Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade - RE-RELEASE - John Corbett

Episode Date: July 15, 2026

Remember when Dana's neighbor and Hollywood stud John Corbett came on the show?

Our guest is a good friend of yours. Yes, John Finneas Corbett. John Zachariah Corbett. Yes. He's a really good friend. This podcast was very interesting because I'd met with him before just to kind of get the lay of the land. And I would hear little bits of stories. I go, save it, save it, save it.

Because his journey, if you haven't heard this one, is really, really interesting. just a tease is like he was once a hairdresser. Yeah. And he interacts with John Lovitz, Philharb. Anyway, so this was a very interesting one. And then he makes kind of a surprise analysis at the end. So I would, if you haven't heard it, definitely listen to this one. Yeah, I love it.

I didn't know him. I just knew him in passing. And he was as advertised. You told me he had a lot of interesting things to say. And he did. And he was really fun. They lighthearted, a lot of laughs, good looking, which I always. great extra he's tall and good looking that's that's that's that's sure uh i hid my jealousy for most

of it and uh yeah anyway here he is john corbett john corbett uh what were you saying all i saw was john being really animated i click in and he goes and so in the end i got the girl i always get the girl in the end you know that i know first time i met you you just said i always played the boyfriend. So I always chase the girl around the kitchen for 90 minutes and get her in the end in any movie. John and I have something in common with both the perfect boyfriend. Here we are. You guys.

Yeah, you guys played a lot of boyfriends. We played a lot. Yeah. John, we'll talk about you for the rest of this, but I have to say in all my movies and TV shows, I have never,

I've only been married once. I've only been this guy to. like flirting with girls and it's just like the one part. It just shows how limited I am in acting. But other than that, I guess I could do other stuff. They just have never wanted to.

You can act. I mean. Who? David? David can act, but you're like, damn. Listen,

David's a fucking great actor. There you go. Thank you. Yeah. No, I'm sick. Yeah. Here's the thing.

I was thinking about you. I was thinking about both you guys. because, you know, we're going to do this thing. So I started thinking about what's interesting in my life. And, you know, it's not just about me, this thing. And I've listened to a lot of your podcasts. So I love it when you guys talk about yourselves. But, I mean, I was watching you, we just for fun the other night,

watched Tommy Boy again, because I haven't seen it since it was in the theaters. And I have never seen it with both, right? So we watched it. And, man, you know what you reminded me of in that, David, is one of my favorite movies is Moneyball, right? You got to see Moneyball? Oh, yeah. Love it. Jonah Hill.

So, yeah, Brad Pitt. Yeah, Jonah Hill, very funny guy also. But I could also so easily have seen you playing a role like that in Moneyball. Have people come to you for roles like that, like not just a big broad comedy? No, I was I was sort of saying that because I was joking that in movies, I'm always single, and I don't know why. But once it started, it was every TV show, every sitcom, every movie. And I've only been married once in a movie. They're like, what if you're actually married to a girl?

Would anyone believe or understand that? And so that was sort of my funny thing. But I do have a movie that we're doing in about a month where I sort of have a slightly different part. So that's rare. But I'm not here to talk about that. I'm just here to say, you are known as like this perfect, cool guy and every girl I know that I mentioned, you know, that's sort of your rap is like, oh, my God, you fall in love with that guy so easily. So we don't have to only talk about that, but that is a nice rap to have. Right.

And just a complete John's thought about you, David, is I think that your attitude and your rhythm in a comedy and then put that in like, no one will know this except old people, a movie like Failsafe, where he's advising the president. In other words, your attitude in a serious scenario played very real would be fun. I said that two years ago. I would like that. Now, let me, I'm going to control the interview today. So now let me go to John. Please do. I gave David a compliment.

I love it. Thank you, Dana. It is, it's rare that he gets fun. You know, the funny thing I noticed about the podcast is when sometimes David chimes in with something really funny when you guys are talking to somebody. on a little bit of a roll. And David chimes on something really funny, but David just rolls right over it.

But then I can hear David Chuck Lee think to the funny thing in the background. That always kind of makes me laugh. Well, basically, I'm interrupting the flow. So I just throw it in like that and the flow keeps going. And then I go like this, not bad. It's really good. I like that one. I get into interview mode.

You know, I've become like Mike Wall or some 60 minutes or something. But yeah, David in the early days, was just coming on to this podcast. And so our producer used to count his yawns. Remember that? And then the podcast started. Everyone goes, hey, this is a big podcast. So then David doubled down and now we're here.

Yeah. That's the reason David's wondering why I'm here. Like, what the fuck is this guy doing on this thing? Because. No, we're not, but go ahead. Not many people know this, but we are neighbors. Dana and I are neighbors up here in Paso Robos. And we, for a year now, every time I see Dana anywhere, I say, when are you going to get me on that podcast?

I love that podcast. I love that. He's always saying, yes, we'll get you on. We'll get you on someday. And finally, he just had enough. And he said, okay, you can come on. So that's why I'm here. Well, it'll be about an hour and then you'll never have to deal with me again, Dana.

Well, the idea is that everyone we mentioned, everyone knows you. Like, you've done a lot of stuff. I mean, I don't know where to start, but I do know a few little things and you can share these. Because I thought it was funny that you come out of high school and the phrase was you work as a boiler maker. And that leads you to acting. You just tell that. So we'll start with that for now for fun. Yeah.

Yeah. I left West Virginia right out of high school, I guess around 70 to 9 and came to California. to meet my dad who I didn't know because they split up when I was two. We lived in California actually until I was two. And then my mom and I went back. Wait a minute. So you met your dad like at 19? From the time I was two till I graduated high school.

I saw him two times just because he was always working. And he had another family out here. And he came for two weekends. I think when I was seven. He's busy. It's a theme on this. podcast. David has his story. Most of our guests have an absentee dad.

I don't know why. I just say it's, it's, I would love to have had an absentee dad, but that's another story. Yeah. The other thing is daddy stays. And sometimes that can be rough. But anyway, so you meet your dad, you're in L.A., West Virginia, then what happens? Well, to your point, man, yeah, I'm so happy. Daddy and I became drinking buddies when I showed up at his door at 18.

But had Daddy stayed, man, daddy was a tough. I saw what the other kid was like that he raised daddy was a tuffy right so sometimes that's better that daddy takes a hike Dana had a toughie too I had a drinker so I was the same thing when I booked up with them we started drinking so that's a good common denominator less pressure for them to be the dad once you turn 18 there's no child support there's no there's not as much stress for them so that's when my dad soft a little bit and started giving me his phone number and said you can call me now instead of me calling you yeah is he's a you He's still around?

You know what I mean? No, and now I have to hang up and cry. No, he, no. Something was coming. No, he was great once we figured it out. But, you know, I was sort of in the same boat, so I relate, keep going. I kind of relate to what you're saying. Yeah.

So my dad was also a big drinker, but a smart guy. He was a nuclear welder. He helped build San Anofrey Power Plant, and he was a watchmaker and really interesting guy. And he let me live with him. And he, you know, I just showed up at his door because I came on a cross-country trip with some friends. Well, you know, you look like you. Did you kind of almost me?

Did he, was he, was he six, five and was he just see a? We're the same. It was crazy. We're the same size, same height and weight. And, yeah, it was really weird. But he said, what do you want to do? Because I wasn't going to go to college. And he said, you want to be a boiler maker.

For people who don't know what that is. It's not the top 10 things I was thinking. It's not the top. It was my third choice. Go ahead. It's crazy. It's, you know, your welders, iron ship builders, steam boiler makers. And so I got in that union.

