Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade - Pete Holmes

Episode Date: June 18, 2025

Friendship with Judd Apatow, philosophy and spirituality, and a memorable first set with Pete Holmes. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You know, a couple summers ago, my wife and I were out tooling around looking for a place to have a good time. And we didn't want to stay in a hotel. So we actually got an Airbnb in this certain location and I loved it. It was great. There's a little pad with a key in it. You know, you get directions, you go, you open it up, you get the code, you open up, you get the key, you go in and the place is spotless.

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dog with strangers, bedrooms for the kids, and a quiet glass of wine at night for you. Plus staying together is often cheaper than booking separate hotel rooms and it's a lot more fun. So this summer skip the lobby and hang out in the living room. Explore Canada your way with Airbnb. What's better than a well marbled ribeye sizzling on the barbecue? A well marbled ribeye sizzling on the barbecue that was carefully selected by an Instacart shopper and delivered to your door. A well marbled ribeye you ordered Okay, Dana, this show we've got Pete Holmes, who's a buddy of mine that I see at Largo mostly, a very funny comedian. A funny, funny man.

Very tall guy with good hair, which obviously infuriates me. Incredible hair. Incredible hair. You're correct, sir. We've been talking about this hair for about 30 minutes. And I think you've worked with Pete also. I ran into Pete when I first moved back down to LA. Remember I used to start going out to dinner with you all the time? During that period of time, I ran into him at Conan's and he seemed really affable.

He is a really large person, but he's a gentle person. So he doesn't, you know, but anyway, so I went on his podcast and we talked about that. And I did Largo with him and we did improv and stuff, but I hadn't seen him in a long time. He personifies a nice, generous person. Yes, go ahead. Yeah, I'm sorry. We get into Judd, he's tight with Judd.

He did a show called Crashing on HBO. The story that he, to get to that was very, very interesting to me. And working with different people and doing different shows and he has a podcast and he's just got a lot of, he also is a bit religious and we got into a slightly deep conversation, all of us, which we can use now and then on this show. We got a little philosophical about the universe, so forth and so on. But someone who's really raised in a fundamentalist Christian environment and then goes out into the crazy world of standup comedy and it and it's potentially polluted by minds like David Spade.

I'm just pollution. That's all I am is brain pollution, noise pollution, everything. I talk too much. So we'll give it to you right now. Here is Pete. You don't need to know anything else. Here we go. Are you on the road?

I am on the road. I can tell. I look at that hotel. I am certain of this more than I'm certain of anything. I said, it's not great, cause I'm on the road. And they said, it's the only date they had. And I know saying that to both of you, you're going to both be like,

we could have done it another time. I know it. No, I just said, make it as difficult for Pete as possible. I just sent a memo eight months ago said homes in June. I looked at it today. Homes in June. So here we are. It's all set.

Yeah, I wanted, cause summer starting. We wanted a happy guest, but you look fine. I mean, yeah, he looks good. You actually look good for a hotel room. Yeah, I did. I got the makeup mirror here. Oh my God. I tilted a lamp and I paid for the premium internet, boys.

Oh, you know what? I've done that. I don't like it, but I've done it. I paid. I was like, wait, I got fly. I'm very excited to be on the show and to see both of you. And I paid for that premium. That's how you know.

I'm not just saying that. I'll Venmo you. You're sincere. I think it might be time to become an Hilton Honors member and just get it. Where you get the immediate bumper. I think I might splurge, yeah, and go full Hilton Honors. His fucking hair. Pete has fucking hair and he's hiding in a hat.

He doesn't even know what he has. God damn, you can't make it look thin. Shit, looks like Roger Rabbit. You can't. You guys both have fabulous hair. I just don't like what my hair is doing. That's what we were getting at. Thank you. Yeah. Just in a forward angle like this. Look at that hair. It fucking makes me mad. Every time I talk to him, he's seven feet tall, which I hate. Then he's got cool hair. He's six. He's six, six. Don't make him into a giant. Are you really six, six?

I am six foot five and a half, but that's not funny. Over six, two, my friendship goes down about 40% because I don't want to be around. Line them up for me. Okay. Kevin Nealon, Conan O'Brien, Pete Holmes. Kirk Fox is tall. The magician, uh, Penn. Penn's labyrinth? Penn.

I'm as tall as Conan's hair. Like Conan's pompadour. Oh, he adds. What a cheater. Yeah. And we're, yeah, we're lined up, but I'm lined up to his hair. So he's probably like six, three, I guess, and three inches of orange. Of orange, just fuzz.

When I go on dates, I say we're ballet shoes. That's a prerequisite for girls. And then I say flatten your hair with oiled as flat as it goes. You don't get one quarter inch higher. Like that very, very much. Yeah. They get that ahead of time. I told you Spade that I really liked the movie, The Wrong Misty. I think Lauren Lapkus is amazing and I really thought that movie was a lot of fun.

And then that line, she accuses you of wearing a wig in the movie. Oh, she does? Yeah. Oh my goodness. Yeah. There's a moment where she's clearly improvising and everyone laughs. It's like a blooper in the movie Yeah, because I do like I don't at least I'm not wearing a wig and I'm like, wait, I'm sorry this character

No, I'm not Pete. This is where it is. I'm kind of everyone thinks I'm wearing a wig full-time Because I wouldn't make it this fucking ratty. Is it cuz a Tommy boy you think yeah because of the fan and Tommy Oh, maybe that's it. It's's Ted Danson to fake piece in a Cheers. So I think people think Ted Danson is bald. Oh yeah. You know, Tommy boy, we had to, Dana will love this lore. We did it. And I said, I think it's funny, which I was wrong.

I said that we walked by a big fan. It blows my hair back and I'm bald. I go, I think it should be less goofy. Like it should just be a piece of it is bald, like a little bit in the back. Whatever we did, we did it not a thousand percent. And then we flew back to LA or wherever New York to do the show.

And they looked at it and they go, you can see it from this clip. And I go, it's not that funny. They go, do you wanna come back to a full bald cap and do it again? I go, yes. I don't want to, but of course, as the three of us know, if it's for something funny,

it's bigger than you. You have to do it. So bald cap whole thing. I didn't know that was a reshoot. There's your clip. We're at four, yeah, bald cap whole thing. I didn't know that was a reshoot. There's your clip. We're at four minutes in. You got your clip. You know about clips.

