Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade - RE-RELEASE - John Mulaney

Episode Date: December 24, 2025

Let’s revisit hosting nerves, playing arenas, and addiction with John Mulaney. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Plus, get free daily login bonuses and a free welcome bonus. Join now for your chance to redeem some serious prizes. Play Chumba Casino today. No purchase necessary VGW Group void war prohibited by law 21 plus TNCs apply. John Mullaney, one of the top stand-ups out there, plays some big rooms, a writer on SNL, really moved up the ranks, went on to host about five times. Yeah. Very smart, well-liked, has a crazy past, great story.

And we go through pretty much all of it. Yep, we go through it because when I was hosting SNL, I guess it was 2010 or something. He was just him and Bill Hader were like writing partners. did all their stuff together so i didn't even know him as a performer you know and then all the sudden a couple years later he's got this great standoff special and he's gone on from there um and we talk about you know he started to leap to big rooms you know so it's it's kind of a cool story he's a very nice guy very humble guy and and extremely bright as you would think to talk to about comedy and all things, show business.

And I got to hang out with him at B. 50F. All right, well, here he is. John Mullaney. By the way, I love the show. I've listened to every episode. Even Judds. Even Judds. Interesting.

He wasn't even on SNL, but it was fine. But he's discovered so many movie stars from it. Yes. He is somebody who just gets stuff done. Like if you call him with an idea, he does have that engine. Let's just make it. Let's do it. I don't know if you, you don't need to get anything from him, right? So we reached a point in our friendship where I didn't. It was kind of clear I wasn't going to try to write a movie for him. You know, there's like everyone my generation was in a stable. Where he just kind of, I think, without even holding deals or money, he just had so many people like myself, Cam Peel, the Lucas brothers, Bill Hader, Simon Rich, all these people had a movie deal with Judd. And I would kind of watch it and be like, wow, everyone from S&L on their summer break

writes 100 drafts of a Judd movie. And he doesn't make them. He makes one movie every two, three years. so if he's making train wreck that means it's like all these people I know who's like you know thing has passed over so as soon as I

as soon as he and I had some weird unsaid understanding that I was never going to write a movie for him we became a lot closer because then we could just talk about stand-up we're talking about Judd Apatow David yeah I um he does seem to whenever there's a shiny object

that emerges on the scene it seems like Judd is is there. He's recognizing it early. It's always it's funny to me when he like people go like Jud has an eye for talent. It's like well they're on SNL, you know

it's not it's not rocket science. It is a bit not it is kind of not rocket science. I had a spectacular accidental set at the improv once and Carol Lefer I think contacted Judd

and saying it's different now. So then we started emailing me and stuff. I go, I'm almost dead. I mean, there's nothing left here. But anyway, but he's affable. You know, we did the podcast in person with him. It was kind of nice, actually.

That is nice, yeah. Yeah. Now, I saw John, just so the people know, I don't know John very well at all, but I obviously think you're funny. And so here's my microphone. said so, said so business-like. I would say that your stand-up is really starting to come into its own.

You've got that thing figured out. In the last week. Yeah. Over the weekend. I was eating it. I was bombing so hard till last week. Finally. Can I just say the first time I met, John, because they really made me laugh.

So I go, I'm hosting the show. I go in a little room. It's Bill Hader and John. and I didn't know them they didn't know me like what do you want to do you know and I didn't know I thought people might say a Wayne's World thing or something like that and you guys both said

our favorite thing you've ever done is Mickey Rooney yeah and like that was your Mickey Rooney was you know we were talking about how we were going to ask

you to do it before you came in the room it was it was sort of like okay, the week is here, he's here. I immediately. And by the way, Dana, you then told us, we knew the impression from theater stories, the sketch you did on the show. I had never heard the unused anecdotes of Mickey Rooney

until that day. And I think it's the hardest I've ever laughed was the Juan Corona. in a story, which you now have to tell. Oh, yeah. Mickey Rooney, he was a downpoint in his career, and he had a 38 revolver with him at all times. We were, you know, and he would wave it around.

He was at one of the rare down points. Yeah, and he had the gun. And New York had a crime spree going then in, like, 1981. He would said he would walk around with his hand on the 38, and they're not going to get me, you know. But he said, he told his story where he, his idea, At this time, Dana, at this time, Dana, you were doing a multi-cam with him in 30 Rockefeller? With Meg Ryan, Nathan Lane, Scatman Carruthers, where Letterman, and then Conan did their thing.

But he did at one point, said he wanted to go meet Juan Corona, the serial killer or whatever, murder. And he says, I was going to walk in there and say, do you know my name? And he'd say, I'm Mickey Rooney, and then I was going to plug him. If I do Mickey Rooney stories, every time I start to talk about it with people, there's new tributaries and things that I forgot to mention. But maybe that Mickey stories, do that as a sub-podcast, like a 20-minute a week. I think about the Mickey story a lot because I like that he thought he could walk into a maximum security prison. What he had worked out in his mind was what he was going to say.

Not any of the logistics of walking in. I believe Juan Corona was probably a commuted death row sentence. But he would have not been just in an open prison sitch where Mickey Rooney could walk in, land a great, in quotes, line and then shoot him. I never went that far of the logistics of his mindset. Like, how would he get in there? Yeah, but he worked out. He goes, listen, I don't know how to get a gun into a jail.

I don't know what will happen the moment after I fire it, but I've got my guy, I know what I'm going to say, which is, you know who I am. John, I've been a lot of gunfights out in the street and you, you think you'll have a lot of time to do one-liners, but it just moves too quickly. That's true. A lot of people only plan the logistics and then they don't, when they land on their mark, they don't have a great line. That's right. Or you miss it and you go, ah, the one chance I had and I kind of fluffered my line. What I would have liked is if Mickey Rooney entered the prison. looked at Juan Corona and said, do you know who I am? And if Juan Corona said,

you're Mickey Rooney, then Mickey Rooney wouldn't be able to go. Oh, right, right. And then that could have saved Juan's life. Because they would have had, he had to explain what he was in. Oh, yeah, he goes, oh, you are Mickey Roone. No, no.

Or he said, you're Don Knott's. And then he goes, wait, no. And then throw the whole drive off. Yeah, yeah. You know, John is wearing a hoodie, Dana. And I feel like most people see, don't see you out and about. So is it sort of hoodie, suit, suit, hoodie? What is it?

Is there any in between? Since having a baby, it is. Congratulations. Same pair, thank you. The same pair of elastic drawstring khakis and a free t-shirt. That is what I wear. From merch or something? Yeah, like a Jimmy Kimmel t-shirt.

I have one from the Robin Hood Foundation from a charity thing I did. I have one for every venue I ask for a free t-shirt. I have a Houston Astros one, a team, and a city I have no affiliation with. I wear that very often. But John, doesn't that invite conversation? Like I just wear black t-shirts. If I wear anything with something on it, invites conversation. I'm an introvert at like an airport or something.

Also known as an asshole. I remember, yeah, yeah, that's true. Especially in a black t-shirt. You can't be introverted and wear a black t-shirt. It's very standoffish. Yes, yes. They say, hey, how about those Astros? And John's in the airport going, oh, fuck.

Then John, later that night. I'll go, yeah, they've got a full team this year. It looks like they got a roster. But maybe John's the kind of... They've got a full roster this year. You're the type of comedian that if someone said, how about those Astros at the airport? It seems to me that you might have 10 minutes on it

within a day or two. The way you write things out from a core. I know. I'm a bit of a story seeker, so. David is too. Yeah, I think I'd be delighted at that. Me too. You know what I saw on your,

when I was looking up stuff about you? I have a couple questions. One, when you started, I mean, this is SNL stuff. We can go back. It's like I do with comedy. You know, it's just... Yeah, you're fucked.