And that's what I did for about four years. Is it like a lot of welding with the big hat on? It's mostly all that. Well, the thing, the helmet. You got to wear the helmet. Dana. You know, one of us hasn't been boiling made. Look at these hands.

Look at these hands. He's a fucking little girl hands. Softest fucking hands I've ever seen. You know what's bothering me? Look a little baby. I got little girl hands. Yeah, a little soft little, little fucking soft gloves. I watched Raising Bowl last year.

But now you're a welder boiler maker. Yeah. You're in a shop. Have you got a really hard ass foreman fucking with you? Yeah, everyone. Come on you guys. Every one of them. Corbett, quit gold-bricking.

Yeah. Every one of them has the guy from Full Metal Jacket. Fucking telling you, let's go. Let's go. Full Metal Jacket. It's full metal jacket. Yeah, we're working. It's 10 hours a day, six days a week.

So we're cranking out 60 hours a week. And yeah, it's just, you know, it's a tough, tough life. I mean, guys are fucking losing fingers and hands and equipment. You know, it's like get a new guy. And it's like football when a quarterback goes down. It's like, you ever notice that. The coach barely even looks. He's like, next guy, get in there.

Yeah. Get in there, Jennings. When do you break it to the Boilermaker squad that you got to leave early because you have a cold reading class? But you wandered off. You're like, guys, I saw Hamlet last night. They're like, huh? It's like a movie. You're like, I think that's my calling.

They're like, get the fuck out of. That's funny. That's funny. So tell me about. You wandered off the job site, I think. I got hurt. I actually got hurt. I got hurt.

I hurt my back. And I couldn't do that heavy work anymore. I kept sort of walking with the cane, right? And I'm about, I don't know, 23. And my dad said, go to college. I was living down in Belfare and he said, go to Cerritos College. That's where he learned to Weld. He's the best brainstormer we got.

So he wants you go back to Welding school? You got a backpack and a cane. Go to Harvard. He doesn't want me to go to welding school. That's where he learned to well. He goes, just go to school. Get you finish your fucking education, you know. And that's where the real, you know, you don't want to do this your whole life anyway.

But that little junior college is where I discovered acting. I met some actors who invited me to an improv class. And, man, as soon as I walked in there, you know, I didn't act in high school or anything like that. As soon as I walked in there, I just said, fucking, this is for me. You know, because I always made my buddies laugh and things like that. And I signed up for all the acting classes. And I swear to God, two months later, I'm in hair. They did a great, you know, collection of hair.

Hey, give me a head with hair. Long, beautiful hair. Ah, you've got it down. Perfect. You guys are, can you guys harmonize? Hair, hair, hair, hair. Shine inflecting waxen. Yeah.

Everyone's got a bush. Is that one of the lines? I didn't see. That's the one of the lines that they did on Broadway. Why does it sound like Nathan Lane or something? I don't know. No, I'm going to sing a song. All right, go ahead.

So you're doing hair at a junior college. You got no other prospect, but you're loving it. Oh, yeah, I'm doing hair. I did actually go to hair school, but I wasn't going here. We'll get to your year that in a second. That's crazy. What happens? What happens?

I do it for about a year. Check it out. I sign up for extra work, right? So I start doing extra work. I'm on fucking chips. I'm on cagney and laser. Sweet. It's sweet.

Wow. Did you ever do extra work? I don't think so, no. Because we were doing stand-up, you know. Okay, so here's the great thing about extra work. I mean, how crazy is this? I even did extra work on square pegs with Sarah Jessica Parker in I think 80 fucking four or five, something like that, right? Yeah.

And so here's the great thing about extra work. If you show up and just shut the fuck. up and mind your business and open your eyes. You can learn. You get paid. 35 bucks a day. I remember the extra pay. You can learn a lot.

You can learn what this guy's doing holding this microphone and, you know, what a key grip is. And that's what I did. I used that as, I mean, I knew what everybody did by the time I got my first, you know, one line on a movie. So it was great. But you know, the real stuff, sorry to interrupt you. Yeah. It made me think that's really how you learned, just how an act.

actual set works, not acting class, where you go, oh, they do a few takes. That guy comes over and tells me, change their delivery. Okay, that seemed to work better. So you realize, oh, this is how fast it works. This is how people get talked to. This is the hierarchy. And then when you get on a set, you're not totally blindsided like we all were. Or intimidated by that environment, you know.

I was. Oh, my God. After like two years of extra work, you know, and still hadn't really gotten. You know, here's some great thing, too, about we all have. this feeling, right? When you're an extra, you just know somebody's going to see your potential and see the star. That sky is a star, man. It's going to happen. And it just, it never does, right? But you, but by the end of like two years of doing extra work, man, you could put me in a scene with Robert De Niro, even though I had never been on camera, except it was an extra. And I had just

had so much confidence of being on the set. You're right, David. That's, it gives you so much much confidence. Well, it's kind of like it's, it's magic in a way. And then if you're watching actors, you go, oh, they're just talking and that, they're just repeating. I mean, I did a movie with Bert Lancaster and Kirk Douglas. I was so fucking scared. And then we're doing a scene and it's like, I tell you where to rub the train. And he just said it like that. Then he said it like that 10 more times. And then Kirk Douglas, I think we got to rub the train. So I was like, this is Cook, Doug's and Bert Lancaster. That's it. Yeah. But if you're reading a script along, Dana, I've done this where I had two lines and something.

So I'm just, I'm just sort of reading the script, watching from the side. And the way they do it compared to how it is where I read it my head, I go, oh, they're putting a little spin on that. Oh, that's not how I pictured that line. Oh, they went down on that.

And that's kind of little things you pick up. You go, oh, like you do an acting class. You learn stuff you don't even think you would learn. And you go, oh, that helped me. But check this out, though. Here's the thing. Did you find this with Kirk Douglas and Lancash? Bert Lancaster.

When you get on the set, you know, David, even if you've had a month's worth of acting classes, right, you can now do a monologue, you can do a fucking scene. When you get on set and you see that

these guys can't even say two fucking lines without fucking it up. Like, yeah, I just worked in Steel Factory 60 hours a week. That's hard work. These guys can't even string two lines together. And when you see,

you know, I mean, it's just, that's just the way it is. The laziness, the laziness. If you can act, this is for kids, listen, if you can act for 20 seconds. That's it. You can own Hollywood.

Yeah. All you need is 20 seconds. And it doesn't hurt your back usually. So you're like, why was I doing that other bullshit? Yeah. It's a 20 second increment kind of deal. So would you ask me, what left? So my teacher came to me and she said, her name was Georgia well.

And she said, look, I think you can. And you're like, and that was the beginning of every girl hitting on me for the rest of my life. Well, we'll get to the ladies later. But he's happily married now. Yes, I know. I love Beau. She says, both the best. She says, she says, you got to, I think you could do this.

But you got, you know, I'm living 30 miles south of Hollywood. And I've been there four years, been that Hollywood twice, wants to walk around and look at the stars on Hollywood Boulevard and another time to see a taping of family feud with Richard Dawson, right? That's my own. Oh, wow. Yeah, it might as well be 300 miles away when you live down Long Beach. You just never go. Yeah. You know, what are you going to do? Go to Shakey's Pizza Parlor? I mean, there's fucking, there's nothing there. And she said, you got, so, you know, I had a nice, I mean, I was. making 20 bucks an hour in 1980 working at steel factory. I had a nice

little condo. She says you got to move up there and you got to take acting classes because time's ticking. You should have started this at 18. And I did it. I fucking moved to Westwood. It's scary, but that's probably the best advice.

