the front of the comedy store, which no one does. And, uh, always funny. What can we say about Kevin Neal and?

We, I always give him compliments when I see him because I remember probably 50 of his jokes and I say him all the time. Yeah, loosen the crotch. You will talk about that a little bit. That's the special. It's on YouTube, crushing it. He's got the hiking YouTube show, hiking with Kevin Nealon. He's got his paintings of Saturday Night Live people that you can order. It's called Great Name.

Isn't it called My Brush with Fame? I think so. Not a great name, Heather. Mm-hmm. So this is our pals. So we just joke around and kid around and move around and go around. This is the kind. You just sit back and listen to us bullshit.

it and we try to crack each other up. That's pretty much. But those are really fun. Yeah. So here's Kevin Nielan. My partner in crime in Hansen, Franz. If you don't watch this one, it's on you. So long losers.

Kevin Nielan. It's freshen up. Slap yourself in the face as hard as you can. Man, oh man. What a morning. I know. it's usually like there's probably nothing going on you're going to do the podcast the second you say we're doing it chaos well you had to what you had to drive someone to an appointment and stuff like that

yeah yeah yeah i drive uh susan to a doctor's appointment but you know you we may be so far in advance and then you know my calendar doesn't show my whole page you know my phone and then i think yeah i could drive you i could drive it and then oh oh oh you scroll down that day and it says more stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

They're coming out with a new chess, kind of a new kind of chess game. And it's just, it's a board, but you can see all this scheduling stuff that goes on and the back and forth, the emails. I like that. Yeah, because it's like, I wrote a manifesto because I'm going to go to L.A. do podcasts and then go to New York and back. And I wrote a manifesto. It's like, okay, spillover bag, leave in car in L.A. Three shirts to New York. Okay.

remember and then you know salad for the flight no it's and that all the rest yeah yeah who told you that Claude uh no it's Claude's Claude's sister Claudeette

You know what Claude is Claude It could be something that happens from a bear Yeah It's an AI That's close Oh yeah I do know what that is yeah I do know what that is

Because we were saying Dane was saying that his friend writes with Claude And I was thinking, talks to Claude. That's not a bad idea. If you're writing, not like have a whole script written by AI, but you go, oh, I have a writing partner that when I wake up at 5 a.m., I'm like, oh, they will write with me now. We don't have to wait. Well, he's talking to him while he drives and they're writing. And Claude says, okay, and then they come up with three ideas.

He goes, how about the second one? Claude writes all three out within 20 seconds and reads them to him. So do you guys know what a Claude Hopper is? a clod hopper? I've heard of it. You don't? It goes to one clod to another? It's a, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, clawed with a pretty good vertical.

It's a clawed hopper. Is it still a clawed like a bear? We, we passed. No, didn't you stall, didn't you call people clod hoppers as a kid? Yeah, I like it. Dirt clod was a big thing when I grew up in Arizona is a lot of dirt clods. My brother Scott once said that what, what, what we are is hybrid apes on a dirt clod in space. That's humans on earth. Hybrid apes. Yeah, maybe he is. That's him with stiff black coffee.

No, you know, I know a friend of mine has a mistress that's AI and talks to her all the time, you know, a pod and a bot, I mean, a bot. And it's almost like she knows everything about him. How was you meeting today? Uh-huh. Was Gerald there? And did you get the contract signed? That's nice. And are you going back to that restaurant tonight?

What are you going back there? So his wife found out, and she got very jealous. And she said, you've got to at least change the voice to a man's voice. So that's kind of like a bot blocker right there. Yeah. Wow. Bot blocker. All the fucking way.

That's the Joaquin Phoenix. movie, her, where he gets obsessed with the audio bot. But is there a digital picture of a very attractive woman as well? No. Or is it just a voice? I don't know. Maybe you can get that too. But, you know. I kind of think you do know, Kevin.

I don't want to. Well, it changes the whole, it changes my whole perception when it's a man's voice, like a flame boy, man or something, you know. Yeah. So it's a, I tell you this whole AI thing, man, it's getting carried away. It's getting carried away. But you know, Kevin, do you think you could teach a female voice to feign interest in your day somehow with AI? Of course, you can do that.

Yeah. What if it goes, I can't do that? I can't be interested more than three days in a row. All right. Let's get back to writing that script, Sarah. In fact, why don't you do watch the work? I'll check it over. They don't complain.

They never get tired. I mean, it's the greatest thing ever, man. AI might be on something. Yeah. It's like it's going to solve energy. It's going to save the planet. You guys will see. I'm going to put $100 in the AI.

Let it ride. I do rely on it a lot, though. Anytime I have a question, like, you know, what, you know, how do I fix this? Or what's, you know, the population of Chicago, anything, you know. That's really convenient. Let me ask you guys a question. So I'm on Google. I didn't remember signing up for their AI, Gemini.

but I'll do an email chain and then I'll just see a summary on top. Mark Gervitt said this, this, and then in fainter font in the bottom, it has me responding and it sounds like me. Futures here, fellas. Oh, it gives you a possible answer?

Yeah. For talking like me because it reads... I hope it has your attitude in there. Well, once it confused one of our meal changes, it started talking like you and I go, no, no, I don't want to sound like an idiot. Dude, I try to get Siri and Alexa do a threesome. Anyway, what else is going to have?

Well, who hasn't? Anyway, Kevin Neeland is our guest today. I'm going to bring up your headliner. That's our cold opening with Kevin Neeland, our longtime friend, colleague, one of the greats, one of the funniest. Yeah, business acquaintance. What's up with you? I mean, are you where you where? What do you got?

What do you got for us? Well, I got a lot. I got a lot going on. First of all, it's good to see you guys and to talk to you. People always ask me, they say, who do you see? Who do you see anymore? Do you see your cast from SNL? I say, well, yeah, I see Dana.

I talk to Dana a lot. And I see Spade, you know, here and there. And, you know, from the initial cast. You know, that's not to mention all the other people. Do you talk to Dennis? I haven't seen Dennis. lately. I'll see Loveitts rarely.

