Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade - RE-RELEASE - Rob Schneider Pt 2

Episode Date: July 29, 2026

This one was so good (and long) that we needed 2 parts.

Well, Dana, you know, Rob Schneider is someone we got a lot of good feedback from and a great interview. He came into the studio, which is rare, and highly irregular, is what you going to say? It's highly irregular that we got so much good stuff. Somebody somewhere said, uh, let's split it in two. Should it be a two-parter? Yeah, yeah, yep, yep. So we, I think he was our first organic two-parter. Yeah, the dude can yap.

We went on. But there was a lot to go over. There was a lot about him to do. Tiny Elvis and Japan and stuff like that. And then it went into all these other things. So it's really fun. He's a pro. He knows what he's doing.

He's a great guest. Really great storyteller as well. Here's part two. Rob Schneider. Oh, I was saying that when Rob and I were there for the four shows, I think what we don't realize, even though we didn't get a sketch on in quotes. But being at the rewrite table and being around the office,

you can just tell if you're in the game that long like they were, just by saying we're pitching throwaway jokes in sketches on rewrites, I think just hearing someone talk at lunch or dinner or hearing pitches, by the end you can go, they've got game or not. Like they can tell, like, just from what I heard, the little bits were on the right track with these guys

because I'm sure they went to Downey, Lauren said, what do you think? Do you want these two clowns back and then, you know, smigler or frank and chirp. I'll tell you something that's important as well. And that, and especially Lauren,

like he wants to hire people he can go to dinner with. He wants to hire people that really have a high social IQ in the room, and you too qualify for that. As far as integrating in with everybody, you guys had a lot of charm, and you wouldn't over talk, you'd insert, you know, and so that part of the reason you're there, besides your great comedy chops, was just social skills.

And Lauren really picks up on that, you know? You get along well, and I just want to say, I'm going to tear up. But Rob, who wrote Ilcan Tori? Because that was one of my favorite moments I've, I ever did on the show and I did not write it. I will tell you, that was influenced by an experience that Adam and I had. Well, we, first of all, I went over to, I mean, it's a weird thing about like money, how we requite success, you know, is something like my parents, when they spent money on a couch, they bought a new couch and they immediately covered it in this quality, high, thick polyurethane plastic and it wouldn't let, when they still wouldn't let us sit on it. Because it was a really nice deal.

Oh, you could. That makes sense. Yeah, I got that. So that was like, you know, we have money for a couch now. Don't fuck it up. This is our kind of spill shit on it. Don't sit on it. Don't even look at it. He's it for guests.

And when the guests come over and if their special guests, we'll unzip the plastic. So that's the way I equate, like, you know, fame and success as a couch. So I went over to Adam Sarasup. How do you connect that? Unzipping the plastic. Unzipping. So I want to run.

An unzipped brand new couch at Adams. I said, he must be making money. This is a new couch. It was like a little couch. So, and then we started, you know, by the second season, we're making a little bit of money. So then we had girlfriend. friends to, which is another sign of success.

One of the reasons, well, let's be honest, we really got into, wanted to get in the show business because I like, you know, when I played trombone and the marching band and in high school, said, this is not going to get me a supermodel. This is not going to, anywhere close, said, what is it going to do? What can I do better than this? And so we will stand up. For a second, for the Lonely Hearts Club that I was part of,

once you are forced to act confident, stand on a platform and dominate a room, even if you're just pretending, your stock goes up with young girls. So it is Zanadu. I like this certain comedies like Norm MacDonald, like, you know, yeah, you got about 45 minutes to close the deal when you're done

because, you know, the women, the power depreciates after you're on stage. I said, Jesus, this guy's like a scientist about getting laid after getting on stage. Well, the power movement is at the cafe where this girl that you couldn't even talk to in high school is flirting with you, and then they're announcing your name.

name. I got to go. Yeah. But anyway, go back to your story. Sorry about that. So anyways, I'm at Adam Sandler's place. He's got a new couch and they go, well, we have, we've changed. And then we have girlfriends, and then we have girlfriends, and all of a sudden, so we go to a place that we wouldn't have gone the first season. Because I remember, like, he lived, he had, um, his dad knew somebody who had like a, so he had like a couple of months for the first time, the first season at SNL, just in case it wasn't, you know, wasn't work out. Above this restaurant on Madison Avenue and it was a little apartment that he got for like the you know for a few months and I

remember the place was so expensive downstairs it was like a turkey sandwich was 17 dollars and he said what the fuck I said we'll split a turkey I said you and I will split a turkey sandwich and then we'll eat downstairs and it's one of those fancy places so you kind of it's cool to hang out there so by the time we started making a little bit of money yeah uh the second season we take the girlfriends we go to little italy let's show off a little bit and these Italian guys we're kissing the girls there we go Well, can't try. Oh, and they're kissing your girl. Hey.

They're kissing your girlfriends. They're kissing your girlfriends. In front of you. Yeah. Yes, they're kissing and missing up and down. And, you know, and the hug also seemed like, you know, the hug was also very, you know. A hug. Yeah.

Yes. It was like, ah. And they just met them. And we go like, well, you know, we're happy to be here, but it was a little odd. But that sunk in something really to Adam's psyche about that. And I remember he went off. and I had a great office on the 17th floor that actually you could see the Empire State Building

and it's like this is ridiculous. This is like this is incredible. How did I get this? It's all incredible. It's amazing. And then just being on the 17th floor and I go like, who, did Akroyd had this office? I was always, you know, the history of the show.

And then so Adam came in with Robert Smigel and they can't talk. And they're literally like, it's two o'clock, 2.30 in the morning. I was about to say, it's got to be him in Smigel. That's when the, the good stuff starts to come because the structural side of your brain

gets really, really tired and the goofy side takes over. And so these guys are coming in and they're literally giggling and just falling out and they just literally hand me this pieces of paper and it was typed at that time

so they got it typed in it. You hand it to me and they're watching me and I'm reading the sketch. Belisima! They're the kissing and they're at Christi Allen. And they watched me.

They watched me just to make sure that they weren't just being goofy themselves. And they watched me. And I reading it and I fell on the floor, rolling, laughing. And they said, we got something here. Goddown. And then Adam and I, you know, we know that Dana was going to murder.