If I shouldn't give me that advice that we wouldn't be talking right now. It just wouldn't have never happened. I would have been too afraid to make a big move like that. But I moved to Westwood and moved in with, there was five of us. Me and four 18-year-olds in a two-bedroom apartment, they were all going to UCLA,

and I was in the bedroom with three guys. I enrolled in hair school. Down in, hair school. You were enrolled in hair school, even though you're thinking of an act. I like he throws it in like it's the most normal move. That's probably his dad called him. Go to hair school.

We all try to get a, I started making handmade gloves before I audition for S&L. I had to have something to fall back on. So you're confident, but you go to hair school just in case it doesn't work out. Here's what happens. So because of the accident, I sued the company and I got a nice sack of cash, right? Okay, more than $100,000 or less?

It was about, it was about $100,000 of which I got about $33,000, right? Okay. They get some and everybody gets a little. And I got that. But, you know, my rent is at this place is $300 a month, you know, with the guys. So I'm doing all right. But the girlfriend that I had at the time was a hairdresser who made it down in Long Beach. She made a good living at it, right?

So I know I'm not going to be on a TV show anytime soon. And I think, hmm, I like what she does. It's kind of creative. I love shampoo. And I think that I'm the movie shampoo. Yeah. Yeah. In my mind.

Great. You're great. I can cut hair to all the, I knew one thing's going to happen. There was money in people in show business pockets. And I was going to fucking take some of it out one way or another. I was going to be an actor or I was going to be a hairdresser on movie sets. You know, I'm getting some of that cash that they have. Because now, oh, that's looking good, man.

Oh, no, John. I just took my hand off because I thought it was rude I'm wearing a hat. No, I like it. I like the, I like the fucking height. Me and Dana have the interchangeable hair. We get a lot of heights. There's nobody you've ever had on this podcast, by the way, out of 150 of them that knows hair more than I do. You both have fun.

You fucking nail it. I love it. You both have great hair. Okay, so you then you become a professional and you're working in a salon and you're kind of like, and you're young, strapping young man, six foot five. You're a little bit like Warren Beatty and shampoo at that point. That's right. There's nothing more seductive than cutting a woman's hair. And you're straight and that's so rare.

So these girls are all coming in and talking. You're just meeting girl. I mean, that's like, that's all you do all that. That is not correct. I am, I am working. You guys know where that little restaurant by the Beverly Center is called Jan's. It's right. It's like kind of a casual.

Yeah. Like a little diner, right? So we're sharing the hair of school. We're sharing the park. lot with jans it's like i don't know beverly and lasianiga so i'm right in the jewish area of of beverly hills so every not hot chicky but every client i have is a little old jewish lady who's coming in for a three dollar set right and i'm going to get i'm going to get a dime and maybe a quarter for a tip right so i the whole time i'm there i'm working on 60 year old ladies

Oh, okay. We were off by a little bit, John. I was picturing like the Instagram. I mean, the money that goes into it now with everyone around town, like there's so much money being spent on hair and coloring and all that stuff. Oh, yeah. There was a guy at this particular time in Josephi Franco. You ever heard of this guy?

Oh, yeah. Very famous. Mickey Rourke's his best friend. This is 1985. And he's getting 35 bucks a haircut back then and nobody could. believe he was making getting paid that much for a haircut crazy yeah i think i think that's on canon maybe that maybe that's still there it's still there yeah you might laugh at this when i first got a little extra money i would have someone come to my house this is being the 80s little s and l money and it was

like 400 dollars what i don't even i maybe i don't know what i was thinking bill clinton remember he got a his haircut on the air force because it's 400 dollars the guy brings uh on the leather pouch has like 90 scissors in it. And he's going around my ear with little tiny scissors. And he often, I would bleed. I mean, he would cut it. And I'd still pay him and I'd have to, you know, I was dabbing cotton. Anyway.

So go, so you're doing that. And so here's what, what's your first move in Hollywood then? Here's my first move. What are you going to say? So back then you had to, you had to go into a fucking guy's office and do a scene. if you wanted to try to get an agent. Hardest things in the world, move into Hollywood for anybody listening.

Here's your two toughest things. Get you, getting an agent and getting your sag card. They're almost impossible things to do, right? Without help, without some sort of help. Without knowing anybody. No connections, yeah. It's an impossible task. But back then, you would, I only did it once.

I had this old-timey agent named Dick. done who referred to himself in the third person as old dick done. Old Dick Dunn always returns his calls. Old Dick Dunn. I want to make that a character. Dana wants to play him already. Dick Dunn doesn't do that. Dick Dunn goes over here.

Dick Dunn gets it done. Dick Dunn drives himself to work. Old Dick Dunn. Eddie, you got to add old Dick Dunn. You referred to him. Old Dick Dunn. Okay. Old Dick Dunn will give you a dick down.

Old Dick Dunn. done out of farm. EI. E.I. Fuck yourself. So what? So he's your agent now? Dick Dunn? So old Dick Dunn, I go in, I do a scene, and he's my guy. And old Dick Dunn has an office up on the end of sunset where it goes into Beverly Hills, right across from the old Jaguar place. I don't know if that's still there, but do you know

what I'm talking about? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Check this out. Old Dick Dunn used to say, hey, come down to the office today at noon. We're going to lunch and I'd go down at noon. This is probably, yeah, this is 1985. Guess who's fucking in the office and we're going to go down and have lunch at the old hamburger hamlet at the end there. Remember that?

Fuck yeah. Yeah, yeah, definitely. I walk in Vincent Price. So he's friends with Dick Dunn. He goes, come on. You're coming with me and Vince. We're going down here. I fucking get to go hang out.

A couple of times this happened with Vincent Price. Hi, I'm Vincent Price. No, I don't do it. I like the curly fries. I love that. We're dealing with a very unusual situation. It's slightly Peter Lorry a little bit. You know, Hamburger Hamlet had, you were over there by Abrams artists, too,

which was kind of by that vicinity. There was Lodome, which someone told me, Elton John ate there for lunch once, and I kept going, Someone take me that place so I can see Elton John in real life. And Hamburger Hamlet, Dean Martin was there once. Oh, did you see him? Yeah, so it's the same thing.

It's like you can randomly, you get these agents that their whole life is based on lunch. They go, let's go to lunch. And then they go to, they get out and show off their new clients, which you look like a big study. He's walking. He's my new guy. It's my new guy. But he knows Vincent Price, which is pretty cool. Yeah.

So you're hanging out with Old Dick Dunn and Vincent Price. in 1985. Basically, Decaprio's squad. Here's the fucking craziest part. I looked it up recently because he was such an old man to me, right? You know, he was a little hunched over. I looked it up.

I'm fucking 63. He was a year younger than me when we were going to lunch, Vincent Christ. And he seemed ancient. He was the fucking year younger than me. So bizarre. So. So here's what happens.

The old Dick Dunn, he's sending me out for things. And halfway through hair school, I get a commercial, right? So I get this commercial for Samsung Electronics. I shoot it in one afternoon. And, you know, hair school takes about a year to get out of. So halfway through hair school, when I graduate from hair school, this commercial starts running. And so I'm working in a salon. I go to work at the salon on Melrose and Blessinganda called On Mars.

And our biggest client was this rock and roll kid named Charlie Sexton. Do you remember this kid at all? Oh, hell yeah. Yeah. Feed so lonely. Beed so lonely. Oh, I love that you know that. Charlie was our guy.

I used to wash Charlie's hair for him. I'm making $150 a week in this hair salon, hoping for some walk-ins, which hardly ever happened, because it's on the third floor of this building. So walk up. Yeah. Nobody's walking in. So I'm basically too tall. I can't make it.