Hello. Hello. But that's about it. I haven't seen Victoria or Nora around. You had a tight little cast, too. You could actually keep track of them. We were tight. It was a tight little bit of cast. I mean, it was it 7, 8, 9?

How many people? Seven, I think. Seven, eight, including Whitney. Oh. A Whitney Brown. I knew you wouldn't like it. I just didn't know. Should we tell the listeners that joke that he did forever that always killed?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The guy comes up to him. I took my dog to a movie. A guy comes up and says, I can't believe your dog is watching the movie. And I said, I know he hated the book. That's not bad.

It was a great joke. He always killed. The other one he had was, and I don't have the numbers right here, but you could get the idea of it. You know, there's five billion people that live in China. So even if you're like on a one and a thousand kind of guy, there's 250 million people just like you.

Something like that. Okay. So I have a special that's out now. It's called Loose in the Crotch. It's on YouTube. Loose in the crutch. 800-pound gorilla platform. Oh, 800-pound gorilla.

Okay. I haven't done a special in about 10 years. And I told Spade this, I said, you know, before I was doing it, I was looking for a backdrop, you know, like what are people using? Like, curtains, is it? Or is some kind of a. And I'm scrolling through the zillions of comics that are on Netflix. And I come across Spade. And my opening joke was one that he was.

doing already, but he expounded on it. It was much more detail. Mine was a hit run. So parallel development. Yeah. So all of a sudden, I had to drop my opening joke that gave me all the confidence that worked so hard. Oh, no. It worked so well. It was basically, you know, you'll remember this space. And I don't know if it was a current special or what, but I said, this woman comes up to me at my hotel. And she's one of these people who likes to warn that she's a hugger. She goes, I'm a hugger. I said, I'm a kisser. Yeah.

So David, David, how did yours go? It was it? It was something like that. It was during COVID. So I said, are you still allowed in this day and age to just be a hugger because you announce it like, I'm a hugger and I go, I'm an ass grabber. Then I go, come on, I'm a cameltoe grazer. I always have been a fucking bumper crotch.

Camelto grazer. They were slightly, I know that. That got me. That's a little, that's where you go. This is going to be a roller coaster. Let's take a short break. I will say Kevin is not dirty and sometimes I get a little dirty. But Kevin just relies on clean actual jokes.

Innuendo. Yeah. And he smiles a lot during his jokes and it puts the crowd at ease. Right. He sneaks up on them. It distracts them. I've been told that my comedy sneaks up on people, you know. But, yeah.

Because you're saying it. so casually and it's it i mean the one that's famous it's all it's huge on youtube is stay away from the blacks which is uh oh yeah i see that in tic talk a lot yeah and that that really is kind of like such a clever way to and do you want to explain it so it people don't think it's well uh yeah yeah but before i do that i just want to say that i posted something a while ago last week that i've never had so many hits on it it was like almost 30 million people. Shut the fuck.

Yeah. Yeah, it's a basic. I went into the Museum of Modern Art and there was a Starry Night painting. I saw it. Oh, that thing caught fire. I saw that. Yeah. And I just, you know, I...

I'm going to do it. It was during COVID area, so I had the mask on. And I was standing in front of Starry Night painting by this Van Gogh. And he asked this kind of snooty art snob next to me. I said, is this a famous painting? She was, yes. Yes. Yes, it's a starry night.

I said, oh, and how much are they? selling it for. She goes, it's not for sale. That thing would cost you like hundreds of millions of dollars. I said, okay. And what's the guy's name? Fitzibango. Said, Van, what? She goes, oh, my God. It's like, you don't know who, uh, excuse me, is this like an adult that painted it or is a child? She was like, you don't know who the Mona Lisa is. And she, wow, she left. Wow. But so, it's funny what people like on, uh, on, I saw that and I instantly thought that's a perfect area. for you to be in. And I actually thought to myself,

we go to Ted Sarandos. It's called Kevin Neeland Man About Town. And it's you just doing that kind of lo-fi Canon camera stuff. We didn't even see you in the video. Right. Which is just we heard you. Which is funny.

They believe it's just a regular dumb shit going like that. What are they charging for that? Like if they sold it? Yeah. A couple thousand. No, I've already thought about Dana. that my next thing is going to be the Hollywood sign. I'm going to go up behind it.

Yeah, why are people, what's the point? I would say, why are people looking at this? It doesn't spell anything. Oh, no, no, no, no, you've got to go around the other side to look at it. I say, yeah, but there's fences so you can't go around the other side. So it's like, it's like, everyone gets mad. Yeah. What's your favorite letter, you know?

Is this what the actors come to become, like, to become a celebrity? Did they have to touch it or something? What is it deal? Do they do movie premieres here? Yeah, the same attitude. That guy is a funny attitude. Yeah. But the black thing was, I said, you know, here's the bit, actually, out condense it a little bit.

When I first started skiing, I didn't know anything about it. I didn't know they labeled the trails for difficulty, you know, like they had the greens for the easy and the blues intermediates, you know, the blacks, difficult. And I pulled into this community. convenience store and asked the guy behind the counter in the mountains there. I said, what's the best mountain to go skiing out around here? I don't know anything about this. He goes, well, I like copper mount. He said, but, you know, a lot of people don't like copper mountain because of all the blacks. And I go, what? He goes, yeah, yeah, there's a lot of blacks over there. And he was talking about the ski, you know, the ski runs. I know. He goes, but he said, I don't mind the blacks. I have a lot

fun with them. They're a lot of fun. But they will beat you up. They'll definitely beat you up. And some of them not very well groomed. Now, my sister went down in a black, and she's never come back again. And she was like the last year. I didn't know what this far. That got longer. I didn't know that. If you want the good, if you want the good powder, that's where you got to go. So that was the big place. Completely innocent bit. Yeah, the good white powder. Just about ski runs. And there was also the I warn me about some black ice outside, some black ice. I wouldn't slip on it. Black eyes.

I just want to see you with just like, yeah, monuments, like Golden Gate Bridge. I mean, what it's, what's that about? What's that for? I mean, why? Yeah, where does that go to Europe? How far, how far does that go? And it's orange. It's quite frankly.