You're going to get it from all sides. No, we just go wherever. We're already halfway through. I start... When I started, Lauren, I saw a couple things you did talking about S&L and we're just going to really regurgitate them for a slightly bigger audience. We don't know.

And I hope we'll have a chance to go through what the week is like. Yeah, we're going to talk with... No one's ever brought that up yet. I feel like that's never been covered in any media yet. And what your relationship is with Lauren Michaels. We're going to break the seal on that. Dude, the code of Omwerta that surrounds that office. I like that.

The code of umwerta. When you started, did you do, here's my question because I was assigned promos. Did you do promos? Right. So all writers wrote a promo. You're talking about the Thursday standing on the stage promo? Yep. All writers had to submit promos.

I was, I wasn't unique. weakly bad at it, but that's kind of, that's not a skill I have. That's a very special skill. I always wanted promos to be really minimal and weird, and I would try to engineer that to happen. And of course, I was wrong. I just, I don't have a knack for that. I was very jealous to hear that you were on the floor every week when you were a writer doing

promos. Did you hear that? Oh, that is true. Yeah. Yeah, you said that on this podcast, yeah. Yeah, what happened was I was an okay writer and I was new and it was sort of jury duty. Like Downey would be like, who can we lose for the couple hours during the rewrites? And none of the writers wanted to do it because your nose is in the rewrites.

And so we go, send Spade down and Lauren, Lauren I got along, but you know, there's not much getting along there. It's just promos. But you do get to see the host and the music, which that's fun. But the pressure. That Thursday, that Thursday. afternoon mess of like, you know, Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers doing sound check and then trying to corral a host and a cast member for promos. There's a lot of them. Oh, that is true. They like to have a cast member in and you could write them in. It was kind of a little

power trip, but you have to say for people listening, there's like, I don't know, 10 seconds and then you have to put, hi, I'm blank with musical guests blank. And then there's like four seconds left for a joke and they've already done 10 million promos you're trying to think of anything weird or different and i would personally have to write about 20 give them to marcy klein she would hand him in to lorna whoever were the host and and they would kill a lot of them you know like the host would kill them now having hosted they kill them with prejudice they even go like we hate this one we hate this one we know you won't like it it's mean It's mean about you.

This writer's an asshole. You know, read it. And I go, oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, this writer is trying to fuck you over. I remember I just saw a clip of someone on Instagram and it was a live shot of promos. And it was Eddie Vedder was music. Emilio Wester was the host.

And it's me and Lorne just milling around in the back. Wow. And I'm pointing and showing Eddie Vedder or something. And then Lauren nods his head like, do that one, do the one. Then we step back and they go three, two. So they had like a three. minute chunk of promos, which is, I don't even know they're filming. It's so weird that that would get out

somewhere. And wouldn't Lauren, if you finally got it, wouldn't he put his hands in his pocket and then turn and walk away? I don't know. It seemed like when he was, I liked it. Hands in the pocket and he would pivot. John, you like it? Yeah. Or it'd say something cryptic, like, well, less is less.

Yeah. Some people think it's funny. See you on, see you at the party. Are we trying to repel viewers? you know we're on in all 50 states i feel like was a note i got a lot on monologue jokes as if i was i was so as if i was writing like for the crowd at cbjibs in new york it was sort of like he goes i know below 14th street that works he said oh i love that

he literally just thinks of america's just new york uh especially right before a there's going to be a vacation or a break. It's our last show before the break and it would be like nice if it was like really, really funny. You're going to see a lot of people over the break and wouldn't you like it if they said, hey, that last show was really good. I know we're not nervous enough. And also I was like, are you seeing a bunch of people during break? Because I'm laying on my couch watching DVDs with like a sty in my eye. Only Lauren was doing heavy socializing during the break. His endurance to work that. Yeah. No one like him. A lot of people will tell you the funny. one in the show, you're not.

Wow. That's what I got a lot. Really? And I go, oh, and he goes, it just happens. It's okay. And I go, well, it stings a little to hear that. I didn't knock on his door and say, Lauren, I'm hearing a lot of people say I'm the funniest person.

It would be actually, it'd be now kind of being, now being out of it for many years and having a wonderful, I mean, I always love Lauren but having a really nice relationship with him it would be fun to go back and do those things. I know. I know. You think, I went, I don't mean to interrupt you. You're with Chris Dodd, but

do you think I'm the funniest writer? Senator. Because a lot of people in my family in my high school say I should be on more. Thoughts on that? I have family in Milwaukee that think I should be on. They're fucking you.

Well, you weren't as stressed were you because you were just writing and then they would pop you on update, which is like more of a gift and it wasn't expected. It's probably better. I had the absolute best situation that you could ask for, honestly, like I looked back on it and I was, I had a, there were a few gifts. It looked like you were getting up and leaving Dave. No, no, I haven't even heard of it. No, I like the idea that like as a listener that sometimes when someone's about to. go into a long story. David always just does a quick errand. I go, I just got to go watch my car. So I writing there means producing there. Like, as you know, so you got to produce live television.

You work with every department and you're really, you really own your piece. You do everything for it. And you're given a nice amount of credit behind the scenes for it. I'd already been doing stand up and continue doing it and do you know what made the biggest difference though i got to pop up on update and honestly bill hater when when he would do press about the you know about about something and they'd talk to him about sketches on the show it means a lot to me the more the more over the years i think about it like he would always name me and give me credit for it yeah um which was not done a lot before that and um just i try not to do it yeah no i try not to do it now that i'm more of an on-camera guy but um no i uh that seems very it really meant a lot because it was sort of like oh there

i i felt like i had a bit of a reputation and comedy as oh there he's a writer there and we sometimes hear about what he's written right and at the same time i got to pop up on update a couple times, which like, yeah, that's just, that's just 10 million people. I've been on VH1's best week ever 100,000 times at that point. So I was like, I've been on TV, but what was your, what was your, what was your question? That's one of my questions about best week ever. Being a writer and then doing update. Where was your, because you're not acclimated to performing, you're writing and all of a sudden you're in that chair and they throw you out. That Saturday was like, Oh, not only am I terrified as, not only am I under a lot of stress as a writer, but I, like,

I have to go out there tonight. Yeah, those were, those were out of body. Do you remember what you did? What, what your first one was? Like, here comes John Mullaney saying a word. Yeah, I had a, it was Girl Scout cookie season, and I did an editorial about how, like, the Girl Scout business model is completely flawed because they have a, like, tremendously popular product that they sell once a year in front of like a Gelson's, you know, from a little lunch table. I can't remember specific jokes about it, but that was that. So it was like, I remember thinking before I did it, I was like, this isn't really, this is sort of like a, I've got a complaint about the Girl Scout cookies, you know, like,

yeah, like, hey, Girl Scouts. But I was sort of like, I'm so inexperienced at this. I'd rather play an attitude. So I'm like, you know, I'd rather pretend to be the guy actually mad about this. Right. Matt is not a bad angle on update. No, when you need a, when you need something and you're young and have nothing, it's, it's good to act like you are exasperated. And did you pound the table and get animated or did you kind of push it?

I remember at one point I go, have you ever put thin mints in the freezer? They're delicious. Like, sell them year out. It was just, it was a real like, uh, uh, when in doubt act extremely exasperated, which I followed my whole career. But I remember before I went out on the update desk, Lauren looked at me and he said, he goes, relax your face. He goes, when you get out there, take a beat, relax your face. Oh, funny. And look directly into the camera like you're talking to someone you know. But I remember relax your face was a good note because I was

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Buy yours at gotransit.com slash tickets. John, let me, Dana, I just have seven in a row. I have seven in a row for John. John, when you go out there and it's Saturday and you're doing update, I think when you're writer, the one extra layer you don't think of is how you look. And it sounds egotistical, but all day you're like, oh, wait, I got to get hair, makeup, what am I wearing? And then sometimes they'll go, I wouldn't wear that. And you go, for an update?

