Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade - RE-RELEASE - Chelsea Handler

Episode Date: February 4, 2026

Let’s revisit Hollywood parties, dating, and her special with Chelsea Handler. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You know, when you stop and think about it, our eyes really do go through a lot every single day. From staring at screens for hours, squinting against bright sunlight when you're driving, I do that all the time, to pushing through fatigue on those late night commutes. It all adds up. And while we often notice the strain, we don't really stop in to check our eye health. And that's why it's so important to get regular eye exams. Speck savers locations provide comprehensive eye exams starting from just $99. and that includes advanced OCT eye health scan.

Wow. This technology, David, helps detect eye and health conditions in their early stages before you might notice anything yourself. You see, your eyes go through a lot. So check they're healthy with an eye exam at spec savers, which includes an OCTI health scan that helps to detect eye and health conditions at early stages to find a location near you and book an eye exam with an OCT scan from $99. Visit specksavers.ca.

Eye exams are provided by independent optometrists. Prices may vary by location. Hey, Ontario. Come on down to BentmGM Casino and see what our newest exclusive the Price is Right Fortune pick has to offer. Don't miss out. Play exciting casino games based on the iconic game show only at BetMGM. Check out how we've reimagined three of the show's iconic games,

like Plinkgo, Clifhanger, and the Big Wheel into fun casino game features. Don't forget to download the BetmGM Casino app for exclusive access and excitement on the Price's Right Fortune Pick. Pull up a seat and experience the Price's Right Fortune Pick, only available at BedmGM Casino. BetMGM and GameSense remind you to play responsibly. 19 plus to wager. Ontario only.

Please play responsibly. If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact Connects Ontario. At 1866-531-2,600 to speak to an advisor, free of charge. Ben-MGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with Eye Gaming Ontario. All right, we got Chelsea Handler. Chelsea, Hanler, old friend, old friend of the show. I see her out and about a lot.

always funny just did the critics choice awards we talked to her uh and she was of course on fire getting life yeah she's a she's a pistol she's got a lot of energy she says what's on her mind very funny um never been shy never been shy yeah um we covered a lot we talked about dating uh we talk about stand-up tours who's fell in arenas these days All the ins and outs of her life, had a lot of laughs. Anytime you have a just straight up comedian on, we have a lot of laughs. Yeah, we started laughing the minute we started and it went all the way through. So here she is, Chelsea Handler.

Chelsea Handler. Hi, my two penis-faced buddies. I don't know what's good. I saw Chelsea recently, Dana, at a little backyard get together. Oh. Remember I came over here on the. the couch. I said hi. Was it at Ted's house? It was at Gerbitts is our manager. Oh yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. That was a really fun party. Apparently I left that party too early. I heard it went all night long and that you got on

stage and sang. No, you know what? That was the idea. It was going to be people would sing. But by the way, I got there at seven because everyone was a little older. So I got there at seven going, oh, no, no one's going to be there yet. And then people are leaving. I go, wait, guys, this is, I'm the old guy, but I wasn't the oldest guy there for once. And, and then Dana, I don't think you went to that one, but after about nine, it was kind of slowing down. And I goes, are they going to sing? And they're like, no, they did a birthday cake. And then they go, and then his daughter sang, remember that, Chelsea? Yeah. Yeah. Lovely song. And then I said, I guess that's it. And they go, no, Eddie's not going to sing. And I go, oh, I thought we were all going to sing.

Okay. So I leave. And then about two hours later. Sam, like, you're up. And I'm like, I'm up. I'm in bed. I don't know. Are we doing this?

And did you go back? No, he's too far away. It was an hour. Right. Exactly. There was a lull in that party after about two hours. And that's when a group of people left. I didn't know that we were supposed to stay and things were going to, you know,

there was going to be an act too. So I also, I was, we may as well have left together, David. David, like we've done so many nights of our lives. So many times. And I liked it because the party was fun, but it felt like a long party and it felt like there's a cake. And we weren't really bailing out. It was just like,

I thought they were trying to say scoot, you know, because it's probably 30 people love. Also, I feel like Gazentate, if that was a sneeze, Dana. I also feel like, I feel like L.A. is so lame. You know what I mean? Like, no one is out at till nine.

I mean, that's what time everyone goes to bed. Every party ends earlier. It's just there's, it's almost like it's so hard to even go out because the scene is kind of just so subdued. So many people are sober. It's just not what it used to be. I'm going to just throw that out there. I was going to throw that out there to talk about. Explain to me as a fellow human being why anybody in their right mind would go to a Hollywood party.

No. Isn't it the most hideous? I mean, I, give me, I like four people at your house for dinner. I'm not going to book it. That would be nice. Five. One conversation is happening. But the small talk derby, what's up with Chelsea?

What's going on? Oh, yeah. You know, God, I don't know how you guys deal with it. Well, when it's hours of that and you keep walking to the same people all night, you don't know what to say the eighth time you see them. Yeah, and it's also like you have to question why you're at parties. Like, what's your motivation? Why are you? Why am I here? Like, am I promoting anything? Like, am I, why am I going to an

Oscar party? I'm not nominated for an Oscar. Why am I at the party? Like, I always am like, no, it's like, you know, you got to show up once in a while to like refresh people's memories. But I find L.A. to be, if I wish, I, I want to, I want to have that place in New York. That's going to be my, my goal. I think that's a little bit. It's too unhealthy. Like, I'm becoming almost elderly in this lifestyle. Whenever I'm here, which isn't frequently, I come back home. And like last night I was supposed to go over for friends for dinner, which the kind of event you're describing or dinner you're describing Dana, which is actually sounded really nice. But even getting in my car and I am in a compromise situation because I just had some surgery. So, you know, it's not fun.