It's orange, yeah. Yeah, it's not golden. They should have made it golden. And, and do you think, think that it's impossible for that to stay up. I mean, there's no way that can stay up, is there, across the water there? How many people got out of Alcatraz if I use in that bridge? Just stupid questions. Just the dumb guy. People get so funny. Man.

Yeah, just annoying, man, kind of. So you asked me what I have coming up. And there's a movie coming out soon in the next week or so called Mermaid that I play a part in. You know Mermaid? Johnny Permanenton. I saw Kirk Fox. I saw Kirk Fox. Yeah.

Robert Patrick. Or is it Patrick Robert? I think it's Robert Patrick. It's a couple of these people have the same different first names for the firmament like Jeff Jeff Jeff Jeffries. Right? Or people like that.

Anyway. Yeah. So it's a really cool movie. It's kind of a thriller. It's kind of. of like splash on, you know. Well, yeah, is there a mermaid in it? What's the, what's the, there's a mermaid.

But it's not your typical mermaid. It's a real, it's not your typical mermaid. Remember it and the mermaid, when you see it, it's, I don't want to give away the thing, but the face is totally distorted and it's almost alien-like. It's very scary. But it opens up with Tom Arnold on a big yacht. It's nighttime. and he's drinking. Hey, buddy. Hey, buddy. And he's drinking. And he hears a noise in one of the dinghies in the back of his big, yeah, that's a tarp. And he goes under it and he looks at it. And what he sees horrifies him. So he takes a shotgun and he shoots the mermaid.

No. It falls over. What? So it's wounded. It's not dead. And the mother's with it. And the thing watches up to the shore. I don't want to tell you. I don't want to give you the whole movie. But anyway, it's about this guy, this Ferguson. Sett addict, played by Johnny Pemberton, who rescues the mermaid, takes it in, keeps it in his bathtub, keeps it hopped up on Percocet. And at the same time, the mermaid. And at the same time, he's being chased by this kind of like druggy, drug guy who he owes him money. So he kind of, it's the whole movie is kind of like him trying to escape from that guy and also get the mermaid away from these people. Well, is it hard to find a real mermaid to be in the movie? You know, the thing is...

No, no. There are a dime a dozen, man. You see them everywhere. They're like dolphins. You get a real mermaid. You're in the movie. Then you go, wait, this is a real movie. This mermaid is worth more than us doing the movie when you cast it, you know.

You have to wear a flipper if you're... Who played the mermaid? Daryl Hannah. Shirley Mackey and oddly. Shirley McLean. Well, who voiced the mermaid? What does the mermaid talk like? Deborah Winger.

That's not. Hey, I'm a mummy. She did E.T as well. That's the rumor that she did E.T. For real? Debbie, Debbie Winger? No, no. Dana knows her from the fucking Travolta sketch.

Oh, my God. Here we go. Yeah. Right, right. She'd ride that bowl with me. some doubt. Even I remember that. Slack so weird.

I mean, weird is the word for people out there are still harbor a desire to do a great John Travolta. It's slack. It's really weird. That's it. That's him from the 1970s.

John, if you're listening, come on and set the record straight. We love Trolta for Quentin Tarantino's Welcome Back, Cotter. I played a horse shack. It was quite,

I saw a clip of it on TikTok. I don't remember. Have you ever seen a sketch where you don't really remember everything about it? I'm like, course.

There's too many. Yeah. I couldn't live. I'm like, we did a pre-tape or walking down the street like all tough. I'm like,

I don't remember that. Let me ask you guys a question. On YouTube, S&L, what's your biggest banger in terms of views? Which sketch? It may be you don't know.

For the period? Yeah, from when you were on SNL. I mean, and also it can be just one that you remember. that got maybe because I have one in mind

that got way more than I thought it would ever get I bet Kevin's Chippend Hills Well that's definitely a big one Yeah If that counts That's a biggie

The one I had the most fun in I think was called Il Cantore Or Cantora You know El Bemis Belissimo As well

Yeah They were these Italian waiters Kirstie Allen and I were on a date Dana Yeah Dana was in a two Yeah, you were dry-humping Victoria on the table behind us.

Yeah. Right. That was Bill leave. I had her legs up. It was crazy. I don't know how we got away with a lot of stuff back then. Well, Smigel was told by the census soup guy not to do that for the air show. And he faked like he was trying to signal me right before three, two, one go.

I see him kind of waving. I just ignored it. But, yeah, that was, you know. perspective of Kevin is the date. I didn't even remember that. Yeah, it was Kirstiali. Yeah. Who said, yeah, can I lick your face?

Oh, totally for sure. She was so gung-ho. This was flattering that Marcello from S&L was doing an Italian waiter type sketch, I think it was Padre Pedro, Moscow. And so they said, look at this sketch as a kind of context, the one that you were in with me and stuff. And he said, yeah, it was better than ours. we all said at the same time, well, we got away with so much, well, got away.

You could do a different stratum of comedy back then, you know. I mean, look at the penis sketch, you know. Hey, nice penis, dad. Denver, huh? That's good penis town. Yeah. Is that what you said? It was a nudist colony and there was a fence.

So we're all bare chested. Tom Hanks was in it, Kevin. And we were all just commenting on, hey, terrific penis. I mean, it went on for like eight minutes. The most penis is in any sketch in history, right? Yeah. Yeah. Dana and I also had an idea.

We used to kind of riff in their, Dana would stay over the garage sometimes when he came down from San Francisco. He had a studio apartment up there in this house. We rented. But we would be out in the driveway a lot and we would ref on ideas, you know, for characters, before either one of us got SNL. And one of them, one of the characters were these two porn actors getting made up, sitting in the director's chair in front of the mirrors and the makeup art,

the fluffers were in, and they were working down there. And we'd be just talking regularly. like, hey, you know, so Ted, what are you doing tomorrow? Yeah. Yeah, you know, I don't know. I'm just going to hang out. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Give me a little more sparkle on the left side for the people. Everything was for the people. Yeah. Fluff it up real nice for the people.

