Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade - RE-RELEASE - Larry David

Episode Date: January 1, 2026

Let’s revisit a fun conversation with Larry David. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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close to you, please contact Connects Ontario at 1866-531-2,600, to speak to an advisor, free of charge. BenMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with Eye Gaming Ontario. Larry David. Larry David was a real thrill to get him on our podcast. He was hemming and hoeing for about two years. Every time I saw him out in the real world, he was like, I want to do your podcast. I'm like, well, it's easy. He just do it.

But it had to fit in into the end of the show or when it started or the finale. So he came in and he was as advertised, hilarious fun and laughed at everything Dana said, to be honest. Well, it was just sort of this little social. ecosystem between Conan and Bill Hader and myself of doing old-timey impressions, like Jimmy Stewart or Henry Fonda and stuff like that. And so I started off on those. And he, Larry laughed harder at, he's laughed harder than almost any human I'd seen. I mean, he was drenched in sweat, red face and he fell out of his chair. We didn't have video then, but he grew up like a baby. I know. The worst part is we didn't film him. So he was absolutely,

delightful to have on the podcast just a sweetheart and you know of course he's larry david but um yeah he loves comedy and a lot of these brilliant uh writers and performers they love weird old impressions i mean they just can't get enough of them so that he was great had a he came into the good attitude he's not like a crumudge and we laughed and uh i do wish you know people say oh why don't you film these it's sometimes sometimes people don't want to come into the studio and sometimes they don't want to be filmed even when they're here. So we go along with them. And we got a great show out of them either way.

Yeah. So that was one of the more unique and fun ones we've done on this podcast. So this one I would listen to if I were you. Yeah. There he is. Always say no. It's the best advice you could give anyone. I was just talking to somebody the other day.

They go, um, why did I say yes to this? Why did I say yes? Everybody goes through that every day. Yeah. People cannot say no. It's so impossible. Well, if you're turning down a lot, it's a rhythm thing. No.

No. No. But at least you're known as someone that says no. How many podcasts do you turn down in a year? 300. I don't want to. Over a thousand? Over a thousand.

I don't want to sound immodest. Two thousand. There is, listen, Nancy Reagan had it right. Just say no. And no one listened. Yeah, completely. She was right on a lot of them. She was talking about drugs.

Well, can I hear my Reagan? He got his Reagan in. By the way, early. I'll sit here for an hour and just listen to your impression. Well, I like this rhythm. I'll see if you like this rhythm. It's Reagan dealing with modern enemies, right? Who are they what?

Tell a who, Banny what? What they do, do, where, when, how, why. Well, then we have no choice. Fire away with everything we got. And then call them and see if they're still there. That was it. I made Larry David laugh. I've got one for you that if you can do, I would just ask you to do it every time I saw you.

Okay. A younger Biden, not the old Biden. a younger Biden with that with that Baltimore I don't have one of those Baltimore accent I know I know that's very specific you know that accent I'm talking they did it in that that series what was it called with Kate Winslet oh oh yeah yeah this something may yeah yeah yeah yeah they had that no I know it's very subtle that accent he's got some of that right this never doesn't get a laugh and stand up and I'll do it over and over again to the audience yeah I mean serious And I say to the audience, I will keep doing it until you don't laugh.

I'm getting around here. See, you're so lucky that you can do that stuff. I don't have jokes. Well, I mean, if something you do isn't working, then you just, you make them laugh again. You always have a laugh at your disposal. Most stand-ups don't have that laugh at their disposal all the time. It's terrifying to go up. And if you don't have a go-to-something.

Right. Dana's got great stuff. And also, you can put a 10% joke in an impression and it's worth 100%. And just ride the rhythm. I put on my notes, stay, stay here. Don't be in a hurry. Stay here.

If it says Ross Perot, you're going to do him for, or Anthony Fauci. Every president since Calvin Coolidge, he doesn't, the crowd's like, yeah, they freak out. But a young Biden, that's a challenge. Yeah. You do FDR?

We, ah, no, no, I'm doing JFK. We don't do it because my bid on JFK now is that he needs an AI, Bobby needs an AI, that his voice will then go to JFK's voice. Oh, Bobby's? Yeah, because we all sound like Bobby. It would help. If we smoke pot in high school,

be like, I can't believe what the pharmaceutical companies are doing. You know, introducing JFK AI. We understand that the pharmaceutical companies are doing, I'm just going to do this all afternoon. Come on. I'm, you know, I'm thoroughly entertained. I would pay to sit down. I would pay them to listen to it.

Go ahead. See, you can say, We don't do it because it's easy. We do it because it's hard. We're the right age group. Yeah. Crickets up here. Yes.

So. So you're settled in. You said yes. You're here. Do you need anything? I'll open some water here. Yeah. We got you some of the high fancy water from your rider.

Has any human performer? How about those people who they want like. grape jelly or something. Have you ever seen your writer? I don't know if you do a lot of stand-up. Have you ever seen your writer? What are you demanding? Me neither.

I feel like yours is a little below J-Lo, but above Chris Catan. Let's see. I've had people in tears coming at me. I'm coming backstage with a gig. We only have three towels. Yeah. We couldn't find Triscuits.

I don't see my writer. I don't, you know. I don't like to eat anything at all before I'm going on somewhere. Not even a little bit of a bite of chocolate. No, nothing. Do you still do stand up? Do you go out and do like an hour? No, last year I did, you know, I was interviewed on stage.

On stage, yeah. Chiching. One of like these bullshit things? Yeah, yeah, something like this. Yeah, that knows the best though because it's not really. Yeah, it's not stand-up. It's not that hard. Right.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Before the pandemic, Julie Louis Streifis, remember her? You know her. Yeah. She was doing interviews. Check out the call sheet. You'll remember.

She was doing interviews for corporate events. I thought, oh, man, that's so nice. 20 minutes with the CEO. Yeah. What's the question that makes you the happiest and what's the question that is annoying for you? I think I have an idea. I think now the most annoying question is, are you going to do another season?