That place. No, I can't even get up to stairs from my hair. No, my little Jewish ladies aren't coming there anymore. Oh, they're coming. Now I'm in the hip place,

but it's all appointments for the three other hair dressers that are working there who are fucking booked all day long. And I'm, you know, I'm sweeping up a fucking hair and, you know, throw it in a trash can and wait for a lot.

It's a split ends of Charlie Sexton. Is the new. kid in town. The new kid's got to be the shampoo boy too. So I'm shampoo and everybody's heads and a towel's dried him. Here's the thing. I'm 150 a week. Two months I'm working in a salon. The commercial starts playing eight grand a month I get for two months for this thing. For this thing I worked six hours on. And I quit. I quit that job. And now one commercial. Did you throw off your, did you throw off down your scissors and throw

I need to do a Fuck you. Norma Ray. Guess what? You all. So great. That's fucking that. I love it.

Eight grand. That's what gets you dicted. You go, holy crap. There's money in them, their hills. I'm still in the $300 a month place, right? So.

Yeah. And I still got a nice little stack. Pys of Rollseroids. I got his hair. Do you have any shoes with diamonds on them? Yeah. And I got. a little leftover from the sack of gold from the from the lawsuit right so yeah fuck i'm not gonna do

this hair deal and uh i'm kind of you know going out on auditions and stuff i got my fucking cheap little headshot but another mistake young people who are listening to come into hollywood just know this it's not going to happen you're fucking not going to have a 40 year career where you only get to act and live in a multi-million dollar house. And that just, it's, it's, it's like telling, it's like telling a kid who's standing in line for the five o'clock fucking, you know, comedy store there to do a open mic night. Like, this probably is not, you're, you're not going to do this for 30 years and live in a million dollar house.

You kind of just got to know that that's not going to happen. It's, you know, for the three of us, it happened. but there's a lot so many reasons why it probably shouldn't have happened right it's a possibility but it's very very tough and they see people like you they see people and they go it can happen and that keeps people going and if they're good i think if you're good someone finds you advice i used to get was like how do you this how do this i go people will find you if you're good at something like your teacher realized you had something and and sometimes in comedy i see people and i go i think this guy's going to make it but you can't it's not you're not you're good at something like you're

just about do it a lot. It is about doing a lot, but if you have something, I think the word gets around somehow. Right, but it's, it's tough. I mean, I, I, I think, I think it's emotionally violent to do this career. I was in this acting class at San Francisco State and this actress came in and she's somebody you might recognize or did a few commercials. First time I'd heard this. If you can do anything else with your life, do that. But if you can't live without trying to show business, go ahead. That's how, but she had a cigarette and she looked pretty blue stuff. But anyway, go ahead. It ain't easy, kid. So here you are. Now you got a commercial on your belt. Yeah, I got a commercial under my belt and, you know, I don't know, a year, a year's worth

of Hollywood acting classes, right? But here's the mistake that everybody makes. That old Dick done now, he's got some connections, right? So he's sending me out. for, Hollywood's such a small little town back in the 80s. It's even smaller now in some ways for, let's say casting directors. You guys know this. For casting directors,

there's fucking 12 or 15 of them, right? So Dick Dunn's sending me out for pilots and stuff because, you know, I'm a tall, fucking half decent looking white guy, right? So back then,

that was most of every fucking, every pilot had a rover guy like that. But I'm not ready. You know, I'm fucking walking in there. Too green. I'm green. My hands are shaking the fucking script.

I'm forgetting where I am. I'm pouring sweat like broadcast news. And the mistake is these guys now have seen me. And you only get that saying, you only get one first shot. One first shot to make a good impression. So they're never fucking bringing me back. You know, every time I go in there, they're like, no, you know, you can just tell when somebody's ready. You see a guy on any open mic and I.

you guys know like, fuck, this guy's got something or he's got a long way to go. It's too early. So that was my big mistake, you know, and, uh, well, not my mistake, because I was learning, you know, but that's my advice also to people like, don't come to Hollywood and go get that headshot before you take like three years of acting classes. Before we get to your success, yes, exposure and stuff, I know that you did work doing lighting at the Burlington and when Phil Hartman and John Levitts were there. This is a fucking great story.

Now we got something. This is SNL, baby. This is SNL. Adjacent. This is SNL fucking. So why were you working there if you were so flush and doing commercial? Yeah. Well, you didn't run out of that 8K that got taxed, did you?

It goes like this. So my buddy wants to go see the movies, right? Remember we used to go to the movies and see a fucking look at the posters and go, oh, let's go see this one, right? Fuck, yeah. Yeah. So we do that. And then there's this movie with this guy and it's called, you know, Pee Wee's Big Adventure.

I said, he goes, let's go see it. And I said, no, fuck, let's go see whatever else is playing. That's a fucking kid's movie. He says, I don't think it's a kid's movie. I think it's something else. So we go. It's like fucking that first showing, 10, 30 or 11 o'clock. I can't remember what theater was somewhere in Hollywood.

We go see this movie and I sit there at my fucking jaw drops. I can't even understand like what I'm seeing, right? Because this character is, you know, it's so dimensional. And this fucking guy, who is this guy? We sit through like three of them. We sit through three of those screenings. And that probably went back a couple times and took other people. But what you got to remember is, and nobody understands it, you know, today except, you know, this age range.

Once you walk out of that theater and you're going, who's fucking Pee Wee Herman, you got no way to look up who this guy is. You know, there's no fucking little thing you can touch. Can't Google him? Yeah. Go find information in 1985. Plus, I thought he's a real guy. I didn't think he's playing anyone. I was too new.

I was just like, that's a real guy. You know what I didn't think it was a Paul Rubens. That's funny. Or so we're, there is no Paul Rubens. There's the only Pee We Herman. Yeah. I'm not even sure I knew this, you know, we're reading in the credits that this guy's name was Paul Rubin's. So we, you know, we can't find out anything about this guy.

And not too long after that, my buddy says, hey, there's this, there's this place where this guy named Paul Rubin, who's playing pee, studied acting and does skits called the groundings, right? Groundlings, it's on Melrose. Let's go fucking check it out. he'll probably be there, right? Yeah, for sure. I know. So we go there. It makes sense.

Yeah, makes sense. So far it tracks. We're going to go fucking see this guy. So we go Friday night. I remember it was a Friday night. We get some tickets. I think they're fucking $7 or $10 to go see the groundings. You guys have been to the groundings.

Yep. So we walk in this theater. It's a very tiny theater for anybody listening. He's never been there. And at this time, nobody's talking about the growlings, right? So now everybody has some kind of reference because of all the Saturday night live alone. But you know, it's a very small theater. There's an aisle up the middle.

It's about 99 seats. And there's fucking 50 seats on each side up a little incline. It's small. Tiny intimate. Very tiny intimate. So we get in there and we're looking around. Ah, fuck, peewey's not here. and the show starts.

I'm sure he's not there. The show starts and I once again, I can't believe what I'm seeing. So it's about a half hour. I'm sorry, I guess it's 45 minutes or so of sketch, right? And then they take a little intermission and then come back and this fellow stands up

and starts saying, oh, give me a place, give me a town, give me a job. And they're doing some of the fucking best, improv I've ever seen because I have only been in classes, right, with people who don't know what the fuck they're doing. It looks like a magic trick. It's unbelievable how crazy is you go.

How are they doing this? It is a magic trick because they've studied, you know, how to produce the fucking, you know, rabbits from the hats. I mean, they, you know, the gimmee a scenario, as you know, is also a trick. It's like you can fucking say anything, you know? Yeah. Yeah. But they're seeming like geniuses at this point. Yeah, of course.