And we ended up doing it on SNL one time, right? We did it on SNL? Did we really? I don't even remember. Maybe it didn't make it to air. Yeah, we were bare chest. Yeah, fluff it up real nice. And then we started talking about planting.

down there. Make a little shrubbery around it, you know? Yeah, yeah. Put some, put some, uh, spartress on the side just to make it look like it's going faster, you know? For the people. For the people. Yeah, we had, that was, that didn't go anywhere, but we have to, no. Well, you have a lot of Hans and Fons lately had Kevin on Twitter.

Dana doesn't look at Twitter as much. I follow Kevin, you know. It's called X, sorry. Listen, I'm so, yep. It's called Twitter. Sorry. Oh, wait, it's called X. They just changed that 500 years ago.

So, yeah, I see a lot of hear me now and believe me later, and it's good. No one's, I love a good Hans and Franz. Well, we had more fun. We had so much fun writing those two characters, as Dana will attest. I mean, we couldn't, I mean, I never had more fun with a character than writing those two. No, I still find that the fun. Well, because Lauren once said to me, it's like, it's all about who's, you know, the most badass that you know i'm better than you but secretly embedded in it which was a notion that when

kevin and i are riffing was their defensiveness and that's first we were just doing it we pump you up this and that this is how riffing on the phone and then kevin spontaneously just said and if you don't believe that we could do this so that unraveled a million jokes because then we were had a major enemies assuming they're not respecting us and then they're not respecting us and then saying these torturous things we would do if we could very easily find them and do these things. And that's to me, I've never gotten tired of that part of it. We were actually threatening to torture people. I mean, the one line that I don't know who thought this one, but it never, it was a perfect Hans and Franz. Your buttocks are like marshmallows. You're lucky we don't

have a campfire here. So to unpack that is your buttoes are like this and we are going to light your ass on fire, right? It's what they're saying. We're going to learn. We'll make some smores out of you. Yeah, that's right. You know, but you know,

in the long run, they would never do that. They would be too scared and offensive. Oh, no. It was all a threat. They never left the studio. Empty threats. Empty threats.

Yeah. I'll take that mic stand like your little skinny arms and snap it. Another one I liked was like, we could very easily strap. shaped this flabbing your back into a rope ladder so you could climb down into the sewer because that's where losers live. So it was like complete abstract, torturous.

I just like that everything is easy for them. Like it wouldn't be hard at all. Do you remember the Arnold one that Arnold could very easily? Because for this little finger. And he was flying across the room. So you land in your own baby poop? Baby poo. All of good, very easy.

And you fly across the room and land you on baby boom. It's just poetry. I'm sorry. We're going to, by the way, we should plug. We're going to do a couple of dates. One in southern Washington near Portland. I don't know the name of the town. And then we're going to do an outdoor concert at the Seattle Zoo, a day on the green.

So Kevin and I, we will, Hans and Franz. will definitely appear. Yeah, because I want to make jokes about Seattle. The space needle, you say it's so large. We could use it like a little toothpick. It doesn't even make sense. I would use that for the COVID jab. If the lion in the cage over there was to be released,

he would be snapped into flubber more quickly than you could say flubber, flab. That's where Dana's character became kind of, I don't know what it is. He did it you. You're very teasing, like a very coy. I got really bored. The Puget sounds should be called puny sound. Because they're so bad and their puns and threats are so ridiculous. And they're so self-satisfied about them.

You guys roast Seattle. Hans and Bruns roast Seattle. Yeah. Sorry about the homeless situation. But at least some of them have muscles. everyone goes too far doesn't even make sense what about

yeah were you in bad idea jeans I see that one I know Phil I know Mike we were all sitting on bleachers about

you know what I think I was I think I might have been in there why don't you chat GBT I feel like you were but they don't think Dana was but I see that sometimes Bad idea jeans was a good funny one I don't know if it was Jack Handy

or if it was a smigelman. There was one Kevin and I did with Rob Schneider that it casually would pop up. And then it was like, I don't know, three or four years ago, it was like 16 million. But in the last two years or so, it's gone up to 21 million. 20,000 trillion. It's so politically incorrect. Oh, is it the security? Security guards with Sharon Stone.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Doing so inappropriate. People miss that. inappropriate comedy. I'm playing an Indian guy, you know, so. They should be able to go back and, you know, cancel you for different things you did 30 years ago, you know, like the Asian guy and the Indian guy. Ching change, the Asian gentleman and who could be mad at the, who would think that was wrong,

horrible man. Well, it, well, it didn't harbor. I stand by it because it had. no stereotypes. There was no stereotypes in it. There's no stereotype for a man who comes to America to sell pet chickens, but loves them so much. He doesn't want anyone to buy them. Nothing negative. He's happy. Yeah. What about you? David, what's your most risky bit? By the way, on edge. Mine were all on edge. I was the edgness comic available. You were so edgy that Eddie Murphy threatened you. Oh, yeah. Okay. Yeah. I mean, I've seen Hollywood Minute Bits

on TikTok or wherever again. And I was like, ay, aye, aye, I like some of me, it's hard to draw the line between clever and then a little too mean. And I think Downey sometimes will ask when he comes out, would push me a little bit. You what, he's scared to go after this guy? And I'm like, Downey, now you're getting your anger at celebrities through you. But then they always, they hide in the shadows. And then it's like, even Ching Changed was Dana Carver.

First time I got a writer's credit. Dana Carvey's Ching-Change character. Most racist thing. And I never got a writing credit till that time. Now you're the guy. I have a funny story about Kevin that remember when I got attacked in my house, it's not 100% your fault, but I don't think, I don't think at all. Well, should we fill in the listeners that they all know about the attack in the house?

So I got attacked. By the way, before you start this, I'm writing a list of things that people are telling about me stories to, have at my eulogy at my memorial that people can talk about. Makes you look bad, but it's fine. You got to mix it up.