Oh, well, now that we're here. Did you just say yes at the end, meaning you're not, are you? I didn't know that your special was named Curbier in Thrasium. Is that true? Your standard special? I saw it. And then you borrowed that, yeah, you took that in. And was it 2000?

Has it been around that long? Yeah. God, dang. And you've had people on Curb that went on to be bigger stars. You actually got them early. Yeah? Who? I'm asking you.

Me? Well, that's exciting. No, I do have a curb story for you. Yeah. You might have heard it because you were part of it. But Dana, I did this young man's show. It was one of the great fun things of life is to be on a show that's a fucking hit show.

Everyone loves. Right up, you know, everyone's sensibility. Everyone in the future goes, oh, I want to do a show like Curb. That's the most common thing I hear. It's 10 times more complicated than they can probably think. It seems very easy, looks easy. I think the fun part when I did it was the idea was you,

I don't know if you remember this, you did so many, but you wanted tickets to Laker game. And you used to work at NBC, so you asked the president of NBC, and they have two sets. This is, I think, true anyway. So they say, yes, give Larry two tickets. So you go with Jeff, and you're in the rafters. And then you get the binoculars to see,

oh, they have two sets of tickets. And then you go, who's on the floor where we wanted to be? And he's sitting with me. Right, right. And so you're like, that motherfucker, why is Spade down there? And why are we up here? I fucking, I was on site for. So anyway, we run into you guys leaving.

And the part that I thought was interesting, I didn't even tell Dana this, but it's like the way I got, the way I remember it was someone comes up to me. And I think we have the forum or wherever it is. And I think, and that's how big of a production is. You have that, you have extras. We did some in a real game. I think we used those endeavor seats. or whatever, William Morris. And then, so we were at the real game.

And then afterwards, we get a bunch of extras to stay. And so we were leaving. So me and that president of NBC are leaving, and Larry's coming out with Jeff. And they come up to me and they go, you're going to run into him. So be apologetic. Something like that.

It was just an idea. No lines. And then I go, and what's Larry doing? They go, you'll find out. So then you guys decide what you want to do. Obviously you decide. And so we come in and we have. have like a five-minute talk where I'm like, oh, sorry, because you're like, why would he be there?

I'm like, I don't want to be a part of this, whatever, whatever. Then they go cut, and then they come back and I go, this one, defend yourself. And it's so funny because you have five seconds. So I'm like, well, whatever happens? And I don't know what you're going to do. And then you're like, why would he be there? I'm like, well, we both were on big shows. And you're like, well, I was on Seinfeld.

I go, well, listen, we're both top ten shows. We're both, it's kind of a push. And you're like, a push. Just shoot me was the same as. So anyway, it just makes for a fun. real fake argument, whatever, whatever. And then they did like one or two more of different things. Was a blast.

David? It's very interesting, honestly, for people to know that because the hard part for Larry is to go in there and decide which is the funniest version, what line. That's just so complicated. The greatest part I love is when I can tell that you or the great Richard Lewis or Jeff Garland, you're not sure you're doing a take

because you're just talking and you might use it. you might not. I mean, it's the absolute opposite of a traditional, you know, Larry Sanders was the first that I had an experience like that. I, first of all, I would, I never would have done a show if I had to memorize lines. Smart. It's too hard. It's, it's, I don't like it, and I'm not really an actor. And you have to be, you have to be an actor to memorize lines. I suppose I could do it, but it wouldn't be fun. Here, I'm kind of making it up as we're going along. And I don't know. It's just, I just laughed my way through 12 seasons.

I know. It's infectious to watch. You know, the last 20 years, I don't think I've ever gone to any kind of meeting about any kind of show where, you know, it's going to be like curb or we're thinking like a curb type show. Has anyone even landed close to the sensibility and what is the secret? You don't have to tell us here. You can cut this part out. If there is like one secret. Tell us who's done it poorly first.

Who's doing it? I don't even know who's doing it. The only thing I think of is Larry Sanders in the 90s had a sense of three cameras going at all times, 16 millimeters. And Gary would say, you do this, kind of, or say something like this, you know. Oh, did they improvise a lot? At least when I was there. But I don't think it was quite like yours where, like, you're so improvised. Whatever you have, it's working, don't even. Hey, are you going to do a new season?

No, no. Is there anybody you asked to do, Kurb, that didn't do it, like some star that you wanted? I think there were some people who were just weren't down with the idea of improvising. Yeah. Some are like to do the lines. They'd be more comfortable. Yeah, more comfortable. It's hard to make lines your own.

That's hard when you're doing shows and movies. That's why they sometimes feel stiff because if you can just play off what's happening at that second and the attitude, that's way more fun. It is hard to do, though. I mean, the worst thing that actors did on the show. if they would try to be funny. Yeah. Are they coming going on funny?

Trying to come up with like funny lines. Not, no. Yeah. The hardest part I've seen even on like for Adam and Sandler on those movies is a lot of people that come on that have never worked with them. First of all, proclaim their funniness, which is our always red flag. And then they come up and say, I add some ideas for the scene. And it's for you to be the creator and they, and you can't blame anyone else and you

have to say no. So when they come to you and go, Larry, I thought I'd play it more. I got a guy that talks like this and you got to go, oh, fuck. Can you just don't do that? It's a hard position to be in. No, it's very easy. Okay.

I was trying to help you. It's not hard at all. No, that's not good. Don't do that. I've got two. I wouldn't tell. And they slink away and go, fuck. Sometimes, sometimes at auditions, actors would try and cry.

Oh. I go, oh, God. No. Stop. No, no. Oh, man. Two metrics now, never have a line that's written that someone has to say. And don't anybody ever be caught trying to be funny unless the character is trying to be funny.

Yeah, yeah, that's different. But none of that winking. It's a real Rubicon. And you can really feel it in sitcoms when it just pushed. I like the stuff. I'm just saying I'm a fan. The stuff that's played like in a wide shot is always good. Sometimes you get on a movie and they go weird, Dana and I talk about this.

You get too locked into two shot, one shot, pushing, pushing, and you're losing all the momentum and all the fun of it, and it looks too stiff, back, forth, but sometimes it's nice, those old Woody Allen or whatever, even Tarantino in a wide shot, just two people talking, looks real, you've got to figure out where to look instead of going, look here, look there, we got it, we got it, we've seen it. The Woody Allen thing is a little scary because I did, I did. Oh, you did a couple.