Yeah, you have to bring in the big guns. Dana would have another level of commitment. We're just like, there was a level of commitment. You expect this. And then Dana would just, you know, would just go off. It was pennies from heaven for me. Because you have to write a lot of stuff. But when you get something handed to you.

Oh, that's a crusher. That's physically funny. and every other way funny. You almost have a wait. It's one of the most famous sketches than our era there where the Italian waiters are kissing and then you know

you being one of the Italian waiters you come by and you lick Kirsty Alice's face. She was a gamer. She's what I call a broad. She was great. I licked the shit out of her face. I said, are you okay with this?

She goes, oh yeah. So I was like making a meal out of her fit. She was in a fucking crusher sketch. He's very cool. And then Adam is like, you know, we shared a dressing room for years and he looked at me. He's a bit of a hairy guy,

and he's got one of those hockey legs, you know? Like the northeasterner kind of guy. Yeah, he's got a hockey ass, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's actually a pretty good skater, yeah. You know, he's actually like, during like the second season, I remember we're walking to go to get something to eat,

and it was snow in the street, and he would, like, run out, and during a stop, during one that was a stoplight, and he'd get behind a cab and sneak behind a cab, and he'd let the cab pull him. And have his shoes on the ice? Just his tennis shoes on the ice. Oh, yeah.

And then he would like, and then he bubbles. But he wouldn't, he would handle it. And just good skater, good guy. And I went like, shit. Yeah. And I said, dude, you're famous. You're going to get, you know, you're going to get smashed. He didn't need anything extra going on.

He already had everything going. Yeah. So then he also can do that. And then he said, and he said, should I, should I shave my pubs? And I went, absolutely. And I just knew it was going to grow back. And he was going to be in agony for a couple of weeks. weeks and I was going to enjoy that.

And so he's preparing, he's got this like diaper on before. Oh, shave the pubes for the bit. Yeah, so he's there before. We're in the dressing room and he said, should I shave my pubs for the Italian waiters bit? Because he comes out in a diaper, basically, with his ass hanging out. And I said, absolutely, Adam. Shave the shit out of that.

And then he did. And then, and I came out and I was ass naked. And that was one of the censor, who was the time in our era? Andrew Brewer? Andrew Brewer said, please don't show your ass. Please, please, I beg you. get fired. Please, please, please, please. I beg you, beg you. Because they were laughing so hard, especially when you were humping Victoria Jackson and Tim. I want to ask from your point of view

about that, because how did we get to that? Where I go as the waiter, I lick Christy's face, I do a little, I go back and somehow Victoria and I having some debate or something, then I lean her down on the table. Did I do that in the dress show? No. I didn't. Okay. You, what happened was, like, a lot of times you take something, oh, this is funny, let's do it more, And by the dress rehearsal, it was screamingly funny. And then it was another level. And then Farley also was like, was humping the window at the end. Yeah.

So it was a thing. And it was one of the- One of the few sketches. And the biggest tag of any sketch I was ever involved in was usually you don't have a good ending for something. Right. But Kevin Nealyn, who was the date of Christy Alley, said, let's go to a, hey, this is too much. Let's go to the, this is a Greek restaurant down the street. Which is like, oh, my God.

And it was a screaming laugh at the end. I remember being four feet away from you, four feet away from Adam. And we're looking at each other with that slight little grin. Because I never liked being one of those guys who ever broke. I never broke. I just didn't respect that it wasn't part of the tradition of the SNL. And I know that they did after we left after my years there. You're not allowed.

Not to allow it. But I looked at him and there was a look at our face like, we couldn't hear each other do our lines. But we knew it so well that we like, it's just murdering. Like especially when I came out, it was a scream when I came out. I showed my ass came out. You come out naked. I came out so centorial and so straight and so no sense your ass is hanging out. You're just, you're bare and you're just acting so regular.

Yes, that was something that the audience had never had seen at all. Yeah, which is so good to not comment on it. And just commit to the stuff, you know, which was what you need to do. But there's a little bit of you're enjoying it also. It's always behind the eyes. When I have Victoria's legs in the air, and I'm having kind of an argument with you guys What about that?

What are you doing? And that's going. I can't really even hear myself. The audience is roaring because the visual of it. Victoria, of course, was such a gamer. Oh, yeah. And that was a perfect part for her. So you guys wrote and produced a perfect sketch, basically.

That one was the best one. I mean, there was some that were... Some just stand out. Some just like, well, that was... There's just... There are things that are you can't deny. Another thing that... A little gem that the Great Dana

Harvey gave me. He was, because you're frustrating. You don't know how the business is. I didn't know anyone in it. My mom was a teacher, war survivor. My dad had his own trauma in his, in his youth, you know, there's a suicide. His father committed suicide. So I was raised with it. I didn't know anything. I had fragile, very fragile parents who were also really, really had a violence trait. I don't know what the hell I'm doing. And I don't know. And but Dana gave me this thing because you have this fire in you. But it's like, I tell my own kids, I said like, and I got luckily, beautiful little kids and I said you got a fire in you fire is very instructive it can it can it can cook your dinner but it can also burn the house down you know and danie said very instructive man

never forgot it's one of the things that you keep going what did I say that you said you said you don't have to let people know how hungry you are mm-hmm that was informative because it's like I want this fucking thing so bad and oh he's look at these out it got got yeah it's like calm down said and then you said get so good they can't deny you I remember that still may not get the job yeah But get so good they can't deny it. And then they go, well, yeah, well, that guy's amazing. That guy's great, but we got to hire the more famous guy. And that keeps you going for years.

Because of the club drama. When you're starting out in clubs, there's a lot of drama, and you can get into the drama with the dysfunctional comics. I should be a headliner. I don't know why I got that. And just look at your own feet, stay in your lane, and just become undeniable. But who takes you side and gives you that kind of information?

Yeah, it's nice. And then also the witness to it. Like, I said, well, this. And he said, when I, we had a great drive down to L.A. one time stayed at your apartment and I was like, well, this is beautiful. This is this is going to be my future. I'll move down here. This is going to be amazing.