Mixed it up. So, this is during a hike on the hike we were on. Did I tell you this story? Yeah. I told it to you already. On that,

on that hike, hiking with Kevin. Oh, really? Which we both have been on. I see you twice. I see that you've had different hikes. since I thought it's sort of I was the grand finale but nope the one off you have some good guests on there you have some interesting guess yeah Tom Hanks did it recently and Brian Cranston

yeah yeah a lot of good guests Julian Lennon Julian Lennon was it Julian Lennon my favorite question was um who's your favorite beetle he looked at me for a long time and my favorite question for Caitlin Jenner was, Kaelin, if you could change one thing about yourself, what would you change? I like, you're like Theo,

like just a question, no matter what the answer, it's going to be clipped out because no matter what the answer, it's a funny setup. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

yeah. When Theo asked Neil de Gracia, like I goes, do you think space is gay? Yeah. Like, well, Theo, I haven't gotten that question before.

You know, it's like so stupid. I know, they're serious. I hadn't thought of it. I don't know any answers. Yeah, it's just funny. Yeah, so the quick story is I got a guy that I worked with came in and I had a

disagreement with him in my house. But the disagreement was when Joe Dirt was printed out. He worked with me. So when someone works at he's printing out the scripts to go out, but he read it. And so he goes, can I have dibs on this part? Now, he had an act, he's done a little comedy or improv, and he wanted to get into comedy. But that awkward thing where you're like, okay, I want to help you. And I was new at having someone work with me.

And he goes, it's not a big deal. It's like three pages or four pages, which is a big deal. It's not two lines. Three, four pages. That's a lot. Yeah. And he didn't have any experience, but I said, if I can, I said, I will try. Because I see him every second or every day.

So how can I just go? Fuck, no. which I just should have. So here comes the movie. We're casting it. And then toward the end, it's still open because we're not actively trying to cast it because I'm bananas for doing this, keeping it open. Because we want every best person for the part. So Samler calls up and says, hey, I think Kevin Nealon would be good.

Oh, yeah, hello. Would be good for the guy that works at the junkyard or whatever. to impound your car. And I go, oh, that'd be great. He said, can I tell him? I said, yeah, 100%. So I tell the guy, hey, listen, it's not going to work out. He's like, what the fuck?

That's the first sign of trouble. He got really mad. I go, well, listen, he goes, tell Sandler no. I go, listen, he's producing the movie. He's the reason it got made. And Kevin Nealons great. There's nothing wrong with this situation. Like, unfortunately, it didn't work out.

but maybe the next one we can doggie or something. But couldn't you find a little thing for him? Couldn't you shoe on some? Because in Tommy Boy, he had something, but I think it was just a reaction shot. He worked for Pete Siegel, the director.

That's how I met him. So anyway, that's already, listen, the red flag store is running out of business at this point because we just, there's so many red flags I just disregard. Then I'm in editing the night before it happens.

Kevin does it. We're watching his part. He's like, that's the guy that fucked me. And I'm like, this is not a realistic thing to stay. This is not a normal assistant language. And I'm like,

I didn't know this. I didn't notice until years later when you finally told me. I know. So he could have been coming after me too. I know. I shield you guys. I shield you from the world. So anyway,

that night is when it happened. But it was just a normal situation where he should have said, hey, you know, Kevin's great. And Kevin was great. And so all in all, It's not all Kevin's fault, but it's like 99%. I don't know why you promised him the role, man. You should never promise them a role.

That was, that was, yeah. I didn't promise. I said, listen, these things are tricky. You never know. That's a kind of, that's a promise in Hollywood. Yeah, it is. It is. It is.

Yeah. Every day. So it's still open. So you're not reading people for that. I'm like, I don't fucking, I'm already in the weeds. I got bigger fish to fry. And finally, I'm like, like, oh, it might shake out another promise.

And then I'm like egging it on going, I know, Kevin Neal and I don't know why. He did this on purpose to you. Why aren't you going to hear? Sharp elbows. Kevin wanted it. What did I'm going to do to him? He's beat me up with his baby finger. Yeah, why didn't you go after Kevin?

I got some questions from the crowd. But you're kind of like, you know, missing the lead part of the story is how violent he, reacted to that to you. Yes. Yes. I should when it built up that because the first sign is when he says tell Adam what the fuck. Tell him no. Call him right now. Tell him no. Fuck that. It's not his movie. I go who would say that? I go

Adam can ask anything but he's really hands off. He's saying this is your movie. You and Fred wrote it. Do your best with it. If you need help tell me. But we have. Oh, you and Fred wrote it. Yeah. Freddie Wolf. Hey, Dave, you're funny.

You're good, too. David, can we get, can Kevin not do it and Skippy can do it? Because I'm sort of managing Skippy right now. That was really good. Not really good. You're good. Kevin, I'm going to talk about you one second. I just want to tell Dana one thing.

Yeah. He's also the, Fred Wolf is also the disclaimer guy. You know, I didn't ask you because, and it's nothing about you. and, you know, but I think that, you know, maybe somebody, and again, you know, you are my favorite person, but I don't think that you would be maybe right for this role. And you're right for a lot of roles. I mean, you're right for a lot of roles. You'd be good in anything you did, but it's just this one right now.

Yeah, we could have used him with that, you're a guy, bring in Fred Wolf. You know, you're great. We're going to, I really have, I have so many good ideas for you in the next film, you know, kind of stuff. I think what I said while I was getting the shit kicked out of me by that night. I was like, blame Fred. He didn't want you. Well, I sing like a canary. And the bronze strokes, if you've ever, you know, had someone in your life and then you realize that they were quietly, secretly harboring a lot of grudges.

Yeah. You know, and it's stored up grudgery, you know, later on. Whoa, I had no idea. Yeah. Yeah, it was a little anger. And it was they, it was starting to point towards. me, but whatever. We got through it.

Whatever. Would you guys, would you guys want to, would you want to know who has a grudge against you, or would you rather not know? I don't think so. You do want to know, Heather? Oh, that reminds us of this great Keanu Roves' movie called The Outcome.

He is being blackmailed with a videotape, and he's a big star in the movie. and his movie's about to come out and this will ruin it. So as Jonah Hill manager, lawyer, says, hey, go back and apologize to everyone you were mean to on the way up, and this might just go away. People are just mad at you. And he's like, oh, so he has to go back.