What was the name of that movie? It's called... A couple, Dana. Yeah. Whatever. Yeah. Anyway, I did one. Once upon, he doesn't remember.

And, you know, because he does these take, you got to get it all in one. And the whole take, I'm going, I got four more lines to go. I'm not comfortable at all because you can't make a mistake. There's no cutting. Yeah. After my first take, the first day of filming, after the first take, he comes up to me and he goes, Not Terrible.

And now I use that every time somebody asked me, how you doing? I go, Not Terrible. That's a good. Medium place to be. Robert Mitchum told me that the guy who played Tarzan, because Robert Mitchum was a guest host, and he was the host at SNL.

I go, hey, how are you doing today? He goes, worse. I go, worse. Why do you say worse? I think it was Lex Barr. Some guy who played Tarzan, he came out of his trailer and said, I feel great and then did a header, you know? So ever since then, he just says worse.

That's, I love that. Oh, you did tough guys. Is that the one? I did so much shit. I was so bad. I have a Hall of Fame. It's so bad. I can't say lines 175 times between all the takes and all the close-ups. And by four in the afternoon, you first said the lines at 7 a.m.

And by 5 o'clock, It's not even English. Going in tight on Dana. You guys got some heads of hair on you, the two of you, you know? Best hair money combined. When did you know, did you ever think like, oh, I'm going to have all of my hair for the rest of my life? Did that thought occur to you at some point? Yes.

I had a pretty good head of hair. First of all, it went way up in these corners that are covered right now when I was in my 20s. So I went to a bar where he goes, you're going to be gone by. What? Really? Yeah, Barber. He just saw it going back, but it went back and then it stopped. Wow. Very right.

And then, and then I do take a little funesteride. What's that? I'm sorry? It's stuff that keeps your hair. What does that do? Keeps your hair in your head. Really? Yeah, Matthew McCona does it.

All right, right, right, right, right. Dude, I grew up with motor oil. Everything I could find, I threw in my hair, just trying to every trick in the book. It's so horrible. Well, let me just explain that because we'll get, we'll get, We'll get letters, old-fashioned parlance. Go ahead. Doseach matters with any med you take.

This woman, she was trying to do super vegan, and she was amazing. She was 87. I go, you could have some salmon. Oh, no, I can't. Well, I tried a statin, and I had terrible side effects. Would you ever think of taking a lower dose? Ask your doctor. So she lowered the dose, took her cluster around, no side effects.

So the same thing with finisteride. People were popping it like candy. Then they had sexual side effects, depression. you just need a little bit to keep the hair in your head and it will grow hair. I don't get it. You had to give her that advice? The doctor couldn't tell her that. She couldn't read the back of the bottle.

Doctors are not really, most of them are just high school seniors that have a lab coat on. They don't know anything, most of them. They're terrible. I mean, right? Do you? What, doctors? Yeah.

I still have great faith in that. Yeah, Dana. Interesting. Yeah. I look at you to hold it. They're doctors, Dana. I know, I used to bow down. We were talking about to a contractor or a landscape architect.

We'll put a big tree right in the middle of the grass. Why? Well, you need it. No, you don't. Well, you know, you can never have a doctor as a friend because you'll lose all consequences. You see, they're so human. How could you? Right.

You know, you're kind of stupid, actually, in life. Well, you can read the same stuff they're reading. You can read NIH. You can read Harvard, whatever. You can read everything the doctors. You can? Why, are you reading that? I do, I do.

You do? A lot. If I have an issue of something, yeah, I'll look it up. I just say it. Don't you ever research stuff? I don't want to read anything medical. It'll just scare me. I never look at anything medical. Do you get this when you go to the doctor? They talk about everything jokey except for what's wrong with you. Like they come in, how's going? What's been going on?

You've been on the road? And I'm like, I'm sitting here for 49 minutes waiting and I know I've got a six-minute window with you. Like, let's get to the stuff. And then they'll be in the last second. Oh, right, bend over me to stick a finger in your house. Okay, so I almost forgot that part. Did you ever do a prostate exam joke? No.

Yes. I didn't think you would. I thought you were talking to me. Oh, yeah, I for sure. The cheesiest one that always gets, I don't do. I've never done one. I never written one. But the one that made me laugh the most was look ma'n no hands.

Yeah. I mean, that's a stock joke. It wasn't mine. No, the joke that you try to bury into real life is when I was playing the mirage, go, David Copperfield was in the steam room. I milked out so long and they go, he was in the steam room? And I go, yeah. And he's sitting next me, but his towel slid off.

He was just sitting there weird. And he goes, hey, he goes, I go, can you do magic now that you have nothing here? And he goes, yeah. And I go, it's not real. And he goes, all right, quickly. He goes, get up. He gets behind me. And he goes, all right.

Do you feel my thumb in your ass? And I go, yeah. And he goes, ta-da. reaches around me. So, it was sort of magic. That's funny. Did you ever do a Hitler joke? You do a lot of Hitler jokes.

I'm not talking about the editorial, but just because everyone has a Hitler joke. What's your best Hitler joke? I did, I used to do one in stand up. It had to do about Hitler going to a magic show. That's funny. It's already funny. Anything Hitler does.

And he goes backstage after, and he's very insistent on finding out where the rabbit is. And, you know, magicians have a code. They can't tell how the tricks are done. And it was going, where's the rabbit? I'm very curious. Where's the rabbit? And he goes, well, my furor, you know, we're not really allowed to. It's a code amongst me.

Yes, yes, yes, but where is the rabbit? What? It was something like that. I forgot the rest of it. Where was it? Did you do that in the 99 special? I did. Yes. I remembered it. Yeah. Do you have a Hitler joke? You know, I don't think I have one because, oh, you know, I did have a book when I did my first book.