So after the show, there's going to be another show. We're at the early show. After the show, we go out, and the audience is clearing out. And that's fella who's saying, give me a name, give me a place, comes out in the thing. And I go up to him and I say, hey, I love the show. I can tell he's kind of in charge. It turns out this fellow's name's Tom Maxwell, who at the time is like a founding member of the groundlings. and the sort of guy, their director, right, of everything.

But I just know he's the guy that was leading the fucking band. And so I said, is there any job that I could do here? I love this. I want to be around this. And he said, he looks me up and down. He says, are you available every weekend? And I said, yeah. He says, my spot guy's leaving.

You ever work a spotlight? And I said, no. He said, can you come tomorrow night? for the first show. Get here about 6 o'clock. And you're going to do two weeks with my spotlight guy. And you're going to take over the spotlight. I said, yeah.

He goes, you're also going to sell candy and beer at the intermissions. And he says, you good with that? And I said, yeah, he goes, 35 bucks to show cash. So 70 bucks a night. You good with that? And I go, yeah, he goes, I'll see you tomorrow. And I fucking came back the next day. And I learned how to fucking do the spotlight,

which is much more intricate than you would think. Because, you know, now you're, now you're doing a dance, right? With the performers. So I might have been, it might have happened before me, but I don't remember, like Lovitz, for example, doing. Hello. Hello. That's the Thesbian.

Jealous. Jealous. So, for instance, you know, Hartman would probably say, and now a word from, Liars Anonymous, right? And at that beat, it's a dark theater. Bang, that spotlight has to come on exactly where fucking Lovitz is going to be. Right. Yeah, yeah, totally.

And I got to know his act. And I got to know what his last fucking goodbye line is. And bang, spotlight goes out, stays dark for a minute. You know, there's a little booth next to me where guys are also upgrading the main lights, right? So I got to learn this, this fucking act. And for the whole show. And it was just fucking amazing. And I don't know how long I was there before one weekend, Lovitz is gone, right?

It's like, where's John? He's got an audition for Saturday Night Live. Now, in my mind, this is not possible because, you know, that you have run across in the world. It might be on Saturday Live. It might be on Saturday Night Live. One of my favorite shows that I have watched since the day it came on in 1975, I believe it was October, because I'm about 14 or 15. and to this fucking day

have probably never missed an episode I mean I still get excited when I wake up on Saturdays. I'm not bullshitting that tonight is a new fucking episode of Saturday Night Live with somebody, Josh Boland maybe. And all day long I'm like,

fuck it's coming on soon. I'm still like a 14 year old boy when it's on. Are you guys like that at all? I love it. Well, if I go back there, if I go back there and I hear that theme music. Yeah.

Lauren talks to me and I go in 8-H. Yeah, it's heady, heady stuff. There's nothing like it. But the interesting part of that is that you're seeing Phil Hartman and John Lovett's pre-Saharanite Live working together. And then I think there was at one point you were there. I don't know, around this time.

And you were having an argument with your girlfriend at the ground lengths in the hallway and something happened. Oh, yeah, Dana. So what was that story? Just an argument, getting a little loud. And then what happened? Well, so that's funny. So from this time, there's only a couple people that are going to know Isaiah the groundings.

Phil wasn't one of them because I didn't have much exchange with him. But Lovitz, Kathy Griffin, George McGrath. Do you know that guy, George McGrath? He's a guy I always heard about it. Simpson's guy, and he wrote a lot of the pee-wey stuff. People thought he's great writer, yeah. Great fucking writer, and even better performer. He should have been on Saturday Night Live.

Why? Oh, I didn't know he was a performer. Oh, my God. One of the best. One of the best. So in the back of these stairs at the ground links where you work in the spotlight goes down to where the cast is, you know, Phil and John would sneak up, you know, individually to kind of watch the show if they were on for a while.

And I would kind of have this rap with John, right? And so we sort of had a thing. Phil would come up and I liked shoes, right? I always bought like thrift store shoes. And Phil would always notice my shoes, like executive. wing tips or some two-tone shoes. Oh, yeah. And he'd say, every time he'd say, hey, nice shoes.

He'd whisper to me because the audience is also sitting right, well, let me. He'd say, I'd say, thanks, thanks. And I'd say, would you get those? And I like to shop with this. He wants a pair. Yeah. I like the shopperous place about Ardbarks that used to be on Melrose. I remember Ardbarks.

Where to get those shoes, fella. Yeah, I like the shoes. Yeah, a little chikazard in film, yeah. So every time he, because as he's coming out these stairs, you know, he's seeing my feet first before he gets the top. And so every time I started, found myself like trying to wear nice shoes when I'd work because I thought Phil might notice. Yeah. What a great reason to talk. Yeah.

Yeah. And every time he'd fucking come up almost and he'd look down shoes and he'd say, hard marks. And I'd say, yeah, hard marks. But I was more friendly with love. Three bucks. So anyway, what about the argument with the girlfriend? Yeah. This time, I'm with this girlfriend.

But this time I'm famous, right? Because I'm on Northern exposure for about two years. So John and Phil are hosting this thing in like Montana, one of these things you guys get paid for to come host a charity event, right? Yeah. And I'm with this girlfriend and we're arguing in the hall, out loud, fucking kind of yelling. And the door pops open and it's Lovitz.

And he says, hey, he goes, get in here. And so we both come into the room. So you guys do love it all the time, right? And so the world kind of thinks of love it says, you know, jealous. Hello, jealous. Yeah, that guy. Right. And he's like that on the talk show.

So they don't know there's another fucking side of this guy. And Lubbitts for about an hour was like a therapist to us telling us why we should be kind to each other, how to fucking get through this thing. It was like every self-help book you've ever read, because I've read a ton of them, in an hour. I mean, I always remember that he did that. You know that side of it, right? He's like that. He's like a fix-it guy. If you say something's wrong, he goes, I'm going to give you a list of three doctors that you should see tomorrow.

And I'm going to call them ahead of time. And I'm like, oh, okay. So he really gets into things. And he's very like an earnest person. Yeah. That seems a little different than his persona. So you're trying to get the power over. you should accept the power

I could just see him why do you fight you need to you're lucky to have someone you know he yeah he does get in that he's not that broad but he come yeah he will have a talk with you I agree you're right on that story

it was it was just amazing and I bumped into him a few times since then you know because where we live we're just so far out of Hollywood by you know a lot of hours but I'll always remember him until they stick me in the ground that he took the time to be so sweet like that that's nice John, if you're listening, there you go.

Yeah. So you have such a big resume here. I don't even know where to start. Let's talk about this fat resume. Damn. There, what the first big one was Northern Exposhion? The controversy with Rob Lowe. I don't know if it's a known controversy, but it's not really, but.

Hey, wait, let me tell you guys one thing. We shared, the three of us shared a space in the early 90s. I think you know this day, but I'm going to reveal it. We shared a space in the early 90s. early 90s for one of the most iconic things in rock and roll that ever happened. You know what it is, David Spade? Uh-uh, I do not. The three of us were at the 1992 MTV Awards that some people say were the best awards ever.

The one Dana hosted? The one Dana hosted. I presented to Van Halen. You did skits. You did the welcoming guy. And a receptionist. And I also was trying to help write Dana jokes. I think Dana, right?

I was supposed to be underneath that. and you did that. I played drums with you too via remote. Oh, yeah. You got Nirvana. You got Nirvana. Black Crohn's. Elton John.

Guns and Roses. Yeah. Shit. 20,000 cedar. Yeah. Oh, you got fucking Eric Clapton. I mean, it was a 20,000 cedar. That was an.