He's like, who's mad at me? Because he's delusional because he's such a big star. And they're like, oh, we have a list of about 45 people. So he goes back to his child star manager, played by Scorsese who lives in a bowling alley and he has to apologize to him. Scorsese was good at

he was good one, he was good. He goes like this. I was like, hey, I just wanted to say just really sorry. And he goes, thanks, Reef. Sorry for what?

And he goes, they didn't coach him that far. So he's like, I don't know, he goes, you know, Reef. And then he explains to him why he should be sorry for what he did.

And then he goes to his ex-girlfriend, then his mom, and then it's really like kind of a, that's the dromedy parks. It gets, it gets pretty heavy. But yeah, and answered your question, I don't know if I would want to know everyone. Here's what I would like to know. What level of fan are people that come up to me? Because people, sometimes, they go, I'm a big fan.

They don't know one thing I've ever done. So they're like a one out of a hundred. But there's people that you can tell it really like you. But some people just go, oh, hey, and they get a picture. And they walk away and they're like, I hate that guy. But they just know, they just seeing you somewhere. They don't know why. Some people go, I'm taking a picture because they did.

I'll find out later what you do. The other thing is I dread, like when I was starting out, I have to use the public rest, you know, the restroom that the rest of the audience used. And I'd be in the stall after my show and I hear people coming in and go, wow, the opening was so much better than the headliner. Oh, it's a waste of money. And, you know, I don't want to know. I don't want to hide under the bed and hear somebody, you know, talk about me.

I did a hike with Lynn Manuel Miranda, Miranda, you know, who wrote Hamilton. Yeah, yeah. And I was using one of those, you know, mics that you hook to your collar or whatever. Lavalier. Yeah, first time I was using it. And we finished the hike and I forgot to take his off. And I had to chase him down like a half hour later. I call his manager.

And he goes, oh, yeah, okay, he's on the corner. you know 90 second and you know whatever it was and uh so i'm walking i took me like a half hour to get to him and i know that everything he said is on that recorder for that half hour and i never listened to it because i didn't want to know could we listen to it sure it's out there now i've heard some clips from it it's not great dude it's not great man it's not great it's not great yeah it's next to my UFO tapes that never got released i'm like release the Nealon tapes. No, let me tell you something about UFOs.

You know, it's been all of this stuff about the releasing, you know, UFO stuff from the government. It doesn't, nothing matters to me now with AI. It's like, that's not real. That's not real. Even if I see it, I think it's AI. That's true. In the air.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Even if you're in the thing, you're being kidnapped. Now, this is AI. I go, proved it to me, and then they anally massage me or whatever did you. How would you know about that? that, David? Why are you saying that? Have you seen the doctor when he's with the girl? And she goes, I'm having a little soreness on my anus around the entrance.

And he goes, oh, well, that's actually an exit. So the quicker you change the traffic, the quicker the skin will go away. That's horrible. That's great. That's horrible. Well, from the TikTok, it's not. It's not. What kind of?

Squeamish. You're no longer young people. You're just people. And people are either productive or dead weight. It's my first day of work, and I need to make a big impression. Were you just checking me out? No. It's too bad.

I see at least 15 ladies I need to talk to before my beta block wears off. My coworkers don't take me seriously. It's not a human. It's just a piece of meat. Someone bring a gurney. Hey, y'all. It's Kelly Clarkson with Wayfair. Ever order furniture online and wonder what if?

Like, what if it doesn't hold up? That sofa was four days old. You should have ordered from Wayfair. With Wayfair, there's no what if. Just style you love and quality you can trust. Visit Wayfair.ca. Wayfair, every style, every home. Can I tell you my hiking story that was about a character for me?

So I'm hiking, I'm hiking, hiking, and then I see like eight people, and they're going to take a picture. And I normally don't do this, but I go, I'll take it. Yeah, we want video. So it was eight of them. And they sang happy birthday. till Sylvester, happy birthday. Big thing. Oh, it looks great. And I don't know why. I was just, I guess I was kind of on a buzz from hiking so hard.

And I just did Stallone to them. I want to thank you very much. Said, happy birthday to me. And then I just walked away. And they yelled down the trail. And they said, hey, wait a minute. Are you that guy? That was it.

They didn't have a name. Didn't have anything. Yeah, that's good. Isn't that a great story? Here's a, here's a fun story. If you want to hear that going along those, lines. I would go down to Austin every year. And this, by the way, this, you call him DJ still? This guy, he's like the Howard Stern. He's like the Howard Stern of Austin. And I do his show like every

year, you know, for like years I've been doing it. And we usually go out for lunch after that. So we, the last time I was there, it's like four years ago when I did a show, we do the show and then we go out to lunch and we're sitting there for like half hour. And he goes, you know what I notice about you, you're not getting recognized this up as much anymore. Oh my God. And I thought, you know what? You're right. You're right.

He was, yeah, heads used to turn a lot. But now it's like people looking at their menus. You know, I thought, you know what? He's right. No matter. That's why I've been feeling so good lately. Yeah. I had someone say to me, they said, you know, I was at like this Grammy party.

And my friend's wife goes, you know what? You were so goodness. Why don't you get back out there? get back and do stuff again. I'll knock you out. I had a woman at an airport get in front of me and goes, you better than all the rest of them

and just walked away. I told my sister, leave me alone. But Kevin, was he being passive aggressive to point that out? That's weird thing is. Or was he just sort of naive

and whimsical? I think it was naive and he was just, he might have been joking even, you know but um here's here's something if you want to get brought down a lot is go on uh chat gbt and ask the question uh are you handsome oh is dana carvey handsome as you what they say my son did that my son did that to me oh no yeah yeah and it said you do you know it depends on what you mean by handsome you know well i was at a resort i was at a resort i was at a resort

doing a gig and you had been there the year before some kind of gig whatever and the woman in the sports shack or whatever oh yeah kevin you know yeah i'm a friend of his he goes i didn't realize how good looking he was look at that look at that she was i had a guy at the airport once say to me hey you're a lot better looking on tv but i think he meant the other way around you know no in scottstale last week i'm leaving houston's I love Houston's. And the lady walks to me and she goes, you look like that guy in grownups.