I love it. Yeah. You got a clip. A clip. The secret behind David Spade's hair piece. Huge. That's true. Honored to be involved.

I'm going to put my hat on now. Tommy boy is a trender, man. Tommy boy always gets out there. What trends on? Yeah, it got weird. What we, you made it weird. What is it called? You made it weird. You know what I've noticed is we, we had, um,

whenever we have a beautiful woman on, I've noticed that as much as things change, you kind of can't compete with a beautiful guest. Like I've noticed that like deeply handsome people and deeply beautiful people tend to- They win across the board. Really well. Somehow in a video medium,

they're coming out ahead again, Jesus Christ. They're coming out ahead again, again. But I'm always surprised. There'll be something that I'm like, this is profound. This is life changing. This is huge. And then that does fun. And then somebody, somebody beautiful being witty and charming is like,

we can't not look at that. We have to see it. Yeah. We know some beautiful people out there, but we don't do the, like, I should have learned that. You know what I mean? Like, whoops, the biggest mistake in showbiz. And then that kind of clickbait.

We're supposed to be average. I'm not including you in this because you're tall. And Dana's a good looker too. I'm sick of being in the middle here and Malcolm in the middle over here. Yeah, why would you look like you're in second grade? I mean, your frame is kind of like just a... You could adjust the frame. Okay, this is better.

You could adjust that. They wanted me to be like Wilson in home improvement. I have a fake plant. Yeah, Dana's killing it. They thought that this look would be better than what you have, so I did it. You know, when I went on your podcast, this will trend. I hadn't really kind of been on a podcast and I didn't really know what they were or what they were about.

And I met you a few times in the clubs and then you had said, you just having a bad day. You're kind of depressed. And we told- When you did my podcast? Yeah. You said you felt like at the dental office, you're wearing that thing,

but it was very interesting. Oh. Yeah. And that was one of my first kind of regular podcasts. That's funny. That's what you remember. What I remember was that you were such a big get. Slippery Spade keeps ducking me. But we got Dana and I was really excited. And I was kind of like, you know, our podcast is long. A typical episode is two hours. In a very small room in those days, a very small, tight room with the button pusher person

right there. Yeah, that's exactly right. We're in a different studio now, but I was like, Dana's probably, not in a big time way, but like just like this is a guy, he's got a life, he's got a career, Dana's probably not in a big time way, but like, just like, uh, this is a guy. He's got a life. He's got a career. He's got less to prove. He's probably going to want to do an hour and get out of there.

Not only did you do over two hours, you didn't want to leave. And I really respected it like a standup on stage. You wanted to end on a really big laugh. And I was like, Oh my God, it really is just how we are. You know what I mean? Even if it takes another hour 30. He kept looking for that needle in the haystack. And you looked at me and you went, is that enough?

Like you didn't know. Like you clearly not been a podcast. Because he doesn't know how it works probably. He probably thought, I don't know what I'm doing here. I think it might've been Tina Fey or was it Steve Martin that just said like, going on talk shows, you have to always be great. You can't be mediocre even one second.

And you just have that mindset. It's kind of a lot of pressure. Like, okay, how will I be the greatest guest that Pete's ever had, you know? Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's, you know, we're crazy. I was touched that for all your success that you still had that mentality.

Touched that it was generous to the audience, but also it made me feel less alone because I will do a podcast. It's one of my favorite things to do actually is I'll do a smaller podcast, right? Like I think it's kind of nice, it's low pressure, but when I go on, I'm trying to be a great guest. There's no like math, right? Like this doesn't matter.

You're like, this is all we're doing. Everything's an audition. Someone only heard Dana in their life on your podcast. And they're like, this is my decision on Dana Carvey. If he's funny or not. And that's the hard part. People go, Oh, I thought, you know, if they're fans, they go, I know you all the way back to grownups.

And I'm like, grownups? Nothing before that? They go, did you do anything before grownups? I go, no, it doesn't matter. Because all you have to do is get them once. Because I was thinking, people I like, if they get me in a movie, you know what I mean? Well, obviously Chevy Chase had done some big ones a bunch,

but if you're just in an old movie and I like it, I'm in for life. I'm like, I like that person, I like that person. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We just, we were in the car, we're in Irvine. My family came with me. Love Irvine. And my daughter was watching Hotel Transylvania 2.

So I heard your voice this morning, Spade. That's a cute one for kids, I think. It's very cute, but it's also, I'm not just saying this. It's really funny. It is funny. You got a huge laugh from us. You're talking about your invisible girlfriend who's from Canada. And you do this, uh, and we all know what it's like being in a, uh, I don't know if you did an ensemble. I'm guessing you didn't do it.

So you're alone and you had to nail this line. Like they're like, oh, this is your invisible girlfriend. Oh, right. Is she the one from Canada? And you say like, uh, quiet guys. The wedding's about to start. In a way that me, my wife and my daughter, we all laughed. And I was like that.

I'm not just buttering your bread. I'm like, that really is special. And then Sandler as the vampire in that movie is throwing the grownups bones. It seems like every other line, there's something that, that the grownups get to laugh at. So we, we, we nudged her towards that movie, but you were in my car this morning. Thank you. And you're like, Oh, I got to do this thing today.

I forgot. But Irvine improv. Is that where you're at? I am at the Irvine improv. Yeah. It's great. It's great. It's super fun. And I confused it with the Brea improv. I don't know if you've ever walked into a club

and you're walking through the kitchen, which it always feels like real show business to me. From the back. And I'm looking for the green room and I just couldn't, I couldn't find it. Yeah. Because I thought I was, I don't know, I just turned 46. I think it's like an airlock opened and all of these papers just flew out and I'm more confused than I've ever been.