What do I wear? And they won't tell you what to wear. Yeah, not that. Yeah. Not that, yeah. No, I remember I brought my little shirt and sport coat from home. And it was like a blue shirt and a navy blue jacket. It was the safest, safest possible choice.

Tested safest, yeah. I remember showing it to Tom Broker and costumes and being like, I go, I was thinking of this. And he goes, he goes, he wants. went yeah as if like to say like look we couldn't we have an entire show to design we couldn't possibly care what you wear on on your cut it dress update what that's honest that's that you think you're getting on oh oh you think you're going all the way to the show oh I know yeah it was that and I think I said to him like this this shirt doesn't uh it don't worry it doesn't like moray on camera you know the yeah like dance on camera yeah it doesn't dance on don't worry Tom

my shirt will be fine on air And he goes You'll cross my mind at 11 When I realize you're on the show Yeah And then we'll ask you to maybe do something About the adult acne I go

Hey Tom I brought a shirt It doesn't wrinkle I got one of those kinds It doesn't wrinkle He's like I don't give a fuck dude And I'm like okay As if As if like

Emmy and Tony Award winning costume designers Would be impressed by a wrinkle free shirt Yeah I know Oh my God how did you get that man They're like, well, we're all worried about what you're doing on the show. We don't care. Did everyone ever call, any old-timer ever call you, kid? Because I knew you used that in your specials.

Hey, kid. It ain't going to work out for you, kid. I'll be honest with you, kid. I will say what was nice was that even people like Phil Himes. Yeah, the lighting director. They learn, like everyone in the booth and they learn your name, which means, you know. So I didn't get kid, but I once had a. sketch on that was like, and it was an impression parade.

It was just every cast member doing an impression. And I changed it a great deal in between dress and air. So on air, I watched in the booth. And it didn't go great. It was a little clunky. And I'm walking out of the booth. And I walk past Phil. I'm pretty, you know, is that a low point in the season?

Like, it's like February doldrums or something. I'm walking past Phil and he goes, not your best work. And I was like getting this, I was getting this like, I've been here four years, kind of edge. So I was like, what, Phil? You know, like, what? Oh, you got up in his grill? And he went, and he went, you know why that wasn't good? And I go, I go, why?

And he goes, none of the people sounded like the people. And that's not your fault. But Phil Himes. I know, but I like that review of an impression piece, none of the people sounded like the. Yeah, that's a really what you don't. want to hear just so listeners know Phil Himes, he seemed old the entire time I was there and he

had this cranky exterior but then he was an incredible heart of gold underneath and incredibly sweet but he was kind of intimidating in the early days. What do you want? What do you want? You want a light there? We can't get it there, you know, but then he was, then he would put the light there. I got it for you,

yeah. Yeah. And we were once doing, I think Fred as Obama I didn't write Colin Jost wrote it. It was like a Christmas time Oval Office piece. And we wanted Fred to look out the windows behind the desk in the Oval Office and see like snow falling, like a kind of a cheesy Christmas moment.

So we were, I remember I was for some reason on the floor with Colin and Seth. We were telling Phil how we thought it should look. Oh, boy. And he looked at us and he went, I lit John Kennedy in the White House and walked away. Oh, wow. Yeah. David, I heard a story that you and Phil had like a close relationship. Is that right?

Phil Himes? Yeah. I did think, I mean, other than having sex, we were just sort of like buddy, buddy. No, he would just always bust my balls when I walk around there. So I thought it was funny. Well, I heard when you were hosting, he came out and said, oh, God, he's back. Yeah, of course. That's very fair.

And I heard you said, Phil, I heard you die. Well, he is old. Well, he was 60 for 50 years. I mean, he was, yeah. He was a hard 90 when I met him. It was like that I think one of the first things I learned at S&L was that Don Pardo and Phil Himes, two extremely integral people here are solidly north of 90s. Yeah, mid to late 90s and spry.

Yeah, like one of the most, a couple of the most important people here are north of 90 and like, you got to give them a wide berth at the pudding table. I heard you say something about asking about how people date the host now. And I thought it was so funny because I think you were saying that it sounds, for us, it sounds a little dicey. Like back in our day, the hosts were so off limits as far as just mentally, you know, you don't do anything. And I remember we had, and you have beautiful hosts. We have talented, I think Marissa Tomei was there after my cousin Vinny. And there's so many that were great. But I would be so scared if you even flirted with a host and it got back to you.

You know, like they complain like HR. And then Lauren, David, were you asking out Susan Day? You're making her uncomfortable. Like if it came back that you were making a host uncomfortable, wouldn't that be? It's obviously worked every time so far, but it seems like if you asked that I wasn't, they didn't like it, then it would be, you'd be in so much trouble. I can't, I literally, I didn't even know we could like, like, hang out. Yeah, I would have never been like, you know, I would always be like, I'll have, I'll have the,

I'll have a page call your manager's assistant, you know, the idea of even like reaching out personally. And I wrote a lot of, outside this show. I wrote a lot of monol. No, during the week, I mean, like, I wrote a lot of monologues, and occasionally there'd be this like, hey, Thursday night, 2 a.m. or Friday night, 2 a.m., the host suddenly has a thought about the monologue, and that was fine. That's what the schedule was. But like, yeah, to even be in contact with a host,

let alone ask them out. And without having a script in your hand to walk up to him for what reason? You know what I mean? I know. Hey, what's up? I always felt like when Simon Rich and I, in most weeks, we wrote a monologue for the host, I always, I didn't even sense if they thought we were writers. Like, I think they thought we were just like two children with pieces of paper. Who kept asking them, like, not personal questions, but like Wikipedia level questions.

We would just be like, so maybe something about, I think your family has a lot of dogs. And they'd be like, why are you telling me about that? I'd be like, we're just trying to think of any angle for you. Yeah. It is hard because no one introduced you like, as the writers, you just walk up and they go, go, go ask, you know, and you have to go up to some huge star and say, hey. I always liked Tuesday night when they bring the host around to each office because they could be the biggest star in the world, but they had to sit on my couch.

Like they had to sit on my, like with me and Bobby Moynihan. smoking inside with the window cracked as if that's at all acceptable and like you just had to sit there Mick Jagger sit there and now you're going to hear a crummy idea now you're going to hear an idea that kind of makes fun of you that you won't like now you're going to hear a fake idea and then if you like it it's a real idea I make fake questions I go uh Mick uh can you do a Russian accent and he goes uh probably and i go no this one's out i crumpled up that that's very i go i'll save this for uh next week i remember pitching an idea in my office to josh brolin and he went i mean well it's not funny and i thought i was like okay that's the

that's the litmus test i like i'm not going to oh he's sort of like i mean and he was I didn't mean to make it sound like he was really harsh. It was more like, well, you can write it. It's not funny. And I was like, well, then you've just saved me a couple hours. You can spend the rest of the night writing it. I'll pull it from read through. Yeah, and I'll have it pulled and I'll make and I'll let them know I told you.

I'll be in trouble with Marcy. Dude, when a host is reading a sketch and it was your sketch and they and they quietly give up in the middle, it's so sickening just to watch them take a diet. They're like they don't really get it. I've seen hosts suddenly put like the celery in their mouths, like truly be like, I'm going to eat during the rest of this. Just a signal, yeah. Are they whispering if they can get an order of food sent in during your sketch? Like, hey, is there any way they get it?