Oh, a couple people remember? Thank you. I used a picture of me when I was five years old. My mom had me a little blue suit with a white hair down to here. and it was a weird shot down on me in front of my old apartments and I'm just standing so stiffly that I said what if we called the book Mr. Hitler will see you now because I was like a five-year-old kid

looked like a little Aryan and it got universally no and I'm kind of glad because I sort of skim over stuff I'm from Arizona we were never into religion we were never in many things that could be very offensive and so we joked about everything

racism, all this. So sometimes I would stumble in my act and say things too far and someone would pull me aside and say, I wouldn't say that anymore. And I wouldn't know how deep these things went or hit. And I'd be like, okay. So it took me a while. Even on that one, it was a little late in the game. But to even say I should do that.

But Hitler gets thrown around and it just, it offends too many people. I'm not Jewish. I did a Hitler bit. I was doing a benefit for Cedars, Sinai, cardiology department. And I did a Hitler bit. A guy who'd actually put a stent my chest goes, do you know where? you are, you know. And I, do you want to hear it?

Yeah, go. It's not a bit, it's an observation because I thought I don't have any original observation about Hitler. And then I thought of one, and I want you to tell me you've never heard it before, hopefully, or you've heard it before. All we do is see Hitler throughout history's, uh, history screaming. We never see him talking normal. We do this for a living.

He must be exhausted backstage. Just wiped out, almost effeminate. Oh, Himmla, I can't feel my deltoid, whoever said to do this, shoot him. He gets off stage and goes to the heads as the green room, and he's like, they were good. They were pretty good. He was back to his normal voice. But just exhausted Hitler-Langorist, girding, a little luf off a man. Yeah, that's great.

Don't fat shame yourself. I have a cookie. I eat it. I put the plate down. You have a good cookie. Your brain throws a potty. You have a hundred cookies. So he breaks down, you know, addiction to carbohydrates.

That's funny. Okay. Hitler's green room. What's on his rider? All right. I like it my notes. There's literally no notes to ask anything. It's two.

Go ahead, Dana. Whatever you got. Well, I know this will make you happy. Jalen Bronson. Brunson. Yeah. New York Knicks. Yes.

Yes. Right in the throes of it. Stephen A. Smith and LeBron. Who would win if they went? Because we think we know, but Stephen A. Smith isn't tiny. I mean, I would get snapped in half by LeBron. A. Stephen A. Smith would get snapped in half. LeBron is a.

beast, man. It's unbelievable. What is he doing? I don't know. He's 40 years old. It's just incredible what he's doing. Yeah. If I had that money, I think, and he's already like such a perfect specimen athlete, I don't know what I would do. I don't know what I would obviously pour it back into trying to stay alive top of the 100. I look at Brad Pitt and I go, I don't know what's going on. But if something, no one's going to get to regular Brad Pitt, he looks even better now. I'm like, fuck that. That's like cheating. Because he could have been fine skating along. And if he did the, I don't say he did because mostly just jealousy and anger, but if he did something, I'm flying to that guy and just saying, do whatever you got to do. Because someone told me on my

comments, it looks like I slept on my face. And those sting, Larry. You're supposed to let him go and, uh... Well, you look kind of the same. Yeah, you look like 45 years. Because when did your hair, but when did it go white? How old? It probably started in my, um, Probably in my late 30s. Wow. That was a joke. No, but Steve Martin, the same thing. He looks kind of the same.

Steve Martin was like 12. I'm working on this baby face with bangs. I'm going to be 70 a month. Keep the hair messy. Really? You're going to be 70 in a month? Yes, thank you, Larry. Wow.

For being surprised. He didn't even comment you at all. Isn't that a great compliment when people are surprised when you tell them your age? Yes. Yeah. It is. But when you tell them eventually, you say I'm going to be 70 a month ago.

You're like, really? Just an O? Yeah. Can I get a really? Andy Sandberg said, you're going to be 70? I go, thank you, Andy. Yeah, that's a great compliment. Okay, I have something you may not have heard before.

Tell me if you have. Carol Leiffer was on our show. Okay. And she talked about you and Jerry, the dynamic. And she said, you're John Lennon and Jerry is Paul McCartney. Have you heard that before? You probably've heard it. I've heard it.

It's quite ridiculous, but I've heard it, yeah. But then it makes you unpack it a little bit in your brain. Like, well, wait a minute. My strawberry feels and he's, Penny Lane. Both geniuses. Yeah. Not bad. Yeah, I don't.

I think I have a feeling our dynamic was maybe not fraught with the friction that theirs was. Well, I asked Paul McCartney about it And he said, well, the difference was, you know, they were doing comedy And we were doing strumming and getting singing So it's a different thing The analogy doesn't quite fit, you know Larry David looks the same for the last 40 years Like, oh, I totally agree, Paul

Were you on a CBS Radford lot? Yeah, that's right. I think we were there at the same time, honestly. I think just shoot me, Will and Grace. We were there up until 98. What was the call sheet? What was the order of the cast?

I have no idea. Larry? Never looked at it. Tell me. You mean the Seinfeld call sheet? Jerry? Honest to God. I've never looked at it once.

What do you think it was, Dana? I assume it'd have to be Jerry. And then we'll keep going. I mean, it's a good question. What's those four in a row? I never looked at it. Julie Louise Streifest, number two? She was probably a bigger name, right?

Well, um... Jason, Julie wasn't in the pilot. Jason was in the pilot. Oh, he might have inched ahead and leaned at the tape and got to number two. I was not an early adopter. I was being whined and dined by NBC to do the Letterman slot, Warren Littlefield, and having lunch with him. You mean a talk show host? Yeah.

You were going to be a host on television. Yeah. I know. It seems amazing. It'd be great. It wouldn't work at all. This is my first. No, that'd be great.

Well, maybe if you had David as the coach, it might have work. We would have Andy Richter. No, but basically they said, you know, we have this new show. I think only four had been made or something. It's called Seinfeld. We think it might be, it's going to be really big. And they told me about it and who was in it. And I just thought to myself, oh, boy, that's not going to happen.

That doesn't sound like a winner. Yeah, I agree with that. Well, whatever, I'm in. involved in, I never thought would work. So, no, I thought it would be gone very quickly. I was just doing it for the pilot. I would do a pilot, get paid for the pilot. Right.