I can't drink. I can't really do anything. But I was going to get in my car and go over there. And I was like, I don't think so. I don't think I would rather just sit here and watch mindless television and sleep as much as I can. I think I overheard one of you lesbians saying that you slept for 11 hours last night. I did, yeah.

Wow, wow. Did you masturbate to get yourself to sleep? No, but I woke up and I had completed the task and it was like, what the fuck was I dreaming? Yeah, you can do it in your sleep. Oh, yeah. So who started? What I meant was the movement in the stand-up world

with women, females, whatever you prefer. And it seems to me that Joan Rivers made a turn where she really was more incendiary than the 60s, Joan. And then there's this continuum of female stand-ups just saying what they want. And I put you in that,

you're like the leader kind of in a way. There's younger ones coming back. I don't know. I mean, when did stand-up turn for women where squirting jokes and stuff like that could come out, you know? Just anything goes. Yeah, I don't know. I think it's like a rush of, it's like a wave, if you will, no pun intended,

a wave of squatters talking about squirting and women, you know, the more, listen, we're all talking about the same stuff when you break down stand-of comedy. You're talking about your personal life, your relationships, your relationship to drugs and alcohol, you know, it's all the same pitter-patter of ideas. And it's just like, how does your execution vary? So I guess if you, you know, the more women that are up talking about this, the more accepted it becomes by nature. And there are more female comics than they've ever been. But I don't know when it started.

I mean, Joan certainly paved the way for all of us. I can say that. I didn't really realize that until she was dead. You know, like I was like, no, I paved the way for myself. I had an arrogance about my own success. Like Joan Rivers wasn't somebody I had looked up to. And then, you know, when I did my homework and grew up a little bit, I realized how. how what she went through and like, you know,

going to the comedy clubs. Like women didn't even get on stage without being like, you know, they would get on stage as characters like housekeepers or, you know, maids or like, you know, just like,

Ellis Della was kind of a character. Yeah, right. And Joan was like being herself and dressing up and going to these gross comedy clubs. And we all know how gross comedy clubs are. They are. That's where all disease begins.

And I, that's where the disease. these in my shoulder probably began. It's just presenting now. But yeah, she was a trailblazer, of course, which is an annoying word for some reason. I find that annoying. I don't like when people call me a trailblazer either

because I'm not out there with, you know, blazing trails. But I think that it's just good to see women succeed. It's good to see women being taken seriously. And it's like the idea that women aren't funny is just so dumb. And I know both of you know that. But like, you know, for so many men out there who really think that man, that comedy is just a men's game. It's, it's been so insulting for so long that you just kind of turn off that noise. Like, you know, when I was doing, for instance, my first talk show, Chelsea lately, I didn't pay attention to any of that because it didn't, I didn't go home at night thinking what was it like to be the only woman in late night.

Those were just comparisons that everybody else made. And I feel like if you spend too much time thinking about that aspect of it, you're, it's taking away from. your creative outlet anyway. You know what I mean? You should be creating. You should be doing your thing and not looking around to see what your competition is doing. Because I certainly didn't look at David Letterman and think I was in competition with him. You know what I mean? I wasn't. I was on the E network, you know. So that's what I think I have to say about that. Making a buzz on the E network, even though he's making, he's on network. But you're helping E get wider and more looked at, which is interesting.

Also, when I go to the comedy store, every, you don't even blink. Every other comic is a female. I mean, everywhere you go, it's not even like, oh, you're not one of the comedians. You know how it used to be. You'd be like, wait,

there's a female comic on the show tonight. It would be like Rita Rudner or something when I, you know, Paula Poundstone. And now there's so many. So it's great. I mean, listen, it's all if you got some game. and there's they don't mention there's also bad male comedians so it's not like all the guys of them lots of them guys ones are good and the females are bad it's like if you're good

you're good and so you see a nice mix um i've seen some on instagram that are funny just pop in my feed so you know i when i was growing up yeah it was like a the female comedian was referred to as they said they wouldn't say david letterman the guy and that was more prevalent this woman comedian and woman, woman. I see less of that more than just comedian. And one thing's kind of cool about you is you produced a show for Whitney, right? I mean, you do a lot of producing of things and for other people. Yeah, I did at that time.

Well, yeah, Whitney's show didn't really last too long, but we tried. And then we produced a show for Ross Matthews. He wasn't really a production powerhouse at the time I was there. So it was really hard to get we did after lately. David, you were on that show with us, which was like a satire of Chelsea lately where I was just like a really exaggerated version of, you know, the country that I am. But we, we did, we did so much like, what was I, what was I, where was I going with this? We did so much. You're producing Whitney.