And then they were like, it's over here. And I went in the green room and I was like, because I was imagining the wrong one, it was very disorienting to be like, yeah. And you're like, I don't even know where I am. You're like, Oh wait, that means the stage is behind me. Oh wait, where am I? That's so weird. I've done that. It's so weird. I picture a green room and I go, wait, I've not been to this club before. I've totally pictured. I was just on the road. I'm on the road too. And that's probably why we do these now because I come back,

I don't do them on the road. It's too hard. Cause I have either a camera. I don't, I can't understand the plug in a computer. So they go, we got to wait too long. You're not a health honors member. So you got to pay for the pizza. I'm a red roof guy. I just did the gigs with Dana where, well, I didn't tell Dana, but it was a small town, great theater where

you see like eight people that day and there's like a Hardee's and there's one Dairy Queen, you go, there's no way anyone's coming to this show. I don't see one person. And then they filled it up and you go, oh, they, they show up, but my hotel had three strips of Kleenex for, for curtains. And there's like three feet in between each one. I'm like, these are my blackout curtains from the website. And then the air conditioner under this white where the vents are about two

inches wide and they're like this. Yes. You know, and you're all night and then it, and then it goes off and it comes on again and you're like, Oh my God, it's like a tornado in here. Do you know, you must know the life hack of the hanger, right? You know, the hanger life hack. Is that for curtains? Yeah.

For the curtains? No, no. Let me see if I have one. This is, this is pretty interesting. I've heard you take a chip clip from potatoes, potato chips and squeeze them together. Dana. Yeah. I don't travel with a chip clip because I'm not, you know, okay.

So while I'm not eating so many chips that I need to keep them fresh on the road. Yeah. Bert Kreischer is, uh, the guy with the chip clip and I love Bert. This is what you use. This is in the closet of every hotel. As you're mentioning, the curtains will never close. So you clip it. Take a hanger. Clip it together with this.

Oh, you clip the hangers to, you clip the curtains together. You clip the curtains together with the hanger. Oh, you know what? If girls have a banana clip in their hair, that might work. Not all of us are traveling with supermodels and bags of Cool Ranch that we need to keep fresh for several days. Listen, if you have a brick of gold. Not my work. Not all of us are traveling with supermodels and bags of Cool Ranch that we need to keep fresh for several days. Listen, if you have a brick of gold, you can lean it against the curtain.

You can also block the light from the people by stacking bricks. You stack them, it's a hassle. You gotta take them all out of the suitcase. But I like knowing where they are. I like knowing where they are. And I have the private jet pilot bring them in. He stacks them.

He counts them at the flight. And when I want to leave, he moves them. I go, did anybody take one? They go, we've been up here, sir. Count them. Count them in front of me. And I'm like, this again. You know, Dan, I always say rack them after I say like a 10

out of 10 joke. That reminds me of rackets. And if you're shopping while working, Dan, I always say raccom after I say like a 10 out of 10 joke. That reminds me of Rakuten. If you're shopping while working, eating or even listening to this podcast, then you know and love the thrill of the hunt. Are you getting the thrill of the best deals? Rakuten shoppers do. They get brands they love with the most savings and cash back. And you can, too, start getting cash back at your favorite stores like Uniclo, Best Buy and cash back. And you can too, start getting cash back

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Download the free Rakuten app and never miss a deal or go to rakuten.ca to start getting the most bang for your buck. That's R-A-K-U-T-E-N, rakuten.ca. No, I, uh, I know that Pete, I see it, Pete, at Largo a lot. And, um, that's a fun place. That's an Appetow spot in my head. And you do a lot with Appetow from crashing on and, uh, yes, tell us about crashing, how it got going. Well, I mean, it was a big deal.

I love telling that story and I love Jed. I was going to say, yeah, one of the strangest things to come from crashing is that like I would say Mike Braviglia and Jed and Neil Brennan and Andrew Santino are the four people I talk to the most. And the fact that one of those people is Judd Apatow still blows me away. Like we call, we talk about feelings, what's going on in our lives. There's no show business. We're just friends.

And I, I'm so honored to see the side of Judd that is just the new balance dad bod guy. That's just kind of completely. You know, I mean, every once in a while, he'll mention having dinner with Paul McCartney or something, and you'll remember that he's Judd Apatow, but for the most part, he really is that. Dorky latch key T raised by television. Yeah.

He loves it. Loves showbiz. Yeah. Love show business. Love comedy TV. Yeah. Loves to laugh and also like, doesn't talk shit. Like if you go like, oh, I saw the new season of, he's always like, I liked it. I thought it was pretty good.

You know, Spade got a few laughs. It's one of your things. It's one of my things that you're trashing. I didn't like it. I didn't like it. I thought it was funny. There's room for that show. I didn't like it. I didn't like it. I thought it was funny. There's room for that show. What happened with Crashing, and I love telling the story because it's like an exercise in gratitude. So I was doing the Pete Holmes show, which was a talk show that I did with Conan, which was also, that's a whole other story. And Judd did a sketch with us. Now that I know Judd, I'm like, Judd gets pitched this sketch three times a month. It's like, I'll pitch you bad movies.

That's like the first idea you have, but that's, that's the kind of operation we were running. So we go in and I pitch him bad movies. And if you watch the sketch, it's on, it's on YouTube. I actually, he starts improvising. And then I started improvising back obviously, And I pitch him crashing in that sketch. Cause he keeps going, what's your real idea? What's your real idea?

What's your real idea? I'm like, I remember I'm like, Oh, it's a bear who's like the sidekick in a magic act and he learns magic from watching the magicians and he escapes and it's called bear gission. That's like the joke is like, keep pitching different animals, learning magic from their captors. And then he goes, and he seemed dead serious, but the cameras are rolling, goes,

what's your real idea? What's your real idea? What would you really want to do? And I go, well, I was raised religious. I married the first girl I ever dated, the first girl I ever slept with. We got married six years in, she had an affair and I was sort of

kicked into the deep end of stand-up comedy. Like I sort of doubled down on my life as a comedian. While I was also trying to learn how to be a functional adult, very jet-apetite, right? Like I'm going through my 20s and my 30s is basically the show. And he's like in the sketch, he goes, that's too sad.

That's, that's too sad. Don't really. He's joking sketch, he goes, that's too sad. That's, that's too sad. Don't really, he's joking, but he goes, that's too sad. Nobody likes that. That's, that's pathetic. I don't like it. I'm like, okay. So that, that's like six months later, the Pete Holmes show is canceled. And me and my producing partner, Oren Brimmer, we were like, you know, we're at our fighting weight. We were doing nine episodes of that show a week. We were just like tearing through jokes, jokes, jokes, sketch, sketch, sketch. We were like really strong.