Polypavilion. It was polypavilion. They were a big deal. That was a big deal. That was a very big deal. Howard Stern, fart man came down. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

All the same one. I can't unsee that. So much more fun than when it feels like, I didn't even know what the MTV Awards are they even do them anymore. So then here's another three degrees since we're in this section. Okay. Your wife was on, thankfully did a part in a movie I did called Master of Disguise where she starts the movie and runs away in the night and stuff and then goes.

in a car and it's like she goes like this and then suddenly it's James Brolin. So as if James Brolin was doing a disguise. So he's Bo Derek. David worked with her on Tommy Boy. And then so we also have that connection to Bo. We have that connection. I mean, you're married to her. But we, I met her. I was. So the other night when we watched when we watched Tommy Boy, we were talking about some stuff. And I remember on your podcast, somebody, I don't remember who it was, was talking about Bo's short hair in Tommy Boy, right?

And that John had said, I don't want you to look like a movie star. Cut your hair short. And she said, fuck, that didn't happen like this. Here's what happened. Let's see if you guys know. So Bo is in Paris

on pre-production on a movie, right? That she's going to do a couple months from now, but she thought she shouldn't have short hair. So she cuts her hair. and she's trying it out and she said about a week later she gets a phone call

we want to we want you to offer you this movie but if you say yes you've got to get on a plane and tomorrow and fly to Toronto from Paris and start

that afternoon which she did she said yes to it and she said she fucking landed in Toronto in the morning and by the afternoon she was shooting the swimming pool scene, right?

Wow. Wow. Yeah. Sounds familiar. Yeah. So for all these years, as we know acting, how acting goes, you don't fucking get a call 12 hours before. So she was obviously replacing somebody who.

I was wanting, are you going to ask me who she covered? I don't know. We finally know. I don't know who fell out. Do you know? Because I don't know. Who could beat Bo Derek? So, so, Bo's fantastic manager, I don't even know if you know this, but was the great

Bernie Burrell. steam, right? Oh, we, oh, oh, it was? It was. Yeah. Oh, wow, that's all ties together. Okay. Bernie, well. So Bernie only had two women, apparently, according to Bernie, who we've had so many dinners with. I fucking love that guy. Yeah. Bernie only had Gilda and Bo, the only two women he's ever represented. I think that's pretty cool. Huh, shit. That's a good group. So, Dan, I mean, David, you don't know who Bo replaced? If you tell me, maybe it'll ring a bell, but I just, it's, Beau is so ingrained in my head for that.

Rickelle Welch. Oh. Yeah. Do I remember anything about Raquel? Wow. I don't think that got, I don't think I got C-C'd on that, didn't come across my desk. I was in the same boat.

They're going, get the fuck over there and cut your hair and go get your fittings and learn your lines. And then they're like, I think we were like, wait, who's the person that's playing this? Who's this? because we didn't know. We got, we had one girl we knew that we got as the girl

that we both flirt with at the pool. But other than that, we didn't know anyone. We didn't know. Julie Warner was in my acting class, though. Wait. That's not why she got it, but we knew where Rob,

Rob Schneider was in there in Ivana Chubbock's class. And then, so I was like, when they, her name came up, I said, oh, I think she's great. She came in,

Farley loved her. And Bo came in, and Bo came into a shit, That's so nice she just said yes, by the way, because it was kind of a gamble. Yeah. Well, she had time off for this other thing that never actually happened. Here's the other thing. Both said, she was only supposed to be there for a week.

She said, I was fucking there for 10 weeks. On Tommy Boy? On Tommy Boy. And then she started flying home and coming back for just those few little scenes that she's in. She's probably in five little scenes. She said she was there for 10 weeks. And I've heard you on the thing saying before how you guys would fly back to do the show and then come back on Saturday night and be exhausted unless Farley went to the same party.

When he wanted to go to the fucking after party, we were dead. Yeah. We got to go for one minute. Lornell get mad. I go, Lord doesn't know what the fuck, who will you? We are. I said, what do you remember about Chris? There's what she said about each of you.

She said, the crazy thing I remember is this is 95. So it's not like you can get an espresso machine and stuff. Now she said he wanted an espresso machine and she goes, they got him like a $14,000 espresso machine and he would drink a bunch of espresso. And then she said his face would just get beat red and he'd fucking like, you know, pull his hair up and stuff and go like, what are we doing? What are we waiting for? Yeah, it was, it was a, she was exactly right. And the first day we had a three and a half page scene in the diner where I realize he's a good salesman and he's talking to like.

about chicken wings or whatever they're wingy and he was doing a shot of expresso between each take and we're like Chris what do you do we both didn't really know how much fucking coverage we would do we thought we do the scene a few times everyone's like great job but that was a master and then they push in and do a medium shot then they push over me and do my over the shoulder of Chris then a tight and then turn around to me and then me as a wide and then the two of us in a side shot and then the wage is this way, then that way. And we had no idea. So we're there for 16 hours.

And Chris is asleep at lunch going, what the fuck? We have more of this? We already did it a hundred times. He peaked at 9 a. Yeah, he peaked at 9 a. And we said, you can't, I said, I don't think you're going to have that cappuccino all. They're going to have a heart attack. I said, that coupled with your salt imbalance leads to a weight problem.

And so, yeah, so he goes, I got to tone it down. But he would, he would drink all that in the morning and he would crash so hard. lunch that all the PAs would be like, I'm not waking them up because you'd hear knock, knock, knock, knock. Get the fuck out of here. And they're like, they need you. First team. So funny and he come back so mad at his hair all. Steam coming out of his ears.

All I remember is Bo was being lovely and we were nervous around her. And so, but she couldn't have been more sweet. And she might have felt like she's because she wasn't every single. that, and these idiots, you know, like this goofy comedy, but I'm glad it actually worked out where she's part of it, because over the years I always hear about it. It's very nice to hear about something like that. I'm glad she's part of it all. I said, what do you remember about David mostly? And she said, I just remember a steady stream of people, he was eating more tuna fish sandwiches than I've ever seen anybody eat their life. And he never put on a pound, but he was

I was eating tuna for sandwiches. It was the stress of the movie, my weight I was losing was going straight to Farley. So Lauren would say, well, the weight stayed on screen. It just shifted from you to him. But he said, you're like the number 10. It's a little skinny spade. And then Farley became Laurel.

Laurel. Yeah, it was Lauren Hardy. It was Laurel. And through the, you know, you're shooting the movie out of sequence. So we don't even know if it's any good. we were stressed out of our fucking words. This is the funny thing I want people who are listening to do. So I'm surprised there's not more outtakes and bloopers of you guys because I looked them up online.

And there's really only one little set of like a three minute little put together of bloopers, right? Unless there's another one I couldn't find. But, you know, when you're making a movie, you're there for fucking six weeks, mostly 14 hours a day. And you don't move to the next scene for people who aren't in showbiz. You don't move to the next scene till you shoot one of the things David was talking about, like two people sitting at a table. And then you'll shoot the other guy from another angle. And until you get that angle and then move it to another one, you don't even think about going outside to shoot the fucking scene in the rain, the deer or whatever. So when I watch these bloopers, you know, people who haven't made many movies, it's always...

I know what you're going to say. I don't know. Listen, it's always fun. It's always fun. It's always fun to fuck up and laugh, right? But the more somebody laughs and fucks up a take, the more you got to stay there and fucking do it. And the clock just ticks. And sometimes you're going, man, we could have been out of here an hour. And I'm still trying to do the scene.