And then that would be it. Yeah, the chance of pilots going are so slim, especially. And you're coming off S&L then? Was that SNL to that? S&L was 84, 85. How'd that go? Oh, swimmingly. Well, you made up for it.

It just shows that you just don't know you need the right situation or whatever because for you not to do great on that show and then you go off and do, some people do that. They have trouble there and they go off and do great. I didn't really,

it didn't really bother me that much. I got one sketch on. Not great. For the season. Yeah. I got one sketch on. It reminded me a bit of a stand-up in a way when I would,

I'd be waiting to go on and then, I don't know, somebody famous would come in and I'd get bumped and bumped again. And I was actually glad I got bumped because I didn't want to go on anyway. I was happy. I was happy not to go on.

And so, I don't know, writers made such a big deal about if their sketch was going to be. I didn't really care that much. Yeah. It didn't really bother me. Well, when I was there writing, All I cared about was getting picked up again for the next year because it's just no money.

So I just don't want to look like an asshole. And they'd call Gervitz and Brad Gray and go, Lauren, we go, I don't know, we may bring them back. So I'd have to get rid of my apartment. And every year I did that. And then I drag, there wasn't DoorDash, ladies. It was drag your apartment, you know, your mattress down the stairs. And then you got to re-put your part. My apartment was a little bed, a desk, anything I could just literally carry.

And then two months later, we'll bring. them back. And then I'm like, so I got to go move back, find an apartment. It's so dumb, but they like to keep you on the edge of your seat there. So you didn't have Lorne. Lorne was not. Oh, you didn't have Lauren. No, I didn't have Lauren. Oh, I was just doing a impression. It was a 10 out of 10. Unfortunately, you didn't know. I knew you were doing Lorne. Yeah. It was a very subtle, you know, Dick Ebersoll. It was too real. It's kind of a sporting event, someone said about SNL. It's rock and roll. It's loud. I mean, there are There are subtle. Jack Handy used to do

as deep thoughts and there are subtle sketches. It's funny. But I think I heard that you and Jerry just said for sure at this point, we're just going to do the show for ourselves. We're not going to try to project what the network or even the audience will like. That's what I felt that's not felt. Yeah, that's what we did.

Yeah. So. Yeah. But you were to... I remember we went out to dinner very early on And I said, I can't, how are they letting us do this? I was shocked. Were the audiences biting on it, though? It was in front of an audience, right? Yeah.

They were biting. So you thought, well, something's working here. Seemed like it. Because when we were doing ours, I like to keep comparing like the exact same. When we were doing ours or any sitcom, they would do it. And then it would get a medium laugh. And then we liked it all week. The people that we thought were funny to each other.

And then they go, listen, the, you know, the youth prisoners that they bust in for the show aren't biting on this one. So let's dumb it down a little bit. And then I go, well, let's not wind up with the one that these guys like because we believed in these jokes. And then they're scrambling and trying stuff. I'm like, I don't even know what winds up on the show, but you go, you can't do that. Like, it's better to have something where you just pick it and say, this is our style. This is our vibe. Like it or not.

It was new. And we've gone through cheers. Mary Tyler Moore, MASH, all these brilliant sitcoms, half-hour shows. And all of a sudden, there's a show with a puffy jacket or a soup Nazi. It just was instantly a different sensibility. Yeah. When I saw it, and I saw at least 13 of them. I don't know how many I've seen, but.

We didn't even know how to write a sitcom. It's better. We'd never done it before. You didn't have bad habits. You didn't know how to do that bad ones. And there was no writer's room. Oh, really? Yeah, we didn't have a writer's room.

Who wrote? Well, we knew some SNL people that wrote on there, but was it, I heard the idea was people would walk into a cold, like, freezer room, and then it was you sitting there in a chair in the dark, and they would pitch. I was always very nice. If you didn't like it, you would hear shame, and they'd walk out. But they said it was, they make it more than it is. They probably, because they go, we'd have to wait, and then we'd go in and pitch, and then Larry would just shake this. And they, you have a big laugh.

And so they loved it if they could make. Oh, if you could laugh. If they could make Larry laugh in the pitch. I was always very nice to everyone who came in. I could imagine. You're a good crowd right now. You're just, you're very open. When I see you out in the world, I don't see that much.

But you always seem very loose and friendly and there's no people. I think people think of this cremudgeon thing that's like a little. because it's from the show. That's, no, that's me. This is, this is the act. Do more people talk to you? What do they talk to you about in order? They know, is it Seinfeld or is it curb or is it something else?

Now? Yeah. Well, now it's curve. It's just curb all the time. It's curb, curb, curb, curve, curve, Seinfeld. Curb, Curb, Curb, Curb. Was Jerry ever, like, Jerry. Good question.

sort of a stoic, you know, he doesn't like people being neurotic and creating problems because I've gotten to know him a little bit. I did comedians and cars and stuff. And so then I realized when he is abrupt about that, he's really slightly annoyed that someone would create a problem, you know, out of nothing. So it would just, I'd say, I don't know about my act. I don't, how do you write new jokes? Just write them! You know, it was like, you know? And at first I was like, is this guy aggressive? No He doesn't like neurotic comedians going

I don't want to play that club Don't play it I mean Does he like that with you I mean once I understood Where he was coming from We had him in here And it was I totally got it

He does not like Problems that don't need to exist And he just no I like this stance When I said He doesn't do that many specials And I said, all the comics now, they do a special for an hour, and then they have to throw away the material.

And he goes, why do they have to throw it away? I go, I don't want to throw it. I go, I have stuff that takes so long to sharpen it and get it to fucking work. And when I go on the road, they want to see a show that works. I don't want to start from scratch. And he goes, listen. He talks to me like, I'm a child. He goes, don't throw it away.