So we were like, let's go with this momentum. We know the show is canceled, but the show is going to air. Cause we had all these episodes backlogged for like two months beyond being canceled. So we know it's canceled, but the world doesn't know it's canceled. So we're like, while it's still airing and we feel like we have some-

Still lights. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're gonna go out and we're gonna try and pitch a sketch show. Cause that was our favorite part of doing the Pete Holmes Show. It was one of our favorite parts was the sketches. So we go into Comedy Central and we're

like, we're going to pitch them a sketch show. And in the like, you know, that courtesy 30 minutes before the meeting where you're like chatting, you know, you have a Fiji and you're talking. Kent Alterman, who is the head of Comedy Central at the time. He's wonderful. And we're friends. He says to me, well, one thing's for sure, we're not looking for another fucking sketch show. And everyone laughs, including us. We're like, hahaha, imagine? But we were there to pitch a sketch show.

So we scramble and we go, okay, we just lied. We said, well, we were just here, you know, for a meeting, a general meeting. Uh, we don't have anything to pitch. And they're like, oh, that's a little weird, but okay. It's 100% weird. That's strange that you all took an hour out of our day to just say what's up. I'm like, okay, we'll see you later. And I remember this very, very vividly. And as I get older and even more forgetful and more papers fly out of my airlock, as

I, as I age, this story will get even more romantic and special. But I went down into, I had a little Volkswagen Golf at the time and I sat in my car parked on the street in front of Comedy Central and I was like, had one of those like, I guess you call it like a come to Jesus moment. I was like, what am I doing? Like I don't know what I'm going to do. I've had this job. I feel like I got this break, but I don't know what's next. And that was scary. And then just like I high school guidance counselor, I said, well, what

would you do if you could do anything? Like that is I find that to be a helpful exercise. Here's a blank check. You can do anything you want. What do you want to do? I was like, well, I would want to do a show. I'm just talking to myself in my car. Like I'd want to do a show like girls. I really like the show girls. So I would want to do a show about my life, about getting into comedy with Judd Apatow on HBO. That's what I thought. But then I was like, but what is the show? And very, very quickly, obviously, I just pitched it to Judd pretend style six months earlier, but I was like, well, it could be about a guy who married the first girl he was ever with, who's religious, she has an affair. And then in that moment of like

pressure in the car, I was like, oh and every episode he can be crashing on the couch of a different comedian. Because I always wanted like an interesting engine. Like it would be... Yeah. Yeah. And you guys know from selling a show, whether or not you do the hook. It doesn't really matter. You didn't need to show them that there is a hook. You can abandon the hook, but there should be a hook. So I was like, this is great. That was a Wednesday.

And I was like, you know, writing it in my phone and stuff. And I was like, I knew Judd's team from having done the Pete Holmes show. So I reached out to my manager and I was like, can we, can I get a meeting with Judd? This is also, this is that sort of naive mania. It's the kind of insanity you sort of need in show business, but you can't have too much of where I'm like, I just came up with this idea and I'm like, I'm going to pitch it now, like that's, that's not really.

Yeah. They're the troops. Exactly. But that, that is how I am. I tend to light up really hot for things and I want to go, go, go. So it was Wednesday and they were like, well, he's in New York and he's shooting train rec. And if you want, you can go to the set of train rec at like 6am. He has 15 minutes for you. Again, this is Wednesday and that was Friday. And I was like, yes, I booked the flight on Thursday. It's a classic Hollywood cliche, right? Totally. I got the United, you know, I'm probably in like the exit row with a with with the United napkin writing out

what the show is flight 93 though. That would be a, I wasn't going to say that because it sort of derails the main narrative. I'm sorry. Go ahead. That's true. That is what happened. It's a good hook though. It takes a big turn down.

So I'm writing out the idea. I get in on Thursday. Judd, by the way, does not know that I flew in, um, because he would have said, don't fly in, nobody flies across the country for 15 minutes. But I was like, it was a no brainer. I got up at like five. I got a coffee, which is to your time, Which is two. Thank you. Which is two my time Went in there. Amy was there. I know Amy a little bit. So I'm feeling kind of comfortable Vanessa Bayer. She's in there too

Amy they're shooting they're shooting trainwreck. Yeah, but she's not in this thing you're doing No, no, no there. I'm on the set of Trainwreck. We're in like the fake magazine. But that's where I'm gonna sit down. You mean they've already started their day. I thought it was before their day starts. So Amy's buzzing around. You see everyone, then you go, I got a corner judge, focus him.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Without these people. And I don't want them to hear the idea and go thumbs down if you're asking me. Honestly, totally. I mean, who's more distracted than a director on set before they're shooting. Like it was kind of a bad idea. So he's sitting at this table.

I sat down and like, you know, I, I felt okay. I, I talked to him for like 12 minutes about other stuff. And then in the last three minutes, I was like, here's the show. And what happened, and to take some of the onus off me, like I don't really deserve full credit, is he, Judd, was just getting back into standup in New York. And I'm pitching him a show about a guy getting into standup in New York. So the stars aligning on that. He was in and the sort of postscript to the story is he goes, write it. He didn't say like, let's do it. You got a deal. He was like, write it. I'll take a look at

it. And I wrote the script in two days and sent it to him. And we were off. I think we pitched it like a couple weeks after. It was crazy. Is he have to pitch too hard or is HBO saying what do you want to do next, Judd? Like kind of Adam and Netflix kind of thing. They did have a deal with Judd, I think. We pitched it to Amazon and they passed. And then Judd told me to stop being so philosophical, which is

a funny thing because in Judd's masterclass, he uses me as the example of how not to pitch a show, which I didn't know until I was watching Judd's masterclass. And he's like, what do you want to do is don't do what Pete Hobs did. Don't do what Pete did. He got all philosophical. Just tell them it's funny. And I, I'm that way. I want to do is don't do what Pete hopes that don't do it. He did. He got all philosophical, just tell them it's funny. And I, I'm that way. I want to talk about the themes. I want to talk about the man. I want to talk about the

growth and the feelings. Judd was like, just say it's funny. You're gonna love it. Trust us. And I was like, yeah, that is how you would pitch it if you're dead appatow. But I've never had to pitch it that way. But then HBO, uh, who was it? It was Casey Bloys and it was Amy Gravid. And, um, I think I'm forgetting one person, but they were warm. It was warm, but I said way less. I said way less. Oh, he judged, should have taken over a little bit. Huh? He could have, but he was trying to take over by like saying, I mean, it's like Johnny Cash pitching an album. You know what I mean? And there's some sweaty guy next to him being like,

there's going to be a G and a C and a D. You know what I mean? Like I wasn't chill. He's like, I'm talking less is kind of a hint for the feel of it. Let's just get less is more. Well, you know, those shows where someone's like, if I crumble my paper at me and shut up, like we should have had a simple, I don't know that Dana should judge me. Oh yeah. You guys are doing great. I'm just laying back today.