Right. So to watch Farley, you know, be like a little kid because I was watching you. And you rarely fuck up. But Farley would constantly like machine gun laugh when he fucks up. And sometimes you laugh. look at your face in some of these. You're just like looking straight ahead. And he's like,

yeah, I knew where you were heading with that because I saw the tape once. And I was like, oh my God, look at me because I'm just staring in a space going, we're going again. Yeah. Because, you know,

you can't get it and you can't move on like you said. And it's three hours after we're supposed to wrap and we have to fly back to New York from Toronto. Yeah. And I'm like, Farley, just say it. And he thought it was the greatest joy in the world to fuck up his lines and get the crowd

laugh. And he's like the mayor of the crowd. He's like, Look at Chip over there. He's laughing. He knows what's going on. And I'm like, Barley,

keep going. We got to get this. And so I can see some of those, we would laugh. And some of those we were just staring into space because we were in a day's going, it's so long. It's so long.

Yeah. And there's one little thing where he's trying to pop that fucking life preserver, right? And the movie, and the movie he just grabs a pen and it pops. But there's an outtake of him. And you could kind of see the anger in him, which is kind of rare.

He's like, this fucking pen doesn't fucking work. or something like that. Yeah. It wasn't sharp enough. Yeah, it wasn't sharp enough. I love seeing those little intricate things. Oh, yeah, the behind.

See, there's one time when I go, for some reason when he goes, Zelensky is Zeblot. And I go, and he seems like a nice guy. And I go, he made a nice guy. And then he starts laughing and then I start laughing because that's a genuine, we crack up. And he laughs. Yeah.

Yeah. But I'm like, and then I'm like, we got to get that again because it's sounding kind of funny. I hope they can keep that because I'm trying to stay in it and then he laughs so hard. I can't. I start laughing. Oh, people look at it. There's a sweet one too where you're saying line and then you whisper his line to him and he fucking throws himself down and he's like,

because I would know his lines in my head. I'm like, just say this and then I say this. And he's like staring in his face. I'm like, that blank look, he does not know what's next. It's so great. People, good people listening. Just fucking punch it in and watch it. All right, what do you want to know?

Well, these are your tent polls, basically, for the general public, Northern Exposure, won the Emmy. Yeah. Your first huge job. Obviously, sex in the city and then revisiting it now. Yeah. Obviously, your time as a rock star, which is really interesting, or a country music star. Yeah. My big fat Greek wedding, one and two.

Parentshood, Kate Hudson, raising Helen, Tony Collette's husband in United States of Terror. So it's, we can't get to all of it. That's okay. There's a lot of shit on there. There's a lot of shit on there. Here's the thing, fellas. Yes. It's called fly on the wall, right?

So you've got to reveal some stuff, right? Or else we're just fucking talking. Yeah. The fact of the matter is I kind of picked, look, I'm at the fourth quarter of the football game now in life and in showness. And it's just a fact. So I can reveal now, I picked the fucking wrong thing to do with my life, right? I mean, I really, you know, being an actor is, for one, since I was a kid, I hate to be told what to do, fucking by any authority figure. So I picked something to do with my whole life from my fulfillment of my work life, which is,

dude, stand here, say this, put this on, look this way, say it faster, cut your hair like this. And there's not really as an actor in my position, which is, you know, always second, third, banana in something. Yeah, I'm not Emma, I'm a fucking stone in, you know, in pretty, poor things, you know, where I'm collaborating. I'm not collaborating with the writers. I'm just fucking, have you ever sat in? You feel like a puppet. You feel like a puppet. But here's the part of the puppet.

Have you ever sat in a fucking waiting room of a doctor's office for like an hour? And you're going, what the fuck? For me, that's what making a movie is like, because I'm not part of any creative process. And those minutes that we'll do to the table and then they say, okay, we're going to turn around. We need you in two hours. That 14-hour day for those six weeks. For anybody listening, it's going to sound like I'm an ungrateful prick. But I'm just telling you, for my work life, I made a lot of money.

I live in a beautiful home. People come to me in every fucking restaurant I go in. I'm a friend of the world. But as far as a fulfilling creative work life, I didn't write one fucking line. I didn't write one joke to make people laugh. So it's been unfulfilling on that level, like all those things you mentioned. And, you know, there were some, you know, good times here and there. But most of it's sitting waiting for them to fucking knock on your door to go,

hey, we need you to come back and say that thing again. And to me, man, it's such a boring fucking life. Anybody listening has never been on a movie set. If you came to visit any one of us for two days, just two of those 14-hour days, you'd say, I never want to be here ever again. This is like watching Pink Drive. And it's just human stuff. Did you ever have a director that you felt?

Because I had this experience in my three movie career, was actively had animus toward you, didn't really want to cast you, was kind of subtly sabotaging you. I mean, you get in scenarios where you really feel. Yeah. Yeah.

Many of them. But mostly they've got such a, you know, look, I'm not a fucking movie actor. I've been in basically Big Fat Greek Weddings, the only movie. I'm really a television actor.

And so, you know, that thing has to move quick and that guy's got to make a million decisions and you know we're not shucking the job and going out from wine after so you know i'm just at that point in my life now that uh you know i like being at home with with bow and the dogs and i don't want to go to fucking little rock and stay even if you know even if you're in a penthouse of the fucking hiat in Singapore you're still not in your own fucking bed and you're gone for six weeks and for me i can't Every day is like a guy like marking the wall going like, I'll get out of here soon.

So at this point of my life, I'm just going to just sort of, you know, I have, if something seems really, really fucking fun, I'll say yes. But then I get there in two days later, I'm always saying like, why don't fucking say yes? Because also that work life means, you know, at my best, I work five or six weeks a year, right? So saying I picked that unfulfilling thing to do. Like here's the thing. I have to sit and wait for the phone to ring. And like in 22, it never rang once. So for that whole year, I'm sitting like, how do I get my, besides playing a guitar and piano at home?

How do I express myself? You guys can really, if you want to work fucking 52 weeks a year, you can do it. You know, you can get a guy who books you. You can travel the fucking country. You've got to stay in a lot of holiday ends and you've got to be on a lot of planes. And do you want to do that? but you can kind of control your own life, right? I see, yeah.

As much as you want. But, you know, do you want to be fucking carrot top, right? Carrot top, not taking anything away from fucking great, you know, what he does is great. But for 17 years, he's been in Las Vegas going 12 shows a week, pulling a fucking lighted toilet seat out of the trunk. And it's, I mean, how exciting can that be for fucking carrot? Don't give away his closer. I would just say I'm going to play some. something, John.

Oh, let's play something. Because within all that, that, which every actor, really, really incredibly successful ones like you, you've got a lot of nominations and stuff. This is a scene that I saw from Northern Exposure, where your character predicts the future. And so I understand why you got the Emmy for that performance. It's not easy. So here it is. Let me see this shit.

John predicting the future. Okay. Wow, I had to tell you, Chris, I felt a little self-confidence. I'm not just getting these. I mean, technically, I don't need to own my own washer and dryer. But then I thought, why about being so preventional? I was no big luxury. I grew up with a washer and dryer. And gross point? Mmm.

It smells new, like a new car. Look, and it's so shiny. It makes me feel elegant. That's a self-affirming power of a new toy. That's the life support system of the whole capitalist animal. Huh? I mean, when we think about it, the whole material gratification angle is just the tip of the ice-brose. These babies here embody the whole wolf and warp of human development.