Oh, yeah, it was really hard to get anything done at E with them being behind anything. Like they were just trying to assuage me because we had a hit show. So they'd be like, oh, you want to produce this? Great. Go ahead. and then they'd be like, oh, it's not getting the numbers or whatever. But, you know, it was hard to get anything going on E. I mean, the Kardashians in my show were like, you know,

and I don't know, saving Sunset or whatever, it's selling sunset. Saving Sunset. I think that was later. You were really, you paved the way for shitty flip shows. Yeah, he really took a hit after I left and the Kardashians left. And actually, I know this is probably coming out later, but I'm about to host the Critics Choice Awards, which brings me back to Eid this next Friday night,

which is a full circle. I'm going back to my birthplace. I love that show. When I first saw that show with you and the comedian stuff, it was one of the first, like, lo-fi shows because cable was still coming up and stuff. And so there are shows that do that now. But, you know, usually it was the band and the bump, you know,

so it was very cool how lo-fi it was and casual. Thank you. Yeah, it was. very casual. If you're just funny, you don't need much. You need a camera. And then you got,

and then people like, oh, you don't need all this other noise because some of those shows there's only just this much comedy and there's little pieces. But those are harder what you're doing because it's just like,

turn the cameras on. Let's just talk. And we'll find things talk about. And it just blew up. And that's why I agree when you left. It was a big hit on that. But also, you know,

like it was so much fun because you guys are from S&L. So you know about like ensemble. But what was so much fun about that show was that the casualness of it allowed us to like just book my friends on the roundtable. You know, so many comics that I didn't even know that I discovered on my own show

whose careers have blown up like, you know, Fortune Feimster or Joe Coy. Like Kevin Hart used to be on the round table. Like all these people. And it was so unique in the fact that like at the time anyway because everyone's ripped off that show now too. I mean, David, you've been ripped it off. But like you and I don't,

believe ideas can be ripped off, so I don't care anyway. But like, putting comics together, when, you know, you become a comedian essentially to stand on a stage with a microphone alone. Like, it's the most probably narcissistic you can be. And so to put, to have comics, to have four comedians on a round table at the same time, sharing space and actually having to listen to each other and riff off of each other was a joy and also kind of unexpected, because, because you don't see comedians interacting that much. No, Carson would in the early days, he'd have people stay out there.

So you might seem Bob Hope and Don Rickles getting a fight or something, you know, but that went away and it was one guest, won out and then highly, highly organized with an outline of what you're supposed to get to in the commercial breaks. And so since your thing was, I hate this, one of my least favorite words was just authentic that when the comedians were riffing, you knew it was happening real time.

There wasn't a rehearsal. It's not a setup. It's just ping pong, which made it really pop. So I see why it went on. You can also do when I was doing David lately, which was not a rip-off. When I was doing David lately, Davey lately, the part of the fun, the hosting is kind of hard, but if you're dishing off, you're not doing all the lifting anymore. So you give someone a subject, and now you're just tagging what they say. on their jokes and then someone else jumps in.

Now you're like, oh, shit, if you get good people in there that can just bullshit like that and then people just like to see like they're at dinner and you're just bullshitting basically. Yeah. And that's what, you know, you hang out with comics all the time. Like the best things that happen are never being filmed. So you're like, oh, wouldn't it be great if we could film these conversations, which is essentially what that show became?

Right. The green room, basically, you know, just kind of bring it out front. So, well, I guess we should mention before we get a show in a way, is you have a book, right, coming out? I have a book. A book is called All Have What She's Having. That comes out February 25th on my 50th birthday. And then my special is called The Feeling.

And that comes out on Netflix on March 25th, which is a month after my birthday. So I don't know when this airs, but you can just piece it together. There's in three years. We'll do it. Yeah. So the feeling is Netflix. So which, because I remember I came to see, is it possible I came to see you at Caesar's Palace once years and years and years ago? Did you ever play Caesar?

Yeah, I do. I actually, yes, I used to play Caesar's Palace. Now I do a residency at Vegas where I perform once a month, which is how much time I'm willing to spend in Vegas. I perform once a month at the Cosmopolitan at the Chelsea Theater. So I perform inside myself. But I was at Caesar's many years ago. Years and years. because I think it was during maybe your show

and I think Brad Wallach those guys were there. I think, I think. How many specials have you done? Which one is this? I don't know, actually. Four or five. Four or five. How did this one feel? Because I think it's very hard.

I did a couple of days suck because I just, when you know you have one, there was a technical issue and you have one shot. And you've kind of worked on this stuff in the little clubs and now you're in a barn with 1,400 seats and three balconies. So how did this one feel? Like your experience of the other ones, what you want to land is like a feeling, basically, of how you're authentically your best self on stage, right?

Not shooting a special in a sense. Well, no, I think you do treat it like you're shooting a special. But you're supposed to not, you're supposed to shoot two in a row, David, Dana. Sorry, David. I would need a nap. I'm too weak and old to do two. Well, I mean, I guess so because that's how you don't screw it up. If you don't get what you want in the first set, then you know to get it in the second set.

So somebody should have definitely told you that. No, it's all right. Or you can do two shows and two nights, more expensive, but you can do it. Yes, right, of course. You can do that. Then topic wise or material-wise, is there something that is a little surprising for your fans? This is just me asking off the top of my head. Like, are you stretching the envelope further in terms of honesty that?

because it's sort of your brand of like... Oh, I'm always honest. I'm always, you know... But you're even more honest. Well, yeah, I mean, these are some personal stories. I have some... I have a really great Andrew Cuomo story in this special, a personal Andrew Cuomo story

because I was trying to get penetrated by him during the pandemic. I remember that trending that you were going to try to fuck Andrew Cole. I remember. I was hoping it was going to be a live stream. I know. I wanted to also live stream it.