He goes, do the jokes at work. He goes, people think they have too many jokes that work. He said, when you boil it down, every great comic probably has an hour. hour 15 in their whole career that's just killers. And I think Leno's like that too. They just boil down to like get what works and do it. And if some of them are great jokes, it's like songs. I like that. I like when someone does something I like, especially a comic, I go, this is my favorite one. I'm glad they're doing it. I don't want to see, because specials get watered down over time. And I'm like, another one. What the fuck? What do you got left in the tent? There's two jokes of

Jerry that still stick with me. One was the moose gets lifted out of Alaska. And it's up in the sky and it wakes up. And what does the moose think? I guess I can fly now. I just thought that was a great one. And then the eulogy one. You know the eulogy one. What's that one?

The normal and fear of human beings is public speaking. So at any funeral, the person given the eulogy would rather be in the casket. It's a great joke. That's good. Yeah. So you had a great partner. And he had a great partner. Yeah.

But you'll be remembered for Kerb. Point is this. No, I don't know. Curbs 20s season. Do an impression. You did Bernie Sanders. Yeah. Okay.

What's your memory? I just did Biden. Yeah. I was like, I don't know. So there was a debate in 2000. The election was 2016. And Bernie was running. Hillary was running.

Yeah. So there was a debate. And then I think it was probably. I think the debate was 2015. Yeah. And I never... And so I'm... When Bernie Sanders started to talk,

everything he was saying, I would repeat. I don't know if you ever do that. Sometimes. All of a sudden, because he sounded so familiar to me because we're both from Brooklyn. Right. That I was able, in a way, to just tap into, you know, the way he talked.

Yeah. And he would say something, and I would repeat it. And then my agent called me when the debate was over just to talk about it. Ari Emanuel, he said, did you see that? I said, of course I saw it. What do you think? And he goes, okay, I'm calling Lorne Michaels.

Perfect. Five minutes later, Lauren is on the phone with Ari, and that was on a Tuesday and on Saturday. I'm doing the show. Oh, fun. So you had the 84 experience, then all of a sudden, in 2015, you come on, you do Bernie, and it is a smash. I mean, it's like, oh, my God, of course, Larry David. And you killed.

It must have been fun. It was fun. Yeah. Because everything you said, you got a laugh. Yeah, it was fun. Yeah. Did you go to the 50th? You went to the 40th.

You did a lot in the 40th, I thought. I did, yeah, I went to the 40th, and I was in the audience, and I did some bit in the audience. Yeah, yeah. And the 50th, I went. but I didn't do anything. But I got sick at both of them. Okay, good. Even the COVID in 2015?

In 2015, I got sick at the 40th. Yeah. And I was doing a play at the time. And I had to do the play with like 102 temperature, 102 temperature, you know? Ouch. Because you've got to go on. It's so gross.

It would be like, I got to go on. It's horrible. Yeah. And then I got sick again at the 50th. Got the flu, I think. You know, something must be there. When I hosted last time, I got sick during dress, the worst fucking anxiety riddled time. In the middle of a sketch, they go, come on, come on.

And I stood up as in like a UPS outfit. And I go, and then I sat back down on the set, and they go, come on. The band's like, you got 90 seconds. And I go, I don't feel good. And then I lay down on the floor. And everyone's like, what the fuck is going? So they walk me to the dressing room, put me in the bathroom, I lay on the floor. And the audience is still there.

Wow. So it was the last sketch. They just wrapped and they let him one out. And then they're pounding on the door going. And I hear him going, if he doesn't come out, we're going to have to put a rerun on. We've got to tell NBC. And I'm laying on the floor sweating. I don't know if I was food poisoning.

Then I started barfing. And then I just sat there, my LEPS uniform, going, there could be more stress. Already you're sick. And everyone, including Lauren, is behind the door going, are we doing this? It's fine if we're not. We just have to. and so I finally get the door and I go, I mean, I can try

and then they go, all right, let's pull the rerun, let's just try it. Wow, I started to feel a little better and I got some food in me and I was like, I don't know what happened. I got the whammy and then I did a good solid 70% I gave and the guy in the UPS sketch the writer, I could see him in the back going,

yeah, you're real fucking hero. Because obviously that sketch got cut because I don't think I even finished it. You know what I mean? The thing about it, I was doing it and I was sick. And I remember thinking during the middle of it, I don't feel sick. I don't, something.

Yeah, your adrenaline maybe. That's remarkable. I felt like Fraser in the 15th round last time I hosted, like, really? Now? Can I do this? And then the same thing. Just patched off the out there. You hear the applause, the laughs.

You mean, we're hosting was good experiences or is it not really? Yeah, it was okay. Did Lauren give you a thumbs up? What did Lauren say to you? Well, they invited me to do it again, so I guess it wasn't a total bum, but I had, you know, the hardest part was having to prepare a monologue.

Yeah, yeah. Because I hadn't been on in a long time. I didn't expect a world from you. So I had to write a monologue and then do it in different clubs. Oh, you had to go out. Yeah, that was. That's a lot of work.

You're just doing Q&A with the cast. Yeah, that's the cheat. You sing him would have been funny. Yeah. In a club, they go, we have a guest here. Larry Dave and you walk up. So dogs are funny. And everyone's like, what's he doing?

And then a half hour before the show at 11 o'clock, I was called up to Lauren's office and the sensor was there. Oh. And the sensor said, I couldn't do this. I couldn't do this a bit. Oh, at 11? Yeah, at 11 o'clock. Fuck off.

And there are two bits. They didn't want me to do. Aw, come on. Oh, please. And then I went, well, the other one, whatever. You know, I'm not going to, I'm not going to, I got, I'm going to do it. You're not going to do it? So I said, no, I'm going to.

Oh, you said you're going to do it. I said, yeah. I said I can't. I said I can't. I have to do it. Well, you have nothing. And I go, yeah, I go, why is it offensive? I don't get it.

Who's going to be offended by this? Lorne, after five minutes of this, said, I can't do him, but he said, like, he said to the censor, I don't think you're going to win this one, yeah. Oh, he said to the censor. He said that to the sensor, yeah. I don't think you're going to win this one. Yeah, that's exactly it. Let's get Larry to make up. Like, you know, you can only take so much from a Larry David.

We've wasted Larry's time enough. Let him go down. Check his celebrity net worse, and you'll see that he truly is. You know, when I host a great story about me, we can cut this out. We already did. No, when I hosted, I had, it was, Sandler was in my trick monologue. I'm only telling you this because it's kind of similar to where he's the audience member, but he's playing a goofy guy that he used to do. So he was there that weekend.