You always try to discern it a little bit. I know we talked about this before, like Lauren reading the stage directions. Does he stay involved? Does he kind of think he's hooking something great? or is he sort of middle of the road or is he done with it? There's a whole energy thing. It's hard to tell sometimes.

Yeah, because Lauren reads the stage of directions and he starts out pretty high energy, like CNN bumper. And then... Yeah, that's at three and a time. I like when he kind of summarizes it towards the end. He'll start to summarize it like,

Kristen has a hat and walks in and keeps in. like he'll read a whole paragraph and boil it down to the Christian enters as Reba McIntyre 5 hours

It really takes the energy out of it and you're like Uh oh he's key gave up David enters When people write long stage directions To describe Some farcical like Slamming Doors comedy I was like

You know who's going to read that Don't you? Yeah Like, you know how that'll get presented at Reader, don't you help me? Yeah, or they write, like, Schneider used to write, or he would call you out. Like, if you go, and then the Dorman, played by Phil Himes, and everyone laughs, and Rob goes, Treck, not a real laugh, don't count it. He would yell that out during Reap.

Yeah, he would say Trek, Trek, because he didn't want you to get, Schneider. Oh, Schneider. It's a track. It's a total track. Yeah, because you're not going to get, you're not going to get that laugh on the real show that's just a read through laugh read through laugh

flag man how was that graded that's a little harsh no Schneider was funny because he would do things to almost intentionally rub you wrong just to go that's fine yeah he was this

he'd say about three years in you're coming along anyway by the way copy machine guy I watched your I think it was your last monologue on there any differences hosting along the way other than you're just getting better at it or you

maybe you're not getting better at it it's i mean five times and like with a covid year in between so like in three years five or something very that's a lot yeah two in 2020 so what's that all about two two two two two i'd like to do two in a pandemic yeah uh that was the request that was um that was a really well wait what's the question i don't know it was it was it it was it it It's been so cool. It's been so fun. I definitely have had thoughts. Like, I'm like, oh, maybe the second time I hosted was,

I believe when Lauren says you're getting better each time. Because that makes sense. There's moments where I go, oh, but on the second time I hosted, I had this laugh here and whatever. But I've had more and more fun each time. The first time I hosted, I was deeply in my, head about um yeah normal wasn't going to be good and this wasn't only not going to be good but everyone was going to go see we told you to stay behind the camera we've been clear with you

where you belong in this show the audacity of you to show up and try to do this like i really thought like uh i had a very weird kind of uh i was like i remember the friday night before i was like miserable. I was like, I'm so bad at S&L, and that's the thing I thought I knew the best. And then I had a really fun show. And I realized that I was just trying to make myself miserable because if I'm miserable the night before, then it will be a good show. Oh, that's a good trick. This trick I used to do. But I try not to do it anymore because it's too excruciating throughout the day. And like mental health-wise to stretch myself, to tie myself into knots so that I quote unquote, you know,

deserve a good show because i'm so miserable uh by the second time i hosted i made an active choice i was like i'm going to be happy all week i'm going to have fun all week and if it's a bad show then i'll know that it was wrong to have fun but at least i will have had fun and it was a very good show so since then i've been like you have to enjoy these weeks otherwise um otherwise what's the point it is it is funny to take such a beating over yourself when you host Dana's probably feels the same way you're just so stressed and then at the end you're like

why do I even do this like right before the show you're like I feel so sick and tied up and twisted then you go I did it and you're like so I did it now the fun starts I'm at the rap party is the only time I'm starting to have fun it's over and you realize could I just get to the point or have fun the whole time I had a little bit of I couldn't

really live up to what the lucky, crazy, fortunate three or four years I had on the show with Wayne's World and all the stuff. So, you know, it was always, you'll do church lady. And then it was, you'll do George Bush, a senior. And it's like 18 years later. So the thing in my head was like, how do I compete with that across the board? And that was a very, that was kind of difficult for my, and especially I think what's nice the way it's happening for you, John, is that, It's kind of condensed. It's not like you hosted it in 2013, and then you're coming back eight years later. I think it's kind of nice that you've done five already in a short period of time, just to acclimate to that.

Yeah, yeah. No one's expecting a lot of growth. Well, but you have those crazy, those stand-up specials, and then your monologue is always great, pretty much, right? Right, because that's your superpower. And so that sets a great tone. But also, like, I remember saying to Gerard Carmichael, who had an amazing episode as a host this year, who was a brilliant comedian and a brilliant many things. I remember, I was like, it was when I was talking to him, I realized I was like,

oh, you know what? It's eight minutes of stand up in front of 10 million people, and you're the only thing. I realize it's like you're the only thing on NBC for 10 minutes like your stand-up is the only thing happening on Saturday

I'm also a very relaxing I find that kind of emboldening it's like wow you got to go out with an attitude I mean how do you do your specials I mean how many times do you shoot a special like say to get gorgeous just two two shows

two and one night two shows I think it was one night and so how do you deal with that pressure if the first show in your mind is like a C plus just in your mind the first show of Kid Gorge just was a C plus in my mind I was so disappointed I couldn't believe it I'd been on tour for so long and now this special was bad it was going to be so bad that everyone would be mad at me or disappointed in me and say you used to be good and you're bad and we don't like you and all of that stuff and everyone's getting therapy We'll talk about that.

Yeah, no, it's funny. I've had a ton of it. So go ahead. Well, John, also, the cameras are there. I've done a few, but the cameras are there. It just throws it off somehow. It's just not a normal club or theater night. When there's cameras, the audience is stressed.

Everyone's different. It's just not the way it normally is. The thing is, like, I remembered that it's, I thought, one, the second show felt better. so that so when i when i say i came to some epiphany i didn't just the second show felt better but were i to pretend i had an epiphany that night i'd say no one else has done every show with me so they're not comparing them and this is the film of the material like um a special a special is for the cameras and i i think it was um whitney cummings gave me that advice after she had done her sitcom whitney and then she did

her first special after that. And I remember she said to me, we play so big because we're trying to play to the back of the room. But I think it'd been something she learned doing a, you know, three camera sitcom. Like, it's for the camera. And I thought about that each time since. That it's for the camera. The size of the performance is for the camera. And also you, I mean, where we're the area where you could maybe have a good night or a bad night? Because the material is immaculate. And it's really, really, it's like a magic trick. It's so fun to watch yourself. stand up because it's flowing so organically. He's talking to me. Oh, sorry, sorry. I said that to David before the show. But then you're also doing a lot of sneakily physical comedy and you're throwing

your voice and you're moving. So you're performing it as well. So I would I would assume on some nights with a hot crowd, you may take a rhythm slightly further or the bit you did about Jagger. Not funny. You'd throw one more in. Is that the way there's a little bit of improv when you're on and the crowd is with you, you go to that other level. Oh, my God. When I have, when the crowd is with me, sometimes when the crowd's not with me, I'm like, do I even have skills?

Like, can I even perform to a slightly indifferent audience? Like, I should be able to do this. Like, I should be able to still do the 90 minutes. But if they're not, like, if you don't feel like they're, you know, carrying your chair and the, yeah um at the jewish wedding like you know if you don't feel that like bounce i'll suddenly be like how the hell do i do this what do i give it like what am i doing i'm giving a speech well you think like you're horrible you're like am i doing stand-up because nothing's working

it's almost like did this turn into a corporate gig why am i buying so yeah yeah did this turn into a corporate gig and then i always want to ask the audience i go i want to be like hey are you embarrassed for me is that happening is that happening now too are you nervous discomfort in the room and then the elephant in the room that no one is saying and you can't hear it is like this realization on their side not as good as i thought he would be i guess this is kind of a rough night and then sometimes it takes a lot of guts and a lot of determination to go fuck it and you try to win them and you normally can't but you just really the last sickening yeah yeah yeah no but i think that's a that is the right move i remember when Nick Crowell and I were doing, oh, hello on Broadway, our director Alex Timbers said to us, because doing eight shows a week for 16, 18 weeks, whatever it was.