I love it. I love it. And he's like, no, this. And I remember, it's like, you were on that TV show where they like, clearly the most, you know, I said, this is the most talented guy I know and they don't know how to use him. And they let you have five minutes to do whatever you wanted at the end of that TV series, which were you played a helicopter pilot. Oh, that.

Yeah. And I was like, Blue Thunder. Blue Thunder. I never should have done. that stuff. That was my own insecurity. But that's just getting a job. You got to get a job. Like, because I was so, they wanted to have me do a TV show. I did quit after that. I just focus on standup for the, for the last two years before SNL. But it was really informative too. I said like, well, if they can't, he's the most talented guy. I know. Most talented guy out of San Francisco. This is the guy.

And it said like, and if this, if he's having a problem here, what the hell am I worried about? And that actually was very informative as well. So, well, the shit, it's hard. And so that's why when you do a thousand auditions like we did. You know, and like the thing about what's cool about Spade was, he had already done a movie. That was like amazing. Because I- News Academy.

That was like an enigma in a, you know. That's crazy. I was already set to 10 weeks. But, you know, Robbie, we got, the balls you had was when things were cooking quicker for you, you got offered a movie and you said, no. I think it was the one with Michael J. Fox in New York. You know, the Frightners. And it was also with Peter Jackson.

I think it was 300 grand. I think it was 300 grand. I was like, first American movie. But it was called Abra Cadaver, which is like, oh my God, that sounds like a career ender. That's a great. Oh, yeah. But it wasn't a great, but like, I would have.

No, it was, I think, 300 grand because I was more torn up by it than you were. I was like, he's turning the fucking book. But you also the ball's right. I said it's some shitty ones. You wrote copy machine when we were just being told every day, don't put yourself in two lines. And then you wrote your own sketch And I was like, the balls

And then it got on and I was like Wait, that's even possible? Well, that's the dangling carrot Because like when Lauren hired us That was too good to It's a little vague right? You said like what I said But I want to be a performer

I said we're going to hire you as a writer Like we like a group But we're going to hire you as a writer Because that's what happened After I got I didn't do the Didn't meet with him Because I went and do a $75 gig And shit my pants

Like I did look And San Diego. Then I freaked out And then I really got nervous because then they flew us back to New York and we had to perform for the riders at catch. And, you know, they didn't laugh once in the whole time. They just want to see if you're going to get shaken. That's it. Lauren, when I was, he pushed me a little bit.

Do you have anything else or is it just that? I mean, he literally tried to shake me, not at the club. He saw me at a club, but at the little audition. So, yeah, that is a show when you don't give it up. You don't, you know. Yeah, but there was a thing about like, Remember when the ears burning off my face I was saying? I remember at that point I had to say to myself,

okay, you just got annihilated physically, emotionally, spiritually, in every way you can't. And I said, I said to myself, you cannot let this get to you. And you have to, I said, I'm willing to let them get to me till here. And it was like my belt. I said, I'm going to let this affect me here, but not all the way to my feet. I'm not going to let that happen. And so like when I was eating it that night, just get through this, man.

Get through this. They saw you be funny the other day. Just get through it. get through it and I walked out of there and I was shaken by it but not broken and that was the key because on live TV you can't shake you can't be broken you got to stand in there and do it and it's just a repetitive nature of it and just just getting stealing getting tough and then to the other level to enjoy it that's that's where you want to get to and that takes took me a little time to truly enjoy it and then also to deal with the pressure of it I mean that is a crammy that's why like

when we first got there I remember you and I look like what is everybody complaining about is the greatest thing ever. And like four years later, it's like, boy, it does wear you down. Sure. 100 hour weeks. So when you, so it's like a dream come true. When you got copy machine guy, what, what was that feeling? Because then you get on the show. When you get there and you see like, wow, something's popping hard. These people get under restaurants quicker than me. You say, like, you got Phil Hart and you got Dana Carb. You get these murderers row up there. Yeah. And then, but you also know, like, I know I can get this and if I just got to get on there.

And then, you know, I remember when the first year, late, no, it was late in 1990 when Adam Sandler was hired. And this is a guy. It was so cute because his first week was there. We wrote a sketch together. And I said, come out. I'll show you how it's done. Like, I know I've been there before shows by then. And then he, I remember he stayed up all night.

His little eyes were puffy. And we wrote this thing for ourselves. And then still had the big legs, though. Yeah. I'm on a picture at him And we wrote it And then They took it away from us

And then gave it to like Was gonna be I think it was Goodman And Hartman And they said like Well I said well what do we have to In a gentle gentle way What do we have to do to

To get on ourselves here And it was very instructive too He said And it was down He said when you could perform something When you write something That you can perform better Than other people

Then we'll get it on And I said Okay bingo I'll come up with something And I'd like writing for other people because I enjoyed also the thrill of like when you performed a piece that was probably the

best one I had ever written for any piece and you had a way of like you would like it was like the wave a really great comedian as opposed to like a sketch player maybe could do it too but a comedian in a big room can ride the wave and before it's coming

down you know three quarters two quarters no one to come on with that other line and it was a massive hairy head wound oh did you write that You're kind of the main architect of that sketch as well. I wrote that. Wow. With Adam, but that was me.

Well, double, double thanks, because I was writing a rocket in that. And of course, when we talked about the podcast, the dog thing at the end was you can't beat a dog going dog. You can't. But the thing about it was the dog and dress rehearsal. Yes. What did you guys do? With the dog in dress rehearsal, we said, okay, well, we can't have it rabid, but like it said, they said to us, you know, and I don't know anything about dogs.

And they just said, well, if we don't feed it, it's going. to, you know, it'll get to do what we want by the time. And anyway, so they didn't, they fed it a little bit, so it was curious. It was curious at dress. And it was absolutely vanished. Did you put more, was it baby food? You put on the it was liver baby food. We put on, and I said, I fucking put

it on it on. And I just, I just, I kicked on there. I tried and it was good. And you did a beautiful thing where like, because it was literally ripping off the side of your head, which was a wig. Prostetic with a, I mean, the dog went for it. Basically, a massive hair. It wanted it on air. It wanted it. Massif hairy head wound was a guy who should not be at a party, who's at a party, and just

with a big head wound. And it's just, you know, is getting, everybody is just like, he's trying to normalize it, which is great. Somebody, a crazy person in a room, yeah, in a situation where you never be. I'm trying to treat you normal. And then he's got this. Giant head wound. They're reacting.