He goes, I'll come and we'll do that. That'll be your monologue. so I can worry about the 13 sketches that are about to bomb. And so that morning, Saturday, they say, Adam goes, I got a Waterboy open that weekend big, and he had to fly back to L.A. He goes, I can't do it, pal. I was like, oh, shit.

So I couldn't cover it because it was his character. And I'm like, what's my monologue? And then we're like, okay, rehearsal. And I'm like, in going, guys, I got to get a monologue at one of the breaks. And they go, and everyone does just do stand-up. But I hadn't done it for a while, and I definitely hadn't done a club or anything.

So there's no practice, which you need a little. Even when we were at the 50th, I just did a set with Chris Rock and Nate Bergatsi just for fun because we're out having dinner. And they go, oh, Malaney and Steve Martin and Martin Short were just here doing stand-up. They all came in, everyone did a set, just like everyone bumped.

Super fun night. But I don't get to do that. So I just go, oh, I have this one in my act about a polar bear and about this other one, and then they go just to that. So the only time I rehearsed it was at dress or right before dress, you know, to try it. But I couldn't really remember it all.

And then I had to sit in my dressing and go, how does that one go? So scary. It went all right, but I know the monologue. It's all. How can I mean get them on cards? I got it. Oh, because I had to tell cards what to put. And I just said, just forget it.

Just put monkey, joke, polar bear. Oh, okay. And go to a commercial when I started fucking crying. I don't like stand up either. I mean, honestly, if any time a show was canceled, I was happy. You're happy, right? But if I go up and I'm killing, I go, well, this is kind of fun. But I never want to go.

And I don't like, I'm exactly the same way. I never want to be in a de facto comedy competition. Go to the comedy store. There's 10 comics. I'm going to try new stuff. They're doing their A stuff, lean into it, you know. And I just don't like the people. You were one of the best tonight.

I mean, what do I need that for? I'm just like you. Do you do corporates? Do they call you to come in? They're fun. Somebody's got enough money. No, I don't get asked. Oh, yeah.

Really? I'm going to talk to my people. Have you ever been in a headlock? by another adult male as an adult? Because the CEO was drunk and had me at a corporate event. Hey, do the church, lady-clunking guy. It's funny, you should ask me that because at the 50th, I was introduced to Paul McCartney.

And I said to him, has anyone ever, No, I said to him, has anyone ever punched you in the mouth? Instead of hello, we'd love all your albums. I said, let me ask you a question. Have you ever been hitting the face with a, with a fish? Has anybody ever punched you? That's fucking great. And he must have loved it.

Oh, wait, we were at dinner. What did he say? Yeah, the dinner. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You were sitting right next to Paul. Yeah. You were hilarious. He was a good laugh for too.

Yeah. He was into it. I think he likes having these. He's a charmer. I mean, but what did he say after you said? He just started laughing. No, he did. There was an incident.

There was an incident in his youth when he was like 13 or 14, and somebody headbutted him, him, he told me. He's so charming. There's something on YouTube. You can look it up, but McCarney's going into a nightclub with people. This is like within five years in L.A. The doorman doesn't recognize him. And then you can't go.

And then you hear Paul say, we've got to write more songs. We better go back to drawing, but we're not big enough. So anyway, that was a night. I'm going to ask him. I was sitting next to Chris Rock, and I came late, and I felt embarrassed. But I was 100% not invited. I was, Chris, I was meeting for dinner. And he goes, just come here.

And then I realized I was crashing at dinner. He was invited to you or something, whatever. So anyway, I went in, Paul was very nice, whoever threw that thing, just like 10 people. But the funny part was I was sitting just where I could see kind of between, you guys are on the same side as me. So I'm trying to crank my head between Chris and you and see Paul. And here you guys, and Larry's killing. And then every time Paul gets to a story where he says something like I told you where he's like, you know, yesterday, the way I came up with it was one night when I was dreaming, the guy was like,

who had potato skins? And then he leaves it and I go and then he's putting this shit down and he goes top off your water top off and I'm like I'm trying to and then he goes I go it's a quarter inch we're topped off and he's like I get a little more and then he comes out and I go and he goes

and that's how I came with yesterday and I go uh huh then he goes the last thing John ever said to me hey coconut trip hot plate hot plate and I'm like god damn dude I'm missing every this thing I couldn't pay enough to hear Paul McCartney's the dichotomy between how humble

and liver puddley is and the genius he's very little liver puddley We sat down, you for a plonk, you know, John and I, like looking in the mirror. And that's who we came up with Abbey Road, you know. We just plonked. You know, it's like, what the fuck? And what about, what about Lennon? What would he say?

Well, here we go. I see, John Lennon, yeah. John would be even more nasal, you know. Paul was always one of those. Ringo's more like peace and love. They were me brothers. They're my brothers, me brothers, me brothers. They me brothers, peace and love.

Can you say anything else? No. with my brothers made it love and the polls like this and George

was sort of Langarius laid back you know they were the primary songwriters for me

they were my brothers you know oh we so anyway I'm obsessed with him this guy's too much

I'm just trying to make you laugh because you came you drove 300 miles this that was easy do that

Kim Kardashian one was that one Kim Kardashian one? Oh, that's why I do John Lennon talking to Paul, John from heaven, because I want to hear them talk, you know. And, you know, what happened to the big orange man, you know? Well, he's president again, but he was beat by another man, you know, named Joe Biden, you know. And he goes, wasn't he, what about, but didn't Kanye West, what happened to him?

We went, flew away. We don't know what happened to him, you know. Wasn't he with a woman named Kim Kardashian? What is she doing? I'm doing the short version. I like that John knows a couple little things. They talk regularly. A couple of pop references.

Well, you know, she's a nice gal. You know, well, how does she make a living? Well, she takes pictures of her bottom. What's how special about her bottom? It's not a normal bottom. It's a bottom 2.0. It's like God made a fanny and attached a person as an afterthought. The whole family has big bottoms.