Brutal. Well, we'd have crowds that were just Broadway ticket holders who heard, oh, there's a comedy and didn't know it was me and Nick screaming in turtlenecks and being insane. And Alex Timber said to us, hey, I noticed that some nights when the crowds aren't great, you guys decide to pull way back and just amuse each other and you do the show poorly. And we were like, yeah, because fuck them, right?

It's only $300 a seat. I remember he goes, here's an idea. When they're not good, you guys try to be twice as good. And we were like, oh, as if it was like another way to show them, we don't care.

But it was a good trick he put in our heads because now when it's bad, I think, well, I'm going to pretend this is on film. Sure. And people will study it in terms of how good you can be even when a crowd is bad. I think people, you know, when you're not doing well and people later say, no, it was good. There are some people that smile and the vibe of the crowd isn't to be too noisy.

So they don't want to be too loud. So they're just kind of liking it and smiling and they don't know it's a bad show. And later they go. Not at all. They don't. I thought it was great. And you're like, and you're telling them how bad it was. And they're like, no, it wasn't that bad.

Yeah, and you go like that part, that part normally gets, that part normally goes to applause and normally. Oh, normally. Yeah. They're like, that was my favorite part. And I'm like, a lot of times there's someone in the front row that looks like my dad. So I go, oh, there he is now. And everyone, that normally goes to applause. But that didn't happen tonight.

And they're like, oh, so it was bad. What is it about when we were, when I was coming up like Steve Martin was God, he was huge. And he would play stadiums or arenas. And now there's so many comedians, and I'll bring it back around to you, that just are playing 20,000 cedars. And I don't know when this started for you, but now you're playing Madison Square Garden for four nights if I read it right, or three nights? Three nights.

So what does that do to your brain? How do you think about yourself? Like, because that is so much love of your fans. I mean, it's just like insane, right? How do you wrap your mind around that? One should not get used to. do it um i just keep thinking that like it's pretty it's pretty funny man it's pretty yeah it's just a big room it's a big room well it's it's so i mean i just want to give you a

compliment it's so hard to get to those big venues and i was looking you're on a tour right now and if you look at the venues i'm like holy shit this guy is hitting the biggest spots and hollywood bowl is huge who would ever get to play that as a stand-up you don't even think of that when you're a stadium. Yeah, he's playing Northern California. There's a stadium in the Sierra Nevada's, and he's an open-air thing. And John is doing...

I'm playing Yellowstone. He's playing Yellowstone. But what do you do with... Like, when you go out or you... It feels, it's like it's, it's a kind of... I wouldn't say, okay, I wouldn't say it's imposter syndrome, which might sound really arrogant.

I don't mean like I'm up. there and I'm like, yeah, I belong here. But I do recognize that the crowds have grown and grown and now we're in a, now we're in a basketball court. And that's, and at home base. Yeah. Yeah. So there's sort of a like, okay, this is where it's at now. And I'm so like, there's a few things happening at once. It's only been this year that I've played arenas. It's the first tour I've had since a couple trips to rehab institutions. What do you mean rehab? I haven't heard this story.

Well, listen, no one knows about this. Well, that I want to ask you only about that how it pertains to your stand-up, just because- Well, it pertains to, like, I think if I, oh, man, thank God, cocaine and arenas didn't overlap. Oh, dear God, I'm just realizing now that would have been a disaster. There is something extremely fun. There's an energy about playing an arena that's very like, holy shit,

if ever a person took this for granted, they might become rather intolerable. That's what I think. And so I'm really lucky to do it. I know it won't, it will just, it can't sustain. It won't be this forever. So at the moment, I'm just kind of like,

enjoy it because this is literally, you know, Like this won't, this won't last, and that's okay. So I wouldn't say it's imposter syndrome so much as I'm acutely aware that this is just a moment in time. Canada can be a global leader in reducing the harm caused by smoking, but it requires actionable steps. Now is the time to modernize Canadian laws so that adult smokers have information and access to better alternatives. By doing so, we can create lasting change. If you don't smoke, don't start.

If you smoke, quit. If you don't quit, change. Visit unsmoked.ca. Well, did you think, John, right? Did you think I'm doing David now? So, you know, you have those specials that explode on Netflix, and then you do the five hosting, and then there's the pandemic. And then you have this rehab issue.

Did you ever think that that would, I didn't have an issue with rehab. It was more drugs. Oh, okay. So it led to the rehab. Yeah, rehabs were quite healthy. It feels to me like there was your fan base, just saw you more human and it, do you feel a bigger connection in a way? Maybe it's like an Oprah question or something, but with your fans after that episode?

Yeah, I. Because they're your friend, you know what I mean? They relate and everybody's got issues. I can't, like, there's no, I'll just be kind of sappy for a second. We love that here. It means, like, I didn't know if I'd be on a stage again. Like, I didn't know what, I was at a point where it wasn't just that, like, today was miserable. It was that I could absolutely guarantee you tomorrow was miserable.

So to be doing shows and to, um, You know, look, I, it's, I'm aware that someone's persona and, you know, I'm aware that it might have thrown, I'm aware that it was a new information to people. I've been, I've been upfront that I'd used drugs in the past, but I understand it was new information to people. I think I'm humble enough to know that like, you know, fans can, you know, I'm very grateful people come to the shows. Like, it's not that I think that that, you know, revelation about me would make people not come. I don't mean that. I just mean that I also, like, I want to be a realist about entertainment and to maybe have

one kind of image and then have it be made clear. I was dealing with a lot more stuff and then have people still come that sort of I feel very lucky to physically be there on stage and I feel it is so nice. If you don't, John, if you don't mind talking about it, it was like when you said you maybe didn't think you'd ever do it again, was that your, what kind of bottom was that? I mean, were you seriously thinking I may never become to stand up anymore? it was like you don't have to answer

it was kind of it was almost like being and it was like kind of like that's a good question exactly how to articulate it was a bit like a horror movie where I was like how did I like I don't trust

this sounds this sounds a little dark but it is It's not a super happy topic, so that's fine. I was sort of like, I don't trust being alone with me. I mean, I'm the person that did all this damage to myself. When you're a drug addict, you're with the person that has tried to destroy you all the time. So I just didn't have a sense of, I was like, wow, I don't know if the person in charge of this life has any clue what they're doing.

It wasn't so much, oh, I can't do stand-up without drugs because I didn't use and do stand-up. That wasn't really what was happening. It was more like, I might have absolutely no idea how to manage my life. Because it was the second episode was maybe harder in a way, the relapse. Yeah, because I'd had a lot of problems

when I was in my early 20s, and I'd stopped by age 23. and had a long bout of sobriety, but yeah, through prescription drugs and other things started to slip and then slipped hard. And do you think that it's a genetic predisposition, like the way your brain is situated and the way the drugs hit your brain, can you specify why it appeal to at that level? Because it seems like addicts sometimes have, they can be hypersensitive or redundant thinkers or whatever kind of mental health would predispose them to want to.

So, yeah, it's a good question because, like, I do love life. Like, I have a lot of fun. I always, I always have laughed very hard multiple times a week with, like, really funny friends. And, like, I'm lucky to be in this life as a comedian where it's pretty fun. Yeah, definitely. I have my own demons, but it's pretty, it's pretty fucking fun. I wouldn't trade it for anything. So I was also like, I had a very, I have wonderful parents.