And he said, this is a punch bowl. And there's a thing. And then at the end, there's, um, I take a nap. Take a nap. And the dog goes to town. And it was a, one of those things. where you're watching it and it's just, it's going really good. And you're just like, oh God, come on, please keep going.

Keep going. Get to this. And then when the dog literally went, let me just went for it. Went to get it. Went to get it because it knew where it was and was hungry. And then you did this beautiful thing where you snuck your hand up on the other side to hang on. To hold it. And I was in a death struggle with that dog.

And you were also, because it was like your eye, your eyeball, you're literally your right eye. It's stretching. It was literally, what you were like four inches away from this very, very, you were like four inches away from this very hungry dog and you just kind of rode it, rode it. And then you had the wherewithal to remember to let the audience

as that screaming laugh was coming down to throw in a like Yeah, he smells my dog. I think he smells my dog. I think he smells, must smell my dog. Yeah, but you had to almost yell it. Yeah, I had to kind of yell it. And the thing was,

back to our generation of not breaking, the sketch went so beautifully. I did not want it to be about the prosthetic coming off. Yeah. So by consequence, the battle extended so long that, and I heard some of Lauren watching the monitor, which we always want to make Lauren helpless. And it was helpless with laughter.

But anyway, Rob, I, God, what can I do for you? I mean, those are two. You did it. It's the least I could do to pay you back for all you did for me. Two great gifts. When you do, Rob and I both had this problem where, you know, you're writing that first year, even second year for me, and you're putting your stuff in even smaller parts. and they go, give that to Dana,

give it to Mike Myers, give it to, and you have to keep taking yourself out. So the one way in his update, because you're by yourself, you can try to get something on. That was Sanders key. Was the Eddie Murphy? Especially the guitar.

You got up there. And you're in your copy machine, but I think the host was Sting the first time you did it. Well, the first time I did it was with Joe. Pesci? No, no, Joe. Mantania. Mantania.

And I remember it was so crushed because I finally had a monster. It was one of the things I said, when um because uh jim downy noticed is a kind of like a goofy too happy to be here kind of attitude you know was this and um and he said you got to do a character called the lurker it kind of got just hanging around but truthfully and i gave him credit but truthfully the copy machine guy had nothing to do with that really it was it was just a guy what the truth of the real um that really came from when we first got there to s andl remember before we got the really good office they

gave you there was so many cast members i think 17 at the time that the first time that the first time a really big cast. There was a giant cast where literally the crawl of the show was actually longer than like the monologue. Yeah. It was like 17 and also and this and coast air and and the feature player. It was like Ellen Clegghorn and David's man, Raj Shetter and Adam Sandler. It went on and Melanie Hustle. So we were in like a half of a half an office. And I had the cooling and heating vent in mine. So it was either boiling or freezing in there. So I and I have claustrophobia because I have two older brothers and put me in sleeping bags and closets my childhood. So like I can't stand in closed place.

I hate it. And so I would go out into the main writer's room. And I noticed when everyone's walking back and forth, you can't be as excited the fourth and fifth time when you see, you know, Kevin Neeland. So Kevin was the one I said, Kevin, all right. Kevin, Kevin. Just your doors open. And he came and played with the idea.

Yeah, what do you want, buddy? What's, Kevin, you know? And that was it. It was like, and I said, I had to come up. And then I went to New Orleans for the weekend just to take off some pressure. And I thought, like, well, there's got to be a reason why people would come into contact with this annoying person. They didn't want to put them somewhere else. And I just can't.

Oh, copies. That was it. Simple. But I remember, like, people were laughing so hard at read-through, which was like, to me, the real, to me, the real democracy. You know, there's no such thing as a democracy in show business. But that was the most democratic thing I've ever experienced. If you wrote a sketch, it was read in front of everybody. And that was pretty damn amazing.

So if he murdered with everybody, it changes. Usually that's good. And I think that I would use the word inexplicability. Like making copies, it's all not a punchline. You know, it's all the absurdity and rhythm to it. But it's also just kind of a nerd in an office leaning back, trying to be friendly. I mean, it works on a lot of levels. Did you comb your hair up in kind of a funny way?

I always had to wear it big by that time because it was just like Elvis. Yeah. Helvacy. And he's like, he was a guy that you also, he's kind of gentle and nobody wanted to hurt his feelings, but he's also annoying. So it was a nice combination of this vulnerability. Yeah, vulnerability is a big one. And then people, and I remember, I remember that, like, because I did it with Joe Montania, and they said, we're going to cut it for time. We're going to save it.

And I went like, save it. Terrified. It's my chance. I've waited all these years. I'm 25. I got to make it now. And who's this guy? I'm a boss to make it guy?

But how would you not give it to the host? I mean, always the trick is if you write some of the host, that's the best shot. They knew that if you could perform it better, that sing-songiness to it. Yeah, I mean, maintain it. I don't know if this is perfect guy for that. Right. So when did it first kill? Who was the host?

Sting. Sting. Well, yeah, he's got all. That came out of the gate. Yeah. And people got into the rhythm early into that sketch. When was the third line? Third time?

The third line, Kevin. And they said, hey, what's going on? It's a, all right, Kevin, asking me questions. Kevin ate her. Kevin and that one, they laughed. The second one. Kevin. You know, just there's no new information happening.

It was continuing. It was like Sting looked like a fucking strata. Yeah, right. That's exactly right. It's like a little song and then there you can laugh. And then they found a spot for it. And then I remember, you know, the great Jim Downey took me aside and said, well, it's the only time, like, they hadn't done it very often in that show.

We're like, you know, except for, you know, the weight of you having to open every show for years was this. He said, we're going to do, we're going to do another one of those. They said, we have a very, very rare thing here, a character that people love. And I said, it was a very rare, the rarest of things here. And I said, we're going to do another one. And then he had the idea of the copy machine breaking down. And that was the best one we ever did. Oh, I remember.

And that was like, because he got to see his whole world crushed, crushed, you know, the copy machine. How does he react to that? How does he just like, well, they're taking the machine out. There's no reason for him. So then he just is losing with him anymore. His world is taken apart. It was really interesting. So what does he say?