And I wanted to do it for my country because he just felt so... Like we had leadership at a time where we were so dehydrated for it. But I have a really good story in there about that. I have a great George W. Bush story going to Kenny Bunkport compound like on 40 milligrams of THC and having to interact with the president on a pickleball court, the former president. So there's a little, there's a lot of sharing. The feeling is actually a reference to something I did as a child to like at the jungle gym at school to get a certain

feeling around my Pikachu area that a lot of nine-year-old girls did. And so that's a reference to that. I take you from my youth and to my adulthood and kind of telegraph the fact that I've always been this way. But yes, the special felt great. You know, I'm at a point where I've done this for so long. I'm very capable and confident in what I'm doing. I don't have, I don't, I'm not worried, you know, about it. I'm like, you get to a certain point, I think, in your career, I hope the two of you can also attest, you know what you're, you got, you're still here because you've got yourself this far.

So like, you know what you're doing. You don't have to be in your head about it anymore. At a certain point, you realize that's just such a wasted energy and that you're successful because of you. So just keep doing you. Boarding for flight 246 to Toronto is delayed 50 minutes. Ugh, what? Sounds like Ojo time.

Play Ojo, great idea. Feel the fun with all the latest slots in live casino games. and with no wagering requirements. What you win is yours to keep groovy. Hey, I won! Sporting will begin when passenger Fisher is done celebrating. 19 plus Ontario only. Please play responsibly.

Concerned by your gambling or that if someone close, you call 186653310 or visit Comexontera.ca. Hi, this is Jill Schlesinger, CBS News, business analyst, certified financial planner, and the host of the Jill On Money podcast. With the new year upon us, There's no better time to take control of your financial life. And the Jill on Money podcast is here to help.

It's your questions that make it possible for me to provide unconventional and I hope entertaining insights on your money, more importantly, on your life. Follow and listen to Jill on Money wherever you get your podcasts. Local news is in decline across Canada. And this is bad news for all of us. With less local news, noise, rumors, and misinformation. fill the void, and it gets harder to separate truth from fiction. That's why CBC News is putting more journalists in more places across Canada, reporting on the ground from where you live,

telling the stories that matter to all of us, because local news is big news. Choose news, not noise. CBC News. No, I agree. I just, I'm in little, I have a self-critical inside of my brain, and I have, if I do stand up in a club, one knife from the other can be completely different.

If I get into a character or some idea, I like it to be kind of riffing, parsed material and riffing. Right, right. But very hard with like 19 cameras. I don't know why they need that many. And then I get locked into doing my outline, like, okay, I've got to get to this next bit.

But if I was live, I go, oh, I'm going to go over here and do Anthony Fauci for 10 minutes. Oh, yeah, yeah. You can't do that during a special riffing. it would be very difficult to capture because you don't know. Unless you did 10 nights, unless you did a lo-fi crew and did 10 nights. But so- More crowd work.

That's tough on the special. One thing I was just curious, your take on this, hot take, that this era of Netflix special and comedians playing stadiums and arenas and multiple nights of Madison Square Garden. I don't know exactly when it started,

but it's a phenomena. And I don't know if one of our, Our great female comics, sorry to put it in that box, has made that leap to arenas or Madison Square Garden. Or has someone done that? Yeah, Amy, well, I've played Madison Square Garden, but not the, I think I did the theater at Madison Square Garden. I've definitely done Radio City for multiple nights.

Amy Schumer played Madison Garden, I believe. There's 20,000, 18,000. Yeah. That's a big one. I mean, that's going to happen. I mean, Amy did arenas. I did an arena, You know, at some point in my career.

I don't do arenas now. I do like usually three to four thousand seaters. But like, I mean, I think it's going to happen. You know, there's so many people coming up, Taylor, Tomlinson, you know, she sells tons of tickets. Otsko. I mean, there's a ton. So, yeah. I think it's also a choice.

You know, some comics don't want to move to that level. Like it's, there's a level of intimacy. I remember dating Joe Coy and Joe Coy does arenas. and I would go and do guest sets at his shows and I'd be like this is too many people like how can you I have so many facial expressions and like subtleties

how can that be captured in such a big stadium or arena and I remember getting off stage being like oh it easily so like you kind of have this attitude like oh I got to keep it intimate but then when you're exposed to that kind of audience you're like well this is fucking awesome

if they lock screen it's okay yeah you need screens I would say there's always large screens okay that works A lot of my jokes are very small. They're not even jokes. Actually, it's not funny. None of my stuff is funny.

And so it's harder to play any room. That is difficult for you, David, as a comedian, to not have funny material and or be funny yourself. It's a deficit. You do so well with all that, those problems of not being funny and not having funny material. I've been, sometimes I do actually not on my own, but when I play the bigger rooms with that, Adam or something, same thing. It's harder because you see guys like in the in the hallways where you like it.

It's like at a concert where you see those guys, there's guys selling beer over here. There's always someone talking. There's always people. Oh, yeah. Not everyone's ever focused at once. But if they're locked into you, like if it's your crowd, I see, I always say Nate Rigazzi.

His crowd, he plays big places. And they're just waiting for like throwaway jokes, set up jokes. They're laughing at setups and they're just like so intently listening. I go, that's the dream. Just get people like waiting for every fucking. thing you say instead of the big swings, you're like, yababababoo, you know, you got to really, sometimes to get everybody at once, you go bigger.