I just had surgery. So did you really? Yeah, that's all right. What? Uh, a hernia kind of thing. Wait, I'm a little loopy, but. I'm, see, look, I'm an Irvine, you had a hernia. This is not our perfect day, but we're making it work.

I'm in great shape across the board. You're doing great, we love this. You're driving the bucket. You're driving because I said Pete is good at this. And he's funny. What about this show? We get 10 minutes of gold. Are you out of your mind?

I mean, we're not pulling teeth. this and he's funny. What about this show? We get 10 minutes of gold. Are you out of your mind? We're not pulling teeth. We get 20 minutes of gold out of this motherfucker today. There you go. I appreciate it. Already. You know. Well, podcasters are great. I'm not saying I'm great.

I'm saying it's always a day off when I have podcasters on my podcast. That's why I said he will take our dumb show and make it better because he's do podcasts, understand the form and are good guests. You know, when I went on smart lists and I saw the three of them, you know, on the thing, I said, okay, I'm just going to do shtick. I'm just going to go full bore, tell stories and make you laugh. So I want you guys to have a day off. And they kind of got it. So that's all I did the whole time, you know? That's what Conan said about Martin Short. He goes, he's a day off.

And I was like, yep. There are guys that come on and just, and deliver. Well, they do some homework on those shows and they get out there and just, it helps. It helps. It does. Discover the magic of BETT MGM Casino, where the excitement is always on deck. It does. like you are actually at the casino. The excitement doesn't stop there with over 3,000 games to choose from, including fan favorites like Cash Eruption, UFC Gold Blitz, and more.

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Yeah, Wikipedia. I think it's so funny. I wrote a book about my spiritual journey and there's one chapter called the herathist, which means when I was a fundamentalist Christian and I thought everyone I talked to was going to hell, which is a huge burden. This is under reported. If you're a sweet, loving person, which a lot of people of faith are, it sucks to go around and be like, wow, David, I can't believe you're going to hell. Seems like a great guy, but I just figured it out. You said the wrong thing.

And it was, it made me sad all the time. And all of my friends were atheists because all my friends were atheists because all my friends were comedians. And I wrote this chapter about how confusing it was after my first wife obviously left me. That was very challenging to my faith because honestly, if I'm being real,

I thought God was looking out for me. Like stuff like that doesn't happen to people who don't smoke or drink or swear. I was very clean on stage and then this bad thing happened. So I'm like questioning my faith and all my friends are comedian atheists. And I noticed that my friends were all deeply moral, good, sweet, loving people. And that's what that chapter is about. I'm like, why? Why? Like we were in a hotel and there was like an unmanned convenience store, you know, those little convenience stores where you're supposed to charge to the room. I was like, if there's no God, why don't I just take a Sprite? Like, I don't understand. Like, what is the point

if it's not for some sort of afterlife insurance, you know? And I remember my friends were like, it's for us. If you steal the guy or the woman working this shift might get in trouble. You know what I mean? Like she might be reprimanded. She might lose her job. You don't do it because in and of itself, it's the good and right thing to do. Yeah. It's wrong.

And even better, it's right to not do it. You know what I mean? So I was like, it felt so pure and good. It wasn't to be rewarded or recognized or given an eternal massage on a cloud or the harp. It was for the here and now and to remember that we belong to each other, that that person, even though we don't know them, we care about them and we care about them not being in trouble. So I didn't, obviously, I wasn't going to steal the spread. It was just an example. But then after I saw these beautiful atheists in my life, I briefly, as like a thought experiment, I was like, I'm going to be an atheist. And it was such a surprise that I liked it. I was like, I enjoyed putting down all of these heavy ideological bags that I had been carrying. And I was just

like, this is it. Let's care about each other. Let's take care of each other. And there's nothing else going on here. I found that to be a nice break from thinking everyone. I mean, think of all the millions and millions and millions of people throughout history that are just burning in hell. Putting that away made me go, this isn't an atheist. This is a heratheist. I like this. This is nice. You die, it's over. Where were you? You said this on my podcast, Dana. You said, where were you during the Renaissance? That's where you go when you die. It's over. I was like, this is a relief as compared to the, you know, the eternal Judge Judy that's gonna go when you die. It's over. I was like, this is a relief as compared to

the, you know, the eternal Judge Judy that's going to like tear you apart. So I was briefly an atheist and I called the chapter, uh, her atheist, but it really was like a month. And then I took some mushrooms and then I started thinking about those things again. You know, do you think, do you think Christians get a bad rap out there? I think they're having a tough time. Cause I read about things where people go after more and more. I read about something in Africa. I'm like, wow, I don't know. Cause she just don't hear about it a lot, but maybe you would know.

I don't, I don't feel qualified to, um, Oh, I am. I'm, I'm a podcaster. I am. I'm a podcaster. I will say that, you know, I no longer identify as a Christian. It's very confusing because I love Christ and I think that's what it is, man. I think what he was teaching is the truth, but where we fall away is I don't believe in what's called atonement theory. This is boring. Atonement theory is the idea that you both are very familiar with, which is that Jesus died because you both are wicked little children and you need to be like washed in blood or otherwise God is

going to flick you into a furnace. That's where it loses me. But if you look at the words of Jesus, that's not his message. That's sort of added on later. That was a lot of theology for 30 seconds. I read it in Jesus's Wikipedia because I did it also. But I mean, I would say that like, I see it, I see it a lot of a lot of different ways, meaning a lot of my atheist friends come on my podcast, and we start talking and realize we don't believe in the same God, if that makes sense. Like we're talking about an old man in the sky with a beard, like a lifeguard who's watching and blowing his whistle. Basically a guy like a king with a surveillance

system that's watching you do all your wicked things and can't wait to torture you. I'm like, I also don't believe in that God. And when, and when you broaden it out to have a conversation about consciousness or awareness or being itself, the atheists, the Christians, we all can kind of like come into this middle where we all agree. And I'm very interested in that. Space. Hmm. Okay.