You're sad. You know, it's just, he just got crushed. Blockbuster. And then they brought it back in. But you got to see him just like devastated. Yeah, yeah. And I just remember laughing. But the first time we did it, the read through, Jim was dying laughing because of the rhythm.

It was a rhythm of a rhythm of a rhythm. Yeah. And by the time it was like, and there was just a pummeling of it. And he was dying laughing. It's great to make Jim laugh. This is the one that's going to get on. And Jim would give it up. That was the key to it.

He was interested in us as young guys and I think fed off the energy. But also, if he found something funny, he was very generous. You know, that wasn't always the case with people, you know, because, you know, like, you know, Jay Leno was like, another influence. Like, Bob Fisher, I was a manager. He said, and I was a young comedian. He said, you're going to pick up Jay Leno. He's got a gig in San Jose. You're going to take him with the radio.

And I know, you know, San Francisco, you grew up here. You're going to, you know, like, the back of your hand, take him wherever he wants to go. So Jay Leno, which is a great Jay Leno story. That's, it's an old one. You got to hear this one. But so I pick up Jay's just have a sign. He's very wise. Nice, clean car.

And so he picked him and say, hey, you drive me through the gang. I said, yeah, okay. I mean, you know, so you're driving. And I'm not saying anything. I'm just driving there. And he said, you know a good, you know, good Chinese restaurant thing? He said, I know the best, Mr. Leno. So I took him to the place that my dad knew was like for wealthy people where they would go.

We would go a different place. He said, just as good food. not as expensive, just as good as that place. So I took him to that place, you know. And he said, well, come on and eat. I don't eat my by myself, you know. And because I wasn't going to go and sit with him, but he did. And he said, so what are you a comedian?

And I said, yes. And I said, well, how much time you have? I said, I got about eight minutes. He said, good. You know, most comedians ask how much time? And you got two hours. Who wants to hear two hours of comedy material? You either have five minutes of kills every time, everywhere you go,

any place. Oh, you don't have anything. He's right. That's what you got to get. And so he said, I spent the next six months just, only trying to get that killer five and that was really helpful. But the Jay Leno story, which is really funny. Around that time, he was doing this bit on Letterman Co.

He said, what's your beef, Jay? Let me tell you my beef. Let me tell you this. And he would do this bit. And it was a monster. You know, like you and I opened for him. Yes. In 1985.

The two of us? Both of us. Okay. Because I did open for him a few times. I was the opening act. You would come in and you did a half and then he did an hour. Okay. And we both sat back and went like, wow.

this guy just got, we have our killer bits that this guy has every bit is a killer bit that's what we said to each other we're watching

it was at the the Palace of Fine Arts Yes yes Yeah and he was like a professional comedian in the sense that every bit

would flow to the next bit and he was tagging his McDonald's Hey McDonald's trainee How'd he be a McDonald's trainee Let me get the milk shank for it You know And it was all killing

You got the hand that Buick 195 Buick You know the kind of car You run into a toy He just holds it off. You run into it, and you're hosting off. Then you go, you keep driving.

And he's smoking a pipe backstage, and I got off maybe before he went on. A pipe. He always had a pipe for the early days and goes, yeah, you need more jokes, Mr. Khabi. He was kind of right, because I'm just doing chopping broccoli, choppelie, chopin broccoli. So I assume Jay would be like, you know, you need more jokes. And he rode a motorcycle onto the stage. You bought broccoli. Yeah, he always was on a motorcycle. Motorcycle onto the stage.

You bought broccoli, that's it. There's a funny thing that happened, though. There was a comedian who did an impression. of Jay early because we can all do, we're all, I'm like third generation Jay Leno. We all got that. You know, it's like, you know, once somebody breaks it and then you can figure out of doing.

Yeah, yeah, everybody has it. So there was a guy who did an early impression of, of Jay, and what he would did back then, remember there's like a comedy magazine or a comedy list of when your spots would you, you know, so if you had, if you were, you know, like Jay Leno or Jerry Seinfeld, you could buy a whole page,

which is like, you know. Just for last newspaper? Yeah, so you can, And then they would promote, and it would hand it out to the different comic. He said, you know, and he's playing this auditorium. Yeah, I remember. Jerry was another one way ahead of us. Yeah, and they were already promoting and big, you know, whatever.

And so, but what happened was there was a comedian who saw where Jay was playing. So he would call up and say, yeah, yeah, you're going to, I'm doing my gig. And you know, it's kind of one thing that. When I show up at the airport, you're going to have to have $25,000 cash at the airport when you pick me up. And so Jay would fly to this place and they go, uh, Jay, thanks for coming. And here's your cash. You go, what, what's this? And so it's $25,000 you ask for?

Hey, that's for $25,000. What are you talking about? Who answered? And it's like, and he would go to another place, you know, and the guy would call ahead and say, let's say, yeah, this is Jay, yeah, before I need to, oh my God, that's a, you're going to have a, I need the 25,000 in a brown paper bag, and you have it at the airport.

You got to do it, I'm not going to do the gig. And so the guy would show up, hey, Jay, here and 22,000. What is this? 25,000. What, 25, isn't there? You asked you know, $25,000, I brought him back and said, what the hell's going on here?

Hey, me tell you what you're Japanese cars. I got to go down here. And so what he did was he called, he finally figured out what was going on here. So he called, said, listen, if you get the guy, you called up and says he's me, just get his number. And then he got his number, this comedian.

Uh-oh. Who's doing it? And then he found out the guy's name. And when he, in the best part of the story, he was going to, he was auditioning for Jim McCulley for the tonight. show. They said, let me know when he, when he's going on. So before, uh, they bring him up, Jay said, let me just go up and do some time. So Jay goes up. There goes Jay. Does 45 minutes of

his killer shit at the comedy magic club before this guy goes on and blows out the room. And Jay could blow out any room he wanted and blew it out to there's just nothing left. And then this guy went on after and just ate it, didn't get the show. I, you know, I'm, I'll plead guilty in 78 after Morque and Mindy I did a couple you know Hello this is Robin

I need a million dollars cash at the next year So Bray at Dana Carby's house I think you get I need a million dollars I just want to mention

a few names of our pals and you can join in because they're listening to this from the old San Francisco of course the great Bobby Slate

and Mike Pritcher Jake Johansson Milt Abel Larry Bubis Brown Mark Pitta Bob Sarlop Mark McCullow and many, many more that came up in that early scene with us.