I don't know. Yeah. No, I don't think you do now, David. I don't think you do. I don't even know what's going on right now. So what? You're a busy human being. Entrepreneur.

I like the word entrepreneur, even though I have no business. We have a correction. I have five books now. Seven. This is my seven. Do really well. People go by this book. That's a great question.

You know what? If you're into me and you're into my stories and you're into my humor, go by the book. If you're not, skip it. Like this is my seventh book and my fifth or fourth stand-up special, to be determined, we still haven't figured that out. And I don't know. I'm a, I like to be, I like to hustle. You know what I mean?

I like to do my own thing. And I don't really like direction from people. So as long as I- You are an entrepreneur. You're in charge of your career. You're not someone for hire. You do the hire. Right, right.

Like I don't like to be, I have been hired for jobs. But, you know, historically, I work best when I'm my own boss. So I do my podcast. I do my specials. I do my books. I do my like, you know, TV stuff. But I try not to have a long-term position where anyone is giving me notes on anything. I would say the only time I've really not enjoyed show business,

when I was working with people with different sensibilities and they had power over me. That's the worst feeling. Yes. You know, they're offering, oh, I just want some advice for a sec. Like, they're asking me, can I write a book? Just that you don't have to answer this in long form,

but what's your advice, someone writing a book? I mean, did you talk into a tape recorder? Did you have a writer's assistant? Do you just start throwing stuff at the wall? Or how do you do it? Didn't you have a book, Dana? I think I have your book.

Don't you? No, I didn't. Oh, maybe I'm thinking of your book, David. My book could be too dark. I mean, no one would believe it is the problem, you know, because I, you know, don't have that image. But, you know, well, I think it's pretty. I mean, listen, I think as long as you're honest, for me, I just think honesty is a commodity. There's a lack of it.

People are a little bit scared of honesty and, like, conflict and uncomfortable things. So I like to kind of go headfirst into that stuff. And that works for me. And it's like whatever your point of view is, I think anyone can write a fucking book, especially like in our industry. And everybody does. So that should be your first, you know, barometer that you can do it. And your stories, the reason why they're yours is because they're not believable.

Like everyone's stories you could say that about. So I would say, I don't use it now. I don't use a writer's assistant. When I write my books, I do it all by myself. and I just start writing. I sit down on a computer. Yeah, I type everything on a computer. And then I have an editor look at it.

And then when it's like shaped and it's in some sort of form, I'll start sharing it with people. But usually I don't like too much feedback. Like I have like three or four people whose opinions I respect. And then based on that, I'll be like, okay, like I'll go to them from the cover or the title or, you know, like my editor named this book. I'll have what she's having. I was like, I'm not naming a book.

I'll have what she's having about. myself that's so stupid and she's like no that's how you feel after reading the book i'm telling you you want what you're having and i was like okay and then i had to think about it because usually i was like that's like that's a little but then i was like yeah you're right i want people that's what i want to inject people with it's like a little bit of optimism and in in sad dark times what about when harry met sally where she says i'll have what she's having did was there any conversation of maybe not referring to a famous romantic comedy that's part of the famous no that's that's part of the famous. No, that's part of the reference. Yeah. So this is what you have to learn about books.

It's kind of like, you know, we have a lot to learn, Dave. Deva. Yeah, we're that, we're that tight. We go by one name, Deva. But thank you. The only thing I'd be interested for you is like, you're very honest, but then you'll get to a chapter or a point or a story where you're going to hurt somebody, maybe. And you like them or you don't. like them. How do you navigate that? Or you just, you know, do you just navigate that a little bit? It's a judgment call. Should I bury this person at the party where they were drunk or keep it in, stuff like that? Well, you have to legally shroud people's identity unless they're a public figure. So like if I have my story about Andrew Cuomo, which happens to be in my stand of special and in

my book, there's a crossover. It's two kind of different, like there's way more room for detail and everything in the book, but he's a public figure. So I tell like one version of that story in the book and I tell, I mean, it's the same version, but you know, different storytelling styles for stand up for books. But like for him, I don't have to ask permission because everything I'm telling is true. For a friend of mine that I'm writing about who I, like, who isn't a public figure that I'm saying something embarrassing or about about, like I have to shroud her identity so that no one will read it and recognize who you're talking about. So sometimes it's like I'll make up a character.

I'll make a guy, a girl, or make, you know, you make them a different age, a different part of the world they live in, blah, blah, blah, just to kind of shroud their identity. But that's what you have to do with your write books also. I've gotten all I need today. Thank you. This is your motivational talk for you guys, this is the morning, for both of you, Deva.

I have a question about your, you don't like bosses at work, but do you like when you date someone, do you like to be bossed around? A boss in the bedroom? I mean, I would have, I like being sexually bossed around. I mean, no one's really going to boss me around because that's just not going to happen. You know what I mean? I don't have time for that. But I do like sexually when somebody kind of tosses me around and tells me to shut up or like

pushes my head down, you know, like playful sex. I like that. Into the wall. Did Joe Koi do that? Probably when I asked. him to, you know, you got to kind of tell guys, luckily these days that you want that and that you want to get like, you know, so yeah, I'm sure Joe Coy was a little bit, you know, trying to throw me around. I'm sure. Well, also, you call him Joe Coy when you were dating. Yeah, you go,

hey, Joe Coy. During sex all the time. I would go, oh, my God, Joe Coy. Oh, my God, Joe Coy. Are you in? What's happening? I've never heard anyone just call him Joe. I think it's always Joe Coy. I didn't know that he didn't know how to spell Joe Coy. I I thought Joe Coy. I thought J-O-K-O-Y was like his birth name. One name. Like, Joe.