Well, you guys didn't do ketamine before the talk? No, we already cut that part out. Um, this, we were, I was texting everyone going this part, we got to lose it. No, I'm kidding. I started it. No, I like hearing about it because we talk about different things and it's very interesting to me to hear that. And also that's such a part of you that.

Listen, we can go back to talk about 7-Eleven and stuff, like my act, but sometimes you have to talk about real things. It's interesting. Well, you know what's funny is it's, we're not actually talking about something that's exotic or mysterious. Every person listening, you, me, David, Dana, we're all having the experience of being aware, and that's the

mystery. Even science agrees. That's called the hard question of consciousness. We don't know. It's funny. Science looks into microscopes and looks at stuff, but we don't know what is looking into the microscope. It's really kind of funny if you think about it.

We're acquiring all this data, but that which knows the findings is itself a mystery. And that to me is why I don't walk away from metaphor and interesting spiritual texts because we're talking about something that's very difficult to talk about. But it's what's looking out all of our eyes right now. It's not in India. It's not at the top of a mountain. It's not buried at the bottom of the sea. It's what you're experiencing right now. It's, it couldn't be more familiar to you. I was around a really sweet dog this past weekend and I, you know, it doesn't have any of that higher consciousness.

So it's very pure, very eager, very happy, completely in the moment. And, uh, it was kind of nice. And there's a, there was a real estate agent I met recently in the moment. And it was kind of nice. And there's a there was a real estate agent I met recently in the last year or so. And he doesn't watch any of the news, anything, he goes, I want to be like a dog. I want to just be in the moment, happy. But like humans, our brains go crazy. And I just feel the whole thing's a mystery. And's so elusive and we'll find out one day exactly what happened. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what is really helpful to me and is a little less sort of highfalutin is I say yes, thank you all day long, especially when something isn't going

my way. I like to use the example of a delayed flight or something and you're having all these feelings. The dog, one of the things that makes a dog so beautiful is it's not really resisting its experience, you know what I mean? It's just there for it. So it's not just present when everything's good, it's there. David, what's your riff, David? No, I agree. I think, no, dogs are funny. I have a chunk. No, I agree. I think dogs are funny. I have a chunk. Thanks for the setup. You do have a dog chunk in your special, right? I do. I do. I spare you. I can't believe it. A dog chunk?

Of course. I like this angle of dogs. It's like when you see kids, there's something magical about kids that are really little because there's no way to the world. They're literally minute to minute just trying to find the fun in everything and couldn't give a When you see kids, there's something magical about kids that are really little because there's no way to the world. They're literally minute to minute just trying to find the fun in everything and couldn't give a shit. And then the older you get, the more it's piled on, it feels like you know too much almost. You're like, oh, too much, too much info, too much data.

Add in social media, add in the news, and everyone kind of tilting a little more doomsday. And some of the things don't come true that you're being warned about all the time and you just say, fuck, it's just a heavy, heavy life. And you try to go through going, try to be a good person. Just a couple basic things. Try to not make everyone's life harder. Try not just like when I see people out there, if I used to be a busboy, like

Dana, if you, when I'm at a restaurant, if I used to be a bus boy, like Dana, if you, when I'm at a restaurant, you're just trying not to make the life harder. I didn't want anyone to be kissing my ass or going overboard. Just don't make my job any harder. Just be a normal person and go hi, hi, whatever. You don't even need to say thanks. Just, but when I'm there, I try to in real life situations, you try to go, okay, let's not make everyone's life a fucking pain in the ass. Everyone's just barely hanging on.

I agree with that. We're barely, everybody is alone. We're not interconnected in a way that maybe we will be in some other dimension. But how do you not have empathy for people? Because- Some don't. And that's the you know, it's hard just being alive. Yeah. Yeah. Just to get day to day, even if things go good, you're like, if you have problems, people think of like their five biggest problems.

And then someone takes money away, usually number one, money away. And they all just slide down. You go, oh, wait, that rich guy isn't that happy? And you go, yeah, you took money away, but now the other one just slide down. You go, oh wait, that rich guy isn't that happy. And you go, yeah, you took money away, but now the other one slid down. Now number one is this or health or something. I've noticed a lot of very wealthy people start getting really anxious about recycling. And that sounds like a bit,

but like you'll never meet more ardent recyclers than the uber wealthy. And it's because exactly what you're saying, I'm not worried about money anymore. I will now worry about whether or not that coffee cup is plastic coated and if it needs to go in this trash or that trash. Which by the way is the rich.

Whatever your next problem is kicks down to number one. And then you go, oh, so that one's, you, as a human, you always need something to think about or to fix or to go, I need this to be better and then make my life better or make someone else, you know, whatever. Well, that's what they call it in the, in the spiritual traditions, they call that the monkey mind. Right. And what you're saying is actually quite profound is you'll never

not have things to worry about. You're a human being. Yeah, you find them. And even when, you know, the three of us have been very fortunate to have some really great peak experiences in our lives and hopefully more to come. But like, we know that even those flare up and then go away. It's a little bit like being a gambling addict. You get the big win. And sometimes I'll get an email of an offer of something that if it had come in when I was 23, I would have thrown a parade. You know what I mean? And now I'm like, ah, it's in May, you know what I mean?

Like some gumball. So again, not to, I guess one of the reasons I'm interested in spirituality is it's like, if we can get all those things to settle down, like all of those things are coming and going. Your happy moments and your sad moments, and you're sad moments, you're in anxiety, but there's something that was consistent. Like your experience has been consistent.

There's always been a sense of being myself. And when you look at what you essentially are, meaning those things that come and go can't be essentially who you are. So what was there the whole time you're being? And then when you look at the quality of your being, you see that it itself is peaceful and happy. That's better than what I was going to say. I was going to say that sometimes you go, if I do this thing, oh, when I host Saturday Night Live next week, that's going to be really

fun. And then you start to say, when I'm driving to get gas, I go, this is actually the real life. So you keep thinking of something else, but you're like, this is 99% of my day, just doing normal things. So this is the part. Everybody's just saying now. I'm being happy and you just go, I just wanna be okay right now

because this is really the life part. The minutiae little things. Am I content here because of course there's peaks. Well, yeah. Well, you know, Ram Dass talked about this, right? You eat ice cream. So you're hosting SNL next week, which is awesome. That's an ice cream cone. But the human temperament is, okay, I've had ice cream. Now I want some water, you know, and now I want a nap and now I'm bored and I want TV and now I'm tired and I want to sleep and now I'm awake and I want coffee. This is your life.