Let me see that list. And Robin Williams was the godfather of that scene. Robin Williams was such, I mean, before the internet, before, you know, cell phones, Robin would show up at, like, the Holy City Zoo, and then people on the street would hear about it. And the next thing, you know, it's packed. People would be running to get in there. And then he'd do an hour at least.

Oh, yeah. And then he'd leave, and if the drunk people stayed, then we'd have an audience. And so more times and not, it would be the audience would come to see, him and hopefully he'd show up and more times and not he did because he was just addicted to it and then um and loved it and so we had a scene thanks to him there was like at one point on one street on on one block there were three places to do stand up who's that last day saloon had it on like mondays or whatever holy city zoo clement street and sixth sixth and sixth and then there was a place across the street that would do it on on like tuesdays yeah a bar you know we were there pre-club

The clubs, the first club got built in 79, proper club. That was the punchline. That was like a real, when you did that, they paid you $25 a little bit more than that. That was amazing. But like, and also just seeing like, you know, there's a Sarlat. Sarlat had like a real job in show business. Bob Sarlat. He was like on TV, which is like incredible.

He was a sidekick for Letterman on Letterman's morning show. On the morning show. That was like ridiculous. But he had like, would do spots on TV and was always smooth. and a totally professional guy. Kind of like had that kind of the charisma of like a Leno, who just settled in. The audience could be totally relaxed watching him.

And then, like, Slayton would murder and do really edgy, Bobby Slate. And get away with it. And just get to the point where the audience is pushing back, but then, and dance around it and make jokes off not apologizing for it. And that was a really, like, very instructive way. And he would destroy. room. Like literally like in that I said well you have to learn what like a headliner is.

You had to learn what an MC is or like a middle act and you see like you see Dana Carvey is like well that's a superstar but then you see like you see Bobby Slate. Solid headliners. Bobby Slate was a solid headliner is going to work everywhere and that's what you got to do. But that wasn't my style because my style was more offstanding and uncomfortable. So I was good for 20. I would be good for 10, 15, 20 was interesting and different. Bring the audience to me and but that's not a headliner.

their headliner, you've got to go out and you've got to pummel and that's different. But in the last 15 years, when you've come back to stand-up, you've done several specials, you've done great, you know. You've become a great stand-up. You have to change and adapt to what their expectations are. Yeah. Because they're famous. You're famous cupping machine or whatever. They've seen your movies.

And also all the movies. Let's see we mention them quickly. I was going to say, if we're going to wrap up precious San Francisco, you also did, S.S. Arizona didn't get much up playing. Larry Bubbles Brown. These guys didn't move to L.A. That was the problem.

Yeah. Yeah. And they became San Francisco treats. You know, like famous San Francisco comics. But you have to make the sacrifice and come down and eat shit for a while and audition for a thousand. But a lot of people's like they didn't want to mess with how comfortable things were. I never understood that. Like making that your thing.

Because I think it was Rick Overton who said, hey, the cameras are down there, buddy. Let's go to where the cameras are. You have to. Rich Shidener. Hey, it says here you dated Julia Sweeney. I don't remember that. No. I don't know why that this stuff like it gets on the,

it's like I would never. You had a phrase called, You Can Do It. Is that true? Well, that was, I didn't understand that. Adam asked me to be in one of his early movies.

He asked me to be in like the, to play the part that Ben Stiller did in, um, Happy Gilmore. And so because it's playing this anger. You and Adam have a chemistry and David. You guys are part of that world. There was a thing where,

like, there was a comfort level where like, and I finally told Adam, he said, I said, stop. You got to put other famous people in these movies. You don't need, and I said, you don't need to hire me for that. I'm telling you, you could hire Nick Nolte, and he finally did. And now he's not hiring me.

He took me up on it. But like, hire people and do these other, you know. But you beat the shit out of that. That's what I mean, doing a great thing with that phrase. A rhythm. So the thing was, he said, there's one line and you could do it. And how did you say it? And it was actually Hurley he, who came up with it.

And I said, well, what does it mean? It's just come out. We'll figure it out. It's a rhythm thing. And I'll go like, all right. So it went out. And it was a sing-songy thing of just a guy showing up. Yeah. So there's that the fun of the audience knowing that there's some back history with Adam.

Something's happening in the movie. And it was like, and I said, I'll find a way to do it. And just do it in different ways. And you can do it. So it was like, it was just goofy. It didn't make sense. It was a guy who is not. It was.

Inexplicable. That's why it lasts. Inexplicable jokes like chopping broccoli or you can do it. Just like go on for. It doesn't because it's something that it doesn't need to be performed that way. No one in the history of the world would say it that way. It's not necessary. It's unnecessary.

It's not necessary. It's five questions. Who is that guy? What is he doing there? How did he get there? When did he come with this catchphrase? Why is he yelling it? When you can get to five questions, that's a keeper.

And auditions. A celebrity, yelling a shit joke. Yeah. Robbie. What's the shit joke? The joke, he's like, I got chunks of guys like you with my stool. Oh, there you go. Phil Hartman.

The three. Three. But the five, that's pretty good. So that was like, and let's do it in different ways. And he kept, Adam had a genius thing of like, he would keep the audience, they'd always get a laugh in there. And even when he was like a serious part and like the water boy, when he's upset and he throws a basketball out of the window and hits the Kentucky Fried Chicken Colonel. And he got a laugh and carried them out of that scene. Yeah.

So he really knew how to, you know, keep the laughs going in there. Absolutely. But if you go in auditions and then like when we were doing movies and you would have people come in for auditions. We're on the other side of it. We're casting people. And when everyone does align the same way and then someone does, you can do it, you go, oh.

And then you go, have them come back. Because that stands out. If you're not going to give it the most perfect reading that everyone's going to give, there's something to that. You've got to bring something to it. Yeah, you bring something different.