I had a lot of green lights. It's hard to say that I had some inclination to, to mess up my life. A couple things in my case, I think I've had a lot of anxiety. in life. So some of the chemicals that help that I certainly are very addictive. And then I think I I mean, I do think addiction is a disease and I think I have this, you know, oh, let's do more. Oh, let's do more. I mean, there's something in my brain that does that. It wasn't always, it wasn't a story of someone who was always going to self-destruct.

The life just, life just became hard. And now you're out the other side and you're, have a son. You know, so it's such a complete shift. So then, yeah.

So then that's like, okay, that's real grown-up stuff, right? When I heard you had, it's the greatest. It is. When you were in rehab, I was like,

I don't think so. though, that guy wears a suit on stage. Yeah, people in, I mean, it's been proven people in ties don't have that. I mean, it threw me. And did we have dinner at Koi one night? Was it me, you, Dana and Hayter? Was it? And Judd, yep.

Yeah, that's like one of the few times we've gotten to even. That was a fun night. We took a picture. Yeah, we did take a picture. You guys came and did my Largo show. Yeah, it was great. Dana, you and Bill read. Yeah, he sketches.

Oh, that's right. Yeah, a sketch that I wrote with Bill when Dana hosted. The same hosting stint when we bombarded you with Mickey Rooney request. But I was regrettable at the time. The only thing about Mickey Rooney was the first time I had some prosthetics that created the illusion. And it helped me, too, doing Mickey Rooney. And then that time, whatever, quick change, for whatever reason, it kind of looked like me, and it just didn't, you know. And then Casey Ksen bombed.

Did you have a little lagos? The first time you did it? I did the first time. Yeah. For some reason, something, the look wasn't the same. And then Casey K, it wasn't my best hosting effort. But I love to. I think I'm in large part, I'm in large part to blame for that.

If, uh, if, no. He goes, now that I. It was bad that week. Now that I remember. that you remember that the Mickey Rooney and Casey Kasem that we begged you to do. We're not at the moment. But I love the passion, how much you guys loved it. And Casey Kasem killed a 300-seat theater.

Bill and I read it again in front of you. We explained it a little better. It's sketch 101. They just didn't hook it. It was over in the corner. And once the audience did. Too big of a set, too. Too big of a set.

Giant set. They didn't hook the premise. I always want sketches like that to just look like a Garfield cartoon. Like a single square animation cell. And it was massive. And it was a massive backyard. The sketch was Casey Kasem and his son, J.C. Casem. Jayce.

Are having a fight and they both talk like Casey Kaysen. And, you know, it was like, son, I know you've been borrowing money. to buy crystal meth and how do you know that dad here's a letter like it was it was that it was just them both there was a letter son i know that you've been borrowing money to buy crystal meth and here's a letter it's that classic casey case and for people have ever heard of rhythm and then you know checking in at number five the boss my favorite line was well dad you were always hounding me with questions when are you going to stop hanging out with those dead beats when are you going to do something you like and which female vocalists had more number one hits than any other.

And then Dana says, the answer, Mariah Carey. So why do you think for young people? Why would that bomb? I thought it was because they're too big of a set. We've already explained. It wasn't the right thing. It wasn't the performance. I was washing my car, John.

It was a quiet, they're kind of quiet voices and they don't really project that much. And I think if you're in the audience and a camera's going by or they're leading a horse across the studio, they don't hit hook at the first. Leading a horse across the studio. No, just noise. Distractions, yeah. If it was cold opening in the center with a simple slats. You're one at home base where you're one of those secret sets.

Dane used to go, never be in the fucking dead zone over there where gap girls is. I would go where they were writing up the planning where the sketches would be. You'd go tell her to put you in front. Why is my sketch not there? Yeah, go ahead. Yeah, I remember watching. I think it was a Wayne's world. I was talking to Steve Higgins and I was like, why is this?

I mean, besides the fact that it was so popular. I was like, what is the, why does this feel like they're just yelling directly at an adoring audience? And he was like, because those were at home base. Like everything, everything that seems like, why is this like right in the lens, right down the barrel, right to the audience? So then all of us would go up to Don Roy King during the production meeting Wednesday night. All the writers would go like, we think this could play at home base. So I remember one time he had because they write in, they basically, they pen, in everything that will go in one section, a schematic.

And there were like six sketches that were trying to play at home base. Well, they would say to me, well, you can't have it at home base because you have an entrance. And I go, what if I get rid of the entrance? And they go, well, then you could have it at home base. Oh, wow. What a scammer. Then I would go to Victoria Jackson and go, you got to just be in the set the whole time. I was going to, I don't know much longer we have, but I was going to just ask you your latest thoughts about your son.

And how old is he? Because I don't follow. Okay. My son, Malcolm, is six. months old. Okay, so you're, you and your significant, Olivia, are racing for that first mile in the morning when he's in his crib and he wakes up. We're racing for that first, what did you say? First mile. The first

smile. He's smiling now, right? Oh, the first smile. I thought you said the first mile. I'm a little bit drunk. No, but anyway. No, we, that's very funny. You mentioned that we both love to wake him up together and he he'll be kind of like, what I love about Malcolm. One, he's my son. So that's, what I love him. That's good. It's good as you love it and as good as your son.

But also, he's so independent. Like, I listen to him on the, on the Meku, on the baby monitor, and he's just babbling to himself. Like,

as he's trying to fall asleep, he's just talking like, ah, blah, blah, blah. He kind of sounds like Jiminy Glick. Like, he's like, ah, or Adam Sandler.

Yeah, yeah, like Adam Sandler. Yeah, there's a lot of low register, like, he's doing characters he's doing character work and also I think he enjoys the reverberation of his voice in this uh when he was sleeping in this pack and play the other night and i was like you really just

you love your you love the sound um that it's making in your little crib there so we love to come in and he's just i don't know he's so independent he's just chatting with his like stuffed elephant in the crib with him. Well, that moment where they wake up and they're sleeping. Then we, then so right now when we're traveling, yeah, and he sees you. We have a pack and play so we unzoned top of it, this cover. And he

he's sitting there and goes, like flashes the biggest spot. And then the face goes, and that back and play is like a duffel bag you carry him in or something? Well, it does kind of fold up into what looks like those bags they carry machine guns in. Yeah.

It's like, it's a long black bag, that becomes a crib. Because at the beginning, it's just a shoebox. You have to carry them in. And then as they get older, I don't know how it works. Yeah, when a baby's born, they tell you to put it in a shoebox with the red of newspapers. And you got to keep them stimulated. There's a lot of focus on kids.

It even started when I was good. Oh, more now. My God. You're going to have a mobile and keep them mentally stimulated. You'll make a genius. You feed them this way. It's like so much. Yeah.

God damn. Everyone's got an opinion. Yeah. He, um, uh, he likes songs by, He likes songs that the wrecking crew worked on, the famous studio musicians. He kind of likes like, there's something about that. Yeah, the righteous brothers and those Phil Spector Wall of Sound.

I think there's something sonically to a baby. You know, like I've always said, babies love Phil Spector. Well, the baby, when he's three, if he picks up a rock, people will go, he's going to be an archaeologist. I mean, everyone's going to want to project. I think he's funny like you. You know, I've seen it. Anyway.