And then Coy is a made-up name. So, and then he combined Joe Coy, Joe Coy. So I don't know. It worked. Yeah. Yeah.

So that was actually difficult when I was writing the book because there's a chapter about, I talk about my relationship with Joe Coy. And I'm a real big on spelling and grammar. Like, I find it to be a turn-on. and when also people pay attention to spelling and grammar. And so I, he spells his name J-O-K-O-Y,

and I had to spell it J-O-E and then K-O-Y and his face. I did. I couldn't spell it that way that he wants people to spell it, just out of respect for myself. It's not an actual name in the English language. J-O. I associate with a female spelling. Well, that's right.

Women who are named Joe, it's J-E-L-J. and he's spelling his name like a woman. So I had to respect him because I know he doesn't present. He doesn't identify as a woman. So I wanted to spell his name correctly just by chance he might see it and learn how to spell his own name. Yeah. Well, Joe Coy is as it's whimsical a little bit. You know, I don't know, Joe, you know, Joe's like a Joe guy, you know, Joe.

Joe Coy is kind of artistic. Joe Coy. Yeah. I wouldn't do it just because it's a female name. I would change. He maybe he didn't know that. Joe from little women you're talking about. There's not that many JOs out there.

Like who's the better stand-up on their best night? You or Joe Coy. Oh, I would, well, Joe's a great stand-up. I would never say that I'm a better, he's great. I mean, he is very good at what he does.

So it would help if you said you were better. I would never say that about any comic. I don't need to say that. He's powerful, definitely. He's physical. he does a lot of voices of other people around the world. You'll say that. That's actually good.

Completely opposite ends of the spectrum. Exactly. It would be like comparing an apple to a pineapple. To a typewriter. Yeah. To a typewriter. To a Dyson. It would like be comparing a clean air.

What is this called? An air doctor. We all have to get air doctors, right? after the fires. It would be like comparing an apple to an air doctor. I think, it would be like comparing a prentile to the lunar module. Yeah. Yes.

That's right. David, it would be like, oh, I don't have any of good ones of that. But I was saying that maybe Chelsea. The chemistry between the two of you is palpable. And I think the chemistry between the three of us is very intriguing as well.

So palpable is good. Helpable is, yeah, something you can almost, you can feel it and you can touch it almost. When you day, do you feel like you're a little intimidating or guys scared to ask you out, do you think? I think men are very disturbed by me, yes. I think that they find, I think they find me off-footing. And some men really love me and that's nice. But I think as men at general, straight guys above a certain age are a little bit put off by me. not trying to be intimidating or to turn people off. I just have that essence about myself.

And I can't really. It doesn't seem like you're out trying to turn them on either. You're not like thirstily going after guys. You're just doing the last time you had sex. Oh, just a few weeks ago. I have a, I have a mountain lover. I have a, I have a mountain man that I have sex with in my mountain house in Whistler, Canada, where I ski. So right now I'm in L.A. and usually in the intertime I have sex with a mountain man. And does the mountain man have a big burly beard and really husky? What is it? A lot of pews, what are you getting at?

Yeah. He has a big, he has a beard. It's not burly, like what you're envisioning, but he has a beard. He definitely looks like he's from the mountain. You know what I mean? Is it Burke Chryscher? It is not Bert Kreischer. No, no.

He has never been on top of me inside of me. I don't think he's been on top of anyone except for his own life. So that's probably for the best. That's sweet. Yeah. We're going to spin that sweet. Well, you have a mountain man in a cabin. You've got a best-selling book about to happen.

Dial it in. You've got a special. I mean, what don't you have right now? A baby. I don't have a baby. Thank God. So there's that, you know. I think about all the things that I don't have that I'm grateful that I don't have like a husband.

I never wanted to be married. I just find that idea. I can't believe you've never gotten married, David. Did you get married one time? I don't think so. Good for you, like for making that decision. Dana, what about you? Have you been married?

It's hard to make that decision, to be honest. I was just born to be married. I've been married for 42 years. Oh, wow. Congrats on that. That's nice. I guess so. That's why Dana and I have all the sexual tension between us.

I just had a really weird childhood. And I just, I would get, the walls would close in on me over time if I was just alone too, too much, you know. Right, right. When you've had a great boyfriend and he's not. you're not married to them. And you're watching TV and you're having fun and you have your separate career in life. That's fun, right?

Because you get to share stuff. It's fun, right? You don't have to get married, though. No, no, no, no. Yeah. No, I'm with David. I mean, David and I probably have some similar dating habits. I like just to have an open field.

And even if I am dating someone, it's very clear, like, this is not, you know, this is nice and everything. But there's not going to be any sort of long-term commitment made ever. and that's not the way I roll. I don't think I've ever had that comment. That's great. It's harder for guys to have that conversation. Like Bill Maher always says to me, everyone wants to get married. I go, no one wants you to get married.

You don't have to get married. We don't. Marrard people don't think that you've all got to be married. Especially Bill Maher. Like, who's worried about Bill Maher getting married? Who? No what? He says.