Bring something on the page. So when we did the wrong Missy. There was nothing in that, I mean, truthful, there's nothing in that role. Wrong Missy for you. Nothing. But even Adam called me, said,

I don't want you. There's this role, but it's not big enough. You don't need to do it. It's nothing. What was the cartoon? You were that in? He asked me,

that was funny. He asked me to, like, to do this thing. And then he called me up at the last minute and he go like, we really want you to do this. And I said, okay, I'll do it.

And I said, but it's my wife's birthday. He said, ah, just bring her. And so we ended up, my wife came and she was happy to go to Hawaii. And it was a fun gig.

Because I'm just showing up doing a small role. Yeah. At a small time. You always score. Everyone's happy to have you there because you're just coming You were helping out

Yeah, you were scoring And I said, well, let me figure this out And I called Stanley I said, what if I do it as an Aussie guy? And I, you know, you go like that And he said, no! And you know when Adam is like, No!

What do you do it? You know, he's already He's just doing it. He was stretching. Just do it if my God. It's just what I eat at something. Yeah, all right, all right. We love you.

And so, but then you got to find the thing and I said, well, I said, if you start crazier to beginning in the beginning of the scene and then you got a place to really go if you were a craze and I said, get me sunburned and everyone

I was like overweight and burned and fat and bald and I said this is going to be great I had always commits to the shit and they gave me a hand that was missing a few fingers and I said that young director

young directors you know you'd be gentle with young directors but you also have to like you can't listen 100% because they you know if you went 30 movies in you go I really think

this is a better idea than because he was like when you're you see that shark down there, you tell him, you know. And he's like, you tell him, I'm going to get, I'm going to carry you. You know, the attitude was to be angry. And I thought, well, let's do the opposite of that. You know, and I said, put the camera on.

Yeah, keep it a nice shot. I said, well, when you see that shark down there, you tell him, what's up? As if he's like, happy to see him again, even though he ate my hand. And it's just funnier. And it's a rhythm that you don't expect. It's positive. It's always good to go there if you can. And it's when the guys get eaten by a shark, he said, you got to cut back up to us

dancing. that was a disco song. And he just got to do it. And he said, we don't have time. I was the guy getting in one take. I said, he's under, David's under the, David's in the shark tank on the boat. And he said, we don't have music.

We don't have time for the money. We don't have music. And I said, let me talk to my music guy and I'll give you a piece in 30 minutes. That'll be free. Just, yeah. That's awesome. I called my composer, John Hunter in Austin.

I said, dude, can you just give me fame? I'm doing this movie. It's Happy Madis. And David Spade is the star. We just need a disco song that they, They can just have for free. Farley, Swartz and just are dancing. And playing against me getting eaten by Sharper.

Yes. And he said, well, we only have time for one take. I said, I'll take it. Yeah, take anything. So he did the one with the crane coming up but we're dancing to this disco song. Well, you want to eat the water. And he says, it's something to cut to.

You're going to want it. Yeah. If we don't have time, just do it. So we got one. Yeah. And that's what they use. So that's what you kind of hope for. Well, we're the voice did you settle on.

I just, I saw the movie. They wouldn't let me do a, So what I ended up doing was like a really low kind of guy. They didn't want to do Robert Shaw. You know, what I wanted to do is a guy who's an alcoholic and great, you know, gravelly voice and low. To be the opposite of you.

Yeah. Because that was interesting. And then like, and then you get like, and I had nothing really there. So you just crazy. So what do I got? I said, I'm the diving strong. This is my boat.

Give me this my fucking boat. I'm charged the boat. He said, give me some stuff. And the prop guy said, what do you need? I said, give me the snorkel and the respirator. He said, does it need to work? Take horse it needs to work. Give me the goddamn thing.

And he said, please, turn around, give me something to do. And so I started playing with it while between takes is what's funny and it was making noise. Yeah, funny noise. And so we just, and David and I were working. It's part of the rhythm.

It's like a vape pen. We were fucking laughing. Yeah, so, and so I got this thing. And I got this thing. And I go back and forth. And he's about to get into the water. And as he's walking, I'm walking with him with this thing, it's,

and I put it in it. So right before I, I'm putting it on him and spraying it at the water. And then I put it in my mouth. And then I hand it to him. You got everything. David. It's like, I'm supposed to put that in my mouth.

David would play that. And I knew he'd go with it. I remember we rehearsing that and I go, Rob, because it was so funny, I go, do it more. And so you were going like a chchch, lick, and I'm just staring at you. And then you finally go, and then you stick it and you go, and I put that on my mouth.

Okay. Yeah, but that got us out of that scene. Big laugh to get to the next. Frankson. Funny with the sound off. Yeah. You know, just that's all funny. And did it do eight?

Funny with the sound off. 100 billion minutes or how many minutes? 55 million views that first month. And then, uh, still tough 10 in the history. I don't know. Back then it wasn't minutes. It was just, but that was the thing.

You know, funny with the sound turned off. Yes. We had an acting coach, Yvana Chubbuk. Yeah, she really helped. That's huge. Roy London was the first one. And then when he passed away, we, Ivan Chubbuk took over.

And she would say, do the thing again. but without the words. So everyone knows from your physicality what's happening. Yeah. Because you're communicating with your body, aren't you? You should be.

That's I love Lucy. Yeah. She would also use a lot of props. Really work the room. Like, it's more fun if you're doing business and you're doing that. And that's hard to do because you're acting. You got to remember your lines.

You got to match everything. Get it. Get the stuff. And like for Deuce Bigelow, the thing about that was like Deuce Bigelow. My favorite thing about that, I was flying to Australia to promote the movie.

And I'd never flown anyway to promote anything. So this is like a, and this is like the first starring role in any movie where I was like the guy on the poster. It's like it's cool to be on the poster and there's a billboard of you. And it was. Yeah. And I thought, wait, let's just have a big name. It was Walt Disney company did it.

And it was for Joe Roth. And I said, this is a funnier thing. It's like me naked on the side of a bus, you know, like the Bert Reynolds thing. And I was in really good shape back then. He said, this would be funny. And I said, no. And they said, very interesting thing. He said, posters are to not lose people.

Don't give people a reason to not want to go see it. Give a mini, yeah, edge on that. And I said, holy crap. And so I'm flying to Australia because the movie did really good in America, you know, and then I just, there's, you hear this laughter. It's hard to hear anything on a plane, but you hear this booming laughter on a plane. And I go back there, and they were watching my movie without the sound. Because they didn't want to, you had to spend money to get movies back then. Really good sign.