You know the guy? He's a little taller. Do you know who he is? I go, what's my? Samler? And he goes, no, he plays the blonde guy in it.

And I go, oh yeah, I have heard that. And she goes, but he's a little taller than you. I go, a little or a lot? She goes,

he's, he's kind of tall. But you sound like him. Never figured it out. I had the same thing. I had a woman in the store and she goes, you look just like Dana Carvey. I go, I know, it's weird. It's weird.

And she just kept going. I mean, I can't even believe it. Me neither. But, yeah. I know. You never. I get, I get, I get Norm. I get Norm once in a while.

Norm McDonald. Yeah. Because we both did SNL, I think, you know. Oh, up there. Yeah. Yeah. People love Norm McDonald, you know. And the post, Norm McDonald.

I mean, it's just, he really has become. a legend. He got bigger, yeah, for sure. Yeah, definitely. I've seen stuff he's doing that I never saw before. That's hilarious. Exactly. I see shit.

Like his talk show that's like a podcast with Adam Egan, and I'm like, oh, they have funny guests. They make the guests read a dirty joke. I'm like, the balls. But the fans that go on that are fans of Norm that are famous go along with it, and it's so funny. There's one recently up that he's got Mike Tyson on his show, and he's clearly kind of actually.

agitating Mike Tyson in his own Norm way. He's a best heavy champion or whatever he said. And there was a lot of tension there with Norm. And it makes him mesmerizing to watch. It goes on the view. They play him on Conan a lot, old talk shows. I took him to Palm Springs once for a golf clinic because we both liked to golf even though we both suck.

So, you know, all the way out there, he's listening to Johnny Cash with his bare foot out the window because he doesn't drive, you know. Got to drive him everywhere. He's always late. I can't find my shoes. So we get out there and we're doing this golf clinic with these professionals and the videotaping us, our swings and everything. By the end of the golf clinic, we're looking at the swings.

You know, the pro is showing us what we're doing wrong and all that. And he's arguing with a pro. And that's what I'm doing. You know, that's, no, this way is better for me. I said, Norm, this guy's a pro. Yeah, yeah. He deflates. He knows that's funny.

Yeah, the one on the view where he goes, yeah, Bill Clinton. Glenn, he was great except he killed a guy, you know? And Barbara Walters was like, oh, we can't, what are you talking about? No, I'm not just saying he killed a guy, right? I mean, it's not good. It's not a good thing. I'm not saying it's a good thing. Not what you want from your president.

But yeah, the clips of Norm are hysterical on Conan, too, with the old-fashioned story. This guy had a shoe, right? And he lost it in a trap. And it goes on a little Johnny goes to school one day. This fella. This fella. Yeah. Yeah, when he does Nick, knack, paddy whack. He does that joke, but I like the beginning.

He goes, he goes into a bank, and the woman's name is Mrs. Wack. So that's her name. Mrs. Watt? I'm like, well, this is going to be part of the joke at some point, I guess. Was he the one that did the joke about Hitler's dog? The dog liked him? I think so.

Yeah, he did a lot of Hitler. Yeah. Did you guys ever do Hitler, Hitler bits? Did you have a Hitler joke in your act ever? The closest I came to that is Hans and Franz. Yeah. No, I never did a Hitler joke. I had one, but it...

Go ahead. I don't do it anymore. No, it was just the observation. Hitler's screaming every time we see him. And I say, I do this for a living. And, I mean, you... Backstage, he had to be just wiped out. It's almost feminine.

Like, oh, oh, Henry. I can't feel Yeah it is I can't feel my deltoe Do you ever thought of this Shoot him I can't take it So it was hard

To do two shows a night either It's too hard But yeah It's hard to come up with that Original Hitler joke Kevin I have one of my final questions Do you do two shows a night Yes

Except on Sunday Comedy Club Yeah I do two shows And arenas I do two shows in arenas As well And how long do you do a set if you're doing two shows?

You do 45? I do about an hour and 10 minutes. You do? Both times twice? Yeah. Wow. Yeah, I do. In fact, I'm getting to that point.

I started with an MC, you know, as you always do, it's a three-man actor, or three-woman act or whatever. And so I thought, I don't really need an MC because one time the MC said, this man needs no introduction. I thought, you know, this guy's right. We don't need him on the show. So, um, sorry. So anyway, I thought, I'll just do a two-man show from now on.

So I did a two-man show. And now I'm thinking, I don't really need another person. Because I know Bill Maher used to do that. He would just come out and do his set. And, you know, it makes kind of sense. What is it more fun to roll? No opener. No opener.

And I don't even have an introduction. I just have them play the music for a little bit. And then I just walk out. It's real jazzy the way I do that. Do you dance around a little bit or something? No, no, I come out and I receive the applause. I accept it. I, you know, I thank them.

I wash it over you. I let it settle in, and then I take the mic out, and they stop the music, and all systems go. And then you start talking into the microphone. So ahead. Yeah. He uses a banjo I saw in the latest clips. What's going on? Oh, that was a bit that was I cut from my special, which is called Lucy McRash.

Was that, was that the band. banjo that I got you for your 50s? No, no, no, but you and Gary Prince, a guy that we knew who was since past, gave me a great Gibson banjo for my guitar, I think it was 60 at the time or 50. Prescription fitness. Whatever. That's right, yeah. I was just going to say, so the banjo part was when I grew up, nobody liked the banjo.