There's nothing like Instagram. when they say an Instagram there's always someone in trouble for doing something wrong with their kids and then everyone writes

in a million comments you should not do that it's like no what why do you give a fuck about my kid like oh yeah I've always wanted

to put as a caption if anyone has any parenting thoughts please please leave them in the comments yeah please I'm about to give my six month old

a bunch of pork sausage and dairy if anyone has any thoughts what's a good toaster i should put in the tub with him yeah uh but john i would say we have let you go but first of all great chatting i saw you at lago i saw olivia uh the other night it was a lot of fun to see you were hilarious it was great to see you were david we were talking for a while that just just you backstage talking about trying to sell your house was the funniest five minutes thank you i heard it's uh you know it's funny my special

just came out as you guys are talking about specials and uh i don't want it came out it came out the dirt dot com right on the real estate website that's where my special came out which is so stupid it was released on dirt dot com but yeah everyone knows about your house is there what's the name of the special david let's do some housegiving oh it's called nothing personal but i was telling i wanted to say to john that and dana you might feel this when you get to bigger i don't tour as much i actually this first time i was sort of doing some theaters and they're not as big as yours. But even if it's two, three thousand seats, I sometimes feel like I'm not enough. It's almost like more pressure to go, I can picture a band here like

wailing away to fill this big energy, so much more energy than a club. And people are paying more and it's a big deal. There's a line outside. And you go, I'm just here talking a little bit. It feels like it's not enough for them. And I had a weird thing about that where I go, I want to be extra good or do a little something more razzle, dazzle, I don't know. Yeah, I mean, that's why I really like, I mean, I remember hearing, I remember hearing an interview with Chris Rock when Bring the Pain came out about how, why he paces so much. It's like, I've got to fill the stage. And I've never forgotten that. I mean, I like, I like a lot of mic cord and a lot of walking. Yeah. Yeah. And I never saw, I always think that. I'm like, this is just me. This is like a random person talking about. right very specific topics that what is this and maybe i'll yell yeah yeah maybe i'll just yeah i mind they they got off stage talk about having a tough set like my first taping you know most comics for your listeners pick a place and they do two shows in one night mostly yeah adam

got to do a little more but uh you know you do that then you pick the best of the two whatever and i got off stage my opener wasn't doing as well as he usually does and i'm like oh please don't be a fucking tough crowd you know and then they might i get on it and they were tough for the first five and i'm like these people are coming to see me and they're my fans and this is tough and i get off and i go shit well the second one will be a little better and they go you know they have n95s on i go no they don't and no one told me they had those masks on that were you went out and didn't know they were all all in the n95s i didn't even think because we moved it there because it was during covid and they go you do get a crowd

they might have to wear masks but I think of the blue ones but I heard they walked in everyone had to take theirs off and they were given the worst kind of like drywall mask What state was this in? It was Minnesota

and I have to say they were a good crowd it's just when 50% of it's gone and you can't hear it because they even look like a good crowd they're moving they're bending over laughing and I'm like and you know I just see the front rows but I go oh what's going on because it's so bright

when I taped I couldn't really see what I could use. You've waited six weeks to do it when they didn't have to have the mask. Well, it was to bore the shit out of you. It was in Austin. And because Netflix, there's some rules you have to for COVID, blah, blah. And Austin said no, we won't abide by it. So I'd either wait six months or the next weekend I was doing Minnesota.

Well, when you guys go out now, they're not wearing masks or some are, right? No, there's still a, there's still a couple. I think it's, I think it's dealer's choice. I think you, yeah, because I, see people with them but those are for a while there was show your vax card or um if you don't have it you get uh sorry if you showed your backs card you got a wristband if you didn't have a wristband you had to have the mask on there's been but crowds have been really understanding about it which is nice they're at least they're still coming which is nice and that that's whenever there's a surge

too whenever there's a surge on tour it's sort of like okay you know some stuff might get canceled and like whatever is best for the health and safety of the crowd is the best choice but i'll sometimes look at the map and my calendar and be like well i got luckily luckily like my florida and arizona won't cancel yeah you look at a few states where you're like they're never going to cancel they're never going to cancel well they say some people for a while there during uh when there's a last surge they go just expect about 20 to 30 percent don't show they buy the tickets it's sold out but they don't come and you go oh because they get scared so it's sort of a bummer because you want the people whoever gets ticket to come sometimes it's tricky you know i found that um like people in

los angeles have been more careful than anyone else i i know like i i was in new york for a lot of the early pandemic people were obviously extremely sheltering in place then however there still was a bit more of a sometimes a bit of a cavalier attitude like look we were going to go out We're going to try to do this. L.A. seemed more lockdown for longer. But then this Netflix is a joke festival came. And like everyone I knew who used to lecture about like spray down your groceries with, you know, like all those people are suddenly like at a huge brunch with Kevin Hart.

You know, everyone went out. Everyone went out. That's funny. Yeah. Well, John, thank you. And, you know, I always thought you'd make a good day. And wouldn't he make a good talk show host? Great monologue.

If he ever wants to do that, he's got a good gig going. I mean, as Malcolm gets older, you'll be financially so secure. You'll be able to pick your dates and pick how you want to work. You know, I go now. It's your, he won't miss you now, but you're going to want to be around when he's, you know, seven and eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve. Those are the, those. I've got seven years. friend Dan Levy and I, a wonderful comedian and a good friend of mine, Dan Levy and I talk often

Dana about how, you know how you specifically, we were like, that might be the best life ever to name a corporate rate that is so high, but have so many people meet it. And you can edit this out of your uncomfortable. No, no, no. When you just kept doing, I was like, man, what an amazing We talked so greedily about like, man, just to hear Carvey describe all those corporates. I truly wanted to get out. I wanted to get out of them. They kept saying yes. I kept going up and up and up and hoping I'd get out of them.

But it was very about. I know. It's the greatest problem I've ever heard anyone having and were so envious of it. Well, it's a nice adaptive way when the kids are in your phone. You were off S&L. You were living in Northern California. And you were naming the highest rates possible. Yes, it was very, very good.

I was hiding in plain sight, making more money than maybe almost anyone but like big movie stars, but no one knew. So they just figured I was broke, so that was good. But it's a pretty good schedule for a dad, because you could take two months at Christmas, take summers off, and have your, just adapt your schedule to when you want to be with them. So anyway, there is great. Are you guys going out? Are you guys on the road now, too? David is. I'm doing a scripted podcast finishing up, which is like making the white album. It really has taken a year to do it with my two sons.

Oh, right, right. Yeah. I've heard on this podcast. Yeah, so I'm working on that, but I'm kind of itching to do stand-up again. I don't know what I would say or what I would do, though, at this age, you know? Because it's like, you don't want to be boring. That's the worst sin of a stand-up, I think. It's hard.

Bory. You don't want to be canceled, but you don't want to be more. You don't want to be canceled. You want to be honest. You want to be real. You want to be funny. But for me, doing small clubs with my sons, I figured out for me personally, being a sketch player at heart, I was so much better in small rooms.

I mean, because I'm doing these little intricate little characters and stuff. So I love small rooms, but big rooms play different. You know, if they have screens, it's very nice. I'm sure Madison Square Garden, you're going to have big screens. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. There's sort of. these like portrait length screens they really do i was very when this tour started i was like okay

this is going to be cool but is this going to just be like yelling in a hockey arena and everyone's like what but we got to see the faces and stuff yeah the production the production and my tour manager beth um like it's been it's been made into a really good show i think yeah he's like i have kid rock's trucker guy that runs the 18 wheeler with my stuff my favorite thing about touring arenas is that is like talking to bus drivers. Who they just had here? Yeah, who were you just with? Like, well, Robert Plant,

Robert Plant, Steve Harvey, then you. And I'm like, I love it. I love that. Have you ever gotten right before he went on dinged like that from some well-meaning crew guy? Last week, Sinbad came in here. I got to tell you, he took every local reference. He destroyed.