He says. Yeah, exactly. I don't know. I go to Chelsea. at things just to go laugh because she's always going to say something snipey and funny about somebody it's fucking always funny um you're always good to uh i think i've even been to your house i don't know if it's that house no this is a new house you know whose house i fucking bought rfk rfk junior's house is the house and he and charl hines i bought this house i didn't know that they owned the house when i bought it

which would have been a huge take out the weight room uh why do you i mean i have had an infection ever since I moved into this house, and I believe it's from him. He's supposed to be helped guy, and you got... He's supposed to stay in the worst. Look at this. Look at this bruise.

It's from my IV. I have to have a daily intravenous... Yeah, like... I thought that was from a rough-up session with Mountain Man. With Joe Koi. With Joe Koi. Yeah.

Are you? Congratulations. Me too. You might be tempted to let Taco Bell's new Lux Value menu go to your head. Because 10 indulgences for $5 or less makes you feel fancy.

Like you might think you need cloth napkins. Well, you don't. Just use the ones that come in the bag. Don't let the lux go to your head. With Amex platinum, almost every purchase made with your card can be covered with points, including new tastes, new fits, and virtually everything in between.

That's the powerful backing of Amex. Conditions apply. Investing is all about the future. So what do you think is going to happen? Bitcoin is sort of inevitable at this point. I think it would come down to precious metals. I hope we don't go cashless. I would say land is a safe investment.

Technology companies, solar energy. Robotic pollinators might be a thing. A wrestler to face a robot, that will have to happen. So whatever you think is going to happen in the future, you can invest in it at WealthSimple. Start now at WealthSimple.com. I did a benefit for the cardiovascular whatever. And I think Ryan's streetcrest was on it. But it was a horrible environment.

And I went out there and it was pulling a tractor. And I bombed. And I came outside. And I think you might have been smoking a cigarette. I don't even know if you smoke. But you seem like incredibly cool and confident. And you sort of went, how many of these do you do? Like you basically, in my mind, you were saying to me, why would you do this?

And I had the disease to please and say yes. And so that's how I remember you. and I thought you were very cool. Oh, well, that's cute. Yeah, I was just cute. Chelsea, part of her attraction is she's honest. She's always very pretty, but she's very like kind of a tough chick that you have to, everyone feels like they have to win over because she's not easily like.

She, we're referring to you now, Chels. Yeah. He doesn't suffer fools. She doesn't suffer fools. I would not say. You got to throw something out of that's decent because she's not going to, she's going to see. But there's a hurt little girl in there somewhere and a vulnerable person. behind that.

That's what I'm looking for. There's a dewy's sentimental cry. A real softy. I think everyone has. By the way, I like that she's texting

during this. Anyway, we're giving all these compliments and you're like texting. I'm texting the police. You're going, can we wrap this up? So sting is going to be on the podcast.

I have to say, here's two names for your next specials. Ready? Okay. Okay. One is more honester. That's not bad. Oh, that's not bad.

I like that, actually. More honester. Because you're always honest, but you have another special. I've got one. Okay. I've got the balls. Okay. And here's one more.

So those are two suggestions. Yeah, here's one more. I don't have a baby, thank God. That's right. It's not a bad one because people are like, I want to hear what that shit's all about. You can never. I feel like, yeah, I feel like I've said that so many times that I like more honester, though.

That's a good one. I'm actually going to put that in my notes section, David. Two words, yeah. Mm-hmm. Two words, three syllables. Mine was intentionally, I was going through the worst title ever. So his is actually good. I think, you know, how about just Chelsea with an exclamation point?

How about? She's already done that. Oh, she's already done that. I've done it. Everything is named eponymously. She spun that name. I've used that name off. I need a new fucking name.

You know what's funny? Whitney and Chelsea, like there's a lies. A lot of the female comics, you know them by one name. You don't know me by date. You know what I mean? You all,

everyone knows you by Spade. You guys go by last name. Well, some of the girls do, too. It's true. Guys go by last name. Yeah, it's true. Sandler, Rock.

Spade. We even call each other that. Yeah. Yeah, you do. That's right. Speaking of Hollywood parties, are you going to Guy O's Series house tomorrow night, David?

Oh, I'm not because I have a fucking casino gig. Oh, dear. Well, I would love it. That's fun. I would like to see you there. I know. I was just going to see if you wanted to go with me. I'm my plus one,

but you're, I can't believe, or as you're, you know, if you were going. But, well, those are fun because he never says who's going and I never ask.

I just go, I'll just go. Yeah. What's going on. But I'm shooting this independent right now film. And this is my first day off in a while. And I definitely wanted to do this with you because it's been hard to sort of organize. But then tomorrow I have to go to a show I had book before I did this.

So I am going to miss it. I would like to do that. It's a fun night. Well, I hope you have a great time at your casino gig. What city is that in? No one knows. Exactly. You go and you just...

Those casinos are pretty tricky. They're fun, though. And when you get there, they're not bad. Is it with Nikki? With Nikki Glazer? No. No. No, we do a Vegas thing, sort of like Chelsea sometimes.

And those are fun too. At least Vegas, you can stay up late, Chelsea. Yeah, I like to gamble. I like to play with, like, lots of money and gamble. So I do my show. Usually I have a bunch of friends or family or whoever, like, they come and they get a block of rooms. You know, we hook them up.