A wash and dryer. Ever since the Placocene Era, Homo erectus has been flocking it down to the local creek to beat their first skivies against rocks, right? Well, what's a laundromat except the same old creek, but with a cheap tin roof over, huh? Yeah, so? But this... This is progress. I mean, these two iron boxes, we've gone from communal sides to private spin cycle. We're on our total blitz creek towards...

isolation. You think? Listen to me, the day's coming and it ain't going to be long when you ain't even going to have to leave your living room. No more schools, no more bodegas, no more tabernacles, no more cinaplexes, all right? You're going to snuggle up to your fiber optics baby and bliss out. Whoa. Wow. Wow. That is a little prophetic. That's probably in 1991 or so. Yeah, the audience on this podcast will hear it. But I'm just saying, you know, we all have a a little critic in our head, but within that gauntlet you've walked of being in the trailer

and being controlled like a puppet, there's really good work. You know, I mean, you were in the pocket in that moment with that character. I will say that feels good. Yes,

and I will say that out of everything I've ever done, uh, that was my first job. I think I was 27 or 8 when I got that. That was my first fucking job, uh, ever. Uh,

I did a wonder years, you know, a little guess there, but that, that was it. even to this day, that was the, and funny enough, after 30 years, they just started playing again on Amazon. They couldn't get the rights because all the music. Oh, really?

Cool. It just started streaming, which is kind of cool. But that was it. That was the one because I would, as, you know, I would go to work on days off and watch them work. You remember when you would do that, right? Now it's like, fuck, I got to work. That was the one where we had amazing rights. writers and and I don't think I could memorize that today at this age.

I'd need fucking Barland Brando Cucards everywhere. That's all I could think is how do you memorize? Oh my God. I couldn't do that today. But yeah, I know what you mean. And you've got to be for people who aren't in a business and they're going, fuck this guy. You've got to be in this business to kind of get a hook into what I'm talking about.

You guys have been just as long as I have Dana even longer. I mean, you know, you've put up with all that shit before. for Saturday Night Live. You know, you were, you know, I'm curious to what, what, where your life would have been if Saturday Night Live didn't come along. I think you would have stayed, uh, in acting and fucking good things would have happened there.

But I think you would have found yourself, unless you were writing stuff saying exactly what I'm saying is like, Christ, man. No, I did blue thunder. I did one of the boys. I was completely controlled in these little things and, and doing stuff I hated to be doing. So I mean, again,

you're living this dream, which we acknowledged to everybody. But right now, there's going to be some hammering at my. Hey, now. Yeah, that's right. My crew was told from 11 to 12 to not hammer on top of my head. So we're at that at that time. But yeah, that's all very true.

But just one word to describe Sarah, Jessica Parker. One word or three words. One paragraph. One page. Fucking beautiful present team leader. if I could, if I could do something with just one person. If I had to act the rest of my life and had to pick one person, it would be her, man.

I mean, there's something about this girl that's just fucking, you know, there's, you know, I can hit a tennis ball back and forth, you know, if you're not too good. And she'll just hit it back and forth with me all day and never try to fucking slam me one, you know, or anything like that, like some of these fucking actors do that you do scenes with. She's the best. And I get to do it again, apparently, because, you know, I did that reboot last year.

And then right before the actor strike and the writer strike, they said, hey, if we get picked up, would you do it again? And I said, sure, I'll come do some. But, you know, I really haven't heard anything since then. I'm hoping that we come back and do some more. Let me see what's going on. All right. Wow. I'll get back to you.

That's awesome. Hey, Dana, would you tell me, uh, what? of my favorite bits is to break this fucking guy complaining story up. Would you tell me the, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, red rednecky. Oh, red redneck. Oh, red, redneck. Oh, that's my favorite.

You know, red, so for some reason, John is a fan of this character I do sometimes about red red rednecky, the redneck comedian. Now what if you, now, I don't mean to put you on spot, but what if you didn't change a word and you did red, red, red, rednecky as our buddy who introduced us, by the way, my fucking favorite guy on the planet, Dennis Miller. What if you did red as Dennis? What would that sound like? Oh.

All right. Let's let's give it a shot for this more hammering. You ever fart so loud a dog two stayed away going, what that? Come against some. I don't mind it. I don't mind it. Give me one more. Ask my mama to wash my tidy whitey.

She said, sure thing. I asked her how to go. She goes, great. Haven't seen skidmarked. like that since the Daytona 500 come against some. Come against some. Oh, I fucking love it.

I asked my daddy what's for dinner. He says shit on a shingle. I said, this day just keeps getting better and better come against some. He's so fucking funny, Dennis. Oh, fuck. Dennis Miller is my favorite, favorite fucking friend in the world.

He's great. Yeah. So, well, we could go on for another hour and make a two-parter. No, come back because you have, you scratch the surface. Yeah, John, I mean, your stories are amazing.

I have to say, you weren't complaining there. You were just giving a bleak reality that everyone kind of knows anyway, but they don't hear a lot. And everyone knows showbus as tough. You were sort of saying parts that were tough. I mean, we all know the glitz and glamour

and the money part when it works, but there's a grind there. It's always a grind. It's not, it doesn't totally just go away. Okay, now I have to do one more thing. Okay. Here you were in control, and then I'll do your request. This is 30 seconds.

Greg, could you play the song? In control. John Corbett, original. Yeah, good friend of stuff. Ha ha. A little Bon Jovi field to begin. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah.

I mean, look at this. Come on. Star. Oh, it's a whole video. We're watching a video. know when the conversation turns to you baby i've learned come on man oh look at this shot so that's funny there you go that's written written by you i assume

essentially co-produced uh played the instruments that's go look him up that yeah look me up that's a lot of fun as you know being a uh fellow musician that's that's a lot of fun hey I can't do what I just saw, though, but go ahead. David, I got a catchphrase for you. You need a catchphrase. Sure. And you gave it to yourself. You gave it to yourself.

One of my favorite things, and then we'll get off, one of my favorite things you did was, you know, you did Norm's show, you know, before. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Before he passed. And I love, do you remember your catchphrase for the angry guy, the angry guy? And he goes, hey, dude, how would the angry guy say it when you were talking about getting catfish? and you did the fucking funniest thing. You're like, show me that. That's horrible.

But yes, I do. It's a great phrase. That's the guy that's the dirty pervert, the DM's girls, and he's too rough right away. Yeah. Is that what it? I got a line for you. Would you say this line and then give me the catchphrase? Go ahead.

Okay, the line is, I'll put this order in and be right back with your drinks, girls, catchphrase. Okay, let me see if I remember the catchphrase. Okay, girls, I'm just going to put your order in and I'll be right back with your drinks. Does that sound good? Now, show me that pussy. Turns out of the exorcist.

I don't know. Push. I, you know, John, I hear a lot about that norm show. I never saw it, but it was his Netflix show and I heard so much nice things about it. And it's hard to watch now because he passed away, but doing it was funny. really because it was such a rag tag operation.

And it made me think that's the way all these shows should be because it was so funny that it was such a fucking screw off. Yeah. Yeah. We had a blast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank you for bringing that up. And I don't remember that one and I just did remember it.

Great. And by the way, thanks for coming on also. Yeah. You kind of stole Dana as my friend. That's fine. We're going to skim over that. Dana's got a new friend. He's up there having dinners every night laughing and gambling.

I have an in town place. Yeah. I'll see you next week. When he comes to see me, he struggles through a dinner and it's fine. And that's great. But, John, you were hysterical. What a blast. Yeah.

Thanks for talking to us. I love it. I had fun. Thank you, guys. All right, I'll talk to you soon, buddy. Talk to you. Bye. All right, listen, if you're enjoying the fly on the wall, of course, hopefully you are.

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Subscribe, Dana. What do you think? I'm going to tell you this right now. Him and I'll believe me later. Fly in the Wall, believe it or not, is presented by Odyssey. And executive produced by Hold For It, Dana Carvey and David Spade. Or David Spade and Dana Carvey. We don't write those stuff.

Heather Santoro, Greg Holtzman, and Leah Reese Dennis. The show is edited by Evan Cox, with production support from Phil Sweet Tech. Talent Production and Booking by Sophia Lippoor.