Now Dana Flurfa. I mean, do you ever get dinged like that where it's like Chris Rock levitated this arena last week. I don't think he was trying to ding me, but I still remember. No, no, no, no, but, no, Brian Dorfman, a Booker, a promoter, a promoter, excuse me, Brian, I apologize, you're a producer and a promoter and whatever other things you do. But I was in, I was backstage at Nashville Zanis, and we're standing there, and I'm really about to walk out, and he just goes, I remember.

promoting Polly Shore. And when the door opened and the shadow of his profile hit the stage, I've never heard a crowd go crazier for, it's like, as I'm about to walk out. I was never heard a crowd go crazier for someone. And it was the greatest stand-up show I'd ever seen. I know. They go on and on.

It was? No one has ever done anything like this, but you'll be fine. Then he pauses and go, hey, got any new stuff? I remember someone else at Zanis Nashville I was like at that same weekend I was like who are your favorite comics and

this woman Ruth Ann who was managing the club I go who are your favorite comics you know and like a lot of people this was like 2004 you know people would go like oh I tell Hedberg you know people just list the same name And she goes, okay. I was like, uh-huh. And I can't remember exactly the three,

but the first was Tony Rock. She goes Tony Rock. I go, okay. She goes funnier than Chris. I go, okay. Okay. Okay. She goes funnier than Chris.

Chick-McGee, I think maybe. The last one was Killer Bees, who's a killer bees is a road is a is an American comedian not known to everyone but she goes killer bees is the best comment I've ever funnier than Chris

you know you need new material you know you need new material when someone says to you no matter how many times I hear you stuff I still laugh you know you know you need to do that yeah yeah I I the the sound guys

the lighting technicians everyone I'm on this tour with is amazing and they are very sweet about it but they're like we as we're setting up we just recite your jokes and I was like man that's such a compliment but it makes me feel like so you're saying I don't have enough new stuff yeah all right John get out of here I like that I like that you guys are acting like I have somewhere to be but I don't I know I keep making the interview longer I know but it is fun because people like to hear from you. Oh, one little

SNL memory I have of just how big and inescapable the show felt was I was hired August 7th, 2008 and then we have the commercial writing weeks. We start pre-production for the show,

not pre-production, we start everyone's kind of back and we're going to shoot commercial parodies. Then we have the first show week and the first show that I was ever a part of Michael Phelps hosted and it was the first time Tina Fayed and Sarah Palin. So that fall, S&L is like back kind of like to being when you guys were on.

Like it felt like the 92 election again. It was like huge huge. And it was on every magazine cover and Seth and Amy are on every magazine cover and Tina's on every magazine cover. It was so big and we did these Thursday. primetime update shows. So we did 12, total we did 12 shows in eight weeks. And I just remember I was sitting in a taxi cab going home

and my eye was all infected from being awake so long. And a bus pulls up next to me and it's a gap ad with Forte Sudecass, Andy, Seth, and Fred. Wow. Like they did like a winter clothes like scarves and hats. But I just remember being like, I can't fucking escape this show and still haven't. You never, it's a seminal moment in your life being in Rockefeller Center doing that thing with all the characters.

Well, yeah. It's like saying, hey, I used to play for the Yankees. Now I have a sports marketing company. Which would you rather talk about? Yeah, that's true. There's nothing experientially or tactically like that show. People always have a question about it. about it, something about it.

That's why we're doing the podcast and to hang out with people like you. I love the podcast. I've listened to every episode. I was very flattered to be asked to you on. You must have a lot of free time or that's when you're on the bus or the plane. A lot of driving and a lot of driving, a lot of bus. Yeah. He's used to that we talk over each other, Dana.

John, yeah. Well, we have, well, yeah, Smartless has three guys. Did you like doing the live one with Sandler? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it was, um, it should have. filmed it it's fucking great it was so fun yeah different sport but uh different sport but it's it i'm whenever there's a live episode of a podcast i love i'm like this is like

no one's uh everyone's bringing out the big guns on this oh yeah well yeah you just you tend to perform a little more but yeah i just i if i put myself in the shoes of the i'm there with adam sandler and david so there's a sense of like i'd like to just hear what Adam Sandler had it for breakfast, you know? They want to know you as a person. The one thing we haven't done with you, we don't have to, because I always like to put, think of 10-year-old John Mullaney, because I like that.

Favorite toy as a kid, or a toy that you remember that you really was important to you or you liked. Oh, that's a good question. Cocaine? Yeah, but little bags of cocaine and rolled up dollar bills. David had Stretch Armstrong, didn't you? And Evil, can you? Stretch Armstrong was a fucking scam.

I liked anything. I liked anything with Ernie. I kind of with Ernie from Bert and Ernie. I sort of realized later in life that Ernie was like, I thought Ernie was so funny. Ernie is really funny. He doesn't give a fuck and his roommate's uptight. Yeah.

Which one's gay? Bird or? Oh, I think Bird is. The rumor was that they were both gay. Oh, yeah. I guess that's how it would work. Okay, did you have a bike that was special to you, like in fourth, fifth, sixth grade? I had a bike, which growing up in Chicago, like, it's an easy city to bike around it.

That was like, we already had a lot of freedom. Like, we were a little feral. I just walked around the city of Chicago was like 10, 9-year-old. Like, we really could just go. I remember having a bike and riding it along the lake from my home to, like, the middle of down. downtown Chicago, and I was like, this is so much freedom. It's crazy. It won't be like that with your kid, huh?

No, I mean, that's an interesting, it's an interesting thing because Olivia wanted to talk about that. We wanted to be, but then we obviously, I'm like, do I have the stomach for just being like, all right, see you? Do you have the Instagram followers? Can you handle what they're going to say about that? Yeah. Hey, leaving Malcolm alone on Michigan Avenue.

Yeah. He'll be home by when it gets dark like I did. Is this a good idea? Question mark. Arrow to comments. And you and Emily haven't talked about below. Sound off. Let me know. Do you have ideas of where you would like to settle with the time school years start or is it just completely wide open? You don't have to mention a town or anything. But do you think it's either Southern California, New York or out there somewhere? Yeah, we're very open to different places. You know, I mean, I feel like. Like also, me and Olivia and Malcolm have been on the road so much that we kind of, you know,

we're in this place of like home as wherever we're together, you know. Yeah, yeah. They're just so portable now. And you had told me once that you thought flying too much of my age people. So do you take more buses and cars than more people? I said that. I thought you said that to me. Always.

They thought maybe flying too much was like hard. Sounds a little speedy, cocky talk. Oh, you got some go-go juice? That's one we were jamming. We were jamming on the Mickey Rooney sketch when you said that. So I didn't know you were in feeling, no, I'm kidding. No, no, no. But I thought you said that.

But no, I do think that, no, there's something, like, you know how you feel when you get off a plane and your feet are all swollen and, like, your stomach's weird. I was like, this is not, you shouldn't do this constantly. Like, like, bring a, bring a, you know, you bring like a half empty 20 ounce bottle of soda on a place. and put it in your backpack and then see what the pressure's done to it. Yeah. It's not normal, what it does your body. I get done with flying. I'm at that phase of celebrity now where I weigh in on health theories.

So I'm going to go out ahead and say that planes. No one should be flying. John Mullaney, this week, we got our trinker. This week, drug addict, John Mullaney said no one should be flying. Flying is dangerous and not because you're going to crash, but your body is going to be. Neil Brennan said when I first got back to. doing stand-up, he said, you should be introduced. Neil Brennan said this.

He goes, you should be introduced as you know him from TMZ. Please welcome drug addict, John Mullaney. Drug addict is funny. Let's end on that one. That's funny. All right, guys. All right, John. I hope we run into it at some point.

Miss you, John. Pleasure. Love you. See you somewhere. Bye, Dave. Bye, Dana. See you on campus. Hey, guys.

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