So you're absolutely right. We need to like slow down and drop into our lives and then, and that's what yes. Thank you is it's like when David does SNL and now you're like, well, what are people going to say about it instead of being mad at that, you can go just like the dog, the dog is unfolding lawfully and being a dog perfectly David You're gonna be David perfectly you can allow that and even you know, forgive that like this is just what it is But if we can find little moments of quiet Even as we're talking right now, you can just kind of find a stillness behind the conversation and go

Oh, that's the place where it's enough that it doesn't matter how it goes. I'm sure it'll be fantastic. But like today is just like, this is your real life. This is the part where you go after that's done. I'm right back here and this is, it's not so bad. So well, you don't want to postpone your happiness. I don't want to go, I'll be happy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. If I nailed this podcast, then I can feel good about myself. I'll get a certain exhilaration from doing this show with you guys, but that's, it's a fool's errand to keep going, oh, and then I'll kill it at Irvine,

and then I'll kill it tomorrow morning with my coffee. Like, try to just say yes to what it's. That's a big one. And even that you botched this podcast, you still, you're a new man yourself. I know. Well, that's the trap, right? If I say I'll be happy that I did well,

I have to be unhappy that I botched it. That's just a dumb scale to put your worthiness on. I think helping other people is a kind of nice way to get out of your own head. Yeah. For sure. Whether it's your wife, your child, or you know, just, or the club owner. Can you do five more minutes or any little thing that you're focused on

helping somebody? Um, it's, I think it's really useful. I agree. And I want to do it anyway. You know, totally. The best shows I was going to say are the ones where I remember. Where I just take a little moment to think about everything they had to do to get there.

And, and, and like you said, David, the five big problems that they have these, everybody here has those five slots. Silled. And then when you see, they're never empty, right? They're never empty. Yeah. You're right. One goes out.

Number six drops down. Okay. Now I'm in line. Now I'm in the top five. And then one of the great things about laughing and laughing together, something, you know, there's something magical about releasing that tension.

And there's a way you can release it with other people around you that you can't do it. You know, that's what sort of makes our phones so in a way awful is that you're, it's a methadone. It's like a synthetic, lonely version of something that I think is much better when we're touching elbows with strangers and letting it out. I mean, the flip side to careerism is just later on,

as I was going down this journey of being a stand-up or a comedian, people would come up and say to me, oh, I really needed that. I didn't quite appreciate it as much till later on. That's really what we're doing here. Even right now, we're just trying to make life a little easier, a little lighter for everybody. I do think when a peer group takes one of your bits,

either of you, and you understand that that's a touchstone for them, that they'll quote you, and that's like a communication device for peer groups. That is the most flattering thing. Me and my friends do this once a month or whatever. Those kind of compliments you like, oh, that's really cool because that's what I had with Monty Python with friends. that's really cool. Cause that's what I had with Monty Python, you know, with friends. So fun.

The first time data, the first time I did standup, I was, I think I was 20 or 21. And I rented out a little restaurant. Again, one of those things I didn't know any better. So I just was like, I've never done standup. I'm going to do 45 minutes of standup. I'm just going to do it First time, and even worse, I'm gonna invite everyone I know to come and watch. Like just a nightmare.

I wouldn't do that today. My parents are there, we're filming it so I could give it to clubs. But the reason I mentioned it, it went fine actually. It went well. They were so supportive. Me? I know, I know, I should have bombed all my friends, just not laughing,

but they were so supportive. They gave me a standing ovation, which isn't because I was so excellent. It's because they really were trying to like, go, go, go. Yeah. Help. They were trying to help. Yeah. And they did.

But the first time I did stand up Dana, I, one of the laughs I got was I said, not going to do it. I said it in my set. Obviously it was unplanned, but I was like, yep, that's not happening, not gonna do it. And then cause it's big laugh and I was like, whoops, that's not mine.

That counts as your laugh. Anybody can have that. Well, I know, but it's not that I stole it, but it didn't feel as good as writing something for myself. But you were in my very, very first standup set ever. Isn't that wild? Splattering. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Inexplicable bits, not just for myself or you guys, are nonsensical. They're not really one and one is two. They're sort of off kilter. Like a lot of David's throwaways and little things,

they last longer in a weird way. The quirky, because you can't ever, it's like trying to catch the wind, you know? One-on-one. Unscripted lines in movies are sort of, you remember from Caddy Shack or old movies. Well, David, you were in the sketch. It's Farley's line, but my wife and I say,

lay off me, I'm starving, maybe every day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the main thing we say to one another. It's like, we're just constant, we're like food people and we're just eating and someone's like, you're really gonna have all of that? Or just lay off me, I'm starving. Lay off me, I'm starving.

I think that is the ultimate, I'm agreeing with you guys, that's the ultimate compliment, is if your comedy can somehow be infused and incorporated, and it goes back to what you were saying, into daily life, not just into something you do sometimes. And you don't know what it is, and you do sketch in a room there with people, and they go, okay, commercial go,

and they push this Gap Girl sketch out, and you're going, and years later, you're saying that a line that just was passing in the sketch is like mind boggling. Whether it's a family member, friend or furry companion joining your summer road trip, enjoy the peace of mind that comes with Volvo's legendary safety. During Volvo Discover Days, enjoy limited time savings as you make plans to cruise through Muscogee or down Toronto's bustling streets.

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I could totally see you guys being like, why would this one be a sensation? You know what I mean? It was Farley, which is a trick. So if you have Farley and he's in a wig and he's drops his voice from a female and chokes me. It's about French fries. It's just funny. You have Sandler in a wig too, which is funny.

Going, you guys. Yeah. And, uh, and then, but if it gets a laugh in there, you just relieved that it worked and now they're going to weekend update and everyone's running and changing. And so then you, things get picked out of shows like Dana knows. You don't know what they like. You don't know what you like in movies.