Yes. Really good sign. I said, this is going to do really good everywhere. But they didn't pay the $10. They're just watching the movie because they can understand it by the physicality, because that's the thing. And you can laugh harder when it's funny with the soundoff. You're not waiting for punchlines. Yeah.

You can just relax. And sometimes when you're doing things and they don't, it's just really funny. And then they could ruin it with sound. I'm not behaving badly, TV series. The funniest thing I did in the whole series was very frustrating because the English show was so funny. It's the only reason I agreed to do it. A sitcom you did in the night. Sitcom on NBC.

And they just, instead of making it just doing the same episodes that they did an England, they watered them down as like men apologizing badly, but there was one really funny thing was that there was, I'm going to get attacked by an owl. And it was in the way back and their foreground, and I'm just in the in the background, well, there's people in the front, which that's hilarious. Yeah. Because you could be the funny. They said, well, what do we have? We can't have a real owl. And I just get a stuffed owl. Just get something. And I'll, pretend it's attacking to me. Yeah. So I grabbed the beak right here and I did this. And I am spinning around and I'm going out of frame, coming back in, coming through, I'm hitting it, hitting

it, and then, and so, and that was the, and then they put, and it was the funniest thing I had done on that show, and then they put, like, when they, when they came on the air, the cowardly producers decided to put, squawk, squawk, squawk, which killed it. Yeah, that took it all away. Because it brought too much attention to it. But I ended up redoing that for another movie, basically that idea of the far background and going back with an animal. That's the essence of comedian trying to be in movies and wanting to control the rhythm. And Sandler told me early on after his success, he goes, Carvey, they don't, meaning the directors, he did a couple of movies where Adam didn't get to be Adam. He goes, they don't know what they're

doing, Carvey. Yeah. They don't really know. It's not their fault. They don't know where to put the camera or whatever. So that kind of triggers me a little because I had experiences just like that. Because that's a survival mechanism. You know what, you got to be. We know the funny part. Just let us do that. And then if you get anybody who's going to be a director, and they usually put us with commercial directors because they know where to put the camera, not at work, and they know a schedule and blah, blah, blah. But they also have the ego of like, no, let's do it my way. Right. And then you go, but this is what I wrote. Well, Penelope Spheres and Waynes World One was my best director because I'd have a Garth thing and she'd go, what are you going to do here?

And I'd show her. And her only direction was, could you do it 10 seconds faster? That was it. No other direction. But that's actually good because I will. I already had the character. And the thing is about doing it faster and cutting out the pauses is instructive. That's fine.

You know, that's just, okay, I can do it a little shorter. I used to hate when, like, you know, Dennis Dugam would say, can you do without the paws? Can you just do it without the pauses? Can you just do it without the pauses? And it's okay, you just cut it that way? And they said, what if I don't want to cut it? And then he's right. Yeah, because a single shot is best, ideally, unless the edit is a comic, a laugh point.

That was the thing, like, John Cleese, such my hero. And like, genius. genius. And he said, you know, look at the scene in life, Brian, also voted as the number one comedy of all time in England. Now, you know, you bastardize our language, but for English, the traditional. Anyway, it's all. And he said, this is the number one.

This is the voted, not by me, of course, by people who, you know, the public. So anyway, so he said, look at the scene when Michael Palin and the guards are going in to, you know, they said, don't let anyone in, blah, blah, bah. Unless it's him. I don't know. And it's the guards. And they said, and then,

so okay, let anyone in. No, no, no, no, no. Don't let anyone in no matter what. And it's a very intricate thing. But it's a single master shot. It requires a lot more rehearsal, but it's worth it.

Let the audience decide where they want to look. Because so much of direction, and television direction, and we're in an air of television. Digital cutting. Just cut here, let them look at this. Cut here, look.

And I'm, do this movie. I don't really speak Spanish that well. But I just directed a film in Mexico. and the editor, who's a great guy, but he cuts to this and then punch in on this and says, let the audience figure it out. Two shots are great.

Where they're looking, let the audience decide who they want to look at. I feel like when I'm watching some stand-up specials, I'm in an invisible flying chair. Like I'm flying in the chair, seeing the guy waist up, and all of a sudden I'm way in the back, and then I'm right up on his face.

And like, you know, just let it breathe. It jars you a little bit. That cowboy shot. Hold that a lot. Yeah. Don't over cut. That's the most important shot for stand-up in those specials. I don't know what couch.

Was it Steve Allen? I mean, it just became the classic shot to give a monologue on a talk show. The audience has to feel comfortable. Yeah. They have to be comfortable with you and with them. And if they're, and I always tell them movies, it's like, you know what? And I tell this, because I was just working with a great crew in Mexico. And I said, listen, I said, here's the thing.

And I would tell the first AD. And, you know, because we were getting along in days. And I said, you know what? People never say, I got to go see that new movie. I heard it was on time. You know, I get it, and I tell the cinematographer who wanted to do this shot, and I said, and I said, you know what, they never hear, you never hear. The people say, like, I got to go see that new movie. I hear the camera moves are excellent. I heard it came in under budget. All right, Rob, thanks for coming by. I guess that's it.

Rob, we got to do it again. Rob Schneider, all-time great on SNL, huge cultural influence in American comedy. Fake movies. In the last 30 years, and just really shared a lot of great times with this young man. David, we're friends, right? Yeah. I like all my youngsters. I'm so proud of both of you.

Thank you. All right. We hope you made you proud. All right, Ross, thanks about that. Peace out, we will. All right, listen, if you're enjoying the fly on the wall, of course, hopefully you are. Click follow.

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Subscribe, Dana. What do you think? I'm going to tell you this right now. Hear me now. Believe me later. Fly on the wall, believe it or not, is presented by Odyssey. And executive produced by Hold For It, Dana Carvey and David Spade. Or David Spade and Dana Carvey. We don't write those stuff.

Heather Santoro, Greg Holtzman, and Leah Reese Dennis. The show is edited by Evan Cox, with production support from Phil Sweet Tech, talent production and booking by Sophia Lippor.