All of them are doing it. And if they follow in their backs, they're sort of like turtles. They can't get up again. They have to have turtle wrangles. them up, you know, the whole family's doing it. One gentleman got so frustrated, he became a woman. So that's a truncated version of it. You have a great sense of humor.

Can you come back tomorrow? Well, I love impressions. Me too. If I see someone. Yeah. Bill Hayter was on my show and he was. Oh, he's so just. Yeah.

Did he do one of my bits, I think? Burt and Kirk or Jimmy Stewart. He gave you credit. He gave you full credit. I know, I know. It was flattering how much he loves it because I think he's absolutely brilliant, you know. But, yeah, he loves that Bert and Kirk thing, too. I want you. I want you no. Now take it easy, son. We're just two men having fun. Don't keep bucking around like that. I only got so much play down there. You keep bucking around like that. I got so great. I want you. What are you going to do, kill, boy? Come on, I take you.

I do this for 20 minutes. I once had John Lovitz throw up in a parking garage because I'll do it for 20 minutes. Because he was laughing so hard. Because it goes on and on and on and on, you know. Shit. So I keep doing bits. No, we're doing good.

I think maybe we wasted enough of his time. I mean, this is my current favorite. Do you want me to do it? Yeah, I do one more. It's not, this is Jimmy Stewart, which I think Conan, but trying to come up with the new Jimmy Stewart thing is that someone's going to perform oral sex on him and he does it as Jimmy Stewart case. It's not X-ray. Okay. I know this one too. Yeah. All right. No, no, no. You don't, don't touch it. I want, just slow down. Now, I want you to slowly turn your head and look away. Yeah. Yeah, that's it. Just look away. And I want you to forget about it. pretend you never saw it now slowly but ever slowly turn your head back around and discover it again that's it that's the look i want just discover it you're just consider it now slowly you know so that's that's my latest oh that's just hilarious i've never done this made yeah that's good

that's so funny discover it and consider it oh well i have one where he leaves the house now i'm I'm going to go around the corner and get a soda pop. And I want you to forget all about it. You never saw it. And I'm going to come back and I want you to slowly turn and discover it again. Like it's brand new. Yeah. Yeah.

No, no, don't, don't touch it. Just think about it. I'll back the head up again. I'm going to back up and go out in the hallway. So I'll see, I'll just go for 20 minutes. Oh, my God. But you're the greatest audience with him. I love impressions.

That's a good closure. I do too. It should be your closer. That's a fucking great one. I'm going to edit these things together and release it as a special. It's so funny. Holy cow. Anything you need from us, Larry?

You're all right. Oh, no, I'm good. Thank you very much for coming here. You're just an amazing guest. I don't know what to say other than... I did the best I could. You did great. We all didn't want to do this.

And we all did it. And I think I'm proud of us all. Did you want to go? Yes. That's all I do it, Jerry. How many podcasts are there? Over three million. Like over three million now?

No, no. I think there's three million. Does that seem too long? Sounds like a joke. There's three million podcasts in North America. I don't know. How does everyone do it? We Googled it and that was over three million.

That was about a year ago. Most don't get past. 30 episodes, so they come in and out, you know, but I don't know how, Greg, here's our producer, how do they? It seems easy. It's kind of hard to do. Digital space is unlimited that we can all just, you know. It feels like the easiest thing in the world.

So if you're an actor or if you're doing anything in showbiz and things are slow, you feel like you want to do something, you know, like, well. And then it's like when people used to watch the Kardashians, they wanted a reality show. They go, hey, I argue, I hate my family too. I yell at them in the kitchen. I can do this show. So that's what they think. And then they go to a podcast.

And it's a little trickier and tougher and a lot fizzle, but some stick around. It's a little bit to it. So it's sort of like, you know, you do the talk show and you do the pre-interview and you have two minutes and they're cutting. So this is just like us hanging out. So it's this new art form of like shooting the rehearsal, doing half-bake stuff. We don't have a script. I had a few questions. Right.

It's good to have a day. So it is fun. It can be fun. just because of the freedom of it. Yeah, and it's great that you're doing it together. Yeah. I think, yeah, we go along really well. Yeah, it's easier.

And then if someone else, whoever we got here, one of us knows something about something. But we let them talk sometimes. We let you talk a little bit. Yeah, I said a couple of things. Feel free to cut me out of the whole thing. We don't need too much for me. Well, I'd say, I watch you on Conan,

and I noticed this morning just, and I said, oh, God, Larry loves to laugh, you know. You know, like you're like maybe the funny. guy, whatever. Let's just say. He's arguably the funniest person the last, this generation, arguably. Last 300 years. You're in the conversation as the funniest person. So to make that guy laugh is just a pleasure. You heard the Conan what podcast? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And you guys are having such a good time and I noticed because I haven't hung out with you a lot. I just said, Larry loves to laugh. Yeah. You know, and so that's why I just thought I'd do a few things.

All right. All right. All right, guys. Anyway, when he did, when I did Kirt and this the last thing I was like, you had to cut some stuff out, and you called me. Because it's very tough to call someone telling me had to cut something. So he told me, and the funniest part was, I said, okay, well, I had a great time and thanks put me on there. And it was, and then you felt guilty and you go, now I feel bad. And I go, well, I understand it. And then you go, are you being sarcastic?

I go, no, I know that these shows go long and we ad lib forever. And if you've got to take some stuff out and you go, all right, I'll try to put it back in. And I go, no, it's fine. And it turned into another episode because it was just funny to hear you feel bad that you had to call me. But it's hard to tell someone that. And a lot of people say, they never even told me. I'm like, it's hard to tell people. It is what it is.

If it gets cut, it gets cut. But that was nice. The people who would design Seinfeld and Kerb would have all that kind of emotions because it's coming from all this human. Yeah, you're on both sides. So that makes sense that you would suddenly feel bad because if you're a sensitive instrument. On Seinfeld, this guy I knew paid a lot of money to be an extra. for charity and

I inadvertently cut him out of the show and he had a party he was going to have people over his house yeah yeah yeah so I'm fucking all right okay thanks thanks but hey guys

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