Look, and history remembers the winners or whatever. I'm like, I could sew. And I mean, this is a compliment that sketch could not have worked. It might not have worked. And we just never know. Like you still don't. That's what it's called. You hit it wrong.

So you get it barely right. And you hit it right on air, which is not always the case. You do better in dress than on air. You just go, God, can I just walk in one more time? Because I just didn't, it didn't come off from the right energy. Just, and you go, Nope, that's it. We're doing it. And then you go, that was an okay sketch.

And you go, God, the one that everyone would have loved was two hours ago, but you nailed it perfectly. So that's just, that's, that's part of the fun crap shoot of us and now, but we know in movies and life, you just throw away Joe weird things that happen. Pluck them out of the atmosphere. Yeah. It's endless out of the atmosphere. It's endless. It is great that we'll never solve a comedy.

It's always humbling. I thought that would kill it bombed and this worked or whatever. It's always full of surprises. So you're on tour. Yeah. A mini tour kind of. And it was gonna be called the PG-13 tour.

And then you switched the name out. Yes. Which was actually, you know, that's sort of a layover, a carryover from my youth and my religious days and, and this, this sort of tender, I don't want to say pathetic, but like it's sweet. I'm like, Oh, maybe I could do a tour that my parents would like. You know what I mean? I'm like, wouldn't it be fun?

I'll do it. It's called the PG 13 tour. And the hour that I was writing was just kind of coming together less dirty than the other ones. And it still is not filthy. But then I did it one time in Austin and I was like, this is, it felt like doing it underwater or something. I hate the feeling.

We're talking about how precious laughter is. I hate the feeling of knowing I could put on these brass knuckles and really smack them in the face, but instead I'm going to like hold back to like stay in a box that I created. They didn't even ask me to do it. So I was like, we're not, we're not doing, I did it one time. And I was like, I'm never doing that again. Some, some people like, like Nate Bargatze, who's a favorite of mine. He just is that guy.

And I saw him say when he gets cut off in traffic, he's like, golly, you know, when people cut me off in traffic, I say the worst things you've ever heard in your life. And that's me. I want to be me. I want to hit as hard as I can. I don't want to get off stage like you on my podcast, Dana. I want to leave it all. And I'm constantly taking the temperature of the audience.

Do you want it to be a little more wicked? Do you want it to be a little bit sillier? Do you want me to be louder? Do you want I'll do it? Any whatever, but I can't go. Well, I can't say fuck because I called this tour. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're stupid. You're right.

Adam's also so hard. You can maybe do that clean set seven 30 on a Thursday, but then it's like late show Friday. Sometimes you need to be like, come on guys, wake the fuck up. Like you need like a teacher. Sure. Fucking shut up. Like you need that sometimes. And it's not filthy.

It's just you weave it into your act where no one walks away going, that was a dirty act, but you just kind of weave it into jokes where they don't even notice it. And it's just fun. I, I get that all the time. People are like, I where they don't even notice it. And it's just fun. I get that all the time. People are like, I like that you're a clean comic. And I'm like, I'm not a clean.

I'm not really. But they think you are. And that's why I think the metric is wrong. We think clean comedy is comedy where you don't say shit, fuck, piss, whatever. And dirty comedy is where you do. And I'm like, no, I've seen comedy that passes that test of cleanliness

that is deeply flawed and ugly, like mean, spirited and the message underneath it. And I'll defend their right to say that, but it's just not for me. I'm like, wow, that is a really toxic message. And then I get up and I'm being a silly, floppy, dumb golden retriever boy, just trying to delight everybody.

And yes, I sometimes say swears and sometimes I talk about sex or whatever it might be, but the intent really matters to me. And I think you can feel that because I've seen some really filthy comedy that was squeaky clean if that makes sense. Sure. And I've seen filthy comedy that was squeaky clean. If that makes sense. And I've seen filthy comedy that I would call clean. I think main thing is not to, not to lean on it. You know, like you could, you don't need to be blue all the time or not blue all the time.

You know, it's just, you just weave it in. It's not one and one of the other. Well, it's a seasoning. Yeah. It's a seasoning. I'm not like a, yeah. Well, go see Pete Holmes on the road. This guy. Please do. Thanks for hanging with us. What was your last statement? Sorry.

I just want to, it was the last thing on the cleanliness and thank you for the plug. Seinfeld was like, uh, swearing is like steroids. It's like cheating. I love Seinfeld. Cause I think Seinfeld really is that guy because like swearing is like steroids. It's like cheating. I love Seinfeld because I think Seinfeld really is that guy because like swearing is like steroids and I'm like yeah and I want to hit a lot of home runs. Give me the steroids. Like I will do anything to delight the audience until they're red in the face and forgetting those five problems including I don't mean cheat other human beings but I will cheat. I will swear. I will spit. I will cuss. I'll do whatever face and forgetting those five problems, including, I don't mean cheat other human beings, but I will cheat. I will swear. I will spit. I will cuss. I'll do whatever it takes because

life is hard. Life is lonely. Life is painful. And we need this release. We need this art for them. So yeah, it's steroids and I'm Barry Bonds, man. I'm glad we did that. I wouldn't want to follow you. I don't know if I followed you once or you followed me, but yeah, it was lonely. You're very, very powerful in a very funny, funny, funny. I've seen him kill. I've seen him kill.

You have a lot of weapons and a lot of things you're doing that's very powerful. I just want comedians to be who they are. That's really all it is. That's it. Sorry, David, you wanted to wrap it up. Go ahead. Well, we actually have a call that we have to make.

I don't know what, you know, about podcasting or something. It's just... Okay. And Dane is falling apart, obviously. I'm at 2%, but I feel pretty good. I enjoyed this podcast. I enjoyed it. I do.

It was a great chat though, Pete. You're a good dude. I will see you at the bar. Thank you, Spade. I enjoyed it. I do. It was a great chat though Pete. You're a good dude. I will see you at Margo. I hope so. Thank you both. All right, Dana, don't hang up right away. This has been a presentation of Odyssey. Please follow, subscribe, leave a like, a review.

All this stuff, smash that button, whatever it is. Wherever you get your podcasts. Fly on the Wall is executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Jenna Weiss Berman of Odyssey, and Heather Santoro. The show's lead producer is Greg Holtzman.