They come out, fly out with me. And then we get it. gamble. And I, you know, I love gambling. I love blackjack. I love supplying everyone with money to gamble for people who don't have money to throw around. And I always start with a certain number and I always, always walk out with more money. Like, I am so lucky with gambling. And I have made that casino, I believe, luckier. What do you play? Blackjack? What are you playing? Yeah, Miracle ear, I just fucking said it. I know. Well, I have a fever. I'm on antibiotics.

I'm also on antibiotics with a fever. Just FYI, okay? So stop your complaining. I apologize. So you're on antibiotics? Yeah, it's your Venus. Look at this, you guys. I have a pick line in my arm.

I have like a massive infection. Amy Winehouse. I know. I know. It's embarrassing. I'm like falling apart at the seams. But I mean, I'll be okay. Just like you'll be okay, Dana Carvey.

Once you get. Carvey, the whole name. Listen, listen. Ms. Handler. I have a question. Okay, Ms. Handler. Maine is the toughest one. That's what George Bush.

That's the special. That's what George Bush called me when we met at his, Kenny Bunford. He kept calling me Ms. Handler, like, to really enunciate the, like, for my, to represent my, like, loose lifestyle. Ms. Handler, like this unmarried Hillian. He likes to laugh that guy, W.

Harlet, yeah. He makes me. She said about it. Yeah, well, you would know, Dana. I mean, you played him for so many years. That's your guy. You mean Bush Sr. Oh, right.

Didn't you play him too? No, I'm talking about Bush Jr. You played Bush Jr. Just in my stand-up, but Will Farrell did him on SNO. But I played him. Everybody does W. He's a funny, funny character. My podcast is called Dear Chelsea, people call in for real life advice.

And it's, yeah. So it's not like anything you guys would ever listen to. You take phone calls from fans and answer? From real people. No, not fans. People who have fucking problems and they call in. And I consider myself like a medical doctor. Yeah, I'm pretty smart about giving advice to people.

I'm really good at it. And I'm really a good, like, motivator. Like, go get your shit together and get, you know, make a good life decision. So, yeah, I have a podcast called Dear Chelsea. And I'm really excited actually, guys, to be spending this. It feels like a Saturday morning today, doesn't it? It's Friday. But it feels like a Saturday.

morning. I swear I thought it was Saturday. This is the earliest we've done one. I don't think we ever in history. On earlier. Yeah. Never. Okay. Well, maybe that explains. I like it. I get up early. So I like this. So do I. I always get up early. Wherever I am in the world. They said you have to be at the Beverly Center at 10. So we'll let you go. I guess you got a New Jersey. I fucking hope not. My God. That's what they told us. They go, I fucking hate malls. I grew up in New Jersey. As you know, living in New Jersey, which you mentioned previously. And I have had my run. and fill of shopping malls. So please don't mention any shopping mall to me again,

because I'm wrapped. Well, where are you going to go to Lady Footlock? Are they just have them on the street? Well, don't you love food court? Don't you love a good food court, though? You mean Sabaro? Yes, I do. A&W.

Oh, A&W. Now and now we're talking finally. No, Panda Express. I do not like Panda Express. I would like to put that out there on the record. Put it out there for future dates. Spade's going to get a Wendy's hamburger at some point. today.

Are you? I do still eat that once in a while. Yeah. I used to like Wendy's chicken nuggets, but, you know, that's not chicken. And I had to come to terms with that. Even though there was like my favorite fucking snack, I just had to eventually just be like, what am I putting in my body? You know, I put a so many chemicals in it already.

Does it really need these chicken nuggets to put me over the top? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Doesn't appear to me. Chelsea, I think we'll let you go. You did a great job. And I just want to say last.

you did use the word a sauge is that what you said earlier a suage a swage it's great i wrote it down good job okay great i learned i learned i learned a few words today quite frankly by the way when i text i got if i ever text you i have to be less like yo yo yo because i talk like a rapper so i have to probably i'll do all the spelling stuff for you okay well don't worry i don't think anyone's confusing you with a rapper make sure you change that rap after we hang up asap spadey change your wrap on your your arm. Oh yeah, Chelsea. Let's get you choppered out of there. Things aren't going well. Yeah. It doesn't even look like this, you guys. This is my life for the next week. So it's okay. Don't worry. Well, you're perfectly charming on here. Thank you for doing it.

Thank you. Nice hanging out. And I don't know who said this to me, but we'll see you around campus. Yeah, we'll see you around campus. Okay, great. Hey, guys, if you're loving this podcast, which you are, be sure to click follow on your favorite podcast app. Give us a review, five-star rating, and maybe even share an episode that you've loved with a friend. If you're watching this episode on YouTube, please subscribe. We're on video now.

Fly on the Wall is presented by Odyssey, and executive produced by Danny Carvey and David Spade, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman, Maddie Sprung Kaiser, and Leah Reese Dennis of Odyssey. Our senior producer is Greg Holtzman, and the show is produced and edited by Phil Sweet Tech. Booking by Cultivated Entertainment. Special thanks to

Patrick Fogarty, Evan Cox, Mora Curran, Melissa Wester, Hillary Schuff, Eric Donnelly, Colin Gaynor, Sean Cherry, Kurt Courtney, and Lauren Vieira. Reach out with us any questions to be asked and answer on the show. You can email us at fly on the wall at odyssey.com. That's a-u-d-ac-y-i-com.