It was very annoying, so I had to play it very quietly. My room with like a sock tight around the neck. But now I like to go. it everywhere now and I just let loose on it and I have so much fun. Would you like to hear a song? Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I have them bring the banjo out to me and I sit down and I play playing very softly. They can't even hear it barely. My foot stomping is louder than the banjo itself. And then they take the banjo away or do you actually show them that you can play? They want to see it. I do the whole song. I get everybody going like that. I get the clapping going and and I tell them to keep it

quiet. I go, shh. Break it down. Break it down. Yeah. And then at the end, my roadies come out and they take the banjo from me. I just hold it up and they take it and I go back to the mic. But I cut that out. You and Dana both have, if you, let's say you're doing Ohio in three days, Columbus. Do you call and say have a banjo or a guitar there? You know what? You could do that. Most people like their own instruments, but I'll tell you what. I like a green room that's comfortable. You know, the green room? I like something in that it's comfortable. A lot of those green rooms have those big white fluorescent lights on a ceiling with no lamps

or anything or floral lamps. So I just added this to my writer that they've got to have a floral lamp with a dimmer because I like to kind of chill before I go on. You know, a little meditation or whatever, just kind of snooze. And, you know, you can get a cheap floor lamp from Target probably for, you. you know, $42. They say we're going to have to take away your triscuits you want. So it's a point.

Yeah. Could I tell you a tactic to get a standing ovation? So what I do, I used to say get me a guitar that can be plugged in, electrified. But now I say a tailor because they don't go out of tune. But at the end of your act, you're doing your guitar, your banjo. Bob, bomb, bomb. And you're doing a song about them. Wow, wow, wow.

Bam. And then I take the neck of the guitar and I hold it up. So I'm like, it's like a torch. I'm like, but I see people as I bring the guitar up, they tend to stand up with it. So you could just at the end go the banjo and go, good night. And then just hold it out like this. And you'll get a standing ovation every time. I'm not kidding.

I don't like a standing ovation. It feels very uncomfortable for me, you know, to be adored that much. Yeah. And I just don't like to stay out there. It's just like with the good nights on SNL, I hated going up there. Well, that I hated. And waving goodbye. And people would be jockeying to get to the front, you know, to stand next to the host.

And I'm like in the back, Lauren had to have Marcy Klein come running after him and he'd find me. He says, Lauren wants you on the stage. And I'm like, uh. Ormunt you on the stage. But people don't realize there's a dress show. And we do the good nights of fake good nights two hours before. And then we got to do it again, like, oh, hug in.

Oh, I can't believe it. Yeah. Marcy. It was just a lie. Morris used to come in mind. Get out there. Lauren wants him. Like, there's no way Lauren was out there. Somehow figured out I wasn't there yet.

And go, Marcy, get in spade. Yeah. And I believe it. Every time like, Lauren, well, ran out there. I mean, it's same with the weekend update. You know, you do all those jokes in the dress. And then you kind of, it's an act.

And then you do it in the live show and you laugh in the same places like, that's the first time you've heard it, you know. But it is an act. We're really sorry. Yeah, that's, it is a show. business. Get it. What else do you have for Kevin?

And we're going to talk. We're going to plug the special. Loose the crotch. I got the hiking with Kevin on YouTube, which both of you guys have done. And numerous times with Dana. We were great. Hiking with Kevin. He's going to do it again sometime when he gets up some energy.

I want to go slightly downhill, not even flat anymore. I swear to God, I'll have a car waiting at the bottom. Just go down. I would do it. And we get one of those wagon, like a little kid's wagon, and we spade sits in the wagon, and we pull them up the hill. It's three of us doing it. We pull you up.

I like that. I like that. So that's on YouTube. And then I have my special alcohol, Lucene the Crush. That's also on YouTube. Great. And I have Mermaid, the movie coming out. When does that come out?

When's it? I believe it's the 27th of May. I believe. Mermaid. I'm not sure when this will air. And then also, I didn't mention this, but my wife and I, along the, with other people, our executive producers on a documentary that was nominated for an

Oscar. That's right. We went to the Oscars this year for the first time. It didn't win, but it's on Apple TV right now. It's called Come See Me in the Good Light. It's really good. A good watch. Apple TV. So you're a producer, writer, director, actor, executive producer,

stand-up comedian. Oh, art. What about your art? Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm a painter. I like to paint celebrity caricatures. I have a website. have the book out, you know that I gave it to both of you. It's called I exaggerate my brushes with fame. And there's pictures of everybody in there. On the opposite page is an anecdote about that person, whether it's Farley or you or whomever. And people are asking me, they said, oh, where can we buy one of these paintings? I never had a place. So I created a site on Shopify,

Kevin Nealonart. So you order it, and then they make a painting to send to the person. Look at Colonel Sanders. Yeah. Yeah. Listen. She's Louise. Fantastic. I love everything. That's what I got going to. Yeah. God dang. I got, you know, I got like maybe four or five movies in a can that I've done, but

they're independent movies. And so I kind of forget, I don't know if they're ever going to see the light of day. I got to tell you something. Two, maybe two years ago, I did one. And, you know, all its time goes by. And I'm watching TV, and I see this trailer come on. And it's a real scary movie. You know, and I'm watching it going, oh, my God, I got to see this.

What's this all about? And then they cut to the next scene. And, of course, I admit it. I'm in the movie. I'm in the movie. I'm in the movie. And you forgot you did it. Yeah. That's a...

I was just forgot about the whole thing. I mean, I remembered I did it, but I didn't, you know, remember that it was going to go anywhere or know that. That's funny. Yeah. All right. Well, thank you, Kevin. I will see you soon.

Don't hang up right away. Don't hang up, Kevin. It takes a minute to download. I understand that. Thank you very much. Kevin Neeland has been our guests. Hey, guys, if you're loving this podcast, which you are, be sure to click follow on your favorite podcast.

podcast app. Give us a review, five-star rating, and maybe even share an episode that you've loved with a friend. If you're watching this episode on YouTube, please subscribe. We're on video now. Fly on the Wall is presented by Odyssey, and the executive produced by Danny Carvey and David Spade, Heather Santoro, and Greg Holtzman, Maddie Sprung Kaiser, and Leah Reese Dennis of Odyssey. Our senior producer is Greg Holtzman, and the show is produced and edited by Phil Sweet Tech. Booking by Cultivated Entertainment. Special thanks to Patrick Fogarty, Evan Cox, Mora Curran, Melissa Wester, Hillary Schuff, Eric Donnelly, Colin Gaynor, Sean Cherry, Kurt Courtney, and Lauren Vieira. Reach out with us any questions to be asked and answer on the show. We can email us at fly on the wall at odyssey.com. That's a-u-d-ac-y-com.